SHORT REVIEWS N - Z
NAIL
GUN MASSACRE (1985) - The
tag line to this crappy film is "It's Cheaper Than A
Chainsaw!". My
God, it's cheaper than the change in my pocket! After a girl is gang
raped by a bunch of construction workers, a fatigue-wearing helmeted
killer driving a beige hearse begins killing construction workers and
their girlfriends with an air-powered nail gun. The unknown killer
talks in an electronically-altered voice and cracks wise every time a
killing is performed. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure
out who the killer is, but half the fun in watching this film is
spotting the constant gaffes, boom mikes, flubbed line readings and
cheap cost-cutting. The sheriff drives a regular car with no markings
or police lights (and no, it's not an unmarked car!). His badge and
gun also switch sides at various times. When one person is killed and
lands on a gas grill, it's very apparent than when he starts to fall
over you can see him steady himself with his hand against a fence.
When the killer is finally dispatched by falling off a crane, it's
plain to see him landing on mats for what the filmmakers thought was
beneath camera range. It's also clear to see that a woman is playing
the killer throughout the film, so when the killer is unmasked and it
turns out to be a man, it's either a cheat or the killer actually got
away. It's never explained. Though the killings are bloody and some
are creative, such as when one man has his crotch nailed after taking
a leak and pissing on the killer, it's all done very cheaply and with
a bunch of non-pros pleading for their lives. The dead bodies can
plainly be seen breathing while the sheriff and the doctor examine
their bodies, and who wouldn't be suspicious of a helmeted person
seen driving a hearse? The sheriff spots the hearse on the side of
the road and simply dismisses it as an abandoned car and drives off!
You have to love films like this for their sheer audacity in thinking
audiences are as stupid as the characters in the film. It took two
directors, Terry Lofton (who also did the effects) and Bill Leslie,
to make this one and, surprise!, it's their only credit to date.
Whoever said "Two heads are better than one" definitely did
not see this film. Starring Rocky Patterson (THE
DARK DEALER - 1992; THE
DIGITAL PROPHET - 1995), who also provided voices for
director Cullen Blaine's unintentionally hilarious ROBOCOP
rip-off R.O.T.O.R. (1987), Ron
Queen, Beau Leland, Michelle Meyer and Pamela Rene. Most of the
actors in this film would next turn up in late actor Adan Roarke's
directorial debut TRESPASSES
(1986), which was also Lou Diamond Phillips' first starring role. A Magnum
Entertainment Home Video VHS Release. Believe it or not, this
also got a DVD release from Synapse
Films and a Blu-Ray
release from Code Red. Not Rated.
THE
NAKED COUNTRY (1985) -
This is one strange film. Set in the outback of Australia, it
concerns a
cattle rancher who is having some trouble with a local Aborigine
tribe over who owns the land his ranch is on. He owns the deed but
the Aborigines dont agree with the white mans law. When
the rancher surprises some youthful tribe members slaughtering his
prized stud bull, the Aborigines chase him down and the film crosses
over into NAKED
PREY
(1966) territory. This is just a small portion of the film as there
are many subplots to deal with. One subplot is about a local
policeman with a huge drinking problem. He is assigned to the
ranchers case (which also includes some mysterious murders of
Aborigines) and has a one night stand with the ranchers
sexually frustrated wife (Rebecca Gilling). Throw in some mysticism,
sexual tension, a cave of the dead and more impalements than a visit
to an acupuncturist and you have what is undoubtedly the most
unclassifiable film to be released on video in many a year.
Recommended for many reasons, especially for the realistic
transformation of the rancher from an unloving dirty bastard to a
truly sympathetic character. Starring John Stanton, John Jarratt and
Ivar Kants. Directed with style by Tim Burstall (ATTACK
FORCE Z
- 1982). From Hemdale Home Video. Rated
R.
NEMESIS
(1992) -
Director Albert Pyun (OMEGA
DOOM)
strikes again! Olivier Gruner (ANGEL TOWN
- 1990) stars as a cyborg ex-cop sent out on one last mission against
his will. It is the year 2027 and the United States and Japan have
merged into one country (isn't that happening now?). Gruner must try
to stop his ex-lover from doing harm to a planned meeting of world
leaders before a bomb that was implanted in his heart explodes. The
plot veers off on too many tangents. The storyline is so confusing,
you'll wonder what in the hell is going on. The film does contain
some good special effects and action sequences, even if they are
nearly destroyed by Pyun's lazy directorial style. It has the same
look as his earlier film CYBORG
(1989). Also starring Tim Thomerson, Brion James, Deborah Shelton and
a pistol-packing grannie (one of the films few bright spots). Proceed
at your own risk. From Imperial
Entertainment. Rated
R.
NIGHTBEAST (1982)
- Call me a masochist, but I actually liked this Don
Dohler-directed piece of Z-Grade trash. Yes, you heard me right. I
actually liked a Don Dohler film! An alien (what else?) crash lands
in the Maryland woods and starts offing the populace with his trusty
ray gun and sharp teeth and claws. There's also couple of subplots
dealing with a criminal and a wife-beater, but it's the alien plot
that steals the show. There's gore a-plenty as limbs are torn off,
intestines are ripped out, faces are mutilated and other bloody
mayhem is on view. This is by far Dohler's bloodiest and most
family-unfriendly film as copious nudity is also present. It's as if
Dohler threw caution to the wind and made an 80's-styled gore-a-thon
and that's this film's only saving grace as the acting is abysmal (as
usual), the film stock changes from scene to scene, and some (but not
all) of the effects are of the grade school level. Some of the gore
is actually quite effective as faces are ripped apart with their
eyeballs hanging out and other body organs are removed in a way that
no doctor would approve. The scene of the two cops making love will
have you howling with laughter ("Let's get those pants off!"
and "Mind if I take this shirt off? Only if I can take this
towel off."). Lets just say that Dohler lets everything rip in
this film and more than makes up for THE
ALIEN FACTOR (1978), FIEND
(1980), and GALAXY INVADER
(1985), films that can be best described as family-friendly pieces of
shit. NIGHTBEAST stars the
usual cast of Dohler regulars: George Stover, Don Leifert, Tom
Griffith as well as Jamie Zemeral, Karin Kardian, Dick Dyszel and
Dennis McGeehan as the alien. It's not a bad way to spend 81 minutes
if you put your brain in neutral. A Paragon
Video VHS Release. Released on DVD
by Troma Films. Not Rated.
NIGHT
OF THE SCARECROW (1995) -
About twenty minutes into this film I realizes that I was watching
an unofficial remake of the Julian Sands-starrer WARLOCK
(1990). The only difference is that a scarecrow is the villian in
this one. A tractor accidentally opens the sealed grave of a mean
warlock (John Lazar of BEYOND
THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS
- 1970) buried there a hundred years earlier. His spirit enters the
body of a scarecrow and roams a small farming town looking for his
magical book which will permit him to take human form and rule the
world. Of course he kill anyone who gets in his way. Besides some
good camera work and a couple of inventive deaths (co-star
Bruce Glover has his lips sewn shut in grisly close-up), this film
does not deliver on the chills promised on the video box. Its
rather bland and full of missed opportunities. Watch the infinitely
scarier SCARECROWS
instead. Starring Elizabeth Barondes, John Mese, Stephen Root, Gary
Lockwood and Howard Swain as the scarecrow. Directed with little
imagination by Jeff Burr (LEATHERFACE:
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 3
- 1990). A Republic
Pictures Home Video Release. Rated
R.
NIGHT
RIPPER (1986) - God, I hate
shot-on-video crap. Director Jeff Hathcock (FERTILIZE
THE BLASPHEMING
BOMBSHELL - 1989) has created another piece of SOV shit
concerning an unseen psycho killing models and other pretty girls
with a big butcher knife. It's not hard to figure out who the killer
is and the droning synthesizer score (by Bill Parsely, no sage,
rosemary or thyme, though) will have you reaching for the Tylenol
quicker than you can say "I must have a brain tumor". The
acting is atrocious, many lines are flubbed (and probably snorted)
and the only claim to fame this "film" has is that it stars
Larry Thomas, who later would become known for playing the infamous
"Soup Nazi" on SEINFELD.
My guess is that he would rather delete this one from his resume,
even if he did do another horror film, the rather forgettable TERROR
ON TOUR (1980, as "Larry Thomasof"). This
made-for-video thriller made its' premiere on the long-defunct
International Video Presentations label, right after the first
made-for-video horror film BLOOD CULT (1985)
was released on home video. This was a sad day for all horror fans
as hundreds of these type of productions flooded the market and we
had no idea what we were in store for. This is one of those films.
Also starring James Hansen, April Anne, Danielle Louis and Simon De
Soto. Not Rated, but contains throat slashings and various
bloody stabbings; the effects (by Paul Herndon) are of the
high-school variety. Onscreen Title: NIGHT RIPPER!
(exclamation point included, just like Hathcock's other awful film VICTIMS! [1985]).
NIGHT
TERROR (1989) - Uninspired
trilogy of terror tales whose framing device is a mental patient who
is able to
hone in on other peoples' dreams. The first tale is about a
"master cocksman" who gets his comeuppance at the hand of
devil worshippers. The second story concerns a rich land developer
who is haunted by a carnival barker because he is going to tear down
an historic rollercoaster. The third tale is about a trio of punks
who are stalked by killer toys after they murder a toymaker. None of
the tales are original and are told in a lackluster way. Punctuated
by bad acting and poor sound, I could think of better ways to spend
96 minutes. Like counting my nasal hairs while picking my ass with a
claw hammer. Starring Jeff Keel, Guy Ecker, Jon Hoffman and Heidi
Hutson. Written and directed by Michael Weaver and Paul Howard. A Magnum
Entertainment Video Release. Not Rated; contains a couple
of throat slashings and a dismemberment by axe.
NO
PLACE TO HIDE (1991) -
Another rip-off from Cannon Films which, based on the synopsis on the
video box,
makes you believe that you are about to view an occult film.
Dont you believe it! When a young ballerina is savagely
murdered, depressed cop Kris Kristofferson (who always looks as if he
is being given an enema) is assigned to protect the ballerinas
smart-assed 14 year-old sister (a coked-out Drew Barrymore). Someone
is after her and the videotape that was given to her by her sister.
Kristofferson, who lost his wife and daughter due to a drunk driver
(played by Jason actor Kane Hodder), and Barrymore build a slow (and
boring) relationship before we find out that Barrymore is targeted
for death by a vigilante group led by police captain Martin Landau,
who is trying to cover his ass. Oh, please! Its crap films like
this uninvolving turd which eventually led to the downfall of Cannon
Films. Written and directed by Richard Danus with his hand up his
anus. A Cannon Video Release. Rated
R.
PHANTOM OF DEATH (1987) - Michael York plays a concert pianist who suffers from a disease called Progeria, causing him to age rapidly and go insane. He taunts a police detective (Donald Pleasence) as he goes on a killing spree. The police have a hard time catching him because clues at the murder scenes indicate different people of varying ages are committing the crimes. Bloody killings and a somewhat literate screenplay raise this one a notch or two above the standard Italian slasher genre. Directed capably by Ruggero Deodato (CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST - 1980; CUT AND RUN - 1985). PHANTOM OF DEATH is also known as OFF BALANCE. A Vidmark Entertainment Home Video Release. Unrated.
PLAYROOM
(1989) - A
child survives the slaughter of his entire family at an old
monastery built into the side of a mountain
in some eastern European country. Now an adult and residing in
America, he decides to return to find out what really happened. He
takes with him his girlfriend (Lisa Aliff), an alcoholic photographer
(James Purcell) and his girlfriend (Jamie Rose of CHOPPER
CHICKS IN ZOMBIETOWN
- 1989). His father was an archeologist who was searching for the
tomb of a child who liked to torture people. He decides to follow in
his father's footsteps, and once the group arrives at their
destination, he finds what he is looking for. The child demon (Aron
Eisenberg, also in PUPPET
MASTER III: TOULON'S REVENGE
- 1991) possesses him. A nutcase (Vincent Schiavelli), who worked
with his father, escapes from a mental ward and sets out to stop the
oncoming slaughter. While mainly a stalk-and-slash in the latter
half, the torture devices are interesting, especially the buzzsaw
chair. Vincent Schiavelli (GHOST
- 1990) adds humor to his role as an over-the-edge mental case. While
this film is nothing special, you may want to rent it if the major
releases are gone from the shelves. Directed by Manny Coto (DR.
GIGGLES
- 1992, STAR
KID
- 1997). PLAYROOM
is also available on video under the title SCHIZO.
A Republic
Pictures Home Video Release. Rated
R.
THE
POSSESSED! (1974) -
They sure don't make films like this anymore! Even though this film
(a.k.a. HELP
ME, I'M POSSESSED!)
is badly acted, looks like it was edited with a hacksaw and contains
the worst music soundtrack in recent memory, it is so loony,
nonsensical and colorful that it transcends a normal viewing
experience. A series of brutal murders take place in the vicinity of
Blackwood Sanitarium, located in the middle of the Nevada desert.
This nut bin is run by the demented Dr. Arthur Blackwood (Bill Greer,
who also wrote the screenplay), who believes that all evil must be
cast out of the body by what ever means possible. When his patients
misbehave, Dr. Blackwood tortures and kills them using guillotines,
whips and, in one instance, locking one patient in a coffin with a
poisonous snake. When notified by one of his nurses that a patient he
has tortured is dead, the good doctor replies "Death is a
fabrication of the mind!" The doc has a retarded sister (Lynn
Marta) who keeps one of his experiments ("The total
personification of evil!") locked in a nearby cave. She lets
this thing (all the viewer is able to see are it's red tentacles) out
at various times to dispose of nosey policemen and necking teenagers.
Things come to a boil when Dr. Blackwood's wife Diane (Deedy Peters)
comes for a visit and becomes suspicious of hubby. This wacky horror
film, which contains plenty of fake blood and no nudity (the women
wear bras and panties when tortured), would make a great double bill
with DON'T
LOOK IN THE BASEMENT
(1973). Directed and produced by regional filmmaker Charles Nizet (SLAVES
OF LOVE - 1969; THE RAVAGER
- 1970; VOODOO
HEARTBEAT
- 1972). In glorious crisp, clear color from the defunct Video
Gems. Also available as part of a widescreen double
feature DVD from Code Red
with the film DEMON WITCH CHILD
(1976). Not
Rated.
THE
POSSESSOR (1975) - During the
'70s, Italy produced many EXORCIST
clones (BEYOND THE DOOR
[1974] and THE TEMPTER
[1974], just to name a couple), but this is one of the obscure films.
It opens with the Pope talking to a large crowd at the Vatican,
stating that the Devil is real and he is here now. His speech is
intercut with a teen named Peter (Jean-Claude Vernè) tied to
the bed and spitting out foul language. We are then taken back to
1723, as we watch a satanic cult trying to raise the Devil. A naked
woman (Mimma Monticelli) is lying on an altar, while the cult leader
(Franco Garofalo) tries to get the Devil to possess her soul. He
succeeds, and the woman becomes a Succubus, with the cult stripping
naked and having an orgy to welcome the Dark One. An old woman leads
a female virgin named Anna to the altar, she passes out and the
Succubus climbs on her and gets her pregnant.
We then cut back to the present, where Peter is still tied to the
bed. His doctor tells Peter's sister, Elena (Patrizia Gori) that he
wants to commit her brother to an insane asylum, but Elena says no
because she once worked
at an asylum (a flashback to an asylum where all the women act
crazy) and she does not want her brother to be put in such a place.
Elena then goes to Connfessional, where she tells the priest (Filippo
Perego) how Peter got this way. A long flashback shows us Peter, an
archeology student, walking through the woods, when he spots the
Succubus stark naked next to a waterfall. He takes photos of the
demon woman, but when he has the negatives developed, she is not in
any of the photos. He goes back to the waterfall and finds a
medallion in the water with the word "Tahal" on it. he
makes the medallion into a necklace and puts it around his neck
(calling it his "good luck charm"). Bad things begin to
happen. At his girlfriend Sherry's (Sonia Viviani) coming-out party,
Peter grabs a bottle of champagne and the cork pops off it, spilling
champagne on Sherry's new dress and she runs out of the house from
embarassment. While Sherry is at a disco, Peter sees the Succubus in
his bedroom. She is feeling herself between her legs and entices
Peter to join her. Peter grabs a letter opener and slits the
Succubus' throat, only instead of the demon woman dying, Sherry drops
dead on the disco dance floor, her throat cut. Then Peter enters his
mother's (Françoise Prévost) room totally naked, but he
looks like the Succubus. She tosses Mom down the stairs, killing her,
only it is now Peter at the top of the stairs. Peter is tested in a
hospital, but all the results are negative (sound familiar?) The
Succubus visits Elena in her room (saying to her, "You bitch in
heat!") and tears off her headpiece, revealing that Elena's head
is shaved (when she looks in the mirror, we discover that it isn't
the only place that is shaved!). It all turns out to be a nightmare
(or is it?). Elena goes into Peter's bedroom, where he is tied to the
bed, which begins spinning on its own (we are getting dangerously
close to plagiarism!).
To make a long story short, we cut back to the present day and the
priest calls in an exorcist (Richard Conte; THE
VIOLENT PROFESSIONALS - 1973; in his final acting role). The
possessed Peter knows he is coming, shouting out obscenities when he
stops outside the house (OK, now it is plagiarism!). After about five
minutes of the exorcist speaking Bible verses and Peter spitting up a
gallon of blood, Peter is cured. Elena, who may now be possessed,
jumps off a cliff and dies. We then see a young boy by the waterfall
pick up the medallion (Tahal is the name of the son of Satan) and his
eyes look possessed. Ah, the circle of possession!
Directed by Elo Pannacciò (some prints list his name as
"Franck C. Lucas"), who also gave us SEX
OF THE WITCH
(1973), with a screenplay by Aldo Crudo, Franco Brocani & Giulio
Albonico, this film (the Italian title is UN
URLO DALLE TENEBRE ["Cries And Shadows"]) is a
gender reversal of the 1973 hit. There are too many scenes that copy
that film. Also known as NAKED EXORCISM
and THE EXORCIST
III: CRIES AND SHADOWS (!) and THE RETURN OF THE EXORCIST,
this film has plenty of full-frontal female nudity (the Succubus is
totally naked during 95% of her screen time), but precious little
blood or violence. Still it is enjoyable, if only to spot the EXORCIST
"homages". As far as I could detect, this only had a
fullscreen VHS release in the States (by Wizard
Video), with a fullscreen DVD from Full
Moon as part of their "Full Moon's Grindhouse
Collection" (it is a port of the Wizard tape) and has not been
released on widescreen DVD or Blu-Ray (Hey Code Red, are you
listening?). Also starring Elena Svevo, Giuseppe Talarico,
Giangiacomo Elia and Giulio Baraghini. Not Rated.
THE
PRINCE OF TERROR (1988) -
Italian TV Movie, directed by Lamberto Bava, who was an old hand at
churning out these senseless 90 minutes of strangeness mixed with
tedium on the tube, with titles such as GRAVEYARD
DISTURBANCE (1988), UNTIL DEATH
(1988), DEMONS III:
THE OGRE (1989) and DINNER
WITH A VAMPIRE (1989) littering Italian TV screens. This one
was made for a long-running TV mini-series called ALTA
TENSIONE ("High Tension"), which consists of three
more Bava TV movies, this is the only available one to English
speaking audiences (for now, but never say never). Once you watch it,
you'll know why. It cranks-up the unbelievability factor to eleven,
as you will not believe your eyes and ears as to what happens or is
said on screen. Yes, it is weird, but is it any good? I didn't think
so, but opinions may differ.
The film deals with Vincent Omen (Tomas Arana; Bava's BODY
PUZZLE - 1992), a world-reknown horror director whom the
press and fans have dubbed "The Prince Of Terror" (The
original title of this film was IL
MAESTRO DEL TERRORE). We see him on set shooting his latest
film, but he stops it in mid-scene, telling his Producer (Pascal
Druant; Lucio Fulci's DEMONIA
- 1990) that the screenplay stinks and he refuses too complete the
film unless he hires a new screenwriter. The Producer fires current
screenwriter Paul Hilary (David Brandon; Bava's DELIRIUM:
PHOTO OF GIOIA - 1987) and he vows vengeance on Vincent,
since they had a long-running relationship working together. We then
see Vincent on the golf course being interviewed by a female
journalist (Virginia Bryant; Bava's DEMONS
2 - 1986) on his birthday, who wants to know Vincent's life
story. When she asks him if he is the Devil (which is what his
critics call him), Vincent responds he is very normal, he has a
loving wife, Betty (Carole André; ENCOUNTERS
IN THE DEEP - 1979), and teenage daughter, Susan (Joyce
Pitti), and they live in a gated community with their new puppy
Demon, which Vincent gave to his daughter and the sight of blood
makes him ill. The journalist asks Vincent if it is true he is over
fifty-years-old and he
laughs, telling her that he is 37-years-old today and not to believe
everything she reads. One thing the journalist does discover is that
Vincent is an excellent golfer (which will come in handy during the
finale), but why does someone wearing a baseball mitt catch one of
Vincent's golf balls as he swings away on a Par 4 hole and drive away
with it?
Vincent and his family entertain the Producer and his bimbo actress
girlfriend Magda (Marina Viro; Sergio Martino's CASABLANCA
EXPRESS - 1989) over dinner, when the lights go out in the
house and Vincent's missing golf ball comes shooting through the air
and breaks a gravy boat. Everyone thinks it is one of Vincent's movie
tricks and thank him for the show as they leave, but Vincent tells
his wife that he had nothing to do with it, this is the golf ball
that ended up missing today (it has "666" stamped on it,
Vincent's trademark). Soon, things start going to Hell (literally) in
Vincent's house. First, the toilet becomes backed-up and begins
overflowing a blood-like substance all over the bathroom floor. When
Vincent goes to unclog the toilet, he discovers one of Paul's horror
scripts has been shoved down the toilet causing it to overflow. Demon
goes missing and Susan can't find him, but as she is lying in bed,
she sees Demon lying down next to her stuffed animals. She goes to pick
Demon up, but soon discovers that he has been skinned alive (!)
and screams. This is when the film quickly falls apart. Betty tells
Vincent to go to the guard station at the entrance of their gated
community to tell the security guard what has happened, but Vincent
says he doesn't want to leave her and Susan alone. Couldn't he have
called the guard station and reported it? How about calling the
police? Or going to a neighbor's house? Vincent soon gets threatening
phone calls and then a visit by a masked intruder, who holds them
hostage in their own home, threatening the daughter with rape. Then
Paul shows up and shoots the masked intruder, seemingly saving
Vincent's family. It all turns out to be a trick orchestrated by
Paul. The masked intruder is a crazed bit actor named Eddie Felsen
(Ulisse Minervini; Dario Argento's THE
CARD PLAYER - 2004), who is working with Paul and they both
terrorize Vincent and his family. The security guard (Augusto
Poderosi) shows up and his rib cage shoots out of his chest
(stop-motion gore effects by Sergio Stivaletti; THE
THREE FACES OF TERROR - 2004). It turns out the security
guard is nothing but a robot Paul controls with a remote control! OK,
now this is getting ridiculous! After seemingly cutting off Betty's
head with a chainsaw and walling-in Susan in the basement, Vincent
comes to the rescue with his golf clubs and balls, every swing a
direct hit. He kills Eddie by planting a golf ball directly in his
right eye (!) as he is holding Betty hostage, a butcher knife to her
throat. He then cripples Paul with golf balls (using some very unique
trick shots against the wall!), graphically breaking his wrist and
making him immobile. He then reveals to Paul that he is the Devil (!)
and tells him that he will leave him in this house, as his own
private Hell. We then see Eddie spitting out golf balls out of his
mouth in rapid-fire fashion (quite funny, but it is purely
unintentional), as Paul is belted with hundreds of golf balls. Even
the skinned Demon, who is in a plastic bag, comes to life, leaving
Paul to ponder for all eternity the bad he has done. THE END.
