ALMOST HUMAN (1974) - Movie posters tried to pass this off as a monster film to an unsuspecting public upon its' initial U.S. release in 1979 due to the success of ALIEN. Actually it is a fairly engrossing crime caper from Umberto Lenzi, the director of MAKE THEM DIE SLOWLY and CITY OF THE WALKING DEAD. Guilio Sacchi (Tomas Milian) is a monster of the human kind, a petty criminal who decides to graduate to the big time by kidnapping the daughter of a wealthy Italian businessman. (The original title of this film was THE KIDNAPPING OF MARY LOU.) Guilio shows no emotion as he blows away anyone who gets in his way, friends included. One particular scene stands out: During the kidnap, Mary Lou (Anita Strindberg) escapes to a house where a small party is going on. Guilio and his cohorts crash the party and force the guests (men included) to perform oral sex on them. The guests are then tied up and hung from the ceiling as they watch in horror as Guilio blows away the homeowner's 4 year old son. Guilio then turns his machine gun on them, slaughtering the helpless victims. Walter Grandi (Henry Silva), the police chief assigned to the case, follows the trail of bodies left in Guilio's wake. Guilio may be demented, but he is no fool. He never leaves any witnesses to convict him, and when he collects the ransom, he kills Mary Lou and his cohorts. When Grandi finally catches him, Guilio is released for lack of evidence. Grandi, in desperation, decides to take the law in his own hands. As in real life, there are no happy endings here. This violent, mean-spirited actioner could have only been made by the Italians. It is well made (though badly dubbed) and ugly to look at. It's chock full of nudity and bullet hits. Good fodder for fans of the genre. I saw this around the same time THE GODFATHER PART III was released on video, and while ALMOST HUMAN (aka THE EXECUTIONER and THE DEATH DEALER) lacks the former's budget, I found it more riveting. A Prism Entertainment Release. Rated R.

AMERICAN COMMANDOS (1985) - A Filippino action film starring Christopher Mitchum (FINAL SCORE - 1987) and directed by Bobby A. Suarez (ONE ARMED EXECUTIONER - 1980)? I'm so there! When Dean Mitchell (Mitchum), a former Green Beret, is attacked in his store by drugged-out street gang, he shoots one of the gang members when he tries to run over Mitchell with his car. In retaliation, the gang invades Mitchell's house and rape his wife and kill his young son. Mitchell, upon returning home and finding his son dead and his wife bloody and bruised, calls the police (He says to the 911 operator, "They've killed my son and raped my wife and you want my phone number?"), not knowing that while he is on the phone his wife is in the bathroom slitting her throat with a straight razor. Mitchell goes on the warpath and begins to systematically hunting down and murdering all the members of the street gang (He even finds time to have a flashback, where he adopts a Filippino baby and marries the woman handling the adoption, which turn out to be his dead son and wife!). He eventually gets caught by the police, but an Interpol agent named Brady (Ken Metcalfe, who also co-wrote the screenplay) steps in and offers Mitchell a deal: Reform his old Special Forces squad and wipe out the Golden Triangle drug cartel (who are responsible for supplying the majority of heroin to the world) and his record will be wiped clean. Mitchell agrees and begins talking to all his former squad members, including Kelly (John Phillip Law), Creeper (Willie Williams) and Brutus (Robert Marius). The one former member Mitchell can't get to rejoin is Somsak (Franco Guerrero of ONE ARMED EXECUTIONER) and it becomes very clear to the audience why: He is the kingpin of the Golden Triangle. Somsak tries (unsuccessfully) on several occasions to stop the assault from ever happening, but once the final attack does happen, Somsak has one final ace up his sleeve. One of Mitchell's squad members is on Somsak's payroll. It's a long and bloody ride.  This is great, mindless fun from beginning to end, with plenty of bloody action and "What the fuck?" moments. I'm still reeling from the adoption/marriage proposal flashback by Mitchell (which seems way out of place in a film like this). Mitchell also has a habit of saying, "There's noting we can do for them now. We've got to keep moving!" after losing members of his squad. I'm especially fond of the warbus Mitchell and his men (and scantilly-clad women) created. It looks like one of those short buses retarded kids take to school, tricked-out with steel armor and hidden rocket launchers and machine guns. One scene shows Mitchum on a custom motorcycle (which fits neatly in the warbus) destroying a section of road behind them with rockets, forcing an enemy truck that is following them to fall down a ravine and explode in a ball of fire (note the one stuntman on the right falling down the ravine and tell me he didn't end up seriously hurt!). A mistake in the mastering of the tape repeats an entire reel of footage (where the scantilly-clad women get machine-gunned while working on the warbus), which adds five extra minutes to the running time. No matter, though. You'll be too engrossed in the insane action, plentiful shootouts and bloody deaths. There's also lots of female nudity in AMERICAN COMMANDOS to keep your eyes busy, too. What more could you possibly ask for? Both Christopher Mitchum and John Phillip Law are stiff as boards acting-wise, but they more than acquit themselves when they are beating the snot out of or gunning down the rest of the cast (including Franco Guerrero, who wears a striking white nehru jacket throughout most of the film). Bobby A. Suarez is fast becoming one of my favorite directors to come out of the Philippines. Originally known as HITMAN. Also starring Don Gordon Bell, David Brass, Kristine Erlandson and Nigel Hogge. A Lightning Video Release. Rated R.

ANGEL'S BRIGADE (1978) - A CHARLIE'S ANGELS rip-off with Jack Palance as the villian, cheezy disco songs, dancing, women in skimpy outfits and a guest star roster that includes Peter Lawford, Jim Backus, Alan Hale, Neville Brand, Pat Buttram and Arthur Godfrey as himself? How can you possibly go wrong? With Greydon Clark directing, producing and co-scripting (with Alvin L. Fast), it's quite easy, actually. When Las Vegas lounge singer Michelle Wilson (Susan Kiger) learrn from her manager, Manny (Hale), that her younger brother Bobby was beaten-up and hospitalized trying to steal drugs from kingpin Mike Farrell (Palance), she and friend April (Jacqulin Cole) form a squad of all-female vigilantes to destroy Farrell and his drug business. Each woman is an expert in their field. Terry Grant (Sylvia Anderson) is a black movie stuntwoman and expert driver. Kako Umaro (Lieu Chinh) is a black belt martial artist. Maria (Noela Velasco) is a beautiful model, whose looks will be used as a distraction to the bad guys. Elaine Brenner (Robin Greer) is a policewoman, who is secretly working with her boss, Captain Miller (Brand), to infiltrate the women's group and use the information to bust Farrell before the women get him. After stealing a van from a horny used car dealer (Buttram) and tricking it out with rocket launchers and other goodies, the women then steal a shitload of guns and ammunition from an even hornier gunrunner (Backus) and his comical crew of nimcompoops (one who looks and acts like Oliver Hardy!). The ladies kidnap Farrell's #1 street dealer, Sticks (Darby Hinton), and hang him upside down while Kako beats him about the nutsac with a metal pipe until he gives up the location of the latest drug drop. They steal the drugs and Elaine and the girls bring it to Captain Miller who, at first, is pissed at Elaine for spilling the beans to the girls, but soon sees the advantages of having non-police personnel doing his dirty work for him. The girls attack and destroy Farrell's drug processing plant but, in the fracas, Farrell kidnaps April and brings her to his boss, Mr. Burke's (Lawford) house, where they torture her in his swimming pool. The girls rescue her in the nick of time in a hail of bullets, some swordplay and a motorcycle stunt. Farrell is attacked and killed by a pack of dogs (!) and Burke is shot and drowns in his own pool. Hooray for women power!  The main problem with this film is that it's played like a broad comedy, but it's not funny at all. Director Greydon Clark (THE BAD BUNCH - 1976; THE RETURN - 1980; DARK FUTURE - 1994) also forgot what makes an exploitation film exploitable: Namely, nudity, bloody violence and action. Unfortunately, ANGEL'S BRIGADE (Shouldn't it be ANGELS' BRIGADE since there's no one named "Angel" in this film? Oh, well, I'm nitpicking.) contains none of those, as it is a PG-rated family-friendly mess. Whenever someone is punched or hit over the head, cartoon sound effects are heard, like birds chirping or a "boiiinggg!" sound. This is the type of film where instead of killing Sticks after beating the info out of him, the girls set him free after he promises to go straight! Nevermind that he hooked Michelle's young brother on drugs or is known as the city's biggest street pusher, the girls take him at his word and send him on his way. In all fairness, he dies a short time later when he falls off a tenement roof trying to escape from Farrell. The music soundtrack is a second-rate knock-off of the CHARLIE'S ANGELS theme and the action scenes look like they were filmed on the first take, as they have that rough, badly-staged feel. Some of the women look very uncomfortable holding and firing weapons (it's apparent Clark just handed them weapons and yelled out "Fire!" without any practice beforehand) and, while there are some decent stunts and explosions during the attack on the processing plant, it all looks rather rushed. The film does have some camp value thanks to the eclectic cast of has-beens and fringe stars, but both Jack Palance and Peter Lawford look like they would rather be any place besides here. The women do look good in bikinis and tight fitting jumpsuits, but when we watch films like this, we want to see what's underneath those outfits. ANGEL'S BRIGADE is nothing but an inoffensive theatrical film that could play on TV with no edits. What's the point? Also starring Liza Greer as Trish, the underage would-be member of the female gang who saves all their lives in the finale. Director Clark cameos as a (what else?) movie director and Arthur Godfrey cameos as himself, who the audience at Michelle's Vegas act treat like the second coming of Elvis Presley. Also starring Ken Minyard, Ralph Harris and Cody Palance, Jack's son, who died in 1998 at age 42 of cancer. Originally released on VHS by Vestron Video and then by Warner Home Video. It was given the MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 treatment (under the title ANGELS REVENGE) from Rhino Video on VHS & DVD. Rated PG.

