HORROR J - Q
JACK
BROOKS: MONSTER SLAYER (2007) -
Fun horror film that relies more on practical effects and very little
CGI, making for a refreshing change of pace. Jack Brooks (Trevor
Matthews; who also co-produced and received a story credit) has
become an angry young man, who easily loses his temper when even
slightly provoked, thanks to a traumatic event that happened when he
was a young boy, where he watched helplessly (and frozen in fear) as
his entire family was slaughtered by a monster while camping in the
woods. Now in his twenties, Jack realizes he needs professional help,
so he goes to a psychiatrist, Dr. Silverstein (Daniel Kash), who
seems to think Jack is beyond psychiatric help. Jack's nagging shrew
of a girlfriend, Eve (Rachel Skarsten), makes him go to night school
to better himself, where science teacher Professor Gordon Crowley
(Robert Englund) takes note that Jack is a plumber and invites him to
his creaky old house in the middle of nowhere to fix his pipes. Jack
ends up screwing-up the plumbing even worse and the increased
pressure in the pipes leads to the unleashing of an ancient evil that
possesses the Professor. Jack needs an outlet to release all his
pent-up anger (Dr. Silverstein offers Jacks several useless
suggestions, including Tai-Chi
and yoga, and Jack's response to him is one of the funniest lines in
the film) and the events of the proceeding days will offer him that
outlet. Professor Crowley discovers a crate buried in his backyard
and digs it up, discovering a bunch of human bones and a beating
human heart inside. Some supernatural force makes the Professor eat
the heart and he begins to slowly transform into some hideous
monster. Jack and the rest of the night school class immediately
notice the Professor's weird behavior (Maybe the Professor
throwing-up on the blackboard was their first clue?), but chalk it up
to his already-strange personality. The Professor begins getting an
insatiable appetite (he eats his own dog!) and starts sprouting
tentacles from his stomach, which he cuts off with a pair of
scissors. Hardware store owner Howard (David Fox) tells Jack the
story of when he was a boy and had to kill his Uncle when he became
possessed by the heart (it's a Japanese demon of some sort). He blew
his Uncle away with a shotgun when he bit off some of Howard's
fingers and then buried him in a crate in the backyard of his Uncle's
house (now the Professor's house), along with the cursed heart. To
make a long story short, the Professor transforms into a
multi-tentacled monster and begins transforming all his night school
students into grotesque monsters. Jack becomes quite adept at killing
these creatures and finally has found his outlet to release all his
pent-up hostility. So, adept, in fact, that he takes this job full
time, first returning to the forest and killing the creature that
killed his family years before and then traveling around the world to
rid it of monsters (the last time we see him, he's fighting a nasty
Cyclops in an African village). Although it takes a while to
get to the actual monster-bashing, first-time feature director Jon
Knautz (who previously directed several horror and sci-fi-themed
shorts, including TEEN MASSACRE
[2004] and the acclaimed STILL LIFE
[2005], which convinced Robert Englund to take the role as the
Professor here) injects a lot of humor and interesting characters
into the screenplay he co-wrote with John Ainslie. Particularly good
are Trevor Matthews as Jack (his scenes with the psychiatrist and
Howard are priceless) and Robert Englund as the Professor. The old
school special effects, which consist of plenty of latex, bladders
and buckets of slime, should make you feel like you are back in the
80's, as they have that comfortable, low-tech feel. Sure, they all
look fake, especially the creature that the professor transforms into
(it looks like Jabba The Hut's cousin), but they are fun to watch,
which makes all the difference in the world when compared to all
those cheap CGI monsterfests made today, especially for the Sci-Fi
Channel. The monsters seem comfortable in their environments, as
opposed to being inserted later on by some computer animator. JACK
BROOKS: MONSTER SLAYER is a nice throwback to the creature
features of yore and I expressly hope that more young filmmakers put
down their computers and start making more movies like this. Well
done, everyone! Also starring Stefanie Drummond, James A. Woods
(excellent here as John, a night school student constantly hitting on
Eve and too stoned to notice that Jack is noticing it, too), Dean
Hawes, Ashley Bryant and Chad Harber, An Anchor
Bay Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
JAWS
OF SATAN (1981) - This film
really makes me wonder how corporate executives operate. Why in the
world would they give Bob Claver, a director of mostly sitcoms on TV,
the directorial reins of what is his only theatrical feature? The
closest thing Claver came to to directing horror on TV is two
episodes of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD
(1979), four episodes of THE
MUNSTERS TODAY (1988 - 1989) and 62 episodes of the mostly
forgotton sci-fi sitcom OUT
OF THIS WORLD (1987 - 1991). I'm not kidding. This R-Rated
atrocity is to horror as asking Jerry Mathers to play "The
Beaver" in a porn parody of his classic 50's & 60's TV
series. I consider this the anti-horror horror film and once United
Artist and MGM (who still owns it) executives looked at the final
product, they knew they had a stinker of the highest order
on their hands (just the name itself plays off the 1975 Steven
Spielberg classic and THE FINAL CONFLICT,
the second sequel to THE OMEN
franchise, which was released the same year, and the plot does
resemble JAWS a lot [a giant
creature terrorizing a town just before a big opening], while using
quotes from the Bible to play-up the supernatural angle), but since
they already had posters printed up for this turd, they gave it a
minimum regional theatrical release in the United States and dumped
it on to foreign territories under the name KING
COBRA (the title the print on this Blu-Ray actually bears)
before giving it a limited VHS release through Wood Knapp. Then
Christina Applegate became a bankable star (she appears in this film
when she was ten years old and spends approximately 5 minutes on
screen, maximum) and MGM re-released it in 1998, but people still
knew a turd smelled like shit no matter what year it was made and the
release was quickly abandoned. What it did do was attract the usual
vultures from eBay and Amazon sellers, who were selling VHS &
DVD-R boots of this film for outrageous prices, not bothering to tell
the buyers that they would smell the delivery in the mail coming a
few days before it reached their mailbox. Hell, it never even had an
official DVD release in the U.S., so that should tell you something
right there. So imagine my surprise when Scream Factory released this
on a double
feature Blu-Ray (with Bert I. Gordon's much more fun EMPIRE
OF THE ANTS - 1977), which made me buy this sucker, because
that is exactly what I am when it comes to watching bad films. And,
boy, is this bad! The film opens up on a train (a multi-car train
with only three people aboard!), where one guy complains about the
barking dogs he is in charge of, while another guy says he has a king
cobra locked in a box and it has been sleeping the entire trip. Or so
he thinks. When the guy goes to another car to check on the dogs,
both doors to the train car lock by themselves and the padlock on the
king cobra's cage opens by itself. Suddenly, the double doors on the
side of the car opens and the guy is thrown out of the speeding train
as if by some supernatural force and then the king cobra comes
face-to-face with its handler (you can plainly see the glass
partition between the guy and the snake, just like Harrison Ford and
the snakes in RAIDERS
OF THE LOST ARK (1981). The king cobra bites its handler on
his face (we never actually see any snake bites in this film, only
the after-effects, and since the film is about snakes, I fail to see
the point as to why this film was made) and the train suddenly stops
on its own (we later find out that the engineer was bitten by a
rattlesnake). The screen then goes black when this suddenly appears:
"And the angel seized the serpent, who is the Devil and Satan,
and bound him for a thousand years...after that he must be loosed for
a little while." REVELATIONS 20: 2,3 (Now just wait a goddamn
minute: Aren't the Devil and Satan the same fallen angel? And how
much time is "a little while"? 24 hours? A week? A month? A
century? Already, I'm more confused than a one-legged man at an
ass-kicking contest.). We then see Father Tom Farrow (Fritz Weaver; CREEPSHOW
- 1983) enjoying his dinner and telling his housekeeper this joke: Q:
"Do you know why a pig is like a saint?" A: "He
gets more praise after he's dead than alive." The housekeeper
reprimands him by saying, "That's not the type of joke one
expects to hear from a priest!" and he apologizes (It seems to
me that Father Farrow (or Fritz Weaver himself) liked his wine a
little too much during this film. My bet is that Weaver knew he was
making a piece of crap and tried to stay inebriated throughout. We
then are at a party thrown by town patriarch Matt Perry (Bob Hannah),
who is celebrating the opening of a dog track in town in a couple of
days. Father Farrow (who is against the dog track because he believes
gambling is a sin) meets Evelyn Downs (Diana Douglas, mother to
actor/producer Michael Douglas, who passed away in July of 2015), a
self-professed witch who passes out when she touches Father Farrow's
cup (Alcohol poisoning? Just kidding.). He walks Evelyn to her car,
where she tells him he is in terrible danger and has a powerful
enemy. She tells Father Farrow that Satan is after him and wants his
soul. Evelyn is positive she is right and deep-down inside, Father
Farrow does, too (But what priest is not the object of Satan's
desires? Isn't that one of Satan's duties?). The train is located and
the snake handler is found barely alive (The engineer bitten by the
rattler will be OK after given a shot of anti-venom). He is brought
to the hospital and looked after by Dr. Maggie Sheridan (Gretchen
Corbett; LET'S
SCARE JESSICA TO DEATH - 1971), who has never seen a snake
bite like this and calls in Father Farrow to give her patient the
Last Rites because he is going to die. She hopes to find out more
about what bit her former patient by the coroner, but all he can do
is show her his body (his face is all swollen, this film's idea of
horror) and tell her that he must have been bitten by a renegade
snake that he has never seen before. Maggie calls in herpetologist
Dr. Paul Hendricks (John Korkes; SYNGENOR
- 1990) to look at the corpse, much to the displeasure of Matt Perry,
who thinks this will disrupt the opening of his dog track (Remind you
of any film?). When Maggie and Paul get to the coroner's office, the
corpse and coroner have disappeared and dollars to donuts you can bet
this is the work of Mayor Thorpe, (Jack Gordan; Matt Perry has his
hand so far up the Mayor's ass, he could use him as a ventriloquist
dummy). Father Farrow gets a phone call from Evelyn, who makes him
promise to stay inside for the night. She has something important to
tell him and she is driving over to talk to him. There is another
deadly snake bite and Paul gets to see this one. Unfortunately, the
victim is Evelyn. Sheriff Tatum (John McCurry) keeps getting phone
calls and reports of snakes all over town (it turns out that the king
cobra is able to control all the snakes in the area) and a
rattlesnake slithers into Maggie's bathtub just as she is about to
take a shower (some quick fleeting nudity in what is probably
Corbett's stand-in). When she steps in the tub, the rattlesnake is
gone, but when she gets into bed, it is there waiting for her. She
calls Paul on the phone to come over ASAP to save her. Paul goes
running down the stairs of the only motel in town (In what is
obviously a mistake, a painting falls off the wall. Everyone who has
stayed in a motel knows that paintings are screwed into the walls so
no one can steal them.) and rushes over to Maggie's house. He pins
the rattlesnake to the wall and blows it's head off with a pistol he
is carrying (Well, the head doesn't exactly blown off as it just take
a bullet hit to the head and dies). Maggie and Paul become lovers
(Anyone surprised by that?) When Father Farrow learns of Evelyn's
death, he is now fully convinced something evil has taken over the
town, especially when he learns she died of a snake bite. He goes to
the Monsignoire (Norman Lloyd; AMITYVILLE
4: THE EVIL ESCAPES - 1989) to voice his concerns. The
Monsignoire is not surprised at all and tells Father Farrow that the
satanic snake is real and Farrow's family is closely involved with
it. He tells Father Farrow that the snake is the reason why his
father committed suicide (Father Farrow never knew that about his
father) and the snake goes after every third generation of Farrows
(Father Farrow is not a third generation Farrow, but the Monsignoire
makes up some supernatural mumbo-jumbo to make it seem like the snake
doesn't care. You'll be scratching your head until it bleeds.). The
Monsignoire tells Father Farrow to be very careful because, "A
priest will make a bright flame in Hell." More and more snake
attacks occur, but the Mayor puts a lid on it with the Press and TV
news, obviously influenced by Matt Perry and the precious opening of
his dog track. Deputy Jack (Larry Jordan) is attacked and killed by
the king cobra while Father Farrow is conducting
Evelyn's
funeral outside. Father Farrow (who loses his crucifix at Evelyn's
grave) and the Monsignoire are chased through the graveyard by the
king cobra (the Monsignoire suffers a fatal heart attack) and Father
Farrow falls into an open grave, but he make a crucifix out a piece
of iron gate and the king cobra disappears. Matt Perry gives Father
Farrow, Maggie and Paul eighteen hours to find and kill the snake. No
matter what, the dog track will open, but he will ruin their careers
just for the hell of it. That night, little Elizabeth Perry
(Christina Applegate) runs outside to retrieve her cat and when she
comes back inside, her mother, Elizabeth (Nancy Priddy), grounds her,
which means she will not be able to go to the dog track opening in
the morning. That doesn't stop her, as she sneaks into the dog track,
only to be bitten by a rattlesnake (again, we don't see the snake
actually bite her). Elizabeth rushes to get her daughter medical
care, while her unfeeling father still wants to open the dog track.
The Mayor finds a chance to grow a set of balls and tells Matt that
the track will not be opening that day and Elizabeth makes Matt stay
behind while she has their daughter taken to the hospital, as
punishment for putting everything else over his family. Paul finds
the king cobra's hiding place in a cavern, but he slips and knocks
himself out when he hits his head on some rocks. Maggie locates Paul
in the cavern and they both find themselves trapped by the snake, but
right in the middle of giving Mass at his church, Father Farrow has a
vision and leaves the church with his congregation looking confused.
Father Farrow heads for the caverns and performs a really quick
exorcism on the snake and it catches on fire. The fight between good
and evil has been fought and good wins out, as the film fades to
black for the end credits with the king cobra on fire. There's
not much positive to say about this abomination, except to say there
are too many "What The Fuck?!?" moments in this film, such
as when Matt Perry hires a biker (Mike Smith) to run Maggie off the
road to rape her (he also sticks a gun in her mouth), only to get
scared off by the king cobra. There is also a shot of a mouse being
killed in a spring trap that serves no purpose in the film. It's
clear that director Bob Claver has no idea what a horror film should
look like because this is a dreary 92 minute affair that has almost
no horror in it. The only thing that can remotely be described as
horror are the looks of the snake handler and Evelyn's faces after
they have been bitten by the cobra. Otherwise, it's just POV of
snakes attacking and a total lack of gore and blood. It also comes as
no surprise that this was screenwriter Gerry Holland and producer
Bill Wilson's only film credit. This film is a failure of the highest
order and if you want to see how not to make a horror film, by all
means watch this. Dean Cundey does give the film a nice polished look
with his cinematography, but like they say, you can put a pretty bow
on an ugly pig, but it will still be an ugly pig. For bad film
fanatics only. I know that I will enjoy the other feature on this
Blu-Ray a helluva lot more than this abortion and I have seen that
one at least a dozen times. The theatrical trailer (the only extra
for this film) contains footage not seen in the film. You will spot
it right away as soon as you see it. Also starring Alene Simmons,
Mary Lyons McEvoy, Bill Gribble, Jamie Lawrence, David Fawcett, Sarah
Wilson and Mark Richards. A Scream
Factory Blu-Ray Release. Rated R, but there is really
nothing so offensive in this film that would make it go past a PG-13.
JEBADIAH'S
AXE (2013) - "Where there
is no property there is no injustice" - John Locke. Why is
it that many b-horror films feel they must start with some obscure
quotation? The film opens with two bankers driving up to Jebadiah's
(Billy Leo; also a Co-Producer and Weapons Stunt Coordinator)
property while he is chopping wood. They tell Jebadiah that his house
and his land are no longer his because he hasn't paid taxes on them
for five years. The county is about to take away everything Jebadiah
calls home (even though he bought everything years ago fair and
square) simply over taxes (I look at it this way: If you buy a
refrigerator or car and pay fully for it, why should you hand over
the county more money for it? And since Jebadiah lives deep in the
forest, why should he have to pay taxes since he is nowhere near
anyone else and interacting with no one? I'm on Jebadiah's side here
on this issue only, especially after the country discovered how banks
screwed people with their balloon mortgages.). Jebadiah now has a
shotgun in his hand and shoots one of the bankers dead when he tells
him that the Sheriff will stop by to throw him off his land. The
other banker runs to his car while Jebadiah yells they will have to
kill him before he leaves. The Sheriff, Dan Norris (John Baran), and
the other banker return (the dead banker is leaning against a tree
with a cardboard "No Trespassing"
sign in his hands), where the Sheriff and Jebadiah get into a
Mexican standoff. Jebadiah shoots the Sheriff in the leg and the
Sheriff shoots Jebadiah in the chest, killing him. The callous
Sheriff makes banker Lou (Rod Hermansen) dig a shallow grave away
from the house and hidden in the woods and bury Jebadiah in it,
saying no one is going to miss him if the grave is deep enough and
the coyotes don't drag him away. The Sheriff also says that they are
within their legal rights to do this (They are not. What about an
autopsy and a death certificate?). The Sheriff also tells Lou that he
should have killed Jebadiah two years ago, when Jebadiah killed his
wife for having an affair with Lou, but he covered everything up for
his friend. In other words, he guilts Lou into doing whatever he
says. We then see four semi-young adults about to buy Jebadiah's land
from real estate agent Dawn (Denise McMillan). Right away the horror
tropes start when they discover that there is no cell phone service
in the area (in this day and age, something I find hard to believe
since they are not even in the woods yet). The foursome equate having
no cell service as the same thing as having no indoor plumbing or
electricity (right away, I wanted to kill them myself). They all head
into town and mention how empty the town is (even though we see
reflections in store windows of plenty of cars and trucks whizzing
by) and head to Luigi's Restaurant to eat and then find Dawn's
office, when a stranger named Charlie (Earl Loveday) tells the
foursome the history of Jebadiah. Rose Melendez (Deborah Funes), one
of the worst actresses I have seen in a while (not to mention her
over-collagened lips), fiance Mike (Kirby Little) and friends Beth
(Sheri Davis) & Todd (Tim Newkirk) will each chip in 25% of the
asking price of Jebadiah's land if they like what they see, the
legend of Jebadiah be damned (I wish Rose would keep her puffy lips
shut for the rest of the movie. Her accent, along with her horrendous
line readings, pull you right out of the film. And she is the star!).
The foursome and Dawn head to Jebadiah's land where Dawn tells them
the locals won't touch the land because they are too afraid of
Jebadiah, even though he has disappeared and no one has seen him for
years. The county took the land and the house and are selling it
cheaply to a bunch of rubes who don't know the real story. After
arriving at their destination, Todd finds Jebadiah's grave within
minutes (I guess the Sheriff and Lou didn't do a good job hiding the
grave!) and Dawn drives away, telling them to meet her back at her
office in thirty minutes because darkness is approaching. Todd is
walking in the woods when Jebadiah appears and plants an axe in
Todd's chest ("Stay off my land!"). Dawn heads to Luigi's
when the foursome don't show up at her office and she tells the
Sheriff about the grave they found there. The visibly worried-looking
Sheriff says he will check it out in the morning and Dawn says she is
heading back to Jebadiah's place because she doesn't want to lose the
sale. Beth finds Todd's dead body and then is strangled by Jebadiah
until she passes out. She is then hung from a tree while Jebadiah
says, "I told you to stay off my land!" Rose and Mike
become worried about their friends when they are late coming back,
and Mike says he is going to look for them, telling Rose to stay
where she is in case they come back. Beth, who is still alive hanging
from the tree, manages to get a small scream off before Jebadiah
plants his axe in her head. The waitress at Luigi's and her cook
boyfriend sneak onto Jebadiah's land for some sex (the only nudity in
the film and it seems this scene was inserted to supply nudity and
increase the small body count, as well as to increase the film's
meager 69 minute running time, barely making it a movie). After sex,
the cook walks into the woods to take a leak, only for his shoulder
to be sliced wide open by Jebadiah's sharp axe. The waitress runs
around the woods screaming in her bra and panties until Jebadiah
catches and kills her. Rose says, "What the hell is going
on?" (It actually sounds like "Vat da hell ist goin'
on?"). She yells out to Mike, "I am lost and I am
ascared!" and Mike yells out not to move. He will find her. The
cook is still alive, crawling on the ground, when Jebadiah finishes
him off. Dawn makes it back to the property and discovers the grave
is now empty. Jebadiah then stabs her several times in the chest with
hedge clippers (She give an award-winning performance on how to die
on camera. Just kidding. She is awful.). While the Sheriff is pulling
Lou out of his house, Mike spots Beth's headless body hanging from
the tree. Jebadiah knocks Mike out and then Rose watches as Jebadiah
plants his axe into Mike's head and then chases her. The Sheriff and
Lou arrive on Jebadiah's property, where they discover the empty
grave and Dawn dead. Rose runs right into the arms of the
Sheriff. He puts six bullets into Jebadiah's chest to no effect and
they all head back to Lou's place. Too many people are involved for
the Sheriff to cover Lou's ass (We see flashbacks of Jebadiah slicing
his wife with a knife over and over after catching her making love to
Lou.). Jebadiah shows up at Lou's house and kills Lou's wife outside,
while Rose sees him through a window. Jebadiah cuts off the Sheriff's
hand and plants his axe into Lou's face, killing them both. He looks
at Rose and says, "Stay off my land!" and walks away. Like
some kind of retarded idiot, Rose heads back to Jebadiah's property
to get some revenge for her friends' deaths. She grabs a chainsaw and
says she wants to cut his "bulls" off, but the chainsaw
refuses to start (Rule of thumb: Make sure your weapon of death
works.). Charlie (Remember him?) throws gasoline on Jebadiah and he
runs into the woods on fire. Charlie tells Rose to forget about her
friends, leave this town and get on with her life. Rose says
"Thanks" and then this obscure quotation appears on screen: "While
seeking revenge, dig two graves - one for yourself." - Douglas Horton.
This barely feature length film is still a slog to get through,
thanks to the acting debut of Deborah Funes, who has an uncanny way
of mispronouncing the simplest of words and probably can't say them
right because of those fat, collagen-filled lips. Why do women think
that look is sexy? It looks like her boyfriend/husband has abused her
by punching her in the mouth. Just by looking at her, it is plain to
see that she had some other plastic surgery done and a woman that
young should learn to love her real looks, because if all she can get
is films like this, she's better off bussing tables. I hate
plastic-looking women. It's getting harder and harder to find a real
untampered-with woman in films like this. This regional Quinlan,
Texas-made horror film (shot in 10 days and it looks it) shows death
mainly by axe (although a couple of other weapons are used) and most
of the deaths are practical, but nothing to write home about. While
we see plenty of blood (mostly after the fact, but Beth's headless
body is the film's standout), we are never really told why and how
Jebadiah was able to rise from his grave. In other words, there are
more questions than answers. Director/screenwriter Jim DeVault also
directed the "Blood Reunion" trilogy, which includes BLOOD
REUNION (2012; you can see a clip of it playing on TV in
this film); BLOOD
REUNION 2: MADELINE (2014) and BLOOD
REUNION 3: HUNTERS (2015), as well as THE
FUN ROOM (2010). Based on this film, don't look for any
reviews of those films from me on this web site. Also starring Gail
Brewer, Greg Vestal, B-Movie Scream Queen Debbie D (she only worked
for two days on this film), Nicole Holt, Kim Visser and Tim Edwards
as the shotgunned banker. An Indie Rights DVD-R Release exclusively
from Amazon. Also available streaming from Amazon Prime. Not Rated.
JENNIFER
(1978) - In this low-budget rip-off of CARRIE
(1976), a poor Southern girl named Jennifer (Lisa Pelikan; GHOULIES
- 1985) is admitted to the prestigious all-girl Green View School on
a scholarship and must put up with verbal and physical abuse by a
clique of snotty, uppercrust
students, led by Sandra Tremayne (Amy Johnston), who calls Jennifer
a "hayseed" and a "hillbilly". As we learned in CARRIE,
you can only push a quiet girl so far before she reacts in strange,
violent ways and Jennifer is no different. When Jennifer was a little
girl, she experienced a traumatic incident in the snake-worshipping
church run by her hyper-religious father, Luke (Jeff Corey; MESSENGER
OF DEATH - 1988). Jennifer was a child prodigy of the church
and people came from miles around to watch her power to control
snakes, but when a snake-handling sermon goes wrong and some
parishioners are bitten and killed, Jennifer vows never to use her
powers again. That won't last very long now that she's attending
Green View. Sandra gets caught cheating on a mid-term test by teacher
Jeffrey Reed (Bert Convy; HANGING
BY A THREAD - 1979), but she tries blaming Jennifer for her
mess. Jeffrey is having none of it and sends Sandra to the
Headmistress, Miss Calley (Nina Foch), who then blackmails Sandra's
rich father, Senator Tremayne (John Gavin), into making a
"donation" to the school to make his daughter's latest
problem go away. It seems Sandra has always been a problem child and
has been kicked-out of several schools for various serious
infractions, so Daddy warns her that if she gets into any more
trouble, he will disown her and send her to live with her
"common" mother. Of course, Sandra blames all her problems
on Jennifer and vows to make her life a living hell. Poor Jennifer,
not only does she have to put up with Sandra's constant harassment,
she also has to go home every night to her alcoholic father, who owns
a pet store and constantly reminds her (using fire and brimstone
sermons) that she should resume her life as a religious
snake-handler. Jennifer joins the school's swim team over her
father's protests ("It's sinful!") and when Sandra tries to
drown her in the pool, Jennifer says enough is enough and uses her
supernatural powers for the first time since the fatal incident as a
child to make snakes materialize and then disappear in Sandra's
locker, scaring the shit out of her. Sandra retaliates by joining
with her boyfriend Dayton (Ray Underwood) in stealing Jennifer
clothes while she is taking a shower in the girls locker room, taking
photos of her in the nude and plastering the photos all over the
school. Jeffrey wants to help Jennifer, but she would rather deal
with it on her own. Sandra continues he
r
harassment, killing Jennifer's favorite cat and having Dayton rape
ex-clique member Jane (Louise Hoven) for siding with Jennifer. Things
take a bad turn when Sandra and her clique kidnap Jennifer out of her
bedroom, put her in the trunk of a car and take her to the top of a
parking garage, where Dayton and his male friends terrorize her by
trying to run her over in their cars. Jennifer snaps and unleashes
her snake powers to deadly effect, where we learn the real extant of
her powers. No one is going to slither out of this mess, except for
Jennifer and new best friend Jane. The parallels to CARRIE
are numerous: A teen with psychic powers with a domineering
uber-religious parent; a shower scene that proves to be embarrassing
to the teen; an understanding teacher who tries to help the much
put-upon teen; a climatic finale where the teen suffers humiliation
in front of her peers, which forces her to unleash her powers to full
effect, resulting in death and destruction; and the title itself,
which is simply the teen's first name. Hell, if director Brice Mack (SWAP
MEET - 1979; ROOSTER:
SPURS OF DEATH - 1983) and screenwriter Kay Cousins Johnson
were any more blatant, I'm sure Stephen King and Brian DePalma would
have a winnable lawsuit on their hands. While JENNIFER
is not a badly made film, it is far too restrained for it's own good.
Besides a brief bit of nudity by Lisa Pelikan and a spot of mild
violence and minimal cursing, this all plays like some subdued 70's
TV movie until the crazy finale, where Jennifer goes bonzo and
creates monster snakes with her mind that bite the cast (the giant
snake in Sandra's car is a hoot) and then simply disappear, leaving
some of the cast dead and others emotionally scarred for life.
Unfortunately, the rest of the film is full of inane teen chatter
(Where the girls argue over who is cuter, John Travolta or Warren
Beatty. They should see them now!), sub-par revenge tactics and very
little snake action. If you are going to make a knock-off of an
established hit, why on Earth would you make a toned-down PG-rated
version of it? It makes no sense. Also starring Wesley Eure, Florida
Friebus, Georganne LaPiere, Sally Pansing, Lesley E. King and Lillian
Randolph. Released on VHS by Vestron
Video and available on DVD
& Blu-Ray from Scorpion
Releasing/Kino Lorber. Rated
PG.
THE
JITTERS (1988) -
For a minute I thought I shit my pants. It turns out the smell was
coming from this film. This is a lame attempt to mix the Chinese
hopping vampire legend ("gyonsii") with American street
gang action. It doesn't work. When Alice (Marilyn Tokuda) sees her
Uncle Lee (Handy Almadja) murdered by a street gang, she quits her
job and decides to take over her uncle's storefront souvenier shop,
much to the displeasure of her boyfriend Mike (Sal Viviano). Tony
Yang Sr. (James Hong) and Jr. (John Quincey Lee) revive Uncle Lee as
a hopping
vampire, and he hops back to his shop where he saves Alice from the
clutches of the street gang. Mike and Alice learn from Yang Sr. &
Jr. that Uncle Lee is just one of a small force of gyonsii, all of
them killed by the street gang and they will remain vampires until
they can get justice and then pass on to the great beyond. The Yangs
are able to control the gyonsii by attaching slips of parchment with
Chinese spells written on them to their foreheads. When the
parchments are removed, they become active. Leech (Doug Silberstein),
the leader of the street gang, sends his goons to steal Uncle Lee's
body and the parchment falls off when they stuff him in a car trunk.
He ends up biting two gang members and hops around the city (even in
daylight) until he ends back at his shop, where Mike and Alice subdue
him with a parchment. Leech and his gang go to Yang's warehouse,
where they kill Yang Sr. and take Alice prisoner. Yang Jr. and Mike
use the small army of gyonsii at their disposal to get their revenge,
but they don't know that the gang has learned how to kill them (with
mirrors) after accidentally killing one of their members that have
turned into a vampire, thanks to Uncle Lee. Everything works out in
the end, though. The gyonsii are able to go on to their great reward
and Alice and Mike live happily ever after. I think I'm going to be
sick. I can't believe how bad this film is. Director/producer
John M. Fasano (ROCK 'N'
ROLL NIGHTMARE - 1987; BLACK
ROSES - 1988) hasn't got a clue how to stage an action scene
(the martial arts fights are horrendous) or how to block a shot. The
film is purposely played as a comedy (at least I think it is), but I
didn't laugh once. I did, on the other hand, groan a bunch of times,
especially when Hong says, "One hour after he bites you, he
wants to bite you again!" or when one of the gang members
proclaims, "I'm terrified beyond the capacity of rational
thought!" I was bored beyond the point of no return. The acting
is very poor, as everyone plays their roles rather broadly and even
old pro James Hong (THE VINEYARD
- 1989) looks ashamed here, like he lost a bet and this was
his punishment. The sound recording is also poor, as some people are
hard to hear and the sound level increases tenfold whenever music
pops up on the soundtrack, forcing you to keep your finger on the
volume control button on your remote. The makeup effects are also
nothing to write home about, except for one transformation scene late
in the film that was done by Steve Wang. This cheapjack rip-off of BIG
TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (1986; also featuring Hong) is a
failure in nearly every department. Also starring Jonathan Goldstein,
Dave Roberts, Jesse D'Angelo, Lana Davies and Clare Pater. A Prism
Entertainment Release. Rated R.
THE
JOHNSONS (1990) -
Due to illegal fertilization experiments, seven baby brothers are
born from one fertilized egg. The baby brothers are called the
Johnsons, named after the doctor who performed the experiments and
delivered them. When they are seven years old, they slaughter 16 kids
in an orphanage, leaving a strange symbol painted in blood on the
walls. The Johnson brothers are then locked in a high security
prison built expressly for them and they never speak and are prone
to fits of extreme violence (they tear apart their doctor). Today is
their 21st birthday. Meanwhile, Emalee (Esmee De La Bretoniere), who
is about to turn 14, is having nightmares about the Johnsons raping
her, even though she has never met or heard of them (her doctor
thinks she is having these nightmares because she has yet to begin
menstruating!). Her mother Victoria (Monique Van De Ven), a nature
photographer (and orphan), takes Emalee with her to the country on a
photo shoot. As fate would have it, they end up not far from where
the Johnsons are being held captive. A college professor of
anthropology (Kenneth Herdigein) is hired by a government agency to
find out what makes the Johnsons behave the way they do. With help
from his old world father, the professor learns that Dr. Johnson once
visited the Mahxitu Indians and stole the fetus of their god
Xangadix. The legend states that Xangadix will bear seven sons who
will impregnate their sister. The birth will result in a creature
that will cause the destruction of mankind. The professor discovers
that Dr. Johnson used DNA from the stolen fetus in his fertilization
experiments and used eggs from a young Victoria while she was at the
orphanage (without her knowledge) to create the seven brothers. That
makes Emalee their sister. The brothers escape their prison (watch
out for the 'head of security' joke) and hunt down Emalee, who has
just begun to menstruate. In the bloody finale, all parties meet at
Victorias apartment building for a blood-soaked showdown. Based
on a story by Roy Frumkes (STREET
TRASH
- 1987), director Rudolf Van Den Berg (THE
COLD LIGHT OF DAY
- 1995) has fashioned an atmospheric, horrific and sometimes gory
(decapitations, a electric knife through the face, head explosions)
film that transcends horror movie cliches. It plays more like a
mystery, letting the clues unravel slowly while the viewer is seduced
by the dream-like images and thoughtful screenplay (by Leon De Winter
and an uncredited Van Den Berg). If you are willing to buy the
premise and ignore some of the inappropriate dubbing of some of the
actors, you will probably really enjoy this cult classic just waiting
to be discovered. This Swedish production is an unusual film, not at
all like most of the crap that is produced in the States that try to
pass themselves off as horror (see the Robert Downey-starrer IN
DREAMS
[1998] for a cringe-inducing experience). THE
JOHNSONS
is available in letterbox format from Anchor
Bay Entertainment on VHS and DVD. Its a great-looking
print, but I would like to see a subtitled version also released. Not
Rated.
JUST
BEFORE DAWN (1980) - In my
opinion, this is the best "terror in the woods" film that
was originated in DELIVERANCE
(1972), which spawned-off excellent films such as RITUALS
(1977) and HUNTER'S BLOOD
(1987) and some mediocre ones like THE
FINAL TERROR (1981) and GOD'S
BLOODY ACRE (1975). There are too many bad ones to mention,
such as DON'T GO IN THE WOODS
(1981). The genre is still going strong today with the WRONG
TURN franchise (2003 - 2014). But, for my money, nothing can
beat JUST BEFORE DAWN,
because it mixes in bloody carnage, a musical score that sends
chills up your spine (by Brad Fiedel; the whistling theme, to me, is
more iconic than FRIDAY THE 13TH's)
and likable characters into one satisfying stew. The film opens up
with hunters Vachel (Charles Bartlett) and his Uncle Ty (Mike Kellin; SLEEPAWAY
CAMP - 1983) stopping at an abandoned church in the middle
of the Oregon forest (filmed on location), with a buck tied to the
hood of their pickup truck. It's obvious Ty is drunk, but he spots
someone looking at them through a hole in the church's roof. He goes
outside to investigate, only to have their truck roll downhill into a
tree and explode. Vachel is inside the church, when suddenly a fat
inbred hillbilly appears before him and runs a machete through his
groin until the blade protrudes out the back of his tailbone (man
that looks painful!). Ty sees the fat hillbilly put on Vachel's
orange vest and hat and runs through the forest to get away. We then
switch to five people traveling in an RV through the Oregon woods:
Warren (Gregg Henry; GUARDIANS
OF THE GALAXY - 2014), his girlfriend Connie (Deborah Benson
- MUTANT ON THE BOUNTY
- 1989), brothers Jonathan (Chris Lemmon, son of Jack Lemmon; WISHMASTER
- 1997) and Daniel (Ralph Seymour; KILLER
PARTY - 1986), and Jonathan's girlfriend Megan (Jamie Rose; PLAYROOM
- 1989). Warren has inherited some property in the Oregon woods and
they are going there to check it out and do some rock climbing while
they are at it (Blondie's "Heart Of Glass" is playing on
the radio while they are talking, even mentioning why all the people
they have seen look alike and making incest jokes). They hit a deer
(but it looks to the audience like it is only the severed head of a
deer) and stop the RV. Warren gets out but cannot spot the deer, so
he lies to Connie and tells her that he saw the deer run away. They
then stop at the outpost of Forest Ranger Roy Mclean (George Kennedy; DEATH
SHIP - 1980) and when Warren tells them where they are
going, Roy says, "Only a fool would do that!", to which
Warren replies, "Well, we have five of them here." When Roy
wants to know their exact location so he can alert authorities to
where they can find their dead bodies, Warren lies to him and says
they are going to Silver Lake. The five friends proceed on with their
trip, when Daniel suddenly thinks he sees someone. They stop the RV
and meet Ty, who tells them that "demons" are after him.
They can smell the booze on his breath and write him off as a local
drunk and refuse to let him travel with them (Jonathan throws some
sandwiches out the window in case he is hungry!) and continue on with
their trip, but the fat inbred hillbilly jumps on the roof of their
RV and takes the ride with them (Ty notices this and begins to laugh,
knowing that he is now safe from the demons). The group travel as far
as the RV can take them and travel the rest of the way by foot, with
the fat hillbilly following them. They set up camp, but Warren and
Jonathan have to go back to the RV when they forget to bring the food
with them. As nightime approaches, Connie, Megan and Daniel become
worried about the other two not being back yet and they are sure
someone is watching them, but Warren and Jonathan come jumping from
out of the dark and scare the shit out of the trio (and tell them
that someone broke into the RV and stole all the food). The next
morning, they hear a girl singing by a pond and approach her, but she
runs away. They then cross a dangerous rope bridge (which Daniel
nearly fall off of) that stretches across a waterfall and, once they
get to the other side, they go down to the base of the waterfall,
where Megan takes a topless swim with Jonathan. She thinks that
Jonathan is fooling around with her underwater, but when she sees
Jonathan at the bank of the pond, she screams in fear because it is
obvious that the fat hillbilly is copping a feel. She gets away, but
Jonathan doesn't believe what she is saying. While they are all
getting drunk at night and dancing while their radio blares loudly,
they are visited by a hillbilly family, led by Pa Logan (Hap Oslund),
who shoots the radio and tells them all to leave because they have
"raised the Devil". Ty makes it to Forest Ranger Joe's
outpost and tells them about the "demons" jumping on the
RV, so Joe jumps on his trusty horse Agatha and goes out to save
them. The singing girl, whose name is Merry Cat Logan (Kati Powell),
the daughter of Pa Logan, comes on to Jonathan and tells him she
liked watching him swim in his underwear the day before. She kisses
Jonathan and runs awy to the rope bridge and hides. Jonathan crosses
the rope bridge, only to have the fat hillbilly meet him at the end,
cut Jonathan's hand with the machete and then cut the rope to the
bridge, making Jonathan fall into the river, but he manages to hold
on to the rope so that he doesn't go over the waterfall. He climbs
the rope on the opposite side, only to meet the fat hillbilly at the
top (How is this possible?), who kicks Jonathan in the face and he
falls into the river below. Daniel and Megan find the abandoned
church and leave it because it has an awful smell. Daniel takes
photos of Megan in the graveyard, but loses his glasses (he need them
to see) and they both think they see Jonathan, so they fake making
out to get Jonathan jealous, only to discover too late that it is the
fat hillbilly, who stabs Daniel in the stomach with the machete and
chases Megan into the church. It is at this time when we find out how
the fat hillbilly can be at two places at once. They are twins! One
kills Megan in the church (he is wearing Daniel's glasses) while the
other one takes photos of the killing with Daniel's camera. While
Connie and Warren are wading at the bottom of the waterfall,
Jonathan's dead body falls at their feet and they now know they are
both in trouble. As nighttime approaches and Daniel and Megan don't
return to camp (they run into the Logan family again and Pa tells
them to get out of here), Daniel has to go back to where they left
Jonathan's dead body to get the RV keys out of his
pocket.
Roy makes it to the Logan family house and asks Pa if he or his
family have seen the five campers. Pa lies and says no, but Merry Cat
stops Joe and tells him she will take them to their camp. It is at
this time we find out that the murderous twins are Merry Cat's
brothers. One of the twins chases Connie up a tree and starts to chop
it down with his machete, while Warren runs into Joe and they head to
the campsite. The murderous brother chops down the tree and Connie
falls down with it. Just as he is about to kill Connie with his
machete, Joe kills him with a few well placed shots from his rifle
(Joe says, "You breed in the family for so long and something is
about to snap."). Not knowing that the dead brother has a twin,
Joe leaves Warren and Connie after telling them to get to the RV and
drive away while he goes and gets some help to retrieve the dead
bodies. When he is gone, the other brother seriously wounds Warren in
the side with his machete and then puts Connie in a bearhug. Connie
has had enough and, in the film's most memorable scene, she sticks
her fist in the brother's mouth and shoves it in up to her elbow (!),
killing the inbred twin brother. Warren and Connie get away after
Merry Cat watches what Connie has done. Beautifully directed by genre
vet Jeff Lieberman (SQUIRM
- 1976; BLUE SUNSHINE -
1977; REMOTE CONTROL -
1987 and SATAN'S
LITTLE HELPER - 2004) and wonderfully acted by a talented
cast (some just beginning their careers [this was the first
theatrical film for Jamie Rose], some in the middle [George Kennedy,
who is still alive at the time of this writing], and some nearing
their end [Mike Kellin would pass away in 1983]), this film hits all
the right notes in making a scary little horror film. While there are
some bloody spots, the film doesn't wallow in gore (makeup effects by
Matthew Mungle) and the screenplay, by Lieberman (as "Gregg
Irving") and Mark Arywitz (his only one), based on a story by
Joseph Middleton (who is actually adult film director/screenwriter
Jonas Middleton; THROUGH
THE LOOKING GLASS - 1976), offers us enough clues (in both
the dialogue and situations) to reveal that the inbred fat hillbilly
is actually twins (watch it for a second time and see and hear for
yourself). If you want to see how an 80's horror film is done right,
mixing in the right amount of human drama, scares and gore, you could
do a lot worse than this one. Also starring John Hunsaker as the
twins and Barbara Spencer as Ma Logan. George Kennedy and Gregg Henry
previously appeared together in the prison drama MEAN
DOG BLUES (1978), which was Henry's film debut. Originally
released uncut on fullscreen VHS
by Paragon Video.
