During one of my bouts of insomnia, I turned on the TV and tuned in to HBO and started watching SEXY BEAST (2000), a crime caper starring Ray Winstone and a physically and verbally abusive Ben Kingsley, giving the performance of his career. You'll forget that he played Gandhi here. Never in my life have I heard the word "cunt" spew relentlessly out of someone's mouth, as Kingsley does here. He's got not one redeemable quality, as he beats up and shouts obscenities at both men and women at his whim and he enjoys it. When he gets his comeuppance at the end of the film, you actually feel relieved. The final 30 seconds of the film, when Kingsley meets the Devil (literally) is such a gut-busting hilarious scene, that it will leaves you howling with laughter for a long time after. Definitely one of the best endings of any movie in recent years.

Hey, I hate to admit it, but I'm a big fan of Steven Seagal. Sure, he's made some stinkers in his career (THE PATRIOT and THE GLIMMER MAN come to mind), but when he is used in the right vehicle, such as EXIT WOUNDS (2001), he really shines. But even I have to draw the line seeing Seagal in one of Albert Pyun's stinkers called TICKER (2001), a mess of a film about a serial bomber with a grudge. How Pyun also got Dennis Hopper and Tom Sizemore (the Heidi Fleiss-beater) to star in this mish-mash of a film (that also utilizes portions of other Pyun films to pad out the running time) will be a mystery that only Sherlock Holmes could solve. Pyun disappeared after making this film and has not been seen in public, due to problems with financiers that he would rather not see again (or so I've heard). Or maybe Seagal saw the final cut and had some of his CIA buddies stop Pyun from ever making another film. This is absolutely the worst film of Seagal's resume. I just saw Seagal's THE FOREIGNER (2003) on the USA Network and OUT FOR A KILL (2003) on DVD and they weren't bad (Both were directed by THE BREED's [2001] Michael Oblowitz). He's also been vindicated in the Julius R. Nasso court trial as Mr. Nasso has admitted that he and some Mob buddies tried to shake down Seagal for money for every film he makes. My wife thinks I'm crazy, but I like Steven Seagal as an actor. I always thought that your personal life and professional life should be kept separate, something she cannot comprehend. Who cares if his past is "shady". I sure don't! Everyone has got a skeleton in their closet if you look close enough. For a visual look at all the recent direct-to-video Seagal films, click HERE.

Speaking of the USA Network: Is it me or do they have two of the best series on TV right now? I am talking about MONK, starring the facinating performance of Tony Shalhoub as Adrian Monk, a crack ex-detective who has solved every case except the killing of his wife, giving him an extreme case of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Shalhoub's textured performance has already earned him a Golden Globe and he has been nominated for an Emmy for (believe it or not) best performance in a comedy series (which he has since won!). His acting in this series is not just for comic effect, as his multi-layered portrayal as Monk is funny as well as heartbreaking. I've always admired Shalhoub's talent, dating back to the comedy series WINGS and in movies such as THE SEIGE (1998), THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE (2001), and of course THIR13EN GHOSTS (2001). MONK also contains one of the best supporting casts in a TV series: Bitty Schram as Monk's very patient and outspoken caregiver Sharona (who has since left the series over monetary demands); Ted Levine ("Buffalo Bill" in SILENCE OF THE LAMBS) as Monk's ex-Captain Stottlemeyer and Jason Gray-Stanford as Lt. Disher, who has a thing for Sharona. This series blows anything away on Network TV. Apparently ABC TV also thought so, and began airing season one repeats in prime-time to decent ratings. I believe this is a first for a Cable TV series to get a showing on Network TV. Usually it's the other way around. The other series I am also talking about is THE DEAD ZONE. It is one of the most intricately plotted TV series on the air today, rivaled, I believe, only by NBC's BOOMTOWN, another criminally-overlooked series currently on the air (Which NBC put on "hiatus" after only 2 episodes in its' second season. They wouldn't know quality if it bit them in the ass.). A grown-up Anthony Michael Hall plays Johnny Smith, who comes out of a five-year coma with powers to see the future by just touching a person or object. The transition effects are excellent and the scriptwriters are to be congratulated for turning a one-dimensional premise into a facinating viewing experience. Several episodes are extremely well-made, evoking emotional responses from the viewer that come quite unexpectedly. The one episode when he touches a woman in a bar and sees a beautiful relationship developing (that he desperately needs, since his fiancee married the town's sheriff when he was in the coma) only to be offset by some intrigue which involves her death, leaves a lump in your throat as he has to make the only decision that keeps everyone out of trouble and leaves       him all alone again. Stephen King can be proud of this adaptation of THE DEAD ZONE. These series, along with FX's excellent cop series THE SHIELD, make having cable a must. With all the Reality TV crap being spoon-fed to us on a daily basis, it's good to know that some people still know how to produce something of substance and thought.

I'm sick and tired of buying DVDs and then spending the next half hour removing the "security tape" from the three sides of the package. Trying to remove the stickers without ruining the packaging is a losing proposition. Since all DVDs have a security device placed inside the packaging (you know: that little black or white rectangle glued next to the disk), is there any reason why security tape has to be attached to all three sides? Why not attach it to one side and put it on the outside of the cellophane wrapping? That would make everyone happy. I actually scratched a DVD when trying to remove the sticker from one side as the knife went into the packaging and put a nasty gouge in the disk. Amazon.com would not take it back since the package was opened!!! Another instance had me tearing the cover art because the sticker was attached to it. This happened on the HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES DVD, which has the worst packaging I have ever seen on a DVD. This shit has to stop.

A lot of people have asked me what my favorite films are. Boy, that's a tough one. There are so many films that I enjoy that coming up with a Top 10 List would just make my mind implode. Some films will never be reviewed on this site because they would be considered too "mainstream" or have just been over-reviewed everywhere else. Yes, I admit it: I do watch those blockbusters that are usually cookie-cutter candy for the eyes. Sometimes though, there are some good one out there. I'm a big fan of Michael Bay's ARMAGEDDON (1998). I do find most of Mr. Bay's other efforts to be overblown and overlong, but this one worked for me on an emotional and action level. The critics lambasted it but I found it to be a heart-pounding rollercoaster ride. If you don't cry at the end of this film, you must be a robot or a member of the Taliban. Nobody better diss Bruce Willis around me. I find him to be one of the most diverse actors in films today and I bet 50 years from now, history will bear me out. DIE HARD (1988) and DIE HARD 2 (1990) are two of my favorite big-budget action films. But since this is a web site devoted to non-traditional film fare, I will list some of my favorite obscure films and TV shows of all genres in no particular order:

THE ASPHYX (Creepy and original)	SATAN'S CHILDREN (Must be seen!)	THE RAPTURE (God's revenge is sweet)
DIRTY MARY CRAZY LARRY (Best downbeat end)	BLOOD FREAK(S) (Best badfilm ever!)	RE-ANIMATOR (An absolute original)
DON'T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT (70's classic)	PHANTASM (Not the sequels)	DAY OF THE DEAD (Highly underrated)
HITZ (Weirdness to the extreme)	HARDGORE (Porn horror to the extreme)	DUNGEON OF HARROW (60's classic)
MEN OF WAR (Give it a try)	EQUINOX (Best student film)	RAW FORCE (Extreme martial arts/gore)
DEATH WISH CLUB (Perverse horror tale)	WENDIGO (It hit me in the gut)	MESSIAH OF EVIL (Creepy!)
THE OUTER LIMITS TV SERIES (Both Series)	NO CONTEST (Great action film)	BEST MEN (Great cast, great plot)
THE PROPHECY (1995) (Forget the sequels)	INVASION OF THE BEE GIRLS (70's best)	CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE (VC cannibals)
DEAD BANG (Don Johnson puking!)	HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES (More, please!)	I DRINK YOUR BLOOD (I love rabies!)
HONEYMOON KILLERS (B&W masterpiece)	FREEWAY (Freaky thriller)	BLOODRAGE (Scuzziest film ever!)
NIGHT OF THE DEMON (1980) (Penis yanking!)	ROAD-KILL (Best low-budget serial killer)	THE SALTON SEA (A thrill to watch)
PUMPKINHEAD (Unjustly ignored horror yarn)	ALABAMA'S GHOST (Weirdest PG film)	GODMONSTER OF INDIAN FLATS
MILLENNIUM TV SERIES (I hear horses)	THE RESURRECTED (Best H.P. Lovecraft)	THE PACK (Best rabid dog film)
THE X-FILES TV SERIES (First 4 Seasons)	RETROACTIVE (Best time travel tale)	OVER THE EDGE (Best teen angst film)
RUNAWAY TRAIN (Best existential action)	BLIND FURY (Rutger Hauer's best film)	DEADMATE (Best necrophilia film)
DRIVE (Best non-Hong Kong action comedy)	ROLLING THUNDER (Best 70's revenge)	KING OF THE ANTS (Brutal!)

I will be adding more films to the list as they come to my mind. I'm sure that there's many of you out there that will disagree with my list. Email me here with your list and I will put it on a page created especially for the readers.

Here's my take on the new TV series premiering for the 2003 - 2004 season: Don't waste your time. Besides the highly-weird and surreal CARNIVALE on HBO (Think David Lynch on crack during the Depression-era 30's starring the under-appreciated Clea DuVall and the always-welcome Michael J. Anderson)), TV pretty much stinks this year. The only slight standouts are the Jerry Bruckheimer executive-produced COLD CASE, due to the excellent acting talents of star Kathryn Morris and the prudent direction of Mark Pellington (THE MOTHMAN PROPHECIES) in the pilot episode (and great use of CCR's song "Have You Ever Seen The Rain"  which packs and emotional gut-punch in the pilot finale) and the series premiere of JOAN OF ARCADIA, starring Russ Tamblyn's talented daughter Amber Tamblyn as teenager Joan who has a direct connection with God, who needs her for some unknown reason and sends her on tasks that she does not understand. It also stars the late John Ritter's son Jason Ritter as Joan's wheelchair-bound brother. While the pilot episode had the outlandish plot going for it, subsequent episodes have been lacking and have turned somewhat preachy. If I want preachy, I'll watch Clancy Brown as the fire-and-brimstone priest on CARNIVALE. Most of the other new series are CSI  or LAW & ORDER wannabes. Between that and all the reality-based series on the air, this has to be the worst year for TV ever. While I still watch N.Y.P.D. BLUE and WITHOUT A TRACE without fail, I find myself watching more and more DVDs and videos, which can only be good for this site. It's no wonder that more and more people are watching Cable TV and staying away from the Networks.

It's nice to see that the new version of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2003) has something in common with the original: They are both narrated by actor John Larroquette. John got an early start doing narration on the opening of the original 1974 version and has become a star in his own right. It's great that he has not forgotten his roots and has done the same for the remake (I'm also sure they paid him well for his services). That's also John you hear narrating the TV trailers for the film. Just a bit of useless trivia that tickled my funnybone.

I recently bought the DVD of JEEPERS CREEPERS 2 (2003) and, while I thought it was OK (the original JEEPERS CREEPERS [2001] was much better and actually improves on repeated viewings, even if my wife hates this film with all her heart for reasons I will never understand), I was actually creeped out by what was shown on the screen of a non-scary nature. As everyone probably knows by now, director Victor Salva is a convicted sex offender (a 13 year-old boy performed oral sex on Salva while he was making his first film CLOWNHOUSE [1988], the act which Salva videotaped and received 15 months in jail). On this film the camera lovingly lingers on the naked torsos of a suntanning male basketball team, whose bus has broken down in the middle of nowhere, the fodder for the Creeper. I could just imagine Salva getting excited filming these scenes and it made my stomach turn. There's also an extra on the DVD called "A Day In Hell" where the camera follows the extremely overweight Salva on a typical day of shooting the film, hugging his male actors after a particularly tough day of shooting. Ugh! Don't get me wrong. I actually like a lot of Salva's films (his NATURE OF THE BEAST [1995] is a really good thriller and POWDER [also 1995] is an underrated gem), but he should not be able to be around young boys at all. I know he's served his time and he's probably learned his lesson, but statistics show that sex offenders are 72% more likely to repeat their crimes than any other criminal act. That's why there's a national sex offenders database.

I admit it: I'm an eBayer. I buy hard to find videos on eBay and transfer them to DVD-R's for posterity's sake. Let me tell you about one experience: I won an auction for HEARTBREAK MOTEL, a retitled version of POOR PRETTY EDDIE (1973), a drive-in classic directed by Richard Robinson that I remember seeing in theaters under the misleading title BLACK VENGEANCE (to cash in on the blaxploitation fad at the time). Confused yet? This sleazy little gem concerns a famous black singer (Leslie Uggams) getting stuck in some southern backwater town after her Mercedes breaks down. There she meets Eddie (Michael Christian), alcoholic ex-stripper Shelley Winters (!) and real trouble begins. Eddie is an aspiring singer and recognizes Leslie and takes a shining to her, raping her repeatedly and making her take pictures of him in his Elvis jumpsuit and guitar. Leslie is degraded repeatedly by the townsfolk (including Slim Pickens and Dub Taylor) until a shocking and violent ending where Eddie is shotgunned by Leslie when he tries to marry her with the whole town present. The only problem is that HEARTBREAK MOTEL is a total retooling of the original film. It seems that in 1978 director David Worth (who photographed the original) re-edited the film, cut out all the nudity, sex and violence and completely changed the ending. Eddie lives, Leslie escapes and everyone lives happily ever after as if nothing ever happened. Missing is the scene of Eddie raping Leslie while the film intercuts to two dog screwing. The entire shotgun scene is missing and scenes are shuffled around to the point of the film making no sense. All the violence is completely gone as is the scene where Eddie serves a breakfast made of freshly-butchered dog. Eddie is made to look like a helpless loser rather than the psychopath that he was in the original film. David Worth takes directorial credit and Richard Robinson is credited as "Director of Production". Avoid this bastardized version at all costs. It's not worth your time and effort. The box to the video even has the gall to show Shelley Winters holding the bloody dying Eddie in her arms! Buyer beware!