THE ANNIHILATORS (1985) - This is one of those action films where a Vietnam vet comes home only to find out his home town is being terrorized by (choose one or mix-and-match): 1) A Street Gang; 2) A Motorcycle Gang; 3) Organized Crime; 4) Drug Dealers. Joe Nace (Dennis Redfield) returns from the war in a wheelchair and works at his father's grocery store. A vicious street gang, led by Roy Boy (Paul Koslo), comes into the store demanding protection money and, when Joe refuses, they kill a female customer with a knife to her stomach (after ripping her blouse off) and beat Joe over the head repeatedly with a meat hammer, tenderizing his skull and killing him. Joe's squad leader, Bill (Christopher Stone), comes for the funeral and stays after hearing the pleas of help from Joe's father (Sid Conrad). After calling Popeye, his mysterious and unseen superior, Bill gets his old squad together to teach the townspeople how to defend themselves and to kick some gang ass. Everything goes well at first, as the townspeople begin fighting back and reclaim their town. Lt. Hawkins (Jim Antonio) is not too pleased that the squad is in his town practicing vigilante justice, but the police commishioner (Bruce Taylor) is pleased with the results and tells Hawkins to lay off. During a shootout in the middle of town, one of the squad members, Ray (Gerrit Graham), is shot in the back protecting a small child and is killed. Bill discovers that the gang is merely a front for a bigger drug running operation and, when the squad intercepts one of the drug shipments, the shit hits the fan. The shipment turns out to be millions of dollars worth of heroin and Roy Boy (armed with a flame thrower) calls in backup of his own and holds the entire town hostage until he gets his drugs back. Bill, Garrett (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs) and Woody (Andy Wood), along with the entire town, band together to fight the gang. Things go bad when Roy Boy hijacks a schoolbus full of kids. In a surprising turn of events, the kids disarm the hijackers (one kid jams a pencil into one of the gang member's neck) and Bill has a final fight with Roy Boy on the roof of a building. It is then we learn the identity of the mysterious Popeye and how he was secretly helping the squad all along. This is standard 80's action fare elevated slightly by a few well-executed setpieces and some extreme bits of violence. Director Charles E. Sellier Jr. (SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT - 1984) offers plenty of explosions, gunfights, stabbings, impalements, fistfights and other violence to keep your mind off the one dimensional characters and generic plot. Paul Koslo, a genre vet who excels at playing bad guys (MANIAC! - 1977; ROBOT JOX - 1990) is wasted here, as all he does is bark orders and fire weapons. He does have the best line in the film, though, when he says to Bill, "All this for a shitty little cripple?" before falling to his death on the roof of a burning car. The late Christopher Stone (THE HOWLING - 1980; CUJO - 1983) is likewise given the thankless task of spitting out orders or firing a gun. The only actor who registers is Andy Wood as Woody, the alcoholic squad member who finds redemption, sobriety and love in this little town. Consider THE ANNIHILATORS brain-dead action fare for those with short attention spans. Also starring Millie Fisher, Bruce Evers and Tom Harper. A New World Video Release. Rated R.

BATTLE RATS (1989) - When a platoon of American soldiers are ambushed on the side of the road by a group of young Vietnamese school children (one little tot threatens the soldiers with a hand grenade!), Captain Rosenblatt (Corwyn Paul Sperry) orders his men to slaughter an entire village of Vietnamese men, women and children when they do not tell him the whereabouts of the person in charge of the ambush, who disappeared in the maze of underground tunnels located underneath the jungle. Rosenblatt trains a squad of soldiers to become "tunnel rats", a special force designed to crawl through the tunnels and kill the enemy. In charge of the squad is Sgt. Bruce Burns (Jack Gilbert) and it is his duty to lead his men into the tunnels and capture or kill Commander Von Dram (Louie Katana), who is responsible for most of the ambushes in the area. After a short period of time, where we are introduced to the members of the squad (which also includes a prerequisite bar fight just before shipping off), our tunnel rats get down to business. They enter the first tunnel, where they are attacked by snakes, dismantle some wired boobytraps, are attacked by bats and one squad member is captured and tortured by Von Dram (The soldier says to him, "Fuck you, you slimy goddamned stinking gook!", just before Von Dram pokes his eyes out with his fingers!). Sgt. Burns begins a love affair with VC girl Nama (Mylene Nocum), not knowing that she is a spy for Von Dram. The tunnel rats then raid another village and find another tunnel, which results in the death of some members due to spiked boobytraps, a snake pit and VC ambushes (the rest of the squad members get Purple Hearts, even though they weren't injured!). Sgt. Burns stupidly tells his new gook girlfriend that he and his men will be raiding another tunnel in the morning, so, you guessed it, Von Dram and his men are waiting in ambush. Captain Rosenblatt shoots Von Dram multiple times at close range (while comically repeating, "Fuck you, old man!" over and over), but Von Dram is wearing a bulletproof vest and stabs the Captain several times. Sgt. Burns and his skeleton crew must then blow up the tunnel (it's the VC's main communications base) before they are killed and Von Dram escapes. While the acting in BATTLE RATS is some of the worst and stiffest I have seen in recent memory (I was howling with laughter throughout the entire film), the violence is so over-the-top, it makes watching this almost seem like you are having a fever dream. This Philippines-lensed action film, directed by Benjamin Bridges (using his "Briggs Benjamin Sr." pseudonym), is full of so much bloody imagery, the acting can be forgiven. People (including women and children) are shot in the head, stabbed, impaled or blown apart. The eye-gouging scene is (pardon the pun) an eye-opener as are most of the tunnel scenes where the VC pop-out of their hidden trap doors in the floors, walls and ceilings and silently slice up the cast with their knives. The subplot involving Sgt. Burns falling in love with Nama is the only real negative part of the film, as the action stops dead in it's tracks while these two non-actors try to convince us they are in love. They fail miserably. The finale, which finds Sgt. Burns facing Nama and Von Dram in the tunnels is one of the most pathetic pieces of acting you will ever see. It is only saved when he happens upon Captain Rosenblatt, who is hanging by his arms with his eyes dangling out of their sockets, as he pleads over and over to Burns, "Shoot me!" (which he finally does). But hey, the bodycount is high, the deaths bloody and the action fast-paced. What more could you want? When it comes to Grade B action films, nothing comes close to the ones made in the Philippines and Indonesia. Why? Because there are no rules or taboos that they aren't willing to break. Also starring Tony Lao, Paul John, Albert Dominguez, David Giberson, Eric Hann and Chris Castilleios. Never legally available on home video in the U.S., the print I viewed came from a surprisingly good dub of a Greek-subtitled VHS ripped to DVD-R. Not Rated.

BEHIND ENEMY LINES (1987) - Lieutenant Johnny Ransom (Robert Patrick; THE MARINE - 2006) leads his squad of soldiers deep into enemy territory during the Vietnam War. Their mission: To find American POWs and bring them back alive. After capturing a gook soldier and "questioning" him (by sticking a live grenade in his mouth), they head to an enemy camp where four American POWs are being held. It turns out to be a trap, as Lt. Ransom and his men are outgunned, overpowered and forced to surrender. The head of the camp, Tran Van Minh (scripter Joe Mari Avellana), and Russian advisor Dimitri (Robert Dryer; SAVAGE STREETS - 1984), then shoot the four American POWs point-blank in front of Ransom and his men. After a short sequence where everyone but Ransom, Jacobs (William Steis) and Keller (Morgan Douglas) are tortured and killed, Ransom escapse, leaving Jacobs and Keller behind. When Ransom gets back to base camp, he finds out that the Paris Accord has been signed, effectively ending the war. Ransom and fellow soldier Sam (Rey Malanzo; CLASSIFIED OPERATION - 1985) grab some soldiers, hop in a helicopter and assault the enemy camp, rescuing Jacobs and Keller and killing Tran Van Minh. Dimitri gets away and Ransom is seriously injured and is sent to a military hospital in Thailand, where he is tended to by old flame Terry (Barbara Hooper). Meanwhile, Sam is assigned to escort an important enemy General back to base camp. The General has switched sides and is willing to turn over a secret codebook to the Americans that contains the names of American double agents. Dimitri has other plans, though, and ambushes Sam's squad, taking Sam and the General prisoner and killing everyone else. After getting a little nookie from Terry, Lt. Ransom heads out to rescue Sam and the General, aided by Captain Dupre (Lydie Denier) and her squad of French resistance fighters, as well as Jacobs and Keller, who have a score to settle with Dimitri. They all manage to save the General and kill Dimitri (unfortunately, Sam is long-dead, hanging upside down from a tree and being eaten by rats). Keller even finds the time to romance Capt. Dupre, but when Ransom gets back to headquarters and the codebook is deciphered, he discovers that someone close to him is a traitor, which forces him to seek justice through the barrel of a gun. I didn't see that coming.  This is the second of Filipino director Cirio H. Santiago's Vietnam War action flicks that he made in the 80's. Robert Patrick reprises the same role he portrayed in Santiago's first Nam film, EYE OF THE EAGLE (1987), only this time it's a starring role rather than a secondary character, as he was in EYE. Patrick, who got his start in other Santiago-directed films like EQUALIZER 2000 and FUTURE HUNTERS (both 1986), still comes off as too over-animated, yelling out his lines rather than speaking them. It would take him a few more years to find his acting groove (his breakout role in TERMINATOR 2 [1991] was basically a non-speaking role) and he would also make his mark on TV in such series as THE X-FILES and THE UNIT. Santiago offers his usual cornucopia of action set-pieces, including lots of gunfights, explosions and bloody bullet squibs. There are also some brief nude scenes, a smattering of gore (shots to the head; Sam being eaten by rats) and a good helicopter explosion (this one isn't a model). Frequent Santiago collaborator Joe Mari Avellana's script is nothing special, but the acting by a cast of Santiago regulars makes it all bearable. The stinger at the end was also a nice touch and totally unexpected. My appreciation of Santiago as a director increases every time I watch another film of his. The majority of his films may be nothing more than rip-offs of other movies, but he is a professional and is capable of turning out compact (the majority of his films run 85 minutes or less), entertaining time-wasters. Also known as KILLER INSTINCT. The next film in Santiago's Nam actioners is THE EXPENDABLES (1988), followed by NAM ANGELS (1988). Also starring Anthony East, Henry Strzalkowski, David Light, Mel Davidson, Willy Williams and Jeff Griffith. Released on VHS by Media Home Entertainment and not yet available on DVD. Rated R.

