ACTION PART 2
ACTION
U.S.A. (1988) - A film that lives up
to it's title. This film's sole purpose is to cram as much stuntwork
humanly possible into 89 minutes. This Waco, Texas-lensed obscurity's
minimal plot begins with Billy (Ron Shaft) being abducted by goons
working for crime kingpin Frank Navarro (80's cameo king Cameron
Mitchell) while making love to girlfriend Carmen (Barri Murphy; ARMED
FOR ACTION - 1992). The goons hang Billy Ray upside-down in
a traveling helicopter to try to get him to reveal where he hid a
fortune in diamonds that he stole from Navarro, while Carmen follows
the helicopter in her Porche. The goons accidentally drop Billy Ray
in a lake, so Carmen picks him up, the goons steal a car and the
chase is on (Why the goons didn't just chase them in the helicopter
is a question better left unasked). Billy
Ray obliquely reveals to Carmen the location of the diamonds just
before the goons shoot him dead. Before the goons can grab Carmen,
she is saved by FBI agents Osborn (Gregory Scott Cummins; WATCHERS
III - 1994) and McKinnon (William Hubbard Knight), who take
her into protective custody. With no planes available (again, a
question better left unasked), Osborn and McKinnon must drive their
uncooperative witness to their destination, while Carmen tries to
decipher the mysterious clues Billy Ray gave her before he died. This
gives the film plenty of opportunities to show numerous car chases,
gunfights and stunts, as Navarro's hired hitman Drago (Ross Hagen; THE
PHANTOM EMPIRE - 1987) and assistant Hitch (Hoke Howell; THE
GLOVE - 1978) try to kidnap Carmen and bring her back to
Navarro. That scenario becomes moot when Carmen leads her two FBI
escorts to the stolen diamonds. Now, our hapless trio must fight for
their lives, which includes a stop at a redneck bar where a huge
fight breaks out and Drago takes Osborn hostage. McKinnon and Carmen
swing into action to rescue Osborn but, during the daring rescue,
McKinnon is seriously injured. Osborn and Carmen (who are growing
quite fond of each other) make it to the pick-up point, only to
discover that someone Osborn trusted has betrayed them. With
McKinnon's life hanging in the balance, Osborn and Carmen must figure
a way out of this mess. Lights...Camera...Action! Though
nothing but a series of stunts held together by the thinnest plot
imaginable, ACTION U.S.A.
is still an enjoyable romp, thanks to the plentiful violence, nudity
and humor. This is the first film directed by professional stuntman
John Stewart, who would later make the excellent action film CARTEL
(1990; also featuring Cummings) and the disappointing thriller CLICK:
THE CALENDAR GIRL KILLER (1991; starring Hagen, who also
co-directed). It's easy to see that Stewart was cutting his teeth
here, as the stunt sequences are quite good, but he has difficulty
when it comes to straight dialogue scenes. Still, this is nothing
more than an excuse for Stewart to give his stunt buddies an
opportunity to shine, and shine they do. Cars fly through the air,
crash through motor homes, houses and explode into fireballs. There
are also high falls, fire gags and gunfights galore. While the film
tosses all logic out the window from the very first scene (Billy
Ray's modified Corvette may be a thing of over-accessorized beauty,
but there is no way in hell it would ever be street legal), it's
always nice to see Gregory Scott Cummins in a rare good guy role. If
stunts and action are your thing, this film is a good bet. William
Smith (THE LOSERS - 1970)
puts in an extended cameo as Cummins' crooked boss. Make sure you
stay through the closing credits to see some funny outtakes involving
Smith and Ross Hagen. Also starring Gary Beall, Malcolm King, David
Sanders and Brennon Hatley. Originally released on VHS by Imperial
Entertainment Corp. and not available on DVD. Not Rated,
but definitely R-rated material thanks to bloody violence and
plentiful nudity.
AGAINST
THE LAW (1997) -
The ever-busy Jim Wynorski (GHOULIES
4
- 1993, SORCERESS
- 1994)
directed this modern-day western in cop's clothes. Richard grieco
stars as Rex, a fame-seeking fast-draw killer who rides around in a
red Cadillac convertable challenging cops to see who can draw their
gun the quickest. He always wins, taking the dead cops' guns and
badges as souveniers. While watching TV, Rex spots reporter Maggie
Hewitt (Nancy Allen) telling the story of how local cop John Shepard
(Nick Mancuso, playing his normal alcoholic role) single-handedly
gunned down a drug gang. Rex contacts the interested reporter and
tells her that he wants her to film his quick-draw challenge with
Shepard. After a series of double-crosses in which Shepard's partner
and other cops get shot, Rex gets his wish, meeting Shepard on the
beach for a showdown. Better production values than normal for a
Wynorski film, it is also the first film he has done in recent memory
that contains no nudity. He must be softening with age. AGAINST
THE LAW
is an OK actioner if you can ignore some implausable situations. Also
starring Steven Ford, Thomas Mikal Ford, Gary Sandy, Jaime Pressly,
James Stephens and a cameo by Heather Thomas (TV's THE
FALL GUY
[1981 - 1986]). Also known as GUNSLINGER. A Peachtree
Entertainment Home Video Release.
Not Rated.
AMERICAN
FORCE 3: HIGH SKY MISSION (1989) -
In between making their never-ending series of cut-and-paste martial
arts films, producers Joseph Lai and sister Betty Chan (for their IFD
Films And Arts Limited production company) and directors
Godfrey Ho and Philip Ko created a series of six unrelated patchwork
war actioners under the "AMERICAN
FORCE"
banner (and later, changing it to "AEROLITE
FORCE",
probably because American soldiers are not looked at by the world
under the same glorifying light as they were back in the 80's), where
they hired their usual bunch of lower-tier Caucasian actors, dressed
them in military fatigues, filmed them running around a wooded park
firing their weapons and then spliced the footage into some
unreleased Hong Kong or Filipino war film, changing the plot to
reflect the inclusion of the newly-shot scenes. As you can imagine,
the films are a schizophrenic mess, but they're not without their own
twisted entertainment value, even if it's for all the wrong reasons.
In HIGH SKY MISSION, the film opens with a General
MacArthur-like figure explaining to a small squad of American troops
(while a cat walks aimlessly in the background!) that the Japanese
are taking over the Philippines by joining forces with Filipino
guerillas and killing everyone that don't share their new outlook for
the country. Since the Japs just trounced us at Pearl Harbor, the
General tells his men that they must go to the Philippines and defeat
Tojo before the country is lost forever to the yellow menace. In the
film proper, a group of Filipino freedom fighters must battle the
Japanese and the guerillas to maintain their territory. When the nine
American soldiers agree to help the freedom fighters in their cause
(in a hilariously bad edit of old and new footage), but split up to
do so, it gives the film an excuse to interrupt the main story every
twenty minutes or so to splice in the new footage of the American
soldiers firing their weapons at faceless enemy soldiers (When the
leader of the Japanese forces hears that the Americans sent over only
nine soldiers to fight them, he says, "They're sending a
mosquito to fight a buffalo!"). The American soldiers, led by
Cobra (Frank Juhasz) and Bazooka (Mike Abbott), see their numbers
being slowly thinned-out by a single Japanese soldier, who kills
three of the squad before he is cornered and blows himself up with a
grenade. The squad (who act more like high school jocks than a
well-trained Special Forces squad) then set a trap for an advance
squad of guerillas, but the guerillas spot a lit cigarette and the
word "Fuck" spelled-out with piss on the ground, both left
there by careless American squad members
,
and almost escape the trap. Meanwhile, the Filipino freedom fighters
continue to fight the Japs and their guerilla cohorts and must now
blow up a bridge that is an important thoroughfare for the Jap supply
line. Can they do it? And what will become of the Americans?
While nothing but a series of gunfights and explosions, HIGH SKY MISSION
is still a complete mess. The dialogue, which consists mainly of
exchanges like this between two American soldiers: Soldier #1:
"Fuck you!" Soldier #2: "Your
mother!" is about as inept as the American soldiers themselves.
They are the most careless and juvenile bunch of soldiers that you're
ever likely to see. Since the film is set during World War II,
imagine my surprise in spotting 60's-era fighter jets, helicopters
and weapons prominently displayed throughout. That's partly what
makes these films so endearing. The filmmakers just don't care about
things so miniscule as coherency, matching shots or keeping within
the proper timeline, as long as they can turn in a film that is
feature length. Director Philip Ko (also responsible for the first
two films in this series, AMERICAN
FORCE 1: THE BRAVE PLATOON [1988] and AMERICAN
FORCE 2: THE UNTOUCHABLE GLORY [1988]) and screenwriter
"Benny Chu" (actually a pseudonym for Godfrey Ho, who
directed the fourth film in this series, AMERICAN
FORCE 4: SOLDIER TERMINATORS [1988]) have created a
patchwork film where nothing makes any sense. People do the most
asinine things at the most inopportune times, the dialogue is
ridiculous and the matching of old and new footage looks to have been
done by a blind man. This film has to look up just to be at ground
level and that's what makes it so watchable. Also starring Arthur
Garrett, Gregory Rivers, Peter Bosch, Patrick Hedman, Alan English,
Tim Nugent, Edowan Bursmea, Geoffrey Paul, Man Wai Lam, James Hsu,
Chung Hung Lau, Ernest Yik and Yik Chee Wong. Never available on home
video in the U.S., the print I viewed was sourced from a Greek-subtitled
VHS tape. Not Rated.
AMERICAN
FORCE 4: SOLDIER TERMINATORS (1988) -
This is the fourth of six cut-and-paste war actioners from producers
Joseph Lai and Betty Chan's IFD Films & Arts Ltd. production
company and directed by Godfrey Ho or Philip Ko using a variety of
aliases (here, Ho directed using the name "Charles Lee" and
scripted using the pseudonym "Benny Hyman"), all of them
under the "AMERICAN FORCE" banner (later changed to "AEROLITE
FORCE" to downplay the American angle, thanks, in part, to
the negative way America is perceived in the world today) and all of
them unrelated. In this chapter, a squad of American soldiers hire a
Filipino named Alexander Sampson (in an awful example of intercutting
old and new footage, the old footage being an unreleased Filipino war
actioner) to go undercover and join the revolutionary group The New
People's Freedom Army, who are looking for new recruits to help
overthrow the government. Alexander, along with a handful of new
recruits, are blindfolded and brought by boat to the Freedom Army's
training camp on an island somewhere in Malaysia, where they all go
through basic training by the Freedom Army's leader, Abdul. Alexander
turns out to be the most gifted of the new recruits, so after the
training sessions are over, Abdul puts Alexander in charge of his own
squad of
soldiers and tells him to help "carry on the cause".
Alexander and his squad head for the mainland and join forces with a
larger Freedom Army squad, where they plan on attacking government
military outposts. Meanwhile, in the newly-shot footage that
interrupts the old footage every twenty minutes or so, a trio of
American soldiers, led by the eyepatch-wearing Tom (Paul John
Stanners), try to rendezvous with Alexander, but are met with
resistance by Commander Victor (Anders Hallberg), who sends his men
to kill the trio. This leads to several scenes of gunfights and
hand-to-hand combat. When the military forces attacks Alexander's
camp and many Freedom Army members are killed or injured, the camp's
leader believes "someone sold us down the river" and begins
his search for the traitor. Alexander finds himself in quite the
conundrum when he falls in love with female Freedom Army member Terry
and finds himself torn between his sense of duty and affairs of the
heart. How will he resolve his problem? Will Tom meet Commander
Victor for a showdown to the death in the finale? If you've seen any
of Godfrey Ho's pastiche films, I think you already know the
answers. This is a particularly weak film, even for Godfrey Ho,
and that's saying a lot. While there are some bloody action
sequences, including Alexander scooping-up a man who just had both
his arms blown off below the elbows (played by an apparently real
double-amputee, who looks like his stumps were dipped in stage
blood), the film itself is a bloody mess and doesn't make an ounce of
sense. For one, Alexander is sent to infiltrate the People's Army and
then report back to Tom, but there are already so many traitors
within the group, it's hard to believe that Alexander could possibly
have any new intelligence to offer. The film really bogs down during
the middle section, where Alexander gets into a battle with the
military and gets his kneecap blown off, which results in the
amputation of his leg. Rather than retiring and taking it easy for
the rest of his life, he agrees to help Tom (in another badly edited
sequence of old and new footage) by continuing to stay undercover at
the People's Army. He simply straps-on a prosthetic leg and continues
his mission, oblivious to the fact that the same people he is working
for are the ones responsible for the loss of his leg! The newly-shot
footage is standard Godfrey Ho fodder: People duking it out or firing
guns at each other, which offers nothing to the rest of the film
(Although Tom repeating "Get up and fight!" over and over
to one of Victor's goons and then shooting him in the back when he
does is pretty funny, as is the final shot, where one of Tom's men
fakes getting shot and then jumps up to surprise them when they rush
to his aide. I would have shot him for real on the spot!). As normal
for these films, the English dubbing is a hoot ("Tell that to
the guy way down in Hell!" is my favorite line of dialogue
here), but the lack of full balls-on action hampers one's enjoyment. AMERICAN
FORCE 5: MISSION DYNAMO (1988) and AMERICAN
FORCE 6: SOLDIER CHAMPION (1988) are the final two entries
in the series. Also starring Frank Juhasz, Patrick Hedman, Earling
Ho, Derrick Bishop, Vincent Pratchett, Nick Hotchison, Mick Silke,
Christian Comte, Gerhard Howe, Crow Francis and Jackson Leon. Never
available on home video in the U.S., the print I viewed was sourced
from a fullscreen Greek-subtitled VHS tape. Not Rated.
AMERICAN
JUSTICE (1985) - During the
late 70's and 80's, illegal immigration from Mexico was a hot topic
(it's regained it's popularity as a hot-button political issue as of
late) and films were made to cash-in on the subject, including Telly
Savalas in BORDER COP
(1979), Charles Bronson in BORDERLINE
(1980) and Jack Nicholson in THE BORDER
(1982). This film, originally known as JACKALS (a term for
people who guide the illegals across the border), was one of the
last. Ex-cop Joe Case (Jack Lucarelli) comes to an unnamed Arizona
border town (actually filmed in Nogales, Arizona) to visit his
ex-partner Dave Buchanon (Jameson Parker), a U.S. Border Patrol cop,
and his wife Jess (Jeannie Wilson). While riding a horse alone in the
desert, Joe watches as crooked Border Patrol cop Jake Wheeler (Gerald
McRaney) shoots and kills a female wetback as she tries to escape
after Jake raped her. Joe and Dave go to headquarters to report the
killing to Sheriff Lawrence Mitchell (Wilford Brimley), but Jake is
in the room (and it's at this time that Joe realizes that Jake is a
cop). Joe tells Dave
that Jake is the killer and when they go to the scene of the crime,
the body is missing (Jake had one of his cronies rebury the body in
another location). With no victim to be found, it's Joe's word
against Jake's and even Dave has a hard time believing it. Just to be
sure, Dave has his friend Warner (Warner Glenn), an expert tracker,
go over the crime scene again. He finds a trail to follow and they
find the girl buried in a new grave. Warner tracks the guy that
reburied her and Dave arrests him, but Jake kills him with automatic
sniper fire to keep him from talking. Sheriff Mitchell begins to
suspect Jake when his alibi for the girl's murder doesn't pan out,
but he can't do anything without more proof (among other reasons to
be disclosed later). Joe and Dave cross the border to get proof of
Jake's illegal women-selling business, where we learn that Sheriff
Mitchell was Jake's business partner. When Jake threatens Jess' life
and then kills Dave (in a scene that's pretty hard to watch), a
wounded Joe must find a way to bring Jake down. Joe travels down to
Mexico on a tip from a remorseful Sheriff Mitchell to get revenge the
old-fashioned way, using the same shotgun to kill Jake that Jake used
to kill Dave. It takes three blasts to kill Jake, but Joe seem to
relish every pull of the trigger. This is a pretty decent low-budget
action flick that got some minor notoriety when it was made because
both Jameson Parker (PRINCE
OF DARKNESS - 1987) and Gerald McRaney (who got his
career started by appearing in such low-rent horror films like NIGHT
OF BLOODY HORROR - 1969) were co-starring at the time on the
successful comedy detective TV series SIMON
& SIMON (1981 - 1989). Made during summer hiatus in
1985, this film must have come as a shock to fans of the series,
especially Parker's death at the hands of McRaney who, at the time,
wasn't really known for playing bad guys (He showed us much later
that he would excel at it, especially on HBO's Western series DEADWOOD).
Even though Wilford Brimley gets top billing, he has very little to
do here besides looking concerned and trying to atone for his sins in
the end. The script, by Dennis A. Pratt (who also plays the role of
Connie, one of Jake's men), concentrates on Gerald McRaney's and Jack
Lucarelli's (who's rather bland) characters, making this a study in
contrasts. The gauntlet in the apartment building that Jameson Parker
and Lucarelli (who are both the Producers on this) have to shoot
their way through, resulting in Parker's death at McRaney's hands, is
expertly filmed and a nail-biter. Director Gary Grillo (this is his
only movie directorial credit, although he did direct an episode of
Parker's and McRaney's series and was Assistant Director on many
films, such as BLOODY MAMA
- 1970) keeps things moving at a brisk clip and films nearly every
scene with an over-abundance of dusty atmosphere. It makes you
thirsty just watching it. It enjoyed this film, thanks to McRaney's
badass performance and some well-staged gunfights. Give it a try.
Also starring Rick Hurst, Sharon Hughes, David Steen, Robert
Covarrubias and Randy Hall. A Lightning
Video Release. Rated R. I have one question that has been
bothering me for years: Has Wilford Brimley ever been young and, if
he was, did he come out of his mother's womb with that beard?
ANGEL
OF FURY (1991) - Here's an
Indonesian action film starring high-kicking Cynthia Rothrock and
written by Christopher Mitchum (sorry to report that he doesn't
appear on-screen). Rothrock is courier Nancy Bolan, who enters
Jakarta carrying a metal case that may or may not contain a
top-secret computer coveted by bad guy Nick Stewart (Peter O'Brian; THE
STABILIZER - 1984; THE INTRUDER
- 1986). When Nancy manages to get her case stolen after a fight on a
dock, followed by a speedboat/jet ski chase, she makes it her mission
to protect the other two metal cases that will soon arrive in town,
one being a decoy case and the other containing the real computer.
Guess what? She ends up losing both of those cases, too; one at an
airport that erupts into a gunfight and another that is dropped off
by helicopter, which results in another gunfight and a car/helicopter
explosion. It's apparent that Nancy has a traitor amongst her ranks,
but she gets fired from her position because she was in charge of the
operation. Now that Nick (who for some reason is now called
"Bolt") has all three cases, he still needs Nancy to open
them because all the cases are rigged with bombs that will explode if
not opened using the right code. Nick has
his men kidnap Sarah (Kiki Amir), a little girl who is close to
Nancy, in a crowded mall, which leads to a car/motorcycle chase that
results in Sarah getting shot in the back and dying in Nancy's arms
(Geesh, Nancy really isn't good at protecting things, is she?). Nick
finally kidnaps Nancy (with a knock-out dart to the neck) and
tortures her (in a scene lifted directly from LETHAL
WEAPON - 1987) to get the combination to the cases. She
gives up the codes rather easily, but it seems Nick really only has
two of the cases and they are both the dummies. Nancy figures out who
has the third case (it's someone very close to her), which leads to
an extended fight/stunt sequence in an abandoned warehouse, where the
case passes from person to person until only one is left standing.
Can you guess who that will be? Although quite violent at
times, this Indonesian actioner, directed by Ackyl Anwari (VIRGINS
FROM HELL - 1987), seems to be lacking in the plot
department and thanks to some friends overseas, I now know why. The
version available on U.S. VHS is shorn of nearly twenty minutes and
clocks-in at barely 72 minutes long. It was also retitled (it was
made under the title TRIPLE CROSS
and is available in foreign markets under that name), re-dubbed and
re-scored in Los Angeles, disposing of the original titles, dialogue
and music tracks. Sadly, most of the missing footage seems to deal
with Peter O'Brian's character, who is called "Bolt"
throughout the film even though in the closing credits he's listed as
"Nick Stewart". Besides the opening scene, where O'Brian is
torturing a man with a machete and a hand-powered drill (a huge chunk
of this sequence seems to be missing, as it opens on a jarring note),
we don't see much of him until the finale, which severely minimalizes
his bad guy status (One funny bit of dialogue has Rothrock mockingly
calling him "Rambo"). There are plenty of chases, stunts,
bloody bullet squib deaths (including the little girl) and Ms.
Rothrock's high-kicking abilities, but by editing out much of the
exposition scenes, this version of the film deprives fans of
Indonesian insanity one of the major enjoyments of watching these
films: The crazy dialogue. Without that, all we have to enjoy is the
violence, making ANGEL OF FURY seem more like an American
action film than an Indonesian one, something I'm sure the
powers-that-be that had this recut were aiming for. Try to find the
full version instead. It's out there if you do your homework.
Produced by Gope T. Samtani for Rapi Films. Deddy Armand, who wrote
the screenplays for some of the most balls-out Indonesian actioners
(including the two previously mentioned O'Brian starrers, as well as
the Chris Mitchum opus FINAL SCORE
[1986], the best Indo action flick of all time), is given story
credit here. Since this is Mitchum's only credited screenplay, logic
dictates that Armand was probably responsible for 90% of the script.
Not to be confused with Rothrock's LADY
DRAGON 2 (1993), which is also known as ANGEL
OF FURY (Also produced by Gope T. Samtani for Rapi Films and
released on VHS in the U.S. by Imperial Entertainment, the same
company that released this film. Confused yet?). Also starring Chris
Barnes, Zainal Abidin, Roy Marten, A. Melasz, Tanaka, Minati
Atmanegara, Jureck Klyne and Robby Sutara, The bastardized version
was released on U.S. VHS by Imperial
Entertainment Corp. in SP mode and by Best Film & Video in
the cheap EP mode. Not available on DVD. Rated R.
ARMED
FOR ACTION (1992) - In this
low-budget regional actioner, police Sgt. Phil Towers (David Harrod)
is transporting Mafia hitman David Montel (Rocky Patterson) across
country by car (why they didn't take a plane is never explained) for
his trial in Los Angeles. They stop in a small Texas town for a bite
to eat, unaware that crooked cops Detective West (Joe Estevez) and
Detective Carter (Dean Nolen) have brought some Mafia goons to this
town, cut the phone lines and are waiting to ambush Sgt. Towers and
kill Montel, because his testimony could put a lot of crooked cops
and Mafia chieftans behind bars. Two local yokels, Alex (J. Scott
Guy) and Jake (Shane Boldin), grow suspicious of all the new faces in
town (who seem to outnumber the local population 5 to 1) and end up
helping Sgt. Towers fight the bad guys. When West tries to kill
Montel while he is taking a shit in the bathroom of the town's diner,
Towers shoots West (he only wings him in the
head), then head to the town's bar, where they meet feisty Sarah
(Barri Murphy), Alex's girlfriend. When the crooked cops kill the
town sheriff (Jack Gould) and Jake's girlfriend Lori (Tracy
Spaulding), Jake and Alex (who are avid hunters) go to the bar to
lend a hand to Towers, while Sarah tries to find a way out of town
and get help. She fails miserably and is taken prisoner. When West
and his men surround the bar, Towers has no choice but to trust
Montel. He gives Montel a gun and the quartet are able to escape the
bar and go to Alex's house where, just like any good Texan, he has a
stash of automatic weapons and hand grenades. When West and his goons
surround Alex's house and threaten Sarah's life, Montel turns hero
and saves her life. With Sarah now safely in Alex's arms, Towers,
Jake, Alex and Montel begin picking-off West's men one-by-one until
only West is left. West and Montel agree to go at it mano-a-mano, but
Montel pulls a fast one and shoots West dead. Towers lets Montel walk
away to freedom, but promises to recapture him some day. This
impossibly-cheap action flick, directed by Bret McCormick (THE
ABOMINATION - 1986; OZONE!
ATTACK OF THE REDNECK MUTANTS - 1986), is terrible for one
reason only: It has no action. Talky to the point of making you think
you're watching a Henry Jaglom film, ARMED FOR ACTION fails
miserably as an action film and the unbelievable situations and plot
devices (script by actor Ted Prior, who had the good sense not to
appear in this) further pulls this flick down into the mire. When Joe
Estevez (who is absolutely horrible here) says to bartender Sarah,
"Where I come from, a buck-fifty doesn't pay for the ice!"
after she charges him $1.50 for a bourbon, you'll be screaming that
the producers (Executive Produced by David Winters and David Prior)
should have put that $1.50 into the film's budget. The most glaring
budgetary restriction is the town itself. It's only populated by five
residents and it tries to (unconvincingly) explain this away by
telling us that everyone's away hunting! Oh, really? Does that
include all the women and children, too? We know that there are
supposed to be children in this town because a schoolbus comes into
play (lamely, I might add) in the quartet's escape from the bar. By
the time we get to the film's money shot, the shootout at Alex's
house, the viewer has long-since lost interest. Joe Estevez looks
like he's in a coked-out haze throughout this film and either screams
out his lines or delivers them in a wide-eyed stare. I'm sure brother
Martin Sheen is very proud. This film is about as much fun as slicing
your dick open with a paring knife and dipping it in gasoline. Also
starring Kirk McKinney and John Pask. Director McCormick (who
sometimes uses the name "Max Raven") made a bunch of
regional Texas-lensed action films during the 90's. Let's hope
they're not as bad as this one. An Action
International Pictures Home Video Release. Not Rated.
ASSAULT
ON PRECINCT 13 (1976) -
I'm a big fan of director John Carpenter, even if he does have the
capacity to run hot and cold. This is his second theatrical film
(following DARK STAR - 1974;
which was actually Carpenter's student film until producer Jack H.
Harris gave him money to pad-out the film with 15 minutes of footage
to make it theatrical length), and was part of the Carpenter
renaissance which would continue until 1988 (at least in my opinion),
which continued with HALLOWEEN
(1978), THE FOG (1979), ESCAPE
FROM NEW YORK (1981), THE THING
(1982), CHRISTINE (1983), STARMAN
(1984), BIG TROUBLE
IN LITTLE CHINA (1986), PRINCE
OF DARKNESS (1987) and THEY LIVE
(1988). After that, Carpenter seems to have lost most of his mojo (or
maybe he was just tired of dealing with
the Hollywood System), but even his worst later films (like GHOSTS
OF MARS - 2001) are better than most horror flicks
(Especially after more than one viewing. Try it and you may agree
with me.). I consider ASSAULT
ON PRECINCT 13 one of his crowning achievements, not because
it is well acted or even well paced, but because it shows what a
fledgling director can do with plenty of imagination on what had to
be an extremely small budget. The majority of the film takes place at
a nearly abandoned police precinct (a newer one has been built across
town), where police officer Ethan Bishop (Austin Stoker; THE
ZEBRA KILLER - 1974), dispatcher Leigh (Lauurie Zimmer; who
had a very short acting career. This was her first film and her last
film was a bit part in the TV movie THE
SURVIVAL OF DANA in 1979) and a skeleton crew must deal with
a final busload of prisoners who are being delivered to the precinct.
As soon as the prisoners step off the bus, most of them are
picked-off by a huge gang equipped with sniper rifles with silencers,
before Ethan pulls prisoner Napoleon Wilson (Darwin Joston; RATTLERS
- 1976) out the bus and puts him in a cell. For some reason (never
made clear in the film), all the gangs in town have banded together
and have only one thing on their mind: Taking over Precinct 13 and
killing everyone inside (An earlier scene shows a little girl [Kim
Richards; THE CAR - 1977, before
becoming a national joke on The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills
reality show during the 2010 - 2011 season] getting an ice cream cone
from a truck [whose driver has just been killed and replaced by a
gang member] and then getting unmercifully shot in the chest by a
smiling gang member and dying on the sidewalk. The look she gives
after being shot will live in your memory far a long time and
whenever you mention this film to someone, this is the scene they
immediately remember and rightfully so. It's one of the 70's most
powerful moments in an action film.). Ethan and Napoleon form an
uneasy alliance as the gangs first shoot out all the windows and then
start picking-off the people in the precinct one-by-one. Ethan lets
Napolean out of his jail cell and gives him weapons, a trust that is
not looked upon as reasonable by some of the precinct's inhabitants.
When the gang go on a full-out assault on the precinct, the
nay-sayers change their minds almost immediately, as Napoleon proves
to be a huge asset. Carpenter definitely based this film on the
Western films of John Ford (the Indians attacking the fort) and
George Romero's NIGHT
OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968; the zombies attacking the living),
as the gang members keep coming (as one is gunned down, another takes
his place) and they never utter a single word. Making them silent was
a gutsy move by Carpenter, because we really have no idea why this
gang are doing what they are doing. Their only motivation seems to be
kill, kill, kill, something that was new to the genre of action films
at the time. While the acting is nothing to write home about, Darwin
Joston has one killer final bit of dialogue as the film ends and will
have you smiling from ear-to-ear. This is a great action film to be
seen with a group of friends, because if they have never seen it,
they will thank you later and if they have seen it before, you
probably will never have anyone give you a thumbs-down. It's a great
sophomore effort by a talented director that is full of buzzing
bullets, shattering glass, flying paper, people dying and an
unnerving sense of unease that stays with you until the final scene.
If you have never seen it, buy all means put it on your must-see
list. Please ignore the awful 2005
remake, as it is nothing but a bastardization of a classic. Also
starring Martin West, Tony Burton, Charles Cyphers, Nancy Loomis,
Frank Doubleday, Henry Brandon, Gilbert De La Pena and John Carpenter
as an uncredited gang member. Originally available on VHS by Media
Home Entertainment and available on widescreen DVD from Image
Entertainment. Also available on Blu-Ray
from Scream Factory. Rated
R. NOTE: Carpenter's latest film (as of the writing of this
review), THE WARD (2010), got a
token limited regional theatrical release before being dumped on DVD,
Video On Demand (VOD) and then Pay Cable.
AVENGING
FORCE (1986) - This exciting
revision of THE MOST
DANGEROUS GAME (1932) is edge-of-your-seat entertainment from
beginning to end and is probably Michael Dudikoff's best film role.
The film opens up with two Special Forces agents being hunted down by
four masked killers in the Louisiana bayou. After the men are killed,
we find out the killers form four points of the Pentangle Hunting
Fraternity, a sick group of politically-connected thrill seekers who
"hunt" people that don't fall into their twisted criteria
of what's best for America. The leader of the Pentangle is
Glastenbury (the late John
P. Ryan, in one of his best villianous roles) and the next target
is Councilman Larry Richards (the late Steve James), who is running
for Senator and, since he is Black, makes him a target for the
all-white Pentangle. They try to kill Larry while he is riding on a
float with his family during Mardi Gras, but Larry's best friend Matt
Hunter (Dudikoff), an ex-Secret Service agent turned rancher, is
along for the ride and stops the assassination, but not before one of
Larry's young sons is shot and
killed. Pentangle, pissed that they missed their target, redouble
their efforts and now have Matt in their sights, too. Their next
attempt ends badly for more members of Pentangle, as Matt and Larry
kill them on a docked ship and issue a challenge to Pentangle.
Glastenbury accepts and sends his men to Matt's farm, where they burn
down his house, kill Larry (with a crossbow bolt to the back), his
wife and other son (both shot at close range) and kidnap Matt's young
sister Sarah (Allison Gereighty). They make Matt play the game where
the four members of Pentangle are the hunters and Matt is the prey.
After Matt saves Sarah from a bayou brothel run by a transvestite
madam, they must travel through the swamp while Glastenbury and his
three masked cohorts are close behind. Matt will have to use all his
Secret Service training, as he kills three members of the hunting
party one-by-one, by impalement, crossbow and knife. Glastenbury gets
away, but not for long, as Matt shows up at his home and they battle
using the many weapons scattered throughout Glastenbury's well-equipped
home. Matt wins and then makes a surprising discovery as to who the
fifth point of the Pentangle really is. Directed with energy by
Sam Firstenberg (who also directed Dudikoff and James in AMERICAN
NINJA a year earlier) and written by James Booth (who also
has a key role as Admiral Brown), AVENGING
FORCE is just one breath-taking action setpiece after
another. The Mardi Gras massacre in the beginning is one such
sequence, where dozens of innocent bystanders, cops and members of
the parade are gunned down, while Matt and Larry disarm and kill the
assailants. Shortly afterwards, there's a stunt-filled car chase that
ends on a docked ship, where Matt and Larry deliver their second
beatdown of the Pentangle. Glastenbury gets so pissed off at the end
result, he shoots fellow member Parker (Loren Farmer) in the gut for
his bungling of the hit and leaves him on the ground bleeding and
moaning as he walks away. There are also shocking bits of violence,
such as the attack on Matt's house, where Larry, his wife and son
(who takes a real nasty fall off a burning roof with Matt) all die
horribly. John P. Ryan stands out in his role as a man with no
conscience (if he had a mustache, he would be twirling it!), as we
see in the finale when, even though he's been stabbed in the leg by
Matt just a few scant hours earlier, we see him having a formal
dinner with family and friends as if nothing ever happened. He is
capably backed up by character actors Marc Alaimo and Bill
"Superfoot" Wallace as members of his hunting party. This
Cannon Films production (Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus were the
producers) is one of their better films and will have you wondering
why it is not yet available on DVD. I guarantee that once you watch
this, you'll never look at the John Woo-directed HARD
TARGET (1993) the same way again. Same location, same plot,
same outcome. Maybe that's why this earlier film is not available on
DVD! Track this down on VHS and watch it now! Also starring Karl
Johnson, Richard Boyle and Sylvia Joseph. A Media
Home Entertainment VHS Release. Finally available on Blu-Ray
from Scorpion Releasing/Kino
Lorber. Rated R.
BEST MEN
(1997) -
A tight script that combines comedy and tragedy with excellent
results. Toss in some unexpected bursts
of violence along with some true acts of friendship and what you get
is a thoroughly involving crime caper that hooks you from the
beginning and never lets you go. Director Tamra Davis (GUNCRAZY
- 1992) uses what had to be a limited budget to great effect,
limiting locations to a single street for most of the film and
culminating in a wild bus ride for the finale. Stars Dean Cain, Fred
Ward, Luke Wilson, Sean Patrick Flanery, Brad Dourif, Andy Dick and
Drew Barrymore turn in top-notch performances. These are people you
actually care about. If you're wondering why I haven't discussed the
plot, it's because I want you to watch this film knowing nothing
about it. After viewing it you'll realize that the title has two
meanings, the most obvious and a much deeper one. BEST
MEN
(shot under the title INDEPENDENCE)
also has a downbeat ending that actually brought a smile to my face.
This may seem to be a contradiction, but it isn't. Watch it to see
what I mean. This film gets my highest recommendation. An Orion
Pictures Home Video Release. Rated
R.
BLACK
FIRE (1985) - Another outrageous
war actioner from late director Teddy Page (BLOOD
DEBTS - 1983; JUNGLE RATS
- 1987; BLOOD HANDS -
1990), who also co-wrote the screenplay with co-star Jim Gaines (who
was responsible for the screenplays of other Page actioners WAR
WITHOUT END - 1986; PHANTOM
SOLDIERS - 1987 and FINAL REPRISAL
- 1988). The film opens with a lone Vietnamese peasant docking his
small boat on the shore of a river, where he is immediately
surrounded by a platoon of gooks who are about to shoot him when he
doesn't answer their questions. What the gooks fail to see are the
five hollow reeds in the water moving closer to them and, in their
best RAMBO
imitation, out pops Sgt. Frank Johnson (Rom Kristoff; NINJA'S
FORCE - 1984), Jim Anderson (Jim Gaines; FIREBACK
- 1983) and Lance (Jerry Bailey) out of the water (don't worry about
the names of the other two soldiers as they're about to be killed),
guns blazing and killing all the gooks. Frank and his men are on a
mission and two of his men are killed by a couple of treetop snipers
(See, I told you!), whom Frank blows-up with an explosive-tipped
crossbow bolt. Frank, Jim and Lance make their way to an enemy
POW camp, but when they see that all of the American prisoners have
been moved someplace else (Frank mentions the "Hanoi
Hilton"), they still decide to attack the camp using grenades,
more explosive crossbow bolts and good, old-fashioned gunfire. Lance
is killed and Frank suffers from a nasty case of head trauma from an
enemy grenade, but Jim rescues him and brings him to a hospital,
where Frank has flashbacks to when he was a child and his grandfather
trained him to become a ninja (Say what now?). Frank and Jim are
transferred to a South American island called San Sebastian to become
training officers. After meeting their Commanding Officer (Ruel
"Ray" Vernal), Frank and Jim go to a bar for a drink and
get into a fight with the locals (What would a Teddy Page film be
without a bar fight?). Frank is nearly choked to death, but he has
another flashback to his youth and uses his grandfather's ninja
training to break the hold. Frank tells Jim about his flashbacks and
how he may be a ninja, but Jim just laughs, blaming the head trauma
he received in Vietnam. Frank begins taking late night walks around
the base and discovers his Commanding Officer is working in cahoots
with local crimelord Luis Sanchez (Anthony Carreon) to ship illegal
arms to Africa. When Sanchez discovers the truth about Frank's
background (he has a red folder marked "BlackFire" that
contains Frank's entire life story), he orders the Commanding Officer
to kill Frank. The C.O. has Roberto (Jim Moss) try to kill Frank, but
Frank's ninja skills save him from getting a bullet between the eyes.
Frank and Jim, with the help of the C.O.'s secretary, Nancy
(Charlotte Maine), try to bring all the guilty parties to justice,
but when Nancy is viciously stabbed to death by Roberto and Frank is
framed for her murder (Roberto dips Nancy's dead finger in her own
blood and writes "BlackFire" on the floor), Jim has Frank
arrested and thrown into a South American prison (so much for being
good friends!), where Frank is tortured and abused (including that
old prison standby, the pressure hose shower). Frank escapes from
prison, regains Jim's trust and goes on a one-man killing spree to
get even with all those that wronged him. While the screenplay
is all over the place (the fictional South American island of San
Sebastian sure looks an awful lot like the Philippines!) and hardly
makes an ounce of sense, the always entertaining director Teddy Page
(real name: Teddy Chiu) fills the screen with violent action, whether
it is gunfights, explosions or hand-to-hand combat. This film
switches constantly from war actioner, to crime drama to prison
escape drama, but Page never forgets to deliver the bloody goods,
whether it is neck-snapping, slit throats, stabbings or bullet-ridden
bodies. The final thirty minutes are especially memorable, as Frank
uses his ninja training to bust out of prison (his eyepatch disguise
fools no one, though) and, with Jim's help, does a lot of explosive
damage. Rom(ano) Kristoff is his usual stiff presence as an actor
(but he's a damn good action hero) and it's always good to see Jim
Gaines get a larger than normal role (even if he has to write it
himself!). BLACK FIRE (also
known as CODE NAME BLACKFIRE)
is another winner from Teddy Page and uncredited producer K.Y. Lim
for his Silver Star Films Company production outfit. Also
starring Dick Ilford, David Light, Ralph Johnson, Errol Giberson,
Mars Jadali, Fred Collins, Benny Roberts and John Crocker. Never
legitimately released on home video in the U.S. (so what else is
new?); the print I viewed was sourced from a Greek-subtitled tape
from Standard Video. BLACK
FIRE is now available streaming on Amazon Prime. Not Rated.
BLACK
FRIDAY (2000) - When
ex-Special Ops squadron leader turned lawyer Dean Campbell (Gary
Daniels of RAGE - 1995)
finds his house and family taken hostage by foreign terrorists (or
so he thinks), the government agency (C.C.O.) that surrounds his
house tries to kill him for reasons yet unknown. Bad mistake. After
taking out about a half dozen agents at their headquarters, Campbell
goes on a one-man war to stop the insanity. Along the way he finds
out that the government is preparing to let loose a nerve agent in a
neighborhood to see what effects it has on the populace. They plan on
making it look as if terrorists are doing the nasty deed. They call
this plan Black Friday and this action is to take place in his
neighborhood. Campbell recruits some of his old Special Ops buddies
to help him stop the attack while the other agency employs an old
enemy of Campbell's from his Special Ops squadron. The action is
minimal but potent when it does happen and Gary Daniels (also a
Producer here) is still one of the best martial arts/actors making
films today. Director Darren Doane (usually a music video director)
creates a sense of compassion in Campbell that is very rare in action
films today. Of course he's a successful businessman with a secret
past, but he actually cares about people and the actions that they
take. (As the head bad C.C.O. guy says: "A truly benevolent God
would never let me inhabit this Earth.") The ending is
especially unusual for an action film and takes place a few months
after the smoke clears. Daniels is sitting in a diner all alone and
strikes up a conversation with the singing counterman about how he is
traveling across the United States all alone. The sequence says
nearly all there is to say about his character. The music soundtrack
is also a major plus (probably thanks to director Doane) as trance,
thrash metal and emo play in the background to enhance the mood. I
would recommend this film to all fans of action who like a little to
think about while watching people getting shot, stabbed or beaten to
a pulp. Also starring Christopher J. Stapleton, Ryan Kos, Christopher
Janney, Markus Botnick and Paul Gunning. A Trinity Home Entertainment
Release. Not Rated.
THE
BLACK GODFATHER (1974) - When
J.J. (Rod Perry) and his junkie friend Tommy try to rob the house of
mob big Tony Burton (Don Chastain), Tommy ends up dead (he forgot to
load his gun!) and J.J. gets shot in the arm. He is saved by betting
kingpin Nate Williams (Jimmy Witherspoon), who takes small-time crook
J.J. under his wing. J.J. rises up through the ranks and, although
he's heavily involved in the numbers and prostitution rackets, he's
totally against drugs. Since Tony Burton is the drug kingpin in town,
J.J. forms an alliance with all the black gangs to bring down Burton
and his mob family. J.J. at first issues a verbal warning to Burton
to stay out of the black neighborhoods
through crooked detective Joe Sterling (Duncan McLeod of GARDEN
OF THE DEAD - 1972), a cop on Burton's payroll. Burton
doesn't like being threatened, so he goes to Nate's office and offers
his own verbal warning to Nate, hoping it will put J.J. in line.
Meanwhile, the black gangs are ridding their streets of white pushers
and drug suppliers, which only makes Burton hotter under his
extremely large collar. J.J. and his gang (one who carries a spear!)
kidnap stuttering white drug pusher Cockroach (John Alderman) and
interrogate him (in a huge room with a single chair) about where and
when the next big drug shipment is happening. After Burton sets up
some brothers on trumped-up gun charges, J.J. goes on the offensive
and intercepts the big drug shipment, killing some of Burton's men in
the process. Burton kills Nate and kidnaps J.J.'s girlfriend Yvonne
(Diane Sommerfield), holding her hostage in exchange for the stolen
drug shipment (Burton says, "It's time to teach this spook the
facts of life!"). This leads to a bloody showdown between J.J.
and his gang and Burton and his boys in a hospital. In the end, it's
Yvonne who gets the revenge (Nate was her father), thanks to a
well-placed meat cleaver to Burton's noggin. Slow moving and
methodical, this well-acted blaxploitation flick seems more
interested in the plight of the black man than the usual action
elements associated with films of this type. Director/producer/writer
John Evans (SPEEDING UP TIME
- 1971; BLACKJACK - 1978)
waits over an hour to get to the first major gunfight in the film.
It's an interesting move that probably infuriated theater audiences
looking for an action fix. The characters in this film aren't normal
blaxploitation cliches. These people have principles that they adhere
to. Hell, even crooked Detective Sterling has a code of ethics even
Burton can't break and he pays for it with his life. It was also
ingenious in having J.J.'s hideout be a casket warehouse as it gives
the scenes filmed there extra meaning and urgency. Rod Perry (THE
BLACK GESTAPO -
1975) is quite good as a man on a mission who, when even under
extreme pressure, keeps his wits about him. This is not a bad little
film (which was a minor hit when originally released) which brings
you back to a time when films like this were socially relevant and
were considered legitimate theatrical entertainment by a majority of
moviegoers. If it were made today, it would go straight to video. Fun
Facts: There are two Tony Burtons in this film: The fictional mob
boss and actor Tony Burton, who plays Sonny, Nate Williams personal
bodyguard. Art Names, who would direct FANGS
the same year, was the sound recordist here. Also starring Damu King,
Anny Green, Ernie Banks and Betsy Findlay. A Xenon
Pictures Release, both on VHS & DVD. Rated R.
BLOOD
DEBTS (1983) - Another outlandish
Filipino action flick, which is short on logic but full of bloody
carnage. When father Mark Collins (Richard Harrison) watches five
armed thugs shoot his daughter Sarah (Catherine Miles) and her fiance
in the back (he's lucky he didn't witness them gang raping her a few
moments earlier), he gets shot in the head but, thankfully, the
bullet bounces off his thick skull. When he awakens, he vows revenge
on all those involved. In the first ten minutes he manages to kill
four of them, which upsets their boss, Bill (Mike Monty). Bill sends
his top henchman Peter (James "Jim" Gaines) to follow Mark
around and take photos of Mark killing a rapist, beating up three
purse snatchers and performing other acts of vigilantism (like
killing three men for stealing
some drunk guy's bar money and switching golf balls on the last of
his daughter's killers with an explosive one!). Tired of killing,
Mark hangs up his guns for romantic nights with his wife Yvette (Ann
Jackson). You know that's not gonna last long. Bill sends some of his
goons to Mark's house, but he ends up killing them all. Bill then has
Yvette kidnapped and blackmails Mark (using the photos) into killing
people Bill says are criminals that need killing. Bill sends hit
woman Liza (Ann Milhench) to accompany Mark on the assigned hits,
telling him that if anything happens to Liza, his wife will die. As
they go on their killing spree, Mark has an old Vietnam buddy check
out the names on the list because he wants to know if they are
killing these people for the "right reasons". When Mark
finds out that he has been killing all of Bill's illegal business
rivals, he decides enough is enough. When he save Liza from a mad
rapist (He says to her, "Tell me that I am handsome!"), she
helps Mark get revenge. Liza is killed during one of their raids, so
Mark goes on a one-man mission to bring Bill down. Bill blows up
Yvette with a suitcase bomb, which only pisses Mark off more. Mark
storms Bill's heavily guarded mansion, armed with a rocket launcher
(and a mini-launcher hidden up his sleeve). May Bill rest in
pieces. BLOOD DEBTS
takes such huge leaps in logic, you'll wonder what planet these
people are living on. Prolific director Teddy Page (FIREBACK
- 1983; BLACK FIRE - 1985; JUNGLE
RATS - 1987) has Mark blow away dozens of people (usually in
the head, heart or back) without any police presence anywhere. Not a
minute goes by without Mark shooting someone and he usually never
misses, even when he's not aiming. There's lots of unintentional
humor (When Mark kills one thug, he says, "Hey, you monkey. Get
your bananas!" What the fuck does that mean?) and some funny
intentional gags (One thug wears a M*A*S*H
t-shirt while golfing and there's a stickup at "Harrison House
Of Wine".) but, if you're looking for a coherent plot to go
along with the violence, boy have you got the wrong film! The dubbing
is really bad here (a lot worse than usual), Harrison's voice
especially, and the script (by Timothy Jorge) is full of lines like,
"You bitch!', "You're an asshole!" and "Goddamn
it!" Most of the time it sounds like a badly dubbed 70's martial
arts flick. If it's mindless action you want and nothing else, this
film should suit you fine. You got to love a film that ends with
these on-screen words: "Mark Collins, age 45, gave himself up to
the authorities after the incident. He is now serving a life
sentence." Phew, that puts my mind at ease! Produced by the
Silver Star Film Company (RESCUE TEAM
- 1981). Also starring Pat Andrew, Willy Williams, Tom Romano and Ron
Patterson. A Continental
Video Release. Not Rated.
BLOOD
WAR (1989) - Here's a
little-known (and rarely-seen) Filipino "Muslim rebels vs.
Christian military" action film with a strong religious (mainly
pro-Muslim) storyline and a huge cast of Filipino talent (The opening
credits lists over thirty actors, many who should be recognized by
fans of this genre). The film opens with a battle between rebel
factions and the Philippines military, where rebel leader Hadji is
captured and sent to prison. A kind Colonel allows Hadji to see his
family, including young son Basaron (Mabuhay Shiragi), one last time
before he spends the rest of his life behind bars, where he tells
Basaron to always obey the law, put his trust in God and not end up
like him. The Colonel then promises Hadji to keep a close eye on his
family and we then watch Basaron grow up in front of our eyes (thanks
to the magic of camera dissolves) as he prays in a mosque. The adult
Basaron (Anthony Alonzo; W - 1983; CLASH
OF THE WARLORDS - 1985) is now a college student studying to
be a lawyer and is dating the beautiful Narsheva (Rosemarie De Vera),
when he learns that his father was just pardoned from prison. The
townspeople hail Hadji as a local hero, but Basaron, who hasn't seen
his father since that day in prison when he was a little boy, is a
little reticent
of his father's hero status since he has grown up following the
straight and narrow. Complicating matters is the dastardly Bashir
(Renato Del Prado), who has the hots for Narsheva, so he rapes her to
stop her from marrying Basaron. Narsheva must marry Bashir to save
face (Apparently, Muslim religion is very strict when it comes to
women losing their virginity), but she really loves Basaron, who
returns back to college after putting a beat-down on Bashir when he
catches him slapping Narsheva around. Another civil war breaks out in
Basaron's Mindanao village and martial law is put into effect by the
military. When Basaron returns home, he is made offers by both sides
of the struggle. The rebels want him and his father to join the cause
(his father flatly refuses because he is now too old) and the
friendly Colonel (who is now a General) wants him to join the Air
Force. Basaron, who would rather be left out of this mess and finish
up his studies to become a lawyer, decides to become a member of the
Air Force, with his father's blessing. Basaron's life in the military
is not an easy one because the majority of military recruits are
Christians and his loyalty is constantly put into question. Basaron
quickly puts those questions to rest when he heroically saves his
squadron from a rebel attack. He does his job so well, in fact, that
the rebels order his assassination and several unsuccessful attempts
are made on his life. A cease fire is eventually agreed to between
both sides, but a militant faction of the rebels stir up the shit and
play both sides off each other, which forces a violent showdown
between the rebels and the military (children are killed in front of
Basaron's eyes). Can Basaron put an end to the madness and head back
home, where he can question his father about the meaning of peace?
What do you think? This is a slow-moving and
less-than-satisfying action flick, directed by Francis 'Jun' Posadas (WILD
CATS ATTACK - 1981; WILD
FORCE - 1986) and scripted by Conrad Galang. While the film
does have its share of action set-pieces, they lack the insane
spontaneity we come to expect from Filipino actioners (even the
English dubbing lacks the humorous dialogue we depend on to get us
through the slow spots). BLOOD WAR seems more concerned with
Basaron's internal moral struggle than conflict on the battlefield
and while I'm sure this plays well in it's home country, it loses a
lot in the translation when played abroad. It's just as preachy as KRIS
COMMANDO (1987) when it comes to Muslim vs. Christianity
beliefs, but lacks the bloody violence we get to see in KRIS.
While BLOOD WAR has lots of gunfights, most of the bullet
squibs are confined to the ground and other inanimate objects. Here,
when people get shot, they grab their chest or heads and we never get
to see any carnage whatsoever. Major plot points are also dropped or
forgotten (What happened to Narsheva and Bashir? We never find out.)
and the film meanders along at a snail's pace, lumping one internal
conflict onto another without a satisfactory conclusion to any of
them. While the film ends on an uplifting and Muslim-loving note,
it's just too damned earnest and well-meaning for it's own good. This
is strictly lower-tier Filipino action that can be skipped by all
those except diehard fans that must see every available
Philippines-made action flick (A category I'm afraid I fall too
easily into!). Also starring Joonee Gamboa, Ernie Ortega, Robert Lee,
Fred Moro, Tony Martinez, Bob Duran, Rex Lapid, Dahlia Delgado, Grego
Gavino, Naty Santiago, Vic Santos and Dave Moreno. Available on DVD
from German company CMV Laservision in a fairly beat-up fullscreen
print in both English and German dubbed versions. Not Rated.
THE
BORN LOSERS (1967) - I was just
thinking how lucky I was growing up in the 60's & 70's. Billy
Jack was the first modern action hero to grace the silver screen,
paving the way for your Seagals, Van Dammes, Lundgrens and other
B-movie action stars. Tom Laughlin's Billy Jack is the American
equivilent of Bruce Lee: the strong silent type not afraid to stand
up to injustice. The difference with the Billy Jack films, though, is
that they were more interested in the politics than action, or should
I say, the absurdities of politics. The Billy Jack films preached
peace and equality, but didn't have a problem wallowing in the dirt
and degradation that it so preached against. THE
BORN LOSERS began the Billy Jack mythos, but it wasn't until
the second film, titled simply BILLY JACK,
that the character took off and orbited in a world all it's own.
It's a shame, because THE BORN LOSERS
is an all-around better film and seems less dated than the second
film, made four years later. The film opens up with a biker gang
beating the bejesus out of a wise-mouth motorist (to be fair, he
really was asking
for it). Billy Jack (Laughlin) steps in and shoots one of the bikers
in the hand when he comes at him with a broken bottle. The police
arrive and arrest everyone. When Billy Jack stands before the judge,
he finds out that his punishment (a $1,000 fine) is much greater than
the bikers' (a $135 fine). That is the first injustice. The bikers
rape five girls, including college student Vicky (the lovely
Elizabeth James, who also wrote the screenplay using the name "E.
James Lloyd"), and everyone is scared to testify against the
bikers, except Vicky. She identifies her assailants and one of them
is the brother of biker leader Danny (Jeremy Slate, who gives an
excellent multi-layered performance). He decides the best way to get
his brother out of jail is to make sure Vicky never makes it to court
to testify. This is the second injustice. Vicky gets police
protection, but that proves to be highly ineffective (the police are
portrayed as sincere, but handcuffed by laws that protect the
criminals more than they do the victims). Enter Billy Jack. He sees
Vicky being kidnapped by the bikers and steps in, beating the crap
out of three bikers with martial arts he learned as a Green Beret.
Billy brings Vicky to his trailer home (overlooking the Pacific
Ocean) where she learns some important life lessons about life, love
and what it means to have convictions. When the bikers break into
Billy's trailer, ransack it and steal all the money he has, he says
enough is enough. This is the third, and final, injustice. Be we all
know justice without law come with a price. Directed by Laughlin
using his "T.C. Frank" pseudonym, THE
BORN LOSERS is a pretty damn good piece of 60's exploitation
with some political aspirations. Billy Jack is just one colorful
character in a film full of colorful characters and he takes a
backseat until the final third of the film. Along the way, we learn
that Danny and his brother have an abusive father, the town deputy
(future director Jack Starrett) likes to take the law into his own
hands every now and then and a lot of laws (including punishment for
rape) have mostly gone unchanged for the past 40 years. Although some
of the dialogue is dated (Vicky postpones her rape by saying, "If
rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it." and then asking the
bikers if they have any acid), the film is still as relevant today as
it was back in 1967. The bikers are not portrayed as raving lunatics
as with most 60's exploitation biker films. They have dimensions,
even if they do commit heinous acts. Danny has a wife and a small son
and we see him play with the boy like a doting dad in one scene. Some
great character actors portray members of the biker gang, including
William Wellman Jr., Robert Tessier and Jeff Cooper. Also starring
Stuart Lancaster (GODMONSTER
OF INDIAN FLATS - 1973), Edwin Cook and Jane Russell as the
mother of one of the rape victims. This was re-released after the
enormous success of BILLY JACK and was more successful the
second time around. This is available in various editions as part of
a DVD compilation with the other Billy
Jack films
(from Billy Jack Enterprises) and Turner Classic Movies shows a nice
letterboxed print on TV every now and then. Available on DVD with the
other three Billy Jack films in THE
COMPLETE BILLY JACK COLLECTION from Image
Entertainment. Hard to believe that this was Rated PG
(actually GP) on it's initial release. The subject matter would
definitely demand an R rating today.
BROTHERS
IN WAR (1988) - Interesting
Italian financed, Philippines-lensed Vietnam War actioner. The film
opens on some unnamed beachside U.S. military base, where a
minimalist USO-like tour, which consists solely of a young woman
named Mary (Sherri Rose; IN GOLD WE TRUST
- 1990) and her manager Burt (James Pelish), put on a show where Mary
strips while singing a bastardized version of "Hey, Big
Spender!" on an even more naked stage. Suddenly, the base comes
under enemy attack and many soldiers are killed. The base captain
assigns soldiers Stereo (Christopher Alan; KARATE
WARRIOR 2 - 1988) and Josy (Victor Rivers), who are not
exactly the best of friends (Josy keeps calling Stereo
"faggot", probably because he prances around in a pair of
tight cut-off shorts), to drive Burt and Mary back to safety, which
means traversing over forty miles of enemy territory in nothing but a
Jeep. Almost immediately, they come under enemy fire and lose the
Jeep, forcing them to make it
the rest of the way on foot. After discovering that they have been
traveling around in circles, Josy, who is a really sadistic and
violent piece of work (not only is he a brutal jerk, he's a
misogynist to boot), appoints himself as the leader of the quartet
and tries to rape Mary later that night, but is stopped by Stereo
(who we find out is really named John). Josy eventually does rape
Mary when Stereo and Burt fall into a tiger trap during a raging
thunderstorm and when they finally free themselves, Josy has
abandoned them and the quartet is now a trio. They continue on their
journey to safety, stealing a boat containing a bunch on VC corpses
and heading down river. Burt is killed when the boat is attacked by a
VC family pretending to offer them food and Stereo and Mary are
captured by the VC and put in bamboo cages suspended in the river.
Stereo tries to keep Mary distracted from the screams of other
prisoners being tortured by singing "Jingle Bells" (!) and
they eventually screw each other by fucking between the bamboo bars
(!!), finally erasing any doubts in the viewers' minds of Stereo
actually being a faggot. Mary is then raped by her VC captors and we
then discover that Josy is also a prisoner there. When Stereo and
Mary finally escape, he has to make a decision whether or not to save
Josy. Stereo makes the right decision and saves Josy, only to have
Josy sacrifice his own life so Stereo and Mary can escape. Stereo and
Mary then try to catch a train to safety, but run smack-dab into a
gunfight between a private army and the VC. Will they survive?
Though not as action-packed as we've come to expect from these Italian-made
war actioners, BROTHERS IN WAR,
directed by Camillo Teti (THE
KILLER IS STILL AMONG US - 1986; COBRA
MISSION 2 - 1988) under the name "Mark Davis" and
scripted by Dardano Sacchetti (DEADLY
IMPACT - 1984) under his frequent pseudonym "David
Parker Jr.", is still an interesting film thanks to it's
unrelenting tone. Though horribly dubbed in English, this film still
manages to get the point across that war is hell, and sometimes the
enemy is as close as the person fighting alongside you. Josy is a
complete irredeemable douchebag and, even when he sacrifices himself
at the end of the film, he tells Stereo (who comes back to rescue him
a second time) that, if the roles were reversed, he would have let
Stereo rot in the torture camp. While there is violence on view here,
my favorite parts of the film are the little details, such as when
Burt falls into the river and tries to pull himself into a boat by
grabbing the arm of a VC corpse, only to discover that the corpse's
arm has been blown off, or the opening shot of a frogman silently
coming to shore under the cover of darkness and then the lights to
the miniskirted Mary's show suddenly comes on, revealing a beach full
of horny soldiers. This is not going to be on every action fan's
must-see list, but BROTHERS IN WAR is just different enough to
merit a look-see. Also starring Ana Silvia Gruyllon, Carles Irving,
Thomas Rack, Victor Pujols and Jose Reies. This Fulvia Film
Production (produced by Fabrizio De Angelis) never had a legitimate
U.S. home video release (So, what's new?). The version I viewed was
sourced from a fullscreen Japanese-subtitled VHS tape. Not Rated.
BULLETPROOF (1987)
- Gary Busey stars as Detective Frank McBain, who is nicknamed
"Bulletproof" because he gets shot during every bust
(usually because he is just plain reckless), but always survives. The
film opens with McBain and partner Billy Dunbar (Thalmus Rasulala; MR.
RICCO - 1975) stopping a major weapons transaction between
buyer Sharkey (a nattily dressed Danny Trejo) and seller Montoya (Don
Pike, also the film's Stunt Coordinator), who delivers the weapons in
an ice cream truck. After a shootout (When Sharkey spots McBain, he
shouts, "Who the fuck is that?", to which McBain replies,
"Your worst nightmare, butt-whore!"), McBain and Dunbar get
into a car chase with Sharkey and Montoya, who is driving the ice
cream truck, McBain blowing it up with a well placed (and
logistically impossible) grenade toss. Of course, McBain takes a
bullet in the shoulder and removes it by himself with a pair of
tweezers when he gets home, placing it in a glass jar with all the
other close calls. We then switch to a bunch of nasty Mexican rebels,
led by Pantaro (Juan Fernandez; KINJITE:
FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS - 1989), as they ambush a U.S. Army
convoy, stealing a top secret tank code-named "Thunderblast"
and taking Sgt.
O'Rourke (L.Q. Jones; ROUTE 666
- 2001) and Cpl. Devon Shepard (Darlanne Fluegel; FREEWAY
- 1988) hostage after killing everyone else, bringing them and the
tank to a small Mexican village ruled by evil Arab (!) Colonel
Kartiff (Henry Silva; CRY
OF A PROSTITUTE - 1974). The U.S. government, in the
personage of General Blackburn (R.G. Armstrong; TRAPPER
COUNTY WAR - 1989), puts McBain back into military service
(he use to be a an undercover military operative, until he
accidentally shot and killed his partner in a bust gone bad) and
tells him to retrieve the Thunderblast and save any hostages. Since
Devon was his dead partner's fiancée (and his secret lover),
McBain accepts the assignment and heads off to Mexico. While Colonel
Kartiff tries to figure out a way to breach the tank's security
system (it delivers a lethal jolt of electricity to anyone who tries
to enter it without punching in the correct code), McBain begins his
trek to the Mexican village and encounters resistance at every turn.
When it turns out that this whole scenario was a set-up to get McBain
into a face-off with an old Russian nemesis (William Smith; EVIL
ALTAR - 1987), who was responsible for McBain accidentally
killing his partner years earlier, McBain and Devon jump into the
Thunderblast for some good-old American payback. The first
thing you'll notice about this film is the tremendous amount of
excellent character actors in the cast. Besides the ones already
mentioned, Mills Watson, Luke Askew, Rene Enriguez, Lincoln
Kirkpatrick and Lydie Denier round out the roster. Director Steve
Carver (BIG BAD MAMA
- 1974; CAPONE - 1975; LONE
WOLF MCQUADE - 1983) manages to even pull a good performance
from the usually manic Gary Busey (EYE
OF THE TIGER - 1986), who spouts some very funny dialogue
(he likes to preface all his personal insults with the word
"butt"), thanks to a screenplay supplied by T.L. Lankford
and B.J. Goldman (Fred Olen Ray is given a co-story credit as well as
an Associate Producer credit). Carver is best, though, handling the
action scenes, as lots of objects explode, people are riddled with
bullets and there's a ridiculously funny scene of McBain escaping on
a giant wooden spool (which he is tied spread-eagle to) after Devon
tosses a grenade behind it, forcing it to roll down a hill! Henry
Silva is his regular bug-eyed, sweaty self (some of his expressions
are priceless) and he even gets to rape Darlanne Fluegel. While not a
great action film, BULLETPROOF
is a thoroughly entertaining B-movie that could only come from the
politically incorrect 80's. I'm still trying to figure out why the
terrorists in Mexico are a mixture of Mexicans, Muslims and Russians.
This isn't a sequel to RED DAWN
(1984), you know (Or is it? Hmmmmm...). Less than a year later, Gary
Busey got into a serious motorcycle accident that nearly cost him his
life (he suffered serious head trauma because he wasn't wearing a
helmet). Even though he still acts, Busey hasn't been the same since
(This may explain why he starred as the title character in Charles
Band's THE GINGERDEAD MAN
[2005]). Not to be confused with the Adam Sandler/Damon Wayans action
comedy BULLETPROOF (1996).
Also starring James Andronica, Ramon Franco, Lucy Lee Flippen,
Redmond M. Gleeson, Christopher Doyle and Jorge Cervera Jr.
Originally released on VHS by RCA/Columbia Home Video and available
on budget DVD from Echo Bridge Home Entertainment in a slightly
washed-out fullscreen print. Rated R.
CARTEL
(1990) - Rip-roaring action flick. Charter pilot Chuck Taylor
(Miles O'Keeffe) is set-up when a delivery of what he thinks is
medical supplies turns out to be a huge shipment of "Peruvian
Flake". Drug kingpin Tony King (Don Stroud) orders his men to
retrieve the cocaine and kill Taylor, but when the DEA and FBI show
up at the airport, both Taylor and King are arrested and sent to the
same prison to serve their sentences. It's apparent that there's no
love lost between the two and when Taylor interferes with King's
prison drug ring (as well as beating King at an arm wrestling match),
King orders his men on the outside to kill Taylor's family and
girlfriend. When King's goons, including right-hand man Rivera
(Gregory Scott Cummins), drive a car through Taylor's house, rape and
kill his sister Nancy (Suzee Slater) and shoot and injure both
Nancy's young son Tommy (Bradley Pierce) and Taylor's girlfriend
Donna (Crystal Carson), a distraught and revenge-minded Taylor must
find a way to break out of prison. Things get worse when Rivera pulls
a daring daytime prison breakout, with the help of crooked prison
guard Mason
(William Smith), which results in King escaping and making it look
like he died in the attempt. After hearing from Donna that his court
appeal is probably not going to happen, Taylor escapes from prison
(using the old standby: a metal file!) and begins his systematic
destruction of all things Tony King. Using information gathered by
Donna, Taylor intercepts a drug shipment in a parking garage (He
says, "Have a nice flight!" to a goon just before he throws
him off the garage roof), but Rivera kidnaps Donna, forcing Taylor to
attempt to save her in a boxing gym. After rescuing Donna, Taylor
returns to prison (!) and, the next day, he's freed when new evidence
(which he anonomously provided to authorities during his night of
freedom) comes to light. King then kidnaps Taylor and Donna and puts
them on a boat with a ticking timebomb. In the finale, Taylor breaks
free and brings King to justice (if death is actually justice) and
discovers that he had an unlikely ally at his back the entire
time. All low-budget action films should be this entertaining.
No one ever accused Miles O'Keeffe (PHANTOM
RAIDERS - 1988) of being much of an actor, but he's quite
good here as a man determined to get even. I would go as far as to
say that this is his best role ever. O'Keeffe doesn't have to emote
much but, when he does, he's believable. There are also many
well-done action set pieces and stunts, including multiple car chases
and crashes, plane stunts, gun fights and hand-to-hand combat. The
attack on Taylor's house, where Nancy is raped and killed, is a high
point. You're not sure what's going to happen and, for a short time,
you're led to believe that little Tommy is killed. Very unusual for
an American-made action film from this time period. Don Stroud is,
well, Don Stroud, as he acts crazy, kills anyone who gets in his way
and overacts enormously. This was one of the last films he made
before he was viciously mugged and knifed in real life, which
resulted in him losing an eye and his face being partially paralyzed
on one side (See 1991's THE
DIVINE ENFORCER to view the damage to his face). He proved to
be a real trouper and used his facial deformity to good effect in
many of his later roles (He is now retired in Hawaii). Director John
Stewart (ACTION U.S.A. - 1988; CLICK:
THE CALENDAR GIRL KILLER - 1991) does a good job maintaining
the viewer's interest and the script, by Moshe Hadar, keeps things
moving at a brisk pace, tossing in so many action scenes you almost
forget some of the film's gaping plot holes (the whole time frame of
the film just doesn't add up, especially after Taylor escapes from
prison). CARTEL is still one of
the better DTV action films to come out of the early 90's, thanks to
plentiful, well-executed action scenes and a palpable sense of
tension that is displayed throughout it's 99 minute running time.
Also starring Sal Lopez, Jim Maniaci, Marco Fiorini, Frank Torres,
Gary Littlejohn, Reggie De Morton and Jack West. A Shapiro
Glickenhaus Entertainment Home Video Release. Also available on
a budget DVD from Simitar
Entertainment. Rated R.
CERTAIN
FURY (1985) - There are two ways
that you can look at this female action film. One way is to look at
it as the end of Tatum O'Neal and Irene Cara's acting careers. I
prefer to take the second route: A pretty good and bloody film that
contains two Academy Award-winning actresses who probably took the
jobs to pay some bills. Tatum and Irene portray Scarlet and Tracy,
who first meet in court where they are both about to be taken before
the judge on drug (Scarlet) and disorderly conduct (the innocent
Tracy) charges. When two other female
cons slit a bailiff's throat and take his gun and begin shooting up
the courtroom (killing 7 people), Scarlet and Tracy run for their
lives and are mistaken as a part of the gang who killed the cops and
innocent bystanders. The cops shoot one of the guilty women in the
head and then shotgun her in the chest, the other guilty girl is
pulled down on a spiked fence by the cops and is impaled. Tracy and
Scarlet escape into the sewers, where one stupid cop, who has them
cornered, lights up a cigarette and ignites the sewer gas, causing a
massive explosion and his eventual death. A detective (George
Murdock) and Tracy's father (the late Moses Gunn) try to find the
pair (they both know that the girls are innocent, even if Murdock
refuses to say it out loud), before the cops kill them both. Scarlet
(who is illiterate) and Tracy are always bickering (Scarlet calls
Tracy a "nigger bitch") but circumstances keep them
together. Scarlet takes Tracy to her drug supplier Sniffer (Nicholas
Campbell) in hopes of getting help, but he just wants them out of his
apartment. Scarlet leaves while Tracy takes a much-needed shower.
Scarlet goes to see Rodney (Peter Fonda, in what amounts to a cameo)
to see if he can help her, but he turns her away. Meanwhile, Sniffer
tries to rape Tracy in the shower and she beats the holy hell out of
him. Scarlet comes back and steals Sniffer's cocaine stash in hopes
of getting some cash. Rodney, after finding out that there's a reward
for the capture of the girls, sends three of his goons to Sniffer's
apartment. A bloody gunfight ensues, where Sniffer snuffs one of the
goons with a shotgun as the two girls escape yet again. Scarlet takes
the stolen stash to Superman (Rodney Gage), where he agrees to buy it
for $1,000. More trouble begins as Rodney's two remaining goons and
Sniffer follow them to Superman's lair. The goons set the place on
fire, hoping to flush out the girls, while Sniffer begins to beat the
crap out of Scarlet. Sniffer burns to death and the girls escape yet
again. Hearing that they are considered dead in the fire (a false
report planted in the papers by the police), Scarlet and Tracy think
that they are now in the clear and plan on starting new lives in the
country. Alas, thing don't always turn out the way we plan. Director
Stephen Gyllenhaal (who mainly directs TV movies and series episodes,
right up till today and he did write the screenplay for Sean S.
Cunningham's THE NEW KIDS
[1985]) keeps things moving at a brisk pace and keeps your mind off
the gaping plot holes that are left unresolved at the film's end.
Filled with bloody shootouts, explosions, needle-stabbings and other
mayhem, this action film differs from most because it doesn't contain
one single car chase. Both Tatum O'Neal and Irene Cara (who sings the
title track) do a decent job with their roles. They never really bond
as friends until the finale which gives this film a thumbs-up from me
for the realistic way two girls from different sides of the track
would actually relate to each other. CERTAIN
FURY is a good way to spend 87 minutes. A New
World Video Release in SP mode and in EP mode from Starmaker
Video. Not yet available on DVD. Rated R.
CLASSIFIED
OPERATION
(1985) -
Another outrageous actioner as only the Filipinos can make them.
After a successful raid on a jungle hideout where Ramon (Rey Malonzo
starring as "Raymond Malonzo") and his Army cohorts save
women hostages and kill all the guerillas (including Ramon's amazing
acrobatic backflip off the side of a cliff where he shoots the head
guerilla square in the face while in midair!), Ramon is called to be
by his mother's side in the hospital. Before she dies, she makes
Ramon promise to quit the Army. Torn about his promise,
Ramon decides to take his wife and son on a vacation to visit his
old hometown and his Uncle Jose. As soon as they get into town, Ramon
gets into a fight with a bunch of street thugs, simply for asking
directions. Ramon soon discovers that his old hometown is now under
the strict rule of Cmdr. Falcon (George Estregan as "George St.
Reagan"). Every family must pay their "taxes" (which
include their virgin daughters for sale to the slave trade) to
Falcon. If they don't, the men will be beat-up (or killed) and the
women raped. It's not long before Ramon is knee-deep in shit as the
police chief is too scared of Falcon to be any help. Ramon takes on
Falcon and his gang single-handedly and suffers a great personal
tragedy in the process. Shamed into action (by Ramon's son),
the police chief and the town spring into action to save Ramon (who
for some reason is now called "Cmdr. .45"). Viewed as a
companion piece to 1984's SEARCH FOR VENGEANCE
(which was also directed, like this one, by star Rey Malonzo using
the pseudonym "Reginald King"), CLASSIFIED OPERATION
is the weaker of the two, but not without it's charms. Besides the
already-mentioned cliff stunt, there's also an hilarious scene where
Ramon shows his quickdraw skills on a gang of gun-toting goons. The
incidental dialogue (by screenwriter Arthur Simon) is also a hoot.
When a gang of guerillas is walking through the jungle, one can be
heard saying, "I killed four men today.", like it was a
normal thing for him. When Falcon is interrupted while fooling around
with two women, he turns to them and says, "Keep it hot while
I'm gone. OK?" There's also plenty of hand-to-hand combat (with
exaggerated sound effects), numerous gun battles (Ramon likes to
shoot people in the face for some reason) and too many explosions to
count. Hey, this isn't Shakespeare, but it sure as hell isn't boring.
Try not to smile as Ramon does the final barrel-roll stunt with the
succession of .45s lying on the ground. Also starring Mariane
Reeves, Maxie Dudale, Jose Romulus, Conrad Poe, Robert Miller and
Andrew Tsien. Also known as COMMAND0
45, FIRE DRAGON and
DELTA TERROR. The version
I watched was ripped from a Greek VHS tape. Not Rated.
COMMANDER
(1987) - Overlong, but violent, Italian Rambo clone filmed in the
Philippines. Commander (Craig Alan; GET
THE TERRORISTS - 1987) and his small band of freedom
fighters make life difficult for the VC after the Vietnam War is
over. They free friendly Vietnamese prisoners and destroy enemy
convoys every chance they get, which severely pisses-off evil Russian
asshole Vlassov (David Light; EYE
OF THE EAGLE - 1987), who is working with the VC in various
nefarious enterprises. Vlassov vows to kill Commander no matter what
it takes and, after torturing a VC traitor who was working with
Commander, he may finally get his wish. Commander, whose real name is
Roger King, lives in a tiny village across the Thailand border with
his pregnant wife Cho Lin (Tania Gomez; MAGIC
OF THE UNIVERSE - 1987) and dreams of moving his wife back
to the United States before the baby is born. Roger strikes up a deal
with his old Commanding Officer to steal some top-secret Russian
electronic equipment in exchange for two passports and relocation
back to the States. Roger and his cohorts, Buffalo (Larry Brand)
and Warrior (Max Laurel; COP GAME
- 1988), sneak on-board the Russian ship containing the electronic
equipment and steal it (after killing half the ship's crew), but
Vlassov and his Russian commandos attack Roger's village a short time
later, slaughtering nearly everyone, including women, children and
Cho Lin's mother and father (it's a well-executed sequence with lots
of pyrotechnics and exploding bodies). After Roger delivers the
payload and returns to his village to find nothing but death and
destruction, he discovers that Vlassov has kidnapped Cho Lin and
Vlassov wants the electronic equipment returned in exchange for Cho
Lin's life. Roger and his two buddies retrieve the top-secret
equipment and begin a long, arduous trek through the jungle, where
they will meet the enemy and suffer many hardships, including torture
and the death of Cho Lin and her unborn baby. Roger goes Rambo (after
tricking the Russians and gooks into thinking he's dead, thanks to
some "death pills" given to him by Cho Lin's father just
before he died) and proves that old adage "Revenge is a dish
best served piping hot" by killing everyone responsible for Cho
Lin's death. At 110 minutes, this war actioner may seem a little long
in the tooth, but the violence is so over-the-top, you'll forgive the
dead patches. Director/co-scripter Ignazio Dolce (LEATHERNECKS
- 1988; LAST FLIGHT TO HELL -
1990), using the pseudonym "Paul D. Robinson", offers much
violent depravity, including a really uncomfortable-to-watch torture
session where Vlassov ties a plastic bag around Roger's head and
pours filthy water through the top of the bag until the water is at
Roger's eye level, slowly drowning Roger, and then opening the bag at
Roger's neck to release the water. This is repeated several times and
lead actor Craig Alan looks genuinely distressed, which is disturbing
because it's the best acting he does in the entire film. He's
actually the film's weakest asset throughout the rest of the film
(his acting is simply awful), as all he does is look glum and give
the same vacant stare throughout, not to mention he dresses exactly
like Stallone does in his RAMBO
films. Still, we don't watch these films for their acting finesse and COMMANDER
(also known as THE LAST
AMERICAN SOLDIER) contains all the violence, blood, gunplay
and explosions anyone could ask for in an action flick, including
multiple exploding bodies, throat slittings, knifings and plenty of
bloody bullet squibs. The action set-pieces are well choreographed,
as the gun battles are brutal and the explosions immense. What more
could you ask for? This is a winner in my book because it has no
other aspirations than being an entertaining war actioner. Also
starring James Clevenger, Ho Tchan Chi, Ken Watanabe, Mary San and
Mike Monty. Never legitimately available on home video in the U.S.,
the print I viewed was sourced from a widescreen Japanese-subtitled
VHS tape that has all the Russian and Vietnamese dialogue translated
into Japanese, but not into English, which makes me wonder if the
Japanese took the time to translate dialogue that wasn't meant to be
translated. In any case, it doesn't hurt the film one bit. Also
available streaming on Amazon Prime. Not Rated.
COMMANDO
LEOPARD (1985) - When it
came to '80s war actioners, no one did it better than Antonio
Margheriti (a.k.a. "Anthony M. Dawson"). Not only did he
deliver the graphic violence, he also supplied the excellent
miniature effects, full of explosions and destruction, all of them
done so well, they didn't even look like miniature special effects,
they looked like expensive realistic destruction, especially in this
film. Many of the actors in this film were among Marghariti's regular
repertoire, working before and after this film in many of his
productions. Actors loved working with Margheriti because he allowed
them to play to their
strengths and this film showcases those strengths, but this isn't an
actors' film, this is an action flick, so let's get down to the nitty-gritty.
In some unnamed Latin America country (filmed in Venezuela and the
Philippines), mercenary Carrasco (Lewis Collins; THE
FINAL OPTION - 1982), his right hand man Smithy (John
Steiner; Margheriti's THE ARK OF
THE SUN GOD - 1983) and right hand woman Maria (Cristina
Donadio), along with some Rebel freedom fighters, blow up a dam,
destroying a bridge (great miniature effects) that is used by new
dictator Hormoza (Subas Herrero; Margheriti's INDIO
- 1989) to transport precious fuel to his army. The Rebels want
Hormoza dethroned and their country free from tyranny, especially
from under Hormoza's cruel thumb, including Hormoza's
second-in-command, the extremely evil Silviera (Klaus Kinski;
Margheriti's WEB OF THE SPIDER
- 1971), who would rather shoot Rebels than look at them. During the
destruction of the dam, there is a firefight and some of the Rebels
are injured (including a dam employee who was working with Carrasco),
so Carrasco, Smithy and Maria take them to the nearest village to get
them some medical attention.
The village is not happy to see Carrasco and the Rebels; they have
no medical facility and they don't want Hormoza to send his army
there for cooperating with the Rebels, but it's too late. The village
is attacked by three helicopters, commandeered by Silviera. The
helicopters are equipped with flame throwers (something I have never
seen before, but, damn, Margheriti's miniature effects work is very
believable here!), which burn down the village, Silviera and his men
then exit the helicopters and kill every villager they come in
contact with, ruthlessly gunning them down, even though none of them
have weapons. Carrasco, Smithy and Maria fight back and blow up one
of the helicopters (a Margheriti trademark), forcing Silviera to
escape by the skin of his teeth. Corrasco tells Maria to take all the
injured to the nearest medical facility, a makeshift hospital in a
church run by Father Julio (Manfred Lehmann; CASABLANCA
EXPRESS - 1989). Once at the hospital, Father Miguel
(Michael James; RESCUE TEAM
- 1983) tells Maria to leave with the injured because he doesn't want
Hormoza'a army attacking the church, but he is overruled by Father
Julio, who reminds Father Miguel that God wouldn't turn anyone in
need away, so they won't either (a "What Would Jesus Do?" moment).
Carrasco and Smithy get intel that Hormoza has quickly built a
pontoon bridge across the river, replacing the one they destroyed, so
they don scuba gear and place explosive charges under the bridge,
while trucks containing fuel are traveling across it. Smithy doesn't
get out of the water in time and is knocked unconscious by the shock
waves of explosions and is captured by the enemy. The destruction of
the pontoon bridge is successful and Carrasco is almost killed by the
enemy, but is saved by a small band of Rebels headed by an unnamed
man who was a good friend of Carrasco's dead father (Played by
Luciano Pigozzi, better known as "Alan Collins";
Margheriti's NAKED YOU DIE
- 1968; in an uncredited, but rather large role. Pigozzi appeared in
90% of Margheriti's films, including all of his '80s actioners.).
Carrasco and his new miniature army head to the makeshift
hospital, not knowing that Silviera and his men are already there,
killing some of the wounded by shooting them point blank, including
the dam worker, whom Silviera calls a "traitor" and pumps
three bullets in his chest. Maria is also wounded in the fracas when
she tries to stop the unnecessary killing and when Silviera burns
down the church, killing everyone inside (including Father Miguel),
Carrasco and his small band of freedom fighters appear, forcing
Silviera once again to retreat.
Carrasco decides to rescue his good friend Smithy, not knowing he
has escaped with the help of a small number of P.O.W.s. They show up
at the destroyed church, where Smithy tells Carrasco that he has
learned that Hormoza is traveling alone by plane, without his
bodyguards at a nearby airport, for a secret visit. Carrasco, along
with Smithy and the P.O.W.s, sneak into the airport with a rocket
launcher to blow up Hormoza's plane as it lands, but something
smells fishy to Carrasco. Turns out he was right, as someone else
blows up the plane as it lands (another good miniature effect) with
another rocket launcher. It turns out the P.O.W.s were working with
Silviera to set-up Carrasco, as the plane doesn't contain Hormoza at
all, it contains over a hundred young orphan children! Carrasco kills
the P.O.W.s as they try to escape and when Smithy realizes he has
been duped, he is shot in the back and killed before he can apologize
to Carrasco. It was Silviera who shot down the plane, but Carrasco
will get the blame, especially when Silviera has helicopters dump
thousands of flyers by helicopter blaming Carrasco for the death of
the orphan children. When Carrasco tries to escape from the airport,
he is seriously wounded, but he is saved once again but his dead
father's friend. The unnamed man also has his small band collect all
the flyers so the villagers don't turn against Carrasco.
Father Julio takes all of the wounded, as well as the displaced
villagers, to an abandoned monastery in the mountains, but before
they get there, one of the busses drives into the middle of a
minefield and explodes. The villagers run out of the bus, some of
them stepping on land mines and blowing up, as Silviera, using
binoculars, laughs as he watches them die, in the film's most tense
and graphic sequence. Father Julio saves as many of them as he can,
having them climb on the bus he is driving. The film concludes with
Hormoza leaving the country in disgrace, after Carrasco and Father
Julio blow up a fuel train that is passing by an oil refinery, which
also explodes (more of Margheriti's excellent miniature work).
Without fuel, Hormoza knows he stands no chance of winning the war,
so he quickly leaves the country, which results in most of his
soldiers taking the side of the Rebels, even shaking their hands,
since most of them never agreed with Hormoza's brutal ways. But there
is still a small band of soldiers who still side with Silviera and
they attack the monestary, not knowing that the dictator's army are
now on the side of the Rebels. It's a quick, bloody victory for the
Rebels and when Silviera discovers this, he tries to escape the
monestary, but he is cornered by the villagers, the Rebels and
the repatriated soldiers, who surround Silviera. Rather than shoot
Silviera dead, they tear him apart with their bare hands. Carrasco
tries to stop them, saying the time for violence is over, but he is
too late, Silviera is dead. Father Julio is also mortally wounded
(after picking up a rifle and acdentally shooting one of Silviera's
men, who was about to kill Maria. The look on
his face after doing this tells us he wishes he was dead and his
wish is granted,) and dies in Maria's arms. The film ends with
Carrasco picking up Father Julio, cradling his dead body in his arms,
and walking away into the sunset, while a gospel tune plays on the
soundtrack, telling everyone "We All Have To Die Sometime."
This is a rip-roaring action flick with a weird religious subtext,
but it is not shoved in your face like some religious war films do,
it is subtle. Antonio Margheriti made some damn good war action films
during the '80s, including his "Vietnam Trilogy" of THE
LAST HUNTER (1980), TIGER JOE
(1982) and TORNADO [THE LAST BLOOD]
(1983), as well as CODE
NAME: WILD GEESE (1984; also starring Lewis Collins and Klaus
Kinski), and THE COMMANDER
(1988; also starring Collins and Manfred Lehmann). This film ranks
with the best of them, thanks to the non-stop action and Margheriti's
excellent miniature effects, the show-stopper being the destruction
of a train carrying full tankers of fuel. As it explodes tanker-by-tanker,
it also destroys the oil refinery the train is slowly passing, which
is the impetus for Hormoza leaving the country, because the refinery
was needed if he had any hope of defeating the Rebels. It's a
fantastic display of explosions, which will get your heart pumping,
as Carrasco and Father Julio try to escape before their train car
explodes. Margheriti's son, Edoardo (who has a small role in
this film), has said his father's favorite thing to do, besides
directing, was creating miniature effects and this film showcases
them in fine detail. If you like war films with plenty of action and
a touch of humanity, this is the film for you.
Shot as KOMMANDO LEOPARD
(this was a Germany/Italy co-production), this film had no theatrical
or home video release in any physical format in the United States,
but if you are an Amazon Prime member, you can watch it streaming for
free in a nice anamorphic widescreent print. This film looks to have
been shot in English, since everyone, including Kinski, speak in
their own voices. If you are not a Prime member, you can watch it
streaming on YouTube from user "Film&Clips" in a
widescreen (but not amamorphic) German print, also in English. There
are many familiar faces in this film, many of them expatriate actors
usually seen on Filipino action films, including Mike Monty (PHANTOM
RAIDERS - 1988), David Light (PHANTOM
SOLDIERS - 1987), Jim Moss (MANNIGAN'S
FORCE - 1988), Eric Hahn (THE EXPENDABLES
- 1988) and Ronnie Patterson (FIREBACK
- 1983). Also featuring Thomas Danneberg (THE
CREATURE WITH THE BLUE HAND - 1967) and Rene Abadeza
(Margheriti's THE HUNTERS
OF THE GOLDEN COBRA - 1982). Not Rated. There's no
nudity, but there's plenty of violence, some of it graphic.
CONTRABAND
(1980) - Now this is entertainment! But something stops it from
becoming grand entertainment, namely Fabio Testi's (RINGS
OF FEAR - 1978) poor performance as the film's central
figure, Luca Di Angelo, a smuggler of contraband cigarettes and
booze. Now don't get me wrong, Testi is usually an excellent and
capable actor, but here he plays Luca as a man devoid of emotions,
like he doesn't care about anyone or anything, including his wife
Adele (Ivana Monti; THE FIVE DAYS
- 1973) and young son. It's like Testi was punishing
director/co-screenwriter Lucio Fulci (DON'T
TORTURE A DUCKLING - 1972; THE
FOUR OF THE APOCALYPSE - 1975)
for some sleight we don't know about (Fulci was known to be abusive
with his actors), giving his character no character at all, so we
don't care what the fuck happens to him. Luckily for Fulci, he crams
enough graphic violence into this film to allow you to overlook
Testi's tepid performance. I know this is saying a lot, but this may
be Fulci's most violent film of his career. When this film ended, my
jaw was on the floor. Fulci shies away from nothing, making this a
Eurocrime film that every fan of the genre should see.