The original widescreen double DVD release by Shriek Show was a cut
version and the missing bloody scenes were offered as extras on the
second disc. Both the DVD
& Blu-Ray offered
by Code Red have the uncut
91-minute R-Rated cut and an uncut 102-minute extended cut meant for
overseas distribution, but stick with the R-Rated cut because the
extended version looks like it was taken from a well-worn 35mm print
that was run through the projector one too many times. Besides, the
extra 11 minutes is nothing but exposition (and edits some scenes
differently) and offers no new blood or gore and the R-Rated version
looks absolutely stunning in high definition anamorphic widescreen. Rated
R.
KEEP
MY GRAVE OPEN (1977)
- I
have always been a big fan of the late Texas-based director S.F.
Brownrigg, the man responsible for such drive-in classics as DON'T
LOOK IN THE BASEMENT
(1973), POOR
WHITE TRASH PART
II
(a.k.a. SCUM
OF THE EARTH -
1974) and DON'T
OPEN THE DOOR!
(1975). He infused his low budget
films with such unusual looking performers that you wonder if they
act that way in real life. Brownrigg's paltrey budgets actually
enhanced his films, giving them a grainy, seedy feel which makes your
skin crawl. In my opinion, he was the master maker of southern trash
films during the 70's. KEEP
MY GRAVE OPEN
is another one of his films which begs to be rediscovered. It's a
psychological horror tale about a series of brutal sword murders that
take place at an isolated farmhouse owned by Leslie Fontaine (Camilla
Carr). She blames the murders on her long-lost husband Kevin, but it
becomes apparent to the viewer that Leslie is two cards short of a
deck. We find out later that Leslie is dressing up as her husband
(who may also be her brother!) due to a traumatic experience she had
long ago on her 16th birthday. She dispatches her unwanted visitors
and hides them in an old car in the barn. When her psychiatrist (Gene
Ross) threatens to commit her, Leslie chews on a combination of pills
and broken glass and dies. In the finale, we see Kevin (Chelsea Ross)
walking out of the house with a shovel in his hands muttering,
"The least you could have done was bury them for me!".
While low on gore and nudity, this film has enough creepiness and
inventive visuals to keep you glued to the tube. What Brownrigg
lacked in finances, he more than made up for in placing his camera in
unusual locations. (i.e. When Leslie imagines Kevin making love to
her, the camera is Kevin's p.o.v.) Camilla Carr is excellent as
Leslie and has appeared in most of Brownrigg's films as well as LOGAN'S
RUN
(1976). The biggest surprise here is an early appearance of
balding actor Stephen Tobolowsky (seen here with a healthy head of
hair), who has also appeared as Bridget Fonda's lecherous boss in SINGLE
WHITE FEMALE
(1990). KEEP
MY GRAVE OPEN
is also available on video as THE
HOUSE WHERE HELL FROZE OVER.
It's a good rental prospect under either title, if just to see
what talent can do with no money. A Unicorn
Video VHS Release. Also available on a double
feature DVD (with BEAST
OF THE YELLOW NIGHT - 1970) from Alpha
Home Entertainment. Rated
R.
KILL,
BABY...KILL! (1966) - A young
woman named Irena Hollander (Mirella Pamphili; MATALO!
- 1970) is seen screaming "No! Noooo!", runs to the top
floor of a building under construction and falls off the top flight
of stairs onto the protruding spikes of an iron fence, three spikes
impaling her torso and exiting out her back. Did she fall or was she
pushed? That's the question that drives this excellent Gothic horror
film, directed by Italy's master of Gothic horror, Mario Bava (BLACK
SUNDAY - 1960; BLACK
SABBATH - 1963; THE
WHIP AND THE BODY - 1963). While Irena's dead body lies
impaled on the spikes, the credits begin and we hear a young girl
laughing, as if she's happy to see Irena dead. We then see a carriage
carrying Dr. Paul Eswai (Giacomo Rossi-Stuart;
Bava's KNIVES OF THE AVENGER
- 1966) arriving at dawn at the outskirts of a small village, as he
watches four men in red hoods quickly carrying the coffin of Irena
Hollander for burial in the village's cemetery. The coachman says to
Paul, "Are you still going into town, Doctor? (Pointing to
the four men in red hoods) You see, that's how one gets greeted
in this village. Death rules here." He then asks Paul for
payment for the carriage ride, telling him he never goes into the
village, the outskirts is as far as he goes, because he is too
frightened to go any further. He only gave Paul a ride to the
outskirts because he needed the money. Paul pays him the money, the
coachman then saying, "This place is cursed, forgotten by God.
Nobody ever comes to this place. Turn back, Doctor, before it's too
late." Paul ignores him, grabs his bags and enters the village
on foot. Paul is about to learn that the coachman was right; he is
about to experience things that medicine cannot explain. As a matter
of fact, things happen that common sense cannot explain. Deadly,
scary things.
While walking in the village, Paul asks a female villager where the
inn is and she points the way and hurriedly walks away. The village
is an ancient decaying mess, as Paul passes a wall adorned with
candles and crucifixes of all sizes, thinking it is strange. As he
comes across the inn, a scary-looking building whose front walls and
stone stairs are covered in a thick layer of green moss, Paul notices
two elderly gentlemen staring at him from an upper floor window of
the inn. When he enters the inn, everyone inside stops what they are
doing and stare at Paul, none of them moving a muscle, as if frozen
in place. Paul tells the Innkeeper (Giuseppe Addobbati; THE
MONSTER OF THE OPERA - 1961/1964) that he is here to see
Inspector Kruger (Piero Lulli; MY
DEAR KILLER - 1972) and the Innkeeper says, "You are
the doctor, aren't you?" Paul shakes his head yes and another
villager says, "In this village, we never liked doctors."
Burgomeister Karl Keirr (Luciano Catenacci, as "Max
Lawrence"; SYNDICATE
SADISTS - 1975) appears and yells to the villager to be
quiet and tells Paul the Inspector has been waiting for him and
escorts him to the Inspector's temporary office in the inn. We then
see Inspector Kruger roughing-up a villager and when he tells the
Inspector he knows nothing about Irene Hollander, the Inspector
screams, "You all have the same answer! Look, you can't fool
me!", grabbing the villager by the lapel of his jacket and
shaking him violently, finishing with, "Why such resistance?
What keeps your tongue tied? Is it fear maybe? Fear from what? Tell
me! From what?" He finds an amulet in the villager's jacket and
throws it to the ground, saying that superstition and ignorance is
what is keeping this village from talking (The villager quickly runs
to the amulet and picks it up, proving the the Inspector is correct
in his assumptions). Paul and Karl then enter the room, the Inspector
telling Paul he has been waiting a while for him to arrive, Paul
saying that he left immediately when the Inspector's message arrived,
but it wasn't easy to get to the village since no one wanted to take
him here. Karl says, "We are isolated from the world here and
nobody ever comes to see us." Paul asks the Inspector if he
lives in this village and he says no, he arrived here a couple of
days ago and he asked Paul to come here for a very serious matter,
showing him a letter written by Irena Hollander, saying she's a woman
who worked as a housekeeper at a villa in this town, the villa of
Baroness Graps. The letter reads, "I can't
resist it anymore. I have decided to talk, to break the cycle of
death, a great burdon to me. Come soon, because this time if feels
like it is my turn. - Irena Hollander"
The Inspector says the letter arrived at the police station, so he
decided to come here to find out what it is all about, but when he
arrived here, Irena Hollander was dead. Paul asks if it was a
homicide and the Inspector says he is not sure, but the villagers
want him to believe Irena's death was due to a curse. The Inspector
tells Paul he will have to decide if it was murder by performing an
autopsy on Irena Hollander's body. The Inspector is certain the
villagers know the truth, but they put up a wall of silence, as if
they are being terrorized by someone or something. He's hoping the
autopsy will lead them to the truth.
When the Inspector learns that the villagers are about to quickly
bury Irena to prevent an autopsy, he and Paul go to the cemetery and
stop two villagers from burying Irena's coffin. The villagers tell
the Inspector and Paul that an autopsy is forbidden; it's against the
law of nature to touch the dead. The Inspector orders them to move
Irena's body into the mortuary next to the cemetery so Paul can
perform an autopsy. Paul tells the Inspector that the law states that
he must have an independent witness, who has medical knowledge, to
watch him perform the autopsy. Until they find one, the autopsy
cannot be performed. Another villager comes into the cemetery to tell
the Inspector that Burgomeister Karl needs to talk to him
immediately, just as he was about to announce the name of Paul's
independent witness, but that will have to wait. When the Inspector
gets back to the inn, Karl tells him he tried to keep all the
witnesses in the inn, but when they heard that he and Paul were going
to the cemetery, they all left at the same time and there was nothing
he could do to stop them. But that's not the reason Karl called him
to the inn. He begs the Inspector to stop the autopsy, because
Irena's body should not be touched. The Inspector accuses Karl of
siding with the villagers, but Karl says no, the villagers won't talk
to him, not because they are hiding something, but out of fear. Karl
says he fears for his life, but somebody needs to reveal the secret
of Villa Graps. He tells the Inspector that he may not believe what
he is about to tell him, saying Irena Hollander's death wasn't an
accident, it was murder, but we don't hear what comes next as......
The film then cuts to Paul in the mortuary, waiting for the
Inspector to arrive, but pretty Monica Schuftan (Erika Blanc; THE
DEVIL'S NIGHTMARE - 1971) walks inside, telling Paul that
the Inspector sent her to witness the autopsy. When Paul asks if she
has medical experience, she says she has never seen an autopsy being
performed, but she's a science student at a German university and
she's the closest thing to a doctor this village has. She also tells
Paul that she was born in this village, but this is the first time
she has been back here since she was a one-year-old toddler. When
sundown comes, we can see a young girl on a swing in the cemetery,
laughing, just outside the mortuary (pay close attention to the
"swing-cam" for an important visual clue). As Paul is
performing the autopsy, he discovers that someone has inserted a coin
into Irena's heart. "Just like the legend", whispers
Monica, but Paul has no idea what she is talking about. "It's an
old legend that has been circulating around here for centuries",
says Monica, continuing with, "It says that only a coin in the
heart would bring peace to those whose lives have ended
violently." We then see a child's hand press up against the
window of the mortuary's front door, but neither Paul or Monica see
it. They are lucky they didn't.
After the autopsy is finished, Paul is unable to determine if
Irena's death was accidental or murder, telling Monica that Inspector
Kruger will have to discover that for himself. He walks Monica home
and it's
obvious Paul has developed romantic feelings for her, but he bids her
a goodnight and begins walking back to the inn to talk to the
Inspector. Suddenly, the two villagers from the cemetery attack Paul
for performing the autopsy. Just when it looks like Paul is about to
lose his life, Ruth (Fabienne Dali; DESERT
COMMANDOS - 1967) appears out of the shadows and tells the
villagers to stop, which they do and run away quickly, as if scared
out of their wits. Ruth also disappears, leaving Paul very confused.
When he gets back to the inn, the Innkeeper's young daughter,
Nadienne (Micaela Esdra; A
BLACK RIBBON FOR DEBORAH - 1974), tells Paul that Inspector
Kruger went to Villa Graps on an emergency, but he left Paul a
note. When Paul asks her when the Inspector will return
Nadienne blurts out, "Nobody ever makes it back from Villa
Graps!" Realizing what she has said, she apologizes to Paul,
saying, "It's not true! I didn't say that! I didn't say
that!", telling Paul to go to his room right away, dinner is
ready. When Paul goes to his room, Nadienne bolts the door and locks
the windows and it's quite obvious by the look on her face that she's
scared to death. She then sees a young girl's pale face staring
at her through a window and she screams, yelling to the girl,
"No! No! No! Not me! I didn't say anything! I didn't say a
thing!" The Innkeeper and his wife, Martha (Franca Dominici),
come running and their daughter asks, "At the window. Did you
see her?" Martha instantly knows what has happened and tells her
husband, "There is no hope!" The Innkeeper says that only
Ruth can help them, so he quickly goes to leave the inn, only to find
Ruth standing outside the front door, saying, "I could feel that
you need me." Just who is Ruth and why are all the villagers
scared of her, that is, unless they need her "special talents"?
Paul reads the note that the Inspector left for him and it reads, "The
Burgomeister revealed things to me that I find unbelievable. I am
heading to Villa Graps to meet the Baroness to inquire about
something important. Join me there as soon as you can. -
Inspector Kruger" Paul
walks down the stairs and hears Ruth saying, "The curse will not
touch you. Calm down girl. It won't happen to you." Paul looks
through a crack in the door and sees Ruth performing some type of
ritual while the Innkeeper and his family stand in the middle of the
room. Ruth tells Nadienne to get undressed after taking strands of
hair from her head, putting the hairs in a smoldering pot. Ruth
begins whipping Nadienne's naked back with a branch from a plant
until her back is bloody, while saying "Stay away! You will not
curse this girl!" Ruth then leaves by the back door and Paul
meets her outside, asking why she performed an exorcism on Nadienne.
Paul believes Ruth can help him solve Irena's death, asking her why
all the people in the village are afraid. "There's a terrible
curse hovering over these people", replies Ruth, continuing
with, "Be careful. You, too, are in danger. Irena Hollander was
thrown to her death." Paul asks, "But by what?" and
Ruth tells him to leave the village immediately, because "those
are things that science cannot explain." She also says to Paul
to tell Inspector Kruger to leave with him, because his life is in
danger, too. Paul then walks to Villa Graps to meet the Inspector,
when Ruth won't tell him the meaning of the coin in the heart. When
Ruth gets home, we discover she and Burgomeister Karl are lovers, but
he's not there for lovemaking, he has brought her another dead
villager and says, "Death rules at Villa Graps." Ruth tells
him it can be stopped only by Death itself and tells Karl to leave
and call a hearse right away. Dirt has to cover the body immediately
before the sun rises. Ruth then cuts the corpse open with a knife and
inserts a coin into its heart. What the hell kind of curse is this?
Paul arrives at Villa Graps and calls out for the Inspector,
but there is no answer. The entire rather large villa seems to be
empty, as Paul searches it room-by-room. He then meets the elderly
Baroness Graps (Giovanna Galletti, as "Giana Vivaldi"; GIRL
IN ROOM 2A - 1973) and she tells Paul that no police
inspector has come here, no one ever comes to Villa Graps willingly.
Paul then hears a faint moaning and before the Baroness slams the
door in his face, she says, "Leave. It's for your own good!"
We then see a visibly scared Baroness Graps sit in a chair and stare
into a mirror, the windows in the room blowing open the curtains, the
wind sounding like a person wailing in pain. The Baroness says,
"Leave me alone!", as the mirror begins distorting her
image and we hear a young girl laughing. As Paul is leaving the
villa, he sees the pale-faced young girl and asks her what her name
is. "Melissa" (played by "Valerio Valeri" but
more on him [yes, you read that right!] later), the young girl says,
as she darts away from Paul. He tries to follow her, but she keeps
disappearing and appearing anywhere she pleases. As Paul tries to
keep up with her, he misses a cobweb-filled portrait of a young girl
hanging on a wall, a plaque on the bottom reading "Melissa
Graps 1880 -1887" But why is Monica having
nightmares about Melissa? Monica meets Paul as he is walking back to
the inn and the village's church bell begins to ring. but the bell's
rope is not moving! When Paul and Monica get to the inn, the
Innkeeper tells them that the wind isn't ringing the church bell,
it's the hatred. "The bell is being moved by the hatred. It's
been that way since Melissa died twenty years ago without a drop of
blood in her", says the Innkeeper. "When Melissa was alive,
she use to hang on the rope of the bell, looking for help." Help
from what?
Paul hears Nadienne moaning and goes to her room, over Martha's
objections, finding Nadienne in bed and in extreme pain. When Paul
examines her, he discovers that her body is wrapped in barb wire!
Martha tells Paul that he doesn't understand, she was just trying to
protect her daughter from evil. The Innkeeper says his daughter is as
good as dead, nothing can save her. Paul tells him to shut up,
calling everyone in the village "madmen", as he removes the
barb wire from Nadienne's body and cleans her wounds. Paul then finds
some notes in the Inspector's room that says all the weirdness in the
village began happening after the death of Melissa Graps twenty years
ago. Paul then finds Inspector Kruger dead in the cemetery, a bullet
hole in his right temple. Was it murder or was it suicide? That
answer comes quickly, as Melissa appears in Nadienne's bedroom and
makes her kill herself by forcing her to impale her throat on a
wall-mounted candle holder. It looks like Melissa made Inspector
Kruger kill himself by making him put a gun to his own head and
forcing him to pull the trigger.
Paul
and Monica confront Burgomeister Karl to find out what he told
Inspector Kruger. Karl tells Monica that the Schuftans never had any
children and they were never her parents. The Schuftans were actually
servants at Villa Graps and they gave Karl a sealed envelope to open
if Monica ever returned to the village. Karl then tells Paul and
Monica that everyone's fate in this village is tied to Villa Graps.
Melissa then confronts Karl and makes him burn the sealed envelope.
She them makes him cut his own throat with a curved blade. Paul and
Monica then become trapped in the Graps Family crypt and they try to
find an alternate way to escape, discovering that the crypt leads
directly to Villa Graps. The Baroness tells them what happened twenty
years ago when her daughter Melissa died. Monica then disappears and
Paul goes looking for her, where Paul begins chasing...himself! Paul
has a freakout scene and wakes up in Ruth's house. Ruth then goes to
Villa Graps and kills the Baroness, but not before the Baroness
impales Ruth in the chest with a fireplace poker. So where is Monica?
I could tell you, but it would spoil your enjoyment of the very weird
finale, but here are a few questions you should ask yourself: How did
Melissa die? What was in the sealed envelope? Who is Monica, really?
Is the ghost of Melissa really killing people? Or is everything tied
to one person in the village?
This horror film is Mario Bava's last Gothic chiller of the 1960's
and it has become a cult item for many obvious reasons. The
screenplay, by Bava and the writing team of Romano Migliorini &
Roberto Natale, who both wrote the screenplays to the Gothic horror
flicks TERROR-CREATURES
FROM THE GRAVE (1965) and BLOODY
PIT OF HORROR (1965), is creepy and goosebump-inducing,
especially when we see Melissa bounce her white ball, which means
someone is about to die. The cinematography, by Bava's longtime
photographer Antonio Rinaldi (who also shot Bava's PLANET
OF THE VAMPIRES - 1965; FIVE
DOLLS FOR AN AUGUST MOON -1970; BARON
BLOOD - 1972, and a few others) is full of many
"Bava-esque" moments, including the aforementioned
"Swing-cam", where we see Melissa's POV as she swings back
and forth, and the camera rotating in a circle as Monica runs down a
spiral staircase in Villa Graps, creating a dizzying effect for the
viewer. If the music score, by Carlo Rustichelli (THE
LONG HAIR OF DEATH - 1964), sounds familiar, it's because
some of the passages were borrowed from Rustichelli's score to Bava's BLOOD
AND BLACK LACE (1964), done this way to save Bava some
money, as funding ran out two weeks into shooting and everyone agreed
to finish the film without being paid (Now that's loyalty!). Bava's
son, Lamberto Bava, who was Assistant Director on
this film (as he was on his father's HATCHET
FOR THE HONEYMOON - 1970, A
BAY OF BLOOD - 1971, LISA
AND THE DEVIL - 1973 and several others) relays the story
(on the Kino Lorber DVD & Blu-Ray) about how his father couldn't
find a young girl with the right look to play Melissa, but he saw a
young boy with the look he wanted, so he slapped a blond wig on him
and credited him under the unisex name "Valerio Valeri"
(not his real name; no one seems to remember what his real name
actually is!) to portray Melissa and it works magnificently, sending
shivers down viewers' spines, never realizing that they are actually
looking at a boy. I could go on and on about how great this film is,
from Bava's use of color to evoke chills (which I consider his
greatest talent), to the acting from everyone involved, but I will
leave that for you to discover. Bava was one of Italy's greatest
genre directors, as he could do anything (I recently watched his
pop-art crime film DANGER: DIABOLIK
[1968] and enjoyed it immensely. Look for a review soon). Once you
watch this film, you will understand why. It is 83 minutes of pure,
unadulterated, terror.
Shot as OPERAZIONE PAURA
("Operation Fear") and also known as CURSE
OF THE DEAD, this film was first released theatrically in
the United States by Europix
Consolidated Corp. in 1967 and then by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer
(MGM) in 1969. Europix then drastically edited the film in the
early-'70s to play in their memorable "Orgy
Of The Living Dead" triple feature, renaming it CURSE
OF THE LIVING DEAD, where it played along with REVENGE
OF THE LIVING DEAD (actually THE
MURDER CLINIC - 1966) and FANGS
OF THE LIVING DEAD (a.k.a. MALENKA
THE VAMPIRE - 1969). It had many VHS releases, mainly by
gray market outfits, like Something Weird Video. The first widescreen
DVD release came in 2000 from VCI
Entertainment (it also had various fullscreen
budget DVD releases in the early '00s), then another DVD
from Anchor Bay Entertainment in 2007 (both long OOP). Kino
Lorber released a beautiful DVD
and Blu-Ray of this title in 2017 as part of their "Mario Bava
Collection" and, unlike most of their Bava releases, this one
contains some very informative extras, including a commentary by Tim
Lucas (who else?), a funny recent interview with Erika Blanc (who is
obviously drunk!) and a 2007 interview with Lamberto Bava, who takes
us on a tour of the locations where this film was shot, revealing
that nothing much has changed since 1966, but the stories he tells
about his father are funny, touching and highly informative. There is
also the alternate German opening title sequence, as well as the
international theatrical trailer (DO NOT watch it before viewing the
film!) and three American TV spots, which I remember with great
fondness. All in all , a nice package at a reasonable price. Not Rated,
but the severely edited CURSE version was Rated PG
when released to theaters.
KILLER
CROCODILE (1989) - Italian
horror film about a pissed-off giant crocodile. A group of ecology
warriors, headed by Kevin (Anthony Crenna; ONE
OF THEM - 2003) and Jennifer (Ann Douglas), charter a boat
and head down river on some unnamed tropical island to check out
reports of illegal dumping polluting the waters. When they find
rusting barrels of radioactive waste leaking into the river, they
beat a hasty retreat to the nearest village, unaware that a
radiation-mutated crocodile is on their trail (We have already
witnessed the croc munching on two fishermen and a female swimmer
earlier in the film). The only law in the village is an elderly white
man called the Judge (Van Johnson; THE
SCORPION WITH TWO TAILS - 1982) and he doesn't seem too
pleased to hear the news about the radioactive waste. He threatens to
arrest them all if they don't leave the village immediately. It's no
surprise to find out that the Judge is being blackmailed by Jim Foley
(Wohrman Williams), the head of a chemical company doing the illegal
dumping, who has some information on the Judge's true identity and
threatens to expose him if he doesn't play ball. Kevin, Jennifer and
the team head back to the dumpsite to collect more evidence and
discover a half-eaten corpse
of a local girl, which they bring back to the village for an
autopsy. The croc pays a brazen visit to the village and nearly eats
a young girl playing on a dock, but is saved by Kevin and crocodile
hunter Joe (Thomas Moore; LIGHT BLAST
- 1985). Kevin and the team set out to capture the croc alive, but
Joe goes out on his own to kill it. Kevin decides to follow Joe, so
he and his team jump in their boat and stay a safe distance behind
Joe, only to have their boat break down in the middle of the jungle.
They are forced to camp out on the banks of the river and the
super-intelligent croc separates the men from the women, dragging
Kevin and the male members into the middle of the river, sinking
their boat and chowing-down on team member Bob (John Harper). Joe
shows up and saves their lives, bringing the rest of the team to the
safety of his home in the middle of nowhere. Kevin quickly changes
his tune about capturing the croc alive and joins forces with Joe,
but they also have to deal with Foley and the Judge, who have placed
explosives at the dumpsite to get rid of the evidence. Again, the
croc proves to be smarter, as it makes a meal out of Foley and the
Judge and then turns it's attention to Kevin, who is armed only with
an outboard engine. The croc is force-fed the spinning propeller of
the outboard and then has it's head blown off when the engine
explodes. Don't worry, folks. A sequel followed the next year
continuing the exploits of Kevin and Joe and their battle with yet
another giant croc. Some guys have all the fun. While not a bad
film when taken in context, KILLER
CROCODILE suffers the same curse most Italian horror films
of this vintage do: Namely, a severe lack of logic. Although capably
directed by Fabrizio De Angelis (DEADLY
IMPACT - 1984; OPERATION
NAM - 1986; KARATE
WARRIOR - 1987), who uses his usual "Larry Ludman"
pseudonym here, the screenplay, by De Angelis and genre vet Dardano
Sacchetti (using the name "David Parker Jr."; THE
RAT MAN - 1987; RAIDERS
OF THE MAGIC IVORY - 1988), contains so many plot holes and
lapses in common sense, you'll wish the crocodile eats the entire
idiotic cast. Thankfully, it does eat a good portion of them and the
full-size mock-up of the croc, created by Italian special effects
master Giannetto De Rossi (who would direct the sequel, KILLER
CROCODILE 2
[1990]) is a thing of beauty and is the best aspect of this film. The
gore is sparse, but effective, and includes torn-apart corpses, limbs ripped-off
and other crocodile carnage. One has to wonder why an old-time movie
star like Van Johnson (who passed away in late 2008) would agree to
appear in this, but he does give it his all, including falling into
the dirty river water and becoming croc bait. All in all, it's not a
bad little time-waster, as long as you don't mind stupid people doing
idiotic things and some hilarious dubbed dialogue (Joe calls the croc
an "overgrown polliwog" and Kevin asks,
"Polliwog?" to which Joe replies, "Crocodiles are very
sensitive. They really get mad when you insult them!"). Also
starring Sherrie Rose (CY
WARRIOR: SPECIAL COMBAT UNIT - 1989), Julian Hampton and Gray
Jordan. Never legitimately available on home video in the U.S., this
review is based on the widescreen English language DVD from German
label X-Rated. Not Rated. UPDATE:
Now available on DVD
& Blu-Ray from Severin
Films.
KILLER
MERMAID (2014) - One big
complaint: When the title of the film reveals the film's main twist,
I have a problem with it. This film was released under the title NYMPH
in most other countries, which keeps the mystery of the film intact.
Now a couple of small complaints: 1): I almost didn't buy this DVD
because one of the blurbs on the front cover of the DVD said "I
KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER meets SPLASH!"
Since that blurb is attributed to genre website DreadCentral, all I
can say after watching the film is the person who wrote the blurb was
either drunk or stoned or he took one throw-away line in the film and
thought he was being creative. He was not. The film has nothing to do
with either film except for peripheral elements. And I don't remember
Daryl Hannah's mermaid character eating anyone. 2): I'm also very
wary when the DVD sleeve mentions that the film was an "official
selection" at a half-dozen film festivals I never heard of
before ("The Grossmann Fantastic Film & Wine Festival"?
Are you kidding me?), but still didn't win one award. Don't get me
wrong, this film is very entertaining, but there is hype and then
there's HYPE. This is a Serbia/Montenegro co-production (How many
times have you heard that? Me
neither, but everyone speaks English.) that opens with a quote from
Hermen Melville's "Moby Dick", where we see a young couple
at sexual play on the beach of Rose, Montenegro (filmed on location).
Sergei (Janko Cekic) is suddenly pulled under the water and his
topless girlfriend Ana (Jelena Rakocevic) has a spike driven through
her neck on the beach from some unknown person. Two young American
female tourists, Kelly (Kristina Klebe; also an Associate Producer)
and Lucy (Natalie Burn) are taking a vacation to the beautiful
coastal town of Rose, where Lucy plans on meeting her college
sweetheart from seven years ago, Alex (Slobodan Stefanovic), to catch
up and do some partying. Lucy is somewhat disappointed to see that
Alex has a girlfriend, Yasmin (Sofija Rajovic), who gives Lucy the
cold shoulder. Alex has their vacation all planned out, which
includes partying on a boat and doing some sight-seeing, including a
deserted Army base on a nearby island that was used as a submarine
dock during World War II. But first they have a pre-party at Alex's
house, where Lucy sees fisherman Niko (European legend Franco Nero; REDNECK
- 1973; DAY OF THE COBRA
- 1980; ENTER THE NINJA
- 1981) giving her the old stinkeye and Kelly jokingly says, "I
think he knows everything you did last Summer!" (Hence the
DreadCentral blurb). Kelly doesn't like the water since her sister
drowned years ago (Lucy says to Alex, "I don't think I have ever
seen her in the water.") and it is quite obvious that the flame
is rekindling between Lucy and Alex, since Alex noticed that Yasmin
treated Lucy like a bitch a short time earlier and didn't like what
he saw. We then see someone with a gaffer's hook killing a young guy
on the dock. What does one thing have to do with the other? Patience,
my dear readers. The next morning, Alex and the gang use his boat
(it's a very nice boat) to go sightseeing and take a look at the old
Army base (it is apparent that Kelly is nervous being on a boat),
which was built when the country was known as Yugoslavia. They meet
Yasmin's friend Boban (Dragan Micanovic), who Alex doesn't care for
since he's a little too handy with Yasmin. Once back at shore, Boban
suggests that everyone should actually go to the deserted military
base tomorrow to party, but when Niko hears Boban say that, he warns
everyone not to go there, since he lost six good men there a long
time ago and he can still hear their screams. He also believes
something evil surrounds that base and advises them, "Just go
somewhere else." Of course, since this is a horror film, they
ignore Niko's advice and take the boat there the next morning, but
they cannot dock because the island is surrounded by jagged rocks, so
they must swim about 20 yards to get to shore. This worries Kelly,
but Boban lets her hold him tight while he swims to shore (and a
little romantic heat happens between the two). Since they are on an
unoccupied island, there is no cell phone service and they all see an
imposing stranger (Miodrag Krstovic; billed in the credits as
"The Guardian") dropping bloody human parts from a metal
pail into a well. When The Guardian leaves, Lucy takes a photo down
the well and a woman shows up on her camera phone, but The Guardian
spots them and begins to fire his shotgun their way. They run to the
boat, only to find it gone, so Boban tries to grab the shotgun away
from The Guardian, only to get seriously cut on the leg with a knife.
Boban tells everyone else to run away, while he plays a cat-and-mouse
game with The Guardian. Boban avoids him and rejoins Kelly and
Yasmin, but they have lost track of Lucy and Alex. Alex hears
strange, beautiful singing (the women can't hear it) and he becomes
obsessed with meeting the woman in the well (He is so obsessed, he
tells Lucy, "Get out of here, bitch!"). Boban and the other
two girls discover a room with a bloody bathtub in the middle and the
walls are plastered with newspaper articles of missing people dating
back to World War II. They also find an old photo of The Guardian
with Niko and they are both wearing military uniforms. Lucy joins the
rest of the group and she tells them that Alex has found the mystery
woman, so they go off to find him, not noticing that The Guardian has
grabbed Yasmin, killed her with the gaffer's hook, put her in the
bathtub and begins to decapitate her with an axe (It takes him at
least ten swings with the axe to remove her head from her body, which
impressed me, because it is virtually impossible to decapitate a
person with a single swing of an axe, like you see in a lot of horror
films. The neck contains a lot of tough muscles.). When Boban and the
two American girls backtrack to find Yasmin, they see The Guardian
hack off her head and throw it on the floor. Boban hears the
beautiful singing and becomes obsessed in finding out where it is
coming from and it takes a slap in the face by Kelly to snap him out
of it. They discover that the beautiful woman they saw in the well is
actually a mermaid (it comes as no surprise considering the give-away
title of the film), as Boban fights for his life against The
Guardian. Lucy and Kelly then spot Alex's headless body floating in
the water, while the beautiful mermaid (Zorana Kostic Obradovic)
transforms into a hideous creature (Mina Sablic). Lucy falls in the
water and is killed by the creature, while Boban has one of his hands
impaled by the gaffer's hook, but he plants the axe into The
Guardian's back and kills him. Or so he thinks. The mermaid lets out
a god-awful scream, which brings The Guardian back to life (she needs
someone to feed her human bodies when she can't find them herself)
and he chases Boban and Kelly through the bunker's labyrinth of
narrow tunnels and they barely escape with their lives by making it
through a metal door that leads outside. Niko is on the other side of
the door and he tells them to get in his rowboat if they want to
live. It turns out that Niko is
the
hero if this movie, as he tells the story of the killer mermaid
while he rows back to the mainland. It turns out this mermaid is
actually one of the "Sirens" of Greek mythology (Niko says
the legend got one of the islands wrong, because the island that the
bunker was built on is one of the three islands occupied by a
Siren.). He and his men discovered the mermaid when they were
building the base in the 1940's, but his six friends were murdered by
the mermaid and The Guardian once use to be his friend until the
mermaid took him over and made him her slave. His ex-friend then
began killing tourists and residents to feed the Siren's hunger (I
mean, how could you tell the authorities such an outrageous story
without being thrown in a mental institution?). While Niko is just a
few yards from the mainland, the mermaid attacks, knocks Boban off
the boat and drags him down the water to his doom. Niko impales the
mermaid with a speargun with a line attached to it while Kelly gets
over her fear of the water, jumps in and tows the boat to shore. The
mermaid then appears again and Kelly pulls the speargun line and
drags her to shore away from the water, while Niko throws a net
around her so she can't crawl back into the water. Nico nearly falls
under the mermaid's spell when she starts to sing, but Kelly snaps
him out of it (she should take a job where all she does is slap men
in the face) and Niko stabs her to death with a multi-pronged fishing
spear. The Guardian holds his dead mermaid's body in his arms, when
Niko realizes that the Siren's two sisters are leaving their islands
thousands of miles away to come to Rose for retribution. Nico knows
that everyone in the beautiful seaside village will soon meet their
doom, so he creates the first victim by impaling The Guardian's head
with the gaffer's hook and then just waits for the inevitable to
happen. The film ends on this ominous note, but who knows, maybe
there will be a sequel? Director Milan Todorovic, who
co-directed the film ZONE OF
THE DEAD (2009) with this film's co-screenwriter Milan
Konjevic (Barry Keating was the other co-screenwriter and this was
his very first film), based this film on the Greek mythology of The
Sirens (The number of Sirens varies from story to story), which was
made popular in Homer's epic story "The Odyssey" and they
can be seen in the film THE
7TH VOYAGE OF SINBAD
(1958), where the Sirens' yells force Sinbad's mutinous crew to crash
their boats. While this film plays fast and loose with the mythology,
there is plenty of topless nudity (the very first shot is of a
topless woman), girls in bikinis and bloody gore to keep your eyes
occupied. Besides, you get to see Franco Nero in a horror film (it's
not just a cameo) and, except him and the two American actresses,
nearly everyone's last names end with an "ic", although
they all speak perfectly understandable English. The on-location
photography and the real deserted Army base add immensely to the
atmosphere. Nothing spectacular, but a good way to spend 96 minutes.
The mermaid and creature scenes are a combination of physical and
very good CGI effects, otherwise all the other gore is done
physically. Partially financed by internet crowdfunding. Also
starring Miki Peric, Milena Predic, Slobodan Jocic (Two
"Slobodans" in one movie?) and Zoran Culibrk. An Epic
Pictures DVD Release. Unrated.
KILLER'S
MOON (1978) - It's time to
dust off and revisit that old chestnut plot device of psychos
escaping from confinement and terrorizing innocent people (i.e. DELINQUENT
SCHOOLGIRLS
- 1974; ALONE IN THE DARK
- 1982). This British film finds four psychopathic criminals escaping
from a psychiatric hospital where they were under experimental
"dream therapy", or as their psychiatrist explains to a
concerned Government Minister, these criminals are now walking around
freely believing they are in a dream (The Minister tells the
psychiatrist, "My God! In my dreams, I murder freely, pillage,
loot and rape!", to which the surprised psychiatrist responds,
"You do?"). The escaped loonies come straight out of
Central Casting: A mass murderer; a rapist; a homosexual; and a
religious fanatic who believes everyone is in league with the Devil
and must be "obliterated". As the four crazies roam the
rural countryside (one of them cuts off the leg off some poor doberman
pincher), a busload of young schoolgirls on their way to a music
competition are stranded in the same area when their bus breaks down
and they are forced to take refuge in a secluded hotel that is closed
for repairs. The killings start when the bus driver has an axe
planted in his neck as he walks through the woods after escorting the
girls and their two dowager chaperones to the hotel. After cutting
the phone lines, the four psychos begin killing the occupants of the
hotel (one of them also cuts the tail off some poor cat), while
visiting campers Pete (Anthony Forrest) and Mike (Tom Marshall),
along with local girl Julie (Jayne Hayden) and schoolgirl Agatha
(Georgina Kean) try to get help. Thinking that all this is a shared
dream, the psychos begin raping the schoolgirls, killing the
chaperones and terrorizing the other schoolgirls who have locked
themselves in their rooms. The psychos threaten to kill classmate
Mary (Jo-Anne Good) if the other girls don't unlock their doors and
come out. The girls relent and then are forced to, God forbid, cook
for them. After having a close call with one of the loonies, Pete is
able to smuggle two girls out of the hotel, but one of them is choked
to death while trying to get away. The finale finds the remaining
schoolgirls (and the three-legged dog) turning on their attackers. It
also seems that the psychos didn't pick this hotel at random, as one
of them has a connection to it and the secret is located in a room in
the basement. This is strictly by-the-numbers horror film
stuff, directed/scripted/co-produced without much imagination by Alan
Birkinshaw (INVADERS
OF THE LOST GOLD - 1981; MASQUE
OF THE RED DEATH - 1989). I'm sure Birkinshaw's idea was to
make this film a black comedy, but the broad overacting by the
quartet of actors playing the psychos (David Jackson, Nigel Gregory,
Paul Rattee and Peter Spraggen) just make the whole film seem rather
silly and not very funny or frightening. While I will admit that the
idea of the psychos believing that they are in a dream sounded
intriguing, Birkinshaw's script fails to deliver on the premise more
often than not. The closest it comes to hitting the mark is when one
of the inmates stops another from killing one of the schoolgirls by
remarking, "What if it's one of the nurses and we're still in
the hospital?", or another one questioning whether he should
have chosen Britain's National Health Care by saying, "I should
have gone private!" Most of the time, though, they just say
innoculous crap like, "I'm confused. Am I in your dream or are
you in mine?". Birkinshaw does throw in a lot of nudity by the
young cast (although it is rather obvious they are too old to be
schoolgirls), some pretty decent gore (a throat slashing, an axe
murder, a sickle attack) and I liked the scene of the three-legged
dog (played by a real three-legged dog) getting even on it's attacker
by ripping out his throat, but nearly 80% of the film is a
languidly-paced talky horror flick with not much to recommend. I can
only surmise that Birkinshaw was trying to make a horror film in the
vein of director Pete Walker (FRIGHTMARE
- 1974; THE COMEBACK
- 1977), but only Pete Walker can pull off that blend of biting wit
and extreme horror. KILLER'S MOON
isn't a total failure, it just could have been a whole lot better.
Also starring Alison Elliott, Lisa Vanderpump, Debbie Martyn,
Christina Jones, Jean Reeve, Elizabeth Counsell, Hilda Braid and
Chubby Cates as the unfortunate bus driver. A CIC Video (VHS)
Release. Also available on widescreen DVD from Redemption Films. Not
Rated.
THE
KILLER SNAKES (1974) - This sick
and sadistic Hong Kong horror film is certainly an eye-opener, if
only for the way it depicts sex as acts of violence. The story is
about Zhihong (Kan Kuo Liang, aka "Kurt Lang"), a sexual
deviant-in-the-making, whose only real friends are snakes and
lizards. Ever since he was a young boy, Zhihong has associated sex
with pain, thanks to his whore mother, who could only reach
orgasm if she was whipped or beaten. Now a grown man, Zhihong is a
loner who gets picked on by nearly everyone he meets and he
masturbates to bondage photos he has taped to walls of the shack he
lives in. He gets a job as a delivery boy at a restaurant and one day
an injured cobra appears in his room. The snake's gall bladder has
been removed (the liquid in the bladders are considered a sexual
delicacy), so Zhihong stitches him up and nurses him back to health.