BLACK GUNN (1972) - Three guys with white burlap sacks over their heads rob a Mob-run bookie operation and steal all the money, as well as the "payoff books" belonging to mobster (and used car salesman) Mr. Capelli (Martin Landau). One of the guys is shot dead while escaping and one of the surviving trio is Scott Gunn (Herb Jefferson Jr.), the brother of the single-monikered Gunn (Jim Brown), who owns a popular nightclub called Gunn's Club. Scott belongs to a militant organization called the Black Action Group (BAG) and he plans to use the stolen money to buy guns for his group so they can kill more rich white crackers. Mr. Capelli is more interested in getting the books back, so he hires sadistic Mob muscle Ray Kriley (the always entertaining Bruce Glover) to find out who stole them and retrieve them by any means possible, including death. Scott give the books to his brother , who knows how important they really are. Kriley tears apart Watts looking for the guilty parties, raiding BAG headquarters and threatening the life of the young son of one of the members in exchange for the names of the people involved in the bookie caper. When Capelli catches wind that Gunn is involved, he sends crooked Senator Adams (Gary Conway) to try to appeal to Gunn's business sense, but Gunn sends the Senator packing to "the other side of the tracks". Sensing that he's using the wrong tactics, Capelli then sends Toni (Luciana Paluzzi) to try to appeal to Gunn's fondness for women (and we all know how much Jim Brown likes his white women). Surprisingly, Gunn is able to resist her charms since he already has a main squeeze, Judith (Brenda Sykes), but Kriley crashes the party and a shootout occurs. Gunn gets the drop on Kriley and sends him packing, too. Kriley, in turn, kills Scott and leaves his body in front of Gunn's nightclub. Bad move. Gunn is now on a mission to get all those responsible for his brother's death, including the person who supplied Scott's name to Capelli. Gunn reluctantly joins forces with BAG leader Seth (Bernie Casey) and begins a path of death and destruction, which includes a one-on-one with Kriley in his mother's home, a visit to a party hosted by Senator Adams (where Toni shows her true colors) and a finale where Gunn and BAG battle Capelli and his men in a warehouse.  This early 70's blaxploitation film, directed by Englishman Robert Hartford-Davis (THE BLACK TORMENT - 1964; CORRUPTION - 1968; THE FIEND - 1972; THE TAKE - 1974), is a leisurely-paced actioner filled with a ton of great character actors, including Bruce Glover (NIGHT OF THE SCARECROW - 1995), Gary Conway (I WAS A TEENAGE FRANKENSTEIN - 1957), William Campbell (DEMENTIA 13 - 1963), Bernie Casey (DR. BLACK MR. HYDE - 1975), Timothy Brown (THE MURDER GANG - 1976), Brenda Sykes (HONKY - 1971) and, of course, Martin Landau, who had a second career appearing in B-films like this and Greydon Clark's WITHOUT WARNING (1980) before getting a career resurgence for his role in TUCKER: A MAN AND HIS DREAM (1988) and then winning an Academy Award for his portrayal of Bela Lugosi in Tim Burton's ED WOOD (1994). Jim Brown, who was one of the kings of blaxploitation cinema (SLAUGHTER - 1972; SLAUGHTER'S BIG RIP-OFF - 1973), THREE THE HARD WAY - 1974, and a few others), does here what he does best: Basically, just acts like himself and beats up all the white people he can get his hands on. His fight with Bruce Glover is one of this film's highlights, even if it's obvious Glover is being doubled in some of the more strenuous stunts. Some may find that this film is too slow, but there's a lot to enjoy here, from the black cop who can't stand Gunn's ass (his white partner is actually the nicer and more level-headed of the two!); the bullet squibs that gush blood in the gunfight scenes; to the blood-soaked shootout finale in the warehouse. This isn't by far the most action-packed blaxploitation film you'll ever see, but it is a well-plotted and interesting one. I remember watching BLACK GUNN on late-night TV in the mid-70's and hearing the word "fuck" sneak past the censor's scissors. Every time it was shown after that, I would watch it just to see if they caught their mistake. They did. Also starring Vida Blue, Stephen McNally, Keefe Brasselle, Chuck Daniel, Tony Young, a bit part by Jeannie Bell (TNT JACKSON - 1975) and a cameo by football player Deacon Jones as himself. Available on DVD in a nice widescreen print from Columbia Tristar Home Entertainment. Rated R.

THE BLACK SIX (1974) - Lousy blaxploitation flick that is short on action and long on racist and hip 70's dialog. Six "peace-loving" Vietnam vet bikers (played by real life ex-football players, including Gene Washington, "Mean" Joe Greene and Mercury Morris) travel across the U.S. in search of themselves. When Washington receives a letter from his mother telling him that his brother has been killed, he decides to return home to "cracker country" with his buddies to "peacefully" find the killer (To show how peaceful they are, the Black Six totally destroy a racist bar enroute to Mama's house. They don't harm the people, just wreck the building!). At his mother's house, Washington runs into some friction with his sister, Cissy (Ruby Delaware). She calls him a "modern-day Uncle Tom" because of his pacifist ways. Washington discovers that his brother had a white girlfriend and that her brother (Mikel Angel, co-director of THE LOVE BUTCHER) belongs to an all white biker gang. Figuring that this gang is responsible for his brother's death, he takes the information to the police. The white police chief was already aware of the facts but refuses to arrest the white bikers. The Black Six decide to drop their peaceful ways and have a final confrontation with the racist gang, led by Thor (Ben Davidson). A final scrawl on the screen warns, "Watch Out Honkys. If You Don't Mend Your Ways, The Black Six Will Return!"  Thankfully, they never did.  As biker films go, THE BLACK SIX is one of the worst. The very brief action scenes are clumsily staged and shot and the ending is oh so confusing. There is one brief shot of nudity, when Washington catches his ex-girlfriend (Rosalind Miles) hooking with a white customer. On the plus side, the six leads are given very little dialog, saving us from wincing aural pain. This film makes WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS look absolutely polished. Director Matt Cimber (real name: Matteo Ottaviano) has been making exploitation films for a long time, starting with Jayne Mansfield's last role in SINGLE ROOM FURNISHED (1968). He is also responsible for MAN AND WIFE (1969 - considered the first theatrical hardcore porn film), CANDY TANGERINE MAN (1975), LADY COCOA (aka POP GOES THE WEASEL - 1975), THE WITCH WHO CAME FROM THE SEA (1976 - his best film), TIME TO DIE (1983), YELLOW HAIR AND THE FORTRESS OF GOLD (1984), HUNDRA (1985), the Pia Zadora howlers BUTTERFLY and FAKE OUT (both 1982) as well as many others. A Unicorn Video Release. Rated R.

CHALLENGE (1973) - You have to love a film that puts a disclaimer at the beginning of the film saying that they purposely made a film with no nudity, sexuality or bad language so that it is family-friendly. Don't you believe it! While that statement is basically true, there's enough violence (which they thankfully left out of the disclaimer) on view here to make action fans happy. Senate candidate John Frank Challenge (producer Earl Owensby) is about to hand over incriminating documents to the State Crime Commission, which doesn't sit too well with local crime boss and businessman Mr. Guthrie (screenwriter William T. Hicks). He hires three assassins (including one who's a martial arts instructor) to kill Challenge, get the documents and also get a second set which he has hidden at home. The assassins beat the snot out of Challenge, steal the first set of documents and leave Challenge bleeding (but not dead) and unconscious in a motel parking lot. They then go to Challenge's house and accidentally knock out Challenge's wife (Katheryn Thompson). Unable to find the second set of documents, they burn down the house, killing Challenge's wife and young daughter. Challenge is rushed to the hospital and, after learning of his family's death, vows revenge on those responsible. From here on, it's WALKING TALL time, as Challenge takes on everyone by himself. One-by-one, Challenge kills those responsible (one involves a sharpened belt buckle!), until he meets Mr. Guthrie for a final showdown.  I think what makes this different from most revenge flicks is that Challenge gets revenge without actually killing anyone. They basically kill themselves, but not without a little push from Challenge. One crashes his car and it explodes (trying to get away from Challenge). Another flies his plane into a forest (after running out of fuel). Still another crashes through a window and falls to his death (after missing a flying kick aimed at Challenge). Finally, Mr. Guthrie drops dead of a heart attack running away from Challenge (who fires his shotgun into the air, basically scaring Guthrie to death). Earl Owensby (this is his first film, both as actor and producer), who was never accused of being a good actor, made a career of churning out these little regional actioners from his Shelby, North Carolina production facility and they were very popular in the South. He apparently knew his limitations as an actor, as his roles gave him minimal dialogue (in one film, 1976's DARK SUNDAY, he plays a mute preacher out for revenge!), giving the other actors the lion's share of the lines. After the films opening disclaimer, it was unnerving to view Owensby's plentiful back hair (apparently, that's family-friendly). Truth be told, I would rather see nudity. Director Martin Beck handles the action rather proficiently, offering us a long car chase through the back streets of Shelby, a prop plane chase and some other nice set pieces. The only thing that drags is the cheesy country ballad/flashback that comes two-thirds into the film. CHALLENGE spawned a sequel the next year, MANHUNTER, which further tells the exploits of Frank Challenge and his vendetta against organized crime. Ignore the info on IMDB that says that they are both the same film (they even mix and match the credits) as it is just plain wrong. Other Owensby films include: DEATH DRIVER (1977), BUCKSTONE COUNTY PRISON (1978), WOLFMAN (1979) A DAY OF JUDGMENT (1981) and DOGS OF HELL (1982). Also starring Johnny Popwell, Garland Atkins, Laurens Moore and Dave Adams. A VCL Home Video Release. Rated PG.