As I said before, Luca Di Angelo is a member of a criminal
organization that smuggles booze and cigarettes by motorboat up and
down the Naples coastline. The problem is, some unknown person is
smuggling hard drugs in Luca's territory and that's where he draws
the line. He has a young son in school and is fully aware that his
son and his friends could become hooked on drugs because schools are
the first place dealers hit in a new territory. Hook the kids and
business booms. Luca and his brother Mickey (Enrico Maisto; VIOLENT
NAPLES - 1976) are very vocal about it, not caring who hears
it. One day, Luca and Mickey are stopped at a police roadblock, only
they are not the police at all, they are thugs dressed as police.
While Luca hides in the car, Mickey is machine-gunned to death,
sending his body down an embankment full of used car tires to the
ocean below (a very good stunt). When Luca gets out of the car and
discovers his brother's dead body floating in the ocean, he has a
look on his face as if he is about to fall asleep (!), but he vows
revenge anyway. Thinking that the head of his rival organization,
Scherino (Ferdinando Murolo; the "Farancksalan"/Frankenstein
Monster in ASSIGNMENT
TERROR - 1969), is involved, Luca kills one of Scherino's
men and tosses his body through Scherino's bedroom window, but
Scherino is able to convince Luca that he had nothing to do with
Mickey's death. Still, Scherino has his men beat up Luca within an
inch of his life, to teach him an important lesson. Luca's boss,
Luigi Perlante (Saverio Marconi; GO,
GORILLA, GO - 1975), tells Luca that Frenchman Francois
Jacois (Marcel Bozzuffi; STUNT SQUAD
- 1977), a.k.a. "The Marsigliese", is the guilty party,
bringing hard drugs to Naples and killing his brother. The
Marsigliese is somewhat of a dandy, wearing a custom
"perfume" made just for himself (it becomes an important
plot point).
After Luca's injuries are treated by a greedy doctor named Charlie
(Giordano Falzoni; Fulci's THE
NEW YORK RIPPER - 1982), who believes every injury has an
expensive price tag, Luca gets down to some violent business, but
what he doesn't realize is that The Marsigliese is even more brutal
and vicious, setting the face of a female drug courier named
Ingrid (Ofelia Meyer; RING
OF DARKNESS - 1979) on fire with a blowtorch when he
discovers from his chemist (played by our old friend Luciano
Rossi [DEATH
WALKS ON HIGH HEELS - 1971] in a cameo) that the container
of heroin she just pulled out of her snatch (!) is cut. (Rossi,
unfortunately, tones down his usual craziness and just smiles as his
boss takes his time burning off Ingrid's face, in a long and painful scene).
To take control of the territory, The Marsigliese sends out his top
enforcer (Romano Puppo; MEAN FRANK AND
CRAZY TONY - 1973) to kill all the rival mafia dons so he can
become king of his domain. This is the film's most visceral and
violent sequence, as we see a machinegun blast open a man's head, a
gun being shoved in another man's mouth and blowing his brains out
the back of his head and other gory mayhem. Perlante barely escapes
with his life when he makes his openly gay right hand man Alfredo
(Giulio Farnese; THE FACE
WITH TWO LEFT FEET - 1979) make love to a woman and his
mattress explodes (!) from a bomb planted there by The Marsigliese's men.
Luca convinces elderly retired Mafia Don Morrone (Guido Alberti; SYNDICATE
SADISTS - 1975) to come out of retirement (he seems to be
spending his retirement years watching Lucio Fulci movies on TV!) to
put an end to The Marsigliese's drug business (another surprisingly
graphic sequence which will have you rewinding the film more than
once to make sure you just saw what you saw!). The Marsigliese then
kidnaps Luca's wife
and young son and makes Luca listen on the phone while his men rape
Adele (Once again, Testi has a look on his face as if he is about to
fall asleep. I've seen more emotion on an emoji! It makes this scene
look comical rather than suspenseful and brutal). The Marsigliese
forces Luca to agree to an unfair split in the drug profits for the
safe return of his son, but once again, Luca ignores his family's
safety and does things his own way, ending The Marsigliese's reign of
terror once and for all. To symbolize the Marsigliese's worth as a
human being, his dead body falls and rests on a garbage can. Even the
Chief of Police (Fabrizio Jovine; Fulci's THE
PSYCHIC - 1977), Police Captain Tarantino (Venantino
Venantini; Fulci's CITY
OF THE LIVING DEAD - 1980) and the Chief Prosecutor (Daniele
Dublino; THE BIG RACKET -
1976) are happy with the outcome, letting Luca and Don Morrone go
free, even though they have lots of evidence against them.
I have to say that I was somewhat disappointed with this film when
it first came on, mainly for Fabio Testi's awful performance, but the
film became more and more violent as it progressed, so I basically
ignored Testi's performance (hard, but not impossible) and sat agape
at the graphic violence on view. This would have been considered one
of Fulci's best films if not for Testi's performance, so I will call
it an interesting failure. An entertaining interesting failure. There
are some nice filmic compositions on view, especially Mickey's
funeral procession by motorboat and the way Don Morrone gets his
revenge., but I can't really get my mind off Testi's deliberate,
awful performance. It ruins an otherwise excellent film (I guess his
performance is difficult to overlook). Fabio
Frizzi (Fulci's SILVER
SADDLE -1978; ZOMBIE
- 1979; and THE BEYOND - 1981)
supplies a thumping music score that propels the film to it's violent conclusion.
Shot as LUCA IL CONTRABBANDIERE
("Luca The Smuggler") and also known as THE
NAPLES CONNECTION and THE
SMUGGLER, this film received a limited, severely cut U.S.
theatrical release (by Sandhurst Releasing) in 1982 and then
appearing slightly letterboxed on VHS
from Mogul
Communications. Blue Underground
then released an uncut, anamorphic widescreen DVD
in 2004. No updated discs since then, but never say never. Amazon
Prime offers a nice anamorphic widescreen print streaming, dubbed
into English. Also featuring Tommaso Palladino (DEATH
RAGE - 1976), Salvatore Billa (BLOOD
AND DIAMONDS - 1977), Ajita Wilson (ESCAPE
FROM HELL - 1980), Omero Capanna (FATAL
FRAMES - 1996), Cinzia Lodetti (BEAKS:
THE MOVIE - 1987) and Fulci as a retired Mafia Don. Not Rated,
so prepare to be amazed by the carnage on view.
CROSS
FIRE (1987) - After
watching his wife and child getting brutally murdered in a home
invasion, Richard Straker (Richard Norton) kills the invaders and
becomes a drunken bum. One year later, the government asks him to
return to Laos (during the war, he headed a Special Forces called
"Black Thunder") to search for possible M.I.A.s and
P.O.W.s. Major Straker travels to Bangkok and immediately gets into a
bar fight (a prerequisite in films like this) and saves the life of a
whore (who he fucks back at his hotel). Straker learns from C.I.A.
operative Major Fowler (Frank Schuller) that he is bringing six
wet-behind-the-ears soldiers on this mission and the government will
disavow all knowledge of this mission if they are caught or killed.
Straker and his new men parachute behind enemy lines and recon with
their VC guides.
They come across a burned-out village which turns out to be
boobytrapped and one of Straker's men is injured. It seems no matter
where they go, the enemy is waiting for them in ambush and,
eventually, one member is shot dead. The head guide leads them to
Hogan, "The Australian" (Glen Ruehland), an ex-patriate
black marketeer who feeds Straker's men worms for dinner and then
drives them to the border in a beat-up old schoolbus during the
middle of the night. Hogan turns out to be a traitor and Straker and
his men are captured and driven to a prison camp, headed by Dihn
(Franco Guerrero of ONE ARMED EXECUTIONER
- 1980), where the men are tied up and Dihn beats up Straker and then
raosts him over some flaming embers. When morning comes, it's
apparent that other American P.O.W.s are being kept there, including
members of Straker's old Black Thunder squad. Straker and his men
break free and rescue the P.O.W.s, only to find out that they're all
infected with leprosy! Straker still rescues the P.O.W.s, completely
destroys the camp and head towards the extraction point. Straker
steals a train and then a jeep, only to learn his mission was a sham.
After losing most of his men (and all the P.O.W.s!), Straker is not
about to take this whole fiasco lying down. This
Philippines-lensed war action film, directed/produced/co-scripted by
frequent Cirio H. Santiago collaborator Anthony Maharaj (MISSION
TERMINATE - 1987), is standard jungle war thrills. It's
basically a low-budget rip-off of RAMBO:
FIRST BLOOD PART II (1985), as Straker and his inexperienced
men trek through the jungle, get into firefights and try to avoid
boobytraps while searching for living M.I.A.s & P.O.W.s. The real
action doesn't kick in until the one hour mark, but once it starts,
it's non-stop gunfights, hand-to-hand combat and explosions. I must
admit that the leprosy angle was a nice, unexpected touch as were
some later scenes, especially when Hogan, who turns out to be a good
guy afterall, says to one of Straker's men when he doesn't want to
touch the leprosy-infected P.O.W.s: "You Americans suffer from a
worse disease, A.I.D.S.: Acute Ignorance Dumb Shit!" While the
story lacks coherence and common sense, this film, originally known
as NOT ANOTHER MISTAKE
(a much better title, in my opinion), is a pretty solid way to spend
104 minutes of your life if you like a little pathos mixed in with
your action. Richard Norton (GYMKATA
- 1985; FUTURE HUNTERS
- 1986; UNDER THE GUN -
1995) is one of the better martial artists-turned-actors and appeared
in numerous B action films during the 80's & 90's, but he never
got the proper recognition he deserved. I believe his Australian
accent has handcuffed him in the United States, but that's a shame
because he's a much better actor than most American B action stars.
His refusal to Americanize his accent (like Mel Gibson and Nicole
Kidman did) probably cost him a lot of roles in major U.S. action
flicks. Our loss. Also starring Michael Meyer, Wren Brown, Daniel
Pietrich, Don Pemrick, Eric Hahn, Steve Young and Angel Confiado. A Nelson
Entertainment Home Video Release. Rated R.
THE
DANGER ZONE (1986) - Undercovercover
cop Wade Olson (FLESH GORDON's
Jason Williams) joins an outlaw biker group in the Nevada desert led
by the evil gang leader Reaper (Robert Canada) to bust up their
cocaine smuggling business. (They smuggle
the cocaine in from Mexico in radio-controlled planes). Five girls on
their way to a singing contest in Las Vegas break down in the middle
of the desert and are picked up by the gang, who proceed to torture
the women with snakes, threaten rape several times and expose their
breasts at every opportune moment. Wade must come up with a way to
bust the gang and save the girls at the same time. The ending
contains a showdown between Wade and the girls and Reaper and his
gang. Wade and all the girls survive and so does Reaper, who swears
to get even. The girls make it to their contest in Las Vegas and win
as Wade moves in on Reaper's Mexico connection. This is a so-so
action film that relies on the sleaze factor to get by. There's a
whipping, death by immolization, snakebite to the face, several gun
deaths and, of course, the ample samplings of the female cast. The
standout cast member here is Juanita Ranney as Skin, who is Reaper's
girl, but basically a good girl caught in a bad situation.
She's the only believable member of the cast. Jason Williams
underplays his role as if to be sleepwalking and everyone else in the
cast (including Robert Axelrod, Mickey Elders, Michael Wayne, Suzanne
Tara, Kriss Braxton, Mike Wiles, Cynthia Gray and future Leatherface
R.A. Mahailoff) emote as if they were in a school play with no sound
system. They are loud! One and only time director Henry Vernon takes
forever to get things going and seems to pull back on things when he
needed to push them forward. Believe it or not, this film produced
three sequels, all starring Williams (who also produced all four and
co-wrote three) as Wade Olson and two different actors in the role of
Reaper. They are DANGER
ZONE II: REAPER'S
REVENGE
(1988), DANGER
ZONE III: STEEL HORSE WAR (1990) and DEATH
RIDERS (a.k.a. DANGER
ZONE 4: MAD GIRLS, BAD GIRLS - 1993). All of these films
used to be shown regularly on USA's UP
ALL NIGHT in severely edited form during the early 90's. A Charter
Entertainment Release. Rated R.
DAY
OF THE SURVIVALIST (1985) -
Here's a little-seen regional actioner that's truly a product of its
time. After an on-screen disclaimer (read by an uncredited John
Vernon) warning us that what we are about to see is based on a true
story ("The names have been changed to protect the
innocent..."), we are introduced to Vietnam veteran Fletcher
(Steve Barrett), who has just been robbed and grazed in the head with
a bullet (all of it off-screen) at the sporting goods store he owns.
Disillusioned with all the violence in the big city, Fletcher decides
to close down his store and move to the Oregon wilderness after
watching a commercial on TV (He places a sign that reads "Moved
To Paradise" on his shuttered storefront window!). He settles
into his sleepy Oregon town, where he opens an archery store and
meets Colonel John Swint (Roy Jenson; NIGHTMARE
HONEYMOON - 1973), who invites Fletcher to his compound to
participate in what Fletcher believes to be harmless war games
involving paint guns. What Fletcher soon discovers is that Col. Swint
and his men are actually rabid survivalists who want him to join their
militia. The Colonel's heavily guarded compound sits directly in the
middle of a valley that is a perfect sanctuary if the United States
were to ever be attacked with nuclear weapons (which the Colonel
believes will happen very soon), but when Fletcher discovers that the
Colonel has all the bridges and roadways rigged with explosives to
stop people from entering or leaving the valley when the bombs fall,
he politely declines the Colonel's offer to join his backwoods band
of militia misfits. This doesn't sit too well with the Colonel or his
men, who decide to get rid of Fletcher before he spills the beans on
their operation to the cops. After watching Johnny Paycheck perform
"I Love Rowdy People" at a local bar (and then peppering
him with small talk at a table near the restrooms!), the Colonel
challenges Fletcher to break into the house of the hulking Reno
(Richard Beyer) as an exercise to test Fletcher's silent breaking-and-entering
abilities. What Fletcher doesn't realize is that he is being set-up,
so when he breaks into Reno's house and Reno ends up dead due to one
of the Colonel's forest booby-traps (which was meant for Fletcher),
he becomes a wanted man by the law, who believe that Fletcher is
suffering from "Post Vietnam Syndrome" and has snapped.
Fletcher takes Reno's vengeance-minded sister, Evelyn (Karen Rae),
hostage when she tries to kill him and they both head into the
forest, with the Colonel (who has just killed the Sheriff and his
deputy after they find the Colonel's explosives under a bridge) and
his men not far behind. The remainder of the film finds Fletcher
using the skills he learned in Vietnam to defeat the Colonel's men
while falling in love with Evelyn. The finale comes when Fletcher and
the Colonel duke it out in a cave, which culminates in Fletcher
burying a hatchet in the Colonel's head. If I made any of this film
sound the least bit interesting or entertaining, I apologize
profusely because watching grass grow or paint dry is infinitely more
exciting than anything this film has to offer. This atrocious
actioner, directed/produced by one-shot wonder William H. Humphrey
and written by Barry Hostetler, is a chore to sit through. It's not
only horrendously acted (Roy Jenson is the only actor here with
previous experience), the action scenes are also badly-staged and
photographed. Steve Barrett, who looks like Tom Savini's illegitimate
brother, has the charisma of a piece of quartz and the acting talent
to match, which makes every scene he's in a test of the viewers'
patience. That's not a good thing considering he accounts for 80% of
the film and, as if things couldn't get any worse, his on-screen
chemistry with Karen Rae (who is also awful) is like watching a
brother and sister French kiss. What DAY
OF THE SURVIVALIST truly lacks is pacing, as it looks like
it was edited by someone with a severe case of ADD. Scenes jump from
one sequence to the next, sometimes in mid-sentence, with no
narrative tissue to connect them. The violence is also rather tame
and lazily filmed and includes a bloodless pitchfork-in-the-neck and
various bloodless arrow impalements. There's zero entertainment value
to be had here and it's not even good enough for an occasional
unintentional laugh, so what's the point? Other films in the
short-lived mid-80's survivalist sub-genre includes RAW
COURAGE (1984), MASSIVE
RETALIATION (1984) and THE
SURVIVALIST (1987). Also starring Buzz London, John G. Frey,
Hap Holm, Bob Bickston and Buddy Joe Hooker. Originally released on
VHS by Marathon Video and not available on DVD. Not Rated.
THE
DAY THEY ROBBED AMERICA (1987) -
Outlandish Philippines-lensed production that's pretty hard to
categorize. It's part war film, part heist film and 100%
off-the-wall. The film opens up with soldier Duke Carson (James
Acheson) watching VC soldiers shoot his nurse girlfriend when he
refuses to answer their questions (He screams out a long
"Nooooooo!"). The film then switches to a hostage situation
at a restaurant where cop Robbie (Rudy Fernandez) shoots and kills
hostage taker Junior. Junior's father Martin (Robert Arevalo), a
local crime lord, retaliates and sends his men to kill Robbie, but
they mistakenly shoot and seriously injure his father instead. Robbie
quits the force and decides to go after Martin on his own. Meanwhile,
Duke is reassigned to an American military base as an MP, close to
where Robbie lives. Robbie's friends plan to rob the Bank of American
Express on the military base and they want Robbie to join them,
but he declines. Duke gets into a fight with local gunrunners at a
bar where Robbie is having a drink. Robbie notices Duke's fighting
abilities and compliments him on them. When Robbie learns his father
is going to need an expensive operation, he has no choice but to join
in on the bank robbery, but he brings in friends Boiler (a marksman)
and Sausage (the brawny muscle) for extra insurance. Martin has his
men burn down Robbie's house, nearly killing his wife and kids.
Robbie grabs a machine gun and systematically begins gunning down
Martin's men, nearly missing the robbery start time. They finally
perform the robbery, sneaking into the military base disquising
themselves as sandwich men. As they are robbing the bank, they are
caught off-guard by Duke and the MPs, which leads to a shootout
(Boiler, the marksman, is the first to die) and a hostage situation.
Duke's new girlfriend Carol (Donna Villa), a bank teller, is taken
hostage by Ronnie, which leads to a short car chase and another
shootout. Duke rescues Carol as Ronnie and his gang disappear into
the jungle. Robbie buries the money and disappears, as Duke goes
commando and begins killing all the robbers one-by-one. The finale
finds Duke and Robbie shooting it out and neither one comes out
unscathed. More plot-heavy than most Filippino action films,
this flick (set in 1971) still has it's share of violent action
setpieces, once the robbery starts. Until then, we are treated to
Duke's numerous flashbacks to his dead girlfriend (he usually has
them while trying to romance his new girlfriend!), various subplots
involving gun runners trying to kill Duke and Martin trying to kill
Robbie (who is credited as "Ruben" in the final credits).
The funniest scene happens when Robbie's father is shot. Robbie stops
a Jeep containing three American soldiers and asks for help, but they
refuse! (To see a YouTube clip of this scene, supplied by the always
reliable William Wilson, click HERE.).
There are plenty of shootouts (lots and lots of bullet squibs),
outrageous dubbing ("If he talks now, we're all in the
shit!") and very unflattering depictions of the American
military complex. I also love how Robbie has a mistress and the film
seems to imply that there's nothing wrong with it. Another funny (and
shocking) scene comes near the finale as Robbie is trying to drive to
safety with his mistress in the car. With the sound of sirens and the
glare of flashing lights in the background, she says, "Robbie,
someone is following us! Maybe it's the police!", just before
she gets shot in the back and dies immediately! While lacking the
sheer lunacy of FINAL SCORE
(1986) or the non-stop gunplay of other Philippines-lensed action
flicks, THE DAY THEY
ROBBED AMERICA (a.k.a. AMERICAN
HIGH COMMAND) still contains enough head-scratching action
to get my recommendation. Directed by Manuel 'fyke' Cinco (SANDUGO:
FURY OF THE BLOOD BROTHERS - 1975; REVENGE
FOR JUSTICE - 1985). Also starring Rio Locsin, Edu Manzano,
Bomber Moran and appearances by such Filippino mainstays as George
Estregan, Nigel Hogge, Nick Nicholson, Willy Williams and Rudolfo
'Boy' Garcia. Available on DVD from Eastwest
DVD as a double feature disc, with the film FINAL
ASSIGNMENT (1980). Not Rated.
DEADLY
BREED (1989) - Early PM
(Richard Pepin/Joseph Merhi) Entertainment production that delivers
in the way only PM could. A crooked Police Captain (William Smith; MERCHANT
OF EVIL - 1991) assigns brutal cop Kilpatrick (Addison
Randall; HOLLOW GATE
- 1988) to form a group of bigoted, violent vigilantes to combat
street crime in a less-than-legal manner. Liberal parole officer Jake
Walker (Blake Bahner; SPYDER -
1988), who believes every ex-con deserves a second chance, gets
personally involved in this whole mess when Kilpatrick and his squad
kill two of his parolees at jobs he just placed them at. It becomes
apparent very soon that Kilpatrick and his squad act more like a
white supremacy group than a band of crime vigilantes, as they seem
more interested in killing Mexicans, Chinese and Blacks (in one
scene, a bunch
of Latino and Chinese men are lined up against the wall and
repeatedly shot, St. Valentine's Day Massacre-style), no matter if
they are crooks or law-abiding citizens. As more people of the
non-white persuasion end up murdered (In a GODFATHER
[1972] inspired moment, we watch an assortment of non-Caucasian
citizens being murdered while Kilpatrick plays a classical tune on
his piano), Jake seeks help from the police when more of his parolees
end up dead, but the cops refuse to help him. The Police Captain
(they really should have given him a name!) orders Kilpatrick to stop
the killings because Jake is getting too close to the truth ("We
don't kill cops, especially white ones!"), but Kilpatrick
disregards his orders and has vigilante member Mr. Lewis (John
Grantham) kill one of Jake's white parolees, Albert (Ron Moss), with
a No. 6 piano wire. Kilpatrick and his team execute a search warrant
at Jake's house and plant a gun that killed some of his parolees.
Jake is arrested, but released after Kilpatrick makes a not-so-veiled
threat against him and his wife, Lana (Michelle Berger), letting Jake
know how easy it would be to set him up for his wife's murder. The
Police Captain finally relents and orders Kilpatrick to kill Jake
when he comes too close to uncovering the truth, but Albert's female
cop sister, Alex (Rhonda Grey; TWISTED
NIGHTMARE - 1987), joins forces with Jake after she becomes
Kilpatrick's partner. Kilpatrick rapes and strangles Lana and plants
evidence at the scene to make it look like Jake was responsible. When
it is revealed that Jake's best friend Vincent (Joe Vance; L.A.
HEAT - 1988) is involved in the conspiracy and tries to kill
Jake, Alex shows up in the nick of time and shoots Vincent in the
head. With Alex working from within the system and Jake working from
the outside, they systematically bring down everyone involved in the
racial killings (it turns out that Alex and her dead brother Albert
are Jewish) in a hail of gunfire and dynamite, first at Kilpatrick's
junkyard compound and then at the Police Captain's office.
Though rather restrained in the violence department until the bloody
finale, director/screenwriter Charles T. Kanganis (CHANCE
- 1990; INTENT TO KILL -
1992) maintains interest throughout thanks to a fast-paced script
that touches on racism, religion and righting wrongs, as well as some
unexpected flourishes in photography and editing. Don't get me wrong,
this is strictly B-level stuff all the way (some of the sound
recording is particularly bad) and contains a prerequisite topless
lovemaking scene (Hey, I'm not complaining!), but DEADLY
BREED is an energetic action flick that doesn't sacrifice
story for action. Also starring Ron Ramirez, Robert Gallo and Kipp
Shiotani. Producers Richard Pepin and Joseph Merhi still hadn't
finalized their PM Entertainment VHS label at the time of this film's
home video release (most of their previous films, such as EPITAPH
[1986] and DANCE OR DIE
[1987] were issued on the City
Lights Home Entertainment label), so they co-released it with RaeDon
Home Video. It is also available on budget DVD from Platinum
Disc (It's long OOP, but still pretty easy to find). Not Rated.
DEADLY
COMMANDO (1982) - A crack unit
of Amy soldiers (known as The Savage Six) are sent to rescue a
kidnapped ambassador in this surprisingly expansive Filipino war
action film, filled with stunts, gun battles and explosions. They
successfully rescue the ambassador and celebrate at a bar, where they
get into a (prerequisite) fight with a group of drunk patrons (one of
the soldiers beats up half the bar using nothing but a food plate!)
which ends with them being sent to the stockade. When an Army general
agrees to a peace talk with some opposition guerillas, he's kidnapped
by a group led by someone called the Professor (Boy Garcia). The
crack unit is sent in to rescue the general in a commando raid, but
first they must be freed from the stockade. The Professor's sister,
Adora (Elisabeth Rope), agrees to work with The Savage Six from the
inside (she's a guerilla, too, but it doesn't agree with her brothers
politics), while the commandos parachute out of a helicopter and land
behind enemy lines. The Professor is well aware of their presence and
puts his camp
on alert. When the Professor refuses to listen to his sister's plea
for peace, Adora and her group join forces with The Savage Six, but
when they raid the Professor's camp, it is deserted. The Professor
then puts out word that his sister is a traitor and calls for all the
guerillas in the area to kill her and her group as well as the Savage
Six. Almost immediately, they are ambushed by the enemy and must
fight their way out of a sticky situation (and amazingly, walk away
without a single casualty). The Savage Six rescue the general in a
cave, but become trapped there when the Professor and his guerillas
surround them. The finale finds the Savage Six and Adora fighting
impossible odds to bring the general back to safety. After the
Professor is killed by a mortar round (he blows up real good) and our
heroes make it to safety (with only one casualty!), an off-screen
voice tells us that the general's mission was a success and both
sides signed a peace treaty. This early 80's Filipino action
film, directed by Nick Cacas, (FORGOTTEN
WARRIOR - 1986) and Segundo Ramos (DEATH
RAIDERS - 1984), is more political than most
Philippines-made actioners (script by Donald Arthur). This may be
because some real-life Army generals and personnel portray themselves
here, as the Americans are portrayed as understanding,
willing-to-make-a-deal patriots, while the guerillas (one of them
sports a mohawk!) are depicted as trigger-happy thugs (when one of
the Professor's men suggests to him in the finale that they should
surrender, he shoots him!). While the violence isn't all that bloody
(just plenty of bullet hits, a couple of head shots and some
stabbings), the action comes fast and furious. Particularly striking
is the final scene of the film, a long shot in slow-motion of our
heroes escorting the general down a hill while it is repeatedly
bombarded by shellfire. It is a striking scene, almost poetic in it's
execution. The opening raid on the bad guy's house to free the
ambassador is also a triumph of execution, as the mansion the bad guy
lives in is quite a set piece and is not the usual choice for
explosions and carnage. While the middle portion of the film drags a
little (politics, passion and pathos comes into play at this time),
it's still fun watching a cast of Filipino pros, including Johnny
Wilson, George Pallance and George Estregan (billed here as
"George Regan") playing members of the Savage Six.
Estregan, in particular, is a hoot, as he plays a ladies man who
finds time to makeout with a female guerilla in the middle of a
firefight! All three would basically reprise the same roles in Ramos' DEATH
RAIDERS. Also starring Ray (Rey) Malonzo, Vic Vargas, Archer
Vergel, Jimmy Santos, Red Lapid, Efraim Reyes Jr. and "Joel
Sandoval's Group" of stuntmen. Originally known as SUICIDE
FORCE, which is somewhat of a misnomer since only one member
of the Savage Six actually dies. An International Video Presentation,
Inc. Release. Not Rated.
DEADLY
OUTBREAK (1995) - Jeff
Speakman action vehicle that borrows freely from DIE
HARD (1988) and OUTBREAK
(1995). Speakman stars as a Special Ops officer who must
singlehandedly stop a terrorist outfit led by Ron Silver. The
terrorists have taken control of a research lab in Israel that has
developed a chemical weapon capable of wiping out a large city.
Speakman teams with a scientist (Rochelle Swanson) and tries to hold
onto the weapon while fighting their way through the terrorists. Some
of the sights include: A shotgun blast to the balls, a throat
slashing, multiple gunshots to the head and other extremities,
various explosions and Speakman's special brand of martial arts.
Speakman (PERFECT
WEAPON
- 1991, HOT BOYZ - 1999) makes
a servicable action hero, but in some interviews that I have read he
is said to have a bad ego problem. Both Larry Cohen and William
Lustig do not have nice things to say about him. Ron Silver is making
a career out of playing bad guys in recent years, playing baddies in TIMECOP
(1994), THE ARRIVAL (1996) and DANGER
ZONE (1996). Director Rick Avery has used Speakman in THE
EXPERT (1994), his directorial debut. DEADLY
OUTBREAK (shooting title: DEADLY
TAKEOVER) is a pretty good action film if you don't expect
much. A Live Entertainment Home Video Release. Rated R.
DEADLY
REACTOR (1988) - In this
extremely awful and cheap post-nuke Western flick, a roving gang of
sadistic scavengers, led by Hog (Darwyn Swalve; HANDS
OF STEEL - 1986; OPEN HOUSE
- 1987), invade the home of Cody (David Heavener), kill his niece and
nephew (we see the young boy get shot in the back), rape and kill his
sister and shoot Cody in the stomach with a shotgun blast. A nearby
rancher named Duke (Stuart Whitman, beating out his role in NIGHT
OF THE LEPUS [1972] as a career low) saves Cody's life and
nurses him back to health. When Hog and his crew begin terrorizing,
raping and killing a town of Amish-like pacifists, Duke teaches Cody
how to handle a gun like a cowboy, smoke cigars and drink homemade
gin. We soon find out that Cody is nothing like his peaceful brethren
(he was formerly a cop before the bombs fell), as we see him shoot
and kill two nomads who fatally shoot Duke when they invade his ranch
looking for food. A dying Duke (He says to Cody, "A man knows
when Death bites him in the ass!") makes Cody promise to get
justice in town and kill Hog and his gang. Cody hops on his
horse and sets out for the long ride to town. Dressed as a preacher,
Cody's first stop is the town church, where he kills two of Hog's men
(he then hops on the church's roof and shoots a rapist in the
balls!). While Hog is away from town purchasing a large cache of
weapons, the greatful townspeople make Cody the sheriff (Hog shot the
previous sheriff in the head.). Cody makes Bolie (Norman Bernard), a
hungry prisoner not affiliated with Hog, his deputy and together they
try to make the peace-loving townsfolk take up arms in participation
of Hog's return. Some people refuse, but will they change their minds
when they see their friends and neighbors being killed? The finale
shows Cody and some of the townspeople defending their town and
defeating Hog. Just when it seems that everything is going to be OK,
a new gang drives into town. Is history about to repeat itself?
This impossibly cheap, cut-rate action flick is the second
directorial effort of one-man wrecking crew David Heavener (his first
being the even worse OUTLAW
FORCE - 1988). Besides directing and acting in this, he also
wrote the highly-derivative script and even grabs a guitar and sings
us a song! It's apparent that Heavener fancies himself as a
low-budget Clint Eastwood, as he copies Eastwood's mannerisms, cigar
chomping and Western clothing (this is like a sci-fi version of
Eastwood's PALE RIDER
[1985]), but the sad fact is that Eastwood's shadow conveys more
emotion and range than Heavener could ever hope to possess. Heavener
does fill the screen with plenty of nudity (Alyson Davis as Shauna,
Cody's new love interest, looks particularly fine in the raw). The
violence is bloody (most of the blood comes from the plentiful bullet
squibs in the many gunfights), but the editing is confusing and
choppy (Heavener narrates parts of the film to cover-up scenes he
forgot to film or did not have the budget to film) and makes some of
the sequences hard to follow and downright perplexing. The most
perplexing part of the film comes when Hog assaults the town during
the final thirty minutes and Cody disappears for no discernable
reason, allowing Hog and his men to easily recapture the town since
the townspeople couldn't hit the side of a barn with a firearm. Cody
then reappears and takes back the town nearly single-handedly, which
negates everything Cody has said up till then. When the rest of the
town begin to fight back, Cody has already disposed of most of Hog's
men. It makes no sense to me. The Western post-nuke subgenre was
better served a few years later in the Pepin/Merhi (PM) Production STEEL
FRONTIER (1995). Now that was an entertaining, action-packed
low-budget film. DEADLY REACTOR
(named because of Cody's actions, not a nuclear power plant), is an
instantly forgettable action flick with not much to recommend. Other
Heavener-directed epics include TWISTED
JUSTICE (1990), PRIME TARGET
(1991), EYE OF THE STRANGER
(1993), FUGITIVE X:
INNOCENT TARGET (1996), OUTLAW
PROPHET (2001), DAWN
OF THE LIVING DEAD (2004) and PSYCHO
WEENE (2006). Also starring Barbara Kerek, Arvid Holmberg,
Ace Cruzherrera, Ray Spinka and Dan Zukovic. An A.I.P.
Home Video Release. Not Rated.
DEATH
CHASE (1987) - While riding his
bike with his sister one morning, Steven Chase (William Zipp) gets
caught in the middle of a shootout and his sister is killed. A dying
man hands him a chrome-plated .45 and says, "You're it! Good
luck." before passing away. Chase is forced to kill another man
brandishing a shotgun and demanding the .45. A little old lady sees
him shoot the old man and now he is wanted by the police, who think
he is responsible for all the killings. Chase has become involved
in a bloody game masterminded by bad guy Steele (Paul L.
Smith), where armed men try to kill whoever is in possession of the
.45. I'm not too sure what the point of the game is, but a shady
businessman known as The
Chairman (C.T. Collins) is monitoring Chase's progress and the end
result seems to be whoever is the last person standing that is in
possession of the .45 (which has a tracking device built into it)
will receive one million dollars. Not only is Chase being pursued by
a bunch of game players with guns, he is also wanted by Lt. MacGrew
(the late Jack Starrett), who will do anything to bring Chase to
justice (or so it would seem), especially when two policemen are
gunned down with the .45 (by Steele, not by Chase). The only
advantage Chase has is whenever any of the game players are near him,
the .45 beeps to alert him. After a few close calls at his apartment
and a strip club, Chase learns to use the beeping to his advantage
and becomes a formidable opponent. Chase also finds a friend in Diana
(Bainbridge Scott), a woman Chase initially kidnaps, but she
eventually saves his ass on several occasions (he also saves her from
two player/rapists by stabbing one in the crotch and beating the
other's brains out with a pipe) and they become lovers. When Lt.
MacGrew proves to be just, if not more, crooked and deadly as Steele,
Chase (with the help of Diana and best friend Eddie [Reggie
DeMorton]) must figure a way out of this mess and the only way seems
to be by killing everyone who wants to kill him. In the finale, Chase
gives The Chairman a taste of his own game that he will never
forget. Somewhere within this film is a germ of a good idea
but, unfortunately, the execution and the acting by most of the
actors leaves a lot to be desired. It will come as no surprise then
to learn that this is an early film for production company Action
International Pictures, who turned out dozens of low-budget
action films from the mid-80's to the early 90's.
Director/co-scripter David A. Prior (SLEDGEHAMMER
- 1984; KILLER WORKOUT -
1986; NIGHT WARS - 1988) gives us a
lot of action setpieces (car and boat chases, gunfights and
fistfights), but they all suffer from a certain cheapness, the same
problem that early Richard Pepin/Joseph Merhi Productions (such as REPO
JAKE - 1990) suffered from before they learned from their
mistakes and turned out exciting actioners (like RAGE
- 1995). I'm not saying you can't enjoy DEATH CHASE (also
known as, simply, CHASE), because there are some good scenes
(I especially like the scene where Chase is being pursued by two
hitwomen in an auto junkyard) if you can just get passed it's poverty
level of filmmaking. Director Prior seems to love using bullet squibs
here, so there are plenty of bloody gunshot deaths. I just wish he
had a better editor, as most of the action scenes are poorly composed
and could have used some tightening. I was surprised to see genre
vets Jack Starrett (THE DION BROTHERS
- 1974) and Paul L. Smith (SNO-LINE
- 1986) appearing in a lower-level film like this but, hey, a
paycheck's a paycheck. Also starring Paul Bruno, Christine Crowell,
Brian O'Connor and Amber Star. A New Star Video Release. Not Rated.
DEATH
CHEATERS (1976) - After THE
MAN FROM HONG KONG (1975), director Brian Trenchard-Smith
made this, a stunt-filled comedy action adventure about the exploits
of two movie stuntmen, Steve (John Hargreaves) and Rod (Grant Page),
on-and-off the movie set. After foiling (what they think is) a real
bank robbery and getting heat from his wife Julia (Margaret Gerard),
Steve relates (in a flashback) how he and Rod have been doing
reckless things together ever since they were in the Army's Commando
Forces during the Vietnam War. Steve and Rod are taken at gunpoint to
the estate of Mr. Culpepper (Noel Ferrier), a top secret Australian
government official who wants to hire them to perform a special
assignment (the bank robbery was a set-up to test their skills).
After thinking it over for a couple of days (Culpepper won't tell
them what the assignment is until they agree to work for him) and
performing some stunts on a film shoot, Steve and Rod take on
Culpepper's assignment (Steve tells his worried, but understanding,
wife, "I get a kick out of danger!"). Culpepper (who is
like M in the James Bond films, complete with a Miss Moneypenny-like
secretary named Gloria [Judith Woodroffe], who horndog Rod keeps
hitting on) wants Steve and Rod to take a submarine to an island in
the Philippines and break into the heavily-guarded fortress of
international criminal Augustino Hernandez and steal some important
documents from his safe. First, Steve and Rod must go to "The
Farm", a secret government training facility, to get in shape,
but after running through a boobytrapped obstacle course and coming
out unscathed and beating their best martial artist, it's apparent
that they are already in tip-top shape (they both wear t-shirts with
"Cunning Stunts" printed on the front during this
sequence). They then take the submarine to the island in the
Philippines and begin their adventure. They split up once they set
foot on the island; Steve heads for the fortress through the jungle
(where he has a close call with a land mine), while Rod climbs the
steep cliffs on the other side of the fortress. While Rod sets off
some explosive diversions and draws enemy fire, Steve uses a hang
glider to enter the fortress and then some stung gags to steal the
documents, pick up Rod and head back to the submarine to safety and
then on to the premiere of Rod's latest film role: As a knight who is
set on fire for a deodorant TV commercial! This lighthearted
comedy action film benefits greatly from the chemistry between John
Hargreaves and Grant Page. Their comic banter and breezy delivery
enhances the proceedings immensely as do the stunts we see Page
perform (he's a real-life stuntman), including fire gags, building
falls and car chases and crashes (the illusion of danger is much
greater when we see one of the stars actually performing the stunts).
Director Brian Trenchard-Smith, who would make the crazy and even
more stunt-filled STUNT ROCK (1978)
next, keeps things moving at a brisk pace, skipping such important
story elements as character development and plot details, but still
giving us a little insight into Steve and Rod's personal and
professional lives. The fact that no one dies in this film and we
never actually meet international criminal Augustino Hernandez or see
Steve actually steal the important documents should show you where
this film's tongue is firmly planted. Noel Ferrier (the evil
Secretary Mallory in Trenchard-Smith's bloody ESCAPE
2000 [1982]) plays Culpepper with a dry wit, falling asleep
while showing the stuntmen an important roll of film, making comical
asides and playing chess with Julia (and losing every game) while
thay await word of the duo's success or failure. Ralph Cotterill also
registers as Culpepper's right-hand man (listed in the credits simply
as "Un-Civil Servant"), who dresses like a gangster
(complete with white suit and fedora) and fancies himself an expert
martial artist, only to be upstaged by Steve and Rod at every turn.
Grant Page, who also appeared as the assassin in Trenchard-Smith's THE
MAN FROM HONG KONG (and also did a hang glider stunt in that
film) and starred in his STUNT ROCK
(along with the rock band Sorcery), is still an active Stunt
Coordinator in Australian films. Page and Trenchard-Smith would
team-up again in 1975 for the stuntman documentary DANGER
FREAKS. John Hargreaves (who died of AIDS in 1996) was a
well-respected Australian actor and is probably best known on
American shores for his starring roles in the ecological thriller LONG
WEEKEND (1977) and the fantasy action flick SKY
PIRATES (1986). Trenchard-Smith (who has a cameo here as a
TV commercial director) is also responsible for the futuristic
actioner DEAD-END DRIVE IN
(1986), the martial acts actioner DAY
OF THE PANTHER and it's sequel FISTS
OF BLOOD (both 1987) and over forty other films, spanning
many genres. DEATH CHEATERS (the end credits lists the title
as DEATHCHEATERS) is nothing extraordinary, just a fun little
romp with plenty of stunts and humor. Also starring Drew Forsythe,
John Krummel, Peter Collingwood and Annie Semler. A Vestron
Video Release. Not available on DVD at the time of this review. Not
Rated, but nothing objectionable.
DEATH
ON THE RUN (1967) - This
Italian genre film skirts closely to the Eurospy genre, but ends up
being nothing more than a "find the microfilm before the bad
guys do" actioner. The film begins with master criminal Jason
(Ty Hardin; BERSERK - 1967)
being flown to Athens, Greece to serve time in prison. Some people at
the airport are very interested in Jason, including Inspector Starkis
(Fernando Poggi; THE HEROIN BUSTERS
- 1977), British Secret Service agent Major Worthington Clark
(Michael Rennie; THE POWER -
1968), "The Bulgarian" (Remo De Angelis; JOHN
THE BASTARD - 1967) and his driver (Vassili Karis; THE
ARENA - 1973), and "The Albanian" (Gordon
Mitchell; THE
SKIN UNDER THE CLAWS - 1975). The Bulgarian has his men cause
a disturbance, which allows Jason to escape and elude the police.
Jaason, who use to live in Athens, knows his way around town and goes
looking for his old nightclub business partner Pizza (Vittorio Caprioli;
BLOOD AND DIAMONDS
- 1977) to help him hide, but is captured by The Bulgarian and his
men. They don't want him dead, though, as the Bulgarian tells Jason
that if he can retrieve an item he is after, he will pay him $20,000
(Jason has been in prison many times, but, like Houdini, he always
finds a way to escape). The item turns out to be a tooth in the mouth
of a dead prisoner, who is about to be transported to his burial.
Jason manages to sneak into the prison, pull the tooth out of the
dead prisoner's mouth with a pair of pliers and escapes by hiding the
prisoner's body and taking his place in the coffin, getting out of
prison easier than breaking into it. But why is everyone interested
in the tooth, wanting it enough to kill for it? I already told you
why (in the tooth is microfilm having the names of every British and
American undercover agent in Europe), but Jason is a tough customer,
looking for a way to double his money, by having Pizza make a copy of
the tooth. Pizza doesn't know it, but a dancer at his nightclub,
Rumba (Graziella Granata; SLAUGHTER
OF THE VAMPIRES - 1962), has overheard his conversation with
Jason and decides to turn it to her advantage and make some money by
working with the Albanian, who wants the tooth enough to kill for it.
After several close calls (including a rather good car chase, where
Jason jumps a drawbridge in Pizza's new car to escape from the
Albanian and the police; and a rather brutal piece of footage where
the Albanian and his men machinegun a young boy named Jamie [Hum
Silvers], who was helping Jason), Jason is disturbed to find that his
former flame Greta (Paola Pitagora; REVOLVER
- 1973) is working with the Bulgarian to get the tooth and microfilm.
Greta tells Jason she is only doing it because her sister, who was
dating the dead prisoner behind the Iron Curtain, had a baby with him
and when they tried to escape by climbing over the Berlin Wall in
East Germany, only he made it, as her sister and her baby were
captured and her sister died in a Russian gulag not long after. She
only agreed to work with the Bulgarian because he told her he would
bring the baby to her if she succeeded in getting the tooth. Jason
promises Greta that he will makes sure the baby gets to her, no
matter what he has to do, but when the Bulgarian finds out Greta was
talking to Jason, he kills her by shooting her in both eyes
(offscreen). Jason is furious when Major Clark shows him Greta's
body, but the Major says something that brings suspicion to him in
Jason's eyes. When Rumba leads Jason to the Albanian and his men, she
pays for it with her life when the Albanian shoots her point blank.
Jason gets shot in the shoulder and just when the Albanian is about
to finish him off, Inspector Starkis and the Major show up and kill
the Albanian's men, but the Albanian escapes.
A short time later, the Albanian kidnaps Pizza, takes him to his old
deserted nightclub that was run by Pizza and Jason, tortures him with
a blowtorch and constant pummeling to get him to say where the tooth
is, but no matter how much they hurt him, Pizza refuses to answer. Jason
then breaks in and a gunfight ensues and the Major shows up and
kills the Albanian. Jason asks Pizza where the real tooth is and he
tells him he had it all along. It was in the keychain he gave Jason
when he borrowed his car. Jason left the keychain at the front door
in a padlock, but when he goes to retrieve it, it is gone. Major
Clark orders Inspector Starkis to arrest Jason and he is taken to the
station to be questioned. Jason makes a deal with the Inspector,
offering the microfilm in exchange for a hefty sum of money and the
return of Greta's sister's baby and he will tell him the name of a
traitor in his group. The traitor is Major Worthington Clark, who is
actually a double agent working for the Russians. A prisoner exchange
is then arranged, Major Clark for the baby, but the Inspector arrests
and handcuffs Jason, telling him he and Pizza will get the money when Jason
finishes the prison term he was about to serve in Athens when he escaped.
We then discover that Major Clark made a copy of the microfilm, so
the allies and the enemies are in a stalemate, as all the undercover
agents will have to leave their posts and the Russians gain nothing.
Jason hands the baby
to Pizza and tells him to take care of it until he returns, which
won't be long because, "No prison can hold me." It turns
out to be sooner than we think, as when Jason is being escorted away
by the Inspector and his men, he forces the car to crash and he escapes,
the film ending exactly as it began, with Jason running away on the
airport tarmac and dodging gunfire. THE END.
Directed
by Sergio Corbucci, who was best known for his gut-wrenching
Spaghetti Westerns, such as DJANGO
(1966), NAVAJO JOE (1966), THE
GREAT SILENCE (1968), COMPANEROS
(1970) and SHOOT
FIRST...ASK QUESTIONS LATER (1975), this actioner, co-written
by Corbucci, Franco Rossetti (TEXAS,
ADIOS - 1966) and Massimo Patrizi (the excellent Spaghetti
Western THE
PRICE OF POWER - 1969), is enjoyable fluff and nothing more,
thanks to Ty Hardin's devil-may-care attitude through the entire
film. The film also has some beautiful cinematography (by Aiace
Parolin; BABA YAGA
- 1973) that showcases some of Athen's favorite tourist spots,
including a really long footchase on the ancient Greece ruins of the
Acropolis, something that could never be attempted today (at least
not without plenty of CGI). I have to admit that I was taken aback by
the brutal killing of the young boy, as violence against children is
not pleasant to watch, but I do give Corbucci credit for actually
showing it and not turning the camera away. Hey, this is nothing
extraordinary, just a simple chase film with plenty of gunfire,
deaths and other violence, but it's still a fun film to watch, thanks
to its Italian sensibilities. One thing that really stands out in
this film are Gordon Mitchell's extremely blue eyes. But a word of
warning: Staring at them will probably put you in a trance! If you
like Italian actioners with a smidgen of Eurospy dressing, you are
bound to enjoy this.
Shot as BERSAGLIO MOBILE
("Moving Target", which was the title of the print I
watched) and also known as HEADHUNTER,
this film got a U.S. theatrical release from Producers Releasing
Organization (PRO) in 1967, but never obtained a legitimate U.S. home
video release in any format, relying on gray market sites such as
Something Weird Video to release it on VHS and DVD-R. I saw this
streaming on the YouTube channel "The Lost Movie Studio",
who offer the Something Weird print (you can see the translucent
"SW" bug on the lower right of the screen during dark
scenes), which is fullscreen and dubbed in English (both Ty Hardin
and Michael Rennie supply their own voices). Also featuring Giulio
Coltellacci (a Costume Designer on THE
10TH VICTIM - 1965), Valentino Macchi (THE
MANIAC RESPONSIBLE - 1975), Aldo Cecconi (SECRET
AGENT FIREBALL - 1965), Nino Vingelli (BLAZING
FLOWERS - 1978) and Alfred Thomas (LUANA,
THE GIRL TARZAN - 1968). Not Rated.
DESERT
SNOW (1989) - Good low-budget
actioner about drug smuggling across the Mexican border. The film
opens up with a van of wetbacks being massacred by two men with
machine guns in the Arizona desert. An Indian (who is chugging a
six-pack of Coors) sees the massacre and ends up getting murdered
after trying to help the last surviving wetback. Max Collins (Steve
Labatt) and Stone (Flint Carney) go searching the desert for the
Indian, who happens to be Stone's uncle. They find the massacred
wetbacks with their stomachs slit open. A DEA
agent tells Max that a local drug baron, Angel Melendez (Simon
Maceo), is using wetbacks to smuggle cocaine in their bodies as they
illegally cross the border. The crooked sheriff warns Angel that Max
and Stone are looking for the people responsible for killing Stone's
uncle. Angel sends the crooked sheriff to kill them, but doesn't
succeed. Angel has other problems. Mafia kingpin Don Russo (Sam
Incorvia) sends his first lieutenant, Tony Sacco (Frank Capizzi), to
Arizona to keep a close eye on Angel and to kill the "Mexican
spic" if he proves to be an embarassment. Max and Stone break up
a drug drop-off and walk away with the cocaine. Things get
complicated when a mother/daughter team, in the desert on a camping
trip, accidentally witness another wetback massacre. Max and Stone
must also protect them as well as themselves. Things come to a boil
when all three parties meet and fight to the death. I really
liked this film. It's well-acted by a cast of relative unknowns and
one-time director Paul M. DeGruccio keeps the the action flowing at a
speedy clip, letting enough blood and nudity creep in so that you are
never bored. There also a hefty amount of humor in the script (by Dan
Peacock and Paul Natale) that catches you off-guard among the grim
proceedings. Tony Sacco complaining about the type of car that came
to pick him up at the airport is a priceless piece of dialogue and
editing. And just wait till you see what Tony uses under the wheels
when his car gets stuck in the desert. The effects are also brutal.
You will see several bloody head shots, a man shot in the groin,
scenes of stomachs being slit open, throat slashings, a grenade being
shoved into a goon's mouth and a major character has his hands nailed
to a table and then stabbed in the back. Also, dig the carnage when
Angel's girlfriend meets a cactus at 60 mph. I had a good time with
this hard-to-find film. It's an almost perfect blend of action,
violence and humor. If you can find this anywhere, pick it up! Also
starring Shelley Hinkle, Caroline Jacobs, Ray Gamboa, Frank McGill,
Cynthia Miles and Peter DeFalco. A Raedon
Home Video Release. Not Rated. A special Thanks to
William Wilson for giving me a copy of this.
THE
DION BROTHERS (1974) -
Good-natured action comedy from the always reliable Jack Starrett (THE
LOSERS - 1970; SLAUGHTER
- 1972: RACE WITH THE DEVIL
- 1975), the kind of action film they don't make any more. Stacy
Keach and Frederic Forrest star as Calvin and Russell Dion, two
dirt-poor mining town hicks who join a gang of thieves and look for
their own personal GRAVY TRAIN
(the film's alternate title) in Washington, D.C.. Tony (Barry
Primus), the gang's well-dressed leader, sets up the robbery of an
armored car, which goes off without a hitch, netting the gang, which
also includes goofy musclehead Rex (Denny Miller) and shifty Carlos
(Richard Romanus), over $600,000 in cash. When Tony and Carlos betray
Calvin, Russell and Rex and send the cops to their hotel room, Rex is
killed but Calvin and Russell escape thanks to a couple of sticks of
dynamite and some police uniforms. They steal a police car and then
pull over three guys and rob them
of their clothes, money and car (a very funny scene). By chance,
they see Tony's girlfriend Margie (Margot Kidder) walking down the
street and follow her home. They make her take them to Tony, but
Carlos is waiting with a sniper rifle (he's a lousy shot). A chase
ensues and they capture Carlos. After torturing him with a lobster
(!), Carlos agrees to take them to Tony. Everyone finally congregates
at a building that is being demolished. Besides fighting each other,
Tony and the Dion brothers must also contend with a wrecking ball, a
room full of chickens and holes in the floors. With the building
falling apart around them, the Dion brothers battle Tony and his
goons room-by-room and floor-by-floor, until only one is left
standing. Even though the ending is a bummer, you'll find yourself
laughing out loud many times before the film ends on a dour
note. This funny action flick benefits tremendously by Keach's
and Forrest's performances as two guys completely out of their
element. They rob to finance their dream (well, it's actually
Calvin's, but Russell goes along) of opening a fancy seafood
restaurant, even though they have never tasted seafood. They are
totally devoted to each other, though neither of them basically has a
clue as to what they are doing (This is Russell's opinion of school:
"They fill your head with so much gosh-darned facts, there's no
room left to think!"). There's not a mean-spirited bone in this
entire film until the finale. Even though there are gunfights,
violence and death, it's all so goofy and innoculous, it elicits
laughs rather than shock. The final building demolition
chase/gunfight is well-staged and exciting, as everyone runs, shoots
and falls through floors as the wrecking ball continuously strikes
the building, ending in a surprising death and a great fight between
Calvin and Tony. The cast of genre vets are excellent and also
includes Clay Tanner and Robert Phillips as members of Tony's gang,
Paul Dooley as a crooked doctor, future director Joe Tornatore (THE
ZEBRA FORCE
- 1976) as a cop and a cameo by director Jack Starrett as a good ol'
boy on the TV. Terrence Malick, the director of BADLANDS
(1973) and other quality films, co-wrote the screenplay with Bill
Kerby using the pseudonyn "David Whitney". Malick was also
slated to direct this, but dropped out and Starrett took over. Never
released legally on home video in either VHS or DVD. The print I
viewed came from the satellite station The Drive-In Channel. It's
uncut, but every 30 minutes, they insert 5 minutes of commercials! In
the immortal words of Cal Dion: "Here's twenty bucks. Go change
your name!" Worth your time if you happen to run across a copy.
This Tomorrow Entertainment production was released to theaters thru
Columbia Pictures. When are studios going to wise up and start
releasing 70's gems like this on DVD? Rated R.
DOUBLE
NICKELS (1977) - A good car
chase is one of the most difficult things to capture on film, so you
have a lot riding on a movie that is nearly 80% car chases. Very few
movies can successfully pull that off. This small sub-genre really
started with director John Hough's DIRTY
MARY CRAZY LARRY (1974) and H.B. Halicki's GONE
IN 60 SECONDS (also 1974; Halicki would return with THE
JUNKMAN - 1982 and DEADLINE
AUTO THEFT - 1983 before being killed on a stunt gone wrong
on the unfinished GONE IN
60 SECONDS 2 - 1988) and then had a short-lived career in
films like DEATH RACE 2000
(1975), EAT MY DUST (1976)
and several others before Hollywood finally grabbed the sub-genre by
the balls and beat it to death with SMOKEY
AND THE BANDIT (1977), THE
CANNONBALL RUN (1981) and both films' increasingly
embarrassing sequels. DOUBLE NICKELS
is director/producer/co-screenwriter/star Jack Vacek's (ROCK
HOUSE - 1988) stab
at the genre. Since he was also a cinematographer/production
manager/actor in most of H.B. Halicki's productions, Vacek had a
better handle than most on how to film car chases and this film works
for the most part, even though it stars a cast of non-professionals
and has a budget that wouldn't fill the craft table on a Hollywood
film. Vacek stars as Smokey, a Highway Patrol cop who likes to drive
fast (Just before he goes on duty, he loves to race his motorcycle to
work, leading the exasperated cops in the next town on daily high
speed chases. It's a game to Smokey, but the cops chasing him take it
very seriously, even though they never catch him.). Smokey loves his
job, but he's not your typical Highway Cop. He and his partner Ed (Ed
Abrams) have fun at their jobs and not every chase ends in an arrest
or a ticket. When Smokey and Ed pull over a guy named George (George
Cole), who's in the repo business, he offers them a job repossessing
cars in their spare time. They take him up on his offer (it gives
them a chance to drive fast during their off-hours and make extra
cash), but they only want to repossess fast cars, so George takes
them on a trial run where they watch George repo a car and learn the
ropes. Smokey meets a girl named Jordan (co-scripter Patrice
Schubert, Vacek's real-life wife) when he stops her for driving too
slow and he makes a date with her, but he shows up two hours late
when he and Ed's first repo job doesn't go as smoothly as it should.
Their next repo job is a disaster when Ed repos a Ford Pinto (what
happened to fast cars only?), leading cops on a chase (both Smokey
and Ed could be kicked off the force if they are discovered
moonlighting) down a few flights of extremely steep concrete stairs
(it's one of the slowest chases in film history!). The rest of the
film is a series of car chases, as Smokey and Ed repo cars (disguised
as lawn care professionals) or try to outrun the police that chase
them. Needless to say, there's not a fruit stand, flower shop, stack
of boxes full of Styrofoam popcorn or aqueduct that they don't manage
to crash into, plow over or hydroplane on, as they try to avoid
capture. Trouble ensues when Smokey and Ed discover that they are
being played for fools, as the cars (and even a sailboat) that they
have been repossessing are not repos at all; they are actually
stealing perfectly legally-owned cars that are being sold overseas or
stripped for parts by crime kingpin Lewis Sloan (Tex Taylor). How are
Smokey and Ed going to pull their asses out of this fire? With
George's help, Smokey and Ed steal a briefcase containing
incriminating evidence of Lewis' criminal enterprise, which leads to
the film's complex, stunt-filled car chase finale. This is an
innocuous actioner that contains no foul language, no bloody
violence, no nudity and really nothing offensive at all. Just plenty
of car chases and extremely bad acting (a lot of dialogue seems
improvised). If that's your cup of tea, you should enjoy DOUBLE
NICKELS for those simple pleasures alone. All that is
missing is Sammy Hagar's "I Can't Drive 55". This was also
retitled SPLIT-SECOND SMOKEY
for some southern U.S. drive-in showings. Also starring Heidi
Schubert, Mick Brennan, Michael Cole, Larry Dunn and Tom Syslo.
Available on DVD as part of Brentwood Home Video's 10-movie
compilation titled REVVED!,
which is now OOP. Rated PG.
DOUBLE
TARGET (1987) - Violent war
actioner from director "Vincent Dawn" (a.k.a. Bruno Mattei; RATS:
NIGHT OF TERROR - 1983; ROBOWAR
- 1988; BORN TO FIGHT -
1989) that throws everything but the kitchen sink at the screen to
see what sticks. Luckily, a lot of it does, making this film a good
choice for action fans.
A series of terrorist attacks and bombings are happening at U.S.
military bases, hospitals and embassies in the Far East, ten years
after the war in Vietnam ended. Former Special Forces soldier Bob
Ross (Miles O'Keeffe;
CARTEL - 1990) makes a trip to Vietnam
to retrieve his ten-year-old son, Jan (Edison Navarro; Mattei's STRIKE
COMMANDO - 1987), whom he was forced to abandon when the war
ended. Bob tells a member of the Vietnam government that he is not
leaving the country without his son, only to be told that his
marriage to Jan's mother was not considered legal, therefore he has
no rights to Jan, he is a ward of Vietnam. The official tells Bob if
he were now to get remarried legally, he might have a right to claim
his son, but Bob tells the official he damn well knows that his wife
died in a Vietnam P.O.W. camp. The official corrects Bob, telling him
it was a "re-education" camp, where women corrupted by
American propaganda were schooled to bring them back to the Vietnam
way of life. The official then gets a phone call and tells Bob to
follow him, he may have a solution to his problem. Bob is then thrown
into a dark room, where Russian nastie Colonel Galckin (Bo Svenson; BROTHERS
IN BLOOD - 1987) tells Bob not to take another step closer,
if he does, his right hand man, Talbukin (David Anderson; MANNIGAN'S
FORCE - 1988), a martial arts expert, will kill him.
Colonel Galckin wants to know the real reason he is in Vietnam, not
believing his story that he is here to get his son. Bob doesn't care
if he believes him or not and pummels Talbukin, knocking him out and
escaping the building, with Galckin's soldiers close behind, but
Galckin tells them he wants Bob taken alive. Just when it looks like
Bob is about to be captured, a helicopter appears and an American
agent tells Bob to hop on, which he does (quite acrobatically) and he escapes.
The helicopter takes Bob to a military base where his old commanding
officer, Colonel Waters (Mike Monty; DOG
TAGS - 1985), is waiting for him. He tells Bob that someone
important wants to talk to him and if he agrees to this man's terms,
it could very well mean that he will get his son back. That man is
Senator Blaster (Donald Pleasence; LAST
PLATOON - 1988), an asthmatic no-nonsense government
official who tells Bob he wants him to find and kill Colonel Galckin
and Talbukin because they are training terrorists to kill Americans
all over the world, the latest attacks at a Hong Kong hospital and a
U.S. embassy in Malaysia were done by terrorists trained by Galckin
and Talbukin. Senator Blaster gives Bob five days to find and kill
them and during these five days he will have the full backing and
latest weapons from the U.S. government. If, after five days, he
fails his mission, he is on his own and the government will deny all
knowledge of him. Bob tells Senator Blaster that when he completes
this mission, if he doesn't get his son back, he will shove his
inhaler so far up his ass he will need a surgeon to remove it (the
look on Pleasence's face is priceless!).
We then see Bob in a submarine, being shot out of a torpedo tube in
full scuba gear. When he surfaces, an enemy soldier in a rubber raft
is waiting for him, gun drawn, but a shark knocks him out of the raft
and eats him! The shark then chases Bob into an underwater cave,
trapping him, but he uses one of his high-tech weapons to blow the
shark's head clean off its body! He then surfaces and the next time
we see Bob, he's in the jungle. A deadly cobra tries to bite him, but
he is saved from certain death by Toro (Ottaviano Dell'Acqua, as
"Richard Raymond"; Mattei's STRIKE
COMMANDO 2 - 1988), who blows off the cobra's head with his
pistol. Toro is Bob's first contact, so he and his band of jungle
mercenaries take Bob to a village full of children and Toro tells Bob
that his son Jan is here. Bob meets Jan for the first time in over
ten years and he tells his son that there's something that he has to
do first, but when he is done, he's taking him to the United States
to live with him. Jan just sits there, no emotion whatsoever on his
face. As Bob walks away, Jan looks at a photo his father gave him. It
is a photo of Bob with Jan's mother. Jan tears the photo in half,
discarding the half containing Bob's image and kissing the other half
containing the image of his mother, which he then tucks in his shirt.
Is it too late for Bob to connect with Jan?
Toro and his men take Bob down river and into the jungle, where they
come across a couple of "Ruskies" and kill them. Bob and
Toro don their clothes, steal their truck and as they are driving
Toro asks Bob if he is really doing all this for his son. Bob says
yes and Toro admires him for it. They then enter a secret Russian
military base and Bob sneaks into a building containing records and
begins photographing some of the records pertaining to Colonel
Galckin and Talbukin while Toro stands guard. A helicopter containing
Galckin and Talbukin lands at the base and they know Bob is there.
Bob and Toro steal a motorcycle with a sidecar and begin destroying
everything they pass, escaping by the skin of their teeth by jumping
into the river. Galckin and Talbukin take several helicopters to the
village of children, taking the entire village hostage. Talbukin
demands to know which boy is the American's son and when no one will
talk he shoots a man point blank in the head and says everyone will
be killed unless someone tells him who is Bob's son. Jan steps
forward and says, "It is I, but I don't know the man you call my
father and I don't want to know him. I hope you catch him!" Does
he really mean it? I'm sure he does at the time, but things will
change very quickly.
Bob and Toro are staking out the village and discover all the
children are being held in a single hut. Bob tells Toro it is time to
"set all hell loose", so they begin destroying the village
with grenade launchers and other explosive devices. While Bob is
destroying the village and killing Galckin's men, Toro saves all the
children by knocking the stuffing out of Talbukin. Toro then grabs
Jan and brings him to his father. As Bob, Jan and Toro are running
through the jungle trying to escape from Galckin's mercenaries, Toro
steps on a landmine and is seriously wounded. Toro tells Bob and Jan
to leave without him, go meet their next contact and he will slow
down Galckin's approaching army. Bob and Jan reluctantly leave (after
Bob clears the field of landmines with one of his high-tech weapons)
and Toro waits with a grenade in his hand, the pin pulled. As the
army approaches, Toro Sacrifices himself by stepping on another
landmine and taking a few of Galckin's army with him, slowing them
down enough for Bob to meet his next contact, Mary (Kristine
Erlandson; FINAL REPRISAL -
1988), and her father McDougall (our old friend Luciano Pigozzi, once
again using his "Alan Collins" pseudonym; OPERATION
NAM - 1985). Mary tells Bob and Jan that they have eight
hours before the submarine leaves, so she takes them to a trading
village to get something to eat when Jan says he is hungry. Once in
the village, Bob can smell trouble brewing, so he does a neat trick
with a grenade and a coconut, killing everyone at a table who look at
them suspiciously. It turns out Bob was correct, this is an enemy
ambush and McDougall is gunned down while Bob destroys the village
with plenty of fiery explosions (Bob has a thing for destroying
everything in his path!). Bob, Jan and Mary hide in the jungle and
must keep still as Talbukin and some men look for them. They almost
blow their cover (and their lunch) when giant spiders crawl over
their bodies, but they are able to brush them off when the enemy
passes them.
Meanwhile, Senator Blaster acts like he doesn't want Bob's mission
to succeed, even threatening to cancel the mission, but Colonel
Waters convinces him that Bob is the right man for the job and he
will succeed (Blaster acts like he is the enemy rather than an ally).
Mary takes Bob and Jan to a whorehouse (!) to hide out until it is
time to meet the submarine,
but Galckin knows they are there and it leads to a bloody firefight
where Mary is shot and wounded and they are all taken prisoner by
Galckin. Galckin hands Jan a pistol and tells him if he meant what he
said before to shoot Bob in the head, but he can't do it. Galckin
knew he wouldn't be able to and reveals that the pistol wasn't
loaded, telling Bob he is to be executed tomorrow morning. Will Bob
complete his mission? Will Jan call Bob "Daddy"? Will Mary
join Bob and Jan in the United States to live with them? If you
answered "yes" to those questions, you would be correct.
When Bob completes his mission and radios in to Blaster, saying,
"I get my son, you get a bigger desk. What else could you ask
for? You little wimpy-ass, little son of a bitch!", everyone
applauds, but what Senator Blaster does next will tickle your funny
bone for weeks to come (best seen than explained!).
I don't know what it is with Bruno Mattei and his '80s action
flicks, but he takes chances other genre filmmakers fear to tread,
such as over-the-top-explosions, ultra-bloody bullet squibs and even
an exploding shark's head. All these ingredients work in Mattei's
favor, as we should be shaking our heads in disbelief, but we find
ourselves admiring Mattei's moxey instead. The screenplay, by Mattei
and his longtime collaborator Claudio Fragasso (as "Clyde
Anderson", the director of MONSTER
DOG - 1985; WHITE
APACHE - 1987; ZOMBIE
4: AFTER DEATH - 1988: and the most enjoyable badfilm of all
time, TROLL 2 - 1990),
throws ingredients into the story not usually found in war action
films, such as the shark and Donald Pleasence's loony portrayal of
Senator Blaster, who can barely say two words without getting into a
coughing fit and using his inhaler, but it all works here. Just go in
not expecting APOCALYPSE NOW
(1979) and you should enjoy this down 'n' dirty war actioner.
Filmed as DOPPIO BERSAGLIO
(a literal translation of the review title) and also known as THE
HEROES NEVER GIVE UP, this film, lensed in the Philippines
and India, was released on VHS and disc worldwide, but it failed to
get a home video release in any physical format in the United States.
It is available streaming on Amazon Prime, but for some reason, the
sound is fucked-up (at least on my Roku), so turn on the subtitles so
you know what is going on. It is also a fullscreen print, but it is
perfectly watchable if you don't mind subtitles, that is, until
something better comes along. Also featuring Massimo Vanni (as
"Alex McBride"; Mattei's COP
GAME - 1988), Gerald McCoy (HEROES
FOR HIRE - 1984), Rene Abadeza (COMMANDO
INVASION - 1986), James McKenzie (DESERT
WARRIOR - 1988) and Gerald Tosco (WAR
WITHOUT END - 1986). Not Rated.
DYNAMITE
JOHNSON (BIONIC BOY PART II)
(1978) - Director Bobby A. Suarez, fresh off the success of his
previous two films, THE BIONIC BOY
(1977) and THEY CALL
HER...CLEOPATRA WONG (1978), decided to combine the
characters of those films and make this, a wild Filipino
action/comedy flick. The film opens with a giant mechanical dragon
(it looks like the bastard step-cousin of Mechagodzilla), which
shoots flames out of it's mouth and spits machinegun fire out it's
tail, destroying a rival gang's headquarters. A severely burned
victim of the dragon is taken to the hospital, where the Bionic Boy,
Johnson "Sonny" Lee (Johnson Yap), is having work done on
his bionic legs. His aunt, Interpol agent Cleopatra Wong (Marrie
Lee), waits for word of his progress in the waiting room. While he is
on the operating table, Sonny hears (with his bionic ear!) the burned
guy scream about a giant dragon. When he tells Cleo later on about
what he heard, she doesn't believe him (she thinks the anesthesia was
playing tricks on his mind), but he is overheard talking about the
giant dragon by a thug, who reports back to his boss. The crimeboss,
who owns the mechanical dragon and would rather keep it's existence a
secret, orders his men to kidnap the burned guy so he doesn't talk
further. Sonny spots the goons kidnapping the guy and follows them to
a warehouse, where he watches them kill the guy and talk about
a smuggling shipment that they are going to pick up at the docks the
next morning. Sonny goes to Cleo's house to tell her about it, but
she still doesn't believe him, so he goes to the docks by himself the
next morning, beats up all the smugglers with his bionic arms and
legs (filmed in super slow-motion, while an electricic da-da-da sound
plays on the soundtrack) and steals the metal briefcase containing
the smugglers' goods (a new kind of radioactive uranium). With the
briefcase as proof, Cleo has no other option but to believe Sonny
(finally!). They both must now fight a succession of goons and,
ultimately, the giant mechanical dragon, as the plot thickens and
Nazis are brought into the mix. Agent DeLeon (Franco Guerrero) is
assigned to babysit Sonny (easier said than done) while Cleo
investigates. In the finale Cleo, Sonny and Agent DeLeon fight a
bunch of wetsuit-clad bad guys on an island that holds a deadly
secret. I laughed, I cried, I nearly died. This goofy,
entertaining movie once again proves that Director Bobby A. Suarez (ONE
ARMED EXECUTIONER
- 1980; AMERICAN COMMANDOS
- 1985; WARRIORS
OF THE APOCALYPSE - 1985) can do no wrong. Filled with wild
scenes (Sonny outrunning a moving car and punching the driver in the
face, knocking him out; Sonny tosses a goon through a basketball
hoop) and crazy characters (including a flamboyantly gay gangster
that kisses, slaps and runs around like a total flamer until Sonny
hits him square in the nuts with a baseball, knocking off his hat and
revealing a headfull of curlers!) that must be seen to be believed.
The screenplay (by co-stars Ken Metcalfe and Joseph Zucchero) really
doesn't make much sense (It involves illegal uranium mining being
done by a tribe of loincloth-wearing natives, who are forced to work
in the mines by a silver eyepatch-wearing Nazi, who plans on using
this unique uranium to create a death laser and take over the
world!), but there are so many funny scenes and out-there situations
(including the giant mechanical dragon, which looks to be made out of
sheet metal and cardboard painted gold), you'll find yourself in a
constant state of laughter and disbelief (Nazis? Where in the hell
did they come from?). There's also some side-splitting dialogue, such
as when Kurz (Metcalf), the Nazi with the eyepatch, has captured Cleo
and has her restrained on a big wooden wheel. Here's his
interrogation of her: Kurz: "What is your name and why
are you here?" Cleo: "Cleo Wong. Lady dragon
hunter!" Kurz: You leave me no choice. We must spin the
wheel!" And spin it he does. Unfortunately, this was the last
adventure for Bionic Boy (Which was nothing but a knock-off of TV's THE
SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN, an extremely popular show worldwide
at the time) and even uses the same slow-motion techniques (running
the film backwards to show him jumping onto the top of walls and
cliffs) and a bastardization of TSMDM's trademark bionic sound
effect. Cleopatra Wong would return the next year in Suarez's THE
DEVIL'S THREE (a.k.a. PAY
OR DIE). Never legally available on home video in the United
States (you can guess why), DYNAMITE JOHNSON (also
known as THE RETURN OF THE
BIONIC BOY) is available from gray market sellers in a dub
taken from a Dutch-subtitled letterboxed VHS tape. Of course, the IMDB's
listing for this film is 80% wrong, as many of the actors listed
don't appear here and the screenwriting credits are false. Also
starring Alex Pecate (also the Stunt Coordinator), Johnny Wilson,
Pete Cooper, Joe Sison, Manny Tibayan, Gary Quinn and the P.I.S.
Stuntmen (P.I.S.S.)! Not Rated. "Throw his body in the
river or somewhere!"
EAGLE
ISLAND (1986) - Another
Swedish action epic from director Mats Helge, who previously gave us
the extremely gory NINJA MISSION
(1984; EAGLE ISLAND was shot under the title NINJA MISSION 2),
the horror film BLOOD TRACKS
(1985) and later gave us such films as ANIMAL
PROTECTOR (1988) and THE
FORGOTTEN WELLS (1989). Let me state right now that Helge
should be considered a national treasure; not because he makes good
films, mind you, but because he showed the world that Sweden was more
than capable of churning out cheap, enjoyable exploitation films
(once you get your head around all those "Swenglish" [a
combination of Swedish/English] accents). This film opens with a
sappy 80's power ballad (called, appropriately enough, "Eagle
Island") playing on the soundtrack while we watch a group of
Russian frogmen exit from a submarine and swim to the title island,
where some poor guard dressed in military fatigues is killed
with two crossbow bolts. The frogmen set off some silent alarms, so
base commander Eddie Foster (Tom O'Rourke; TV's LAW
& ORDER) sends his best man, civilian Simon (Tim Earle; WARDOGS
- 1986) to check it out. Simon decides he is "too bushed"
to check it out (he thinks it is just some errant rabbits), so he
asks friend Tom (Henning Olofsson) to do it instead. Tom is pushed
off a cliff by one of the frogmen (who are now dressed as black-clad
ninjas!) and dies after crashing on the rocks below (his body smashes
against the rocks with a resounding "Thud!"). The next
morning, after a breakfast of fish and beer (!) with Eddie,
Simon decides to check out the area himself (apparently, Tom's
body has been found, but the dead guard is still missing; it's just
too confusing to really tell), when he spots two women, Anna
(SummerLee Thomas) and Helen (Lisa Robinson), heading towards the
island in a small boat. Eddie is in deep shit when his commanding
officer, Colonel Frank Crayton (Terry D. Seago), comes to the island
by helicopter and relieves him of duty, blaming Eddie for Tom's death
(gee, news travels really fast, but what about the missing guard?).
Eddie quits the military instead (a reasonable reaction considering
the way he is being treated) and is told by Col. Crayton that he has
to leave the island in ten minutes. Anna and Helen turn out to be two
nosy photojournalists who say they are trying to get photos of rare
eagles that only inhabit this island (hence its name), but it's plain
to see that they're here to try and get evidence of why the military
occupies this island. To make an extremely confusing long story
short, Col. Clayton turns out to be a traitor working in cahoots with
the frogmen/ninjas, while Eddie, Simon, Anna and Helen try to stop a
crew from a Russian submarine from taking over the island with Col.
Clayton's help. Why are Clayton and the Russians doing this? Well,
you can be sure it's not over the tasty (and valuable) eagle eggs
that litter the island. It's over an egg of a different sort: a
device known as "The Egg" that contains data of all the
locations of American spy satellites. The war is on! Not much
in the logic department happens during the film's running time but,
damn, the film is goofy as hell, with weird fight scenes (the fight
between Simon and Clayton is one of the unintentionally funniest,
weirdly-choreographed fight scenes I've had the pleasure of watching,
as Clayton is constantly interrupted from radioing-in to his Russian
counterparts by Simon, who refuses to stay down), lines of English
dialogue (screenplay by Madeleine Bruzelius; co-writer of THE
FORGOTTEN WELLS) that could only make sense to the Swedish
("Everyone on their toes, got it?") and lots of bloody
violence we have come to expect from a Mats Helge film. While not
over-the-top as NINJA MISSION (but, to be fair, what is?), EAGLE
ISLAND has more than its fair share of gunfights, stabbings,
bullet-ridden corpses and deaths by crossbow, not to mention a
romance between Eddie and Anna (that seems way out of place in
context with the rest of the film) and a brutal beatdown and torture
of Lt. Thomson (Mats Hudden) by Russian bad guy Petrowics (Willy
Boholm) when he refuses to reveal the location of The Egg. Helen is
also graphically (and rather matter-of-factly) shot in the face
shortly after she stabs Petrowics in the back when he threatens to
rape her. Tastes may vary, but in the right frame of mind, EAGLE ISLAND
should satisfy your action fix for one night. Also starring Sten
Bostroem, Roger Persson, Jan Nygren and Heinz Fritsche. Never
legitimate available on home video in the U.S.; the print I viewed
was sourced from a Swedish-subtitled VHS tape on the N.M.
International label. Not Rated.
EMPIRE
ON FIRE (1988) - An insane
Indonesian period actioner you won't find on IMDB
or many reference sites. The film opens with nasty Dutch villain
Bogart (Mike Abbott; FINAL SCORE
- 1986; PLATOON THE WARRIORS
- 1988) and his army of Indonesian bad guys (including a pudgy midget
who hitches a ride on the shoulders of an eyepatch-wearing giant [I
guess the filmmakers just got done watching MAD
MAX BEYOND THUNDERDOME - 1985]) invading a village and
killing all the men and women they come across (but not before raping
some of the females, as one shot shows a sweaty bad guy hitching-up
his pants after walking out of a burning hut, followed by a village
girl stumbling out a few seconds later holding her blood-covered
vagina!). They cap off the invasion by decapitating the village
leader in front of everyone while Bogart proclaims himself "King
Bogart". Those villagers who are not killed are sold as slaves
at auctions populated by rich Dutch Imperialists. Years later, Panji
(Baron Hermanto) and his mother (Tatiek Wardiyono), who were the son
and wife of the decapitated village leader, break-up a slave auction
and save the beautiful Mira (Alba Fuad) from a life of servitude. The
only problem is that Mira's cure may be worse than the disease, as
Isabella (Nina Anwar), who is leading a revolution to overthrow the
current regime, believes Mira is the only girl that can bring down
the brutal Bogart, as long as she is trained right. Isabella puts
Mira through a series of sexual tortures to toughen-up her body and
mind, so she can become an undercover prostitute (The tortures
include making her lay on a slab of
red-hot piece of metal and pounding her vagina with a piece of wood
until she loses all feeling in it!). Once Mira is deemed ready, she
is sent out to seduce General Tengga (Atut Agustinanto) and Dutchman
Captain James (Jurek Pheszynski). Mira has had a previous
relationship with James, as he once promised to marry her, but then
sold her into slavery once he got into her panties. Mira knows she
must kill Bogart, but it is James that she really wants to put six
feet under. Panji falls in love with Mira during her training
sessions and he doesn't want her to go through with the mission, but
her taste for revenge outweighs her love for Panji. When Mira finally
gets the chance to bed the horny Bogart, her assassination attempt is
interrupted when a jealous Panji invades Bogart's castle and he is
captured and thrown in the dungeon. Mira must now decide what is more
important to her: Killing Bogart and Captain James or rescuing Panji
from the dungeon. Bogart's main concubine, the undercover Isabella
(who is really working in conjunction with James to take over
Bogart's empire [whew, this is getting complicated!]), pretends to
get jealous of Bogart's attention paid to Mira and plays General
Tengga against Bogart, which actually helps Mira and her mission. The
finale finds Mira killing James by throwing acid in his face and
slashing him repeatedly with a dagger; Captain Tengga offing Bogart
with a spear to the gut; Isabella shot through the back with an arrow
when she tries to hang Mira; and Panji killing Captain Tengga by
planting a sword in his stomach (and breaking the blade in the
process), God, I love happy endings! Though not as violent as
some period Indonesian fantasies (such as THE
WARRIOR [1981] or THE
DEVIL'S SWORD [1984]), director Manman Firmansjah (ESCAPE
FROM HELLHOLE - 1983; I
WANT TO GET EVEN - 1987) and screenwriter Darto Juned (THE
SNAKE QUEEN - 1982; REVENGE
OF NINJA - 1984) imbue EMPIRE
ON FIRE with so many weird visuals and outrageous situations
(The strangest being the sight of scores of scantily-clad women being
tortured in the underground lair to toughen-up their bodies and
private parts so they can withstand Bogart's rough rape sessions),
you can't help but enjoy yourself. Particularly interesting is the
way Firmansjah integrates so many sex scenes into the film without
actually showing any female nudity (the closest the film comes is
when we see some women's nipples through their wet clothing as they
bathe by a waterfalls). Mike Abbott is his usual coked-out, wide-eyed
self, chewing up the scenery in every frame he's in (yet his brutal
rape scenes seem nothing more than gentle lovemaking sessions!). His
death scene, where General Tengga stabs him with a spear just above
his groin, is one of the film's bloody highlights. As usual with most
Indonesian films, the English dubbing is horrendous and hilarious
(although whoever dubbed Abbott's voice at least tried to match his
lip movements), the violence is over-the-top and any depiction of the
Dutch is not in the best light (even the Dutch women are portrayed as
upper-class cunts), but considering Indonesia's history, this is to
be expected. Another winner from Producer Gope T. Samtani and Rapi
Films, Indonesia's main purveyors of sleazy entertainment. This never
got a legitimate U.S. home video release (these films generally never
do), but those lucky Greek bastards did get this on VHS (where my
print was sourced from). Not Rated.
ESCAPE
FROM SAFEHAVEN (1988) -
It's post-apocalypse time once again, yet this American-made film is
just different enough to hold your interest. After the
"Collapse", the world is a shell of it's former self, as
all the cities have become nothing but burned-out slums with
barbarian nomads preying on what's left of normal human society. One
such family, the Colts, have saved up enough money to move into a
"Safehaven", a self-contained city block where society is
civil and everyone lives in peace and harmony. Or so they thought.
Once the Colts, which includes father Ben (William Beckwith), mother
Janet (Sammi Gavich), son Jeff (John Wittenbauer) and daughter
Natalie (Mollie O'Mara), make it to Safehaven 186, they will discover
that it's rules and regulations are no better (if not worse) than
living on the outside. As a matter of fact, Safehaven 186 is a living
nightmare, as it's leader, Mayor McGee (Marcus Powell), runs the
place with an iron fist. When Ben and his
family are forced to watch two Safehaven residents being hanged for
minor infractions, Ben speaks out against the injustice, which
doesn't sit well with Mayor McGee and his goons and it puts his
family's lives in jeopardy. Mayor McGee sends his goons to arrest the
Colts at their apartment (which looks like a hovel) and they grab
everyone except Jeff, who is out doing some shopping. Ben is falsely
charged with assaulting an officer, head goon Preacher (Roy
MacArthur), and sentenced to death, so Jeff has to find a way to
rescue his father and the rest of his family (Mom is put in a cell
and Natalie is sent to a whorehouse for training). Enter Pierce (Rick
Gianasi; RIOT ON 42ND ST.
- 1987), a loner in the best MAD MAX
(1979) tradition, who previously saved Natalie from being raped when
the Colts were making their way to Safehaven 186 and now helps Jeff
save his family, with an assist from a blind black man (Damon
Clarke), who, it turns out, is not blind at all, but is the leader of
an underground rebel force out to stop the oppression. Complicating
matters is an internal power struggle between Mayor McGee and
Preacher (Preacher believes the Mayor is being too soft!), but Pierce
will use this power grab to his advantage to rescue Ben from the
hangman's noose, Janet from a prison cell and Natalie from Preacher
and whorehouse madam Mama's (Jessica Dublin) greasy hands. It's not
all going to be shits and giggles, though, as Pierce is captured and
tortured, the blind man killed and the underground rebel force
exposed. Pierce is also harboring a secret from his past, which will
come into play during the finale, when he and Preacher face-off for a
final confrontation. This ultra-low-budget post-nuke actioner,
co-directed and co-written by Brian Thomas Jones (THE
REJUVENATOR - 1988; POSED
FOR MURDER - 1989) and James McCalmont (UNDERGROUND
TERROR - 1988; and also Director of Photography here) is an
enjoyable seedy little film with a lot of ideas on it's mind, but not
a lot of money to show it. I admire a film that shows how life in a
supposedly "safe" environment may actually be worse that
life on the outside, where scavengers roam the slum-ridden landscape
and life isn't pretty. What this film lacks in budget, it more than
makes up for in sheer chutzpah, as the real scavengers are shown to
be those that are in authority; corrupt to the point of no longer
acting humane. That's not to say that this film is all lofty
ambitions, though. There are plenty of exploitative elements on view,
including Pierce being tortured by a topless chick in a dominatrix
outfit, some bad martial arts tomfoolery, a smattering of gore
(including a scene of the blind man being crucified), gunfights and
lots of people with big 80's hair and clothing. While we're not
talking Shakespeare here, ESCAPE
FROM SAFEHAVEN is just unusual enough to make it worthwhile
viewing, as long as you can forgive it's extremely low budget. Filmed
in New York City (look closely during the rooftop scenes and you'll
notice that the city is not as empty as this film wants you to
believe it is). The infectious opening and closing song, "Law Of
Survival" is performed by TAJ, who was also responsible for the
effective electronic score in UNDERGROUND TERROR. I'm still
trying to get it out of my head. Also starring Ric Siler, Sharon
Shahinian, Tere Malson and John Sklar. This actually got a theatrical
release, followed by a VHS release from Sony
Video Software, Inc. Rated R.
EXIT
SPEED (2008) - This is an exciting
and tense action thriller that takes an overused and generic concept
and turns it on its head. The concept: On Christmas Eve, a busload of
passengers in the middle of nowhere in Texas (where,
not-so-coincidentally, it's a dead zone for cell phone service) are
being terrorized and killed by an outlaw biker gang. Yeah, I know
it's been done to death, but EXIT SPEED contains enough
surprises and good performances to merit a viewing. The passengers
are a varied lot and pack a lot of personal demons: Meredith Cole
(Julie Mond; REST
STOP: DON'T LOOK BACK 2008), an AWOL Marine who is being
pursued by MPO Sgt. Archie Sparks (Fred Ward; TREMORS
- 1989); Sam Cutter (Desmond Harrington; WRONG
TURN - 2003), who is on his way to see his son; Maudie
McMinn (Lea Thompson; RED DAWN
- 1984), a single mother who is traveling without her children;
Annabel Drake (Alice Greczyn; SHROOMS
- 2006), an artist and champion bow marksman (this will come in
handy); Jerry Yarbro (Gregory Jbara; CEMENT
- 1998), a high school football coach with a hair trigger
temper; and Duke (Nick Sowell) and Desiree (Kelli Dawn Hancock), a
young interracial couple more interested in sex than anything else.
While these seem like pat characters in a pat situation, once bus
driver Danny Gunn (David Rees Snell; TV's THE
SHIELD [2002 - 2008]) hits two members of the motorcycle
gang, it's plain to see that everyone of these passengers are
harboring life-changing secrets of their own. The fun starts once
Danny stops the bus to check on the condition of the two bikers he
hit. While it is quite obvious one of the bikers is dead, the other
one pulls out a gun and shoots Danny in the head, killing him (which
is shocking because, up to this point in the film, it seems Danny is
going to be one of the film's major heroes), wounds Meredith in the
side (using her Marine training, she stops the bleeding by sticking a
tampon in the wound and sealing it with duct tape!) and kills another
secondary passenger by shooting her in the neck. As the film
progresses, the passengers grab control of the bus, crashing it into
an out-of-the-way auto junkyard, where our ragtag group must batten
down the hatches and defend themselves against the ever-growing
number of bikers, while bickering among themselves and discovering
each other's secrets. To give away any more would be doing a
disservice to first-time viewers. Let's just say that nearly everyone
has their own hidden talents that will be needed to be put into use
if they are to survive the night. Similar in tone to John
Carpenter's ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
(1976), in that the bikers depicted here are mainly faceless entities
with no dialogue, but director Scott Ziehl (EARTH
VS. THE SPIDER - 2001; DEMON
HUNTER - 2004; ROAD HOUSE
2: LAST CALL - 2006) and screenwriter Michael Stokes (BRAM
STOKER'S SHADOWBUILDER - 1998; THE
MARSH - 2006) add depth to the film by giving most of the
passengers some interesting back stories and integrating those back
stories into advancing the plot. While the middle section of the film
falters somewhat (there seems to be too much arguing amongst the
cast), it does pick up steam once the passengers decide to work
together and begin to kick some biker ass. That's not to say that
they don't suffer some casualties of their own, as Ziehl is not
afraid to kill off some major characters in gruesome ways.