Not only is this film unintentionally hilarious, it is full of
mind-numbing scenes of unbelievability, especially the robot
and skinned dog. If I found a skinned dog in my home, I would put my
family in the car and drive away to the nearest police station, but
since Vincent reveals himself to be Satan in the finale, we are
supposed to suspend belief and go along for the ride. I will give
this film some credit for not being boring, but if it is common sense
you are looking for, look somewhere else, because you will find none
of that here. Tomas Arana (Michele Soavi's THE
CHURCH - 1989 and THE SECT
- 1991) is very good as Vincent, who plays a poor man's version of
Dario Argento, but the screenplay to this film is akin to Vincent's
feelings for the fictictious film he is shooting. It sucks. For a TV
movie, it is full of foul language ("Fuck" is said more
than several times) and graphic violence, including Paul's broken
wrist (where the bone juts out of the skin) and the hilarious opening
of Vincent's new film he is shooting in the beginning of this film,
where a corpse is in a tub of water and bloats up to become a monster
zombie in a fat suit! I really wanted to slam this film, but because
of all the unbelievable situations and the way people react to them,
I just can't. I'm not recommending this film, either. All I can say
is watch this film and make up your own mind. I originally viewed
this on streaming Roku channel B-Movie TV in a nice anamorphic
widescreen print dubbed in English, but you can catch it streaming on
YouTube from user "Nathaniel Ketcham". Unfortunately, it is
a fullscreen print, but beggars can't be choosers, as there has been
no official U.S. disc release for this flick. Not Rated, but
this is unlike any TV movie made in the States.
PSYCHO COP (1989) - "Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Be on the lookout for a man who claims to be a director and screenwriter. He uses the name Wallace Potts. He is to be considered unarmed and extremely boring." Six beer-guzzling college students (there's a stretch) take a vacation to a secluded backwoods villa and are menaced by a devil worshipping police officer (Bobby Ray Shafer). In true FRIDAY THE 13TH fashion, they are picked off one-by-one by tha satanic cop, who has a 666 tattooed on his right hand. I cannot think of anything good to say about this film. It is marred by amateur thesping, a well-worn plot and cheap gore effects. No motivation is given as to why the cop has begun killing people. Another problem I have is that Bobby Ray Shafer bears a striking resemblance to Robert Z'Dar, star of the much better MANIAC COP series. Watching this film is like experiencing deja vu: you have seen it a hundred time before done ten times better. My head actually hurt after watching it. PSYCHO COP is a sub-par stalk-and-slask stinkeroo that should be arrested for imitating quality entertainment. Also starring Jeff Qualle, Palmer Lee Todd, Dan Campbell and Cynthia Guyer. PSYCHO COP 2 was next. A Southgate Entertainment Home Video Release. Unrated.
PSYCHO
COP 2 (1993) -
Director Adam Rifkin leads a Jekyll and Hyde existence. He uses his
real name when making
bigger-budget films such as THE
DARK BACKWARD
(1991) and THE
CHASE
(1994) and chooses to use the pseudonym "Rif Coogan" when
directing the low-budget stuff such as THE
INVISIBLE MANIAC
(1990) and this unwanted sequel. Bobby Ray Shafer returns as the
title character, a satan-worshipping police imposter who invades a
corporate hi-rise where a bachelor party is being held. Pretty soon
people are having their eyes poked out with pencils, tossed down
elevator shafts, shot in the head, impaled and so on. Most of the
gore scenes are severely edited, making any reason for watching this
film debatable. Badly acted, with a supposedly humorous script (it
falls flat at every turn), the question remains "Why make a
sequel to a film which begged to stay dead?" Also starring
Barbara Lee Alexander, Julie Strain and Nick Vallelonga. Also known
as PSYCHO
COP RETURNS.
From Columbia Tristar Home Video.
Rated
R.
PSYCLOPS
(2002) - I really wanted to like this one as I had recently seen
director Brett Piper's ARACHNIA (2003),
using most of this
film's stars, and found it entertaining in a goofy sort of way.
Unfortunately, this film drags on much too long for its own good.
Video camera fanatic Shep (Dan Merriman) finds a 135 year-old
videotape (!) which shows a mad doctor's attempt to bridge dimensions
using a machine that he designed. It ended very badly. Shep, with the
help of his friends Dave (Rob Monkiewicz), Heather (Diane DeGregorio)
and Kim (Irene Joseph), search out the doctor's lab and find the
machine. Shep fixes the machine and bridges the dimensions, bringing
fist-sized bugs to our dimension which invade our bodies, hatch
little ones which bore into our brains (good effect) and cause us to
become homicidal maniacs. Poor Shep also ends up having his video
camera embedded into his skull thanks to an electrical overload
administered to the machine. The rest of the film details Shep's
friends trying to avoid Shep and the bugs, who burrow into a cemetery
and reanimate some corpses. This may sound exciting but it takes
forever to get to the build-up and when it does it fall apart very
quickly. I like that Piper animates the bugs by using stop-motion
photography and not by CGI. It gives the film an old-time feel
severely lacking from most films today. It's just that the acting and
plot leave a lot to be desired. A valiant try but a failure. Also
starring Liz Hurley (no, not that one), Phip Barbour, Jim Baker and
Gordon Gauntlett. Other Brett Piper films include the infamous RAIDERS
OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985), A
NYMPHOID BARBARIAN IN DINOSAUR HELL (1990), THEY
BITE (1996), SCREAMING DEAD
(2003), BITE ME! (2004), MUCKMAN
(2009), THE DARK SLEEP
(2012), TRICLOPS (2014), and QUEEN
CRAB (2015). An MTI Video
Release. Rated R.
RAWHEAD
REX (1986) - Forget that this film
is based on a story by Clive Barker. Forget that Clive Barker
disowned this film upon its' release. If you can forget these two
things you will probably enjoy this unconventional
monster-on-the-loose flick with a real nasty streak. An Irish farmer,
while trying to remove a stone pillar from his field, accidentally
releases the title creature from a long imprisonment. A vacationing
photographer (the late David Dukes) and his family try to convince
the local authorities that the creature does exist, but to no avail.
Meanwhile, while photographing the inside of an old church, Mr. Dukes
learns the truth about the legend of RawHead Rex. The police finally
believe his story after one of his children is brutally murdered by
the creature. What makes this film different from others of its like
is the eerie atmospheric photography and general mean-spiritedness.
This film is steeped in local Irish color and contains some truly
offbeat characters. There's a local priest who wants to help RawHead
Rex and is not above murdering people and spewing filthy language.
RawHead urinates on the priest while he begs for more! This and many
other scenes (including a beheading, a gutting and other gory scenes)
deter you from the fact that the story line is very thin. Forget the
story (and the rather weak ending featuring some bad optical work)
and just feast your eyes on the screen. You'll have a bloody good
time (and RawHead Rex is a sight to behold). Director George Pavlou
also filmed Barker's story "UNDERWORLD",
released here as TRANSMUTATIONS
(1986). It's a rather boring exercise mixing detectives with
monsters. He also directed the crapfest LITTLE
DEVILS: THE BIRTH (1993). RAWHEAD
REX
also stars Kelly Piper, Ronan Wilmot, Niall Toibin and Heinrich von
Schellendorf as RawHead. Stay away from the version shown on the Sci
Fi Channel. It's missing most of the violence and the pissing scene.
David Dukes' last film was the disappointing TV miniseries ROSE
RED (2002). A Vestron
Video VHS Release. Released on DVD by Artisan Home
Entertainment, which is long OOP. Now available on DVD
and Blu-Ray from Kino Lorber
in an unbelievable beautiful 4K Restoration print from the original
camera negative. This is really the only way to watch the film. Not
Rated.
THE
REMNANT (2000) - A long-dead killer,
Jesse Lownds (Rick Jordan, who also directed), returns from the
dead to exact revenge on those who took his life 30 years earlier. He
starts on his Satan-worshipping partner, who has come to Gardner,
Georgia to dig up Jesse's buried loot. After burying a shovel into
his ex-partner's chest, Jesse goes after the lawyer who got him put
in jail. Police detective Kevin Dougherty (Jeff Goldman) is assigned
to investigate the two murders and soon begins to realise that he's
dealing with no ordinary murderer. After a police officer and the
police chief (a boozed-out Joe Estevez) are brutally killed by Jesse,
Kevin and girlfriend Alison (Theresa Castracane) discover that Jesse
can only be destroyed by burying the remnant, a piece of Jesse's body
that is still alive, in Jesse's grave. Can they do it before Alison
is killed? You'll lose interest long before you get to that point.
This flick is about as exciting as an apple-picking contest. It's
indifferently acted by a bunch of amateur and semi-pro actors. I'm
still trying to figure out which is worse: Rick Jordan the actor or
Rick Jordan the director? It's also poorly written (by Rick's brother
Matt Jordan) and deadly dull. The only good thing this film has to
offer is a running joke about how bad Jesse smells. Toss in some bad
digital effects and some poor make-up effects and what you have is a
film that has a distinct odor to it. It reeks worse than Jesse. A
Spartan Home Entertainment Release. Rated R.
RETURN
OF THE LIVING DEAD PART II (1987) - Hoping
to catch some of the original's vibe, this vastly inferior sequel
tries to be too damned funny for its own good, where the original
knew when to be scary as well as when to be funny. Reprising their
same roles as in the original (even though they died in it), James
Karen and Thom Mathews play two hapless grave robbers who once again
are exposed to the government's
top secret gas, which slowly turns them into brain-hungry zombies. A
graveyard is also exposed to the gas, causing the dead to rise
looking for cranial matter. Once again, a few survivors are trapped
in a town sealed off by the military as they try to find a way to
kill the zombies before the government nukes them all. It looks like
electricity is the answer this time. The whole film is played so
broadly as to make it barely watchable. It's as though
director/writer Ken Wiederhorn forgot that horror films need some
horror in it, which is surprising since he also directed the
underrated horror gem SHOCK
WAVES (1976). Since all of the effects (which are swell) are
used for comic effect, this film gets away with much more violence
than straight horror films that are rated R. There are scenes with
zombies being blown in half with a shotgun, jaws being ripped-out,
various body parts being yanked-off and eaten and more brains being
devoured than in most straight zombie films. The comedy basically
falls flat on it's face, unless lines such as, "Is it
cancer?" "If we're lucky!" and "Your brains smell
so rich and spicy!" tickle your fancy. There's also scenes of
zombies attacking a pet store and a Michael Jackson zombie that does
a moonwalk when electrocuted. The hero is a 12 year-old kid (Michael
Kenworthy) and he gets to use a gun and drive a truck, which you do
not see much in films. Followed by the superior RETURN
OF THE LIVING DEAD III
(1993) and a couple of crappy Romania-lensed sequels
released directly to video in 2005. I just watched Part II recently
and I'm treating this much more kindly than when I originally saw it
back in 1987. Back then I nearly punched the projectionist at the
theater I saw it at because I considered it an affront to the memory
of the original. It's akin to having Uwe Boll directing a sequel to SCHINDLER'S
LIST
(1993). Also starring Philip Bruns, Dana Ashbrook, Suzanne Snyder,
Marsha Dietlin, Mitch Pileggi and a cameo by Forrest J. Ackerman as a
zombie. A Lorimar Home Video Release. Rated R.
RITUALS (1977)
- The comparison between this Canadian-made shocker and DELIVERANCE
(1972) are inevitable. Five doctors go
on a vacation in the Canadian forest and are hunted and killed one by
one. A man's leg is graphically caught in a bear trap; one is
beheaded and another is hung from a tree and set on fire. It's all
done by a demented World War II veteran who lives in the woods with
his blind hermit brother. Why is he killing these people? Let's just
say that an unfortunate and nasty surgery error led up to all of
this. Starring Hal Holbrook, Lawrence Dane, Robin Gammell and Jack
Creley. Directed by Peter Carter, who also made the action film HIGH
BALLIN (1978) and the ALIEN
(1979) on an oil rig TV movie THE
INTRUDER WITHIN (1981). RITUALS,
along with HUNTER'S BLOOD
(1987), are welcome additions to the "terror in the woods"
genre. Available in two versions: A cut 89 minute version (Embassy
Home Entertainment) which tones down most of the violence and a
complete 99 minute version (Astral Bellevue Video) which is intact.
Which one do you think you should view? Code
Red finally released RITUALS
on DVD in its unedited form. It went
OOP immediately after it was released, not because it was so popular,
but because those cheapskates at Code Red refuse to press more than
the minimal amount of DVDs to keep their costs down. Stupid, stupid
business decision. If you press more, they will come. Also known as CREEPER.
Rated R.
ROBO
VAMPIRE (1988)
- I dare anyone to make sense of this piecemeal film. It one
part drug action film and one
part Robot Cop versus hopping vampires. It's like director Joe
Livingstone took two really bad Hong Kong actioners and combined them
into one incoherent film. The makers of ROBOCOP
(1987) should sue for the video box artwork alone as the robotic cop
in this film wears a shiny silver jumpsuit and a visor with an
antennae attached to it and looks nothing like the artwork! He fights
a bunch of hopping vampires whose leader wears an extremely bad
gorilla mask. The rest of the film concerns a drug enforcement agent
trying to rescue his captured girlfriend. It all doesn't make any
sense and ends abruptly with no resolution to either story! Full of
bad gunfights (one extra doesn't even realize that he is shot and
takes forever to fall down!), bad martial arts and bad everything
else (including nudity). If you like bad films, and I really mean BAD
films, this is the one for you. Starring Harry Myles, Joe Browne,
Nick Norman, George Tripos and Alan Drury. My guess is that most of
these names are pseudonyms. Director Livingstone also made the
god-awful DEVIL'S DYNAMITE
(1987 - the actual onscreen title is DEVIL DYNAMITE), another
pieced-together film dealing with drugs and hopping vampires, using
footage cribbed from the same films used for ROBO
VAMPIRE (a.k.a. ROBO WARRIOR) and COUNTER
DESTROYER (1988), another cut-and-paste film where Robo
Vampire make an appearance. A Magnum
Entertainment Home Video Release. Also available on DVD
as a double feature with DEVIL'S DYNAMITE from Deimos
Entertainment. Also available on Mill Creek Entertainment's SCI-FI
INVASION 50 MOVIE DVD Compilation. Not Rated.
ROLLING
THUNDER
(1977) - If
you like revenge thrillers with more than a slight political slant,
you'll probably do no better than this one, possibly the best film
American International released in the 70's. Former POW Charles Rane
(the excellent William Devane) returns home
with the simple plan of putting the whole war behind him and get
back to his wife and son. Only the town will not let him forget his
ordeal and give him a stash of 2000 silver dollars (one for each day
of his captivity) and a red Cadillac convertible at a parade given in
his honor. To top it off his wife has fallen in love with another man
(the local sheriff) and wants a divorce. A bunch of thieves (led by
James Best and Luke Askew) break into Rane's house and demand to know
where the silver dollars are kept. When Rane refuses to answer they
put his hand down the garbage disposal (According to the IMDb:
"Famous scene where Rane's hand is put into garbage disposal
was originally lot more graphic. There was originally shot of his
hand getting destroyed. Scene was filmed with fake hand and lamb
shank which made it look very realistic. When movie was previewed,
audience members reacted very strongly on that scene. According to
writer Heywood Gould; 'One woman fainted, another person ran into the
lobby and demanded it's money back, and another guy was so freaked
out that he entered in his car on parking lot and crashed into
another car'. After that preview, shot of Rane's hand inside disposal
was cut out from the movie."). Rane's son gives up the
coins and Best and his gang shoot and kill Rane's wife and son and
think they have also killed Rane. He wakes up in the hospital, has
his destroyed hand replaced with a hook and plans to get even with
everyone involved in the robbery. Together with a groupie (Linda
Haynes), who wore his POW bracelet while he was in captivity and his
angst-ridden POW buddy Johnny (an early role for Tommy Lee Jones),
Rane goes down to Mexico to exact revenge. It's bloody, exciting and
satisfying. Directed by John Flynn (OUT
FOR JUSTICE - 1991) with a particularly grim outlook
(prevalent at the time of filming), but I think most of the credit
must be given to the literate screenplay by Paul Shrader (TAXI
DRIVER - 1976; who wanted Rane to be a racist, but the
studio rejected his idea; the Mexicans killed at the end were
supposed to be substitutes for Rane killing the Vietnamese during the
War.) and Heywood Gould (THE
BOYS FROM BRAZIL - 1978), who would both go on to directing
careers themselves. ROLLING THUNDER
is a must for revenge fans that's not just brain candy but food for
thought. Also starring Dabney Coleman, Cassie Yates and James Victor.
An Orion Home Video VHS Release. This film gets my highest
recommendation and is finally available on widescreen DVD-R
from MGM On Demand and a beautiful print on Blu-Ray
from Shout! Factory.
(Beware of bootleg fullscreen DVD-Rs
available on eBay). Rated R.
ROSWELL
(1994) - Beautifully made docudrama about the supposedly true
events that took place in Roswell, New
Mexico in 1947. Kyle MacLachlan is terrific in the role of a military
man who discovers the crash site of an alien spaceship and is
systematically sacrificed by the government who order a massive
cover-up. Now an old man who has a short time to live, MacLachlan
attends a reunion of his old regiment to find out the truth before he
dies. What he finds out I will not divulge as it will detract from
the overall enjoyment of this stylish and highly emotional winner.
True or not (I tend to lean to the former), this is grand
entertainment with a keen eye on the human elements. Also starring
Martin Sheen (whose role reminded me of Deep Throat on the first
season of THE X-FILES),
Dwight Yoakam (as a farmer bought off by the government for his
silence), Kim Greist and Peter MacNichol. Directed and produced by
Jeremy Kagan (THE BIG FIX -
1978; BY THE SWORD - 1991)
with a sense of humanity and wonder. Also known as INCIDENT
AT ROSWELL. Originally aired on Showtime Cable. A Republic
Pictures Home Video Release. Rated PG-13, but don't let
that deter you from this surefire winner.
SASQUATCH
(2002) - It's easy to see that first-time director Jonas Quastel
grew up watching too many music
videos on MTV. This film is full of fast editing, distorted lenses, PREDATOR-style
POV shots and enough fade-to-blacks to have at least 10 minutes of
total darkness (in a movie running 86 minutes). If the film was good,
most of this could be forgiven. Unfortunately, this is not the case
here. It's bloodless, nearly nudity-free and downright boring. The
only reason I stayed with this film to the end was the
always-welcomed presence of Lance Henriksen, who always injects an
air of professionalism in anything he's in (even those roasted turds MIND
RIPPER [1994] and KNIGHTS
[1993]). This film needs him badly. When a plane, with Henriksen's
daughter on board, goes down in the remote Pacific Northwest forest,
Henriksen hires a team of experts to take him through the woods to
search for his daughter. It's apparent from the start that Henriksen,
who is a billionaire and runs a bio-tech company, has ulterior
motives for finding the plane. Add to that the fact that they are
being systematically eliminated by an angry Sasquatch, whose family
was killed by the crashing plane, and what you should have is
something juicy or at least interesting. Too bad that this is a dry
and dull affair, as the Sasquatch attacks are bloodless, the monster
itself is only glimpsed as a blur until the end and the team of
experts come straight from the Stereotype 101 School of Characters:
An alcoholic hunter, a terrified computer genius, an earnest tracker,
a know-it-all zoologist and a blackmailing she-bitch. The film does
have a fairly sympathetic ending, but that and Henriksen's presence
cannot save it from ending up in the discount cut-out bins in the
very near future. Originally filmed as THE
UNTOLD (it still retains that title in the closing credits), SASQUATCH
also stars Andrea Roth, Russell Ferrier, Jeremy Radick, Mary Mancini,
Erica Parker and Phil Granger. Stay away from this unless you are a
Lance Henriksen completist. It's a shame because we could all use a
good, bloody Bigfoot flick. A Columbia
Tristar Home Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R, but
damned if I know why.
SATAN'S
BLADE (1984)
- Remember
THE
CREEPING TERROR
(1964)? The producers lost the soundtrack to that film
and released it with voice over narration to compensate for the loss.
If only SATAN'S
BLADE
were so lucky. This film should have been made without sound. The
actor's (to be polite) body mikes are always coming into contact with
their arms, chairs, kitchen counters, or anything that was near them.
It sounds like they are being smacked with gusts of wind, even in the
interior shots. The story contains a bank robbery, murders, a ski
house complete with the ugliest women this side of the Ukraine, and a
cursed knife that possesses whomever possesses it. Sound confusing?
It is. Confusing sound? You bet. This is really amateur hour stuff.
Get the Tylenol ready when you push the play button. Directed by L.
Scott Castillo Jr. and starring Stephanie Steel, Tom Bongiorno, Diane
Taylor, Elisa R. Malinovitz and Thomas Cue (who also co-wrote the
screenplay with director Castillo Jr.). A Prism
Entertainment VHS Release. Believe it or not, this is also
available on DVD & Blu-Ray
from boutique label Slasher Video.
Rated
R.
SATAN'S
BLOOD (1977)
- Originally
titled "Escalofrio" ("Chills
And Fever"), this is a boring, incomprehensible
dubbed Spanish production about a man and his pregnant wife who are
brought to an isolated house under false pretenses by another couple.
Once there, they are inducted into the pleasures and pains of satanic
sexual acts. Not much goes on here. If it wasn't for the frequent
softcore sex and esquisite photography, yours truly would have fallen
asleep after the first ten minutes. While much is made of the woman's
pregnancy in the beginning of the film, it doesn't play any part in
the storyline (I was hoping it would take a ROSEMARY'S
BABY [1968] turn. I was also hoping to make some sense of
this mess.). If you're expecting blood, you will be very disappointed
as very little is on view here. If you like naked bodies, you may
want to give this one a look, but if you're expecting a coherent
story, look elsewhere. Directed by Carlos Puerto and executive
produced by Juan Piquer Simon (PIECES
- 1981; SLUGS -
1987). Some sources list Simon as an uncredited director along with
Puerto. Starring Angel Aranda, Sandra Alberti, Mariana Karr and Jose
Maria Guille. Also available on video as DON'T
PANIC. An All
American Video VHS Release. Also available on anamorphic
widescreen DVD by Scorpion
Releasing. Not Rated.