CHANCE (1990) - Detective Jon Chance (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs) is suspended from the force after an unfortunate incident where he kills three crooks and blows up their car, causing $30,000 in damages. Zach (Dan Haggerty), an ex-cop and recovering alcoholic (not really, as he is still secretly drinking) and now a repo man  (he played basically the same character in REPO JAKE - 1990), repossesses a car with stolen diamonds in the trunk. The diamond thieves want their booty back, as does the mob boss they stole them from. Zach and Chance join forces when one of the thieves tries to kill Zach and they try to discover who actually has possession of the diamonds. That's the whole plot, folks. Toss in numerous gun fights, car chases and dialogue like. "I'm just trippin' without my luggage" or "Are you a cop?" "Not this week.", and you've got your typical early PM (Richard Pepin/Joseph Merhi) Entertainment action film, made before they learned how to film an exciting action flick. The fact that it took two people to direct this, Charles T. Kanganis (who also acts in this using the name "Charlie Ganis") and Addison Randall (who also co-wrote the script and has a role as a jerkoff cop who gets a bullet in his brainpan), is an early indicator that this film is in trouble. The action scenes are lame, the fight scenes badly staged and the acting is pretty poor. Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, who gained semi fame as Freddie "Boom-Boom" Washington on TV's WELCOME BACK KOTTER, was a popular PM player during the late 80's to the early 90's.This is Hilton-Jacob's fourth appearance as Detective Jon Chance. He previously played the same character in L.A. HEAT (1988), L.A. VICE (1989) and ANGELS OF THE CITY (1989, which he also directed) as well as starring as other characters in EAST L.A. WARRIORS (1989) and QUIET FIRE (1991, which he also directed). After appearing as the cruel father Joe Jackson in a TV docudrama about the Jackson Five, Hilton-Jacobs guest-starred in a lot of episodic TV and recently appeared in the horror film SUBLIME (2006) as "Mandingo". What can I say about Dan Haggerty (who also was an Associate Producer on this) that I haven't already complained about in other reviews? If you've seen him in one film, you've seen him in all his films. He wears the same expression on his face in all his roles. It looks as if he's squeezing a twelve foot turd out his ass and he has the emotional range of a hard boiled egg (and I get the distinct impression that the booze he drinks in all his roles is real). How he keeps getting work is beyond me. CHANCE has a lot of bullet squibs (a PM trademark), some fine female nudity and a couple of good stunts (but, surprisingly, no scene of a car flipping through the air in slow-motion, another PM trademark), but unless you need a really bad action fix and you can't find anything better to watch, this film can be skipped. For PM Entertainment completists only. My friend William Wilson keeps sending me these Dan Haggerty disasters because he knows that I have no choice but to review them. He knows that I am still looking for a good Dan Haggerty film when we all know that there's no such thing. William Wilson is a bastard who should have other people start his car from now on. Payback is a bitch. Also starring Roger Rodd, Richard Allen, Robert Axelrod, Gold and Michael McNabe. A PM Entertainment Release. Rated R.

CODE NAME: ZEBRA (1986) - Pretty good in-name-only sequel to 1976's ZEBRA FORCE, both directed by Joe Tornatore. When Carmine Longo (Mike Lane) is released from prison after a lengthy stay, he goes after the people who put him there. After their friend Jim is killed by Longo, Frank Barnes (Jim Mitchum) and Remy Larson (Dennis Rucker) are questioned by the police (George "Buck" Flower plays one of the detectives and has a fairly good role) and released. Larson reforms his old Vietnam War group, The Zebra Force, which consists of people that Longo is killing. Barnes joins the force to avenge Jim's death and meets member Jim Bob Cougar (Timothy Brown), the only other member of The Zebra Force still left alive. Barnes, Larson and Cougar are ambushed by Longo at their friend's funeral and Larson is killed. Longo becomes a loose cannon, much to the dismay of local crime lord Voce (Joe Donte), who is losing too many of his men who are assisting Longo in fulfilling his revenge.  Barnes and Cougar kidnap Crazy Danny (Charles Dierkop), a Voce associate, and pump him for info on Longo's plans. Barnes and Cougar then go on a systematic tour of destruction, killing two goons by oversweating them in a sauna and hiring some merceneries (which includes Robert Z'Dar) to help them. They then rob Voce's personal armoury to get the weapons they need to get their revenge. Longo puts pressure on mob lawyer Kozlo (Frank Sinatra Jr., who's surprisingly good) to locate Crazy Danny and find out what he told Barnes and Cougar. It's not long before all hell breaks loose as bullets fly, people die and Barnes faces a personal problem which involves his girlfriend Julie (Deana Jurgens). This film contains a cast that is full of B-movie staples. Besides the people already mentioned, there's Lindsay Crosby, Robert Dryer (SAVAGE STREETS - 1984), Chuck Morrell and Tornatore associate Mike Angel (THE LOVE BUTCHER - 1975). Director Tornatore fills the film with plenty of explosions, car chases, stunts and other bloodshed, some of it filmed with Tornatore's patented Peckinpah-like slow-motion photography. Jim Mitchum (HOLLYWOOD COP - 1986) is just as good and actor as brother Chris Mitchum (FINAL SCORE - 1986), but that's not saying much. He spends most of his time running around firing weapons, so acting takes a back seat here. This film doesn't have the demented charm of ZEBRA FORCE, but Tornatore infuses enough B-level action to make this worth a night's rental. WARNING: If you pick up the Platinum Productions DVD of this film, you will actually get a poorly-mastered version of ZEBRA FORCE. Those wily bastards have the cast credits and plot correct on the DVD sleeve, they just put the wrong film on the DVD. The only way you are going to see this film in any form in the U.S. (at least at the time of this writing), is to find the Trans World Entertainment VHS Release. Rated R.

COMMANDO INVASION (1986) - Action-packed, but brainless, Indonesian actioner set during the Vietnam War. The prologue shows a French army convoy being ambushed by the Vietcong in 1950. They kill all the French soldiers and steal millions of dollars in art, important documents and diamonds that the convoy was transporting. Flash-forward fifteen years and a group of American commandos are raiding a secret underground tunnel that is the headquarters for VC General Diap (Ken Watanabe). After killing all the VC in the tunnel and capturing General Diap, the leader of the commandos, Captain Brady (Michael James), calls for a pick-up but, for reasons unknown until much later, some of the squad members point their weapons at Captain Brady. When back-up finally arrives, they find all of Brady's men shot dead and Brady lying unconscious with a fistful of diamonds in his hands. Brady is brought to court martial, but is given five days to bring General Diap back to prove his innocence. Brady joins a group of VC freedom fighters in his search for Diap and even recruits a VC nurse, Akina (Carol Roberts), to help get into Diap's compound (she's Diap's mistress). She manages to walk through the compound unnoticed and leads Brady right to Diap, where he takes him prisoner for a second time. As they are leaving the compound, a welcoming committee is waiting and they must fight their way out. When Brady asks Diap why he killed his men, Diap says, "Do I know you?", which makes Brady look like a liar in the eyes of Captain Terryl (Pat Vance), who was sent with Brady on his quest (and whose brother was killed in the first raid). Brady and his men are ambushed as they turn every corner, as if someone doesn't want him to make it back. Could it be the mysterious General McMoreland (Gordon Mitchell), who may know more than he is letting on? A squad of French soldiers also want Diap because they think he knows the location of the treasure stolen fifteen years earlier. After saving each other's hides a couple of times, the French forge an uneasy alliance with Brady and agree to take possession of Diap only after he testifies at Brady's court martial. That's easier said than done, as making it to the trial will be no easy task. Diap keeps bribing the soldiers with diamonds to let him escape and Brady must then decide whether to kill Diap or bring him back for the trial. If you ask me, the only good gook is a dead gook.  Though not as wild and insane as a lot of these Indonesian actioners, director Jun Gallardo (RESCUE TEAM - 1981; SFX RETALIATOR - 1987), using his "John Gale" pseudonym, injects enough action and crazy dialogue to make it worth at least one viewing. There's enough double and triple crosses here for ten films and the violence, while not particularly bloody, comes fast and frequently. The dialogue consists of macho lines, like this exchange between Brady and Terryl: Brady: "You asshole!" Terryl: "Watch your mouth Brady!" Brady: "O.K. You stupid asshole!" It's not Shakespeare, that's for sure. But, if you like your war action down and dirty with plenty of firefights and explosions, you can do a whole lot worse than this. Also starring Jim Gaines, Billy Kipp, Gerald Todd, John Collins, Tony Lee and Jan Jeffrey. A Questar Productions Home Video Release. Not Rated.

THE CRIME KILLER (1985) - Is it possible for a film to be completely inept and still be entertaining at the same time? After viewing this action abomination, I'm happy to report that, yes, it is. In the opening, police detective Zeus (director George Pan-Andreas) and his partner get into a shootout with a drug gang (the guns sound like cap pistols and you can see the wadding come out of the barrels) and, when some of the gang come popping out of garbage cans (!), Zeus is stabbed (you can see the rubber blade bend) and his partner is shot and killed (He says to Zeus with his last dying breath, "Don't get soft!"). Zeus is then forced to kill two crooked uniformed cops who were going to kill him and take the gang's drug money. Zeus is kicked off the force and is set to go on trial for killing the two cops (He complains to his Police Chief, defending his reputation as a crime fighter: "I was even buried alive for two whole days!"). When the President of the United States (Jack Bliesener) goes on TV and announces his war on drugs and crime, the Police Chief (Leo G. Morrell) begs Zeus to come back (Zeus says, "How can I come back now? You broke my heart!") when the President's ex-wife and adoptive daughter are brutally murdered. Zeus finally relents and rescues a young girl and she is able to pick out one of the killers by his mug shot. When the little girl is killed by the crime organization, Zeus gathers his Vietnam buddies together (both of them) to exact some vengeance, but first they need some strict military training to get into shape (this sequence is a real howler, as Zeus and his comrades go through their training with a no-nonsense drill sargeant while having flashbacks of their time as P.O.W.s back in Nam). Once their training is done, Zeus and his two buddies go on an all-out assault on the crime organization's compound, armed with silencers, AK-47s and their own deadly hands. Zeus begins to kill all the bad guys one-by-one (including one memorable death with a switchblade hidden in his sleeve) until he meets the female head of the organization, who tries to seduce Zeus, but ends up dead by one of her own devices.  Director George Pan-Andreas, who speaks with such a thick Greek accent that he's hard to understand on several occasions, has surely made a lousy film, but it is so damned watchable and full of hilarious set pieces and quotable dialogue, you'll be glad you watched it. My favorite scene is when he gets into a martial arts/knife fight with one thug, disarms him, cuts the thug's face and then proudly proclaims, "They call me Zeus... The Crime Killer!" Another side-splitting scene finds Zeus infiltrating the crime organization disguised as Pedro the Mexican gardener, only he ends up getting beaten to a pulp, his throat slashed and a cigarette extinguished on his leg! I could go on-and-on about all the visual and auditory nuggets this film has to offer, like when Zeus' wife says to him, "Is that all you care about, justice and uzo?", but I would rather you experience them first-hand as to get the full effect. Though basically a vanity project for Pan-Andreas (he's the only actor listed in the crazy opening credits), there's plenty of other stuff to laugh at, from the badly-staged martial arts fights (Zeus screams like a little girl every time he gets hit), to the unbelievable action sequences (check out the motorcycle stunt which results in one of the main bad guys getting a nasty tire burn on his face!). The film is very bloody in spots, including a nasty throat slashing (the effects are surprisingly well done) and wait until you get to the surreal ending involving Zeus and the President. I was laughing so hard I nearly pissed myself! This is cheese of the highest order and essential to every badfilm fan. Pan-Andreas shot a sequel to this in 2003, titled GOLDEN TARGET, but it has yet to surface legally in the U.S.. Also starring Athan Karras, Mark Todd, John Stevens, Dean Murray, John Womack and June Wallace Kean. A New World Video Release. Not Rated.