Another film that holds the distinction of being in two different versions is director John M. Grissmer's BLOOD RAGE (1983). It's a bloody, if somewhat mundane, slasher flick distinguished by some extreme outputs of gore and the overacting abilities of Louise Lasser. It's released under that title on the Prism Entertainment label. During the late 80's and early 90's it was released to pay cable under the title NIGHTMARE AT SHADOW WOODS. Some of the scenes are shuffled around and all of the gore is missing! What remains is a hodgepodge of scenes that lead nowhere and murders that cut away when the gore is about to be displayed. I ask all of you out there: WHAT'S THE POINT? It's like watching a porn film missing all the "money shots". If I want that, I'll subscribe to the SPICE network!

THE CIRCLE OF THE MORAL MAJORITY DEPT.: It used to be that violence would bring the downfall of our society. When FRIDAY THE 13TH came out and showed us that violence could be a big moneymaker, the Christian right-wing lobbied to stop showing extreme violence in films and TV or suffer their wrath. Well, the movie and television industries listened (they didn't want to lose any advertising dollars) and most of the horror films released in the mid-80's were either chopped to hell for an R-Rating or released Unrated (a death knell to most theaters). Most of the FRIDAY THE 13TH sequels were edited down to the point of being unwatchable (Remember Part 7?). Things calmed down in the mid-90's and violence was again accepted (as long as it was tastefully done). Now that Janet Jackson bared her nipple in a "wardrobe malfunction" for one second on the Super Bowl halftime show, these same right-wing do-gooders are now doing to sex what they did to violence in the 80's. What was accepted for the past several years on TV  and radio is now considered obscene as we witnessed a darkening of a sex scene on NYPD BLUE, a scene of an 80 year-old woman's breast was excised on ER and Howard Stern was kicked off of six Clear Channel radio stations. I'm not a big fan of Stern's, but it digusts me that an individual at this time cannot make up their own mind what they consider acceptable and unacceptable. The FCC will be imposing fines that will put many people out of business and dictate what you and I watch and hear. What's next? Offensive smells? (Oops, sorry I farted, here's $750,000 to ease your pain and suffering.) It's just another instance of the government buckling under the pressure of religious fanatics and caving-in to their every demand. It's funny that these same people do not have a problem with Mel Gibson's THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, one of the bloodiest R-Rated films ever made but, since it is about religion, it's considered a must-see for adults and children alike.  This double standard has got to stop. Whatever happened to freedom of choice? The Bush Administration has time and time again made it clear that they don't care about individual's rights. They would rather keep you stupid and misinformed; all the better to control what you see and hear. Voice your displeasure the next time you vote. You do vote, don't you? UPDATE: READ THIS - WASHINGTON - Faced with public ire over racy language, explicit scenes and skin-baring outfits, the Senate overwhelmingly agreed on Tuesday (June 22, 2004) to fine radio and television broadcasters and personalities as much as $3 million a day for airing indecent entertainment. After the uproar stoked by Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake's "wardrobe malfunction" at this year's Super Bowl, the Senate rushed the bill through on a 99-1 vote without floor debate. GOP Sen. Sam Brownback of Kansas said the issue had been debated enough. Lawmakers have continually criticized broadcasters for airing what they say is increasingly coarse programming that can be seen or heard by children. "People are tired of this indecent material on over-the-air public broadcast, particularly during prime time when people's families are watching," said Brownback, the bill's sponsor. "We're going to have to take action because the broadcasters won't police themselves." Under the measure, the maximum fine for both broadcasters and entertainers would increase to up to $275,000 per indecent incident, up from $27,500 for license holders and $11,000 for personalities. The fines would keep increasing for each incident until a maximum fine of $3 million a day is reached. The House passed a similar bill that would set fines at $500,000. Differences between the two bills must be worked out. The Senate moved the measure without debate as part of the massive defense bill expected to be approved later this week. The only senator to vote against the measure was Sen. John Breaux, D-La. Breaux said he opposed the bill partly because "it deals with communications and media issues and should not have been attached to a national security and defense bill." Federal law and FCC rules prohibit over-the-air radio and television stations from airing offensive material that refers to sexual and excretory functions between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m., hours when children are more likely to be tuned in. No such restrictions exist for cable and satellite TV or satellite radio. The FCC currently has no power to regulate those channels, which are available through subscription to the 85 percent of the 108.4 million U.S. households with televisions. Introduced in January, after FCC Chairman Michael Powell demanded higher fines, the bill wound up on a fast track to passage after the Feb. 1 Super Bowl halftime show that ended with Timberlake partially exposing Jackson's breast for an instant to 90 million viewers. The incident generated more than 500,000 complaints to the FCC. If the legislation isn't approved as part of the bill to authorize spending for the Defense Department, Brownback said he would try to find another way to get it through the Senate. "This is something the public wants," he said. IT LOOKS LIKE YOUR VOTE DOESN'T COUNT, DOES IT? Unless you suffer from dementia or Alzheimer's you must know that your rights are being chipped away a small piece at a time until one day you will wake up and find out that you have no rights at all. Government is weaseling its' way more and more into our personal lives, treading where they have no business being in the first place. President Bush has no problem joining the Church and State together to get his way. Too many of his mandates have bypassed normal legislative procedures. He cites that during "wartime", these steps have to be taken to ensure our safety. Who does he thing he's kidding? Why do you think Michael Moore's FAHRENHEIT 9/11 got an R Rating instead of a PG-13? Could it have something to do with Jack Valenti (of the infamous MPAA) and his ties to the Presidency? Thank God Valenti is retiring, but who knows who is going to take his place? (Turns out it's Dan Glickman, former Agriculture Secretary under President Clinton!?! His son is Jonathan Glickman, producer of SHANGHAI KNIGHTS and RUSH HOUR 1 & 2 and other PG-13 rated films.) Stay tuned as this drama plays out.

ALIEN VS. PREDATOR is rated PG-13!!!! Why the hell bother? Since all the previous Alien and Predator films have been rated R, this just proves that major film studios are pandering to the mass market to get the most bang for their buck: the teenagers. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against teenagers. I was one once. But when I was one in the 70's I had no problem getting into R-rated films and I had my parents' blessing. Today, it's nearly impossible for a teen to get into an R-rated film without being accompanied by an adult or by having their parent sign a card giving their kid permission to go to one (which some theatre chains now do and I compliment them). I've read recently in the papers that some right-wing group has said that PG-13 films today are the equivalent of R-rated films of the late 80's and early 90's. While that may be true (that period of time is when Tipper Gore went on a rampage trying to label everything to "protect our children" and basically succeeded), it does not apply to the R-rated exploitation films of the 70's and early 80's. I'll even bet that if AVP were released in the fall or winter instead of summertime, the film would have been shot to get an R-rating. Let's face it: Summertime is for children and we adults are left out in the cold. We have to wait for them to go back to school to get what we need. MORE BAD NEWS: The DVD released on 01/25/05 is still the PG-13 rated version. It does have an alternate beginning and some lame deleted scenes, but they are not incorporated in the film and have to be watched separately. C'mon! It must have been shot with some R-rated scenes. Director Paul W.S. Anderson is no stranger to the R territory, directing such films as EVENT HORIZON (1997), SOLDIER (1998) and RESIDENT EVIL (2002). Isn't that the point of DVDs, adding the extras and incorporating the cut footage back into the film? UPDATE: A new DVD has been released on 11/29/05 with an unrated edition. I'm sick and tired of buying a DVD and then a few months to a year later having another edition of the film released. The same thing happened with SAW. It was released in an unrated edition when SAW II was released to theaters. Just another way for the huge production companies to squeeze every penny out of a film. I refuse to buy a film twice unless there is something substantial to be had.