They become friends, Zhihong names him "Xiaobiao" (I'm sure
that has some significance in Chinese) and, pretty soon, more injured
snakes and lizards visit Zhihong to be healed. It's not long before
Zhihong has an army of reptiles at his disposal, willing to do
anything he commands. Zhihong is repeatedly attacked and humiliated
by street thugs and prostitutes (One street gang strips him naked and
steals all his money he had hidden in his sneaker) and he is getting
sick and tired of it, so he decides to use the snakes as tools of
revenge. When he visits a whorehouse, a hooker and some street toughs
follow him out of the whorehouse and try to steal his money, but
Xiaobiao is hidden in his pocket. The cobra bites and kills all the
guys and Zhihong brings the unconscious hooker back to his shack,
ties her up, has bondage sex with her and then (in a scene sure to
make even the most jaded viewer squirm) lets a snake crawl up her
vagina while other snakes sink their fangs into her naked body, with
Zhihong screaming, "Bite her!" over and over. The next to
suffer the wrath of the snakes is Zhihong's bullying boss, who is
always docking his pay for inconsequential things. Zhihong then
brings a masochistic prostitute back to his shack, ties her up (a
recurring theme), beats her and then lets some giant lizards make a
meal out of her. After seeing his only human friend turn into a
prostitute and a drug addict, Zhihong does the only thing his twisted
mind will allow him to do. After one more bit of bloody revenge,
Zhihong decides that all his slithery friends are better off dead, so
he puts them in cardboard boxes, douses them in gasoline and sets
them aflame. Bad move. He should have realized that snakes are
resiliant creatures and don't like to be double-crossed. They pay
Zhihong a final visit and the last time we see him, he's covered from
head-to-toe in live snake and lizardwear. Insert screams here.
This sexually-charged WILLARD
(1971) rip-off (a Shaw Brothers Production) is truly an endurance
test for those who are squeamish about snakes or real-life animal
slaughter (the film opens up with real footage of gall bladders being
removed from
snakes). That's not the most gruesome detail about this film, though.
Director Kuei Chi Hung (THE
BAMBOO HOUSE OF DOLLS - 1973, KILLERS
ON WHEELS - 1976, THE
IRON DRAGON STRIKES BACK - 1979; THE
BOXER'S OMEN - 1983) and screenwriter I. Kuang depict sex as
a dirty, unnatural and painful act, especially through the eyes and
imagination of the emotionally-scarred Zhihong. Although there is
plenty of nudity and sex shown (much more than most Hong Kong
features at the time), nearly every time it is depicted, someone is
getting humiliated, hurt or killed. There are very few likable
characters here; even the much put-upon Zhihong is shown to be a
sexual deviant who can't ejaculate without fantasizing about women
being tied-up or beaten. When he visits the whorehouse, his entire
time of having sex with the hooker is about thirty seconds shy of a
minute. He spends much more time with her once she is bound-up with
rope in his shack. The closest thing to a sympathetic character here
is the female Xiujuan, who actually feels sorry for Zhihong. He blows
it with her when she catches him masturbating to bondage photos in a
magazine. After he is caught, the only thing he can do is commit
violence, so he destroys her cart where she sold toys on the street.
When her father dies, she is forced to become a hooker and,
eventually, a drug addict to pay her family's bills. She ends up
getting anally raped by a man in a hotel room and when Zhihong sees
her naked and passed out on the bed (he's a peeping tom, too), he
breaks a window, enters her room and has Xiaobiao bite her because
she's "better off dead than being a prostitute". A pretty
grim take on life brought on, no doubt, by his upbringing. It's
apparent that during the many snake attack scenes (the best being the
attack on Xiujuan's rapist, where many real snakes are cut in half
with a sword) that people were actually bitten, making this both a
physically and psychologically graphic experience. This is grim
stuff, so forget about a feel-good experience here. When THE
KILLER SNAKES was released to theaters in the United States,
it was slapped with an X rating. For those of you that have only seen
this on the scratchy, English-dubbed widescreen print from Something
Weird Video, I would advise that you purchase the pristine
English-subtitled widescreen DVD from Celestial Pictures/Image
Entertainment. It's worth the purchase. Also starring Li Lin Lin,
Chen Chun, Lin Feng, Ko Ti Hua and Liu Hui Yu. A Celestial
Pictures/Image Entertainment
Release. Not Rated.
KILLING
SPREE (1987) - Ultra-cheap
Florida-lensed horror film about a delusional man (the hilariously-monikered
Asbestos Felt) who believes his wife (Courtney Lercara) is having an
affair with every man in town after reading what he thinks is her
diary but is actually a rough draft of fictional stories she is
selling to a romance magazine. The film is merely an excuse to
showcase various gore effects as hubby disposes of wifey's supposed
suitors in bloody ways. His best friend (Raymond Carbone) is beaten
to death with his girlfriend's severed head. A TV repairman has his
guts ripped out with a chainsaw and is then electrocuted by having
his intestines attached to live wires. A deliveryman has a
screwdriver thrusted in his cranium and is burned in a metal drum.
The gardener is buried in the ground and has his fingers cut off with
a lawnmower. An electrician has the top of his head lopped off by a
ceiling fan fitted with machetes. In the film's coup-de-grace,
Asbestos removes a nosey neighbor's lower jaw by planting a claw
hammer under her chin. Things get downright surreal when all of the
victims return from the dead and demand that Asbestos kill his wife
(they determine that if she hadn't written those stories they would
still be alive!). Asbestos instead decides to slit his own throat
with a hacksaw. Director Tim Ritter, who also wrote and directed (as
"Yale Wilson") the similarly-themed TRUTH
OR DARE?: A CRITICAL MADNESS
(1986), directed it's sequel WICKED
GAMES
(1994) and the rest of the TRUTH
OR DARE franchise,
as well as DAY OF THE REAPER
(1984; Ritter's first full-length feature film), TWISTED
ILLUSIONS (1985; co-directed with Joel D. Wynkoop), CREEP
(1995) and many others, tries hard to do something different here but
budgetary restrictions severely limit any appeal it might of had when
it was written on paper. The acting is semi-pro but not spectacular
and the effects are only so-so (although the lower jaw gag is a
hoot). The only unintentional appeal to be found in this film is
spotting how many ways Asbestos can contort his bushy beard and
moustache. I wanted to grab the pruning shears and give him a trim.
Available on budget VHS & DVD from Eden Entertainment (long OOP).
Also available on DVD from Camp
Motion Pictures and on a limited edition VHS, DVD & Blu-Ray
from Sub Rosa Video. Not
Rated.
KNOCKING
ON DEATH'S DOOR (1998) - A
newlywed couple, Brad (Brian Bloom), a parapsychologist, and Danielle
(Kimberly Rowe), a medium, are sent to check out a haunted house by
their devious boss, Professor Ballard (musician John Doe). As soon as
they move in, Brad is knocked unconscious by a flying lamp while a
fireplace poker sails through the air, the room turns cold and
candles blow out by themselves. The next day, they set up their
scientific instruments and for a month they experience no paranormal
activity. When they go for a night out on the town, things go badly.
A guy in a bar hits on Danielle and the extremely jealous Brad (who
doesn't trust his new wife since he caught her having an affair with
Professor Ballard shortly before they were married) decks the guy
with a beer bottle to the head. When they get home and argue,
Danielle passes out and later goes to town sawbones Doc Hadley (David
Carradine), who shows an unusual interest into why she and her
husband have moved into the "Sunset Place". Doc Hadley also
informs Danielle
that she is pregnant. Danielle tries to contact the spirit that is
haunting the house and it reveals itself to be "Samuel" (it
writes it's name in chalk on the basement floor). Danielle thinks
that two spirits are haunting the house and one of them is very
unfriendly (it tries to kill Bard by dropping a grandfather clock on
him, just as he's about to get busy with his wife). Both Brad and
Danielle come to the conclusion that one spirit seems to reveal
itself when sex or anger is involved and Brad seems to be the one
that gets hurt when he argues or tries to have sex with Danielle.
Brad thinks that Samuel wants Danielle for himself. The problem is
that there are two Samuels haunting this house: Samuel Sr. (Michael
McCabe), who died in a car fire, and his son, Samuel Jr. (Brian
Glanney), whose death is a mystery. Danielle must unlock the mystery
and lay Samuel Jr. to rest by finding out where his murderer buried
him. When Doc Hadley reveals his true identity (he was the illicit
lover of Samuel Jr.'s mother, who was responsible for both Samuel Sr.
& Jr.'s deaths), he tries killing Danielle, but Samuel Jr. comes
to both Brad and Danielle's aide and kills Doc Hadley in a fiery car
crash. Add one part THE
LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE (1973), mix in some themes from THE
DEAD ZONE (1984), sprinkle in a murder mystery and toss in
some sex scenes and what you get is a pretty ordinary, if somewhat
atmospheric, haunted house thriller with a few creepy scenes.
Director Mitch Marcus, who also made another haunted house film right
after this one (THE
HAUNTING OF HELL HOUSE) using the same sets and locations
(filmed in Ireland), gives us a couple of goosebump-inducing scenes
(Danielle playing "London Bridge Is Falling Down" on the
piano and discovering the ghost of Samuel Jr. is sitting beside her
when she looks in the mirror; The seance where Samuel Sr. comes out
of the wall in a flash of bright light and hovers near Danielle's
face), but much of the film seems like filler and there's some
unnecessarily sloppy plot holes (script by Craig J. Nevius) that
deters the viewer from truly enjoying this (The major one being why
Brad would work for such an asshole lech like Professor Ballard, when
it's plain to see he still has the hots for his wife). While this is
not a violent or bloody film (there's an axe murder in the beginning
prologue, but nothing too graphic afterward), it does have it's share
of chills (thanks mainly to Brian Glanney's creepy sudden appearances
as Samuel Jr.) and some welcome nudity from Kimberly Rowe (some of it
looks to have been done by a body double). Too bad there's not enough
meat in the plot to sustain it. That, and Brian Bloom tries way too
hard playing the jealous husband. Half the time I thought he was
possessed by a spirit, when he actually wasn't. Made for Executive
Producer Roger Corman's New Concorde Productions, but it's not as
cheap looking as most of Corman's productions at the time, thanks to
the on-location photography. Also starring Brendan Costello, Stella
Freehilly, Stuart Dunne, Freda Hand, Caroline Rothwell and a cameo by
William Hickey (his last film). A New Horizons Home Video Release. Rated
R.
KNOCK
KNOCK (2006) - "Knock,
knock." "Who's there?" "Pound through the
door." "Pound through the door who?" "Pound
through the door and rip your head off, you Catholic bastard!"
There, I've just given you the basic plot of this very uneven, but
gory, slasher film. Someone is killing members of the Glass County
High football team, including members of the cheerleading squad. The
first one to die is Jerome Peters (Damion Lee). There is a knock at
his mother's door and when she opens it, she finds Jerome dead,
pinned to the door like Christ on the cross, with icepicks sticking
through his mouth arms and chest (I'm detecting some Catholic guilt
going on here). Detective Billie Vega (Kim Taggart) is assigned to
the case and has a run-in with Mike (Antonio Mastrantonio), an ex-cop
who has returned to town to try and reconnect with his granddaughter,
Nikki Reynolds (Joli Julianna), who just happens to be a member of
the cheerleading squad. Nikki would rather her grandfather just
disappear from her life again, but something tells me that she will
soon welcome his presence. Nikki keeps seeing this huge guy with a
burned face following her, but her friends think she is just seeing
things or it's her grandpa keeping tabs on her. Detective Vega and Sheriff
Cutter (Anthony Palladino) go to the house of Mrs. Olen (Susan
Lehman) and her mentally handicapped son, Troy (Sal Sirchia), one of
the school's janitors, to ask him some questions because members of
the cheerleading squad don't like the way he looks at them (Hell, you
don't have to be retarded to stare at pretty girls in tight uniforms,
do you?). All Troy says over-and-over is, "Please don't let them
take me away!", so Vega and Cutter leave. They should have
stayed long enough to discover that Troy keeps a bunch of Barbie
dolls dressed in cheerleader uniforms in a metal box and one of them
has a photo of Nikki's face glued on it! The next to die is Julie
(Katherine Castaneda), who is crucified at her father's auto garage
(The killer pounds a screwdriver through her temple, positions her
body on the car lift and then burns her stomach in graphic detail
with a acetylene torch), so it's the first thing her father sees when
he looks through the garage door (More religious imagery). The town
issues a curfew for the teens, but the killer manages to do some
killings during the day, murdering football player Shawn (Jeremy
Drew) by impaling him through the chest with a mop handle at the high
school locker room. The killer then cuts off one of Shawn's legs with
a hacksaw, disembowels him with his bare hands and leaves his body in
his father's locker (Shawn's dad is also a school janitor), with the
words "Knock Knock" written in Shawn's blood on the locker
door. When Dad opens the door, he finds Shawn's body has been sawed
into little pieces. It becomes apparent to the viewer that all these
killings were meant to punish the parents, but who caused these
killings and what is the reason? Troy is immediately arrested, but
that is way too easy, isn't it? Mike delves deeper ionto the killings
and discovers that it may have something to do with the town's
deranged former undertaker and his kids, Rico (Lou Savarese) and
Rachel (Stephanie Finochio). In case you haven't guessed, all the
dead kids' parents were members of the 1990 Glass County High
football team and some of them locked Rico in one of his father's
caskets as a practical joke, accidentally setting the place on fire
and permanently disfiguring Rico, who was sent to an insane asylum.
Well, he's out and when Mike learns that his son was also a member of
that football team (Wait. Why didn't he know that?), he races to save
Nikki before it is too late. Director/producer/screenwriter
Joseph Ariola (COALITION -
2004) sure ladles on the gore thick and heavy (it's all very well
done by effects artist Tate Steinsiek) and tries to keep the mystery
fresh as the film progresses, but the sad fact is that there are so
many untalented Italian-American actors on view, you'll think you're
at the Jersey Shore during the middle of July. It's like watching an
episode of THE SOPRANOS
performed by the staff and students of Fuhgettaboutit High. In
between plenty of "deese" and "doose" though,
there are a lot of grisly deaths, all pushing the boundaries of good
taste. There is so much unrated neck slashings, disembowelments,
stabbings, dismemberment, beheadings and bone snappings, you'll think
you're back in the 80's heyday of gore. Director Ariola (I bet he got
teased a lot in school) also tosses in some prime female nudity,
including a rather painful death in a shower. If it's gore you are
after, you can't do much better than KNOCK
KNOCK (you really do get your money's worth), but, mamma
mia, couldn't Ariola have given some of his non-Italian friends a
chance to speak? (It also doesn't help that the town's two Black
students suffer the bloodiest deaths). Also starring John Cipriano
Jr., Chris Bashinelli, Ernest Mingione, Nicole Abisinio, Ben Fiore,
Katherine Casteneda, Suzi Lorraine and Erika J. (Who also sings the
closing tune. I'm willing to bet a bundle of money her name also ends
in a vowel!). A Lionsgate Entertainment
DVD Release. Unrated.
LADY
FRANKENSTEIN (1971) - The
good Baron Frankenstein (Joseph Cotten; BARON
BLOOD - 1972; SCREAMERS
- 1980) is up to his old tricks again. He's paying grave robber Lynch
(Herbert Fux; MARK
OF THE DEVIL - 1970) to supply him with a steady stream of
corpses so he can create the first man-made man. When the Baron's
daughter, Tania (Rosalba Neri, here using the name "Sara
Bay"), returns from medical school a full-fledged surgeon, she
confronts her father about his experiments. It seems she has known
about her father's secret experiments with human body parts ever
since she was a child, but instead of being mad at him, she wants to
join him in creating the perfect human being (it seems she went to
medical school just so she could gain her father's approval). The
Baron needs the corpse of someone dead less than six hours, so Lynch
steals the body of a man that was just hanged (Both the Baron and
Tania watch the hanging and it is clear that she was sexually
turned-on in watching it). As the Baron is performing his latest body
part transplants, Tania suddenly appears and likes what she sees
(again, she gets sexually excited viewing the monster's body, even
running her fingers across the creature's open incisions!). As a
large lightning storm approaches, the Baron sees this as the perfect
opportunity to transplant a heart and brain into the creature's body
and bring it to life. The Baron's assistant,
Charles (Paul Muller), notices the brain is damaged, but with the
lightning storm rapidly approaching and no other brain available, The
Baron decides to use the brain and finish the reanimation. You just
know this isn't going to end well. When the creature is struck by
lightning, it catches on fire, horribly scarring it's face. The
creature does come to life, though, and while Charles rushes to get
Tania to witness her father's triumph, the creature crushes the Baron
to death in it's arms and escapes from the laboratory. Tania uses her
womanly charms on Charles, having him report her father's death to
Police Captain Harris (Mickey Hargitay; DELIRIUM
- 1972) as a murder by an intruder. Captain Harris has a hard time
believing Charles' story, as the creature begins laying a path of
death and destruction on his way into town (he kills a nude girl
making love to her boyfriend in a field and snaps the necks of some
locals who try to intervene). The villagers take up arms when tales
of the monster begin to circulate, while Tania and Charles create
another creature to be used as an "executioner" to the
first creature. They decide to use the body of retarded, hulking
handyman Thomas (Marino Mase) and Charles' brain (!) to create the
new creature (Tania marries Charles and then has sex with him, using
her body as a means to get Charles to give up his brain). Things go
south when Thomas' sister comes looking for him, Captain Harris
discovers the truth and the first creature returns to the castle to
do battle with the Thomas/Charles creature (which Tania uses as a sex
toy!). As the creatures battle each other (and, once again, Tania
watches completely turned-on), the castle catches fire when
torch-bearing villagers (are there any other kind?) break in and
destroy the place. As the castle burns around them, Tania and the
Thomas/Charles creature make love one final time, the creature
strangling Tania with his bare hands while she reaches orgasm. Tania
finally experiences the sex/death connection she so desperately
wanted. Previously released in a severely-edited 83 minute
print, I finally got to view a composite print which restores all the
footage excised from most prints. While it is not a better film in
this incarnation by any stretch of the imagination, it is a far
sexier film as all the full-frontal nudity is reinstated. Even though
it's nice to finally see all the missing nudity, this is still a
clunky affair. Director Mel Welles (MANEATER
OF HYDRA - 1966) has made an endlessly talky film that takes
forever to get moving. While it's always great to see Rosalba Neri (AMUCK
- 1971; FRENCH SEX MURDERS
- 1972) naked, the sad fact is that this film lacks pacing,
atmosphere and the creature's appearance elicits laughs rather than
fright. The lack of any substantial gore (most of the creature's
kills are simple neck-snappings) also hurts the film. Since this film
fell into the public domain years ago, there have been many versions
available on home video, mostly crappy EP-mode VHS tapes and
low-bitrate budget DVDs. Even in unedited form, it's bound not to win
any new fans because, let's face it, crap is crap no matter how much
nudity is in it. Only for fans of Rosalba Neri and people with a lot
of time on their hands. Also starring Renata Cash, Lawrence Tilden,
Ada Pomeroy, Andrew Ray, Johnny Loffrey, Richard Beardley and Paul
Whiteman as the Creature. LADY
FRANKENSTEIN was released to theaters by Roger Corman's New
World Pictures and then released on VHS by Embassy
Home Video. The version I viewed was taken from a
Dutch-subtitled VHS with inserts from an unknown source. Also
available on DVD from Shout! Factory
(also the restored version, but it looks horrible) as part of their
Roger Corman's Cult Classics "Vampires,
Mummies & Monsters" 2-Disc collection (which also
includes THE VELVET VAMPIRE
[1971], TIME WALKER [1982]
and GROTESQUE
[1987]). Rated R.
LAID
TO REST (2009) - A young,
nameless girl (co-producer Bobbi Sue Luther) wakes up locked in a
coffin in a funeral parlor. She breaks out of her mini-prison and
dials 911 on the wall phone, but before the police can run a trace,
she stupidly breaks the phone cord by stretching it out until it
snaps (She deserves to die just for being such an idiot). Mr. Jones
(a cameo by Richard Lynch; CUT
AND RUN - 1985), the funeral parlor director, offers to help
the girl, but he is killed by someone wearing a chrome skull mask.
The girl, who has no memory of who she is or how she got into this
predicament, escapes from the funeral parlor and is picked up on the
side of the road by Tucker (Kevin Gage; STRANGELAND
- 1998), a burly man who walks with a cane. After quizzing the girl,
he brings her to his home, where his wife Cindy (Lena Headey; THE
CAVE - 2005) discovers a nasty cut on the girl's head (which
probably caused her amnesia). The girl spends the night with Tucker
and Cindy, while Chrome Skull (Nick Principe) injects something
directly into his eye (no explanation is ever
given why he does this) and watches homemade torture videos on a
handheld device. Chrome Skull kills Cindy (a nasty scene where he
rams his specially-made knife into Cindy's skull and twists the
blade) and records her death (he has a video camera attached to his
shoulder) in front of Tucker and the girl, who he has nicknamed
"Princess". Tucker and Princess escape into the night in
Tucker's truck, but they fail to notice Cindy's brother, Johnny (a
cameo by Johnathon Schaech; PROM NIGHT
- 2008) and his girlfriend Jamie (Jana Kramer) pulling-up to the
house. Johnny thinks Tucker is cheating on his sister (he saw him
pick up Princess from the side of the road earlier) and has come to
confront Tucker. Johnny will confront Chrome Skull instead, who
cuts-off Johnny's face with his knife (you have to see it to believe
it) and slices Jamie in the stomach until her intestines fall out.
Tucker and Princess drive to the nearest home in search of a phone
and end up at the residence of Steven (Sean Whalen; PYTHON
- 2000), who doesn't have a phone, but he sends an email to the
police station from his computer. While Princess is cleaning-up in
the bathroom, Steven and Tucker do a search on the internet on the
killer and find information on both Chrome Skull and Princess (which
the audience is not yet let in on). The trio drives to the police
station, only to find all the cops dead and Chrome Skull waiting for
them. They manage to escape and end up back at the Jones Funeral
Home, where Princess hopes to find the answers to her true identity.
Princess ends up locked inside another coffin, but Tucker and Steven
save her after shooting Chrome Skull and discovering a barn full of
coffins containing the dismembered body parts of Chrome Skull's
previous victims. They steal Chrome Skull's car and video camera,
where Princess learns more about her true identity. She steals Chrome
Skull's car and leaves Tucker and Steven behind, unaware that Chrome
Skull is still very much alive and in control of the car. What
happens next is best left for the audience to discover for
themselves. Let's just say that Princess wasn't one of society's best
citizens before she lost her memory. This horror tale, directed
and written by Robert Hall (LIGHTNING
BUG - 2004), is effective due to it's fractured narrative
and dreamlike quality. Things, very graphic things, happen
matter-of-factly throughout the film seemingly without rhyme or
reason, but as the film progresses, it's clear that something
important is about to happen to tie all the loose ends together. And
then it doesn't. LAID TO REST
leaves many questions unanswered (particularly about Chrome Skull and
his motives), but it is not a film for the faint of heart, as the
makeup effects, usually involving the damage Chrome Skull does with
his huge, chrome-plated serrated knife (although there is a
creative kill involving a can of Fix-A-Flat), are as grisly and
graphic as you will ever see on film. Yet it is the film's hopeless
tone, achieved through draining the color photography (the majority
of it filmed in Maryland during the dead of night), ethereal acting
(both Sean Whalen and Kevin Gage register here; one as a man who has
just lost his mother and is scared to death of death and one as a
semi-cripple who tries to make sense of everything that's happening
around him, including the vicious killing of his loving wife) and a
haunting music score that sets this film apart from most modern DTV
horror. This film isn't perfect, as the story takes a few fatal
missteps (especially in the final third), but it's still better than
99% of the crap that passes for horror nowadays. Also starring Thomas
Dekker and Lucas Till. An Anchor
Bay Entertainment DVD
Release (who need a proofreader after labeling the DVD "Unrated
Directror's Cut"). Followed by a sequel, CHROMESKULL:
LAID TO REST 2 (2011). Not Rated.
THE
LAST SHARK (1981) - This is the
film Universal sued successfully to block it's release in the U.S.
because it too closely followed the plot of JAWS
(1975). I think it's closer to JAWS 2
(1978). I don't know what Universal was worried about. After watching
ten minutes of this (also known as GREAT
WHITE and THE LAST JAWS),
you'll be digging through your DVD collection looking for your copy
of JAWS. Writer Peter
(James Franciscus) searches the ocean for his daughter's missing
surfer friend and finds evidence that a great white shark killed him.
Peter tries to warn the town about the shark, but the Mayor (Joshua
Sinclair) ignores him since the big windsurfing regatta is about to
go on. When the regatta is attacked and people end up dead, Peter
teams with shark hunter Ron (Vic Morrow, who spouts the worst
Scottish accent I have ever heard) to destroy the shark. The first
attempt proves unsuccessful, but when Peter's daughter loses a leg to
the shark (offscreen), he vows revenge. Somehow Peter ends up trapped
on a raft, forced into a climatic battle with the Great White.
There's also a subplot about a news crew who lure the shark to get
the "story of the year". It doesn't end too well for
them. Director Enzo G. Castellari (1990:
THE BRONX WARRIORS - 1982;
THE NEW BARBARIANS
- 1983) offers nothing new to the genre. Everything that happens on
the screen is routine and boring, especially the shark attacks.
Nevermind that the shark model is laughable (it's no Bruce), the
whole film is rather bloodless (except for the scenes where the Mayor
gets bitten in half while hanging from a helicopter and a news
cameraman also meets a similar fate), something I find unforgivable
in an Italian rip-off. As a matter of fact, JAWS is much
bloodier than this. If you're not going to up the gore quotient, why
make the film in the first place? Believe me when I say that the
American audiences didn't miss much when it was banned. Also starring
Timothy Brent, Micky Pignatelli, Stefania Girolami and Max Vanders.
Originally titled " L' Ultimo
Squalo ". A Bijouflix
DVD-R Release that was ported from a widescreen Japanese-subtitled
laserdisc. Rated PG.
LEGACY
OF HORROR (1979) -
Sometimes late director Andy Milligan turned out interesting, if
highly-flawed, films like BLOODTHIRSTY
BUTCHERS (1970), TORTURE
DUNGEON (1970); GURU
THE MAD MONK (1970), THE
RATS ARE COMING! THE WEREWOLVES ARE HERE! (1972), and WEIRDO:
THE BEGINNING (1988). Other times, he turned out
insufferable films that, even if you had the patience of a saint,
seemed like you were spending an eternity in Hell. LEGACY OF HORROR
is one of those films. This is nothing but a more impoverished (if
you can believe that) verbatim remake of his own THE
GHASTLY ONES (1968), which was nothing but a standard
"reading of the will" horror flick. In the early Twentieth
Century, the three married Handley sisters are called to New York by
a law firm and told that their deceased wealthy father (who was
somewhat of a bastard) has left them a fortune. There is one caveat,
however. In order to collect their inheritance, all three sisters
(and their husbands) must spend three days and nights at their
father's remote island mansion living in "sexual harmony"
(whatever that means). Also at the mansion are two spinster sisters
who are the caretakers. They live there with their severely retarded
brother, who's only friend is his pet white rabbit. When at the
mansion, the Handley sisters discover that
the only time their father spent any time there was to get their
mother pregnant (all three sisters were born at the mansion). One of
the sisters finds the white rabbit gutted in her bed, with a note
that says, "And the meek shall inherit". Someone dressed
all in black then murders the Handley sisters' husbands, by hanging,
tree saw and pitchfork (a Milligan trademark). The
"surprise" ending reveals that the spinster sisters and
their retarded brother are also Papa Handley's kids, and one of them
wants the inheritance for themselves. As with most Milligan
productions, this film is extremely talky and nothing really happens
through the film's very looong 82 minutes. As a matter of fact, it
takes nearly half of the film before the three sisters even make it
to their father's mansion, as Milligan insists on showing us the
minutae of the sisters' everyday life, from what type of dressing
they like on their salad to the exploits of an (obviously) gay butler
and a drunk, aging actress that lives with one of the sisters. None
of this does anything to advance the plot. It's just there to fill up
time. As with most Milligan films, this is supposed to be a period
piece, but you can hear the noise of automobile traffic in some of
the scenes and modern-day power lines can be seen running from some
of the houses. There's also an out-of-place sequence where the
sisters visit a long-haired hippie prophet, who has a freak-out
scene. The cheapness of this Staten Island, NY-lensed borefest (one
of the few 70's Milligan films not to be made for producer William
Mishkin) becomes highly apparent when the Handley sisters and their
husbands are waiting at a train station and the arrival of the train
is nothing more than someone out-of-frame discharging a fire
extinguisher at the actors' feet to simulate a steam engine! There
are scattered bits of gore, but none of it is worth the pain you'll
have to endure by watching this gabfest. The funniest scene comes
early in the film when two New York toughs grab the retarded brother
and toss him off a train platform. He falls at least twenty feet,
lands on his head and only ends up with a broken arm, which
miraculously heals in a couple of days! Save your sanity and pass
this one up. If you have already seen THE GHASTLY ONES, I can
think of no good reason to watch this, because it is a scene-by-scene
remake, including all of the murders (all of which happen in the
final 15 minutes). Hell, even if you've never seen THE GHASTLY ONES,
I still can't think of one good reason why you should torture
yourself. The things I put myself through so you don't have to!
Milligan wouldn't make another film until CARNAGE
in 1983. Starring Elaine Boies, Marilee Troncone, Julia Curry, Chris
Broderick, Pete Barcia, Jeannie Cusick, Joe Downing, Louise
Gallandra, Dale Hansen, Martin Reymert and Stanley Schwartz.
Originally released on VHS by Gorgon
Video and available on DVD as part of "Elvira's Movie
Macabre" from Shout! Factory,
under the title LEGACY OF BLOOD,
which is not to be confused with director Carl Monson's LEGACY
OF BLOOD (a.k.a. BLOOD LEGACY
- 1971), which has almost exactly the same plot as this. Not Rated.
THE
LEGEND OF BLOODY JACK (2007) -
One of the last surviving family members of notorious serial killer
(and lumberjack) Bloody Jack brings his girlfriend to the Alaskan
wilderness to bring Jack back to life and document it on a video
camera. After reading a passage from Jack's journal and laying a
fresh heart on the ground, Carol (Lauren Cashman) returns to the
hotel while her boyfriend, Pat (Garrett Brawith), decides to spend a
couple of hours in the woods, just to make sure he didn't revive
Bloody Jack. He falls asleep (!) and when he wakes up, the heart is
missing and he's chopped into pieces with an axe by Bloody Jack. So
begins another cheapjack slasher flick with an unexceptional
killer (a lumberjack with a scarf covering his face!) and a
bunch of by-the-numbers victims. We then switch to seven twenty-something
slackers spending the weekend in a cabin in the same neck of the
woods that Bloody Jack is prowling. After getting some BIG
CHILL-type personal issues out of the way ("Welcome to
the first day of the rest of your boring lives!") and then
having sex, Bloody Jack begins dispatching the cast with his axe. The
first one chopped to pieces is Tom (Josh Evans), who goes outside to
get some wood for the fireplace (his body parts are then stacked like
cords of wood). When Ray (Travis Young) sees all the blood, he wants
to search for Tom, but is talked out of it by Nick (Craig Bonacorsi),
saying it is much too dangerous to go walking in the woods at night.
George (John Kawalski) is the next to die, as Bloody Jack lops off
his penis while he is taking a piss in the woods and then tries to
plant his axe in the body of George's girlfriend, Lisa (Jessica
Szabo), but she escapes and makes it back to the cabin. Too bad she
shows up a couple of minutes after Officer Vince (Jeremy Flynn) has
left the premises (Don't worry, Bloody Jack hides in the back of
Officer Vince's cruiser and delivers a fatal axe blow to his neck as
he is driving away). The rest of the film is nothing but the
remainder of the cast trying to avoid Bloody Jack and his axe,
usually failing in grand fashion by doing the stupidest thing
possible at the worst time imaginable (Who in their right mind takes
a shower with a maniac loose in the house?). The film ends with a
pitiful CGI car explosion and then reveals that the entire film was a
ghost story told over a camp fire by the same exact cast of
characters, who are then mercifully killed quickly by Bloody Jack.
Believe me when I say that I was happy to see them go. This
boring, flatly-filmed slasher flick, directed/written/edited by Todd
Portugal (FLOODING - 2000) is
rough going, even for the most patient slasher film fanatics. The
acting never rises above high school thespian level and the gore,
while plentiful, is never convincing (in one scene, as Lisa watches
Bloody Jack chop-up George in the woods, we can see the actor playing
Bloody Jack pulling his axe blows, never making contact with George's
body). The character of Bloody Jack is another major drawback to the
film. It seems he has the power to appear and disappear at will, yet
he can be shot, knocked-out and kicked to the ground like a normal
person. Not once does he come across as terrifying or scary; he looks
like some average guy in a flannel shirt and scarf covering his
burned face (Why is his face burned? It's never explained.). Don't
waste your time with this one. It's weak, slow-moving and doesn't
contain one working brain cell in its tiny little head. Oh, and
there's some topless nudity in a few scenes, if that makes any
difference. It shouldn't. Also starring Erica Hoag, Alicia Klein,
Pamela Porter, Tricia Allen and Matt Nelson and Jeffrey Allen, who
take turns portraying Bloody Jack. An Asylum
Home Entertainment DVD Release. Not Rated.
LEGEND
OF THE CHUPACABRA (1997) - This
faux documentary, about a group's videotaped
footage of the search for the title creature in the Texas wilderness,
is about as awful as a film can be and still be called a film. Made
before THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT,
but using the same premise, CHUPACABRA deals with a woman
(Katsy Joiner), who lost her uncle to the creature's hunger, and a
group of cryptozoologists who document her search for the origins of
the Chupacabra or, the "goat sucker". Something sucks, all
right, and me thinks it's this film. Where do I begin? It's
atrociously acted. It's obvious from the start that this documentary
is scripted as the dialogue doesn't feel natural and the
"actors" fail miserably in delivering it. The Chupacabra
appears within the first ten minutes of the film, negating any
suspense in the group's search for it. Let's talk about this
Chupacabra: It's a ridiculous concoction (by director Joe Castro),
with a giant mutated chicken-like head, huge talon-like claws, a
fur-covered body and long porcupine-like needles sticking out of its'
back. It makes the creature in BLOOD
FREAK look absolutely polished. This film is filled with
unbelievable situations which the characters react to in unbelievable
and, downright idiotic, ways. Who would lock themselves in a cage
made of chicken wire to take a shot at this creature when you have
seen what strength it possesses? These stupid characters do. As a
matter of fact, everyone in this film does something so extremely
stupid, that you root for the creature to end their miserable lives.
If there's one positive thing I can say about this flick, it's that
it's extremely bloody. Intestines are ripped out, someone takes a
shotgun blast to the head, an arm is ripped out of its' socket,
bloody psychic surgery and various bloody aftermaths of the creature
are shown lovingly in close-up. But as I have said many times before,
good effects don't make a good film. Director Joe Castro learned
nothing from his previous failure: The crappy "college students
trapped in a mansion with a demon" film CEREMONY
(1994). He went on to direct the even crappier horror/animation dud TERROR
TOONS (2001). LEGEND OF THE CHUPACABRA should be
avoided at all costs, just like the real creature. THE
X-FILES tried a Chupacabra episode and it was one of their
weaker efforts. I guess he doesn't translate well to the screen.
Proceed at you own risk. Also starring Stan McKinney, J.T. Trevino,
Chris Doughton, Paul Podroza, Frank Thomas and Sandy Swartz. Tell
them to "supersize it" the next time they take your order
at Burger King. A Troma DVD
Release. Not Rated.
LEGEND
OF THE PHANTOM RIDER (2000) -
Horror Westerns were a very small sub-genre until the New Millennium
rolled along (see my review of UNDEAD
OR ALIVE for more titles) and I'm surprised the time period
wasn't tapped more frequently when it came to making horror films.
Sure, there were a handful of horror-themed Westerns throughout the
decades, some well-known (William "One Shot" Beaudine's JESSE
JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER and BILLY
THE KID VS. DRACULA [both 1966]) and some obscure (JACK
THE RIPPER GOES WEST [a.k.a KNIFE
FOR THE LADIES - 1974]), but it took the Computer Age for
this sub-genre to finally catch on. It is my opinion that they are so
popular now because people want to see how problems can be solved
without the use of computers, the internet or cell phones; in a era
when guns, guts and wits settled most problems. LEGEND begins
with this on-screen scrawl: "The Pelgidium legend says that evil
manifests itself on Earth as a human every couple of hundred years
and searches the Earth for the person who unknowingly harbors the
'lost spirit' of a warrior chief. When that evil finds the warrior
chief, a process of torture begins that eventually leads to a battle
for supremacy. This battle only takes place within the ancient walls
of the city of Trigon." After watching one such battle between
an Indian
medicine man and the Pelgidium in the American West in the year 1165
A.D., the film flashes ahead to the same territory in 1865, as a
family traveling in a covered wagon is attacked by an outlaw gang
headed by Blade (screenwriter Robert McRay), leaving a father and his
young son dead and mother Sarah Jenkins (Denise Crosby; MORTUARY
- 2005), who is raped, and her young daughter Melanie (Alexis Bond)
to fend for themselves. Penniless and robbed of all their belongings,
Sarah and Melanie walk to the small town of Saugust and are taken-in
by General Store owner Nathan (Stefan Gierasch; BLOOD
BEACH - 1980) and his wife Jane (Julie Erickson), who inform
Sarah that Blade and his gang have killed the sheriff and taken over
the town. While Sarah searches for someone in the town to help her
get revenge for the death of her husband and son, Blade and his
right-hand man Suicide (Zen Gesner) begin killing townspeople who
don't share their views, beginning with the town's judge (George
Murdock; BREAKER! BREAKER!
- 1977), the new sheriff (Mark Colliver) and the mayor, with Blade
taking over as sheriff, Suicide as judge and other members of the
gang filling other positions of authority that have just opened up.
During a secret town meeting, where Sarah and a bunch of concerned
citizens discuss ways to overthrow Blade and his gang, Blade appears
and shoots little Melanie in the head, putting her in a coma that Doc
Fisher (Rance Howard; SASQUATCH
MOUNTAIN - 2006) tells Sarah is irreversible. It becomes
apparent that Sarah unknowingly harbors the 'lost spirit' of a
warrior chief (played by Saginaw Grant) and Blade is the evil that
manifests itself every couple hundred years. Sarah is able to call
forth the Pelgidium (also played by Robert McRay), who takes form as
a long-haired, facially-deformed masked gunman that begins to
systematically kill Blade's gang one-by-one, until only Blade is
left. Blade figures the only way to get rid of the Pelgidium is to
kill Sarah, but the townspeople finally grow a backbone and hide
Sarah from him. Will Sarah get the revenge she so richly deserves,
especially when Blade kidnaps the comatose Melanie and holds her
hostage? While confusing as hell, director/producer Alex
Erkiletian (his feature film debut) at least offers enough bloody
violence (although some of the violence, including Nathan having one
of his hands cut off and Doc Fisher getting beheaded, is played
off-screen) and good character actors, including Angus Scrimm (PHANTASM
- 1979) as the Preacher and Irwin Keyes (WRESTLEMANIAC
- 2006) as Bigfoot (a member of Blade's gang, not the furry forest
beast), to offset Robert McCray's much-too-mystical screenplay (which
he wrote using the name "Robert Ray"). The biggest problem
this film has, besides the incomprehensible supernatural plot, is
that Blade seems to have an inexhaustible supply of gang members at
his beck and call. For every one that the Pelgidium kills, two seem
to take his place. It makes no sense because the town should be
teeming with bad guys, but the streets are always empty. Putting all
the negatives aside, LEGEND
OF THE PHANTOM RIDER contains just enough weirdness to make
it worthwhile viewing as a nightly rental. Former child star Lee
Montgomery (BEN - 1972) supplied
the evocative music score. Also starring Scott Eberlein, Jamie
McShane, Robert Peters, John Henry Whitaker and G. Larry Butler. An MTI
Home Video VHS & DVD Release. Rated R.
LET
SLEEPING CORPSES LIE (1974) - This
is a beautiful unedited letterboxed print of one
of the best European NIGHT
OF THE LIVING DEAD
rip-offs, better known to American audiences as DON'T
OPEN THE WINDOW
(in severely edited form), BREAKFAST
AT THE MANCHESTER MORGUE
and THE
LIVING DEAD AT THE MANCHESTER MORGUE. An experimental
agricultural pest-control machine, using ultrasonic waves to rid bugs
from farmers' crops, has the power to reanimate the recently
deceased, causing problems in a small Irish community. The chief of
police (Arthur Kennedy) blames the recent rash of murders on a newly
arrived young couple (Ray Lovelock and Cristina Galbo), who he
believes are drug-taking devil worshippers. Lovelock makes the
connection between the pest-control machine and the revived dead
after visiting the hospital (which also serves as the town morgue)
and witnesses a newborn baby attacking a nurse (the machine also
affects the newly born). After he and Galbo are nearly devoured by a
band of walking dead, Lovelock goes to the Chief to tell his story
and is promptly arrested. Galbo is attacked by her dead
brother-in-law and becomes hospitalized. Lovelock escapes the police
and destroys the machine. He learns that Galbo is in the hospital and
goes to rescue her from certain doom. He arrives too late as he
witnesses the morgue patients chowing down on his precious Galbo. He
sets them on fire, thereby ending the living dead menace. Kennedy,
who never believed Lovelock's story, pumps a few bullets into
Lovelock's body after seeing him set the bodies aflame. In a final
twist, the pest-control machine is repaired, allowing Lovelock to
return from the dead and put the bite on Kennedy. This gory shocker
is an effective addition to the living dead genre. Nice locations,
eerie atmosphere, an unusual storyline and bloody mayhem (including a
woman having her breast ripped off) make this film better than most
of its kind. The only thing out of place here is Arthur Kennedy (THE
MEAN MACHINE
- 1973; THE
TEMPTER
- 1974), who wildly overplays his role as a hippie-hating cop. He
plays every scene as if he has a roll of quarters shoved up his ass.