DEADLY IMPACT (1984) - Two lovers, Harry and Kathy, have figured out how to beat the slot machines in Las Vegas using computerized gizmos and for the last ten weeks have taken the casinos for over $300,000, which they plan on using to buy a horse farm. The only problem is, sadistic crooks Al (John Morghen) and Kurt (Vincent Conte) have caught on to their scam and they kill Harry (by drowning him in a bathtub) before he is able to tell them where he has hidden the money. Phoenix cop George Ryan (Bo Svenson) is called to the scene of the crime and catches Al and Kurt ransacking the place, which leads to a pretty good car chase (lots of crashes and stunts) and a shootout on the rooftop of a building, where George gets shot several times in the chest. Luckily, he was weraring a bulletproof vest. George's Nam buddy, helicopter pilot and con man Lou (Fred Williamson), who was with George during the car chase, finds a clue in the bad guys' car and soon George and Lou are just one step behind Al and Kurt, who are hunting down Kathy (Marcia Clingan) and a $300,000 payday. George and Lou's investigation leads them to Las Vegas, where they learn of Kathy's involvement in the casino scam. When George gets too close to the truth, Al and Kurt ambush him on a lonely desert road, causing him to crash his car, but Lou rescues him with his helicopter and chase the bad guys again. Al and Kurt manage to give them the slip (again) and kill George's girlfriend Nancy (Karen De Witt) after they make her give George false information (she sends him to a gay bar!). The bad guys then kidnap Kathy and take her away in a helicopter, where she takes them to an abandoned ranch where the money is hidden. George and Lou are in hot pursuit and the finale finds the bad guys getting killed, then George and Lou head to Vegas and get rich on the slot machines using the deceased Harry's computer gizmos. Sometimes crime does pay.  This Italian production, filmed on location in Las Vegas, Nevada and Phoenix, Arizona is a pretty good comedy action film and Bo Svenson and Fred Williamson look like they are having a ball, even if some of the dialogue is clunky. Director/producer/co-scripter Fabrizio DeAngelis (the THUNDER WARRIOR and KARATE WARRIOR series), using his frequent pseudonym "Larry Ludman", tosses in many car chases (lots of crashes, jumps and flips in slow-motion), gun fights and a helicopter chase to please action fans. The gay bar scene doesn't make an ounce of sense, but it sure is funny. It's as if DeAngelis and co-scripter Dardano Sacchetti (using his "David Parker Jr." pseudonym) threw that scene in for no reason other than to see how many men could act "gay" at one time (like some crazy bar wager). Italian exploitation vet John Morghen (THE HOUSE ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK - 1978; CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST - 1980) plays his typical sleazy, greasy bad guy role with elan. He kills people showing no emotion, killing George's girlfriend by putting two bullets point-blank into her head and shooting Kathy in the back in the film's finale, never breaking his blank stare. DEADLY IMPACT is an enjoyable time waster that is good for a few laughs, a few thrills and some good on-location photography (this was back when Vegas was still somewhat fun, before the corporations took over ownership from the Mob). The only aspect of this film that seems dated is the early 80's computer imagery and a serious faux paus that happens over the opening credits (when Harry sticks an RJ11 plug into an RJ45 jack), not to mention some ridiculous, totally made-up computer jargon that Svenson has to try to say convincingly with a straight face (he doesn't succeed). The chemistry between Williamson and Svenson seems real and they would later appear together in THE KILL REFLEX (1989), STEELE'S LAW (1991) and THREE DAYS TO A KILL (1991), all for director Williamson (and his Po' Boy Productions). They first appeared together in director Enzo. G. Castellari's INGLORIOUS BASTARDS (1978; aka: COUNTERFEIT COMMANDOS, DEADLY MISSION and G.I. BRO) and also appeared together in DELTA FORCE COMMANDO (1987). Also starring Alain Blondeau, Norma Thyssen, Rik Wallace, Bill Dunun, Genie Thompson and Wanita Brown. Originally released on VHS by Vestron Video and available on DVD from various budget labels, including Westlake Entertainment. Not Rated.

DEAD PRESIDENTS (1995) - The Hughes Brothers (Allen & Albert) make their sophomore effort a truly absorbing experience thanks to wonderful acting, a keen sense of pacing and extreme bursts of graphic violence. Set during the Vietnam era, the story revolves around a young black man (an excellent Larenz Tate) and his struggles to find a way to support his pregnant girlfriend after graduating high school. He joins the Marines because he wants to fight for his country, but he soon learns that the war is not the place to escape reality. After completing his tour of duty, he returns home to the Bronx. Unable to find a good job, he and his buddies plan an armored car robbery, hoping to collect a few hundred thousand dollars of old untraceable money that the government plans to burn. But things go terribly wrong. This may sound like a generic plot, but the Hughes Brothers pull it off with a sense of flair and urgency. As with their first film, MENACE II SOCIETY, violence plays a major role. In this film it is downright brutal. During the war scenes, heads are chopped off, a soldier has his stomach slit open and his dismembered penis shoved in his mouth and, in one unbelievable scene, a soldier steps on a land mine and is blown to bits. Even after doing a frame-by-frame search of this scene, I still couldn’t spot the cut from human to dummy. It is masterful. The violence at home is no less gruesome. People are shot in the head, crushed by moving cars and riddled with bullets. Even though it is gory, the violence is not the driving force behind this film. The story is filled with interesting characters and, for once, white people are not portrayed as raving bigots. This took guts from a black filmmaking team. DEAD PRESIDENTS (a street term for paper money) is a rare chance to watch an action film filled with people you care about and, as in real life, not every story has a happy ending. The Hughes Brothers are to be congratulated on turning out a film that rates high on the emotional scale and still delivers the adrenaline rush that action fans like me crave. Also starring Keith David (THEY LIVE - 1988), Bokeem Woodbine (THE ROCK -1996), Chris Tucker (RUSH HOUR - 1998), N’Bushe Wright, Freddy Rodriguez and cameo appearances by Seymour Cassel and Martin Sheen (who is fast becoming a cameo expert). A Hollywood Pictures Home Video Release. Rated R.

DEATH FEUD (1987) - Let me start off by saying that this is not a good film. It's poorly acted, written and suffers from some bad continuity problems. It has plenty of flesh but very little nudity. The few action scenes are haphazardly staged and shot. Yet, for some reason (I still haven't put my finger on it), it is highly compelling. Frank Stallone (Sylvester's talented brother) portrays a merchant seaman, home on shoreleave, who falls in love with drug-addicted hooker Anna (Karen Mayo-Chandler). Anna belongs to the evil Mr. Caine (Anthony Caruso), a white slave trader. Frank cleans her up and promises to marry her after his next (and last) six month stint at sea. He plans on buying an avacado farm (!), where they both plan to live happily ever after. While Frank is out at sea, Mr. Caine kidnaps Anna, rehooks her on drugs and makes her re-establish herself as a whore. When Frank returns to land and cannot locate Anna, he enlists the aide of his seaman buddy (Chris Mitchum) and a prostitute (Lisa Loring) to help him track her down. When they finally locate Anna, she is walking the streets, strung-out and looking for Johns (she offers to take Frank and Chris on for fifty bucks!). She finally recognizes Frank and runs away, only to be purposely be hit by a truck by one of Caine's goons. Frank goes on a rampage, systematically wiping out Caine's henchmen (including Nicholas Worth of DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE in a thankless role), leaving Frank pointing his revolver at Caine's crotch (he does pull the trigger). In a cop-out ending, all the good guys have a happy ending. This crazy, disjointed film was directed by Carl Monson (who also made films under the name Carlos Monsoya) who also made PLEASE DON'T EAT MY MOTHER (1972 - aka GLUMP and HUNGRY PETS), a personal favorite of Psychotronic editor Michael Weldon. Monson also turns in this flick's best performance as Harold, the openly gay desk clerk of one of Caine's whore motels. He is constantly getting roughed up by Frank and the goons. Monson even dresses in women's clothing and has a crying jag in one of the film's key scenes. Co-star Anthony Caruso has done his share of exploitation films, appearing in such diverse fare as ZEBRA FORCE (1976) and CLAWS (1977). The majority of Chris Mitchum's scenes consist of him sitting at a bar drinking beer and watching dancer Greta Blackburn (PARTY LINE - 1988) shake her mammary glands. It's still a step up from his role in the abominable EXECUTIONER PART 2 (1980). Frank Stallone has made a career for himself in B films, starring in such films as THE PINK CHIQUITAS (1986), OUTLAW FORCE (1987) and FEAR (1988). In all, DEATH FEUD is unusual enough to merit your attention. A Southgate Entertainment Home Video Release. Not Rated.