I'm getting sick and tired of TV stations squeezing the end credits of series and movies so they can show even more promos. You see it everywhere, as the credits are shrunk on the top half, bottom half, left side or right side of the screen to make way for more inane previews of upcoming shows (that give away vital plot points!). It's even worse when they show movies. The end credits speed by so quickly that they are unreadable. This is a total disservice to all those responsible for putting shows and films together as a cohesive whole. What really gets me riled though, is that pay cable is now doing the same thing. If I'm paying a monthly charge to watch movies "uncut and unedited", I expect to see them that way. I don't want to see station identification logos onscreen (like Showtime does), squeezed end credits (most pay cable stations do this now, but Starz and Encore are the main offenders) or making-of featurettes shown during the end credits (HBO, Starz and Encore). They supposedly do this to "stop illegal distribution of copyrighted films", but come'on: Do the sins of the few have to affect the many? This is corporate greed, plain and simple. Write to the stations and tell them to stop this practice. Don't get me started on the practice of showing commercials in theatres: I recently went to see THE FORGOTTEN (2004) at an AMC Theatre and had to sit through 15 minutes of commercials. Not trailers, mind you, but COMMERCIALS! Ads for Coke, Hewlett-Packard, Chrysler and other companies blared on the big screen. The only difference between here and home is that they had a captive audience that couldn't press the channel button on the remote control. I may just stop going to theatres and wait for the DVD release but I'm sure that they'll invade that format (if they haven't already done so) very soon. This shit has got to stop!

I usually don't review films that are shown on TV with commercials, but I have to say something about the movie FRANKENFISH (2004), which made its debut on the SCI-FI Channel on October 9, 2004. With a title like that, you would think that it would be a comedy but that couldn't be farther from the truth. It was one of the bloodiest things that I ever saw on basic cable and that's saying a lot. It starts out rather slowly, allowing characters to be introduced and supplying a little background. Then about at the halfway mark people begin to get slaughtered by the giant land-walking fish (actually mutated Chinese Snakeheads). It's a sight to behold. Richard Edson (playing a pot-smoking nudist) gets his head bitten off.  Another gets bitten in half while climbing a ladder. Still another gets thrown into the spinning blades of an air boat. But the most surprising bit of violence comes when China Chow, playing a main character and sidekick to medical examiner Tory Kittles, gets half her face blown off by an errant shotgun blast. It comes as quite a shock and is alone worth watching this film. Director Mark A.Z. Dippe (SPAWN - 1997) fills the film with quirky character actors, including genre film stalwarts Muse Watson, Mark Boone Junior, Tomas Arana and Raoul Trujillo and some good location work. It does rely a little too much on CGI, but not knowing if another major character is going to be killed off more than makes up for it's shortcomings. There definitely was some editing done on SCI-FI's behalf, so wait until it comes out on DVD (about 2 weeks after it's TV premiere). This film is better than most of the junk that makes their debut on  SCI-FI, including the similarly-themed SNAKEHEAD TERROR (2003).

I give ABC-TV a lot of credit for showing Steven Speilberg's SAVING PRIVATE RYAN uncut and unedited (with limited commercial interruptions) on Veterans Day 2004. Since Speilberg would only let this film be screened on TV that way (this is the third time it was shown on TV this way), I guess it shows how much clout he has when it comes to showing his films on TV. It's probably the best depiction of war ever made for film (especially the first 25 minutes, a cinema verite of sudden death, bloody water, spilled guts and body parts). What really chaps my ass is that the ABC-TV affiliates down South in the Bible-Belt, George Bush-loving States refused to show the film due to it's coarse language (none of the "fucks" were bleeped out and all of the salty language was intact). Citing fear of the FCC, these affiliates refused to show the film, instead putting on RETURN TO MAYBERRY in it's place! This is a slap in the face to all Veterans who served in Wars. Soldiers were known to use rough language and Speilberg was not afraid to play it straight. All the Veterans of War that I talked to agreed that RYAN is one of the finest depictions of the experience of being in the middle of a confrontation ever depicted on celluloid. To these Southern State politicians and business big-wigs I only have one thing to say: "Welcome to the 21st Century. There is no more racial discrimination (except in Texas, where they love to drag Black men behind pickup trucks), people are dying every day in a War we have no business being in (except to protect our oil interests) and TV is not the root of all evil. People are the root of all evil and it's your backwards-thinking that delays the progress of mankind. Thanks to you, we will have four more years of religious fervor and needless casualties. Get your heads out of your asses and think straight for a change. When we say, 'God Bless America', we're not saying 'Screw Everyone Else'. Please wise up before before it's too late." I'm not knocking the good citizens of these States, even if you did give Bush four more years to rule the roost. I don't think I'm being paranoid.  I just can't seem to get my mind around how people can be so easily manipulated, even when there's evidence out there to put most of the major politicians behind bars or at least out of office. Why do you think that a lot of Bush's cabinet members jumped ship after he was re-elected? I think conscience had a lot to do with it. I've lost all confidence in our voting system.