There are also some welcome bits of humor, most of it coming from
Spanish-speaking passenger Mr. Vargas (Everett Sifuentes), who no one
understands, yet he manufactures a weapon that comes in quite handy
(and is used in one of the film's stand-out deaths). While much of
the violence consists of bullet hits to the head or other
extremities, there's also a nasty machete throat-slashing, various
arrow impalements, bloody shotgun blasts and a crowd-pleasing killing
by Lea Thompson (whom I never liked as an actress, but she's bloody
good here), who kills a nasty female biker while
half-pleading/half-proudly declaring "I have children!" It
will send shivers up your spine. All-in-all, not a bad way to spend
90 minutes. Nothing earth-shaking, just solid entertainment with a
sense of heart and soul missing from most genre films of this type. A
Peace Arch Home Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
THE
EXPENDABLES (1988) - This
Vietnam War action film opens with Captain Rosello (Anthony Finetti)
leading a platoon into an enemy village and destroying a munitions
dump, but not before taking on heavy casualties. When the mission is
completed, the only people left alive are Rosello, another soldier
and a baby that Rosello rescues after he is forced to kill it's
traitorous mother. Back at base camp, Rosello is informed by his
Commanding Officer that no other soldiers want to work with him
because every mission he leads, very few soldiers come back alive.
Rosello is then ordered to lead a squad of misfits, con men and
criminals on his latest mission, but first he has to get them to work
together as a team. That won't be easy. This group of roustabouts
have more issues than National Geographic. There's the wise-mouthed
black demolitions expert, Jackson (Kevin Duffis); deeply religious
Bible-thumper with the prophetic name Elijah Lord (Loren Haynes, who
also wrote and sings the film's closing tune); full-fledged bigot
Richter (Jeff Griffith), who looks at Jackson and says, "Apes
ain't my brothers!"; hard-partying pothead Sterling (Peter
Nelson); and the mysterious Navarro (Eric Hahn). Before you can say THE
DIRTY DOZEN (1967), Captain Rosello is seen whipping the
squad into shape in typical 80's fashion, while we watch the members
try to work out their differences, especially between Richter
and Jackson (When Richter says, "I smell a nigger!", it
leads to a lengthy fistfight between the two). Rosello finally leads
his men on their first mission: Capturing a Viet Cong Colonel
(Filipino staple Vic Diaz, in a much larger role than usual) and
blowing up an enemy bridge. They somehow manage to complete their
objectives, but they aren't yet working together as a squad (Rosello
tells his Commanding Officer after the mission, "They can't even
wipe their own asses!", to which his C.O. responds, "Then
you wipe for them!"). Slowly but surely, everyone begins working
together as a team and learn to put their differences aside. After
taking a major casualty on their second mission, Roselli decides to
take his men for a night out on the town, which leads to a
prerequisite bar fight with a bunch of drunken Marines (one is
portrayed by an uncredited Nick Nicholson). They all get thrown into
the brig, but when enemy forces invade the hospital to free their
captured Colonel and take some female nurses hostage, Captain Roselli
and the Expendables swing into action in what will turn out to be
their most dangerous (and fatal) mission. For the first time, Captain
Roselli experiences the hollow experience of victory in the face of
sacrifice. This is Filipino director Cirio H. Santiago's third
80's Vietnam War film, after EYE OF THE EAGLE
and BEHIND ENEMY LINES
(both 1987), and while it offers nothing new to the genre (all the
characters are straight out of Stereotypes 101), it still manages to
be strangely compelling, not to mention action-packed. Santiago
always staffs his films with his usual cast of professionals and THE
EXPENDABLES benefits from it. As a matter of fact, the
weakest actor here is Anthony Finetti as Captain Rosello, who is a
newcomer to the Santiago universe. Nearly everyone else, from
Rosello's Commanding Officer (William Steis; the star of DEMON
OF PARADISE - 1987) to all the members of the Expendables,
have appeared in numerous Santiago productions, sometimes taking-on
leading and secondary roles and other times appearing in uncredited
bit parts. That is why most of Santiago's films, whether good or bad,
are at least well-acted. THE EXPENDABLES also contains it's
fair share of gunfights, explosions and bloody bullet squibs as well
as a surprising amount of female nudity (much of it full-frontal),
way more than usual for films of this type. The script, by Philip
Alderton, is generic war action stuff, but I did like the inclusion
of the deeply religious character, Lord, into the mix. It allowed for
a couple of unusual sequences, such as when Lord pulls his gun on and
threatens to kill a naked gook prostitute when she rubs her naked
body on him. He also turns out to be the voice of reason during the
final attack set-piece, basically telling the rest of the gang,
"Hell, do you want me leading you or do you want the reluctant
pothead?" The group picks the pothead. As much as I despise
organized religion in general, it's refreshing to watch a film that
puts a human face to someone devoted to their god, without pandering
or preaching. If you are a fan of war action films, you will probably
enjoy this. This is the first film produced by Christopher R.
Santiago, Cirio's son. Christoper would go on to produce many of his
father's later films. Also starring David Light, Leah Navarro, Don
Wilson, Jim Moss, Don Holtz, Greg Rocero, Janet Price and Cory Sperry
as Strzalkowski, an in-joke to frequent Santiago collaborator Henry
Strzalkowski, who had nothing to do with this film. Available on VHS
from Media
Home Entertainment and not yet available on DVD. Rated R.
EYE
OF THE EAGLE (1987) -
This film, the first of Filipino director Cirio H. Santiago's full-on
80's Vietnam War action flicks, finds Sgt. Rick Stratton (Brett
Clark; ALIEN WARRIOR
- 1985), Cpl. Johnny Ransom (Robert Patrick, wearing the same rebel
cap he did in Santiago's EQUALIZER
2000 - 1986) and Cpl. Willy Leung (Rey Malonzo; SEARCH
FOR VENGEANCE - 1984) saving a squad of American soldiers
who are pinned-down by the enemy in the jungle. Sgt. Stratton fires
his pistol in one hand and an AK-47 in the other, Cpl. Leung keeps
the enemy at bay with his automatic rifle and Cpl. Ransom shoots his
Winchester rifle from the hip. All three of them are crack shots,
kill all the VC and lead the American soldiers to a waiting
helicopter. We then witness a group of traitorous American soldiers,
led by Sgt. B.O. Rattner (Ed Crick), invade the headquarters of
Company C, laying waste to all the buildings and killing all the
American soldiers stationed there. Col. Stark (Mike Monty) and Capt.
Carter (William Steis) assign Stratton, Ransom and Leung on a mission
to kill enemy Col. Trang (Vic Diaz) as he is traveling by train
through the mountains. The trio sneak on-board the train, kill Trang
and are forced to steal some enemy motorcycles and drive to safety
when, for some reason, Capt. Carter never picks them up by
helicopter. When the trio get back to headquarters, they make
sure to voice their displeasure to Carter and then get into a bar
fight with Sgt. Maddox (David Light) and his men (who were supposed
to back them up on the last mission) when someone calls Leung a
"gook". Meanwhile, journalist Chris Chandler (Cec Verrell; SILK
- 1986) has discovered the secret location of the "Lost
Command", a squad of rogue soldiers that are officially listed
as AWOL or MIA, commanded by, you guessed it, Sgt. B.O. Rattner. When
Chandler is discovered taking photos of the secret location, Rattner
orders his men to kill her and get the film. That's not going to be
easy, because Chandler's assistant, Lol Pot (Tony Beso), is also the
leader of a local tribe of spear and bow-carrying freedom fighters.
When Chandler makes it back to her base camp, she manages to get one
radio message out before Rattner and his men appear to destroy the
camp. Chandler is saved, but loses her camera and the film. When
Stratton finds out that Rattner is involved, he has Chandler lead
him, Ransom and Leung to the location of the Lost Command. You see,
it turns out that Rattner murdered Stratton's brother years earlier
and it's payback time. It looks like it's going to be a hot time in
the old jungle tonight, especially after it's revealed that Capt.
Carter is in cahoots with Rattner. When Rattner kidnaps and tortures
Ransom, Stratton and Chandler race to the Lost Command headquarters
to save him. Will they get there in time? I'm not going to
pretend that this film is nothing but a low-budget PLATOON
(1986) rip-off, but it's still damn entertaining. Director/producer
Cirio H. Santiago, working with a script by frequent Santiago
collaborators Joseph Zucchero and Nigel Hogge, has fashioned a
fast-paced, mindless actioner that's basically a non-stop series of
action set-pieces connected by the barest of plots. Brett Clark is
stiff as a piece of one inch-thick plywood and Robert Patrick, who
would appear as the same character in Santiago's next Nam film, BEHIND
ENEMY LINES (1987), only this time as the lead, mugs for the
camera and screams out his lines. Luckily, we don't watch these films
for the acting talent and Santiago doesn't disappoint when it comes
to the carnage. People are shot in the head (our trio's preferred
method of disposing of the enemy), blown-up or riddled with automatic
gunfire and Santiago also includes a shot of a man on fire, a
recurring gag in nearly all his films. I'm still trying to figure out
why Ransom dresses like a Southern rebel from the Civil War and why
he was allowed to bring a Winchester rifle and a Colt pistol to
Vietnam, but I suppose it's best not to dwell on such matters.
Unfortunately, Cec Verrell keeps her clothes on throughout, but
there's a brief shot of a topless prostitute during the bar fight. If
you like war action films, EYE OF THE EAGLE is a good way to
spend 82 minutes. Two unrelated sequels followed, EYE
OF THE EAGLE II: INSIDE THE ENEMY (1988; directed by
Carl Franklin and produced by Santiago) and EYE
OF THE EAGLE 3 (1990; with Santiago returning to the
director's chair). Other Santiago Nam epics include THE
EXPENDABLES (1988), NAM ANGELS
(1988), FIELD OF FIRE
(1990), BEYOND THE CALL
OF DUTY (1992), KILL ZONE
(1992) and FIREHAWK (1992). Also
starring Nick Nicholson, Henry Strzalkowski, Willie Williams, Mel
Davidson, Jim Moss and Jerry Hart. Originally issued on VHS by MGM/UA
Home Video and later released on DVD by Roger Corman's New
Horizons Home Video as part of their AMERICAN VALOR series. Rated
R.
EYE
OF THE SPIDER (1971) - I
really wanted to like this EuroCrime film since it contains a cast of
great actors, but I came away disappointed. The plot doesn't make
very much sense and for what I could make out, it's just a revenge
drama masked by a confusing plot.
In Vienna, we see a prison van transporting career criminal Paul Valéry
(Antonio Sabato; GANG WAR IN MILAN
- 1973) stopping by the scene of an accident, only it's not an
accident at all, but some thugs who gas the two guards and
drive the van to a secret location. Paul doesn't know what is going
on, but Gloria (Lucretia Love; THE
EERIE MIDNIGHT HORROR SHOW - 1974) tells him to be patient,
everything will be explained shortly. She drives him to the palatial
home of Professor Orson Krüger (Van Johnson; THE
PRICE OF POWER - 1969) and he tries to make a deal with
Paul. It seem the Professor financed the job that Paul was pulling
when he got captured. He was shot during a diamond robbery and left
on the street for the cops to capture by his two partners. The
Professor was supposed to get two million dollars worth of diamond
and Paul was supposed to get $200,000 for the job, but his partners
stiffed the both of them and Paul got 20 years in jail because of it
(he was only on year five when he was "rescued"). The
Professor tells Paul that he wants him to get even with his partners,
but only on his terms. He knows Paul is a hothead and only wants the
money due to him and to get even with his partners, but he tells Paul
if he doesn't follow his instructions to the letter, the deal is off.
Paul agrees and the next thing we see is the Paul got a nosejob and
changed the color of his hair, to fool the police (who are looking
for him) and also his partners (He originally had a pug nose
[blatantly fake-looking] and blonde hair, but now he has his original
God-given nose and black hair). His name is now "Frank
Vogel" and he has a forged passport, supplied by the Professor,
to prove it. The Professor tells Paul that one of his partners, Mark
(Teodoro Corrà; FIVE
DOLLS FOR AN AUGUST MOON - 1970), is in Marseilles, France,
so he and Gloria (who is his constant companion, on the Professor's
orders), fly to Marseilles (Paul has a few close calls at the
airport) and Paul/Frank sees Mark at an estate auction, but there'a
also a photographer, Harpett (Goffredo Unger; THUNDER
- 1983), who snaps some pictures of Paul without his knowledge. Paul
calls Mark and tells him that he wants his money and Mark agrees to
pay him. Paul tells him if he tries any funny business, he's a dead
man. So what does Mark do? That's right, funny business, sending two
of his assassins to kill Paul at their agreed meeting place, a
lighthouse. Paul ends up killing the two assassins and, rather than
waiting for the Professor's instructions (we never find out what they
are!), Paul goes into Mark's office (he's now an art appraiser) with
a gun and demands the $200,000 owed to him (The first time they were
supposed to meet, Mark sent the police to a restaurant to check
everyone's passports, hoping they would snag him, but Gloria saves
his ass.). Mark sees that Paul means business, so he opens up his
large walk-in safe and gives him the money, over half a million
dollars, but he won't tell Paul where the second partner is, forcing
Paul to lock him in the safe (even when he gives him the location!).
Unknown to Paul, Harpett was watching the whole thing and when Paul
leaves, he tries to free Mark, but he doesn't know the combination
(they can't hear each other through the safe's steel walls) and Mark
dies of asphyxiation (Way too quickly to be believable).
The Professor is not happy with Paul for not following his
instructions (whatever they were!) and takes the money away from him
and has Gloria deposit it in a bank. He gives Paul one more chance to
follow his directions to the letter. Mark told Paul that his second
partner, Hans Fischer (Klaus Kinski; WEB
OF THE SPIDER - 1971), a.k.a. "The Polack", is in
Algiers, so he and Gloria head there, the Professor providing them a
safe place to stay when they are there (The Professor knows their
every move). What they don't know is that Harpett has phoned Hans,
telling him he would sell him photos of Paul for $20,000. Hans agrees
to pay, but crooks can't be trusted and two of Hans' men meet Harpett
at a bar, take the photos and garrot him in his own car. Hans now
knows Paul's new face, but Paul doesn't care, he just wants the money
that is due to him. Just like Mark, Hans tries to kill Paul, but he
survives, which leads to a shootout in a boatyard, Paul gunning down
Hans' men and then getting into a fight with Hans, impaling him in
the torso with a baling hook, killing him. Gloria, who has been
trying to get into bed with Paul from the beginning (Paul says to
her, "Sorry, but I don't like to start with the crumbs from the
Professor's table!"), finally gets her wish and they make love.
Good thing, too, because more of Hans' men have taken her prisoner
and are holding her at Hans' house. Paul rescues her and when they
get back to their villa, the Professor is waiting for them and he's
not happy. He pulls a gun on Paul, telling him he cannot trust him
since he refuses to follow his directions (What the hell were
they????), so he has to die. As he is about to pull the trigger, a
shot rings out. That's right, Gloria, who is now madly in love with
Paul shoots and kills the Professor, but not before he puts a bullet
into her. Both the Professor and Gloria die and the police surround
the house (the Professor called them previously to find Paul's body).
Paul is then gunned down by the police and the last thought to go
through his mind is the vision of the failed diamond robbery, where
Mark gunned him down and left him there for the police to capture. Only
this time, all the police have is Paul's dead body.
Like I said earlier, the plot is very confusing and nothing is
explained fully. Just when it seems like the Professor is about to
tell Paul why he has to die, he starts talking German! If you don't
understand German, you are shit out of luck, because even the English
subtitles don't translate what he says. Talk about stiffing the
viewer! There is also a confusing bit of business when the Professor
gives Gloria a gift, telling her, "This is the last link in the
chain. Nothing exists to compromise your freedom." It looks to
be a silver ring and the Professor then takes it back, saying it is
best left with him. We know he is blackmailing her, but what does the
ring stand for? We are never told. That's the problem with this
entire film, nothing is explained. It's basically Paul killing
everyone he comes in contact with and eventually it destroys his
life. The "disguise" Paul wears in the beginning, which is
supposed to be the "real" him, is so fake-looking, it's
laughable. Bushy blonde eyebrows, moustache, beard, blonde wig and a
putty nose that wouldn't fool a blind person, which is probably why
we never see Paul get the nosejob, he just miraculously is
"Frank" without any healing time (rhinoplasty takes a long
time to heal!). Director Roberto Bianchi Montero (THE
SLASHER...IS THE SEX MANIAC! - 1972; A
WOMAN FOR 7 BASTARDS - 1974) doesn't seem to have control
over Luigi Angelo (BLACK
KILLER - 1971), Aldo Crudo (HITCH-HIKE
- 1978) and Fabio De Agostini's (NIGHTMARE
CASTLE - 1965) screenplay, forging ahead without bothering
to explain anything, like some rogue train or a car going down a
steep hill without any brakes. The gunfights are good, as is Carlo
Savina's (KILL
THE POKER PLAYER - 1972) music
score, but they are not enough to get your mind off the gaping
plot holes and why nothing is explained to the viewer's satisfaction.
Oh, well, not every film can be a winner. At least Van Johnson dubs
his own voice, which is also a plus.
Shot
as L'OCCHIO DEL RAGNO
(a literal translation of the review title), and also known as DEADLY
REVENGE (a more fitting title) and THE
SPINDLE'S EYE, this Italy/Austria co-production never
recieved a theatrical or home video release in any physical format in
the United States. It is available streaming on Amazon Prime, but the
print breaks into German at the finale and the anamorphic widescreen
print is in less than perfect shape, which is unusual for Prime, but
if you need to see every EuroCrime film out there, here it is. Also
featuring Franco Marletta (SLAUGHTER
HOTEL - 1971), Claudio Biava (CHURCHILL'S
LEOPARDS - 1970), Maria Tedeschi (GIALLO
IN VENICE - 1979) and Brigitte Brandt as the woman the
Professor sends to Paul's room to bust his
five-year-in-prison-breakout cherry. Not Rated.
EYES
OF THE CONDOR (1987) - Loony
action flick from Thailand, made by the director responsible for the
equally insane films H-BOMB
(1973), GOLD RAIDERS
(1983), THE LOST IDOL (1990) and IN
GOLD WE TRUST (1990). A group of rich people gather on a
yacht to view the eighth largest diamond in the world, the 152-carat
"Eye Of The Condor". During the unveiling of the priceless
diamond, a commotion breaks out and thief Kenny Hemmings (Soraphong
Chatri; OPIUM STRIKE FORCE
- 1985) steals it, jumps overboard and is rescued by his dwarf
partner, who is behind the wheel of a powerboat that is towing a
hang-glider (!), which Kenny uses to escape into the sky. Back at the
yacht, the owner of the purloined diamond dies of a heart attack
after witnessing the heist and his son vows to find Kenny and make
him pay. Kenny and his vertically-challenged partner deliver the
diamond to rich businessman Mr. Anlucky (Douglas Dull), but when he
tries to doublecross Kenny and his midget
friend, a fight ensues where the diamond first falls into the
cleavage of Mr. Anlucky's mistress, then a bucket of ice (what are
the odds?) and, finally, getting tossed out the window of the
highrise building and landing on the roof of a shack (more on that
later). Kenny and his tiny friend escape (the little guy takes a dive
out of the same highrise window and lands in a chicken coop!) and
everyone, both good guys and bad, vow to find the diamond. Meanwhile,
back at police headquarters, the son of the dead diamond owner is
able to identify Kenny's mug shot, so the police brass assign Captain
Ben Daniel (Joe Samenchai) and Lieutenant Phyllis (Den Dokprodoo) to
go undercover and find Kenny and the diamond. Kenny retrieves the
diamond when he finds it on the roof of a shack occupied by seven
male midgets and their normal-sized sister (a funny take-off on Snow
White and the Seven Dwarves), but Mr. Anlucky's goons show up and a
comical chase ensues where the diamond once again gets lost when it
falls into an ice-making machine (again, what are the odds?). Kenny
cuts a deal with Ben and Phyllis to find the diamond if no charges
will be filed against him or his seven little friends, while Mr.
Anlucky is getting heat from his Big Boss (Craig James) to find the
diamond or else. Kenny finds time to fall in love with the dwarves'
sister, but when one of the dwarves accidentally swallows the diamond
when he finds it, he is kidnapped by Mr. Anlucky's men in a hospital
operating room (the doctors were just about to remove it). The sudden
appearance of a bald monk, who tells Kenny, Ben and Phyllis that he
must return the diamond to the temple it was stolen from before the
diamond's curse goes into effect (something about death to all those
that touch or possess it), puts pressure on everyone to find the
diamond and quickly. Kenny uses his parachuting skills to steal the
diamond in mid-air, just as Mr. Anlucky tries to deliver it to the
Big Boss. When the Big Boss kidnaps the seven dwarves and their
sister in exchange for the diamond, Kenny will once again have to use
his hang-gliding skills to save them in the explosive finale.
This insanely comic action film, directed by Chalong Pakdeevichit
(better known as Chalong Pakdivijit and P. Chalong) and written by
Bancherd Thavee, never takes itself too seriously, but that doesn't
mean that the violence is toned-down in the least. People are shot
point-blank, stabbed, the dwarves are tossed around like rag dolls
(god bless 'em, because they really take multiple beatings on-screen)
and there are some well-done and exciting stunts on view, including
Kenny's parachuting stunt and a jitney chase where Kenny and all
seven dwarves climb into one small jitney (like a clown car at the
circus) and are chased around the streets of Bangkok by the bad guys.
This film may be nothing but nonsense about a diamond that keeps
exchanging hands, but it is entertaining nonsense, full of action,
violence, comedy and, above all, hilarious English dubbing that will
have you howling with laughter, especially when any of the dwarves
open their mouths to speak. They may be short on stature, but they
are tall on humor. EYES OF
THE CONDOR is a winner in my book. Also starring Krung
Srivilai, Chris Kaelai, Thep Phongarm, Piak Pattani, Ron Yohe,
Sonchai Samiphak, Noppon Komalachun, Sinaporn Philailak, Thom Thatien
and Banchongsirichinda (that's a mouthful!). As usual, this film
never got a legitimate U.S. home video release. The print I view was
sourced from a (what else?) Greek-subtitled VHS tape. Not Rated.
FIGHTING
KILLER (1974) - Every once
in a while, I sit on my couch and search streaming movie channels on
my Roku, looking for something to watch. I came upon this film by
chance and, boy, was I entertained! This crazy Turkey/Italy
co-production borrows ideas from DEATH
WISH (1974) and countless other revenge actioners and gives
us one crazy mash-up, full of WTF?!? action scenes, a little nudity
and some really "out there" violence.
The film opens with some members of a criminal organization being
killed by hired thugs. We are then at a large table, where the bosses
of said organization are having a meeting. One of the bosses, Joseph
(Erol Tas; THE HAND
THAT FEEDS THE DEAD - 1974), has his four men gun down all
the other bosses so he can run the organization alone. Joseph sends
his four men to kill a man with the unfortunate name of Tony Tiger
(Turkish actor Irfan Atasoy, who actually uses the pseudonym
"Tony Tiger"!; SPY SMASHER
- 1968), who once worked for Joseph, but quit the organization. While
Tony is out hunting, the four men arrive at his house, kill all of
Tony's men (apparently, he is still involved in criminal activity)
and then take his wife and young son captive. Tony returns from
hunting and discovers all his men dead and then hears his wife
scream. He yells out, "Do you know who I am? I'm Tony
Tiger!" (I half expected him to end it with "I'm
Grrreeeaaattt!") and enters his house. He then proceeds to beat
up the men, jumping high in the air to deliver
some drop kicks, before he is captured and hung from the ceiling
spread-eagle horizontally, hooks through his wrists! He is then made
to watch, as the four men kill his son (which could never be done in
any film made in the USA, as the men actually throw this boy around,
smack and punch him and use him as a football, kicking him and
tossing him to the other members!) and rape his wife, killing her.
They then pour kerosene over the dead wife and boy and set Tony's
home on fire, one of the men saying that Tony will make good
barbecue! Just when it looks like curtains for Tony, he is saved when
ex-lover Olga (Olga Petrova) arrives at his house and frees him. Olga
begs Tony to forget about what happened, but he tells her he will get
even with Joseph, telling her about his three best friends from the
army. They were so close, they promised each other that if any of
them were in trouble, they would drop everything to help (the
original title for this film was DORT
HERGELE ["Four For All"]). Tony has Olga mail out
letters to his three friends (Olga says, "What, are you like the
Four Musketeers?"), asking them to meet him at the assigned
place where they made their promise. We then meet these three man as
they receive the letters. There's 1) Margherito (Gordon
Mitchell; SFX RETALIATOR
- 1987), a judo instructor, who has his students try to attack him
when he is not looking (and failing). And then there's 2) Brad
(Fikret Hakan; TARGET: HARRY
- 1969), a lounge singer (And a really bad one. Wait until you see
him perform in a nightclub. This scene alone is worth the price of
admission!), who beats up a couple of hecklers in the audience when
he is performing an "original piece". And, finally, there's 3)
Joe (Richard Harrison; TERROR FORCE COMMANDO
- 1986), a gambler, who we see beating up a bunch of thugs in a
gambling parlor. They all meet Tony at the assigned place and each of
them agrees to take down one of the four men who killed Tony's wife
and son.
Margherito tries to take down one of the men at a Turkish bath,
where he ends up getting into a martial arts fight with some sweaty
goons (so badly staged you'll cough up a lung laughing!) and ends up
chasing his prey, only wearing a towel around his waist, through the
streets of Istanbul (the look on some people's faces, unaware of what
is going on, is priceless!), his prey getting hit and killed by a car
sent by Joseph. Brad then confronts another killer, who ends up
getting shot from a sniper (sent by Joseph) and dying before he can
spill the beans to him. Joe confronts another killer on a ski slope,
where it ends up on a chase on skis, his prey dying by falling over a
cliff. Finally, Tony confronts the final killer, but he, too, is
killed by one of Joseph's hired killers, but not before he tells Tony
that he was sent by Joseph to kill his wife and son (None of this
makes any sense since Tony already knew Joseph was involved!). The
finale finds Tony and his three friends invading Joseph's
well-guarded villa, where the foursome discover that it wasn't Joseph
who sent the men to kill Tony's wife and son, it was Olga! It seems
she wanted Tony for herself, so she hired the four killers to murder
the wife and child and to set fire to the house, making her look like
a hero in Tony's eyes so he will fall in love with her. The film ends
in a wild shoot-out, where Tony, Joseph and Olga are shot dead and
his three friends survive, once again agreeing to help each other in
times of need.
This wild and wacky actioner should fail miserably, but if you have
watched any other Turkish actioners in your life (such as LION
MAN - 1975), you will know that believability is not their
strongest suit. When people get shot here, all they do is grab their
chest and fall to the ground, no need for bloody bullet squibs, yet
when Tony is hanged spread-eagle by his wrists and feet, we see hooks
protruding out of his skin! Add to that Tony's uncanny ability to
jump high distances without the aid of a trampoline and you have one
strange flick. Particularly memorable is the scene where one of the
four killers tries to run Tony over in his car. Tony simply jumps in
the air and ends up in the killer's front seat and they continue
fighting while the convertible continues driving down the road,
ending up hitting a tree and Tony is ejected out of the car, landing
on his feet! And nearly 90% of the male actors here sport Charles
Bronson-like mustaches! Co-directors Giulio Giuseppe Negri and Yilmaz
Atadeniz, who, together, use the name "Jerry Mason"; (SPECIAL
SQUAD: SHOOTS ON SIGHT - 1976) have no problem showing Tony
defying the laws of physics, as he is able to leap over high walls
and deliver high drop-kicks in tight places. If you like your action
films fast and furious, with a touch of mind-bending fantasy, look no
further than this flick. You can thank me later. I found this
streaming for free on Amazon Prime. It's only 78 minutes long, so it
doesn't take up a lot of your time, yet the film moves so fast,
you'll think the film is shorter than it actually is. It should also
be noted that Richard Harrison looks like he is having the time of
his life, as he is smiling through most of the film, even when he is
fighting. It's that type of thing which makes this film so
infectious, so catch its disease! Also starring Alicia Leoni, Ferita
Gandell, Cesare Nizzica (EYES
BEHIND THE STARS - 1977), Nicola Morelli, Süheyl
Egriboz and Sami Tunç. Not Rated.
FIGHT
THE KICKBOXER (1992) - Harry
Wells (Steve Brettingham) and Rough Tati (Nick Brandon) are not only
best friends and champion kickboxers, they also put on fixed matches
with each other to make big bucks on the gambling circuit (it's hard
to lose money when you already know who the winner is going to be).
Rough wants to expand his crime empire to include arms smuggling,
prostitution and drug dealing (you know, the trifecta of crime), but
Harry doesn't agree and tells Rough that he's quitting the operation
after the next fight. Before anything else can be said, the cops raid
their headquarters, forcing Rough and Harry to split up, with Harry
donning a disguise (if you count wearing a white golf cap a
disguise!) and escaping with a satchel containing all of Rough and
Harry's money. Rough is watching the action from a rooftop when he is
startled to see Harry being arrested with no resistance by a single
cop, who says to Harry, "Nice job!" before slapping on the
handcuffs. Is it possible Harry was responsible for setting up the
police raid? It doesn't originally look like it, as Harry is thrown
in prison and shares a cell with a bunch of Filipinos in what is
obviously a totally different film (Did I forget to mention that this
is another cut-and-paste actioner from director Godfrey Ho [using the
pseudonym "Vincent Leung"] and producer Joseph Lai? Sorry
about that! When the interest in ninjas waned, Ho and Lai turned
their attention to the kickboxing genre [thanks to Jean-Claude Van
Damme] during the early 90's.). Not only does Harry not appear in a
single frame with the Filipino cast (he does get an American and a
Chinese man as his new footage adversaries), but when one of the cast
members says to Harry, "So you're the new guy, huh? I hope
you're not a fucking queer!", you'll be scratching your head and
wondering: Wouldn't they rather he was queer? Anyway, Rough has sent
word to the prison inmates to make Harry's life a living hell, so
while he is pounding rocks with a sledgehammer in the prison quarry
(why does every prison in films have a quarry?), the American and
Chinese inmates attack Harry with shovels (Harry gets pounded on the
side of the head with a shovel, rolls down a hill, smashes his head
against a boulder and then gets up like nothing happened, continuing
to fight his two opponents!). The inmates from the older footage
start a riot and Harry escapes, along with ruthless killer Mason
(Filipino staple George Estregan, here using the name "Boy
Lenn") and some of his prison friends. The film then splits into
two entire different entities: The newly-shot footage of Harry
fighting a bunch of Rough's hoods every 15 to 20 minutes until his
inevitable showdown with Rough in the ring; and the film proper, an
unreleased Filipino revenge actioner where ex-cop Jason (Willi Kindo)
rejoins the force to capture Mason and his men. Mason was responsible
for the murder of Jason's wife, leaving Jason a widower and a single
father. Jason joins forces with his old partner Mando (Mando Iva),
while Harry goes to wife Joey's (Hannah Crawford) house, but she
refuses to go with him. The remainder of the film finds Jason and
Mando getting into a series of shootouts and martial arts fights in
their pursuit of Mason, while Harry teams up with black kickboxer
Billy (Rex Jackson) as they go after Rough and fight in a kickboxing
match worth one million dollars. This pastiche film contains
all the elements we've come to expect from these Godfrey Ho/Joseph
Lai collaborations for Lai's IFD Film And Arts Limited production
company: Bad intercutting of old and new footage (The most obvious
being when Harry is first put in the prison cell and even the prison
bunk beds don't match! But there's a shootout in an auto junkyard
that runs a close second.); hilarious and racist English dubbing
(When a cop spots Billy's photo in Harry folder, he says, "Who
is this nigger?" and then this bit of wisdom; "Not every
scumbag could have a big fuckin' car and not every scumbag wants to
be a fuckin' scumbag!"); and a rejiggered story that tries to
accommodate both old and new footage, but the new inserts are so
obvious, it becomes funny in its ridiculousness. As usual, the film
proper is more interesting than the newly-shot footage and contains
bloody shootouts (lots of bloody bullet squibs) and violence, while
the new inserts contain kickboxing matches in a ring so small, even
dwarves would complain about it. FIGHT
THE KICKBOXER is worth a viewing just for the laughs,
including Mason delivering Mando's girlfriend Lisa (Lisa Smith)
suspended by both arms on a helicopter. Also starring Jioff Gabriel
and Eddie Andre. The IMDB list this
film's alternate title as KICKBOXER
KING, but it's obvious to see by the credits that it is not
the same film, but another cut-and-paste job made by the same crew
with different Caucasian actors. Video label unavailable. Not Rated.
FINAL
MISSION (1984) - Think about
what a sad state of affairs we action fans would be in if Sylvester
Stallone never starred as John Rambo in FIRST
BLOOD (1982). No, really, think about it for a moment. If
there were no John Rambo, about 80% of the action films that came out
of the Philippines, Indonesia, Italy and even the United States
during the 80's would never have been made. That's a
huge cross to bear (I'm sure non-fans of the genre would disagree
with me) but I, for one, am hugely grateful to Stallone. Not that
there haven't been some real dogs to sit through, though. Thankfully, FINAL
MISSION isn't one of those dogs. It's cheesy fun from beginning
to end. The film opens with Sergeant Vincent Deacon (Richard Young)
leading his men in an assault on a Vietcong camp in the jungles of
Laos in 1972. After gunning nearly everyone down and blowing
everything up (even chopping-off a head or two), Sgt. Deacon captures
the traitorous Will Slater (John Dresden) and turns him over to the
military authorities. Slater curses at Deacon, telling him that he
will "see him in Hell" as he is being led away. Cut to
present day (well, 1984) Los Angeles. Vince Deacon is now a SWAT team
leader and we watch him nearly single-handedly take on a warehouse
full of armed thugs (one of them is portrayed by an uncredited Donald
Gibbs, "Ogre" in REVENGE
OF THE NERDS - 1984) and saves the hostage inside. Deacon
also has a beautiful wife, Jenny (Christine L. Tudor), and a young
son named Steven (E. Danny Murphy). When a street gang, egged-on by
Slater (who escaped from military prison and has been living on the
lam), break into Deacon's house and try to kill him and his family,
Deacon manages to kill most of them, which infuriates Slater. To show
his appreciation, Deacon's captain suspends him from the force for
being "excessive" (What?). Deacon and his family decide to
spend his suspension time by camping at a lake in the mountains,
where Deacon can clear his head, go fishing and reconnect with his
family. Things take a sudden bad turn when Jenny and Steven are
killed when the fishing boat they are on explodes, thanks to a bomb
Slater placed there the night before. Now a widower, Deacon goes on a
one-man mission to find the killers of his family, tearing-up bars
and shoving patrons' heads in toilets looking for clues. Deacon quits
the police force for good and begins putting heat on the street
gangs. Slater and some gang members leave L.A. and hide out in the
small town of Pinesville, where the sheriff, Warren Slater (Kaz
Garas), happens to be Slater's brother. Deacon goes to his old
commanding officer, Colonel Joshua Cain (John Ericson), with a piece
of the detonator he found at the scene of his family's death. When it
comes back that it could only have come from Slater, Deacon heads to
Pinesville for some well-deserved justice. Something tells me that
the peaceful, sleepy town of Pinesville is about to become very
noisy.
This is just one in a long line of action films churned-out by
prolific Filipino vet Cirio H. Santiago (T.N.T.
JACKSON - 1975; FUTURE
HUNTERS - 1986; RAIDERS
OF THE SUN - 1991). Santiago directed many rip-offs during
the 80's, but he always found a way to put his distinct signature on
them. This one opens as a straight war actioner, then turns into an
urban crime drama, which then turns into a revenge melodrama. The
final twenty minutes are lifted almost directly from FIRST BLOOD,
as Deacon lays waste to the town of Pinesville and then Sheriff
Warren and his posse hunt him down in the forest, with disasterous
results. There's boobytraps, do-it-yourself bullet removal (followed
by a "cauterizing the wound with a flaming log" scene) and,
finally, the National Guard are called in. Unlike Rambo, Deacon
begins killing everyone who crosses his path. Colonel Trautman, er,
Cain is brought in to talk Deacon into giving up. Let's just say the
final shot leaves no room for a sequel. What's interesting about FINAL
MISSION is the way Santiago treats some of his characters,
especially Kaz Garas' (he was also in Santiago's NAKED
VENGEANCE [1985], amongst others) portrayal of Sheriff
Warren Slater. He is a man in the middle, not aware of his brother's
traitorous war record and yet, deep down inside, he knows his brother
is not quite right in the head, but he's still his brother and he'll
do whatever it takes to protect him. While some may find this film a
little slow in spots, I found the deeper characterizations refreshing
(script by Joe Mari Avellana and Joseph Zucchero, frequent Santiago
collaborators) and Santiago doesn't skimp on the nudity (every woman
in this film has a topless scene), blood or action set-pieces. Sure,
this is nothing but a low-budget B-movie rip-off, but it is an
enjoyable one. Santiago directed THE
DEVASTATOR (1985) next, which features some of the same
actors (Kaz Garas again) and even recycles the same Vietnam footage
(including an abbreviated shot of the decapitation) that was shown in
the beginning of this film. Also starring Jason Ross, Karen Ericson,
Jack Daniels, Don Gordon Bell, Willy Williams, Ken Barry and Steve
Parvin. An HBO Video
release. Not yet available on U.S. DVD. For some reason, the majority
of Santiago's output has yet to reach U.S. DVD. Rated R.
FINAL
REPRISAL (1988) - Filipino
war actioner with a twist from late director Teddy Page (FIREBACK
- 1983; BLOOD DEBTS - 1984; PHANTOM
SOLDIERS - 1987) that features Gary Daniels (RAGE
- 1995; BLACK FRIDAY - 2000)
in his first starring role. Daniels portrays Lt. David Callahan, the
leader of a band of Marines who are out to assassinate North
Vietnam's top politicians and military officials when they meet in
the same location within the next few days. The mission is codenamed
"Operation Red Tide" and the squad, which includes Charles
Murphy (co-scripter Jim Gaines; JUNGLE
RATS - 1987), Douglas Anderson (David Light; SFX
RETALIATOR - 1987), Steve (Michael Welborn; WAR
WITHOUT END - 1986), Moore (Jeff Griffith; NAM
ANGELS - 1988) and McGuire (Frank Wannack), train their
asses off to perform their individual duties of the mission to
perfection (each has a specific NV member to assassinate) while
reminiscing about their pasts and discussing their future plans (you
just know some of these grunts will never make it back alive). As
David and his squad go on their mission and surround the building
where all these important NV's are gathering, David is concerned by
the lack of guards protecting the building. Still, a mission
is a mission, so David leads his men into the facility, bypassing
the electric fence and killing the few guards they come across. When
they burst into the meeting room and find it empty (It turns out the
meeting was rescheduled for tomorrow. Oops!), David and his men
become trapped inside the building when Tran Van Phu (Protracio Dee; HUNTERS
OF THE GOLDEN COBRA - 1982), the organizer of the meeting,
hears the gunshots and has his soldiers surround the meeting room,
killing everyone but David, Charles and Douglas. Complications arise
when David takes Tran's young daughter hostage and our heroic trio
escapes by Jeep using the little girl as a human shield. When their
Jeep hits a land mine, the little girl escapes, but one of the
soldiers (Is it David, Charles or Douglas? All we see is his boots.)
catches up with the little girl and puts a bullet in her forehead.
When Tran sees the dead body of his little girl, he vows revenge (And
rightly so. Marines should never use children as human shields!) and
tortures a recently captured Charles with electric shocks until he
gets information. The film suddenly shifts to five years later. The
war is over and David is living in Thailand with wife Kate (Kristine
Erlindson; AMERICAN COMMANDOS
- 1984) and young son Paul. They get a visit from Charles (who David
hasn't seen since that fateful day), who invites the entire family to
a party on the beach. Once on the beach, they are attacked by a
motorcycle gang carrying automatic weapons and when a bloody and
battered David wakes up in a hospital, he's greeted by Douglas, who
tells him that Kate and Paul are missing and Charles was badly
beaten. Is there something more sinister going on here? When Kate and
Paul are found dead, both with a single bullet to their foreheads,
David must figure out which one of his friends is behind the murder
of his family. David may not like what he uncovers. Director
Teddy Page (using the pseudonym "Tedd Hemingway") and
screenwriters Ron Davis and Jim Gaines keep this film moving at a
brisk pace by first making the film a war actioner complete with
gunfights and explosions and then changing-up the second half by
making it a mystery/revenge thriller. While it's not too hard to
figure out who killed Tran's little girl, it's a nice change of pace
from the normal war actioner, where the rest of the film would
normally be jungle warfare with lots of firefights and explosions.
Instead, we get a nice martial arts sequence where David must fight
for his life against some counterfeit Thai military recruits; an
invasion on the headquarters of Thailand's biggest drug kingpin, El
Chameleon (Hassim Hassam); David's multiple torture session
(including being dragged behind a galloping ox!) in Tran's hidden
jungle camp; and David's realization that his revenge is closer than
he thinks. Since this is Gary Daniels' first screen role, he's quite
stiff as an actor (he would loosen-up considerably in his future
films, especially the ones he did for PM Entertainment), but he is
fine in his action scenes. FINAL
REPRISAL (also known as PLATOON WITHOUT RETURN and WARRIORS
WITHOUT RETURN) is a decent time-waster that would be so
much better if the mystery wasn't so easy to solve. Also starring
Richard King, Glaiza Herradura, Jack Serra, Clinton Young and Eric
King. Never released on home video in the U.S.; the version I viewed
was sourced from a fullscreen German DVD with an optional English
soundtrack. Not Rated.
FIREBACK
(1983) - More Filipino action insanity from director Teddy Page,
producer K.Y. Lim (for his Silver Star Company production outfit) and
star Richard Harrison. During the Vietnam War, Captain Jack Kaplan
(Harrison; Page's BLOOD DEBTS -
1983) is demonstrating the military's newest prototype weapon, a
multi-caliber gun code-named Omega (It's part automatic rifle, 30
caliber machine
gun, grenade launcher, bazooka and mini-missile launcher that also
has a built-in communications radio!). As Kaplan is showing a group
of soldiers how to use the Omega, they come under attack by rebel
forces and Kaplan and the Omega are taken prisoner. The film flashes
forward several years, where the dastardly Duffy Collins (Bruce
Baron; Page's HUNTER'S CROSSING
- 1983, also starring Harrison) keeps hitting on Kaplan's wife Diane
(Ann Milhench, here billed as "Ann Milhen"), but she spurns
his advances and expensive gifts, still wishing instead that her
husband will return to her. Duffy wants Diane by any means possible,
so he hires someone to sneak into her house and abduct her.
Meanwhile, a group of U.S. commandos raid an enemy P.O.W. camp and
rescue Jack Kaplan. The only thing he wants is to be back in the
loving arms of his wife, but when her returns home to find her
missing and the house ransacked, he will revert to violence of every
type to get her back. A bartender at a local gin joint informs Kaplan
that "a man with a golden hand" (Ruel Vernal) may know
something about his missing wife, so Kaplan hooks-up with old friend
(and junkie) Digger (James Gaines; Page's JUNGLE
RATS - 1987), who tells him the golden-handed dude's name is
Dennis and gives Kaplan his address. When Kaplan gets his hands on
Dennis and sticks a gun in his face after a short fight, he tells
Kaplan that a stripper named Eve (Gwendolyn Hung; NINJA'S
FORCE - 1984) hired him to abduct Diane. Kaplan confronts
Eve and she gives him the name of another person involved, but she
then calls Duffy after he leaves. Duffy orders Dennis to kill
everyone who knows about Diane's kidnapping, beginning with Digger
(Dennis thrusts his golden hand into Digger's stomach). Of course,
Kaplan gets blamed for Digger's death, so the police chief (a
blond-haired Mike Monty) assigns his best detective (Ronnie
Patterson) to apprehend Kaplan (The Chief says to the detective,
"Be careful. He can turn an ordinary drinking straw into a
deadly weapon!"). Eve follows Kaplan around and reports back to
Duffy, who sends an assassin (played by Sebastian Harrison, Richard's
son) to Kaplan's motel room dressed as a plumber (He knocks on the
door and when Kaplan asks him to identify himself, he says, "I'm
a repairman. I was told there was a leak in the toilet!").
Kaplan watches him like a hawk, so the assassin is unable to plant a
bomb in the bathroom and is forced to leave unsuccessful in his task.
After several more attempts on Kaplan's life (by a guy wearing an eye
patch; another guy wearing a French beret; and yet another man
wielding a spike-tipped cane), Eve takes pity on him and discloses
the location where Diane is being held. Eve pays for her betrayal
with her life at the hands of Dennis and Kaplan kills Dennis in
retribution. Alas, Kaplan is too late to save his wife, as Duffy has
killed her for spurning his advances one too many times. Kaplan turns
Rambo in the final third of the film, killing those responsible for
Diane's death
and
then trying to avoid the police and a group of paid hunters out to
kill him. As with most action films directed by the late Teddy
Page (PHANTOM SOLDIERS
- 1987; MOVIE IN ACTION
- 1987; FIST OF STEEL
- 1991), the action comes at a fast and furious clip, but the
storyline (screenplay written by Timothy Jorge, which some say is a
pseudonym for Richard Harrison, a claim I find dubious at best) is a
complete jumbled mess with hilarious dialogue to match (Eve: "You
don't kill women, do you?" Kaplan: "Not yet!"). I'm
still at a loss as to why Bruce Baron's face is obscured throughout
most of the film (either hidden by objects in the forefront or just
out of the frame) and then shown freely at other times. The only
logical reason I could come up with is that he wasn't available for
the entire shoot and a stand-in had to take his place several times.
The film's real capper comes when Diane is killed just as Kaplan
comes to rescue her, which turns the film into a completely different
bird (I really shouldn't be surprised by these sudden turn of events
in Filipino action flicks, because you should always expect the
unexpected). Jack suddenly turns into a combination Rambo/MacGuyver,
fashioning weapons and deadly contraptions out of junkyard scraps and
then takes on Duffy, his men and the entire police force (where he
has to kill innocent cops to survive). The final twenty minutes or so
is a direct steal of FIRST BLOOD
(1982), where an injured Kaplan hides out in the jungle and uses
booby traps, as well as his military training, to thin-out the mass
of people hunting him (Kaplan even cauterizes a wound using a red-hot
piece of metal, mimicking Stallone's gunpowder procedure in BLOOD).
The sudden appearance of a black-clad ninja (Tony Aaron), who fights
Kaplan in a cave in the film finale, is just another piece of
unexpected icing on the cake. Those expecting a reappearance of the
Omega weapon during the finale are going to be majorly disappointed,
which leads me to believe that the film's opening minutes were
cribbed from an entirely different film. No matter, because FIREBACK
is still a violent, bloody film that delivers the insane goods. Be
sure to read about Kaplan's fate during the on-screen scrawl that
appears just before the final credits and try not to laugh too hard.
Also starring David Anderson, Steve Mark, Pete Mancini and Ron David.
Originally available on VHS from U.S.A.
Home Video as part of their "Sybil Danning's Adventure
Video" series. Also available on a bootleg 10-film DVD
compilation called MERCS
from those thieving bastards at VideoAsia. Not Rated.
FIREHAWK
(1992) - Here's a war action flick from Filipino
director/producer Cirio H. Santiago that tries to be different.
During the Vietnam War, hardened chopper pilot Stewart (Martin Kove; MINER'S
MASSACRE - 2002) and his crew, co-pilot Jimmy (James
Paolleli) and gunners Tex (Matt Salinger; CAPTAIN
AMERICA - 1990) and Bates (Vic Trevino) are ordered to
escort field doctor Davis (Terrence "TC" Carson) and his
assistant Li (Ronald Asinas) as they tend to wounded American
soldiers behind enemy lines. During one mission, which turns out to
be an enemy trap, Stewart endangers everyone's lives when he turns
his chopper around to get one more shot at the enemy. Jimmy is
seriously wounded by enemy fire and when they get back to base camp,
Davis complains to his superiors about Stewart's behavior, but they
do nothing about it. As a matter of fact, they brush-off Davis'
complaints as if they mean less than squat. On their next mission,
Stewart gets a cryptic mayday message on his radio by someone in a
plane that mentions the codeword "Firehawk", some sort of
top secret project that shouldn't be mentioned over the airwaves. A
short time later, the chopper develops engine trouble and it crashes
in the jungle, stranding Stewart, Tex, Bates, Davis, Li and new
recruit Hobbs (Jeff Yonis, who also wrote the screenplay), Jimmy's
replacement, behind enemy lines. Stewart
checks the chopper's engine and notices that someone messed with the
fuel line so the engine would quit working in mid-flight. It's not
long before the squad begins turning on themselves, accusing each
other of being a saboteur and a traitor. When incriminating evidence
is found in Li's backpack, Stewart shoots him in the back several
times, even if it's plain to see to the viewers that the evidence was
planted. The five remaining squad members try to make it to safety,
but every move they make seems to be the wrong one, as if someone is
reporting their movements to the enemy. As members of the squad start
getting wounded, they start wondering why there is no rescue mission
(even Jimmy, back at base camp, is wondering the same thing) and
Davis begins questioning Stewart's map-reading skills because they
seem to be heading in the wrong direction. The questions remain: What
does all this have to do with the plane code-named
"Firehawk"? What exactly is Firehawk anyway? Who sabotaged
the chopper? I'm afraid you're going to have to watch the film to get
those answers. This is an above average war action/mystery
film, thanks to a more literate script than usual for films of this
type, good acting from a recognizable B-movie cast and some good
action set-pieces. Some reviewers have likened this film to a jungle
version of CUBE (1997), where
people with different personalities must work together to survive
circumstances beyond their control. While I wouldn't go that far,
there are some similarities. In both films, the diverse groups are
being led around like puppets and each person must use their separate
talents to help the group survive. Unlike CUBE,
the plot of FIREHAWK reveals the saboteur to the viewer about
two-thirds of the way through, when we watch him shoot one of his own
men point-blank after Jimmy steals a helicopter and tries to save
them, only to watch the traitor assassinate his own man and then turn
the rifle on Jimmy and the chopper. After a very prolific 70's &
80's, where director Cirio H. Santiago made dozens of action (TNT
JACKSON - 1975; FINAL
MISSION - 1984), war (EYE OF THE EAGLE
- 1987; NAM ANGELS - 1988), post-nuke (STRYKER
- 1983; THE SISTERHOOD
- 1987) and even horror films (VAMPIRE
HOOKERS - 1979; DEMON
OF PARADISE
- 1987), the demand for this type of film was beginning to dry-up
during the early part of the 90's, partly due to an over-saturated
home video market and partly due to cheap DTV action flicks being
made in Canada. This is probably Santiago's best film of the 90's.
There's plenty of gunfire and explosions, some gore (I liked the
scene of a screaming wounded soldier passing by his dismembered leg,
lying on the ground, as he is being carried to a waiting helicopter)
and some palpable tension generated in some scenes. Hey, this isn't
Shakespeare, but it's a good little actioner with much to recommend.
Santiago is a much-respected director in his native Philippines.
Though some of his films can be classified as tough to sit through
and boring, he has proven himself to be a highly-competant director
on many occasions. He has directed and/or produced almost 100 films
(so far; his last directorial effort was 2005's BLOODFIST
2050) and I am a fan, but I am also very easy to please.
Most of Santiago's films must be viewed with a forgiving heart, but FIREHAWK
isn't one of those films. Also starring Henry Strzalkowski, Richard
Curtis, Jim Moss, Rafael Soques and a cameo by frequent Santiago
collaborator Joseph Zucchero, who is also this film's Editor).
Originally released on VHS by LIVE Home Video. Like the majority of
Santiago's output, this one is not yet available on DVD in the United
States. Rated R.
THE
FORGOTTEN WARRIOR (1986) - In
1974 Southeast Asia, soldier Steve Parrish (Ron Marchini) and two
other American soldiers are being tortured by the VC in the jungle.
They all break free and Steve fights the VC with his hands, feet and
guns, while the other two try to get away. After killing a handfull
of VC, Steve catches up with his comrades, only to see Major Thompson
(Quin Frazier) viciously gun down the Lieutenant (Mike Monty) and
then turn the gun on Steve, shooting him. Steve is rescued by a
village of friendly Vietnamese, who heal him and accept him as one of
their own. Two years pass and Steve has taught the villagers combat
techniques and hand-to-hand fighting, to oppose
evil warlord Colonel Minh (Sam T. Lapuz), whose men steal the
villagers' food and rape their women. Steve has also fallen in love
with local girl Maila (Marilyn Bautista) and has married her and they
now have a baby boy. Meanwhile, the U.S. Government decides to look
into rumors that there are American GIs still in Vietnam, either as
P.O.W.s or living with the locals, so they decide to send a team into
Vietnam to check it out. Guess who is in charge of the team? That's
right, it's Steve's old friend Major Thompson! The Major and his team
join forces with Colonel Minh and begin wiping out villagers in their
search for Steve. After killing Maila's father, Major Thompson and
the gooks invade Steve's village and kill nearly everyone. The Major
rapes and kills Maila and Steve is knocked unconscious by a grenade
before he can stop the Major. When Steve wakes up, he burns Maila's
body and then begins to systematically kill the Major's and Colonel
Minh's men, using knives, swords, guns or whatever's handy. When
Major Thompson uses Steve's baby as bait, Steve shows his weakness
and is captured. Colonel Minh's daughter, Minh Li (Vilma Vitog), sets
him free and Steve and the Major face-off in the jungle in a final
battle to the death. This Philippines-lensed companion film to JUNGLE
WOLF (also 1986), directed by Nick Cacas and Charlie Ordonez (SUICIDE
FORCE - 1982; Ordonez also single-handedly directed JUNGLE
WOLF), is very violent, as people are shot (lots of bullets to
the head), stabbed, shot with arrows, impaled on spikes or blown-up.
Luckily, Ron Marchini (DEATH
MACHINES - 1976) doesn't have to do much emoting (he's not a
very good actor), but he does make a good action star. He's very
athletic, is good with a sword (there are a couple of lengthy sword
fight here) and knows his martial arts (he's a real-life Sensei with
a 6th degree black belt). He also produced this using his full name,
Ronald Lee Marchini, as he does with most of the films he starred in.
While nothing special, this film (which clocks in at a scant 76
minutes) is never boring or lacks for action. Hardly a minute goes by
without someone getting killed in one way or another (there's a nasty
spiked boobytrap-to-the-groin gag late in the film) and there's some
good use of slow-motion photography during some of the action scenes.
I've seen a lot worse than this so, if you see it anywhere, give THE
FORGOTTEN WARRIOR a chance and pick it up. Marchini would
return as Steve Parrish for a third (and final) time in RETURN
FIRE: JUNGLE WOLF 2 (1988), a filmed-in-California (mainly
in Stockton, Marchini's birthplace) action flick. Segundo Ramos (DEATH
RAIDERS - 1984) edited this film, which is also known as COMMANDER
RAINBOW (yes, there is a rainbow in this film) and U.S.
WARRIOR. Also starring Joe Meyer, Sonny Villaneuva, Angel
Confiado, Mark Joseph and Mike Cohen. A Monarch Home Video Release. Not
Rated.
FOR
Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981) -
Here's a good reason why I love the Philippines. When the mysterious
Mr. Giant (who only communicates through lighted circular mirrors)
has his men kidnap American scientist Dr. Von Kohler (Mike Monty) so
he can supply the formula for the dreaded "N Bomb"
("This bomb could end the world!"), the Philippines
government send their "main man", Agent 00 (the 33 inch
tall Weng Weng) to rescue him. His Chief (Tony Ferrer) supplies him
with a bunch of gadgets, including a ring that can detect any type of
poison ("It's made out of gold. Platinum was too
expensive."), a specially-made sub-machine gun (with silencer)
and a hat with a hidden blade, and then sends Agent 00 on his way. He
meets a prostitute in a restaurant ("I like them little!"),
who tries to poison his glass of Coke, but his ring starts to beep,
so he drinks Coke straight out of the bottle! He gets in contact with
undercover agent Irma (Beth Sandoval), who is working at one of Mr.
Giant's drug factories, where drugs are inserted into loaves of bread
(One of the head goons says, "There's a lot of dough in this
dough. The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker!" What???).
Agent 00 (who is sometimes called simply "Wang") breaks up
the operation with his expert martial arts moves, which pisses off
Mr. Giant. He demands that his men steal some gold ("N Bombs
today are expensive!") and Irma overhears the conversation.
She reports it to Agent 00 and gets worried when he says that he'll
take care of it himself (She says, "You're such a little guy,
though. Very petite, like a potato!"). Agent 00 quickly
breaks-up the gold robbery with a button grenade (shades of Matt
Helm) and his Oddjob-like hat. Mr. Giant sends his goons to kill
Agent 00 (one assassin has an umbrella gun), but he manages to defeat
them all, usually with swift kicks or punches to their tackleboxes
and caps it off by jumping off a highrise balcony using the
assassin's umbrella as a parachute! He goes back to his hotel room,
where three hitmen are waiting for him. Agent 00 puts on a pair of
x-ray glasses that can see through walls and clothing (the hitmen are
shown naked!) and shoots all three of them dead. Believe it or not,
this is only the first thirty minutes of the film, as Agent 00 must
battle a multitude of bad guys; in discos, warehouses, on the street
and even on a bridge with a rapidly approaching train, before he has
a showdown with Mr. Giant on his private island (where Agent 00 dons
a jet pack and takes flight!) and tries to save the life of a captive
Irma. If you don't like where this is heading, you can do like one of
the bad guys says and "Button-up your hole!" This
corny, irresistable Filipino action flick, the second to star the
diminutive Weng Weng as Agent 00 (the first being the
yet-to-be-released outside the Philippines AGENT
00 [1981]), is so funny, thanks to the hilarious dubbing
that makes all the goons (and Agent 00) sound like they were in a
30's Edward G. Robinson or James Cagney gangster film, that you'll
ignore this film's many (pardon the pun) shortcomings. Besides having
some of the most off-the-wall dialogue I have ever heard (I
especially liked when one burly goon replies, "That's Boy Scout
doo-doo!" when Irma tells him that she's loyal to Agent 00) and
some action sequences that can best be describes as surreal (I
thought I was going to shit a brick after watching Agent 00 jump on
one bad guy's stomach and then proceed to smack him silly with his
hands, clapping and smacking, clapping and smacking in some
otherworldly hand-jive ritual), director Eddie Nicart (also
responsible for the first Agent 00 adventure and the third, and
final, film, THE IMPOSSIBLE KID
[1982]) fills the film with numerous James Bond references, even
stealing riffs from the Bond music theme and from the title tune to FOR
YOUR EYES ONLY (1981)! Watching the tiny Weng Weng (who died
at age 34 in 1992) running around punching and kicking bad guys in
the crotch, being irresistable to women and spouting line like,
"Ow, my little head!" and "Once you go tiny, you never
go back!" is a hoot and I dare anyone not to fall for his
charms. It's also apparent that the Australian dubbing team was
having a lot of fun here. Besides the totally out-of-place 30's
Brooklyn accents and phrases (hearing them with an Australian accent
is worth the price of admission in itself), they also inserted a ton
of "short people" jokes (One gangster says, when watching
Irma coming out of Agent 00's room alone, "Where the hell's that
little midget?" His partner replies, "Probably hiding in
her handbag!") and funny asides, such as when someone in a crowd
says, "I wonder if she also does weddings and bar mitzvas?"
when a female police photographer takes pictures of a dead body. The
final battle between Agent 00 and Mr. Giant who, if you haven't
already guessed, is also a midget (he still towers over Weng Weng,
though), is the stuff of legend. I also found it strange that while
played as a comedy, there was a bittersweet ending at the finale.
You know what? Just buy or rent FOR
Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY and you can thank me later. Also starring
Yehlen Catral, Carmi Martin, Max Alvarado, Rodolfo 'Boy' Garcia, Romy
Nario and Anna Marie Gutierrez. A Mondo
Macabro DVD Release, as part of a double feature with CHALLENGE
OF THE TIGER (1978). Not Rated. "Mission accomplished!"
FRENCH
QUARTER UNDERCOVER (1985) -
If this film feels disjointed and confusing, it could be because one
of the main stars died during mid-production, leaving the filmmakers
with one of two choices: 1) Re-film all the scenes of the deceased
actor with a new actor, or, 2) Add plenty of voiceover narration,
create a multitude of confusing flashbacks and re-edit the existing
footage to make it look like the deceased actor made it through the
entire shoot. Guess which choice they made? After we learn that three
Cuban terrorists have made their way to New Orleans, we follow the
exploits of two of Louisiana's Finest, police detectives Andre Des
Moines (Michael Parks; PLANET TERROR
- 2007) and R.J. Wilkerson (the late Bill Holliday, who also wrote
the screenplay and suffered a fatal heart attack in mid-production),
who are good at their jobs but disregard the rule constantly, which
gets them in trouble with the Review Board, who want to split them
apart after seventeen years of being partners. Instead of breaking
them apart, they are used to the force's best advantage
and put on special assignment to stop the three Cuban terrorists and
their Russian KGB boss, who they believe are in New Orleans to blow
up the World's Fair (remember them?). So far, so good, right? Well,
at this point the film becomes a murky mess, as a series of
documentary-like interviews with FBI agent David T. Anderson (Lee
Holmes) and freelance journalist Kevin Fisher (Layton Martens) fill
us in on what happened with Andre and R.J.'s investigation. It
suddenly shifts from a first-person to a third-person narrative,
where the two detectives hunt for the terrorists becomes a series of
jumpy and badly edited flashbacks, It's not only confusing as hell,
as the story shifts from Andre and R.J. seemingly shooting people for
no good reason, to them investigating a rash of phony $100 bills
flooding New Orleans, to them then investigating the murder of a
hooker named Princess (Suzanne Regard), it also turns into a
travelogue of 1984 New Orleans, where a huge chunk of the running
time is watching badly dressed tourists gawking at the attractions at
the World's Fair and Bourbon Street. When Andre and R.J. kill one of
the terrorists, they find a biological agent that could have been
used to contaminate the drinking water at the World's Fair, which
only adds to this film's wobbly nature. After harassing a pimp and
killing the second terrorist, Andre and R.J. must stop the third
terrorist, who has commandeered a tram at the World's Fair and is
threatening to drop the biological agent (which he keeps in a common
thermos!) into the water below. What do our two detectives do? Why,
they simply shoot the top of the tram until the cable snaps and the
tram falls into the water! Luckily, the thermos doesn't break and New
Orleans is saved. Or is it? An on-screen scrawl at the end of the
film tells us that Andre and R.J. quit the police force to open their
own P.I. agency to do consulting work for the government. Puh-lease!
If all you are looking for is a colorful time capsule of 1984 New
Orleans, FRENCH
QUARTER UNDERCOVER is the film for you, as it gives you
numerous scenes of the World's Fair and the bars and jazz clubs at
night on Bourbon Street. But if it's a cohesive action film you are
looking for, look somewhere else, because it makes about as much
sense as a retard at a Mensa meeting. Co-directors Patrick C. Poole (SHADOWS
ON THE WALL - 1986) and Joe Catalanotto (TERROR
IN THE SWAMP - 1984; also starring Holliday) try to make the
best of a bad situation (it seems Catalanotto shot the film proper
and Poole took over when Bill Holliday died and filmed the interview
sequences as a way to bridge the material already in the can), but
it's hard to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, especially when
the film proper was terrible to begin with. Old pro Michael Parks is
given very little to do besides run around and fire his gun and
Holliday's screenplay is full of groan-inducing dialogue, such as
when R.J. says, "That's right Sambo, you ain't nothing but a
two-bit douchebag" to a black pimp and then threatens him and
his pimpmobile with a slingshot! There's very little to recommend
here, but if you're a fan of murky nighttime photography, chainsaw
editing and badly-staged action sequences (including an awful car
chase and a terribly-filmed shootout/massacre at a restaurant), then
by all means revel at the awesomeness that is FRENCH
QUARTER UNDERCOVER (also known as ANTI-TERRORIST
FORCE). It's like watching a train wreck in slow-motion,
knowing full well that someone is going to die. Also starring John
Wilmot, Bill Vint, Gus Souza, Jim Chimento and Michael Tedesco.
Originally released on VHS by Lightning
Video and not available on DVD. Rated R.
GANG
WAR IN MILAN (1973) - Good
Eurocrime film by director Umberto Lenzi (SEVEN
BLOOD-STAINED ORCHIDS - 1972; EYEBALL
- 1975; CITY OF THE
WALKING DEAD - 1980 CANNIBAL
FEROX - 1981), who is unfairly called a "hack" by
many critics out there, but I find him to be one of the better
directors of Italian genre films. Lenzi has proven himself more than
capable of making good films in this genre, directing ALMOST
HUMAN (1974), one of my favorite Eurocrime flicks, and this
film showcases
his flair for the dramatic.
Salvatore "Toto" Gangemi (Antonio Sabato; BRONX
WARRIORS 2 - 1983) is leading two lives. He is a legitimate
produce seller by day and a pimp with a stable of whores at night.
One morning, while on his daily swim in the pool at his health spa,
he finds the body of a young woman floating in the water. The doctor
that examines her body tells Toto that she was murdered in salt water
(most probably the ocean because he finds a piece of seaweed in her
mouth) and dumped in the pool. There are clear bruises on her neck
showing that she was purposely drowned. Is someone sending a message
to Toto? It seems so, because he knew the young woman. She was one of
his whores and her name was Francesca. Toto phones his associate Lino
Caruso (Antonio Casagrande; WHY -
1971) to tell him the news and saying to send the "boys" to
his office. He tells his "boys" that Francesca was his
top-earning whore and whomever killed her is going to pay for it with
their life, but first they must find out who murdered her. Chief
Inspector Contalvi (Franco Fantasia; Lenzi's EATEN
ALIVE! - 1980) shows up at Francesca's home, where the
housekeeper tells him that two men broke into the house the night
before. The Chief Inspector searches the house and finds two hidden
photos of Francesca with Toto.
We then see Toto and Lino "interviewing" young women to
replace Francesca, making a young mother named Virginia (Carla
Romanelli; THE
FIGHTING FIST OF SHANGHAI JOE - 1973) strip and front of
them and then wear a bra that exposes her nipples! A French mobster
named Roger Daverty (Philippe Leroy; MILANO
CALIBRO 9 - 1972) approaches Toto and offers him a deal to
distribute heroin in his territory. He wants to use Toto's
whores to distribute his "snow", Toto to get 20% and he to
get 80% of the proceeds. Toto tells Daverty, who likes to be called
"Captain" (so that is what I will call him), that if he
leaves his house now, he will forget he ever heard of this lousy
deal. Captain then tells him it was he who killed Francesca and he
will give him three days to agree to the deal. And, oh, if he doesn't
agree to the deal, he hid a large quantity of heroin in Toto's house,
but don't bother to look for it because he will never find it. One
phone call to the police will put Toto in prison for a long time.
Toto doesn't take kindly to threats, so he and Lino go to Captain's
home and find a giant salt water terrarium, full of squid and octopus
(octopi?), probably where he killed Francesca. Toto then has his boys
tear his house apart looking for the hidden heroin and they find it
hidden in a box of cereal. The Chief Inspector tells Toto he knows
who he is and what he does and he will personally put him out of
business. It looks like he is a man of his word, as we see the police
round up all of Toto's whores, only they are not the police, they are
Captain's boys dressed as police. Captain phones Toto and tells him
is he wants to ever see his whores alive, he will agree to the deal
and do business with him. Toto agrees, but he's a shrewd businessman,
asking for 50% of the profits rather than 20% and Captain agrees to
30%. They now have a deal in place, but will Toto be a man of his
word? Don't count on it!
Toto steals Captain's best woman, Jasmina Sanders (Marisa Mell; PERVERSION
STORY - 1969), and convinces her to come work for him. When
Captain nearly dies when his car explodes, he retaliates by sending
his men to rape and beat up Toto's whores (one of them is graphically
sliced on her breasts with a switchblade). While Toto breaks in
Virginia with an Italian dignitary, he goes to Jasmina's house, where
he is jumped by some of Captain's men. Toto holds his own, but he is
saved from certain death when the police show up. Lino then tells
Toto that five of his whores have flown the coop, too scared to work
any more. To add insult to injury, Virginia's cousin, Nino Balsamo
(Tano Cimarosa; DELIRIUM -
1972), tells Toto that Virginia no longer needs a pimp and she is
going to work on her own. Toto confronts Virginia and she tells him
it simply isn't true, Nino works for Captain, so Toto invites Nino to
have dinner with him at a restaurant, where he has some of his boys
kill Nino in the bathroom (giving him a hotshot of heroin), while
Toto and his pals sing an Italian song (loudly). How long can this
back-and-forth go on before one of them dies?
Lino goes to Italian godfather Don Billy Barone (Alessandro Sperli; THE
VALACHI PAPERS - 1972), who has just returned from exile in
America, to get him to come to Milan and take Toto's side, which he
does. Don Barone (who has a huge scar under his left eye) introduces
himself to Captain, making him feel very uneasy. Then, many of
Captain's men are roughed-up or killed. Barone's men kill one of
Captain's top men, Taki (Riccardo De Stefanis) and his wife in a
drive-by shooting as they are transporting a huge shipment of heroin
across the border, the wife hiding the heroin in her fake boobs! Taki
doesn't die, so Barone's men go to the hospital and kill him by
blowing air into his IV! The police raid Captain's gambling den, but
he skates on the charges. Don Barone tells Toto that he and Captain
are like America and Russia, fighting each other but accomplishing
nothing (wise man). Captain then kidnaps Lino and tells him he could
be the boss if Toto were dead. Lino tells him to drop dead, so
Captain calls Toto and has him listen to his thugs torturing Lino,
sending electrical shocks to his genitals. Captain then sends his men
to Virginia's house to leave a message: Lino's bloody necktie. Toto
thinks that means Lino is dead, but he's not. Lino escapes from
Captain's hideout and makes it to Toto's house. Lino tells Toto that
drugs are the new racket and he should get in bed with Captain. Has
Captain turned Lino?
Toto and Lino invade Captain's home and find him in bed with another
man! Captain, fearing being outed as a fag (this is the '70s after
all!), agrees to cut Toto and Lino in for 50% of the drug racket
profits and they begin to do business together. Toto falls in love
with Jasmina, where he tells her a heart-warming story about how he
and Lino became friends. Don Barone, however, becomes greedy,
demanding 20% of the take from Toto, since it was he who changed
things for the better for him. But are they really? We discover that
these "good times" are anything but for Toto, as an
important dignitary dies with one of his whores and the friendship
between him and Lino becomes very strained. Don Barone brings more of
his men to Milan and he double-crosses both Toto and Captain, leading
to a very depressing, nihilistic finale. When you ask for help from
the Godfather, expect to pay for it.
This film is basically a showcase for the usually bland
and staid Antonio Sabato, who impressed me here. He doesn't take shit
from anyone, which eventually leads to his downfall. Director Umberto
Lenzi ladles-on one tense situation to the next, as we wait for the
screen to explode with violence. It's not all the back-and-forth
between him and Captain that leads to his downfall, but rather when
Jasmina leaves him without saying a word that does him in. You
would think that a man with a stable of whores would know how to
handle rejection, but, quite frankly, he loses his mind, taking the
Chief Inspector hostage when he comes to his house and finds a large
quantity of heroin, placed there, once again, by Captain. Toto drives
to Virginia's house and tells her to go back to her baby and then
visits his sick mother in the hospital, only to be betrayed by Lino
and Don Barone, who kill Captain and then gun down Toto. He should
have kept his friends closer than his enemies. The screenplay, by
Lenzi and Franco Enna (STATELINE
MOTEL - 1973), offers no apologies for Toto's behavior, so
you know it can only end one way, but it's the journey to the finale
that is enjoyable and poignant here. Toto's actions and decisions run
contrary to what an intelligent person would do and it seems to work
for him, but a man can't possibly be that lucky all the time and it
eventually leads to his downfall. The music score, by Carlo
Rustichelli (LIBIDO
- 1965), is full of saxophone solos and soaring violins, reminding me
of a low budget version of Nino Rota's score in THE
GODFATHER (1972), adding some "oomph" to the
scenes of death and destruction. While not as good as Lenzi's ALMOST
HUMAN (1974), this film is still better than 90% of the
gangster flicks that came from the U.S. in the'70s.
Shot under the title MILANO
ROVENTE ("Burning Milan"), this film never
received a theatrical or VHS release in the United States, making its
Stateside premiere on DVD and Blu-Ray courtesy of Raro
Video, who do a wonderful job of presenting the film in its OAR
and its original Italian with easy to read English subtitles (my
preferred way of watching these films) or English dubbed. There are
no extras on these discs, which is unlike Raro, just an intro from
writer Mike Malloy, who also wrote the informative included booklet
(which I have scanned HERE).
Still, for less than $9.00, what else could you ask for? Also
featuring Piero Corbetta (FIVE
WOMEN FOR THE KILLER - 1974), Vittorio Pinelli (DEATH
WALKS AT MIDNIGHT - 1972), Claudio Sforzini (THE
KILLER MUST KILL AGAIN - 1975), Ottavio Fanfani (DEATH
OCCURRED LAST NIGHT - 1970), Naiba Pedersoli (DEVIL
IN THE BRAIN - 1972) and the prolific Carla Mancini (FLAVIA
THE HERETIC - 1974). Not Rated.
GATOR
KING (1996) - This was one of those
impulse buys that I come across every once in a while when
trolling the DVD aisles. The Rhino Home Video box art caught my eye
and, never having heard of this title before, I read the back of the
DVD case. It listed absolutely no credits whatsoever but, in tiny
type at the bottom, it listed a copyright date of 1970 by Crown
International Pictures. Thinking that I found some obscure horror
film that I never heard of, I bought it on the spot. Boy, was I
bamboozled! This is actually a lame 1996 actioner starring Antonio
Fargas as Santos, a diamond smuggler who imports his diamonds from
China in the bellies of Chinese alligators to his compound in
Florida. When environmental journalist Maureen (Shannon K.
Foley) discovers Santos' smuggling scheme, she enlists help from
ex-lover Ronnie (Jay Richardson), a sheriff's ranger, to put an end
to Santos' slaughter of the endangered gators and illicit ice
trafficing. This proves difficult as Santos has paid off the sheriff
(a boozed-up Joe Estevez) and the local government to look the other
way. This extremely talky actioner offers nothing of interest to the
viewer. Antonio Fargas overacts shamelessly, seemingly basing his
performance on Al Pacino's Tony Montana in SCARFACE
(1983). The action scenes, as directed by Grant Austin Waldman (THE
CHANNELER - 1990; TEENAGE
EXORCIST - 1991) are poorly-staged and few and far
in-between. The entire flick seems to be filmed on the first take as
there are many flubbed lines and badly framed shots. Michael Berryman (THE
HILLS HAVE EYES - 1977) has an extended cameo as "The
Tech", one of Satos' henchmen, before he is mercifully shot in
the head. This is a limp excuse for an action film and should be
avoided by anyone with half a brain. Also starring Nicoll Bacharach,
Karl Anthony and Scott Semple. A Rhino
Home Video DVD Release. Rated R.
THE
GLOVE (1978) - Victor Hale (Rosey
Grier), a blues musician, kills a pimp who turned his sister into a
prostitute and carved up her face.
Victor ends up in prison where he is abused by the prison guards. He
is released and goes out on a spree, nearly killing all the prison
guards that abused him (one of them being Aldo Ray) dressed in full
riot gear and equipped with a "Riot Glove", a five pound
device that can literally tear a car apart. Debt-ridden bounty hunter
Sam Kellog (John Saxon), who owes his ex-wife six months back
alimony, takes on nickel and dime skip tracing jobs to make ends meet
(We first see him bust gay phony check-writer Nicholas Worth for a
$300 reward). Sam is offered $20,000 by the Prison Guard Association
to capture (if not kill) Victor. Needing the money, Sam jumps at the
chance, but becomes disillusioned after learning Victor's story. The
majority of the screenplay is about Sam's pathetic life, losing at
cards with the help of Jack Carter's cheating wife Joanna Cassidy,
worrying about where his next paycheck is coming from, working out
time to see his little daughter and having to deal with rival bounty
hunter Harry Iverson (Michael Pataki). Director Ross Hagen (a
frequent Fred Olen Ray collaborator; he passed away in 2011), who has
acted in numerous genre films including WONDER
WOMEN (1973), BAD
CHARLESTON CHARLIE (1973), STAR
SLAMMER (1986) BLOOD
GAMES (1989) as well as directing and producing other films
(such as MERCHANTS OF DEATH
- 1988; and MURDER
ON THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD - 2005), infuses this film with a
sense of humanity up to a point where we care about both Sam and
Victor. While this film is no big deal, it does entertain, especially
during the last duel between Sam and Victor (where Victor gives Sam
the Glove to make the contest even) and the general ambience of the
sleazy 70's lifestyles. Both Saxon and Grier put in good turns (Saxon
has never had a meatier role since). Also starring Hoke Howell,
Frances E. Williams, Keenan Wynn, Howard Honig and Joan Blondell. The
cast alone is worth the price of admission. The cinematography was by Gary
Graver. Also known as BLOOD MAD and LETHAL
TERMINATOR. A Media
Home Entertainment Release. Rated R.
HAMMERHEAD
(1987) - When Greg (stunt coordinator Jeff Moldovan; MASTERBLASTER
- 1986) sets foot in Miami, the first thing he does is contact his
good cop buddy Hammer (Daniel Greene) and tells him he has gotten
into trouble with some "heavy hitters" back in Jamaica. He
gives Hammer a key and, before he can tell him what it's for, a
blonde hitman (Frank Zagarino, who never says a word his entire time
on screen) drops a shipping container on Greg's car, killing him.
This leads to a car/motorcycle chase that ends up at a busy train
station where a shootout occurs and several innocent people are shot
dead. The hitman gets away and Hammer is forced by his Chief to take
a 15 day vacation, so he decides to go to Jamaica to find out what
Greg was involved in. His good friend, taxi driver Jose (Jorge Gil),
meets Hammer at the Jamaican airport and drives him and fellow plane
passenger (and writer) Julia (Donna Rosae) to a hotel. Hammer has to
tell Greg's girlfriend D.D. (Deanna Lund) that Greg is dead and she
tells him that there's a new bigshot on the island, but no one knows
who he is. When Hammer goes to check out Greg's apartment, he notices
a couple of burly guys with guns staking it out. He sneaks into the
apartment to find it ransacked and when he leaves, Hammer spots the
blonde hitman and gives chase, but he gets away again. After being
warned by the Dutch head of the Jamaican Police, Commissioner
Hendricks (Tony Hendriks), to keep his nose clean, Hammer gets a tip
that an Italian businessman by the name of Giuseppe Vari (Lawrence
McQuillan) may be responsible for Greg's death. When D.D. gets beaten
to a bloody pulp by one of Vari's men, Hammer and Jose (who served
in the same army outfit in Vietnam, along with Greg and a fourth
member named Carlos, who is now missing), go to Vari's mansion and
spot the blonde hitman riding a jet ski in the bay. Hammer grabs
another jet ski and gives chase, which climaxes in hand-to-hand
combat at a boatyard. Hammer kills blondie with a speargun ("Die
you motherfucker!") and is promptly arrested. Jose tricks
Commissioner Hendricks into releasing Hammer (Hendricks may be on
Vari's payroll) and D.D. tries to get Hammer's mind off his troubles
for a little while by setting him up with his old girlfriend Marta
(Melonee Rodgers), who tells Hammer that Greg kept a notebook,
written in code, that explained everything. Hammer and Jose discover
that their missing friend Carlos may be involved with Vari and Jose
is then betrayed, shot and tortured by someone he trusted. When
Vari's men kill D.D., Hammer finds a tape that Greg made that says
the key he gave Hammer is to a locker that contains a fortune in
stolen money. Marta and her young daughter (who is, surprise!, also
Hammer's daughter) are kidnapped, so Hammer and Jose (who escapes his
captors after a nifty body explosion) have a showdown with the bad
guys at a sugar factory. Expects lots of stunts, gunfights,
fistfights and death by circular saw to follow. This is a
breezy Italian actioner that benefits greatly from the beautiful
Jamaican location photography. Director/screenwriter Enzo G.
Castellari (BRONX
WARRIORS 2 - 1983; LIGHT BLAST
- 1985; STRIKER - 1987) tosses
in numerous chases, fistfights and other violent imagery (Deanna
Lund's beatdown is especially disturbing) to keep your mind off how
ridiculous the script really is. Using local actors alongside the
Italian talent also gives this film an edge. Daniel Greene, who
previously appeared in THE
DEADLY INTRUDER (1984) and director Sergio Martino's HANDS
OF STEEL (1986), and Jorge Gil (EYE
OF THE TIGER - 1986) make a good team and the film is not
without it's share of humor or surprises. There are jokes about the
Dutch (And, really, when was the last time you heard a funny Dutch
joke?), a tasteless "giving head" bit and a surprising
revelation about one of the characters in the finale. There are also
plenty of bloody bullet squibs, some good use of slow-motion
photography in the action scenes and lots of stunts. HAMMERHEAD
(the on-screen title is simply HAMMER,
but I guess they didn't want this to be confused with the
1972 Fred Williamson blaxploitation classic with the same name,
although the new name does share the same title with a
1968 thriller starring Vince Edwards) is nothing but cheap
mindless, bloody fun. The finale at the sugar factory seems to cram
in as much violence as humanly possible, as Hammer has his face
ripped open by the spinning blade of a circular saw (he ends up
throwing his attacker chest-first into the spinning blade), the
corrupt Commissioner Hendricks is shot in the balls, there's an
awesome car crash, another major character is burned to death,
another is buried under a ton of raw sugar and still another is shot
between the eyes. Toss in a pretty decent surprise ending and what
you have is an enjoyable way to spend 92 minutes of your life. Also
starring Nandy Lee, Anthony Carone, Peter Gold and Mike Kirton. I
don't believe this ever got a legitimate U.S. home video release. The
print I viewed came from a Dutch-subtitled VHS tape. Not Rated,
but this definitely crosses over into hard R territory, mainly for
violence (there's very little nudity).
HELL
HUNTERS (1986) - Deep in the
jungles of Paraguay, notorious Nazi scientist Dr. Martin Hoffmann
(Stewart Granger; THE WILD GEESE
- 1978) has been toiling away for over forty years, experimenting on
members of local tribes trying to perfect a deadly serum made from a
rare poisonous spider, in hopes od resurrecting the Third Reich and
spreading terror throughout the world. The serum, when put in the
water supply, turns people into mindless zsombies, taking away their
free will. Nazi hunter Amanda (Maud Adams; KILLER
FORCE - 1976) will do anything to capture Dr. Hoffmann, so
she marries his nephew, Karl (William Berger), just to get close to
the good doctor. When Dr. Hoffmann's right-hand man, Heinrich (George
Lazenby; THE MAN FROM HONG KONG
- 1975), discovers Amanda's true identity and tells Dr. Hoffmann, he
orders hitman El Pasado (Eduardo Conde) to kill Amanda and retrieve
the blue notebooks she keeps that contains information that could
prove fatal to Dr. Hoffmann. Amanda senses that she is in danger, so
she and a clueless Karl hop a plane to Los Angeles. When they land in
L.A., Amanda has to use the ladies room. El Pasado follows her into
the bathroom and slits her throat with a straight razor. For some
reason, Karl informs Amanda's daughter, L.A. doctor and gun expert
Ally (Candice Daly; ZOMBIE
4: AFTERDEATH - 1988), that her mother drowned in a swimming accident
and flies her down to Rio De Janeiro for the funeral. Karl gives
Ally her mother's notebooks and at the funeral, Ally discovers that
her mother was murdered. She confronts Karl and he assures her that
he will not rest until he finds the murderer (he has his suspicions
that his uncle is involved). Unfortunately, Karl won't have the
chance because he is shot by El Pasado at the funeral and killed. He
also tries to kill Ally, but she is saved by Tonio (Romulo Arantes),
an old friend of Amanda's who informs Ally of her mother's
Nazi-hunting background. El Pasado manages to steal three of Amanda's
notebooks, but she hid the fourth and final one (the one that
contains the location of Dr. Hoffmann's jungle hideout) and only Ally
knows where it is. Ally and Tonio form an uneasy partnership to
retrieve the notebook and then raid Hoffmann's fortress. Meanwhile,
Dr. Hoffmann has perfected his serum and plans on testing it out in
the Los Angeles water supply. Can Ally and Tonio put their personal
and cultural differences long enough to stop Dr. Hoffmann before he
carries out his wicked experiment? They hire crazy mercenary Kong
(Russ McCubbin) to lead them down river and assault Dr. Hoffmann's
jungle compound in the film's badly-staged finale. This is a
plodding and long-winded jungle action flick, marred by the
non-chemistry between Romulo Arantes and Candice Daly, who have to
carry the second half of the film and, quite frankly, don't have the
chops to pull it off. Director/producer Ernst R. von Theumer (THE
BIG BUST-OUT - 1972; JUNGLE
WARRIORS - 1984), working with a script by James Dalessandro
and Louis La Russo II, tosses in a little bit of everything, from
jungle adventure, chases (and a plane crash), espionage and even a
touch of WIP in hopes something will stick. Very little of it does,
as von Theumer films it all in a very laid-back and lackadaisical
manner, offering no urgency in the action scenes and saddling the
actors with such cringe-inducing dialogue like, "I haven't heard
a good idea since my husband's suicide!" There is occasional
nudity, some good on-location photography and a few nifty explosions,
but there are too many dead spots in the film where everything just
screeches to a halt so Ally and Tonio can get to know each other
better (in other words, have sex). Another problem is Dr. Hoffmann's
serum. For a film whose main plot devise is Dr. Hoffmann's mind
control serum, not once to we see it utilized. That's a shame,
because this film could have used that exploitative element to
jazz-up an otherwise uneventful film. Both Stewart Granger and George
Lazenby are woefully underutilized here and look embarrassed.
(Lazenby is misidentified on the VHS cover art, a head shot of actor
Herb Andrews, who plays Johann in this film, is mislabeled as being
that of Lazenby). Candice Daly was a tragic figure. After appearing
in a handful of films, she was found dead of a drug overdose in a
skid row motel room in 2004. She was 41 years old. Co-star Romulo
Arantes, a champion swimmer, died in a plane crash while flying over
Brazil in 2000. He was killed two days before his 43rd birthday. As a
matter of fact, besides Maud Adams and Lazenby, all the other main
actors here have died, all of them from cancer. That's just spooky.
As far as jungle action films go, HELL
HUNTERS is a minor entry that can be skipped. Available on
VHS from New Star Video and not yet available on DVD. Not Rated,
but there's nothing here that would go beyond an R-rating.
HELL
RIDERS
(1984) - There
are some questions that can never be answered, like why would Tina
Louise agree to appear in crap like this (and EVILS
OF THE NIGHT - 1984) and yet not want to "demean"
herself by recreating her Ginger role in the GILLIGAN'S
ISLAND TV movies? Louise appears as Claire, a Las Vegas
blackjack dealer who, while driving through the desert, has some car
trouble and she must take a back road to the town of Ramsburg to get
to the nearest mechanic. She literally runs into a motorcycle gang
called the Hell Riders and their leader, Snake (Ross Alexander), has
his men rough her up (She says, "You want trouble? I'll give you
trouble, jerk bastard!"). The action then switches to Ramsburg,
where we are introduced to the citizens, including Sheriff Bates
(Jerry Rattay), who is trying to marry off his daughter Suzy (Chris
Haramis), so he can see her "barefoot and pregnant"; Dave
Stanley (Adam West), the town's doctor who likes to jog (a lot!); and
Joe (Frank Millen), the town's semi-retarded car mechanic and Suzy's
husband-to-be. Claire rolls into town to get her car fixed and to
file a complaint, but the
sheriff refuses to listen to her (he calls her a "two hundred
dollar hooker"!). Claire goes to Dr. Dave to have her wounds
tended to, when the Hell raiders invade the town. When the bikers
enter the town's only cafe and start bothering the customers, Dr.
Dave dislocates Snake's shoulder and will only put it back into place
if Snake agrees to take the Hell Riders out of town. Snake agrees,
but after he rapes a woman tourist on the outskirts of town
("Take it easy or take it hard!") and beating up her
husband, the Hell Riders return to Ramsburg and begin tearing up the
town, beating up the men and raping the women. They lock up all the
townspeople in the jail while Claire leads some of them on a chase
when she steals a car. After Snake is killed by two of his own men in
an internal power play, the townspeople escape from jail, grab some
guns and kill all the bikers. Awwww, don't you just love happy
endings? Let me start off by telling you this film's good
points....... OK, now that that's out of the way, let's talk about
what's wrong with it. Director/co-scripter James Bryan (DON'T
GO IN THE WOODS - 1981; which LAW
& ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT actor Vincent D'Onofrio turned
into a musical horror film
in 2009!!!) frankly hasn't got a clue how to stage an action scene.