DEATH RAIDERS (1984) - A provincial Governor and his two daughters are kidnapped by the evil Karamat and his trigger-happy men. After a treacherous trek through the jungle, Karamat and his prisoners finally arrive at his fortress, which is heavily fortified with men with guns and a series of maze-like caves. The government deems an air attack or a full-on ground assault too dangerous, so they reform the Death Raiders, a small group of Black Ops. soldiers headed by Captain Barone, to penetrate Karamat's fortress and rescue the Governor and his daughters. So begins this enjoyable (sometimes for the wrong reasons) action film from the Philippines, as Captain Barone rounds-up all the ex-members of his squad; from a disco (with the prerequisite bar fight), a police hostage situation (with the prerequisite attempted rape scene) and helping an alcoholic member free his girlfriend from a mafia whorehouse. Meanwhile, Karamat's son, who disagrees with his father's political views, unsuccessfully tries to lead the prisoners to freedom. When Karamat catches him, he ties him up in the middle of town and beats the stuffing oput of him with his bare hands in front of all the citizens. This does not sit too well with Karamat's wife, who secretly plans a revolution with a sympathetic rebel in town. After Captain Barone and his men train to get into shape, they set out on their mission to Karamat's stronghold. They make it to the cave where the Governor and his daughters are being held and they get an unexpected hand from Karamat's wife and son. From then on, the group try to make it through the jungle to safety, before the Army does a full air and ground attack on the compound. Members will be lost on the way as Captain Barone and his men must fight an inexhaustable supply of Karamat's soldiers, even as some of Barone's men return to Karamat's compound to rescue innocent women and children.  Directed and co-written with a lot of intentional humor (check out the disco and whorehouse scenes) by Segundo Ramos (SUICIDE FORCE - 1982), this film has a lot going for it (especially the early martial arts fights, including an inventive, almost comic book-like, use of a spinning bar stool), but stops dead in it's tracks every time it goes back to the Karamat father-son conflict. This film works best when it concentrates on the Death Raiders themselves and their comradarie, which seems natural and unforced (it's apparent these actors, including Johnny Wilson [DEVIL'S THREE - 1979] and George Estregan [CLASSIFIED OPERATION - 1985], here using the name "George Regan", have worked together many times before this film). As with most Filippino action films, this one contains more than a few scenes of attempted rape (but, surprisingly, no nudity), including a comical scene where a bunch of Karamat's soldiers fight each other in the middle of a lake as they try to rape one of the Governor's daughters. While most of the action in the latter-half of the film is basically gunfights and explosions, the film has a kinetic energy that's infectious and fun to watch. I was taken aback by the abrupt ending, but that's a small complaint to an otherwise highly watchable film and, at 80 minutes, it doesn't overstay it's welcome. Also starring George Pallance, Ramon Zamora, Rudolfo Boy Garcia, Renato Del Prado, Robert Lee, June Ariston, Raquel Montesa and Joel Alano. A Les Productions et Distributions Videodrome Inc. (PDV) Home Video Release. Not Rated.

THE DEVASTATOR (1985) - Deacon Porter (Rick Hill) has nightmares where he's transported back to Vietnam (in footage cribbed from FINAL MISSION - 1984) and he's fighting the Vietcong. One day, he gets a call from Elaine (Debbie Brooks), the wife of one of his soldier buddies, telling him that her husband, Marty, died in a car crash and she doesn't think it was an accident, so Deacon heads to the town of King's Ransom to investigate. Once in town, Deacon meets pretty gas station owner Audrey (future director Katt Shea) and immediately runs into Sheriff Clay Marsh (Kaz Garas), who warns Deacon that this town doesn't tolerate strangers. Elaine tells Deacon that the town has been taken over by a group of dastardly marijuana farmers and their leader, John Carey (Crofton Hardester), is not above murder to protect his crop. She believes Carey is responsible for Marty's death. Deacon begins asking questions around town, but finds everyone afraid to talk. While out on a date with Audrey, Carey and his men force Deacon's car off the road and beat the shit out of him (Casey also has the hots for Audrey). When Deacon doesn't take the hint to leave town, a couple of Carey's men firebomb Elaine's house, killing her (she burns to death in her bed), which results in Deacon chasing the two goons in his car. Deacon's car flips over and explodes, so Carey thinks Deacon is dead and his problems are over. In reality, Deacon escaped the explosion and he's about to make Carey's life miserable. Deacon contacts his old Nam buddies, electronics expert Spenser (Terrence O'Hara), explosives expert Bartlett (Bill McLaughlin) and insane muscleman Ox (Jack Daniels) and they head to King's Ransom for some good, old-fashioned payback. Audrey puts them up in a secret cabin in the woods, as Deacon and his squad systematically begin to kill Carey's men and destroy the pot crop. As more of his men end up missing, Carey's men capture Bartlett, hold him in a cell at the Sheriff's office and beat the crap out of him, but Deacon and his men pull a midnight rescue and save Bartlett. Carey kidnaps Audrey (and blows up her gas station) and uses her as bait. The finale finds Deacon, his men and Sheriff Marsh (who finally comes to his senses) battling Carey and his gang while trying save Audrey and blowing up a dam to flood the pot crop. Not everyone (both good and bad) will make it out alive.  This is another one of Filipino director/producer Cirio H. Santiago's long line of 80's actioners and it's a pretty good little B-film. Even though it recycles some of the same locations and footage used in Santiago's earlier FINAL MISSION (even the main character in both films is called "Deacon", so no new looping was necessary!), these are two totally different films which can still be enjoyed if watched back-to-back. There are some similarities, namely Kaz Garas as a small-town sheriff that's neither good or bad (he tries to do his job in both films, even though he knows there's corruption all around him) and both films contain scenes where bad guys get killed by boobytraps in the woods, but THE DEVASTATOR (also known as THE DESTROYERS and KING'S RANSOM) avoids being the FIRST BLOOD clone that MISSION was, thanks to the marijuana subplot and a finale that involves trying to blow up a dam. Katt Shea (who would later direct her share of genre films, including STRIPPED TO KILL [1987], the excellent DANCE OF THE DAMNED [1988], POISON IVY [1992] and THE RAGE: CARRIE 2 [ 1999]) has a topless scene, there's plenty of gunfights, explosions, bloody bullet squibs, car chases and, hell, there's even a helicopter chase/explosion and some decent miniature work, all packed into a tidy 78 minute running time, so it doesn't overstay it's welcome. Say what you want about Santiago (and I've said some pretty nasty things in the past, especially his films VAMPIRE HOOKERS [1979] and FUTURE HUNTERS [1986]), but when he was on his game (as he is here), he was capable of turning out some entertaining low-budget flicks. It's no wonder Roger Corman funded many of his films, because Santiago knew how to stretch a buck to the breaking point, yet he could still deliver interesting, if unoriginal, product. The script is by frequent Santiago collaborator Joseph Zucchero (who also has acted in Santiago films like STRYKER [1983], NAKED VENGEANCE [1985] and RAIDERS OF THE SUN [1991]), who uses the pseudonym "Joseph Sugarman" here. Another film (not directed by Santiago) made the same year as this, WARLORDS FROM HELL, has a strikingly similar plot, but is the antithesis of THE DEVASTATOR: It's a boring action film. Also starring Steve Rogers, Don Gordon Bell, Henry Strzalkowski and an uncredited appearance by Nick Nicholson as one of Carey's thugs. This film use to play quite often on TV during the late 80's and early 90's and the only U.S. home video release was a big box VHS tape put out by MGM/UA Home Video in the mid-80's. Not available on DVD. Rated R.

ENEMY UNSEEN (1989) - After a sappy power ballad (It goes, "You want somebody, you need somebody...") the film opens with guide Mel (Jeff Weston) and nature photographer Roxanne Tangent (Angela O'Neill) camping out next to a crocodile-infested river in some unnamed African country, where they witness a tribal ritual where a young native woman is sacrificed to a huge crocodile in the river. Mel and Roxanne are caught spying on the ritual and the natives kill Mel (spear in the chest) and abduct Roxanne. When Mel's body is found floating down river, Roxanne's rich and influential father, Gordon Tangent (Michael McCabe), hires mercenaries Steiger (Vernon Wells) and Josh (Stack Pierce) to lead him on a search through "Crocodile Valley" for his daughter. Also on the trip are fellow mercenaries Stanley (Deon Stewardson), Pencil (scripter Greg Latter) and river guide Malanga (South African film vet Ken Gampu). After traveling down the river for a while, the group sets up camp, where we learn that Pencil is a racist (He calls Malanga a "nigger", which pisses off Josh until Malanga reminds him that in Africa "nigger is a nice word."!?!) and that Malanga lost a sister in the same area years earlier. That night, Stanley is attacked and killed by a huge crocodile when it drags him into one of their own perimeter boobytraps (Boom!). The next morning, the group travel further down the river and pick up Roxanne's trail. Pencil is shot with an arrow and falls into the river, where he is eaten by a crocodile. The natives destroy the camp (including the radio) and begin hunting the group, first hitting Steiger with a poison dart (When Malanga informs Steiger that the poison will make him fall asleep and die, Steiger says, "Die? I don't have time to die."). Josh and Steiger are captured by the natives and brought to their village after Gordon shoots and kills the tribe's best hunter (Gordon gets away and roams the jungle, nervously shooting at every sound he hears). John and Steiger are put in a cage next to Roxanne and try to figure out a way to escape. The tribe captures Gordon and feed him to a pit of hungry crocodiles while Roxanne watches and screams "Daddy!" When the natives try to do the same thing to Steiger, Malanga shows up and saves his ass. Now, Steiger and Malanga must return to the village and save Roxanne and Josh, since the tribe plans to sacrifice Roxanne to the crocodiles that night. Will they save her in time and will they make their way back to civilization?  This South African-lensed jungle action film, directed by Elmo De Witt, mixes standard jungle warfare (guns vs. primitive weapons, where the poison darts and arrows beat the guns nearly every time) with some of the worst crocodile attacks ever committed to film. While we are treated to some nice nature photography of real crocodiles in their natural habitat, it's quite obvious that when the attacks happen, some lousy looking fake rubber stunt crocodiles are used. Vernon Wells (THE ROAD WARRIOR - 1982) makes a pretty flat action hero here, showing none of the crazy charm like he did as Bennett, Arnold Schwarzenegger's homosexual nemesis in COMMANDO (1985). Thankfully, both Stack Pierce (KILLPOINT - 1984) and the late Ken Gampu (SOUL PATROL - 1978) register in their roles. The chemistry between them is quite apparent and they both have the best lines. The only true emotion in this film comes when Malanga discovers that the little girl following him and Josh in the finale is his niece. The look on Gampu's face tells the whole story. ENEMY UNSEEN is not very bloody or action-packed. It just meanders along at it's own leisurely pace until it's inevitable happy ending. Nothing more, nothing less. Also starring Sam Ntsinyi, Joe Stewardson and Paddy Lyster. An Action International Pictures Home Video Release. Rated R.