This is basically a minor point, because director Jorge Grau (THE
LEGEND OF BLOOD CASTLE
- 1972) fills his film with enough creepiness and dread for a dozen
films. LET
SLEEPING CORPSES LIE (a.k.a.
INVASION OF
THE ZOMBIES
and THE LIVING DEAD) is
available on VHS and DVD from Anchor
Bay and later on DVD & Blu-Ray
from Blue Underground. Unrated.
LISA
AND THE DEVIL (1973) -
This is the least talked about movie in director Mario Bava's vast
list of films, even though Bava himself has stated it's his favorite
film of his career. It may also be his most personal, as it deals
with subject matter unlike any of his other films. The fact that
Producer Alfredo Leone re-edited this film, directed new inserts
(starring Robert Alda, who was not in the original version) and
released it under a different title with a wholely different plot
about an exorcism because he thought audiences weren't smart enough
to understand what Bava was trying to convey, only attests to this
film's power.
Luckily, the original version still exists for all us
"uneducated" folks to enjoy and I'm glad to say that this
is one of Bava's best films of his career. Alfredo Leone's version? A
piece of shit, only good for a cursory look and then best forgotten.
The film opens with tourist Lisa (Elke Sommer; Bava's BARON
BLOOD - 1972) being part of a walking tour of Toledo, Spain.
Their tour guide shows everyone a fresco
in a market square of the Devil carrying his victims back to Hell,
when Lisa hears some catchy music and tells her friend to wait for
her, she will be right back. She follows the music to an antique
store, where a strange music box is playing the tune. She asks the
shopkeeper (Franz von Treuberg; EXECUTION
SQUAD - 1972) how much the music box costs and he tells her
it is not for sale, it belongs to the gentleman he is currently
dealing with. When the gentleman turns around, it is Leandro (Telly
Savalas; THE
KILLER IS ON THE PHONE - 1972), who looks exactly like the
Devil in the fresco. Lisa, who is scared out of her wits, leaves the
store in a hurry (We hear Leandro say to the shopkeeper, "How
strange. It's like she saw the Devil."). Lisa gets hopelessly
lost, can't find the market square and everyone she asks for
directions either ignores her or turns and walks away without saying
a word. She then runs into Leandro, who is holding a
realistic-looking mannequin and the music box. She nervously asks him
where the market square is and he says it's directly behind her, so
she turns around and sees a street that wasn't there before. She
follows it and is accosted by a man who looks exactly like Leandro's
mannequin. He calls her "Elena", puts his hands on her
shoulders and asks her if she didn't think he would find her, causing
Lisa to push him down a flight of stone stairs, killing him (his
pocket watch falls to the ground, revealing a photo of Lisa inside it).
Lisa runs away quickly and the next time we see her, it is nighttime
and she is still lost. She sees an antique limousine up ahead and
asks the apparently wealthy man, Francis Lehar (Eduardo
Fajardo; KNIFE OF ICE
- 1972), and his snooty wife, Sophia (Sylva Koscina; CRIMES
OF THE BLACK CAT - 1972), for a ride, so Francis tells his
chauffeur, George (Gabriele Tinti; TROPIC
OF CANCER - 1972), to take the lady where she needs to go,
but George tells him the hoses on the engine are leaking water and it
probably will not go far. After a very short distance, the limo
breaks down, right in front of Leandro's home (It's also apparent
that by the looks they are giving each other that Sophia and George
are having an affair, which doesn't go unnoticed by Francis). Francis
asks Leandro if he can use his phone to call a mechanic and Leandro
says there is no phone in the home, because "We have no use for
it, you see." A handsome young man named Max (Alessio Orano; THE
KILLER MUST KILL AGAIN - 1973) appears behind Lisa and says
to her, "Please stay, don't go away" and then walks away.
We then discover that Leandro is not the owner of this home at all,
he's actually the butler to a wealthy aristocrat called "The
Countess' (Alida Valli; EYE
IN THE LABYRINTH - 1972). Max invites everyone into
the house, telling them that he lives here with his mother, The
Countess. Leandro doesn't seem too pleased with having strangers in
the house, but he has no other choice but to welcome them. The
Countess doesn't want anyone in her mansion, telling Max and Leandro
to show the guests to the adjoining cottage. George manages to get
the limo started and parks it on the cottage grounds, as we watch
Leandro padlock the cottage gate as soon as George pulls in. We then
watch Sophia and George making love, Sophia telling him not to worry,
her husband doesn't care (he does). Lisa sees the man she pushed down
the stairs and killed staring at her through a window, scaring her,
and when she runs outside, Max tells her not to be frightened, it's
just Leandro's mannequin, telling Lisa that his mother's mansion is
full of Leandro's mannequins.
Over dinner, The Countess asks her son where the "fifth
guest" is, but Max says she's mistaken, there are only four
guests (Later on, The Countess says this about the fifth guest:
"I knew he would return!"). We then see Max serving a piece
of cake to an unknown weeping woman. He says, "Did you know he
was back? You mustn't see him! You must send him away! I will not let
him come between us again! He's caused enough anguish! He'll never
enter this room! You'll never leave this room! Do you hear me?
Never!" George tapes up the limo's leaking hoses, Leandro
asking him if they are leaving at once. George says yes and thanks
him for the tape, asking Leandro (who seemingly can be in two places
at once) to inform the other guests that they are ready to leave.
When George tells Leandro that the engine is fixed, but it took a lot
of tape, Leandro says, "Most things aren't that easy to
mend." We then see Max pacing a room and cursing the "fifth
guest" for coming back, saying that his mother knew he would
come back, but he didn't think he had the courage to do so. "Just
when I found happiness, I won't let you destroy everything! How can
I stop you when I can't even see you?", Max yells into the
darkness. Francis asks Lisa where she needs to go once the car is
fixed and Leandro says she won't be leaving with them because Max
asked her to stay here. The Countess then comes into the room and
asks Lisa to come to her and feels her face. A strange look forms on
The Countess' face and she asks Leandro the color of Lisa's eyes. He
says, Changeable, my lady, but by candlelight...blue." Everyone
is shocked to learn that The Countess is blind because, at dinner,
she didn't appear so and seemed to look at everyone directly in
their eyes (although the clues were there if you watched closely
enough). The Countess then says, "You wouldn't listen when I
told you to stay away. Now it's too late!" and walks out of the
room. We then see Max opening a journal to a page with Lisa's photo
on it. Underneath the photo is a handwritten message that reads,
"To Carlo forever. Love, Elena". Max then takes the photo
and burns it. Are the pieces beginning to fit together in your mind
now? If not, allow me to continue...
Sophia wonders what is taking George so long and Francis tells her
to calm down. When Sophia refuses to calm down, Francis says he will
see what's holding up George and leaves the room. Lisa turns on the
music box and all the figures on it begin to move (including a figure
of the Grim Reaper), but no music plays. A short time later, Sophia
hears the limo's horn and runs out of the room, while Leandro enters
and places a cassette tape player into a secret compartment, which is
playing the music box's theme music. Leandro then says to Lisa,
"I find that invariably, Miss Lisa, there's a very simple
explanation for almost everything, don't you agree?" Lisa just
sits there, not saying a single word and staring at the figurines
moving to the music. Lisa is then transported back in time, where
her doppleganger Elena is madly in love with Carlo (Espartaco
Santoni; THE FEAST OF SATAN
- 1971). They kiss passionately and make love (In the same room the
weeping woman is now trapped in. It wouldn't be too much of a spoiler
to mention that Elena is the weeping woman, if she even exists now.).
When Lisa opens her eyes, she is passionately kissing Max, but it
turns out to be nothing but a nightmarish vision, as when Lisa does
open her eyes she is staring at the music box.
Sophia runs to the limo, but George is not there. Francis appears,
calls his wife a "slut" and slaps her hard across the face,
sending Sophia reeling backwards. She grabs the limo's door handle
and out falls a dead George, his throat cut. But who is it we see
holding a pair of bloody scissors? George's body is brought into the
mansion, where a crying Sophia strokes his hair and cries out,
"Why? Why?", as Leandro puts George's body in a wheelbarrow
(!) and rolls him away. Leandro says, "It's not always wise to
stir up the past. We all have some unforgiveable secret", as
everyone follows the wheelbarrow to George's final resting place
(Francis doesn't want to call the police and Leandro says if he and
his wife leave immediately, he will take care of the body.). We then
discover that Carlo is very much alive, as we see him in Elena's
room, the bloody scissors lying on a nearby table. We then see
Leandro putting George's corpse into a coffin, but when George is too
tall to fit in the coffin, Leandro breaks George's legs at his
ankles, stuffing his feet into the coffin (It's funny and repulsive
at the same moment). But it is then revealed it is not George's body
in thecoffin, it's Carlo's (or is it his mannequin doppleganger?).
Lisa sees the body while spying on Leandro and stops herself from
screaming so as to not tip him off. Carlo then walks up to Lisa,
calls her Elena and she runs away screaming (she doesn't try to stop
herself this time!). What the Hell is going on here? Lisa then finds
herself in Elena's room, which is full of creepy mannequins. Carlo
grabs her and she passes out, Carlo saying, "I want to help you,
Elena. I love you!" We then see Sophia crying over George's
body, which is lying on a bed. Francis enters the room and says,
"If you are through mourning your lover, we can leave." He
grabs his wife from the bed, pulling her out of the room and saying,
"Let's go!" Francis tells her to get in the car. but Sophia
tells him she is going nowhere with him, she's going to stay until
George is buried. Francis forces her into the limo, says, "We
can do without the chauffeur" and tries to enter the car, but
Sophia starts the engine, steps on the gas and runs her husband over,
killing him. She not only runs him over, she puts the car in reverse
and runs him over again! Then again! And again once more! And one
more time for good luck (it's quite shocking)!
Lisa wakes up in Elena's bed with Carlo hovering over her saying
that he loves her, but someone sneaks up behind him and and
cracks Carlo's skull open with a gold pipe. Sophia watches in horror
as it happens and runs away screaming, but she is bludgeoned to death
by the same gold pipe, being swung over and over by...Max. While Lisa
is passed out in Elena's bed, Leandro enters the room with Carlo's
mannequin, whose face is now cracked. He repairs the mannequin's face
while rambling on and on about how The Countess bosses him around. We
then discover that Carlo was The Countess' husband and she has a
"funeral" for Carlo on a regular basis, which is why
Leandro has a Carlo mannequin. When Lisa wakes up, Leandro tells her
everything, including that Carlo has been dead for many years. So why
is Lisa covered in his blood? The Countess knows that Lisa is the
spitting image of Elena, who was Carlo's illicit lover. The Countess
wants Lisa dead, telling Leandro to get Max to do the dirty deed. But
who does Lisa run to for help? That's right, Max, who is quite
insane. He introduces Lisa to Elena, who is nothing but a skeleton in
a wedding dress lying in bed. It turns out Max was also in love with
Elena (no surprise there), but he killed her when she
"deceived" him, keeping her body in the room and talking to
her like she was alive. Max now has his Elena alive once more in the
body of Lisa. Can she escape all this insanity before she becomes
insane herself or ends up dead? Max tells Lisa he loves her, so he
knocks her out with a rag dipped in formaldehyde, undresses her and
places her next to Elena's skeleton on the bed. "It will be
different with you. It has to be!", says Max, as he gets
undressed and climbs on top of a naked Lisa, ready to do the nasty.
He imagines (?) Elena laughing at him and he can't go through with it
(Did I mention he was quite mad? Who wouldn't want to boff a naked
Elke Sommer, who looks fantastic here!?!). Max tells his mother that
there will no longer be funerals in the mansion, only weddings, but
The Countess tells Max that people are going to miss the victims he
murdered today and the police will probably come for him, but Mother
will protect him. Max decides to kill one more person, so he murders
his mother by stabbing her in the chest with a large knife. Leandro
has set up a wedding ceremony for Max, complete with Elena's skeleton
as the bride and all the people he murdered as guests. Max sees The
Countess approaching him, holding her hand to her bloody chest wound.
He keeps backing away from his mother until he falls out a window to
his death, splattering on the cobblestones below. It turns out not to
be The Countess at all, but one of Leandro's lifelike mannequins.
Leandro no longer has to worry about The Countess or Max ever bossing
him around again. So what about Lisa, you may ask?
Lisa wakes up in Elena's room, completely naked. She gets dressed
and walks out of the mansion, which is overrun with vegitation and is
in ruins, as if it hasn't been occupied for decades, if not longer.
Among the ruins lies Max's mannequin, who says to Lisa, "We will
be together forever. Don't go." Lisa discovers some children
playing with a ball nearby and when the ball rolls to Lisa and she
picks it up, one of the little girls says, "She's a ghost.
Everyone knows that. No one has lived there for a hundred
years!", so all the children run away. What does this all mean?
That is up to the viewer to decide, but I will tell you this: When
Lisa hails a taxi and tells the driver to take her to the airport, we
see Leandro looking at Lisa while the antique store shopkeeper hands
him a mannequin that is the exact replica of Lisa. The shopkeeper
says, "This is the best I could do because I had such short
notice. I do hope you think it's alright, sir." All Leandro says
is, "I'm afraid it is all too late. All too late.", as he
watches the taxi pull away. When Lisa boards the plane and it takes
off, she discovers she is the only person on the plane, at least in
her section. We then hear Leandro say over the intercom, "I hope
you have a pleasant trip." When Lisa checks the rest of the
plane, she discovers she isn't alone. The corpses from the mansion
are passengers and
Leandro is the pilot. The final shot is of Lisa, her skin pale and
ashen like a corpse, as she falls to the floor, dead, Leandro looking
at the camera and smiling. THE END.
This film, shot as LISA
E IL DIAVOLO (a literal translation of the review title),
was considered too confusing to audiences, so producer Alfredo Leone
(also this film's co-screenwriter with Mario Bava) drastically
re-edited the film, shuffled scenes around, directed new footage of
Robert Alda (THE SQUEEZE -
1978; and father of Alan Alda, of TV's M*A*S*H*)
as exorcist Father Michael and released it under the title THE
HOUSE OF EXORCISM (I have seen it, but don't expect a review
from me!), he and Bava sharing the directorial pseudonym "Mickey
Lion". It is nothing but an EXORCIST
(1973) rip-off, with Sommer in a hospital possessed by a demon and
Father Michael trying to exorcise it out of her body. Bava hated this
version, which was made behind his back, but this was the version released
to U.S. theaters by Peppercorn Wormser in 1975. They also
released this version to theaters under the LISA title. This
bad edit was also released
to TV using using the LISA title, causing confusion with
Bava cinephiles. Rule of thumb: If Robert Alda is listed in the
credits, it's not the original (This version was also released on VHS
as DEVIL
IN THE HOUSE OF EXORCISM). It would be nearly a quarter of a
century before American audiences would actually see the film as Bava
intended it, thanks to Anchor
Bay Entertainment, who released it both on VHS
and DVD early in the New Millennium (Image Entertainment did release
it earlier on Laserdisc, but I always thought this format was
elitist). Kino Lorber
released both versions on a single DVD
and Blu-Ray
(this review is based on the DVD, which looks wonderful) as part of
their "Mario Bava Collection" where Tim Lucas (who else?)
provides an excellent audio commentary on LISA, while Alfredo
Leone and Elke Sommer provide commentary on HOUSE. There's not
much in the way of extras, just a short interview with son Lamberto
Bava and trailers for other Mario Bava films. Still, it is a good
choice for people who want to compare both versions and if they don't
think Bava's original version stands head and shoulders above the
re-edit, then they can't call themselves Bava fans. You can also
watch the original on the YouTube channel "Film&Clips",
who offer an anamorphic widescreen print dubbed in English (By the
looks of it, everyone speaks English in the film and dub their own
voices, including the unmistakenable smooth delivery by Savalas and
Elke Sommer's familar German accent). Amazon Prime will charge you
for the streaming version of LISA, but HOUSE is free if
you are a Prime member. If you have never seen this film, it is
something you should put on your To-Do list, as it is probably Mario
Bava's most personal and favorite film and for that it is must
viewing. LISA is Not Rated, but HOUSE is Rated
R.
THE
LONG HAIR OF DEATH (1964) -
When people are asked to name their favorite Italian Gothic horror
movie, this film is mentioned the most and I can't disagree. This is
what Gothic horror is all about: dark shadows, unexpected deaths and
an atmosphere of terror that permeates every frame. It is so thick,
you can cut it with a knife.
At the end of the 15th Century, we see priest Von Klage (Umberto Raho,
as "Robert Rains"; THE
EERIE MIDNIGHT HORROR SHOW - 1974) and two guards enter a
castle prison and escort Adele Karnstein, who is accused of being a
witch, to her trial. While the entire village is watching the trial,
Adele's daughter Helen (Barbara Steele; THE
GHOST - 1963) sneaks into the castle to talk to Count
Humbolt (Giuliano Raffaelli, as "Jean Rafferty"; BLOOD
AND BLACK LACE - 1964) to plead for her mother's life. Helen
is also being sought as a witch by Von Klage and the Count's son Kurt
(George Ardisson; DON'T
LOOK IN THE ATTIC - 1982), but they don't know what she
looks like because Adele kept her away from the village her entire
life. The Count tells Helen there is very little he can do and, even
if he could, he wouldn't, because Adele is also accused of murdering
his brother, Franz. Helen tells him that her mother is not a witch
and she can prove someone in the castle murdered his brother. Rather
than delaying Adele's trial, the Count puts the moves on Helen,
raping her. Adele's younger daughter, Lisabeth, is at the trial and
watches as her mother is found guilty of being a witch and is
immediately put to death, not by being burned at the stake, but by
being put in a maze made of entwined twigs and branches, which is set
on fire, burning all around her. Before she burns to death, Adele
grabs the huge wooden cross in the middle of the maze and curses the
Humbolt family line for all eternity. Helen tries to escape from the
Count, but he grabs her outside and throws her to her death down a
steep waterfall, saying, "Now our secret is safe."
Lisabeth is then taken care of by the kindly Grumalda (Laura Nucci,
as "Laureen Nuyen"; THE
BLOODSTAINED SHADOW - 1978), who tells Lisabeth that she has
collected her mother's ashes and Helen's body and buried them in a
"secret place" that only the two of them know about and she
can go to that place to pray to her mother and sister any time she
wants. Years pass and Lisabeth is now a beautiful grown woman (Halina
Zalewska; SNOW DEVILS -
1967). Kurt has a romantic interest in her that the Count doesn't
approve of. We find out at this time that Kurt is the one who
murdered Franz so his father could rule the land. When the Count
hears this, he is livid (he didn't know) and tries to choke the life
out of Kurt, but fails. Lisabeth sees the Count go to Franz's tomb
and begs Franz's skeleton for forgiveness, saying he put an innocent
woman to death under the guise of witchcraft. The Count is horrified
to see his brother's skeleton move, taking it as a sign that his
brother is coming back to life and runs away, not knowing that the
skeleton moved because of rats inside of Franz's tattered clothing.
Kurt forces Lisabeth to marry him, but the only way he can make love
to her is by force ("You had my body, but not my soul!").
He doesn't know that she heard the Count confess to Franz. Lisabeth
forms a plan of vengeance against the Humbolts and it's a doozy. The
Black Plague strikes the village and no one in the castle is allowed
to venture outside, just as no one from the outside is allowed to
enter the castle grounds. The Count becomes stricken with the Plague
and Lisabeth sneaks outside to the secret place, where she begs her
mother and sister to get even with the Humbolts. A tremendous
thunderstorm follows, soaking the secret place and raising the dead.
The Count dies and Kurt then becomes ruler, but even stranger is the
sudden appearance of Mary, who looks exactly like Helen (both played
by Steele). Mary tells Kurt she has no idea who she is or how she got
there and Kurt doesn't recognize her because he never met Helen. At
the Count's funeral, his body is carried through the church by Von
Klage's hooded minions, where Kurt hits on Mary, knowing full well
that adultery is punishable by death. Mary spurns his advances, but
Grumalda sees it happen. She tells Lisabeth what she saw and she then
tells Kurt that if he lays a finger on Mary, he will regret it. Kurt
doesn't take kindly to threats and then he rapes Mary (like father,
like son), which Lisabeth witnesses. She is tempted to stab Kurt in
the back with a dagger but stops herself, knowing that his actual
death will be far more painful. Von Klage has a man ride out on
horseback to deliver a message to a far-away village telling them
about the Plague, giving him a container of wine for his travels. At
dinner a few days later, Grumalda announces that the messenger has
been found dead in the woods, the apparent victim of a poisoning. The
news upsets both Lisabeth and Von Klage, who leave the table. Kurt
then tells Mary that it was he who poisoned the messenger and he
plans on doing the same thing to Lisabeth so he and Mary can become
legally married. Kurt doses Lisabeth's nightly drink with a drug to
knock her out, which she drinks. Kurt and Mary go to see if his plan
worked, but they are scared away by a huge shadow that passes by
Lisabeth's bedroom window. A short time later, they return to
Lisabeth's bedroom, where Mary pokes Lisabeth with a needle to make
sure she is out cold. Kurt carries Lisabeth to the family mausoleum,
where he places her body in an empty tomb and seals the heavy stone
lid with wax, so no air can get inside, killing Lisabeth. Von Klage
comes into the mausoleum and Kurt and Mary hide, watching Von Klage
lock the mausoleum gate behind him and placing the key in a hole in
the wall, trapping the pair inside. Neither Kurt or Mary can reach
the key, so they try to find another way out, discovering a secret
passageway that leads directly to Lisabeth's bedroom. A few hours
later, they use the secret passageway to retrieve Lisabeth's dead
body (Mary puts a lit candle next to Lisabeth's nose to make sure she
is dead) and then place her body in her bed, making it look like she
died in her sleep. The next morning, the pair expect the bad news,
but Grumalda appears and announces Lisabeth has awoken and she's
"very hungry". Kurt can't believe his ears and runs to
Lisabeth's bedroom, but she is not there. Mary tells him that
Grumalda is probably lying, but it doesn't explain the many people
who tell Kurt that they have just seen or talked to Lisabeth (but
Kurt never sees her).
Kurt believes there is a conspiracy against him, but it is much
worse than that, as Kurt wakes up in his bed with Lisabeth on top of
him. He screams and she disappears, but how can he explain the long
strands of Lisabeth's hair that he finds in one of his hands? The
Karnstein curse comes true, as Kurt is driven mad by the
unexplainable events that surround him, resulting in the Black Plague
vanishing and Kurt exposing his evil self in front of a group of
important dignitaries. A drunk Kurt then confronts Lisabeth in the
same castle cell that her mother was confined in before she was
burned to death. It turns out Mary is the spectre of Helen and
Lisabeth is very much alive, both there to make sure Kurt doesn't
escape his fate. No matter where Kurt runs, Helen's ghost is there,
turning him into a blithering, incoherent fool who becomes trapped
inside an idol that is to be burned in a ceremony to celebrate the
ending of the Plague (like a miniature version of THE
WICKER MAN - 1973). Everyone applauds while the idol burns,
only Lisabeth, Helen and Grumalda knowing that the Plague is not the
only thing leaving the village. A fitting end to an evil despot.
This is one of the best films in its genre, thanks to director Antonio
Margheriti's (HORROR
CASTLE - 1963; CASTLE
OF BLOOD - 1964; KILLER FISH
- 1979), using his frequent pseudonym "Anthony Dawson",
tight direction and Evirust's (actually Carlo Rustichelli; KILL,
BABY...KILL! - 1966) creepy music score, in which loud bell
chimes are used to good effect. What can be said about Barbara Steele
that hasn't been said many times before? She is a classic beauty with
eyes that hypnotize, so much so, you'll be looking into her eyes and
forgetting about her acting abilities, which is a shame because she's
an excellent actress who puts her heart, soul and, yes, her eyes into
every role she plays. Italian gothic horror wouldn't be the same
without her. As a matter of fact, everyone here is excellent, especially
George Ardisson as Kurt, who gives his character just enough
nastiness for you to appreciate his demise. The screenplay, by
"Robert Bohr" (Tonino Valerii; director/screenwriter of the
giallo MY DEAR KILLER -
1972), hits all the right notes and everything is resolved when the
film ends. It doesn't get any better than this, folks!
Filmed as I
LUNGHI CAPELLI DELLA MORTE (A literal translation of the
review title), this film never obtained a U.S. theatrical release,
which is a shame because it would have frightened many people back in
the '60s, as it does today. Like most Italian gothic horror films,
this one, too, fell into the Public Domain (PD), where it received
many VHS releases, mostly from gray market sellers (Something Weird
Video, Sinister Cinema, etc.). It was also released on many PD DVD
labels using a fullscreen print, including Alpha
Video (their print is in widescreen, but beat-up), East West
Entertainment and Synergy Archives, but the disc you want is the
Blu-Ray/DVD offered by Raro Video,
which is in anamorphic widescreen and looks exceptional. The black
& white photography, by "Richard Thierry" (Riccardo
Pallottini; LADY FRANKENSTEIN
- 1971), leaps off the screen and grabs you by the throat, never
letting go until the satisfying ending. As with most Raro releases,
the film is offered in its original Italian language with English
subtitles (my preferred way of watching foreign films) or English
dubbed and contains some interesting extras, including both English
and Italian trailers, as well as an interview with Margheriti's son,
Edoardo (Antonio passed away at the end of 2002), who regales us with
stories about working in various capacities on his father's films.
Antonio hated the sight of blood, which is why he filmed most of his
gothic horror films in black & white (It also explains why his
bloodless mid-'60s sci-fi films, such as WILD,
WILD PLANET - 1965 and the previously mentioned SNOW
DEVILS - 1967, had very colorful set decorations.). Edoardo
goes on to state that when the Italian film industry turned to making
gore-soaked films, including his father's CANNIBAL
APOCALYPSE (1980), Antonio was inconsolable until he took a
trip to America and saw an advance screening of Spielberg's RAIDERS
OF THE LOST ARK (1981). He came back to Italy a changed man
and began churning out harmless fantasy adventure films, such as HUNTERS
OF THE GOLDEN COBRA (1982), ARK
OF THE SUN GOD (1983) and JUNGLE
RAIDERS (1985), all made for very little money but were hits
for him (he and his father also did all the miniature model work in
those films, which was Antonio's favorite thing to do, besides
directing). Another informative disc from Raro. I always learn
something new from every one of their releases. Also starring
"John Carey" (Nello Pazzafini; MAD
DOG - 1977) and Jeffrey Darcey as the Messenger. Not Rated.
LORD
OF DARKNESS (2012) -
"Mad men do what good men dream." Known as SAWNEY:
FLESH OF MAN in most other countries (a much better title if
you ask me), this gory horror film, lensed in beautiful Scotland, is
quite good for a first-time director, even if it did take nearly two
years to make. This is an updating on the true-life story of the
Sawney Bean family (a cannibal clan that lived in Scotland over 500
years ago, killing the local population and devouring their flesh),
as an off-screen narrator tells us that the entire Bean family was
wiped out centuries ago. All except
one, that is. The film opens in 1990, in the Scottish Highlands, as
we watch someone in a black cab drive a doctor to a secret location
behind a waterfall, where he bloodily delivers a baby from a woman
that is tied up with a burlap sack over her head. As soon as the baby
is delivered, that same someone (in a black hood) blows the doctor's
head off with a shotgun. We then switch to the present, where Rebecca
(Shian Denovan) and her boyfriend Jamie (Ross Maxwell) are at a bar
on Halloween Night. Rebecca gets very angry with Jamie when she finds
out he was snorting coke in the bathroom, so she leaves the bar with
Jamie following her. He hands over his stash of coke to Rebecca, who
puts it in her pocketbook and refuses to get into Jamie's car because
she believes he is in no condition to drive. He leaves in a huff and
Jamie notices a black cab (with black-out windows) nearby and hops
in. We hear a scream, the cab shakes and then it drives off. We then
meet Sawney Bean (David Hayman; BURKE
& HARE - 2010), back at his secret location behind the
waterfall (it's actually an abandoned mine), where he has Rebecca
tied-up. He takes a bite out of her and rapes her (seems he keeps his
bloodline alive by kidnapping women and getting them pregnant), then
going back to his duties of preparing a bowl of human body parts and
innards as a meal for "Mother", who is a prisoner behind a
locked door and kept somewhat docile by opera music that plays on a
boombox. He then rifles through Rebecca's pocket book and finds
photos of her in a bikini and begins to masturbate with a dismembered
human hand! The film then takes us to the funeral of Charlotte
McIntyre (Elich Nairn), where alcoholic newspaper reporter Hamish
MacDonald (Samuel Feeney), who was a friend of Charlotte's and is the
ex-boyfriend of Charlotte's sister Wendy (Elizabeth Brown), sits in
his car in the pouring rain trying to figure out who killed her.
According to Hamish's source, Detective Bill Munro (Gavin Mitchell),
Charlotte was found at an ancient Druid sacrificial site in the
Scottish Highlands. Well, just her head was found (it is impaled on a
pole, maggots crawling out of her eye sockets) in a makeshift human
body. The only problem is the rest of the body parts found there were
all from different human bodies (Bill gives Hamish photos of the
crime scene) and it looks as if someone has chewed on the body parts.
Bill's police captain, Charlie McGuire (William Houston), is not
happy that Hamish is having his stories on the case make the front
page of the newspaper, so he tells Bill to stick close to Hamish and
make sure that the information he gives him is misleading or minimal.
As Hamish is getting closer to the truth, going to the library and
finding a newspaper article on microfiche dating back to 1970, where
another woman was found in the same dismembered condition as
Charlotte and a photo of that crime scene contains valuable
information to the location of the murderer, Sawney Bean and his
black-hoodied "sons", Judd (Jean-Paul Jesstience) and Jake
(Will Sutton), who are both well-versed in martial arts and parkour
(the French term for being able to jump, climb or run long distances
through various obstacles in the quickest and most efficient manner
possible), are searching for another victim. One of the sons sees a
woman all alone walking down the street and goes to kidnap her, but a
good samaritan hears her screams and intervenes, only to get his
throat cut. A Traffic Warden (Ian Sexton) notices Sawney's black cab
parked illegally, so he gives it a ticket because he can't see
through the blacked-out windows. Sawney then knocks out the traffic
cop and puts him in the back seat, honking the horn to tell his son
to stop (the woman does not know how lucky she was). The next time we
see the Traffic Warden, he is locked in wooden stocks while being
butt-fucked by one of the sons. Sawney then cuts off the cop's head
with a curved meat knife (nothing is left to the imagination) and
tells his son to go feed Mother. Rebecca escapes her shackles (after the
son takes a bite out of her thigh) and runs for her life, only to be
trapped on a cliff by a shotgun-toting Sawney and his two sons.
Rebecca decides to take her own life by falling off the cliff (good
choice), so Sawney needs a new woman to torture and rape. He kidnaps
Wendy (just after she says she loves Hamish over the phone), while
Hamish is out at the crime scene trying to find out where the killer
is hiding out. A plumber is checking out the mine because a neighbor
has been complaining about a foul stench that has been coming through
her sewer line for years (for some reason, the sewer line runs
through the mine). One of the sons discovers the plumber and knocks
him out. Meanwhile, Hamish discovers the hidden waterfall location,
but Sawney is waiting for him. How did he know? To say any more would
be to ruin the film for you, my dear readers. Capably directed
by first-timer Ricky Wood Jr., who co-produced the film with his
father, Richard W. Wood (who also wrote the screenplay and created
the stomach-turning prosthetics and makeup effects), the movie has a
lush feel to it thanks to cinematographer Ranald Wood (Ricky's
brother), who used Red cameras to film it. It took them nearly two
years to finish the film because they all had regular jobs and filmed
mostly on weekends and whatever free time they had. The only real
noticable way you can discern this is by the stubble on Samuel
Feeney's face. If you look closely, you can see it change length from
stot-to-shot. Otherwise this is a terrific first effort by a family
dedicated to turning out a quality film. The acting is excellent
across the board and the gory effects push way beyond the film's
R-Rating. The film is literally full of dismembered body parts, guts
and blood and some of the sequences even made this jaded gore junkie
stand up and take notice. Toss in a dwarf cannibal, a talking severed
head, the unmasking of "Mother" and a surprise reveal
during the finale and what you end up with is a gory, glossy horror
flick, the kind they use to make a long time ago. The only thing that
bothered me was the unnecessary nihilistic ending, but I suppose that
Wood will be directing a sequel sometime in the future and the
closing shot leaves him room to do so. Other films that deal with the
Sawney Bean story are BLOOD CLAN
(1990) and EVIL
BREED: THE LEGEND OF SAMHAIN (2003). Even Wes Craven has
said that he based his THE
HILLS HAVE EYES (1977) on the Sawney Bean story. Also
starring Rachel Jackson, Lisa Cameron and Lindsay Cromar. A Lionsgate
Home Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
THE
LORELEY'S GRASP (1973) -
During the 70's, the Spaniards proved just as adept as the Italians
at churning out gore-filled horror films that the U.S. was unable or
just flat-out didn't want to make in fear of the censors. Well, the
MPAA has a field day when this film was released in the U.S. under
the title WHEN THE
SCREAMING STOPS, as nearly all the heavy gore and much of the
nudity was removed, making the film nothing but a shell of its former
self. Which is why I miss DVD company Deimos Entertainment, who
released many of these films in their original uncensored versions,
making us appreciate the films that we originally saw heavily edited
in theaters or even more cut on TV (some so heavily cut, they made no
sense at all!). When Deimos ceased operations, no one seemed to pick
up the Spanish horror film mantle, except public domain
companies who would release the TV versions on DVD and an occasional
unedited one from companies like Raro Video (who are more interested
in Italian giallo or Poliziottesco films), Code Red, Scorpion
Releasing, Mondo Macabro, Vinegar Syndrome (who are more into porn)
and Synapse Films. So, if your tastes run towards 70's Spanish gore
film (like mine does), keep searching for Deimos Entertainment DVDs
that are still in circulation (They later issued double features, but
they didn't cheap-out, always giving each film their own DVD and
carrying over the extras from the single releases. I got this one at
a fantastic price with the Unrated version of HORROR
RISES FROM THE TOMB [1972], one of my favorite Spanish
horror films of all times.) This modern-day film starts off on the
right foot when, within the first five minutes, we see a bride-to-be
(Betsabé Ruiz; HOUSE
OF INSANE WOMEN - 1971) taking off her clothes and putting
on her nightgown and wedding veil. Her soon-to-be-husband, Carl
(Joseph Thelman), throws small rocks at her window to get her
attention because he wants to see her beautiful face before they get
married in the morning. She playfully tells him to go home (which he
does), only to hear more tapping on her window. When she opens her
window (thinking it is Carl), a sharp-clawed creature enters her room
and leaves deep scratches in her face and on her right breast,
killing her instantly. At her funeral are Carl and her friends and a
horse-drawn carriage just out of view occupied by the mysterious
Lorelei (Helga Liné; THE
VAMPIRES NIGHT ORGY - 1972; and don't ask me to explain why
her name is spelled differently from the film's title) who, for some
reason, is very interested in the funeral. When Carl starts shoveling
dirt on his dead fianceé's coffin before the preacher is done
with his service (I'm still puzzled about that one), Lorelei gestures
to her man-servant Alberic (Luis Barboo; THE
DEMONS - 1973) to drive away. At the local bar (where beer
is still served in steins), the town's coroner (Sergio
Mendizábal) tells the Mayor (Luis Induni; THE
DEVIL'S POSSESSED - 1974) and every other patron at
the bar of the unusual wounds on the young woman's body. For one, her
heart was missing (One drunk patron says. "It must have been a
bear that did it!"), but a violin-playing blind vagabond
(Francisco Nieto; CUT-THROATS
NINE - 1971) tells the crowd about a story he heard when he
was a child: "According to the traditions of the Seven Full
Moons, Lorelei will be transformed into an obscene beast. She will
need to devour human hearts in order to return to her centuries-old
dream." Everyone but the Mayor become scared, but a Professor
(Ángel Menéndez), who is stealthily listening to the
story on the stairs seems a little more than interested in the
legend. To calm the men down, the Mayor buys everyone a round of beer
(because beer solves every problem until you wake up with a
hangover). A woman named Elke Ackerman (Silvia Tortosa; BROTHER
FROM SPACE - 1984), a professor at a local all-girls school,
enters the bar and tells the Mayor that her school will need
protection from the killer (the blind vagabond agrees). The Mayor
assures her that there's nothing to worry about because he will be
hiring noted hunter Sigurd (Tony Kendall; THE
BIG BUST-OUT - 1972) to protect the school and there is no
one better. Carl tells the Mayor that Sigurd will not be needed,
because he will kill who or what is responsible himself (These things
never turn out well). We then meet all the bikini-clad girls at the
school as they are frolicking around the school's pool. They are
expecting Sigurd to be an old, grizzled hunter, but they are
surprised to find out he is a handsome man, as he arrives at the
school on his motorcycle and they run away to get all dolled up.
Sigurd has been a hunter since he was eleven years-old and he only
has two rules that the school's Principal (Josefina Jartin) must
follow: First, all doors and windows must be locked at 9:00 pm every
night with no one arriving or leaving after that time. Secondly, he
must have full liberty to do what he pleases at the school. Elke is
against Sigurd being at the school because she believes a man on the
property will interrupt her students' learning abilities (She's more
concerned about learning than her students' lives?), but the
Principal hands him the keys to all the doors and tells Elke to take
a chill pill. The girls come back all dolled up, proving Elke's
claims and she does win one victory by making Sigurd stay in the
garage away from all the girls (She really has problems with men,
even though she's not a lesbian). The creature attacks a female
student that night when she forgets to lock one of the doors (Her
attack is quite brutal and gory, as the creature rips open one of her
breasts and leaves huge gashes on her face). When her body is found
with her heart missing, Sigurd notices Lorelei at her funeral in her
buggy, but it drives away before anyone else can see her. It's quite
obvious by now (even without the film's title) that Lorelei is the
creature and when Sigurd stops her from attacking the school that
night, she goes into town (for the first time in history) and attacks
the blind vagabond, ripping out his heart (nothing is left to the
imagination). While swimming at the lake (Elke forbades him from
swimming in the pool with the girls. What the fuck is her problem?),
he sees Lorelei wearing a black-tassled bikini, but once again she
disappears. Sigurd meets the Professor, who takes him to his
laboratory and tells him that the legend of the Lorelei is true. To
prove it, he pulls out a severed hand from a human corpse and injects
it with a serum that turns the hand back to the time when creatures
like Lorelei existed, the hand turning into a creature's claw. He
tells Sigurd that Lorelei must collects seven hearts for the next
seven moons to remain immortal, but he has invented a radioactive
dagger that will reverse Lorelei's transformation, turning her into
nothing but a pile of dust, since she has been alive for centuries.
To prove it, he stabs the severed creature's claw he created and it
turns back into a human hand (it doesn't turn into dust because it is
only a few days old). We finally find out why Elke distrusts Sigurd
so much. She believes that the female of the species is superior, but
Sigurd's charms soften her so much that she begins falling in love
with him. Carl becomes the fourth victim when the creature rips his
heart out (again, very graphic) and Sigurd is absolutely sure that
Lorelei lives somewhere near the lake. He meets her at an abandoned
building by the lake and kisses her (something she has never
experienced before and she likes it), but when he begins to try to
make love to her and her pearl necklace falls off, Alberic appears
and carries her into the water of the lake until they disappear.
Sigurd is now sure that Lorelei lives in a cavern beneath the lake
and has lived there for centuries. Thanks to Sigurd's big mouth while
they were kissing, Lorelei and Alberic pay the Professor a visit .
While Lorelei burns all his notes, Alberic whips the Professor until
he falls on the floor and a bottle of acid spills on his face,
killing him. When the Mayor and Sigurd discover the blind vagabond
and the Professor dead (both their hearts missing), Sigurd grabs the
Professor's radioactive dagger and has a good idea where Lorelei
spends most of her time. Before he goes to her place of residence,
the creature attacks a couple of female students having some fun
bubble bath action, but Sigurd saves them. The creature dives out the
window and Sigurd gets off a couple of shots, but misses. When the
creature sees Elke and Sigurd kissing, she becomes jealous and
decides to make Elke her next and final victim (Wait a minute,
doesn't that make six heartless victims? Doesn't she need one more?).
The creature attacks Elke, but Sigurd intervenes. With a boatman and
the Mayor waiting above in a small boat, Sigurd dives
down
into the lake's water and discovers the lake's centuries-old cavern,
where there are a few pretty evil girls and Alberic waiting for him.
Lorelei tells them to get away from him and she shows him all the
opulent treasure she has collected over the centuries. There is
enough treasure there to buy a big country (The Niebelungen Mythology
also gets a mention here). Lorelei wants Sigurd to stay with her
"throughout eternity", but when her hypnosis fails to sway
him, she uses every bit of power she has to knock him out and then
goes out to collect her final heart. She transforms into the creature
(time-lapse photography) and leaves the cavern. Sigurd wakes up tied
to some posts, while Lorelei's girls fight over who is going to have
him first. He manages to break free, grabs the radioactive dagger and
meets the Mayor and the boatman at the boat. He throws a timed charge
at the entrance of the underwater cavern and returns to the school,
where he knows Lorelei wants to remove Elke's heart and then live for
more centuries until she has to do it again. Sigurd manages to stab
the creature Lorelei a couple of times in the heart with the
radioactive dagger and she dies in his arms, as she turns back to
human and then a skeleton and then to dust (The underwater cavern
also explodes, killing Lorelei's girls and Alberic in the cave-in).