SATAN'S
SUPPER (1980) - Even though
it took three directors (Phillip Marshak [DRACULA
SUCKS - 1978]; Greg Tallas [PREHISTORIC
WOMEN - 1950] and Tom McGowan [WILBUR
AND THE BABY FACTORY - 1970]) and is known under three
different titles (the one already mentioned; CATACLYSM
and THE NIGHTMARE NEVER ENDS)
and it was pared down to less than 30 minutes for the weird
anthology film NIGHT
TRAIN TO TERROR (1985), this is one fucked-up film with a
premise that could have only come from the pen of screenwriter Philip
Yordan (DEATH WISH CLUB
- 1983; BLOODY WEDNESDAY
-1985; MARILYN
ALIVE AND BEHIND BARS (1982/1993). The film opens with Nazi
Olivier (Robert Bristol) walking in on a Nazi party during World War
II and telling one of the soldiers that he failed to meet his quota.
To punish him, he machine guns a group of girls, except for Claire
(Faith Clift; probably one of the worst actresses the sceen has ever
shown), who Olivier says she has met her quota. Claire (who is an
internal medicine doctor) then wakes up. It was all a nightmare,
probably because her famous author husband James (A non-bald Richard
Moll, "Bull" from NIGHT COURT
[1984 - 1992], here using the name "Charles
Moll") has just released a book called "God Is Dead",
where he gives lectures on how the word "Christ" had a
different meaning back in those days and the only mention of Jesus
Christ is in the Bible and an old manuscript (probably the Old Sea
Scrolls) and nowhere else until modern times (Actually his speech
makes a lot of sense to an Atheist like me). We then see old Jewish
Nazi chaser Abraham Weiss (Marc Lawrence; PIGS
- 1972; now available in a must-own Blu-Ray/DVD
Combo Pack from Vinegar Syndrome)
get excited by what he sees on TV. It's Olivier giving an interview.
He runs outside and grabs his neighbor, NY Police Detective Lt.
Sterne (Cameron Mitchell; THE DEMON
- 1979), to compare the guy's face on TV to a bunch of old articles
he has taped to his wall, some dating back to the late 1800's. Lt.
Sterne says that while there is a remarkable resemblance, Olivier
hasn't aged in over 35 years and that is impossible. Lt. Sterne would
like to help his old pal, but he would look like a crazy loon if he
did. Abraham decides to confront Olivier himself and ends up dead,
his dying words to a cop being "Look at the walls!", which
the cop conveys to Lt. Sterne. When Lt. Sterne takes a closer look at
the walls he sees exactly what Abraham saw: Olivier hasn't aged a day
since the Franco-Prussia War (and probably long before that). Lt.
Sterne confronts Olivier at a disco where Lt. Sterne mentions God,
which really bugs Olivier and he threatens Lt. Sterne, who tells
Olivier, "Don't step on me or you'll never get rid of the
smell!". Lt. Sterne keeps looking at the newspaper articles and
photos on the wall, which pisses off his partner Dieter (Marc
Lawrence again). He tells Dieter, "I see swastikas swimming in
my oatmeal!". Meanwhile, Claire is still having bad nightmares
and she is being bothered by excommunicated priest Papini (Maurice
Grandmaison; CRY
WILDERNESS - 1986), who had no luck with James and Lt.
Sterne, which turn out to be real, as a monster hand breaks through
her closet wall and tries to grab her. James becomes very worried
about her sanity because she also believes that Olivier is the Devil.
James believes if there is no God, there is no Devil, so he confronts
Olivier and ends up dead (all the dead bodies, including Papini's,
have "666" burned into their corpses). Claire decides that
she has to do things on her own when Lt. Sterne and Dieter die when
their car explodes (Well, Lt. Sterne does. Dieter dies when his car
won't open and it fills with smoke while Olivier smiles through the
car's window.), so she hits Olivier with her car and has Olivier's
female assistant help her put him in her trunk. She and Olivier's
female assistant strap him to a hospital gurney, where Claire removes
his heart without the use of anesthesia and sticks it in a microwave.
Claire learns an important lesson at that time: Never fuck with the
Devil. It seems like Claire actually hit his female assistant which
Olivier made her look like himself and she actually removes her heart
and nukes it without any anesthesia. Claire screams and Olivier walks
through the double doors, as the film ends as the doors close behind
him. The Devil wins once again. Even though the condensed version in NIGHT
TRAIN had some stop-motion animation added to juice-up the tale,
the full version really doesn't need it. This is one of those films
that was released in many versions at various lengths. The one I
watched was the Academy
Entertainment Video 83 minutes long VHS version and is missing a
sequence that takes place in Las Vegas, but since it is all
exposition, you are not really missing anything. IMDb states that the
film is originally 94 minutes long, which I find questionable,
because I have seen nearly every version of this film and none of
them ever went past 88 minutes (the five minute Las Vegas scene,
which is nothing but driving footage and then going to a disco). The
print on the Academy VHS was grainy, but watchable and if you want to
see it in better condition (but not much), get the Premiere
Entertainment International VHS (identical to the Academy print in
length, but using the NIGHTMARE title), because the two DVDs,
from Troma and Mill Creek, are abominations. This VHS version is
colorful and quite clear (Unfortunately, I sold it years ago) Of
course, if you would like to see the abridged version in near perfect
condition, you could always buy the Vinegar
Syndrome Blu-Ray.
But you really should watch the full version (Las Vegas sequence or
not), because it is a creepy little addition to the supernatural
genre and has a lot more to say about religion than any horror film I
can remember in a long, long time. Also starring Klint Stevenson,
Elizabeth Martin, Christie Wagner, Robyn Russell, Georgia Geerling,
T.J. Savage and Phil Yordan Jr. as a waiter. An Academy Entertainment
VHS Release. Rated R.
SCARECROW
SLAYER (2003) - This is the
middle film of the "SCARECROW" trilogy, The first
one being SCARECROW (2002)
and the third one is called SCARECROW
GONE WILD (2004). The first film was made in eight days.
This one looks like it was made in half the time. What the hell is
Tony Todd doing in crap like this? Could it be because they
gave him an Associate Producer credit? Thankfully, he dies in the
first 30 minutes. Director David Michael Latt (KILLERS
- 1997 & KILLERS 2: THE BEAST
- 2002, both which I liked a lot, which is why I'm so disappointed
here) hasn't got a clue how to keep the action flowing and has the
annoying habit of using the "blurry cam" technique that is
truly headache-inducing. The scarecrow (Todd Rex, who also designed
the costume) is a good creation (makeup effects by Anthony Ferrante),
but when did scarecrows learn martial arts? This one does ninja
moves, such as back flips and spinning kicks. What the fuck?! Add
terrible optical effects, bad acting, continuity problems and unreal
situations (Downright surreal; Like: What are college kids doing with
an arsenal in their dorm rooms? Did Columbine teach us nothing?) and
this cropper of a film (no pun intended) is sure to put the most
sleep-deprived person into a deep coma in no time at all. If you're
looking for unintentional laughs, you'll find plenty here. If you're
looking for a good horror film, look elsewhere because the only
horror here is realizing that there are three films in this series.
Don't look for me to review the other two. Even I have my limits.
Also starring Nicole Kingston, David Castro (Just horrible. I've seen
better emoting from a Pet Rock.), Jessica Mattson, Scott Carson and
Kim Little. For a good scarecrow film, watch the unrated edition of SCARECROWS
(1988). A York Entertainment Home Video Release. Rated R.
SEVEN
WOMEN FOR SATAN (1974) -
During the week, Count Boris Zaroff (Michel Lemoine; PLANETS
AGAINST US - 1962; CASTLE
OF THE CREEPING FLESH - 1968) is a successful businessman
(yet is office is bare-bones, just a desk and a lamp!), but during
the weekend, he likes going to his palatial country estate and
hunting...naked women. Yes, this French film is the umpteenth
retelling of THE MOST
DANGEROUS GAME (1932), only with the added ingredients of
softcore sex and plenty of nudity.
Boris is also the son of the original film's Count Zaroff (who was
portrayed by Leslie Banks), which tries to give this film some
legitimacy, but fails for so many reasons.
The film opens with Boris on horseback, he and his hound Inga
chasing a naked woman on his property. He corners the girl, whips her
with his riding crop and knocks her down a cliff, where she dies (we
see her bloody body on a boulder). After a long week of work (What
the hell does he do? All we ever see is his secretary [Sophie
Grynholc] hand him some papers and wish him a nice weekend.), Boris
drives to his country estate, picking up beautiful (and horny)
hitchhiker Stephanie (Maria Mancini) on the way. They stop at a hotel
and get it on and then he drives her to his estate (uh, oh!), where
they walk hand-in-hand through his property. They stop in a field to
make love, where Boris shows his true colors. He tries to strangle
her and bites her breasts and Stephanie runs away, Boris following
her in his Rolls, begging her to forgive him. He then runs her over
and stops his car, saying to Stephanie's dead body, "You are
broken. You are nothing but a spineless ragdoll!" He puts her
body in the trunk, drives to his private lake and dumps her body over
his rowboat and into the middle of the lake. But who is the woman
that is haunting his memory? Could it be the one woman who got away?
Could it be the only woman he ever loved? Or could it be both?
We then see Boris enter his palatial estate, where his butler Karl
(Howard Vernon; THE
FRENCH SEX MURDERS - 1972) talks to him in existential terms
("Life is transitory.") and dotes on his every whim. Karl
has brought Boris a young woman named Jeanne (Patricia Mionnet) for
him to play with, as we hear Karl's innermost thought about her,
calling Jeanne's life "futile" and how she was doomed to
die before he brought her here (Like he was doing her a favor!).
While Boris is outside playing with Inga, he meets ghostly young
woman Anne (Joëlle Coeur), the woman who haunts his every waking
moment. We discover more about her: She is married and, when we see
her dancing with Boris, she has a huge bloodstain on the back of her
dress. Is Boris responsible for it or is her husband? Boris is in
some sort of trance (or he is just plain crazy) and we see him chase
Anne into his family cemetery, where he stops by a tomb., which
happens to be Anne's. He runs back to his estate, where he stares at
a portrait of Anne. Karl has no idea who Anne is (or so he tells
Boris) and thinks Boris stares at it because she is pretty (He offers
to bring Boris a real pretty woman).
The next weekend, Boris brings home Joëlle (Martine Azencot), a
woman he was interviewing at work and Karl drugs her champagne. She
begins dancing in what looks like a combination stripper/voodoo
priestess ritual, while a black man holds her as she gyrates (This is
all happening in her drugged mind). Karl shows Joëlle to her
room, which is full of fancy womens clothing, none of it hers. As
Boris is sitting on his throne-like chair, petting Jeanne like a dog
(!), Karl comes into the room and informs Boris that the
"show" is about to begin. We then see Boris watching
Joëlle through a two-way mirror, as she masturbates with a blue
boa on the bed, moaning and reaching a climax (Hey Karl, do you have
any more of that drug?!?). Boris then enters the room, but all he can
see is Anne in the place of Joëlle. Karl enters the room and
says to Boris, "Fear is a bad advisor." (WTF?!?) and has
Inga chases Joëlle down the stairs, the hound killing her. Then
there is a knock on the door. It's Francis (Robert Icart) and his new
bride Muriel (Nathalie Zeiger). Their car has broken down and Boris
welcomes them into his home. I guess we can all figure what comes next.
That is the problem with this film, everything is telegraphed and
there a no surprises. It also doesn't help that everyone does the
stupidest things possible, as Boris talks Francis and Muriel to try
out his rack in the mansion's torture room, where Muriel is chained
on top of Francis as a bed of spikes slowly lowers towards their
bodies, impaling and killing them. That's the bloodiest scene in the
film and it comes a few minutes before the film ends. Michel Lemoine
also directed and wrote this mess of a film, giving us nothing but
softcore scenes of sex filmed though a vaseline-coated
lense. Sure, there is plenty of nudity, but nudity without a
believable story means nothing, as it seems forced, telling us to
enjoy the nudity, but leave your brain at the door, because you are
not going to need it.
Both Boris and Karl talk like they are teaching Psychology 101 For
French people and it gets rather monotonous and trite after a while,
yet when the women hear it, they doff their clothes. Hell, if it
actually worked, I would be talking like Sigmund Freud all the time
(That's the exact way Karl talks, or, at least, the way the person
who dubbed Howard Vernon talks!). There is also very little graphic
violence on view, just the Francis/Muriel death scene and Jeanne
falling on some spikes at the end of the film. Let's talk about the
ending. Boris follows Anne into her tomb, where they make love. Boris
then discovers that he is actually kissing her skeleton (!), as the
tomb door closes, locking him in. He screams for help and Karl hears
him, but he doesn't help him, driving off in Boris' car. He doesn't
see that Anne is sitting in the back seat and the film ends with
Karl's screams, as animated blood drips on the screen. Not does it
only make no sense, it seems tacked-on, as an afterthought, as if
Lemoine wrote himself into a corner and had to use a nonsensical
ending. It would have been better if it ended with Boris being
trapped in the tomb for all eternity. It would have had more
"punch". Lemoine doesn't even try to give this film any
"oomph", as the hunting scenes are flatly filmed (and we
can plainly see that the naked female in the beginning of the film is
wearing a black piece of cloth covering her private parts. Nobody's
bush is that big!) and the sex scenes are not memorable in any way
(as well as having the worst music playing when they happen). Lemoine
directed over 20 films (many of them porn) and if every one of them
is like this, I have no interest in seeing them (Lemoine passed away
in 2013). This film was supposedly banned in its native France for a
few years, but there's nothing it it you haven't see a thousand time
before. Filmed as LES
WEEK-ENDS MALEFIQUES DU COMTE ZAROFF ("The Evil
Weekends Of Count Zaroff"), this film never had a theatrical or
VHS release in the U.S., making its premiere on DVD from Mondo
Macabro in 2003. It hasn't been upgrade since then, which should tell
you a lot. I saw this on streaming channel Drive-In Classics for
free, so at least I didn't blow money on it. The French, they are a
funny race. Also starring Stéphane Lorry, Jean-Claude Romer
and Emmanuel Pluton as a statue that come to life (in Boris' mind). Not
Rated.
SHADOW
CREATURE (1995) - Abysmal
horror/comedy filmed in Buffalo, NY and Cleveland, OH (doesn't that
tell you
something?). A scientist's failed hair growth formula (!) causes
zebra mussels to mutate when the formula is accidentally dumped into
the water. The mussels bite people causing them to turn into
horrifying mutations with one of them turning into the title
creature, who proceeds to rip the guts out and devour various
stupid-acting people. Hard-nosed cop (ex-Playgirl model Shane Minor,
who is so wooden you half-expect him to sprout leaves) is on the case
and spends a good part of the film puking his guts out when he sees
the creature's aftermath. A sub-plot involves a Cleveland gangster
(who thinks he's God), trying to collect a debt owed to him by the
scientist. There's plenty of graphic violence as intestines are
exposed, body parts ripped-off and heads squashed, but the humor is
so forced by a cast of talentless no-names that any enjoyment that
can be found here is purely of the unintentional kind. Director James
Gribbens so far has proven to be a one-shot wonder, as he hasn't done
anything since this. Stay away if you want to save 91 minutes of your
life. Also starring Tracy Godard, Dennis Keefe, Claudia Catalano,
Kathy Imrie and Anthony Chrysostom. A Chaparral International
Pictures Home Video Release. Rated R.
SHAKMA
(1990) -
A baboon injected with an experimental drug is slaughtering college
students who are playing a Dungeons
and Dragons-like game in a locked university building. The baboon
attacks are quite realistic and bloody, but after a while it becomes
repetitious. The films major detraction though, is that it has
the look of a TV movie (just cut out the bloody parts and it would be
indistinguishable from any TV film now showing). The deaths of
co-stars Amanda Wyss and Ari Meyers towards the end of the film
(Oops! Sorry!) comes as a real surprise, though. Proceed at your own
risk. Also starring Christopher Atkins and Roddy McDowall. Directed
by Tom Logan and Hugh Parks, who both also directed the abysmal DREAM
TRAP
(1990). A Fire Mountain Pictures Home Video VHS Release. Also
available on Blu-Ray from Code
Red. Rated
R.
SHATTER
DEAD (1993) -
Shot on video living dead flick with a twist. Instead of the dead
coming back to
devour the living, they just want to integrate into our society
(according to a radio broadcast, they are forming a union!). The
story centers on Susan (Stark Raven), a living human who has many
run-ins with the dead. When she has doubts about who she is talking
to, she sticks a mirror under their nose. If it doesnt fog up,
she blows their brains out with one of the many guns she keeps on her
person. Susans main nemesis is The Preacher Man (Robert Wells),
a self-appointed holy man who is organizing the dead into a viable
force. While the film does have some inventive touches (the dead
cant get hard-ons; a Howard Stern look-alike who blows away a
pregnant zombie), the leisurely pace and stiff acting ability of
Raven (if she were any more wooden she would be sprouting leaves)
eventually make this one you could pass on. I dont know what
director/writer Scooter McCraes motives were, but I found
Preacher Man to be a much more sympathetic character than the morose
heroine. Co-starring Flora Fauna, Larry smalls Johnson
and Marina Del Rey (oh, cmon!). Effects by Pericles Lewnes
(director of REDNECK
ZOMBIES
- 1987). From Tempe Video, whose founder is J.R. Bookwalter, director
of the super 8mm classic THE
DEAD NEXT DOOR
(1988). Unrated,
SHATTER
DEAD
contains full frontal male and female nudity and intercourse with a
.45 handgun. Not a pretty sight.
SHOCK
'EM DEAD (1990) - This is a late
addition to the "Rock 'N' Roll Horror" craze of the 80's
and it's a doozy. Not good, mind you. Just a doozy. Nerd Angel Martin
(Stephen Quadros) wants to quit his job at the pizza parlor (run by
ranting manager Aldo Ray)
and become a guitar player for a rock band. The only problem is, he
has no talent. Fate throws him a fastball and he happens to meet the
Devil (who is playing the sickest double-neck guitar I've ever seen)
who offers him a deal: His soul (and a few more later on) for the
talent to play guitar like no one has ever played guitar before.
Angel (ironic name, right?) accepts the deal and immediately grows
long black rockstar hair and has two groupies (who have also made
separate deals with old Scratch) who follow him everywhere and do his
bidding. Angel auditions for a band (managed by Traci Lords, the
lucky bastards!) and amazes everyone with his ability to learn new
songs by looking at the music sheets for a few seconds. The lead
singer of the band, Jonny (who wears half t-shirts cut-off at the
chest and talks kinda gay), takes an immediate dislike to Angel. Good
call because Angel takes over the band, becomes lead singer and signs
a major record deal with slimey executive Troy Donahue. To make a
long story short, Angel goes on a killing spree and Jonny must
find a way to kill Angel and his two groupies before they sacrifice
Traci Lords. The only way to kill them: Make them eat! If they eat
anything they will die! That's right, you read it correctly. Director
Mark Freed, who also co-wrote all the original (and unintentionally
hilarious) songs, tries to make something different and he does, it's
just that it's all bad. He throws a voodoo woman (Tyger Sodipe, who
can't act worth a lick), copious nudity, exploding heads, lots of
music and really bad acting all together and hopes something will
stick. It doesn't stick, it stinks, but it's funny as hell if you're
in the right frame of mind. The ending will leave you slackjawed as
Angel tries to kill Traci Lords while the headlining band is sitting
in the stands thinking it is all part of the show. Their reaction to
the final act is priceless. This may not be a good film but it is
entertaining. Also starring Tim Moffett, Markus Grupa, Karen Russell,
Gina Parks and late wrestling legend Big John Studd. An Academy
Home Entertainment Release. Rated R.
SKEETER
(1993) - Another
entry in the Giant Bugs On The Loose genre made popular
in the nuclear-terrorized 50s. A greedy
land developer (a haggard-looking Jay Robinson from THREE
THE HARD WAY
- 1974) stores toxic waste in an abandoned mine, causing a nest of
mosquitoes to grow to the size of birds. The skeeters begin to attack
the nearby towns populace, much to the chagrin of the deputy
and his newly-returned childhood sweetheart. The films main
drawback is that it spends too much time in the characters
personal lives and not enough time on the title creatures. Its
more of a soap opera than a horror film. Starring Tracy Griffith, Jim
Youngs, Charles Napier (playing his patented role of sheriff
with an attitude), William Sanderson and Michael J. Pollard (FOUR
OF THE APOCALYPSE - 1975) as loony (what else?) local
Hopper, who catches a giant mosquito and lets it suck blood from his
arm (!) to feed it. There's also a cameo by George
Buck Flower
as a duck hunter who survives a skeeter attack (and shows the scars
to prove it!). Directed by actor Clark Brandon (FAST
FOOD
- 1989). Too much talk and not enough action. From Columbia-Tri Star
Home Video. Rated
R.
THE
SKIN UNDER THE CLAWS (1975) -
I am fascinated by the career of actor/bodybuilder Gordon Mitchell.
He came into prominence during the early-'60s (after a short stint in
U.S. theatrical films and TV) when Italy began churning out hundreds
of Sword & Sandal epics and when that phase died down, Mitchell
jumped on the Eurospy and Spaghetti Western bandwagons, appearing in
scores of films in both genres (Apparently, Mitchell was a wise
investor, purchasing land in both Italy and Spain, making his fortune
by building a Western town on one of those properties and renting it
to production companies
making Spaghetti Westerns because it was a perfect backdrop for those
kind of films). Even though Mitchell never had to work again (he
passed away in 2003 at the age of 80), his career choices for the
'70s and beyond are some of the most mind-bending films out there,
including FRANKENSTEIN
'80 (1972), FRANKENSTEIN'S
CASTLE OF FREAKS (1973), FIGHTING
KILLER (1974), ACHTUNG!
THE DESERT TIGERS (1977), SHE
(1983), WHITE FIRE (1984), THE
CROSS OF SEVEN JEWELS (1987), BLOOD
DELIRIUM (1988) and this movie, the most obscure film in his
body of work and there's a reason for that.
When the film opens, we see Professor Helmut (Mitchell) standing
over the body of a recently deceased man, telling his associates, Dr.
Silvia Pieri (Genevieve Audry; PIRATE
AND THE SLAVE GIRL - 1959) and Dr. Gianni Dani (Tino
Boriani; MAN, PRIDE
& VENGEANCE - 1967), that the organs in the human body
quit functioning at different times after death. He hopes one day to
keep those organs viable for nearly 25 years, creating a human organ
body bank and making death obsolete. Both Silvia and Gianni tell
Professor Helmut that death is part of life, but he scoffs, saying if
we can extend human life indefinitely, shouldn't we at least try? We
then see someone wearing dark sunglasses and a floppy black hat
picking up a wisecracking prostitute (Mirella Rossi; MANIA
- 1974) off the street and taking her to some unknown location. The
next time we see the prostitute, she is naked and screaming, holding
her bloody stomach and falling to the floor. When her body is
discovered, chain-smoking Inspector Rinaldi (Ettore Ribotta; FASTHAND
- 1973) demands his men find the killer. The coroner (Renzo Borelli)
tells the Inspector that the prostitute's body was missing a couple
of vital organs and had decaying flesh under her nails and on her
neck and body, as if she "hugged a corpse" and the
Inspector is not pleased, telling him it is difficult enough finding
a living suspect, can he imaging how difficult it would be finding a
dead one?