FAST GUN (1987) - A series of armory thefts at various U.S. military bases throughout the world leaves the government baffled as to who is involved. We learn rather quickly that people in our own government are the ones involved, but don't try to think about it too hard, because you'll end up with a migraine. We watch Nelson (Robery Dryer; SAVAGE STREETS - 1984) and his men pull off the next armory heist, only this time Nelson begins killing military personnel when they recognize him. The heist turns into a massacre when both sides shoot it out. Nelson is now wanted by the U.S. Government after they find out he has turned rogue and is stealing arms for his own purposes, rather than for his own government (there goes that damn migraine again!). Corrupt Army Colonel Harper (Kaz Garas; FINAL MISSION - 1984) must find and kill Nelson before the press gets hold of the story that Harper hired him to rob our own armories (Where's my Tylenol?). Nelson ends up in the small, secluded California town of Granite Lake, where the entire police force consists of Sheriff Jack Steiger (Rick Hill; DUNE WARRIORS - 1990) and Deputy Cowboy Phelps (Morgan Strickland). The town's crooked wheeler-dealer, Rupert Jessup (Ken Metcalfe), is an old business partner of Nelson's and they plan on selling the stolen weapons to the highest bidders, as soon as they build a secret airstrip in the forest. Too bad Nelson picked this town, because Sheriff Jack is a crack shot, as we witness him shooting three violent drug runners right between the eyes and then blows-up their attacking helicopter with just three shots of his pistol. He's also pretty good with his hands, too, as we later watch him beat the crap out of a motorcycle gang who decide to destroy his girlfriend Julie's (Brenda Bakke; DEATH SPA - 1987) bar. It seems Jack use to be a big city cop, but he left the force when he saw his partner shot in the head (he still has nightmares about it) and moved to this small town to get away from the action and violence. Bad move. It's not long before Jack and Nelson are butting heads, but both Jessup and money-hungry (but clueless) Mayor Ankers (Anthony East) interfere with Jack's duty as sheriff. One night, a bunch of Nelson's men break Jack's gun hand with a two-by-four, pour booze down his throat (Jack is a recovering alcoholic) and then loot the town. Mayor Ankers fires Jack for being drunk on duty, but when Colonel Harper shows up in town and he spots Nelson's men kidnapping Cowboy, Jack and Harper join forces to free Cowboy and bring Nelson and Jessup down. When Cowboy dies in a manner similar to Jack's old partner, Jack goes on a one-man killing spree to get revenge. He's no longer a cop, so all the rules go out the window. Pray for the bad guys, especially in the unbelievable final scene where Jack blows up a huge cargo plane with just three shots of his sidearm!  This is another one of prolific Filipino director/producer Cirio H. Santiago's many 80's action films. While nothing spectacular, FAST GUN does move at a fast clip and, besides some gaping plot holes (How does Jack's hand manage to heal so fast?), it manages to keep you entertained through it's short 76 minute running time. Since this film doesn't try to break any new ground (it's strikingly similar to Santiago's THE DEVASTATOR [1985], which also starred Rick Hill and Kaz Garas), it depends more on action set-pieces rather than plot. Scripters (and long-time Santiago collaborators) Joe Mari Avellana and Frederick Bailey never even try to explain why our own government is stealing weapons from their own armories (I racked my brain for an explanation and all I got was a splitting headache). Instead, they just layer-on one gunfight or car chase after another until we get to the conclusion, where the entire town of Granite Lake is destroyed one building at a time, as Jack, Harper and Julie battle the never-ending supply of Nelson's goons (including Santiago regular Nick Nicholson), who are armed with automatic weapons and rocket launchers. If you have ever watched a Santiago film, you know he excels when it comes to action sequences. This is just like most of Santiago's 80's output: Take off your thinking caps and just enjoy the mindless violence. Ed Carlin, the producer of such films as BLOOD AND LACE (1970), THE NIGHT GOD SCREAMED (1971) and SUPERSTITION (1982), was Executive Producer on this film. Made in 1987 but not released on home video until 1993. Also starring Frank Diaz, David Light, Warren McLean, Bill Staub, Joanne Griffin, Paul Holmes, Jeff Griffith and Henry Strzalkowski. Released on VHS by Roger Corman's New Horizons Home Video. Corman bankrolled the majority of Santiago's output from the early 70's right up to 2005's BLOODFIST 2050. Say what you want about Santiago (and I have said both good and bad), but the man has had a long, successful career in B-films. Rated R.

FINAL CUT (1986) - Stuntman turned actor Kelly Roberts (Jim Raines) travels down to Caddo County, Texas to film some stunt scenes for his newest picture and runs smack-dab into a child kidnapping ring. Kelly's stuntmen friends Smilie (scripter Jordan Williams) and Mark (Brett Rice) join Kelly for a night on the town and meet local girls Annie (Deborah Morehart) and Lou Ann (Carla DeLane) and also meet Sheriff Thompson (J. Don Ferguson), who seems to recognize Mark from an event that happened ten years earlier. Mark warns stunt co-ordinator Wes (T.J. Kennedy) not to trust the sheriff but will not explain why. A little boy goes missing from the hotel the film crew is staying at, which upsets Mark. Kelly starts up a romantic relationship with Lou Ann (who is the sheriff's stepdaughter) and Smilie does the same with Annie. The sheriff has his two hot-headed deputies, Deacon (Wes Foreshaw) and Carter (S.W. Miller), keep a close eye on the foursome. The sheriff corners Mark behind the bar, where we learn that Mark sold his girlfriend's son to the sheriff ten years ago. The sheriff has a lucrative side business where he and his men kidnap children and sell them to the highest bidder. Deacon and Carter knock out Smilie and Deacon rapes Annie. The sheriff then holds them captive in a cabin in the woods until he can figure out what to do with them. Kelly and Lou Ann arrive at Annie's house and find the door busted and a piece of Smilie's front tooth in a puddle of blood on the floor (which Carter broke off with pliers so he couldn't be called "Smilie" any more). When Wes is shot in the back and killed when he gets too close to the children's hideout, Kelly says enough is enough and tries to rescue Smilie and Annie. Marks ends up getting killed trying to save Kelly and Smilie. Kelly and his fellow stuntmen band together to rescue the group of stolen children the sheriff is holding hostage in a shack the deep woods. With a rocket boat and a machine gun at his disposal, Kelly makes mincemeat of the sheriff's men. One of the sheriff's "children" ends Thompson's wretched life with a bullet in his back. This is mainly a showcase for some pretty good stunts (an airplane lands on a moving tractor trailer, the opening motorcycle/car chase and the rocket boat jump) with a dash of mystery and social commentary thrown in for good measure. Director/producer Larry G. Brown (THE PINK ANGELS - 1971) uses the rural locations to good effect as cars race through dirt roads and crash through shacks and the river scenes where the rocket boat roars through the water are filmed with maximum impact. Things start relatively tame but, from the moment when Annie gets raped and Smilie has amateur dentistry performed on his front teeth, things get somewhat nasty. Brown treaded similar ground with his earlier PSYCHOPATH (1973), where children are the focal point in an otherwise unrelated plot. FINAL CUT is a decently acted action film that manages to hold your attention thanks to the natural interaction between the cast (you believe that Smilie, Kelly and Mark have known each other for years). One funny running gag concerns a double-jointed Smilie copping pain pills from an apprehensive film doctor, each time telling him, "This is the last time, I promise." Actress Deborah Morehart would later change her name to Hunter Tylo and appear in soap operas. A Vidmark Entertainment Release. Rated R.

FINAL SCORE (1986) - Absolutely crazy Indonesian action film that's wrong on so many levels, it makes it a must-viewing experience for anyone who loves mindless bloodshed. The mysterious and brutal Mr. Hawk (Mike Abbott), who shoots his own men for looking at him funny, sends his four best goons to kill Richard Brown (the always staid Chris Mitchum) before he can interfere with Hawk's criminal plans. The goons invade the birthday party of Brown's son Johnny (Dad is away at the store buying his son a toy gun at the time!), where they kill the help, shoot little Johnny in the back and gang-rape Brown's wife (One of the thugs says, "Wanna see what I got in my pocket? as he rapes her!), before shooting and killing her too. When Brown comes home and sees the carnage, he vows revenge and, boy, does he get it! After cornering one of Hawk's thugs and getting the names of the four goons who killed his son and raped his wife, Brown goes off with list in hand looking to do some major damage. Each of the four goons has their own gang, so it's a non-stop barrage of fighting, gunfights and explosions as Brown snaps necks, stabs, shoots and blows-up anyone and anything that gets in his way. He saves the best kills for the four thugs. One gets an axe planted in his back. Another gets shot in the balls and, as he is pleading for his life, Brown puts a bullet between his eyes. The third is blown-up by a grenade while trapped in his overturned car. The fourth one is tied to a chair, has both of his kneecaps shot-off as Brown places a timebomb on his crotch (BOOM!). Finally, Brown invades Hawk's compound with his trusty rocket and machine gun-equipped motorcycle and dispatches Hawk with a maneuver best seen to be believed. Let's just say gravity has nothing on Mr. Brown.  This is grand entertainment for those who like their action and bloodletting devoid of any logic at all. The carnage comes fast and furious, some of it so unbelievable you'll be shaking your head in amazement. In one scene, Brown is captured and being tortured by having his back branded with a red-hot poker. He then breaks free and shoves the same poker up the torturer's ass! There's also a perilous car chase/shootout through the streets of Jakarta that can best be described as delirious (especially the "tree through the windshield" and the "slippery tomatoes" gags). There are too many quotable lines of dialogue (supplied by screenwriter Deddy Armand) to mention, but my favorite one comes early in the film when a crook says to Brown: "Who are you?" Brown replies simply: "Death." No one ever accused Chris Mitchum of being a good actor (watch him trying to emote when he's being tortured to see him at his "best"), but he excels in roles like this where emotion is secondary to running around blowing up shit. Single-monikered director Arizal (SPECIAL SILENCERS - 1979; THE STABILIZER - 1984) delivers the goods in the action department as FINAL SCORE is non-stop from the get-go (so many buildings explode in this that you wonder if producer Gope T. Samtani was also in the housing renewal business) and he also sprinkles a healthy dose of black humor in some scenes. In one scene, where Brown is laying waste to one of Hawk's warehouses, one thug says to another, "You're not afraid to die, are you soldier?" The other one salutes, says "No sir!" and then is promptly gunned down by Brown. Priceless! The dialogue between the goons will make you laugh out loud as they spout line like, "Who are you calling an asshole, you asshole?!" and "Fuck you AND your mother!" So, leave your brain at the door, sit down, press PLAY and enjoy the show. Also starring Ida Iasha, Dicky Zulkarnaen and Zainal Abidin. Available from Vomitbag Video in a nice sharp transfer taken from Japan's Columbia Video label. What are you waiting for? Not Rated.