But Sigurd sees a ghostly apparition of Lorelei riding a horse in the
distance (shown solarized on the screen), telling him that she will
meet him again in another lifetime. It seems that you cannot actually
kill Lorelei, but only put an end to her terror until the next time
she needs to collect seven human hearts. Isn't love grand? Shot
as LA GARRAS DE LORELEI
("The Claws Of Loreley" which is what the film should have
been known as. Even the international theatrical trailer on the DVD
mentions the name of the film repeatedly as "The Claws Of
Loreley" when "The Loreley's Grasp" shows up on
screen), director Amando De Ossorio, best known for his four
"Blind Dead" films (1972-1975), who also directed a
handful of other horror films, including FANGS
OF THE LIVING DEAD (1969); NIGHT
OF THE SORCERERS (1973); and DEMON
WITCH CHILD (1974), keeps the film moving a a brisk pace
thanks to the frequent female skin and really graphic gore. Those
used to seeing the Lightning
Video VHS or the theatrical version under the name WHEN
THE SCREAMING STOPS (complete with a flashing red warning
light to alert scared viewers of something scary about to happen) are
not seeing the entire film, because most of the graphic gore was cut
to achieve an R-Rating (Both theatrical outlets and Lightning Video
also issued a "vomit bag"
to people watching the film, but you would have to have a pretty
weak stomach to use it in that hacked-up version). As far as Spanish
70's gore films go. I would rank this in the upper 10% because it is
gory and not ashamed to show nudity at a time in Spain when the
Franco Regime was just ending and nudity was allowed in films again.
Helga Liné has gone on record of her distaste for the late De
Ossorio (who passed away in 2001) and this film, Saying "I hate
this film!" and "Armando De Ossorio was a weak person and
an unpleasant director. I didn't like working for him." Well
fuck her and the horse she rode in on! I enjoyed it and if you are a
lover of Spanish genre films, chances are you will, too. Also
starring Lolita Tovar, Victoria Hernández, Marisol Delgado,
Cristino Almodóvar, Javier De Rivera, María Luisa
Tovar, Iris André, Bárbara Rey and Antonio Orenga. A
Deimos Entertainment DVD Release. Not Rated.
LURKERS
(1987) - This is one of the last films directed by the
still-living (at the time of this review) Roberta Findlay and, while
watching it, it was easy to see why. Her heart just wasn't in it
anymore. Findlay was one of the sexploitation godmothers of the 60's,
working closely with husband Michael Findlay (who was accidentally
killed in 1977 on the top of the-then Pan Am Building in New York
City, when the helicopter he was about to travel in collapsed,
decapitating him and killing four more people), usually acting under
the name "Anna Riva", producing, writing and photographing
films under various male pseudonyms (such as "Robert W.
Norman", "Robert Walters", "Harold Hindgrind"
and nearly 20 more!) and generally was a jill-of-all-trades when it
came to making sexploitation films. When the sexploitation market
dried-up, both Michael and Roberta began making hardcore porn films,
but they are probably best kown in the 70's as being the people
behind the controversial film SNUFF
(1976), which was actually a Findlay film called THE
SLAUGHTER (1971), a Manson Family-inspired thriller, that
didn't take off theatrically, but legendary film huckster Alan
Shackleton took that unpopular film and hired Simon Nuctern (SILENT
MADNESS - 1984) to direct a tacked-on ending purportedly
showing an actress actually getting killed on screen and a legend was
born. The brew-ha-ha that it caused, which included people picketing
at theaters showing it and the F.B.I. investigating the allegations,
made the film a smash hit, but the Findlays never saw a penny of
profit from it because they sold their original film outright to
Shackleton. When Michael died, Roberta continued making porn films
and then, starting in the mid-80's began directing and photographing
a series of exploitation and horror films, which included the
superior TENEMENT: GAME OF SURVIVAL
(1985); THE ORACLE (1985); BLOOD
SISTERS (1987); PRIME EVIL
(1988); the rarely-seen BANNED
(1989); and this film. While this is not a bad film (it is
competently acted, photographed and has a few genuine scares), it was
obvious that Roberta Fildlay was working on auto-pilot when she
directed this. Even more disappointing is that the "blah"
screenplay was co-written by Ed Kelleher (with Harriette Vidal), who
also co-wrote the memorable cult films INVASION
OF THE BLOOD FARMERS (1972) and SHRIEK
OF THE MUTILATED (1974; directed by Michael Findlay). The
idea behind the film is very interesting, but the execution leaves a
lot to be desired. I consider this a reverse version of THE
SENTINEL (1977) and as you read my review, you will soon
understand why. This movie is about cellist Cathy (Christine Moore),
who is going through a lot of shit. When she was just a young girl
(played by Dana Nardelli) living in a brownstone in Washington
Heights, New York, her cruel mother would abuse her (like burning her
with a hot iron!) and telling her constantly "They are going to
get you!" One day after abuse from her mother, Cathy walks down
the many floors of the brownstone by using the spiral staircase-like
steps crying her eyes out. When she goes outside, two girls ask if
she wants to jump rope. When she does, her neck gets tangled in the
ropes and the two girls pull the rope tightly, the two girls under
the control of a ghostly girl dressed in white (Lauren Ruave). It
seems Cathy has an unnamed female guardian angel (Eva Baumann),
because just as Cathy is about to lose consciousness, she makes the
ghost girl disappear and the two girls let go of the rope. That
night, while Cathy is under the covers of her bed reading a book with
a flashlight, she hears strange voices calling her name. She flips
the covers open and discovers a wide assortment of human-like
creatures called Lurkers (excellent make-up effects by Ed French of BREEDERS
[1986] fame) floating around her bed. We then cut to the present,
where Cathy is a successful cellist in a string quartet. We see her
walking across the street to meet her fiancé Bob (Gary
Warner), when a cab comes barreling down the road. Just before the
cab hits her, the guardian angel from earlier in the film (who hasn't
aged a year) pulls her back and saves her from certain death. When
Cathy mentions to Bob that if it weren't for the woman she would be
dead, Bob says, "What woman?" Cathy and Bob are soon to be
married and he wants Cathy to invite her only living relative,
brother Phil (Gil Newsom), who is a priest, to the wedding, but Cathy
says she hasn't spoken to him in years and refuses to talk to Bob
what happened to make them become estranged. Bob is the co-owner of a
modeling agency with beautiful partner Monica (Marina Taylor) and he
hands photos of Cathy to her, which makes Monica very interested in
something (While this is happening, two models, one of them portrayed
by Ruth Collins [DOOM ASYLUM
- 1987], are off to the side stripping topless while talking about
junk bonds and insider trading!). We then see Cathy playing cello in
a recording studio with her string quartet, when the ghostly girl in
white pops-up in one of the booths, causing Cathy to scream and run
out of the studio (No one else sees her, as the studio engineer asks,
"Is that a wrap?"). Director Findlay show her roots in
sexploitation when we see Bob and Cathy nude in bed making love.
Cathy has a nightmare flashback where she witnesses her mother
brutally kill her father by stabbing him in the chest with a butcher
knife (the blood literally squirts out of the wound), with Mom then
chasing a young Cathy down the street, but before dear Mother can
kill her, Cathy wakes up. In the film's most telling, yet mysterious
sequence (it will be explained later in the film), Bob meets a
nervous Steve (Peter Oliver-Norman) in a bar, where Steve says to
Bob, "I can't do it any more!", but Bob says he made a deal
with "them" and he has to follow through with the deal or
suffer the consequences. Bob leaves the bar and Steve collapses, as
if he is having a nervous breakdown. Cathy goes to see psychic friend
Rita (Nancy Groff) for a Tarot Card reading and a card comes up that
doesn't bode so well for Cathy, but Rita lies and says she and Bob
will have a happy life together. Cathy then goes to meet her brother
Phil at the steps of his church to invite him to the wedding, but
Phil is very unreceptive and turns down her invitation, telling her
to get some professional help. As Phil walks into the church, Cathy
sees the ghostly girl, who tells her, "Go home Cathy!",
which triggers another nightmare flashback. This time we see Cathy's
mother being taken out of the brownstone, a huge butcher knife buried
in her chest, while her dying abusive mother tells her, "Go home
Cathy!" Is there something mentally wrong with Cathy or are
there more sinister forces at work (Bet on the latter)? Why was Steve
carried away in a straitjacket after his discussion with Bob? What
exactly are Lurkers? Are they real or a figment of Cathy's twisted
mind? Where did I put my pants? The pieces start falling together (I
still haven't found my pants, though) when Bob takes Cathy to a
party, but first Cathy makes Bob stop the car to pick up her guardian
angel, who is standing at the curb of a street. This time Bob can see
her and the guardian angel says, "Don't go home Cathy!" and
disappears into thin air (Bob tells Cathy that she probably jumped
out of the convertible!). Once they reach the party location, Cathy
realizes that it is the Washington Heights brownstone where she was
raised as a child and refuses to go inside. Bob tells Cathy to wait
outside while he makes excuses to the host, Desmond (Roy MacArthur),
as to why they cannot stay. Bob seems to be taking an awfully long
time upstairs, as Cathy witnesses a bloody girl running by her with
Leo 'The Hammer' (Thomas Billett) chasing her, sledgehammer in hand,
Steve on the ground pleading for God to forgive him, a dead chicken
hanging upside down on on a cemetery gate and Leo crushing the poor
bloodied girl's head in with the sledgehammer, all while trying to
find a working payphone to call for help (even today, that is an
impossibility in New York City!). With a little prying from Bob, he
gets Cathy to enter the brownstone and attend the party, telling her
she can use the phone in there to call for help. It all turns out to
be a trap for Cathy, as the brownstone Cathy lived in as a child is
actually a gateway from Hell to let "Lurkers" walk the
Earth, as long as they get someone to take their own lives. Everyone
at the party that Cathy thought were her friends are all actually
Lurkers
(She
sees a repentant Steve at the party, where Desmond says to him,
"Really Steve, you're such a worthless fuck!" before Leo
pummels Steve to a bloody pulp for not bringing a close relative with
him to sacrifice to the Devil). Bob (who is also a Lurker) must try
to convince Cathy to commit suicide, so all the Lurkers shed their
human skins and show their actual selves (it's not a pretty sight).
It seems that when Cathy was a child and that jump rope was around
her neck, she was supposed to die, and Satan is nothing if not a good
bookkeeper, so Cathy must take her life to balance the books. Bob
also tells Cathy that everyone who dies in that brownstone
automatically goes to Hell and also says that there are buildings
like this spread throughout the world. Cathy runs to the roof of the
brownstone, where the Lurkers trick Cathy and she falls off the roof
and dies. The next time we see Bob, he has a new fianceé, who
tells him that when she was a child, she lived in a strange
brownstone full of creepy creatures which would come to her bedroom
at night. The cycle continues........ If I make this film sound
interesting, my apologies. It is so leisurely-paced, a snail could
beat it in a footrace. The actual Lurkers come few and far between,
once at the beginning and once at the end, so the rest of the film is
nothing but Cathy acting scared while we try to figure out what in
the Hell (pardon the pun) is going on. I'm still scratching my head
about Phil the priest. We never see him as a boy during Cathy's
frequent childhood flashbacks, so where the hell was he? At Seminary
School? And why does he refuse to help his sister? He is a priest,
for Christ's sake (pardon that pun, too, but I have to find something
funny to say to relieve the 85 minutes of boredom I just witnessed).
Besides the excellent makeup effects by Ed French, there is really
nothing to offer the viewer in way of entertainment. The Lurkers are
definitely creepy and their first appearance does raise some
goosebumps, but they are used so sparingly, it hardly makes up for
the other 84 minutes of soap opera-like story. Roberta Findlay
definitely knows how to film scenes for optimum effect and the music
(by producer Walter E. Sear, who also co-edited the film with
Findlay), although electronic, sounds harpsicord-heavy and is
effective during the few scare scenes. Some secondary things in the
movie did tickle my funnybone, though, like Bob and Cathy eating at
Fiorello's Cafe, a joint I used to eat lunch at often when I worked
in NYC; Cathy reading the book "Prisoners Of Childhood"
while taking a bath (talk about prophetic!); and a parking garage
only charging $5.26 for the night! Try finding parking for quadruple
that in any parking garage in NYC now and you'll be lucky! Originally
released on VHS by Media
Home Entertainment, and as part of a DVD box set from Rhino
Video under the title "Horrible
Horrors Collection Volume 1", it is now available as a double
feature DVD from Scorpion
Releasing (with the 1972 PG-Rated thriller DIE
SISTER, DIE!) in a flawless 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen
print. I doubt you will ever see this film on Blu-Ray, so if you must
watch this film, the Scorpion DVD is the way to go. Also Starring
Carissa Channing, C.C. Banks, Anne Grindlay, Wayne Burcham and
blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameos by a young Debbie Rochon and genre
writer Maitland McDonagh ("Broken Mirrors/Broken Minds: The Dark
Dreams of Dario Argento") at the party in the finale. A
Scorpion Releasing DVD Release. Rated R.
THE
MAD (2006) - When I read the plot
synopsis on the DVD sleeve, all I could think was, "Oh great,
another zombie comedy!" (Insert sarcasm here). But, much to my
surprise, this one is at least worth a rental. The plot is rather
simple: Slaughterhouse owner Arlen Sutter (Ian McPhail) supplies beef
to the local diner that is intentionally infected with a Mad Cow-like
disease, which turns the patrons that eat it into flesh-eating
zombies. A visiting tourist family, which includes dad Jason Hunt
(Billy Zane; DEAD CALM -
1989; TALES
FROM THE CRYPT: DEMON KNIGHT -1995); his girlfriend Monica
(Shauna MacDonald), who insists on dressing Jason in retro 80's
fashions (because it makes her hot!); teenage daughter Amy (Maggie
Castle), who hates Monica for what she's turning her father into; and Amy's
bubble-headed boyfriend Blake (Evan Charles Flock), decide to spend
the day (and night) in the town, unaware of the horror they are about
to encounter. While having a meal in the diner, Monica is killed by
an infected townie and Blake has some of his toes bitten off by
another zombie, forcing Jason, Amy and an infected Blake to team-up
with waitress Steve (Jordan Madley) and cook Charlie (Rothaford Gray)
and barricade themselves in the diner. Jason (who once played synth
drums in an 80's New Wave band incredulously called "The
Mad") is a doctor and performs a makeshift autopsy on Monica's
corpse to try and pinpoint the reason for the sudden outbreak of
zombieism. He accidentally discovers that there is something wrong
with the beef when the last infected hamburger patty springs to life
and attacks Blake, attaching itself to Blake's face (Jason removes it
by pouring olive oil on Blake's face, to which Blake exclaims,
"Oh great, now my face is going to break out!"). Blake is
decapitated by the zombie horde (a funny scene) and both Steve and
Charlie are devoured, too, but Jason and Amy hop in a car and
hightail it out of town. Incredibly, they turn around to combat the
root of the problem (Jason looks at his daughter and says, "Damn
it, Amy. I'm not a doctor, I'm a musician!" What?) and head to
the Sutter farm, where they meet Arlen's strange son Johnny (Matthew
Deslippe). Jason and Amy find out a little too late that both Sutters
are infected with the disease and resort to cannibalism to keep the
condition under control (they are somewhere between human and
full-blown zombies). Can vegetarian Amy charm the pants off Johnny
before Arlen and a barn-full of living chopped beef devour
Jason? The first thing you'll notice about this film, directed
by Johnny Kalangis (whose only other directorial credits are a couple
of romantic dramas) and co-written by Kalangis, Kevin Hennelly and
Christopher Warre Smets, is how fast and loose it plays with the
characters' lives. We are led to believe that there is going to be a
lot of personal drama between Amy and Monica, only to have Monica be
the first on-screen casualty. The same can be said about Steve and
Charlie, who are both given interesting back-stories, only to be
unceremoniously killed in a quick fashion. The entire film is played
rather broadly, with tongue firmly planted in cheek, and while not
everything works (some of it is groan-inducing), there's a lot here
that manages to raise a chuckle, including Billy Zane's entire
performance, some extreme gore (most of it used humorously) and some
good one-liners ("Has your beef been acting strangely?").
Not everyone is going to like THE MAD,
because everything is treated as a joke and nothing is taken
seriously (some of the dialogue between Jason and Amy later in the
film is downright surreal), but, at 82 minutes long, it doesn't
overstay it's welcome and is a pretty entertaining flick if you're in
the right frame of mind. Nothing spectacular, mind you, but a nice
diversion. Also starring Christopher Gross and Angela Maiorano. A
Peace Arch Entertainment DVD Release. Unrated.
MAD
DOCTOR OF BLOOD ISLAND
(1968/1969) - This is the middle film of the infamous "Blood
Island Trilogy" (the first one being BRIDES
OF BLOOD - 1968), but it actually begins a new story that is
finished in the final film BEAST
OF BLOOD (1970). I use to watch this on TV in the 70's under
the alternate title TOMB
OF THE LIVING DEAD, but that version of the film was so
severely edited, it was such a shock to see it in its unedited form.
It (like the other two films in the series) was released on DVD in
fullscreen from Image Entertainment
and Alpha New Cinema just ported
over the Image versions for their much cheaper (and missing some
extras) DVD-Rs, but the fullscreen print is in fine condition. Until
someone takes a chance and releases all three Blood Island films in
widescreen, these discs will have to do. And they do contain
the interesting Blood Island Trilogy trailers, one of them
narrarated by the unmistakable Brother Theodore, who sounds like he
is about to have a seizure while narrating it (I loved that guy!).
For such a low price (5 DVDs for $17.99), how could you pass up such
a deal from Alpha Video? We all know that John Ashley starred in all
three of these films and loved the Philippines so much, he stayed
there for a long period of time, acting in such classic Filipino
genre films as BEAST
OF THE YELLOW NIGHT (1970); TWILIGHT
PEOPLE (1972); THE
WOMAN HUNT (1972); BEYOND
ATLANTIS (1973); SAVAGE
SISTERS (1974); BLACK
MAMBA (1974); and SUDDEN
DEATH (1975), as well as being Executive Producer on THE
BIG DOLL HOUSE (1971); Producer on BLACK
MAMA WHITE MAMA (1973); and Associate Producer on APOCALYPSE
NOW (1979). All of these films were shown un U.S. theaters
and he did more than any American to promote films made in the
Philippines during the 70's (Well, him and Roger Corman). He then
returned to the United States and mostly gave up acting, instead
becoming a Producer of popular TV shows as THE
A-TEAM (1983 - 1987); WEREWOLF
(1987 - 1988; I know it has a bad reputation in certain circles, but
the show still has many fans, even though it only lasted one season); WALKER,
TEXAS RANGER (1993 - 1994; Producing the first season only;
left because of budget problems due to the collapse of Cannon Films)
and producing various TV movies and mini-series, including SOMETHING
IS OUT THERE (1988), which became a short-lived series the
same year. If a heart attack didn't take John Ashley at the
relatively young age of 62 in 1997, imagine all the stories he could
tell us about his time spent in the Philippines (Such as his nude
lovemaking scene with Angelique Pettyjohn in this film was real. She
has gone on record saying it was!). He was a great-looking guy (I'm
manly enough to say that) and must have had some real tales to tell,
as well as film-related information. Too bad he passed away the year
DVD was just hitting the market. But enough about the legendary
Ashley. Let's get to the film itself. When the film was first
released to theaters, it handed out all the patrons with a vial of
"green blood" (actually water with green food coloring) and
this DVD has that seqment where the audience had to take the "Oath
of the Green Blood": "I, a living, breathing creature
of the cosmic entity, am now ready to enter the realm of those chosen
to be allowed to drink the Mystic Emerald fluids herein offered. I
join the Order of Green Blood with an open mind and, through this
liquid's powers, am now prepared to safely view the unnatural
green-blooded ones without fear of contamination." After taking
that Oath, you were guaranteed never to turn into a green-blooded
monster (William Castle must have been proud). We are then taken to a
lush jungle where a totally nude girl is running for her life from a
green, icky monster, which we will call the "chlorophyll
monster" (giving away the monster appearance in the film's first
five minutes, but it doesn't hurt the film in the least). The
chlorophyll monster catches the girl and makes mincemeat of her face
(also letting us see some rather gruesome gore for 1969), as we watch
the water flowing down the waterfalls turn green while the opening
titles are shown on screen. We are then transported to a ship heading
for Blood Island. The passengers include Dr. Bill Foster (John
Ashley), a pathologist sent to the island to check out some rumors
that have spread from there concerning chlorophyll experiments;
Sheila Willard (Angelique Pettyjohn; BIOHAZARD
- 1984; who ventured into porn films during the mid-70's), who is
looking for her father Willard (Tony Edmunds), who Sheila hasn't seen
since she was twelve and now he has stopped replying to her letters;
Carlos Lopez (Ronaldo Valdez; who has the emotions and acting range
of a piece of wood), who has come to try and talk his mother (Tita
Muñoz) into leaving the island with him. The Captain of the
ship (played by future director Edward D. Murphy; RAW
FORCE - 1981) tells Carlos that he should get his mother off
the island because of something that happened to him six months
earlier close to the island. They found a man floating on a raft and
when he came to, he started acting acting like a total lunatic, even
killing one of the Captain's crew. The Captain put a bullet into him
and he jumped overboard, but not before leaving puddles of green
blood behind (The Captain scraped some of the green blood and sent it
to a government laboratory, which is one of the main reasons Bill has
come to the island). The Captain thinks the island is cursed. Carlos
thinks the Captain is nuts. I'm going with the Captain on this one.
The guests are brought to the island by the natives and are welcomed
by the village elder, Ramu (Alfonso Carvajal, who will repeat the
same role in the third film). Sheila finds out her father Willard has
become a blind stinking drunk and Carlos meets his mother, who is
working in conjunction with the evil Dr. Lorca (Ronald Remy; THE
VAMPIRE PEOPLE - 1964; who would be replaced with
actor/director Eddie Garcia in the final film) and Lorca's evil
sidekick Razak (Bruno Punzalan). Carlos also meets childhood friend
Marla (Alicia Alonzo), who has grown up to be quite a beautiful
woman, but she seems to have plans just for herself and uses Carlos
as a fucktoy. That night, Sheila hears a noise outside her window and
when she opens it, she sees a totally green man with an icky growth
on the side of his face. Bill grabs his gun and runs outside, but
doesn't catch him. A naked Marla takes a swim in the lake at the foot
of the waterfalls while Willard secretly watches (but I get the
feeling that Marla knows). Sheila heads out to the jungle alone
looking for her father and is nearly bitten by a snake, but Bill
notices her missing and goes looking for her. The green chlorophyll
monster nearly gets Sheila (during every attack scene, the camera
rapidly zooms in and out, inducing nausea in the viewer, but I think
it is used [rather badly] to represent danger). A native intervenes
and impales it with a spear, but it has no effect and the native
loses his life long enough for Sheila to get away. Bill, Willard and
a native search party find the grisly remains of the native (pretty
graphic for 1968) and then find Sheila, who tells her story. In a
scene that reminded me of Wes Craven's SWAMP
THING (1982), everyone is having dinner at a table and Bill
asks Dr. Lorca (he's the only one wearing sunglasses inside and
sporting white gloves) about what he thought about what happened
today. Willard interrupts and says his daughter must have halucinated
what she saw (he is obviously trying to save her from Dr. Lorca). The
group (minus Mrs. Lopez) go to a native ritual to fight evil where a
live goat and pig are sacrificed, but Dr. Lorca knows it will do no
good. Whenever Bill tries to use the radio to contact the mainland,
something jams the signal. It's obvious Dr. Lorca doesn't want anyone
to leave the island. Bill finds the totally green man passed out in
the jungle and brings him back to the shack. Dr. Lorca gives him a
shot of chlorophyll and tells Bill that when he wakes up to give him
some soup! Carlos makes one final plea with his mother to leave the
island with him, but she tells him she is a marked woman. The green
chlorophyll monster is actually Carlos' father who was dying of
leukemia until Dr. Lorca started experimenting on him using
chlorophyll. At first his father went back to normal and it looked
like he was cured, but then he started changing and needed human
blood to stay alive. Dr. Lorca has been using natives in a secret
cave laboratory above the waterfalls to experiment and try to perfect
his serum. Dr. Lorca says that Carlos' father was dead, so he and
Mrs. Lopez became lovers. When Bill and Carlos open his father's
tomb, they find his coffin empty, proving that Dr. Lorca is just not
evil, he is also a big fat liar. The chlorophyll monster sees his own
empty tomb opened and then kills his wife in what best can be
described as a butcher's nightmare. He also almost kills
Carlos, but a childhood photo of Carlos falls next to him and the
chlorophyll monster decides to let him live. As proof, Carlos finds a
letter written by his father three months after he supposedly died.
Two natives are making love in the jungle when they are attacked by
the chlorophyll monster. He rips off the guy's arm and removes the
girl's head, which is more gore than you would usually see in 1968.
The mute Razak kills the native guard protecting the green man (he
stabs him in the chest, which is very bloody) and, as a chaser, Razak
cuts off the green man's head with a machete! Bill is falsely accused
of killing the green man, so he and Sheila find the secret cave
laboratory above the waterfalls (thanks to Marla, who took him there
earlier). Carlos also shows up and so do Dr. Lorca and Razak. Things
become disturbing when a cage is found full of Dr. Lorca's
still-alive failed experiments. Dr. Lorca tries to reason with Carlos
that he has been looking for a cure for his father, but Carlos knows
that his father has already spilled too much human blood. Sheila is
taken prisoner, but Bill saves her and the laboratory catches on fire
(I didn't even mention the plant that moves its limbs like arms and
legs and Carlos being held prisoner in a cage!). Bill knocks out both
Dr. Lorca and Razak (but doesn't kill them) and rescues Carlos and
they leave the cave before it blows up, but we know that in Part 3,
both Lorca and Razak survive. Bill, Sheila (without her father, who
is still alive, but didn't act like much of a father throughout the
film) and Carlos leave the island on the Captain's ship, but there's
a little surprise inside the ship's lifeboat that will kick off Part
3. Co-directed by "Gerry DeLeon" a.k.a Gerardo de
Leon (TERROR IS A MAN -
1959; which is considered by some to be the first Blood Island film,
but I don't. It's still a good film, though; he passed away in 1981)
and Eddie Romero (who passed away in 2013 and directed most of
Ashley's films mentioned above), who both also handled the same
chores in the first film, fill this film with nudity (there are a lot
of bare women's asses, but very few breasts) and some eye-opening
gore, which made this a hit for Hemisphere Pictures on it's
theatrical release. Besides the headache-inducing in-and-out zoom
shots, this film is very entertaining and Eddie Romero would handle
the chores alone in the final film, which believe it or not, was
Rated PG [GP] and is much more violent than this film. Those who are
only used to watching the TV versions should spend the paltry bucks
it costs to buy the unedited trilogy because you'll be absolutely
surprised at what you were missing. This was a time when PG didn't
mean childish things and nudity and copious blood were allowed. These
were some of the first films that made American audiences aware there
was a Filipino film industry and we have never looked back since. The
women were tropical, yet beautiful, their English was fractured, but
understandable and they had no problems with showing extreme gore in
their films. Only the U.S. censors chopped them up, so get the DVDs
and have a party. Originally released on VHS from Magnum
Entertainment in slightly edited form. This is also the film
whose synopsis is mistakenly listed on the back of the Regal Video
VHS of THE REVENGE OF
DOCTOR X, which some people think is a late-60's Ed
Wood-scripted film. Also starring Johnny Long (WOMEN
IN CAGES - 1971), Paquito Salcedo, Felisa Salcedo, Quiel
Mendoza, Ricardo Hipólito and Cenón González. An Alpha
New Cinema DVD-R Release. For those of you that worry about
DVD-R being inferior product, I really don't know what to say, except
you are wrong. Rated M when originally released, it would be
Rated R today if resubmitted to the MPAA. I gave it a 1968/1969 date
because the film was made in 1968, but Hemisphere Pictures renewed
the copyright in 1969. It really is a 1968 film, though. GOOD NEWS DEPT:
It's hard to believe, but Severin
Films is releasing the trilogy (plus TERROR
IS A MAN - 1959) as part of a Blu-Ray
box set! It's expensive (around $80.00), but well worth it, as
the films are in widescreen for the first time since their theatrical showings!
MALEVOLENCE
(2004) - Neat and compact (85 minute) horror film which stand
heads and shoulders above THE
DIVIDING HOUR, films that have their fair share of
similarities. In this one, four people in 1999 rob a bank and head
off in two cars to a remote house to split
up the loot and make a quick retreat. One of them is killed in the
robbery and another's car breaks down. He takes a young mother
(Samantha Dark) and her 9 year old daughter (Courtney Bertolone)
hostage, stealing their van and beating the other two remaining
robbers (a man and his girlfriend) to the abandoned house. He ties up
the mother and daughter but the little girl gets loose, running to
hide in a nearby abandoned slaughterhouse, where ten years earlier a
kidnapped little boy, Martin, was forced to watch some unknown person
knife a woman to death. The robber gets knifed to death by some
unknown assailant when the other two robbers arrive at the house and
find the tied-up woman. Thinking that the other robber has stiffed
them, they set out looking for him. The mysterious stranger stabs the
woman to death in front of the tied-up mother and the other robber
comes back, unties the mother and they go looking for her daughter.
The pieces start to fall together as the slaughterhouse starts
revealing it's secrets as the remaining robber pays for his discovery
with his life, but not before saving the mother and her daughter. The
killer was Martin, who was being trained by the owner of the closed
slaughterhouse on how to become a serial killer. When the
police arrive, there are so many bodies in the slaughterhouse that
the FBI is called in to help notify the families of all the mutilated
bodies. A series of ledgers found in the slaughterhouse detail the
killings by the owner, how he trained Martin and that he knows Martin
will kill him next. Martin's body is never found and the final coda
will send a chill down your spine. Obviously shot on a shoestring
budget (but on film and not video), one-man wonder Stevan Mena
directed, produced, wrote, edited and did the music for this
atmospheric horror film which actually jolts the viewer with some
real scares, uses mainly unknown actors to good advantage and gets
plenty of mileage out of his limited locations. It actually got a
small theatrical release
before coming to DVD. Rent or buy it if you like to be scared late at
night with the lights out. While not overtly bloody, it contains many
disturbing images (including a man-made Cow-Man skeleton which has to
be seen to be believed) and will not please anyone who dislikes
knives. I liked this one a lot and it does not contain one bit of
humor. Kind of refreshing for a horror film these days. Also starring
Brandon Johnson, Heather Magee, Keith Chambers, Richard Glover and
John Richard Ingram as the cop who discovers the mess. Director
Stevan Mena made a prequel to this film, titled BEREAVEMENT,
in 2010. A third installment is reportedly in the works. An Anchor
Bay Entertainment Release. Rated R.
MANEATER
OF HYDRA (1966) - Mad Botanist
Baron von Weser (Cameron Mitchell, who is horrendously dubbed by
someone with a British accent) reluctantly accepts a group of upper
class tourists to his remote island villa because he needs their
money to continue his illicit experiments. One of the tourists,
Professor Julius Demerest (Herman Nelsen), immediately notices on the
car ride to the villa that the island is full of plant life not
indigenous to the area. The car also hits one of the Baron's
horribly-scarred servants when he darts out in front of it, killing
him (the Professor seems to believe he died of fright, though).
Luckily, as we find out a short time later, the servant has a mute
twin brother. At dinner that night, the Baron serves some of his
genetically altered vegatables (he's a vegetarian) and the taste
amazes the tourists (One old broad says, "It looks like a
cucumber, but it tastes just like meat!"). After dinner, the
Baron shows off his collection of carnivorous plants he has created
and feeds a mouse to one of them (Professor Demerest says, "It's
better than a cat!").
David Moss (George Martin) smells a rat and warns new love interest
Beth (Elisa Mantes) to play it safe and lock her bedroom door at
night. He's right, of course, as members of the group (beginning with
the gigolo limo driver) start getting mysteriously murdered, their
bodies drained of blood. Some members of the group believe it to be
the work of a vampire and they are partly right. The Baron has
created a carnivouous tree that needs blood to survive and when the
Baron doesn't get the red stuff to it promptly, it uproots itself and
goes searching for some on it's own. As the tourists start turning on
each other, the phone lines dead and the ferry not due back for two
days, you would think that they would stick together for safety,
right? Wrong. Professor Demerest is killed by the Baron (with a spike
hidden in a statue) when he gets too close to the truth. During a
heavy thunderstorm, the carnivorous tree kills Mrs. Callahan (Matilde
Sampedro) and attacks Beth, so David springs into action and begins
pruning the tree with an axe (it spurts gallons of blood). The Baron
goes bonkers and attacks David (they get into an axe fight) and the
Baron offers his own blood to the tree, kind of a human/tree
transfusion. The tree takes too much and the Baron falls victim to
his own creation. It ain't pretty. This Spanish/German
co-production, directed by genre vet Mel Welles (star of such films
as ATTACK OF THE
CRAB MONSTERS [1957], the original LITTLE
SHOP OF HORRORS [1960] and director of LADY
FRANKENSTEIN
[1971]), is pretty bloody for it's time (especially the finale) but,
unfortunately, the print used for the DVD from Shout! Factory (as
part of their "Elvira Movie Macabre" series) is a terribly
soft fullframe speckled mess that's full of drop-outs, emulsion
scratches and jitter. It's also obvious that it's a TV print
(although it appears to be uncut), as every ten minutes the film
fades to black. If you've never seen this film before, it's a pretty
decent mystery/horror film with some fluid camerawork, atmosphere and
a few good scares. But the craptacular dubbing, especially for
Cameron Mitchell (THE TOOLBOX MURDERS
- 1978; RAW FORCE -
1982; KILLPOINT -
1984) and Matilde Sampedro, really detracts enjoyment of the film.
The middle of the film also drags a bit and the screenplay, by
Stephen Schmidt (the story is co-credited to Ernst R. von Theumer,
who would later direct THE
BIG BUST-OUT [1972], JUNGLE
WARRIORS [1983); and others), introduces sub-plots that are
never resolved. The final reveal of the Baron's giant blood-sucking
tree and the (literal) shower of blood are a hoot, though (there's
also the gory visage of the after-effects of an axe murder). Too bad
that this presentation is such a let-down. Since this seems to be the
only legal U.S. version available, it will have to do for now, but
some enterprising distributor should find a widescreen version and
release it. Other 60's man-eating plant films include DAY
OF THE TRIFFIDS (1962) and THE
NAVY VS. THE NIGHT MONSTERS (1965). Also starring Kay
Fischer, Ralph Naukoff, Richard Valle and Mike Brendel. Also known as ISLAND
OF THE DOOMED. A Shout!
Factory Release. Not Rated.
MANIACTS
(2001) - This is a wonderful comedy/horror film about two serial
killers who fall in love and try to live a normal life. Have I got
your attention? Good. Joe Spinelli (Jeff Fahey), known as the
"Blueblood Killer" because he only kills doctors, lawyers
and bankers, is captured and sent to Edgemare Sanitarium for the
Criminally Insane in Arizona. He is a shy, introverted person (but
still a killer) who has trouble fitting into the institution, where
the guards are rough, the matron (Leslie Easterbrook) brutal and the
politics corrupt. When Joe meets fellow inmate Beth (Kellie Waymire),
a serial killer who thinks she comes from royal ancestry, he begins
to open up. He puts on little acts like crucifying himself on a cross
and slitting his stomach (both fake) to impress her. She falls for
him and he for her. When he asks her how she had the strength to kill
all those people she shows him in a game of arm wrestling, where she
demonstrates that she becomes almost superhuman when someone hits her
or gets her physically excited (she's been physically and sexually
abused all her life). Joe and Beth are befriended by asylum trustee
Mason (Mel Winkler), who helps them escape, but before they do they
have some housekeeping to attend to. Beth crushes the matron's head
with a high-pressure water hose (a graphic effect) while Joe impales
the head doctor (Bob Bancroft, who looks and acts like Andy Dick) on
a flagpole (to comic effect). Joe and Beth escape to the farm of
kindly and psychic Mr. Boley (John Furlong), who says that he was
expecting them for a long time as he saw them in a dream. Boley
treats them like they were his own children and they live as one
happy family. One outrageously funny scene is when Beth discovers
that Joe is a virgin and makes love to him for the first time. Since
Beth gets super strong when her adrenaline increases this makes for
one noisy and hurtful lovemaking session, but Joe doesn't care.
Things come to a boil when a sleazy realtor comes calling and wants
to buy the farm. Boley refuses to sell and the realtor comes back
with a bunch of punks to force them off. A bloody fight ensues (hands
are chopped off, a scythe is run-through another's stomach) and Boley
gets shot. Before he dies, Boley gives Joe and Beth the farm. They
live happily until Beth finds out that the Queen of England is coming
to Arizona for a special tribute to the London Bridge. Beth wants to
meet the Queen since she believes that she comes from royalty. Joe
reluctantly agrees and they head off to the tribute. The finale shows
Joe making the ultimate (and heartbreaking) sacrifice while Beth has
a surprise of her own. Director/writer C.W. Cressler has crafted a
film that works on many levels. It is an indictment against corporate
greed, a love story about two people who have never experienced love
before and an absurb comedy which pokes holes at the little things we
take for granted. The film is told in chapters, which explains what
the title of the film really means. Jeff Fahey (BODY
PARTS - 1991) has never been better here and now can be
forgiven for some of his more recent
film choices. Kellie Waymire, who worked with Fahey on the
short-lived 2001 TV series WOLF
LAKE, is a wonder, displaying a range of emotions and
delivering her lines (such as: "It's gotta be OK to kill people.
Carmakers do it, doctors do it, governments do it all the time.")
with such aplomb that it still brings a smile to my face. She died
late in 2003 of a heart attack at the age of 36. A real loss for the
film community. John Furlong (a regular player in most of the late
Russ Meyer's films) is also excellent and has quite a few memorable
lines. In fact, every thing about this film is memorable, from the
oddball characters (including an inmate called Tapeman [Vincent
Guastefarro] who believes he invented crime scene tape. Everytime he
sees someone getting killed he says, "Ka-ching!"), the set
pieces (especially the scene where Boley has put two nails in the
wall for pictures) and the death scenes (bloody, cringe-inducing and
hilarious). This little low-budget picture is destined to become a
sleeper. See it! The film is dedicated to late actor Joe Spinell (MANIAC -
1980). I'm sure he would have been pleased. An MTI
Home Video Release. Rated
R.
MANHATTAN
BABY (1982) - Totally
confusing nonsense from late Italian goremeister Lucio Fulci, director
of the splatterfests ZOMBIE
[1979] and GATES
OF HELL
[1980]. Unfortunately, Lucio comes up with a cropper here, as the
plot limps along at a snail's pace and most of it is filmed in such
extreme close-up that Tylenol is needed to cure the extreme headache
it induces from watching it. Storyline involves an archaeologist
(Christopher Connelly) visiting Egypt with his wife (Martha Taylor)
and daughter (Brigitta Boccoli). He discovers a tomb of a 5,000 year
old demon and is blinded by a carving of a blue eye on the tomb wall.
Meanwhile, while mom is away taking photos of Egyptian ruins, the
daughter is handed an amulet in the shape of the blue-eyed carving by
a blind old hag. Daughter becomes possessed and strange things begin
to happen once they move back to their apartment in Manhattan. Cobras
and scorpions appear. The apartment security guard dies after falling
through the elevator floor. The babysitter disappears. One of mom's
co-workers vanishes in a flash of white light with Egyptian sand left
in his place. Dad and Mom try to save their daughter. Can they do it?
This is practically a goreless exercise except for the last five
minutes where an antiques dealer (Cosimo Cinieri) is torn apart by
his collection of stuffed birds! Fulci also has a cameo as Dr.
Forrester. Can you imagine going to a doctor for help and finding out
he looks just like Lucio Fulci? The horror of it all! MANHATTAN
BABY is also known as EYE
OF THE EVIL DEAD
and POSSESSED.
Dreary. A Lightning
Video VHS Release and available on DVD from Anchor
Bay and Blue Underground.
Unrated.
MANSION
OF THE DOOMED (1975) -
When the beloved daughter of Dr. Chaney (the late, great
Richard Basehart) loses her eyesight in a car accident, he will do
anything to restore her to her former glory. He removes the eyes from
living victims to transplant into his daughter. The first victim is
Dan (a young Lance Henriksen in an early starring role). At first the
operation seems a success, but soon her body rejects the eyes. This
leads to the good doctor kidnapping more people for his experiments,
locking their still-alive, but eyeless, bodies downstairs in the
basement.The bodies begin to pile up and they are not a happy lot.
Not only can they not see, but they are kept starving prisoners in an
electrified cage. While Dr. Chaney goes about his gruesome business
(he even attempts to steal a young girl from a park but she escapes),
Dan and his visionless pals devise a way to free themselves and get
their retribution. Basically a remake of THE
HORROR CHAMBER OF DR. FAUSTUS
(1959; a.k.a. EYES WITHOUT
A FACE), this Charles Band production has real-life footage
of actual eye surgery and some gross makeup effects (supplied by Stan
[billed here as "Stanley"] Winston) but not much else.
Directed by veteran character actor Michael Pataki (GRAVE
OF THE VAMPIRE
- 1972) and written by Frank Ray Parelli (DRACULAS
DOG
- 1977). Future director Andrew Davis (THE
FINAL TERROR - 1981; UNDER SIEGE
- 1992) was Director of Photography here. Also starring Trish Stewart
and an alcohol-induced Gloria Grahame with a cameo by Vic Tayback. MANSION
OF THE DOOMED is also known as THE
EYES OF DR. CHANEY
and MASSACRE
MANSION.