Meanwhile, Gianni and Silvia start a romantic relationship as only
the Italians can, talking to each other in riddles and Silvia
remarking on how Gianni always wears sunglasses, even at night
(Gianni tells her he has an aversion to bright lights, making him
look like the killer and even more like a red herring to those of us
well-versed in giallo clichés). Professor Helmut tells Gianni
that he has a weak heart and he wants Gianni to transplant a new
heart into his body to give him new life, so he can continue his
experiments to defeat death. Before Gianni can perform the
transplant, Professor Helmut dies, but his body disappears from the
morgue. More female bodies end up dead, one of those bodies found cut
up in pieces and stuffed into suitcases, all of them missing vital
human organs and all of them also having decaying flesh under their
nails and all over their bodies. Is the killer really dead? It
doesn't take a genius to discover that the killer is Professor
Helmut, as the Inspector discovers he came to Italy from Venezuela in
the mid-'50s (Hmmm...Venezuela? That can only mean one thing!). We
then find out that Professor Helmut was a scientist for the Nazi
regime during World War II and when Berlin was bombed at the end of
the war, he lost his wife, who was the only love in his life. He has
found a way to transfer his wife's brainwaves into the body of
another woman. And who is that woman, you may ask? Why, none other
than Silvia, whom we find out looks exactly like Helmut's late wife.
Professor Helmut kidnaps Silvia and does some experiments on her, but
she escapes and before the Professor can get her back, the Inspector
and his men shoot and kill him. As the Inspector walks away from
Gianni and Silvia, we hear Gianni scream and when he gets back to the
couple, he sees that Silvia has stabbed Gianni to death while
uttering, "I am life. I am death!" THE
END.
This extremely short, 76-minute film has a mystery even a braindead
corpse could solve (besides Gianni and Professor Helmut, there is no
one else to suspect!), making it one of the most minor giallo films
out there. But just because it is easy to solve, doesn't mean that it
is a waste of film. Quite the contrary, this is a film as weird as
they come, especially the performance by Ettore Ribotta as the
chainsmoking Inspector Rinaldi. He berates his men constantly, making
them seem useless and when they do come up with vital clues, he
claims them
as his own! Add to that the extremely unusual way Gianni and Silvia
begin their romance and then continue with it (making it seem like it
is going down the crapper, but, surprise!, it isn't) and you have a
film that is 100% Italian cheese. Director "Al Santini" is
actually Alessandro Santini, a director of some very obscure flicks,
including the romance film with a slight tinge of giallo titled SWEET
WOMAN'S SKIN (1971) and the Spaghetti Western BEYOND
THE FRONTIERS OF HATE (1972). He was a Production Manager on
the Spaghetti Western KILL OR
BE KILLED (1966), which also starred Gordon Mitchell. If it
seems like huge chunks of exposition are missing from this film (such
as how Silvia managed to escape from Professor Helmut and other
instances that will have you throwing your hands in the air in
exasperation), it can all be credited to Santini, who didn't feel
that he needed to show such things to the audience to advance the
plot. Well, guess what? He was wrong! This is one of the most
fragmented films I have ever laid eyes on, which gives it a really
strange vibe, like you are experiencing someone's vivid nightmare. Is
it good? Oh my, no, not by a long shot. But is it entertaining? Yes,
yes it is. It is full of female nudity and some graphic violence, but
a lot less blood than normal, especially for a film of this type and
considering the subject matter. I'm not pretending that this is a
good film by any stretch of the imagination, but it is just obscure
and strange enough to merit at least one viewing. Also be aware that
the film is supposedly set in 1963 (it is referred to in a bit of
dialogue), but anachronisms abound, including Gianni's Porche, which
looks to be a much-later model, and other visual sights, putting this
film strictly in the early-1970s.
Shot as LA
PELLE SOTTO GLI ARTIGLI (a literal translation of the review
title, but a better title would be "The Skin Under The
Nails" since there are no claws on view!), this film never got a
theatrical or home video release in any format in the United States.
If you want to see this, you will have to go to YouTube and find the
film streaming from user "Agostina Carnimeo". The
anamorphic widescreen print is fuzzy and somewhat dark, but watchable
(in Italian with English subtitles), giving it the perfect, dreamy
sense of fragmentation and mystique this film so richly deserves.
Beggars can't be choosers, so get cracking before YouTube deletes
this user's account. Also featuring Agostino De Simone (PHENOMENAL
AND THE TREASURE OF TUTANKAMEN - 1968, another obscure
Gordon Mitchell flick), Franco Rossi and Ada Pometti (ESCAPE
FROM WOMENS PRISON - 1978). Not Rated.
SLASH
(2002) - Pretty standard slasher/comedy flick (filmed in South
Africa, trying to pass itself for Mid-West America and failing
miserably) with a couple of redeeming factors. The film begins with a
young Jonathan "Mac" MacDonald playing in his family's barn
when he spots his grandfather Jethro (Danny Keogh) wheeling in the
body of a woman and bringing her into a part of the barn where he has
the corpses of other bodies, draining them of blood into glass jugs.
Mac hides, but his music box (which plays "Old MacDonald Had A
Farm") gives him away and Jethro tries to grab him. A lantern
tips over during the struggle and Grandpa catches on fire, burning
down the barn. Mac gets away and his mother moves the both of them
away from the farm. Thirteen years later, Mac (James O'Shea) is the
lead singer in an Emo rock band called Slash. They are about to hit
the big time when a record executive hears their set and wants them
to record an album, but a man called Billy Bob (Nick Boraine, who looks
like a hillbilly cousin of Jake Busey and is the best thing about
this film) appears and tells Mac that his Aunt has died and the
funeral will be held at the MacDonald farm. The entire band
(including the roadie and a female groupie) decides to go with Mac to
the farm, so they hop on their tour bus and make the long trip. They
are greeted by Billy Bob and Mac's father Jeremiah (Steve Railsback; ED
GEIN - 2000), who hasn't seen his son for over thirteen
years and is happy he has come (Jeremiah's favorite saying is,
"I'm just yankin' yer chain."). Jeremiah has rebuilt the
barn exactly like it was before it burned down and invites the band
to rehearse there after the funeral. They have no choice, since their
bus has broken down, there is no cell phone service (God, I hate that
plot device!) and it will be two days before the part to fix the bus
will be delivered. Mac becomes more and more distant from his band
and begins to do chores like chopping wood. His father seems very
pleased, but the rest of the band is worried about him. They should
be, since someone dressed like a scarecrow begins slashing the cast
with a scythe. It all leads to the eventual showdown, where Mac and
the remaining members of his band (the drummer, the keyboardist and
the roadie have all been murdered) must fight the scarecrow, who
turns out to be Jethro (he survived the fire). He is collecting the
blood of humans to irrigate the crops because legend has it that
spraying the crops with blood will yield a great harvest. Jeremiah is
also in on it, so he and Jethro try to kill everyone except Mac, who
they want to join them. After some trickery from Mac involving a
knife with a retractable blade, he manages to set both Jeremiah and
Jethro on fire and burn down the barn yet again. The finale shows
that Mac and his band (which now contains Billy Bob as their
keyboardist!) have become famous, thanks to the experience (Mac has
written a whole album devoted to the MacDonald farm), but the final
shot shows that a severely burned Jeremiah is still alive and hoping
to get the "Harvest of Blood" back on track. While
nothing special, this is still an enjoyable horror flick thanks to
the performance of Nick Boraine as Billy Bob. He looks like he is
going to be the bad guy, but turns out to be pretty funny, as he
continually outwits the band's keyboardist, Keith (Craig Kirkwood),
especially in accuracy in firing Keith's pistol and being really good
playing Keith's keyboard (He's the church's organ player, after
all!). Director Neil Sundstrom (HOWLING
V: THE REBIRTH - 1989) keeps the bloodletting to a minimum,
although there are a few memorable moments, including the roadie
being grinded up in a crop thresher and a couple of gory scythe
impalements. The comedy elements mostly fall flat, except for the
exploits of Billy Bob, who should have a movie devoted just to him
(Keith calls him "Sling Blade" at one point). On the whole,
this film is worth at least one viewing if you enjoy slasher flicks.
Also starring Zuleikha Robinson as the band's female base player,
David Dukas as the horny lead guitarist, Brett Goldin as the roadie,
Nina Wassung as the groupie, Michael Richard as the moonshine
guzzling Sheriff who is also the town's preacher and Anton Vorster as
the scarecrow killer. A First Look Pictures VHS & DVD Release. Rated
R.
SLASHERS (2001)
- In the ultimate Japanese reality show, called Slashers, a
group of six contestants must survive a night being chased
and killed by three murderous characters: Chainsaw Charlie (Neil
Napier), Dr. Ripper (Christopher Piggins) and Preacherman (Neil
Napier again). In this special edition of the show, six American
contestants are vying for the twelve million dollar grand prize. They
are set loose in what looks like a huge multilevel warehouse filled
with mazes and bicker and fight with each other as well as share
intimate secrets about their past and why they are here in the first
place. The really strange thing about this game is that there is only
one cameraman to follow the action, so where ever the cameraman is,
the killings will follow (a major plot point at the finale). The
first person to be killed is Rebecca (Carolina Pla), who says that
she has MS and does not want to die a slow death. She kills
Preacherman by planting a wooden stake through his eye but is
graphically cut in half at the waste (her guts spill out) by
Charlie's chainsaw. More extremely gory killings follow in this
low-rent shot-on-video take-off of THE
RUNNING MAN (1986), yet it is extremely watchable and has
some biting comments on today's society. Sometimes the weakest of the
bunch comes out on top and the strongest fall because they are too
confident. It's talky at times, but the bloody murders really make
you stand up and take notice. Director Maurice Devereaux, who also
made the terrible BLOOD SYMBOL
(seven years in the making!) and LADY
OF
THE LAKE (1998), fills the screen with enough blood, nudity,
strange situations (all the action has to stop for commercial breaks
otherwise the collars the contestants and killers wear will give them
electrical shocks!), unbelievable dialogue and quick editing tricks
to hold your attention. Not a bad way to spend 99 minutes. This
is one of those films that Fangoria
presented on DVD and VHS. Also starring Sarah Joslyn Crowder (a real
find), Kieran Keller, Tony Curtis Blondell (as the black muscle-bound
ex-Marine), Jerry Spirio, Sofia De Medeiros and Claudine Shiraishi.
An MTI Home Video Release. Not
Rated.
SLAUGHTER
OF THE VAMPIRES (1962) -
In the late-18th Century, townspeople with torches and pitchforks
(Are there any other kind?) chase a male and female vampire for
killing young girls in their village. They catch the female vampire,
impaling her with their pitchforks while she lies on the ground
growling and showing her fangs, giving the male vampire time to
escape. After the opening credits, we see a horse-drawn carriage
racing down a dirt street, as the nameless male vampire (Dieter
Eppler; THE
TORTURE CHAMBER OF DR. SADISM - 1967) tells the coachman to
hurry up, he has to make it to the castle
before the sun rises. He makes it just in time, as he and the
coachman carry his coffin into the castle.
We are then introduced to Wolfgang (Walter Brandi; Producer of A...FOR
ASSASSIN - 1966) and his new wife Louise (Graziella Granata; MOLE
MEN AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES - 1961). They are throwing a
party at the castle they just purchased to live in. Care to guess
which castle that is? As Louise plays piano for the guests, Wolfgang
tells his butler to go to the wine cellar and to come back with the
finest claret he can find. As the butler makes the long walk down to
the wine cellar and dusts off bottles of claret, we see the vampire's
coffin behind some barrels of wine. The nameless vampire (really, he
has no name!) rises from his coffin and decides to join the party.
Louise somehow senses the vampire in the room, stops playing the
piano and tells her husband that she is feeling faint. Wolfgang then
mingles with the guests (way to worry about your wife!), as the
vampire walks up to Louise, takes her hand and dances a waltz with
her. All the female guests swoon over the vampire, while the male
guests look upon him with contempt, one man calling him
"sinister". When the music ends, Louise nearly faints and
the vampire quickly exits the party. Louise excuses herself, saying
she is ill and goes to her bedroom to recuperate. While the female
guests gossip about the vampire, saying no one knows who he is and he
is probably Louise's secret lover, the vampire appears in Louise's
bedroom, lays her on the bed and bites her on the neck.
A few days pass and Louise begins acting strange, not eating and
looking pale, so Wolfgang has a doctor (Alfredo Rizzo; director of THE
BLOODSUCKER LEADS THE DANCE - 1975; and a star of THE
BLOODY PIT OF HORROR - 1965 [also with Brandi]) come to the
castle and examine her. He tells Wolfgang that her pulse is weak and
she is probably anemic, saying Louise needs plenty of bed rest and a
good meal. That night, Louise leaves her bedroom and walks out of the
castle, where she meets the vampire, who tells her that she will soon
become a vampire and they will be together for all eternity. The
doctor may very well know that Louise is becoming a vampire, telling
Wolfgang that he and his wife need to get out of the castle
immediately and when they do, to contact Dr. Nietzche ("Paolo
Solvay" a.k.a. Luigi Batzella, director of THE
DEVIL'S WEDDING NIGHT - 1973) in Vienna, but not telling
Wolfgang why. Louise is too weak to leave the castle, so Wolfgang
travels to Vienna, where he meets Dr. Nietzche and discovers he is a
vampire hunter. At first, Wolfgang has no idea who he is, thinking he
is a medical doctor, until he tells Wolfgang that the only way to
save his wife is to kill the vampire who bit her. When Wolfgang and
Dr. Nietzche get to the castle, the servants tell Wolfgang that
Louise is dead, but when Wolfgang and the Doctor go to her bedroom,
Louise is not there; the bed is empty and the window is wide open.
Dr. Nietzche tells Wolfgang it is not too late to save his wife,
because the vampire has taken her away and will continue to bite her
until she becomes a full-fledged vampire, so they must find her and
destroy the vampire before that happens.
While Wolfgang is sobbing in the garden, Louise appears and bites
him on the neck, but the vampire shows up and drags Louise away. Dr.
Nietzche performs a blood transfusion on Wolfgang so he doesn't
suffer the same fate as his wife. He then tells Wolfgang that they
must find Louise's body before morning so they can put her to rest by
driving a wooden stake through her heart, but Wolfgang refuses to do
it because he loves his wife so dearly. Yes, Louise is now a
full-fledged bloodsucker, complete with sharp fangs and a deadly
aversion to the sun, but will Wolfgang be able to kill her, along
with the nameless vampire who infected her? I'm afraid you'll have to
watch the film to find out, but I will divulge this: Death is not
always the final answer.
This black & white Italian Gothic horror film, directed and
written by Roberto Mauri (KONG
ISLAND - 1968; ISLAND
OF LOST GIRLS - 1969; MADELEINE,
STUDY OF A NIGHTMARE - 1974), is nothing but a meal of
leftovers; a bunch of vampire tropes done without an ounce of originality.
There is one surprise revealed by servant girl Corrine (Edda
Ferronao; HERE
WE GO AGAIN, EH PROVIDENCE? - 1973) towards the end of the
film, but if I told you what it was, I would be depriving you of your
only enjoyment should you decide to watch the film. And what's with
not giving the vampire a formal name? It would help knowing the name
of the vampire who is causing all this, rather than just calling him
"nameless vampire"! Imagine if a James Bond villain didn't
have a formal name? It would be akin to calling Blofeld the "man
with the pussycat" or Scaramanga the "assassin with three
nipples"! If we are to hate someone, for Christ's sake, give him
a fucking name! It also doesn't help that nearly every actor in this
film act like they have no energy at all, as if they were performing
on autopilot, which is surprising, since Walter Brandi was so good in THE
VAMPIRE AND THE BALLERINA (1960), but he played the vampire
in that film (and he had a name!), unlike this one. If I have to say
one good thing about this film, it would be that Aldo Piga (THE
PLAYGIRLS AND THE VAMPIRE - 1960; TERROR-CREATURES
FROM THE GRAVE - 1965 [both starring Brandi]) supplied a
very atmospheric music
score, a mixture of orchestral passages and theremin soundscapes
whenever vampires are on-screen, otherwise this film is a total
washout. I remember liking this film when watching it on TV on the
'60s & '70s, but my adult brain can now see the film for what it
actually is: a hodge-podge of rehashed vampire clichés that
were well-worn-out even when this film was made, all told without an
ounce of originality or a sense of adventure. Frankly, it sucks.
Shot as LA
STRAGE DEI VAMPIRI (a literal translation of the review
title) and also known as CURSE
OF THE BLOOD GHOULS, this film obtained a theatrical
release in the United States in 1969 (!), under the CURSE
title, from Pacemaker Pictures. As far as I could tell, this film
never obtained a legitimate VHS release in the U.S (although IMDb
says Monterey Home Video
released it on VHS, something I haven't been able to corroborate),
but it did appear in that format from various gray market companies,
such as Something Weird Video
and Sinister Cinema. It
did, however, have a healthy life on DVD, including at least three
releases on DVD
by Retromedia Entertainment starting in 2005 and a much better DVD
from Dark Sky Films in
2007, all of them long OOP. It can also be found streaming on YouTube
from user "Dannyaines" in a widescreen print dubbed in
English. The print used is problematic, though, as the backgrounds
seem warped and move in a wave-like motion. Those that get easily
seasick may want to avoid this print. No Blu-Ray at the time of this
review. Also featuring Carla Foscari (GOLIATH
AND THE BARBARIANS - 1959), Gena Gimmy and Maretta
Procaccini. Not Rated.
SLEEPAWAY
CAMP II:
UNHAPPY CAMPERS (1988)
- A
fun, campy performance by Pamela Springsteen (yes, Bruce's sister,
who quit acting shortly after appearing in this series to become a
photographer) highlights this diverting little time-waster. Pamela
takes over
the role of Angela, the notorious boy-turned-girl psychotic of the
first film. In this installment, Angela is a camp counselor who
dispatches various naughty campers in bloody ways. When asked by the
camp's owner, Uncle John (Walter Gotell, who played General Gogol in
a bunch of James Bond films), where the campers are, Angela simply
replies that she sent them home for doing bad things. Nearly everyone
at the camp gets "sent home". A good body count,
imaginative murders and competant direction by Michael Simpson (who
would also direct the second sequel SLEEPAWAY
CAMP III: TEENAGE WASTELAND -
1989) make this film a good bet for horror fans. Anchor
Bay released the first three films (with a DVD for the
unfinished Part IV) in a SURVIVAL
KIT with a big red cross on it. The real Red Cross sued Anchor
Bay and made them change the packaging. Anyone who owns the
first pressing has a collector's item on their hands, although the
original SLEEPAWAY CAMP
(1983) is missing some gore footage. Keep your Media Home Video
tapes, kiddies! Also starring Renee Estevez, Anthony Higgins, Valerie
Hartman, Brian Patrick Clarke and Susan Marie Snyder. Originally
released on VHS by Nelson
Entertainment. Rated R. NOTE: Rupert Hitzig, the director
of the first film, made a new one called RETURN
TO SLEEPAWAY CAMP starring the original Angela, Felissa
Rose, produced in 2003, but not released until 2008 (Yes, it is that bad!).
SLEEPSTALKER:
THE SANDMANS LAST RITES (1995) -
So-so horror film in search of a decent plot. A serial killer known
as the Sandman (Michael Harris; SATAN'S
PRINCESS - 1990) is apprehended by the police after killing
seven families while
they slept. Seventeen years later, the only surviving boy of the
Sandmans wrath (Jay Underwood; THE
FANTASTIC FOUR - 1994)) learns that the Sandman is to be
executed by the gas chamber. A blind voodoo priest (Michael D.
Roberts; MANHUNTER - 1986)
administers the last rites to the Sandman, giving him the ability to
turn into sand and reappear at will. Soon the Sandman is stalking his
only survivor (turns out they were brothers and the Sandman was
searching for his adoptive family) and killing anyone who gets in his
way. Uninvolving most of the way because it is a by-the-numbers 90's
stalk n' slash flick. It does try to ellicit some sympathy for
the villian (flashbacks show him as a kid with his lips sewn shut and
protecting a baby, while being abused by his alcoholic father, before
killing him with a shard of a mirror) and contains some good morphing
effects and a haunting musical score (the song "Sleep Baby
Sleep" is used to excellent effect), but this is not enough to
save it from the dollar bins. A sequel was announced but (so far) has
not been made. I do have to say I liked it a lot more the second time
I watched it, over 17 years later. That is the nature of reviewing
films. Also starring Kathryn Morris (TV's COLD
CASE - 2003-2010), Ken Foree (THE
DEVIL'S REJECTS - 2005) and William Lucking (CONTRABAND
- 2012). Directed and co-written by Turi Meyer (CANDYMAN:
DAY OF THE DEAD - 1999). An Osmosis Pictures/Prism
Entertainment VHS Home Video Release. Also available on DVD from
Lionsgate Home Entertainment. Rated
R.
SORCERESS
(1994) -
I must be going mad because I found this Jim Wynorski-directed effort
to be a highly watchable
and involving supernatural erotic thriller. The plot is too complex
to describe in a short review, so Ill just state that the women
look great naked (including Julie Strain and Rochelle Swanson
displaying the finest pairs of tits that money can buy), theres
generous doses of unrated soft-core sex (including straight, lesbian
and threesomes) and the storyline is somewhat original and holds your
attention (something I thought I would never say about a Wynorski
film; see GHOULIES
4
review). You could do a lot worse than to go out and rent this film.
Also starring Larry Poindexter, Linda Blair, Edward Albert, Michael
Parks and William BLACULA
Marshall. Produced by Fred Olen Ray and written by Mark Thomas
McGee. Photographed with style by Gary
Graver.
A Triboro Entertainment Video Release. Not
Rated
due to the many sex scenes. (NOTE: I just caught a film on HBO called MILITIA
[2000], an action flick directed by Wynorski using the pseudonym
"Jay Andrews". It's actually pretty good and stars Dean
Cain, Frederic Forrest and Jennifer Beals. It was written by Steve
Latshaw, director of such badfilms as BIOHAZARD:
THE ALIEN FORCE
(1994) and JACK-O
(1995). You'd never guess it's a Wynorski film by watching it. It's
probably the most professional thing that he's done.)
SOUND
OF HORROR (1964)
- This is another 70's late-night TV staple that just up and
disappeared until Alpha Video found what looks like a worn 16mm black
& white print and put it on DVD. This Spanish production tells
the story about a group of treasure hunters, led by Andre (Antonio
Casas), who are looking for hidden treasure in some remote mountain
region in Greece. As they dynamite a cave, they discover
some petrified eggs and the mummified body of a Neanderthal Man.