It becomes even more clear when we find out that Renee Harmon was
Producer and co-scripter on this. Harmon, that woman with the
irritating voice that could break a mirror (and who also has a role
here as "Knife", one of the female biker members), also
starred in and produced/scripted such classic badfilms as FROZEN
SCREAM (1981) and two of Bryan's other horrendous
directorial efforts, EXECUTIONER
PART II (1983) and LADY
STREET FIGHTER
(1978), has never made or appeared in a good film (Really! Try
watching any of them and judge for yourself). Both Adam West and Tina
Louise were paid $10,000 each for one day's shooting and director
Bryan filmed most of their scenes in extreme close-up (usually
wearing hats or scarves), so he could heve their scenes inserted at
various times throughout the film. It's highly apparent that body
doubles were used the rest of the time, as they are always filmed
from behind or with their faces hidden from view (although the Adam
West double does get some face time in the finale). The entire Hell
Riders motorcycle gang is one of the weakest and most ineffective
gangs you will ever see, as they are manhandled and abused by
everyone they meet. Even their final assault on Ramsburg is ho-hum,
as all they do is rip a couple of women's shirts, beat up the sheriff
and lock everyone in jail. I get more excitement watching goldfish
swim in a bowl. This should cement your opinion that James Bryan and
Renee Harmon were two of the worst individuals to work behind (and in
front of ) a camera. One of my favorite scenes comes early on, where
Father (Frank Newhouse), the "religious" member of the Hell
Riders, explains to Claire how his right hand was cut off. It's plain
to see by looking at his bandaged stump that his hand is still
underneath the bandages. It's sloppiness like this (including two of
the worst car crashes ever committed to celluloid) which should put
this film on your "must avoid" list. Also starring Ricco
Mancini, Dan Bradley, Lynn Wiedermayer, Arline Specht and Sandra
Sterling. The late Lee Frost was one of
the Executive Producers. A Cannon Video Release. Not Rated.
HEROES
FOR HIRE (1984) - Wonderfully
weird action film made in the Philippines. As the film opens in 1980,
a Miami doctor is seen inserting a metal object into an unknown
patient's arm. The doctor then tells the patient that he's all
"wired up" and can go home and relax. A short time later,
the patient shoots the doctor between the eyes as he is walking out
of his office. A "few years later", a group of gunmen, led
by Charles Barner (Robert Mason; WAR
WITHOUT END - 1986), invade the home of Professor Arlington
(Mike Monty in a Speedo!) and shoot-up his pool party, killing all
the professor's hired bodyguards except for McPearson (Bruce Baron; THE
ULTIMATE NINJA - 1986) and kidnapping the Professor and his
beautiful assistant Liza (Liza Hutton). The police believe McPearson
was in on the kidnapping, but his boss, Cunningham (James Moss; SILK
2 - 1989), the head of Cunningham Security, doesn't believe
it for a minute. Barner brings the Professor and Liza to the
well-guarded mansion of Escaler (Eric Harris) and after being paid
with a briefcase full of money, Escaler tries to reneg on the deal
and orders his red beret-wearing soldiers to kill Barner, but Barner
escapes after being grazed in the head with a bullet. McPearson is
able to identify Barner from a mug shot and finds out from Cunningham
that Barner was an old
Vietnam buddy of his. McPearson begins his search for Barner, not
aware that Escaler is now gunning for them both. McPearson learns
from Curly (Jim Gaines; JUNGLE RATS
- 1987), an old friend of Barner's, that Barner was offered a job
from an "old boss", but before Curly is able to offer any
more information, he is gunned-down in a crowded restaurant. Escaler
sends a ransom tape to the Professor's wife (Barbara Parks),
demanding ten million dollars for her husband's safe return. It is at
this time that we learn that Liza is actually Escaler's girlfriend
and was in on the kidnapping. Escaler and Liza are after some
microfilm in the Professor's possession and are trying to trick the
Professor into giving up the microfilm's location, but the Professor
plays dumb and refuses to acknowledge the existence of the microfilm.
Mrs. Arlington hires McPearson to find her husband and he gets a
break when Barner calls him up and demands one million dollars for
the Professor's location. McPearson and Barner meet face-to-face to
make the exchange, only to have Barner shot in the back before he can
turn over the map to the Professor's location. It turns out that
Barner tattooed the map on his girlfriend's ass (!) and when
McPearson goes to retrieve it, Escaler's men kill her, too. When
Escaler kidnaps Mrs. Arlington to get the Professor to talk,
Cunningham employs a trio of "Heroes For Hire", Magnum
(Jerry Bayron), Cactus (Don Parker) and Ninja (Anthony Chang) to
accompany McPearson in rescuing the Professor and his wife. Remember
the unseen patient in the beginning of the film? He plays an
important role in the film's triple-twist ending, where good guys are
traitors, women are not who they seem and nearly everyone dies at the
hands of the people they betrayed. Good times. Good times. What
I liked about this film, directed by John Lloyd (NINJA
WARRIORS - 1984; NINJA'S FORCE II
- 1986; KING OF THE
KICKBOXERS 2 - 1992) and written by Timothy Jorge (for
Producer K.Y. Lim and his Silver Star Film Company), is that it
always zigs when you think it is going to zag. I always thought the
film would conclude with McPearson and Barner reluctantly
partnering-up to rescue the Professor (for totally different reasons,
of course), so imagine my surprise when Barner is non-chalantly
killed on their first meeting after the Professor's kidnapping. The
inclusion of the three Heroes For Hire in the final reel of the film
also comes out of left field, as we are given a brief vignette of
each Hero, in flashback, performing a heroic deed and then
immediately throwing them into the fray. They all join McPearson by
choosing a different method of transportation to get to Escaler's
island compound (scuba gear; rubber raft; jet ski; windsurfing) and
then attack on all four sides, using explosive balloons (!), a machinegun/bazooka
equipped motorcycle, ninja weapons and acrobatics, and good
old-fashioned firepower to try to save the Professor and his wife.
Since this film defies all normal expectations, it should come as no
surprise that the Professor is shot dead before his wife's eyes long
before McPearson or the three Heroes can save him and we then learn
that wifey has an agenda all her own. The violence in this film is
brutal and bloody, as people are blown apart, sliced, stabbed or
riddled with bullets and Ninja's ability to split into five exact
copies of himself will have you rewinding the scene several times in
disbelief. HEROES FOR HIRE
is worth the time and effort of locating it. The late Nick Nicholson
puts in a cameo as one of the kidnappers. Also starring Warren
Morgan, Bill James and Paul Williams. Never available on home video
in the U.S., the print I viewed was sourced from a Dutch-subtitled
VHS tape. Not Rated.
HUNTER'S
CROSSING (1983) - Here's one
of late director Teddy Page's earliest Filipino actioners, filmed
back-to-back with FIREBACK and BLOOD
DEBTS (both 1983) and utilizing many of the same actors and
technical crew. The film opens with a squad of American soldiers
rescuing millionaire Mr. Burns (Pat Andrew), his daughter Lois
(Barbara Peers) and several other women from a Vietnam slave camp.
The soldiers battle it out with some gooks (you can tell they are
gooks by the cone-shaped straw hats they wear) while Mr. Burns and
the women hop on a junket and head for the safety of the sea. Their
freedom is short-lived, however, when their boat is boarded by pirate
leader Jamil (David Light) and his crew and Mr. Burns and the women
are taken to Jamil's base camp deep in the jungle. After a short
skirmish with some jungle rebels, Jamil and his hostages make it to
the camp, which is heavily guarded. Jamil sends Burn's son, James
Burns Jr. (Richard Harrison), a ransom demand of 4.5 million dollars
for the safe return of his father and sister, so James hedges his
bets by having his right-hand man Harris (Philip Gamboa) hire some of
the best mercenaries he can find to assist him in the rescue of his
family (and they will split a cool 1.5 million dollars if
successful). Harris picks out bar brawler Max (Don Gordon),
pussy-whipped Tom (James Gaines) and womanizer
Al (Bruce Baron) for the rescue mission, but first they have to be
rigorously trained (Cue the 80's-style training montage). When Jamil
forces Mr. Burns to write a letter demanding the delivery of the
ransom within 72 hours (Jamil says, "You'll write the letter or
I'll have your daughter!"), Harris must immediately put his
rescue plan into action, which includes customizing a black sedan and
a three-wheeled chopper with machine guns, bulletproof shields and
rocket launchers. Al puts the mission in jeopardy by taking a side
job as acting as a wheel man in a bank robbery and then ripping-off
all the loot, which really angers the crime boss who hired him for
the job. The crime boss puts a price on Al's head, which leads to a
shoot-out and a car chase, where Al uses the black sedan's rocket
launchers to blow-up the car chasing him. After another attempt on
Al's life and Tom finding his wife Sherri (Ann Milhench) in bed with
another man (who Tom shoots three times point-blank!), the rescue
plan is put into action. As more secrets are revealed (Harris is
married to Lois!), the ragtag group raid Jamil's camp (Jamil had
raped Lois the night before) and Harris grabs Lois, while Al grabs
Mr. Burns. Tom gives up his life when he throws himself on a grenade
(and is blown to bits) and Al is shot to death protecting the other
women hostages (who also don't fare too well). Just when it looks
like everyone else is going to make it out alive, Jamil kills Harris
and Lois pumps a clip into Jamil. What about Jack Jr., you may ask?
Well, it turns out he never left his office, so he was never in any
danger (unless he stubs his toe on his desk). Oh, those crazy
Filipinos. You gotta love them! Like most of Teddy Page's films (NINJA'S
FORCE - 1984; MOVIE IN ACTION
- 1987; JUNGLE RATS -
1987; PHANTOM SOLDIERS
- 1987), there are scenes of brutal violence, nudity and action set
pieces mixed with a few "What the fuck?!?" sequences that
throws the viewer for a loop. The screenplay, by Timothy Jorge (FIREBACK),
switches gears so often, it's really hard for the audience to know
who to root for. For one, we are supposed to feel sorry for Tom,
because he is so much in love with his wife, only to discover that
she's been cheating on him for years with numerous men. But instead
of walking away from Sherri by giving her a curt "Fuck
you!", he murders his wife's latest lover in such a way that it
is hard to have sympathy for Tom. And then there's Al. All he cares
about is himself and he puts his team members in dangerous situations
several times. Harris, on the other hand, seems to be the only decent
man in the bunch, but when it is revealed that he is married to Lois,
it is also made clear that Mr. Burns never cared for Harris and
disapproves of the marriage, which is why he makes Lois follow him
around on all his business trips like some puppy dog. Richard
Harrison's role as Jack is so underwritten (he spends most of his
screen time talking on the phone and only interacts on-screen with
Philip Gamboa), that it is nothing but a glorified cameo, even if he
does get top billing. Max is the only character deserving of any
sympathy (he's a divorced dad that has a young son that loves him),
but his death is so matter-of-fact, it's the most forgettable of the
bunch. You can see that Page was still getting his action chops here,
as some of the action set pieces are awkwardly filmed (especially the
car chase) and he made a choice to keep some of the violence off-screen
(Tom shooting his wife's lover; Lois shooting Jamil), but there's
enough bloody violence, gunfire and explosions, not to mention some
weird turns of events, to keep fans of Filipino actioners happy. Also
starring Ann Jackson, Tim Bismark, Biggie Mielke, Willy Williams and
Arturo Estrada. Also known as DEADLY
HUNTERS. Available on DVD from Cine Excel Entertainment. Not
Rated.
HUSTLER
SQUAD (1976) - Disappointing
Filipino actioner that plays like a cut-rate female version of 1965's THE
DIRTY DOZEN (so much so, in fact, that it was released on
VHS in England under the title THE
DIRTY HALF DOZEN).
During World War II, Paco Rodriguez (Ramon Revilla; THE
KILLING OF SATAN - 1983) and his army of freedom fighters
try to infiltrate a Japanese stronghold on the
island of Correbalas, only to discover that the Japs were expecting
them. After watching all his comrades being viciously slaughtered (by
gunshot, bayonette or, in one extreme case, beheaded [it goes by so
quickly, you'll need to replay the scene frame-by-frame to get the
full effect]), Paco barely escapes with his life. A stubborn American
general (an extended cameo by Ken Metcalfe; THE
WOMAN HUNT - 1972) wants to capture that stronghold at any
cost (he even threatens to send his second-in-command to the island
if he doesn't come up with a viable solution quickly), so Colonel
Blake (Joseph Zucchero; SILK - 1986)
orders Major "Stony" Stonewell (John Ericson; FINAL
MISSION - 1984) to find a way to sneak onto the island and
kill some important Japanese generals and admirals that will be
visiting the stronghold soon. At first, Stony and Paco are stymied on
how to infiltrate the island, but when an Australian woman beats the
crap out of both of them in a bar fight, they come up with the
brilliant idea to use "broads" to pretend to be prostitutes
and make their way to the island as concubines for the visiting
Japanese dignitaries (everyone knows how those Japs love their white
women!). With the help of Lt. Jennifer West (Karen Ericson; John's
real-life wife), Stony and Paco pick four women: death row inmate
Rose (Nory Wright), terminally ill Anna (Johanna Raunio), rape victim
Sonya (Lisa Lorena) and prostitute Cindy Lee (Lynda Sinclaire), to
"volunteer" for the mission. First the women have to be
trained in the finer arts of combat (both weapons and hand-to-hand)
and how to be high-class hookers (Cindy Lee has the upper hand here
and offers to show the rest how it's done). After the girls go
through extensive combat and prostitute training, Colonel Blake
(insert M*A*S*H
joke here) still isn't convinced that they can perform their mission
("Women cannot overpower men!"), so he talks the General
into calling the mission off. The girls change the General's mind
when they single-handedly overpower all the men on the base
(including a very embarrassed Colonel Blake), leaving them tied-up in
their beds. The women and Paco then leave their base in Australia and
parachute onto the island, where Paco and his freedom fighters assist
the four women into joining a brothel run by Madam Colleen, which is
frequented by the Japanese occupied forces. The girls are im
mediately
picked by the horny Japs and are taken to the stronghold, where they
go to a party and each are assigned as a concubine to their own
visiting Japanese dignitary (Anna ends up in the bedroom of an
understanding, Harvard-educated Japanese Admiral and Rose, the
horniest of the bunch, ends up with a Nip General who prematurely
ejaculates!). In the finale, the girls begin killing their targets on
the inside while Paco and his freedom fighters stage a major assault
from the outside. When the smoke clears, only the terminally ill Anna
survives, as the rest of the women and Paco die in a hail of bullets.
Oh, the irony of war! For a Filipino action flick, HUSTLER
SQUAD (also known as KUMANDER
AGIMAT) is pretty slow-moving and uneventful except for the
violent beginning minutes and the final twenty minutes, where the
girls perform their mission. What happens in-between is pretty
standard stuff, as we get to know Stony, Paco and the women, view
their strenuous training regimen and watch various romantic
interludes, especially between Stony & Jennifer and Paco &
Anna. For a film that is so female-eccentric and full of sex talk,
there is very little female nudity on view. Even during the
prostitute training sessions, the women wear big white bras and
granny panties, so those looking for a lot of lurid female flesh are
bound to be disappointed. The violence on display is of the standard
bullet squib and knife-stabbing variety, but I get the feeling that
some of the more violent aspects of this film (including two
decapitations) have been severely edited. Director Cesar Gallardo (BAMBOO
GODS AND IRON MEN - 1974) tries his best, but the screenplay
(which goes uncredited, but it has Ken Metcalfe's signature moves
written all over it) takes far too long to get to the action. There
are some interesting aspects here, especially the relationship
between Paco and the slowly dying Anna and the fatalistic finale, but
there's way too much dead air for the viewer to really get
emotionally involved. Also known as COMMANDER
STONEWELL. Produced by Cirio H. Santiago and Bob Waters.
Filipino staple Vic Diaz puts in a cameo as a horny Japanese officer.
Originally released on VHS by United
Home Video and available on DVD from BCI Eclipse in two
different double features: One with WILD
RIDERS (1971) as part of their "Starlite Drive-In
Theater" series and another with SUPERCHICK
(1972) as part of their "Welcome To The Grindhouse" series.
Both are now OOP and are taken from the same fullscreen print that is
full of emulsion scratches and annoying audio drop-outs. Now
available in its OAR from Scorpion
Releasing as a double
feature DVD, with MALIBU
HIGH (1978). Rated R.
THE
IMPOSSIBLE KID (1982) - The
diminutive Weng Weng returns as Agent 00 (He's so tiny, when a
rooftop sniper takes a shot at him, he hides behind a fire hydrant!),
one of the Philippines' top crime fighters, in this comedy action
flick. This is Weng Weng's third time playing Agent 00, previously
appearing in AGENT 00 and FOR
Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY
(both 1981) and, if you've already seen HEIGHT (AGENT
00
has yet to be released outside the Philippines), you know what to
expect here: Weng Weng using his
33 inch frame to his advantage as he tries to stop a terrorist from
killing the major businessmen in the Philippines. Agent 00, who is
naturally irresistable to women, is informed by his Chief (Ben
Johnson, who says to Agent 00, "Come on inside before you bust a
blood vessel!", after catching him fooloing around with his
secretary) that a master criminal is asking for a one million peso
ransom (What's that, like $30 American?) from the big businessmen or
else he will kill them one-by-one. Agent 00 arrives at a meeting
between all of the Filipino top businessmen (One of the guards looks
at Agent 00 and says, "What the hell is that?") and they
watch a videotape of the villian (who wears a white KKK hood with a
picture of a cobra imprinted on it) making his demands (He says,
"You don't know me and you don't have to know me!"). Agent
00 reports back to the Chief, where he tells Agent 00 to "keep a
low profile" while doing his investigation. Agent 00 does just
that, hiding out in the bag of ransom money and almost catching the
hooded terrorist. The terrorist seeks revenge, first trying to kill
one of the businessmen by sending a hitman in drag (!), but Agent 00
forces the hitman to fall on a live grenade. The terrorist then sends
an actual hitwoman and some goons to Agent 00's martial arts school,
but the black belt Agent 00 makes short order of them pretty quickly.
Some goons then try to kill the tiny agent in his highrise apartment,
but he uses a sheet as a parachute when he jumps out of his window
and lands in his pool (in a laugh-out-loud scene). When the Chief and
Agent 00 try to question the female hitwoman by injecting her with
sodium pentathol, she dies. Someone switched the truth serum with
poison. Agent 00 becomes suspicious of businessman Senior Manolo
Cervantes (Romy Diaz), since he always seems to be around when the
shit hits the fan. He's right, of course, but how can he prove it?
Things turn bad for Agent 00 when Senior Manolo gets him fired from
the case. Now, Agent 00 must "unofficially" investigate the
terrorist's dastardly plot. Have pity on poor Senior Manolo, the
terrorist and his men. This film is so goofy, you can't help
but like it. Director Eddie Nicart, who directed the majority of Weng
Weng's films, including the previous two Agent 00 adventures as well
as D'WILD
WILD WENG
(1982) and THE CUTE,
THE SEXY N' THE TINY (1982), fills this film with so many
outrageous sight gags (including Agent 00's tiny motorcycle, whe
re
we can see Weng Weng riding it down busy highways and, in some
shots, we can plainly see training wheels on it!), hilarious dialogue
("Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were an adult!" is what
the proprietor of a whorehouse says to Agent 00 when he walks through
the door.) and, above all, action, that you can forgive some of the
film's glaring continuity errors (and there are plenty). Nicart also
throws in some female nudity (only fleeting, though), bloody bullet
squibs and Weng Weng's martial arts prowess (he was a real-life black
belt), which usually starts with a punch to the testicles followed by
a kick to the face and a finishing foot to the neck. It's hilarious.
Nicart never takes the proceedings seriously, even though people are
shot, blown-up, impaled or tortured. Weng Weng (a true freak of
nature, who sports a bowl haircut and a bashful smile) doesn't have
to do much acting (his dubbed voice is highly inappropriate here). He
spends most of his time running, jumping, romancing the ladies or
showing off his special brand of martial arts. The best way to
describe him is with one word: mesmerizing. You just can't take your
eyes off of him. Weng Weng (real name: Ernesto de la Cruz) died in
relative obscurity of a heart attack on August 29, 1992. He was only
34 years old. THE IMPOSSIBLE KID
also contains a music score that sounds suspiciously like Henry
Mancini's theme from THE PINK PANTHER
(1964), too many sight gags to mention (including Weng Weng trapped
in a birdcage and dumped into the ocean and a TV that explodes, in a
send-up of TV's MISSION IMPOSSIBLE)
and some way-out action set-pieces. Other Weng Weng films include CHOPSEUY
MET BIG TIME PAPA (1978), THE
QUICK BROWN FOX (1980) and DA
BEST IN DA WEST (1981). Also starring Nina Sara, Tony
Carreon, Rene Romero, Romy Nario, Ruben Ramos, Ben Morro, Joe Cunanan
and the S.O.S. Daredevils stunt team. The end credits tell us to
watch for Weng Weng in LICENSE EXPIRED but, sadly, that never
happened. Available on DVD from Mill Creek Entertainment as part of a
50 movie compilation titled simply MARTIAL
ARTS. The print looks surprisingly good for a cheap box set. Not
Rated. "God-damned midget. He's beginning to get my goat!"
IN
GOLD WE TRUST (1990) - Another
wild Thailand-lensed action flick from director/producer P. Chalong
(real name: Chalong Pakdivijit), filmed back-to-back with THE
LOST IDOL and utilizing many of the same actors. The film
opens with bad guy Jeff Slater (Sam Jones; JUNGLE
HEAT - 1984) and his ragtag band of mercenaries ambushing a
convoy carrying a fortune in gold. After killing
everyone in the convoy (which includes a couple of impressive Jeep
explosions, complete with human passengers), Slater discovers that
the gold is housed in some newfangled NASA titanium safe and no one
knows how to open it. The U.S. government hires Captain Oliver Moss
(Jan-Michael Vincent; THE
RETURN - 1980; DEMONSTONE
- 1989) to retrieve the gold and the eight American POW's that the
gold was going to be used for as payment for their release. Capt.
Moss puts together his old team, which includes George (Robert
Cespedes) and Debbie (Sherri Rose; KILLER
CROCODILE - 1989), and they head deep into the Laos jungle
where Slater keeps his home base. There's plenty of bad blood between
Moss and Slater, as they served in the same unit during the Vietnam
War until Slater went psycho and turned rogue, killing Moss'
fiancée in the process (or so Moss thought). Meanwhile, Slater
and his men try everything in their power to open the safe, including
plastic explosives, with no luck. Slater works out his frustrations
by raping the daughter of a Vietnam General he just killed. Moss and
his small band of commandos parachute into the jungle and are
instantly met with enemy gunfire, but are saved by a group of rebels
led by Sai-Kam (Michi McGee), who just happens to be Moss'
long-thought-to-be dead fiancée. She is also the sister of the
woman that Slater is raping. (Moss is hanging in a tree by his
parachute during the firefight and when he finally frees himself,
Debbie asks him, "How you feelin'?" He turns to her and
says, "Like a snake-bit, broke-leg, gut-shot dog dragging nine
puppies uphill! That's how I feel!"). In the eight years since
he last saw her, Sai-Kam has become a hardened rebel, who finds it
hard to forgive Moss for leaving her behind. Slater decides to hide
the safe in a cave, not realizing that the cave is actually home to a
squad of Japanese samurai soldiers who have live and propagated there
since World War II (They don't even know WWII has ended!). Moss and
his squad join Sai-Kam and the rebels in their quest to locate Slater
and the gold when one of the POWs comes stumbling into the rebel
camp. He tells them that Slater is now in control of the American
POWs, as well as Sai-Kam's younger sister. Things come to a boil when
Slater gets the upper hand and captures nearly everyone. Moss has the
key
to the safe; it's a tattoo on his body that will magically disappear
if he dies (!), so Slater reluctantly agrees to work with Moss to get
the safe back from the Japanese. Expect a battle on a huge scale and
then old scores being settled. If you never thought you would
see the day that the usually wooden Sam Jones would overact wildly,
than this is the film for you. He's totally psychotic here, flailing
his arms and spitting out his lines like he's the king of madmen on
Madman's Day (I know it's not a real holiday, but imagine it is!).
The scene where he tries to blow-open the safe with explosives is a
classic of overstatement, as he screams at his men about having
$54,000,000 in gold in his possession, but is unable to touch it
("54 fucking million dollars! Fucking 54 million dollars! 54
million fucking dollars!"). Jones certainly looks like he's
having the time of his life here and I guarantee you'll never see him
more animated. Director P. Chalong (S.T.A.B.
- 1976; THE GOLD RAIDERS
- 1983) peppers the screen with plenty of bloody action (lots of
bloody bullet squibs and exploding bodies, including Jones' memorable
demise), offbeat situations (The Japanese subplot is pure genius, as
they still have an operational Jap Zero and their hatred of
Americans, which has been passed from generation to generation, is
even more intense than the days of WWII. So much so, that the pilot
of the Zero turns kamikaze and flies it into an American rescue
helicopter!), and even a lot of intentional humor (When Moss and
George get into a fight early in the film, they crash through a
chicken coop. A short time later, they are walking down a dirt road
and hear a chirping noise. Moss reaches into his pants pocket and
pulls out a baby chick!), making IN
GOLD WE TRUST (also known as AMERICAN
SOLDIER: KOMMANDO GOLD and GOLD OF THE SAMURAI) a
great film for fans of Far East craziness. Hell, even Jan-Michael
Vincent looks sober here! Also starring Nappon Gomarachun, James
Phillips, Herb 'Superb' Jones, Dean Alexander, Guy L. Lyndar, Rit
Luercha and big, hulking Christoph Kluppel as "Christoph",
basically portraying the same role he did in Chalong's THE LOST IDOL.
An Action International Pictures
VHS Release. Not available on U.S. DVD, but there is a German DVD
available under the AMERICAN SOLDIER title. Not Rated.
IN
HELL (2003)
- I
am a big Jean-Claude Van Damme fan, even though after watching him
on several talk shows, I have come to the conclusion that he's not
the sharpest tool in the shed (in other words, he's stupid). Like
most of the 80's and 90's B+-list of action stars (Steven Seagal,
Dolph Lundgren, etc.), most of his later films have been released
direct-to-video (DTV) here in the States. Unlike most of them though,
his later DTV films (REPLICANT
- 2001; WAKE OF DEATH -
2004) are pretty good action films. IN HELL is no exception.
Van Damme returns to prison,
as he did in DEATH WARRANT
(1990), and the results are entertaining as well as graphic and
brutal. And the fact that Van Damme hardly uses his patented martial
arts prowess only makes this all the more amazing. When Kyle LeBlanc
(Van Damme) is sentenced to life with no possibility of parole for
killing the person responsible for the rape and murder of his wife,
the corrupt Slavik court system sends him to the most violent prison
in the Eastern Bloc. After much degradation, including witnessing
prison rape, getting into fights and being thrown into solitiary
(it's literally a shithole) where he tries to kill himself, LeBlanc
finally pulls himself together with the help of his brutish, but well-read,
new cellmate, 451 (ex-NY Giants footballer Lawrence "LT"
Taylor). After being roughed-up by some Russian mob cons and seeing
some of his new-found friends seriously hurt or killed, he becomes an
unwilling participant in a series of illegal guard-sanctioned
bare-knuckle fight-to-the-death boxing/wrestling matches. But is
LeBlanc becoming the monster that so disgusted him when he first
entered this hellhole? With 451 (named after the novel Farenheit 451)
to remind him, LeBlanc regains his humanity, just in time for his big
fight against ringer Valya (Michael Bailey Smith). His refusal to
fight and subsequent torture rally the prisoners to unite against
their corrupt captors. A final fight leads to an escape and some
well-deserved payback. Ringo Lam, a well-regarded Hong Kong
action director (CITY ON FIRE
- 1987; TWIN DRAGONS -
1992), has worked with Van Damme three times so far, with MAXIMUM
RISK (1996), REPLICANT
(2001) and this one, and the results have all been entertaining. Lam
seems to know Van Damme's strengths and weaknesses and uses them both
to the film's advantage. I believe Van Damme is maturing as an actor
which he seems to recognize as he doesn't always rely on his martial
arts knowledge to get to the next scene. He actually acts and seems
more controlled and patient on screen. The images of a moth
fluttering around Van Damme in solitiary and Lawrence Taylor's
voice-over narration are both spot-on and speak volumes about
solitude and redemption. The film is also highly emotional in spots
(Taylor's flashback as a child; Van Damme's fight with the masked
behemoth who was in the cell next to him while he was in solitiary)
and is quite effective as an action film and as social commentary.
This was supposed to be a big A-list film, but when the producers
couldn't raise the budget necessary to make it, they pared-down the
screenplay and made this film instead. It's one of Van Damme's best.
Maybe he isn't so stupid after all. Also starring Marnie Alton,
Malakai Davidson, Billy Rieck, Robert Lasardo, Juan Fernandez (quite
a sight as a transvestite con) and David Leitch. A Columbia
Tristar Home Entertainment Release. Rated R.
IN
HOT PURSUIT (1977) - Here's
something that could have only come from the anything-goes 70's: A
PG-rated action flick about smuggling marihuana across the U.S.
border. Real-life brothers Don & Bobby Watson star as Oosh and
Boosh (!), two stoner hippies who have just taken a huge delivery of
weed from a plane out of Mexico and, with the help of a couple of
friends, have loaded it into their camper. Trouble is, the police
have staked-out the location and have witnessed the transaction. A
chase ensues and a couple of police cars are wrecked (one car is
totaled when the landing gear of the plane hits it as it takes off)
as well as the camper being destroyed by a passing bulldozer. The
boys and the pot are seized and the police take them to jail. Boosh
calls his girlfriend Denise (Debbie Washington) who, in turn, calls
Joe King (Paul Weiner), the drug kingpin. Mr. King sets up a
jailbreak and rescues the boys from prison using a helicopter. They
are driven
to Mr. King's house, only to discover Mr. King is no longer in
charge. Sandy (Sandy St. Armour), a second kingpin, has taken his
place. After shooting the helicopter pilot in the face (!), Sandy
gives Oosh and Boosh a tractor trailer and instructions to pick up
another planeload of pot. They make the transaction and, yep, you
guessed it, they are again chased by the police. They make their
delivery, but destroy the tractor trailer in the process. Sandy gives
the boys seven days to pay him back $150,000; the cost of the first
lost shipment and damages to the truck. The boys decide to rob an
armored car to get the money and they devise a plan that involves a
Camaro, the tractor trailer and some dynamite. Just like everything
else these boys do, it goes wrong and Oosh and Boosh are now trying
to outrun the cops in the Camaro. They wreck the Camaro, steal
another car and deliver the money. They pull one more big pot
delivery (and rip-off Sandy) before retiring from the business for
good. I love happy endings! If I were a betting man, I would be
willing to wager that this film was made as a big "fuck
you!" to law enforcement and I'm willing to lay odds that stars
Don & Bobby Watson were drug-runners in real life, because they
sure weren't actors. One-time director/producer Jim West has
fashioned what is basically nothing more than a chase film, where the
Watson brothers outrun the cops, destroy plenty of police cars and,
in the film's best sequence, drive a tractor trailer through a house
that is being transported on the highway. I was also surprised by the
level of violence in this, considering it's PG rating. When the
helicopter pilot is shot in the face, you see a very bloody shot of
the aftermath. During the armored car robbery, Oosh and Boosh's two
friends (one of them is called "Bubble Eye"!) are
shotgunned in the chest and a guard is blown up. The problem with
this film is that there is an uneasy mixture of comedy and death.
There seems to be no repercussions (not to mention remorse) for the
boys' actions, whether it be destroying property, shooting at the
police or getting their friends killed. Everything is played in a
tone that goes, "Look what I just got away with!" This
shot-in-Georgia rarity (supposedly based on a true story) contains
bad editing (some scenes look like director West didn't have enough
time or money for a second take), terrible acting by a cast of
non-pros, banjo music, no sense of justice and, as the closing
credits proudly proclaims, "No stunt men were used in this
film" (it's obvious that it is indeed the Watson brothers
hanging off the helicopter as they are making their escape from the
prison). A true product of the 70's. Also known as POLK
COUNTY POT PLANE. Also starring Big Jim, Howard Smith, Bob
Deyton, James Crews, Don Pierce and T.C. Jones. A Paragon
Video Productions Release. Rated PG.
JUSTICE
(1999) -
Though the plot has enough gaping holes to drive a freight train
through, I enjoyed this crime drama
(released on video as BACKLASH)
mainly for Charles Durning's (WHEN
A STRANGER CALLS - 1979) performance as a tough-as-nails cop
trying to protect his deceased partner's lawyer daughter (Tracey
Needham) from some South American drug kingpin's (Henry Silva)
hitmen. While short on logic, JUSTICE
(which seems to be only the cable TV title) offers some outstanding
action setpieces, especially where the severely overweight Durning
ducks behind a car to avoid machine gun fire from a hit man. You
half-expect the car to get up and hide behind Durning as he offers
more cover than the car. Durning carries the film with his lovable
but no-nonsense character, who wishes justice was dished-out like it
was in the old days. He gets his wish when everything else in the
modern judicial system fails to keep his friends and family alive.
Director Jack Ersgard (MANDROID
- 1993) infuses a tired plot with much-needed adrenaline, humor and
some heart. This is Durning's first starring role in quite a while.
He is usually assigned roles as someone's buddy (think Burt Reynolds)
or some secondary character. He shines here. Just ignore the plot and
enjoy Durning. I did. This was Durning's first major genre role since
1985's STAND ALONE. Also
starring James Belushi (basically a cameo with a violent death),
JoBeth Williams (as a very bad District Attorney) and the director's
brother Patrick Ersgard. A Virgin
Vision VHS release. Rated
R.
KARATE
COP (1991) - In this sequel to OMEGA
COP (1990), Ron Marchini returns as John Travis, one of the
last surviving cops in a nuclear-ravaged Earth. Travis saves Rachel
(Carrie Chambers) from a group of mutants and she offers him a hot
meal if he'll take her back to her compound. Travis agrees and drives
her back, but a couple of blocks before they get there, they are
attacked by a pack of mutants led by Snaker (Michael E. Bristow, his
face made up to look like a snake). Travis and Rachel are able to
make it to her compound, but Snaker and his gang trash Travis' car.
Rachel introduces Travis to her family, who are nothing but a bunch
of children who consider themselves freedom fighters (they call
themselves "Freebies"). Rachel shows Travis a teleporter,
which will transport anyone to one of the twenty teleporters
scattered throughout the world. Unfortunately, the crystal used to
power the teleporter is cracked and worthless, so Rachel makes a deal
with Travis. If he can retrieve the only other available crystal
located somewhere in this mutant-filled city, she will transport him
to Washington, D.C., where he was headed when he saved Rachel. She
supplies Travis with a motorcycle and he goes off on his search for
the crystal. Also after the crystal is evil
mutant leader Lincoln (D.W. Landingham), who sends Snaker and a
bunch of mutants to steal the crystal and kill Travis. Travis locates
and steals the crystal (from some religious mutant), but someone
steals his motorcycle in return. He walks into Jackass Junction and
stops at a bar/diner run by Dad (David Carradine). It seems Dad stole
stole Travis' motorcycle and he now wants the keys, but Travis kills
him and a bar full of mutants when they try to take them (while a
mutant woman in a fur bra dances next to a broken jukebox). On his
way back to Rachel, Snaker and his men try to ambush Travis, but he
gets away. He then learns that Lincoln has kidnapped Rachel, so
Travis must now go to Lincoln's compound to save her. After killing
some of Lincoln's men in an arena cage fight, he rescues Rachel, but
gets shot in the leg when they get away (he performs surgery on
himself and removes the bullet). As Lincoln and his men attack
Rachel's compound, she sends all the children through the teleporter
to safety while Travis holds the mutants at bay. He must defeat
Lincoln's best fighter (Michael Foley of THE
DIVINE ENFORCER - 1991) and then kill Lincoln so Rachel and
the kids can truly be safe. Travis must destroy the teleporter to
achieve that safety, so he sets out on foot, alone (well, he does
have is trusty dog sidekick), for Washington, D.C.. This film
is so low-budget that smoke machines are constantly used to blur out
the background, thereby saving money on set direction (you can
practically see the machines pumping out smoke at the bottom of the
screen in almost every scene). All logic is also thrown out the
window (An exposed crystal to power an expensive teleporter? I would
have encased that thing in bulletproof glass!). Ron Marchini (also a
co-producer and co-scripter here) is a man of few words, as he
prefers to let his hands and feet do the talking. Marchini does know
his limitations (check out my reviews for DEATH
MACHINES
- 1976; FORGOTTON WARRIOR -
1986 and RETURN FIRE: JUNGLE WOLF 2
- 1988), but this film's plot is so uninvolving and preposterous
(What the hell are Rachel and a bunch of kids doing with one of the
only twenty known teleporters? Did they win it in a kickball game?),
you'll wonder why Travis even bothers. The makeup effects are awful
(Snaker's makeup in particular is laughable) and the action scenes,
while lively, are few and far between. David Carradine is on-screen
for all of two minutes and doesn't even fight Marchini. He speaks in
this weird Southern drawl and then takes a shotgun blast to the chest
after pulling a pistol on Marchini. The dialogue is also very hinky.
Snaker speaks like Yoda ("Catch him, we must!") and
Marchini never says more than six words at a time. I think his
biggest piece of dialogue is when he says, "Asshole to ashes.
Dictators to dust!" after he kills Lincoln in the finale.
Directed by Alan Roberts, who got his start directing porn (PANORAMA
BLUE - 1974) and sexploitation (YOUNG
LADY CHATTERLEY - 1977; THE
HAPPY HOOKER GOES HOLLYWOOD - 1980) and then unknowingly
directed the anti-Muslim flick INNOCENCE
OF MUSLIMS (2012; for more on that story, click HERE).
KARATE COP contains no
nudity and is Robert's only action film. Odd choice if you ask me.
Filmed in Marchini's hometown of Stockton, California. Also starring
Dax Nicholas, Dana Bentley and Vibbe Haugaard. Available on DVD from
Digiview Entertainment in a highly- watchable fullscreen print. Not
Rated.
KILLPOINT
(1984) - When Nighthawk (Stack Pierce) kills a guard and steals a
cache of automatic weapons from a National Guard armory, it sets off
a violent chain of events. Nighthawk's boss, Joe Marks (Cameron
Mitchell), orders him to kill the city's only other illegal arms
dealer, which results in a massacre of innocent people (including
children) at a Chinese restaurant. The government sends Agent Bill
Bryant (Richard Roundtree) to investigate the armory heist and the
local police assign troubled cop Lt. James Long (Leo Fong) to
investigate the string of robberies and killings involving the
automatic weapons, which are now in the hands of street gangs and
common criminals. Lt. Long's wife was recently raped and killed and
when his captain asks him to look into the killing of a woman who was
raped and burned on her breast (by the sadistic Marks), he keeps
flashing back to the death of his wife. The woman's body leads him to
Anita (Hope Holiday), a madame who runs a prostitution racket owned
by Marks. When Anita goes to Marks' house to complain, he has
Nighthawk shoot and kill her. When Agent Bryant's investigation of
the stolen weapons and Lt. Long's investigation of Marks leads them
both to the massacre
of an Hispanic gang, they join forces to get the guns off the
streets and to bring Marks down. Long goes undercover as a gun buyer
from Arkansas (!) and has a meeting with Marks and Nighthawk. Marks
(who calls Long "China boy", "chink",
"slopehead" and a "slant-eyed bastard") sets up
the delivery for the next day after testing Long by having his men
put a beat-down on him to prove he's not a cop. At the time of
delivery, a greedy Nighthawk proves traitorous and slits Marks'
throat with a switchblade. Long brings a S.W.A.T. team with him on
the buy and a huge gunfight/fistfight breaks out. As Long is chasing
Nighthawk through a warehouse, we find out that Marks is not quite
dead yet, as he gets revenge on Nighthawk for ventilating his neck
before finally dying for good. Although this is pretty standard
low-budget 80's action fare (originally released by Crown
International Pictures), it does contain a crazy performance by
Cameron Mitchell as Marks. You won't hear this often, but he actually
makes the film worth seeing. He plays Marks as some psychotic gay
gangster, who cares more about his little pet poodle than any human
being. The scene where Marks (who wears flowers in his hair to match
his poodle's) is in a jacuzzi singing to his dog while bare-chested
bodybuilders work out around him (and Nighthawk makes a
"fag" remark), is worth the price of a rental or purchase
alone. He eventually kills the poodle when is shits on his floor,
proving he has no feelings for anything. To prove that he has no
morals, there's also another scene where he's in a diner and kills a
talkative waitress when she doesn't quiet her crying baby. He even
steals the money from the register! Leo Fong makes an unlikely action
hero, with his bowl haircut (with prominent bald spot) and a face
that looks as if it was hit with an ugly stick more than a few times.
His martial arts fights are awkwardly staged, but I imagine that this
is closer to what a real fight would look like as opposed to the
stylized fights in bigger-budgeted martial arts actioners. Richard
Roundtree is wasted and only appears in a couple of scenes. He's not
anywhere in sight for the final battle. Director/scripter/co-producer
Frank Harris (LOW
BLOW
- 1986; THE
PATRIOT
- 1986; AFTERSHOCK
- 1989) uses actual officers from the Riverside Police Department in
California to portray nearly all the police officers in the film
(including Fong's captain, who has a lot of lines), which brings a
sense of realism to the S.W.A.T. assaults and other police
procedurals. This is surprising considering the story line, where
gang members slaughter many innocent people in restaurants, grocery
stores and houses. I seriously doubt any city today would offer their
entire police force in a similar situation. The violence in this film
is brutal and some scenes (the Chinese restaurant slaughter and
Anita's death) look to be trimmed in order to achieve an R rating. KILLPOINT
is worthwhile viewing if you want to see Cameron Mitchell overact to
the point of being truly looney. Also starring Bernie Nelson, Danene
Pyant, James Lew and Branscombe Richmond. A Vestron
Video Release. Also released by United
American in a substandard EP-mode tape. Also available on the MAXIMUM
ACTION DVD compilation from BCI Eclipse. Rated R.
KRIS
COMMANDO (1987) - Here's a
strange one: A Filipino morality tale about Muslim vs. Christian
beliefs disguised as a war actioner. A group of Muslim rebels, led by
the hot-headed Kiram Sali, attack Christian Philippine Army outposts
every chance they get, which angers not only Army General Alfredo
Basco (Eddie Garcia; THE
WOMAN HUNT - 1972), but also Kiram's peace-loving teacher
brother, Omar (Dante Varona), who doesn't believe killing is the
answer, even if he doesn't agree with the Christian way of life. The
Manila Tribune sends earnest, but wet behind the ears, female
reported Mitch Vasquez (Aurora Sevilla) to the troubled region to get
the real story and she ends up witnessing more than her young
Christian mind can handle. General Basco sends his best man, Captain
Reyes, to talk to Omar about amnesty for his brother and the rebels,
but when Omar talks to Kiram about the offer, he turns it down.
General Basco then personally goes to Omar's village to try and talk
some sense into him and Kiram, but it turns out to be a deadly trap
orchestrated by the village's evil mayor, who wants the Muslims and
Christians to continue fighting for his own personal
monetary gain. General Basco is slain and, of course, Kiram and the
rebels are blamed, which leads to an all-out holy war between the
Muslims and the Christians, resulting in the deaths of many innocent
women and children. Omar gives up his peaceful ways when the Army
kills Kiram and some of his own schoolchildren. Omar becomes the
leader of the rebel forces and unites all the different rebel clans
into one fighting force. The first thing Omar does is kill the mayor
for his treachery (and we find out that Omar is actually the bastard
son of General Basco!) and then he leads his fighting force on
attacks against the Army. General Basco's real son, Raoul, becomes a
Muslim-hating killing machine who leads his Army unit on many Muslim
village raids (even members of his own unit believe Raoul is taking
things too far, letting his hatred blind his humanity). The two
half-brothers will eventually have to face each other in final
combat. Who will be the winner? Are there any true winners when it
comes to senseless war? Those expecting a typical balls-out
Filipino war actioner are going to be severely disappointed, because KRIS
COMMANDO, directed by Wifredo "Willie" Milan (W
- 1983; CLASH OF
THE WARLORDS - 1985) and written by Pete Pascua, is more
interested in theological warfare than battlefield warfare. Sure,
there are plenty of gunfights and bloody deaths (including small
children being murdered), but the viewer is also bombarded with
plenty of Muslim and Christian ideology, some of it pretty
heavy-handed, especially Mitch's plea to her soon-to-be Muslim-hating Mother-In-Law
(General Basco's wife) on why she wishes Muslims and Christians can
put their differences aside and live in a violence-free Philippines.
Not all the symbolism is bad, though. There's an excellent sequence
where General Basco is being killed in the enemy trap, intercut with
scenes of Mitch, Raoul and the rest of the Basco clan celebrating
Mom's birthday in Manila. The Muslim village that General Basco dies
in is populated by sick and hungry women and children, while a
healthy Momma Basco and her clan feast on cake. It's a potent
sequences marked with excellent editing that magnifies the
differences in the two religions, but doesn't play favorites, as both
sides suffer equally. Most of the bloody war action is saved for the
final third of the film, where Omar goes into Rambo mode (shirtless,
but with a bandana tied around his upper arm rather than his
forehead) and Raoul flips out and starts killing Muslims
indiscriminately. There are plenty of bloody bullet squibs and even a
decapitation, but how action film fans view this film depends on
their tolerance level for religion in the storyline. It tries to play
fair with both sides, but Muslims have the slight edge here, thanks
to Christian Raoul wigging-out in the finale. I guess this film also
makes a good parable about War in Iraq and the difference that
religion plays there, but that's purely a coincidence. Or is it? Also
starring Ronnie Ricketts, Kristel Romero, John Regala, Philip Gamboa,
Tom Olivia, Lucita Sorano, Fred Gamboa, Dexter Doria, Eric Robles and
Princess Punzalan. Never legitimately available on U.S. home video,
the print I viewed was sourced from a Dutch-subtitled VHS tape on the
Miami Home Entertainment label. Not Rated.
LAST
FLIGHT TO HELL (1989) - DEA
operative Mitch Taylor (Reb Brown) is sent into the South Asian
jungle to capture drug kingpin Dugan (Mike Monty) and bring him back
to the U.S. for trial. Just as Mitch is about to grab Dugan during a
drug exchange, a Chinese warlord named Lin arrives on scene by
helicopter and kidnaps Dugan after a firefight with Mitch and his
men. Mitch receives orders from boss Red Farley (Chuck Connors) to
keep a close eye on Dugan's daughter Sheila (Michele Dehne), because
she has a key to a safety deposit box that contains millions of
dollars in drug money. Mob goons are after Sheila for the key and
they will kill anyone
(one guy gets his eyes poked out when he doesn't talk) to get their
hands on it. Sheila manages to duck both Mitch and the Mob and ends
up in the South Asian jungle to trade the key to Lin for her father's
freedom, avoiding border guards (one tries to rape her) and greasing
the palms of money-hungry locals (one also tries to rape her) in
order to get across the border. When she is betrayed by a group of
locals (one tries to cut her ear off when she doesn't tell him where
the ransom money is), Mitch shows up and saves her hide. They manage
to make it across the border into Lin's territory and Sheila goes in
alone to make the exchange. It's also at this time that we learn that
Red Farley is a traitor and is after the money, too. When Lin renegs
on the deal (he also tries to rape Sheila), Mitch again shows up and
saves the day. Mitch brings Lin, Sheila and Dugan to Lin's plane, but
when Lin breaks free, the trio must fight their way off the airfield.
With the plane damaged and running out of fuel, Mitch crashes the
plane but everyone survives. Sheila fall into a pit of cobras (!),
Mitch saves her (yet again) and Dugan tells him the truth about Red
Farley. Mitch makes it back to base camp, where Dugan saves Mitch's
life by killing Red. Hooray for the drug kingpin! This
Italian-made, Philippines-lensed action flick, directed by Ignazio
Dolce (LAST PLATOON -
1988), using the pseudonym "Paul D. Robinson", is an
average action/jungle film with enough bloody carnage (eyes poked
out; ears cut off; people riddled with bullets) to make the hackneyed
plot (screenplay by Tito Carpi as "Tony Carp") bearable. I
got the feeling by watching this that Sheila's main role was to see
how many times she could be put into a situation where she could be
raped. Reb Brown (ROBOWAR
- 1988) makes a pretty one-note hero, as he has the emotional range
of a piece of petrified wood. There's not much meat to the plot, just
"get into trouble, get out of trouble" time and time again.
The late Chuck Connors (TOURIST
TRAP - 1978; SKINHEADS:
THE SECOND COMING OF HATE - 1988) does what he can with an
underwritten part and even takes part in a couple of major shootouts. LAST
FLIGHT TO HELL is not worth going out of your way for, but
if you've got 91 minutes to kill, it's better than burning your pubic
hair with a magnifying glass. Also starring David Brass, Roberto
Dell'Acqua and Eddie Gaerlan. An Action
International Pictures Home Video Release. Not Rated.
THE
LAST HUNTER (1980) - This is
the first of director "Anthony M. Dawson's" (better known
as Antonio Margheriti; HORROR
CASTLE - 1963; THE
LONG HAIR OF DEATH - 1964; WEB
OF THE SPIDER - 1971) "Vietnam Trilogy", which
continued with TIGER JOE (1982) and
concluded with TORNADO (1983). This
shot-in-Philippines war film is also the most graphic of the trio,
full of gory violence, bullet hits and loss of limbs, guaranteed to
get your blood pumping (if you know what
I mean). So let's get right to the film.
January 1973, on the outskirts of Saigon: Captain Henry
"Harry" Morris (David Warbeck; Margheriti's THE
HUNTERS OF THE GOLDEN COBRA - 1982) is cooling his heels in
a bar with some of his platoon, when his best friend Steve
(Gianfranco Moroni) begins going off the deep end, partially due to
the heat and partially due to PTSD, shooting a drunk soldier in the
head with his pistol, asking Harry where his new wife Carol is, he
needs to meet her now. Just when Harry has talked some sense into him
and has brought his mania down, the enemy starts shelling the base
and the area all around them starts exploding. Harry watches
helplessly as Steve eats his own gun, placing his pistol in his mouth
and pulling the trigger. Harry gets out of the bar just in time, as
it then explodes into smithereens and he watches as the entire base
explodes all around him (excellent miniature work by Margheriti, his
second favorite thing to do besides directing). Henry is the only
member of his platoon to survive the shelling and the next time we
see him, he is in a helicopter about to be dropped behind enemy
lines. The chopper begins taking enemy fire and the tail gunner is
killed (shot through the eye). The chopper pilot wants to call off
the mission, but Harry makes him touch down so he can jump off (it's
obvious that Harry no longer cares if he lives or dies, putting other
people in danger in the process). After almost being bitten by a
poisonous snake, Harry meets his contact, Sgt. George Washington
(Tony King; THE RAIDERS
OF ATLANTIS - 1983), or "Wash" for short. Wash
introduces Harry to the men who will accompany him on his mission
(which he won't discuss with anyone, not even the men who will
accompany him), but there is one person Harry wasn't expecting,
female war correspondent Jane Foster (Tisa Farrow; ANTHROPOPHAGUS
- 1980), who will be documenting this mission. Harry doesn't want her
there, but his superiors overrule him, so he has no choice but to
bring her along. As they hoof it through the jungle, they find a dead
paratrooper rotting in a tree and avoid various spiked jungle booby
traps. They come upon a destroyed village, but something doesn't feel
right. A Vietcong woman carrying a crying baby approaches them and it
turns out she is a decoy for an enemy ambush. A firefight ensues, but
Jane doesn't seem too worried about losing her life, as she snaps
away with her camera, so Harry plays savior, pulling her out of
harm's way. Wash is seriously wounded in the ambush and Harry must
get him across the river so he can get some medical attention, but
they all must stop and take a rest break for the night. Jane tells
Harry her life story, but it is clear Harry doesn't want to talk
about his life (In Harry's mind, we see a flashback, were he is best
friends with Steve and his new wife Carol [Margie Newton; HELL
OF THE LIVING DEAD - 1980], as they frolic on a beach,
laughing and having a good time). When morning comes, Harry and the
group head further in the jungle, heading for the river, but one
soldier is cut in half by a spiked booby trap (He has lost the entire
bottom of his body at the waist!), so Harry collects his dog tags and
pockets them. They finally make it across the river and come to a
remote American base, where Wash gets medical help from ad hoc doctor
Carlos (Bobby Rhodes; DEMONS -
1985), but an enemy sniper takes out a couple of Harry's soldiers in
the process. Harry talks to the commander in charge of the base,
Major William Cash (John Steiner; Margheriti's THE
ARK OF THE SUN GOD - 1983) and it is plain to see that Major
Cash has lost touch with reality. He has Harry listen to his favorite
"music": A tape of various guns firing! Harry can see that
Major Cash is a sandwich short of a picnic, so when he asks Harry
what his mission is, he tells him he is not authorized to tell him.
Major Cash has lost all control of his base, as most of his men are
addicted to drugs and walk around in a haze and even Jane worries
that she is not safe around these soldiers, especially when a group
of them try to gang rape her. Major cash punishes the leader of the
group by making him run to a tree behind enemy lines and pull a
coconut off it! We see the soldier dodging enemy bullets and grenade
fire, but he retrieves the coconut and gives it to the Major. Jane
complains to Harry, but he does nothing, telling her, "Maybe I
don't wanna live anymore." (Jane calls him a "prick")
Harry then wishes Wash well (giving him cigarettes and chocolate)
because his injuries are serious enough to send him back to the
States (Wash tells Harry he doesn't smoke and the only chocolate he
eats is white chocolate, but Harry just smiles and walks away,
telling Wash he will have plenty of time to take up smoking back in
the U.S.).
The base is then invaded by the enemy (no one is standing guard
because they are either drunk or stoned!) and nearly all of Cash's
men are massacred, including Cash, as we hear a Tokyo Rose-like voice
on the radio telling the American soldiers that they should be home
with their wives or girlfriends, not here fighting a useless war (we
will hear her voice a lot during this film). Jane is taken prisoner
by the Vietcong, while Harry fights them off with a flame-thrower.
The entire base explodes and the only ones to survive (besides Jane)
are Harry, Wash and Carlos. Harry tells Wash and Carlos that his
mission is to blow up an enemy radio transmitter that is broadcasting
those Tokyo Rose-like propaganda messages, but first they have to
rescue Jane. As the trio gets closer to the enemy camp, they discover
that there are American deserters partying with the enemy, so they go
in with guns blazing, killing the deserters, but Carlos is killed and
Wash is seriously injured again (he is shot and his foot is caught
between two boards as he falls, his ankle bone jutting out of the
skin). Harry leaves Wash on a boat, while he tries to sneak into the
enemy camp on his own and, wouldn't you know it, the enemy camp is
also where the enemy transmitter is located, so this is a "two
birds with one stone" kind of situation. Wash's boat begins
taking enemy fire from both side of the river and we see his leg blow
off at the knee when it gets hit by machinegun fire (it's the same
leg that he snapped his foot, so it's really not a big loss, he was
going to lose his foot anyway. Hey, I'm a "glass half full"
kinda guy!). Wash then loses his life when his boat catches fire and
he burns to death (this poor guy just cannot catch a break!). Just
when Harry hears Wash's death screams, he is captured by the enemy
and thrown into a bamboo cage in the river, where he meets an
American P.O.W., who is then eaten alive by rats! Harry tries to
fight the rats off, but just when it looks like he is about to become
rat chow, he is pulled out of the cage and beaten senseless by the
camp commander. When Harry refuses to tell him what his mission is,
he is stabbed in the side with a bayonet and thrown back into the
cage, his blood attracting a pack of swimming rats. Jane sees that
Harry has been brought to the camp, so she knocks out the guy
guarding her with a tree branch and rescues Harry, but he refuses to
leave the camp until he blows up the radio transmitter. Harry sees
something in the transmitter room that catches his eye: A photo of
him, Steve and Carol at the beach, taped to a wall. That's right,
Carol is a traitor. She is the one transmitting those propaganda
messages over the airwaves. Harry doesn't want to hear Carol's
explanation on why she is doing it, he shoots and kills her for her
treachery. He then radios-in for a pickup and blows up the
transmitter. He and Jane then hightail it to the pickup location, but
Harry refuses to get on the helicopter, pulling off his dog tags and
throwing them to Jane.
Harry's mission is over and so is his will to live. Jane watches as
the land he is sitting on explodes, realizing that Harry is through
fighting someone else's war.
While this film makes precious little sense and the coincidences are
far too many to overlook, director Antonio
Margheriti piles on the graphic gore, as we see people get shot
in the head, lose appendages (or the entire lower half of their
bodies), get devoured by rats and a ton more war-related violence,
all shown in extreme close-up. Margheriti, who has gone on record
saying he hated gore, but my guess is he forgot about it when filming
this (and CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE
[1980], made immediately before this film). It's also obvious that
screenwriter Dardano Sacchetti (THE
PSYCHIC - 1977; ZOMBIE
- 1979) just got done watching APOCALYPSE
NOW (1978) and THE DEER HUNTER
(1978) before writing this script, as there are more than enough
"homages" to remind you of both of those films (including a
commander who has lost control of reality and a soldier too drugged
out to realize his base is being invaded [he just sits there, his
head on a table, as all of his buddies are slaughtered, eventually
getting gunned down and not feeling a thing!]). But this is in no way
a bad film. It delivers what it promises in a war film. There are
heroics, sacrifices, battles and torture galore, more than enough for
a single war film. And since it was directed by Margheriti, it has a
professional gloss missing from most low-budget Italian war films. In
other words, it delivers the goods.
Filmed as L'ULTIMO CACCIATORE
(a literal translation of the review title) and also known as HUNTER
OF THE APOCALYPSE, this film got a U.S. theatrical release
in 1984 by World Northal Films and then immediately went to VHS
(from Vestron Video),
both edited of most of the gory violence in order to get an
R-Rating. In 2007, Dark Sky Films released the film on DVD, uncut and
in its OAR. Code Red
then released it on DVD
& Blu-Ray, also
uncut an in its OAR. This is also available uncut in anamorphic
widescreen streaming on Amazon Prime, free to Prime members. Since
this was filmed in the Philippines, look for expatriate actors Jim
Gaines (JUNGLE RATS -
1987) as an American deserter and Romano Kristoff (NINJA'S
FORCE - 1984) as a helicopter pilot. Also featuring
"Alan Collins" (Luigi Pigozzi; Margheriti's ...AND
GOD SAID TO CAIN...
- 1970), Massimo Vanni (1990:
THE BRONX WARRIORS - 1982), Margheriti's son Edoardo
Margheriti as "Pvt. Stinker Smith", the soldier who loses
the lower half of his body, and Hal Yamanouchi (ENDGAME
- 1983) as Vietcong soldier "Hoo Flung Dung", an obvious
unscripted in-joke by the dubbers, who were having some fun with the
dark subject matter. The theatrical and VHS versions are Rated R,
while all the discs and the streaming print are Not Rated.
THE
LAST RIDERS (1991) - Early PM
Entertainment Group production that mixes biker gangs, corrupt DEA
agents and revenge into a pretty satisfying brew. When two members of
the Slavers motorcycle gang are ripped-off for $50,000 and a kilo of
cocaine by a female wrestler/drug mule named Feather (Mimi Lesseos),
the leader of the Slavers, Rico (Angelo Tiffe), sends fellow member
Johnny (Erik Estrada; THE LOST IDOL -
1990) to retrieve both the money and the drugs. Things go terribly
wrong when Feather's boss kills her and Johnny is forced to kill him,
only for Johnny to discover that Feather's boss was a crooked DEA
agent. Tired of the gang life, Johnny quits the Slavers and heads out
on the open road, just him and his Harley. On his way to Canada,
Johnny stops by the garage of old friend (and ex-Slavers member)
Hammer (William Smith; GENTLE
SAVAGE - 1973; EYE OF
THE TIGER - 1986), who talks Johnny into sticking around and
working for him as a mechanic. Johnny begins to
settle down in this small Nevada town in the middle of nowhere and
when he meets a woman named Anna (Kathrin Lautner) and her young
daughter Sammi (Mindy Martin), whose car breaks down in town, Johnny
falls in love and begins living a normal family life. Meanwhile, the
dead DEA agent's partner, Davis (Armando Sylvester), lifts one of
Johnny's fingerprints from the crime scene and begins his search for
Johnny. When Johnny and Anna head to Las Vegas to get married, things
begin to turn deadly. Davis comes up with a plan to dispose of Johnny
without pulling the trigger himself and it all involves Davis having
his picture taken with Johnny while he and Anna are walking on the
Strip in Las Vegas. Davis then uses that photo to make Rico believe
that Johnny has turned into a snitch, so Rico and the rest of the
Slavers head to Johnny's new hometown and riddle his mobile home with
automatic gunfire and shotgun blasts, killing Anna and Sammi. Johnny
then goes on a revenge spree, tracking down members of the Slavers
and killing them one-by-one until only Rico is left. If you think you
know how it's going to end, think again, because living the life of a
biker is a code most people will never understand. This
enjoyable, leisurely-paced action drama, directed/co-written by PM
Entertainment co-founder Joseph Merhi (EPITAPH
- 1987; REPO JAKE -
1990; RAGE - 1995), actually
contains a pretty decent performance by Erik Estrada (who usually
underplays or over-emotes in films like this). Somehow, he finds the
right balance here and you really care about his character. Big Bill
Smith is also good as the gruff, but sympathetic, Hammer, who sets
Johnny straight on matters of the heart, but is still tough enough to
beat the crap out of two drunks who put hands on his wife. Those
expecting a non-stop PM actionfest will be severely disappointed, as
Merhi and his co-scripters Ray Garmon and Addison Randall (who
appears here as a Slavers gang member) are more interested in making
a character piece rather than a full-out action flick. That's not to
say there isn't any action, though, as there are plenty of bloody
bullet squibs, stabbings, explosions and one scene where Johnny kills
a guy by slamming his throat down on the top of a chain link fence
(ouch!). This film also gets bonus points for showing Johnny's
revenge spree as a montage of deaths that are intercut with clips of
a female bar band (The Shebas) singing a song titled "Walking To
The Beat Of A Drum" (not a bad song, by the way) and for not
copping out in the finale. When Rico finds out that Johnny was
set-up, he kills Davis himself, even though Johnny has killed all his
friends. Johnny and Rico then face each other on their Harleys, give
each other a knowing look and continue on their separate journeys.
Not your typical PM-style ending. I went into this film expecting
something completely different and it left me pleasantly surprised.
This alternative look at the biker mythos is not a bad way to spend
87 minutes. Co-produced and Photographed by PM Entertainment
co-founder Richard Pepin. Also starring Gary Groomes, Red Horton and
Felicia Mercado. A PM Entertainment Group, Inc. Home Video Release.
Not available on DVD. Rated R.
THE
LETHAL HUNT (1985) - Here's a
little-seen Filipino actioner that's bloody as hell. Police detective
Ben Serrano (Fernando Poe, Jr.) and his partner break up a robbery in
progress, which results in Ben's partner being killed when he takes a
shotgun blast to the face (Just before he dies, he says, "Ben,
I'm not feeling good. I'm so badly wounded! Well, tonight I will not
be able...to taste your wife's cooking!"). Ben gets even by
shooting all the bad guys in the head, but he gets shot in the arm
when one bad guy turns out to be not as dead as he thought. As he is
recuperating at home (where his nagging pregnant wife begs him to
quit the force), he is attacked by some more bad guys dressed as
garbage men (When Ben asks one of the guys why he is knocking on his
front door to collect the garbage, the bad guy replies, "We've
improved our service!). Ben manages to shoot all the bad guys (one
even takes a bullet to the groin) as his wife cries uncontrollably.
Back on the force, Ben gets into a car chase/shootout with a bunch of
robbery suspects, which results in Ben crashing into a Mercedes Benz
containing rich bitch (and Mob connected) Dona Lucila (Armida
Siguion-Reyna) and her daughter Leslie, who is killed in the crash
(Dona Lucila orders her driver to run a red light, by saying,
"It's only a foolish old red light!", so the crash is
really her fault). Dona Lucila uses her money, family and influence
to exact revenge on Ben, paying off a top cop to lie in court so Ben
gets convicted of vehicular homicide and is sentenced to twelve years
in prison. To cover her tracks, Dona Lucila has the lying cop killed
after the trial is over so he can't recant his
testimony. While in prison, Ben's wife dies while giving birth to a
baby boy. Two years later, Ben is paroled from prison for good
behavior, which doesn't sit too well with Dona Lucila. After firing
her lawyer, Dona orders her people (including her sons) to kill Ben,
but he has moved from busy Manila to his brother's farm in a small
town in the mountains, where he hopes to raise his young son, Rico
(Jeffrey Picar), in peace. As you can probably tell, that's not going
to happen. Not only does Ben have to deal with Dona Lucila and her
goons, he must now contend with evil Mayor Ledesma (George Estregan),
since Ben's brother is running against him for mayor in the upcoming
election. When Ben's brother and dozens of his supporters are
viciously gunned-down in an ambush, Ben puts away his newly-acquired
pacifist ideals and straps on the guns again, looking for some
well-deserved revenge. By making the chief villian in this film
a woman, director/co-scripter Ben G. Yalung (ZUMA
2: HELL
SERPENT
- 1987) has crafted a memorable, if ludicrous, action flick that
contains plenty of bloody violence (mostly of the bullet kind,
although one guy gets a spear through his neck and another gets one
in the gut) and even more badly-dubbed hilarious dialogue. Dona
Lucila is a bloodthirsty broad who holds grudges for life, even
though she's chiefly responsible for her daughter's death. She has no
problem putting her own sons in harm's way to achieve her revenge.
Long-time Filipino film star Fernando Poe Jr. (LANGIT
AT LUPA - 1967; ANG ALAMAT
- 1971; LITTLE CHRISTMAS TREE
- 1977; ANG PADRINO -
1984; MUSLIM MAGNUM .357
- 1986) spends a good portion of his screen time shooting people in
the legs or head (some bad guys get both) or grieving over the loss
of loved ones, but he does have a screen presence that can't be
denied. I can see why he was one of the Philippines' most beloved
actors (where he was affectionately nicknamed "Da King")
for over forty years until his death in 2004, the same year he ran
for President of the Philippines and lost in a highly controversial
election that brought a public outcry of fraud. This film's best and
most tense scene comes when a drunk Greggy (Greggy Liwag), Dona
Lucila's son, tortures a tied-up Ben by playing a game of Russian
Roulette with Ben's son, Rico. Since this is the Philippines, you
don't know what the outcome will be (they have no problem showing
kids being killed on-screen), which makes the following few minutes a
nail-biter. Thankfully, things turn out for the best (Ben breaks free
and puts a bullet into Greggy's forehead) but, a few minutes later,
Rico's life is threatened again, this time by a (real) cobra as he
and Ben escape into the jungle. Pushing the limits of plausibility,
Ben then finds a plane that has crashed into the jungle years earlier
and uses various items on-board to fashion boobytraps and molotov
cocktails to kill the throngs of Dona Lucila's men out to kill him
and his son. One of the bad guys uses a three barreled machine gun/rocket
launcher that must be seen to be believed (and you just know it's
going to end up in Ben's possession before the film is done). THE
LETHAL HUNT (original title: PARTIDA) is the type of
low-budget Filipino action film that's low on logic (Ben has only
been in prison for two years, but when he gets out, his son looks to
be at least four years old!) but more than makes up for with mindless
violence and a high bodycount. Also starring Michael St. James,
Miguel Rodriguez, Paquito Diaz, Romy Diaz, Shalimar Alcantara, Candy
Crisotomo, Eddie Arenas, Bing Davao and King Guitierrez. The print I
viewed came from a Greek-subtitled VHS tape. Not Rated.
LETHAL
HUNTER (1988) - This
mind-boggling Indonesian action film opens with a portly black dude
driving his Jeep through the window of the top floor of a high-rise
building (We don't know how he does it, though it's implied that he's
driven the Jeep off the roof of another building that's clearly over
a hundred yards away!). He then shoots everyone in the office with a
machine gun and searches the office for a piece of microfilm (When he
finds a locked desk drawer or cabinet, he simply opens it by shooting
his machine gun and riddling it with bullets). When he realizes that
someone has already left with the microfilm, he radios down to
another guy waiting in a black pickup truck and a short car chase
ensues over the opening credits. The bad guys get the microfilm when
they shoot out the car's tires and it crashes into some parked cars
(The stunt looks exactly like one of those daredevil crashes you see
at an arena, where the stuntman tries to jump over twenty cars and
fails miserably). Special agent Jake Carver (Christopher Mitchum)
is sent to buy the microfilm from black marketeer Tom Selick (Peter O'Brian and,
no, his character's name is not a misprint!) for two million
dollars, but when competing buyer Frank Gordon (Mike Abbott) phones
Selick and offers five million dollars, Selick renegs on the deal.
Frank Gordon never intended on paying the money, as he sends a bunch
of his goons to Selick's building armed with machine guns (a
recurring theme) and shoot up the place. During the ruckus, Jake
saves the life of Janet (Ida Iasha), Selick's assistant, when he rams
his Jeep (another recurring theme) into the door of a getaway car
where Janet was being held hostage, graphically crushing the leg of a
bad guy. Jake chases some more of Gordon's guys (He shots one guy in
the ankle and then Jake falls three stories, crashing through
scaffolding at every floor, and he gets up without a scratch!),
following a blood trial of a wounded bad guy, which leads him to a
temple basement, where Jake shows his martial arts prowess (in a
sequence that must be seen to be believed) until some guys throw a
net around him. Jake is tied up and tortured with electricity by
Gordon himself (Who we see moments before kill Selick by hitting him
with a car and then running the car through a brick wall with Selick
still on the hood!), but when Jake won't talk (Gordon says to him,
"OK, die a motherfucking nobody!"), Gordon orders his men
to blow up the building with dynamite. Jake's partner, Roy (Roy
Marten), arrives in the nick of time and frees Jake just before the
building blows up. Gordon's boss, Adam (Bill "Superfoot"
Wallace, who sometimes walks around with a monkey or a falcon on his
arm), shows his displeasure of Jake getting away by beating the shit
out of the two men responsible for the fuck-up and then feeding them
to his dogs! An injured Jake goes to his master's temple to recover
and, once he is well, he goes out on a date with Janet (She calls him
a "lethal hunter" just before they make love and then take
a clothed shower together!). The next morning, a couple of Gordon's
men grab Janet and Jake gives chase in his car. Jake's car explodes
in the ensuing chase, so he steals on an oil truck (which leads to a
comedic "men ducking in a ditch" gag that dates back to
silent films!) and rescues Janet, but she ends up in the hospital
(Jake's efficient, but he's not gentle!). Since both Jake and Gordon
think Janet knows the location of the missing microfilm (We know
where it is, since Selick gives Janet a gift in the beginning of the
film), Gordon's men, disguised as emergency technicians, grab Janet
out of the hospital and whisk her away by helicopter. Jake gives
chase in his own helicopter (Man, this film has it all!) and, when he
spots Adam in the other helicopter (for some reason he calls him
"Judas"), a gunfight happens in mid-air and Janet falls out
of the helicopter into the lake below (don't worry she's OK!). Janet
swims to shore, but Adam shoots her in the shoulder. Jake rescues her
and Adam gets away, but he's pissed. Jake takes Janet to his master's
temple to recuperate (hey, it worked for him!). Jake and Roy discuss
Adam at a outdoor café, where we learn that under the code
name "Judas", Adam tried to rob and blow up Wall Street
(Jake says. "He thinks he's Lex Luthor!"). Suddenly, they
are attacked by a half-dozen men to keep them occupied while Adam and
a bunch of guys attack Jack's master's temple and kidnap Janet
(again). While the master and Adam fight it out, Gordon shows up and
shoots the master, killing him (Adam yells out "You
asshole!" to Gordon, because he wanted to defeat the master on
his own). Adam brings Janet back to his place, where he smacks her
around and wants her to tell him where the microfilm is (He says to
her, "The only thing worse than talking is wasting time!"
which is, quite frankly, a head-scratcher). Adam can't make her talk,
so Gordon
gives it a try (Adam say's to him "Screw it up and you both
die!"). Gordon lathers her neck with shaving cream and proceeds
to shave her neck with a strait razor! When she still won't talk,
Adam and Gordon think that Jake has the microfilm, so they set up a
meeting with him at a restaurant to capture him (again). They fail
(Jake beats three thugs up in the men's room) and Jake jumps on the
roof of a bad guy's car and forces it to crash through a crowded
grocery store, narrowly missing a baby girl! Adam loses it and kills
Gordon when he thinks that Gordon actually has the microfilm (A few
moments earlier, we see Gordon making out with a whore and we hear
this exchange: Whore: "Last night I dreamt a snake bit me!"
Gordon: "Was it black or brown? If it was brown it was
me!"). The police and Jake surround Adam's compound, rescue
Janet and Adam rigs his compound to explode as he escapes. Jake hops
on a dirt bike and gives chase (By God, this film really does have it
all!). Adam jumps on a passing train and Jake jumps on the train
using the dirt bike (He lands in the aisle of a passenger car!). Jake
and Adam get into a fight and Adam ends up getting killed when he
falls off the train. Or does he? At a banquet celebrating Jake's
success, a battered Adam resurfaces (Jake says to him, "Well,
looks like you just don't know how to die!") just as Janet
discovers the hidden microfilm. Jake and Adam face-off again, only
this time there's no doubt that Adam's dead, since he gets impaled by
a table leg in the stomach (As Roy bursts through the door, Jake
deadpans, "I found Adam's body!"). The world (and Wall
Street) is finally safe. All hail the brilliance that is
director Arizal! Working with his long-time team of producer Gope T.
Samtani (of Rapi Films) and scripter Deddy Armand, responsible for SPECIAL
SILENCERS (1979), THE STABILIZER
(1984) and FINAL SCORE
(1986), Arizal has fashioned another hyper-kinetic, non-stop action
film that never lets up from the get-go. It's filled with funny
dialogue (a lot of it intentional), stunts, chases of every kind and
violence that's simply amazing. My description of the film just
scratches the surface and I must say that I was laughing out loud
most of the time, due to the crazy situations and absurd
dialogue. The stoic Chris Mitchum (who could never be accused
of actually acting) looks like he is having a great time and, besides
a few back flips and a couple of dangerous stunts, looks to be doing
all the fight scenes himself, sans a stunt double (If you look close
enough, you can spot Mitchum and Roy Marten jumping into mattresses
when the building explodes after Marten rescues him). This is
Mitchum's second-best film, right behind FINAL SCORE (I doubt
any Indonesian action film could top that one!) and it's apparent
that he and Arizal had a good working relationship. Peter O'Brian (THE
STABILIZER - 1984; THE INTRUDER
- 1986) has nothing but a glorified cameo here, but his death is one
of the film's many highlights. It's nice to see Mike Abbott (who
spends most of his time shirtless and flexing his muscles) and Bill
"Superfoot" Wallace (AVENGING FORCE
- 1986) given prominent roles for a change, too. They are usually
assigned secondary roles in the majority of the films they appear in.
Do yourself a favor and search this one out if you're a fan of
Indonesian action flicks. You won't be disappointed. Also starring
August Melasz, Leo Chandra, Atin Martino, Eddy Yonathan and Kiki
Fatmala. The print I viewed was sourced from a Greek-subtitled VHS
tape. When is some U.S. distributor going to get wise and buy the
rights to films like this? With the right advertising campaign and
some word-of-mouth, these films should clean-up here, especially with
the crap that passes for "action" in American-made films
for the past twenty years or so. Also known as AMERICAN
HUNTER. Not Rated.
LETHAL
JUSTICE (1991) - Oddball
Oklahoma-lensed regional actioner. Three armed bandits are on a
multi-state convenience store robbery binge (they are dubbed the
"Mini Mart Killers"), leaving dead bodies in their wake.
The killers' next stop is a gas station/convenience store in Edmond,
Oklahoma (just before arriving at the store, Billy Logan [Johnny
Judkins], one of the robbers, takes target practice on some
headstones at the local cemetery), where they kill an old man and his
wife behind the counter (offscreen), just as patrol officers Cliff
Madlock (Larry Williams) and partner Jeff Evans (Barry Brown) arrive
for a cup of coffee. Cliff kills Billy immediately and Jeff Captures
Bartel (Tom Ward), but Zeke (Kenny McCabe), the last of the Mini Mart
Killers, escapes through the back door. Cliff and Jeff then do something
extraordinary: Instead of reading Bartel his rights, they kill him
(offscreen) and are hailed as heroes. Meanwhile, Zeke has holed-up in
the home Jim Jacobs (Guy Smith), an elderly resident of Edmond who
gets no visitors. After Zeke kills Jim (offscreen), he uses the house
as his hideout, planning his revenge on Cliff and Jeff for killing
Bartel in cold blood. Nosy magazine reporter Jill Weatherby (Jodi
Russell) smells a rat and begins pestering Cliff and Jeff for the
truth. Jill tries to get close to Cliff (his wife and young daughter
were killed in a car wreck a few years ago) and notices he has a
rather broad view on what constitutes "justice", but Cliff
is savvy to her tactics. She secretly follows Cliff as he tracks a
young, black drug dealer back to his house (where he is watching the
director of this film's earlier horror flick OFFERINGS
- 1988) and she watches as Cliff and some other police officers
force-feed drain cleaner to the drug dealer and then steal his drug
stash. It seems the entire Edmond police force is as crooked as a
corkscrew, so when Jill goes to the Mayor (Charlie Dickerson) to
report what she has just witnessed, she doesn't realize that the
Mayor is just as crooked (if not more so) than the cops. The Mayor
tells police chief Bates (Dwight Scott), Cliff and Jeff that they
must find Zeke but not kill him because, if the do, Jill will write a
story exposing them all. Zeke kidnaps old man Jacobs' granddaughter
(Jennifer Kukuk), but when he tries to rape her (offscreen), she
escapes and flags down Cliff, who just happens to be driving by (Holy
coincidence, Batman!). A shootout occurs between Cliff and Zeke (both
are shot and injured), but Zeke escapes (after a Mexican standoff
where he holds a gun to a small girl's head) and steals Cliff's
police car. Zeke heads to Cliff's house, where he kills Cliff's
sister, Linda (Debbie Potter), and her husband, Jim (Guy Smith). He
then calls Jill (after finding her phone number in Cliff's house) and
offers her an interview where he will tell her everything. Can Cliff
and the Edmond police force silence Zeke before their dirty little
secret leaks out to the rest of the world? This no-budget
actioner, directed/produced/written by Christopher Reynolds (A
DAY OF JUDGMENT - 1981; the aforementioned OFFERINGS
- 1988), is very short in the action and violence department (too
many of the killings occur offscreen), but it tries to make a
statement about crime in small town America. Mainly, if the police
take the law into their own hands under the guise of making their
town "safe", are they any better than the drug dealers and
murderers that actually commit the crimes? At what point do you cross
that invisible line in the sand and realize that it is too late to
turn back? While Reynolds isn't completely successful in his task
(the acting ranges from awful to simply bearable and the action
scenes, what little there are of them, are haphazardly executed), he
does manage to raise some valid questions. It's just too bad that the
budget, the cop-out finale and some of the outrageous actions of the
characters (When Zeke runs out of bullets, he throws his gun at
Cliff, like it's an episode of the SUPERMAN
TV series from the 50's!) derail the message. Better luck next time.
The finale of LETHAL JUSTICE
takes place at the 89er Stadium, a minor league baseball field for
the Texas Rangers farm team that has since been torn down when the
89ers changed their name to the Red Hawks. Also starring Jerry
Brewer, Ned Hockman, Sue Long and Albert Bostick Jr. Originally
available on VHS from York
Home Video and also available on DVD from Brentwood Home Video as
part of a 10-movie compilation titled BULLET
WOUNDS. Not Rated.
LIVE
WIRE (1992) - Mindless, but
action-packed, thriller with great fire stunts and plenty of violent
set pieces. A
madman (Ben Cross) has invented an explosive solution that looks and
tastes like water. When ingested, it reacts with the stomach acid
turning the ingestee into a walking timebomb. It's up to FBI agent
Danny O'Neill (Pierce Brosnan) to stop the madman before he does
major damage, such as targeting a senator who is having an affair
with O'Neill's wife (Lisa Eilbacher). Brosnan handles himself rather
nicely. One can see that James Bond was in his future. Exploding
bodies, fantastic fire effects, bullet hits, impalements and other
gory stuff make this fast-paced actioner a good bet for fans. This
was director Christian Duguay's third film, his first two being SCANNERS
II: THE NEW ORDER and SCANNERS
3: THE TAKEOVER (both 1991). Duguay (who should not be
confused with the comedian with the same name who appeared as a
regular on MAD TV [1995 -
2009]) would later go on to direct SCREAMERS
(1995), THE ASSIGNMENT (1997) and THE
ART OF WAR (2000). While he was still cutting his teeth on LIVE
WIRE, he does imbue the film with some nerve-wracking and
funny suspense. The scene with the mime in the wheelchair is both
gut-busting and suspenseful at the same time. Ignore the holes in the
plot and you'll have fun with this one. Also starring Ron Silver
(giving his typical slimeball portrayal), the late Al Waxman, Tony
Plana, Philip Baker Hall and the cleverly-monikered Clemont Von
Franckenstein. Also known as HYDROTOXIN.
A New Line Home Video Release. Available both in R-Rated and Unrated editions.
LOCKDOWN
(1990) - During the 80's, Frank Harris directed five action
films, beginning with the entertaining KILLPOINT
(1984) and quickly deteriorating into awful fare like LOW
BLOW (1986), the hard-to-watch THE PATRIOT
(1986), the slightly better AFTERSHOCK
(1989) and ending with this film (a play on words of the
Stallone-starrer LOCK UP from
the previous year), his most enjoyable since KILLPOINT. That's
not to say that LOCKDOWN isn't a complete mess, it is; it's
just an entertaining one. Detective Ron Taylor (Chris DeRose, who
bears a striking resemblance to a mulleted Hank Azaria) and his
partner Mac Maguire (Chuck Jeffreys; BLOOD
STREET - 1990) are after drug kingpin James Garrett (Richard
Lynch; THE PREMONITION -
1975) for killing rival drug dealers and murdering a rookie police
officer. This leads to a car chase that ends with a shootout in an
apartment building, where Garrett shoots his own accomplice with
Ron's gun (after knocking Ron out cold), making it look like Ron shot
an unarmed man (Garrett tells the rest of his gang that he had to
shoot his own man because Ron was crazy and relentless: "He was
a Pound short of a Shilling!"). Ron is convicted in court
on first-degree murder charges and sent to a maximum-security federal
prison for a term of fifteen years-to-life. Ron shares a cell with ex-professional
baseball player Dieter (Joe Estevez; ARMED
FOR ACTION - 1992), while ex-partner Mac has to defend
himself from other cops who think he's a rat for turning Ron in.
While Ron is in prison fighting for his life from a gang led by
Shanks (Gary Kalpakoff), Garrett is disposing of his competition with
shotgun blasts and explosives and Mac is trying to clear Ron's good
name (There's one truly embarrassing sequence where Mac goes
undercover at an auto junkyard and he goes into a sub-level Eddie
Murphy routine that will have you staring at the screen speechless in
disbelief!). After several attempts on his life (the crooked warden
looks the other way because he is on Garrett's payroll) and receiving
one of Mac's ears in the mail (courtesy of Garrett), Ron escapes from
prison (by using that old prison escape standby: hiding under a
laundry truck!) looking for some payback and to clear his name. In
the completely under-whelming finale, Ron shoots Garrett in front of
a bunch of police officers before realizing that Mac is still alive
(Mac cracks a hard of hearing joke!). Thankfully, Ron is able to walk
away a free man and ends up in the arms of his loving wife Monica
(Elizabeth Kaitan; NIGHTWISH
- 1988) and young daughter. Anyone have a tissue handy? Besides
having one of the most under-populated prisons in movie history
(complete with a lone black homosexual prisoner who must feel very
out-of-place!), a star who couldn't act his way out of a paper bag
(Chris DeRose was also featured as "Apprehender" Brandt in
director Harris' AFTERSHOCK) and some awfully-staged action
scenes (a Harris trademark), LOCKDOWN
is still a watchable hodgepodge of prison and action clichés
thanks to some of the characters' strange predilections. Garrett is
just crazy about cars, especially fancy sports and luxury cars and
Dieter talks about everything in life as if it were a baseball game.
His explanation to Ron about why he is in prison is hilarious (he
killed an umpire when he was called out on strikes!). The storyline
(screenplay by Joe Izzo Jr. and Joe Mangelli) also veers into some
very weird directions and there are some very odd music choices
during death scenes (you'll know what I'm talking about when you
watch the film). The violence is fairly restrained for an 80's action
flick (yes, I know this bears a 1990 production date, but it's very
80's in its execution) and just when you think it's about to get
gory, such as when Shanks is about to get a hole drilled in his
noggin, Ron steps in and stops it from happening. If you are looking
for a non-stop gunfight or slugfest actioner, you might as well look
somewhere else, but those willing to overlook this film's many
under-budgeted distractions may have a good time with this. Frank
Harris directed one other film (a 1993 drama titled GIRL TALK)
before returning to his regular profession: cinematographer on other
people's films (such as Efron C. Pinon's terrible TRANSFORMED
- 2003). Also starring Larry Mintz, Mike Farrell, Francisco
"Paco" Goodell, Chelsea Soggin, Greg Lagera and Diane
Stevenett (one of the stars of Harris' THE PATRIOT and this
film's Producer) as District Attorney Parker. Originally released on
VHS by Vidmark Entertainment.
Available on a no-frills fullscreen DVD from Image
Entertainment. Not Rated.
THE
LOST IDOL (1989)
- Another wild made-in-Thailand actioner from the director of GOLD
RAIDERS (1983). It's 1975, just after the fall of Saigon,
and a platoon of American soldiers, led by Lt. Oliver (James
Phillips; PRISON PLANET
- 1992, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Tony S. Suwat), are
trapped behind enemy lines in the jungles of Kampuchea trying to make
it safely across the Thailand border. They discover an ancient temple
hidden in the jungle during a torrential thunderstorm, when suddenly
a bolt of lightning blasts through the temple, revealing a solid gold
idol as big as a human being. Lt. Oliver orders his men to take the
idol with them and promises that when the war is over, they will all
share in the riches. They stash the idol in a cave until the war is
over, but Lt. Oliver gets greedy and guns down all his men in the
cave, except for Sgt. Kurt (Erik Estrada; LIGHT
BLAST - 1985; ALIEN
SEED - 1989), who escapes but is badly wounded. Lt. Oliver
blows up the entrance of the cave, as Sgt. Kurt floats unconscious
down a river, where he is rescued and tended to by a local girl. Lt.
Oliver is hailed as a hero back home (he is given medals for bravery
and promoted) and Kurt falls in love with his rescuer
and stays with her in Thailand. Eight years pass and Oliver, now a
civilian, returns to Thailand to retrieve his precious idol. The
trouble is, he can't remember the cave's location, so he puts
together a team, including brawny German musclehead Christoph
(Christoph Kluppel) and a bunch of Thai mercenaries, to go back to
Cambodia to find it. When Oliver finds out that Kurt is still alive,
he kidnaps Kurt's wife and young daughter to force Kurt to locate the
cave. A mysterious Frenchman (Pierre Delalande) is dogging Oliver's
every move, even beating the crap out of Oliver's clueless Red
Cross girlfriend Kathleen (Myra Chase) and stealing Oliver's
map of possible cave locations. Oliver, Kurt and the rest of the
group begin their trek through the Cambodia jungle and, almost
immediately, they are taken prisoner by the North Vietnamese and
tortured. Kurt spills the beans about the golden idol and takes them
to the cave, only to discover that the idol has seemingly changed
location on it's own. In the explosive finale, Oliver and Kurt are
forced to join with the Frenchman to retrieve both the idol and
Kathleen, who are being held by the North Vietnamese. Trying to
describe how outlandish this film really is will only make you want
to see it all the more. This is a mixture of sentimentality
(Estrada's scene with his young daughter as they tend to a group of
monks that pass through their land daily is so sweet, you may turn
into a diabetic just by watching it), a preachy "plight of the
refugees" drama (Kathleen acts more like a sexy nun than a Red
Cross worker) and a super-violent action flick. Director P. (Philip)
Chalong (real name: Chalong Pakdivijit), who also gave us the
aforementioned (and similarly-themed) GOLD RAIDERS, as well as H-BOMB
(1973) and KUNG FU BROTHERS
(1973), can't seem to make up his mind what kind of movie he wanted
to make here, which only adds to it's offbeat charms. One moment it's
a straight action film where people are riddled with bullets or blown
to bits, the next moment it's a touching family drama, then it turns
into a POW camp torture session and finally it becomes a fantasy,
where the idol uses it's mystical powers to stop the enemy nasties
from touching it. Toss in some wild overacting (I smiled a lot when
the leader of the North Vietnamese soldiers says to Kathleen,
"Fuck the world!", the same line Sylvester Stallone would
say to the Christian relief worker in 2008's RAMBO),
a truly remarkable action finale where hundreds of people are shot
or blown to bits (my god, all those explosions!) and one of the worst
bluescreen helicopter fight/explosions you're ever likely to see. THE
LOST IDOL is way too long at 101 minutes, but it's so loopy
and all over the map that you'll never be bored. As with most Thai
war action films, there's also a bar fight, a midget and plenty of
risible dialogue (including Estrada's mind-boggling closing line) to
go along with the rest of the weirdness. What more could you ask for?