Available from Bingo Video on VHS in a severely scratched print and
on budget DVD from Trinity Home Entertainment. Also available on DVD
from Full Moon Direct. Rated
R.
THE
MANSTER (1960) - This surprisingly
adult Japanese/American co-production was one of my favorite horror
films when I was a kid in the 60's, even if I didn't get the mature
subtext. All I cared about were the weird transformation scenes that
were etched in my brain during the numerous times I viewed this flick
on TV during the 60's & 70's. Now that I have achieved adulthood
(some may disagree), I can finally see that this is a crazy morality
play about adultery and the monster that resides in all of us (or
something like that). The film opens with a gorilla-like creature
slaughtering some geisha girls in a Tokyo bathhouse. The creature
returns to the laboratory of Dr. Suzuki (Satoshi Nakamura), who we
learn has created this creature by injecting his brother with a serum
that causes mutations. Dr. Suzuki shoots and kills his brother and
throws him into a lava pit conveniently located in his laboratory,
which is carved into the side of a volcano. Enter Larry (Peter
Dyneley), a reporter who has come to interview Dr. Suzuki. The
Doctor, needing another guinea pig, drugs Larry and injects him with
the serum. Larry, who has been faithful to his wife Linda (Jane
Hylton) since his assignment to Tokyo, suddenly begins to change both
mentally and physically. He begins to hang out with geisha girls,
drinks heavily and blows off the plane ride back to New York to
settle down with his wife (thanks to Dr. Suzuki's sexy assistant,
Tara [Terri Zimmern], who seduces Larry on Dr. Suzuki's orders). The
right side of Larry's body also begins to change. First his hand and
arm get hairy and deformed. Then an eye appears on his shoulder.
Pretty soon that eye turns into a head and Larry starts roaming the
Tokyo streets killing anyone he can get his hands (and heads) on.
Larry's boss (Van Hawley) tries to help him by bringing Linda to
Tokyo, but
Larry is too far gone to even care. The police hunt for Larry after
finding some damning evidence in his apartment. Larry returns to Dr.
Suzuki's laboratory (The Doc says, "He was conceived in the
mountains. He'll return to the mountains.") where he kills Dr.
Suzuki and abducts Tara. With the police not far behind, Larry
carries Tara to the top of the volcano. Larry then splits in half
(the alternate title for this film is THE SPLIT),
one half being a monster and the other half being the normal Larry.
The monster half picks up Tara and tosses her into the volcano.
Normal Larry then pushes the monster into the volcano. Larry's wife
rushes to him and cradles him in her arms. THE END. Running a scant
72 minutes, THE MANSTER never
has time to be boring. The action picks up immediately and never lets
up, thanks to tight direction by George Breakston (THE
BOY CRIED MURDER - 1966) and Kenneth G. Crane (HALF
HUMAN - 1955; MONSTER
FROM GREEN HELL - 1957; and the surreal Ed Wood-scripted REVENGE
OF DR. X [a.k.a. THE DOUBLE GARDEN - 1967]). The
effects are surprisingly effective for such an early production. Who
can forget the first time we saw the eye growing out of Larry's
shoulder? It's one of my earliest horror film memories as an
impressionable kid in the 60's. It ranks up there with Ray Tudor as
the beatnik having his guts eaten out by THE
FLESH EATERS
(1964). THE
MANSTER
also benefits by the multi-ethnic cast. The Japanese actors are not
dubbed. They speak English when they need to and Japanese when
required. Peter Dyneley is also effective as Larry, as we watch him
turn from a decent human being into a souless monster. Dyneley can
also be seen in HOUSE OF MYSTERY (1961), THE
EXECUTIONER (1970) and SOUL
PATROL (1978; a.ka. DEATH
OF A SNOWMAN). Finally available on DVD from Retromedia
Entertainment, this full-frame transfer is a welcome addition to
any horror film fan's collection (and is in much better shape than
the version offered on DVD from Alpha Video).
Also starring Jerry Ito, Toyoko Takechi and George Wyman. Not Rated,
but it must have been considered daring for its time.
MARDI
GRAS MASSACRE (1978) - There's
really no massacre in this film. Three women are killed during the
course of the movie, but only the first butchery is shown. The same
scene is repeated two more times to depict how the other two
women are killed! This flick is actually a remake of H..G. Lewis' BLOOD
FEAST,
the ground breaking gore film of the early sixties. Most of the time
the photography is out of focus and it looks like it was edited with
a trowel (There is a scene where three hookers are drugged by our
psycho that was edited so haphazardly and hilariously, I'm still
trying to figure out if it was intentional or not. You'll know the
scene when you see it.). So what, you may ask, makes this movie so
special? The dialogue. When our psycho walks into a pick-up bar and
asks a succession of hookers, "Are you evil?", I dare you
to keep a straight face. When one of the hookers answers,
"Yes", he takes her to his place and asks, "Would you
like some wine?". Of course the wine is drugged and the hooker
winds up strapped to a table while our resident psycho is readying
her to be sacrificed to an ancient god. He then proceeds to cut her
heart out in extreme close-up (funny how this woman doesn't seem to
have a ribcage!). This entire scenario is repeated verbatim two more
times before he is dispatched (or is he?). Threadbare sets, dog-ugly
women, and some of the worst acting this side of PLAN
NINE
make this one of the Ten Worst Of All Time. Hilariously funny,
although I doubt it was meant to be so. This film's only strong point
is that it is a great time capsule of mid-70's New Orleans. The end
credits look like they were pasted together in someone's garage. If
you are a bad movie buff, this one's for you. Starring Curt Dawson,
Gwen Arment, Bill Metzo and Laura Misch. MARDI
GRAS MASSACRE was directed by Jack Weis, whose only other
horror film was the mediocre CRYPT
OF DARK SECRETS
(1976), also filmed in New Orleans. He also directed a period
exploitationer in Louisiana called QUADROON
(1971). A VCII Incorporated
VHS Release. Also available on DVD
from Code Red, but don't look
for the film to be remastered. It is a slightly better presentation
than the VCII VHS release, but not by much. Unrated.
MAGDALENA
- POSSESSED
BY THE DEVIL (1974) - German EXORCIST
(1973) clone with plenty of full-frontal female nudity and
unintentionally hilarious English dubbing, but the violence level is
very low, making the film somewhat a chore to get through. The film
begins with a streetwalker returning home after a long day, but as
soon as she opens the door leading to her apartment complex, she
discovers a man cricified, like Jesus on the cross, his bloody body
nailed to a wall. A 1972 quote by Pope Paul VI flashes on screen
(which I was too lazy to translate) and the opening credits roll. We
then see the coroner (Peter Böhlke) examining the crucified
body, telling the Chief Inspector (Karl Walter Diess) that whomever
did it was unusually strong. Not only did the killer nail the victim
to the wall,
the victim also had his larynx crushed by human hands. The victim
also has a strange mark on his forehead, shaped like a claw or some
kind of insignia. It's not scratched on his forehead, but rather like
a burn mark. The coroner says that is especially strange since today
is also Ash Wednesday. Is there a connection? The Chief Inspector
says, "It looks like the carnival ended abruptly for the late
Joseph Winter (the victim). All we need now is to find the murderer."
The Chief Inspector questions the caretaker of the tenement building
Joseph Winter lived and died in and she tells him that Mr. Winter had
many strange people visiting him all hours of the night, but she
can't recall seeing any of them last night. When she says that she
barely got a look at "those women" because they usually
came very late at night when the front door was locked, the Chief
Inspector asks, "What women?" The caretaker replies that
she didn't mean to imply they weren't decent women, as they were
elegantly dressed and one of the women had a big dog that looked
really ferocious. When the Chief Inspector's unnamed partner
(Günter Clemens; MARK
OF THE DEVIL - 1970) asks the caretaker if Joseph Winter had
any relatives, she says she doesn't know, but she does know he was a
widower for ten years and about once a month he would receive visits
from a young woman and he would take her out occasionally. The last
time the caretaker saw the young woman was on New Year's Day. She
would always call him "Grandpa" and he would call her "Magdalena".
We then see Magdalena (Dagmar Hedrich) and her female friends
listening to music in a record store (remember when you could put on
headphones and do that?), when a handsome young man named Harry
(actor unknown) sneaks up behind Magdalena and steals a kiss (Ah, the
rapey '70s!). Magdalena calls him a "bore" and leaves the
store with her friends. Harry asks one of those friends if Magdalena
is seeing anyone and she says she doesn't know, but if he plays his
cards right and is willing to lower his standards, "You might be
able to date me!" (Are all German girls this whorish?).
The Chief Inspector then questions the streetwalker who found Joseph
Winter's body, when his partner enters the room and says that
Magdalena's last name is also Winter. She lives in Munich and is
registered in a girls boarding school there. He hands his partner the
phone number to the boarding school's director, Madame Stolz
(Elisabeth Volkmann; RED HEAT
- 1985), should he wish to talk to her. The streetwalker tells the
two detectives that a man wearing a trenchcoat and a strange look on
his face was standing in front of her building just before she
discovered the crucified body of Joseph Winter. Is this a clue?
Harry follows Magdalena to a cafe , where he hears her say that she
joined the boarding school after her parents died. Harry apologizes
for making sexual advances towards her after hearing this bit of news
and Magdalena says that's alright, men and boys are always hitting on
her, but she's saving herself for when she gets married. Madame Stolz
tells the Chief Inspector that Magdalena was only five-years-old when
her parents died in a terrible accident and after that her
grandfather enrolled her in this school and has been paying her
tuition ever since. She also tells the Inspector that her grandfather
didn't visit Magdalena much at school; rather she would meet him
somewhere and come back with a new dress or a pile of money (I know
what you are thinking, pervert!). Magdalena was always excited to
visit her grandfather, even the day before he was murdered. Madame
Stolz says she doesn't know how to tell Magdalena her grandfather is
dead. All the girls are having a party tonight and she's afraid
someone will tell her there. (Madame Stolz is more worried about the
school's reputation than she is about Magdalena). At the party, which
consists of nothing but girls, Magdalena starts getting drunk on
champagne, Madame Stolz telling her secretary Hilde (Eva Kinsky) that
she's worried that Magdalena will read about her grandfather's murder
in the newspapers tomorrow morning. Suddenly, Magdalena has a vision
of her grandfather's dead body sitting up on a morgue table and she
passes out, convulsing on the floor. We hear flies buzzing overhead
and Magdalena starts frothing at the mouth. Madame Stolz's normally
docile dog, Alfie, suddenly turns vicious, so Madame Stolz tells all
the girls to go to their rooms. Magdalena wakes up and acts like
nothing is wrong, but when she goes to bed, she is awoken by the
sound of flies buzzing overhead and Alfie tries to attack her.
Magdalena goes crazy, shouting, "Go Away!" over and over,
destroying the school's kitchen as she is shouting, so Madame Stolz
calls Dr. Stone (Michael Hinz; Mario Bava's FOUR
TIMES THAT NIGHT - 1971) to come and examine her. When he
does, he asks Madame Stolz if Magdalena is on drugs. She says no, so
Dr. Stone says he will have Professor Falk (Werner Bruhns; THE
ODESSA FILE - 1974), a psychiatrist, come and take a look at
her. That night, Magdalena rips off all her clothes and writhes
around sexually in bed, telling Dr. Stone, "Put it in me!"
The next morning, Dr. Stone tells Magdalena that her grandfather is
dead and all she has to say is, "I despise the dead!"
Magdalena then runs away from boarding school and is picked up
hitch-hiking by a horny male driver, who tries to rape her, but
Magdalena rips the man apart, breaking his shoulder in several
places. Magdalena is then picked up by a policeman on the side of the
road and she has no memory of how she got there. She is brought back
to the boarding school and this is the time when the shit hits the
fan. There's a loud commotion in the school's attic, where objects
float in the air and the attic is destroyed, as if a hurricane hit
it. The next morning, Madame Stolz brings Dr. Stone and Professor
Falk to the attic to show them the damage Magdalena did to it, but
it's in pristine condition, everything in its proper place. There's
an angry hissing black cat in the attic, but when Magdalena picks it
up, the cat is now purring and happy (Madame Stolz then blames the
cat for the damage she saw and tries to get the men to believe
Magdalena cleaned it all up!). When Dr. Stone, Professor Falk, Madame
Stolz and Hilde visit Magdalena in her room a short time later, she's
totally naked, tearing a photo of her mother and father in half and
saying, "Get out you slut! I don't want to see you again! Get
out!" and spits at them. She then says, "I wanna fuck! I
said I wanna fuck!" and lies down on the floor and spreads her
legs. "You dirty whores! C'mon put it in me!" screams
Magdalena. Madame Stolz slaps the shit out of her and holds her down,
as Dr. Stone give her a shot of tranquilizer to put her to sleep. I
think we can see where this film is headed, but wait, where's the exorcism?
That's right, it's time to mimic THE EXORCIST, if not
verbatim, at least in mind, body and soul, but with a definite German
slant, except there
is no exorcism! Directed by "Michael Walter", who is
actually Walter Boos, more famous for his German sexploitation films,
such as the many '70s SCHOOLGIRL REPORT flicks, as well as NURSES
REPORT and THE
SWINGING CO-EDS (both 1972). That would help explain this
film's copious nudity and lack of extreme violence, but why is there
no fucking exorcism??? The screenplay, by August Rieger (BATTLE
OF THE GODFATHERS - 1973), contains priceless dialogue, such
as when the possessed Magdalena walks into a church, looks at priest
Father Conrad (Rudolf Schündler; SUSPIRIA
- 1977) and says, "I want to take Communion, not in my mouth,
but in my pussy, nun-fucker!" I mean, how can you top that?
Believe me, this film tries really hard to do so and reaches
delirious heights several times. This film has no problem showing the
pretty Dagmar Hedrich totally naked (She only appeared in only two
films, this one being her last), giving us several eye-opening
full-frontal scenes, but the violence usually accompanying films of
this genre is severely lacking here. Not that I'm complaining, mind
you, but hardcore possession fans may consider it a cardinal sin.
This film touches nearly all the bases for a possession clone, from
Magdalena getting a thorough physical in a hospital, puking up a
snake (!), swearing like a truck driver and talking in a deep demonic
voice (the demon here is called "Balthazar"), but,
strangely, it steers clear of showing us an actual exorcism. This
film is also a police procedural, a love story and other story
elements not usually found in film of this type, so whether you like
it or not depends on your tolerance level. If you can get past the
non-violence, you may find yourself drawn to this film, like a fly to
a possessed girl, ass-licker (One of the possessed Magdalena's
nicknames for Professor Falk)! There are better possession clones out
there, such as BEYOND
THE DOOR (1974) and THE
NIGHT CHILD (1975), but this is one of the rarest and
therefore comes recommended, if only for the frequent nudity and
hilarious dialogue.
Shot as MAGDALENA,
VOM TEUFEL BESESSEN (a literal translation of the review
title) and also known as MAGDALENA
AND THE EVIL, this film got an edited U.S. theatrical
release in 1978 by Mid-Broadway Productions under the title BEYOND
THE DARKNESS and was released on VHS by CIC in the States
under the title DEVIL'S
FEMALE. No legitimate DVD or Blu-Ray releases in the United
States, but several gray market sites, such as Desert
Island Classics and Rogue Video
offer it on DVD-R.
It's also available streaming on YouTube (under the review title) on
the channel "skizelo" in an anamorphic widescreen print
dubbed in English. Also featuring Petra Peters (TO
THE DEVIL...A DAUGHTER - 1976), Ursula Reith (FRAULEINS
IN UNIFORM - 1973) and Peter Martin Urtel (BLUEBEARD
- 1972) as Joseph Winter. The edited U.S. theatrical version was Rated
R, but the streaming version (which is how I viewed it) goes way
beyond what is acceptable for an R-Rating (based on just the
full-frontal nudity and simulated sex) and is Not Rated.
MARTYRS
(2008) - This French/Canadian production has been hailed and
touted as the new direction of horror, but I think the film is more
of a Frankenstein's monster, made up of pieces of different horror
film genres (found footage, torture and reality genres) to make some
sort of mutant whole. While not necessarily a bad thing, MARTYRS
is not the revolutionary horror film some people claim it to be, but
it is a powerful film nonetheless. In 1971, a young girl named Lucie
escapes her confinement in an abandoned industrial complex where she
was chained and tortured for several months. A medical documentary
crew then begin filming Lucie and her background to try and discover
why she went through such horrors (and Lucie is of no help since she
has been silent since her escape). Lucie is put in an orphanage,
where she shies away from all the other children except Anna, who
acts as Lucie's surrogate protective sister. The medical crew show
Anna all the documentary footage they shot and want her to help them
find out who did this (and why)
to Lucie. Anna and Lucie become inseparable, even though Lucie
suffers from terrible nightmares and begins cutting herself. Fifteen
years pass and the next time we see Lucie (Mylene Jampanoi), she
enters the home of an affluent French family and murders them all
with a shotgun (it's shocking in its matter-of-factness), believing
that the mother and father were somehow involved in her childhood
torture sessions (She kills the brother and sister after asking them,
"Do you know what your parents did?"). It's clear that
Lucie is damaged goods (She screams at the parents' corpses, "Why
did you do that to me?" while firing the shotgun into the
ceiling), but Anna (Morjana Alaoui) is still around to keep Lucie in
check. While Lucie waits at the dead family's house for Anna to pick
her up, she is attacked by a naked female demon who slices Lucie's
body with a strait-razor. Lucie has been attacked by the apparent
inner demon on many occasions since escaping the torture room as a
child and with every attack, she regains some memories of what
happened in that room fifteen years earlier. The question then
becomes: Are these repressed memories actually real (like the female
demon, these memories may be nothing more than a child's fantasy) and
why is Anna helping her cover-up all her crimes? Both of these
questions are answered at the film's midway point, as the film makes
a very wide U-turn in the second half when Anna learns firsthand that
there is a secret society out there whose sole purpose is to create
martyrs. What transpires next is best viewed without the aide of
words, since mere sentences and paragraphs cannot convey the sheer
systematic torture Anna (who is now the new Lucie) is about to endure
to give a bunch of elderly people a glimpse of what lays beyond
death. But does God want the living to know the truth? Though
not as ground-breaking as a lot of people make it out to be, MARTYRS
still manages to pack an emotional gut-punch or two thanks to its
unflinching violence (the shotgun murders and a nasty scene involving
a miniature sledgehammer) and a 180 degree turn at the film's halfway
mark that will surely catch most viewers off-guard.
Director/screenwriter Pascal Laugier (SAINT
ANGE [a.k.a. HOUSE OF VOICES
- 2004]) keeps us on our toes, as the film's second half, involving
Lucie's suicide and a discovery Anna makes in the dead family's home,
will have some viewers reaching for a bucket to puke in. I don't want
to give too much away except to say that Anna finds a new cause to
believe in: Her own self-preservation. MARTYRS is a film about
secrets and suggests to the audience that maybe some secrets should
remain a mystery. As one character says in the film, "It's easy
to create a victim. Very easy." Your enjoyment of this film
depends on your tolerance for graphic violence (some of the cutting
scenes go way beyond what you may have seen before) and your
acceptance that, in some situations, there is no such thing as hope.
You have been warned. Also starring Catherine Begin, Robert Toupin,
Patricia Tulasne, Juliette Gosselin, Xavier Dolan-Tadros, Isabelle
Chasse, Emilie Miskdjian and Mike Chute. Available on
English-subtitled DVD from Weinstein
Company Home Entertainment in both a severely edited R-Rated
(avoid) and an Unrated versions.
MARY
MARY BLOODY MARY (1975) - DeLorean
heir and talk show queen Cristina Ferrare stars in the
title role as a blood drinking painter who drugs her victims before
slashing them with a blade hidden in her hair. Her new boyfriend
(David Young) knows nothing of her habits and neither does the
lesbian owner of the art gallery which exhibits Mary's paintings.
When the lesbian comes on to Mary, she kills her, leading the FBI and
the Mexican police on her trail. Also on her trail is a mysterious
figure dressed in black who also enjoys the pleasures of drinking the
red stuff.. Who is this figure and why is he trying to kill Mary?
This south of the border production, filmed in English, is an OK
horror item. The storyline treats Mary's drinking problem as a
disease, not as vampirism, but you'll want to watch it for the
liberal doses of blood and gore as well as the sight of Ms. Ferrare's
nubile body before it chunked up. John Carradine plays the
black-clad figure, although it is obvious a double was used in most
of the scenes. Director Juan Lopez Moctezuma (who died in 1995) also
helmed DR.
TARR'S TORTURE DUNGEON
(1972 - a.k.a. MANSION OF MADNESS),
a stylish film based on an Edgar Allan Poe story, as well as ALUCARDA
(1975 - a.k.a. INNOCENTS
FROM HELL
and SISTERS
OF SATAN).
A Continental Video
Release. Also available on Blu-Ray
(with an eventual DVD release) from Code
Red. Rated
R.
(See the EMAIL section of this
site to see why this review was changed).
MASSACRE
IN DINOSAUR VALLEY (1985) -
Late entry in the Italian cannibal genre that has nary a
dinosaur to be seen. A planeload of assorted characters crash land
their plane in Dinosaur Valley, an uncharted region of the Amazon
that is inhabited by bloodthirsty cannibals who worship a dinosaur
god. The grounded group try to find their way out of the jungle and
avoid the cannibals, but do a lousy job of it. Most of them are
captured or perish in the jungle until there are only three left
alive. They manage to escape the cannibals, but run smack-dab into an
illegal jade mining operation run by a fat slob who also happens to
run a slavery operation on the side. The hapless trio are taken
prisoner, where the two women are used as playthings for the horny
slaver and his lesbian sidekick. The lone male survivor (Michael
Sopkiw of AFTER
THE FALL OF NEW YORK
- 1983) is tied to a stake and left for the pigs to feed on. Will
they escape? Who in the hell cares! Besides fleeting glimpses of gore
(including a ripped-out heart being eaten by ravenous cannibals) and
generous doses of full frontal nudity, theres not much to
recommend, as you have probably seen the same thing many times before
and done much better. Not worth your time unless you are a cannibal
completest. This film also stars Susanne Carvall, Milton Morris and
Martha Anderson, who all look rather embarrassed spouting ridiculous
lines (When will the Italians learn basic English sentence structure
and proper pronunciation?) and shedding their clothes. All this can
be blamed on writer/director Michael E. Lemick (actually a pseudonym
for Italian director Michele Massimo Tarantini; WOMEN
IN FURY - 1985), who adds nothing new to a then-tired genre.
Originally titled NUDO E SELVAGGIO ("Naked
And Wild ") and also known as AMAZONAS;
PRISONERS
IN THE VALLEY OF DINOSAURS;
STRANDED IN
DINOSAUR VALLEY and the unbelievably-titled CANNIBAL
FEROX II (Roku channel B-Movie TV shows it under this
title). A Lightning
Video Release. Also available on DVD from Media Blaster/Shriek
Show (long OOP). Not
Rated.
UPDATE: Now available on DVD
& Blu-Ray uncut and remastered in 4K from Severin
Films. While I am not a fan of the film, it looks glorious,
probably better than it has ever looked before.
MAUSOLEUM
(1982) - Moody, atmospheric horror film with a confusing
storyline. It opens with young Susan Walker (Julie Christy Murray) at
the funeral of her mother, who died under strange circumstances. When
Susan learns that she will now be living with her Aunt Cora Nomed
(Laura Hippe; THE
SWINGING BARMAIDS - 1975) and not at home (Home or with Aunt
Cora, her last name will still be "Nomed". Why it's
downright demonic!), she runs through the cemetery, is drawn to the
Nomed family mausoleum and she hears voices inside that are calling
her name (See, if that were me, I'd be running in the opposite
direction, especially since it is sunny out, but it is raining over
the mausoleum!). As Susan approaches the mausoleum, the "crown
of thorns" seals protecting the gates and the crypt explode;
Susan walks inside (Why is it thundering and lightning inside the
mausoleum?) and approaches the Nomed crypt, which looks more like a
sacrificial altar. When a homeless man tries to stop Susan from going
any closer, a robed figure (only seen in shadows) makes the homeless
guy's head start to smoke, as he stumbles outside and his eyes
explode out of their sockets. Susan's eyes start to glow green as she
opens the crypt and we see
a demonic clawed hand emerge from it. Over twenty years pass and the
adult Susan (Bobbie Bresee; EVIL SPAWN
- 1987) is married to Oliver Farrell (Marjoe Gortner; BOBBIE
JO AND THE OUTLAW - 1976), but Aunt Cora tells Susan's
psychiatrist, Dr. Simon Andrews (Norman Burton; DEEP
SPACE - 1988), that Susan is becoming more and more like her
mother and is concerned she will end up dead in the same manner. Dr.
Andrews thinks this is all poppycock, but Cora gives him a book on
the Nomed family history and hopes it will change his mind before it
is too late. It seems Susan was possessed by a demon when she went
into that mausoleum as a child (it's part of the "Nomed
Curse" that is detailed in the book) and only a "crown of
thorns" being placed on the demon's head will vanquish it back
to the crypt. Susan is now showing signs of possession, as a drunk
(who looks like Dan Haggerty, but isn't), who hit on her in a disco,
is burned alive in his car before it explodes. Ben (Maurice
Sherbanee), the Farrell's gardener, makes leering advances at Susan,
so she lures him into the garage, turns into the green-eyed bitch
from hell and hacks him to death with a gardening claw. Aunt Cora is
next, as the demonic Susan levitates her and rips open her chest.
When Oliver gets a good look at the demonic Susan when he awakens one
night, he calls Dr. Andrews, who doesn't believe him, even though he
has read the book. Dr. Andrews hypnotizes Susan and her demonic side
comes out, so he calls parapsychologist Dr. Roni Logan (Sheri Mann),
to help him rid Susan of her demon. Will they be successful or will
evil win? Besides lots of mood and atmosphere, MAUSOLEUM
also offers plenty of nude scenes by Bobbie Bresee (she's a mighty
beautiful woman, but not much of an actress) and a few gory deaths,
including the iconic scene that is burned into every horror fan's
mind: When Susan's breasts turn into two little toothsome demons and
kill Oliver in the bathtub. Director Michael Dugan (SUPER
SEAL - 1976) really doesn't have much to work with in
producers Robert Barich and Robert Madero's screenplay, as it is just
a fractured mess of demonic possession and supernatural mumbo-jumbo,
but the plentiful death scenes (some of which seem to be edited to
achieve an R-rating) and Ms. Bresee's nudity will keep viewers
occupied. There's unnecessary comic relief from the Farrell's black
housekeeper, Elsie (LaWanda Page; ZAPPED
- 1982), who has the good sense to leave before she becomes the next
victim ("Good googily-moogily. Time to stop grieving and start
leaving!") and an unusually long sequence showing Ben the
gardener going about his daily routine, but that only adds to the
film's strangeness factor. MAUSOLEUM
is by no means a good horror film, but it is different enough to
justify at least one viewing, even though the closing shot is a
head-scratcher (I thought Ben was dead, so why is he in the cemetery
dressed in a monk's robe and laughing hysterically into the
camera?!?). Also featuring Chu Chu Mulave as a delivery man who
begins to bleed from his ears and loses an eye when he puts the moves
on Susan and Ron Cannon as a mall art gallery owner who gets
levitated and impaled on a sculpture after being dropped two stories.
The late Robert A. Burns (THE
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE - 1974) was Art Director and John
Carl Buechler (CELLAR
DWELLAR - 1987) handled the special effects makeup.
Originally released on VHS by Embassy
Home Video and on DVD by BCI Eclipse. Both are OOP. UPDATE:
Now available in a Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack from Vinegar
Syndrome. Rated R.
MAYA
(1988) - Italian horror nonsense about Mayan curses with a few
good gore scenes tossed in for good measure. After some mumbo-jumbo
about an ancient spirit that tried to kill all the Mayan people, but
failed, vowing to return in the future to yank-out the hearts of his
victims with his own hands, we witness Dr. Salomon Slivak (William
Berger; HELL HUNTERS
- 1986) having some strange vision of his death after staring into a
small antique mirror. He drives into the Mexican mountains, where he
encounters a cryptic little girl with frizzy hair and follows her to
an ancient Mayan pyramid. He ends up dying just like in his vision,
when someone or something plunges a dagger in his chest and drags him
away. We then cut to Peter (Peter Phelps), an American living in
Mexico, who spends his days gambling on finger wrestling contests
(where we watch one man bloodily ripping-off the finger of his
opponent!), screwing the local senoritas or scamming the local
fishermen out of product for the restaurant/bar he co-owns. When Dr.
Slivak's daughter, Lisa (Mariella Valentini),
arrives in town to claim her father's body, she is appalled to
discover that his chest was sliced open and his heart removed.
Finding out that Peter and her father were friends, Lisa hires Peter
to find out who murdered her father. Meanwhile, a series of grisly
murders begin to take place in town, always prefaced by the victims
looking into mirrors before they meet their deaths, beginning with
two very annoying Texas teens who have come south of the border to
get drunk on cheap booze and rape the local women (One teen ends up
with his head crushed under the hood of their truck, while the gets a
metal pole thrust into his mouth until it exits out the back of his
head). Lisa finds a manuscript written by her father that tells of
the ancient spirit returning to life and Peter takes her to a local
witchdoctor, where they witness an exorcism and the possessed victim
throws-up a pile of snakes. As more people end up dead (with their
hearts missing), Peter admits to Lisa that he and her father went to
a shaman to "expand their minds" and, in doing so, may have
awakened the ancient spirit. Peter must now find a way to put the
genie (in the form of the frizzy-haired little girl) back into the
bottle before it claims his and Lisa's lives. And wouldn't you know
it, today is the Day of the Dead? For God's sake, whatever you do,
don't look in the mirror! While this film, directed and
co-written by Marcello Avallone (SPECTERS
- 1987), is confusing as hell and relies a little too heavily on
mysticism, it's not without it's good points, which includes a
constant sense of dread, plenty of well-done graphic deaths and lots
and lots of female nudity and sex. I particularly liked Avallone's
use of mirrors in this film. While not used as overtly as in POLTERGEIST
III (made the same year as this) or the more recent MIRRORS
(2008), the placement of mirrors in MAYA is downright
ingenious in spots. While we take looking in the mirror as an
everyday experience and give it no thought whatsoever, in this film
it's a certain death sentence. Some of the deaths are very hard to
watch, such as Peter's on-again, off-again girlfriend Jahaira
(Mariangelica Ayala), who looks in a mirror while taking a bath and
gets her face repeatedly bashed onto the faucet and side of the tub
until her nose splits in two. Or Maria (Antonella Angelluci), Dr.
Slivak's lover/assistant, who ends up hung by the neck after some
deep sea fishing hooks rip through her flesh. The plot may be as thin
as a seedy motel's walls (script by Avallone, Andrea Purgatori and
producer Maurizio Tedesco), but MAYA
more than makes up for it with inventive deaths, lots of beautiful
female flesh, a pulsing electronic score, creepy atmosphere and some
nice outdoor cinematography (filmed on the Isle of Margarita in
Venezuela). The finale, which takes place at an airport, is a real
brain-scratcher, though. Also starring Cyrus Elias, Mirella D'Angelo,
Antonello Fassardi, Erich Wilpret, Tullio Cavalli and Vilma Ramia.
Never legitimately on home video in the U.S., the print I viewed came
from the very nice-looking, English-dubbed German DVD on the Dragon
Film Entertainment label. Not Rated.
MESSIAH
OF EVIL (1973)
- Extremely
effective, atmospheric and moody horror film. When Arletty (Marianna
Hill) stops receiving letters from her artist father (Royal Dano),
she travels to the small coastal town of Point Dune to check up on
him. She enters his house and finds the walls painted with eerie
silouettes of people with blank staring faces. She also finds her
father's diary which details his descent into madness, caused by some
unknown disease which is rapidly spreading throughout the town. While searching
the town for her father, Arletty meets a man (Michael Greer) who is
in town with his two girlfriends (!) (Anitra Ford and Joy Bang)
researching the legend of the "Blood Moon", the night when
the moon turns red and the population goes cannibalistic. The warning
signs are already there: People start bleeding from the eyes and puke
out beetles, maggots and lizards from their mouths. They also begin
to chow down on the unaffected population. Disheveled bum Elisha Cook
Jr. warns Arletty that her father is dead, and if she were to meet
him, she should set him on fire because that is the only way to rid
the world of the menace. Bullets and dismemberment have no effect
(and not for the lack of trying). When Arletty finally meets her
father, he lays this horrifying tale of the town to her: One hundred
years ago a man dressed in black rode into town. He was a preacher
and one of the surviving members of the ill-fated Donner Party who
grew to like the taste of human flesh. The townspeople didn't care
much for him so he walked into the ocean vowing to return in a
hundred years to spread his flesh fetish. The time has come for his
return. The film is intentionally slow-moving and uses that pacing to
drop small clues and set up some genuinely shocking visuals. The
scene with Joy Bang in a supposedly empty movie house (showing
Bernard Girard's seldom-seen western GONE
WITH THE WEST [1975]) is a knockout as is the finale where
the populace attack Hill and Greer at her father's house. And there's
also the strange looking, albino-like man who likes to eat mice!
After this film director Willard Huyck and producer Gloria Katz wrote
the extremely popular AMERICAN
GRAFFITI
(1973). Huyck later directed the bad BEST
DEFENSE
(1984; with Eddie Murphy) and the abominable HOWARD
THE DUCK
(1986). Marianna Hill can also be seen in the underrated film THE
BABY
(1974) and the so-so BLOOD
BEACH
(1981; where a rapist has his dick ripped off by a sand-dwelling
monster!). Joy Bang also appeared in NIGHT
OF THE COBRA WOMAN
(1972) and CISCO
PIKE
(1971; as a pregnant teenage junkie). Ray Nadeau, director of BEAUTIES
AND THE BEAST (1973) served as post-production supervisor. MESSIAH
OF EVIL
was also released as DEAD
PEOPLE,
THE
SECOND COMING,
DEEP SWAMP (!) and RETURN
OF THE LIVING DEAD.
George Romero sued when it was rereleased under this title for using
the tag line "When there is no more room in Hell the dead will
walk the Earth" (from DAWN
OF THE DEAD
[1978]) in their ads (click on ad mat above). The ad was immediately
withdrawn and the next day released as REVENGE
OF THE SCREAMING DEAD
with a new ad campaign. Under any title, this is must viewing. A Video
Gems Home Video Release, also available on a truly awful DVD
from Diamond Entertainment and a better DVD transfer from Brentwood
Home Video in their TALES OF TERROR
10-DVD collection. Unfortunately, the latter DVD transfer kicks out
after the Joy Bang movie house attack and freezes, eliminating the
final 30 minutes! Also released on widescreen DVD
& Blu-Ray by Code
Red, which is now considered the definitive version. Rated
R.
METAMORPHOSIS
(1989) - The
Grim Reaper directs! George Eastman (real name: Luigi Montefiore),
who starred
as the Anthropophagus Man in THE
GRIM REAPER
(1980) and its' sequel MONSTER
HUNTER
(1981), as well as appearing in countless Italian potboilers, wrote
and directed this pretty bad horror film after apparently viewing
Cronenberg's version of THE
FLY
(1986) and episodes of MIAMI
VICE
(1984 - 1990) one too many times. A research scientist (Gene LeBrock
of FORTRESS
OF AMERIKKKA
- 1989), fearful of losing his funding, injects himself (through the
eye!) with a serum he has invented that is supposed to regenerate
cells independently, thereby allowing a person never to age and live
forever. Of course, things go wrong, as he begins to mutate into a
"living fossil" (actually a miniature dinosaur) forcing him
to rip out people's livers for nutriment. His unsuccessful attempt to
revert his metamorphosis rounds out the film, as his fate is sealed
by the son (horrendously acted by Jason Arnold) of his love interest
(Catherine Baranov). Eastman shows a fondness for draping his
cinematic compositions with neon lighting. Unfortunately, much of the
action takes place in the darkness, making it very difficult to see
anything. The performances are bad all around, as the actors seem to
be reading off cue cards. The gore and nudity are kept to a bare
minimum which makes this film barely watchable. Exploitation veteran
Laura Gemser (TRAP
THEM AND KILL THEM
- 1977) puts in a cameo appearance as a battered prostitute in one of
the most confusing bar fights ever committed to celluloid. In fact,
most of the action that takes place in this film (also known as LIZARD)
is so confusing that it leaves you shaking your head in
bewilderment. The appearance of the miniature dinosaur in the
finale is laughable (and thankfully short). After viewing this film I
have some advice for the director: Luigi, don't give up your day job
as an actor! It's always good to have something to fall back on. An Imperial
Entertainment Release. Rated
R.
MIDNIGHT
KISS (1992) - One thing that I
really hate is a movie that starts off promising and then immediately
sinks into total mediocrity. This is one of those films. In the
parking lot of a bar, a woman is being raped by a drunken lout who
she rebuffed earlier. Along comes a priest (Gregory A. Greer) and he
steps in to stop the attack. The drunk shoves a knife into the
priest's hand and then we learn that the priest
is actually a vampire. He rips off the drunk's face and throws him
into a wall while the bar owner comes out and unloads a shotgun blast
into the priest's chest (with no effect). He takes the gun away and
shoots the bar owner in the chest and then blows his head off with
another pull of the trigger. He then proceeds to make a meal out of
the woman. That's the good part. It goes downhill from there. When
the police arrive, we learn that the woman is number 17 in a string
of killings of women by the unknown serial killer. Enter ex-homicide
officer Carrie Blass (Michelle Owens), who now works on rape cases
after botching a homicide investigation run by her ex-husband Dennis
(Michael McMillen). She desperately wants back on homicide, even
going as far as trying to sleep with her Captain (Robert Miano) to
get back in. She refuses at the last minute, but the Captain puts her
back in anyway and has her team up with her ex-husband as a
partner. During a failed stakeout, Carrie gets bitten on the
arm by the vampire before putting a bullet into his head and getting
away. She begins a slow transformation into a vampire as Dennis and
the entire police department don't believe her story. Carrie must
destroy all of the vampire's undead victims and track down and
destroy him so she can get back to her normal human self. She drags
Dennis along and finally she gets him to believe her after killing
one female victim who comes back to life in the morgue. Now Carrie
and Dennis must track down the head vampire before the night is out.
There are a few parts of this film that are, to put it mildly,
flabbergasting. How is it that a vampire can wear a crucifix as an
earring and is not afraid of crosses? (The only explanation we are
given is when the vampire says to Carrie, "Don't believe
everything you read." Huh?!?) And where did this vampire come
from? No explanation is ever given. Another scene shows Carrie (in
the midst of becoming a vampire and dressed provocatively) disarming
a perp in the police station and bashing his head against the wall
until brain matter appears. What happens to Carrie? She gets pats on
the back from her fellow officers and the incident is never mentioned
again. Director Joel Bender (THE
IMMORTILIZER - 1989) has no sense of pacing and the middle
of the film drags so badly that, any interest you may have had,
disappears. Not worth your time except for the first 5 minutes. Also
starring B.J. Gates, Michael Shawn and Celeste Yarnell (THE
VELVET VAMPIRE - 1971). An Academy
Entertainment Release. Rated R.
MIDNIGHT
MOVIE (2008) - Famed movie
director Ted Radford (Arthur Roberts; HAMMERHEAD:
SHARK FRENZY - 2005) has been institutionalized for forty
years, ever since starring in and directing his last film, "The
Dark Beneath", a creepy black & white horror film that has
strange effects on whomever watches it. Some stupid psychiatrist
decides to "cure" Radford by projecting the film on a
continuous loop in his cell; thinking that if Radford faces his worst
fears, his psychosis will be cured. Dr. Wayne (Michael Swan) doesn't
think it's such a good idea and he's right. When Dr. Wayne returns to
the asylum the following day, the place is a bloody mess; everyone is
missing and Radford (after taking a bite out of his own wrist) has
left a strange circular symbol on the floor in his room, written in
his own blood. Five years later, a small movie theater managed by
Bridget (Rebekah Brandes; CURSE
OF PIRATE DEATH - 2006) is showing Radford's film for the
first time to audiences in forty years as a Midnight Movie and, as
you can probably guess, this is not going to be a
quiet night. Detective Barrons (Jon Briddell) is convinced that
Radford is still alive and will show up at the theater (Seventy
people disappeared from the asylum five years earlier, including
Radford, and their bodies were never found), so he sits in the back
row as the film unspools, hoping to catch Radford in the act (of what
is not yet made clear). Luckily, the theater is nearly empty (kids
today have no soul!); just Bridget's boyfriend Josh (Daniel Bonjour),
his friend Mario (Greg Cirulnick), girlfriend Samantha (Mandell
Maughan), film nerd Sully (Michael Schwartz), burley biker Harley
(Stan Ellsworth), his old lady (Melissa Steach) and the small theater
staff. As everyone watches the film on-screen (it's a riff on THE
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE), fantasy and horror become blurred
with reality, as the skull-faced killer in the film begins killing
people in the theater, the real-life murders somehow showing up
on-screen (only in black & white). Dr. Wayne shows up at the
theater to keep Detective Barrons company, both still not aware of
what is really going on in the theater (Even Bridget and the gang
think they are being punked when the killer murders Sully on-screen).