Here's my take on the 2004 -2005 TV Season so far: LOST is the best new show this year, period! There's nothing better than watching this show about 47 people stranded on a mysterious island after a plane crash and learning about their lives in the backstories that truly twist and turn. The episode about John Locke's (Terry O'Quinn) backstory ("Walkabout") was a stunner and opened a whole new can of worms about what this island really is. The producer, J.J. Abrams, who also created ALIAS (a show I was never able to get 'in' to) and directed the magnificent 2 hour pilot, has crafted a show about duality. Just when  you think you get to know a character something surprising turns up which makes you take a 180 degree turn. This is what great television is supposed to be. It could have been hokey, but it grips you and pulls you in. I just wish that they would open the hatch already! Other observations: Charles Durning should win an Emmy for Best Supporting Guest Star on the series NCIS (formerly NAVY NCIS). His portrayal as a confused WWII Medal of Honor winner who turns himself in for murdering his best friend during the War is a heartbreaking, warm and funny performance of an old man slowly losing his mind because everyone he once knew is now dead. Cudos also to Mark Harmon as the caffeine-addicted head of this NCIS investigative group, a no-nonsense boss but is loyal when it counts. A shout-out to Poppy Montgomery for her excellent acting in the two-part WITHOUT A TRACE episode dealing with a missing girl. We got to know a lot about her character in these episodes which makes us appreciate her humanity and fallability. An Emmy to her also. And what about the season-opener of THIRD WATCH? It was one of the most exciting and nerve-wracking episodes ever as the seige of the hospital by Gene Simmon's hired goons resulted in so many gunshots and one spine-tingling knife fight and an ending that more than satisfies (who wouldn't want to see Simmons shot dead while handcuffed and fall into a pool?). Since this is the series last season, you can be sure that major characters will die. The TV season is still young (I'm writing this in early December 2004), so I'm looking for more great things in the near future. HOUSE M.D. is also a promising show (already renewed for a second season) and Hugh Laurie's performance as the caustic and Vicodin-popping title character is amusing as well as surprising. Also, enough with the CSI spinoffs. I know that they are big money makers for CBS, but the newest one, CSI N.Y., is so dark and dreary that I get depressed watching it. It is interesting to note that Deran Serafian, who got his start starring in movies such as ZOMBI 3 and directing such low-brow films as ALIEN PREDATOR(S) (1985) and INTERZONE, is producing this series and directed the pilot. Having Gary Sinise's wife die in the World Trade Center disaster to me was in bad taste and panders to the lowest-common denominator. Future episodes so far have steered clear of this plot point, but the series is shot so dark that it is sometimes hard to see what's going on. Even TV GUIDE backs me up on this. (NOTE: As of writing this it has lightened-up quite a bit, even injecting some humor into the proceedings.) Speaking of TV GUIDE: Have you noticed how they have scaled waaaay back on their late night and morning TV listings? It's impossible for us insomniacs to find out whats playing after midnight using it. Their 'BIG MOVIE GUIDE' at the back of the zine is a farce as they break down films by category. Since when is ALLIGATOR (1980) or ALLIGATOR II: THE MUTATION (1990) considered dramas? Shouldn't it be in the horror section? Flubs like this abound every week and I have come to depend on my Sunday newspaper's TV pullout for more detailed info on movies and shows. TV GUIDE has turned from an essential object to an impulse buy if the cover strikes me. They seem more interested in theatrical movies than TV anyway. Bad move! Just beginning to watch MEDIUM and while some of the plots are kind of shop-worn, I do like the interplay between Patricia Arquette and Jake Weber, who play the psychic wife and rocket scientist (seriously!) husband. Based on the life of a real person, there are some "aha!" moments to be had here, as her visions are not always correct and can be misinterpreted. The menu scene at the finale of the second episode is one such moment, although some people just will not get it and scratch their heads. I like shows like that. It is getting better as it progresses though, as the episode where her soldier brother comes back from Iraq and has the sight just like she has. The scene in the hospital where Arquette wears headphones to drown out the dead people asking her for help chilled me to the bone. It grabbed enough viewers to already be renewed for a second season and have 3 additional episodes filmed for this season. Just saw the first 2 episodes of NUMB3RS and it doesn't impress me, even though Ridley and Tony Scott are involved in it. Trying to make mathematics sexy just doesn't cut it for me. It tries hard (maybe too hard) to surprise the viewer. Good actors involved in routine CSI-like scripts. LAW & ORDER: TRIAL BY JURY (the fourth series in the franchise) is actually a good series that shows what the other three don't. If you have ever served on a Grand Jury, you will know that it actually happens as they show it on the series. Since the regretful and sad death of co-star Jerry Orbach (who filmed two episodes before he died), the series still shines, even if it is put in the unwanted 10:00 PM Friday slot (against NUMB3RS). As of May 2005, NBC has announced that it will not be back next season. Scripted TV is back, baby! R.I.P. Reality TV!

Whew! I just got done watching the 17 film JAMES BOND MARATHON (The Pierce Brosnan films were excluded) on the ENCORE Network the weekend of January 14 - 16, 2005 and my eyes and brain are really tired. I did find much satisfaction as well as some downsides to this marathon. I know that I'm in the minority, but my favorite is still ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (1969). It still packs the most emotional punch and contains some of the best action sequences of any Bond film. George Lazenby is more than adequate as Bond (I would have liked to see him do more films) and Diana Rigg's death is still the most shocking scene in any Bond film.  I'm not knocking Sean Connery (who in my opinion reached his pinnacle in GOLDFINGER - 1964). Without him there would be no James Bond. His early films as Bond showcased him as a mean mother who wasn't too good to bitch-slap or arm-twist a woman for giving him a wrong answer and was shown as a cold-blooded killer. As the films progressed, the films got jokier and gadget-laden (not always a bad thing) and Roger Moore's films were the chief offenders. Don't get me wrong, they're all good films, better than 90% of the films being made at the time. Again, I may be in the minority but I find Moore's FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (1981) to be his best Bond film. Although Timothy Dalton did only two Bond films, LICENCE TO KILL (1989) is a kick-ass action film which brings Bond back to the angry man that he once was. It's the only Bond film where he's not on assignment and everything is personal (Felix Leiter [David Hedison] and his bride are fed to the sharks and Felix survives barely). He was one mean son-of-a-bitch (the first Bond film to get a PG-13 rating) and it ended the marathon perfectly. Another tidbit that I really liked was Bruce Glover's portrayal as one of a pair of gay killers in DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER (1971). The look on his face as he was thrown overboard on the ship in the finale was priceless. One can see where his son Crispin Glover gets his unusual acting style. On the downside, all the films shown were not in letterbox (except for the credits), they showed the bastard stepchild NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN (1983) which doesn't have a place in this canon (the original version had Connery passing Timothy Dalton in the casino and winking at each other, but MGM cut the scene when they bought the picture), and Encore has the habit of putting those annoying bits of self-promotion at the end title sequences, squeezing them to the point of being unreadable. (Now Encore and Starz put their logo at the bottom right of every movie they show! This is complete bullshit! It's distracting and an insult to the filmmakers.) Unexcusable for a pay cable network. Still, all-in-all, I had a great time watching these films uncut (ABC TV used to cut these films to shreds and digitally added bras and panties to some of the "Bond Girls" as well as excising some of the violence and completely shuffling some scenes around, especially on MAJESTY) and bringing back memories of me as a kid going to the drive-in with my parents to watch these films. Now, I need to get some sleep! NOTE: Some later showings of these films on ENCORE were in fact shown in the widescreen format. They just didn't advertise it. With the advent of DVD and widescreen, why would anyone want to watch a fullscreen version if they had a choice? It's just plain ignorance!

Since August of 2003, I have been turning my entire collection of VHS tapes into the DVD-R format. Here's a hint. Don't skimp when it comes to what type of DVD-Rs you buy. I started out using the ones that CompUSA sells under their own brand name since they were cheap. Well, after nearly two years of converting the tapes, I have come to find out that these DVD-Rs are already beginning to deteriorate and are unusable. Nearly 600 DVD-Rs have to be redone. Do you know how long that is going to take me? Nearly two years! Buy the more expensive brands made by Sony, TDK or Verbatim. Lesson learned.