Erik Estrada was reportedly fined by the Screen Actors Guild (SAG)
for traveling to Thailand and appearing in this non-union film. At
that stage in his career, he wasn't being offered any roles in the
U.S., so I don't see anything wrong with simply trying to survive.
Fuck the SAG and more power to Estrada! He now sells land in Arkansas
and other swampy locations in a series of annoying infomercials on
TV. The SAG thinks that's OK! Also starring Sorapong Chatree, Noppol
Gomarachun, Likit Ekmongkol, Apiradee Pawaputanond, Sirinand
Rojanathum and Krung Sivilar. A Shapiro
Glickenhaus Entertainment (SGE) Home Video Release. Not
available on DVD. Not Rated.
LOVELY
BUT DEADLY (1981)
-
This is the incredibly dull story of schoolgirl Mary Ann 'Lovely'
Lovett (Lucinda Dooling), a teenage vigilante who kills drug dealers
because one dealer sold her younger brother drugs, which led to him
tripping out and drowning in the ocean (trying to catch an imaginary
tuna with his hands!). She gets the dealer that sold to her brother
first, kicking him in the face a couple of times and then forcing him
to swallow a fatal dose of his own stash. Lovely doesn't know that
her own musician boyfriend, Javelin Scott (Mark Holden), is working
for one of the biggest drug suppliers in the state, Franklin Van Dyke
(John Randolph), who happens to be Superintendant of Schools! Lovely
makes friends with school class president Steve Berringer (Michael
O'Leary) and saves his life when school drug dealer (and football
quarterback) Mantis Managian (Rick Moser) sends two of his goons,
Driver (Judd Omen) and Gommorah (Irwin Keyes), to kill Steve when
he refuses to look the other way when Mantis does his drug deals.
Lovely uses her vast martial arts knowledge to kick the crap out of
Driver and Gommorah. Lovely joins the cheerleading squad to get
closer to Mantis and gets invited to a huge party thrown by rich drug
supplier Warren Lang (Mel Novak). At the party, Lovely meets
"Honest Charlie" Gilmarten (Richard Herd), a rich retail
store owner who supplies the drugs to Warren and Mantis. She spies
Mantis making a major drug transfer with Warren and she steals some
of Warren's stash. Lovely gets into a catfight with Mantis'
girlfriend Gloria (Pamela Bryant), which catches the eye of
Gilmarten. He invites her to a party at his house which turns out to
be a party of two, as Gilmarten tries to get into Lovely's panties.
Lovely drops some high kicks on him instead and tries to forcefeed
him the drugs she stole from Warren, but Driver and Gommorah save him
in the nick of time and take Lovely prisoner. Gilmarten orders them
to kill Mantis, so they beat him up, stick him in a cardboard box and
shove a steam hose into the box, steaming Mantis to death (Gommorah
says, "I hit my head and it hurts!" Driver says, "Why
don't you take an aspirin?" Gommorah replies, "I don't like
to do drugs."). Lovely is being held at a warehouse next to the
docks where a big shipment of drugs is about to be delivered. Warren,
Javelin and Gilmarten show up at the warehouse and Lovely discovers
Javelin's deception. Luckily, Steve followed Warren and Javelin to
the warehouse and he alerts her friends (the cops refuse to do
anything). Lovely's female kickboxing friends show up and bring
Warren and Gilmarten down and Lovely heads back to school to take
care of Javelin and Van Dyke, ridding the school of drugs once and
for all. Yeah, right! This deadly-dull action film plays like a
TV movie with some sex and violence thrown into the mix. Besides a
couple of martial arts fights and one or two topless scenes, this
film is a chore to sit through. Dreadfully acted and plotted
(Lawrence D. Foldes, who directed the horrible films NIGHTSTALKER
- 1979, YOUNG WARRIORS - 1983 and NIGHTFORCE
- 1986, gets a story credit here), LOVELY
BUT DEADLY never finds it's footing. You're led to believe
that this is going to be a vigilante revenge film, but it quickly
turns into a teenage soap opera, complete with mean cheerleaders,
sexed-up horny teenagers and every adult shown is either scum, hates
kids or is weak-willed. And, oh yeah, drugs are bad for you. Even the
finale, where a bunch of female martial artists show up to save
Lovely's hide, is so horrendously-staged and badly shot, you'll be
yawning rather than cheering. Director David Sheldon would make (the
unreleased and unfinished) GRIZZLY
2: THE PREDATOR next. All I can say about the quality of
this film can be summed up with this one sentence: You know a film's
in trouble when the best acting comes from Irwin Keyes (FRANKENSTEIN
GENERAL HOSPITAL - 1988). Irwin Keyes, for Christ's sake! I
almost wanted to become a junkie after watching this because the
straight kids in this film all deserved to be smacked around. This
film was cut to achieve a PG rating for it's theatrical release and
was shorn of all the nudity and violence. Thankfully, the VHS version
is of the R-rated cut, but that doesn't make it a better film. It
just has boobs and a little more violence. Also starring Marie
Windsor, Susan Mechsner, Mary McDonough, Martin Katzoff and Wendell
Wright as the most useless police detective to ever join the force.
Billy Warlock (SOCIETY
- 1989) makes his first film appearance as Lovely's ill-fated
brother. A Vestron
Video Release. Rated R.
LOW
BLOW (1986) - After the success of KILLPOINT
(1984), Crown International Pictures commissioned this inferior follow-up,
using much of the same talent both in front and behind the cameras.
When Karen Templeton (Patti Bowling) disappears from college and ends
up a member of the mysterious Yarakunda's (Cameron Mitchell; RAW
FORCE - 1982) religious cult, her wealthy father, John
Templeton (Troy Donahue; SOUTH
SEAS MASSACRE - 1974), hires ex-cop and now private
investigator Joe Wong (Leo Fong; ENFORCER
FROM DEATH ROW - 1987; who also produced and wrote the
screenplay here) to find his daughter and bring her home. Yarakunda
is a Jim Jones clone who runs a commune with convicted conwoman Karma
(Akosua Busia) called Unity Village, where their followers are kept
half-starved, work long hours on the farm and are brainwashed into a
new way of thinking called "Universal Enlightenment" (as in
"Let me enlighten you of your family fortune"). As Karen
slowly begins to fall under Yarakunda's control (although, as we find
out, Karma is the real brains behind
the scam), Joe puts a team together to help rescue her. The team
members include boxer Corky (frequent Fong and Mitchell collaborator
Stack Pierce; TRANSFORMED -
2003), Latino street gang member Chico (David Cochran) and busboy
Sticks (Manny DeLa Pena), who has that name for a reason. Joe enters
Unity Village under the guise of reporter "Jack Chan" (!),
but his true identity is quickly discovered and the guards (one of
them portrayed by Tae-Bo shiller Billy Blanks) knock him out and
throw him in a room with follower Mark Sims (Paul Bogh), who tried to
escape the commune but was captured. Joe and Mark escape (the old
"fake fire in the locked room" trick) and flee in Joe's
junker of a car (it refuses to start, so Joe has to hit the engine
repeatedly with a lugnut wrench to get it going!). Karma sends some
thugs to kill Joe, but he quickly teaches them all a lesson (one thug
has a bunch of puppies dumped on his face and then Joe destroys their
Mercedes with a two-by-four and an electric metal saw while they are
cowering inside it!). After holding a strongman tournament in a mud
pit to find two more people to help him (he picks gambler Fuzzy
[Woody Farmer] and musclewoman Cody [Elaine Hightower]), Joe and his
gang raid Unity Village and rescue Karen after a very underwhelming
series of skirmishes, bringing her back to her appreciative Daddy.
After paying everyone off, Joe and his secretary Diane (Diane
Stevenett) decide to head to Las Vegas for rest and relaxation, if
only Joe's car would start (Better spend some of your new cash on
another car, Joe!). It's hard to imagine after this synopsis
that LOW BLOW could be boring and deadly slow, but that's
exactly what it is. It doesn't help that director Frank Harris, who
also directed the much superior KILLPOINT, as well as THE
PATRIOT (1986) and AFTERSHOCK
(1989), is working with an extremely low budget here, as the tech
credits, including sound recording, photography and fight
choreography are all exceptionally poor. I can't help but blame Leo
Fong (who sounds like a Texas cowboy trapped in an oriental body) for
the film's shortcomings, since he is the Producer and followed this
film with a string of vanity productions using his Joe Wong character (RAPID
FIRE - 1988; LICENSE TO KILL - 1988; BLOOD
STREET - 1990), all of them technically poor and filmed on
less-than-shoestring budgets. Unlike KILLPOINT, Cameron
Mitchell is woefully underused here, appearing in a robe and dark
sunglasses (with a huge star tattooed on his cheek!) and mumbling his
lines like he's in an alcoholic stupor (which I don't doubt). As an
action film, LOW BLOW fails
miserably (it's filmed on barebones sets or in bleak, colorless
locations), but as an unintentional comedy, it does have its moments
(The scene with the puppies is sure to elicit a laugh and try to
count how many times Fong is called "Chinaman" here. It
would make a good drinking game.). Proceed at your own risk.
Originally released on VHS by Vestron
Video and available on DVD as part of BCI Navarre's MAXIMUM
ACTION 8
MOVIE COLLECTION,
which is now OOP, but easily obtainable (for now). Rated R.
THE
MAD BOMBER (1972) - This is one of
director Bert I. Gordon's (Mr. B.I.G.) most coherent and well-made
films. It actually has a storyline that is interesting and contains
none of those lousy giant monster bug shots that he was so intent on
using in most of his horror and science
fiction films. A mad bomber (Chuck Connors) is on the loose, blowing
up places he holds responsible for his teenage daughter's drug
overdose. He blows up a high school, a hospital and a women's lib
meeting. The hospital bombing proves a problem for him as a rapist
(Neville Brand) has seen him plant the bomb as he was raping a mute
patient. A tough-as-nails cop (Vince Edwards), who has a low
tolerance for anyone breaking the law, starts a search for the rapist
in order to get a description of the bomber. Edwards catches Brand in
the act of raping another woman and thinks he's got the right person.
His hopes are dashed when the mute patient who could identify Brand
tosses herself off the hospital roof. He's forced to release Brand
for lack of evidence. Connors leaves messages to the police stating
that he feels that they are not doing their jobs and he must step in
to right the wrongs of the world. He admonishes people for littering,
takes away a guy's car keys and throws them in a mail box for almost
hitting him at a crosswalk and beats up two thugs who try to rob him.
He even goes as far as to yell at a cop and tells him to solve more
crimes rather than waste gas riding around in his police car! Edwards
hounds Brand at every turn,
making his life miserable, until he gives up and comes up with a
sketch of Connors. With the sketch in hand, Edwards goes to the
hospital where a nurse identifies Connors. The police raid his house
but he is not there. Edwards questions Connors' ex-wife (Cynthia
McAdams) and tells him the sordid story about their daughter dying of
a drug overdose. Connors gets even with Brand by blowing him up while
he is watching (and masturbating to) pornographic films of his wife
(Ilona Wilson). Edwards sets up Connors to try and bomb a newspaper
printing plant, but Connors becomes wise and fills a van with enough
dynamite to blow up a city block. He intends to drive through the
most populated part of the city and blow up the van. The police
follow the van but keep their distance hoping that they will not piss
him off and blow up the van. Edwards gets a lookalike for Connors'
daughter and sets her up walking the route that Connors is driving.
Connors spots her, takes a bomb out of the van and gets shot by
Edwards. Connors then blows himself up, ending the madness. THE
MAD BOMBER is not a perfect film, but it is an entertaining
one. The late Chuck Connors, with his coke bottle eyeglasses and
no-nonsense attitude, chews up the scenery and looks like he's
enjoying it. The late Vince Edwards walks around like he has a salami
stuck up his ass and it works here. The late Neville Brand is
absolute slimey as the rapist. Realizing that all the major actors in
this film are dead (and Bert Gordon is 84 years old as of this
writing) makes me want to cry. At least we have THE
MAD BOMBER and other films of the period to remind us how
much we need actors of this calibre today, but that will never
happen. So sit back, enjoy the show and think to yourself how your
kids will never see new exploitation movies like this again. It's
sad. A Goodtimes
Home Video Release. Also known as THE POLICE
CONNECTION and DETECTIVE
GERONIMO (Edward's character). Rated R. NOTE: My
friend William Wilson sent me a DVD rip of THE
POLICE CONNECTION VHS and it is a revelation. It is an uncut
version of THE
MAD BOMBER (an
insert card replaces the original title, with the words "Jerry
Gross Presents".) with many scenes not seen in any other version
(including the legal DVDs of the film distributed today). Included
are six minutes of extra footage, including: the bloody aftermath of
the high school bombing; tons of full frontal female nudity including
a scene in a strip club not seen in the other versions and longer
scenes of Brand's raping spree; a much longer look at Brand's
porn-filled hideout and features Brand jacking-off to his wife's nude
8mm stag films while Connors places a bomb and it blows up just as
Brand is reaching climax. The real coup de gras is the ending where
Connors blows himself up. The scene lingers much longer on Connor's
blown apart body and is bloody as anything seen in films at the time.
A real shocking surprise. It looks as if the Goodtimes Home Video
version is a T.V. cut. I'm amazed that I can be continually surprised
like this. UPDATE: The uncut version of this film, under the title THE
POLICE CONNECTION, is now available on DVD from Code
Red. I suggest you scoop this up while there are still copies available.
MANIAC! (1977)
- The town of Paradise is under assault by a madman called
Victor (the always excellent character actor Paul Koslo), who is
using a crossbow to kill the local police and rich bastards who
control the town. Head bigwig William Whitaker (Stuart Whitman) hires
mercenary Nick McCormick (Oliver Reed) to track down Victor and kill
him. Victor demands one million dollars from Whitaker, who stiffs him
and fills the bag with blank paper. Victor (whose motive is never
explained but may have something to do with illegal land grabbing
from the Indians by the rich white men) then kills everyone in
Whitaker's security compound and demands four million dollars or he
will kill every rich person and cop in town (Paradise boasts
"more millionaires per square mile than any other town"
according to one character). McCormick hires a man called Tracker
(Jim Mitchum, who is underused here and looks extremely bored,
although you can never tell with a Mitchum) to help him find Victor.
McCormick also falls in love with local reporter Cindy Simmons
(Deborah Raffin), who is clueless as to what is going on. There's a
car and motorcycle chase, several more crossbow killings and a final
showdown between between Whitaker and Victor before this all ends and
none of it makes much sense. It looks like director Richard Compton (RAVAGERS
- 1979) was severely compromised in the editing room as most of the
killings are edited in such a way as not to go beyond it's PG rating
and it looks like bits of the movie were cut out that would explain
several major plot holes. Reed's character comes off as an asshole in
the beginning but changes character as soon as he beds Raffin. It's
pretty confusing about who you should be rooting for here. Victor
dresses as an Indian when he kills but it's not clear if he's of
Indian descent, although one cop recognizes him as a failed Olympic
athelete. Mitchum is always riding around with an old Indian (his
Grandfather) in his pickup truck, but he's given nothing to do. It's
Whitman who saves the film, being a slimey, money-grubbing
meglomaniac who will stoop as low as it takes to get his way. I'm not
sure what Compton was going for here, but it's a muddled mess. Also
starring John Ireland as the Police Chief on the take. Shown on TV
under the title RANSOM and also
known as THE TOWN THAT
CRIED TERROR and ASSAULT
ON PARADISE. An Embassy
Home Entertainment VHS Release. Available on Blu-Ray
from Code Red. Rated PG.
MANNIGAN'S
FORCE (1988) - Rip-roaring
Philippines-lensed war actioner starring many expatriate American
actors whose faces will be familiar to fans of this genre (It's a
small fan base, for sure, but there is a fan base). The film opens in
Central America in 1984, where Jack Mannigan (George Nicholas) leads
his force of commandos on an assault of a regime military base,
killing everyone they come in contact with (there are some astounding
makeup effects on view, including a couple of graphic shots to the
head and too many bloody bullet squibs to keep track of). They also
blow up every shack, building and lookout tower in their way (the
whole attack sequence is very well done, with some effective
slow-motion scenes that could give Sam Peckinpah a run for his
money). The local villagers are highly appreciative to Mannigan and
his men for freeing them from government oppression, especially local
girl Lucrecia (Khorshied Machalle), who is Mannigan's lover and wants
to go back to the States with him, but some of Mannigan's men,
including Aranda (Eric Hahn), Russ (Mel Davidson) and Smith (Jeff Griffith),
wonder why the villagers don't make a stand and fight for
themselves. Later that night, a squad of government soldiers attack
the village, killing (rather graphically) many innocent children and
women in the process. As the village is being blown to smithereens,
an injured Mannigan, his men, Lucretia and some villagers escape into
the jungle. The next time we see Mannigan, it's 1988 and he's living
on a horse farm in the States with his fellow commandos, all retired
from the military. Mannigan get a visit from General Bradley (Doc
McCoy) and he wants Mannigan and his men to return back to Central
America to rescue some American hostages and to retrieve crates of
weapons, all being held in a prison fortress under the control of the
nasty General Alfuero (Mike Monty). Mannigan agrees to do the job for
one million dollars and puts his old team back together, with the
addition of one new member: karate expert Hang Kook (Tsing Tong
Tsai). Mannigan and his team sneak into Central America, but when
their contact fails to appear, it's quite clear the mission is going
to be anything but easy. As Mannigan and his men make the long
journey to General Alfuero's prison fortress, they will encounter
many firefights, which starts to thin-out Mannigan's team one-by-one.
It is Lucretia, who Mannigan hasn't seen in four years, that comes to
Mannigan's aide. He'll need all the help he can get when it is
revealed that General Bradley and his aide Randall (Anthony East) are
actually working with General Alfuero, making this whole mission
nothing but a sham and Mannigan and his men were never expected to
survive. When it turns out that Lucretia is General Alfuero's
mistress, things look dire for Mannigan, but she proves to be a good
girl and the remainder of Mannigan's Force take General Alfuero
hostage and mete out justice to those who have betrayed them.
If it's violence you want, MANNIGAN'S
FORCE (also known as AMERICAN
WARDOG) delivers in spades. Director/co-scripter John R'yan
Grace (this seems to be his only film credit) and co-scripters Joseph
Le Carre and our old friend James Gaines (who has a cameo as a TV
announcer) have fashioned a film where violence is not only a way of
life, it's also a means to obtain the upper hand. This film doesn't
shy away from showing what war does to the innocents caught in the
crossfire. Quite the opposite, actually, it revels in it, as children
are shown getting shot in the head, women slaughtered and their homes
destroyed. Very little is left to the imagination (head violence is
predominately displayed) and the action scenes are very well handled.
There are also shocking scenes of other violence, including Smith's
sudden death, Bill Peters' (Jim Moss) torture, killings at the hands
of General Alfuero and the sprawling battle sequences. Some of the
acting may be amateurish (especially by lead George Nicholas), but
that's a very small complaint in an otherwise action-packed film.
Fans of Filipino actioners (and why aren't there more of us?) will
not be disappointed. Also starring David Anderson, Gabriel Terry and
Gerard Donlon. Available as part of a DVD compilation titled MERCS:
SOLDIERS OF FORTUNE 10 FEATURE FILM COLLECTION from those
thieving bastards at VideoAsia as part of their "Grindhouse
Experience" line. As with all of VideoAsia's product lines, the
prints are stolen from other sources; in this case from a
Japanese-subtitled widescreen VHS tape that is overly dark, but
serviceable. Not Rated.
MASTERBLASTER
(1986) - This is the paintball action film to see if you
want to check out all the Florida-based talent that worked behind the
scenes. William Grefe (STANLEY
- 1972) was Executive Producer, notorious badfilm director Brad
Grinter (FLESH
FEAST
- 1969; BLOOD FREAK
- 1972) was Unit Coordinator and stunt man extrodinairre Glenn R.
Wilder (he was David Janssen's stunt double on the TV series THE
FUGITIVE (1963 - 1967) as well as doing stunts on most of
the major motion pictures produced since the 70's) turns in his only
directorial effort. The plot concerns a bunch of regional paintball
champions who gather in the Florida woods for the National
Championship, the winner taking home $50,000. The only problem
is that someone is not using paint in their gun and is killing off
the champions one-by-one. Could it be Hawk (Jeff Moldovan), the Viet
Nam vet who killed innocent people during the War? Samantha (Donna
Rosea), a cop who got her partner killed because she froze during a
shootout? How about De Angelo (Joe Hess), a bodyguard for a Mafia
bigwig? There's also a Japanase Yakuza, a couple of Puerto Rican
thugs and some nasty Southern Backwood Scum who don't like strangers
in their neck of the woods. Let's just say that the finale will have
you shaking your head in disbelief, as the motive for the killings
comes not from within the group but out of the closet (watch it and
you'll know what I mean). Most of the actors in this film are also
established stunt men and women, which adds a sense of realism to the
fight scenes. The fight between Moldovan and Hess towards the end of
the film is a standout because you can see throughout the fight that
it is actually them pummeling each other. There's also a bloody
beheading, several stabbings, martial arts fights, a paintball full
of acid and a healthy dose of humor. I was expecting a lot worse and
was pleasantly surprised when I found myself enjoying the film
despite the out of left field ending. I only have one problem with
this film: Having played in my fair share of paintball games during
my younger days, I can tell you that it stings like a motherfucker
when you get hit with a paintball. There's a scene in the movie where
one of the Puerto Rican guys gets hit in the penis with a paintball
while taking a piss in the woods. Believe me, if that happened in
real life he would need to head off to the hospital immediately, not
shake it off like he did in the film. Nitpicking aside, this is good
entertainment for both mystery and action film fans. Also starring
Robert Goodman, Yoshimitsu Yamada, Richard St. George and porn star
R.J. Reynolds using the name "Jim Reynolds". Randy Grinter,
brother of Brad, wrote the screenplay along with Wilder and Richard
Pitt (and star Moldovan) and was also Second Unit Director as well as
doing some of the stunts. A Prism
Entertainment Home Video Release. Rated R. UPDATE: For
some interesting background info on this film from
star/screenwriter/stuntman Jeff Moldovan,
please click HERE.
MEAN
FRANK AND CRAZY TONY (1973) -
This enjoyable Eurocrime flick mixes action, violence and humor with
equal measure and, although it should fail miserably, it doesn't,
thanks to the talents of Lee Van Cleef (THE
STRANGER AND THE GUNFIGHTER - 1974) and Tony Lo Bianco (THE
FRENCH CONNECTION - 1971).
The film opens with a rash of gangster killings in Sicily, where we
see a car's 8 Track player explode and an assassin pretending to be a
masseuse (Romano Puppo; CONTRABAND
- 1980) giving another gangster a massage to
the back of his head with an electric drill! Lo Bianco is Tony
Breda, a low-level crook who pretends to be a big shot and even
lower-level crooks believe he is a man of importance. Tony idolizes
big-time gangster Frankie Diomede (Van Cleef), so much so that he has
a giant head shot poster of Frankie hanging on his living room wall.
Tony's girlfriend, Orchidea (Edwige Fenech; THE
STRANGE VICE OF MRS. WARDH - 1971; who is dubbed with a
ridiculous Brooklynese accent!), wants Tony to go straight, get a
real job and quit pretending that he is a gangster (She also makes
fun of his lack of lovemaking skills, saying, "I ask for a
matinee and you send me to the movies!"), but Tony won't listen.
He learns that Frankie is coming to town, so he comes up with a plan
to ingratiate himself into Frankie's life, meeting him at the
airport, but Frankie (who is a man of few words) ignores him. Tony
doesn't give up, following Frankie's car on his motorcycle (He
couldn't be more conspicuous, wearing a bright red leather outfit
with a white helmet!). The first stop Frankie makes is one of his
illegal gambling dens, where he tells the manager (Claudio Gora; MAD
DOG - 1977) to empty out the joint because the police are on
the way (The manager asks how he knows the police are on the way and
Frankie responds, "Because I haven't called them yet!").
Frankie then calls the police, giving them the address of the
gambling den and telling them if they hurry up, they may be able to
catch the elusive Frankie Diomede red handed. Frankie then waits for
the police to arrive. When Tony hears the sirens and realizes that
Frankie is still in there, he goes into the den to "save"
him, only Frankie doesn't want to be saved, so Tony is arrested with
Frankie on illegal gambling charges and both go to the local jail,
Frankie getting his own private cell while Tony is thrown into a cell
with twenty other crooks. It turns out Frankie wanted to get arrested
because he needs an alibi for his plan to work. Frankie is secretly
let out of his cell by a paid-off police officer and he goes to the
home of Joe Sciti (Mario Erpichini; SPASMO
- 1974), a former friend who is setting up Frankie to take the fall
for the rash of murders. He forces Joe to take a dive off his terrace
(while on fire!), where he falls and dies on a car below. Frankie
then secretly returns to his cell, no one the wiser. Or so he
thought. Tony sees him return to his cell and Frankie is aware of it.
Frankie and Tony are then thrown in prison on the gambling charges
and, once again, Frankie gets his own cell, complete with its own
comfy cushioned easy chair and a bottle
of J&B Scotch, while Tony is thrown into general population
with all the other hardened crooks. Frankie then gets a visit from
his lawyer, Massara (Fausto Tozzi; CRY
OF A PROSTITUTE - 1974), who tells Frankie that a French
gangster by the name Louis Annunziata (Jean Rochefort; DIRTY
HANDS - 1975) is beginning to take over his territory and
when Frankie learns that he will have to serve three months for the
illegal gambling charge, he tells Massara that it is too long to
wait, so he better start paying off people to get him out of prison.
Unfortunately, Massara never gets the chance because Annunziata has
him kidnapped, where he is tortured by the same goon with the
electric drill to his knee until he gives up the name of the police
officer Frankie paid off so he could kill Joe Sciti, who was his
friend. Massara gives up the name and is then killed. On visiting
day, Orchidea comes to see Tony and his lawyer tells him he will be
freed in a couple of days. Frankie is visited by his straight-laced
doctor brother Sylvester (Silvano Tranquilli; THE
BLOODSTAINED BUTTERFLY - 1971) and Frankie gives him a key
he has hidden in his shoe, telling Sylvester that the key is to a
locker at the train station and inside the locker are files that will
put away the entire criminal organization. Sylvester knows that it
would mean Frankie would be put away for a long time, too, but
Frankie tells him that he doesn't care, at least he will have the
satisfaction of putting away the killers of Massara and those who are
trying to set him up. As soon as Sylvester leaves the prison, he is
followed by Annunziata's goons, who stab him to death in a photo
booth (the booth then spits out photos of a dead Sylvester).
Annunziata now has the key and suddenly Frankie's short sentence
becomes a life sentence, as the police reveal to him the officer whom
he paid-off, telling Frankie he may want to change his testimony, he
no longer has an alibi in Joe Sciti's murder.
Frankie loses all his prison luxuries and is thrown into general
population, where Annunziata plans to kill him via some violent
prisoners, including one unnamed prisoner (Nello Pazzafini; SEVEN
BLOOD-STAINED ORCHIDS - 1972) who makes life difficult for
Frankie. Time after time, Tony comes to Frankie's defense, but it is
not until he saves Frankie from an assassin's (Claudio Undari, as
"Robert Hundar"; CUT-THROATS
NINE - 1971) bullet in the prison yard that Frankie begins
to trust him and they become friends (Well, Tony acts like they are
friends, but like I said before, Frankie is a man of few words, so it
is hard to tell). When Tony is released from prison, he comes up with
a plan to break Frankie out of the joint, which he does as Frankie is
being transferred to court. Tony steals some cars and then a truck,
as they head for France so Frankie can get some payback on Annunziata
for killing his brother. This leads to a pretty tense chase down a
twisting narrow mountain road as they cross the border, Frank behind
the wheel of the truck destroying about a dozen police cars. They
then meet Frankie's old friend Jeannot (Jess Hahn; WHITE
FIRE - 1984), who sets Frankie and Tony up with some
weapons, leading to the tension-filled climax, as the duo battle
Annunziata and his goons in a fish factory/illegal drug warehouse.
This amiable Eurocrime film, an Italy/France co-production presented
by Dino de Laurentiis, directed by Michele Lupo (WEEKEND
MURDERS - 1970; AFRICA EXPRESS
- 1975; CALIFORNIA - 1977; THE
SHERIFF AND THE SATELLITE KID - 1979) and written by the
team of Luciano Vincenzoni and Sergio Donati (DUCK,
YOU SUCKER - 1971; CIPOLLA
COLT - 1975; ORCA THE KILLER WHALE
- 1977), is a very quick 85 minutes, thanks to the talents of Lee Van
Cleef and Tony Lo Bianco, who make quite an impression in their
roles. While there is plenty of humor, usually a death knell for this
genre, it's not the laugh-out-loud kind, but sly in its execution,
the majority of it pertaining to Tony's quirky character, who looks
at Frankie the way a groupie would look at a rock star. There are
many little moments that impress, such as when Orchidea throws some
food at Tony and it lands on Frankie's face on the poster. Tony
gingerly wipes the food off the poster, apologizing to Frankie,
telling him he knows what women are like. There is also a little
throwaway moment with Tony and Frankie in a car that involves the
car's cigarette lighter that raised a chuckle from me. The way Tony
looks at Frankie in prison, admiring him from afar, may give pause
today, but somehow Lo Bianco makes it work, not making it seem
strange at all. The clothes Tony wears are also comical because he
thinks that is what all successful gangsters wear, but he just looks
ridiculous and stands out like a sore thumb. There is also some
graphic violence on view, especially the electric power drill, which
Frankie uses on Annunziata's goon two-thirds into the film (drilling
it into his neck), making his retribution fitting for killing
Massara. It is the
first time Tony sees anyone killed and it affects him in a way that
makes him realize he is not cut out for the gangster life. The only
negative thing that I can come up with is the dubbing for the
beautiful Edwige Fenech. Not only does it take you out of the film,
she is also wasted in a do-nothing role, but women in these films are
generally there to get slapped, raped or physically assaulted, none
of which is done to her in this film (Hey, blame that on Italian
filmmakers!). Otherwise, everything gels together rather nicely,
making this film a recommended treat for Eurocrime fans.
Shot as DIO,
SEI PROPRIO UNPADRETERNO! ("God, You Are Truly A
God!"), this film played theatrically
continually throughout the '70s & '80s in the United States
thanks to Terry
Levene's Aquarius Releasing, who released it under the review
title, as well as POWER
KILL and ESCAPE
FROM DEATH ROW (this alternate title uses completely fake
credits, the only real one being Van Cleef's, omitting Lo Bianco and
Fenech completely, the way Levene did when he released ROME:
ARMED TO THE TEETH (1976) as ASSAULT
WITH A DEADLY WEAPON, trying to fool audiences into
believing they were seeing a new film. Stuff like this wouldn't be
tolerated today, but that was the life of a huckster in the '70s). It
was then released on VHS (under the review title) by U.S.A.
Home Video as part of their "Sybil
Danning's Adventure Video" label and also by Paragon
Video (using the ESCAPE
title). The only DVD I could find was a pirated box set titled GRINDHOUSE
EXPERIENCE (under the title FRANK AND TONY) from
those thieving bastards at VideoAsia. While this film is available
streaming on Amazon Prime, I don't recommend you watch it there
unless you understand Italian, since 30% of the film is in Italian
with no English subtitles (even though the rest of the English track
is subtitled!). I found a rather nice open matte fullscreen print on
YouTube from user "Eurocrime Realm" that is completely
dubbed in English (both Van Cleef and Lo Bianco dub their own
voices). Also featuring Adolfo Lastretti (SYNDICATE
SADISTS - 1975), Steffen Zacharias (STREET
LAW - 1974), Teodoro Corra (FIVE
DOLLS FOR AN AUGUST MOON - 1970), Fulvio Mingozzi (THE
BIG RACKET - 1976), Claudio Ruffini (THE
HEROIN BUSTERS - 1977) and cameo king Tom Felleghy (DAMNED
IN VENICE - 1978) as a police commander. Rated R. NOTE:
If you truly want to understand why this genre of film is so
fascinating, you really need to watch the amazing documentary EUROCRIME!
(2012). Once you view it, I guarantee all you will want to watch are
Eurocrime films for weeks to come. It is available on Amazon Prime,
free to Prime members. It's over two hours long, but it is the
quickest two hours you will ever experience. As a matter of fact, I
didn't want it to end.
MERCENARY
FIGHTERS (1988) - With the
Press watching his every move, the president of an unnamed Central
African country has to find a way to displace a group of his fellow
countrymen, led by opposing rebel Jaunde (Henry Cele; CURSE
III: BLOOD SACRIFICE - 1990), so he can flood their land and
build a new hydroelectric power plant. He orders his head of the
Army, Colonel Kjemba (Robert DoQui; COFFY
[1973] and Sergeant Reed in the three ROBOCOP
films), to come up with a solution to this problem that can't be
traced back to the government, so the Colonel hires a band of
mercenaries, which includes Virelli (Peter Fonda; SPASMS
- 1982), D.J. Christian (Reb Brown; STRIKE
COMMANDO - 1987), Cliff Taylor (Ron O'Neal; SUPER
FLY - 1972) and Wilson (James Mitchum; CODE
NAME: ZEBRA - 1986), to do the job
for them. At first everything goes swimmingly, as the mercenaries
begin clearing out villages by force, but when they invade a village
being tended to by a white nurse named Ruth Warwick (Joanna Weinberg)
and kill an innocent villager, Jaunde vows revenge. D.J., who has
never worked with this group of mercenaries before, begins to get a
conscience and slowly realizes that he may be working for the wrong
side, especially when he witnesses Colonel Kjemba slaughter a bunch
of innocent men and women villagers when they refuse to reveal
Jaunde's location. After watching Kjemba order his men to shoot nosy
press photographer Deke (Jonathan Rands) in the back of the head when
he spots him taking photos of the slaughter, D.J. joins with Ruth to
try and save the villagers, much to the dismay of Virelli, who is
only in this for the money and couldn't give two shits about the
villagers' troubles (He calls Ruth a "gash"). Ruth
introduces D.J. to Jaunde , who opens D.J.'s eyes to the plight of
his people. Ruth and D.J. fall in love, so when Virelli orders an
attack on Juande and kidnaps Ruth when he mistakenly believes D.J.
set up an ambush on his caravan, D.J. becomes the new leader of
Juande's tribe when Juande dies. D.J. leads an assault on Virelli and
Colonel Kjemba and gets help from Cliff (who switches sides). The
finale finds mercenary battling mercenary in a battle to free Ruth
and save the villagers from certain genocide. This South
Africa-lensed actioner contains a good cast of pros as well as some
decent action scenes. Director Riki Shelach (who was assistant
director on director Menahem Golan's THE
MAGICIAN OF LUBLIN [1979]; Golan and partner Yoram Globus
produced this for their Cannon Films production company) gets a lot
of mileage out of the lush South African landscapes and people,
allowing Henry Cele to speak his native tongue rather than forcing
him to speak English, which infuses this film with much more
intensity and realism. There are some truly stunning and vicious
scenes on display, such as when Virelli and his caravan are ambushed
by Juande and his men. The camera pans across a field of seemingly
harmless boulders, only to have Juande's men suddenly jump out behind
them in a blink of an eye. It's an effective sequence that conveys
how the natives have adapted to their environment and use it to their
advantage. While the film is extremely violent (director Shelach has
a fondness for setting people on fire or blowing them to bits), this
is not without some humor, such as when Virelli choppers-in some
hookers for his men, but the women refuse to touch them until they
bathe ("You stink!"). It's always great to see Peter Fonda
portray a bad guy for a change and say what you want about Reb Brown (YOR,
THE HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE - 1983; ROBOWAR
- 1988), but the guy has a presence and a goofy charm that can't be
denied. If you like your action films with a little bit of political
and social commentary (script by Bud Schaetzle, Dean Tschetter and
Andrew Deutsch), MERCENARY FIGHTERS
(a.k.a. FREEDOM FIGHTERS)
may be a film that interests you. Also starring Jerry Biggs, Laurens
Cilliers, Graham Clarke, Robert Whitehead and Leslie Mongezi.
Originally released on VHS by Media
Home Entertainment and available on DVD-R as part of MGM's
Limited Edition Collection MOD program. Rated R.
MERCHANTS
OF WAR (1988) - After recently
watching a handful of 80's action films, one thing has become
abundantly clear to me: I wouldn't have given many of these films the
time of day back when they were released, but now, over twenty years
later, they hold a certain charm, thanks to the politics of the time.
Most of these films were made when Ronald Reagan was President, back
when our foreign policies were pretty rock solid and not considered a
joke to the rest of the world, as they are now. Back then, when we
said something valid and important (Such as Reagan's famous "Mr.
Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" speech), the world tended to
listen. Films like FIRST BLOOD
(1982), MISSING IN ACTION
(1984) and countless others would never have been made if Reagan
wasn't in office, because their political views relied greatly
"accept no bullshit" way of thinking. That's not to say he
was always correct (far from it), but at least the public was aware
what was
going on, not like today where most decisions are made behind closed
doors by people you wouldn't trust to feed your pets. America today
is a society that is too scared to publicly speak their individual
minds, thanks to a government that feeds us fear on a daily basis,
often quoting "national security" as a way of keeping us in
the dark. I don't know anyone over the age of thirty that wouldn't
love to see this country revert back to it's 80's sensibilities (AIDS
and coke-fueled greed notwithstanding). What does all this have to do
with MERCHANTS OF WAR?
Nothing much really (I just wanted to vent), except for it's sense
of camaraderie and a commitment to endanger your life to save your
buddies. Two ex-soldiers-turned-mercenaries, Nick Drennen (Asher
Brauner; TREASURE
OF THE MOON GODDESS - 1987, who also co-wrote the screenplay
with Eric Weston, the director of the cult horror film EVILSPEAK
- 1981) and Frank Kane (Jesse Vint; FORBIDDEN
WORLD - 1982), are sent to some unnamed African country to
assassinate a Middle eastern despot named Musa (Adrian Waldron), who
is secretly supplying weapons to the enemy rebel forces. Things go
terribly wrong when both Nick and Frank are captured and tortured by
Musa's soldiers. Nick escapes and returns from the States, where he
puts together a team to return back to Africa and rescue Frank. The
CIA convinces Nick to wait until they try to secure Frank's release
by monetary means, but when the ransom team is savagely gunned-down
in an African bar, Nick and his team enter Africa to save Frank's
life the old-fashioned way: With guns, explosives and senseless
violence. Nick and his team kidnap Musa and use him as leverage to
rescue Frank, braving leech-infected waters, boobytraps and enemy
forces that outnumber them twenty-to-one. Revenge and political
intrigue play and important role in the finale, just like most war
films made in the 80's. Though talky at times, MERCHANTS
OF WAR does contain some gory set-pieces and a surprising
amount of heart for a B-action film. I particularly liked the scene
of Nick discovering the decapitated head of a ten year-old boy who
helped him escape from Musa's camp, the head laying on a table as a
warning for Nick when he returns to Africa. Director Peter M.
Makenzie (MISSION MANILA
- 1987) also offers-up lots of other bloody mayhem, including
exploding bodies, bloody bullet squibs and throat slashings. The
script is also full of politically incorrect racial remarks, such as
when Nick calls Musa a "fucking towel head" or the scene
where Nick chases down a black assassin in an African restaurant and
calls him a "filthy monkey" just before impaling him on a
meat hook. Try doing that today without Al Sharpton picketing your
ass off. Not a bad little action film, if you don't mind plenty of
politics mixed in with the blood and guts. Judging by the end credits
(a lot of crew members have last names that begin with "Van
Der") and the accents of some of the cast, this was filmed
entirely in South Africa. Also starring John Barrett (AMERICAN
KICKBOXER 2 - 1991), Robin Smith, Norman Anstey, Joe
Stewardson, Bonnie Beck, Calvin Tau, Graham Weir, Japan Mteembu,
Tullio Moneta and Brian O'Shaugnessy. Originally released on VHS by Vidmark
Entertainment and available on budget DVD from Platinum Disc
Ltd. Rated R.
MIAMI
VENDETTA (1986) - Hey kids,
here's a SOV (shot on video) action film which gets everything wrong.
It's an action film with no action, a police procedural film with a
cop (who chainsmokes incessantly) with a chip on his shoulders for a
hero and a blood quotient that is woefully low. Just who was this
film made for? L.A. Detective Colin Malone (Maartin Goslins) is taken
off vice duty after a questionable
shooting and put on desk duty with homicide detective Salvatore
Sanchez (Frank Gargini), who is ordered to babysit him. When Colin's
friend Jesse, a Cuban refugee, is found dead with his fingertips cut
off, Colin disobeys orders and begins investigating the murder. This
leads to a trail of murders linked to Cubans who came to Florida in
1980 when Castro sent some of his worst criminals over here along
with the regular law-abiding citizens. The further Colin
investigates, the more it seems that Sanchez is involved in it
somehow. Sanchez immigrated from Cuba in the 70's and became an
American citizen, eventually becoming a cop in Miami. During the mass
immigration of Cubans in 1980, Sanchez was put in charge of
interrogating the refugees to try and weed the good ones from the bad
ones. He gets involved in a murder of a big Cuban criminal during
this time and then moves to L.A. where he becomes a homicide cop. The
past catches up with him and the other people who were responsible
for that murder as someone is killing them all and cutting off their
fingertips. Colin figures it out and knows who the murderer is. When
Sanchez comes clean with Colin, they clean up the mess and the film
ends with Sanchez saying that now it is the time for the truth to
come out. The story may sound interesting, but the execution is way
below sub-par. Besides being shot on video (a major no-no in my
book), first and only-time director/producer/screenwriter Stephen
Seemeyer has made MIAMI VENDETTA
a poor-man's SCARFACE (1983)
with a little bit of MIAMI
VICE (1984 - 1990) thrown in. Too bad it is set in
California as it could have used a little of Miami's colorful
backgrounds to liven things up. Also bad is the lack of any type of
action and the blood and gore is limited to a few shots of corpses
with their fingertips cut off and an impalement at the finale. No car
chases, gunfights or fistfights here, just shot after shot of Colin
with a cigarette in his hand or shots of his girlfriend in lingerie.
If you see this floating around anywhere (which I doubt you will,
unless you specifically look for it), just stay away and jam a roll
of quarters up your ass instead. It's less painful. A shout out to
William Wilson for sending this to me. He must think I'm a masochist
(He's probably right). Also starring Sandy Brooke and Barbara
Pilivan. A Continental
Video Release. Not Rated.
MISTER
DEATHMAN (1977) - Grade-Z
South African-lensed actioner that is good for a few laughs, but
little else. After a rather confusing opening where a gunfight seems
to be happening at some makeshift airstrip (it concludes with a black
stuntman being blown sky high in a fiery explosion), we meet retired
black superspy Geoffrey Graves (David Broadnax; ZOMBIE
ISLAND MASSACRE - 1984; he also wrote the story that the
screenplay is based on here) as he turns down a job from his ex-boss,
telling him he is through with the spy business. He is then kidnapped
in a hotel's underground parking lot by two mob guys, who beat him up
(one of the mob guys says, "Don't think, just listen,
spadehead!"), but Geoffrey traps the two guys in an elevator,
sprays them with a fire extinguisher and throws a mini-hatchet
between one of the goon's legs until they give up their boss' name.
Geoffrey calls his ex-boss back to tell him that he has reconsidered
his offer, which involves a scientist called Dr. Alfred Halstead, who
is threatening to turn over top-secret space shuttle plans to foreign
buyers unless he is paid fifty million dollars. Geoffrey has to find
Dr. Halstead (who everyone believes has gone mad due
to his wife's death from cancer six months earlier) in South Africa,
bring him back to the United States and also find out who the foreign
buyers are. Geoffrey arrives at the South African airport in
Johannesburg with a briefcase supposedly containing fifty million
dollars in bearer bonds chained to his wrist and is immediately taken
for a ride on a ski tram by two bad guys. When they discover that all
Geoffrey has in the briefcase are copies of Fortune Magazine (!), the
bad guys try to torture him with a huge needle, but Geoffrey gets the
upper hand and kills them both (one guy takes a header off the tram
and crashes to the rocks below) after getting a clue as to the
whereabouts of Dr. Halstead. On a train ride from Capetown to Durbin,
Geoffrey meets a priest who tries to poison Geoffrey's drink
(Geoffrey does the old "What's that over there?" switcheroo
trick) and when the bad guys come to pick up his body at the next
stop, Geoffrey pretends to be knocked-out so the bad guys can take
him to their destination. That turns out to be a shack in the middle
of nowhere, where the bad guys plan on pumping him full of truth
serum, but Geoffrey once again gets the upper hand, blows up the
shack and gets Pamela (Lena Nicols), the only survivor, to help him.
Geoffrey and Pamela are joined by U.S. operative Vince (Arthur
Brauss) and learn from bad girl Reagan O'Leary (Myra Shelton) that
her boss, Mr. Vlees (Larry Taylor), is willing to turn over Dr.
Halstead if Geoffrey agrees to leave South Africa. Geoffrey agrees,
and Dr. Halstead is delivered by helicopter in a metal coffin in the
middle of the ocean, alive but with no recollection of where he has
been for the last two months. A clue the doctor gives Geoffrey about
a plane he heard fly overhead at the same time every day when he was
in captivity leads Geoffrey, Pamela and Vince to an island near
Madagascar. On the island, Geoffrey meets Liz Greer (Stella Stevens; CLEOPATRA
JONES AND THE CASINO OF GOLD; LAS
VEGAS LADY - both 1975; THE
GRANNY - 1994), Mr. Vlees' right-hand woman, who tries to
bribe Geoffrey with a Lamborghini and $50,000 if he'll come work for
them. Geoffrey discovers that the Lamborghini's brakes have been
tampered with, so he fakes his own death, but Liz catches on quick
and recaptures him. In the finale, Geoffrey learns that Vince is a
traitor and Geoffrey is chained to the rocks as high tide moves in,
while Mr. Vlees and Liz make their escape. Can Geoffrey get out of
this mess and make everyone pay? Remember the airstrip fight in the
beginning of the film and you already know how it ends. Whoo,
boy, is this film a pile of stinking crap! Gold crap for sure, but
crap nonetheless. Director Michael Moore (KILL
A DRAGON - 1966; THE
FASTEST GUITAR ALIVE - 1967) and screenwriter Emmett Murphy
have no idea what constitutes an action film, as the fight scenes in MISTER
DEATHMAN look to have been choreographed and blocked by a
blind man (it's very easy for the viewer to see that the punches and
kicks miss their targets by a good foot-and-a-half). This film a
career low for Stella Stevens (she's done plenty of bad films, like WACKO
[1981] and LITTLE
DEVILS: THE BIRTH [1993], but none of them are as awful as
this) and leading man David Broadnax (who passed away in 2000 at the
age of 57) is so flat in his line delivery, I half-expected him to
disappear whenever he was shown in profile. Never mind that the plot
makes absolutely no sense (What exactly is Geoffrey after once he has
Dr. Halstead in his possession? Is it space shuttle plans or merely
revenge for the multiple attempts on his life?); the film just seems
to be a nonsensical series of vignettes, as Geoffrey gets into one
scrape after another, such as falling out of an airplane without a
parachute, getting into a laughable fight in an airport, flying a
glider onto Mr. Vlees' island (well, you get the idea). Yet none of
it is exciting in the least bit, it's just boring as hell. One
observation: For a superspy, Geoffrey sure gets overpowered and
captured a lot. James Bond he ain't. Also starring Brian
O'Shaughnessy, Marius Weyers, Ian Hamilton, Ian Yule, Ronald France,
Victor Melleney and South African staple Ken Gampu (ENEMY
UNSEEN - 1989) as bad guy "Sue". I don't believe
that this film had a legitimate VHS release in the United States, but
it is available on bootleg DVD as part of the 20-film GRINDHOUSE
EXPERIENCE VOLUME 2 box set from Fortune 5 (another shell
company for those thieving bastards at VideoAsia). The print was
sourced from an overly dark VHS copy complete with rollouts and
tracking problems. Not Rated.
MR.
RICCO (1975) - Here's a film (still
unavailable in any form on legitimate U.S. home video) that just
oozes that 70's vibe. When San Francisco lawyer Joe Ricco (Dean
Martin) gets black militant Franklin Steele (Thalmus Rasulala) off on
a murder charge due to phony evidence planted by members of the
police department, someone kills two cops by calling in a false crime
and then shooting the officers
who show up to investigate. A young black boy named Luther (H.B.
Barnum III) witnesses the killer shotgunning the two cops in a
tenement building and tells his mother, who happens to be a client of
Ricco's. She tells Ricco that he son thinks the killer is Franklin
Steele, so Ricco takes Luther to the police station to make a
composite sketch of the killer. The sketch, along with a description
of a medallion the shooter was wearing around his neck, leads the
police to a black militant group called the Black Serpents, whose
leader is, you guessed it, Franklin Steele. The police put an all
points bulletin out on Franklin and raid the Black Serpents
headquarters, where crooked cop Tanner (Michael Gregory) shoots an
unarmed Serpents member (he then places a shotgun next to the body).
Franklin gets away by ducking out a secret passage, but the cops
arrest the dead man's brother, Purvis Mapes (Philip Michael Thomas),
and interrogate him back at police headquarters. Ricco takes a
professional interest in the case (he's continually being raked over
the coals by both the cops and the Press for representing Franklin
and springing him), but the more he digs into the case, the more it
looks like Franklin is innocent of the cop killings. Ricco interviews
Purvis' sister, Irene (Denise Nicholas), and he agrees to represent
Purvis. This pisses-off police Captain George Cronyn (Eugene Roche),
one of Ricco's oldest friends, who tells Ricco that he has to get
Purvis to turn-in Franklin so the whole town doesn't erupt in
violence. This puts a severe strain on their friendship, even though
Captain Cronyn knows deep-down inside that this case stinks to high
heaven. After a couple of attempts on Ricco's life (the shooter
certainly looks like Franklin, but Ricco can't be sure), Purvis is
brought to trial and Ricco gets him off (Even though we see Ricco in
court several times throughout the film, not once do we hear him
argue any of his cases! We only hear the verdicts and see Ricco shake
his clients' hands in victory.). The suspicion falls on Tanner (even
Capt. Cronyn thinks he's guilty), but when he ends up dead, the
killer turns his attention to Ricco fulltime. The finale finds the
real killer gunning for Ricco at a cocktail party at Denise's art
gallery. The killer murders Ricco's new girlfriend, Katherine
(Geraldine Brooks), with a shotgun blast to her back, so the normally
non-violent Ricco picks up a gun to get some justice of his own. The
killer, it turns out, is the brother (a white guy in black latex
makeup) of the white girl that Franklin killed, but planted evidence
released his sister's murderer (Franklin admits to Ricco in the
latter half of the film that he did kill the girl, which leads to a
prolonged fistfight between the two in an abandoned church). This was
the brother's way of punishing everyone who let his sister's murder
go unpunished. Sounds like a legitimate reason to me. This is a
pretty good slice of 70's cop drama, thanks to a cast of TV veterans
and capable direction by Paul Bogart, who was better known for
directing
episodes of TV series (including 97 episodes of ALL
IN THE FAMILY [1968 - 1979]). This was also Dean Martin's
last starring role in theatrical films (he did have guest roles in
the first two CANNONBALL RUN
films as well as a couple of dramatic guest starring roles on TV
after this) and he's pretty good here playing against type (he walks
into a bar and orders a glass of milk!) and going nowhere without his
faithful little dog Hank. Martin delivers his lines with a certain
amount of laid-back flair and gets off some good one-liners. There's
no denying that he had a screen presence and it's unfortunate he
didn't do more dramatic roles later in his life (he died in 1995).
The script, by Robert Hoban, is fairly complex for a 70's
cop/courtroom drama, but director Bogart doesn't sacrifice the action
set-pieces. The shotgun attack on Ricco's apartment is very well
handled and even contains a humorous moment where Ricco dials 911 and
gets an inexperienced operator. The killer's attack at the art
gallery is also fairly intense and vicious and doesn't skimp on the
blood bullet squibs. Even though this film is rated PG, you have to
remember this is the 70's version of a PG rating, where blood and
violence (and even nudity) were allowed. My favorite scene, though,
is when Ricco drives into a garage and pays a guy a huge sum of money
to paint his red Mustang a different color in just a few minutes
("What color do you want?" "I don't care!"), just
to throw off his police tail! He drives off a few moments later in a
still-wet white Mustang that wouldn't fool a retard, nevermind a cop,
but it works! The hilly streets and some of the more
"unsavory" locations (including an abandoned church) of
70's San Francisco are used to good effect, so much so, that I doubt
that any of the local politicians would have recommend this film as a
tourist video. LAVERNE
& SHIRLEY's (1976 - 1983) Cindy Williams also stands out
as Ricco's wise-cracking assistant Jamison, as does John Quade, who
puts in a cameo as a gay racist thug who Ricco sucker-punches in a
bar (he did deserve it, though). Toss in a funky 70's jazz and
wah-wah guitar soundtrack, good cinematography and an underscored
sense of humor (Hank gets Ricco's snooty neighbor's dog pregnant) and
you'll be wondering why this film is not yet available on U.S. home
video in any form (It was released on VHS
in Britain by MGM/UA
Home Video). For those of us who grew up during the 70's, this
film is a blast from the past. They just don't make 'em like this
anymore. Also starring George Tyne, Robert Sampson, Joseph Hacker,
Frank Puglia and Nicky Blair. Rated PG.
NAM
ANGELS (1988) - This is Filipino
director Cirio H. Santiago's remake (or rip-off, if you prefer) of
Jack Starrett's THE LOSERS
(1970). During the Vietnam War, Lt. Calhoun (Brad Johnson; the LEFT
BEHIND series) and his squad are ambushed by the enemy in
the jungle, forcing them to take cover in a cave that happens to
contain a fortune in gold dust. Hopelessly outnumbered and ready to
make their last stand, Lt. Calhoun and his men are suddenly saved
when a flurry of arrows appear out of nowhere and kill all the enemy
soldiers. A tribe of natives (including a topless woman) brandishing
bows and spears then attack Calhoun and his men and only Calhoun and
double agent Trinh (Archie Adamos) are able to escape to safety (by
swinging across a waterfalls on a rope). It turns out the tribe is
controlled by a "Roundeye", a Colonel Kurtz wannabe called
Chard (Vernon Wells; ENEMY UNSEEN
- 1989), who takes two of Calhoun's men prisoner. When Calhoun gets
back to base camp and explains to General Donipha (Ken Metcalfe) that
he wants to return to the jungle to save his men, the General tells
him that he has no men to spare, but if Calhoun (who only has two
more weeks left to serve in the military) can come up with an
alternate plan,
he will gladly sign-off on it. While sitting in a bar wondering what
he can do, Calhoun spots four Hell's Angels getting into a bar fight
(what they are doing in Vietnam with their Harleys is never
explained). Calhoun gets the bright idea to recruit the Hell's
Angels, led by Larger (the late Rick Dean; RAIDERS
OF THE SUN - 1991), to head out into the jungle to save his
men. Rather than tell them about Chard and the natives, Calhoun
entices them with tales of the gold dust instead. They bite, hook,
line and sinker and, together with mechanic Hickman (Kevin Duffis),
who replaces their Harleys with Yamaha dirt bikes (the Angels nearly
shit bricks at the thought of riding them), they helicopter behind
enemy lines, hop on the Yamahas and begin the mission. Almost
immediately, they come under enemy fire, but the Angels prove to be
proficient killers, with both guns and knives. The Angels suffer
their first casualty when member Turko (Romy Diaz) has his arm blown
off by riding his motorcycle over a landmine and he dies. They learn
to respect both Calhoun (who is the Indiana Jones of rope
manipulation) and Hickman and actually begin to operate as a team.
Things turn bad when Chard captures the three Angels, but Calhoun and
Hickman save their asses, along with Calhoun's two captive squad
members. The Angels abandon their gold quest and instead fight
alongside Calhoun as they battle Chard and his bloodthirsty natives.
The finale finds our unlikely heroes trying to make it across a
rickety, broken wooden bridge, while Chard, the natives and even the
VC (who show up with tanks!) try their damnedest to make sure they
don't make it across to the other side. If you've seen any of
director Cirio H. Santiago's other Nam action flicks, such as EYE
OF THE EAGLE (1987), BEHIND
ENEMY LINES (1987), THE EXPENDABLES
(1988), FIELD OF FIRE
(1990) and FIREHAWK (1992), you know
what to expect here: Lots of gunfights, explosions galore, gore
(including the aforementioned arm removal, slit throats and arrows
through the neck), some brief nudity and, of course, Santiago's
patented "running man on fire" gag. This one also contains
plenty of motorcycle stunts and some unexpected humor, such as when
the remaining Angels stand over Turko's grave and Calhoun asks them
to say a little something out of respect. The best they can come up
with is when member Bonelli (Mark Venturini) thanks Turko for making
the surviving members shares of gold a little larger! An interesting
side note is that when the real Hell's Angels heard that this film
used their name without permission, they successfully sued and won a
fairly large cash settlement. It didn't help that Rick Dean's
character was named "Sonny Larger", which sounded too much
like the name of real Hell's Angels founder Sonny Barger to be a
coincidence. NAM ANGELS
(a.k.a. HELLS ANGELS IN VIETNAM)
is a fast-paced, if derivative (it's basically THE LOSERS
with a little bit of APOCALYPSE NOW
[1979] thrown in for good measure), war actioner that delivers what
it promises: Motorcycles, machine guns and massacres. Also starring
Jeff Griffith, Eric Hahn, Tonichi Fructuoso, Leah Navarro, Ruben
Ramos and Frederick Bailey. Originally released on VHS by Media
Home Entertainment and available on VHS and DVD from New
Horizons Home Video as part of their AMERICAN VALOR series.
Available on Blu-Ray
from Code Red. Rated R.
NIGHTFORCE
(1986) - Another craptacular action film from
director/co-scripter Lawrence D. Foldes, who previously gave us NIGHTSTALKER
(1979, with Aldo Ray) and YOUNG WARRIORS
(1983, with Ernest Borgnine). This time it's Cameron Mitchell's turn
to embarass himself as Senator Hansen, whose daughter Christy
(Claudia Udy) is kidnapped and raped ("I'm gonna make a whore
outta you!") by Central American terrorists. They demand the
senator pay a 2.5 million dollar ransom and read an on-air manifesto
within 72 hours decrying the U.S.'s involvement in Central America or
Christy will be killed. The senator and Christy's fiance Bob (Casey
King) refuse to do anything to help (for political and professional
reasons), so Christy's friends Steve (James Van Patten), Carla (Linda
Blair), Henry (Chad McQueen), Mack (James Marcel, who would later
change his name to James Wilder) and Eddie (Dean R. Miller) head down
to Central America to free Christy from her captors.
Once in Central America, these five fish-out-of-water enter a smokey
cantina and immediately get into trouble, get into a shootout, then a
car chase and meet Bishop (Richard Lynch, in a rare good guy role), a
flute-playing mercenary with a monkey sidekick who agrees to help
them free Christy. Estoban (Bruce Fisher, who looks like Fidel
Castro), the leader of the terrorists, keeps Christy tied-up and
half-naked in a bamboo cage, while one of Estoban's men, Raoul (Cork
Hubbert), takes pity on her and secretly gives her food and clothing
(How the hell do you secretly give someone clothing? Wouldn't Estoban
notice something like that?). After another shootout in a town
between our group and Estoban's men (where Bishop saves Carla's
life), Bishop captures and tortures one of Estoban's men (off-screen)
and gets Estoban's location. After Christy makes an unsuccessful
escape attempt with Raoul's help (he's killed for his treachery),
Bishop and the quintet invade Estoban's camp and rescue Christy, but
not everyone makes it out alive. The survivors must make it to a
waiting helicopter, but there is more carnage waiting for them there.
Who will survive to make it to another day? Do you really care?
Almost immediately as soon as the film starts, it's apparent (at
least to me) that it's going to be a rough time for the viewer.
Deadly slow for an action film (the first major gunfight doesn't
happen till past the 45 minute mark of this 82 minute film), NIGHTFORCE
takes forever to find it's pulse. The action scenes are pretty good
when they finally happen, as people are shot, stabbed or blown up in
slow motion (the action scenes are probably this good because Joe
Tornatore [THE ZEBRA FORCE
- 1976] was Executive In Charge Of Production here). There are so
many holes in the storyline (How did these kids get a Jeep and a U-Haul
trailer full of weapons down to Central America without being
detected?) and unresolved sub-plots (What happened to Christy's
fiance or her father for that matter?) that you'll wonder how anyone
could take this seriously. This Vestron Films-funded production is
nothing but a thinly-veiled copy of Foldes' earlier YOUNG
WARRIORS, starring the same wooden actor (James Van Patten)
and using the same behind-the-scenes talent (co-scripter Russell W.
Colgin and producer Victoria Paige Meyerink). Claudia Udy spends most
of her screen time in various states of undress (that's not a bad
thing) and gets raped once and near-raped a second time (not a good
thing). Linda Blair keeps her clothes on throughout (not even a
shower scene, though she does work out in a gym in a skimpy outfit)
and Cameron Mitchell is on-screen for less than two minutes. Blair
also sings the opening and closing tune, titled "I Still
Remember" (which I'd rather forget). Also starring Jeanne Baird,
Mitchell Edmonds and Bob McCracken. A Lightning
Video Release. Later released on a crappy EP-mode VHS tape by
Avid Entertainment. Rated R.
NIGHT
OF THE WILDING (1990) - This is
PM Entertainment's stab at "social relevance". Remember the
catch-word "wilding" during the late 80's and early 90's?
The term meant an unruly bunch of kids who go around doing physical
harm, raping and killing just
for the fun of it. This film shows three wealthy kids who attack a
store security guard and then go to the house of the female cashier,
who called the cops on them, and rape her and her female friend as
well as bashing their male friend with a baseball bat. They are
arrested and are then represented by hot shot defense attorney Joseph
Gainer (Erik Estrada), who proceeds to portray the victims as the
real criminals. This does not sit well with prosecuting attorney
Marion (Kathrin Lautner), who also happens to be the ex-wife of
Gainer. When the lead witness is shot and killed by the leader of the
gang, Carl (Isaac Allen), Marion tells the court that a new secret
witness has come forth to testify in the case. She's making it up, of
course, to trap Carl who has already hung one of his friends and shot
the other. When Carl comes the Marion's house to kill her, Joseph
shows up in the nick of time to save her and chases Carl through the
streets (whichs includes a patented slow-mo car flip, a PM staple),
both ending up in a swimming pool where Joseph drowns Carl. Joseph is
arrested and charged with murder. Now Joseph knows how it feels to be
on the other side of the fence. For a PM Entertainment production,
this is woefully short on action and long on courtroom procedures.
Director Joseph Merhi, one of the founding members of PM (which has
since closed up shop), keeps the violence and action to a minimum so
don't go looking for the usual PM fare here. Instead you'll find a
bored-looking Estrada walking the streets probably wondering how his
career has sunk this low, an unreal look of how the courts operate
and a cameo appearance by Joey Travolta as a sleazebag lawyer (are
there any other kind?). This is a long 85 minutes kids. For better PM
fare, watch RAGE (1995) instead,
also directed by Merhi. Merhi has gone on to produce "A"
films, including the David Mamet-directed SPARTAN
(2003). Co-founder Richard Pepin, who produced this and directed many
PM films, including DARK BREED
(1996), is still making films. WILDING
also stars Pamela Dixon, Charles Ganis, Robert Dickey, Jean Levine
and Addison Randall. An M.C.E.G.
Virgin Home Entertainment Release. Rated R.
NIGHT
WARS (1987)
-
Director David A. Prior, who started out his career with the
abominable SLEDGEHAMMER
(1984), made a string of war films in the 80's. This is one of the
worst of them. It's a mixture
of A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
and MISSING IN ACTION
(both 1984) as a soldier has nightmares about the friend he left
behind in a Vietnam P.O.W. camp. He wakes up with cuts and bruises as
if he were back in the war. With his war buddy and the help of a
psychiatrist (Dan Haggerty, how do you still keep getting acting
jobs?), they go to sleep to try to bring their P.O.W. friend back
from the netherworld into the real world. They succeed, but it all
turns out to be a dream itself as the soldier wakes up and finds
himself back in Vietnam. What preceeded it was all in his mind. He
does take matters in his own hands and kills the traitor in his
platoon who will eventually become their enemy. Talk about friendly
fire! This film is entirely short on logic as the enemy cannot shoot
straight and the good soldiers kill everyone with one shot apiece.
When bales of hay are hit with bullets, sparks fly and there are
sounds of ricochets! The underacting of Haggerty (who says, "Oh,
my God!" as if it's commonplace when he sees the two sleeping
soldiers getting riddled with invisible bullets), the overacting of
the lead baddie (Steve Horton), who stares wide-eyed and laughs at
every conceivable moment and the stunts and action sequences are all
sub-par. Nothing could have save this excrement of a film except for
a complete rewrite and cast change. Changing directors wouldn't be a
bad idea either. Prior, who dabbled in nearly every type of genre
film, excluding comedies (except for the unintentional type), also
directed KILLER WORKOUT
(1986), THE LOST PLATOON
(1989 - unarguably his best, if derivative, film) FUTURE
FORCE (1989), WHITE FURY and
FUTURE ZONE (both 1990), FELONY (1994),
MUTANT SPECIES (1995) and
many others. His brother Ted Prior, who was a Playgirl model for much
of the 80's, has appeared in many of his films as well as writing
some of them. He does not appear in this one, although he did
co-write the story which the screenplay was based on. Also starring
Brian O'Connor, Cameron Smith, Chet Hood, Jill Foor, Mike Hickham and
David Ott. A Sony
Video Release. Not Rated. A.I.P.
Home Video (co-owned by controversial director/producer/actor
David Winters of THE LAST
HORROR FILM [1982] fame, Peter Yuval, the
director/producer/writer of FIREHEAD
[1991], and Prior) would release the majority of Prior's films before
going out of business in the mid-90's.
NINJA'S
FORCE (1984) - In the opening of
this Filipino actioner, a black-clad ninja invades the guarded
mansion of Professor Hamilton, killing him, along with his young
wheelchair-bound daughter, with a sword and stealing a red folder
stamped "Top Secret". The folder contains the formula for a
virus that could "wipe out the entire world", so a group of
scientists and politicians decide to hire the "most daring, cold
and deadly man alive...a ninja!" to retrieve or destroy the
formula (After hearing the plan, one scientist says, "I think
you're out of your mind, Senator, but I'm with you!). They send two
of their best men, David Reynolds (Mike Monty; DESERT
WARRIOR - 1988) and his unnamed partner (Jim Gaines), to
Japan to search for the best ninja and after a long trek through the
woods (where David's partner and guide Kioshiro are killed for not
adhering to the rules set forth in the beginning of their search),
Dave is taken to a secret ninja temple, where he meets master ninja Kenzo
(co-director Romano Kristoff; TERROR
FORCE COMMANDO - 1986), who agrees to help David retrieve
the formula. The formula is now in the hands of evil businessman Mr.
Duncan (Tony Carreon) and he will do anything to keep it. Once Duncan
catches wind that Kenzo is on his trail, he sends his men to kill him
and David. They place a bomb in David's car, but Kenzo smells it (!)
and they both jump out of the car seconds before it explodes (David
flatly says, "Well, there goes my car."). Duncan tries
unsuccessfully to kill Kenzo on several occasions (his men shoot
arrows into a sleeping Kenzo's chest, but he is wearing a shield
under is pyjamas!), which forces Kenzo to don several disguises (in
one instance, he puts on a dress, a wig and huge glasses and tries to
pass himself off as the ugliest woman this side of the Ukraine!) to
find out who kidnapped Carla (Cristina Guadagno), the best friend of
David's sister, Laura (Jeselle Morgan). It seems a spate of
kidnappings of young women has been happening in the area for some
time and they are being used as guinea pigs by Mr. Duncan's lead
scientist, Professor Yamamoto (Ken Watanabe, who co-wrote the
screenplay with Kristoff), to test the effects of the formula (It's
never made abundantly clear what the formula actually does, but it
has something to do with LSD and mind control, turning the kidnapped
young women into zombified killing machines). When Mr. Duncan has
Laura kidnapped (who Kenzo is now quite fond of) and then kills
David, Kenzo goes on a revenge spree, sneaking onto Duncan's secret
island compound and killing everyone (including Duncan, who gets
decapitated in the film's bloodiest effect) and then facing-off with
Professor Yamamoto, who turns out to be the ninja who murdered
Professor Hamilton and his gimp daughter in the beginning of the
film. This is a pretty weak Filipino actioner that was clearly
made solely as a starring vehicle for Romano Kristoff, who makes for
one of the most unconvincing ninjas in recent memory. Kristoff, who
co-directed this with the usually competent Teddy Page (BLOOD
DEBTS - 1983; JUNGLE RATS
- 1987), makes sure to give himself plenty of screen time playing the
action hero, stopping the action sequences long enough to have a
naked love scene with Jeselle Morgan. Kristoff also adopts multiple
disguises, including the aforementioned woman (a laugh riot!) and an
elderly bearded fisherman, while spouting cringe-worthy dime store
Confucius bits of wisdom, like "Apologies are like sunshine
after a hurricane...beautiful but useless!" The action scenes,
especially the martial arts fights, are poorly staged and many of
them happen under the blanket of darkness, making viewing what's
going on a real chore. The film's not a total loss, though, thanks to
some gory deaths (impalement by arrow seems to be the favored method
here, followed by sword slicing, throat slitting and being bashed
over the head repeatedly with an ashtray), female nudity and some
truly risible dialogue ("Who are you?" "I am your
executioner!"). The film would have been so much better if the
script focused more on the illicit experiments (which held promise)
and less on Kenzo's exploits. As it stands, NINJA'S
FORCE (also known as BUSHIDO'S FORCE, NINJA
COMMANDO and NINJA MISSION) is a mildly enjoyable
actioner that could have used a little more polish in the action
set-pieces. Followed by a non-related sequel, NINJA'S
FORCE II (1986) also known as DOUBLE
EDGE. Also starring Gwendolyn Hung, Steve Mark, Tony
McQueen, Bob Campbell, Willy Williams and Pat Andrew. Never available
on home video in the U.S., the version I viewed was sourced from a
Dutch-subtitled VHS tape. Not Rated.
NINJA'S
FORCE II (1986) - This is not a
real sequel to the 1984 film NINJA'S FORCE,
except that it stars many of the same people, but in different
roles. As a young boy, Mark Quinn witnessed his mother and father
being gunned down by vicious loan shark Maraccio (Anthony East; THE
SISTERHOOD - 1987). Twenty years later, Mark (Romano
Kristoff; TERROR FORCE COMMANDO
- 1986) is a cop in the Dirty Harry mold, who shoots first and asks
questions later (We first spot the adult Mark breaking up a
robbery/rape in progress at a gas station, where he shoots two of the
coke-sniffing goons and blows up the gas station to kill the third,
muttering "You have the right to remain silent" just before
he sets the business aflame). After being chewed-out by his Captain
(Who says, "Sergeant Quinn, what you did last night was just
sensational...but for this department it's bullshit!"), Mark
stops at a supermarket with cop buddy Jackson (James Moss) to get
some beer, only to discover Jackson is being held hostage in the
store by some robbers. Suddenly, a black-clad ninja sneaks into the
store and kills the robbers with some fancy swordplay before
disappearing out the back of the store. When Jackson follows the
ninja, he discovers Mark unconscious,
apparently knocked-out by the ninja (When their Captain doesn't
believe the vigilante was a ninja, Jackson says, "Well sir, he
was wearing the same damned costume as Lee Van Cleef was in his TV
series!" to which the Captain relpies, "Jesus, the next
thing you're gonna be telling me is that Rambo walks into McDonalds
and Spiderman busts him for being an unlicensed samurai!"
What?!?). Pretty soon, the ninja begins showing up at the scenes of
crimes in progress, disabling the criminals (when he doesn't kill
them, that is) and anonymously turning them over to the police. The
Captain is pissed-off and wants the vigilante off the streets, but it
becomes apparent to the viewer after a short period of time that Mark
is actually the ninja (especially after Mark talks an armed suspect
into giving up his weapon and later that night the ninja delivers
money to the suspect's sick wife and hungry children). Mark is a cop
by day and a ninja at night, using his ninja skills to right wrongs
that a crooked legal system can't solve. When Mark discovers that old
family friend Frank is smuggling heroin in religious statues (When
Mark confronts him about it, Frank shoots himself in the head!), he
sets out to free Frank's son Antonio, who is being held captive by
the people who were forcing Frank to smuggle smack. Mark saves
Antonio and then begins dismantling the drug business by using his
ninja skills, which will lead him all the way to the top of the drug
trade. The drug kingpin just happens to be Maraccio, which will give
Mark the chance to get revenge on the one person who murdered his
parents, as well as cleaning-up the town's heroin supply. This
Filipino action film, directed by John Lloyd (NINJA
WARRIORS - 1985; TRIGON FIRE
- 1989) and written by Lloyd, Sean Sommers and Jim Gaines (who also
has a role here as a pimp named Sly), is nothing but a series of
action film and TV series clichés, including the obligatory
police station Mexican standoff, where a bad guy in police custody
grabs a cop's gun and holds the entire station hostage until Mark
talks him down, but it's an enjoyable collection of clichés
nonetheless. The funniest scene comes when Maraccio captures Mark and
slowly hooks him on heroin (shades of FRENCH
CONNECTION II - 1975). Instead of killing him, Maraccio
drops him off in an alley, where a bunch of bums steal his clothes
and Jackson miraculously find him seconds later and detoxes Mark in
an amazingly short period of time. Romano Kristoff is his normal
stoic self, hardly showing any emotions at all (I half-expected that
any flesh wounds he incurred would reveal a metal skeleton and a
bunch of wires, but I was wrong) and Ken Watanabe (who was Kristoff's
adversary in the original NINJA'S FORCE) shows up in flashback
scenes as Mark's ninja teacher and adoptive father. If you like films
with plenty of gunfire, fighting and a smattering of gore (throat
slashings, impalements and ninja stars to the forehead), NINJA'S
FORCE II (also known as DOUBLE EDGE)
should be right up your alley. Just mind your shoes and clothes.
Also starring Dan Anderson, Robert Mason, Jerry Bayron, David Light
and Walter McLean. Another fine production from K.Y. Lim's Silver
Star Film Productions. Never released on home video in the U.S., the
print I viewed was sourced from a Dutch-subtitled VHS tape. Not Rated.
NINJA
WARRIORS (1985) - In this
Filipino action flick from Silver Star Films (BLOOD
DEBTS - 1982; SFX RETALIATOR
- 1987), a group of gasmask-wearing black-clad ninjas stealthily
break into a well-guarded highrise building and steal a folder marked
"Classified: Top Secret". After taking the file, the ninjas
then kill all the guards as they exit the building (Why they didn't
just kill them on their way in is never explained). An exasperated
Captain Henry Marlowe (Mike Monty) assigns Lt. Kevin Washington (Paul
Vance) to the case. Kevin thinks ninjas are involved, so he goes to
his friend, master martial artist (and white ninja) Steve (Ron
Marchini) for some help. From the outset of their first meeting,
Steve and Kevin are constantly attacked by the black ninjas (Who
still wear their gas masks. Maybe they just eat a lot of Mexican
food.). It then comes to our attention that the stolen top secret
folder contained a formula for mind control, but when crime kingpin
Kuroda (Ken Wantanabe, who also receives story credit) is informed
that some of the pages of the formula are missing, he has his black
ninjas kidnap the daughter of the scientist who wrote the formula.
Unfortunately, they grab an undercover policewoman instead and
Kuroda's right-hand man, Mike
(Nick Nicholson), tortures her with a defibrillator until evil
scientist Dr. Anderson (Mike Cohen) sees through her charade. Steve
and the bumbling Kevin capture Tom (Romano Kristoff), one of the
black ninjas, but he won't talk (Steve says, "Forget it Kevin,
he's a ninja!"). A note is delivered to Captain Marlowe's office
that offers to trade the undercover policewoman for Tom. At the
exchange, the policewoman is killed and Tom gets away. Kuroda has his
ninjas kidnap the real scientist's daughter (a female ninja carries a
tennis racket with a knife hidden in the handle) and they find a key
around her neck (It's so big, I'm surprised the poor girl didn't have
back trouble!) which leads them to a safety deposit box that contains
the formula's missing pages. Kuroda makes Tom commit hari-kari for
getting caught as Steve and Kevin get closer to Kuroda and stopping
the mind control experiments from being completed. When Captain
Marlowe is brutally murdered by Kuroda (he shoves a sword through the
back of Marlowe's head until the blade protrudes out his mouth!) and
Kevin is taken prisoner and tortured (and, eventually, killed), Steve
springs into action and invades Kuroda's secret underground compound
to exact some well-deserved justice. Though not as crazy and
off-the-wall as some other Philippines-made actioners, NINJA
WARRIORS is not without it's charms. Although it is
badly-dubbed (none of the actors dub their own voices) and some of
the martial arts fights are clumsily-staged, director John Lloyd (NINJA'S
FORCE II - 1986) offers up enough violence and lunacy to
keep you entertained. First off, it's a miracle that the stupid and
awkward Kevin even graduated kindergarten, much less the police
academy. He's an oaf of the first degree, as he constantly puts Steve
and other cops lives in jeopardy with his rash decisions and stupid
choices. If I were Steve, I would have said "Thank God!"
when he found out that Kevin was kidnapped and counted my blessings.
Ron Marchini (MURDER IN
THE ORIENT - 1974; DEATH
MACHINES - 1976; FORGOTTEN WARRIOR
- 1986; RETURN FIRE: JUNGLE WOLF 2
- 1988; KARATE COP - 1991) is stiff
as a corpse in Winter, but it's a hoot when he gives a knowing stare
(where the camera zooms in on his eyes) every time he senses
something is amiss, like the time he walks into Marlowe's office,
gives the stare, tosses a throwing star into the ceiling and a hidden
electronic bug falls into Marlowe's hand! The violence is pretty much
over-the-top, such as Marlowe's death, Steve's battles with multiple
ninjas in the finale (where Kuroda dons a red devil kabuki mask) and
a scene where Steve spits a bunch of spiked ball bearings into an
opponent's face. Although the mind control subplot is never resolved, NINJA
WARRIORS is a mindless diversion for action fans. This tape is
hosted by Sybil Danning as part of her 80's "Adventure
Video" series for USA Home Video. Besides her looking pretty in
a low-cut dress, cracking some pretty bad puns and mispronouncing
some martial arts terms (such as "shuriken"), there's not
much point to it. Also starring Joe Meyer, Michael Krus, John Grimmer
and Charlotte Cain. James (Jim) Gaines (JUNGLE
RATS - 1987) was the Assistant Director and also puts in a
cameo. A USA
Home Video Release. Not Rated.
NO
DEAD HEROES (1986) - Another
mindless Filipino actioner, this time borrowing themes from THE
MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1962) and THE
CHAIRMAN (1969). CIA agent Frank Baylor (Mike Monty) sends
soldiers Ric Sanders (Max Thayer) and Harry Cotter (John Dresden) on
a rescue mission to a gook POW camp containing American prisoners,
one of them being a CIA agent. Baylor wants Sanders and Cotter to
either save or kill his agent (he doesn't give a shit about the other
American prisoners), because the camp has a Russian
"advisor" named Ivan (Nick Nicholson, in an over-the-top
performance [He doesn't even attempt to use a Russian accent!]), who
will use the info the agent has to further the cause of Communism.
Ivan is a real motherfucker, who begins torturing and killing the
POWs looking for the CIA agent. He cuts off fingers, shoots prisoners
in the back and puts a bullet in one prisoner's heart for spitting on
him ("Nobody spits on my face, godamnit, nobody!"). Sanders
and Cotter lead a midnight raid on the camp and defy Baylor's orders.
They release all the POWs and, as they try to lead them to safety,
Cotter is shot and captured by Ivan. Ten years pass and we learn that
Cotter has had a microchip implanted in his brain by Russian
scientists to turn him into a perfect killing machine, his actions
controlled by a small remote control device in Ivan's
watch. Sanders, who is now a private citizen with a wife and young
daughter, is reactivated into service as a CIA agent by Baylor to
"neutralize" Cotter before he becomes a major headache for
American freedom. Too late. Cotter shows up at his "widowed"
wife's birthday party and kills everyone in sight with a machinegun,
including Sander's wife and daughter. Now it's personal. Sanders goes
through extensive combat training to get back in shape and his first
assignment is to take a group of men and blow up Ivan's communist
training camp in Kampuchea. He succeeds in his mission, but Ivan and
Cotter get away. Sanders hooks up with a foul-mouthed female CIA
operative named Barbara (Toni Nero) when Sanders follows Ivan and
Cotter to Central America. Cotter kills everyone in a church during
Mass and Sanders learns that Ivan plans to use Cotter to kill the
Pope (the freakin' Pope!) when he visits San Salvador in three days.
Trouble ensues when Sanders and Barbara are captured and tortured by
Ivan and Cotter when they visit the country of a dictator who looks
like Castro. They eventually escape (though I'm sure Barbara's ass is
a little sore), which leads to a fatalistic finale where only one
person walks away. Can you guess which one? If you like action
films with plenty of gunplay, NO
DEAD HEROES is a pretty safe bet. But if you're looking for
something to stimulate your brain cells, boy are you in the wrong
ballpark (They age people by ten years simply by putting white powder
in their hair and beards!). Director/ producer/co-scripter Danilo
Cabreira (CROSSBONE TERRITORY
- 1988), here using the pseudonyn "J.C. Miller", fills the
screen with bloody violence, including impalement on bamboo poles, an
arrow in the crotch and bullet squibs, lots and lots of bullet
squibs. The films is also crammed with loads of pro-U.S. flag-waving
dialogue, such as this gem from Sanders: "I use to think that
America should mind it's own business, but I was wrong. We can't
afford to fall asleep. We are the watchdog of the world!" Or
this beauty from Barbara, who speaks with a thick Spanish accent:
"I love America! I love freedom!" Only a few scant months
after this movie was made, Communism would come down with the Berlin
Wall, making this entire film seem outdated, especially Nick
Nicholson's (NINJA WARRIORS -
1985) performance as Ivan, who gives a bug-eyed speech to a bunch of
recruits at his training camp about the benefits of Communism.
There's also the appearance of the Fidel Castro lookalike and
soundalike, who ass-rapes Barbara while she is tied-up, just to keep
reminding us how bad Communism really is (It's ass-rapin' bad!). Max
Thayer (THE RETRIEVERS
- 1981; NO RETREAT NO
SURRENDER 2 - 1988) is pretty stiff as an actor, but he does
handle a gun and his action scenes like a pro. There's really no meat
to the plot, as we never get to San Salvador to meet the Pope (I
guess that lookalike was too expensive to hire) and the film does
drag in spots (especially the sequence where Sanders and Barbara
make-out by a campfire while a lousy love ballad plays on the
soundtrack), but there's enough carnage and explosions to put your
brain into neutral and enjoy the ride. Also known as WAR
MACHINE. Also starring Dave Anderson, Steve Rogers, Paul
Vance and John Carr. Available on VHS from Sony
Video Software Company. Not Rated.
NOMAD
RIDERS (1981) - When a cop with
the incredulous name of Steve Thrust (Anthony Laschi) watches his
wife and son killed by a biker gang called the Marauders while he is
piloting a glider plane, he quits the police force and decides to go
after the bikers who
were hired by Mafia kingpin Mr. Vacci (played by director Frank
Roach) to only rough them up, not kill them. The Mafia then also put
a hit out on the Marauders, who also blow up a surveyor in a
porta-potty with a grenade and trash an elderly lady's house for no
reason at all. These guys get off on killing and pillaging. Thrust,
along with ex-con Charlie (Don Martin), track down Vacci and the
Marauders, killing them one-by-one while Vacci's men try to kill
Thrust. That's basically the entire plot of this late entry into the
biker genre and it's a pretty bad one. The biker's names are Grenades
(Wayne Chema), Cannibal (Richard Kluck) and Crud (Ron Gregg) which
tells you which road this film takes. It's not the high one. When the
Mafia gang have a shootout with the Marauders, one of the Mafia goons
is left behind and scalped by Grenades. They then deliver the scalp
to Mr. Vacci (Vacci says after seeing the scalp: "The monkeys
are smarter than the trainers."). In another unbelievable
scene, Thrust makes love to fellow female cop Linda (Lynne Kocol)
just a few days after losing his wife and kid! Talk about grieving!
Charlie gets kidnapped by Vacci and they try to set up Thrust, but he
gets away (Charlie, unfortunately doesn't) after killing three of
Vacci's goons (including an axe-wielding brute called Bronco, played
by Marlon D. Robinson, the film's best performance) in a badly-staged
action sequence. After getting the location of Vacci from Bronco
before killing him, Thrust then goes on a one-man killing spree,
breaking heads and shooting goombas until his final one-on-one
showdown with Vacci. Thrust kills Vacci by crushing him under a
forklift. In a surrealistic ending, Grenades goes bonkers, talks to
his dead friends Cannibal and Crud and swears vengeance on
Thrust. Things don't work out quite so well for Grenades as he
is shot by Thrust after a chase through the woods and is blown up by
one of his own grenades. The films ends with the line: "...And
the Madness Lived On." What the HELL does that mean? Director
Frank Roach is better known for directing the even more risable
horror film FROZEN
SCREAM (1975), starring that epitomy of German ingenuity,
Renee Harmon. These are the only two films Roach directed, so count
your lucky stars. A Vestron
Video Release. Not Rated but no harder than an R.
OMEGA
SYNDROME (1986) - Agreeable
actioner starring Ken Wahl (with a mullet haircut) as Jack Corbett, a
washed-up alcoholic freelance writer who is a widower with a 13
year-old daughter (a young Nicole Eggert) he only gets to see once a
month thanks to his affluent doctor father-in-law (Bill Morey), who
won a custody fight for her guardianship. When a snitch is being
escorted to a hideaway house and his assassination is botched
by the Omega Group, a Nazi organization headed by Ron Kuhlman and
Xander Berkeley (who has
rotten teeth here), they stage a mock liquor store hold-up with
Corbett and his daughter in the store. They take the kid in what
police detective Milnor (the late Doug McClure) thinks is a hostage
situation to get out of the store. Corbett notices the Omega symbol
tattooed on Berkeley's arm and, since no ransom is demanded, seeks
help from his old Army buddy Philly (George DiCenzo, in the film's
best performance) to help them figure out why a Nazi organization
would want his daughter. It turns out that the Nazis want Corbett's
father-in-law to kill the snitch at the hospital and they will
release the girl. Milnor (who is on a diet that he hates) soon comes
around to Corbett's way of thinking and stops the in-law from killing
the snitch. Corbett and Philly then launch an all-out war to find out
where the girl is hidden. After investigating and interrogating some neo-Nazis
(including the old flaming tire bit and some good-old beating them
to a pulp), they find out the girl is being held in an abandoned
warehouse. The finale finds Corbett and Philly taking on the Nazis
single-handedly, shooting and fighting each one of them until Corbett
finds his daughter on the roof and throws Kuhlman off of it. Director
Joseph Manduke (KID VENGEANCE
- 1977) injects some needed humor into the proceedings (including
McClure's dietary habits and Philly's one-liners) and doesn't forget
to include the action, including a good car chase (provided by stunt
director Spiro Razatos, who also makes a cameo appearance as
"Marshall #3") and plenty of fights and shootouts
(including some racially motivated ones by Omega). While in no way
first class entertainment, this Grade B actioner does keep your
attention and has you rooting for the good guys. I just wish that the
ending had a scene between Corbett and his father-in-law where he
punches him out for putting his daughter in such danger. That aside,
put your brain in neutral and enjoy the ride. Also starring Colm
Meaney as a bomb maker for Omega (whom Berkeley shoots in the back
calling him a "Mick Bastard"), Robert Gray, Al White and
Bob Tzudiker. After this, Ken Wahl went on to become famous for
playing Vinnie Terranova in the great TV series WISEGUY
(1987 - 1990). He was then in a terrible car accident and gave up
acting due to severe back pain and an addiction to pain killers
(which he has since overcome). He then married one of the Barbi twins
(the lucky bastard!). A New
World Video Release. Rated R. Not available on DVD as of
this writing.