During the explosions, one of the eggs cracks open and something
hatches from it. I say something because it is invisible. Andre and
his group are joined by fellow WW II veteran Acelo (James Philbrook)
and his gang (which includes a young Ingrid Pitt) who have the second
half of a treasure map that will lead everyone to the exact location
of hidden gold artifacts. They eventually find the treasure but may
never get to enjoy it as the invisible creature begins ripping apart
the cast (quite graphically for a mid-60's production) while it
unleashes a blood-curdling cry, the Sound of Horror. Greed gets the
best of our treasure hunters. Their thirst for gold outweighs their
concerns for safety and, unfortunately, some of them will die before
the night is through. As daylight approaches, the creature (Is it a
dinosaur or an alien? The brief glimpses may make you think it's a
dinosaur, but who ever heard of an invisible dinosaur?) breaks into
their house. One of the guys says, "Do you mind if I tremble a
little?" as they try to find a way to defeat the creature. Maybe
fire will work? Ingenious in the way it portrays the creature
as an unknown entity (and probably saving the filmmakers time and
money on creating a monster suit), SOUND
OF HORROR is still much too talky for it's own good.
Director Jose Antonio Nieves Conde does manage to liven the
proceedings with the grizzly creature attacks, but they are few and
far between. The screenplay, by Conde, producer Gregorio Sacristan
and Greg Tallas (co-director of THE
NIGHTMARE NEVER ENDS - 1980), spends too much time on people
squabbling, falling in love (Tragic European starlet Soledad Miranda
is also in the cast) or listening to silly superstitions to make this
anything but a mindless potboiler. Most reviews list the creature as
a dinosaur, but I take exception to that classification because,
although we get very quick glimpses of it towards the end, it could
still be an alien creature (the invisiblity makes me leans towards
extraterrestrial). I remember watching this as a kid on TV and being
scared to death by the creatures cry (it sounds like an old lady
being murdered). Now, I just watch it and wonder what all the fuss
what about. It's not a bad film, mind you, it's just another
disappointment best remembered as a kid than as an adult. Also
starring Arturo Fernandez, Jose Bodalo, Lola Gaos and Francisco
Piquer. An Alpha Video Release. Not
Rated.
SO
YOUNG, SO LOVELY, SO VICIOUS...
(1975) - Recent college graduate Angela (Gloria Guida; TO
BE TWENTY - 1978) is none too pleased that her father,
Doctor Batrucchi (Silvano Tranquilli; THE
SLASHER...IS THE SEX MANIAC! - 1972), is going to get
married to Irene (Dagmar Lassander; WEREWOLF
WOMAN - 1976), meaning that she will have a new stepmother.
The sexually promiscuous Angela and her equally horny boyfriend
Sandro (Fred Robsahm; BLACK
KILLER - 1971) keep a close eye on Irene and all of her
habits, putting her down as much as humanly possible (Angela doesn't
have a single kind word to say about her). It is quite possible that
Angela wants Daddy all to herself. Even Sandro asks her if she has
sexual feelings for her father, Angela saying don't be ridiculous. So
why is she so upset to see her father so happy?
Angela hopes to set up Irene by having Sandro come on to her to see
how she will react, thereby getting proof that she is marrying her
father only for his money. Irene and Sandro become very close, but
she won't let him get too close (if you know what I mean), which
pisses off Angela. No one, not even Angela's father, know anything
about Irene's past, so when they all go to a nightclub and a woman
named Martha (Rita Orlando; THE POSSESSOR
- 1975) says hello to Irene and that she hasn't seen her in a long
time, Angela wants to know everything she can about Martha, hoping
to dig up some dirt on Irene so she can tell her father. Angela
still has Sandro continue to hit on Irene, hoping she will have a
weak moment to use against her. Irene proves to be one cool cookie,
as nothing seems to phase her, which just makes Angela more
determined to find out about her past, having her friend Donatella
help her find something, anything on Irene that she can use against
her (When Sandro thinks he is finally getting to third base with
Irene, she asks him to turn out the lights. When he does, he
discovers Irene has left his house, hearing her car pull away).
Angela "accidentally" meets Martha at the beauty parlor and
pumps her for information on Irene's past, but she learns nothing,
because Martha also knows nothing about her past. Sandro tells Angela
that Irene has tremendous self-control and is probably frigid (!), so
Angela gives Irene a Cosmo-like sex quiz, finding out that Irene has
yet to make love to her father. Yes, Irene is a virgin and she will
remain one until she marries Angela's father. Is that true or is
Irene purposely lying to Angela?
Daddy goes away on an extended business trip, telling Angela that he
doesn't know when he is coming back, but when he does, he is marrying
Irene. This trip leaves Angela alone with Irene, giving her plenty of
time to play head games with her, showing Irene a slideshow of her
last stepmother, but like I said before, Irene is one cool customer,
at least in front of Angela, although we get the feeling that there
is something majorly wrong with Irene, deadly wrong. Angela deceives
Irene by pretending to be upset about her previous stepmother, one
moment refusing to move, lying completely naked on her bed and the
next moment being antsy and inviting Irene to a beach excursion,
purposely getting themselves lost and leaving Irene by herself,
making her believe that Angela died, slipping off a cliff to the
boulders below, that is, until she sneaks up behind Irene and scares
the shit out of her. Yes, Angela is a piece of work, but is Irene
more dangerous than her? All the evidence points to yes, as we will
witness more head games, the next one being twice as dangerous as the
one before it, until Irene shows her true colors. What colors would
they be? I'm afraid you'll have to watch the film for yourself to
find out.
This slice of Italian exploitation sleaze, directed and co-written
by Silvio Amadio (AMUCK -
1971; SMILE
BEFORE DEATH - 1972), is stuffed with full-frontal male and
female nudity, wrapped around a fairly involving mystery, as the
layers are slowly peeled back on Irene's past. This film does slow
down during the middle section, but I guarantee you will watch the
whole film, just to discover who Irene really is, because she seems
to be too disingenuous for her own good. You'll be thinking she is
too good to be true and you're right, but in this film, everyone is a
heel. Sandro is a boytoy of a rich older woman named Joan (Dana Ghia,
as "Felicita Ghia"; THE
BLOODSTAINED BUTTERFLY - 1971) and he's stealing her money
and selling off her property to pay his gambling debts. Angela is a
bitch with a capital "C", who only cares about herself. She
really doesn't give a damn about her father, using him as an excuse
to cover her true nature. Still, she looks amazing naked and she has
no problem with parading around naked because she just doesn't care.
Angela uses people like you and I would use a tissue to blow our nose
and you'll want to slap that smirk off her face, but that is this
film's central theme: girls behaving badly. Angela even seduces Irene
on the beach, while Sandro secretly snaps away with his camera
(Angela is so petty, she complains to Sandro that some of his photos
are out of focus!), those photos leading to the film's crushing
finale. Amadio does a pretty good job with the material (co-written
with Roberto Natale [BLOODY
PIT OF HORROR - 1965]), keeping you guessing, about Irene's
past and how far Angela is willing to go to discover it (which is
pretty damn far!). It's only when Angela realizes that she went too
far, does the film conclude with a very unexpected finale (The reason
Irene is hiding her past may not be shocking today, but it was when
this film was made). I never heard of this film (shot as PECCATI
DI GIOVENTU ["Sins Of Youth"]) until I saw it on
free streaming channel Drive-In
Classics and decided to give it a chance. I'm glad I did, even
if they showed the same commercial over and over every ten minutes.
Just like most Italian genre films, bottles
of J&B (Justerini & Brooks) Scotch are consumed, Sandro
drinking it straight out of the bottle when he realizes that his life
is over, when Joan cuts him off from the money he needs to pay
gambling debts. Also starring Flavio Sorrentino (DESPERATELY
LAST SUMMER - 1970; directed by Amadio). Not Rated.
STAGE
FRIGHT (1987) -
After reading so many positive reviews for this film, I must say that
I was a
little disappointed after viewing it. Director Michele Soavi (THE
CHURCH
- 1989) has a flair for visuals and there are a few tense moments and
plenty of gore (the best being the scene of a pregnant girl torn in
half), but the story is strictly old hat. It concerns an escaped
psycho actor (named Irving Wallace!) slaughtering a company of
performers who are rehearsing a musical horror play at a locked-up
theater. This is merely slasher stuff showcasing various ways to kill
people, even if it is well done. Also known as AQUARIUS
and BLOODY
BIRD.
Starring Barbara Cupisti, David Brandon and John Morghen. On VHS
from Imperial Entertainment.
Available on DVD & Blu-Ray
from Blue Underground. Unrated.
SUDDEN
DEATH (1975) -
Robert Conrad stars as an ex-operative who is forced
to return to his killing ways in this Filipino actioner, directed by
Eddie Romero (THE WOMAN
HUNT
- 1972, TWILIGHT
PEOPLE
- 1972; WHITE FORCE
- 1988). Conrad must find the murderers of the president (and his
family) of a huge corporation. Together with his partner (Felton
Perry of WALKING
TALL
- 1973), Conrad rages war on the board of directors and the assassin
(Don Stroud of THE
DIVINE ENFORCER
- 1991) sent out to kill him. Lots of fights and explosions, although
they are rather sloppily filmed. Still, it holds your attention and
has a really downbeat conclusion. Co-starring John Ashley (who also
co-produced), Larry Manetti (of MAGNUM
P.I.
[1980 - 1988]) and Filipino staple Vic Diaz in a bit part. From Media
Entertainment. Rated
R.
NOTE: For more on this film from screenwriter Carl Kuntze, check out
his email HERE. UPDATE:
Eddie Romero passed away on March 28, 2013.
SUICIDE
CULT (1977) - Interzod is a
government facility that uses astrology with amazing accuracy to
predict what course a person's life is going to take. Alexei (Bob
Byrd), the founder of Interzod, needs an ancient document in
Jerusalem to find out the birth date of the Virgin Mary so he can
calculate the Second Coming. Alexei also has a young wife (Monica
Tidkell) whom he mysteriously protects with armed guards at a tightly
secured mansion. He has been married for six months and has never
made love to her. Alexei is also on the trail of sadistic Indian cult
leader Kajerste (producer Mark Buntzman), who sexually mutilates
women and children. All these plot elements tie together in an
arresting, if somewhat statically acted, multifaceted film which
covers many genres. It's part horror, mystery, espionage and
supernatural that blends together quite nicely in director James
Glickenhaus' (THE EXTERMINATOR
- 1980; SLAUGHTER OF
THE INNOCENTS - 1993) first professional effort. Mark
Buntzman (who would later direct EXTERMINATOR
2
- 1984) is eerily effective as the cult leader as he manages to
invoke terror with a minimum of dialogue. I was disappointed with the
non-ending and occasionally the low budget shows (such as the stock
location shots), but it is still worthwhile viewing if only to see
how Glickenhaus, who once ran a production and releasing company
(Shapiro-Glickenhaus Entertainment) and now owns a stocks investment
company, got his start. Glickenhaus also makes an appearance here as
an agent in a sports car. This long out-of-print video was released
in the 80's by Continental
Video. You may find a used copy for sale on eBay
if you're extremely lucky. Also known as THE
ASTROLOGER. Rated R.
SWORD OF HEAVEN (1984) - Martial arts/police nonsense about a Japanese cop, on loan in L.A., who comes in possession of a magical sword made from a fallen meteor 400 years earlier. He teams up with an Irish cop (Gerry Gibson) to smash a paramilitary group bent on blackmailing rich people (Huh?). It doesn't make much sense and the title creation doesn't come into play until the final five minutes when it is used in a decapitation. Star Tadashi Yamashita speaks English almost as well as Sho Kosugi. Skip it and rent ENTER THE DRAGON. From Trans World Entertainment. Rated R.
SYNGENOR
(1990) - Third-rate monster film with a good cast. This is
actually a semi-sequel to director William Malone's SCARED
TO DEATH (1980), but Malone wisely decided against directing
this, since it knocks most of the rules he set in the first film on
its ass (Malone did design the monster suits, though, the main one
worn by Kevin M. Connor). The film open with Norton Cyberdyne
executive Stan Armbrewster (Charles 'Chip' Lucia; SOCIETY
- 1989), bringing company executive Paula (Riva Spier; GHOSTKEEPER
- 1980) and a bimbo and her boyfriend downstairs to celebrate
something. A Syngenor (SYNthetic GENetic ORganism) is being held in
captivity. It is an alien-like creature that were genetically
produced to take the place of soldiers in battle. Since they are
asexual, they reproduce every 24 hours. A Syngenor is
accidentally let loose, so Paula tells Stan that no outsiders can
leave alive, so we see a Syngenor kill the man and his topless bimbo
girlfriend. It then gets loose in the city and heads to its creator,
Ethan Valentine (Lewis Arquette; THE
HORROR SHOW - 1989). It kills Ethan just as niece Susan
Valentine (Starr Andreeff; AMITYVILLE:
DOLLHOUSE - 1996) comes home and Susan throws a vase of
flowers at it and the water in the vase hurts it (Unlike SCARED TO DEATH,
where the monster roamed through the sewer tunnels). Norton
Cyberdyne president Carter Brown (David Gale; THE
BRAIN - 1987) is rapidly going crazy (nobody did crazy like
the late David Gale) and keeps injecting some substance behind his
ear (it is never explained, although the substance is a neon green,
just like in a certain movie Gale starred in) and believes everyone
in the company is out to get him (just because you're crazy doesn't
mean it's not true). Paula wants all the Syngenors destroyed along
with any files pertaining to them, but Susan and nosy reporter Nick
Cary (Mitchell Laurance; THE RUNESTONE
- 1990) sneak into the company to see what they can find out. Stan
tries to get receptionist Bonnie (Melanie Shatner; the running joke
is everyone keeps asking her age) to get the files on the Syngenor
project downstairs and she accidentally lets loose a whole bunch of
Syngenors in the building (and gets electrocuted in the process).
Susan learns that the company has also developed a new weapon, called
the "Deathrattle" before she is spotted by a guard. Rather
than go through all the "people trapped in a building"
shit, I'll just give you the kills: Syngenors kill a massive amount
of security guards before they take the elevator and begin killing
upstairs. Carter uses the Deathrattle to make Stan a red stain on the
wall. Carter kills the rest of the board members (besides Paula) in
the boardroom while wearing a plastic bunny mask on the back of his
head (I told you he was crazy!). Paula and the head Syngenor (you'll
know it when you see it) are destroyed together by the Deathrattle,
but the Syngenor genetically re-assembles itself by using its parts
and Paula's parts together and they then squash Carter's head like a
bug. Susan remembers that Syngenors are afraid of water (What happens
if they were sent to the battlefield in the rain?) so she and Nick
turn on the sprinkler system and all the Syngenors dissolve. Oh, and
Susan and Nick become lovers. THE END. Besides the film being
boring as hell (William Malone must have read the screenplay by Brent
V. Friedman, who also wrote EVIL
ALTAR [1987], TICKS
[1993] and HELLBOUND
[1993]), none of the film makes very much sense. Director George
Elanjian Jr. (Who never directed another film, but he was a Key Grip
on James Glickenhaus' SUICIDE CULT
- 1977) never tries to explain why Paula wants to take over the
company, what Carter is shooting behind his ear, why he is going
stark raving bonkers, why don't the police want to help especially
when there's a massacre going on (especially since one of the Chiefs
is friends with Susan) and why the building is so easy to sneak into
(The poor black guard who is in charge just up and quits. He was the
only one with sense.). The stabs at humor here are pathetic and it is
easy to spot where the film was cut to achieve an R-Rating (a scene
with an electric drill; Paula's death and Carter's head-squashing
among the most apparent). The least the DVD could do was restore
these scenes so there would be more gore in the film, but this is
just a typical low-rent monster flick from the 90's. Even the much
lower budgeted SCARED TO DEATH was 100% better than this.
Don't waste your time until a version comes out with the cut scenes
restored. Photographed by James Mathers (MEMORIAL
VALLEY MASSACRE
[1988] and the underrated BRAKE
[2012]). A total piece of crap except for Malone's Syngenor suits.
Originally available on fullscreen VHS by SouthGate
Entertainment. Also starring Jeff Doucette, Bill Gratton; Ken
Zavayna, Toy Fegan and Julie Kris. A Synapse Films DVD Release. Rated
R.
TAETER
CITY (2012) - For the past few
years, readers of this site have been emailing me, telling me to
watch this film. Well, I finally did watch it and all I can say is:
WTF did I just watch???. This begins like some fragmented futuristic
TV show, where the leader of this anti-violence society, who goes by
the name Caronte (Riccardo Valentini), praises the new regime for
transmitting a radio frequency, called the "Zeed", that
makes all violent criminals commit suicide, even future criminals who
haven't committed any violence yet! The bodies of the dead criminals
are then turned into food, which a fast food company named
"Taeter Burger" sells to all the non-violent citizens of
this food-starved society, in the guise of a meaty hamburger (and the
citizens know exactly what they are
eating!). But something goes wrong with the Zeed System, turning a
man named Trevor Covalsky (director/producer/screenwriter Giulio De
Santi) into a mutant immune to the Zeed, who goes about killing all
the important people involved in this inhumane society. A special
police division, called "The Bikers" (a group who collect
all the dead bodies of criminals and turn them over for food
processing) are called in to kill Trevor, but they run into something
that they cannot control, because Trevor is infecting his victims
with the same power he has. We watch as Bikers Wank (Wilmar Zimosa),
Shock (Santiago Ortaez) and Razor (the big-breasted Monica
Muñoz) try to kill Trevor, unsuccessfully, usually with very
gory results. That the best way I can explain this short Italian
cyber-punk film (running 72 minutes, 11 minutes of it the end
credits!), which will remind many people (including myself) of those
Japanese gore films like TETSUO Series
(1989 - 2009) and its ilk. I almost turned off the film when it
started, but something inside me couldn't do it because I was
mesmerized by the gory visuals, which are very well done (by Giulio
De Santi and his crew) and the insane music score (by Razzaw), that
puts the viewer at unease. People are skinned alive, have their face
melted, decapitations aplenty, impalements or have their skulls
cleaved in two (both horizontaly and vertically!), everything thrown
at the screen for the viewer to see. I'm not saying that this is a
good film because it's not (the story, if you want to call it that,
is very hard to follow), but it has a certain "something"
that hypnotizes you and you will find it very hard to take your eyes
off the screen. The dubbing, which is extremely bad, also adds to
this film's charms, especially when Caronte comes on screen to regale
his audience with how neatly the government is being run and then
reminding his audience to eat at Taeter Burger! I really can't
recommend this film, as it has nothing of note except for the
extremely gory visuals, but I also can't condemn it, because I found
myself watching it till the end. It's one of those films that leaves
me flabbergasted, not knowing why I don't hate it when I really
should. It's not a film I would buy, but I saw it for free on Amazon
Prime, so no harm, no foul, but others may want to see it just for
the gory practical effects. Either way, it's a film you will soon not
forget. I guess that's the best thing I can say about it. Giulio De
Santi has also unleashed ADAM CHAPLIN
(2011), HOTEL INFERNO
(2013) and THE MILDEW OF
PLANET XONADER (2015), films that are available on DVD at
Amazon, but I would suggest you watch this film first, just to see if
you would be interested in purchasing his other films. I really don't
know if I am ready for that, because my mind is still reeling from
this film, but if a film affects me this way, I am sure that I will
visit his other films in the future. De Santi announces a sequel at
the end of this film, but, so far, it hasn't materialized. Also
starring Marzia Maghi, Pierluigi Nitas, Enrique Sorres, Luise Di
Stefano and Sabriel Munoz. A BayView
Entertainment DVD Release. Not Rated and deservedly so.
TEN
(2014) - Simply horrid piece of micro-budgeted crap that tries to
be sly, but ends up being much too talkative and boring. It is also
full of anachronisms. Spektor Island, MA - December 1971: A young
woman (Kerri Lynch) is exploring a seemingly abandoned cliffside
mansion with a flashlight (but we learn immediately that the mansion
has at least one other person in it and he/she doesn't look
friendly). The mansion has a pig motif from a cuckoo clock that has a
tiny pig spring out instead of the bird to a pig's head hanging on
the wall that pulls out a chunk of the woman's hair. She is then
confronted by someone wearing a painted clear mask and carrying a
meat cleaver (the way the killer is dressed makes him/her look like
an ice cream man, but the killer is listed as "The Butcher"
during the end credits). The woman runs outside with the killer close
behind. In a scene that makes no sense, the woman is suddenly wearing
a pig mask, which the killer pulls off and knocks her off a cliff to
the ocean below. Spektor Island, MA - December 1972: The woman who
fell off the cliff survived and is now back at the mansion, this time
with nine other women, all who received a small porcelain pig and
instructions to come to the mansion (I'm not going to give the women
any proper names because the film doesn't bother to give them any).
They are all there under false pretenses with fake professions. The
woman listed as the "Renegade"
(Jade Sylvan) has a nose ring and is full of tattoos (Was that even
a "thing" in 1972?) and the rest are there are part of an
invitation for a business proposition that doesn't exist. After
meeting and listening to these ten women, we can't wait until they
are killed, especially the woman playing the "Religious
Fanatic" nun (Molly Carlisle), who chastises another woman for
eating a sandwich with meat in it. The actress dreams that "the
ghost of Spektor Island" (make up your mind; is it the Butcher
or the Ghost?) is in her bedroom and when she wakes up, she finds a
porcelain pig's head on the other side of the bed (you better laugh
now, because the rest of the film is insufferable). In one of the
film's most nauseating (or creative; depends on your point of view)
moments, we watch the camera spins around the room of a party
attended by the women and every 360° turn the clock changes by
two hours (7:00 PM; 9:00 PM; 11:00 PM; 1:00 AM). The camera stops
spinning at 3:00 AM and someone slips a mickey into the
"model's" (Leah Principe) drink. While the "folk
singer" (Sophia Cacciola) plays a tune about pigs, the model
strips completely naked (full-frontal; the only instance of nudity on
the film) and enters the party, picking apart everyone's fake
occupations (besides the ones already mentioned, there's a doctor
[Susannah Plaster]; a historian [Rachael Leah Blumenthal]; a real
estate developer [Molly Devon]; a coed [Porcelain Dalya]; and a
medium [according to the credits, "UnAmerika's Sweetheart"
Karin Webb]) and then walks upstairs, where we find out she was
working in conjunction with the killer and he/she gives her a
hand-painted clear plastic pig mask, but everyone finds her dead in
the bathtub wearing the mask when the ceiling below the bathroom
begins to leak (never trust a psychopathic killer, but one of
braindead women tries to revive her by breathing into the mask's pig
snout!). A hologram of a man (in 1972?) appears in the library and
tells all the survivors that they are there because each of them is
hiding some kind of deadly secret. This film is basically an unfunny
feminist version of Agatha Christie's "Ten Little Indians"
and when the masked killer shows up, the actress snaps the killer's
neck, only to discover that it's the real estate agent, another one
of the real killer's helpers. It's not worth it for me to describe
any more of the film (you will thank me for that), because the kills
are poorly done and, let's face it, the movie stinks. It's just a
bunch of awkward 70's dialogue (some of which I never heard in the
70's) with an occasional bloodless kill (there's only one really
bloody kill towards the end of the film). The set-up is straight out
of MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE
(1966 - 1973), as all the women are actually agents for the U.S.
government and given false identities to catch "Ten", a
foreign agent who has some important microfilm in one of the ceramic
pigs (They are all given reel-to-reel tapes that self-destruct after
ten seconds. The makers of M:I should sue, especially after
the small stinger after the end credits.). "Ten" turns out
to be the tattooed renegade, but she may not be the real enemy. The
real enemy may be our own government. Are we really the enemy?