QUOTES FROM TV SHOWS THAT WILL NEVER BE SHOWN IN TV GUIDE:

*"Ow! My snatch!" - Calamity Jane (Robin Weigert) on HBO's DEADWOOD as she sits down in a long-needed hot bath.
*"You have seven kinds of cockbreath" - Joanie (Kim Dickens). to one of her whores, as they prepare to go to a funeral on DEADWOOD.
*"I bet if the price is right, you would let men piss and shit on you." - Councilman Aceveda (Benito Martinez) to a high-priced hooker he's been seeing on the side on FX's THE SHIELD.
*Dr. Cameron (Jennifer Morrison): "Men should grow up." 
Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie): "Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen." (From HOUSE M.D.).
*David (Michael C. Hall): "Do you have any respect for human life whatsoever?"
Nate (Peter Krause): "I have a HUGE respect for human life, I just didn't know they could take a dump when they're dead!" (From SIX FEET UNDER).
*"Eatin' ain't cheatin'." - Shane (Walt Goggins) to Vic (Michael Chiklis) after failing the question, "Did you ever have an affair?" on a lie dectector test. (From THE SHIELD).

BEST SERIES FINALE SINCE M*A*S*H: The final episode of SIX FEET UNDER was exceptional television. It was written and directed by series creator Alan Ball with a fondness for the characters and how they function as a family unit. The final fifteen minutes will leave you absolutely flabbergasted as we find out the fate of all the series regulars in the future. Especially horrific was the death of Keith, killed by a gunman's bullets while robbing his armored car in 2025. Even though the series faltered the past two seasons, after the death of Nate (Peter Krauss), the series went back to its' prime. A perfect ending to a groundbreaking series.

I've nearly completed re-recording all my VHS tapes to DVD-R. Here's a word of advice: If you put a label on them, they may play well in your DVD player but make it nearly impossible to make copies from a computer DVD recorder. The label somehow makes the DVD-R too thick to read and errors occur when trying to duplicate them. Get yourself a good DVD marker and write the name of the title on the DVD instead of putting a label on it. You will thank me later on. I have three different brands of DVD recorders on my computers, so this phenomenon is not dependent on just one brand. I can't tell you how many hours it took me to finally get my collection back to normal. Lots of lost sleep and lots and lots of cursing.

I'm just beginning to watch the 2005 - 2006 TV season shows and nothing substantially new has caught my eye. The pilot for the update of THE NIGHT STALKER (which ABC hasn't even bothered to release any advertising material besides the www.carlkolchak.com website, which has since been dismantled) was pedestrian at best. Hopefully the storylines will get better (ABC has since cancelled production on the series and quit showing the episodes after televising Part 1 of a two-part episode. They will not be showing Part 2. The Sci-Fi Channel has picked up the entire 11 episodes for showing in the Summer of 2006 and a DVD box set will be released May 30, 2006.). There's also too many alien invasion shows this season, including THRESHOLD (since cancelled), INVASION and SURFACE (also cancelled). The only one that I think will survive is INVASION since it has the prime time slot right after LOST (It did run a full season but was not picked-up for a second). The rest of the new shows are again more CSI-wannabees and are beginning to get grosser and gorier with shows such as CRIMINAL MINDS, WANTED, KILLER INSTINCT and others (the only one to get a second season pick-up was MINDS). BONES stands the biggest chance of succeeding because it leads into the critical darling HOUSE and it has great chemistry between David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel (and it was given a new time slot as well as the green light for a second season). I'm glad that Patricia Arquette won an Emmy for best actress in a drama for MEDIUM, but the award should have went to Glenn Close for her riveting portrayal as a tough as nails cop on THE SHIELD. Too bad she will not be back next season (although Forest Whitaker does make a cool and creepy replacement as the Internal Affairs officer with a hardon for Vic). I'm also glad that LOST won the Emmy as best drama series. This show has so many layers that each episode demands to be seen more than once. Get the DVD for Season 1 to see what I mean. The opening episode for Season 2 answered a lot of questions (at least for me), but also added more questions to the mix. I would advise first-time viewers get the DVD so they can enjoy Season 2. I still don't get the buzz on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. I find it overblown and totally unreal. Maybe that's why people like it. It gives them a look at people the way they would like to be. It's just not my cup of tea. Oh, and let's not forget William Shatner. I think it's great that he won an Emmy for his portrayal of Denny Crane on BOSTON LEGAL. He finally got people to notice that he could act! Alas, Charles Durning did not win an Emmy as guest actor on NCIS. It went to Ray Liotta for playing a drunk on E.R.. Just proves my point: Play a drunk, a mentally handicapped person or a religious zealot and you are guaranteed an Emmy (not to mention an Oscar). Who came up with the idea for the TV series GHOST WHISPERER? Didn't Robert Redford do the same thing for horses? I predict that it will not last that long (I'm wrong. It was picked up for a full season.). The biggest surprise of the Summer of 2005 was TNT's THE CLOSER. I predict that Kyra Sedgwick  will win an Emmy as best actress in a drama series next year. She was fantastic as the transplanted Southerner (with a load of emotional baggage and a secret sweet tooth) who heads of a squad of detectives in L.A.. Her politeness speaks volumes in her delivery. If TNT decides to show the first season again any time soon, I suggest that you watch it. It was probably the best new series of 2005. One last thing: Let's get Lance Henriksen back to TV. I've been watching the DVD releases of all 3 seasons of MILLENNIUM and nearly forgot what an intense actor he is. With the right vehicle, Mr. Henriksen could once again shine on TV. Better yet, just bring back MILLENNIUM!  NOTE: The new "thing" on TV is to kill off major characters on drama series. Ex-President Palmer, Michelle, Tony and Edgar were all killed on 24. Lem was killed on THE SHIELD (he went out with a bang!). A few major characters have been killed-off on LOST. Aisha Tyler's character was wasted on the season finale of GHOST WHISPERER (the only true piece of twisted plotting on this series). Horatio Caine's (David Caruso) new wife was shot to death on CSI: MIAMI (they had another cast member killed off the season before). Annabeth Chase's (Jennifer Finnegan) husband was killed in a car accident in the season finale of CLOSE TO HOME. Kate (Sasha Alexander) was shot in the head by sniper Ari on NCIS. And, if anyone cares, Mischa Barton was killed-off on THE O.C. (I really couldn't give a crap). I'm sure I forgot to mention other series that have done the same thing this year. Why this new trend (it's not exactly new, since the news of Henry Blake's death on M*A*S*H in the 70s, but now it has really blossomed)? I think it's the production companys way of telling the stars that they are replacable when their salary raises come due. Not a bad power tactic if you ask me. Think about it: Is any star worth 5 to 20 million dollars a year? Another reason is to increase the ratings during sweeps months. In any case, some of the deaths were truly unexpected and others just seemed to be put there for shock value. If this continues, all the new series will be occupied by people created with CGI software. NOTE #2: In what may be the most boneheaded move in recent television history, NBC has bumped MEDIUM to a mid-season show for the 2006 - 2007 season, replacing it with the new Adam Sorkin-scripted show starring Matthew Perry. That's right, the powers-that-be at NBC decided to replace an Emmy-winng show with another show they have "total faith" in. It was scheduled to originally appear on Thursdays at 9:00 PM, but they took a look at what they were going up against (CSI and GREY'S ANATOMY) and switched it to Mondays at 10:00 PM. That doesn't sound like total faith to me. It reeks of desperation. I just hope Sorkin doesn't get caught with cocaine and mushrooms again. Then again, maybe I do. MEDIUM doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. Write or email NBC and tell them so.