THE
ONE ARMED EXECUTIONER (1980) -
Another crazy Filippino action flick that grabs you from the
beginning and doesn't let up. It's in no way a good film, mind you,
just crazy from the get-go. When a dwarf informant is killed by a hit
man (he is trapped in a phone booth and thrown in the river!),
newlywed Interpol agent Ortega (Franco Guerrero) is assigned to the
case to find out the information the dwarf was trying to sell. Ortega
and his men go to an airport and stop a plane that contains a
briefcase belonging to drug kingpin Edwards (Mike Cohen). In that
briefcase is a coded diary that contains all of Edwards' drug
contacts. Unfortunately, a gunfight breaks out and the plane blows
up, destroying the briefcase and the diary. Ortega decides to play it
as if the diary wasn't destroyed and confronts Edwards, telling him he
has a diary. Bad move. Edwards sends some of his men over to
Ortega's house and they tie both Ortega and his new wife Ann (Jody
Kay) to chairs and demand the diary back. When Ortega tells them that
the diary was destroyed in the plane explosion, the goons don't
believe him and make him watch as they kill Ann by running her
through with a sword. They then cut off Ortega's left arm with the
same sword (he was left-handed) and leave him bleeding but alive.
When Ortega wakes up in the hospital and sees his missing appendage,
he vows revenge on all those responsible (His boss at Interpol, on
hearing Ortega's vow, insensitively says, "Listen, fathead, and
listen straight. Hands off!" Ouch, what a dickhead!). Ortega at
first feels sorry for himself, gets drunk and talks to his dead wife
(surprisingly, she talks back!). He soon comes around, thanks to a
friendly Chinese sensai, and begins training, learning how to handle
a gun with his right hand and also how to fight with one arm and both
feet. After his training is through, he systematically kills all
those responsible for Ann's death, eventually leading to a final
showdown with Edwards and his leading henchman Jason (Pete Cooper) at
his drug hideout. Expect lots of bullets and things that blow up real
nice. Director Bobby A. Suarez doesn't give you enough time to
realize the ridiculousness of the story, thanks to the frequent
violence and other crazy situations (including Ortega's
rehabilitation sequence at a martial arts training facility) on view.
Suarez, who directed other entertaining, but mindless, actioners such
as THE DEVIL'S THREE
(a.k.a. PAY OR DIE -
1979), AMERICAN COMMANDOS
(1985) and WARRIORS
OF THE APOCALYPSE (1985), fills the screen with gunfights
where people are shot in the head, back and legs and, in one rousing
scene, Jason is shot multiple times, the last shots being to his
groin and back. There's also multiple explosions, impalements, a
speedboat/helicopter chase, martial arts fights, torture and
dismemberments. There's also enough gravity-defying stunts and
head-scratching moments for a dozen action flicks. While not as crazy
or as action-packed as FINAL SCORE
(1986), THE ONE ARMED EXECUTIONER
is still a good bet for those tired of dry American action films. One
interesting aspect of Ray Hamilton's script has one of Edwards'
associates, Milo, be a walking thesaurus, offering Edwards better
words for his conversations and written communications, thereby
making Edwards seem more sophisticated than he actually is. You won't
see stuff like that in American action films. If I really have one
complaint, it's that the fullscreen transfer is framed dead-center.
Since much of the action takes place on the right and left sides of
the screen, a widescreen transfer would have been preferrable, or at
least pan-and-scan, because Paragon Video's transfer shows a lot of
dead space on-screen during some key scenes. Also starring Nigel
Hogge, James (Jim) Gaines, Joe Zucchero and Leopoldo Salcero. A Paragon
Video Release which is long OOP. Finally available on a
widescreen double
feature DVD (with Suarez's THEY
CALL HER...CLEOPATRA WONG - 1978) from Dark
Sky Films. Not Rated.
ONE
MAN ARMY (1993) - When interest in
his post-nuke and Vietnam War actioners began to wane in the early
90's, director/producer Cirio H. Santiago switched to making
modern-day martial arts flicks. Unfortunately, these films are
Santiago's most anemic, thanks to ever-shrinking budgets and a severe
lack of star power, especially in his choice of leading actors. This
is one of the worst of the bunch. Martial arts teacher Jerry Pelt
(Jerry Trimble) is called back to his hometown to attend the funeral
of his judge grandfather. As soon as he enters his birthplace, he
notices that the town has changed (for one, it's now full of Filipino
extras) and it's not for the better. Jerry hooks-up with old
girlfriend Natalie Pierce (Melissa Moore; Santiago's ANGELFIST -
1992), who informs him that the town has been taken over by a man
named Sidney Sharperson (Paul Holmes), who has ties to organized
crime and smuggles illegal aliens into the country to work for slave
wages in his fields. Jerry finds evidence that his grandfather may
have been murdered for discovering the illegal alien smuggling
operation, so he sets out to find definite proof. It doesn't help
that the corrupt sheriff, Pat Boze (the late Rick Dean; Santiago's RAIDERS
OF THE SUN - 1991), is a childhood enemy of Jerry's, who
dogs his every move. When Natalie, who is a lawyer, suggests that
Jerry runs for sheriff,
he initially rejects the idea, but after a series of deadly
"accidents" in town, Jerry decides that running for sheriff
is probably just what this county needs. Natalie is shot and wounded
by a couple of motorcycle helmet-wearing thugs while taking a topless
dip in a lake with Jerry (who are now lovers again), so Jerry, along
with his grandfather's intelligent German Shepherd "Hank"
(played by "Yup", who shows a wider range of emotions than
the leading man), begin to tear the town apart looking for the
shooters as well as picking up support from the townspeople who are
sick and tired of all the corruption. When Sharperson tries to bribe
Jerry, Natalie secretly records the conversation and has a radio DJ
(Henry Strzalkowski) broadcast it. Thanks to the recording, Jerry
easily wins the election and, with childhood pal Eddie Taylor (Dennis
Hayden), begins cleaning up the town. Eddie, it turns out, is not
such a good friend after all, as he's a coke addict and is on Boze's
payroll. Eddie kills his wife Pilar (Yvonne Michelle) in a coked-out
haze, knocks-out Jerry and sets the house on fire. Thinking Jerry is
dead (He's not. Hank drags him out of the burning house.), Eddie
takes over as sheriff and brings Boze and the other corrupt cops back
on the payroll. When Jerry finds out that it was Eddie who killed his
grandfather, he goes on a one-man murder spree, killing everyone
(including Boze, who shoots Sharperson in the back for slapping him
in the face one too many times) until only he and Eddie (who has
kidnapped Natalie) are left. The first thing you'll notice
about this film is how one-note champion kickboxer Jerry Trimble is
as an actor (Trimble has the fastest kick ever recorded, clocked at
118 mph). Trimble is simply terrible and has the emotional range of a
rock, which makes me wonder why director Santiago used him as the
star of two other films, 1992's LIVE
BY THE FIST and 1994's STRANGLEHOLD.
The second thing you'll notice about the film is how many times
Trimble gets hit in the face every time he gets into a fight. For
someone so proficient in the martial arts, he certainly takes more
than his fair share of the punishment. I'm still trying to figure out
if that's a good or bad thing. Santiago tries to keep our minds off
the film's gaping plot holes by tossing as much female nudity at us
as possible (Melissa Moore has several nude scenes, as do most of the
women here), but the sad fact is that Trimble (who is married to
actress Ami Dolenz [TICKS - 1993; PUMPKINHEAD
II: BLOOD WINGS - 1994]) is not able to hold up his end as
an actor and the normally wild Rick Dean (Santiago's NAM
ANGELS - 1988; NAKED OBSESSION
- 1990) is much too subdued here. The only humor comes when Jerry and
Eddie go to break-up an illegal martial arts tournament in one of
Sharperson's bars, only to find a bingo tournament instead, thanks to
the traitorous Eddie tipping-off Sharperson in advance. The fight
scenes are fairly lively and somewhat bloody but, all-in-all, this
action flick is average at best, thanks to Trimble's non-existant
thespian talents. As with most of Santiago's films, this was financed
by Roger Corman and clocks in at a scant 79 minutes. Originally known
as KICK & FURY. Also starring James Paolleli, Peter
Shilton, Joseph Zucchero, Nick Nicholson, Ramon D'Salva and Bill
Baldridge. Available on VHS and DVD from New Horizons Home Video. Rated
R.
ORDER
OF THE EAGLE (1988) - A
group of ninja-like assassins enter the well-guarded home of an
important man (a framed photo shows him as Newsweek's Man Of The
Year. Wait a minute; isn't that Time Magazine's job?), killing
everyone inside except their target, who saw them coming and escapes.
The assassins' faceless, cane-carrying boss is pissed-off and orders
his black clad goons to find him. The film then switches to an Eagle
Scout camp in the woods, where Scout Greg (Casey Hirsch) is about to
spend three days alone in the mountains to earn a merit badge. Greg
begins his lonely trek, only to fall over a small cliff and land next
to the wreckage of a single-engine plane that must have crashed there
years earlier, judging by the condition of the pilot's corpse. Greg
searches the plane and finds a briefcase containing some
important-looking floppy disks (the 5.25" kind, remember them?)
in a case with a flashing red light. As soon as Greg opens the floppy
disk case, it sends out a homing signal to the computer terminal of
evil businessman Mr. Quill (Frank Stallone; DEATH
FEUD - 1987; in what amounts to an extended cameo). It turns
out that the corpse of the pilot is actually that of our dear
Newsweek Man of The Year and he has been missing for over
two years. The disks he had in the briefcase are plans for some Star
Wars Missile Defense Strategy (ah, the 80's!) and Mr. Quill will do
anything to get his hands on those disks, including murder. Quill has
his security expert Leo (David Roger Harris) hire five hitmen to go
into the woods and retrieve the disks. To show how nasty these five
hitmen are, we watch in flashbacks as they perform some previous
hits. One shoots a U.S. senator with an arrow; another shoots three
survivalists point-blank; another blows-up a restrained man in a car
with a grenade; another pushes a woman out of a helicopter; and the
last one, a crooked cop, shoots a dealer and steals his drugs. Back
to the present, the five hitmen converge in the woods looking for
Greg and the disks, but Greg gets some unexpected help from local
yokels John Billings (William Zipp; MANKILLERS
- 1987), Freddie (Perry Hill) and pretty local store owner Monica
(Jil Foor). The hitmen take Greg prisoner, but he refuses to tell
them where he has hidden the disks. Monica alerts John and Ranger
Mike (Mike Hickam; who died during production) of the hitmen's
presence when they stop by her store looking for directions (She
notices a .45 pistol in one of the men's belts and immediately grows
suspicious, because, c'mon, who goes hunting with a pistol?). When
Ranger Mike is shot dead, Greg escapes with John's help. Quinn sends
professional killer Jack LaRouse (David Marriott), the mysterious man
with the cane from the beginning of the film, and a nameless tracker
(Ner Reodica) to finish the job that the hitmen failed to do, but
John, Freddie and Monica help Greg retrieve the briefcase and defeat
Quinn and his cadre of killers. Greg the Boy Scout may not have been
prepared as he would have liked to be, but he was damned lucky to
have made these new friends that know a thing or two about forest
warfare. This low-budget Action International Pictures in-house
production, directed by first-(and only)timer Thomas Baldwin (who was
First Assistant Director on many A.I.P. films, including KILLER
WORKOUT - 1986; DEATH CHASE
- 1988; and SHE WOLVES OF
THE WASTELAND - 1988) and written/produced by star William
Zipp, may be a common "chase through the woods" actioner,
but at least it's a bloody one, with plenty of bloody bullet squibs,
stabbings, impalements and explosions. Though no one here is going to
win any acting awards and some of the plot developments scream of
desperation (especially the amazing coincidence of John being a
Special Ops Vietnam War veteran, even though he looks way too young
to have fought in that war), the film does move at a quick pace and
you just gotta love when one of the hitmen tells Greg that he got
kicked-out of the Boy Scouts for "eating Brownies" (an old
joke for sure and one that leads me to believe that this film wasn't
sanctioned by the Scouts, even though their emblem and badges are
prominently displayed). Another amusing quick bit is where Greg
mentions Rambo to John and John replies, "Who?" Nothing
special, but not bad for what it is. The music soundtrack sounds like
it was lifted from a cheap 50's horror film. Also starring Brian
O'Connor, John Cianetti, Steve Horton, David Campbell and Sonny King
as the hitmen. Released on VHS by A.I.P.
Home Video and not available on DVD. Rated R.
PAROLE
VIOLATORS (1994) - Strap
yourself to your seats, folks. You're in for a bumpy ride. Miles Long
(Sean Donahue), host of the TV show "Parole Violator".
where he shows audience-submitted videos of people on parole
committing crimes, is also a disgraced ex-cop who videotapes parolees
breaking the law and catches them for the police. The cops call him
the "Video Cop" because he leaves the crooks tied up with a
VHS tape of their crime taped to their body. Miles newest prey is
Chino Lopez (Rey Garcia), a child pedophile/murderer he put away six
years earlier when he was a cop. The parole board determines that
Chino is rehabilitated, but Miles knows better. Sure enough, Chino
and his right-hand man Toos (Michael Kiel) kidnap a young girl in the
park and Miles gives chase on his motorcycle, forcing Chino and Toos
to toss the girl out of their moving car. In retribution, Chino
kidnaps the daughter of Miles' cop girlfriend Tracy (Pamela Bosley).
Chino and his goons then beat up and kidnap Miles and Tracy in a bar,
but Miles breaks free in transit (leading to one of the most
ludicrous fights in a moving van you will never see), disarms two
goons and proceeds to crash the van. Toos grabs Tracy out of the van
and he and Chino take her
to a barn, where Toos tries to rape her. Miles arrives in the nick
of time (Toos: "Where'd you come from? Miles: "Through the
window!") and beats the snot out of Toos (he even slightly
impales him in the stomach with a board), but Chino gets away with
Tracy's daughter. A short time later, Chino has Tracy's daughter
tied-up on a raft in the middle of a pool. When Miles and Tracy
arrive, Chino tells Miles that he has to fight his gang to win the
girl's life and for every 30 seconds of the fight, he will poke a
hole in the raft (this Chicano means business!). Miles wins the
fight, but not before Chino pokes dozens of holes in the raft (he's
not a man of his word), leading to Tracy's daughter being in a coma
from being underwater for too long. Chino then hires a bunch of
skinheads (with names like "Knuckles" and "Goon")
to kill Miles and Tracy. They kidnap Tracy and Inspector Davis (Leeds
Landain), an Internal Affairs officer investigating Tracy's recent
behavior, but Miles saves the day (again) and they all end up at a
warehouse, where the final battle is fought. No one comes out
unscathed, but it all ends on a happy note. This is definitely
a film that needs to be seen to be disbelieved. Horribly acted by
everyone (although Pamela Bosley easily wins hands-down for
impersonating an actor) and clumsily directed and co-scripted by
Patrick G. Donahue (KILL SQUAD
- 1981; SAVAGE INSTINCT
- 1989), this film is just one non-stop unbelievably bad fight scene
or stunt after another and, therefore, must be seen by everyone.
Patrick's son Sean Donahue (who was also co-scripter and stunt
co-ordinator) gets hit with so many cars and falls down so many
times, I'm surprised he not retarded or eating his meals through a
straw. His many martial arts fights (there are too many to count) are
awkward, but not totally without merit, as people have their noses
broken, eyes gouged out, impaled, shot numerous times or blown up,
all of it extremely bloody. While there are plenty of stunts (cars
flip and explode, a motorcycle flys off a cliff, people fall off
buildings and crash through windows) and multiple fights to keep your
eyes occupied, the screenplay will have you laughing till you puke
with lines like, "I'll kill you, you son of a bastard!" The
scene towards the end where Tracy tries to seduce skinhead Goon (Joe
Edwards) and the camera pans down to show her bad case of cameltoe,
almost made me spit up my soda! There's also a scene where Miles goes
through a window and he gets up and spits glass shards out of his
mouth. The finale alone is worth the price of a purchase as Miles,
Tracy and Inspector Davis, all shot repeatedly, get their revenge on
Chino and Toos. There's also jokes about Miles Long's name ("What
kind parents would give their kid a name like that?"), car
windshields that break way too easily and a very funny scene where
Miles is tossed back and forth on top of a car. This is not a good
film by any stretch of the imagination but, damn, it is entertaining!
Patrick G. Donahue (who
made this film for less than $100,000) makes his living as the
owner of a machine shop, Power Manufacturing, in San Jose,
California. Also starring Lindsay Rhodeos, Mike Donahue (as Jo Jo,
who keeps getting hit in the nose by Miles), Kerry Casey, Havier Mims
and Christine Moon. A Digiview Entertainment DVD Release. Not Rated.
THE
PATRIOT (1986) - When three
terrorists, led by Atkins (Stack Pierce; ENEMY
UNSEEN
- 1989), steal some nuclear warheads from a military base in the
Mojave Desert, they send one of the warheads to an oil rig in the
middle of the Pacific Ocean through a series of underground and
underwater pipes (a highly unlikely scenario), where a crew of
frogmen pick it up undetected. Unfortunately, they aren't as stealthy
as they think they are, because female oilrig worker Maggie (Diane
Stevenett) spots their underwater lights and goes on a dive to
investigate. She finds an important piece of evidence on the ocean
floor and brings it to her ex-lover, former Navy SEAL Matt Ryder
(Gregg Henry; SLITHER - 2006),
who recognizes it as a piece of a hydrogen bomb warhead. Matt goes
undercover as a demolitions expert on the oilrig to investigate, but
he fools no one, especially Atkins and his crew, who also work on the
rig. When Maggie is blown-up underwater while checking out a
tampered-with piece of munitions, Matt does a 230 foot free-dive to
save her, but when he puts her into a booby-trapped decompression
chamber, Maggie dies a horrible death when her body decompresses way
too fast. Matt is put back on active duty by Admiral Frazer (Leslie
Nielsen; PROM NIGHT - 1980) and
is ordered to work with old Navy nemesis Michael Mitchell (Jeff
Conaway; who is more famous today for his stints in celebrity rehab)
and the Admiral's niece, Sean (Simone Griffeth; DEATH
RACE 2000 - 1975), to find the nuclear warheads and destroy
the terrorist cell. Matt also has a history with Sean, as they were
once lovers who served in the same unit, but they lost touch when
Matt was dishonorably discharged for slugging a superior officer (he
had good reasons to, though). Matt and Sean get reacquainted, both
romantically (insert nude lovemaking scene here) and professionally,
which upsets Mitchell immensely (He and Sean are also lovers. Wow,
who knew the Navy was such a hotbed of fucking?). Mitchell confesses
to Sean that he has one of the nuclear warheads (he's working with
Atkins) and it is set to go off at some unknown location. Since only
he can disarm it, he blackmails Sean to go away with him. Matt has
old friend Howard (Michael J. Pollard; AMERICAN
GOTHIC - 1987) help him and Sean (who has escaped from
Mitchell) find all the warheads and dismantle them, but it's not as
easy as it sounds. They will have to fly back to the oilrig where all
of the stolen warheads now reside, ready to be purchased by the
highest bidder. All except one, that is. That one is activated and
ready to explode, wiping out all evidence of the illegal transaction
once the purchase is made. Can Matt and Sean stop the illegal sale
and disarm the active warhead before it is too late? If you are
wondering what happened to Howard, don't worry. He is left to fly the
helicopter and is never heard from again (It looks as if Pollard took
this role just because he gets to frolic with a scantily-clad woman
in a couple of scenes, even playing Twister with her while they are
both dressed as cheerleaders! Either that or he needed some quick
cocaine money.). This hopelessly dated and boring actioner,
directed by Frank Harris (KILLPOINT -
1984; LOW BLOW - 1986), should have
been much better than it turned out, since it was written by the
talented team of then-husband-and-wife Andy Ruben and Katt Shea
Ruben, who were responsible for some of the more intelligent Roger
Corman productions of the late-80's and early-90's, including STRIPPED
TO KILL (1987) and STREETS
(1990). Unfortunately, Frank Harris is much too weak of a director
with no sense of timing or knowledge of how to stage an action
sequence. THE PATRIOT just
slogs along at a languid pace, offering little suspense and even less
action. I'm still shaking my head over Mitchell nonchalantly telling
Sean that he is one of the terrorists and then expecting her to
understand and follow him blindly. It makes no sense at all. What
even makes less sense is the ridiculous finale that takes place on
the oilrig. Why would Matt kill Mitchell before making him diffuse
the bomb? It was probably because director Harris wanted one of those
stereotypical "cut the right color wire before the clock counts
down to zero" endings, but he even manages to bungle that
completely. There's nothing remotely interesting in this film for
action fans or any other type of film fan. If movies were turds, this
one would fill the bowl. Director Harris' next film would be the weak
post-nuke actioner AFTERSHOCK
(1989). Also starring Glen Withrow and Larry Mintz as Pink and Bite,
two of the most idiotic terrorists in film history (You'll have to
watch this abomination to discover why). Also featuring Anthony
Calderella, Mike Gomez and Larry Moss. Released theatrically by Crown
International Pictures and originally available on VHS from Vestron
Video. Available on DVD as part of BCI Eclipse's MAXIMUM
ACTION 10 MOVIE SET compilation. Rated R.
PHANTOM
RAIDERS (1988) - In this
mindless Filipino actioner, the evil Colonel Marshall (Mike Monty)
and his squad of terrorists capture a small platoon of American
soldiers on a recon mission in modern-day Vietnam. The Colonel has
his men kill all but one of the Americans when he pits them against
his best fighters in a twisted boobytrapped arena, where the loser
not only gets killed by impalements on spikes, but another tied-up
soldier is machine-gunned to death when the winner trips a triggering
device. The Colonel kills the last American himself, by setting him
free and hunting him down in the jungle. An undercover photographer
takes pictures of Colonel Marshall's terrorist training facility and
passes the photos to a female operative just before the Colonel
captures him and has him killed. The photos make their way to the
CIA, where an official hires Python Lang (Miles O'Keeffe) to put
together a team and either bring Colonel Marshall back alive or kill
him if he's truly a traitor. Python hires three of his former Nam
buddies (who are now selling heroin in the private sector!) after
promising them $250,000 each when they complete the mission (One of
them says to Python when he finds out they are selling skag, "We
need money to feed our families, not medals."). After Python
and Howard (Colonel Marshall's son, who is also going on the mission)
put the trio through comprehensive "special training" (a
boobytrapped-filled jungle obstacle course mixed with martial arts
training), the quintet travel to Vietnam to begin their mission. They
begin to slowly make their way to the Colonel's headquarters and meet
resistance at nearly every turn. It almost seems like someone
tipped-off the Colonel that Python and his team were after him. Is it
possible Python has a traitor in his ranks? When they finally get to
the Colonel's training facility, Howard hopes for a touching reunion
with Dad, but learns that his father is nothing but a cold-hearted
bastard (His father says to him, "You may be a soldier, but
you've got no guts!" when Howard hesitates and Dad gets the drop
on him). Python ends up killing the Colonel and only he and Howard
make it out alive. The other three members are killed, probably
because they were heroin dealers back in the States. Really, did we
expect them to live? While lacking any type of cohesive plot
(We know that Colonel Marshall is a bad guy from the opening scene,
so bringing him back alive isn't really an option, is it?) and the
believability factor is thrown out the window the moment Howard is
allowed to participate in the mission (Even I know that you don't
send a relative, much less a son, on a mission such as this), this
film should please Filipino action fans because it is nothing but a
series of shoot-outs, explosions, spiked boobytraps and stealthy
ninja-like action (including death by throwing stars, bolo and good,
old-fashioned neck-snapping). Director Sonny Sanders (His only
directorial effort. He also co-wrote the screenplay to Jun Gallardo's THE
FIRING LINE [1991]), who also co-scripted this with Timothy
Jorge (scripter of Jun Gallardo's SFX
RETALIATOR [1987]), supplies a non-stop series of action
set-pieces, where people are shot (lots of bloody squibs), stabbed,
impaled, blown-up or otherwise dispatched by other means. Buildings,
vehicles and other objects also blow up at regular intervals. If you
want a story, forget it, because PHANTOM
RAIDERS
is not that type of film (The whole film has about five minutes worth
of dialogue!). If you like the sounds of guns firing, grenades
exploding and rockets firing, you can't go wrong here. It
accomplishes what it sets out to do: Be a mindless barrage of death
(If I were to guess, I would estimate over 200 on-screen deaths),
violence and macho heroics. Miles O'Keeffe (CARTEL
- 1990; CLAWED: THE
LEGEND OF SASQUATCH - 2005) has precious little face time
here. He spends most of his screen time hiding behind a black nylon
mask and I'm willing to bet that most of the time it's a stand-in or
stunt double. The opening credits list no less than forty (!) actors'
names and it's strange because not one of those names sounds Filipino
(names like "Jim Hope", "Dick Curtis", "Gary
Sampson"), yet 90% of the cast is plainly Filipino. One actor is
seen wearing a "Getting Strong" tee shirt during the heroin
transaction. PHANTOM RAIDERS
is a Silver Screen International Production, not the famous
"Silver Star Films" as it is erroneously listed on IMDB.
Also starring Don Holtz, Jim Moss, Kenneth Peerless, Anthony East,
David Anderson and Karen Roberts. Available on budget DVD from
Digiview Entertainment. The synopsis on the back cover mistakenly
gives O'Keeffe's character the "Howard Marshall" moniker,
but the rest of the synopsis is pretty spot-on. PHANTOM
RAIDERS is also available streaming on Amazon Prime. Not Rated.
PRIMARY
TARGET (1988) - March 1977,
Chiang Mei, Thailand: When the wife of rich industrialist Phil
Karlson (John Ericson; FINAL MISSION
- 1984) is kidnapped by rival Jack Sturges (Chip Lucia; SYNGENOR
- 1990), he hires three ex-CIA operatives, Cromwell (John Calvin;
TV's TALES
OF THE GOLD MONKEY - 1982), Frank Rosi (Joey Aresco; CIRCLE
OF FEAR - 1989) and Joe Lewis (Henry Strzalkowski; EQUALIZER
2000 - 1986) to save his wife and bring Sturges down. With a
promise of $250,000 each, the trio (who are old friends and served in
the same Army unit together) readily agree to take the job,
especially when they find out Sturges is involved. Sturges also was a
member of their old Army unit until he went bad and now smuggles
heroin out of Laos. Knowing full well that Phil Karlson
is a bagman for the CIA and that their mission smells a little fishy
(Sturges may be a drug smuggler, but kidnapping a woman is out of
character), the trio, along with a female guide named Pao (Miki Kim),
begins their trek down river into Laos to free Mrs. Karlson (Colleen
Casey). Along the way, Pao picks up an infant and everyone encounters
enemy soldiers. They stop at a village, only to find that nearly all
the villagers, including women and children, were viciously
gunned-down in the center of town. Pao gives the baby to a young
mother who just witnessed her baby being killed by heartless drug
smugglers (It's a reasonable solution to a sticky situation). Frank
is captured by the drug smugglers, tied to a cross and is tortured by
being submerged in a lake while hanging upside down. Cromwell, Joe
and Pao rush in and save Frank's ass, killing all the drug smugglers
in a hail of automatic gunfire. They make it to Sturges' jungle
compound, but it looks as if Pao (after just making love to Cromwell)
has turned traitor and joined Sturges' side. To make matters worse,
Sturges and Mrs. Karlson are actually lovers (the kidnapping was all
a set-up to extort money from her husband), but our trio do manage to
snatch her back and intend to complete their mission. Joe is
seriously wounded during the "rescue" and dies, leaving
Cromwell, Frank and Mrs. Karlson to hoof it by foot to their pick-up
point. The finale finds Cromwell and Frank taking the side of Sturges
and Mrs. Karlson when it is revealed that Phil Karlson is actually
the drug smuggler and Sturges is only trying to help the locals, with
the help of his lover, Mrs. Karlson. It's a crazy world we live in,
isn't it? This minor actioner, directed and written by Clark
Henderson (WARLORDS
FROM HELL - 1985; SAIGON
COMMANDOS - 1987), tries too hard to be socially relevant
(The plight of the poor locals, who have to deal with the drug
smugglers, who use them as slave labor, as well as the brutal
government who couldn't give a rat's ass about their well-being.
Boo-frickin'-hoo!), but the film comes across rather flat and
pedantic. Though some of the action scenes are very bloody (people
are shot in the head; women and children are killed on-camera), this
Philippines-lensed film seems overly familiar and stale. Even the
twist ending is telegraphed early on and the death scenes have an
over-reliance on using slow-motion (Henderson is no Peckinpah, that's
for sure!). The only plus here is the easy chemistry between John
Calvin (who would appear in the far-superior SIEGE
OF FIREBASE GLORIA the next year), Joey Aresco and Henry
Strzalkowski (a regular in the films of director Cirio H. Santiago).
They seem quite comfortable in each other's company and their
dialogue seems natural and unforced. That's little compensation for
what amounts to be a miniscule footnote in Filipino action film
history, though. A small ripple in an ocean of killer waves. Also
starring Leo Martinez, Frederick Bailey, Annabelle Roa and Joonee
Gamboa. Originally released on VHS by MGM/UA
Home Video and not yet available on DVD. Rated R.
QUIET
COOL (1986) - Pretty good U.S.-made
actioner that stars James Remar in a rare leading role. New York
detective Joe Dylanne (Remar) gets a call from ex-girlfriend Katy
Greer (Daphne Ashbrook) to come to come to her small northwest town
to investigate the disappearance of her brother and his family. We
see what happens to the family as younger brother Joshua Greer (Adam
Coleman Howard) accidently stumbles on a group marijuana growers, led
by Valence (Nick Cassavetes), executing a man who has discovered
their secret pot farm
deep in the woods. Valence and his gang (which includes a young Chris
Mulkey) chase down Joshua and kill his brother and wife (shooting
them both point-blank in the head) who are having a picnic. They
throw Joshua off a cliff and he survives. When Joe come to town, he
immediately butts heads with the town's sheriff (Jared Martin), who
is in league with the pot growers and gets into a bar fight with
Handlebar (Travis McKenna) after he makes a derogatory remark about
Katy (Joe rips off his moustache!). While searching for Katy's
brother, Joe gets caught in a booby trap set by the pot growers. As
he is about to get shot by one of the gang, Joshua saves him with a
well-placed spear to the gut. From this point on. it's Joshua
and Joe against the bad guys, as Joe uses his gun and New York
know-how, while Joshua uses his survivalist skills against anyone who
comes before them. When Katy is killed in an ambush, Joe and Joshua
notch-up the violence to revenge mode. You'll witness motorcycle
chases, gunfights, fistfights and other mayhem before everything is
settled in the unexpected finale (with a surprise villian). The
action is particularly graphic for an action film as the bullet hits
are splattery, the deaths gory and some scenes are downright cruel
(there's a nasty cigarette-in-the-ear gag that made me wince). While
the film is short on logic (I always pictured marijuana farmers as
laid-back, not the bloodthirsty goons as portrayed here), it doesn't
skimp on the action. Director Clay Borris (PROM
NIGHT 4: DELIVER US FROM EVIL
- 1992) ladles on the graphic mayhem in buckets as you witness
various impalements, limb-severing explosions and other bloody
mischief. You'll not even notice the gaping plotholes because you'll
be too busy trying to count the dead bodies. This flm feels just like
those Canadian action flicks. The Canadians churned out a lot of
these revenge action films during the 80's, with titles like THE
KILLER
INSTINCT (1982) and BULLIES
(1986) as just two examples. At slightly over 80 minutes, QUIET
COOL never overstays it's welcome and should prove a good
bet for action fans. Also starring Fran Ryan (the lost film SCREAM,
EVELYN, SCREAM [1970]; who doesn't get a mention in the
credits, for reasons you'll soon realize if you finish the film), Joe
Sagal, Bob Moran and New Line (who produced this) honcho Robert Shaye
as "Franklin". An Image
Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
THE
RAGE (1996) -
Sidney J. Furie, who directed the wonderful HOLLOW
POINT
(1995), throws a lot of action into this one, but because of a weak
script (by Greg Mellot) full of absurd and implausable set pieces, it
cannot achieve its goal to entertain
serious action junkies. Gary Busey is Dacy, a severely psychotic
ex-Black Ops officer who, during the Vietnam War, had his dick
shredded by a gook prostitute with razor blades hidden in her vagina!
Dacy and his other military buddies have slaughtered over 60 innocent
Americans since they were released from a psychiatric institute (due
to lack of funding). Innocent women are turning up dead with their
hands cut off and razors shoved up their pussies. FBI agent Nick
Travis (Lorenzo Lamas) and his new partner Kelly McCord (Kristen
Cloke of TV's MILLENNIUM
[1996 - 1999]) are assigned to stop Dacy and his group, whose goal is
to kill the government officials they believe betrayed them during
the war. And wouldn't you know it? They're all getting together this
weekend at a retreat in the mountains. It's coincidences like this
that make this film (originally titled WORD
OF HONOR)
so hard to like. Add some unbelievable situations (the scene in a
trailer park, where over 20 federal agents fire on Dacy and his van
while he drives around in circles, yet neither hit him or the
windows, has to be seen to be disbelieved!) and some highly
questionable plot and character motivations and what you have here is
a hodge-podge of confusing histrionics mixed with some good action
scenes (the log truck and car chase is well done with a surprising
climax). In short: Good action, bad story. Also starring the late Roy
Scheider (who was fast becoming a staple in B films) as Lamas' scummy
boss, Brandon Smith (the best performance in this film) as a sheriff
and a cameo by David Carradine as a wigged-out vet. A Buena Vista
Home Video Release. Rated
R.
RAIDERS
OF THE PARADISE (1985) -
The islands that form Palawan in the Philippines have found much
prosperity thanks to the discovery of oil in the surrounding ocean
bed and it has made some of the locals very rich people. This
prosperity has not gone unnoticed by some of the less fortunate
locals, some who raid a Hawaiian-style party thrown by a rich local
bigwig for his affluent friends. The raiders kidnap all the young
daughters at the party (when one young girl tries to escape, they
shoot her in the back several times) and bring them to their hidden
camp on one of Palawan's many small islands. Since the raiders used
rubber rafts to make their escape, the military concludes that they
couldn't have traveled further than 30 kilometers, so they send out
commando units to search all the islands within that radius. One
commando unit finds the island where the girls are being held, but
the kidnappers manage to avoid detection (the girls are being held in
a hidden room on the island's lighthouse). The kidnappers demand a
ransom of 50 million pesos from Mr. Hercules Perlas (Chito Ponce
Enrile), the rich father of Melissa (Josephine Estrada), one of the
kidnapped girls, and he must deliver it within 72 hours or the girls
will be killed.
Despite objections from the General (Eddie Garcia), who says,
"You'll be draining the commercial banks of their cash
flow!", Mr. Perlas tries to get the money together and wait for
further instructions. Unfortunately, scraping 50 million pesos
together is not as easy as Mr. Perlas thought it would be, so he begs
the kidnappers for more time. The kidnappers, who take their orders
from some unseen man called "The Boss", nearly shoots all
the girls firing squad style, but they get a reprieve when The Boss
agrees to a three-day extension. Melissa, the strongest and most
level-headed member of the female hostages, puts together an escape
plan that involves digging a tunnel, but one of the girls turns
traitorous and makes a deal with The Boss, which leads to another
female hostage getting raped. The military have finally figured out
where the girls are (based on photos the kidnappers sent Mr. Perlas)
and devise a plan to rescue them with a "bladed" attack,
using edged weapons instead of guns to silently kill the kidnappers.
Melissa and the other girls escape through the tunnel under cover of
darkness, only to find the kidnappers waiting for them on the other
side, which results in one girl being shot dead and Melissa getting
the shit kicked out of her. The girls must now depend on the
commandos, who are given 90 minutes to sneak onto the island and
dispose of all the kidnappers (Why they are only given 90 minutes is
never really made clear). The rescue attempt turns out to be a long
and bloody one, where not everyone survives. The finale reveals that
The Boss is actually Mr. Perlas' assistant Bernie (Roel Vergel De
Dios), who was upset that Mr. Perlas was going to turn the business
over to Melissa and leave him without a job. Don't worry, folks.
Bernie meets a fitting demise. This Filipino hostage drama,
directed by Romy Suzara (THE GUNFIGHTER
- 1983) and written by Avelino Zapanta, is a little slow-moving, but
does contain some tense scenes, including the nerve-jangling firing
squad sequence. While the violence is somewhat tame throughout most
of the film (just a couple of shootings and an off-screen rape), the
final rescue, which involves scuba divers, who sneak onto the island
and kill the kidnappers as silently as possible, is the film's bloody
highlight. Kidnappers are sliced and diced with knives until the
rescue attempt is exposed, where it then turns into a bloody
gunfight, as Melissa's Uncle Chuck (Vic Vargas) and the other
commandos try to get the girls safely off the island. It doesn't end
too well for everyone, as one girl sacrifices herself by falling on a
grenade (a bloody effect that leaves nothing to the imagination),
Uncle Chuck is shot and killed and Melissa pumps the raping kidnapper
full of lead. When Mr. Perlas makes the ransom drop in the finale,
only to discover that Bernie is the mastermind, it turns into a non-stop
bulletfest, with bad guys getting shot in the head, a team of
cross-dressing commandos (!) lending a hand and Bernie running into
the spinning blades of an airplane. What more could you possibly ask
for? This one is tough to find, so if you ever find a copy, grab it.
Also starring Raul Aragon, Julie Ann Fortick, Connie Angeles, Renato
Robles, Dick Israel, Franco Rivero, Mitos Del Mundo, Margie Braza,
Francis Montilla, Dennis Roldan and the S.O.S. Daredevils stunt team.
Never legitimately available on home video in the U.S.; the print I
viewed was sourced from a Greek-subtitled VHS tape. Not Rated.
RAPID
FIRE (1989) - In this Grade Z
action flick (not to be confused with the 1992
Brandon Lee/Powers Boothe-starrer with the same name), an ex-CIA
operative named Eddy Williams (Michael Wayne, the eldest son of John
Wayne, whose face looks like a skull with a thin layer of
tightly-wound skin. Would someone please give this guy a sandwich!)
breaks Middle East terrorist Mustapha Amed (Del Zamora) out of a
well-protected Navy ship by using a new prototype weapon that is
capable of firing six different types of ammunition. Hansen (Joe
Spinell, in his last film, looking frail and talking with an audible
lisp), the head of a black ops agency, hires ex-agent Mike Thompson
(Ron Waldron) to find Mustapha and bring him back to justice. The
fact that Thompson and Williams are old enemies, dating back to the
days when they served in the same Army unit together (where Williams
shot Thompson several times), is just an added bonus for Thompson.
Mustapha is so impressed with Williams and his weapon, he hires him
to kidnap a U.S. four-star General for reasons not made clear.
Thompson (who drives around in a pickup truck with the words "Rolling
Thunder" emblazoned on the front windshield, just so he stands
out!) makes contact with old Williams nemesis Pappy (Douglas Harter),
who gives Thompson the first clue where to find Williams: An ice
cream bar named Bananas that is staffed with hookers with names like
"Pistachio" and "Chocolate Swirl". Thompson gets
into a dust-up with the male bouncers (he pokes one guy's eye out
with a pencil) and gets the next clue to Williams' location. Thompson
teams up with female operative Corle Parker (Dawn Tanner, who is a
terrible actress), who lost her last partner by Mustapha's hands. Of
course, Thompson and Corle fall in love in the process. Williams and
his gang (including the guy who had his eye removed with the pencil,
who now sports a black pirate patch!) try to kill Pappy, but he whips
out a hand grenade and pulls the pin, forcing Williams to back off
(the grenade turns out to be nothing but a cigarette lighter).
Williams kidnaps Corle and uses her as bait (he also abandons the
plot to kidnap the General) to kill Thompson. Hansen tries to
interfere, but Thompson and Pappy eventually rescue Corle and then
turn their attention to Williams, while Corle goes after Mustapha.
Williams grabs his prototype weapon and battles Thompson and Pappy.
Corle kills Mustapha and Thompson gives Williams a beat-down, who is
then killed by his own weapon. It should come as no surprise
that this completely awful actioner was directed/co-scripted by David
A. Prior, who also unleased the equally terrible films SLEDGEHAMMER
(1984), DEATH CHASE (1987), NIGHT
WARS (1988), WHITE FURY
(1990) and many others upon unsuspecting home video viewers. If
you've seen any of Prior's previous action films, you know what to
expect here: Badly-staged action scenes, plenty of bloody bullet
squibs and acting that can best be described as anemic. It's
particularly distressing watching Joe Spinell (this film opens and
closes with a dedication to him) in this, his last film. He looks
visually ill and emaciated (he died of a heart attack, brought on by
years of alcoholism and drug abuse, before this film was released)
and it looks painful for him just to talk (The script, co-written by
frequent Prior star William Zipp, gives Spinell a line that excuses
the way he talks by saying he recently had dental surgery!). This is
no way to end such an illustrious career and I was sorry to see
Spinell (who had a fantastic career in A-list and B-list films,
although he is best remembered for his rare starring role in William
Lustig's MANIAC [1980])
appearing in crap like this. And RAPID
FIRE is crap of the worst kind, padded out with flashbacks,
nightmares (where Williams battles himself because he fears Thompson
is the better fighter, which really negates his villian status) and a
finale where Pappy wrestles a bear in a bar (!) for no other reason
than to increase the running time (it clocks in at 85 minutes, but it
is a looooong 85 minutes). Not recommended to anyone, especially Joe
Spinell fans. Filmed in Mobile, Alabama. Also starring Gary Olsen,
Sue Hawkins, Robert Willoughby and Tracey Shepherd. An Action
International Pictures (A.I.P.) Home Video Release. Not Rated.
RAVAGE
(1997) - For years people have been emailing or writing me to
watch this shot-on-video action film. I generally shy away from SOV
flicks because, let's face it, the majority of them are crap. I
finally relented after reading
too much good press and purchased the DVD. After viewing it, I must
say that I was not as impressed as the people who got me to watch it.
It's badly acted, terribly underlit and, let's face it, it's shot on
video. What it does have in its favor is a visceral energy that just
won't quit. It's full of bloody shootouts, stabbings, fist fights,
throat slashings, eyeball gougings and other gory mayhem. The plot is
simple: Widower Gregory Burroughs (a miscast Mark Brazeale) comes
home from a date with a co-worker Lydia (Dina Harris) to find serial
killer Charles (Dan Rowland) slaughtering his two daughters. Charles
escapes, leaving Gregory stabbed in the back and several policemen
dead. Gregory makes it his life's work to track down Charles and end
his miserable life. What Gregory doesn't realize is that Charles is
also tracking him. When Gregory sees a news report on TV about a
murder/robbery in Chicago and recognizes the robber as Charles, he
leaves his Missouri town and hightails it to Chicago. Complications
arise when Lydia finds out the guy in Chicago is actually Charles'
twin brother Samuel, a bloodthirsty leader of a gang of ruthless
killers. Charles and Samuel do not know each other exists. When Lydia
travels to Chicago to be with Gregory, Charles follows her, which
leads to an unexpected (and very bloody) meeting of the brothers,
which in turn leads to one of the bloodiest set-pieces in low budget
history. It's obvious that director Ronnie Sortor (SINISTRE
- 1994) is working with an extremely small budget (Sortor has said
that he made this film for under $5,000.00!). The actors generally
never rise above amateur status, although Dan Rowland could give
anyone the creeps with a simple stare and producer Frank Alexander
scores in his role as a Chicago detective. The real stars of RAVAGE
are the frequent shootouts and stabbings. People are shot and stabbed
in the head, chest and every conceivable body part. The best scene is
the shootout in the police station, where one disciple of Samuel
blows away about 20 cops before finally being taken down with about
100 bullets. There's some really awful sound effects that cheapen the
fight scenes but, overall, this is not a bad way to spend 85 minutes.
Some major film company should give Mr. Sortor a decent budget so he
can remake this film with professional actors and crew. It's
guaranteed to be a hit. Until then, this will have to do. A Sub
Rosa Studios DVD Release. Not Rated.
RUCKUS
(1980) - Dirty and dishelveled Vietnam vet Kyle Hanson (Dirk
Benedict; TV's THE A-TEAM
- 1983-1987; DEMON KEEPER
- 1993) drifts into the small California town of Madoc County run by
Sam Bellows (Ben Johnson; THE
TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN - 1976; TERROR
TRAIN - 1980), orders a raw hamburger at the local diner and
then begins to walk out of town. Mr. Bellows notices that Kyle is
wearing the same type of Army jacket that his M.I.A. son wore, so he
gives a photo of his son and ten dollars to his right-hand man Sarge
(Taylor Lacher; DEVIL
TIMES FIVE - 1974) and asks him to stop Kyle and question him
if he has ever seen his son in Vietnam (the ten bucks being for
Kyle's answer whether positive or negative). Instead of being polite
about the inquiry, Sarge brings a small posse to harass Kyle and it turns
violent quickly. Kyle beats-up Sarge and the posse and the police
become involved, with Kyle escaping into the forest. While Sheriff
Jethro Pough (Richard Farnsworth; HIGHWAY
TO HELL - 1991) , Deputy Dave (Jon Van Ness; HOSPITAL
MASSACRE - 1981) and half-wit Cecil (Matt Clark; BRUBAKER
- 1980) search the woods, Kyle steals the Sheriff's car and ends up
at the home of Mr. Bellows' daughter-in-law, Jenny (Linda Blair; HELL
NIGHT - 1981), the wife of Mr. Bellows' missing son, who has
a young son of her own, Bobby (Bobby Hughes). Kyle is a man of few
words, but he tells Jenny that he has never met her husband. Jenny
cooks him a hot meal, but it's not long before Mr. Bellows, Sarge and
an even larger posse shows up to hunt him down. Kyle steals a dirt
bike and hides in the forest, where he fashions a homemade
bow-and-arrow and shoots Homer (Clifford Pellow) in the ass. Sheriff
Pough sends Mr. Bellows and the posse home, as he has just obtained
Kyle's military service records, where it is revealed that Kyle was
in the Special Forces and was twice a POW, but escaped both times.
Kyle returns to Jenny's home, where they bond by riding dirt bikes
together (where an obvious stunt double is used for Ms. Blair) and
talking about their pasts. Sheriff Pough wants to end this whole
situation peacefully (both he and Mr. Bellows are not bad men at
all), but since Deputy Dave has the hots for Jenny, he disregards the
Sheriff's advice and gathers all the regular town goons to lay siege
on Jenny's house while Mr. Bellows is out of town on business. This
leads to many chases, stunts and gunfights, but the difference here
is that Kyle doesn't want to kill anyone. That's not sayong he won't
lay plenty of whup-ass on them, though. When the good-old boys take
Kyle prisoner, he must escape his bonds one final time and teach all
the goons a lesson before living happily ever after with Jenny and
little Bobby. Directed and written with a sense of humor by
stuntman Max Kleven (who directed a handfull of films, including THE
NIGHT STALKER [1986; starring the late Charles Napier] and BAIL
OUT [1989; also starring Linda Blair]), RUCKUS
is an interesting mix of 70's exploitation and early-80's political
agendas, which would become much more prevalent two years later with
Sylvester Stallone as Rambo in the much more violent FIRST
BLOOD. While FIRST BLOOD
was very low on the humor scale, RUCKUS
contains the right amount of hicksploitation laughs, usually at the
expense of character actor supreme Matt Clark (who always does the
wrong thing at the right time here), mixed with some well-staged
action set pieces. There's hardly any blood spilled here (although it
is obvious some trims were made to achieve a PG Rating, since the
PG-13 Rating didn't exist yet), but there are plenty of car crashes
and chases, explosions (there's an excellent police car explosion
where the stuntman barely makes it out alive) and stunts, probably to
give Kleven's stunt buddies a chance to shine. The excellent cast of
experienced character actors (both Richard Farnsworth and Ben Johnson
started out as stuntmen) also helps RUCKUS
be better than it has any right to be, but it does have its charms
even if Benedict and Blair (who still has her baby fat here) make for
a pretty bland romantic couple. Worth at least one viewing if only to
see how action films changed when the 70's ended and the 80's began.
This is one of those transition films. Also starring Ben Bates, Jerry
Gatlin and Bennie E. Dobbins. Willie Nelson and Hank Cochran
contributed some Country tunes to the soundtrack. Originally released
on VHS by Paragon
Video Productions and available on widescreen DVD from Anchor
Bay Entertainment. Rated PG.
RUNNING
SCARED (1980) - Overlooked
little actioner that stars fresh-faced Ken Wahl and Judge Reinhold as
two soldiers in 1961 who return home from Cuba by catching an illegal
ride on a plane and landing smack-dab into unknown trouble with a
Black Ops group led by baddie Bradford Dillman.
They are pursued across the Florida Everglades by a group of Cuban
soldiers (commanded by John Saxon) which leads to car chases (and
plenty of explosions), airboat chases (more explosions), gunfights
and the occasional snake or two. We never really know why the guys
are being chased (something about Reinhold taking infrared photos out
of the plane window), but it leads to many perilous, and sometimes
very funny, situations. Along the way they pick up a girl (the
wonderful Anne McEnroe), who turns out to be quite handy when the
chips are down. The whole film is quite breezy and enjoyable
and full of funny little bits that will bring a smile to your face.
They get picked up by a teenager who turns out to be quite a
daredevil (and leads to Reinhold biting his tongue). They escape a
kidnapping attempt by jumping out of the back of a moving truck and
land in the middle of a munitions testing field. They steal an
airboat after getting drunk on Reinhold's father's (Lonny Chapman)
moonshine and blowing up his still. There's even a homage to NORTH
BY NORTHWEST's (1959) plane chase in the cornfield scene.
Things take a serious turn when Wahl finally makes it to his father's
(played by Pat Hingle) house and is called a traitor and Reinhold is
captured and tortured. Director/producer Paul Glickler (THE
CHEERLEADERS - 1973) even throws the Bay Of Pigs conflict
into the mix as it plays an important part in the finale. The use of
actual early 60's music, radio broadcasts and clothing greatly
enhance the atmosphere. The fact is not many films use this period of
history thereby making RUNNING SCARED
a must for fans of action films. There is no actual bloody violence
or nudity on view here, and, quite frankly, is not needed because the
film holds your attention due to good acting, a brisk screenplay (by
David Odell) and good old-fashioned action. This is one film where
you'll actually like Judge Reinhold. What more could you ask for? Not
to be confused with the 1986 action/comedy
starring Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines or the brutal
2006 action film starring Paul Walker. A Thorn
EMI Video VHS Release. Available on Blu-Ray
from Code Red. Rated PG.
THE
SATAN KILLER (1993) - If one
could fart out a film, it would probably look and smell like this
one. An
alcoholic detective (Steve Sayre) goes off the deep end after his
fiance is brutally murdered by a serial murderer dubbed the
"Satan Killer" (James Westbrook) by the press. While the
Satan Killer (a.k.a. "Jimbo") keeps going on a killing
spree, shooting men, stabbing and raping women and hitting a
handicapped wheelchair-bound man over the head with a beer bottle
(!), the detective is also leaving a trail of bodies in his search
for the killer, shooting everyone who gets in his way (including a
poker player and a pimp who is bitch-slapping his whore). He
eventually joins forces with a private detective (Billy Franklin) and
a male nurse (Nick Delon) in his search for the killer, who really
does nothing that can even be called Satanic except rape and kill
(Don't be fooled by the cover box art). Alas, neither of them last
very long as they are shotgunned down by the killer. As a matter of
fact, the detective kills more people than the Satan Killer himself!
Sloppily acted (many one-take shots are apparent), edited with what
looks like a rusty spoon, hilariously-performed action sequences,
sound recorded through a coffee can, bad early-90's music and filled
with plenty of nudity and blood, this is truly a Z-movie fan's dream.
Director Stephen Calamari (no squid jokes please) is actually a
pseudonym for lead actor Steve Sayre (and why is he wearing a black
stocking on his right leg during his sex scene?). He does neither
very well. Sayre also wears the same yellow shirt throughout the
film. Keep an eye out for it. You'll have some fun. This film is very
funny if you watch it in the right frame of mind. But, I think it's
illegal to reach that state. Also starring Belinda Creason and Cindy
Healy. Also known as DEATH PENALTY. An A.I.P.
Home Video Release. Not Rated.
SAVAGE
(1973) - Early 70's action film directed/produced by Filipino
stalwart Cirio H. Santiago, one of his very first to get a U.S.
theatrical release (through Roger Corman's New World Pictures). Jim
Haygood (James Iglehart of Santiago's FIGHTING
MAD - 1978) works as a mercenary for the Filipino Army,
capturing rebel guerillas and turning them over to Major Melton (Ken
Metcalfe; THE WOMAN HUNT
- 1972) and the Filipino government for "interrogation".
Jim gets a conscience when he finally realizes that the men and women
he turns over end up dead or raped and he snaps when one Filipino
Major brags about sharing a female rebel (that Jim captured) for sex
with the rest of his men. Jim breaks the Major's neck and ends up in
the slammer, but he escapes and looks for help from two American
showgirls: Amanda (Carol Speed;
ABBY - 1974), a dancer,
and Vicki (Lada Edmund Jr.; RAPE SQUAD
- 1974), a knife thrower, who both work in a local cabaret. When the
two women are visited by a horny Filipino Minister of Defense
(Santiago regular Vic Diaz; EQUALIZER
2000 - 1986; LIVE BY
THE FIST - 1992), it leads to a series of events where Vicki
is captured and tortured (with an electric prod to her vagina) by the
government and Jim and Amanda escape, only to be captured by the
rebel guerillas when their jeep runs out of gas. Jim proves
beneficial to the rebels' cause when he saves their ass by diverting
enemy fire (he radios-in to the Army and has them shell their own
troops!), so the rebels accept him and Amanda into the fold. The
first thing they do is break Vicki and rebel leader Flores (Eddie
Guitierrez) out of prison while disguised as firemen. Flores and
female rebel leader China (Aura Aurea) are still a little reticent in
trusting Jim, but his vast military experience and street smarts soon
wins them over. Eventually, Jim becomes a leader of the rebels and
devises a plan to capture the Minister of Defense, but a traitor in
their ranks may spell doom for the rebel movement. The finale takes
place at a radio station, where a pirate broadcast goes out to all
the citizens exposing government corruption, while Jim and the rebels
defend the station until the broadcast is complete. The traitor,
along with some good guys and gals, are killed in the ensuing battle,
but the rebels live on to fight another day. This mixture of
action and exploitation elements gels quite nicely under Santiago's
steady hand. There's a ton of nudity on view (even some
full-frontal), as well as plenty of gunfights, explosions and even a
dollop of gore. The script, by Ed Medard (possibly a pseudonym for
Santiago), also has plenty of political and racial intrigue, as it
seems to compare the rebels' plight in the Philippines with that of
the Civil Rights movement in America. James Iglehart (who also
starred in the Santiago-produced BAMBOO
GODS AND IRON MEN [1974]) does a good job here as an angry
black man (the Filipino government even goes as far as to label him a
"black savage") who shares a lot in common with the rebels
and teaches them techniques he learned back on the mean streets of
America. Santiago, whose other 70's films include FLY
ME (1973), TNT JACKSON
(1975), THE MUTHERS
(1976), WOMEN OF
HELL'S ISLAND (1978) and VAMPIRE
HOOKERS (1979), also has the good sense to break up the
action and political intrigue with numerous scenes of female nudity
and nearly every woman in the cast gets the chance to display their
assets. Not everything about this film is taken seriously, though, as
there are a few comical scenes, such as when Vicki interrogates an
enemy soldier with her knife-throwing talents or when Vic Diaz gets a
phone call in mid-cunnilingus from Ken Metcalfe. This is also the
earliest example of Santiago using his trademark "man on
fire" gag, a stunt he would use in nearly all his later action
films. Sad to say, no midgets, though. All-in-all, SAVAGE
(also known as BLACK VALOR
and THE TECHNICIAN) is a dated, but entertaining, film from
the anything-goes 70's. They don't make 'em like this anymore. Also
starring Sally Jordan, Rosanna Ortiz, Harley Paton and Marie
Saunders. Originally available on Bingo Video (under the BLACK VALOR
tag) and not available on DVD. The print I have is a nice fullscreen
print on DVD-R under it's original title from gray market seller Trash
Palace. Rated R.
SAVAGE
JUSTICE (1988) - Here's a
Filipino actioner that actually received a U.S. DVD release, even if
it's only on a budget label. Some unnamed Far East country goes into
revolution mode, forcing all Americans, including Ambassador Allan
Howard (Ken Metcalfe; THE
WOMAN HUNT - 1972), his wife Margaret (Liz Shepherd) and
daughter Sarah (Julia Montgomery; GIRLS
NITE OUT - 1983) to flee the U.S. Embassy in a hurry. Sarah,
who is dressed in Army fatigues, rides in the back of her father's
car as they are given a military escort to the airport, when,
suddenly, their convoy is attacked by the revolutionaries and
everyone is killed except Sarah, who is captured and taken prisoner.
Sanchez (Raul Vernal; MUSLIM
MAGNUM .357 - 1986), the leader of the revolutionaries, takes
an instant shine to Sarah and makes her his bitch (even branding her
with his mark!). One year later, rice farmer (and ex-Special Forces
soldier) Rick (Steven Memel) lives a peaceful life with his wife An
Lee (Millicent Bautista), working in the rice fields and enjoying his
life. The town doctor
(Anthony East; THE SISTERHOOD
- 1987) informs Rick that Sanchez intends to raid the village and
wants Rick to use his military experience to train the villagers to
defend themselves, but the now-pacifistic Rick refuses. That will
soon change. Sanchez and his goons, which now includes a fully
converted and battle-trained Sarah, invade the village (they arrive
in cars and motorcycles that look like hand-me-downs from one of
Cirio H. Santiago's post-nuke films) and shoot-up the village
marketplace. A series of events occur where Angelica (Chanda Romero),
Santiago's second-in-command, viciously runs over An Lee, killing
her, and then jealously shoots Sarah, leaving her for dead in the
village square. Rich arrives at the village too late, finds his
wife's bloody and broken body and vows revenge. A wounded Sarah comes
stumbling through town and is recognized by her old Embassy
housekeeper Sun Lee (Esther Chavez), who nurses Sarah back to health.
Rick reluctantly agrees to partner-up with Sarah to bring Sanchez
down, but the question soon becomes: Is Sarah doing this to avenge
for the deaths of her parents or does she want to get even with
Angelica for making her past year a hell on Earth? While Sarah leads
five martial monks on a mission to receive a secret arms cache, Rick
trains the villagers for combat and waits for Sanchez's eventual
return. Can Sarah return with the weapons before Sanchez arrives?
Will Sarah teach bitch Angelica a lesson she will never forget? What
do you think? This is a stunt-filled and explosion-heavy
actioner, that, unfortunately, wears too much of it's heart on it's
sleeve. Director Joey Romero, the son of Filipino exploitation legend
Eddie Romero (BEAST
OF THE YELLOW NIGHT - 1971; SAVAGE
SISTERS - 1974), displays too much sappy sentimentalism, as
the screenplay, by David Howard and Parker Bratel, force-feeds the
viewers plenty of pacifist dialogue (We get it. War is bad. Peace is
good.) and pseudo-intellectual fortune cookie parables. All is not
lost, though. There's some strange shit on view here, such as when
Sarah and the five monks have a run-in with a gang that lives on an
abandoned ship. The gang's leader, a dwarf (played by Rey Big Boy, a
familiar face in countless Filipino post-nuke and action films, who,
for once, actually gets a screen credit), makes Sarah fight his best
man in a one-on-one match-up, which she easily wins. Sarah and the
dwarf (who is dressed nattily in a three-piece suit!) then become
friends and some of his gang join Sarah in her cause. As Sarah, the
monks and her new friends leave in a boat, the dwarf and his
followers can be heard yelling "Hey diddle-diddle!" over
and over in some victory chant. I haven't got a clue what it means,
but it's weird as hell. There's also some pretty good stunts
(including a nice slow-motion jump off a waterfalls by Sarah and
Rick), bloody deaths (with plenty of bullet squibs), numerous
gunfights and plenty of explosions but, strangely, no nudity,
although the film does come close when Angelica sexually assaults
Sarah during a torture session in the beginning when she is captured.
I guess your level of enjoyment for SAVAGE
JUSTICE depends on your tolerance for schmaltz. Also
starring Hero Bautista, Willie Williams, Carl Morris, Frank Campbell
and blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameos by David Giberson (JUST
A DAMNED SOLDIER - 1988) and Filipino staple Henry
Strzalkowski. Available in a decent-looking fullscreen print from
budget label Platinum Disc Corporation. Not Rated.
SAVAGE
STREETS (1984)
- A
graphic, often brutal, revenge melodrama centering on overage high
school tough girl Brenda (Linda Blair) enacting her own brand of
street justice on a gang of thugs who raped her deaf-mute sister
Heather (Linnea Quigley) and killed her soon-to-be- married best
friend Rachel (by throwing her off a bridge). There's death by
crossbow, bear traps, hit and run and fire. The leader of the gang,
Jake (well-played by Robert Dryer), is an unredeemable punk who
refuses to sit back and be killed, making for an exciting finale.
There's plenty of nudity (even Blair looks good this time around),
tough talk (the word "cunt" is used by both men and women)
and extreme violence to make this film a good choice for fans of this
type of film (you know who you are). I first saw this in the theaters
back in the early 80's and the audience was cheering Blair on. Also
starring John Vernon
as the horny school principal with a thing for Blair, Johnny Venocur,
Sal Landi and Scott Mayer as the rest of Jake's gang, and Debra Blee
as Blair's unfortunate best friend Rachel. Director Danny Steinmann
does a good job here building suspense and later went on to direct FRIDAY
THE 13TH PART IV: A NEW BEGINNING (1985), probably one of
the worst in the series. He also directed the underrated THE
UNSEEN (1980) using the pseudonym "Peter Foleg"
and directed a porn film in 1973 called HIGH
RISE using the pseudonym "Danny Stone". He then
disappeared off the face of the Earth until DVD rolled around and he
did some commentaries for his movies and appeared as himself in a
couple of horror documentaries before passing away in 2012. SAVAGE
STREETS is a great treat for fans that like their action raw
and uncensored. A Vestron
Video VHS Release. Also available on a long OOP deluxe
2 DVD-set from Navarre Corporation and a much cheaper (and
available) single DVD from
Arrow Video. Now also available on DVD in a really great 2
DVD-Set from Scorpion Releasing
with a reversible cover and many new extras. Code
Red has also released a Blu-Ray
of this title. Rated R.
SEABO
- BUCKSTONE COUNTY PRISON
(1978) - Shelby, North Carolina's favorite son, Earl Owenby,
produces and stars as Amos Seabo, a half-breed bounty tracker hired
by Sheriff Deese (Sunset Carson) to bring back two escaped prisoners
from the nearby Buckstone County Prison, run by the iron-fisted
Warden Coley (Don "Red" Barry), who has a severe dislike
for Seabo (Seabo was dishonorably discharged from the Korean War and
may have had something to do with the death of Warden Coley's son,
but more information on both of those subjects will be revealed as
the film progresses). The Sheriff wants Seabo to bring back the
prisoners alive, but when they invade the home of a poor black family
and one of the prisoners tries to rape the family's young daughter,
Seabo has no choice but to shoot one of the escapees when he is
threatened with a pitchfork and the father shoots the other prisoner
in the back (Seabo takes the blame for both deaths, because he's just
that kind of man). Sheriff Deese's corrupt underling, Deputy Jess
Clary (Ron Lampkin; DARK SUNDAY
- 1976, also starring Owensby), believes Seabo is guilty of murder
for shooting the prisoner in the back (he not only calls Seabo a
"redneck", he also believes he is a communist!), so he
conspires with Warden Coley to find a way to incarcerate him in the
Warden's prison. Meanwhile, Seabo (who walks around with his
trademark sawed-off shotgun strapped to his hip) forces some local
bigots to destroy
their own car when they deface his Jeep with racial epithets. He
then goes to the local whorehouse, where prostitute Effie (Holly
Conover) makes him breakfast before he and local redneck Reb Stock
(Country singer David Allan Coe) have an altercation over something
said about Seabo's father and Seabo ends up accidentally decking
Deputy Jess instead. Seabo is sent to Buckstone County Prison on
charges of assaulting an officer and Warden Coley couldn't be happier
that this "communist traitor" is now one of his prisoners.
The Warden threatens to "rehabilitate" Seabo until he can't
stand up and is beaten with a billy club by sadistic prison guard
Jimbo (stunt coordinator Ed Parker), who can beat the shit out of a
prisoner without leaving a mark. Seabo makes friends with stuttering
black prisoner Zack (Leonard Dixon), while the Warden and Jimbo make
his life a living hell, beating him daily and forcing other prisoners
to make his every waking hour a fate worse than death. When the
prisoners finally realize that Seabo can be beaten but not broken,
they slowly come to respect him, especially when they see how he
reacts when Jimbo beats Zack within an inch of his life for not being
able to say his name without stuttering (Jimbo: "What's
my name?" Zack: "Mister J-j-j-j-imbo." WHACK!).
When six prisoners escape from a federal penitentiary with the help
of Reb Stock as their guide, Sheriff Deese offers Seabo a pardon
(over the Warden's protests and the eventual truth about his son's
death and Seabo's dishonorable discharge revealed) if he brings the
prisoners and Reb back alive. Seabo brings four of the prisoners back
alive (he is forced to shoot and kill one prisoner and Reb Stock, as
well as forcing Deputy Jess swallow all six bullets in his revolver),
but Warden Coley has an ambush waiting for Seabo as he escorts the
prisoners into Buckstone. All of the prisoners are shot dead in a
hail of gunfire, but Seabo disappears, never to be seen or heard from
again. A legend is born. At 117 minutes, SEABO
(originally titled simply BUCKSTONE
COUNTY PRISON before Owensby video-generated the
"Seabo" name before the title and released it on his own
VHS label in uncut form for the first time) may be a tad long in the
tooth, but it delivers in the violence and revenge departments, if
not the acting department. Thankfully, Earl Owensby as Seabo is a man
of few words (he also looks chunkier than in most his other films)
and director Jimmy Huston (DARK
SUNDAY - 1976; FINAL
EXAM - 1981; MY
BEST FRIEND IS A VAMPIRE - 1988) and screenwriter Tom
McIntyre (DOGS OF HELL
- 1982, also starring Owensby) play to Owensby's strengths as an
actor; namely, giving him as few words as possible to speak and
letting him get his revenge after nearly two hours of being abused in
every possible manner. SEABO may not be in the same league as COOL
HAND LUKE (1967) or BRUBAKER
(1980), but it is a fine example of a prison revenge flick, with
bouts of racist dialogue, bloody violence and even some bits of humor
(the car destruction sequence is hilarious). Both Don "Red"
Barry (BLAZING STEWARDESSES
- 1975) and Sunset Carson (ALIEN OUTLAW
- 1985) are good in their roles, but the rest of the cast is strictly
amateur hour, but passable, in their roles as prisoners, guards or
hookers who visit the prison for some convict nookie. This is one of
Owensby's better regional outings, which also includes CHALLENGE
(1973), its sequel MANHUNTER
(1974), DEATH DRIVER (1977), WOLFMAN
(1979) and HYPERSPACE
(a.k.a. GREMLOIDS - 1984),
as well as the others previously mentioned. Also starring Rod
Sacharnoski, Kristina Reynolds, Brownlee Davis and Jerry Rushing.
Many of Owensby's films never saw a release above the Mason/Dixon
line until their appearance on VHS in the 80's, but this one actually
got a wide theatrical release through Edward Montero's Film Ventures
International, although it was shorn by nearly twenty minutes (mostly
exposition). An Earl Owensby Studios VHS Release. Rated R.
SEARCH
FOR VENGEANCE (1984) - This
incoherent Filipino action film opens with one of the worst hostage
dramas to hit the screen. Four thieves are caught by the police
robbing a bank so they take a blabbering old woman hostage. The
police shoot tear gas into the bank and one thief is shot trying to
escape. Two more surrender and the last one is shot in the head by
Vito, the head of the cop squad, as the thief tries to get away using
the old woman as a shield. Vito and his squad get a lecture from the
police chief telling them not to use their guns to kill
any more. In what can be best described as the worst case of
retaining information, Vito and his squad are next seen gunning down
dozens of drug smugglers and then Vito shoots and kills the local mob
boss' son in a bar fight. Vito is suspended from the force for not
listening to the police chief. The mob boss is not so pleased losing
a million dollar shipment of drugs to the police, but he's more mad
about losing his son, so he vows to get revenge on Vito. He sends a
package bomb to Vito's house, but it only kills Vito's wife. Now Vito
vows revenge. The rest of the film is a series of shootouts and
fisticuffs as Vito and the boss' gang go after each other. Vito
becomes legendary and the populace consider him a modern day Robin
Hood! That is, until the mob boss makes Vito look like a ruthless
killer which force the people catch him and crucify him on a cross!
Only an impassioned plea from Vito's young son saves him and then
Vito faces the mob boss one-on-one. The mob boss has a few knives up
his sleeve in his climatic battle with Vito in a graveyard. Put your
brain in neutral and be prepared to be sent on a very surreal voyage.
The kind of voyage where bars play an instrumental version of Michael
Jackson's "Beat It", there's an awkward martial arts fight
every 10 minutes and the dialogue has to be heard to be appreciated.
Director Raymond "Rey" Malonzo, who also acts in this film
as Vito using the name "Reginald King" (and also directed CLASSIFIED
OPERATION - 1985 [a.k.a. FIRE
DRAGON]), also tries to inject sappy sentimentalism into the
mix, as the scene where we are introduced to Vito's wife and son.
Vito gives his son some money to go out and buy candy so he can do
the down 'n dirty with his wife, only to have his son say, "Dad,
I don't like candy!" I had fun counting the times the mob boss'
cowardly gang would plead, "Please don't kill me!",
whenever Vito would beat them in a fight. It's also filled with
hilarious dubbing, such as, "Stone that son of a bitch!"
and "Take him down from the cross. Relieve him from his
suffering." I believe Malonzo was also trying to put some
religious subtext into this film, but it gets lost among the gunshots
and badly-staged fights. This film has a weird type of energy to it,
such as the scene when Vito's son pleads for his father's life only
to get shot in the arm by one of the boss' goons for his good deed.
That alone is worth at least one viewing. Also starring Charlie Davao
and George Estragon (both in THE
KILLING OF SATAN), Johnny Wilson, Fred Param, Liz Allen,
Anne Marie and John Reed. SEARCH
FOR VENGEANCE is a.k.a. NIGHT OF FIRE and CITY
WARRIOR. A Paragon
Video Release which is long OOP. The version I saw came from a
boot of a Greek-subtitled VHS. Not Rated. Special thanks to
William Wilson for the copy.
THE
SEXY KILLER (1976) - Sex,
drugs and violence as only the Chinese can do it. When her sister
Wanjing is found raped, naked and unconscious from a drug overdose in
a discoteque/drugden, Wanfei (Chen Ping) makes it her mission in life
to kill every drug dealer she can get her hands on (She says,
"Drugs, drugs, I hate it so much!"). She pretends to be a
drug-addicted hooker named Sally (apparently, "Sally" also
means "kill me" in Cantonese) and picks up a man called
"Third Brother" (these are literal translations from the
English subtitles, so bear with me) and offers to have sex with him
as long as he brings her to his drug lab and gets her high. Once
there, she gets topless and stabs Third Brother to death with her
bracelet, which transforms into a double-bladed knife. She then kills
two other workers after finding out that Long Tou (Chan Shen), also
known as Brother Ma, was the man who raped her sister and made her a
brain-dead addict (we see her sister in a psych ward room, a
drooling, babbling basketcase). Brother Ma's boss (he has no name,
everyone calls him "Boss"), a drug kingpin with a limp,
thinks a rival organization called the Red Cabinet is responsible for
the recent destruction of several of his labs and orders his men to
bribe more cops and get the skinny on the perpetrators. Wanfei is
unaware that her politician boyfriend, He Jingye (Sze Wei), is also a
drug dealer, even though he's an anti-drug
crusader on TV. Wanfei's close friend, police officer Deng Weipin
(Yuen Hua), also known as the "Drug Smasher", seems to be
the only honest cop on the force. Every time he gets a good tip on a
drug deal, some crooked cop will call up the bad guys and he looks
like a fool when he goes to make a bust. When Deng goes on a bust at
He Jingye's house and turns up nothing (thanks to crooked cop's
tip-off), Wanfei accuses him of being jealous of her relationship
with He Jingye (he actually is a little bit!). Deng's old cop boss,
Leifan, now works for the "Boss" and tries to bribe Deng
into joining them, but he throws the money back at Leifan and tells
him, "You get yourself a good coffin with this money!" Five
men with pantyhose on their heads attack Deng and Wanfei with
miniature shovels and pipes and Brother Ma cripples Deng with a blow
to the head (He says, "Drug Smasher? Potato masher!").
Wanfei then goes after Brother Ma, tricking him into taking her to
the Boss' whorehouse, where she talks Brother Ma into setting up a
meeting with the Boss. When she meets him at his home, she attempts
to kill him, but fails. She is captured and finally learns of her
boyfriend's betrayal. Luckily, she doctored Brother Ma's drug stash,
so when she gets a hot shot, it's harmless. She then goes on a
one-woman killing spree and saves her boyfriend for her final victim
in the way-out conclusion. This hyper-kinetic Shaw Brothers
production, directed by Sun Chung (THE
DEVIL'S MIRROR - 1972; BIG
BAD SIS - 1976), is chock-full of violence, nudity and an
anti-drug stance that, for lack of a better word, is comical.
Wanfei's sister becomes a blubbering, brain-damaged mental patient
after only one fix and everyone shown doing drugs is either a hooker,
gang member or a disco-loving sweat monkey. Ignore the film's
simplistic, moralistic politics and just wallow in the sleazy fun and
violence. The most off-the-wall character here is Brother Ma, as his
fey, gay-like characteristics disguise an interior that can best be
described as animalistic. He not only rapes Wanjing, he hits on every
woman he meets, even if all his physical actions and body movements
make him look like a total flamer. This film also takes a dim view of
the police where, besides Deng, all the other cops are crooked or
buffoons (one cop even says to Deng that he's crooked because he gets
paid so little for being a cop). There are a lot of visual highlights
here, especially the way they hide Wanjing's pubic hair from the
camera (by using Brother Ma's excited fist to hide the offending body
part). There's also a pillow fight between Wanfei and whorehouse
madam Lilly, the Boss whips one of his girls while watching porn on a
super 8 projector (he also has a hidden S&M room where he
attempts to rape Wanfei), one guy is thrown off a building with a
noose around his neck (ala THE OMEN
[1976] , filmed the same year) and Wanfei's erect nipples are
prominently displayed in several close-up throughout the film. The
finale, where Brother Ma attempts to rape Wanfei on a sewer pipe and
the Boss whips some poor chained-up girl in his S&M room is
classic Chinese cinema. After killing Brother Ma in the sewer, Wanfei
drives a car through the Boss' living room, grabs a shotgun and
begins blowing everyone away, which climaxes in a pretty nifty
slow-motion waterbed explosion. She then goes to her boyfriends house
and teaches him a painful lesson which he will never forget. This is
the Hong Kong equivalent of the blaxploitation flick COFFY
(1973, it's nearly a scene-for-scene rip-off!) or THRILLER:
A CRUEL PICTURE (a.ka. THEY
CALL HER ONE-EYE - 1974), although it's apparent that some
of the nudity and more violent scenes, including He Jingye's death,
have been edited. This is an extremely insane action film that should
be seen by all. Also starring Hsu Hsia, Chiang Yang and Corey Yuen as
one of the Boss' henchmen. A Celestial
Pictures DVD Release. Not Rated.
SHOOT
FIRST, DIE LATER (1974) -
After watching director Sergio Martino's excellent THE
VIOLENT PROFESSIONALS (1973), I just had to watch this film
since it also stars Luc Merenda (SILENT
ACTION - 1975) and Richard Conte (NO
WAY OUT - 1973). It also helps that this film was directed
by Fernando Di Leo, who many believe (myself included) to be the king
of the Eurocrime genre, giving us MILANO
CALIBRO 9 (1972), MANHUNT
(1972), THE BOSS (1973), LOADED
GUNS (1975), KIDNAP
SYNDICATE (1975), BLOOD
AND DIAMONDS (1975) and MADNESS
(1980), as well as directing such non-Eurocrime
fare as NAKED VIOLENCE
(1969), SLAUGHTER HOTEL
(1971; a personal favorite) and TO
BE TWENTY (1978). I'm glad to report that this film lives up
to Di Leo's reputation, as it is a thrilling flick with two great
central performances, some excellent car chases (supplied by Remy
Julienne and his crew of stunt drivers), graphic violence, nudity and
an interesting story to tell, one that was common to police officials
in Italy during the 1970's. In other words, a film made for Eurocrime fans.
The film opens with crime boss Pascal (Raymond Pellegrin; A
SPECIAL COP IN ACTION - 1976) and his goons interrupting a
meeting with a smuggling outfit who are interested in listening to a
Swiss smuggler, who is telling them that they will make more money
with him rather than with Pascal, whom is their boss. After killing
the lookout point blank with a machine gun, Pascal confronts his
former smuggling outfit, telling them that this Swiss prick will not
give them a better deal ("He's not me!") and takes the
Swiss man away. He has his goons beat up the smuggling group and then
shoot them all in the legs for trying to betray him! We then see
Police Lt. Domenico Malacarne (Luc Merenda; TORSO
- 1973) undercover as a gun smuggler, making a deal with two wise-ass
Portuguese men, Rio (Elio Zamuto; HOW
TO KILL A JUDGE - 1975) and Raba (Massimo Sarchielli; A
MINUTE TO PRAY, A SECOND TO DIE - 1968) to drive a truck
containing "cinderblocks" (a code word for hot guns).
Domenico doesn't like the way these two men act, so he tells them he
will think about it. While Domenico and his beautiful girlfriend
Sandra (Delia Boccardo; HIGH CRIME
- 1973) are having a bite to eat in a bistro, he notices some strange
activity outside, so he goes to investigate. It turns out to be a
jewelry store robbery, the robbers killing the owner as he runs
outside and yells that he has been robbed. After a short foot chase,
the main robber steals a car and speeds away, so Domenico hops in a
car driven by his partner Garrito (Rosario Borelli; DEATH
RAGE - 1976) and gives chase (This is a long car chase, full
of great stunts and filmed for maximum impact). It all ends when
Garrito and the robber get into a game of chicken, Domenico telling
his partner not to swerve and he doesn't, getting into a head-on
collision, resulting in Domenico arresting the injured robber.
Later that day, Domenico's superior, the Superintendent of Police
(Gianni Santuccio; QUEENS OF EVIL
- 1970) holds a press conference and praises Domenico for a job well
done. Reporter Barbara (Monica Monet; SPASMO
- 1974) wants to do a story on Domenico, but he refuses. He won't
even let her cameraman take his picture, but, as we will learn later,
there is a reason for that. He is doing something that is not legal
and he doesn't need the exposure. After the press conference,
Domenico meets his nameless father (Salvo Randone; MY
DEAR KILLER - 1972), a sergeant at another police precinct
(so I'll call him "Sgt. Malacarne"), outside in the police
parking lot. He asks his father why he didn't attend the press
conference and he says he didn't want to get in the way of his son,
whom he believes is an excellent police officer. If he only knew!
That night, Sandra tells Domenico that he treats her as a prostitute,
only seeing her when he wants to have sex and he says that's not
true, his job keeps him too busy to spend a lot of time with her, but
that doesn't mean he does not care about her (the word "love' is
not in his dictionary).
We then find out just why Domenico is so busy. It turns out he is on
the take, helping Pascal and his mouthpiece lawyer Mazzanti (Richard
Conte; EVIL EYE
- 1975) with their coffee and cigarette smuggling business (there was
a huge black market for both in Italy at the time). He tells Pascal
that he wants nothing to do with their gun and drug-smuggling
businesses, but Pascal has a more pressing matter on his agenda. He
wants Domenico to get him a report filed by a man called Esposito
(Vittorio Caprioli; Di Leo's RULERS
OF THE CITY - 1976), who wrote down the license plates of
the car blocking the entrance to his house that his
"associates" were driving, because, "Our friends don't
like being noted down on a piece of paper." It turns out
Esposito reported it to Domenico's father at his district in Santa
Maria, but Domenico doesn't know it yet. Trying to get that report
from his father is going to be more difficult than Domenico could
ever imagine. It will turn out to be deadly. But before that happens,
a group of school kids discover a body in a cement-filled oil drum,
all they can see are three fingers sticking out of the dried cement.
Could this be related to Pascal's problem? Damn right it is! We then
discover that Garrito is also on the take, but Domenico makes him
sell his Ferrari, because no cop should be able to afford such a car.
If anyone were to discover he owns such a car, it would raise red
flags. Garrito agrees to get rid of his car immediately.
Domenico goes to his father's office and asks him for the report,
but he won't let him walk away with it, telling Domenico it is
already registered. Sgt. Malacarne tells his son not to worry, the
report will be filed away and forgotten, because Esposito is a serial
complainer; he comes to his office several times a week to complain
about one thing or another, including troubles with his own cat!
Domenico visits Esposito to see for himself and learns that the car
that was blocking the entrance to his house had Swiss plates.
Esposito explains, "The guy in the Swiss car was drunk because
as he walked away the others were holding him up. I'm betting the guy
was dead. They came back without the drunk and drove off. How do I
know this? Because it was 7:30. At 7:30 I have to go out and get milk
for my cat, because he likes milk at night." Domenico asks
Esposito if he saw the plates for both cars and he says yes, the
other car had Swiss plates, too, and the driver was wearing a polka
dot bowtie and he was hefty. Domenico immediately knows that Esposito
is describing Pascal, because he only wears bowties and he's a hefty
man. When Domenico returns to his car, Pascal's transvestite goon,
Gianmaria (Gino Milli; PROPERTY
IS NO LONGER A THEFT - 1973), is waiting for him in his car,
asking for the report. Domenico tells him not to worry, the report is
buried in the police archives and no one will ever see it. This does
not placate Pascal, who sends two goons to Esposito's house, where
they suffocate him by putting a plastic bag over his head. They even
kill Esposito's cat by putting it inside a plastic bag and sealing it up!
The next day, Sgt. Malacarne phones his son and tells him to meet
him at Esposito's house. Sgt. Malacarne is suspicious of his son for
asking for Esposito's report the day before he is found dead, but he
reasons that his son is such a great cop, the only reason he asked
for the report was because he was working on a secret investigation.
The look on Domenico's face tells a different story and his father
immediately knows something is wrong, but he is not expecting what
comes next. Domenico demands his father hand over the report, telling
him to quit his job and to disappear for a few days, saying now that
Esposito is dead, he is the only one who knows anything and it could
be deadly for him if he stays put. Sgt. Malacarne is pissed, telling
his son he won't obstruct justice, not even for his own son. Domenico
tells him he's just trying to save his life; these "people"
don't play around. Sgt. Malacarne then realizes that his son is an
accomplice to murder and yells out, "Oh my God! It can't
be!" Domenico retorts, "Stop weeping in your pillow! Don't
make a big deal out of it. I'm corrupt. I'm a traitor. I've saved up
60 million (lire), I have a fancy girl and when I speak, everyone
stands up!" His father can't believe his son sold out; getting
paid to do illegal things, which goes against everything he believes
in. Domenico tells his father to quit preaching to him, he seen what
kind of life he has lead, "licking the shine off other people's
shoes till their toes showed!" Domenico tries to make himself
feel better saying he saw his father beat people to death to make his
bosses happy, made up phony stories to convict people and has abused
his power, telling his father that the only difference between them
is that he gets paid to do the exact same things. Sgt. Malacarne
gives his son a disappointing look and walks out of the room,
Domenico yelling for him to turn his son in, if "they" let
him live long enough. He will regret saying that.
Pascal confronts Domenico at a party at an art gallery, demanding
that the report be destroyed. A certain Countess Nevio (Marisa
Traversi; FRANKENSTEIN
'80 - 1972) from Switzerland has identified the body in the
oil drum as that of her husband. It won't be long until the body will
be connected to Pascal, which is why he needs the report destroyed.
Domenico tells Pascal that the report will be delivered to him
tonight, but it will cost him plenty of money to get it. Pascal
agrees and Domenico phones his father and begs him for the report.
Later that day, Sgt. Malacarne hands his son the report and tells him
he can sell out if he wants, but he never wants to see him again; he
is no longer his son, he's no better than a crook. Sgt. Malacarne
walks out of the luxury apartment Domenico pays Sandra to live in and
Sandra appears to comfort a hurt Domenico. While Sgt. Malacarne is
sitting in a park nursing his emotional scars, Gianmaria sneaks up
behind him and throws him to the ground, stepping on his head,
putting it underwater at the edge of lake and killing him (We're not
supposed to know it is Gianmaria, but it is quite obvious). This act
of cowardice is all Domenico needs to finally change his stripes, but
before he learns about his father's murder, he delivers the report to
Pascal, who burns it in front of him as Domenico demand 20,000 lire
for delivering it to him. Mazzanti tells him the money will be wired
to his account tomorrow morning, but Pascal has no intent of paying him.
As Domenico is making love to Sandra, the phone rings and it's
Garrito. He tells Domenico to meet him at the park immediately, not
telling him why. When Domenico arrives at the park and sees the dead
body of his father, all he has on his mind is revenge, especially
when he hears that a "lady" with long blonde hair was seen
leaving the scene of the crime. He goes to Gianmaria's pad, beats up
all of his strange friends and Gianmaria threatens Domenico with a
switchblade, threatening to cut "handsome's" face. Domenico
bangs Gianmaria's head against the wall repeatedly and when he falls
to the floor, snaps the transvestite's neck with a twist of his feet.
We then see two of Pascal's goons slapping the shit out of Sandra,
then kneeing her it the face an strangling her with a phone cord (as
she dies, all we hear is a busy tone on the phone's receiver). A
bunch of Pascal's thugs then go after Domenico, trapping him in a
liquor store. He phones Garrito and tells him to come immediately.
When Garrito arrives, with another officer, Domenico jumps in the car
and they head to Sandra's place. Domenico tells the officer to ring
the doorbell on the back door (he knows something is wrong) and when
the officer rings the doorbell, it explodes, killing the officer.
Domenico and Garrito run inside and find Sandra dead on her bed.
Domenico's Superintendent puts him on indefinite suspension for
"health reasons. This leads to a short car chase between
Pascal's head killer (Loris Bazzocchi; BLACK
LEMONS - 1970) resulting in the killer's death. Mazzanti
offers to set up Pascal for Domenico (after Pascal calls Mazzanti a
"third-rate mouthpiece" who isn't worth killing) and they
trap him in the basement of an abandoned building and Domenico shoots
Pascal point-blank in the face. Just when you think it is all over,
Garrito comes up behind Domenico and shoots him in the back of the
head. THE END.
This excellent Eurocrime film contains some terrific acting from Luc
Merenda and Salvo Randone as father and son. Their scenes together
pack an emotional wallop for the viewer, especially the sequence
where father discovers his son is nothing but a crook. Luc Merenda is
a hit-or-miss actor. When he is on target, his performances are quite
extraordinary, such as here, but he sometimes phones-in a performance
(Di Leo's NICK THE STING
[1976] is a good example) and he is quite terrible. Thankfully,
director/screenwriter Fernando Di Leo (Story by Sergio Donato; WEEKEND
MURDERS - 1970) knows Merenda's limitations, using him in
several of his films, giving him meaty roles he can chew on and
making his performances award-worthy and memorable (all except NICK,
which is a rare Di Leo loser). The two car chases here may not be in
the same league as THE FRENCH CONNECTION
(1971; although there are many similarities between the two films),
but stunt coordinator/driver extraordinaire Remy Julienne gives the
chases enough energy
to make them stand out from most films in this genre (but still not
as good as the one in STRANGE
SHADOWS IN AN EMPTY ROOM - 1976, which Julienne also
coordinated). The plot to this film follows closely to the way it was
in the Italian police forces during the time. Most police officials
were on the take. Being a police officer and taking graft from
criminals was considered normal until a major crackdown got most of
these officials shitcanned, but it wouldn't be until nearly a decade
later until it happened. This was one of the major reasons why law
and order in Italy was in such dire shape during most of the '70s
(mirroring the police force in New York City at the time), which is
the reason why the Eurocrime genre was created. The genre basically
told the Italian justice system that they knew what was really going
on and calling them on it, even if people in other countries never
understood the reasons, preferring to enjoy the films as just pure
entertainment. But, believe me, there were valid reasons why these
films were being cranked out. Today we look at them as action
thrillers, but, back in the day, they were a reflection on Italian
society and the blind eye people turned to the law and order/justice
system. In other words, these films had a different meaning back in
the '70s than they do today. History lesson over. Try to see how many
times you can count the J&B
Scotch bottles, as it appears (in all sizes) scattered
throughout the film. This film swims in the stuff! There is also some
pretty graphic violence in the film, especially Domenico's death,
which comes as quite the shock. There is also some female nudity in
the film, but not as much as normal for a film in this genre. Still,
this is a recommended delight for fans of Eurocrime, thanks to the
acting and non-stop action.