When everyone finally realizes what a dire situation they are all
really in, it's too late, as they find themselves trapped in the
theater with no way out (the doors are supernaturally closed and
there is no cellphone service), while the film plays on the screen.
Whenever a murder happens in the film, the killer strikes in real
life, using a fancy sharp spiral homemade tool to slice throats,
remove hearts and thrust through torsos. How can anyone stop a killer
on film? How about stopping the film in the projection booth? With
all the doors shut tighter than a new prisoner's ass at his first
communal shower, only Bridget's younger brother Timmy (Justin Baric),
who snuck into the theater earlier, can fit though the air ducts that
lead to the projection booth. As they will find out, the murders only
really stop once everyone stops being scared. Easier said than
done. Although this film has some effective moments (especially
the segues between black & white and color), it's full of stock,
stereotypical characters and clichéd situations. What it all
boils down to is a masked killer stalking a theater and killing its
patrons, with some supernatural mumbo-jumbo (which is never
adequately explained) thrown-in for good measure. First-time director
Jack Messitt, who co-wrote the screenplay with Mark Garbett, tries to
make things relevant by portraying Bridget and young brother Timmy as
victims of an abusive, violent father (who we never see), but when
they are the last two survivors and resort to quoting the "Lord's
Prayer" to put them in their "safe place", just like
they use to do when daddy beat them, the film goes off the rails and
never recovers. There are some bloody kills (especially Detective
Barrons' and Dr. Wayne's deaths), but MIDNIGHT MOVIE is
nothing but generic "stalk 'n' slash" stuff. This territory
was covered much more effectively in director Bigas Luna's ANGUISH
(1986) and John Carpenter's season one episode of MASTERS
OF HORROR titled "Cigarette Burns". Watch those
instead. Another DTV effort, THE
HILLS RUN RED (2009), also deals with a cursed "lost
movie" premise. Let's hope this doesn't start a trend. A Peace
Arch Home Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
MIND
KILLER (1987) - DTV 80's horror
flick (part of a three picture deal producer Sarah H. Liles and her
production company, Flash Features, struck with VHS releasing company
Prism Entertainment) that has some good ideas and wonderfully weird
makeup effects (by Ted A. Bohus [REGENERATED
MAN - 1994] and Vincent J. Guastini [SPOOKIES
- 1986]), but it is undone by amateur acting and the general overall
cheapness of the production (videography, sound, set direction, music
and editing are all generally poor). This is the story of angry nerd
Warren (Joe McDonald), who can't find a girlfriend no matter how hard
he tries (That's his problem, he tries way too hard). He and equally
nerdy co-worker Larry (Christopher Wade) go to local pick-up joint
Swingles to meet chicks and Warren gets shot down by every girl he
hits on, while suave friend Brad (Kevin Hart) has no problem getting
a woman on the first try and bringing her back to the apartment he
shares with Warren. Larry and Warren work in the sub-basement
archives at the local library and when their scumbag boss, Mr.
Townsend (George Flynn), introduces them to their newest co-worker,
Sandy (Shirley Ross), Warren is instantly smitten and asks Brad for
advice on how to ask her out on a date. Of course, Warren fails
miserably when Sandy informs
him that she has a policy against dating co-workers (Warren, whose
deceased father was a popular professional wrestler, is slowly losing
his grip, as he punches mirrors and puts a steak knife to his throat
when he doesn't get his way), so he buries himself in his work and
finds an old manuscript on mind control deep in the library's
archives. The manuscript describes in detail on how to unlock the 90%
of the brain we don't use and Warren begins to follow the
instructions. Larry (who is a human encyclopedia of knowledge) tells
Warren that the person who wrote the manuscript, Dr. Vivac Chandra
(Tom Henry), died "a horrible death" in 1957, but Warren
pays it no mind because he feels like a "changed man" after
reading it. Too bad that the changes also apply to physical
manifestations, as well as mental. Warren not only becomes a genius
and can read other people's minds, he can also manipulate people's
minds (he "helps" Larry solve the Rubik's Cube) and control
machines (like TVs and snack machines). He and Larry go back to
Swingles, where Warren uses his new-found powers and scores with the
first chick he hits on, but he begins to suffer from extreme
headaches whenever he overuses his powers and loses even more of his
already-fragile temper. When he finally tries his powers on Sandy,
he's only partially successful and Sandy becomes scared of him.
Warren becomes more unglued (When Mr. Townsend berates Larry in front
of everyone over nothing, Warren wills Townsend's clothes away, so he
is standing in nothing but his underwear!) and "forces"
Sandy to have dinner at his place, where she shows more interest in
Brad than him. She and Brad become "friendly" and Warren
finally loses it. His hair begins to fall out, his forehead becomes
larger and larger and he nearly cuts-off Larry's fingers with a paper
cutter when he can't find the last two pages of the manuscript (He
reads Larry's mind and discovers that Larry is hiding the last two
pages from him. Larry knows the last two pages will put Warren over
the edge and he is just trying to be a good friend). Before long,
Warren's brain becomes too big for his body, as he becomes a
grotesque monster who can't control his own thoughts. Larry, Brad and
Sandy band together to try and save Warren, who is searching for a
device created by Dr. Chandra that will separate his mind from his
body and make him a "god". Larry pays a visit to Dr.
Chandra's senile mother (Diana Calhoun), seeking clues to the
whereabouts of the device (Larry has also read the manuscript,
including the final two pages, but he is much more in control of his
mentality because he has no problem being seen as a "geek".
As a matter of fact, he embraces it.), but Warren has already found
it and used it on himself. What happens next is a tour-de-force of
bladder effects, a gooey, toothy brain creature and head-scratching
theatrics. While the themes of MIND
KILLER may be thought provoking (no pun intended), director
Michael Krueger (who also directed the abysmal NIGHT
VISION the same year, as well as co-producing/scripting the
little-seen werewolf flick, LONE WOLF,
in 1988, the other two films in the Flash Features canon) doesn't
have the talent or the budget to pull-off such a heady (pun intended)
topic. The screenplay, written by Dave Sipos, Curtis Hannum and
Krueger, has a lot of good ideas about what could happen if someone
were able to use 100% of their brain, but the actors are incapable of
rising to the material. At least the creature effects are halfway
decent, but we have to wade through nearly 70 minutes of bad acting
to get to them and when we finally do, they are nearly ruined by some
really cheap optical effects, such as Larry suddenly having the power
to shoot electric bolts from his fingertips. The film is a total mess
from a technical standpoint, too, and it is filled with 80's fashions
and hairstyles we would all rather forget. Still, MIND
KILLER is a mildly diverting time waster if you ignore all
the minuses and pay attention to what the film tries to convey, but
ultimately fails to deliver. Filmed in Denver, Colorado. Also
starring Crystel Niedle, Dawn Jacobs and Edd Nichols as "Mr.
Suave", a self-help geek who put out a "How To Pick Up
Girls" VHS tape and then suddenly appears at Swingles, just to
make Warren look more like a dweeb. Originally released on VHS by Prism
Entertainment and not available on DVD. Not Rated
(contains brief female topless nudity and a smidgen of blood).
MINER'S
MASSACRE (2002) - While this
is basically a teens-in-peril horror film, it does have some points
in it's favor. It's well-acted (for a horror film at least), contains
a who's-who list of grade B actors (Karen Black, Richard Lynch,
Vernon Wells, Martin Kove, Jeff Conaway and John Phillip Law) in
cameo bits, some unknown actors (Carrie Bradac, Sean Hines, Alexandra
Ford, Elina Anderson, Rick
Majeske, Shadrach Smith, Stephen Wastell and Kelsey Wedeen) who can
actually act and bits of bloody violence. When the brother of Claire
Berman (Bradac) mails her half a treasure map and a piece of gold, it
leads her and her friends to the deserted mining town of
Suttersville. They are warned by the local sheriff (Law, who is also
an Associate Producer with Wells and Kove) and the lovely local Eve
(Ford) to stay away from the mines as not to disturb the legendary Forty-Niner
(Brad H. Ardin), a ghostly miner who will kill anyone who steals his
hidden gold. It's already too late, as the Forty-Niner has already
come to life thanks to Claire's brother (who we see is hanged by a
hook in the beginning of the film). Claire and her friends find the
other half of the map and easily find the Forty-Niner's gold, setting
off a chain of events which leads to the grisly deaths of several of
the friends and locals (Death by pick, death by shovel, death by
fire, death by decapitation, etc). Eve's aunt (Black) saves the
remaining people and relates the story of how the Forty-Niner came to
be. He was originally called Jeremiah Stone (played by Wells in the
flashback sequence) and was one of the Donner Party who survived. He
jumped mining claims, killing (and eating) many people to get his
gold. It is claimed that he was so mean that even the Devil would not
take him when he was killed, lying in wait until his gold is
disturbed. The only way to destroy him is to return every piece of
gold to it's original resting place and burn him when he comes to
check up on it. The remaining three survivors come up with a way to
destroy the Forty-Niner and think they have succeeded, only to have a
surprise ending come up and bite them in the ass (and leave room for
a sequel). While low on originality, director and effects expert
(MMI) John Carl Buechler (TROLL -
1985; CELLAR DWELLER
- 1987 and ICE CRAWLERS
[a.k.a. DEEP FREEZE] -
2003) squeezes in enough blood and suspense to get by for 86 minutes.
At first the murders are shown off screen, leading me to believe that
this was going to be a rather bloodless affair, like his badly-cut FRIDAY
THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD
(1988), but as it progresses it becomes much bloodier and the
killings are shown on-screen. I may be growing soft in my old age,
but I liked this film. Just don't kill me for it. Peter Lupus (the
star of the original MISSION
IMPOSSIBLE TV series) is the Executive Producer. Originally
known as CURSE OF THE FORTY-NINER.
A DEJ Productions DVD Release. Rated R.
MOLLY
AND THE GHOST (1991) -
Another strange film from director Don Jones, who previously gave us SCHOOLGIRLS
IN CHAINS (1973), THE
LOVE BUTCHER (1975), THE
FOREST (1981), DEADLY
SUNDAY (1982) and MURDERLUST
(1985), although Jones vehemently denies he had anything to do with
the last two (as well as PROJECT
NIGHTMARE - 1987) and claims they were directed by someone
with the same name (a claim I find dubious, since the second "Don
Jones" has never been uncovered). Teenage troublemaker and
seductress Susan (Ena Henderson) moves into the opulent home of older
sister Molly (Lee Darling) and her new husband Jeff (Ron Moriarty)
after she gets into a huge argument with her father. It's not long
before Susan is purposely interrupting lovemaking sessions between
Molly and Jeff (Susan has nipples so large, they are the size of cup
saucers) and listening to their private conversations in order to
take advantage of their weaknesses. When Susan gets caught stealing
money and jewelry from Molly and then Molly catches Susan trying to
seduce Jeff by wearing sexy lingerie (When Jeff objects because Susan
is so young, she replies, "So young...and so experienced!"),
Molly throws her out of the house and hands her a plane ticket home.
Instead of flying home, Susan heads to Hollywood,
stays in a sleazy motel and gets mistaken as a hooker by two drunken
guys who chase her into a bar (where the gentlemen refuse to enter
because there is a cover charge!). In the bar, Susan meets a Vietnam
veteran (P.K. Flamingo), a ne'er-do-well who convinces Susan that he
is a hitman (it's obvious by his clumsiness that he's not). Susan,
using her body as collateral, talks him into breaking into Molly's
house and killing her. Armed with a butcher knife in one hand and a
machete in the other, he chickens out when Molly wakes up and starts
screaming. Somehow, Susan convinces Molly to take her back (and we
also learn that Susan was adopted by Molly's family when Susan's
mother mysteriously disappeared and her father's identity was never
established), but Susan becomes so obsessed with Jeff, she hires a
professional hitman (who she finds from an ad in a Soldier Of
Fortune-like magazine) to kill Molly. Susan seriously fucks-up when
she sends the hitman, John (Daniel Martine), a photo of herself
instead of Molly and John ends up strangling Susan instead. In what
amounts to a total left-hand turn in the film, Susan's ghost is
picked-up in a white stretch limousine by one of God's agents (!) and
she convinces the agent to let her return to Earth to atone for her
sins. Instead of atoning, Susan begins haunting Molly and Jeff and
seeks revenge on John for killing her (Wouldn't God immediately
revoke her status and just send her to Hell? Oh, well...). She haunts
and taunts John repeatedly (by wearing different theatrical fright
masks and saying such things to him as, "Run! Run to your grave!
It waits for you!"), so much so that he impales himself on a
tree branch and dies while trying to escape her ghostly image in a
forest. Susan then turns her attention to Molly and Jeff. She
possesses Molly's body and begins sleeping around, much to Jeff's
chagrin. Can Molly find a way to get her body back and send Susan
back to her grave? The paper-thin plot (no one gets screen
credit for writing the screenplay), along with a lack of any
substantial violence (John's impalement is the only blood on view) or
nudity (there's only Susan's early topless scene and a quick shot of
Jeff's naked ass), should be enough to turn-off any serious genre
viewers, but director/co-producer Don Jones tosses-in several
"What The Fuck?!?" moments to keep us entertained
throughout. Jones certainly makes some odd choices, my favorite being
John shooting at Susan's ghost in the forest and showing us a couple
of super-slow-motion shots of John firing his gun and the bullets
leaving the barrel, passing through Susan's (superimposed) body and
exploding into the trunks of trees or some conveniently-placed tin
cans on the ground. There's another unbelievable scene where Jeff
gets the idea to hire a parapsychologist after looking at the VHS box
of GHOSTBUSTERS (1984)! I
also love the way Molly and Jeff so easily accept the fact that they
are being haunted by Susan's ghost and don't seem concerned at all
when glass vases and furniture start flying around the house. The
not-so-special effects consist of double exposures for the ghost
effects, cheap opticals and even emulsion scratching. As a matter of
fact, this film has production values that are a step-down from TV
soap operas, but that only adds to the film's charms. The truth is
that MOLLY AND THE GHOST
doesn't make a lick of sense (especially what's written on Susan's
headstone in the finale, but I'll leave that tidbit for you to
discover yourselves), but we are all better off for it nonetheless.
It's so illogical, it's brain-frying. Jones edited the film using the
name "Nod Senoj" (I'll give you a minute to process it).
Also starring Reg Green, Lyric Lawson, Cliff Marlowe and Stephanie
Johnson. Available on DVD as part of RAREFLIX.COM
TRIPLE FEATURE VOL. 2 box set distributed by Media
Blasters. Not Rated.
MONGREL (1982)
-
A group of diverse and strange people are staying at a gothic-looking
and rundown boarding house managed by the obnoxious Woody (Mitch
Pileggi). The newest boarder, Ken (Andy Tiemann), becomes acquainted
with all the guests and their predilictions. Besides Woody (who is a
real pain in the ass), there's meek writer Jerry (Terry Evans), who
is scared of his own shadow; stringbean military buff Ike (Jonathan
M. Ingraffia), who blasts cadence marches on his hi-fi; Woody's
girlfriend Turquoise (Rachel Winfew), who tends her garden and
meditates; ex-bar owner Leon (Daniel Medina), who has a kick-ass
custom made DEEP THROAT
pinball machine; Woody's best friend Toad (John Dodson), a garage
mechanic and somewhat of a lunkhead; and Sharon (Catherine Molloy), a
beautiful woman and the voice of sanity in
the group. When Ike's dog (who never stops barking) breaks his chain
and attacks Toad, Woody shoots and kills it. Jerry watches the attack
from his window and starts having some type of psychotic reaction
(Sharon tells Ken that Jerry was attacked by a dog as a kid and now
has a severe fear of canines). To spite Ike, Woody brings home a
puppy and keeps it in the basement (he plans on turning it into a
guard dog). Ike has bigger problems, though. He's severely jealous of
Ken spending time with Sharon (she dated Ike a couple of times), so
he and Woody play a nasty practical joke on Ken (it involves putting
the body of Ike's dead dog in Ken's bed). The prank goes horribly
wrong and Ken is electrocuted. Woody and Ike get rid of all the
incriminating evidence before calling the police. Jerry sees the dead
dog and Ken's body and tells Sharon, "I can't let them get away
with this!" Sharon can't take it and leaves the boarding house
for good. Then the shit hits the fan. Woody's puppy is found torn
apart in the basement. Woody blames Ike, but Jerry tells everyone
that he heard a growling dog in the hallway. The next night, Ike is
mauled and killed by some unseen growling beast outside the house.
Turquoise finds Ike's body in her garden and the police are called.
No one, including the police, believe Jerry's claims of a growling
creature roaming the halls. Jerry continues having bad nightmares and
Woody disappears. When Turquoise finds Woody's body, the killer is
revealed. It attacks Turquoise and Leon, killing them. Toad comes
home from work and is impaled on a spike sticking out of the wall in
the cellar. Sharon stops by for a visit and is saved by the
landlord's well-aimed shotgun blast. This is the only feature
directed by the late Robert
A. Burns, who was better known for his incredible art and set
directions on films like THE
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974) and TOURIST
TRAP (1978) and for starring as Daniel Ray Hawkins in CONFESSIONS
OF A SERIAL KILLER (1985). More of a character study than a
horror film, MONGREL is
extremely low-budget but has a certain charm that can't be denied.
Pretty well acted for a zero budget item, third-billed Mitch Pileggi
(this was his first film acting assignment) is the real stand-out,
bullying people to get his way and being somewhat humorous at the
same time. Aldo Ray puts in a couple of appearances as the building's
landlord (probably for some quick booze money), but all he does is
yell, scream and yell some more before he saves the day. His total
screen time amounts to less than two minutes. All clues point to
Jerry being the killer and the film offers no apologies or
explanations when the killer is revealed. You'll have to guess what
the motivations are. While not very gory (a torn apart puppy, some
bloody slashings) and no nudity is present, MONGREL
succeeds primarily on it's unique characters and a talented, though
mostly unknown, cast. Filmed in Burn's hometown of Austin, Texas. A Paragon
Video Release. Not Rated.
MONSTER
DOG (1985) - Rock star Vincent
Raven (Alice Cooper) is returning to his boyhood mansion to film a
music video for his new song "Identity Chrises" (sp). On
the way towards town, Vince and his crew are stopped at a roadblock
manned by Sheriff Morrison (Ricardo Palacios), who warns Vince and
his crew that a pack of wild dogs are running loose and have killed
five people so far. The sheriff also mentions Vince's dead father and
something (bad) that happened twenty years ago, but Vince doesn't
want to talk about it. As soon as Vince leaves the roadblock, the
sheriff and his deputy are attacked and killed by a weird-looking
dog. Vince hits a dog with his van and puts it out it's misery with a
rock to it's head. An old man (B. Barta Barri) with bloody clothes
appears out of nowhere
and tells Vince and his crew that they will all be dead shortly. Once
they get to the mansion, they find it deserted, but well-stocked with
food, booze and a "Welcome Home Vincent" banner across the
front doorway. Vince grabs a shotgun and searches the house while
Angela (Pepita James) has a nightmare that everyone is dead and
Vincent has become a werewolf. Vince's manager and girlfriend, Sandra
(Victoria Vera), becomes worried when Vince tells her that he
believes werewolves are real and that his father was one. Twenty
years ago, the townspeople stabbed his father with pitchforks and
burned him alive with gasoline after they caught him eating livestock
and people. Is it possible that the curse was passed from father to
son? While filming a video for Vince's new tune ("See Me In The
Mirror"), the dead body of the mansion's caretaker comes
crashing through a window and lands on Angela. As Angela runs out of
the house (with Vince in close pursuit), four psychotic hunters
invade the mansion and hold everyone prisoner, waiting for Vince to
return so they can kill him (they blame his return for the rash of
killings). The hunters kill Angela by mistake as she walks through
the door and Vince is forced to kill three of the hunters with his
shotgun. A pack of dogs invades the mansion, attack the crew and kill
the fourth hunter. The werewolf then makes an appearance and begins
devouring the rest of the crew. When all that are left are Sandra and
Marilou (Maria Jose Sarsa), the question remains: Is Vince the
"Monster Dog" or is it someone else? This
Spanish/Italian co-production, directed/scripted by Claudio Fragasso (TROLL
2 - 1990) using his "Clyde Anderson" pseudonym, is
definitely a product under the influence of the MTV Generation, back
when MTV was vital and actually showed music videos. Mixing music
video techniques with Gothic atmosphere is a strange brew and
sometimes it works. The main problem with this film is that Alice
Cooper voice is dubbed (his music videos here are not, though) by
someone whose voice is two octaves too low and it severely hampers
any scene Cooper is in (which is about 70% of the film). The film
doesn't make very much sense, but it does contain a lot of gory
bloodshed, including a nasty shot of Vince blowing the top off one
hunter's head with a shotgun blast, some bloody dog attacks and lots
of mangled bodies. At 84 minutes, the film doesn't overstay it's
welcome and some scenes are quite good (some tracking shots inside
the house are very foreboding), but the Monster Dog looks like a bad
puppet. Besides two original Alice Cooper songs, I'm pretty sure
there's also an uncredited song or two by the Alan Parsons Project
("A Dream Within A Dream" and "The Raven"). MONSTER
DOG is an interesting failure that is too schizophrenic to
succeed. Carlos Aured, the director of HORROR
RISES FROM THE TOMB (1973), was producer here. Also starring
Carlos Santurio, Emilio Linder, Luis Maluenda and Charly Bravo. A Trans
World Entertainment VHS Release. Not Rated. UPDATE:
Now available on uncut, widescreen Blu-Ray
from Scorpion Releasing/Kino
Lorber, making it the perfect way to watch this film.
MONSTER
HUNTER (1981) - A
big Greek man (George Eastman) is impaled on an iron
fence while
being chased by a Greek priest (Edmund Purdom) in an unnamed American
town. He is found with his intestines exposed by the family of a
bedridden sick girl (Katya Berger) and rushed to the hospital. Once
there, the doctors discover that he can regenerate his dead cells.
Before the police can question him, the big man escapes, but not
before running a bone drill through a nurse's head. The priest tells
the cops that the big man is an escaped biogenetic experiment that
has gone insane. It seems the only cells he isn't able to reproduce
are his brain cells, so the only way to kill him is to destroy his
brain (hmm...sounds familiar). The big man begins a series of murders
(including cleaving a man's head in half with a band saw), eluding
the police and eventually finding his way back to the house of the
bedridden girl. After offing the babysitter with a pickaxe through
the head (the parents are away at a Superbowl party) and roasting the
bedridden girl's nurse in the oven (she turns a nice shade of golden
brown), the big man sets his sights on the girl and her bratty
younger brother. Will she be able to get out of the bed and stave off
his murderous advances? What the hell do you think? After a struggle,
the girl chops off the big man's head and shows it to her parents and
the cops who are waiting outside. This is Joe D'Amato's (here using
the pseudonym "Peter Newton"; real name: Aristide
Massaccesi) sequel to his successful film THE
GRIM REAPER
(1980). It is a bloody, but uninspired, film that runs out of steam
long before it ends. There is one bright unintentional laugh here:
During the Superbowl party everyone is seen eating their favorite
food...spaghetti! Me thinks this film is showing its' Italian roots.
George Eastman (real name: Luigi Montefiore, who would later direct
the terrible METAMORPHOSIS),
who also played the cannibal in the original, stumbles around in
this one trying to find something to do. He could have telephoned in
his performance. Also starring Charles Borromel (WHITE
APACHE - 1987), Kasimir Berger, Goffredo Unger (DEVIL
FISH - 1984), Cindy Leadbetter (EMANUELLE
AND THE LAST CANNIBALS - 1977) and a
blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo by future director Michele Soavi (THE
CHURCH - 1989) as a biker. MONSTER
HUNTER,
also known as ABSURD,
ANTHROPOPHAGUS
II,
THE
GRIM REAPER II
and HORRIBLE, has plenty of
gore but no shocks. Avoid it and rent something else. A Wizard
Video Release. Unrated.
UPDATE: Severin
Films has released an uncut version on DVD & Blu-Ray, under
the title ABSURD.
Look for an updated review shortly if my opinion changes about the
film (I highly doubt it, but stranger things have happened).
THE
MONSTER OF THE OPERA
(1961/1964) - This little-seen black & white Italian Gothic
horror film, directed by Renato Polselli (DELIRIUM
- 1972; BLACK
MAGIC RITES - 1973; MANIA
- 1974), closely follows the plot of Polselli's THE
VAMPIRE AND THE BALLERINA (1960), but unlike that film, this
one received no distribution in the United States or most of the rest
of the world (it was also never dubbed in English, which is a good
thing, as far as I'm concerned). It also had a troubled production
history, as filming was started in 1961, had financial trouble and
sat on the shelf until 1964, when Polselli finished it. Like BALLERINA,
this film contains plenty of shots of females
wearing next to nothing, yet showing no nudity (but coming damn
near close!). As a matter of fact, this film begins with shots
of a woman
running in a see-through nightgown, where we nearly see the entire
magilla. I say nearly, because Polselli uses shadows, darkness and
light to expertly hide the woman's naughty bits, but if you look very
closely, you will see that Polselli wasn't entirely successful.
Before we get into any of that, let's get to the film itself.
The film opens with dancer Julia (Barbara Hawards, in her only film)
running through a dark empty theater, being chased by a vampire
(Giuseppe Addobbati, as "John Marc Douglas"; WATCH
ME WHEN I KILL - 1977) , who is laughing maniacally. The
theater's caretaker, Achille (Alberto Archetti, as "Albert
Archet"; MILL
OF THE STONE WOMEN - 1960) tries to help Julia, but there
seem to be some invisible shield around her that stops hin from
touching her. He gives up quickly when the vampire gives him a nasty
scowl. The vampire tries to impale Julia's chest with a pitchfork
(spending a little too much time using it to play with her breasts!),
but she escapes and runs outside (in funny sped-up footage, which I
believe was not meant to be funny). She rests at a rock near the
shore of a brook, thinking she is safe, but, of course, she isn't, as
the vampire grabs her from behind, throws her in the water and bites
her on the neck. It all turns out to be a nightmare, as Julia screams
and wakes up in a chair at a rehearsal hall where her fellow female
dancers slack off and playfully dance with the male dancers in the
company (Telling them that they don't believe in love, as just
because they kiss them, it doesn't mean that they love them. To these
female dancers, love is dead.). Julia thinks that everyone should be
rehearsing the latest show they are going to put on and wonders
what's keeping Sandro (Marco Mariani, as "Marc Maryan"; DEATH
SMILES ON A MURDERER - 1973), the company's director and
Julia's lover, who was supposed to be at rehearsal. Turns out Sandro
is looking for a place to perform their latest show and he picks the
Aquarius Theatre, but caretaker Achille (yes, the same person from
Julia's nightmare!) tells Sandro he doesn't want to use this theater,
as it is haunted by a vampire, saying he just tried to stop the
vampire from chasing a woman, proving Julia wasn't having a nightmare
at all! But how can that be? Achille tells Sandro that many young
actresses "disappeared in the walls" of this theater,
showing him newspaper articles backing up his claim. Sandro just
laughs, saying they were nothing but publicity stunts to put asses in
the seats and is adamant about using the Aquarius Theatre for his new
show, not knowing that he is opening a deadly can of worms, the kind
of worms that inhabit the corpses of the victims of "The
Vampire Of The Opera" (an alternate title for the film).
Achille tells Sandro that a hundred years ago professional mediums
were called to the theater to perform a seance to rid the theater of
evil, but the evil in the theater was so powerful, the mediums became
frightened and left quickly with their tails between their legs. As
Achille is talking to Sandro, people in skeleton costumes begin
dancing in all corners of the theater. Turns out it's the dance
company playing a practical joke on Sandro, but it's Achille who gets
angry, as Sandro finds it funny. Achille begins talking to the
"Old Ghost' in the theater, telling it to go away. Sandro talks
to the Old Ghost, too, introducing it to all the members of the dance
company, telling it their names. He shouldn't have done that! Sandro
notices that Julia is missing and asks where she is. Yvette (Jody
"Johnny" Excell) tells him that Julia disappeared when they
entered the theater (Yvette says she can take Julia's place in the
show because she's a better dancer and also better looking.
Ahhh...dancers!). Suddenly, the lights go out in the theater and all
the women scream. When the lights come back on, Giorgio (George
Arms), the company's lighting technician, admits to pulling the prank
(Why in the world would he do that?). Sandro asks Giorgio if he has
seen Julia and he says no. Right after he says that, a black cat
appears on the edge of one of the theater's balconies, where it
hisses and meows loudly and disappears. When Sandro orders Achille to
find Julia, she appears on the edge of the same balcony as the cat,
removes her jacket, revealing she is wearing a toga and says to
everyone, "I'm looking down on you, little Earthlings, like an
Olympian Goddess!" Sandro tells her to be careful or she may
fall (Yvette says, "Then we'll be looking down on you!"
Ahhh...dancers!), so Julia hops off the balcony railing and as she
walks the dark corridors, shr becomes scared, meeting Achille in one
of those corridors. They both instantly recognize each other, even
though they have never met, Julia becoming even more scared, as
Achille asks, "Who are you?" Julia runs away screaming and
the entire company, hearing Julia's screams, go looking for her.
Julia tells Sandro, "That old man scared me!", so Sandro,
Giorgio and Tony (Renato Montalbano; STAR
PILOT - 1966) go looking for Achille, who is in the
theater's basement, which is full of props. They find Achille
unconscious, the result of some heavy props falling and hitting him
on the head. The trio also finds a coffin, which they think is also a
prop, but it is really a gateway to another dimension, where the
vampire spends mosts of his time during daylight!. When they open the
coffin, all the find is a complete suit of black tie and tails, as if
someone was wearing it and disappeared. When Achille wakes up, Julia
tells him that she has met him before, but he denies it, not wanting
to admit that he met her before in a dream in front of Sandro. Julia
tells Sandro that she doesn't like this theater; she feels that
someone or something is watching her. Sandro says she's imagining
things, so the company rehearses their show, an indescribable mess of
1920's Charleston dancing, mixed with the kind of bump and grinding
you would see at a strip club! For some reason, Julia leaves
mid-rehearsal in a huff and Sandro follows her, asking what is wrong (Sandro:
"I want to understand you." Julia: "You
can't!"). Sandro professes his love for Julia and they kiss, but
Julia stops abruptly when she sees a portrait hanging on a wall. It's
the spitting image of the vampire that chased her in her nightmare.
We then discover that Achille is the vampire's unwilling assistant.
We also discover that dancers Yvette , Aurora (Carla Cavalli) and
Rossana (Vittoria Prada; DEATH
ON THE FOURPOSTER - 1964) love each other, not as friends,
but love that is sapphic, the love people didn't talk about in the early-'60s!
While the company is rehearsing, the vampire makes himself known
(wearing the same black tie and tails that were in the coffin),
introducing himself as Stefano and saying he never misses a
performance in this theater. He pays special interest in Julie, but
when Rossana is fixing her makup using a hand mirror, she can see
that Stefano has no reflection and screams, dropping the mirror on
the floor and breaking it (One of the dancers tells Rossana that
she's going to have seven years of bad luck. Ahhh...dancers!).
Stefano walks over to Rosanna and says he hopes she isn't
superstitious, just when a heavy bag of sand falls and lands where
Stefano was previously standing. It was Achille who cut the rope
holding the bag, hoping it would drop on Stefano and kill him
(Obviously, Achille knows nothing about vampires!).
Everyone wants to leave the theater, but Sandro refuses, telling
everyone to stop acting childish. Besides, they can't leave because
all the doors and windows are locked and Achille says doesn't have
the keys. Stefano gets Rossana alone and tries to put the bite on
her, but he fails when Aldo (Aldo Nicodemi, as "Boris
Notarenko"; who perished in a car accident before this film was
released), Rossana's sometimes boyfriend, appears and takes her away.
Stefano then tells Julia that her name is actually Laura, his long
lost love who betrayed him, and when she denies it, he bites her on
the neck and locks her in his coffin. When the company go looking for
Julia, they open the coffin and find Julia's clothes on top of
Stefano's black tie and tails, but no Julia. Achille tells Sandro
that Laura was a medium, one of many who came to the theater a
hundred years ago to study the strange phenomena that was happening
there. Laura died in the theater, but before she passed away, she
said that in a space of a hundred years her soul would find another
body to occupy. Only through reincarnation will the forces of evil
that live in Stefano be destroyed. Sandro believes Achille is insane,
so he ties him up.
Meanwhile, Julia and Stefano are in in the gateway to Stefano's
alternate dimension, where all his prevoius female victims are
chained to a wall, baring their fangs. Stefano tells Julia he comes
here to kill his previous victims over and over just for the
enjoyment of it and vows to kill Julia/Laura for revenge, once again
threatening to kill her with a pitchfork. Julia runs away and ends up
back in the theater, but she tells Sandro she can't remember
anything. Julia hears a tied-up Achille screaming out Laura's name
over and over, so she gently places Achille's head against her
stomach. When she looks down, Achille's head is nothing but a skull
and his body is now a skeleton! Has Laura's soul taken over Julia's
body? In the film's most lunatic sequence, the company does a final
rehearsal and let me say this: By what I saw on-screen, this is one
dance show that I would gladly pay to see and I hate dance shows! It
is a delirius hodge-podge of people dancing spastically and
cunvulsively, as if possessed (or having a mass orgasm!), while Stefano
watches wild-eyed, baring his fangs. Then, everyone stops
dancing in unison, as if frozen, while Stefano grabs Rossana and
Julia/Laura follows them, calling out Stefano's name. Stefano drags
Rossana back to his private alternate dimension and kills her with
the pitchfork, while Julia enters the dimension by jumping into
Stefano's portrait hanging on the wall! Stefano burns the portrait
and enters the dimension where he
and Stefano get into a fight. They both then appear in the
theater and the company threatens
Stefano with
torches, so
he falls to the floor
and dies, turning into a skeleton! WTF?!? What about Julia; is she
possessed by Laura or is she a vampire? Does it really matter? Do you
really care? If you do, watch the film. I at least have to leave you
a little something to discover on your own.
If you are a fan of Renato Poselli's films, as I am, you know what
to expect here; wall-to-wall weirdness with a minimum of plot
(screenplay by Polselli and Ernesto Gastaldi [THE
HORRIBLE DR. HICHCOCK - 1962; THE
WHIP AND THE BODY - 1963], with uncredited help by Giuseppe
Pellegrini, who also co-wrote THE
VAMPIRE AN THE BALLERINA with Polselli and Gastaldi). This
film features overt lesbianism, one of the first Italian genre films
to outright display it without trying to hide it creatively, like
many films that came before it. There's also many shots that feature
the female dancers in a minimum amout of clothing, the camera
specifically zooming in on their asses and crotches as they raise
their legs above their heads. It's like watching a softcore sex film
without any outright nudity, but your mind with think you saw some.
When this film was finished, it was slated to be released in the
United States, but since it wasn't dubbed in English, it was quickly
dropped from U.S. distribution, because no one back then wanted to
watch a subtitled film in theaters (many people still feel the same
way today, the fools!). It should also be noted that if the music
soundtrack sounds familiar, it's because Aldo Piga (TERROR-CREATURES
FROM THE GRAVE - 1965) reworked his soundtrack to SLAUGHTER
OF THE VAMPIRES (1962) as a favor to Polselli, to keep costs
down. This basically unseen film is a great treat for fans of Italian
Gothic horror, as it is weird, wild and full of the kind ot things we
usually don't see in films of this type from the early-'60s, thanks
to the gonzo antics of Renato Polselli, one of the unsung geniuses of
Italian genre cinema. Don't worry, I'll tell you where you can find
this film in the next paragraph, as it is worthwhile viewing.
Shot as IL
MOSTRO DELL'OPERA (a literal translation of the review title)
and also known as THE
VAMPIRE OF THE OPERA and ORGY
OF THE VAMPIRES, this film never received any legitimate
distribution in the United States, not theatrically, on TV or on home
video in any format, but it did receive VHS and DVD-R releases from
various gray market companies like Sinister
Cinema, all using the same print; a French release using the
"Orgy" title. This print (in anamorphic widescreen) can be
found streaming on YouTube, from users "walter jr salami"
and "A Touch Of Evil", both in Italian with English
subtitles. Also featuring Gaby Black, Fidelio Gonzales (GOD
MADE THEM...I KILL THEM - 1968), Christine Martin, Milena
Vukotic (HOUSE OF
THE YELLOW CARPET - 1983) and Liz "Lia" Poitel. Not
Rated and not for kids, due to adult material.
MONSTROSITY
(1987) - A trio of overage punks, called The Cole Gang, go on a
crime spree. They start by slitting the throat of an old man leaving
a grocery store, then stealing a car (after knifing the female driver
and rifling through her purse) and finally raping the girlfriend of a
med student (Michael Lunsford). After talking to the cops at the
hospital, the girl is killed by the leader of the gang (disguised as
a doctor) by graphically slitting her stomach open with a scalpel and
pulling out her intestines. Vowing revenge, the med student and a
couple of his school buddies, after listening to the Jewish legend of
the Golem (!), decide
to build their own creature to track down and kill the Cole Gang. Now
this is when it begins to get weird. The med students steal a torso,
the head of a pervert and the arm and leg of a gorilla (!), stitch
them all together and bring to life a creature they dub
"Frankie" (Hal Borske), after Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.
Up until Frankie's creation, this film is played dead-serious. During
the creation, the flick turns into a broad comedy and stays that way
for the rest of the film. Once Frankie comes to life, he's portrayed
more like a retarded child than a killer and the med students try to
teach him to kill by showing him Stallone and Schwarzeneggar posters!
The Cole Gang first meet Frankie as they are killing a pimp (throat
slashing) and his second-in-command (run over by a car). Frankie cut
the hand off one of the gang (the other two get away) with a meat
cleaver and saves one of the prostitutes, Jaimie Lee Curtis Wochieski
(Carrie Anita), who he brings home. They fall in love (She says,
"You wanna nail me, Frankie?") and Frankie finds out that
he leaks blood from his stitches when he gets aroused or angry (I
promise I'm not making this up.). The rest of the film documents
Frankie's destruction of the Cole gang, his romance and marriage to
Jaimie and meeting his guardian angel, Angelo 10, who goes on an
anti-abortion tirade that must be heard to be believed. As the med
students become power-mad, there's a truly head-scratching finale
that will leave you saying, "What the HELL?" This is the
first of a trio of films that director Andy Milligan made before
succumbing to A.I.D.S. in 1991. The other two films were WEIRDO:
THE BEGINNING and
SURGIKILL (both
1988). MONSTROSITY mixes gags with gore (decapitations, throat
slashings, appendage and organ removals and a large nail hammered
into someone's forehead) for an uneasy mixture. The tonal switch from
seriousness to juvenile comedy throws the viewer for a loop and the
film never recovers. The DVD liner notes state that Milligan filmed
the second half of the film first and only filmed the first half when
he knew he would get a distribution deal. This would explain the
fractured narrative. The film looks like it was filmed on short ends
(a Milligan trademark) as the color and focus shifts from scene to
scene. This is not essential Milligan (but what is?) although it is
good for a retarded laugh here and there. The effects are quite
graphic but are laughable in their execution (another Milligan
trademark). Also starring Joe Balogh and David Homb. Produced by Lew
Mishkin, son of William Mishkin, who distributed a lot of Milligan's
early films. A Video Kart, Ltd. DVD Release. Not Rated. To be
released as a Blu-Ray by Garagehouse
Pictures in Summer 2017.
MOON
STALKER (1989) - Cheapskate
father Harry takes his family to a secluded campground in the middle
of Winter to avoid the traffic and long lines of L.A. (even though in
some shots you can see a stretch of highway with cars zipping by and
hear the sounds of traffic during dialogue scenes). They are soon
joined at the campground by "Pop" Bromley (Tom Hamil), a
rotten-toothed old man who keeps his deranged son Bernie (Blake
Gibbons) chained-up in his beat-up camper. You can tell he's deranged
because he is wearing a straight-jacket and has a potato sack
on his head. Pop lets Bernie out at night to kill Harry and his
family and steal their microwave (!). Bernie does what Pop asks, but
Pop drops dead of a heart attack, leaving Bernie to fend for himself.
He kills a passing camp counselor, steals his identity and his truck
and heads to a wilderness training camp where several people are
learning to be camp counselors. It's not long before Bernie is
killing the camp counselors with an axe, hunting knife or any other
deadly weapon he can get his hands on. Meanwhile, Taylor (Assistant
Director Neil Kinsella), a county cop, discovers the dead tourist
family and Pop, who he recognizes from years before. He puts the
pieces together and knows that Bernie is doing all the killing, but
can't get the other cops to believe him. By himself, he heads to the
wilderness camp to stop Bernie. When Taylor stumbles on to a campfire
full of singing corpses (!), Bernie gives Taylor last rites (with a
spear). Will anyone survive Bernie's carnage? Will Bernie change his
name to something more fitting of a serial killer? This
impossibly-cheap horror flick was next to impossible to see when
first released on VHS in the early 90's due to a pretty nonexistant
distribution deal with a no name company (Complete Entertainment) and
playing one time (in an edited cut) on USA's UP
ALL NIGHT. Thanks to this "Value DVD", it can be
yours for the measly price of $1.00 but, even at that price, you'll
feel you're being ripped-off. As a horror film, it stinks royally
because the camera cuts to the next scene nearly every time Bernie
swings his axe. Late director/screenwriter Michael O'Rourke, who also
directed the weird rural horror film DEADLY
LOVE in 1987, apparently never watched FRIDAY
THE 13TH close enough because, besides the real lack of
substantial blood and gore, there's also no nudity (even though
two girls do take showers on separate occasions) and absolutely zero
scares. What gore there is is strictly the "aftermath"
variety as we view severed limbs and heads lying on the ground, none
of it remotely believable. It's not even funny as an unintentional
comedy because the pacing is deadly slow and the acting by the cast
is strictly amateur hour. Blake Gibbons, who plays the silent Bernie,
looks remarkedly like Robert Beltran when he's wearing the cowboy hat
and aviator sunglasses. He looked like he belonged more on WALKER:
TEXAS RANGER than in a horror film. This Nevada-lensed film
is pretty dreadful. If there's one good thing I can say about MOON
STALKER (also known as CAMPER STAMPER), it's this: It
was shot on film rather than SOV like most films of this type during
the time period. Surprisingly, the DVD looks pretty good for such a
cheap deal, as the colors are fairly vibrant and the night scenes are
crisp with no artifacting. Still, save your $1.00 for the value menu
at BK. Also starring Ingrid Vold, John Marzilli, Jil Foor, Joe
Balogh, Ann McFadden and Alex Wexler. A Global Multimedia Corporation
DVD Release. Not Rated. UPDATE:
It turns out the "Value DVD" is heavily edited to make it
viewable for all age groups, including children. I saw an uncut print
on Roku-only streaming channel B-Movie TV and there is plenty of
nudity and gore (adding a little more than two minutes to the running
time), but it still is a pretty poor film.