Directed, produced and written by actress Sophia Cacciola and Michael
J. Epstein (who wisely chooses to stay behind the camera doing at
least a half-dozen different jobs, including Editor and Special
Effects Supervisor) and also co-written by actress Jade Sylvan and
Sarah Wait Zaranek, this film is like spending a weekend watching
your Aunt Gertrude's home videos (yet it won awards at film
festivals, which is why I don't go to film festivals, especially
since I never heard of half of them). I was actually getting sleepy
while watching and nearly dozed off a few times, something I hardly
ever do (And if I do, I watch the film completely over but,
thankfully, I managed to keep my eyes open for this one. Another
viewing would have been worse than being waterboarded). You know the
film is in trouble when the best part of the movie are the animated
opening credits, but even they are deceiving (it shows women being
sliced in half both horizontally and vertically; something we never
see in the film proper). The dialogue in this film makes every person
seem like a Fulbright intellectual and really takes away most of the
film's suspense, especially when coming from these women's mouths.
And would someone please explain to me why "The Butcher"
would stay in a mansion where he/she supposedly killed a woman a year
earlier? The person may be a sociopath, but the character is given
zero back-story, so we really don't care what happens except that
he/she kills this untalented cast. I still don't get the pig
symbolism except when one of the women says that pigs are the most
intelligent animals besides humans. But what does that have to do
with the price of tea in China? Please, I beg of you, don't watch
this film unless you are suffering from insomnia. This will put you
right to sleep. For a film with no men in it (except for voices;
Troma president Lloyd Kaufman is one of those voices), one expects
more than this piece of garbage. Filmed in Barrington, Rhode Island
and Somerville, Massachusetts. A Brink Vision DVD Release. Not Rated,
but only because it was never submitted to the MPAA. If it were, it
would get an R-Rating based solely on the nude scene.
TERROR
(1978) -
The career of director Norman J. Warren runs hot and cold. Some of
his films are good, such as ALIEN
PREY
(1978), HORROR
PLANET
(a.k.a INSEMINOID - 1980)
and BLOODY
NEW YEAR
(1986), while others are downright awful, including
SATANS
SLAVE
(1976; only the R-Rated version as the Uncut, Unrated version is very
entertaining) and SPACED
OUT
(1979). TERROR
falls somewhere in the middle. It begins as a film within a film, as
a producer (John Nolan) shows his newest production to a group of his
friends. It concerns the supposedly true story of how his ancestors
burned a witch at the stake 300 years earlier, causing her to curse
his family line. Past and present merge as a series of grisly murders
of the producers friends take place, including a couple of
brutal stabbings, an impalement on a wrought iron fence and a
beheading by a falling pane of glass. The entire film plays as a
whodunit, as the viewer tries to figure out if the producers
long-lost cousin (Carolyn Courage) is or isnt the murderer. The
final denouement makes everything that proceeds it seem moot, as the
burned witch makes an appearance and kills the producer and his
cousin. No one survives and the viewer feels cheated. Also known as KILLING
HOUSE. Originally from VCI
Video and then later released on VHS by United
Entertainment Video. Available on a double
feature DVD from the defunct Deimos Entertainment with SATAN'S SLAVE
(1976) Also available on a double
feature DVD from Scorpion
Releasing with the uncut version of THE
DEVIL'S MEN (a.k.a. LAND
OF THE MINOTAUR - 1976). Rated
R.
TERROR
AT THE OPERA (1987)
- Finally
reaching these shores in its unedited glory, this Dario Argento
thriller, originally titled OPERA,
was well worth the wait. While not overtly gory or bloody it does
have its fair share of shock and surprises. An understudy (Christina
Marsillach) takes the lead part in an opera after the leading diva
gets hit by a car. She is then relentlessly stalked by an unknown
assailant who ties her up and makes her watch as he disposes of her
friends one by one. Pins are taped under her eyes, so she cannot
close her eyelids. The director of the opera (lan Charleson, in a
semi-autobiographical representation of Dario Argento) comes up with
a plan to expose the killer. Stylistic touches, expected in an
Argento film, flourish throughout. The stand-out scene has to be the
death of Daria Nicolodi, the ex-wife of Argento (He must really enjoy
killing her). As she is answering the door, she looks through the
peephole, and the killer puts a bullet through the hole. This scene
is a wonderment of special effects and photography, the best I have
seen in a long time. Seek this video out. You will not be
disappointed. A Southgate
Entertainment Home Video VHS Release. Also available on uncut
DVD from Anchor Bay Entertainment
& Blue Underground
and on Blu-Ray from Scorpion Entertainment. Unrated.
TERROR
CREATURES FROM THE GRAVE
(1965) - This companion piece to BLOODY
PIT OF HORROR (1965) shares the same director, screenwriters
and almost the same cast. It is also a creepy gothic take of
vengeance beyond beyond the grave.
The film opens in the early-20th Century, where a nervous man hears
a noise outside, so he leaves an empty bar and runs outside as the
town clock strikes midnight. He goes to saddle his horse, when it bolts,
knocking him to the ground. The horse tramples the man's head over
and over until he is dead, one of his eyes protruding out of its
socket. I guess the horse was more nervous than he was. But why?
We then see lawyer Albert Kovac (Walter Brandi; THE
VAMPIRE AND THE BALLERINA - 1960) pull up to a castle in a
newfangled thing called an automobile. He knocks on the castle
door, but when no one answers, he lets himself in. Maid Louise (Tilde
Till) greets him and takes him to the lady of the castle, Cleo Hauff
(Barbara Steele; THE
LONG HAIR OF DEATH - 1964). Albert shows Cleo a letter from
her husband, Jeronimus Hauff, which says he invited Albert to come to
the castle to draw up his will. Cleo says that can't be because her
husband died nearly a year ago and, in three days, it will be the
first anniversary of his death. Cleo's daughter, Corrine (Mirella
Maravidi, a.k.a. "Marilyn Mitchell"; Lucio Fulci's HOW
WE ROBBED THE BANK OF ITALY - 1966), tells Albert that
something supernatural and evil will happen one year after her
father's death, but Cleo tells her to be quiet because she is being
foolish. Albert uses the phone to call his partner, but as soon as he
picks it up, it goes dead. Corrine then tells Albert that, 100 years
ago, the castle was used as a hospital to treat victims of the plague
and not one of them left the castle alive. She shows Albert some
mummified severed human hands and tells him that superstitious
villagers cut off the hands of plague victims so that they couldn't
touch anyone to spread the plague. She also says the plague victims
will rise from their graves in three days and come back to the
castle. The next day, Albert plans on leaving the castle, but his car
won't start. He finds an owl in the car's engine, forcing him to stay
until he can find someone to fix his car. He hears Corrine
scream and runs to see what is wrong. She tells Albert that she has
just seen her father. Albert also finds a recording (on a cylinder)
where Jeronimus Hauff says, "I am one of them. I will return. I
summoned them from their graves, and now I have become one of
them." Is it possible that Corrine actually saw her father?
Albert meets Dr. Nemek (Alfredo Rizzo, a.k.a. "Alfred
Rice"; SLAUGHTER OF THE VAMPIRES
- 1962), the village's new physician, and they become fast friends.
The doctor tells Albert what he knows about the history of the castle
and he has come there to treat Oskar Stinner (Ennio Balbo; SEVEN
GOLDEN MEN STRIKE AGAIN - 1966), a paralytic old man who was
friends with Jeronimus (he lives in the castle). Stinner is on the
brink of a nervous breakdown, as he believes the dead are coming back
to the castle, saying, "It's a place of death. Save yourself
before it is too late!" Albert, Corrine and Dr. Nemek go into
town to talk to Nielsen (Lewis Czerny), a local pharmacist who is
also the village's mayor, to get more information on Jeronimus's
death. They find his dead body behind the counter of his pharmacy,
his face horribly disfigured by a bottle of acid that seemingly
tipped over. The town clerk, Joseph Morgan (Riccardo Garrone, a.k.a.
"Richard Garrett"; THE
NIGHT CHILD - 1975), tells Albert that he knew the Mayor was
dead last night because he heard the cart of the corpse collector
pass by and "the corpse collector always comes...when somebody's
doomed to meet his fate!"
We then see Cleo taking a bubble bath (always a good thing!) and
Corrine tells her that the mayor is dead. Cleo mentions that the
mayer was good friends with her husband, but she hated him. We also
learn that the previous village physician was also friends with
Jeronimus and he, too, died a horrible death. The clerk gives Albert
a list of names of people in town who are cursed to die and their
only connection to each other is that they were friends with
Jeronimus. Albert thinks the clerk is loony and Dr. Nemek agrees, but
they will both soon learn that all the clerk told them will soon come
true. On the day of the first anniversary of Jeronimus's death, his
bodiy is to be moved to a consecrated cemetery, so Albert and the
doctor take a look in his coffin, only to find it empty. Is Jeronimus
alive? Is the curse coming true?
This moody, well-crafted gothic horror film is very atmospheric and
creepy, giving me goosebumps on several occasions, especially the
manner of Oskar Stinner's death (the severed hands come to life and
choke the life out of him) and what happens immediately after.
Director Massimo Pupillo (THE
VENGEANCE OF LADY MORGAN - 1965) was dissatified with the
way the film turned out, so he let co-producer Ralph Zucker
take directorial credit, even though he never directed a single scene
(That is why many people believe that "Ralph Zucker" is a
pseudonym for Pupillo). I don't know why Pupillo was so unsatisfied
with this film because I found it to be an effective little film and
the black & white cinematography, by Carlo Di Palma (credited on
the print as "Charles Brown"), who shot many of Woody
Allen's films of the '80s & '90s, greatly sets the somber mood of
the film. Screenwriters Romano Migliorini (as "Robin
McLorin"; NIGHT
OF THE DEVILS - 1972) and Roberto Natale (as "Robert
Nathan"; KILL, BABY...KILL!
- 1966) have crafted a story (based on the writings of Edgar Allan
Poe) cloaked in shadowy mystery and unseen terror. While we never see
the dead come back to life (all we see are the dead's POV shots with
a hand-held camera and shadows of hands reaching for their intended
victims), there is such a forboding tone here, you won't care.
Sometimes the most frightening things are those we cannot see. If you
are going to watch this movie for Barbara Steele, be aware that she
has a supporting role here and is in the film for no more than ten
minutes, but she does make an impact, especially her death. There are
many effective and outright scary scenes in this film, including one
victim falling victim to the plague, where his face bubbles with puss
(very gross for its time), the collection of severed hands coming to
life, tombs in the graveyard opening by themselves and invisible feet
dragging across the graveyard's soil, making this a great film to
watch at night with the lights out.
Originally titled 5
TOMBE PER UN MEDIUM ("5 Tombs For A Medium"), this
film played continuously during the'60s & early-'70s as a double
feature, with BLOODY
PIT OF HORROR. It then fell into the Public Domain (PD),
where it was then released on VHS by many budget companies, including
Something Weird Video. It can also be found on many budget DVD
multi-film compilations and stand
alone DVDs, including one from Alpha
Video. My review is based on Mill
Creek Entertainment's The
Undead: Vampire Collection 20 Movies Classic Features. The print
is windowboxed, but I don't recommend you enlarge the image to fit an
HDTV screen because Mill Creek squeezed five films on one DVD and if
you blow it up, it looks like people are made of Legos. Severin Films
released a beautiful Blu-Ray of this film, as part of a triple
feature, with NIGHTMARE
CASTLE (1965) and CASTLE
OF BLOOD (1964). Also starring Peter Sarto, Steve Robinson,
Armand Garner and Luciano Pigozzi (a.k.a. "Alan Collins"; SEVEN
DEATHS IN THE CAT'S EYE - 1973) as Kurt, the castle's
servant, who dies a horrible death. Not Rated.
TC
2000 (1993) -
Another Toronto-lensed, Canadian tax shelter flick that tries to sell
you a line of martial arts
clothing in the end credits! In the near future, a band of
kickboxing rebels (led by Jalil Merhi, who also produced) break into
a high security underground fortress patrolled by a skilled karate
cop (Billy Blanks) and his female partner (Bobbie Phillips). When his
partner is killed during the raid, Blanks quits the force and goes
looking for revenge. He teams with an outsider (Hong Kong perennial
Bolo Yeung) to bring Merhi down. What Blanks doesnt realize is
that his former employers have turned his dead partner into a lady
terminator (hence the title) and program her to activate a machine
hidden somewhere in rebel territory. She is also programed to dispose
of anyone who gets in her way. The machine will poison the
Earths atmosphere, killing everyone who lives on the surface.
Many kung-fu fights follow, if this kind of thing interests you. It
didnt interest me. Matthias Hues (MISSION
OF JUSTICE
- 1992) co-stars as an evil henchman. Written and directed by T.J.
Scott. An in-name-only sequel to TIGER
CLAWS
(1991), which, to add to the confusion, actually had two official sequels.
An MCA Universal Home Video release. Rated
R.
TO
ALL A GOODNIGHT (1980) -
David Hess, who acted as psychos in films such as LAST
HOUSE ON THE LEFT (1972), HITCH
HIKE (1978) and HOUSE
ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK (1980), takes a turn at directing
here and mainly comes
up snake eyes. This is basic stalk-and-slash stuff as five college
co-eds spend Christmas Vacation in their dorm, invite their
boyfriends over for some hot sex and get slaughtered by someone
dressed in a Santa suit. Everyone is killed except the virginal Nancy
(Jennifer Runyon) and the near-virginal Alex (Forrest Swanson).
There's a double twist-ending that's telegraphed more than halfway
through the film, so all the viewer has to enjoy is the beheadings,
knifings, strangulations, crossbow arrow impalements and other mayhem
on view. The only problem is the film is shot so dark that it's hard
to make out anything that is going on. Most of the action takes place
at night and most of the scenes are underlit. Too bad, since some of
the murders are inventive and would be better appreciated if more
light were shown on the subject. Since this is one of the original
films to use a person in a Santa suit as the killer, this film does
get some credit, but Hess could have jazzed-up the proceedings by
making the killer more manic and, the film as a whole, more
enlightening. Worthwhile only if you want to see David Hess' only
directorial effort. Also starring Linda Gentile, William Lauer,
Judith Bridges, Katherine Herrington and Buck West. Written by Alex
Rebar, who was THE
INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN (1977) and wrote and
executive-produced DEMENTED
(1980). A Media
Home Entertainment VHS Release. Also available on DVD
& Blu-Ray from Kino Lorber/Scorpion
Releasing in it's OAR. Rated R.
TO PROTECT AND SERVE (1992) - Decent cop thriller that begins with a mass beating of a suspect by a group of cops (ala Rodney King) and then escalates into a series of murders of the policemen who were involved in that beating. Cop C. Thomas Howell, who witnessed the beating, is given the job of finding the killer. The only problem is, he may be the one who is doing it! Filled with sleazy bits such as a cop getting a blowjob by a hooker in the front seat of his patrol car while he is interrogating her pimp in the backseat. Directed skillfully by Eric Weston (EVILSPEAK - 1981). A LIVE Home Video VHS Release. Not yet available on DVD or Blu-Ray in the U.S. Rated R.
TRAPPED
ALIVE (1988) -
On Christmas Eve, three cons escape from prison and hijack a Jeep,
taking two women
hostage. To avoid a roadblock, the cons drive down the old Forever
Mine road, make a wrong turn and fall, Jeep and all, down an
abandoned mineshaft. The cons and their hostages try to find a way
out of the mine before the ceiling comes crashing down on them. They
soon realize that they are not alone. Someone or something likes the
taste of their flesh and begins to devour them one at a time. A lone
cop follows the cons into into the mine and he must also contend with
the cannibalistic creature (who looks like a cross between a
neanderthal and Bigfoot). We learn that this creature is actually the
father of the strange woman who owns the mine. He was trapped years
before in a cave-in and ate his comrads to stay alive. His daughter
rescued him and occasionally feeds him humans to satisfy his lust for
flesh. She is not about to let these people leave the mine as they
will supply dad with enough food to last him for a while. This is a
strange almalgam of crime and horror, which mixes gunshots and
threatened rape with gut munching and other bits of extreme gore,
mostly to good effect. A real surprise, since this comes from Action
International Pictures (AIP, get it?), those purveyors of cheap crime
dramas (TAXI
DANCERS
- 1993; DEADLY
REACTOR
- 1988; ALIEN
SEED
- 1989; and dozens of others) who make PM Entertainment look simply
stellar. Will wonders never cease? Oh well, maybe it was because I
took an extra deep toke on the pipe before I viewed it. It still held
me spellbound for some reason. TRAPPED
ALIVE
(which is also known as FOREVER
MINE)
stars Alex Kubic, Randolph Powell, Elizabeth Kentland and the late
Cameron Mitchell as the father of one of the captured girls. Directed
and written by Leszek Burzynski, who throws in a few real scares.
From Action International
Pictures Home Video. Not
Rated
due to scenes of cannibalism and flesh-ripping.
TURISTAS
(2006) - More torture porn (for lack of a better term, since the
film is not porn, but contains plenty of torture) in the vein of HOSTEL
(2004), only instead of Slavik countries, this one is set in Brazil.
In other words, this is not an advertisement for Brazilian tourism. A
group of unrelated backpackers from various countries (U.S., Great
Britain, Australia, Sweden) are on a bus that is speeding down some
twisty Brazilian mountain road, when it crashes, stranding them in
the middle of nowhere. They manage to find a secluded beach with a
bar and party all night with the locals, only to wake up the next
morning to find out they were drugged and all their belongings
stolen. We then find out that the locals are in cahoots with a doctor
who uses the tourists that visit the area
as his own personal organ bank, as they are used as unwilling donors
for a black market human organ ring. The Swedish couple are the first
to be kidnapped, but when the locals stop to smoke some dope and the
Swedes try to escape, they are killed (one is hacked to death with a
machete and the other falls off the side of a cliff, graphically
splitting her head open on the way down). The doctor shows his
displeasure by shoving a skewer through one local's eye, killing him.
A local named Kiko (Agles Steib) offers to take the group to safe
shelter but, in reality, leads them on a long trek through the jungle
to the doctor's (his uncle's) house. They are all taken prisoner, as
we watch the doctor remove one of the girl's kidneys while she is
still awake. The other tourists break free and fight back when Kiko
has a change of heart (pardon the pun) and decides to help them
escape. The rest of the film is just one long torturous chase as the
doctor and his minions try to retrieve their prey before they make it
to safety. It's like THE
MOST DANGEROUS GAME (1932) with lots of extra blood and gore,
some of it done with a scalpel instead of a crossbow or rifle.
I have to say that I'm not a big fan of this genre of film,
specifically, needlessly showing the prolonged torture of people
before finally putting them out of their misery. While
actor-turned-director John Stockwell (CHRISTINE
- 1983; DANGEROUSLY CLOSE
- 1986) fills the screen with beautiful scenery and pretty girls (who
get naked a lot), much of the violence is brutal to the point of
being unwatchable. I have nothing against violence in films (far from
it) but, in some instances, showing too much takes the artistry out
of the act, rendering it just sadism for sadism's sake. I know that
films like this have their fans, but I'm not one of them. TURISTAS
is well-made, it's just not my cup of tea (or grue). Filled with
scenes of organ removal, dismemberments, impalements and bullets to
the head and other extremities. If that turns you on, you'll probably
like this. Starring Josh Duhamel, Melissa George, Olivia Wilde,
Desmond Askew, Beau Garrett (who suffers the worst death), Max Brown
and Miguel Lunardi as Zamora, the dastardly doctor. This was actually
filmed in Brazil, which makes me never want to visit there, no matter
how beautiful the country looks. Originally Rated R when
released to theaters, it is now available on DVD in an Unrated edition
from Twentieth Century Fox,
something DreamWorks Entertainment did much better with their Unrated
DVD version of THE RUINS (2007),
another film about strangers in a strange land and handled much
better than this film.
TWISTED
NIGHTMARE (1982) - This
murky FRIDAY THE 13TH
(1980) clone, lensed in 1982 but not
released until 1987, is so relentlessly dark (the screen, not the
tone) that for more than half the movie the action is
undistinguishable. A group of friends are invited to a campsite
where, two years earlier, a girl's (Rhonda Gray) retarded brother was
mysteriously burned to death. The friends are all sex-crazy teens who
begin to get knocked-off in all the tried-and-true ways. There is a
beheading, impalements, electrocutions and burnings. Oh, and there's
one more thing: The campsite was built on an ancient burial ground.
If all this sounds familiar, it is. If there is any type of enjoyment
to be found in this film, the dark, underlit nighttime photography
completely obliterates it. This is derivitive filmmaking at it's
worst. Director Paul Hunt, who used to work on '60's sexploitation
using the name "H.P. Edwards", is also responsible for the
far better 1973 film, THE CLONES
(which Hunt co-directed with Lamar Card) and the so-so MERLIN
(1992). TWISTED NIGHTMARE also
stars Donna Correa, Devon Jenkin and Cleve Hall. A Trans
World Entertainment VHS Release. Available on Blu-Ray
from Code Red. Rated R.
THE
UNBORN (1991) - Tidy little horror film
from Roger Corman's New Concorde Releasing that sneaks up on you.
When childrens book writer Virginia Marshall (the excellent Brooke
Adams) and her husband Brad (Jeff Hayenga), go to fertility
specialist Dr. Meyerling (character
actor supreme James Karen) in hopes of getting pregnant after two
miscarriages, the couple get more than they bargain for. It
seems the good doctor has been impregnating women with some
mysterious formula, causing them to become violent, break out in
unexplained rashes and kill anyone who gets in their way until the
baby is delivered. Virginia becomes suspicious of the doctor when she
begins to break out in a rash, kills the family cat (by strangling it
while it is on her lap) and begins to realize that the baby may not
be hers. She goes to an alternative birthing class (run by D-list
actress Kathy Griffin [!] and her pregnant lesbian partner) and finds
out that she is not the only one in this condition. As people begin
to die (including Kathy Griffin, who is beaten to death with a claw
hammer by her life partner), Virginia goes to a back alley
abortionist (the late Rick Dean) and has the baby aborted. It doesn't
end there though as Virginia begins to hear the cries of a baby while
at home and drives back to the back alley to find her baby still
alive in a dumpster. She brings it home and the baby plants a
knitting needle in Brad's eye (he was in on it with Dr. Meyerling all
along). Virginia drives to the doctor's office with a gun to learn
the truth: The babies have alien DNA and the doctor has now perfected
growing them out of the womb (he shows her a back room laboratory
where he is growing them). Virginia kills the doctor and destroys the
lab. Think it's over? It's not. Director Rodman Flender (IN
THE HEAT OF PASSION - 1991; IDLE
HANDS - 1999) has crafted a horror film that builds suspense
as the story moves along and Gary Numan's ("Cars") musical
score helps in this department tremendously. It's his only
full-length movie score. While not overtly bloody, the film has it's
fair share of scares and who doesn't want to see Kathy Griffin get
killed? Also starring K Callan as Virginia's mother, Rick Podell and
Lisa Kudrow in a small, early role as Meyerling's nurse. It spawned a
sequel, appropriately titled THE
UNBORN II (1993), which plays like a bastardization of IT
LIVES AGAIN (1978). It's not half the film this one is. A
New Concorde Home Video and DVD Release. Rated R.