Shot as IL
POLIZIO E MARCO ("The Policeman Is Rotten"), this
film did get a limited U.S. theatrical release (I found a poster,
but no releasing company information available), but no U.S. VHS
release. It made its first appearance on U.S. home video as a stand
alone DVD from Raro Video,
who later put it in a box set titled FERNANDO
DI LEO: THE ITALIAN CRIME COLLECTION VOL. 2. It is also
available streaming on Amazon Prime in two versions: The original
Italian with English subtitles or English dubbed. Finding both
versions on Prime may prove to be difficult, but it is not impossible
if you are diligent enough (I just wish they would make it easier
than they do!). I always prefer the original language, but I'm glad
to report that the English dubbed version is an almost exact mirror
of the Italian language version, which is very rare. Also featuring
Salvatore Billa (WEREWOLF
WOMAN - 1976), Attilio Duse (THE
BLOODSTAINED SHADOW - 1978), Marcello Di Falco (CALIGULA
- 1979) and Sergio Ammirata (LIVE
LIKE A COP, DIE LIKE A MAN - 1976) as Officer Curcetti, who
is not much of a cop, but is a terrific brownnoser to the
Superintendent. Not Rated.
THE
SIEGE OF FIREBASE GLORIA
(1988) - Excellent Philippines-lensed war actioner that takes
place in South Vietnam just before the January 1968 Tet Offensive. A
platoon of American Marines, led by Sgt. Maj. Hafner (R. Lee Ermey,
who also narrates) and Cpl. Dinardo (Wings Hauser), enter a friendly
village only to discover everyone, except for a lone young boy, have
been savagely slaughtered by the Vietcong (We are treated to sights
of heads on sticks, dead naked raped women in huts and bodies of
murdered children piled on top of each other like cords of firewood).
Unnerved on what he has just witnessed, Hafner orders his men to burn
the village down, bodies and all (the platoon were friendly with the
villagers), before they grab the boy and move on. As they are
traveling through the jungle, the platoon stumbles across two gooks
guarding a cave. After killing the two enemy soldiers, Hafner
discovers an injured American soldier (Richard Kuhlman) in the cave.
He has been held as a POW for so long, he can't remember his name, so
Hafner nicknames him "Ghost". After killing over 20
Vietcong at a riverbank, Hafner and his motley group are picked up by
helicopter, only to be shot down just as they make it to a remote
American jungle outpost called Firebase Gloria. Hafner and Dinardo
discover that the outpost's commanding officer, Capt. Williams (John
Calvin; PRIMARY TARGET - 1988),
is nothing but an opium-smoking, brain-dead basketcase (He greets
Hafner and Dinardo in the nude while babbling
about the perfect tits of some centerfold model!), so they frag his
ass (they don't kill him, just blow him up a little!) so Hafner can
take over commanding the outpost. It's a good thing, too, because a
regiment of VC soldiers, commanded by Col. Cao Van (Robert Arevalo),
is about to assault Firebase Gloria as part of the Tet Offensive, in
which Vietcong soldiers all across South Vietnam lay a massive
assault against all American military bases, outposts and embassies.
Greatly outnumbered and with limited help on the way, Hafner and his
men must endure wave after wave of enemy VC soldiers as they try to
defend the outpost and their lives. As the battles get bloodier and
the losses pile up on both sides (there's a particularly bloody
attack by the enemy on the outpost's hospital), we discover that
there are no real superheroes in war, just flesh and blood human
beings that are capable of heroic deeds. Still, no matter how heroic
you are, you can't outrace a bullet if your name is written on
it. This is an unheralded, low-budget masterpiece about a
portion of the Vietnam War where both Americans and the Vietcong
suffered their greatest amount of casualties (all in a period of
about four months). Director Brian Trenchard-Smith (THE
MAN FROM HONG KONG - 1975; STUNT ROCK
- 1978; DAY OF THE PANTHER
- 1987), working with a literate script by William Nagle and Tony
Johnston, offers a fair and balanced portrayal of both sides of the
war, allowing the viewer to witness the brutality and viewpoints from
both the Americans and Vietcong. Surprisingly, Trenchard-Smith
portrays some of the American soldiers, especially Wing Hauser's (DEAD
MAN WALKING - 1987; WATCHERS
III - 1994) Dinardo, as capable of performing brutal acts of
savagery, such as when he orders his men to kill all the wounded VC
laying in a field after their first unsuccessful assault on the
outpost (he can't be bothered with dealing with wounded POWs) or his
painful interrogation of a wounded VC soldier (whom he kills after
extracting the information he needed). The plight of the young
Vietnamese boy, who is protected by Dinardo (the boy is the only
aspect of the war that keeps Dinardo from going completely bonkers
and proves to be his Achilles' heel), is the perfect metaphor of the
horrors of war. His fate in the finale is realistic and uncertain, as
Col. Cao Van "rescues" him from the Americans and he ends
up in the arms of the very same person responsible for giving the
orders to kill his parents in the first place. Here, the VC soldiers
aren't the faceless demons most war actioners paint them to be. They
have the same personal lives and follow the same orders the Americans
do. Still, this film wouldn't be half as good as it is if it weren't
for the excellent performance and authoritative narration by R. Lee
Ermey (FULL METAL JACKET
- 1987; THE TERROR WITHIN II
- 1990). He adds an air of authenticity (even during the midst of an
all-out assault, he still finds the time to reprimand a helicopter
pilot for not shaving!) and grace that may have otherwise been lost
by a lesser actor. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of bloody
violence and carnage on view (the early sights of the village
slaughter; two VC women getting blown to smithereens; the final
assault of the outpost), but there's an emotional core that's usually
not found in low-budget films of this type (the uneasy professional
and personal relationship between Hafner and Dinardo is highly
emotional). A must-see. Also starring Albert Popwell, Mark Neely,
Gary Hershberger, Clyde R. Jones, Margi Gerard, Erich Hauser, Dan
Austin, Henry Strzalkowski and Nick Nicholson as a pot-smoking combat
photographer. Second Unit Director and Film Editor Andrew Prowse went
on to direct DEMONSTONE
(1989), also starring Ermey. THE
SIEGE OF FIREBASE GLORIA was originally released on VHS by
Fries Home Video and on fullscreen laserdisc by Image Entertainment.
In 2001, it was offered on VHS by MGM Home Video as an Amazom.com
"exclusive" and has yet to be released on DVD. Rated R.
SILK
(1986) - Filipino director Cirio H. Santiago strikes again. Cec
Verrell (HELL
COMES TO FROGTOWN
- 1987; TRANSFORMATIONS
- 1988) stars as beautiful no-nonsense cop Jenny "Silk"
Sleighton, who we first see chasing and killing four theives, two who
jump on a moving train with Silk close behind. The next time we see
her, she's breaking up a drug deal between seller Frampton (Mike
Monty) and buyer Carnahan (David Light). Silk shoots and kills
Frampton (she doesn't believe in taking prisoners), but Carnahan gets
away. Silk and fellow detective Tom Stevens (Bill McLaughlin) go to
court to watch a criminal named Haskell (Don Gordon Bell) be
prosecuted for murder, but when a key witness refuses to identify
him, a mistrial is called and Haskell is released. Stevens is
devastated because a conviction meant his appointment for Councilman
would have been sealed, but Silk gets his mind off it by making sweet
love to him. Carnahan's boss, Austin (Peter Shilton), threatens to
kill him for dealing drugs (Carnahan was freelancing the drug deal,
which jeopardizes Austin's business of creating new identities for
violent criminals), but Carnahan has a list of all Austin's clients,
which he threatens to use if harm should come to him and it saves him
from being killed (for now). Silk and Detective Yashi (Joe Mari
Avellana) are assigned to a case of a murdered body found at
the banks of a lake and the more they investigate, the closer they
get to Austin. Silk has a more important problem, though. It seems
someone is murdering criminals who have recently escaped justice on
technicalities. The killer not only murders them, he also cuts-off
one of their ears as trophies and the deeper Silk digs into the
cases, the more it looks like her lover Tom is responsible. When
Carnahan is killed by two men, his girlfriend turns over the list to
Silk. Tom is there, too, and when he sees the names on the list
and hears a description of Carnahan's killers, he knows it's two old
Nam buddies of his, Tyler (Nick Nicholson) and Vernon (Ronnie
Patterson), who are now on Austin's payroll. Tom really can't do
anything about it since he's also a killer and they know it (Tom use
to cut the ears off his gook victims back in Vietnam). As Silk begins
interviewing the people on the list, Austin orders a hit on her. Silk
has to find a way to stay alive, bring Austin down and deal with her
lover being a cold-blooded killer. Set in Honolulu, Hawaii, but
filmed in the Philippines (it's all those Filipino extras that give
it away), SILK has a fairly
complicated plot for a Cirio H. Santiago film. The script, by
Frederick Bailey (who also co-stars as Detective Brown), juggles
several plots at once and manages to generate some real suspense,
even if it's hard to keep score sometimes. Cec Verrell (who has the
same facial features and stark blue eyes as Meg Foster) is steely
cool as Silk (When Austin says to her, "I don't know why they
call you Silk.", she shoots back, "Because I'm so fucking
smooth!"), who would rather shoot and ask questions later.
Everyone she comes up against ends up dead (whether it be by pistol,
shotgun or flaming car wreck) and the only time she actually shoots
to wound, she ends up being taken hostage. Director/producer Santiago
turned out dozens of these little actioners during the 80's (see
reviews for FINAL MISSION
[1984] and THE DEVASTATOR
[1985]). Most of them were forgettable war actioners (EYE
OF THE EAGLE - 1987; NAM ANGELS
- 1988), but every once in a while, he was capable of churning-out
something halfway decent and watchable like this. Make no mistake,
this is low-budget stuff, but Santiago is a professional who knows
how to squeeze the most out of a meager budget. SILK's
83 minutes fly by quickly, as there are gunfights, car chases and
explosions galore, not to mention a cameo by Filipino staple Vic Diaz
(we actually get to hear his real voice here, as he is usually dubbed
by someone else). Santiago made a sequel, titled appropriately enough SILK
2 (1989), which unfortunately did not star Cec Verrell.
Instead, Monique Gabrielle (ANGEL EYES
- 1993) took over the role. Also starring Henry Strzalkowski, Rex
Cutter, Joseph Zucchero and Joonie Gamboa. Released on VHS in the
mid-80's by MGM/UA
Home Video and still awaiting a DVD release. Now available on
uncut Blu-Ray from Code
Red as a Screen Archives exclusive.
Rated R.
SILK
2 (1989)
-
In this sequel to 1986's SILK, police
detective Jenny 'Silk' Sleighton (Monique Gabrielle, replacing the
original film's Cec Verrell) and partner Sgt. Chris Meadows (Bon
Vibar) are first seen assaulting a group of Palestine terrorists that
have taken over the Israeli Embassy in Honolulu, Hawaii. When one of
the terrorists shoots one of their hostages in the back of the head
(we see the bullet exit out of the front of the head, blowing out the
poor guy's eye socket), Silk and Chris enter the building and quickly
kill the terrorists (Silk's weapon of choice is a sawed-off shotgun)
before any more hostages are harmed. Crooked museum owner Hancock
Gish (Jan Merlin) sets up a fake robbery where he has his men switch
a briefcase containing the "Four Scrolls Of The Temple Of
Immortality", valuable ancient Japanese artifacts that were
supposed to be on loan to Gish's museum. Gish hangs the four phoney
scrolls in his museum thinking no one will be the wiser (he intends
on keeping
the originals and collecting the insurance money when he has the
fake ones destroyed in an explosion), but when art expert Tony (Peter
Nelson) spots them as fakes, the shit hits the fan. Tony calls
Japanese art collector Kashi Hashimura (Joe Mari Avellana) and tells
him about the fakes. Kashi contacts his old friend Chris, tells him
about the fake scrolls and asks Chris to investigate. Chris, who is
about to retire from the force, begins digging into the theft on his
own time and nearly gets killed by two of Gish's goons, Trent (Robert
Ginnivan) and Dodge (Jim Moss). Chris needs help, so he informs
Silk what is going on and they follow Trent and Dodge onto a boat,
where Chris is wounded and taken prisoner and Chris has to jump
overboard to escape, but not before she grabs one of the real
scrolls. Silk's superior, Captain Henry Sharp (Ken Metcalfe), tells
her that she is off the case, but we know better, don't we? When one
of Gish's goons tries to kill Silk while she is taking a shower, she
is forced to kill him (Gratuitous exposed breasts kung-fu alert!).
When an exchange of Chris for the scroll goes horribly wrong and
Chris is stabbed to death by Trent, Silk grants Chris' dying request
and travels to the island of Kona to return the scroll to Kashi,
where she meets Tony and a young woman named Holly (Maria Claire),
who will both play an important role in Silk's life in the next few
days. Trent and Dodge try their best to kill Silk and retrieve the
scroll, but she is always on the ball. Gish kidnaps Tony and Kashi in
the finale and plans to blow them up, along with his museum and the
fake scrolls and collect his insurance money, framing Tony and Kashi
as terrorists. Silk and Holly show up in the nick of time and save
the day, retrieving the real scrolls, rescuing Tony and killing
Trent, while Kashi restrains Gish as they both blow up in the
explosion. Those expecting the same fun experience as the first
film are bound to be disappointed because returning director Cirio H.
Santiago cast the wrong woman in the leading role. Monique Gabrielle (ANGEL
EYES - 1993) may look great naked (she has a couple of nude
scenes, including a really blurry slow-motion sex scene with Tony),
but she's not much of an actress. Her monotone line readings are
simply awful and hamper the film's overall effectiveness. She's a
major distraction. Santiago offers a bit of major gore in the
beginning of the film, but unfortunately fails to follow through, as
the rest of the film is relatively blood-free and predictable (script
by Robert King, who also wrote the screenplays to the creepy horror
film THE NEST [1987]
and the martial arts actioner BLOODFIST
[1989]). While there are a few gunfights, martial arts sequences and
car chases, it by no means measures-up to Santiago's usual action
standards. Even the big explosion in the finale is an obvious
miniature and there is a severe shortage of Santiago's usual
overabundant use of bloody bullet squibs. This 76 minute flick is
pretty terrible and I am usually very forgiving when it comes to
Santiago's films. Skip this and watch the original instead. Also
starring Henry Strzalkowski, Jeff Griffith, Archie Ramirez, David
Light and Joseph Zucchero. Available on VHS from MGM/UA
Home Video and not yet on DVD. Rated R.
SKELETON
COAST (1987) - Anyone who
doesn't like Ernest Borgnine doesn't like great actors in my book and
here's a rare 80's action film where Borgnine carries most of the
film on his broad shoulders. This film opens in Angola, where CIA
agent Michael Smith (Jonathan Rands) is taken prisoner at a rebel
camp by the soldiers of mean Angola-backed crime lord Major Schneider
(Robert Vaughn). Michael happens to be the son of Colonel Bill Smith
(Borgnine), who gets information on where his son is being held by
corrupt Angolan official Elia (Herbert Lom in a small cameo; both Lom
and Borgnine were born in 1917 and both passed away in 2012), in
which Bill pays Elia $100,000 in counterfeit bills (!) to get the
information. When Elia finds out the money is counterfeit, he nearly
blows a gasket and sends Diamond Security head Captain David Simpson
(Oliver Reed in a five minute cameo) to stop Bill from rescuing his
son. Meanwhile, Bill is putting together a mercenary
team together to rescue his son. He hires friend Rick Weston (Daniel
Greene; HANDS OF STEEL
- 1986) to put together a merc team. The team consists of Bill, Rick,
Chuck (Leon Isaac Kennedy; FIGHTING
MAD - 1978), Tohsiro (Peter Kwong; BIG
TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA - 1986), Blade (Arnold Vosloo; THE
MUMMY - 1999), Armando (Tulio Moneta; RED
SCORPION - 1989), Robbins (Larry Taylor; MISTER
DEATHMAN - 1977) and Sam (Nancy Mulford; THE
REVENGER - 1990), the only female of the group (Bill first
spots her naked in a makeshift shower stall in the desert), each one
of them a specialist in their own field of expertise (Vosloo and
Mulford married after meeting on this film). They take four vehicles
into the desert (Bill says that they are doing this just in case one
of their vehicles gets destroyed by the enemy, not all of them will
die. Good thinking!) as they head to Major Schneider's compound and
almost immediately they are attacked by a cackling Captain Simpson,
who blows the hell out of Bill and his merc's four vehicles with a
tank, but leaves them all alive to die in the desert (We never see
Oliver Reed again. He probably did this cameo for some booze money.).
Luckily for Bill and his new friends, they noticed a plane a few
miles back and make a trek to it, where they discover it is owned by
a drug smuggler and when Bill tries to buy the plane (with more
counterfeit money!), a shootout occurs, where Bill and his gang kill
the drug smuggler and his gang. They also discover a satchel of
diamonds, and they divvy them up equally among each other (eight
diamonds each, each bundle worth about $500,000). They take off in
the plane en route to their destination, when their plane is shot
down by rebel leader Sekassi (Simon Sabela) and his band of rebels
(pretty good plane destruction scene for such a low budget affair).
Bill and his gang are taken prisoner, only to discover that Sekassi
is Bill's friend. Sekassi agrees to help Bill and his team attack
Major Schneider's compound, but they are lacking in weapons. Bill
unselfishly gives Sekassi his eight diamonds, which Sekassi says will
equip his band of rebels with all the weapons they need. Bill and his
mercs enter the compound under the guise of inspecting the compound
from the President of Angola's orders and at first their ruse works
and Bill finds his son naked and lying on the floor of a dirty,
hay-filled cell (Borgnine does a great acting job here when he looks
at the state of his son and tries to hide his emotions from the rest
of the group, but all of them feel for him.). As Bill rescues his
son, Sekassi and his rebels begin bombing the hell out of the
compound to cause a diversion, but Major Schneider captures Sam and
tells the rest of Bill's group to drop their weapons, which they do.
This is now where the group of merc's show off each of their
specialties, as Blade begins slicing and dicing the enemy, Toshiro
uses his martial arts training to beat the snot out of his opponents
and Bill and his gang pick up the guns and begin shooting, killing
Major Schneider (and picking up a briefcase), but not without some of
them getting shot in the process. Bill still uses his guise as an
Angolan official to get some of the enemy to help him move his son
and some of the injured mercs out of the compound! When Bill has no
way of making it back to civilization with his injured son, Sekassi
has one more trick up his sleeve: He gives Bill and his gang a
vintage 1930's Rolls Royce (!) so they can leave the country in style
and make it back to freedom. As they are traveling, Bill stops the
car to see what is in the briefcase. It is full of diamonds, millions
and millions of dollars worth and Bill wonders whether he should go
back to Sekassi and deliver them to him. The final shot shows him
saying "What the hell!" as he puts his hand in the mound of
diamonds and throws them up in the air, to the cheers of the mercs
and his son. That is where the film ends. While no big shakes
as an action film, you can't help but enjoy Ernest Borgnine (who was
70 at the time, but looked like he was in his late 40's), who is in
95% of the scenes of this film. And he looks like he is having the
time of his life, which translates well to the viewer's enjoyment of
the film. Director/actor John 'Bud" Cardos (KINGDOM
OF THE SPIDERS - 1977; THE
DARK - 1979; THE
DAY TIME ENDED - 1979; MUTANT
- 1984) keeps things nice and loose and the chemistry between
Borgnine and his merc friends seems natural and not forced. There are
plenty of gunfights and explosions to keep most action films happy,
but if you are a fan of the late Ernest Borgnine (like I am), this
film is a must because it is one of his biggest roles in the latter
part of his career (when Bornine passed away at the age of 95, you
could swear that he was no older than 70) and he kills it here. He
has no problem blowing the bad guys away, while also showing sympathy
to his crew and his son (He keeps asking everyone if they are OK,
like he is father to them all). SKELETON
COAST is not a high budget affair, but it is quite enjoyable
for what it is. You should have a good time with it. Also starring
Robin Townsend, Rudi De Jager, Anthony Wilson, Joe Ribiero and Nigel
Kane. Nadia Caillou's screenplay (her only one) is based on a story
by Harry Alan Towers (as "Peter Welbeck"), who was also
this film's Producer. Filmed on location in Nambia. A Nelson
Entertainment VHS Release. Also released on a supremely bad DVD
from Troma Films, but you would be
better off finding the VHS, It looks so much better. Rated R.
SLASH
(1984) - Peter "Slash" Harris (Romano Kristoff; NINJA'S
FORCE - 1984) is a Vietnam War hero who we first see saving
his platoon from enemy gunfire. When The United States decides
they've had enough and decide to pull out of Vietnam, CIA agent Major
Andrew Scott (Mike Monty; PHANTOM RAIDERS
- 1988) orders his second-in-command, Bruce Grant (Paul Vance; NINJA
WARRIORS - 1985), to destroy all the top secret documents
before he pulls out of Cambodia. As Bruce races to the office to
destroy the papers, he finds the safe empty and the documents
missing, as they were already taken by Major Scott and his assistant
Barbara (Gwenn Hung) a few minutes before he arrived. Major Scott and
Barbara flee in a Jeep with the papers with three MP bodyguards, but
they end up driving into the middle of a heated battle. Major Scott
is ejected from the Jeep before it explodes, killing the MPs and
Barbara ends up missing with the briefcase full of top-secret documents.
Major Scott ends up in the hospital minus a leg, yet he still wants
to find Barbara and the documents. He hires old friend Slash to find
Barbara, but first Slash saves Major Scott from a kidnap attempt in
the hospital. Barbara, it turns out, is the wife of a Vietnamese
General (Patrick Lee), who knows that she and Major Scott are father
and daughter (Slash has not been made aware of this fact yet), so
Slash and his small group of commandos (which includes Filipino
staple Nick Nicholson) now have two reasons to bring Barbara back
alive. As Slash and his squad traverse the jungle, they stop a gang
rape of a village girl by a bunch of VC soldiers (which leads to a
nifty slow-motion bridge explosion) and then locate the enemy camp
where Barbara is being held (she's tied spread-eagle to some bamboo
poles). Slash saves her under the cover of darkness, but loses the
rest of his squad in the process, so now Slash and Barbara, who is in
a drugged-out stupor ("I want morphine!"), must locate the
hidden briefcase and make it to safety while a squad of enemy
soldiers dog their every move. Luckily, Slash has this incredible
weapon, that's one part radio, one part laser telescope and one part
rocket launcher, to keep the enemy at bay. With the briefcase in his
hands, Slash reunites Barbara with her father, but her dastardly
General husband has other plans. He takes all three of them captive
when the briefcase turns up empty. The finale reveals who the real
traitor is, yet Slash gives him a chance to decide the eventual
outcome. Heroes may shed no tears, but they still can act
humane. This Filipino war actioner, directed by Jun Gallardo (RESCUE
TEAM - 1983; COMMANDO
INVASION - 1986; SFX RETALIATOR
- 1987) under the pseudonym "John Gale" and written by
co-star Paul Vance (as "Paul Van") and Rod Davis, leaves a
lot of questions unanswered (The biggest one being: Why would Major
Scott tell Bruce to destroy the documents if he already knew that
Barbara was taking them out of the safe? It only makes sense if Major
Scott is a bad guy, but, as the film proves, he's not.), but it does
have some entertaining moments and violent scenes, especially Slash
destroying the enemy camp in the finale with his rocket launcher
thingamajig. There are a few "What The Fuck?!?" moments,
such as when Slash sneaks into an enemy hospital to steal morphine
for Barbara's fix and ends up getting the hospital, doctors and
injured patients blown-up in the process. When he injects Barbara
with the morphine, she says to Slash, "You got me just in
time!" and proceeds to act like a non-junkie for the rest of the
film! The unbelievable ending, where Slash lets the traitorous Bruce
commit suicide after promising to destroy photos showing Bruce
screwing a whore ("Think of the embarrassment it will cause my
family!"), will have you shaking your head in disbelief. Bruce
acts more ashamed that he got caught with a whore than betraying an
entire nation! SLASH is another
winner from (uncredited) producer K.Y. Lim and his Silver Star Film
Company that's low in horse sense but high in entertainment value (I
dare you not to laugh when the bare-chested Slash screams out the
General's name on two separate occasions. They are both classic
scenes of overstatement.). Also known as RANGER.
Also starring Ronnie Patterson, Jim Fisher, Peter Vernon, Roger
Duff, Tony Loy, Richard Feist and Benny Randall. As usual, this film
never received a legitimate U.S. home video release. The print I
viewed was sourced from a Dutch-subtitled VHS tape. SLASH
is now available streaming on Amazon Prime. Not Rated.
SO
DARLING, SO DEADLY (1966) -
This Germany/Italy/France co-production is the third film in the Kommissar
X series (1966 - 1971) of comical and action-packed Eurospy
films. Agent Jo Walker (Tony Kendall; RETURN
OF THE EVIL DEAD - 1973), code named "Kommisar X"
and his exasperated partner, Captain Tom Rowland (Brad Harris; ZAMBO,
KING OF THE JUNGLE - 1972) are called to Singapore (filmed
on location) for some unknown business. All they
know is someone code named "Apollo" is supposed to contact
them when they check into their hotel and will fill them in on why
they are there.
As soon as they step off the plane, we can see that the bad guys
know they are there, because the plane explodes just after they
disembark (It looks as if they actually blew-up a jetliner. I know
that is not in the budget, but the explosion is spectacular!).
Leaving the airport in a taxi, Jo and Tom are shot at by two thugs
who are following them, Jo throwing a smoking cigar box (!) at their
car, forcing the bad guys to crash their car into a tree (Some fat
local on a bicycle taxi picks up the cigar box, smokes a lit
cigarette inside it and then tosses the box to the bad guys! Why? I
don't know, but it is sure as hell funny!). Jo, who is irresistable
to women (a running gag in the series), gets a phone call from an
unknown man, who tells him to hop on the next plane to New York City
and get out of Singapore, if he knows what's good for him, just
before an assassin takes a shot at him through his hotel room window.
Jo stops the bullet with his bulletproof briefcase and gets into a
fistfight with the assassin, killing him. Meanwhile, Tom goes water
skiing and he notices that the guy piloting the speed boat is trying
to kill him. Tom plays possum in the water and then beats up the guy,
asking him who sent him. Before he can get an answer, a sniper kills
the guy and we then find out that Tom has a gun hidden in his bathing
suit! (I would ask where he hid it, but I really don't want to
know!). We then discover that Apollo is actually Sybille (Barbara
Frey), the daughter of Professor Akron (E.F. Fürbringer; THE
PUZZLE OF THE RED ORCHID - 1961), who has created a
"filter" that can turn a laser into a deadly weapon, able
to knock-out the electrical system of any plane in flight (Why would
a good scientist invent something like this? I guess so the bad guys
can try to steal it!). Sybille wants Jo and Tom to protect her father
and the filter until he unveils it at a conference later in the
month. Jo and Tom hop on a train to meet Sybille and fight a car full
of bad guys, easily winning. Sybille takes them to meet her father,
where we find out that the professor's near-deaf servant, Lapore (M.
Ojatirato), is working for the bad guys and has bugged the
Professor's home.
The head of the criminal organization, Li Hu Wang (Nikola Popovic),
orders his best assassin, Stella (Gisela Hahn; CONTAMINATION
- 1980), to kill Lapore (He's afraid Lapore will talk, but how can he
talk when he is stone-cold deaf??? What could he have possibly
heard?) and steal the filter, killing anyone who stands in her way.
Jo and Tom learn of Lapore's treachery and chase him through the
streets of Singapore. Lapore thinks he has gotten away, but Stella
sees him and says, "Pray Lapore!", before killing him with
a speargun bolt to his back. Jo and Tom chase Stella and she
disappears into a tour group. Jo meets another female assassin called
Selena (Margaret Rose Keil; THE
BIG BUST-OUT - 1972, also starring Kendall) and she
instantly falls in love with him, but Jo tells her he is too busy to
pay attention to her and that he will see her later (He usually finds
time for the ladies!). Sybille drives Tom And Jo back to their hotel,
so they can get their bags, but she is kidnapped by two male goons on
Li Hu Wang's payroll. Wang calls up Professor Akron, telling him that
if he wants his daughter back alive, he better hand off the filter to
him. Jo and Tom, unaware on what is going on, meet Selena and another
woman in the hotel lounge, where they dance the frug (!). Selena
tells Jo that she is going to avenge the death of her fiance, who was
murdered by Li Hu Wang, but she dies in Jo's arms, the apparent
victim of a poisoning. A local police inspector tells Jo not to leave
the hotel until he can get to the bottom of Selena's death.
The Professor phones Jo, telling him that Sybille was kidnapped. Jo
tells the Professor not to hand over the filter, as he will rescue
his daughter (Jo always gets his woman!). Jo then goes undercover as
"Mr. Hamilton", a seller of a large quantities of bananas
(!) and goes to Li Hu Wang's headquarters, which is also the base of
operations of his criminal empire. Jo and Tom fall victim to one of
Wang's booby traps, where they fall though a trap door and an
elevator descends, threatening to crush them. The quick-tinking Jo
saves both their hides (He hops inside the elevator, saying
"Going up!"). Tom hears the words "Golden Dragon"
being spoken and Jo knows where they have to go. They escape Wang's
hideout and another attempt on their lives by Stella and head to a
transport ship called "The Golden Dragon", but Wang's thugs
and Stella are waiting for them. Another fistfight erupts (Brad
Harris was fight and action choreographer on all the films in the
series) and Jo rescues Sybille, but the pier catches on fire. Jo
grabs a high-pressure fire hose and foils Stella and the thugs
attempt on their lives. Jo, Tom and Sybille then go to the
Professor's house, but he's not there, he went to Wang to turn over
the filter. Wang has Stella shot dead for not stopping Jo and Tom and
our duo head to Wang's hideout for a final confrontation. How do you
think it is going to turn out? In another fistfight and plenty of
explosions, I guess!
Though not nearly as entertaining as ISLAND
OF LOST GIRLS (1969), the sixth, and penultimate, entry in
the series, it is still good for a few
laughs if you leave your brain at the door and just go along for the
far-fetched ride. Director/co-screenwriter Gianfranco Parolini (YETI:
GIANT OF THE 20TH CENTURY - 1977; THE
SECRET OF THE INCAS' EMPIRE - 1987), using his "Frank
Kramer" pseudonym, uses the Singapore locations to good
effect (rather than using stock footage, Parolini puts the actors in
the middle of the travelogue footage, giving the film a skewered
sense of reality) and Tony Kendall's easy-going performance lifts
this film a couple of notches above most Eurospy fare. Brad Harris
has precious little to do here, besides fighting, water skiing and
looking puzzled at Jo's actions. They do make a good team, if only in
the way they play off each other. It seems natural, not forced. Case
in point is the film's finale, where Tom tries to pull away a case
from Jo, which is set to explode. When Tom finally gets the case and
throws it away, Jo refuses to believe him, even when the case
eventually explodes. Instead of apologising to Tom, Jo hops on a
helicopter and leaves without him! All Tom can do is smile, knowing
that Jo will eventually return for him. That is what makes this
series so memorable. They make believe they don't care, but they save
each other's skin time and time again. While only a Grade B example
of the James Bond films,
this is still an enjoyable slice of Eurospy nonsense. Nothing more,
nothing less.
Filmed as KOMMISSAR X -
IN DEN KLAUEN DES GOLDENEN DRACHEN ("Commissioner X - In
The Clutches Of The Golden Dragon") and also known as AGENT
JOE WALKER: OPERATION FAR EAST (it played on TV during the
late-'60s & early-'70s using this title, before disappearing),
this film never had a legitimate VHS release, only appearing on tape
in the early-'90s from Something Weird Video and, later, from
Sinister Cinema). Sinister Cinema then transferred the film to DVD-R
(along with the other six films in the series) and the only
legitimate pressed DVD release it received was a triple
feature of Kommissar X films from Retromedia
Entertainment (which is long OOP). I saw this for free on
Retomedia's streaming site, Retromedia TV. The print is fullscreen,
cutting off important information on the sides of the image, but it
is serviceable until something better comes along, but I wouldn't
hold your breath waiting for it to happen, as Eurospy flicks are not
that popular in the United States. Also starring Luisa Rivelli (LIGHTNING
BOLT - 1966), Giuseppe 'Pino' Mattei (THE
FLOWER WITH THE DEADLY STING - 1973), Jacques Bezard, Carlo
Tamberlani (MINOTAUR, THE WILD BEAST
OF CRETE - 1961) and Gianfranco Parolini (using the name
"Frank Littleword") as Rex. Not Rated.
SPYDER
(1988) - Millionaire industrialist Roderick Pendleton (Paul
Holme; ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING
- 2007) lost his son Kevin when he was shot down while flying a
mission over Vietnam in 1965. Pendleton never gave up hope that his
son is still alive, so he hires a guy named Sid Friedkin (Michael
Vlastas) to train a bunch of mercenaries on his Hawaiian estate to
rescue his son if he is still alive (they stage a phony raid on a
fake POW camp, using illegal immigrants as the VC and firing live
rounds, killing them all!). To milk even more money out of Pendleton,
conniving Friedman hires junkie Jeffrey Stokes (Derek Williams) to
pretend to be a rescued POW (he is actually an Army deserter) that
spent time in the same prison camp as Kevin, falsely verifying to
Pendleton that his son is still alive. Pendleton falls for the ruse
hook, line and sinker and gives carte blanche to Friedkin to spend
whatever it takes for a rescue attempt. The only problem is that
Jeffrey figures out that he's about to be murdered by Friedkin's
mercenaries and escapes, so he must be found and killed before he can
spill the beans to Pendleton. We then switch to Los Angeles, where
cop buddies Lee Stokes (Ronald William Lawrence; EYE
OF THE EAGLE 2 - 1989), Jeffrey's younger brother, and Brad Spyder
(Blake Bahner; LETHAL PURSUIT
- 1988) break up a major drug deal. After a short car chase and
shoot-out, Stokes is shot in the leg and Spyder tosses a crooked
ambassador's son off the roof of a highrise building. After being
chewed-out by his Captain (John Dulaney), Spyder heads to Stokes'
house, only to find out from his wife Nancy (Meski Gelahun) that he
is heading to Hawaii after getting a frantic phone call from Jeffrey,
who everyone thought died in Vietnam. Spyder catches up with his
partner at the airport, but Lee tells him to mind his own business.
We know that's not gonna happen. Jeffrey is being hunted down by
Friedkin's head goon Ed Skinner (Gary Rooney), who kills both Jeffrey
and Lee in a hotel room shootout and plants half a kilo of heroin in
Lee's room to make it look like a drug deal gone wrong. Of course,
Spyder doesn't buy it and heads to Hawaii, where he has to deal with
hard-ass Police Chief Bill Akida (a badly-dubbed Vic Diaz), who makes
Spyder's investigation more difficult than it has to be. Friendly
uniform cop Ted Kanaka (Henry Strzalkowski) helps Spyder in his
investigation, which leads him to Jeffrey's drug dealer Weasel (Louie
Del Castillo), who informs Spyder (after some "friendly"
persuasion) that all roads lead to Roderick Pendleton. Spyder
confronts Pendleton and his daughter Karen (Roxanne Baird) and learns
to whole sordid story about Kevin. As Spyder starts piecing the
puzzle together, attempts are made on his life (Kanaka is killed by a
bomb planted in Spyder's hotel room) and he is nearly killed by
Skinner. Spyder joins forces with Karen when her father is kidnapped
by Friedkin and Skinner and held for $5 million in ransom. In the
finale, Spyder and Skinner have a bare-knuckle fight to the death,
while Friedkin shoots it out with the cops after callously killing
Karen. With nothing left to live for, Pendleton flies a helicopter
into a building, killing Friedkin and putting an end to this whole
sordid affair. This is a fast-paced, but horrifically acted,
Filipino actioner, Executive Produced by the late Cirio H. Santiago
(his son Christopher was Associate Producer here) and directed by
frequent Santiago actor/collaborator Joe Mari Avellana (FIST
OF GLORY - 1991). The action scenes are well-choreographed
and bloody (especially the hotel shootout), but the film is nearly
ruined by the non-acting talents of Blake Bahner (a martial
artist-turned-actor who had a very short film career) and Roxanne
Baird, who are just simply awful (They keep stepping on everyone's
lines and the dialogue scenes have a "one-take" feel). The
screenplay, by Steve Rogers (SUDDEN
THUNDER - 1990; TRIPLE
IMPACT - 1992), is fairly complex for a cheap actioner, but
the lead actors are unable to pull it off convincingly. While
watching this film, a severe case of déjà vu
overwhelmed me, until I realized that I already saw much of this
footage in a later film called BLACK
BELT II: FATAL FORCE (1993). Executive Produced by Roger
Corman (in true cost-cutting fashion), BLACK
BELT II
is nothing but a slightly-edited version of SPYDER (which
never had a U.S. home video release) with some newly-shot wraparound
footage directed by Kevin Tent (a respected film editor who also
directed new scenes for Corman's piecemeal film ULTRA
WARRIOR [1990], one of the worst examples of re-use of film
clips from several Concorde films to make a "new" film). SPYDER
is a violent, blood-soaked film, but, technically, it is very sloppy,
as are the production values. This has the look and feel of a porn
film, with acting to match. American expatriate actor Nick Nicholson
puts in a cameo as a bartender in a pool hall. Since this was never
available in the U.S., the print I viewed was sourced from a
Dutch-subtitled VHS tape. Not Rated.
STONER
(1974) - This Raymond Chow production for his Golden Harvest
Films is an exciting mixture of gangsters, martial arts action and
exploitation elements. An incoming cargo ship pulling into the port
of Hong Kong is going to be sold for scrap, so why does Mainland
China crime kingpin Mr. Chin (Joji Takagi) pay three times what it is
worth at a heated auction? A Chinese police inspector wonders the
same thing, so he assigns police officer Angela Li (Angela Mao; DEEP
THRUST: THE HAND OF DEATH - 1972) to travel to Hong Kong,
wait for the ship to dock, search it discreetly and report back what
she has found. On the ship, Mr. Chin's scientists have created the
"Happy Pill", a drug that "Works better than marijuana
and is more habit-forming than LSD. It blinds the senses, arouses
sexual desire in females, who would then craze for love making."
(Sign me up for the trials!). Rather than try the Happy Pill on the
people of Hong Kong, Mr. Chin has the first batch shipped to
Australia, where the drug quickly becomes popular with the young
generation. A religious cult is born, where young people have mass
orgies and "surrender
themselves to the Pill" (We watch as one hopelessly-addicted
naked white chick named Melanie gives up her last shred of dignity
for one more pill, while her black cult leader, Rupert, and his
followers chant "More! More!" She ends up fucking Rupert
standing up while the camera cuts to a female cult member fellating
an ice pop. Talk about gratuitous symbolism!). Terminally pissed-off
Australian cop Joseph Stoner (George Lazenby; THE
MAN FROM HONG KONG - 1975) is looking for his girlfriend
Melanie and when he finds her at Rupert's commune, she looks just
like a heroin junkie and all she can say is, "I want...more men!
I want...happiness!" (she dies a short time later). Stoner beats
the crap out of Rupert to find the source of the Happy Pills and it
leads him to a shopkeeper named Chu, whom he finds dead with a knife
in his stomach, but Stoner finds an important clue in Chu's clenched
fist. As he is leaving the shop, Stoner is attacked by some masked
Chinese gang members, whom he easily defeats. Stoner, who majored in
Chinese philosophy in college and speaks Chinese (even though it's
easy to hear that someone else dubs him when he speaks Chinese),
heads to Hong Kong to get some payback. He is followed closely by two
of Mr. Chin's employees, Agnes Wong (Betty Ting Pei) and Chen (Hong
Kong superstar Sammo Hung, who looks impossibly young here), a man
with a huge black mole on his face. Agnes has Chen and a bunch of
goons beat-up Stoner and she brings him to her apartment under the
guise that she is a concerned new friend. Actually, Agnes is Mr.
Chin's main squeeze, and she keeps close tabs on Stoner, but when he
joins forces with undercover cop Angela (who has been pretending to
be a peasant girl while watching the ship), they infiltrate Mr.
Chin's underground compound to end the Happy Pill menace.
Filmed five years after George Lazenby's only turn as James Bond in ON
HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE (1969; which happens to be my
favorite Bond film), STONER may
seem like a step down from a Bond film (what isn't?), but director
Huang Feng (DEADLY CHINA DOLL
- 1972; STING OF
THE DRAGON MASTERS - 1973) and screenwriter Ni Kuang (BLACK
MAGIC - 1975; HUMAN LANTERNS
- 1982) offer plenty of weirdness to go along with the numerous
martial arts fights, especially in the fully uncut version (American
audiences had to make do with an R-Rated VHS
edition released by Harmony Vision, that was shorn of nearly 25
minutes of footage!). Some of that weirdness includes the cult orgy
scene (plenty of female nudity) and the realization that Mr. Chin is
keeping everyone in his hometown hooked on Happy Pills by spiking
their daily communal "soft Drink" ceremony at the temple!
Mr. Chin's laboratory and office on the cargo ship is a delightful
mixture of lounge motifs (his desk rotates in a circle and becomes a
martial arts set piece during the finale) and sci-fi trappings. Mr.
Lazenby acquits himself nicely in his fight scenes and it's plain to
see he used no stunt doubles (he has a nice one-on-one with Sammo
Hung that is well choreographed and keeps both of their faces on
screen at all times), especially in the sequence where he and Angela
Mao are trapped in a cage while Mr. Chin's minions try to stab them
with spears. Lazenby also has a freakout scene where he is injected
with the Happy Pill and tries to rape Angela, but she knocks him out
before he can go through with it (I love the way he hides his
erection by cupping his hands over the groin area of his pants!). He
even shaves his moustache off so no one will recognize him! Lazenby
gets plenty of bad press in some critical circles, but I have always
found him to be an above-average action star and a more than adequate
actor. Watch STONER yourself
and make up your own mind. Also dig the funky music score. The first
few bars of the theme music sounds exactly like The Edgar Winter
Group's "Frankenstein"! Also starring Whong In Sik, Samuel
J. Peake, Chin Lu, Romanolee Rose, Yang Wei, Sun Luan and Chin
Chi-Chu. The fully unedited version is available on DVD from Fortune
Star as part of their "Legendary Collection". Not Rated.
STUNT
ROCK (1978) - This film has a minor
cult following and it's easy to see why. The fictional story is about
Australian stuntman Grant Page (playing himself) traveling to
Hollywood to handle the stunts for the new TV series "Undercover
Girl", starring Monique Van De Ven (playing herself) as the
title character. Grant hooks up with his cousin, who is a member of a
rock band called Sorcery (playing themselves) and tours the streets
of Hollywood, taking a stroll on the Walk of Fame while we see
theater marquees in the background (one of them is showing DEEP
THROAT). Sorcery uses real "magic" onstage with
their music and their entire stage show is a rock opera that tells
the story about a duel between the King of the Wizards (Paul Haynes)
and the Prince of Darkness (Curtis Hyde). While on his way to a stunt
shoot on the new TV series, Grant meets magazine reporter Lois Wells
(Margaret Gerard, who previously appeared with Grant Page in DEATH
CHEATERS - 1976), who is on assignment covering a story
about why people find danger so exciting, so Grant is a perfect
specimen for her article. Grant performs some dangerous stunts on the
set of Undercover Girl (the director keeps screaming for more blood!)
and later on Grant, Lois and Monique (who wants Grant to help her
perform her own stunts) go and watch Sorcery
rehearse in the studio and then to an actual stage performance,
where the band uses fire gags, sleight-of-hand and some pretty
awesome prog-rock tunes to tell their story about good versus evil.
That's about the entire plot of the film, as Grant performs a series
of dangerous stunts (along with footage of other stunt men and women)
and Sorcery performs a series of original tunes and magic to an
appreciative audience. A small sub-plot involves Grant trying to woo
Lois, who wants nothing to do with stuntmen (he climbs a wire thirty
stories in the air without a harness by Lois' apartment window, just
so he can invite her to a pool party!) and Monique's unflinching need
to perform her own stunts, much to the chagrin of her agent (we
actually see her rappel down the side of a building on a rope
harness). Grant then performs a stunt at Sorcery's stage show and
they dedicate their song "Stunt Rocker" to him. The
End. Director Brian Trenchard-Smith treads a fine line between
fiction and reality and, by all accounts, he should have failed
miserably. Surprisingly, though, this film is a total blast from
beginning to end, thanks in no small part to Grant Page's on-screen
charisma and devil-may-care stuntwork and Sorcery's kick-ass music
and stage show. Page (a world-class stuntman and stunt coordinator),
who worked with director Trenchard-Smith previously on THE
MAN FROM HONG KONG (1975) and the stunt-filled DEATH
CHEATERS (1976), is seen performing every type of stunt
imaginable, from high falls, car crashes, fire gags and getting hit
by a speeding car. There's even some real-life documentary footage of
Grant getting seriously injured performing stunts (he broke a few
bones when getting hit by the speeding car). But none of this would
have mattered if it didn't gel with the concert footage. Luckily,
Trenchard-Smith chose Sorcery, a big-haired prog-rock band (the
keyboard player wears a hood over his head and his voice is
electronically altered) with a loyal cult following (they still
perform as of this review). I must confess that I never heard of them
or their music before this film, but their songs and stage show won
me over pretty quickly. They are kind of like Emerson, Lake and
Palmer mixed with an Arthurian Legend stage show, complete with a
Merlin-like wizard (who at one point is spun on the tip of a sword
and then impaled!) that performs many magic tricks. It's like
watching a David Henning magic show with fist-pumping rock music, but
without the extreme overbite. There's not very much meat to the plot
(the script was written by Trenchard-Smith and Paulmichel Mielche
Jr.), but who cares? It's a feast for the eyes and the ears. At one
point, Grant Page does chin-ups on top of the giant "H" of
the Hollywood sign! Good stuff. There's also a clip from GONE
IN 60 SECONDS (1974) and the credited Stunt Coordinator is
Tony Cecere (who did the long fire gag in SWAMP
THING [1982]), but that's probably because union rules
dictate that the stunts filmed in the U.S. must have an American
stunt coordinator. Also starring Dick Blackburn, Ron Raley and Chris
Chalen, who does a Houdini escape trick at the bottom of a pool. The
print I viewed came from a widescreen Dutch-subtitled print. I can't
imagine watching a fullscreen version of this since a lot of the
stunts are shown using split-screen. STUNT
ROCK is also known as CRASH.
Edward L. Montoro released this theatrically through his Film
Ventures International unit. Originally released on VHS in (what
else?) a fullscreen print by U.S.A.
Home Video. Also available on widescreen DVD
from Code Red and shown on
cable station Turner Classic Movies (TCM) in uncut widescreen. Rated
PG.
SYNDICATE
SADISTS (1975) - This
"poliziotteschi" film from director Umberto Lenzi (VIOLENT
NAPLES - 1976; FROM
CORLEONE TO BROOKLYN - 1978) and screenwriter Vincenzo
Mannino (Lenzi's ROME: ARMED
TO THE TEETH - 1976; STRANGE
SHADOWS IN AN EMPTY ROOM - 1976) is remarkable for two
reasons. The first being that star Tomas Milian (THE
FOUR OF THE APOCALYPSE - 1975) portrays this film's hero, a
disgraced former cop named Rambo (more on that later) and the second
reason being the air of implied homosexualism that permeates every
frame that one of the main bad guys,
the son of a Milan crime boss, is in.
The film opens with a motorcycle-riding Rambo returning to his
brother's place in Milan after being in self-imposed exile in
Hamburg, Germany for a couple of years. His brother, Pino (Mario
Piave; Lenzi's ALMOST HUMAN
- 1974), is happy to see him, as is Pino's wife, Maria (Maria Fiore),
and their young son Luigino (Duilio Cruciani; DON'T
TORTURE A DUCKLING - 1972). It is obvious Luigino idolizes
Rambo and they have a very funny banter with each other (One of
Rambo's jokes to Luigino: "What's round and red and rides a big
mare? The Lone Orange." Huh? Since when is an orange red???).
Pino works for an "organized private police force" and
wants Rambo to join him (Rambo calls him a "night watchman",
which Pino doesn't find funny). Milan is full of crime, including
robberies and kidnappings (a big problem in Italy at the time; read
my review of KIDNAP SYNDICATE
[1975] to see how Italy combatted kidnappings), so Pino tells Rambo
it's a perfect job for him, just like being a cop, only the pay is
much better. Rambo is not interested (telling his brother he has
learned to mind his own business and as long as no one bothers him,
he will not bother anyone else), but Pino convinces him to visit his
headquarters tomorrow morning. The next day, Rambo shows up at the
headquarters, where he meets Pino's boss, Commandante Ferrari (cameo
king Tom Felleghy; BLOOD
AND DIAMONDS - 1977) and watches members of this private
police force train in a karate class. Rambo joins in, kicking the
crap out of everyone, including his brother. He then shows his
mastery with a pistol at their target range, Impressing Ferrari, who
invites him to join their team. Rambo still says that he is not
interested, but his brother tells his boss that Rambo will be riding
shotgun with him on his next assignment tomorrow. We then see some
men, who are members of a crime syndicate run by Conti (Luciano
Catenacci; SHORT
NIGHT OF GLASS DOLLS - 1971), kidnap a young boy named
Gianpiero (Alessandro Cocco), the son of rich Dr. Marco Marsili
(Silvano Tranquilli; SMILE
BEFORE DEATH - 1972) and his famous actress wife (Evelyn
Stewart; THE PSYCHIC -
1977), who doesn't want the police involved because, whenever they
are, the kidnapee usually ends up dead. Dr. and Mrs. Marsili will pay
anything to get their son back alive and they are willing to do it
without any police intervention, even though one police detective
(Gianni De Benedetto; THE
EERIE MIDNIGHT HORROR SHOW - 1974) is working in the
background, collecting evidence on the kidnappers.
We then see Rambo riding shotgun with his brother on a truck whose
firm is experiencing hijackings, so they hired Pino's firm to catch
the hijackers, who work for Conti's syndicate. A car containing two
of Conti's men pulls alongside the truck and tosses a Molotov
cocktail at it, setting the truck on fire. Luckily, Rambo has his
motorcycle in the back of the truck and gives chase to the car,
forcing it off the road into a field, where it rolls and explodes,
but Rambo "arrests" the two men, turning them over to Pino.
Rambo also reconnects with his old flame, Flora (Femi Benussi; STRIP
NUDE FOR YOUR KILLER - 1975), whom he meets at his old
hangout, The Billiard Saloon (the owner of the saloon, Pops, is
portrayed by Guido Alberti; SPASMO
- 1974), and he shacks up with her while he is in Milan. Pino phones
Rambo at the saloon, telling him that he discovered where Conti is
holding Gianpiero and he wants Rambo to help him rescue the boy.
Rambo tells his brother to tell the police and keep out of it, but
his brother hangs up the phone. Pino never gets a chance to rescue
the boy, as two of Conti's men, murder him by running him off the
road and bashing his head against a boulder repeatedly. Big mistake.
Now Rambo is personally involved and nothing will stop him from
getting revenge.
Rambo discovers that Philip Duval (Antonio Casale; AUTOPSY
- 1973) is the man who murdered his brother, so he goes to Duval's
place and begins to choke the life out of him, demanding to know
where Gianpiero is being held. Duval gives him the address of a
warehouse and Rambo is forced to shoot and kill him when he reaches
for a gun (Rambo has explosive dum-dum bullets in his pistol, which
are illegal, but leave a nice big hole in their target). Rambo then
goes to elderly crime syndicate boss Paterno (Joseph Cotton; LADY
FRANKENSTEIN - 1971), an old "friend" of Rambo's
(he's the man that got Rambo kicked off the force) and Conti's main
adversary, and makes a deal with him to rescue Gianpiero for a cut of
the two billion lire ransom demand Conti has given Dr. Marsili for
the safe return of his son. Rambo knows the police won't be involved,
so it's a win-win situation for the both of them. Paterno agrees and
sends his son, Ciccio (Adolfo Lastretti; DEAF
SMITH AND JOHNNY EARS - 1973) and Ciccio's right-hand man
Franco (Mario Novelli; EYES
BEHIND THE STARS - 1977) to accompany Rambo on this rescue
mission (Right away we can see that Franco means more to Ciccio than
just a right-hand man, if you know what I mean). Rambo goes to the
warehouse and demands to talk to Conti (one of Conti's men is
portrayed by our old friend "Alan Collins"; SEVEN
DEATHS IN THE CAT'S EYE - 1973; who uses his real name,
Luciano Pigozzi, here). While Rambo is talking to Conti, Ciccio,
Franco and some of their men, who are dressed as police, raid the
warehouse and a large gunfight breaks out, giving Rambo time to find
and free Gianpiero, but before he can get him out of the warehouse,
Conti confronts them and threatens to kill Gianpiero if he doesn't
hand him over. Rambo has no other choice but to do so, but he
promises a scared Gianpiero that he will return and free him, jumping
out a window before Conti can shoot him. Rambo still gets his payment
from Paterno (he may be a crime boss, but he's a man of his word),
which he hands over to Maria and promises to buy Luigino a motorcycle
just like his, only smaller. He tells Maria if she needs to talk to
him to phone the Billiard Saloon and leave a message with Pops, he
stops there several times a day.
We then see some of Conti's thugs raid one of Paterno's gambling
parlors, murdering some employees and destroying the joint. Paterno
tells Ciccio to get even with Conti, so he and Franco stop a car
containing a few kilos of Conti's heroin, ripping up the bags and
scattering the heroin in the wind and then making the driver swallow
an open bag of the drug, killing him. Flora tells Rambo that he must
be stirring up the shit, because some thugs grabbed her at the saloon
and wanted to know where he was staying, but she didn't say anything.
Since criminals can't be trusted, Paterno and Conti form a truce and
agree to kill Rambo because he is bad for both their criminal
empires. Ciccio and Franco show up at Flora's place and when she
won't tell them where Rambo is, Ciccio kicks her in the face, killing
her. The nameless owner of the Billiard Saloon tells Rambo that Maria
just called and she sounds worried, so when he calls her back, she
tells them that Luigino has been kidnapped, but we then see that
Ciccio and Franco are holding a gun to the boy and making Maria lie
to Rambo. Rambo smells something fishy, but he goes to Maria's place
anyway, only for Ciccio to shoot him three times and then leave, but
we then discover that Rambo was wearing a bulletproof vest, much to
Maria and Luigino's relief. Now everyone thinks Rambo is dead and no
longer a problem, but when he finds out Flora was murdered, all bets
are off, as Rambo begins to kill everyone involved in Gianpiero's
kidnapping and Flora's murder. Crime never had it so bad.
What I really liked about this film is that Rambo isn't perfect and
makes some questionable decisions, such as letting Gianpiero play an
important part of his rescue, putting the young boy in further danger
and nearly getting him killed in the process. The film also has some
choice dialogue, such as when Rambo holds a gun to Conti's head and
says, "Listen, Conti. Life is just one hole. You start from a
hole, you feed yourself through a hole, you shit from a hole and you
finish up in a hole. And the one in this barrel can put you in that
last hole." I never thought about life that way, but truer words
were never spoken. Tomas Milian is his usual marvelous self as Rambo.
Any film he's in improves exponentially just by his presence. How his
character was named Rambo is also interesting. It seems he read David
Morrell's novel "First Blood" while waiting for a plane and
liked it so much that he tried to get some Italian producers to make
it into a film starring him as John Rambo. They all turned him down,
so he used the name as his character in the next film he appeared in,
which was this film. My mind still boggles at the thought of Milian
portraying John Rambo. The producers blew their chance of making a
shitload of money, but when Sylvester Stallone's FIRST
BLOOD (1982) became a smash boxoffice hit, Luciano Martino,
this film's producer, renamed this film RAMBO'S
REVENGE to cash-in on that film's success! It's an apt title
for this film, but highly misleading. Another very interesting aspect
about this film is Ciccio's relationship with Franco. It becomes
apparent after a short while that Ciccio needs Franco's approval on
everything he does, ending every sentence with "Right,
Franco?" Homosexuality was frowned upon in the poliziotteschi
genre (for further proof, read my review for LIVE
LIKE A COP,
DIE LIKE A MAN - 1976), but filmmakers found a way around it,
using dialogue and certain looks to convey man's fellow sexual
admiration for their fellow man. Just listen to Ciccio's cries when
he sees Rambo gun Franco down and you'll see and hear what I mean.
Joseph Cotton is also good as an aging gangster whose only hope
is that his son will take over his criminal empire. He is also hiding
a secret only Rambo knows about; a secret that would get the elderly
gangster killed if his adversaries ever found out about it. What he
does when he discovers Ciccio is dead will touch you to your core.
Yes, I liked this movie, warts and all; the biggest wart being that
Rambo is supposed to be an excellent motorcycle rider, but Milian
looks so uncomfortable behind the handlebars, it's hard to believe he
rides one at all, which explains why he wears a red scarf around his
face whenever he rides one, so as to not see the stunt rider's face
(Riccardo Petrazzi; TEX
AND THE LORD OF THE DEEP - 1985). Still, that is a minor
complaint (as is the person who dubs Milian's voice), as this film is
an enjoyable ride from beginning to end, showing a lot of heart and
soul in-between, helped immensely by Franco Micalizzi's (BEYOND
THE DOOR - 1974) synth and horn-heavy music soundtrack,
which adds greatly to the proceedings. Also, look for lots of J&B
Scotch bottles, Italy's favorite beverage. And, yes, Rambo buys
Gianpiero his own motorcycle, a miniature version of his own. I never
understood why Umberto Lenzi has a reputation for being a hack
director by some critics (especially in the giallo book BLOOD
& BLACK LACE, by writer Adrian Luther Smith, a book I
still highly recommend), as I find most of his films to be very
accomplished and entertaining. Just as this one is.
Shot as IL
GIUSTIZIERE SFIDA LA CITTA ("The Executioner Challenges
The City") and also known as FINAL PAYMENT and JUST
ONE MAN, this film received a U.S. theatrical release (slightly
edited) by Sam Sherman's Independent International Pictures and a VHS
release from Super
Video (who handled most of Sherman's releases). Early in the New
Millennium it received an uncut widescreen DVD release from Media
Blasters/Shriek Show with totally
misleading cover art, showing a man with a blowtorch torturing
Conti and his girlfriend (portrayed by Shirley Corrigan; CRIMES
OF THE BLACK CAT - 1973), something that never happens in
the film (This scene actually has Rambo handcuffing Conti and his
girlfriend to a pipe in a bathroom, peeing in the toilet and then
throwing the handcuff key into it. When Conti's boys find him, Conti
has one of his men reach into the toilet for the key, not telling him
that his hand is in piss!). No disc updates have followed in the
States, but if you have an all region player, British outfit 88 Films
offer the film on DVD
& Blu-Ray with a wealth of extras. I saw a nice uncut
widescreen print on YouTube, which was dubbed in English. Joseph
Cotton definitely dubbed his own voice here, but others were dubbed
by the likes of Nick Alexander and Edward Mannix, two pros in their
field, but they had nothing to do with Milian's awful dubbing, which
sounds monotonous and bland. Also featuring Claudio Ruffini (WOMEN
IN CELL BLOCK 7 - 1973), Rosario Borelli (DEATH
RAGE - 1976), Bruno Di Luia (BLAZING
FLOWERS - 1978) and Giuseppe Castellano (THE
BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE - 1970). While the theatrical
version was Rated R, the print I viewed was Not Rated.
TERROR
FORCE COMMANDO (1986) -
Richard Harrison directs! He also stars, co-produces and co-scripts
this tale about a terrorist planning to kill the Pope when he visits
the African nation of Cameroon. Terrorist Zero (Romano Kristoff; JUNGLE
RATS - 1987) and his cohorts burst into the home of peace
crusader Professor Green with guns blazing, killing the Professor and
his entire family (including two small children), as well as his
staff. Zero then steals papers out of the Professor's briefcase that
details the Pope's itinerary and is nearly captured by Cameroon
police inspector Michael Baiko (Alphonse Beni; NINJA:
SILENT ASSASSIN - 1987, also starring Harrison) in an
ensuing chase and shootout, but Zero manages to get away. Inspector
Baiko wants to cancel the Pope's visit, but his superiors refuse,
saying it will ruin Cameroon's image if they do so. Baiko
interrogates a captured terrorist (The terrorist says, "I want a
cigarette" to which Baiko replies, "You'll get a cigarette
up your ass!"), but when he removes the terrorist's handcuffs on
superiors' orders, the terrorist commits suicide by jumping out of a
conveniently opened window. Inspector Baiko flies to Rome to
personally try to stop the Pope's visit, but the Pope's people also
turn him down. While in Rome, Baiko meets Secret Service agent
Matthews (Harrison,
wearing a black leather trench coat with a matching black fedora),
who wants to work with him in capturing Zero, but Baiko turns him
down (Matthew's reply is a curt "Fuck you!"). Baiko enlists
the help of elderly Italian boxer friend Killer Milian (Lorenzo
Piani) and the pair begin tearing-up Rome looking for clues, with
Matthews clandestinely shadowing them. It's a good thing he does,
because Baiko is captured by some Italian thugs, hung upside down and
nearly dismembered with an electric chainsaw before Matthews saves
him with some well-placed shotgun blasts. From that moment on, Baiko
and Matthews are a team, although they really don't trust each other
that much. They begin busting heads in their search for Zero and
learn that the terrorist organization plan on murdering Andrew
Milhenge (Gordon Mitchell; ENDGAME
- 1983), the chairman of the Organization for World Peace.
Unfortunately, they are too late (Milhenge has his brains blown out
in bloody close-up), but they duo do manage to injure and capture
Zero's girlfriend, Olga (Ninette Assor). They stake out the hospital
where Olga is recuperating in hopes of catching Zero making an
unscheduled visit, but Zero manages to sneak in disguised as a doctor
and kills Olga to stop her from talking. Baiko and Matthews then head
back to Cameroon, where Zero kidnaps Baiko's young daughter. How will
Baiko and Matthews handle this situation? Will they let Zero (who
suffers from bouts of uncontrollable seizures throughout the film)
kill the Pope to save Baiko's daughter? Don't count on it! This
is one of the most preposterously entertaining Italian action films
that I have witnessed in quite some time. Director Richard Harrison,
better known for his appearances in Filipino action flicks like FIREBACK
(1983) and BLOOD DEBTS (1984) or
his many "starring" turns in the cut-and-paste Hong Kong
martial arts films of director Godfrey Ho (SCORPION
THUNDERBOLT - 1985; NINJA
THE PROTECTOR - 1986; NINJA
SQUAD - 1987), apparently took everything he learned while
appearing in these films, threw it in the trash and decided to make
his own fucked-up movie. TERROR
FORCE COMMANDO (filmed under the title THREE MEN ON FIRE)
is full of bloody action set-pieces with lots of car crashes,
shoot-outs and bullet squibs. It also has some very unintentially
funny dialogue (script by Harrison and co-star Romano Kristoff) and
some "What The Fuck?!?" scenes, such as when Matthews and
Baiko are reading newspapers in a park looking for clues and a
child's red rubber kickball interrupts Matthews' train of thought. He
gets up, grabs the ball out of the kid's hands, kicks the ball over
the hedges and then threatens the kid's father with his gun when he
tries to intervene! The only purpose for this scene is to show how
much Matthews hates children! It has nothing to do with the rest of
the film. There's also a scene towards the finale where a wigged-out
Zero delivers a cringe-worthy monologue about his whore mother
abandoning him as a child while he's groping Baiko's gagged daughter
("There's so much evil in the world!"). It's uncomfortable
to watch, but oddly compelling at the same time. I guess that's the
best way to describe this film on a whole: It's unpolished, but it's
still a diamond-in-the-rough. This is not Alphonse Beni's (who
Produced this along with Harrison) first time portraying Inspector
Michael Baiko. He originated the role in CAMEROON
CONNECTION (1985), which he also directed. Also starring
Maurizio Murano, Paolo Ricci, Don Hobson, Paolo Pizzichemi, Enzo
D'Ausilio, Riccardo Pedrazzi and Jerry the American. Harrison's sons,
Sebastian, Robert and Richard II, all have bit parts. Never
legitimately available on home video in the U.S., the print I viewed
was sourced from a Dutch-subtitled VHS tape. Not Rated.
THE
TERRORISTS (1980) - Holy
Christ! Here's another horrible actioner from director Nick Millard,
the auteur behind .357 MAGNUM
(1977), as well as SATAN'S
BLACK WEDDING (1975), CRIMINALLY
INSANE (1975) and many others. Just like those films, THE TERRORISTS
contains god-awful acting, terrible photography, bad sound recording,
editing that looks to have been done by someone having an epileptic
fit and a minimal, droning music score (it's nothing but someone
tapping on a drum in military cadence). In other words, this is a
film that demands to be seen by every badfilm fanatic. The film opens
with a terrorist in a car holding a sawed-off shotgun killing an
American soldier who is guarding the front of McGraw Army Base in
Munich, Germany. We learn from a German newswoman, Andrea Hueller
(Irmgard Millard, Nick Millard's wife, who is so flat and lifeless in
her line delivery, I half-expected an ambulance to show up and take
her pulse), that a terrorist organization called The Peoples War has
claimed responsibility for the murder. Since the murdered soldier's
father is an American bigshot, the military assigns Captain James
Luke (Marland Proctor), a CIA spook with a short fuse who gets
results quickly, to investigate the soldier's death. The German police
assign Inspector Paul Steger (Hans Grabinger) to investigate the
case and, as he knocks on doors looking for witnesses, he gets into a
shootout with a bank robber who is hiding out in an apartment. After
one of the funniest gun battles in recent memory (actually, one of
two in this film!), Inspector Steger kills the bank robber. We then
learn, just like James, that Steger is a loose cannon, this being his
third killing this year alone. James (who, thanks to a drug bust gone
bad, has his left arm in a sling throughout all of the film) gets an
important clue from Soviet friend Sergei Goncharov (Ray Miles). James
then gets into a shootout with two of the terrorists (where he must
fire at least thirty shots without reloading his revolver!), killing
them both. James is next on the terrorist's hit list, thanks to his
latest antics, yet he finds time to romance Andrea! James and Paul
join forces when Sergei is shot in the back by the terrorists, led by
someone known as The Professor (who is a college professor!). Can
they stop the terrorists before they assassinate President Carter,
who is visiting Munich in a couple of days? Like most of
Millard's films, this is less than sixty minutes in length but seems
four times as long. Like .357 MAGNUM, Millard (who uses the
pseudonym "Jan Anders" as the director credit and
"Gunnel Kjellin" for the screenwriting credit) always aims
his camera way too high, almost always cutting off the lower jaw of
people's faces in the close-up and framing the other shots way north
of the Equator. The film is so cheap, rather than show a bomb
explosion planted by the terrorists, we only hear about it from the
lethargic newswoman Andrea during one of her many on-camera reports.
Some of the dialogue is absolutely surreal, such as when James
questions the dead soldier's personal life by asking the Army base
commander, "What about drug use or homosexuality?" (As if
being high on drugs or being gay was a reasonable excuse for being
gunned down!). Here's my favorite piece of dialogue between Paul and
James: Paul: "My girlfriend left me today for a
wo-man." James: "A what?" Paul: "A
funny one." James: "You mean a fruit?" Paul:
"Yes." James: "It sounds to me like she may
have a few problems." Simply precious. The gunfight between
James and the two terrorists is something that was spoofed in THE
NAKED GUN (1988). Besides defying all bullet-loading logic,
they are no more than three feet away from each other as they are
shooting it out! The quick, chainsaw editing only adds to the
confusion, as the camera manages to always be in the wrong place at
the wrong time. Millard also pads out the film's short running time
with an out of place, nearly hardcore, insert of a stripper cutting a
hole in her panties with scissors, exposing her pubic hair, and then
gyrating for the camera while she squats over some soda bottles (!),
as a bad saxophone solo plays in the background. THE TERRORISTS
is as bad as they come, but all it's inadequacies adds-up to maximum
enjoyment for lovers of rightfully obscure cinema. Although this film
was made between 1978 - 1980, it was not released on VHS until the
mid-to-late 80's (James remarks about the "tragedy in Dallas
fifteen years ago", yet on Paul's gravestone, it lists 1980 as
the year of his death. Either Millard is bad at math [Kennedy was
shot in 1963] or it took him two years to complete this.). Also
starring Christian Kazan, Albert Eskinazi and Gunter Grabinger. A World
Video Pictures, Inc. VHS Release. Not available on DVD. Not Rated.
THE
TERRORISTS (1986) - Here's an
Indonesian action film that will have you howling with laughter at
the terrible miniature effects and the blatantly obvious rear-screen
projection process that's littered throughout. During the mid-80's, a
time when terrorist groups are hijacking planes and blowing up
buildings around the world, a group of crooks pretend to be
terrorists to pull off a bank robbery. Little do the crooks know that
a world-renown terrorist named Gozal (El Manik; HELL
RAIDERS - 1985) was hired to head the robbery team by a
crooked hospital executive named Mr. Santos, who needs the money to
save his floundering hospital. Gozal recruits professional crook John
(Advent Bangun; THE BLIND WARRIOR
- 1987) to help him pull off the robbery and he agrees to do it as
long as politics aren't involved, but as he will soon find out,
politics is the least of his problems. When the crooks try to enter
the bank and the newly installed bomb detector goes off, it leads to
a lengthy (and hilariously inept) car chase, where the crooks destroy
their car, steal a truck and crash it into the front of a hospital.
Guess which hospital
it is? Yep, it's Mr. Santos' hospital and soon Gozal uses the time
bombs in his possession to hold the hospital and it's occupants'
hostage as the police surround the hospital and SWAT helicopters
hover overhead. The first thing Gozal does is kill Mr. Santos to keep
him from talking and he then plants the bombs around the hospital,
setting them to go off at 7:00 PM. The police call in a SWAT team
Captain (Barry Prima; THE WARRIOR
- 1981) to kill the "terrorists" and he does just that,
killing every one of them (including John) except Gozal, who escapes
through the stairwell after setting off a bomb, engulfing the
hospital in flames (you gotta see it to believe it) and trapping many
innocent people, including infirmed patients, inside. Gozal, who has
now gone completely bonkers, roams the hospital's smoke-filled
corridors firing his weapons aimlessly and shouting "You're all
gonna die!" while the fire department and police try to rescue
people in the hospital. Gozal grabs a newborn baby, goes to the
hospital's roof and demands a helicopter picks him up or he will kill
the baby. Instead, the police helicopter-in Gozal's wife and young
son to the roof in a rope net (!) to distract Gozal long enough so
that the SWAT Captain can shoot him (and an innocent doctor!) dead in
front of his family. Un-fucking-believable! Where do I begin to
describe how badly entertaining this no-budget actioner really is?
It's a cross between DIE HARD
(1988) and HARD BOILED
(1993), but made years before anyone even heard of those two films.
All the explosions are done with miniature model buildings that are
so bad, they make the structures stomped on by Godzilla in the 60's
look highly detailed. Clearly, 80% of the film was shot using
out-of-focus rear-projected backgrounds, most of it so ineptly
obvious, especially the car/truck chase, that I nearly peed my pants
from laughing so hard. The entire hospital sequence is so chintzy in
it's execution, it takes on an otherworldly quality.
Director/co-scripter Imam Tantowi, who also directed BLAZING
BATTLE (1983) and wrote the screenplays for SATAN'S
SLAVE (1982) and THE
DEVIL'S SWORD (1984), hasn't got a clue on how to pace a
film, as THE TERRORISTS simply jumps from one mind-numbing
scene to the next (including a hilarious encounter with a bomb maker
who secretly poisons the entire robbery team until they pay him!),
culminating in one of the most unbelievable (not to mention unlawful)
endings I have ever witnessed. What law agency in their right mind
would ever put a terrorist's wife and kid in a rope net and hover
them over the roof of a burning hospital so they can try and talk him
into giving up? Add to that constant scenes of people getting shot
(lots of bloody bullet squibs), running around on fire, jumping off
the hospital roof and hitting the ground (more rear projection work
that elicits laughs rather than gasps) and a police force more
concerned about killing bad guys than saving innocent lives (the cops
end up killing more innocents than the bad guys!) and what you end up
with is a deliriously illogical actioner that is must-viewing for all
fans of Indonesian insanity. Search it out. Also starring Deddy
Mizwar, Yos Cano, Janis Badar, Belqiez Rahman, Elyzabeth Tvonne,
Yoseano Wasa, Anto Indracahya and Tizar Purbaya. El Badrun, who also
has a role here, handled the shoddy miniature effects work. Never
legitimately available in the U.S. on home video, the print I viewed
was sourced from a Greek-subtitled VHS tape. Also available on DVD-R
from gray market seller Trash Online.
Not Rated.
.357
MAGNUM (1977) - How can I begin
to describe how bad this film is on all levels? After watching the
first five minutes, I was convinced I was watching an edited version
as it seemed rather choppy and to be missing some shots. Then came a
scene with a nude woman making love to our hero and I realized it
wasn't cut at all, it was just edited by someone who has no sense of
pacing. It is so bad that it becomes an annoyance and this film is
full of annoyances. Let me list a few others: You know how some
people take photos and they sometimes cut the top of people's heads
off in their shots? Well, the cameraman on this film does the exact
opposite. In all the close-up shots, everyone's chin is missing from
the frame. It's hard to decipher who is talking. The sound recording
is like listening to someone talk into
a tin can. The action scenes are laughable, especially the gunfights
and scenes of gunplay as the pistols themselves look like starter
guns and the gunshots sound like caps or firecrackers and barely
synch up with the pull of the trigger. This all makes sense once you
learn that the director is none other than Nick Millard who, under
various names including Jan Anders (the one he uses here), Steve
Millard, Nick Phillips, Joe Davis and several others, gave us such
cinematic triumphs as NUDES ON CREDIT
(1961), THE EROTIC MR. ROSE
(1964), ODDO (1965), CONFESSIONS
OF A DIRTY PAIR (1967), SAPPHO
'68 (1967), UNUSUAL REQUESTS
(1968), FRAULEIN LEATHER
(1969), DR. CHRISTINA OF SWEDEN
(1970), GUNILLA (1971), PLEASURES
OF A WOMAN (1972), FIRE
IN HER BED! (1972), PLEASURE
SPOTS (1972), WENDY'S
NAUGHTY NIGHT (1972), CRIMINALLY
INSANE (1975), SATAN'S
BLACK WEDDING (1975), CRAZY
FAT ETHEL II
(1978), GUNBLAST (1978), THE
TERRORISTS (1980), DEATH NURSE
(1987), DOCTOR BLOODBATH
(1987), CEMETERY SISTERS
(1988), DEATH NURSE 2
(1999), DRACULA IN VEGAS
(1999) and numerous softcore, hardcore and horror features during the
60's, 70's, 80's & 90's (His last film as of writing this review
is a 2003 adaptation of Henry James' TURN OF THE SCREW, which
is nearly impossible to find.). .357
MAGNUM
is an exercise in tedium as secret agents Jonathan Hightower (James
Whitworth, Jupiter in THE HILLS
HAVE EYES - 1977) and alcoholic friend Steve Barrett are sent
to kill a hitman known as Mr. Clay (Marland T. Stewart, who looks
like Adam Sandler with an Abraham Lincoln beard), who is murdering
important businessman all over the world (a chance for Millard to
insert stock footage of London, Hong Kong, Tokyo and San Francisco to
pad out the running time). Jonathan and Steve are set up by their
superiors as Mr. Clay ambushes them, kills Steve and seriously wounds
Jonathan. He vows revenge on his boss and Mr. Clay and begins a slow
process of healing and training to get back in shape so he can exact
his revenge. His girlfriend, Claire (Kathryn Hayes), helps him in the
healing process, nursing and fucking him back to health. Jonathan's
old boss sends two hitmen to kill him ("Hightower's shacked-up
with some cunt in Carmel"), but only manage to kill Claire
before Jonathan kills them. Now he's really pissed! At least I think
he is (it's hard to tell). It's difficult to put into words the
ineptitude going on here. There's scenes of a woman performing
fellatio on a vibrator for no other other reason than to pad out the
film. Don't expect any bullet squibs either. When someone gets shot,
they grab their chest and the next shot shows them with blood on
their shirt, but no bullet holes (sometimes they don't even bothering
showing that!). The climatic gun battle between Jonathan and Mr. Clay
should be a primer on how not to shoot an action scene. Hell, this
whole film is a study on how not to make an action flick. Consider it
an anti-action action film. Even with a running time of only 70
minutes, it seemed like a lifetime when it ended. Avoid this at all
costs. It was apparently made as a quick cash-in of Clint Eastwood's MAGNUM
FORCE (1975). Also starring Gary Boyd, Silvi Walter, Aldo
Girotti and Angela O'Neal. Millard wrote this mess using the
pseudonym "Gunnel Kjellin" and tries to past this off as a
Swedish film in the final credits! A World
Video Pictures Release. Thank God this still isn't on DVD. Not
Rated.
TIGER
JOE (1982) - Tiger Joe (David
Warbeck) and his partner Midnight (Tony King) are gunrunners looking
for one final big score so they can retire. Joe is flying some guns
to rebels in Cambodia when his plane is shot at by the guerillas,
forcing him to crash behind enemy lines. He must trek through the
jungle, trying to avoid the guerillas and their many jungle booby
traps. He is captured (rather quickly) by the rebels, put in a bamboo
cage, has his wounds tended to by Kia (Annie Belle) and is marched
through the jungle until they come to a seemingly deserted village.
It is a guerilla trap and Joe witnesses the slaughter of most of the
rebels he is with. He saves the lives of Kia and Tatu (Rene Abadaza)
and they begin to accept him as one of their own. They agree to get
Joe across the border and, on their way
there, Joe witnesses the many hardships and atrocities the rebels
must endure to stay alive. Joe becomes sympathetic to their cause
(although he pretends not to care) and falls in love with Kia.
Meanwhile, Midnight, with the help of mechanic Lenny (Luciano
Pigozzi, a.k.a. "Alan Collins") and fey gun supplier
Bronski (Giancarlo Badessi), begins a search and rescue mission. Kia
is nearly raped by two guerillas, Tatu is shot and stabbed saving Joe
(he eventually dies) and Joe must contend with cobras, dodging
bullets and trying to keep Kia safe. Midnight crashes his plane in
the jungle and he, Lenny and Bronski join forces with Joe and Kia and
look for the rest of Kia's rebel group. They find a cache of weapons
(which leads to Lenny and Bronski's death) which they will use to
right some wrongs, including blowing up a guerilla train depot. While
Kia leads a village full of children to safety, Joe and Midnight hold
off the advancing guerillas and steal an enemy gunboat, leading to
Midnight's death. Joe finds Kia later on and they live happily ever
after. This is a very minor war/adventure film directed by Antonio
Margheriti, using his frequent "Anthony M. Dawson"
pseudonym. Simplistic in it's approach to right and wrong (the
guerillas kill anything that moves, slaughtering villages of women
and children while, whenever the rebels are on screen, sad music
plays in the background), the closest this film ever comes to making
a political statement is when Joe says to Kia, "It not sadness
that is killing the world, it's causes." or when Midnight dies,
Joe remarks, "Causes. Those damn causes!" Being an
Italian-made film, there's ample examples of racist dialogue
(Midnight, who is [what else?] black, is referred to as 'son of
Sambo" and "spearchucker".) but, strangely, nothing is
made of Bronski's overt homosexuality (Midnight just calls him
"fat ass" a lot). There's also an out-of-place fight
between Joe and Midnight towards the end of the film when Lenny dies
that makes absolutely no sense and an actual tiger does make an
appearance, but it is dropped as fast as it appears. There's also
plenty of bloody gunfights, sharp bamboo booby traps and some graphic
violence, but the story is just not very involving, as all the
characters are one-dimensional or uninteresting (Wait until you hear
Midnight scream when Lenny dies!), the situations unbelievable and
the violence unremarkable. Antonio Margheriti would use the late
David Warbeck to much better advantage in his two RAIDERS
OF THE LOST ARK
(1981) rip-offs, HUNTERS
OF THE GOLDEN COBRA (1982) and ARK
OF THE SUN GOD (1983). Margheriti (who died in 2002) also
directed CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE
(1980) and many other films and TIGER
JOE is the middle film of his Vietnam trilogy, which
includes THE LAST HUNTER (1980)
and TORNADO (1983), both better in
terms of quality and story than this one. A Lightning
Video VHS Release. Also available on a bootleg 10-film DVD
compilation called MERCS
from those thieving bastards at VideoAsia and streaming on Amazon
Prime (in a beautiful anamorphic widescreen print). Not Rated.
TOP
MISSION (1987) - Here's a
little-seen cut-and-paste actioner from director/screenwriter Godfrey
Ho (who uses the pseudonyms "Henry Lee" and "Benny
Keung" respectively) for producer Tomas Tang's Filmark
International Limited production company (although Tang's name isn't
listed in the credits). The newly-shot footage concerns two
government agents, Lester (Alphonse Beni; TERROR
FORCE COMMANDO - 1986) and Bruce (Kurt Eberhard), who are
sent to stop ex-agent Mike Graves (Philip Gordon), an old friend of
the two agents that has gone rogue and formed his own terrorist
organization. Lester and Bruce try to talk some sense into Mike
before bringing him in (It seems all three of them like to practice
martial arts together while wearing brightly-colored ninja outfits
with matching masks!), but Mike tells them that he's tired of being a
good guy and wants to make some real money (His exact words are,
"There is no honor. It's all just bullshit!"). Lester and
Bruce walk away,
telling Mike that the next time they meet, it won't be under
pleasant circumstances. The old footage, the major portion of this
film, is some unreleased Filipino actioner (I recognize one of the
actors as Yusuf Salim, the star of KRIS COMMANDO
[1987]) about a soldier named Abbott, who comes home to find his wife
being raped by four scumbags, but before he can stop them, he is
knocked-out and his wife and young daughter are killed. He gets
revenge by killing the four scumbags in a disco (he shoots one of the
guys in the balls), but he is arrested and sent to prison. While
behind bars, Abbott joins a gang of crooks called the Tigers and they
break out of prison. Meanwhile, another gang of crooks (who are
supposedly working with Mike, in a bad melding of old and new
footage) have kidnapped an American Professor and two women, but they
are saved by a crack team of commandos called the Eagle Force, led by
Capt. Alvarez, after a prolonged shootout in an abandoned building.
About every twenty minutes or so, Mike sends some of his men to kill
Lester and Bruce, which results in quick scenes of gunfire where
Mike's guys end up dead. After Abbott and the Tigers escape from
prison, they hop on an airplane bound for Manila and hijack it,
threatening the lives of the passengers and crew (which includes a
horny pilot and his stewardess girlfriend). Abbott demands that a
top-secret laser targeting system is delivered to the plane in
exchange for the lives of those on-board. Capt. Alvarez and the Eagle
Force are sent in to resolve the situation, while Lester and Bruce
battle Mike to the death in the finale. While nothing special, TOP
MISSION does contain plenty of violence and much more nudity and
sex than a normal Godfrey Ho film (The first time we see Lester, he's
making love to his girlfriend Julie [Olivia Ortiz] and Ho makes sure
that the camera lingers lovingly on her erect nipples). The film is
basic Ho formula: Grab some unreleased film (Ho has used films from
Hong Kong, the Philippines, Indonesia, Malaysia and Thailand) and
rejigger the plot slightly so that the newly-shot footage can be
incorporated (You just know that whenever anyone answers or picks up
a phone or radio in the old footage, someone in the new footage will
be on the other end trying to justify the insertion of the footage.
In this case it's Mike, who talks with both the military and the
crooks on the phone to make it look like he's behind the plane
hijacking). Truth be told, Abbott's transformation from vigilante to
heartless hijacker really doesn't make much sense in this version,
but I'm sure it does in the original version, which seems to be a
cheap knock-off of THE DELTA FORCE
(1986). I'm also pretty sure that Abbott and the Tigers didn't ask
for a laser targeting system as payment during the hijacking in the
original film, but that's half the charm of Ho's pastiche films,
spotting the badly-intercutted sequences and laughing at the
absurdity of it all. There's also the usual hilarious dubbed dialogue
(My favorite: "Killing is one thing, but rape's another. Keep
your damn pecker in your pants!"), lots of bullet squibs and
three (count 'em, three) rape scenes, making this one of Ho's better
entries in his non-martial arts cut-and-paste films. It's total
nonsense, but it is lively nonsense. Also starring Mike Smith, Bembol
Roco, Marco Antonio, Paul Roldan, Jerry Hart and David Anderson.
Never available on home video in the U.S., the print I viewed was
sourced from an English-dubbed German DVD on the CMV Laservision
label. Not Rated.
TORNADO
(1983) - This is the third and final film in director Antonio
Margheriti's (using his frequent "Anthony M. Dawson"
pseudonym) shot-in-the-Philippines "Vietnam Trilogy", which
began with THE LAST HUNTER
(1980) and continued with TIGER JOE
(1982). While not as graphic as the first two films (it is also the
only one not to star David Warbeck; THE BEYOND
- 1981; FORMULA
FOR A MURDER - 1985), it is a perfectly good time-waster,
mixing wartime violence with a message of how war can change a
person, not always for the better, doing it in a way that will shock
some viewers with its matter-of-factness.
Captain Harlow
(Antonio Marsina; ROLF - 1983),
Sgt. Salvatore Maggio ("Tony Brent"; real name: Giancarlo
Prete; THE NEW BARBARIANS
- 1983) and a small platoon of Green Berets are dropped by helicopter
behind enemy lines to destroy a Vietcong ammo dump. The helicopter
pilot gives Captain Harlow twelve minutes to complete the mission,
because it is far too dangerous to be there any longer. If they are
not back by then, he is taking off without them. They come upon a
village in the jungle that looks abandoned, so Captain Harlow sends
two men to check it out, but it turns out the land leading to the
village is mined and the two soldiers are instantly killed when they
step on landmines. The platoon starts firing their weapons, but Sgt.
Maggio tells them to cease-fire because no one is firing back at
them. Captain Harlow orders soldier Tom (David Brass; THE
JAIL: THE WOMEN'S HELL - 2006) to go into the village, but
Sgt. Maggio tells him to ignore that order, asking Captain Harlow
that they already lost two men, what does he want to do, wipe out the
platoon? The Captain doesn't want to hear it, ordering Tom to move
his ass, the rest of the platoon will cover him. Tom runs toward the
village, steps on a landmine and shatters his right leg (a gory shot
of bones jutting out of the skin). The Captain says it is probably
clear of landmines now, so he gets up and orders the platoon to
follow him into the village. When they get to the village, they
discover it is an enemy ambush from all sides and it turns into a
real firefight this time and they lose another soldier's life to the
gunfire, but they kill all the Vietcong in the village. The Captain
orders the platoon back to the helicopter, but Sgt. Maggio goes to
retrieve Tom (he did promise to come back for him). The Captain
doesn't want to wait, ordering the helicopter pilot to take off,
which he begrudgingly does, leaving Maggio and Tom behind enemy lines
(Tom says, "That bastard is always on schedule!"). Maggio
and Tom must find a way back to base, not helped by the fact that Tom
is full of morphine to stop him from screaming in pain. After killing
a couple of gooks with his knife. Maggio steals a canoe and he and
Tom head down river, making it to their base. A journalist named
Freeman ("Alan Collins"; real name: Luciano Pigozzi;
Margheriti's JUNGLE RAIDERS
- 1985) wants Maggio to tells him all about Captain Harlow, because
he believes the Captain is guilty of putting his men's lives in
unnecessary danger, but Maggio refuses, telling Freeman, "We're
all in this together". But does he really believe that?