Here it is Halloween Night, October 31, 2005 (my favorite night of the year) and not one kid has come to my door! When I was a kid (many years ago), Halloween was a time of celebration, a night to go out with your friends and get as much candy as you could. Nowadays, parents are scared to let their kids go out and get candy from strangers, being that everyone that they don't know must be a pervert or pedophile. When I was a kid, parents didn't worry about such things. We used to walk for blocks and blocks, knocking on every door and getting candy from nearly every house that we came to (some even gave us money!). Parents need to lighten up a little bit today and let their kids go out on Halloween, even if one of them must chaperone a group. Kids today don't know what they're missing and I blame the overworked, undereducated (in a worldly sense) parents who would rather trust the daily newscast than let their kids go out and have a good night. All the news reports focus on the few bad apples in the bunch and not the decent, law-abiding people who love children coming to their door to see their get-ups. Halloween today is basically and adult holiday, as more mature people dress up in scary and imaginative costumes than kids do. And they have some wild parties! Do you know what I did with all the candy I bought this year? I went to a neighbor's house and gave it all to their kids. You should have saw the smile on their faces. Isn't that what Halloween is all about? (At least in modern-time terms. In ancient times it was totally different.)

A big shout out to Mike Decker and his outfit, Just For The Hell Of It Video. He's an old friend from way back who has been running this service for many, many years. He's finally on the web (www.j4hi.com) and I encourange everyone who is looking for rare and out of circulation films to check out his site and buy them on DVD-R for a measly 20 bucks. You can also use PayPal, which is really convenient. He keeps updating the site, so check back often for new rare releases. Keep up the good work, Mike!

Did anyone else notice Gene Barry and Ann Robinson's cameos as the Grandparents at the end of Steven Spielberg's WAR OF THE WORLDS (2005)? It's a blink-and-you'll miss it moment that deserves a rewind just to see it again. While I found Spielberg's version lacking in the tension and inspirational ending of the 1953 original (despite Morgan Freeman's excellent off-screen narration), I do appreciate the inclusion of Barry and Robinson for those of us who fondly remember the original. Tom Cruise, despite his Scientology and Katie Holmes rants, is good here as a father who needs to learn a few thing about kids and fatherhood. The effects are good and the situations scary, but what the Hell was Spielberg thinking when he put in the Tim Robbins character? He's totally out of place and out of his mind. To have Cruise kill him in order to survive totally changes the tone of the film. This is definitely not one of Spielberg's best, on par with ALWAYS (1989) and AI: ARTIFICIAL INTELLEGENCE (2001).

WARNING: There's a bunch of DVDs released under the title TALES OF VOODOO put out by VideoAsia/Ventura Distribution. So far there are 5 different volumes each containing two films. Volume 3 contains a film called DEVIL'S EXPRESS (1975), which I thought was the Warhawk Tanzania-starrer also known as GANG WARS (the one about the ancient Chinese demon in the NYC subway with a special appearance by Brother Theodore who chants: "Moses is dead, Mohammed is dead, Buddha is dead and I'm not feeling so hot myself"). Most online stores advertise the picture as such. Surprise! I was duped. It is actually a 1981 Hong Kong gross-out film called THE DEVIL, in which a curse is put on people which makes them puke out worms and snakes. There is a train in the beginning of the film, but that in no way makes it the Devil's Express. The picture quality is VHS-dupe at best on nearly all the films and are to be avoided at all costs! Most of them are retitled (Volume 2 contains two films that are dubious at best. The first one is called GHOST NINJA. It is actually one of director Godfrey Ho's cut-and-paste jobs called DIAMOND NINJA FORCE [1986] and to the best of my knowledge was never called the former title. The second film is PRIMITIVES [1978], an Indonesian film directed by Sisworo Gautama originally titled PRIMITIF and also known as SAVAGE TERROR. The print on the DVD was culled from a Greek VHS and contains Greek subtitles! Volume 4 has a film on it called TEMPLE OF HELL. It is actually Antonio Margheriti's ARK OF THE SUN GOD - 1983). Don't be fooled by the garish comic book covers either. They are merely reproductions (probably illegal) of early 70's comics covers from Eerie Publishing (I smell litigation!). There's also 4 volumes of DVDs released by the same company under the title TERROR TALES. Same old story: Renamed Hong Kong films and Volume 4 (under the name TERROR TALES FROM THE HOOD!) contains extremely-bad transfers of VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST and Jess Franco's THE MAN HUNTER (1980 - using the name THE DEVIL HUNTER). Also, check out the coupon on the back of the DVDs for the Monster Fan Club. I wonder how many were duped into sending this out!

Before Robert Blake became Court TV fodder, he did have a film career. One of those films was called RIPPED OFF (1972). In it he plays a boxer framed for murder and must try and prove that he did not do it. Being an obscure film, I picked it up on eBay for a measly two bucks. The only problem was that this must have been a TV print as all the violence and language was cut out of the film. It clocked in at a slight 72 minutes (probably to fit into a 90 minute slot). The Video Treasures box says that it is rated R but don't you believe it. It would get no more than a TV-PG rating if shown in this form. According to various sources, at least ten minutes were cut from this version and the edits are very obvious. Whenever someone is shot, you hear the gunshot and then a poorly-edited cut to the next scene. Robert Blake sounds like a choirboy because whenever he swears the sound goes blank. It also stars Ernie Borgnine as a cop and Tomas Milian as a mysterious stranger who meets a bloody end in the finale (at least I think he does since most of his death is edited out). Directed by Franco Prosperi (WILD BEASTS - 1984). I'm sure it's much better in it's unedited form.