THE
UNEARTHING (1993) -
A pregnant teen (Tina Ona Paukstelis) agrees to pose as the wife of
the mysterious
Mr. Null (Norman Moses) for an undisclosed sum of money. He needs her
baby as the heir to his mothers huge fortune. A stipulation in
the will states that he must have a child to inherit the cash (or so
he says). He brings the teen to his invalid mothers huge
mansion where she is to stay until the baby is born. Strange things
begin to happen. Dead fetuses are found buried in the woods, the teen
has visions of pregnant sex (or so she thinks),the entire Null family
acts very strange (especially Mom) and the maid likes to serve
drugged apple cider. Believe it or not, this all has to do with a
brand of Filipino vampires called the Aswang. They feed on the unborn
using their very long tubular tongues! You know who is next on the
menu. Filled with gory scenes and an unusual storyline, this film
(originally titled ASWANG)
at least tries to be different and succeeds for the most part. The
final reel is kind of a letdown, though. Directed, produced and
written by Wrye Martin and Barry Poltermann (THE
LIFE OF REILLY - 2006) on a very low budget. Available on R-Rated
VHS from Prism Entertainment
and Unrated DVD from Mondo Macabro.
Rated
R
and Unrated.
THE
UNSEEN (1980)
- A
terrifying performance by Sydney Lassick makes this film a must-see
for all horror fans. A thing
in the cellar, the result of a incestuous relationship, is only one
of the horrifying elements of this moody, perverted piece of
celluloid. The thing
(played by Stephen Furst of ANIMAL
HOUSE
[1978] and TV's ST.
ELSEWHERE
[1982 - 1986]) likes to play with, then kill, pretty young women. But
the biggest horror of the house is Sydney Lassick, the father of the
thing. When he is not beating his son, he likes to abuse his
sister/wife, played with frightful innocence by Lelia Goldoni. Mr.
Lassick plays against type (he usually plays scared little weenies)
and puts on a good show. This is a well photographed film with
unusual visuals and many scares and has an exciting suspenseful
conclusion. If the credits didn't identify Stephen Furst as the
thing, you would not have known it. Directed by "Peter
Foleg", which is actually a pseudonym for the late Danny
Steinmann (see SAVAGE
STREETS
- 1984 review). There is nothing to be ashamed of here. It's the type
of film where you feel like taking a cold shower after watching it.
Pick up THE UNSEEN the next
time you are in a video store. You will not be disappointed. A VidAmerica,
Inc. Home Video VHS Release. Available on DVD
from Code Red and on DVD
& Blu-Ray from Scorpion
Releasing. Rated
R.
VIDEO
VIOLENCE (1986) - Being
born and bred in New Jersey, I must take offence to this
Jersey-lensed SOV fiasco, loosely based on H.G. Lewis' 2000
MANIACS
(1964). A normal couple moves into a New Jersey town and take over
the local video store. An
unmarked video is returned showing a real murder and pretty soon the
couple are receiving snuff videos showing murders of transients and
visitors to this town. It's apparent that everyone in this town are
in on the murders since they only rent violent slasher films (PIECES
[1983] is a favorite) and the occasional porno tape. The couple
realise that they may be next and try to stop the madness only to end
up as video fodder in the "surprise" ending. This film is
strictly amateur hour as it looks like it was shot with a camcorder
and the acting and effects are over-the-top. Limbs are hacked off, a
deli worker cuts a man's hand off and runs it through a meat slicer,
while his co-worker hacks off a woman's head and puts it in a soup
pot ("Soup's on!"). Stabbings, razor slicings, ice pickings
and nudity are also on view, though none are done very convincingly.
The town sheriff speaks with a southern drawl (?) and every other
person listed in the credits are called local yokels (!). Director
Gary Cohen made a sequel
to this the next year, then made another piece of video crap in '88
called MAMA'S HOME
and disappeared off the radar until 1996 where he turned up
executive-producing the short-lived TV series BASEBALL, MINNESOTA.
At least he got the hell out of New Jersey. That a good thing for
Jersey. This film stars Art Neill, Jackie Neill, UKE, William Toddie,
Bart Sumner and Lisa Cohen (I smell nepotism!). This was made during
the mid-80's video wave as the first SOV movie, BLOOD
CULT (1985) is prominently displayed on the video shelve.
I've sat through many of these SOV films and this one falls somewhere
near the bottom rung of the ladder and it's a mighty tall ladder. A Camp
Video Release. Both Part 1 & 2 are now available on DVD
from Camp Motion Pictures. Not Rated.
VILE
(2011) - Minor league SAW
(2004) variant about two couples on a camping trip (one of the women,
Tayler [April Matson], is pregnant and hasn't told her boyfriend,
Nick [Eric Jay Beck; who wrote the screenplay and was one of the many
producers], yet) who pick up a woman named Diane (McKenzie Westmore)
at a gas station whose car has run out of gas. They agree to drive
her back to her car, only to be gassed unconscious by her and waking
up in an inescapable house with five other people. They all have
strange devices with tubes attached to the back of their heads and a
dikey big-toothed woman (Maria Olsen) appears on a television screen
and tells them that they have 21 hours to produce a certain amount of
Adrenaline, Dopamine, and Oxytocin (chemicals produced by the brain
under extreme pain), otherwise they
will die (When one of the men tries to detach the device from his
head in the beginning of the film, he dies). The eight remaining
people decide to take turns torturing each other according to numbers
they draw (from pieces of a broken plate written in one of the girl's
blood). The only problem is, if any of them end up dead, the
percentage drops and the rest of them have to pick up the violent
slack. One of the women, Kelly (Stefanie Barboza), is a little too
into torturing the rest of the abductees and nearly kills Greg (Rob
Kirkland), after jamming a screwdriver into his knee and breaking his
leg by slamming it against the edge of a table. The rest of the film
is nothing but one torture scene after the next, as fingernails are
ripped out with pliers, a cheese grater is used to tear flesh from
the body, a steam iron is used on another's stomach and people are
hit with a pipe wrench or sliced with a butcher knife. The most
satisfying part is when it is Kelly's turn. After all the pain she
has inflicted on the other abductees, she wimps out, forcing the rest
to tie her to a table, stick a metal rod between her teeth and then
slam the pipe wrench under her jaw, knocking out some of her teeth.
When the group finally reaches 100%, the toothy dike woman appears on
screen and tells them they are free to go, after they attach their
devices to a machine that appears out of the wall to collect the
liquids (which will be turned into pills that can fetch over $10,000
apiece). As they have their devices removed of the liquids one-by-one
and exit through the revolving turnstile-like door, it is revealed
that one of the abductees was in on the dastardly deed the entire
time (he has done this many times before and seems to get off on the
pain inflicted on him) and none of them were meant to make it out of
the house alive. He types something into a computer, releasing a
slow-acting poison into everyone's blood. Only Nick makes it out
alive (he finds the antidote) and the next time we see him, he is at
a diner across from the gas station in the beginning of the film,
waiting for Diane. He spots and follows her back to her car (she was
using the same ruse she used on Nick and his friends, only this time
her prey gets away), knocks her out and kidnaps her. What happens
next we may never know (but he "fucking loves that song"
playing on the car's radio). If you like torture porn, you may get a
kick out of this low-budget flick, directed by first-timer Taylor
Sheridan, an actor best known for his recurring role as "Deputy
Chief David Hale" on the TV series SONS
OF ANARCHY (2008 - 2014), who was killed-off on the show in
2010 after unsuccessfully negotiating a pay raise. Others are warned
to stay away, as the entire film is just an excuse to show people
torturing each other (under the pretext of social commentary) for
nearly 88 minutes. I know there are people out there who like this
sort of stuff, but I am not one of those people. To me, it is just an
excuse to show people in various states of pain. I don't see the
allure or the point. Also starring Akeem Smith, Heidi Mueller, Maya
Hazen, Ian Bohen and Greg Sipes. An Inception
Media Group DVD Release. Rated R.
VOICES
FROM BEYOND (1991) - This
is Lucio Fulci's penultimate film as a director (his last film would
be DOOR INTO SILENCE
- 1991). I could rant on, like most critics do, on how bad this film
is, but I can't, because it is actually a pretty decent horror flick,
with a twisty, atmospheric screenplay by Fulci and Piero Regnoli (CRY
OF A PROSTITUTE - 1974; BURIAL
GROUND - 1980; and Fulci's DEMONIA
- 1990). Unlike a lot of Fulci's films, this one is plot-driven and
doesn't depend on gore to shock you, but that's not to say this film
isn't gory; it is. But here the gore is secondary and comes at the
most unexpected times.
The film opens with husband and wife Lucy (Bettina Giovannini; THE
MONSTER OF FLORENCE - 1985) and Giorgio Mainardi (Duilio Del
Prete; MYSTERE - 1983) naked in
bed and having sex. Their young son David (Damiano Azzos) cries out
for his Mommy and Giorgio gets mad, grabs a knife, goes in David's
room and stabs him in the chest over and over, killing the young boy.
We then find out it was only a nightmare, as Lucy wakes up, goes to
David's room and finds him sleeping peacefully in his bed.
Unfortunately, Giorgio is not in great shape, for after the opening
credits (where a choir of children sing a song where the lyrics go
"Ding Dong Dang Ding - Dong Ding Dong"), we see he is at
the hospital, a doctor telling wife Lucy, stepmother Hilda (Frances
Nacmen) and stepbrother Mario (Pascal Persiano; PAGANINI
HORROR - 1989) that Giorgio is hemorrhaging and he will do
all he can to save him, but it's no use, as Giorgio starts puking up
blood and dies, but not before yelling out "Why?" and then
whispering something into the doctor's ear. We then hear Lucy cry out
"Noooo!" as the nurses pull the sheets over Giorgio's head.
The doctor needs Hilda's signature on a form so an autopsy can be
performed on Giorgio (this news rattles Lucy), but Hilda tells the
doctor to forget about it, because "We won't ever allow such a
profanation." The doctor tells Hilda to resign herself to the
autopsy because it is the law and she shoots back, "We'll see.
Obviously, you don't know who the Mainardi Family is or just how much
money they've given to this foundation. I happen to be the wife of a
very important man." As she is threatening the doctor, an
orderly is seen taking Giorgio's body away and we hear Giorgio's
innermost thoughts (from the Great Beyond), as he says, "Why an
autopsy? What did they do to me?" It's obvious that Giorgio
refuses to lie at rest until he finds out why.
When Lucy arrives home, she opens the door and hears Giorgio's voice
say he will never rest in peace until he knows what happened,
promising that the guilty parties will pay. Lucy begins crying and
housekeeper Dorrie (Sacha Maria Darwin; THE
MURDER SECRET - 1989) comes running to her, apologizing for
falling asleep with the television on (The TV news is playing archive
footage of Giorgio talking to members of a community counsel at a
meeting). Lucy is relieved, but when Hilda and Mario arrive home,
Hilda tells Lucy that there will be an autopsy, so Giorgio's funeral
will be delayed a couple of days. Lucy tells Hilda that someone
should call her and Giorgio's daughter, college student Rosy (Karina
Huff; DEMONS 6: DE PROFUNDIS
- 1989), and tell her that her father is dead and Hilda says she will
take care of it. Hilda then tells Mario to call Rosy at college while
she goes to the room that contains Giorgio's infirmed and
wheelchair-bound father (and her husband), the unable-to-speak Mr.
Mainardi (the late Paolo Paoloni; THE
HAUNTING OF HELENA - 2012) and rubs Giorgio's death in his
face, telling him (with a smile on her face), "Your son is dead.
Your beloved Giorgio. Dead. You understand? Giorgio kicked the
bucket, Daddy. To everyone's joy, he finally dropped dead. Lucky you,
you don't even know what is going on." The look of sadness in
his eyes and the way he grips the armrest of his wheelchair tells a
different story, though.
The pathologist (a cameo by Lucio Fulci) performs the autopsy on
Giorgio (lots of gory autopsy footage). He cuts out a section of
Giorgio's colon and puts it in a glass jar of formaldehyde, telling
his assistant Gianni (Lorenzo Flaherty; DEMONS
2 - 1986) that he will examine it on Monday. By the
examination of Giorgio's body, the pathologist says it looks like he
died a natural death. We then hear Giorgio say, "Why must they
wait? If only I could insist they do it now, they'd see what it was
that killed me!" So was it a natural death? Don't you believe
it! The Mainardi Family are a fucked-up bunch. When Mario phones Rosy
to give her the good...err, bad news, she jumps on the next train
home. She may be the only "normal" person in the Mainardi
Family, but since this is a Fulci film, looks can be deceiving.
Rosy arrives at the train station, where Mario and childhood friend
Gianni are waiting for her. Rosy basically ignores Mario and drives
back to the house with Gianni. It is apparent they have romantic
feelings for each other and when they arrive at the house, Hilda is
waiting, handing Rosy a single rose (this comes just after Hilda
orders Dorrie to throw out all of Giorgio's clothes, because she
needs the closet space!). Rosy then goes to mother Lucy and demands
to know what happened to her father. Lucy makes a lame excuse that no
one could believe and then orders Rosy to leave the room because
she's too tired to talk any further.
At his funeral, we hear Giorgio say, "Words, words! Why does no
one bother to ask what really happened? Why am I here, laid out in
this box?" We also hear a conversation in the church pews, where
a co-worker of Giorgio's says to another man, "His death is very
accommodating for someone (Mario). I just asked him to sort out the
mess in my company. Another week and a bomb would have dropped and
blown everything wide open." As everyone walks up to the open
coffin to pay their respects, we see how Giorgio mistreated them in
the past (using flashbacks), proving that he was a total dick to
nearly everyone, including Rosy. This brings up an important
question. Who killed Giorgio? All of the people at the funeral have a
valid reason for doing so, including Giorgio's ex-lover Rita
(Antonella Tinazzo; DOMINO -
1988), whom he "cast out" of his life shortly before he
died. It is apparent Giorgio was extremely cruel to everyone, but he
doesn't believe he is dead and thinks only Rosy can save him. After
Giorgio is buried in the family tomb, Rosy is disgusted with the way
everyone talks about her father and his fortune. She tells them that
Giorgio is alive in the house and judging everyone by their actions.
Strange things begin happening in the house, like all of Giorgio's
clothes returning to the closet (but there is an explanation for
that) and a portrait of Giorgio seemingly coming to life. The ghost
of Giorgio pays Rosy a visit and he asks her to help him find out how
he died. He also tells her that her memory of him will disappear when
his body begins decomposing, so time is limited unless she discovers
how he died and who killed him (every so often, the camera takes us
to Giorgio's tomb, where we see his body in various stage of
decomposition). We then discover that the autopsy cannot continue,
because the section of Giorgio's colon was tainted when the glass jar
containing it mysteriously fell to the floor and broke. Oh, yes, we
then discover that Lucy and Mario are having an affair for quite some
time and Lucy's son David may not be Giorgio's (Which may be the
reason Lucy had the nightmare at the beginning of the film). When
they are sleeping together, Mario has a nightmare where all the
bodies in the Mainardi family tomb come back to life as zombies and
attack him. You think he has a guilty conscience? At the reading of
his will, Giorgio leaves everything to Rosy, completely ignoring
everyone else, including his son David (he may have known he wasn't
his son), which greatly upsets everyone else.
Gianni tells Rosy that glass was found in the autopsy sample, but it
was ground glass, quite unlike the glass jar that held the sample. It
seem someone fed Giorgio ground glass in his food, which is why he
hemorrhaged and died. Rosy discovers it turns out to be glass from a
light bulb, which young David ground to a fine granule for his
mother, thinking it was part of a joke! Rosy then starts an
investigation on who killed her father,
starting with Rita. Can Rosy discover who the murderer is before it
is too late and her father's body is nothing but bones, her memory of
him no longer in her brain? Her investigation leads to an attempt on
her life, as someone poisons her drink, but Gianni saves her before
she drinks it. Think you know who it is? Good, because I'm not going
to tell you!
This film is a feast of nice cinematography (by Alessandro Grossi THE
SPIDER LABYRINTH - 1988; Fulci's A
CAT IN THE BRAIN - 1990), disgusting, weird visuals
(including a bowl of fried eggs that turns into a plate of human eyes
in what looks like egg whites that a person cuts into with a knife
and eats when Giorgio's ghost takes Rosy to a very strange
restaurant, full of weird, tentacled creatures!), excellent,
atmospheric direction by Fulci and plenty of full-frontal female
nudity. The late Paolo
Paoloni also registers in his role as the ailing grandfather,
who lets his eyes do the talking except in a flashback he has about
Giorgio, proving that his son was also cruel to him, but a father's
love goes beyond that. This film also has a good plot, which as I
mentioned before is unusual for a Fulci film, as he usually lets the
blood and gore do the talking. The late Stelvio
Cipriani's music score
is also memorable, especially the children's nursery rhyme that plays
during the opening credits. It's the only music score he did for
Fulci, in a career that spanned over 240 movies! Fulci must have been
angry when making this film, because before the end credits appear,
it says, "This film is dedicated to my few
real friends, in particular to Clive Barker and Claudio Carabba"
(followed by Fulci's signature). I wonder what was going
on there? Was he upset about making another really low-budget
feature? I really don't have much more to say about this film other
than it a perfectly fine way to spend 91 minutes, especially if you
are a Fulci fan. And who isn't?
Shot as VOCI DAL PROFONDO
("Voices From The Deep"), this film never had a theatrical
or VHS release in the United States (even though IMDb states Video
Gems released a VHS tape of this title, but I have been unable
to find a scan of the sleeve, making me believe it is another one of
their "mistakes"). It made its first appearance in the
States as a DVD
from Image Entertainment in 2001, with a DVD
& Blu-Ray from
Code Red in 2013. It is also available streaming on Amazon Prime, who
offer the Code Red Blu-Ray version of the film, in anamorphic
widescreen and dubbed in English. Also featuring Robert Daniels (BLUE
TORNADO - 1990) as the doctor; Rosamaria Grauso as Rosy as a
child; and cameo king Tom Felleghy (SYNDICATE
SADISTS - 1975) as the strange restaurant manager. Not Rated.
WAVELENGTH
(1983) - This film could have been so much better considering the
subject matter, but as it stands, it's still a
highly-watchable science fiction film. Two weeks earlier, three
aliens crash-landed on Earth and were captured by our government, who
plan on doing autopsies on them as soon as they find a way to kill
them. "Sensitive" girl Iris Longacre (Cherie Currie; TWILIGHT
ZONE: THE MOVIE - 1983) starts receiving S.O.S. messages
from the aliens and tries to convince her boyfriend Bobby Sinclair
(Robert Carradine; TOOTH AND NAIL
- 2007) that they must travel to a secret underground desert compound
to save them before they are killed. At first Bobby is reluctant, but
old coot Dan (an excellent Keenan Wynn; PIRANHA
- 1977), a forgotten old man who use to work for the government,
convinces Bobby to believe Iris, since some humans on Earth are
highly sensitive to the aliens (We may actually be their
"children".). Iris and Bobby manage to make it to the
underground desert laboratory and save the aliens (there's a
wonderful scene that takes place at a church where the three aliens
look at a statue of Jesus and then agree to dress as humans to
disguise themselves from the government agents out to get them.). Can
our human duo keep the goverment agents at bay before the alien's
mothership can pick them up? Yes they do, but not before many close
calls. Director/screenwriter Mike Gray (who produced and directed
episodes of the short-lived TV series STARMAN
- 1986-1987 and co-wrote the screenplay to one of the best 80's Chuck
Norris vehicles, CODE OF SILENCE
- 1985) films the proceedings like it was an early-80's TV movie, but
the music by Tangerine Dream and the beautiful desert scenery really
helps bring out the emotions in some of the scenes. Even Robert
Carradine gets to sing a couple of songs. Not a classic by any means,
but as far as CLOSE
ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977) and E.T.:
THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (1982) rip-offs go, it's pretty good.
Also starring Dov Young, Joshua Oreck and Christian Morris as aliens
Gamma, Beta and Delta and also starring Cal Bowman, Jay Hess, Terry
Burns. Eric Morris, Milt Kogan, Robert Glaudini (who also appeared
with Cherie Currie in PARASITE
- 1982) and Bobby Di Cicco. An Embassy
Home Entertainment VHS Release still awaiting a proper U.S. DVD
Release. Rated PG.
WILD
COUNTRY (2005) - This
mercifully short (73 minute) horror film, lensed in Glasgow &
Stratchclyde, Scotland is one of the hoariest werewolf films of the
New Millenniun. Unwed pregnant teen Kelly Ann (Samantha Shields)
gives up her baby for adoption as soon as it pops-out of her womb,
thanks to pressure put on her by Father Steve (Peter Capaldi; the
12th DOCTOR WHO). Six
weeks later (Kelly Ann is still mysteriously using a breast pump and
putting her breast milk in the refrigerator), Father Steve drives
drives Kelly Ann, David (Kevin Quinn), Louise (Nicola Muldoon) and
Mark (Jamie Quinn) to the Scottish countryside for an overnight
campout to build some character (Father Steve tells them about the
legend of Sawney Bean [Google it] while they are driving to the
drop-off point. What religious man would tell teens a story
about a cannibalistic clan just before thay are about to spend a
night alone in the country? You will find out at the end of this
review.). Father Steve drops them off and drives away, telling them
to meet him at the pick-up point; a bed & breakfast where the
good Father will be spending the night. As the four teens are
walking, they are suddenly joined by Lee (Martin Compton; DOOMSDAY
- 2008; STRIPPERS VS. WEREWOLVES
- 2012), who just happens to be the teen who knocked-up Kelly Ann. As
nighttime falls and the five teens have set-up camp, Kelly Ann steps
away to take a pee and is nearly assaulted by a shepherd (Alan
McHugh) that they all met earlier. The other teens chase him away and
he is attacked and has his throat torn open (very bloody) by a
growling creature. Kelly Ann discovers a crying baby in a seemingly
abandoned stone castle that stinks of rotting flesh (she also sees
the shepherd's dismembered corpse), so she grabs it and heads back to
camp. Not long after, the creature attacks and kills Mark (all we see
are his intestines wrapped around his flashlight) and then Louise.
The three teens and the baby head back to the abandoned castle to try
and find answers (even Scottish teens are stupid), only to discover
that it is home to a family of werewolves. The trio kill one of the
werewolves with homemade spears (Is that supposed to work?), but
another werewolf bites David's head off. Kelly Ann and Lee escape
with the baby and hide from the approaching werewolf by climbing a
tree (Werewolves can't climb trees? I'm learning something new every
day!). As morning comes, Lee jumps out of the tree and runs away so
the werewolf will follow him. Kelly Ann, carrying the baby, runs in
the opposite direction as she hears Lee's final death throe screams.