Maggio tells the base commander that three men are dead and one lost
the use of his leg on a mission that could have been done better with
a single pass of a Skyhawk armed with two rockets. The base commander
doesn't want to hear it, telling Maggio he knows he is tired and strung-out,
but Maggio tells him, "And some are so strung-out they can't
make rational decisions any more." The base commander warns him
that one more act of insubordination and all the citations in the
world will not save his ass. Just who is the base commander? Why,
none other than Captain Harlow!
The platoon gets five days leave, so everyone celebrates at the
local bar. Maggio catches some of his platoon smoking hashish, so he
tells them they may think hash makes them invincible, but all it does
is slow them down and make irrational decisions. The men ask Maggio
why he is so down and he tells them it's because he just learned Tom
had to have his leg amputated. Maggio goes to drive them back to
base, but one soldier buys a souvenir from a little gook boy on the
street, only to have it explode in his face in the back of the Jeep.
Maggio drives the soldier to the hospital, where he and his men wait
for the news on his condition. Another soldier is in the hospital,
telling Maggio that he, too, was the victim of a booby-trapped
trinket, but he was lucky because he only received a small scratch,
saying to Maggio he doesn't know which is worse, the jungle or the
city. It turns out neither is safe if you are an American.
On their next mission, Maggio and his men are about to discover just
how dangerous the jungle really is, as the helicopter they are in is
shot down and they are, once again, pinned behind enemy lines, but
this time they only lose one man to the violence (even one man is too
many to Maggio) before a rescue copter picks them up. Meanwhile,
Freeman begins asking some important people why Captain Harlow has a
60% casualty rate, which begins to open some eyes, but not in the way
you would think. When Maggio returns to base, he discovers that Tom
has killed himself in his hospital bed, the pistol still smoking in
his hand (Tom was a sprinter back in high school and can't stand only
having one good leg, asking Freeman earlier if he knows what it feels
like to kick a bed sheet off your body, only to discover you have no
leg to do it.). Maggio loses it and runs to put a beatdown on Captain
Maggio, but M.P. Sgt. Pike (Ronnie Patterson; Margheriti's COMMANDO
LEOPARD - 1985) subdues him. Captain Pike then enters the
room and makes a disparaging remark about Tom, so Maggio punches the
Captain in the face and throws him over a table. Harlow makes Sgt.
Pike arrest Maggio and promises him a court martial, but the truck
carrying Maggio to transport him to prison is shelled by the enemy
and he escapes (The M.P. tells Maggio to run away, but not to take a
gun because then it will be a "shoot on sight" situation
which he will not be able to ignore.). Will Maggio be able to teach
Captain Harlow a lesson he will soon not forget, while Freeman
continues his crusade exposing Harlow as a dangerous command officer?
Harlow paints Maggio as a deserter (something akin to a serial killer
during wartime), but is anyone buying it? Maggio learns some
important lessons in the jungle, where he is captured by the enemy
and put through all kinds of torture, as Harlow and some soldiers who
have drunk his kool-aid hunt him down, but are the lessons enough to
free him from a life spent behind bars? I'm afraid you'll have to
watch the film to get the answers to those questions. Needless to
say, the finale, which tosses some WAGES
OF FEAR (1953) action into the mix, is bittersweet, yet
satisfying in a strange way. None of Margheriti's war films end on a
happy note and this one is no different, yet I was still surprised nonetheless.
This is the only film in Margheriti's Vietnam Trilogy to take some
of its cues From FIRST BLOOD
(1982), since it was the only one to be made after that film was
released and is also known as THE
LAST BLOOD (clever, huh?). While nothing but a series of
vignettes showing that war is hell, it is still a fairly tight little
war film with much to recommend. The firefights and explosions (some
excelent miniature work by Margheriti) are very well done, as are the
photography (by Sandro Mancori; Margheriti's WEB
OF THE SPIDER - 1971; THE
HUNTERS OF THE GOLDEN COBRA - 1982; and THE
ARK OF THE SUN GOD - 1983) and special effects (including
various gory wounds, such as a Vietcong woman getting shot in the
eye, Tom's super-gory leg wound and Maggio performing emergency
surgery on his bullet wound, a direct steal from FIRST
BLOOD). Just like in THE
LAST HUNTER, Maggio is thrown in a bamboo cage with a pack of
rats, which begin feasting on his flesh. The enemy then begins
torturing him, beating him up and throwing him in a pool full of pig
shit up to his neck, his hands tied to a bamboo pole, while his body
is weighed down by a boulder attached to a rope, which is tied to his
feet. Maggio manages to escape (but not before getting a mouth-full
of pig crap!) and then goes on a one-man killing spree, where he
learns sacrifices have to be made, but unlike Captain Harlow, he
discovers self-sacrifices are necessary, not other men's lives, even
though they are the enemy. While there are some lessons to be
learned, Antonio
Margheriti never
lets Producer Gianfranco Couyoumdjian (Margheriti's CODE
NAME: WILD GEESE - 1984) and Tito Carpi's (Margheriti's THE
COMMANDER - 1988) screenplay get preachy, rather making the
action come first and foremost and delivering it as only Margheriti
can, with style, suspense and a look of professionalism, missing from
most Italian war films. This may not be top tier material, but
Margheriti delivers what he promises, nothing more, nothing less.
This film also has a fairly large role for actor Luciano Pigozzi,
who, as "Alan Collins", had been acting since the mid-'50s.
He is best known for the Italian films he appeared in the '60s, like WEREWOLF
IN A GIRLS' DORMITORY - 1961, THE
WHIP AND THE BODY - 1963, BLOOD
AND BLACK LACE - 1964, TERROR
CREATURES FROM THE GRAVE - 1965, as well as Margheriti's VENGEANCE
- 1968 and NAKED YOU DIE
- 1968 (he appeared in many of Margheriti's films). This is perhaps
his largest role in any film he did in the '80s (he passed away in
2008) and he's very good here as a reporter on a mission (I have been
a fan for a long time and I have read where one person describes him
as Italy's answer to Peter Lorre and it's quite apt, in both looks
and acting style.). His conversation with a legless Tom in his
hospital bed is the film's most poignant scene, so rather than
explain it, I'll let you discover it for yourself. If you are a fan
of war films (and who isn't?), put this film on your must-see list.
This film first appeared in the United States on edited fullscreen VHS
from Lightning
Video and has yet to appear on disc in any format (if you have
an All Region player, Germany offers both a DVD and a Blu-Ray, but
they, too, are cut). A nice uncut anamorphic widescreen print can be
found streaming (where else?) on Amazon Prime, free to Prime members
($1.99 for non-members). Let's hope some enterprising company
realizes there is a market for these kinds of films and releases this
on Blu-Ray (Are you listening Code Red?). Since this was filmed in
the Philippines, look for expatriate actors Romano Kristoff (JUNGLE
RATS - 1988) as the helicopter pilot, David Light (SAIGON
COMMANDOS - 1987), Michael James (RESCUE
TEAM - 1983), Paul Vance (SLASH
- 1984) and Mike Monty (PHANTOM
SOLDIERS - 1987) as Captain Bolen, an understanding superior
officer, who lets Maggio go free when he has the chance to kill him.
Be aware that this film lists a bunch of actor's names in the opening
credits, none of whom have any other credits on their resumés,
which makes me believe they are pseudonyms or don't exist at all.
Those names are: "Tony Jackson", "Denzil Best",
"Morris Lane" and "Leo Parker". Not Rated,
due to scenes of extreme violence.
TOUGH
TO KILL (1978) - When I
realized this was a war action film directed by Joe D'Amato, boy was
I psyched. After watching it, all I can say is boy, was I
disappointed. D'Amato directs on autopilot, lacking his usual sleazy
style and bloody gore. So why bother? You'll be asking yourself that
same question should you decide to view it.
We see Martin (Luc Merenda; THE
VIOLENT PROFESSIONALS - 1973)
arrive by plane in Switzerland and the first thing he does is go to a
bank and rent a safety deposit box, where he places his wallet and a
tiny envelope (we don't see what is in it) and hides the safety
deposit key in a secret compartment in his dog tags, which he wears
around his neck. He then goes to a mercenary recruitment center
looking for a job, telling the recruiter he doesn't have any
identification, but he spent twelve months in Angola. The recruiter
then says something in Portuguese (Angola's native language) to
Martin and when he doesn't respond, the recruiter gets suspicious.
Martin turns to him and says, "I only had to kill them, not talk
to them" which the recruiter understands, giving Martin a job
that starts in the morning. When morning comes, Martin boards a small
plane, noticing a woman named Stella (Lorenza Rodriguez Lopez), who
was also at the bank where he rented the safety deposit box. Is this
woman keeping a close eye on Martin or is it just a coincidence?
When the pilot of the plane, Whitey (actor unknown), asks Martin why
he is going to this destination, he replies, "All I know is a
bunch of niggers are trying to kill another bunch of niggers. I guess
I'll spot my enemies when they start shooting at me." Whitey
lands the plane, telling Martin that this country (I'm guessing
somewhere in Africa, because the name is never mentioned) has been at
war ever since they declared independence and "Since this
country is rich in oil, they can afford white mercenaries." On
the ground, Martin meets his contact, O'Sullivan (Laurence Stark),
who tells Whitey he better take off because this region is hot with
enemy fire. Whitey tells him he's not worried, the safest place is on
his plane. These are Whitey's last words, as an enemy shell explodes
near him, killing him and destroying his plane. O'Sullivan looks at
the plane and says it's too bad, the plane had twelve cases of booze
on board, because he hates scotch, forcing him to buy three cases of J&B
Scotch (what else?) from a black marketeer.
O'Sullivan points out the people Martin will be working with,
including Major Haggerty (Donald O'Brien; THE
NEW GLADIATORS - 1983, who is trying to figure out if
recruit DuShane (Isarco Ravaioli; MANIA
- 1974) is command material by dropping a live grenade at his feet to
see how long it takes him to move (the longer you stay still, the
more likely you are to become command material, that is if the
grenade doesn't blow you up!). Unfortunately for DuShane, he ducks
for cover before Haggerty does and fails the test. There's also
Polansky (Wolfango Soldati; HOTEL FEAR
- 1977), a "Pollock" who carries a white rabbit with him
("Why settle for the foot when you can have the whole
rabbit?"), the mysterious Leon (Piero Vida; SHORT
NIGHT OF THE GLASS DOLLS - 1971) and various other war film
stereotypes. The Major decides to test new recruit Martin, so he
makes him run an obstacle course against black man Wabu (Percy Hogan; HUMAN
COBRAS - 1971). Martin loses, so the Major makes him a
member of the black brigade over Martin's protests. Wabu is forced to
sit in a vat full of feces by Leon, who threatens to cut off his head
with a machete if he doesn't hold it under the crap for a long period
of time. Stella ends up working at the mercenary camp bar and she is
still keeping a close eye on Martin, telling him he's
"mysterious", but "nosey". Wabu, who can't speak
a lick of English, becomes friends with Martin, who trains with the
black squad. Major Haggerty, who is a raving racist, tries the
grenade trick with Martin, but Martin outlasts the Major and nearly
gets blown to smithereens. This brings out the Major's admiration for
him and he is now part of the white mercenary platoon.
The Major announces he is about to go on a "suicide
mission" and asks for twenty volunteers. No one volunteers until
the Major announces that there will be hefty bonuses for those who
survive the mission. Then everyone volunteers, including Martin. The
next morning, Martin and the rest of the mercenaries make the trek on
foot to their destination, but Martin discovers that Wabu is
following him. The racist Major is none too pleased, telling Martin
he's responsible for this "boy". Martin puts his life at
risk saving Leon from some quicksand and we soon find out why (and
it's all so confusing, I was getting dizzy!). Martin tells the Major
his mission is to bring Leon in dead or alive and he will be paid a
million dollars. The Major says he will join him on his mission as a
partner. O'Sullivan and Polansky overhear the conversation and offer
their services to Martin for a piece of the pie and he agrees. The
Major makes DuShane and the other mercenaries stay behind (they are
all soon killed by the enemy), while he, Martin, O'Sullivan, Polansky
and an uninvited Wabu (who doesn't understand because he doesn't know
English) take the captive Leon deep through enemy territory to
deliver him to the intended destination. Who will survive and collect
the hefty reward money (which Martin says is hidden in a safety
deposit box)? It turns out a person will do anything for a million
bucks. A mercenary will turn against his fellow mercenaries, even
kill them in cold blood, to not share the reward money. But which one
is it?
This uninvolving war actioner, directed and co-written by Joe
D'Amato (THE BLACK COBRA
- 1976; EMANUELLE
AND THE LAST CANNIBALS - 1977), is pretty poor, lacking
D'Amato's usual flair for bloody violence or sleazy situations. All
this film ends up being is another "walk a few miles and lose
another member" type of war flick, filmed (cinematography by
D'Amato, using his real name, Aristide Massaccesi) without any style
or urgency. If it wasn't for Donald O'Brien (listed in the credits as
"Donal O'Brien"), I would have turned off the film after
the first fifteen minutes, something I never do. He is the only actor
in this film to give his character any meaning or energy, even though
he is portraying a racist. When it is revealed who the person Martin
was assigned
to bring in for the million dollars, a collective "Huh?!?"
can be heard from the audience, as it makes no sense at all. I mean,
why do they have to traverse enemy territory when Leon was already at
the mercenary camp? It makes no sense. Wouldn't it have been easier
to radio-in for another plane or helicopter to land at the camp than
to walk through miles of enemy territory? Screenwriters D'Amato,
Giuseppe Zaccariello (as "Joseph McLee"; A
BAY OF BLOOD - 1971) and Sergio Donati (WEEKEND
MURDERS - 1970) rather you not think about that because
logic has no place in this film. Top-billed star Luc Merenda (KIDNAP
SYNDICATE - 1975) spends the final half of this film with a
bullet in his leg, so he's basically worthless as this film's action
hero, as his fellow mercenaries have to assist him walking and when
they are dead, using Wabu to carry him on his shoulders as his own
personal slave until Wabu can take no more (Martin says to Wabu, when
he doesn't have the strength to carry him any longer, "You dirty
nigger, don't do this to me!" Real nice, Martin, you are no
better than the Major. Some would say you are worse.). This film is
full of possibilities, but none of them are ever realized, such as
Martin cutting off Leon's head after his body becomes to smelly to
carry (Martin tells the other mercs, "Teeth are just as good as
fingerprints!"). Since this is a D'Amato film, you would think
he would show Martin cutting off Leon's head but, no, it's not in the
budget, just as when some jungle animal is about to attack Martin,
all we see is Martin firing his weapon, we never see the animal! Even
the "surprise" reveal is not much of a surprise at all. Warning:
SPOILERS!!! It turns out Wabu can speak and understand English
very well, killing Martin and then taking the security deposit box
key and cashing-in on Leon's head. But do we see what's in that tiny
envelope? No, I guess it just wasn't that important to reveal to us
(or they just plain forgot). Even the Stella subplot is dropped
mid-film without any explanation. END OF SPOILER!!! Do
yourself a favor and skip this one. Just like that tiny envelope, it
just not that important to view.
Shot as DURI A MORIRE
("Last To Die"), this film never received a U.S. theatrical
release, but it did get a Canadian fullscreen
VHS release from label Mr. Video (a sub-label of Lettuce
Entertain You, Inc). This also had many DVD releases in the States,
including a "widescreen" (actually a fullscreen print
matted to look like widescreen) DVD from an outfit called Stallion
Releasing and as part of BCI's long-OOP Maximum
Action 8 & 10 Movie Collection DVD compilations. No Blu-Ray
at the time of this review. Also starring Alessandro Haber (WHO
SAW HER DIE? - 1972) and Bill Vanders (NIGHT
OF THE DEVILS - 1972). Not Rated.
TRACKDOWN
(1976) - Revenge actioner that is strictly 70's in its style and
execution. Montana horse farmer Jim Calhoun (Jim Mitchum; HOLLYWOOD
COP - 1987) leaves his ranch for a couple of days to corral
some of his stock and when he comes home, he discovers that his
pretty teenage sister, Betsy (Karen Lamm; THE
UNSEEN - 1980), has left to find fame and fortune in Los
Angeles. As soon as Betsy begins walking the streets looking for work
(including taking a stroll on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, where we
see a movie marquee displaying a double feature of MONTY
PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL [1975] and the Peter
Sellers-starrer WHERE DOES
IT HURT? [1972]), she gains the attention of various lowlife
pimps, biker gangs and street gangs, including a Latino gang, where
the leader makes member Chucho (Erik Estrada; THE
LOST IDOL - 1990) sweet talk Betsy while other members steal
her suitcase and money. Chucho begins to feel sorry for Betsy and the
predicament she's in, so he gets her a job in a guitar shop as a
secretary. Chucho and Betsy begin to have a romantic relationship,
which doesn't sit too well with the rest of the gang. Not that Chucho
is a total angel, though, as he
introduces Betsy to the pleasures of pot and takes some
less-than-wholesome photos of her, but he's basically as good a guy
as you'll find on the Sunset Strip. When the rest of the gang want
Chucho to share Betsy with them, he refuses and has the crap kicked
out of him. They gang-rape Betsy (one member of the gang is a
lesbian), pump her full of drugs and turn her out on the streets as a
two-bit whore. Jim drives to L.A. in his beat-up pickup truck and
goes to the police to report Betsy as a missing person. When Sergeant
Miller (John Kerry) discovers that Betsy is underage and tells Jim,
"We only handle people, not kids!", Jim realizes that he
will have to find Betsy on his own. Meanwhile, Betsy ends up being
bought for $100 by crooked strip club owner Johnny Dee (Vince Cannon)
and his business partner Barbara (Anne Archer; GOOD
GUYS WEAR BLACK - 1977) and she takes Betsy under her wing,
cleaning her up, buying her new clothes, feeding her happy pills and
turning her into a high-class call girl. Jim hooks-up with Lynn
Strong (Cathy Lee Crosby; THE
DARK - 1979), a tough-as-nails chick who runs a halfway
house for runaway girls, and they pound the seedier streets of L.A.
looking for clues as to where Betsy may be. After a few altercations
and a case of culture shock (Jim is hit-on by a gay cowboy and
attacked by a gang of black transvestites!), Jim and Lynn trackdown
Chucho and he agrees to help Jim find Betsy. What follows next is
Montana-style justice, as Jim uses his fists and guns to find his
sister. Lynn talks Jim into using the legal system one more time to
free Betsy from Johnny's control, but when Sergeant Miller tells him
that vigilante justice may be the only way to get his sister back,
Jim gets the hint and turns into a Wild West vigilante, making Johnny
Dee's life and business a shambles. When Jim discovers that Betsy is
dead, the film turns into a crowd-pleasing revenge actioner with an
obvious twist that will fool no one, but is fulfilling
nonetheless. Director Richard T. Heffron (FUTUREWORLD
- 1976; OUTLAW BLUES -
1978; I, THE JURY - 1982)
and screenwriter Paul Edwards (HIGH-BALLIN'
- 1978) paint a seedy picture of life on the streets of L.A. for
young runaways, yet the story doesn't pander to the situation. Betsy
seems pretty at ease in her new life as a high-priced call girl
because the money is good, but just like all less-than-legal
occupations, there are drawbacks, including death. When one of her
rich johns beats the shit out of her (it's his "thing") and
Johnny refuses to take her to a hospital (He says, "I need this
like I need a hole in the head!"), Betsy dies of her wounds.
Though most of the action doesn't come until the final third of the
film, the story contains enough twists and turns to keep viewers
thoroughly entertained. Just like his brother Christopher, the
erstwhile Jim Mitchum is stiff as a board, but completely likeable,
and both Erik Estrada and Anne Archer register in their roles. While TRACKDOWN
isn't very bloody, it is violent as hell, as people are pummeled,
shot, stabbed and, in Ms. Archer's case, drugged and has her head
stuck in an oven. This film played a lot on TV in the late-70's and
early-80's in a severely edited form, missing the rape, nudity, drug
use and some foul language, so finally seeing the film in unedited
form is a real treat. Also starring Tony Burton, Roberto Rodriguez,
Ernie Wheelwright, Zitto Kazann, Elizabeth Chauvet, Rafael Lopez and
small roles for Ray Sharkey, Simmy Bow and Joe Tornatore. As far as I
know, this film (released theatrically by United Artists) never had a
home video release in the U.S. The print I viewed was sourced from
the British VHS tape on the Warner Home Video label. Rated R.
TRANSFORMED
(2003) - Holy fuck! What a total piece of shit. I could crap on a
roll of toilet paper, run it through a film projector and it would be
better viewing than this badly acted, poor-on-all-technical counts
urban actioner. The fact that this is the brainchild of
director/co-scripter Efren C. Pinon (ENFORCER
FROM DEATH ROW - 1978; THE
KILLING OF SATAN - 1983) and producer/co-scripter Leo Fong (REVENGE
OF THE BUSHIDO BLADE - 1978; BLOOD
STREET - 1990) only makes it that much more sadder. In the
busy town of Westgate, drugs are such a bad problem, even five
year-old children are hooked on the hard stuff (one shot shows a
young boy with a straw up his nose, snorting cocaine). The crooked
Mayor (Stack Pierce; ENEMY UNSEEN
- 1989), who is working in concert with drug kingpin Cholo (Ken
Moreno) to make Westgate the illicit drug distribution center on the
West Coast (filmed in and around Los Angeles, California), has banned
citizens from owning handguns and even orders the police force to
only use their guns as a secondary measure. He hires Special Agent
Dillman George (portrayed by George Dillman!) to teach the cops how
to use pressure points on the human body to subdue subjects. Martial
arts master and church preacher Pastor Debra (Sherlee Knudson) starts
kicking some drug-dealing butt when one of her
parishioners, Martha (Gina Honda), loses her little boy Kevin (played
by the director's son, Efren Pinon Jr.) to a drug overdose. The
ass-kicking Pastor does her best to clean up the town, but it is
obvious she can't do it alone. A secret government agency
unofficially helps Pastor Debra in her quest to rid Westgate of drugs
by hiring two vigilantes to help her: The Hammer (a paunchy Fred
Williamson, reprising the character from his 1972 blaxploitation
classic HAMMER) and The Fist (a
black-clad and round sunglasses-wearing Leo Fong). The Mayor and
Cholo fight back by unifying all the street gangs into one massive
entity, but when Cholo's young son is shot in the head by a rival
drug dealer and ends up in a coma, Cholo sees the ways of God and
prays to the Big Guy to spare his son's life (Uh, oh! I think I can
see where this film is heading!). Cholo goes to Pastor Debra and begs
for forgiveness, not only from her, but also from her boss, God.
Cholo suddenly becomes a good guy and, along with The Hammer, The
Fist, Special Agent Dillman George and the high-kicking Pastor Debra,
cleans up the town of drug-dealing scum and the crooked Mayor. God
rewards Cholo the gift of his son's life, as he miraculously comes
out of his coma. The police also forgive Cholo for his
drug-dealing-to-kids ways and he apparently gets off scott-free. I
guess God forgot about poor Nancy and her dead son. You know what
they say: "God works in mysterious ways." Or is it "The
good die young?" I think it's just lazy scriptwriting, but I'm
afraid to say so because God may not understand. How can I
describe how truly awful this film really is? Besides having that
flat, shot-on-video look (even though it was filmed in 35mm by Frank
Harris, the director of KILLPOINT
[1984] and LOW BLOW [1986], both
starring Leo Fong) with bad sound recording to match, TRANSFORMED
has that preachy "God forgives all" tone that is mixed with
scenes of violence towards children that made me want to reach
through the screen and slap everyone silly for participating in this
God-fearing mess. This film basically tells its audience that it's OK
to murder innocent people (including children) and get people
(including children) hooked on drugs as long as, in the end, you
confess your sins to God, ask for forgiveness and then turn State's
evidence against your partners-in-crime. It makes me want to puke on
the next preacher I run into. This film is nothing but thinly-veiled
religious programming disguised as an urban actioner, which basically
preaches that it's fine to kick the shit out of or kill your enemies
as long as God is on your side (Isn't that what's religion is really
about, anyway?). It's insulting to genre audiences that aren't
religious (that includes me) and is really nothing but a double
standard, showing violence against children as a pretext to
redemption. Director Pinon has no problem showing young kids getting
shot in the head or overdosing on drugs because it is
"relevant" to God's plan. Fuck that shit. If another film
showed the same type of violence without the religious overtones, the
Christian Fundamentalists would be up in arms, calling for boycotts
or burning the films in community bonfires. Shame on everyone
involved here. The only novelty factor this film holds is watching a
bunch of over-the-hill action stars (including Tadashi Yamashita [SWORD
OF HEAVEN - 1984] as "The Ninja") beating the crap
out of actors less than half their age. Still, it's not enough to get
that bad religious taste out of my mouth. Also starring Charles
James, Jeremy Flynn, Louis Luciano, Susanne Bonner and D'Arcy Ludwig.
Available on DVD from Code Red/Media
Blasters as part of their RAREFLIX.COM
TRIPLE FEATURE VOL. 4 box set. Not Rated.
TRAPPER
COUNTY WAR (1989) - Two
friends from New Jersey, Ryan (Rob Estes; PHANTOM
OF THE MALL: ERIC'S REVENGE - 1988) and Bobby (Noah Blake),
are driving to California when they become hopelessly lost. They come
to a fork in the road and decide to make a left. They should have
taken a right, because they end up in the unfriendly town of
Luddigger in Trapper County, North Carolina (Jesus Christ, how long
were they driving before they noticed that they were lost?). After
stopping at the local diner and meeting waitress Lacey Luddigger
(Betsy Russell; CAMP FEAR
- 1994), who Ryan takes an instant shine to, the two boys get a dose
of Southern inhospitality in the form of deputy Walt Luddigger (Don
Swayze; LETHAL VICTIMS
- 1987), who tells them to take their faggot earrings and get the
hell out of town. Rather than heed the warning, Ryan and Bobby decide
to stay (it wouldn't be much of a film if they left) and, at the
local bar that night, Ryan hooks up with Lacey and is forced to beat
the crap out of Walt when he tries to ambush them in the parking lot.
Lacey tells Ryan her sordid story (She and
her brother Elmore [Todd Maxwell] were taken in by the Luddigers
when their parents were killed and "step-brother" Walt has
tried to rape her on several occasions), so Ryan tells her to pack
her bags and they'll leave town that night. They should have left
right then and there because walt arrests Ryan and Bobby on
kidnapping charges when they try to leave town with Lacey (who is a
few weeks short of eighteen years-old) later that night. As Ryan and
Bobby are hauled off the jail by Sheriff Sam Frost (Bo Hopkins; SWEET
SIXTEEN - 1982), Walt brings Lacey home to Mom and Pop
Luddigger (Sarah Lunley and R.G. Armstrong), who nails her bedroom
window shut and locks her in her room. A few hours later, Walt
kidnaps Ryan and Bobby from the jail and brings them to the middle of
the woods, where Mom and Pop are waiting to torture them with a
sledgehammer. Ryan and Bobby break free, but during the ensuing
fracas Bobby is shotgunned to death, Elmore is accidentally hit on
the head with a sledgehammer and killed, while Ryan escapes into the
forest. Mom, Pop and Walt must find and kill Ryan before he spills
the beans to Sheriff Frost, who is tired of the Luddiggers' brutal
hold on the town. Ryan is about to find out that the Luddiger's reach
is long (there are more Luddiggers in the county than the name Chin
in a Chinese phone book, thanks to what looks like centuries of
inbreeding), but he finds an ally in Vietnam vet Jefferson Carter
(Ernie Hudson; LEVIATHAN -
1989), who has a long-standing feud with the Luddiggers that needs to
be settled. The finale finds Ryan and Jefferson battling the
Luddigger clan in a forest full of boobytraps, with Lacey (who is
tied to a tree in the best villain tradition) separating the good
guys from the hicks. When Sheriff Frost joins the side of Ryan and
Jefferson, the odds even up a bit, as the Luddiggers all meet their
demise one-by-one until only Mom is left. Lacey makes sure that Mom
doesn't live to take another swig of moonshine. The only good
hillbilly is a dead hillbilly, or so I'm constantly reminded in films
like this. This is one in a long line of hicksploitation
revenge flicks that was made popular by the success of DELIVERANCE
(1972). If there's a fault with this film, it's that director Worth
Keeter (WOLFMAN -
1979; DOGS OF HELL
- 1982) and screenwriter Russell V. Manzatt (RUSH
WEEK - 1989) downplay the Luddiggers' brutal tactics to the
point that we only hear about their viciousness and see very little
of it. If it's one thing we have learned about this genre of film,
which includes GOD'S
BLOODY ACRE (1975), JUST
BEFORE DAWN (1980), SOUTHERN
COMFORT (1981), KILLER INSTINCT
(1982), BULLIES (1986), SNAKEEATER
(1988) and WRONG TURN (2003),
it's that if you want the audience to root for the city folks, you
have to get them to really hate the hillbillies. TRAPPER
COUNTY WAR fails to generate that hate because, besides a
couple of uncomfortable scenes between Don Swayze and Betsy Russell,
the rest of the Luddigger clan is about as threatening as the sight
of puppies and kittens frolicking in a field of flowers. This is not
a bad film, mind you. It's rather well-acted and contains a few good
action scenes, but it's all basically pointless because it fails to
generate the suspense needed for films like this to succeed. A missed
opportunity. Also starring Terrence Evans (THE
PUMPKIN KARVER - 2006), Royce G. Clark, Sage Parker, Wallace
Merck, Red West, Mark J. Miller and Parker Shelton. Released on VHS
by Republic
Pictures Home Video and on budget DVD by Simitar
Entertainment. Rated R.
VENDETTA
(1985) - Bonnie
is sent to prison for manslaughter after killing a man who raped
her. Bonnie is killed in prison after refusing the advances of butch
Kay (Sandy Martin, in the film's best performance),
leader of a gang of murderous female inmates. Laurie (Karen Chase),
Bonnie's stuntwoman sister, tries to get justice through the legal
system, but because the coroner's report lists Bonnie's death as a
suicide, the court will not hear the case. So Laurie steals a judge's
Cadillac and robs a jewelry store so she will be sent to the prison
where her sister was murdered. Laurie has a vendetta to fulfill. Kay
is running a drug distribution and prostitution ring from inside with
the blessings of most of the guards. Kay and Laurie have a few
run-ins which makes life pretty unbearable for Laurie. Once she finds
out who the people responsible for Bonnie's death are, members of
Kay's gang start turning up dead. Laurie uses her stunt expertise to
her advantage, dwindling down Kay's group until only Kay is left.
This is the type of film where the women's penitentary is supervised
by male guards just so scenes of heterosexual sex can be shown. Of
course, since this is a women-in-prison flick, there are the
prerequisite nude shower scenes and lesbian encounters. Very little
blood is spilled although the martial artistry is plentiful. Roberta
Collins, a veteran of this type of film (THE
BIG BIRD CAGE
[1972], CAGED
HEAT
[1974]), also stars. Originally titled ANGELS
BEHIND BARS.
Competently made, but nothing special. Watch WANDA
THE WICKED WARDEN
(1977) instead. Directed by Bruce Logan (he was cinematographer on JACKSON
COUNTY JAIL
- 1978, DRACULA'S
DOG
- 1978, TRON
- 1982 and many others). VENDETTA
is Logan's only directorial effort. A Vestron
Video Release. Rated
R.
THE
VERNONIA INCIDENT (1989) -
Two thieves, Link (David Jackson) and Bike (Shawn Stevens), drive
into the town of Vernonia, Oregon and hold up the town's mini mart.
After killing the town's only police officer, the thieves attempt to
leave town, but the citizens follow them in their cars (they keep in
touch with each other by CB radio). The thieves kill another guy by
forcing his car off the road (in one of the slowest car chases in
film history) and then hear on the radio that they are wanted by
authorities (this, just a mere three minutes after pulling off the
robbery!). The citizens block all the roads out of town, forcing Link
and Bike to crash through a blockade, which disables their car. With
the townspeople not far behind, Link and Bike hole-up in a farmhouse
and hold the family inside hostage. As the townspeople surround the
house, Link calls his brother Hank (Robert Louis Jackson) on the
phone and asks him to come to Vernonia and rescue him and Bike. As Hank
steals a car and heads to Vernonia, he and partner-in-crime Vern
(Tony Hyde) are cornered by police, but manage to commandeer a
helicopter! With the townspeople shooting at the farmhouse (ignoring
the fact that there's an innocent family in there!), Link and Bike
keep low and get drunk until Hank arrives. Hank forces the helicopter
pilot to stop at a construction site, where he steals a crate of
dynamite and then heads for Vernonia. Meanwhile, Link tries to rape
the woman hostage, but is interrupted when tear gas in lobbed into
the house (again ignoring the innocent family). Hank begins throwing
lit dynamite from the helicopter at a police car, causing it to crash
and burn. Hank makes it to the farmhouse, throwing dynamite at the
citizens (blowing up empty cars parked in the middle of a field) and
they, in turn, return fire at the helocopter. Link and Bike run to
the helicopter with the little girl hostage as a shield. When they
attempt to take off, they find they are out of fuel. It is at this
time, the little girl's mother (who was nearly raped) and the
townspeople surround the helicopter and open fire, supposedly killing
everyone inside (we never do actually see the carnage). This
pitiful excuse for a film is a prime example of how not to make a
film. Filled with terrible acting, bad post-synch dubbing and a
grating music score, THE VERNONIA INCIDENT is the type of film
that's best forgotten and tucked away in some dark corner and never
heard from or seen again. Director/producer/scripter Ray Etheridge
(whose next film would be FART:
THE MOVIE - 1991) hasn't got a clue how to frame a scene and
definitely hasn't a clue how to stage an action scene. It's plain to
see that all the cars used in explosions and crashes are gutted
junkers, as most are missing windshields and are rusted beyond
repair. This is the type of film where everyone owns a gun, but no
one could hit the side of a barn (they do manage to shoot a lot of
windows, though). There are also entire scenes where it switches from
day to night (One scene shows a citizen firing at the thieves and
it's plainly daylight. When the thieves are dodging the bullets, it's
pitch dark!), Shawn Stevens (as Bike) is constantly humming out loud
(even when he's getting shot at) and the people point guns and we
hear a "bang!" even though they never pull the trigger (I
guess that saved some money on blank cartridges). Wait until you see
the tear gas canisters: They are nothing but tin cans with holes
poked in them! Though most of this movie is shot on film, videotape
is utilized for most of the helicopter scenes and the finale. The
finale is edited in such a haphazard way, that it gives the
impression that the mother and the citizens kill the little girl and
the innocent pilot, along with the crooks. I can honestly say that
this is one of the crappiest, most boring pieces of celluloid sludge
that I have ever seen. Don't take that as a recommendation, though,
because it's not even worth viewing for shits and giggles. It's just
bad. Believe it or not, Sub Rosa Studios released this on DVD under
the title REVENGE OF THE REDNECKS. Also starring Floyd S.
Ragner, Ed Justice, Don Jackson and J.J. Cahill III. Originally
released on VHS by Rentertainment Productions. Not Rated.
WARNING: Watching this film is akin to suffering the pain of every
person who died a violent death in the past 500 years.
W
(1983) - Outlandish Filipino actioner. A gang of bald-headed,
chopper-riding drug peddlers (even the female members are bald!) roll
into town and get into a fight with police sergeant W2 (Anthony
Alonzo). He ends up shooting one of the gang members and his boss,
Major Medina (Joonee Gamboa), suspends W2 from the force. The gang
members steal their comrade's dead body from the morgue and bring him
back to their leader, Nesfero (Johnny Montero), who declares war on
W2 because the dead gang member happened to be his brother. The gang
attack W2 and some police buddies (they all have single letter names
followed by a number) at a restaurant using machine guns, but W2 and
his buddies escape. Things really go south for W2 on his honeymoon,
where Nesfero and his men castrate W2 and rape his wife (Ann Marrie).
When W2 wakes up in the hospital, discovers that his package is a
little light and realizes that he will no longer be able to satisfy
his wife, he vows revenge (Later on, he watches his naked wife
masturbate in the shower and totally loses it. He screams to his
wife, "I'm useless! I'm a eunich!"). Nesfero is expecting a
huge shipment of opium and the Syndicate is worried that he is
fixating too much on W2, so Nesfero kidnaps W2
and tortures him (he's strung-up and hung horizontally by ropes
between four posts). He is rescued by female gang member Pratings
(Ada Hubert), who tells W2 that Nosfero raped her and that he's the
Devil ("He's gone mad!"). Major Medina assigns Lieutenant
V1 (Bing Davao) to find the missing W2. So what's the first thing V1
does? Why he goes swimming in flesh-colored Speedos with W2's horny
wife and then makes love to her! W2 returns home and catches them in
the act (She says haltingly, "I really don't know what
came...over us!") and throws his wife out of the house. Pratings
tells W2 about Nesfero's upcoming opium shipment, so W2, Pratings and
some buddies intercept and steal the shipment, which puts Nesfero in
hot water with Syndicate boss Praxis (Paul Vance). What Nesfero does
next is truly brain-busting. He and his men take an entire Catholic
nursery school hostage and threaten to kill all the children unless
the opium shipment is returned and W2 is delivered to them! Police
reporter Alice (Alicia Alonzo, Anthony's real-life sister) gets
involved in the case when she finds out her daughter is one of the
hostage children, but her stupidity gets her daughter killed. W2
comes out of hiding (after he creates an armor-plated car, body armor
and a hand-held rocket launcher) and faces Nosfero and his gang in
the explosive finale. This crazy Philippines-lensed action
flick, directed and scripted by Willie Milan (ULTIMAX
FORCE - 1986), is one wild ride. The plot makes absolutely
no sense and looks like it was edited with a chainsaw (some violence
and nudity seems to have been cut out in this version, especially
noticable in the shower masturbation scene), but this film is so
perverse and out-there (A castrated man as an action hero? Who would
have thought?), you'll wonder what alternate universe this film was
made on. Filled with hilarious dialogue (When one of the cops asks
Major Medina where they should look for the missing W2, he snaps
back, "Search in Hell if you must!" or W2's rant to Major
Medina when he won't lift his suspension: "I put my ass on the
line while you sit back and polish your medals!" That line of
dialogue is repeated at least three time while Major Medina has a
crisis of conscience in his office!), and mindless violence,
including explosions, multiple gunfights, child killing and W2's
assault on Nesfero's beach compound in the finale, where both he and
Pratings don handmade steel helmets, which make them both look like
the Rocketeer! Hey, this isn't rocket science, but W
(also known as W IS WAR and FIRESTORM)
is a mindless, fun action romp the Filipinos excelled at making.
Director Willie Milan made a sort-of sequel in 1985 called CLASH
OF THE WARLORDS. Besides a couple of the same actors
appearing in similar roles, it really has nothing much in common with
this film (For one, the sequel is a post-nuke film and this one
isn't). Also starring Richard Jones as Nosfero's henchman Pentagon,
who thinks he can outfight a machine gun. He can't. Not to be
confused with the 1974 thriller starring Twiggy,
which shares the same single-lettered name. A Paragon
Video Productions Release. Not Rated.
WAR
BUS (1985) - After their goodwill
mission is attacked by the Vietcong, the remaining survivors escape
in their yellow schoolbus. A short distance down the road, their bus
is commandeered by Sgt. Dixie (Daniel Stephen) and his two-man squad
of American Marines. The missionaries, which includes three women;
Ronny (Don Gorden Bell), a nervous man; Debrard (Steve Eliot), an
Australian soldier and a VC Major named Kutran (Ernie Zarate), form
an uneasy alliance with the American soldiers as they make the
perilous journey behind enemy lines to freedom. Running low on gas,
the soldiers raid an enemy depot looking for some fuel, not knowing
that the sweaty (and possibly traitorous) Ronny has reserve gas
hidden under the bus. While the soldiers are on the raid, Ronny fuels
up the bus and tries to take off, but is stopped by Debrand
and Major Kutran. Sgt. Dixie and his men, Gus (Romano Kristoff) and
Ben (Urs Althaus), become pinned-down at the enemy depot, but the
bus, driven by Major Kutran, comes to their rescue. They manage to
get the gas and blow up the enemy depot, thanks to the Major's help.
Their next obstacle is a bridge they need to cross that is guarded by
enemy soldiers. Ben comes up with a plan and it goes off without a
hitch (they manage to kill dozens of enemy soldiers with no
casualties on their side), which earns them respect from the Major
(he salutes the soldiers for their bravery). They next happen upon a
field of dead American soldiers, all of them crucified and
boobytrapped. Since they can't bury them, Sgt. Dixie blows them up
(the film's most affecting scene). They find a cave to hide the bus
in while the soldiers check out a village with an American helicopter
in the middle of it. They find all the American soldiers dead (one
body is riddled with steel nails!) and then realize that the enemy
was waiting for them. Everyone manages to escape alive, thanks again
to the Major and Ronny, who proves to be no traitor. They next stop
at a deserted VC village, where Major Kutran finds a radio and calls
for help. Instead of being saved, our ragtag group of soldiers and
civilians must fight for their lives when enemy soldiers intercept
the Major's transmission and not everyone will make it out alive. War
is truly hell and hell is for heroes. Directed with much
pyrotechnics and a surprising amount of humanity by Fernando Baldi (COMIN'
AT YA! - 1981; TREASURE
OF THE FOUR CROWNS - 1983; TEN
ZAN: THE ULTIMATE MISSION - 1988), here using his "Ted
Kaplan" pseudonym, WAR BUS
is one of the better Italian-made Vietnam War action flicks. The
action comes at a steady clip as dozens of people are gunned-down, blown-up
or stabbed. There are many surprises along the way, such as the
reveal that Ronny is a schizophrenic epileptic (which explains his
earlier actions) and that Debrand is a convicted murderer. The three
women on the bus have precious little to do except look scared, go
skinnydipping or act as romantic interests for the soldiers. There's
a scene towards the end where Major Kutran finds a radio in a
deserted VC village and tunes to a station playing music and, for a
few short moments, everyone on the bus and in town relaxes and
forgets the trouble they are in. It's a poignant scene that's unusual
in a film like this and foreshadows the tragic events that are about
to happen. The final assault by the enemy on the town is well-handled
and full of scenes of bravery. WAR BUS tells an excellent
story to go along with the action and should satisfy fans of the
genre. An unofficial (and inferior) sequel, WAR
BUS COMMANDO, was made in 1989, starring Mark Gregory (1990:
THE BRONX WARRIOR - 1982), the late John
Vernon (SAVAGE STREETS -
1984) and directed by Pierluigi Ciriaci (DELTA
FORCE COMMANDO - 1987). Also starring Gwendolyn Cook, Zeny
R. Williams and Josephine Sylva. An Embassy
Home Entertainment Release. Also available on a bootleg 10-film
DVD compilation called MERCS
from those thieving bastards at VideoAsia. WAR
BUS is also available streaming on Amazon Prime. Rated R.
WAR
BUS COMMANDO (1989) - This
unofficial sequel to WAR BUS
(1985) contains nothing in common with the first film. The leads are
different, the locations are different (this one takes place in
Afghanistan) and the dates are different (this one takes place in the
present day, while the first one took place during the Vietnam War).
They both contain busses, though. Green Beret Johnny Hondo, (Mark
Gregory of 1990:
THE BRONX WARRIORS - 1982) is informed by government agent
Ken Ross (a badly dubbed John Vernon) that his dying father, General
Hondo, wishes to see him. His father pleads with Johnny to go to
Afghanistan to retrieve important documents that he left on a school
bus years earlier and rescue some friends and colleagues he had to
leave behind. Ross puts together a team to help Johnny in his
mission: Linda
Cain (Savina Gersak), Bobby Lee and Norton, who will all help Johnny
get across the Afghanistan border to safety once he finds the
documents and rescues the prisoners. Johnny is forced to bail out of
his helicopter way too early and lands 82 miles from his objective,
so he must fight his way to the bus, while Ross and the team wait to
hear from him. It's also plain to see that Ross and Linda know more
about this mission than they're letting on. Johnny finally makes it
to the bus after getting help from a young boy named Kabir (who he
promises to take to America), but he is captured by an Russian
captain and tortured. Kabir's sister frees Johnny, but she loses her
life in the process. Johnny and Kabir find his father's colleagues,
but Ross informs him by radio that his team cannot come and rescue
him. Johnny and his ragtag group then decide to fix the bus and drive
themselves to safety. First they must find the parts to fix it and
reinforce it with armor plating. They are then relentlessly pursued
by Russian troops. Running low on gas, they raid a remote Russian
depot, steal some fuel and destroy the depot before continuing on
their way. In the finale, Johnny learns that there's traitors within
his ranks, but instead of getting even, he just shrugs it off. The
Green Berets would not be pleased. The two main distractions
that severely affect this film are obvious: Mark Gregory is an
unappealing and stiff action hero here and his only facial expression
makes it seem like he is always smelling someone's stinky farts. It
gets annoying after a few minutes and it's apparent he's a one-note
actor. So apparent, that he quit acting soon after starring in this.
Good move. The second glaring distraction is the dubbed voice used by
John Vernon. Any lover of film is well aware what the late John
Vernon's voice sounds like, so to hear such a strange voice come out
of this mouth every time he speaks is just not right. It throws the
viewer off balance and Vernon's scenes don't work because of it (I
guess the producers couldn't afford Mr. Vernon's dubbing fee). The
action scenes are also very dry and not very exciting. While there
are plenty of gunfights and explosions, director Pierluigi Ciriaci
(using the pseudonym "Frank Valenti") uses a minimal amount
of bullet squibs and keeps the blood and carnage to almost
non-existent levels. Ciriaci, who also directed DELTA
FORCE COMMANDO (1987) and DELTA
FORCE COMMANDO 2 (1990), hasn't got a clue how to film an
action scene and the script, by Dardano Sacchetti (using the name
"David Parker Jr.) is a generic war clichés that offers
no surprises and even less excitement. While the first WAR BUS
was an excellent war action film, WAR BUS COMMANDO is nothing
but a pale imitation. Skip it. Also staring Antony Freeman, Bobby
Rhodes and Branko Djuric. Also known as AFGHANISTAN:
THE LAST WARBUS and WAR BUS
II.
A Trylon Video Release. Not Rated.
WAR
WITHOUT END (1986) - In Cambodia
during 1982, a small platoon of American soldiers are sent behind
enemy lines to retrieve the top-secret "WILD
WEASEL" (a missile guidance system and the film's
alternate title) from a downed aircraft. Captain Ted Wilson (Robert
Mason) and Lt. Jim Garvey (screenwriter Jim Gaines) are then captured
by the enemy before they can deliver Wild Weasel into safe hands.
Wilson and Garvey are then "rescued" by some Vietnamese
rebels, who plan on holding them and Wild Weasel hostage until the
U.S. government pays them one million dollars in ransom, but an enemy
attack on the rebel base affords Wilson and Garvey the chance to grab
Wild Weasel and escape into the jungle. They make it to the hut of
friendly peasant Ngu-Yen and he agrees to take them to the church of
French priest Father Francois. The good father introduces them to his
adoptive daughter Nam (Nancy K. Lee), who will lead them, along with
Ngu-Yen, on the long road to safety (The priest introduces Nam to
Wilson and Garvey by saying, "I'm what you call an unmarried
Father." and everyone laughs). It's a long,
arduous road to safety, marked by many gunfights and explosions, as
everyone, from the enemy, the U.S. government and the Russians (one
of them played by Filipino film staple Nick Nicholson) wants to get
their hands on Wild Weasel and don't care if Wilson or Garvey survive
(One American arms smuggler, working as a liaison between the
Russians and a crooked U.S. government official, calls up the crooked
official and says, "You realize you just screwed-up my
future!" to which the crooked official replies, "I'm sorry
to hear that." and then hangs up the phone. A few seconds later,
the arms smuggler is shot dead by the Russians!). As the film
advances, it becomes apparent that both Lt. Garvey and Ngu-Yen may
not be who they seem. Ngu-Yen mortally stabs Garvey one night and
delivers the Wild Weasel to the commander of the enemy forces (who
promptly shoots and kills Ngu-Yen for being a traitor!). When Garvey
commits suicide because he can't stand the pain, Wilson and Nam (who
have fallen in love) must find their way across the Thailand border
into safety, but there are a few surprises to be had along the way
(especially concerning a necklace that Nam wears, which is a doozy!).
This is another crazy Filipino war actioner, directed by the late
Teddy Page (BLOOD DEBTS - 1983; NINJA'S
FORCE - 1984; PHANTOM
SOLDIERS - 1987), that contains plenty of "What The
Fuck?!?" moments and dialogue. My favorite is when the foursome
finds a disabled dune buggy in the middle of the jungle and, in true
80's montage fashion, go through a lot of trouble getting it in
running condition and outfitting it with a machine gun torrent. They
end up abandoning it a few miles down the road when it stalls and
refuses to start back up. For all the time and effort they spent on
fixing the cursed buggy (Which Garvey calls an "FRV", but
never explains what it stands for!), they could have walked ten times
the distance the damned buggy traveled before it broke down. Another
hilarious sequence comes when the foursome are lost in the jungle and
Wilson says, "If we only had a map!" Ngu-Yen looks at him
and says, "I have a map...but it's in French!". I nearly
pissed my pants. Toss in plenty of bloody bullet squibs, fiery
explosions and a coincidence during the finale that's too good to be
true (Nam and the Commander of the enemy forces are long-lost sister
and brother and he suddenly turns into a good guy and helps her,
Wilson and Wild Weasel escape from the nasty Russians and corrupt
U.S. officials!) and what you have is a film that's short on logic,
but hugely entertaining. I've just scratched the surface on what's on
view here. I'll leave the rest for you to discover for yourselves
(including the incredibly downbeat ending). WAR
WITHOUT END is another winner from Producer K.Y. Lim's
Silver Star Film Company. Also starring Richard King, Dan Dee, Jerry
Bayron (also the Stunt Coordinator) and Filipino action staple Mike
Monty. Never legitimately available on U.S. home video. The print I
viewed was sourced from a Dutch-subtitled VHS tape. Not Rated.
WEAPONS
OF DEATH (1976) - In
Naples, Italy, two masked men rob a bank, one of them kicking a
pregnant woman in the stomach and killing the bank guard. After
stealing all the money out of the drawers and safe, they don't notice
that one of the tellers has set off the silent alarm and two
undercover cops show up and make the robbers give up. The regular
police show up and the two undercover cops tell them they have the
situation well in hand and drive the two handcuffed robbers and the
stolen money away. Only they aren't two undercover officers, they are
members of the gang, and they think they have gotten away
with it, but they don't know they are dealing with Police
Commissioner Belli (Leonard Mann; DEATH
STEPS IN THE DARK - 1977), who knows what they are up to (he
knows the real undercover cops they were pretending to be) and
captures them at a roadblock.
We then see young street boy Gennarino, a.k.a. Gianni (Massimo Deda)
and his young fat cohort Nardi (played by Massimo's real-life
brother, Mario Deda) running another one of his scams on the street,
selling used newspapers to necking couples in cars (He tells them
they can use the newspapers to cover the car's windows, so no one can
see what they are doing and they fall for it!). Gianni is wise beyond
his years (he is also a cripple who walks with a limp), always
thinking of ways to make money on the streets (He tells the man he
sold a newspaper to, "I hope it's a boy."!). Hampering his
scams is Commissioner Belli, who promised his predecessor to keep a
close eye on Gianni and if he doesn't stay on the straight and
narrow, to send him to reform school. It is quite obvious Belli
admires and likes Gianni, letting him get away with more than he
should, but he keeps threatening to send the boy to juvie if he
doesn't straighten out (He wants Gianni to go to regular school and
take up an honest trade). Belli doesn't know that Gianni one day will
save his life, but at what cost?
We then see protected street hood Santoro (Henry Silva; CRY
OF A PROSTITUTE - 1974) and his gang pull off a daring
daylight train robbery, killing all the men in one of the train cars
protecting a payroll safe. Santoro proves he is ruthless, leaving no
one to identify him, even one of his own men, who is shot and wounded
during the robbery, shooting and killing him point blank. Belli knows
it was Santoro who masterminded the robbery and also knows Santoro is
"protected' by Godfather Don Alfredo (Tino Bianchi; HOT
STUFF - 1976), but he vows to put him away, telling Santoro
to his face, "I know you! You better believe it!"
Taxi driver and undercover Special Squad officer Guidi (Jeff Blynn;
the egg-eating detective in GIALLO
IN VENICE - 1979) goes to the home of a totally nude woman
(Kirsten Gille; SUPER
STOOGES VS. THE WONDER WOMEN - 1974; and yowza!) to take her
to the airport (damn it, she puts clothes on!). On the way to the
airport he sees two men on a scooter grab a woman's purse (one of the
robbers puts a gun to a boy's head and threatens to shoot him if the
pedestrians don't hand over their wallets and valuables) and speed
away, so he gives chase through the busy streets of Naples, knocks
the purse snatchers off their scooter and hands them over to Belli,
who doesn't know Guidi is a special squad officer (he does now).
Belli then meets Gianni at a poolhall and threatens to send him to
boarding school if he doesn't keep his nose clean. Gianni is all
about making money, beating Belli at a game of foosball and demands a
thousand lire for the win, which Belli pays (All he is doing is
enabling the boy to keep up with his petty crime ways).
Local mobsters Don Licata (Enrico Maisto; CONTRABAND
- 1980) and Don Calise (Tommaso Palladino; DEATH
RAGE - 1976) are tired of Santoro's violent ways and want
him put down (He is losing a ton of money in their gambling parlor),
but they know Don Alfredo protects him. Calise doesn't care and
leaves to make a phone call. When one of Santoro's hoods tells him he
is losing too much money and he should quit, Santoro tells him,
"I'm a successful man in life because I never give up."
Later in the night, when Santoro leaves the gambling den, he is
blitzed by three men with guns, who open fire, killing Santoro's
driver. As the hoods fire away at Santoro in his car, they discover
that the car is bulletproof, so one of the hoods grabs the dead
driver's keys and goes to unlock the car's door. Just when it looks
like Santoro is about to die in a hail of bullets, Belli arrives on
the scene, shooting and killing one of the hoods and saving Santoro's
life. Santoro thanks Belli for saving his life and asks him if he
knew if it was him he was saving (he didn't), would he have saved his
life? Belli replies, "They pay me to protect everyone, the
honest people and pimps like you." Santoro tells Belli he has no
idea who was trying to kill him, but that's an obvious lie. Santoro
knows that Calise and Licata are behind the assassination attempt and
he is about to dish out his own brand of justice, beginning with two
of his hoods blowing up Calise's unfinished mansion with dynamite,
which was still under construction.
Belli gets into a chase with one of Santoro's hijacked tanker
trucks, which runs a family of four off the road, causing their car
to roll down and embankment and fall off a cliff, exploding and
killing them all. When Belli's police car is disabled in the chase,
he commandeers a van on the highway, telling the driver to follow the
truck. Belli is quite the acrobat, jumping out of the van onto the
back of the truck, walking on top of the two tankers until he gets to
the driver, whom he shoots in the head when he pulls out a gun,
pulling the truck to the side of the road.
Santoro and his men then rob the payroll from an oil refinery;
killing everyone they come in contact with. This results in two car
chases, one between the police and Santoro's hoods and one between
Belli and Santoro. When one of the officers is severely burned when
their car rolls over and catches fire (and the hood's car explodes,
killing them all), Belli and Santoro's chase ends when both of their
cars are destroyed (Santoro just drives his car head-on into
Belli's). Santoro can easily kill Belli as he lies on the ground
dazed from the impact, but he decides not to, telling Belli, "Now
we're even." This action casts doubt on Belli being an honest
cop, especially with his superiors. Belli tells them this is exactly
what Santoro wants them to think and promises to bring Belli into
their office alive to prove he is not corrupt ("Even though I
would like to stick my gun down his throat and pull the
trigger."). Three of Santoro's masked men rob Licata &
Calise's gambling parlor, taking all the money and everyone's
wallets, only they are not Santoro's men, they are Belli's undercover
officers. They deliver the money and wallets to Belli, who finds a
very incriminating letter in Licata's wallet (Belli tells an officer
to donate the money, 27 million lire, to the fund for orphans of
police officers killed in the line of duty and make sure it is from
an unnamed benefactor). Belli then goes to Licata and threatens to
release the incriminating letter to the Press unless he plays ball
with him. Licata agrees and agrees to set-up Santoro (he's now a
wanted man with charges that will stick). After taking one of
Santoro's associate's car, Licata calls the associate and tells him
to deliver a message to Santoro personally.
Gianni is running another one of his moneymaking scams, holding a
prime parking space for the most expensive sportscar driver who is
willing to pay for it. After asking the elderly driver (who is
obviously with a prostitute) how long he will be and being told about
two hours (really?), Gianna and Nardi go to work, removing all four
tires from the car and selling them to an illegal chop shop. This boy
has a real future as a conman, that is if Belli doesn't catch him in
the act and send him to reform school. Now that Santoro is a wanted
man, Belli puts his plan into action. When Santoro's associate finds
his car missing, he takes a taxi, driven by Guidi, to Santoro's
hideout, but he is far too cunning and escapes capture, after killing
his associate, whom Belli was following (like I said before, he
leaves no witnesses!).
When Gianni sees a photo shoot taking place on the streets of
Naples, where a famous racecar driver is being photographed, he
steals the driver's racecar, taking it for an extremely fast joyride
through the busy streets of Naples and then ditching the car by the
side of a road. Belli knows it was Gianni, but he can't prove it (He
actually admires the kid's moxey). An undercover officer, who is
watching one of Santoro's associate's apartment, tells Belli that
something smells fishy; the associate hasn't left his apartment for
days. When Belli goes to investigate, he finds that Santoro is there.
Gianni's driving skills come in handy when Belli gets into a foot
chase with Santoro and captures him, but several of Santoro's men
approach Belli, knives and guns drawn. Gianni shows up in the nick of
time in Belli's car and saves Belli, who takes Santoro to his
superiors' office, proving he is not a corrupt cop. Even in prison,
Santoro's reach has no boundaries, as two of his hoods kill the
undercover cop who fingered Santoro by decapitating him with a wire
strung around two trees as he speeds down the road on his motorcycle
(a scene copied nearly verbatim in RAIDERS
OF ATLANTIS - 1983).
We then see a pedophile (Adolfo Lastretti; SPASMO
-1974) being attacked in a park by parents and on-lookers when he
tries to abduct a young girl. He is sent to the same prison Santoro
resides in, which is key to him escaping from prison. When the
pedophile is sitting in the prison yard, a riot breaks out when all
the prisoners beat up and stab the pedophile. Santoro swaps places
with the pedophile as he is being transported to the hospital, a plan
cooked-up by Don Alfredo. Alfredo tells Santoro that he should get
out of Naples for good, so Santoro make plans to travel to Metz,
France, which Belli find out about. Belli discovers that an old flame
of Santoro's, Lucia Parisi (Evelyn Stewart; SYNDICATE
SADISTS - 1975), lives in Metz and Belli comes up with a
plan to capture Santoro again by transporting Lucia back to Naples
and making sure that Santoro finds out about it (Santoro knows that
Lucia is coming to Naples to sign an affidavit that could put him
away for life). With Guidi protecting Lucia on the train, Belli
stakes out the train station for Santoro. Gianni and Nardi are also
at the train station, selling tap water that they have bottled
themselves and selling it as expensive mineral water to people on the
train. Santoro arrives and Gianni tells Belli where he is. A shootout
between Belli and Santoro takes place, which results in Santoro
getting shot and falling from a moving train; getting graphically run
over by the train's metal wheels. In what should be a satisfying
ending to Belli's mission, he discovers that Gianni has been shot by
one of Santoro's stray bullets. Gianni tells Belli that he decided to
go to regular school and become a professor or engineer, as he dies
in Belli's arms. Films like this rarely have a happy ending, as Belli
walks away with a dead Gianni in his arms.
This Poliziotteschi ("Tough Cop") film, directed by Mario
Caiano (ULYSSES
AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES - 1962; ERIK
THE VIKING - 1965; NIGHTMARE
CASTLE - 1965; SEVEN
PISTOLS FOR A MASSACRE - 1967; SHADOW
OF ILLUSION - 1970; EYE
IN THE LABYRINTH - 1972; THE
FIGHTING FIST OF SHANGHAI JOE - 1973; THE
MANIAC RESPONSIBLE [a.k.a. CALLING
ALL POLICE CARS - 1975]; BLOODY
PAYROLL - 1976; THE
CRIMINALS ATTACK. THE POLICE RESPOND.
- 1977; NAZI LOVE CAMP 27
- 1977) and written by the team of Gianfranco Clerici & Vincenzo
Mannino (both giving us the screenplays to STRANGE
SHADOWS IN AN EMPTY ROOM - 1976 and MURDER-ROCK:
DANCING DEATH - 1984, among many others), is a sequel to
director Umberto Lenzi's VIOLENT NAPLES
(1976), which starred Maurizio Merli as Commissioner Betti. Those of
you who have seen the film (as I have) will instantly recognize
Massimo Deda as Gianni and know why he walks with a limp in the
sequel. Deda is the only actor to return as the same character, but
many more actors from the first film return for the sequel, but in
different roles. (Notice the difference between "Betti" and
"Belli", as Belli makes a reference to Betti by mentioning
him as a "predecessor", but not mentioning his name). This
is one of the best poliziotteschi films out there (but I prefer to
call the genre "Eurocrime"), due to its early eye-opening
full-frontal female nudity (once again, yowza!), graphic violence
(including a decapitation, a fire gag [we get to see the burned
policeman's face towards the end of the film, as he is still alive
and tells Belli that he's going to return to duty] and too many
bloody bullet squibs to count) and non-stop action, including
shoot-outs, car chases and fistfights. I always admired Mario
Caiano's directing style and this film cements that admiration. The
music score, by Francesco De Masi (THE
NEW YORK RIPPER - 1982) is also very memorable, especially
the music used whenever Gianni is on the screen, giving his petty
crimes some added humor (you'll have to listen to it to appreciate
it). I also believe this is Leonard Mann's best role of his career
(he's still alive [at the time this review was written]), but he
suddenly quit acting in the late-'80s and became a film teacher in
the Los Angeles school district! He was one of those American actors
that fell in love with Italy, but when genre movie-making waned there
(and never recovered), he moved back to the States, appearing is
films such as NIGHT SCHOOL
(1981), FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC
(1987), and SILENT
NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 3: BETTER WATCH OUT! (1989), before
quitting the acting profession in 1989. He occasionally returned to
Italy in the '80s, appearing in COPKILLER
(1983), CUT AND RUN
(1985) and THE MONSTER
OF FLORENCE (1985) and
his last film, an Italian production titled THE
LAST EMOTION (1989), an erotic thriller that has basically
gone unseen since its theatrical release in Italy, before retiring
from his profession and becoming a teacher. I often wonder if the
downfall of Italian cinema had anything to do with his quitting the
profession, because in the documentary EUROCRIME!
(2012), he states that he would gladly return to Italy if genre
filmmaking were to become popular again. What can I say about Henry
Silva that hasn't already been said? He's one cool cat as Santoro,
killing friends and foes alike, always with a smile on his face. It's
easy to see why he was in demand in Italy. No one could play a
villain better than Silva. His bad guys (and even good guys, such as
the flawed cop in ALMOST HUMAN
- 1974) were always very memorable. Silva is in very poor health as I
write this (He's 90-years-old for Christ's sake!), but if anyone
could beat the Grim Reaper at his own game, it's him! Be aware that
even though Evelyn Stewart (real name: Ida Galli; THE
PSYCHIC - 1977) is given star billing, her role is basically
an extended cameo, appearing during the finale of the film, her
screen time no longer than three minutes. But it's Massimo Deda as
Gianni who steals the show here, giving his character just enough
street smarts and sass to make his death an emotional journey for the
viewer. It is too bad that his career never materialized, this being
his penultimate performance. If you want to watch a Eurocrime film
that fires on all cylinders and then steals some more to fire on, you
can do no better than this film. I'm a huge fan of this genre and
this film is what most Eurocrime flicks aspire to be. No bullshit.
Shot as NAPOLI SPARA!
("Naples Shoots!"), this film was basically unknown in the
United States until label Dorado Films released it as part of a
double feature in a limited edition Blu-Ray/DVD
Combo Pack in 2017, along with the Eurocrime film A
SPECIAL COP IN ACTION (1976), which is already OOP. It is
also available streaming on YouTube from user "Eurocrime
Realm" in a fairly nice anamorphic widescreen print, dubbed in
English. It is also available streaming on Amazon Prime (also in
widescreen and English dubbed), but it will cost Prime members $1.99
to view it (it will cost non-Prime members $3.99). The
Blu-Ray/DVD gives you the choice of watching the film English dubbed
or in its original Italian language with English subtitles, my
preferred method of watching foreign films. Whatever way you watch
it, this is one of the best Eurocrime films out there. Also featuring
Maurizio Mattioli (THE
SCORPION WITH TWO TAILS - 1982), Massimo Vanni (THE
BIG RACKET - 1976), Benito Pacifico (HEROIN
BUSTERS -1977), Ottaviano Dell'Acqua (ROME:
ARMED TO THE TEETH - 1976), Franco Marino (A
MAN CALLED MAGNUM - 1977), Enrico Chippafreddo (APACHE
WOMAN - 1976) and Omero Capanna (MANHUNT
- 1972). Not Rated.
THE
WILD TEAM (1985) - Italian/German
co-production which mimics many of the 80's American actioners,
including Schwarzenegger's COMMANDO,
made the same year as this. When a young boy, the son of exiled
president Guillermo Cordura (Franco Fantasia, also the Assistant
Director), is kidnapped during a Mardi Gras-like celebration on the
island of Manioca, a conglomerate of businessmen with mining
interests on the island hire a squad of mercenaries to rescue the
boy, defeat the dastardly General Gomez and restore Cordura to his
formal role as President of Manioca (This is all strictly political,
as the viewer gets the distinct impression that the mining
conglomerate is as crooked as a British smile). In what has to be one
of the weirdest turn of events in an action film, the mining
conglomerate has three parapsychologists try to find the boy's
location by hooking up their brains to a computer and using their
psychic powers to pinpoint the exact location. Using the information
collected from the psychics, the mercenary squad, led by Martin Cuomo
(Antonio Sabato; BRONX
WARRIORS 2 - 1983) and including members Theo (Werner
Pochath; COP GAME -
1988), Paco (Sal Borgese; SUPER FUZZ
- 1980), Marius (Dante Fioretti; THE
SWEET HOUSE OF HORRORS - 1989)) and
explosives expert Sybil Slater (Julia Fursich, a.k.a. "Julia
Kent"; MIDNIGHT COP -
1988), leave Miami and fly to Manioca, where they nearly get arrested
by soldiers at the airport, but quick-thinking by new member Slater
saves all their hides. Martin and his team head down the
crocodile-infested river and make it to the halfway point, where they
must traverse the rest of the way through the jungle by foot.
Meanwhile, the kidnapped boy tries to escape his jungle camp hideout,
but is captured by the mean Fuego (Ivan Rassimov; SPASMO
- 1974), who shoots and kills his own guard dog when it refuses to
attack the boy (it licks the boy's hand instead!). Martin and his
team witness the atrocities committed by General Gomez firsthand when
they watch an entire village of innocent women and children being
slaughtered by Gomez's soldiers, so Martin and his squad kill all the
soldiers in retribution (Paco is extremely talented with his bow).
Martin and his team then assemble some hang gliders (Where were they
hiding them? They definitely weren't lugging them along on their
trek!) and fly through the air, landing less than a mile from the
boy's location. They battle their way to the jungle camp, where Paco
silently infiltrates the camp and takes-out the generator, turning
off the electric fence that surrounds the camp. Then, Martin and his
team do what they do best: Killing the bad guys, blowing up
everything and everyone they can get their hands on and rescuing the
boy. Things take a tragic turn when the mining conglomerate switch
sides and assassinate Cordura and then try to kill Martin, his team
and the boy, which results in Marius getting killed and Theo heading
out on his own. As the little boy leads the rest of the team to
safety, Theo is captured by Fuego and turns traitor. The finale finds
our heroes battling it out with Fuego and a platoon of soldiers while
the boy tries to discover if a local legend (a hidden tunnel behind a
waterfall that will let them escape through the mountains) is true.
Who will make it to safety? This is a pretty enjoyable and
entertaining action flick once you get past the slow-moving first
thirty minutes. Director Umberto Lenzi (ALMOST
HUMAN - 1974; BRIDGE TO HELL
- 1986; WARTIME - 1987; HITCHER
IN THE DARK - 1989) and screenwriter Roberto Leoni (THE
FINAL EXECUTIONER - 1983) provide plenty of bloody violence
(squishy bullet squibs; arrow impalements; people being blown apart)
and enough twists and turns in the plot (even though most of them are
telegraphed early on) to keep the viewer's mind from wondering about
some of the gaping plot holes (the storage of the hang gliders being
one of the biggest "Huh?" moments). The inclusion of the
psychics to find the boy's location was a very entertaining idea, but
it is dropped after a couple of minutes (it's a shame, too, because
it would have been an interesting running gag). Although the boy
seems to have some kind of supernatural power (How else to explain
how he made an attack dog so docile?), but it is never really
expanded upon throughout the rest of the film. Lenzi does that with a
lot of his films: He throws anything he can come up with at the
screen, no matter how weird or out-of-place, just to see what will
stick. WILD TEAM (also known
as THUNDER SQUAD) is no
different and your enjoyment level will depend on your degree of
forgiveness for Lenzi's multiple transgressions. Personally, I give
Lenzi a wide berth and just let him rip. Also starring Geoffrey
Copleston, Andrea Aurelli, Gabriella Giorgelli, Diego Verdegiglio and
Gustavo Matos as the boy. Filmed in the Dominican Republic. I don't
believe this ever got a legitimate home video release in the U.S.,
but it is available on Dutch, Greek, Japanese and British VHS and can
be purchased from many gray market sellers on DVD-R. Now available
streaming on Amazon Prime (using the THUNDER
SQUAD title). Not Rated.
YOUNG,
VIOLENT, DANGEROUS (1976) -
Extremely tough Italian Eurocrime flick that shows us how youth gone
wild can lead to incredibly violent death and destruction. It also
shows us how one violent young man can turn his friends into killers.
Yes, this is Italy in the '70s, when anything can happen and it
usually does, from a director who is often overlooked. Unfairly, I
might add.
The film opens with young woman Lea (Eleonora Giorgi; BLACK
BELLY OF THE TARANTULA - 1971) squealing
to a police inspector (Tomas Milian; ALMOST
HUMAN - 1974) that her boyfriend, Louis (Max Delys; GANGSTER'S
LAW - 1969), has hooked-up with two undesirable young men,
Paul (Stefano Patrizi; ROME:
ARMED TO THE TEETH - 1976) and Joe (Benjamin Lev; EYE
IN THE LABYRINTH - 1972). Lea fears for Louis' life, so the
Inspector (who is never given a proper name) and his squad of
officers follow the trio. They watch them pull into a gas station,
where Paul, who is the leader of this small gang, shoots and kills a
gas station worker (He thinks Paul's gun is fake, so he shows him
it's not!), which leads to a shootout between them and the police
(the police lose). They steal another car (almost running over a
young boy crossing the street), as the Inspector tries to get Lea to
tell him what their next move is. It's robbing a bank, as Paul
callously shoots and kills the assistant manager. Paul and Joe
are definitely young, violent and dangerous, but Louis seems to be
the only one in the trio with a conscience, as he only drives (and
steals) the getaway car and does not take part in the killings...yet.
After robbing the bank and throwing the money out the car window to
some appreciative pedestrians (they do the robberies for kicks, not
for the money), they ditch their car and steal another one, always
keeping a step ahead of the police. The Inspector brings the trio's
parents into his office in hopes of learning anything that will
result in their arrest and capture, but all he learns is that they
come from privilege, their parents not caring much of what happens to
their sons. The trio hide out at the house of Paul's friend, Lucio
(Diego Abatantuono), where Louis calls Lea on the phone. Joe, who is
always laughing and cracking jokes at the most inopportune times,
nearly rapes the girls Lucio has staying at his house, before Paul
breaks it up. Lea tells Louis to get away from the other two, unaware
that the Inspector has tapped her phone. Lucio, who is about to rob a
supermarket with his friends, has a wall full of automatic weapons,
so he and Paul put some of them in a bag and head out to the
supermarket. The trio leave the house just before the Inspector and
his men arrive. Lucio and his friends rob the supermarket and the
trio tag along, Paul killing Lucio's friends in cold blood as they
rob the market. Once again, Louis does not participate in the robbery
or the killings (Paul promises to tell the police that if they are
ever caught), ignoring the fact that the law doesn't discriminate, as
there is no difference in the law's eyes between participating or
guilt by association. Louis then meets Lea, so Paul kidnaps her,
telling Louis that he doesn't trust her, not knowing that they have
crossed the line with the law, as kidnapping is punishable by death.
They stop at an auto junkyard to get some forged passports and
papers, but when one of the forgers (Salvatore Billa; WEREWOLF
WOMAN - 1976) refuses to do the work for them, telling Paul
he better turn himself in to the police (there is a lot of heat on
the streets), they are repaid with a hail of bullets and one of the
forgers is crushed by a car, driven by Louis. Lea goes bonkers,
finally realizing that Louis' friends are cold-blooded murders and
Louis is becoming one, too. She tries to escape, but fails.
Trying to escape the country, the trio stop their car at the border
when they see a roadblock up ahead. Paul keeps Lea close by his side,
pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend, distracting the officers,
while Louis and Joe sneak by the roadblock on foot. Once across the
border, Paul steals another car and Lea stops him from killing the
driver, who runs to the roadblock and tells the officers what just
happened. This leads to a lengthy car chase, where Joe cracks wise
while the cops chase them, disgusting Lea. Luckily, Louis is a great
driver, which Paul notices (paying him a compliment), as the police
cars behind them get into wrecks (in spectacular fashion). They stop
at a farm to steal another car (Joe says, "Maybe we can steal
one of their tractors!"), but they find the farm empty, no car
to steal. They hide their current car in a barn while Louis tries to
comfort Lea, but she will have none of it, finally realizing that
Louis is just as bad as his two new friends. The quartet, unable to
find a car, travel by foot through the beautiful countryside, hiding
whenever they hear police sirens (The farmer has alerted the
Inspector that someone left a car in his barn). Suddenly, a police
helicopter appears overhead and Paul makes Lea take off her blouse,
jumping on her topless body, making it look like two young lovers
having some afternoon nookie. The ruse works and the copter flies
away, but the look on Louis' face speaks more than any words can
convey (Joe jokingly [?] says, "Maybe he is really going to bang
her!"). Lea is thoroughly disgusted with the trio, especially
Louis for letting this happen to her (during their fake lovemaking
session, we and Louis see Paul fondling Lea's breasts).
Realizing that they haven't eaten in a while, the quartet try to
find something that will satisfy their hunger (Joe says, "I'm so
hungry I could eat a traffic cop!"). Paul discovers a couple of
campers eating and tells his friends that he will ask them for
something to eat and if they won't give it to him, he'll take it by
force. Louis has had enough and points a gun at Paul, telling him
that he and Lea are leaving. Paul tells him to pull the trigger, but
Louis can't, because he is really a good guy at heart (Is he
really?). The quartet then approach the campers, a big Dutchman named
Oberwald (Peter Berling,
one of the screenwriters of the great giallo flick RINGS
OF FEAR - 1978) and his son. When Joe tries to steal some of
their food, Oberwald grabs him by the neck and begins to choke him.
Paul then murders the father and son, shooting them in the back. Joe
is unconscious, so Paul, Louis and Lea leave him behind (some
friends, huh?), where one of the police dogs the Inspector has
following their trail rips Joe's throat out, killing him. Paul, Louis
and Lea meet a forest ranger who has no idea who they are. When the
ranger leads them to civilization, Paul pays him for his kindness by
shooting him in the back (Paul's preferred method of killing, proving
him to be a coward). The Inspector and his men are getting closer to
their prey, as they find the dead body of the ranger, still warm.
Louis steals another car but, before Lea can get in, he takes off
without her, making Paul "proud" of him, yet he still holds
a gun to Louis' head as he drives. Lea sits crying in a public
bathroom, unaware that Louis has just saved her life. As in most of
these Eurocrime films, we know the guilty and even the innocent never
get away, without leaving some scars. Louis, who finally realizes the
deadly spot he is in, drives the car over a bridge, killing himself
and Paul, while Lea continues crying. All the Inspector can do is
sigh at the uselessness of it all, the expression on his face telling
us that he has seen this same thing more times than he cares to
remember. Murder is a coward's way out.
Although nothing spectacular, this is an entertaining potboiler full
of nudity and senseless violence. Director Romolo Guerrieri, who also
gave us the giallo THE
SWEET BODY OF DEBORAH (1968) and the post-apocalypse THE
FINAL EXECUTIONER (1983), gives us enough of the good stuff
to keep our minds off the fact that this film is populated by a bunch
of unlikable people, from the trio to their parents, who are more
worried more about lawsuits than they are for their sons' lives. This
should come as no surprise, since one of the screenwriters is
Fernando Di Leo, director of the brutal SLAUGHTER
HOTEL (1971), the wonderfully violent MANHUNT
(1972), the better-than average Eurocrime flick KIDNAP
SYNDICATE (1975) and the gory MADNESS
(1980), all films populated with unlikable characters
as the main protagonists. There's a reason why Di Leo is called
"King of Eurocrime" and one look at this film will tell you
why. Stefano Patrizi as Paul is a real charmer. Every time he smiles,
someone dies, which makes his character fascinating. Less fascinating
is Benjamin Lev as Joe, who makes a joke out of everything, even his
death. His character is a cliche, which brings this film down a notch
for me. The screenplay was co-written by Nico Ducci, who wrote the
screenplay to director Guerrieri's COVERT
ACTION (1978), but it is easy to see Di Leo did the majority
of the writing, as this film contains his "touch" for the
dramatic. But this is still an interesting film, full of unexpected
deaths, some eye-opening nudity, tense situations and a nihilistic
ending, typical for a '70s Eurocrime film. Not that it's a bad thing
but because it runs opposite to most American crime films of the '70s
(With the exception of, off the top of my head, ELECTRA
GLIDE IN BLUE [1973] and DOG
DAY AFTERNOON [1975]).
Filmed as LIBERI
ARMATI PERICOLOSI ("Free Armed Dangerous"), this
film never had a U.S. theatrical release or legitimate VHS release,
making its first appearance on these shores as a DVD from Raro
Video. This is the first time I was disappointed with a Raro
disc, for two reasons: 1) the print is in 4x3 windowbox, so
when you go to blow-up the image to fill the screen of an HDTV, the
lower line of the English subtitles are cut off and 2) the DVD
sleeve says that there is a .PDF booklet on the disc that gives
background on this film, but it is not there. I Googled the problem,
thinking it was an isolated incident, but it seems the same thing
happened to many people with this disc. I went to Raro's website to
see if they offered the .PDF booklet to people who purchased this
DVD, but they don't. This is not typical for Raro, who usually give
us a physical booklet, but more of their later releases have a .PDF
booklet instead, saving them paper and money. I just wish this film
had one or the other. There is an extra on the disc, though, an
interview with director Romolo Guerrieri, who regales us with info on
making this film and why he changed his name (His last name is
actually "Girolami", but he changed it because he didn't
want people to confuse him with Marino Girolami, a director of genre
films such as DOCTOR
BUTCHER M.D [1980], who used the pseudonym "Frank
Martin"). A nice little extra that almost makes up for what is
missing, almost. No Blu-Ray at the time of this review. Also
featuring the late Venantino
Venantini (SEVEN
DEATHS IN THE CAT'S EYE - 1973), Tom Felleghy (EYEBALL
- 1975), Gloria Piedimonte (NAZI
LOVE CAMP 27 - 1977), Antonio Guidi (THE
KILLER IS ON THE PHONE - 1972) and Luciano Baraghini as the
Inspector's assistant. Not Rated.
YOUNG
WARRIORS (1983) - You gotta love
a film that opens with the following on-screen scrawl: "
This film is dedicated
to King Vidor with deepest appreciation for his invaluable creative assistance",
and then proceeds to show a film that sucks so hard, you'll swear it
was made by a vacuum cleaner salesman. Kevin Carrigan (James Van
Patten) is a frustrated college student who expresses his emotions by
making trippy animated films and hazing fraternity pledges by shaving
their asses, making them sit bare-assed on a block of ice and
attaching bricks to their peckers. His younger sister, Tiffany (April
Dawn), is out on a date with high school senior Roger (Nels Van
Patten), when their car is run off the road by a street gang in a
black van. Roger burns to death in the car, but Tiffany escapes, only
to be gang-raped by the gang (she screams "Mommy!" over and
over). She ends up in a coma at the hospital and eventually dies
while Kevin's policeman father, Lt. Bob Carrigan (Ernest Borgnine),
tells him that there's nothing that the police can do until more
evidence can be found. Kevin, tired of all the red tape, decides to
take the law into his own hands and gets help from friends Fred (Mike
Norris), Jorge (John Alden), Stan (Ed De Stefane) and Scott (Tom Reilly).
They go back to the scene of the car crash and find a matchbook (I
guess the police are sloppy as well as ineffectual) which leads them
to a dive bar in town. It leads nowhere (although the audience is
shown one of the gang members was there when Kevin was questioning
the bartender) and Kevin becomes more frustrated, venting his anger
at a snooty college professor (Dick Shawn). His friends decide that
Kevin is right, the police are worthless, so they band together and
form a vigilante squad. They stop a car robbery, but they end up
arrested, which pisses off Kevin's father and his new partner, Sgt.
John Austin (Richard Roundtree). The Young Warriors begin cruising
the streets, which is noticed by the street gang, who slit Jorge's
throat. They begin cleaning up the streets, collecting guns and other
weapons from the people they beat to a pulp. They become so obsessed
in their roles as crimefighters that they kill three guys who have
kidnapped and raped a girl. The finale finds Kevin and his friends,
now nothing but lawless vigilantes, shooting up the dive bar, killing
the innocent as well as the guilty and losing most of their lives in
the process. Kevin finally wakes up and realizes what he has done and
blows himself up with a hand grenade. I can't begin to describe
how truly awful and banal this film is, but what else would you
expect from director/co-writer Lawrence D. Foldes, who also gave us
the mind-numbing horror film NIGHTSTALKER
(1979) and the similarly-themed action film NIGHTFORCE
(1986). This film is full of scenes that lead nowhere, pointless
dialogue scenes between Kevin and his father and badly-staged action
scenes that are few and far between. This overlong (103 minutes) film
takes forever to get moving, but there are some nude scenes early on
by Linnea Quigley, who plays Ginger, and Anne Lockhart, who plays
Kevin's girlfriend, Lucy. Ernest Borgnine and Richard Roundtree are
wasted in their roles (Borgnine looks totally embarassed and
Roundtree disappears before the film is finished) as is Lynda Day
George, who plays Kevin's mother. The main problem with this film is
there are no real villians to truly hate. The street gang is
basically faceless (none of them are even given names) as are all the
other crooks, rapists and thieves on view. A good action film usually
has at least one bad guy for the audience to hiss at. This one has
none. Director Foldes' only bright spot is showing Kevin's spiral
into depression as a series of his animated films, which get darker
and more alarming as the film progresses. This film also cements the
fact that the only talented Van Patten sibling is Timothy (who is now
an Emmy-winning TV director), as both James and Nels have the
emotional range of a piece of quartz. The violence in this film is
limited mainly to gunshot deaths and one guy gets his foot blown off
with a shotgun blast. Do yourself a favor and pass this one by,
unless you are a masochistic glutton for punishment. Originally known
as THE GRADUATES OF
MALIBU HIGH and released by Cannon Films. An MGM/UA
Home Video Release. Rated R.
THE
ZEBRA KILLER (1973) - Detective
Frank Savage (Austin Stoker) and his partner, Detective Marty Wilson
(Hugh Smith), are called to a crime scene; a house where three women
(two white, one black) are found viciously slashed to death. Also at
the scene is a note left by the killer that cryptically says,
"One Down 13 To Go" and is signed "MAC". One girl
is found alive hiding under a bed, but she is in such bad
shape, it will be at least 24 hours before Savage can question her.
The killer then plants a bomb in the car of a suburban white family
and blows it up, killing Dad, Mom and three young kids, cackling like
a madman as the car is engulfed in flames and the kids scream out in
their last breaths. Savage finds a note nearby that reads "Two
Down 12 To Go". I think you can see where this is heading.
Savage can find no link between the two crime scenes, so he heads to
the hospital to question the woman who survived the first massacre
(The woman, who is black, says to Savage, "Did they pick you
because you are black?" He says to her, "No, baby. They
picked me because I'm good!"). The only thing she can tell
Savage about the killer is that he is black, has a big afro and has a
wicked laugh. After breaking up a fight where a bunch of hookers are
beating up their pimp (played by D'Urville Martin, whp wears the same
zebra pimp suit in William Girdler's SHEBA,
BABY [1975]), Savage and Wilson are called to the scene
where a man had his head caved-in with a sledgehammer, a note painted
near the body that says, "Three Down 11 To Go". A pattern
begins to emerge, as all the murdered people were killed with tools
from their trades. (The three women, who were nurses, were killed
with a scalpel. The family, whose father was a contracter, were
killed with explosives. The most recent murder was a man who was a
construction worker, killed with a sledgehammer.) Another clue turns
up: A synthetic black hair, which means the killer's afro is a wig
and he may not be black after all. We soon find out that is true, as
the killer murders a cleaning woman (he tosses her down a flight of
stairs in her cleaning cart) and is nearly caught by the cops. It
turns out that the killer is a raving white lunatic in blackface
(played by James Pickett) and he calls Savage and gives him a clue:
"November 1971". What could this possibly mean? Savage
better find out quick, because MAC is still on a murder spree. Maybe
this riddle will help: What contains twelve people, a lawyer and a
judge? Yes, it's a trial and all the people being killed served on
one that sent the killer's father to prison (where he was murdered by
other prisoners) and MAC is murdering all those involved in sending
Dad to jail in retribution. Savage better make the connection quick,
as the killer has kidnapped his lady (Valerie Rogers) and the clock
is ticking. This is probably the rarest of director William
Girdler's short output of 70's exploitation films (nine total) before
his life was cut short in 1978 in a helicopter crash while scouting
locations for a film in the Philippines. Made in 1973, just before
his blaxploitation EXORCIST rip-off ABBY
(1974; also
starring
Stoker), but not released until 1975, Girdler at first makes THE
ZEBRA KILLER seem like a racially-charged cop thriller,
having James Pickens (the star of Girdler's THREE
ON A MEATHOOK - 1972) dress in blackface (Pickens pulls it
off) and spewing-out racial epithets, but it becomes clearer as the
film progresses that it's less about race and more about a lunatic
who wants to make it seem like his killings are racially motivated
when they are, in fact, anything but. Austin Stoker (HORROR
HIGH - 1973; ASSAULT ON
PRECINCT 13 - 1976) is good as Detective Savage, who gets
along fine with his new white partner (He says to Marty: "I
don't know how to tell you this, but I really think you're
black!") and doesn't get very upset when his fellow cops use the
word "nigger" (which is a lot). Maybe that's because he's a
pretty lousy cop. Everything he does in this film endangers his
partner, witnesses and fellow cops, like refusing help when he really
needs it; he never calls for backup, even when he really needs it; he
mistakenly shoots at his own partner (not once, but twice in the
film!); and he roughs-up an innocent citizen on the street when he
simply asks him for a match. It's hard to believe that this film
received a PG rating, considering the amount of racially-charged
language, subject matter and violence on display. While the
bloodletting is kept to a minimum (most of the killings are shown
after the fact, although there are bloody bullet squibs every now and
then), the overall tone of this film is dark and relentless, but not
without some humor, such as the scene of the hookers beating the shit
out of their pimp or the appearance of the "city's biggest
pimp", a black midget who steps out of a huge limousine.
While THE ZEBRA KILLER
(also known as COMBAT COPS, THE
GET-MAN and PANIC CITY)
may be an obscure 70's actioner, it doesn't deserve to be. It's
quite entertaining in a way only films from the 70's can be: It's
politically incorrect, contains plenty of "wah-wah" guitar
on the soundtrack and makes you wish films like this were still being
made today. A piece of trivia: Not once is the phrase "Zebra
Killer" mentioned in the film. Filmed in Girdler's hometown of
Louisville, Kentucky. Also starring Charles Kissinger (the star of
Girdler's first film, ASYLUM
OF SATAN [1971], who has appeared in nearly all of Girdler's
films), Tom Brooks, Ruby Brown, Harriet Knox, Mike Clifford and Don
Henderson. I don't believe this ever got an official home video
release in the United States. The print I viewed looks to have come
from a beat-up 16mm print. Rated PG.