It seems that Joe Dante has been getting a lot of flak for his episode "Homecoming" in Showtime's series MASTERS OF HORROR (actually commissioned by Anchor Bay for release on DVD). In it, the dead soldiers from the war in Iraq and Afghanistan come back to life with only one purpose: To vote against anyone for the war and then simply drop dead (again) after casting their vote. When our Republican friends see how this will affect our national policy (and produce a new non-war mongering President), they play loose with our voting system and turn things around in their favor. When the same old President wins again, all the dead soldiers from all the wars come back to life and take over Washington, D.C. While played rather broadly (especially an over-the-top performance by Dante regular Robert Picardo), people have been slamming this episode by saying politics has no place in horror. Bullshit! The 50's were rife with political allegories disguising themselves as horror films, including INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL and many others. Politics is horror, people, and I think Joe Dante deserves a lot of credit for being brave enough to tell it like it is. I write this on Sunday, December 18, 2005 and just saw our President give a speech on Iraq and the war on Terrorism. In his whole 17 minute speech he did not once mention Osama Bin Laden (the source of the "War on Terrorism"), the illegal wiretaps on American citizens or politicallly-owned companies who profit from this mess, but did mention his regrets for the families who lost loved ones in this senseless (my word, not his) war and his favorite person: God. Small words from a man whose only agenda is to finish his Father's work in the Middle East. Does anyone really think that Iraq can be a Democratic society when they are surrounded by countries that are the complete opposite? Has anyone even ever asked this question before? On the whole, so far, the MASTERS OF HORROR series has been a mixed affair. I really liked John Carpenter's "Cigarette Burns", liked Dario Argento's "Jenifer" (I remember the same story in the EERIE comic book in the 70's) and Stuart Gordon's "Dreams In The Witch-House" and loathed Mick Garris' "Chocolate", John Landis' "Deer Woman" (although the off-the-cuff comment about werewolf attacks in 1981 London was funny) and Tobe Hooper's "Dance Of The Dead". The best episode so far was the opener: Don Coscarelli's "Incident On And Off A Mountain Road". When it came to pure scares, the director of PHANTASM really delivered. Time will tell if the other as-yet unaired episodes will contain this quality. UPDATE: Just saw William Malone's (CREATURE - 1985) episode entitled "The Fair-Haired Child" and am glad to report, after a slow beginning, that this episode delivered on the chills and surprises that a horror anthology series should offer. The monster was scary, the photography appropriately moody and it had a nice twist ending. Lucky McKee's (MAY - 2002) "Sick Girl" was a great black comedy with a standout performance by Angela Bettis playing a lesbian with a thing for bugs. There's some great dialogue in this episode, especially by her male job partner: "Make sure you call me by 6:30 AM with all the details, because that's when I take my shower." is what he says when he finds out that she has picked up a strange pretty girl who likes to draw pixies. My new favorite episode is Larry Cohen's "Pick Me Up", a very black comedy about two competing serial killers after the same girl (Fairuza Balk). It contains a standout quirky performance by Michael Moriarty (as only he can do it) as one of the serial killers. As most of Cohen's films go, this one also contains some priceless dialogue (and a tongue-in-cheek comment about killer babies, a sly reference to Cohen's IT'S ALIVE - 1973 and his two sequels) and a truly twisted ending. John McNaughton's (HENRY) "Haeckel's Tale", based on a short story by Clive Barker, was rather routine (although atmospheric), but was at least perverse in the last 15 minutes. Since Showtime will not be showing the final episode, director Takashi Miike's (ICHI THE KILLER - 2001) "Imprint", due to it's rather "strong subject matter, even for a pay cable network" (their wimpy words, not mine), we will have to wait for the DVD release to see it. I also have word that Anchor Bay will be releasing these episodes separately rather than in a box set starting in March of 2006 (starting with Carpenter and Gordon's episodes). The episodes offer some extras, like behind the scenes docs, director profiles and deleted scenes (Especially the scene deleted by Showtime for Argento's episode, where Jenifer chows down on the store owner's son's penis. Even Showtime thought that scene was not suitable for their standards!), but it still raises the question: "Why should we have to purchase all the episodes separately?" Greed, my boy. Greed. Season 2 starts on Showtime in October 2006.

I've been spending a lot of time on the DVD Maniacs Forum (www.dvdmaniacs.net/forums/index.php?) and a good question has come up: Should I put out an Ad Mat Magazine that consists of nothing but newspaper ad mats from 1970 till the present? The response on the forum has been positive and I have literally thousands of them to share with everyone. Someone on the forum has offered me his services in printing the zine. I would like to know your opinion. Email me and give your opinion. Believe me, it counts. Check the forum for a lot of ad mats that I have posted. There's also a lot of other information to be found on this forum. I recommend that you join.

June 15, 2006: This just in from IMDB: "Although CBS claimed in an FCC filing this week that complaints about an episode of Without a Trace were invalid because they all came via websites operated by the Parents Television Council and the American Family Association from people who had never seen the show, the scene in question had in fact been posted on the PTC website. In its filing, CBS asked the FCC to rescind its record indecency fine of $3.3 million, maintaining that "there were no true complainants from actual viewers." Viewed on the PTC website, the clip, which lasts about a minute, would seem to bolster the network's case that, contrary to claims that it depicts a teenage orgy, it shows no nudity, simulated sex, or offensive language. Moreover, it aired after 10:00 p.m. In its filing on Monday, CBS further observed that according to FCC rules, complaints must come from someone actually watching an offending show in the broadcast area of the station at issue. In a statement on Tuesday, L. Brent Bozell, who heads the PTC and the AFA, charged that CBS was engaging in "stupid legal maneuvers" and remarked, "Every complaint filed comes from a United States citizen who, last I heard, had the constitutional privilege to petition his government."" I wouldn't call this stupid legal maneuvers. The complaint has to come from a viewer, not a representative of the oppressive PTC, AFA and their ilk. This is entrapment, plain and simple. Anyone who saw the episode knows that the PTC took the whole scene out of context, just by showing the one minute scene and not the entire episode on their website. It's like showing a bad guy getting shot without first showing all the bad things he did before the shooting. The last remark in the statement is total bullshit as the complainer was not acting as an American citizen, but as a member of the PTC and AFA. Since Congress and the Senate have given the FCC the right to increase indecency fines tenfold, we, the viewers, are all the losers. What ever happened to parental responsibility, the V-Chip and the good old TV ratings system? I guess it's not good enough for those groups who want to impose their "values" on everyone else. My father once said to me: "If you don't like what you see change the channel." I guess we don't have that right anymore.

August 26, 2006: TV is getting extremely scary. Today I was watching the Sci-Fi Network's movie DRAGON SWORD and a promo spot came on saying if you wanted to see the end credits to this film, you would have to go to Sci-Fi's web site to view them. Is TV getting so commercial happy that they no longer have room to show end credits? Scary indeed.

Speaking of Sci-Fi: The network must have bought out The Asylum's entire catalogue of horror and sci-fi titles. They run the gamut from awful to pretty good. The awful ones include EVIL EYES (2004), KING OF THE LOST WORLD (2005), INTERMEDIO (2005), LEGION OF THE DEAD (2005) and DEAD MEN WALKING (2005). The good ones include THE BEAST OF BRAY ROAD (2005), ALIEN ABDUCTION (2005), JOLLY ROGER: MASSACRE AT CUTTER'S COVE (2005) and FRANKENSTEIN REBORN (2005). If you look at them for what they are (usually rip-offs of higher-budget theatrical releases), you may have a good time with them, even if it is for all the wrong reasons. They usually star some washed-up B actor (Bruce Boxleitner, Steve Railsback, C. Thomas Howell) along with a cast of semi-pro regulars.  They don't even cut out the nudity. They just fog the offending parts. At least these films are better than the "Sci-Fi Originals" that clog their schedules. You know the ones I'm talking about: Usually giant bugs, aliens, androids or animals run amok. Their original film, titled SAVAGE PLANET (2006), about a giant bear (!) on the loose on a terraformed planet, contained some of the worst CGI that my eyes have ever seen. You know what I'm talking about if you have seen it. The films are using CGI to show blood and other carnage to a frightening degree and I mean frightening as a bad term. All you have to do is take a look at director Mark L. Lester's PTERODACTYL (2005) or BASILISK: THE SERPENT KING (2006) to see this CGI carnage in action. It's so obvious and fake-looking that it is laughable. Please stop this trend and go back to to doing them physically rather than optically. I know it's cheaper to do them with CGI, but for God's sake, can't you see how bad it looks?