GOLD RAIDERS (1983) - A plane containing $200 million in gold bars is shot down while flying over Laos. The CIA, working with the Thai government, sends a team, led by ex-lovers Mark Banner (a badly-dubbed Robert Ginty) and Cordelia Dubois (Sarah Lagenfeld), to retrieve the gold in the crashed plane in the Laos jungle before the enemy gets their hands on it to purchase weapons for their revolution. Before they take off, one of the team members is captured by an opium warlord (simply called "Chief") and he agrees to lead the warlord's men to the gold in exchange for his life and a share of the gold. Mark, Cordelia and the team (with a new member to replace the captured one) paddle down the Mekong River disguised as gooks and are almost captured by enemy soldiers, but the appearance of a shark (!) enables them to get away. While Cordelia is scuba diving looking for a missing weapons cache, some enemy scuba divers appear and, before you know it, there's a major underwater speargun/knife-fight underway. Mark, Cordelia and the team (now known simply as the Gold Raiders) get away, thanks to some well-placed underwater mines and submergable water scooters. They make it to an enemy outpost, where we witness a bald-headed Thai General (Pichai Vasnasong) with a wooden leg rape a woman and then kill two of his own men when they don't repair a broken American helicopter fast enough (he grabs an automatic rifle and shoots the helicopter, blowing it to smithereens, along with the two mechanics). After the General leaves, the Gold Raiders kill all the enemy soldiers at the outpost and meet their secret connection, who supplies Mark with a prototype flying "missile motorcycle" that runs on magic "crystals" rather than gasoline. The evil General is assigned by his superiors to find the missing gold, so he goes to a jungle village (where the local dogs surround him and try to bite his wooden leg!) and tries to locate one of the downed plane's pilots, who parachuted out of the plane before it crashed and is now hopelessly in love with a local blind girl. The pilot and the blind girl find the Gold Raiders instead and now it's a race between three parties to find the crashed plane and the missing gold. Who will come out on top?  I seriously wanted to dislike this film from the moment I heard Robert Ginty's (THE EXTERMINATOR - 1980; WHITE FIRE - 1982) poorly-dubbed voice (I guess they couldn't pay him enough to stick around and dub his own voice), but the fact of the matter is that this Thailand-lensed flick, directed/produced by P. (Philip) Chalong (H-BOMB - 1971; KUNG FU BROTHERS - 1973; THE LOST IDOL - 1990; AMERICAN SOLDIER: KOMMANDO GOLD - 1991), is so goofy and full of "What The Fuck?" moments, it won me over almost immediately (In the beginning of the film, the downed plane's pilot deploys his parachute and crashes through the roof of a hut. The blind girl asks, "What's that noise?" A little boy answers, "Someone's dropped in!"). There's also a half-hearted attempt at social relevance about taking sides in a political war where there can be no winners, but it's hard to take it seriously when the film is full of scenes like the one where the drunk General picks the tribal leader's daughter ("Hey, I want that young one there!") and removes his wooden leg before he rapes her, only to have his leg stolen by the tribal leader's dog! There's also the scene where the missile motorcycle (it's nothing but a motor scooter mounted on a hang glider) takes flight in the air, but not before magically sprouting two huge training wheels on the back wheel (Where the hell did they come from?). Toss in two attacks by the biggest red-eyed vampire bats I've ever seen, lots of bloody violence (stabbings, bullet hits, knives tossed into the foreheads of enemy soldiers, exploding bodies and a hatchet to the neck) and an American villian called "Dr. Pinkeye", and what you end up with is a nonsensical, thoroughlly entertaining action flick with a few surprises along the way. My favorite line comes towards the end of the film when Cordelia is shot dead by an enemy soldier and Mark looks at her body and says, "Is she dead?" Simply priceless. At 109 minutes, GOLD RAIDERS little overlong, but it still manages to hold your interest throughout. Leave your brain at the door and enjoy the ride. Also starring William Stevens, Dusty Rhodes (not the wrestler with the same name), Sombat Krung Ron, Manop Noppol Reed, Nawarat Lalana Vasana and Somchai Poom Rong. A Media Home Entertainment Release. Not Rated.

THE GREAT SKYCOPTER RESCUE (1980) - What a total piece of crap! This is the type of film where everyone exists in some type of screwed-up alternate universe, where a radio disc jockey wears a space suit (complete with helmet) while doing a solo show in his cramped booth and everyone owns their own portable flight machine (be it airplane, glider, hot air balloon or skycopter). When a motorcycle gang blows up the van of radio disc jockey Jimmy Jet (Terry Michos), amateur pilot Will Powerski (Paul Tanashian) drops out of the sky in one of his hand-built portable airplanes and offers Jimmy a ride home. After explaining his last name to Jimmy by simply stating, "I'm Polish!", Will flies Jimmy to his home and shows Jimmy his newest invention, the "skycopter", a combination helicopter/airplane. The main plot deals with oil being found underneath the town of Libertyville and a crooked real estate developer, by the name of Mr. L.B. Jason (William 'BLACULA' Marshall, in an embarassing low point in his career), who tries to keep the oil discovery secret and attempts to buy all of Libertyville's land. He hires the same motorcycle gang that blew up Jimmy's van to terrorize the town and, with the help of corrupt Sheriff Burgess (Aldo Ray, who else?), Mr. Jason plans on scaring all the townspeople out of their homes, thereby buying their properties at rock-bottom prices. Will and Jimmy become fast friends and then business partners. They soon catch on to Mr. Jason's plan and battle the motorcycle gang from the air. That's about the whole plot in a nutshell. The rest of the unrelenting 96 minute running time is filled with endless scenes of skycopters in flight (a late 70's fad that, thankfully, never caught on because they are noisy as hell), a motorcycle gang that is about as scary as a toothless old woman gumming corn on the cob and some of the worst action scenes in late 70's cinema. The finale finds Will calling on all his friends, who all own one type of flying machine or another, to lead an aerial assault on the town of Libertyville, as they drop explosives on the bikers while Wagner's "Flight Of The Valkryies" plays on the soundtrack. The town then celebrates at a disco. You've been hustled!  When you find out that this film was directed/produced and co-written by Lawrence D. Foldes, who also made the notoriously-bad films NIGHTSTALKER (1979), YOUNG WARRIORS (1983) and NIGHTFORCE (1986), you basically know what to expect here: Bad acting, awkwardly-staged action sequences and some washed-up stars earning some extra booze money (Aldo Ray stayed smashed thanks to roles in films like this). Most of the film plays like some G-rated kiddie fare but, every once in a while, Foldes throws in a swear word or some nudity (including some bare-assed shots of male stars Michos and Tanashian) to try to fool you into believing that you're watching something adult. William Marshall seems to have filmed all his scenes on one set in a single day. He looks extremely embarassed spouting such cringe-worthy dialogue like, "That lard-ass sheriff can be bought with a keg of beer!" or "Oh God, how I love to take advantage of the underdogs!" in his distinctive baritone voice. It's like watching Sir Laurence Olivier perform in a Three Stooges short. The motorcycle gang seen here is about as frightening as a bunch of 3 year-olds on tricycles. Their idea of scaring the town into submission consists of setting cars on fire, disrupting some drive-in restaurant customers' meals and one gang member steals a girl's ice cream cone! GILLIGAN'S ISLAND's Professor, Russell Johnson, puts in a quick cameo as Will's friend, Professor Benson (typecasting 101), who supplies Will with all the explosives he'll need to take back the town from those nasty bikers. This awful action film was filmed in 1980, but wasn't released until 1982. Doesn't that tell you all you need to know? Believe it or not, this film was "Produced in association with the Academy of Science Fiction and Horror Films Internship Program". That could explain why that academy's president, Dr. Donald A. Reed, was Casting Director here. Also starring Alex Mann, Terri Taylor, Maria Rebman, Kim Johnson and Richard Adams. This Cannon Films Release escaped on home video courtesy of MGM/UA Home Video. Not Rated.

HOLLOW POINT (1995) - All action films should be this entertaining. A deft blend of comedy and action, this film is sure to please even the most jaded filmgoer. An ex-DEA agent (Thomas Ian Griffith, the vampire master in John Carpenter’s VAMPIRES - 1998) and an FBI agent (Tia Carrere) join forces with a loony hitman (an unbelievably funny Donald Sutherland) to bring down a nasty financier (John Lithgow) who is instrumental in bringing together the three largest criminal organizations of the world. Hundreds of millions of dollars are at stake and everyone has their reasons for getting their hands on it. Laugh out loud funny (how many action films can make that statement?), this film could have failed miserably but, thanks to the four leads, it hits nearly every one of its’ marks. Griffith impresses as the pill-popping DEA agent who shows some real comedic talent, both verbal and physical. He and Carrere (who was also in the excellent THE IMMORTALS - 1995) have great chemistry together. Witness the scene where they display their love by shooting each other in their bulletproof vests! It’s hilarious. The real standout, though, is Sutherland as the lovable, but dangerous hitman. His performance is great fun. John Lithgow is no slouch either. We all know his comedic talent is immense. But an action film is nothing without the action. Director Sidney J. Furie (DR. BLOOD’S COFFIN -1962, THE ENTITY - 1983) brings it on fast and furious, with car crashes, gun battles and hand-to-foot combat on ample view. This movie is fun to watch, unlike Furie’s SUPERMAN 4 (1987) and LADYBUGS (1992). After viewing HOLLOW POINT, I forgive him for his past sins. Don’t take my word for it, rent it. A Trimark H.V. Release. Rated R.

HOLLYWOOD COP (1986) - You know you're in for something very "special" when, in the opening credits, the actors' names are shown as stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The ineptitude that follows is truly staggering. The film opens with Mob boss Mr. Feliciano (the stoic Jim Mitchum) ordering his goons to kidnap a little boy from mother Rebecca (Julie Schoen), whose husband stole six million dollars from Mr. Feliciano three years earlier (why he's ordering the kidnap now, rather than three years ago, is never explained). Unable to locate her husband or come up with six million dollars for the ransom, Rebecca turns to Hollyw