The werewolf then begins to follow Kelly Ann, but she meets a farmer
riding a quad bike. A werewolf bursts out of a dead corpse of one of
the farmer's steers and bites the farmer in half (the film's gory
highlight, as we see his ribcage as he collapses in two pieces on the
ground). Kelly Ann takes the quad bike and drives it to the bed &
breakfast, where we discover Father Steve sleeping with the female
proprietor Missy (Karen Fraser, who, after finding out he is a
priest, scarcastically says to him, "If I'm pregnant, you're
paying for the abortion!"). After calling the police, Missy lets
Kelly Ann have a room until they arrive. Father Steve doesn't believe
a word of her story, accusing her of stealing the baby and ditching
her friends. Father Steve will soon becaome a believer all too late,
as he watches a werewolf devour Missy and we discover that Kelly Ann
has always been a werewolf, too. She kills Father Steve and in some
of the worst CGI in history, the final shot shows two werewolves
walking through a meadow, while a baby werewolf prances around
them. My god, this film is one giant pile of crap. The thick
Scottish accents will have you turning on the optional English
subtitles just to understand what they are saying. Since most of the
action takes place at night, it is hard to really see what is going
on and you'll be doing a lot of squinting, but you still won't see
anything. The worst part of this film are the werewolves themselves.
They are the fakest, laugh-out-loud kind. They walk on all fours and
have large rubber faces where only the jaw moves. When there is any
expression by them, it is obviously done with CGI. Also frustrating
is how the werewolvess are able to keep their form in broad daylight,
as this film runs contrary to all werewolf mythos. The practical
makeup effects, by Bob Keen (who tried his hand at directing, making PROTEUS
- 1995; HEARTSTOPPER
- 2006; and others) are very bloody and well done, but they are few
and far between. It doesn't surprise me that this is
director/screenwriter Craig Strachman's only feature film (up till
the time of this review). Even at 73 minutes, it seems twice as long
and the slow-moving end credits (where Sam The Sham And The Pharaohs'
"Little Red Riding Hood" can be heard) takes up five
minutes of screen time, making the film really only 68 minutes long.
Most of the acting is average, but it was really difficult me to
judge because of their heavy accents. Peter Capaldi (THE
LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM - 1988) is really the only pro on
hand here, even winning an Academy Award in 1995 for
directing/writing the Best Live Action Short Film FRANZ
KAFKA'S IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE. Most of the others were just
starting out or never appeared in a film before or since. Do yourself
a favor and let this one slip through your fingers. Also starring
Tracey Robertson, Jordan Young and Karen Coleman. A Lionsgate
DVD Release. Rated R.
WITHER
(2012) - This Swedish horror flick is not so much a homage to THE
EVIL DEAD (1981) than it is a total rip-off. Everything,
from locations, situations and even the clothing, mirror that film.
It is also heavy on gore and light on plot. Seven young adults go to
a secluded cabin in the woods for a weekend to unwind, but they face
something far more deadly is waiting for them. Loving couple Albin
(Patrik Almkvist; this film's "Ash") and Ida (Lisa Henni)
take their friends Markus (Max Wallmo), Linnea (Amanda Renberg),
Marie (Jessica Blomkvist), Tove (Anna Henriksson) and Ida's
nothing-but-trouble brother Simon (Patrick Saxe) for a weekend of
drinking and sex to a cabin Albin's
father, Olof (Ralf Beck), found them. They have to park their cars a
mile away from the cabin and make the walk, where they run into
a rifle-carrying Gunnar (Johannes Brost), who we saw in the beginning
of the film shooting a zombie-looking young woman (it turns out to be
his daughter), who is chowing down on a boy. Gunnar stares at them
and walks away. When the group get to the cabin (it has three front
doors, but it is never explained why), it is locked and no one has
the key. Albin tries to pick one of the locks, not knowing that
Markus found an open window in the back, where Marie enters. Marie
walks through the house with a lit candle (that changes in length
from scene-to-scene) and she finds a trap door that leads to the
cellar. Rather than opening the front door for her friends, she goes
down to the cellar and when she comes back up, it is plain to see
that she is a changed person. Albin successfully picks the lock and
everyone enters the cabin, not knowing that they will not able to
leave it alive. Almost immediately, Marie changes from a normal woman
into some creature (she pisses blood and her eyes turn white), who
bites off the upper lip of Tove, exposing her upper teeth and gums
(the best effect in the film). From this point on, it is a pure gore
film that tosses all logic out the window. Gunnar enters the cabin,
where he tells the panic survivors about creatures that live beneath
the ground. If you stare into their eyes, they take your soul and you
turn into one of them. Anyone who turns into one of these creature
can infect you if they bleed on you or scratch you. Oh, and they are
very hard to kill (This is the part that makes no sense. Some
creatures are easy to kill, while some seem indestructible). One by
one, the young adults start turning into these creatures and begin
attacking the others until only Albin and Ida are left. The film ends
with Albin the only survivor. He exits the cabin and walks away.
First the positive points: The film is bloody as hell, as people get
their heads cut off, there faces beaten into a bloody pulp, large
drill bits impaled in their heads or stabbed repeatedly. Most of the
effects are done very well. Now the bad points: The script makes
little sense. Their cell phones work and Albin even calls the police,
but they never show up or even call back. There is an over-reliance
of noticeable CGI, especially the scene where Markus gets a large
drill bit shoved through the back of his head and it exits out his
mouth. Another bad point is that one method of death may work for one
creature, but not for another. When the film opens, Gunnar shoots his
creature daughter through the head and she gets up, but when Gunnar
kills himself (by putting his rifle barrel into his mouth and pulling
the trigger, blowing the back of his head off) he doesn't come back
as a creature, even though he was bitten. If it's gore you want, look
no further. But if you want to have a film that makes at least some
kind of sense, look somewhere else. Directed by the team of Sonny
Laguna & Tommy Wiklund, both also responsible for the films WE
ARE MONSTERS (2015) and PUPPET
MASTER: THE LITTLEST REICH (2018). What was shocking in the
early-'80s seems timid today. If you are going to make a
"reimagining", at least do it with some originality. Shot
under the title VITTRA.
An Artsploitation Films Release. Not Rated.
WOMEN
AND BLOODY TERROR (1970) -
I decide to search my library of VHS tapes to come up with a film
not yet released on DVD or Blu-Ray. Hell, this film wasn't even
available on legitimate VHS! I purchased this from Video Search of
Miami (remember them?) over 30 years ago. VSOM was not known for
quality reproduction (their idea of "mint condition"
wouldn't get a C+ from most viewers), but I decided to wipe the
cobwebs off my VCR and watch this sleazy soap opera with moments of
nudity & violence. This was originally paired with NIGHT
OF BLOODY HORROR (1969), which also featured some of the
same actors, as well as the same director and was released by Howco
International (I originally saw this in 1973 as part of Howco's
triple feature, which also included NIGHT
OF THE STRANGLER [1972]). Married Lauren Worthington
(Georgine Darcy) can't keep it in her panties, especially when her
older husband (Len Swenson) leaves on a long business trip. She picks
up a young man in a bar, who is being beaten mercilessly by the
bartender, a balding fat man. She kicks the fat guy in the balls and
takes the young guy home. He asks Lauren if she is married and she
says yes. He then asks if she loves her husband and she says yes. He
then asks, "Why do you do this?" and she answers,
"Because he makes me feel old." She screws his brains out
and when he wakes up the following morning, he find a note on the
table that says she has to go to a "stupid" party. She then
continues with: "I wish you could come. To the party I
mean!" At the party, Lauren picks up another young man and
screws his brains out. Lauren doesn't know it, but she is being
followed around by Jerry (Marcus J. Grapes; KEEP
OFF MY GRASS! - 1972), a parking lot jockey who has the hots
for her. Every time Lauren parks her Cadillac, Jerry makes sure he
takes over, making lurid advances at her that she finds disgusting.
One day, Jerry knocks on her front door,
forces his way inside and tries to rape Lauren, but she gets away,
getting her husband's pistol and scaring Jerry half to death (she
puts a bullet between his leg and he thinks that she just hot him in
the nuts, but she missed purposely!). Jerry is not about to let her
get away with this. That afternoon is Lauren's teenage daughter
Karen's (Christina Hart; JOHNNY
FIRECLOUD - 1975) birthday. We first see Karen topless in
the pool with new boyfriend Terrance (Gerald McRaney; AMERICAN
JUSTICE - 1985; with a full head of hair!). She covers up
when Mom suddenly appears (she wants Mom to think she is still a
virgin!), but it is apparently clear that Lauren has the hots for
Terrance. At Karen's birthday party, Terrance burns himself on the
arm cooking burgers, so Mom sends Karen to the drug store for some
burn ointment (she already has some under the bathroom sink
cabinet!). While Karen is away. Lauren has Terrance take off his
shirt so she can "treat" him better. Over Terrance's muted
objections, they make love. When Karen gets home, Terrance suddenly
says that they shouldn't see each other any more and Karen grows
suspicious, especially when she discovers the burn ointment under the
sink. That night, Lauren has a psychedelic nightmare where all of her
young conquests suddenly appear and want to make love. Lauren then
has a nightmare that explains why she is so horny: Her father catches
a teenage Lauren making love to some hot young stud and beats her
silly with his belt. Lauren wakes up and says, "This has to
stop!". Meanwhile, Jerry is waiting for his co-worker Zool
(Michael Anthony) to show up at the parking lot and when he does,
Jerry explains what happened between him and Lauren. Zool comes up
with a plan to get even. He doesn't take too kindly that his best
friend had a gun pulled on him (I guess attempted rape is
acceptable!). Lauren calls up Terrance and they meet at a drive-in
fast food joint. Karen is out with her girlfriends and sees Mom in
the car with Terrance. Mom tells Terrance that he must forget about
their tryst and get back together with her daughter. Terrance drives
Lauren home, but on the way, they are run off the road by Zool and
Jerry (who are on motorcycles). Terrance crashes into a tree, his
head going through the windshield and he dies. Jerry takes Terrance
and an unconcious Lauren's driver licenses and he and Zool take off.
When Lauren wakes up and sees that Terrance is dead, she screams and
runs home. The phone then rings. It is Jerry and he threatens to go
to the police (Lauren fled the scene of an accident) unless she
delivers cash and jewels to an address he gives her. Unfortunately,
Karen overhears the conversation and follows Mom after she empties
her husband's safe of all the money and jewelry inside it. Lauren
shows up at the address and Jerry knocks her out. Karen then arrives
and Zool knocks her out. Both mother and daughter are raped at the
same time in adjoining bedrooms. A young couple hear Karen's screams
and call the police. When the police arrive (The whole force arrives
just because someone heard a woman scream?!?), Zool and Jerry try to
escape, but they are gunned down. Lauren sees her daughters abused,
naked body in the other bedroom, coddles her and says, "I'm
sorry!" THE END. Impossibly dated, in hairstyles, clothing and
language, this film could have only come from the late-'60s -
early-'70s. It contains a freak-out scene with twirling camerawork,
gel lighting and sappy love ballads, something that was common in
low-budget films from this period. Filmed in new Orleans by director
Joy N. Houck Jr. (the previously mentioned NIGHT OF BLOODY HORROR [also
with McRaney and Anthony] and NIGHT OF THE STRANGLER,
as well as CREATURE
FROM BLACK LAKE [1976] and THE
BRAIN MACHINE [1977]), with a screenplay by Houck, J.J.
Milane, Producer Albert J. Salzer & Cinematographer Robert A.
Weaver, this film must have been shocking back in the day, but today
it wouldn't even make a good TV movie. One thing that it does have in
its favor is an atmosphere of sleaze, something which can not be
duplicated today. As I said before, this film was never released in
any format on home video and is hard to find, but, who knows? If STRANGLER
could get an OAR release on DVD (From Vinegar
Syndrome and AGFA)
and then be shown on Turner Classic Movies (TCM), there is still
hope for this one! Also starring Cheryl Rodrigue, Lance Gordon,
Evelyn Hendricks, Buddy Lewis and a band called "Armidillo"
playing at the party. Rated R.
YOU'LL
DIE AT MIDNIGHT (1986) -
Late-in-the game giallo flick, directed and co-written by Lamberto
Bava (as "John Old Jr."; A
BLADE IN THE DARK - 1983; BLASTFIGHTER
- 1984), that can best be described as lazy, as there are too many
coincidences to ignore, making the mystery hard to swallow. But, like
most of Bava's later work, it is not a complete failure because it
does contain a surprise or two, yet it still seems pedestrian at best.
Police officer Nicola Levi (Leonardo Treviglia; PHANTOM
OF THE OPERA - 1998) sees his wife, Sara (Barbara Scoppa),
coming out of a restaurant with another man so, that afternoon, he
accuses her of cheating on him, which turns into a loud violent
fight, Sara stabbing him in the shoulder with an ice pick. Nicola
pulls the ice pick out of his shoulder and nearly drowns his wife in
the kitchen sink, which is full of dirty dishwater, but he comes to
his senses and storms out of the house. A short time later,
someone wearing black leather gloves (what else?) viciously stabs
Sara to death while she is taking a shower (another all-too-common
giallo trope). Nicola, not knowing his wife is dead, goes to
his former lover, criminal psychologist Anna Berardi (Valeria
D'Obici; BRONX
WARRIORS 2 - 1983), and tells her something is wrong with
him, as he just nearly killed his wife. Just at that moment, Anna
gets a phone call from Police Inspector Piero Terzi (Paolo Malco; THE
NEW YORK RIPPER - 1982), who tells her that Sara is dead and
Nicola is the prime suspect and she should come to the crime scene.
Anna asks Nicola if he killed his wife (she doesn't tell him that his
wife is dead) during the argument and he says no, he left their house
before he acted on his violent urges. Anna believes Nicola and says
she will help him. Meanwhile, a violent serial killer is
on the loose in Rome, whom Anna has dubbed the "Midnight
Killer" (one of this film's multiple alternate titles), since he
kills young women and young women only (but, strangely, none of them
at midnight!), The Inspector and the rest of the police force think
Nicola is the Midnight Killer since Sara was killed in the same
manner as the serial killer's other victims. Surprisingly, Nicola is
gunned down by Inspector Terzi fairly early in the film, so Anna must
prove to Terzi that Nicola wasn't the Midnight Killer. She has
created a profile on the serial killer and believes it is a man named
Franco Tribbo, who was one of Anna's patients years earlier when she
practiced psychiatry, but the police, especially Inspector Terzi, are
unable and unwilling to find him (Terzi tells Anna that Franco Tribbo
died when Nicola did, because they are one in the same person). The
rest of the film details Anna's efforts to prove Nicola innocent, as
the Midnight Killer stalks Terzi's wife, Carol (Lara Wendel; ZOMBIE
5: KILLING BIRDS - 1987) and her female friends. Terzi will
finally have to believe Anna, as the serial killer begins murdering
some of his wife's female friends, but he will be in for a big
surprise when the serial killer is unmasked.
I'll give Lamberto Bava this, killing Nicola early in the film took
me by surprise, as I thought this was going to be a "prove I
didn't do it" kind of scenario, but the sad fact is the rest of
the film is a fairly generic giallo flick and the story is
interchangeable with the worst of them out there, which is
surprising, since the normally excellent Dardano Sacchetti (THE
PSYCHIC - 1977; THE BEYOND
- 1981) co-wrote the screenplay with Bava. It is obvious that
Sacchetti was working on autopilot here, turning in a below-average
script full of giallo clichés, just for the paycheck. The
killings are unimaginative and pat, as one scene shows the Midnight
Killer, who is dressed all in black, complete with a hood (to hide
his face, even though he is wearing a mask!), using a handheld
electric mixer to kill Carol's friend Monica (Eliana Hoppe; Bava's DEMONS
- 1985). It is all done off-screen, so why bother? This film also has
the habit of painting every male character as being the Midnight
Killer, even Inspector Terzi, but we all know by now that they are
all nothing but red herrings. Add to that rooms and outside locations
full of smoke and fog (even in the afternoon!), mainly for
"atmosphere" and you can see how desperate the film is to
try and entertain us. Yet it all rings rather hollow, as it is
nothing we haven't seen dozens of times before and done much better
than this. The more I watch the career of Lamberto Bava, the more I
can see him digressing as a director as the years progress, as he
made two lesser giallo films after this, DELIRIUM:
PHOTO OF GIOIA (1987) and BODY
PUZZLE (1992), and yet, they won't make you groan as loud as
this one when the Midnight Killer is finally unmasked (Warning SPOILERS!!!).
Yes, the serial Killer is Anna, as we find out that years ago,
Franco Tribbo raped her when he was her patient, making her quit
being a psychiatrist and turning her into a serial killer! I know I
don't usually give away the killer's identity in my reviews of giallo
films, but you will thank me once you realize that I just saved you
88 minutes of your precious time. Even Bava's TV films, including GRAVEYARD
DISTURBANCE and UNTIL DEATH
(both 1988) & DEMONS
III: THE OGRE and DINNER
WITH A VAMPIRE (both 1989) are better than this film (even
though it took me three tries to stay awake for DISTURBANCE),
yet some critics (especially Adrian Luther Smith in the must-have
tome "Blood & Black Lace")
give this more than a passing grade. I just don't see it.
Shot as MORIRAI A MEZZANOTTE
(a literal translation of the review title) and also known as MIDNIGHT
HORROR, this film never received a theatrical or home video
release in any format in the United States. I saw a nice widescreen
print (in Italian with English subtitles, even though it looked like
most of the actors were speaking English) on streaming channel
Shockwerks (only available on the Roku and not on FireTV), which is
fast becoming my favorite alternate to pay cable, since they show
films that nobody else dares to show and without commercial
interruptions. You can also find the film for free on YouTube (which
is available on both Roku and FireTV). Just type the film's review
name in the search bar and, presto!, there it is (for the time being,
anyway). Also starring Marcello Mardungo (Ruggero Deodato's DIAL:
HELP - 1988), Lorendana Romito (TRANSFORMATIONS
- 1988), Dino Conti (Bava's DEVIL
FISH - 1984), Massimo Baratta and Peter Pitsch ([TERROR
AT] THE OPERA - 1987) as Franco Tribbo. Not Rated.
ZEBRA
FORCE (1976) -
Good low budget actioner about a group of white Vietnam vets who
continually rob a Mafia
kingpin of his money and drugs, disrupting his family
business. The vets are nearly impossible to catch because of their
unusual disguises: They don black masks during the robberies which
makes them appear to be African Americans! The Mafia, of course,
blames the thefts on a local black gang and a small race war ensues.
The vets, who take their orders from a one-armed, scar-faced platoon
leader (who has to press an electronic device to his neck to speak),
bask in their achievements (hey, not only are they rich, theyre
also ridding the town of criminal elements!) until one of them is
captured and their identities are found out. It is rather obvious
that black actors were used to portray the vets during the robberies,
but that is a minor quibble. The film moves at a quick pace and is
full of death and destruction, including some Sam Peckinpah-inspired
slo-mo shootings and an impalement by forklift. Add to that a truly
surprising conclusion and you have a film worth an overnight rental.
Starring Mike Lane, Richard X. Slattery and Anthony Caruso. Directed
by Joe Tornatore, who later made a quasi-sequel CODE
NAME: ZEBRA
(1986), the Linda Blair/Tab Hunter horror film GROTESQUE
(1987), CURSE
OF THE CRYSTAL EYE
(1989), DEMON
KEEPER
(1993) and THE GAME ROOM
(1998). Rick Baker handled the special makeup effects. From Media
Home Entertainment. Rated
R.
CONFUSION DEPT.: The Platinum DVD
called CODE NAME: ZEBRA
is actually Tornatore's ZEBRA FORCE.
The packaging makes it look like the 1986 sequel but all they did
was retitle the original film. It's a bad print taken directly from a
VHS source. Also available on a widescreen Director's
Cut DVD from Code Red.
ZOMBI
3 (1987) -
The Italians have to come up with new storylines if they plan on
making any more living dead flicks.
A research facility accidentally unleashes an experimental formula
into the air, turning the population (including the animals) of a
nearby town into flesh-eating zombies (filmed in the Philippines). A
ragtag group of tourists must fend off the zombies as well as the
militia sent in by the government to shoot anything that moves. This
is just a really long chase film filled with the extreme gore you
expect from this type of film. Plenty of entrail-ripping,
gut-munching, head explosions, dismemberments and bullet hits.
Directed by Lucio Fulci and Vincent Dawn (a.k.a. Bruno Mattei), who
filled in for Fulci when he got seriously ill (That was the
scuttlebutt. In actuality, Fulci finished "his" film, but
when it was edited, it was only 70 minutes long. Producer Franco
Gaudenzi cut 20 minutes from it [for pacing reasons] and asked Fulci
if he wanted to shoot more scenes and Fulci told him that
"his" film was finished. Gaudenzi then hired Mattei and
Claudio Fragasso to flesh out the film [Mattei was already in the
Philippines filming ROBOWAR
and Fragasso's wife, Rossella Drudi, wrote the original screenplay,
but was not credited]. The whole military plot in the film, featuring
Mike Monty as General Morton, was the result of Mattei &
Fragasso's involvement.). Starring Deran Serafian (who directed ALIEN
PREDATORS
- 1984, INTERZONE -
1987, TO
DIE FOR
- 1989, DEATH WARRANT -
1990, THE ROAD KILLERS
- 1993, TERMINAL VELOCITY
- 1994 and plenty of episodic TV shows), Beatrice Ring, Ottaviano
Dell'Acqua, Alex McBride, Ulli Reinthaler, Deborah Bergamini and
Robert Marius. ZOMBI 3 is
available on DVD from Shriek Show/Media Blasters and on Blu-Ray from Severin
Films. Also available as part as the three-DVD compilation
called THE
ZOMBIE PACK from Media Blasters. Not Rated, but enough
of the red stuff to get an X.
ZOMBIE 4: AFTER DEATH (1988) - The same basic plot as ZOMBI 3, except instead of an experimental formula bringing the dead back to life, voodoo is the cause. People stranded on an island in the Philippines (this film is populated by stars of Filipino cinema, including Jim Gaines, Nick Nicholson, Don Wilson and Jim Moss) accidently open the door to Hell and are chased by the flesh-eating living dead. If it's gore you want, this film will satisfy. If it's plot you want, look somewhere else. Also starring Jeff Stryker (a porn star using the pseudonym "Chuck Peyton" here), Massimo Vanni (using his usual "Alex McBride" nom-de-plume) and Candice Daly (HELL HUNTERS - 1986). Directed by Clyde Anderson (a.k.a. Claudio Fragasso) of MONSTER DOG (1985) fame. Available on DVD from Shriek Show/Media Blasters. Also available as part as the three-DVD compilation called THE ZOMBIE PACK from Media Blasters and on Blu-Ray from Severin Films. Not Rated.