MORTUARY
(1981) - Here's a movie that's part soap opera and part horror
film. It opens with Dr. Parson (Danny Rogers) getting hit several
times with a baseball bat by some unseen killer and falling dead into
his pool. Daughter Christie (Mary McDonough; MIDNIGHT
OFFERINGS - 1981) sees her father floating lifeless in the
pool and starts screaming "Daddy!". The authorities list
his death as an accident and ever since then, Christie started
sleepwalking. We then switch to Greg (David Wallace; HUMONGOUS
- 1981), Christie's boyfriend, and Josh (Denis Mandel) breaking into
a warehouse owned by funeral parlor director Hank Andrews
(Christopher George; PIECES
- 1982). Josh is an ex-employee of Andrew's funeral home and is owed
money, so he decides to steal a couple of tires as payment. Greg and
Josh hear some chanting coming from another room and they spot Hank,
Christie's mother Eve (Lynda Day George, who also starred in PIECES
and was Christopher George's wife until his untimely death in 1983)
and some other women all dressed in black-hooded robes performing
some type of ritual. Greg watches the action while Josh grabs the
tires, noticing the arm of Hank's wife (Donna Garrett), who
supposedly committed suicide, sticking out of a casket on the
warehouse floor. Josh is then brutally murdered with a huge embalming
needle by someone in a black robe, shoving the needle into Josh's
stomach until it comes out his back. When Greg returns, he notices
his van and Josh are
gone, so he calls Christie to come pick him up. Sheriff Duncan (Bill
Conklin) finds Greg's van and comes to the conclusion that Josh left
town because he was prone to do such things. Greg agrees, but Hank
spotted Greg at the warehouse, which puts a damper on Greg's parents'
florist business. Back at high school, Beethoven-loving Paul Andrews
(the late Bill Paxton, in one of his earliest roles), Hank's son,
pines for Christie and asks her if she wants to hear the newest
Beethoven album he bought, but Greg appears and puts a damper on the
date. That night, Christie sleepwalks right into her pool and wakes
up to find that a black-hooded person is trying to kill her with that
damn embalming needle (The print is so clear on this DVD, that you
can actually see who the killer is!). Christie's mother doesn't
believe her, which causes friction between them. Greg does believe
her and finally confesses that he saw her mother with Hank performing
some kind of ritual. They follow her one night, only to discover that
Hank, Eve and the other women Greg saw earlier are performing a
seance, trying to contact Christie's father. They do contact him and
discover that he was actually murdered. Eve fesses-up to Christie
that Paul once asked her father if he could marry Christie, but Dr.
Parson recommended to Hank that his son be committed to a mental
institution. Hank refused, saying that he would keep a closer eye on
him. Well, he failed his duty. Paul sneaks into Christie's home and
kills Eve by stabbing her over-and-over in the stomach with the
embalming needle. After a lengthy chase, Paul captures Christie and
knocks her out, putting both her and Eve's corpse in his station
wagon. As he is driving away from the house, Greg notices his car and
follows him back to the funeral home. Paul strips Christie naked (an
obvious body double since we never see Mary McDonough's face when the full-frontal
nudity is shown), sedates and is about to embalm her (This way, he
can have her forever!), when Hank suddenly appears and Paul shows him
what he has done. Hank is appalled and tells Paul that he should have
listened to Dr. Parson and committed him. Paul stabs Hank in the
stomach with the embalming needle, killing him, just as Greg enters
the funeral parlor. Paul locks Greg in a room and takes off with the
bodies of Hank, Eve and a still-living Christie, bringing them to the
warehouse, where he also has the bodies of Dr. Parson and his mother
sitting in chairs. He plans on embalming Christie and then marrying
her in front of all the stiffs. Greg finds an axe and breaks out of
the locked room, driving quickly to the warehouse (How did he know to
go there?) and stopping Paul from embalming Christie just in the nick
of time. A fight ensues and Paul gets the upper hand, but a
sleepwalking Christie rises from the embalming table, picks up the
axe and plants it into Paul's back. Thinking that they are now safe,
we quickly learn that Paul's mother didn't commit suicide and is
quite alive. She rises from her chair with a knife in her hands and
screams, the film ending while freezing on her obviously psychotic
face. This is nothing special, but it is a perfectly fine way to
spend 93 minutes. Director Howard "Hikmet" Avedis (SCORCHY
- 1976; THE FIFTH FLOOR -
1978; THEY'RE
PLAYING WITH FIRE - 1984), who co-wrote the screenplay and
co-produced with wife and frequent collaborator Marlene Schmidt (who
also plays Greg's mother here), keeps the film moving at a quick pace
even though a five year-old could spot the killer within the first 15
minutes. There are a few gory scenes, such as Eve's protracted death
by embalming needle, the aforementioned nudity (including another
young nude female corpse that we see Paul actually embalming) and a
scene at a roller skating rink (a late-70's to early-80's staple), to
keep you interested and the atmospheric cinematography, by the late Gary
Graver, is better than this film has any right to be. The print
used on the DVD by Scorpion Releasing is practically blemish-free and
is super sharp without using all that noise reduction that some
companies employ. If you are going to view this film, this is really
the only way to watch it properly. Also starring Alvy Moore (THE
WITCHMAKER - 1969; he was also a Avedis film regular,
besides being famous for his role as "Hank Kimball" on TV's GREEN
ACRES [1965 - 1971]) as Greg's father and Curt Ayres and
Greg Kaye as a couple of Greg's school chums. Filmed in 1981, but not
released theatrically until 1983. A United
American Video VHS Release. A Scorpion
Releasing widescreen DVD & Blu-Ray
Release (the only way to watch this film). Rated R.
MOTHER
OF TEARS: THE THIRD MOTHER (2007) -
Director Dario Argento finally completes his "Three Mothers"
trilogy, first started with SUSPIRIA
(1977) and then followed by INFERNO
(1980). I'm glad to report that this is Argento's finest film in the
past 20 years, but with some reservations. A crew digging a new grave
in a cemetery uncover a coffin with a strange rectangular urn chained
to it. A priest dates
the coffin and urn to 1815 and he reburies the coffin on blessed
ground, but not the urn. He takes the urn home with him and when he
opens it, he is horrified by what he sees. He reseals the urn in
church candle wax and ships it off to his friend Michael Pierce (Adam
James), an archaeologist at a museum in Rome. The urn is unwittingly
intercepted by museum workers Sarah Mandy (Asia Argento) and Giselle
Mares (Coralinda Cataldi-Tassoni) and in their haste to open it,
Giselle cuts herself and bleeds on the urn. Uh-oh! When they open the
urn, they find an ancient dagger, three stone idols and a red robe
with strange symbols adorning it. While Sarah is off getting a book
to decipher the writings, a monkey and three robed figures appear,
killing Giselle (what they do to her mouth is simply painful to
watch) and tearing her body apart. Sarah returns, only to be chased
by the monkey, but an unseen force helps Sarah escape (we hear a
disembodied female voice say, "Leave now!"). When Sarah
reports what she saw to police detective Enzo Marchi (Cristian
Solimeno), he and the other cops laugh at her (especially when she
mentions the monkey), but Marchi knows that there is more to the
story, so he keeps a close eye on her. While Sarah and Michael (who
are lovers) try to unlock the secrets of the urn, a rash of violent
suicides and murders infect Rome that have the police baffled (a
mother throws her baby off a bridge; people stab and pummel each
other on the streets for no apparent reason). Michael is told that
the urn contained the spirit of Mater Lachrymarum, the "Mother
of Tears", a demon that brings nothing but sadness and death
wherever she goes. The bad news is that Mater Lachrymarum has
reincarnated herself into the body of a young woman (Moran Atias, who
spends the majority of her screen time in the nude) and she has had
her minions kidnap Michael's young son to keep him quiet. Sarah seems
to be the only person able to battle this ancient evil and, with the
help of the unseen female voice (which turns out to be her dead
mother [portrayed by Asia's real-life mother, Daria Nicolodi], who
teaches her how to be invisible!), she sets out to find Michael (who
has disappeared) and put an end to the madness that is spreading
throughout the land, while trying to avoid the police, who want to
arrest her for murder. Along the way, Sarah learns the truth about
the mysterious death of her mother. That knowledge will help Sarah
battle the evil which hopes to bring about the "Second Coming Of
Witches" and, believe me, no one wants that to happen except the
evil forces which look to enslave and kill all humanity. Lots of gory
mayhem follows. Here's my biggest complaint about this film:
Asia Argento doesn't have the talent to pull-off a demanding role as
the one she has to play here. Frankly, she doesn't have the range for
such a complex role and half the time she looks like she's
sleepwalking through the film. It's especially annoying when she has
to display different emotions in the same scene and all she can
muster is the look of someone passing a kidney stone or experiencing
a case of hard gas. It's downright embarrassing at times (watch the sce
ne
where she cries out "Mommy! Mommy!" and try not to laugh).
Dario has got to cut the apron strings and start once again using
stronger actresses as leading ladies (In my opinion, Asia also ruined
Dario's THE STENDHAL SYNDROME
[1996] with the same one-note acting). Now on to the good stuff:
Dario fills the film with many gory set-pieces, much of it dealing
with some sort of head trauma. Skulls are crushed, eyed are poked or
popped-out of their sockets, Udo Kier (in a cameo) has his face
chopped to pieces with a meat cleaver and even the poor baby gets
it's head caved-in when thrown off the bridge. There's also plenty of
other violence, too, including throat-slittings, stabbings,
tendon-slicing, limb-hacking, a skinning and a nasty scene where a
woman has a pole thrust-up her snatch until it exits out her mouth
(shades of CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST
[1980]), all supplied by Italian effects expert Silvio Stivaletti.
There's also some effective tracking shots (an Argento staple),
plenty of nudity, a pit of sludgy body parts (which will give your
gag reflex a good workout), a decent music score by Claudio Simonetti
and very little CGI, although some of the fire effects, the death of
Mater Lachrymarum and the final scene in the film are obvious CGI
creations (I'm still trying to decide if the final scene was
purposely done in CGI, though. You'll have to see it to understand
what I'm talking about.). Some of the dialogue seems a little forced
(it was filmed in English and some of the Italian actors look to be
speaking English phonetically) and some of the situations are a
little too pat (I groaned out loud when Sarah threw her cell phone
out the car window simply because she couldn't get in touch with
Michael) or familiar (some scenes reminded me of John Carpenter's PRINCE
OF DARKNESS [1987]), but MOTHER
OF TEARS is still better than 95% of the horror films made
today. If you weren't impressed with Argento's later films, including PHANTOM
OF THE OPERA (1998), SLEEPLESS
(2001), THE CARD PLAYER
(2004), DO YOU LIKE HITCHCOCK?
(2005), GIALLO (2009) or DRACULA
3D (2012) this film should make you a believer again. It's
Argento's best film since (TERROR
AT THE) OPERA (1987). Also starring Philippe Leroy (CROSS
CURRENT - 1971), Valeria Cavelli, Robert Madison, Tommaso
Banfi and Jun Ichikawa. The Weinstein Company (Bob & Harvey) have
picked-up this film for U.S. theatrical distribution and release on
DVD through their Dimension Extreme label. Judging by their track
record (they have yet to meet a foreign film that they haven't
fucked-up in post-production), I'm thankful that I got my hands on a
completely unedited European version. Sure enough, the R-Rated
Dimension Extreme DVD version edits nearly all the gore and
full-frontal nudity out of the film. It's a total travesty. Try to
find the Unrated version. Not Rated.
MOTOR
HOME MASSACRE (2005) - This
film reminds me of the time I went to Florida with my first ex-wife
and her family in an RV during the late 70's. Yeah, it's that
painful. A group of overage teenagers hop in a vintage motor home for
a vacation in the woods. As you can probably guess, a masked madman
begins killing them off one-by-one (using that old standby, a
machete). After what seems to be an eternity of "character
development", where one of the girls, Sabrina (Shan Holleman),
broods about her recent breakup with live-in boyfriend of two years
(and lots of flashbacks documenting the breakup) and a hillbilly
shopkeeper (Lane Morlote) relates a story to the kids about recent
killings in the woods, the dumb-as-a-bag-of-rocks gang finally settle
in to their campground. That night, the group meets black girl Nicole
(Tanya Fraser) and her dog Lulu. Nicole, who was with another couple
in the beginning of the film just before they were slaughtered (she ran
away when they wanted to have a three-way with her), keeps getting
angry phone calls from her weird-sounding jealous ex-boyfriend
telling her that he's going to kill the people around her (We never
hear her phone ring, which I first thought was laziness on the
filmmaker's end, but it turns out to be a big clue). The group is
then attacked by two drunken rednecks, but nerd Benji (Justin Geer)
chases them off with a machete. Benji then walks Nicole back to her
campsite, kisses her and a couple of minutes later, she gets another
call from her ex threatening Benji's life. A nightvision goggle-wearing
madman dressed in black then begins chopping and stabbing the cast
with a machete. After murdering nearly the entire cast, the killer
goes one-on-one against Sabrina and she beans the killer three times
across the head with a frying pan (complete with exaggerated sound
effects). The finale finds the survivors hitting one more roadblock
on their way to freedom. Please God, kill me too! This
bottom-of-the-barrel DTV horror flick, directed by one-shot wonder
(so far) Allen Wilbanks (who also scripted), is so poor that some of
the scenes are shot with a camera lens that has an annoying visible
smudge in the upper right-hand corner. I can forgive one scene with
the smudge, but there are several, including a black-and-white
flashback, so I imagine that an entire day's shooting took place with
this defect and rather than reshoot the footage, they just hoped that
the viewer wouldn't notice. It didn't work. This is nothing but a
series of fart, nose picking and horny teenage sex jokes, punctuated
by some of the worst gore I have ever laid eyes on (The blood is
bright day-glo red and reminded me of the blood used in 60's &
70's horror films). MOTOR HOME MASSACRE also has the
distinction of being populated with some of the most annoying actors
I have ever had the displeasure of watching. The two most annoying
are Todd Herring as Lincoln, a white boy who thinks he's black and
uses the words "nigger" and "bitch" in nearly
every sentence, and Justin Geer as Benji, the sweater vest-wearing
driver of the RV whose teeth are so big, I really don't think he can
close his mouth. This is also one of the sloppiest made films that I
have ever seen, as camera shadows are frequently in view, the sound
recording fluctuates from shot-to-shot and there are flubbed lines
aplenty (not to mention some of the most headache-inducing editing,
like watching action through a strobe light). While I'm still glad
that low-budget horror films are still being made and distributed
(see my review for BLOODY
MURDER 2), it's films like this that can kill the genre for
good. Much like a real RV that's been on a long trip without any
stops, this film is full of shit. I honestly can't think of one good
thing to say about this film. It's that bad. Oh, and that chainsaw
that's so prominently displayed on the DVD cover? Nowhere to be found
in the film. Also starring Nelson Bonilla, Breanne Ashley, Greg
Corbett, Diana Picallo, West Cummings and Sande McGhee as a
one-legged (and eventually, one-armed) Park Ranger. A Lionsgate
Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
MOUNTAIN
OF THE CANNIBAL GOD (1978) -
It's time to explore the Italian cannibal genre once again, this one
brought to us by Sergio Martino, the director of THE
STRANGE VICE OF MRS. WARDH (1971), YOUR
VICE IS A LOCKED ROOM... (1972) and TORSO
(1973). This is also the first film in Martino's "Adventure
Trilogy", the next film being ISLAND
OF THE FISHMEN (1979; later altered and then called SCREAMERS
- 1980) and finishing with THE
GREAT ALLIGATOR (1979). This film is more notable for the
explicit nudity and twisted sex scenes on view (some never seen
before) rather than graphic gore. Sure, the blood flows rather freely
here, as does the severed body parts and human flesh eating, but the
nudity and sex scenes are a real eye-opener (some titillating, some
disgustingly perverse).
The film begins with this scrawl: "New Guinea is perhaps the
last region on Earth which still contains immense unexplored areas,
shrouded in mystery, where life has remained at its primordial level.
Today, on the dawn of the space age, it seems unimaginable that only
twenty hours of flight from London, there still exists such a wild
and uncontaminated world. This story bears witness that it does."
(After all this talk about New Guinea, the film was actually shot in
Sri Lanka!)
Susan Stevenson (Ursula Andress; STATELINE
MOTEL - 1973) arrives in Pakistan and goes to the British
Consulate with her brother Arthur (Antonio Marsina; ROLF
- 1983), where she learns that her husband, Henry (a quick cameo by
Tom Felleghy; EYEBALL
- 1975), has been declared missing after going on an expedition in
New Guinea that was not sanctioned by the British government. Consul
member Burns (Lanfranco Spinola) wants to know the reason for the
expedition, but neither Susan or Arthur know. One man who may know is
Professor Edward Foster (Stacy Keach; STREET
PEOPLE - 1976), who tells Susan that Henry did contact him
about going along on the expedition, but he was very secretive about
why he was going, so Edward turned down his offer. Edward has an idea
where Henry was headed, a mountain jungle area, where it is said to
contain cannibal tribes and is cursed, anyone not a tribe member who
dares step foot on the land ends up missing (and probably dinner!).
Susan hires Edward to take herself and Arthur to New Guinea to search
for Henry.
As soon as they touch down by helicopter, the trouble starts. No
locals will go with them on their expedition and Susan is nearly
bitten by the world's most poisonous spider. After they watch local
tribe members skin a live lizard and eat its innards (real-life
animal deaths being a Italian cannibal genre staple), they begin
their expedition. It is obvious that Edward has an ulterior motive
for going on this expedition, but he is keeping it to himself (Arthur
tells Susan that he doesn't trust him). After taking a rubber raft
trip to the island containing the mountain jungle, they discover the
partially devoured bodies of Henry's guides and Susan finds his
knife. We then watch footage of a snake crushing a monkey's head with
its jaws and swallowing it whole (Why do Italian filmmakers think
this is entertaining? This scene was shot especially for this film
and Martino says it was unplanned, but footage shows that the monkey
was forced to confront the snake! What did they think was going to
happen?), our intrepid trio (plus four guides they paid handsomely)
set up base camp. When they wake up the next morning, one of their
guides is missing. Edward says they should turn back, but Susan wants
to proceed, saying finding her husband is the utmost priority. Taking
a bamboo raft down river, they lose another guide when an alligator
bites off his arm and drags him into the river. They then trek
through the jungle and we can see that they are being watched
by unknown tribesmen wearing ugly wooden masks. They lose another
guide to a jungle booby trap, where he is pulled up in the air by a
rope and impaled on bamboo spikes. Their last guide runs away in
fear, only to get his head lopped off by a masked tribesman swinging
a primitive axe.
Susan gets lost in all the confusion and is then chased by a masked
tribesman with a spear. Just when it seems Susan is about to become a
delicious desert, she is saved by Manolo (Claudio Cassinelli;
Martino's HANDS OF STEEL
- 1986; he lost his life in a helicopter crash filming a scene for
that movie), a doctor who works at a mission run by Father Moses
(Franco Fantasia; THE
MURDER MANSION - 1972), a friend of Edward's. Father Moses
tells Susan that her husband was taken prisoner by the Puka Tribe,
the same tribe that kidnapped Edward six years earlier, eventually
making him a member of their tribe. Oh, and they are cannibals. Does
that mean Edward is one, too? Edward tells Manolo that he was forced
to eat human flesh and he hated it, as it still haunts his dreams
every night. Is he telling the truth or is there another reason why
he is on this expedition?
Members of the Puka Tribe secretly sneak onto the mission grounds
and watch as Susan gets undressed, never seeing a white woman before
and they are intrigued (so am I!!!). Edward catches them peeking and
they run away, Edward telling Manolo that he recognized some of them.
Susan asks Manolo to take her to the Puka Tribe's village, just the
two of them, as she doesn't trust Arthur or Edward, telling Manolo
that something is going on between the two that she doesn't
understand. That night, at Father Moses' mission, a local girl that
Arthur is sleeping with is speared in the back by a Puka tribesman
and Edward is seriously slashed in his leg by another tribe member.
Father Moses throws all of them out of his mission and tells them
never to come back (How dare Arthur sleep with one of his flock!), so
they all travel to the Puka Tribe's village. When Edward's leg
becomes infected (Manolo puts some jungle worms on the wound to suck
out the infection), he finally confesses on why he is so eager to
continue. There is a fortune in diamonds in Puka Tribe territory and
he tells Susan that is the reason Henry went there, to be rich beyond
his wildest dreams. Susan refuses to believe it, still thinking that
her husband is a saint. The foursome travel travel ahead, battling
river rapids, cobras and hiking up a slippery waterfall, losing one
of their members to an act of greed, until they reach their goal.
Does Susan find her husband? Do they all become wealthy? Well, if you
were a tribe member and you saw a naked Ursula Andress, what would
you do?
Actually, it is at this point in the film when it becomes very
interesting and quite surreal. Director Sergio Martino (THE
VIOLENT PROFESSIONALS - 1973; THE
SUSPICIOUS DEATH OF A MINOR - 1975; THE
SCORPION WITH TWO TAILS - 1982), who co-wrote this film with
Cesare Frugoni (RABID DOGS
- 1974; CUT AND RUN
- 1985), delivers a lush, green landscape to go with the plentiful
red blood and human flesh (both exposed and eaten) on view. Seeing
Ursula Andress completely naked (no body doubles here, as the camera
reveals) is both eye-opening and unlike most of her other film
performances. Killing off Stacy Keach before they reach Puka Tribe
territory is also unusual, because he basically carried the film
before he died. I remember seeing this film in a theater around
1979 - 1980 (under the title SLAVE
OF THE CANNIBAL GOD) and after watching the uncut version
(the theatrical version was Rated R) I realized that most of Andress'
nudity and a lot
of the graphic violence was missing (the theatrical version was once
released on DVD),
making this version a whole new viewing experience. Susan's nude
indoctrination into the Puka Tribe is much, much longer and worth the
price of admission by itself. You will see near-pornographic sex
between tribe members, a female tribe member graphically masturbating
and another member fucking a giant boar (!), all scenes missing from
the R-Rated cut. One member even tries to take Andress from behind,
until the tribe's chief punishes him by cutting off his pecker (shown
in loving close-up). There's also live snake and lizard eating
(gross), Manolo being forced to eat human flesh and other depravity
on view (including a dwarf tribe member enjoying the taste of flesh),
culminating in the film's standout sequence, which is best for you to
witness for yourself (needless to say, the Dwarf's noggin pops like a
balloon, exposing his brain!). There are far more graphic cannibal
films out there (including CANNIBAL
HOLOCAUST - 1981 and CANNIBAL
FEROX - 1981), but none of them contain Sergio Martino's
touch, making this one must-viewing.
Shot as LA
MONTAGNA DEL DIO CANNIBALE (a literal translation of the
review title) and receiving a U.S. theatrical release through New
Line Cinema and a VHS release from Wizard
Video (both the R-Rated cut), Blue
Underground offers a beautiful uncut widescreen DVD with scenes
seen nowhere else before, taken from Martino's personal collection
(including the wild boar-fucking). Besides the real-life animal
deaths (or maybe because of them), this film is a good bet for all
you cannibal genre fanatics out there, if only to see how beautiful a
40+ woman can look completely naked (Andress looks better here than
she did as "Honey Ryder" in the first James Bond film DR.
NO - 1962, her image walking
out of the ocean in a bikini causing new poster sales to go
sky-high). The extras on the DVD include a 13-minute interview with
Sergio Martino, who looks at this film with fondness (but the
interviewers catch him in a couple of lies, especially about the
monkey/snake scene, where they show footage that the monkey was
pushed in front of the snake!), a poster/stills gallery, a Martino
and cast filmography and the theatrical trailer. This is the only way
to see this film. No Blu-Ray at the time of this review, but I am
sure that there will be one shortly. Also known as PRISONER
OF THE CANNIBAL GOD and PRIMITIVE DESIRES. Also
starring Gianfranco Coduti (this film's Assistant Director), Carlo
Longhi (EATEN ALIVE!
- 1980), Luigina Rocchi (YOR,
THE HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE - 1982), Dudley Wanaguru, Rodolfo
Ruzza (Alberto De Martino's FORMULA
FOR A MURDER - 1985), Akushula Selayah, Francesco Freda
(Martino's SECRET AGENT FIREBALL
- 1965) and Matteo Giordano. Not Rated.
MOUNTAINTOP
MOTEL MASSACRE (1983) -
Here's a regional film that is best remembered for it's tag line
("Please do not disturb Evelyn. She ALREADY is.") than for
the actual film itself and rightly so because the film is a slow
gender-reversal rip-off of PSYCHO.
Evelyn (Anna Chappell) is a former state mental patient who may be
ready for the rubber room again. We first meet Evelyn as she is
chopping up a little bunny rabbit that has invaded her garden. She
then slices up her daughter's neck with a sickle after catching her performing
witchcraft in the basement. She covers up the murder to make it look
like an accident and gets away with it, although the Sheriff (James
Bradford) is suspicious. She then resumes her duties as the
owner/operator of the Mountainside Motel, and out-of-the-way dive in
the Louisiana backwoods. Evelyn hears voices telling her that people
know she is crazy which leads her to torment and kill the occupants
that are unlucky enough to be spending the night at her run-down
establishment. The residents at the motel are the standard horror
film stereotypes: A newlywed couple; a couple of female cousins who
are country singer wannabes; Reverend Bill (horror film vet Bill
Thurman), a preacher with an alcohol problem; a businessman named Al
(Will Mitchell) who happens to be a record producer (or is he?); and
Crenshaw (Major Brock), an out of work carpenter who can still swing
a mean hammer. Using the secret underground passageways that connect
all the rooms, Evelyn begins dispatching the roomers, first
antagonizing them with snakes, rats and roaches and then going
full-bore bonkers, using her sickle to kill everyone that crosses her
path. In one stormy night, Evelyn throws away all that good
psychiatric care she received to satisfy those pesky voices in her
head. Al and Crenshaw band together to get Evelyn before she gets
them, but Crenshaw ends up losing a hand (then his life) before
Evelyn loses her head in a fight with the Sheriff, who has come to
save the day. Not much in the way of entertainment here, unless your
idea of fun is bad acting and cheap gore effects. Father/son team of
Jim McCullough (director & producer) and Jim McCullough Jr.
(screenwriter & co-producer) had been churning out cheap regional
films in many genres throughout the 70's and 80's, including THE
CHARGE OF THE MODEL T'S (1976), THE
AURORA ENCOUNTER (1985) and VIDEO
MURDERS (1987), none of them very good. The film moves at an
extremely slow pace as it takes nearly an hour for the first murder
to take place. In copying PSYCHO, Evelyn's abode is full of
taxidermied animals and the entire night of carnage takes place
during a rainstorm. Unlike PSYCHO,
there is zero suspense. The gore is basically all sickle-related as
we see it planted in a chest, through someone's cheeks (upper not
lower), some neck slashings and other body parts affected by it. I'm
almost ashamed to say that I saw this when New World Pictures gave it
a theatrical release in 1986 (and then released it a month later on
VHS, those bastards!). My opinion still hasn't changed. It's pretty
bad. Also starring Virginia Loridans, Amy Hill, Marian Jones, Greg
Brazzel and Jill King. An Anchor
Bay Entertainment Release which is available as a stand-alone
DVD or as a double
feature DVD (with THE
INITIATION - 1983). Rated R.
MR.
HUSH (2011) - If you can get pass
the cheapness of the entire production, including questionable acting
from nearly all the cast members, you may find yourself having a good
time with this strange horror flick. Ten years ago, Holland Price
(stuntman/actor Brad Loree, who looks like a young Richard Moll and
played Michael Myers in HALLOWEEN:
RESURRECTION - 2002) was a loving father of young daughter
Amy and devoted husband to beautiful wife Julie (Jessica Cameron). On
Halloween Night, the last visitor to ring the doorbell to the Price
household is Father Flannagan (Edward X. Young; MEGA
MAN - 2009, who bears a striking resemblance to a young
Zacherle), who assures Holland that he is not wearing a costume and
that his bus (which he says is full of orphans) conked out about a
half mile away. He wants to use the phone to call for help, but first
needs to use the bathroom. The next time we see Father Flannagan, he
is holding a butcher knife to Julie's throat and slashes it in front
of Holland. Amy ends up missing and Father
Flannagan gets away, promising they will meet again before he knocks
out Holland. Cut to the present and Holland (now with long gray hair)
is living in a tent next to new buddy Mac (Steve Dash), making money
working as a dishwasher and waiter at a bar/restaurant with fellow
waitress Debbie (Connie Giordano). Mac wants Holland to put down
roots and settle down with Debbie and her daughter Kat (Alexis
Lauren), but Holland is sure that Amy is alive and never spends more
than two weeks in one place looking for her (that explains the tent).
Holland eventually falls in love with Debbie and gets along great
with Kat, but Father Flannagan rings the doorbell to Debbie's house,
slits Debbie's throat and ties Holland and Kat up in a basement,
where Flannagan's assistant, Stark (actor/former gay porn film star
Stephen Geoffreys; FRIGHT NIGHT
(1985); DO NOT DISTURB
(2008/2013), who overacts here to the point of diversion for the
viewer) torments them verbally. Holland swears to Kat that they will
get free and calls Flannagan "Mr. Hush", because he likes
to sing the song "Hush Little Baby". Holland and Kat watch
as Hush and Stark bring in some unknown girl, tie her to a table and
slowly drain her of blood by putting a tube in her arm and letting
her blood drain into a bowl. Holland and Kat finally get free and
while Kat goes to get the police, Holland searches the house to kill
Hush. He manages to kill Stark and finds his now-teenage daughter Amy
(Megan Heckman) in one of the upstairs bedrooms, but Mr. Hush has a
hold on her and demands she goes back to her bedroom. She does just
that and Holland demands to know why Hush has such a hard-on for him:
Hush explains that in the 1930's, he and his wife were out for a
midnight stroll looking for dinner when Holland's grandfather lost
control of his car, crashed into a picket fence and one of the
pickets flew in the air and impaled Hush's wife in the heart, killing
her. Since Hush looks no older than 45, it soon becomes apparent that
Hush and his wife were vampires and Hush swore that Holland's
bloodline would suffer a fate worse than death. Namely, he killed
Holland's grandparents, parents and makes Holland suffer by killing
everyone that he loves. Hush then shows his true colors (mainly
blue), as he transforms into a vampire with a full set of sharp upper
and lower teeth. Holland tries to hit him with a baseball bat, but it
just splinters when he hits Hush over the head with it. Just as he is
about to kill Holland, Hush is impaled with the sharp end of the
baseball bat, courtesy of Amy (Hush says, "Isn't that funny? A
vampire killed with his own bat!") and he stumbles outside where
we hear the sound of bat wings flying away. A year later, Holland,
Amy, Kat and Mac are living peacefully in a house when the doorbell
rings. Mac goes to answer the door when the other three scream to
him, "NO!!!!". While not a good film at all, it is
still an interesting one and director/screenwriter/executive producer
David Lee Madison (his first and, so far, only directorial effort)
works pretty well in the confines of what he has to work with; namely
a meager budget, non-professional actors (besides Geoffreys) and
limited locations and sets. There's not much blood spilled (just a
couple of slit throats, a knifing, threatening to cut off the head of
the unknown girl with a chainsaw [the film's biggest tease, because
Hush turns off the chainsaw just as we are expecting him to cut her
head off], a bloodless impalement and the aforementioned bleeding of
the unknown girl), but the story really doesn't demand it. There's a
stinger during the end credits that tries to emulate Geoffreys' final
line in FRIGHT NIGHT (Only
this time he says, "Smells like chicken!", a line he says a
couple of times during the film proper when he sniffs people).
Speaking of Geoffreys, he has not progressed as an actor but actually
regressed, because his performance here is one of the worst in the
film (not to mention his prominent beer belly). He overacts to the
point of wanting to duct tape his mouth and chaining his legs
together, as he jumps and screams all over the place in one scene and
he is only reading a newspaper! I will give this film one positive
point and that is it is different from most ultra-low-budget DTV junk
being released today. That's not an endorsement, but you could do a
helluva lot worse. Also starring Thomas J. Churchill (as one of the
most worthless sheriffs committed to film), Tim Doughtery, Colleen
Cohan and Brian O'Halloran. A Horizon
Movies DVD/Blu-Ray Release. Not Rated.
MULBERRY
STREET (2007) - Pretty good
independent New York City-lensed horror film that played in theaters
for one week during Halloween as part of the 2007
After Dark Horrorfest. The occupants of a rundown tenement
building are under attack by a mutant strain of rat, which are driven
from their habitat thanks to an urban renewal project in effect to
bring a higher class of people to the titled neighborhood. Once
bitten, the tenants turn into rat-faced zombies, who go about trying
to infect the rest of the occupants. A group of tenants, led by
former boxer Clutch (co-scripter Nick Damici), gay friend Coco (Ron
Brice), Kay (Bo Corre) and her sickly son Otto (Javier Picayo),
Charlie (Larry Fleischman) and several others, band together as all
of Manhattan is thrown into chaos when thousands of people are bitten
by rats and turn into flesh-craving zombies. All of this is
particularly distressing to Clutch, because his daughter Casey (Kim
Blair) was just released from
a veteran's hospital after sustaining serious facial injuries while
fighting in the Iraq War and is stuck in the middle of Manhattan
after the Mayor of NYC quarantines the whole island and shuts down
all subway service and public transportation. Casey must find a way
to get to her father without being bitten by the infected, while
Clutch becomes the guardian of Mulberry Street, trying to protect his
friends and neighbors until official help arrives. As they all begin
to get infected one-by-one, Casey finally makes it to her father,
only to end up fighting side-by-side next to Clutch as the invading
horde of rat zombies infect everyone floor-by-floor in the tenement
building. When the government forces finally show up (in bright
yellow haz-mat outfits), they prove to be no better than the rats, as
they kill anyone with the slightest amount of blood on their bodies,
infected or not. I'm glad to see that our taxpaying dollars are being
put to such good use. While there's a little too much
"shakey-cam" photography for my taste (the same type of
annoying technique used in FEAST
[2006; which this film reminds me a lot of] and many other modern
horror and action films), director/co-scripter Jim Mickle (this is
his first feature-length film) still manages to fashion a very
interesting horror film on an extremely low budget. What I find most
interesting are the parallels scripters Mickle and Damici use in
comparing the war in Iraq to the rat-zombie invasion of Manhattan.
Particularly effective is the plight of Casey, who just got done
fighting one war, which left her with permanent physical scars, only
to get caught-up in the middle of another one, which will leave her
with much worse scars, the kind you can never recover from. This is a
relentless, grisly film that doesn't take any prisoners. Some of the
most likeable characters meet gory demises (usually graphic bites),
only to return later as rat-zombies, scurrying on all fours as they
try to infect the rest of the cast. Some of the attack sequences are
particularly heart-wrenching, especially in the finale, as the
infected don't seem to lose all their humanity or past memories, yet
their hunger for human flesh takes precedence over their feelings for
their friends and family. Although I found the nihilistic ending to
be a bit too much (Do all modern horror films have to end on a bitter
note?), what comes before it is a refreshing new slant on the zombie
genre mixed with a wicked side-order of political angst. While MULBERRY
STREET (also known as ZOMBIE
VIRUS ON MULBERRY STREET) does expose it's low-budget roots
every now and then (the CGI oxygen tank explosion being a glaring
example), it's still better than many big-budget horror films that
get a wide theatrical release. Why films like the headache-inducing CLOVERFIELD
(2007) get more recognition than this is beyond me. I will be on the
lookout for Jim Mickle's future projects. Also starring Tim House,
Antone Pagan, John Hoyt, Larry Medich and cameos by director Larry
Fessenden (WENDIGO -
2001) and low-budget scream queen Debbie Rochon. A Lionsgate
DVD Release. Rated R.
MUM
& DAD (2008) - If people tell
you that the British are incapable of making good horror films any
more, point them in the direction of this film, a tense, terrifying
and utterly hilarious (in a totally black, black way) parable about
family mores and values taken to the extreme. Birdy (Ainsley Howard)
and her adopted brother, the mostly silent Elbie (Toby Alexander),
work on the night shift janitorial staff of London's Heathrow
Airport. Elbie strikes up a friendship with new staff member Lena
(Olga Fedori), a Polish immigrant who confides to Elbie that she
doesn't get along with her parents because they expected her life to
be different than it is. Birdie (who doesn't mind cleaning the worst
shit-stained toilets in the airport's bathrooms because she is
"use to it") tells Lena that she and Elbie get along great
with their Mum and Dad because they work at the airport, too (There
is really no other jobs in the area for people of their
"class" than working at the airport). Birdie is the
talkative type who likes to nick items (like an MP3 player) from the
offices she and Lena clean, but Lena can't help but stare at the
multiple scars on Birdie's arms, which she calls "war
wounds" (Birdie confides to Lena that she had some
"behavioral problems" in the past, but she's
better now). Lena misses her bus home at the end of her shift (thanks
to some trickery on Birdie's part), so Birdie and Elbie take her to
their parents' home, a ramshackle house at the end of one of the
airport's deserted runways. Lena is drugged and knocked-out and when
she wakes up, she's in a bedroom covered with bloodstained walls and
meets Mum (Dido Miles), who informs Lena that she is now a part of
their family and she must keep Dad (Perry Benson) calm, otherwise he
goes on bloody, murderous fits of rage. Mum drugs Lena again and when
she wakes up, she's chained to the ceiling while Mum pierces her skin
with a knitting needle asking, "Are you my girl?" Elbie
watches this horrorshow through a peephole in in the wall and
masturbates while Dad holds a knife to his throat and tells Elbie to
"finish it!" (Jerking-off, that is!). As Mum is slicing
Lena's back with a box cutter, calling her a "precious gift from
Heaven", Birdie enters the room to deliver some tea and cookies
for Mum. Mum and Birdie bring a bloodied Lena to formally meet Dad
and when they get to his torture room, they all watch him masturbate
with what looks like a human liver (I swear, I almost threw-up!). Dad
lays down the rules ("In this household, family is
everything!") and tells Lena to forget about the outside world
("It doesn't exist anymore!"), do her chores and, most of
all, respect her new Mum, Dad, Sister and Brother. How in the world
is Lena going to escape this nuclear family from Hell? Lena gets her
chance on Christmas Day and it's about as bloody as you would expect
it to be. Revenge is the sweetest when it come from the tip of a
knife (at least in Lena's case). As directed and written by
first-time helmer Steven Sheil, MUM
& DAD is full of potent images that will shock even the
most jaded of horror film fans. While a general description of the
film may make it seem nothing more than "torture porn"
(God, I hate that term!), there is a lot more going on here both
visually and psychologically than any torture porn film I have seen
(and I've seen plenty). The whole ideal of an airport as a microcosm
of family life is an unusual take on a familiar horror convention
(Help for Lena is just an airport runway away, yet she might as well
be in the middle of the desert). It's really no different than the
plotlines of THE TEXAS
CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974) or THE
HILLS HAVE EYES (1977) and, just like those films, has a
unique perspective on what constitutes a "family". Dad is a
fat slob who is also a sexual deviate. He works at the airport's
cargo section, stealing suitcases, bringing them home and making his
"children" sort out the contents as one of their
"chores". Mum is even worse. Her sexual thrill is cutting
things, especially human flesh, and gets-off on cutting her
"children" with a variety of sharp objects, all while
professing her love for her "Angel" (her new name for
Lena). Birdie actually becomes jealous of alll the bloody attention
Mum & Dad shower on Lena, even going as far as making Lena look
bad in Mum's eyes. Elbie is nothing more than a Dad-in-the-making,
which becomes evident in the scene where Dad stuffs Lena in a
suitcase and begins hitting her with a wooden mallet (a punishment
for trying to escape) and then hands the mallet to Elbie, who at
first is reluctant to hit her, but then gets into the swing of things
after a couple of direct hits. This is by no means an easy film to
watch and rightfully so. If you thought your family was fucked-up,
seeing what this family does may make you appreciate your's a little
bit more. The film is full of incest (even though it's highly
doubtful Birdie and Elbie are actually blood relatives of Mum &
Dad); human body parts (Lena is forced to kiss the severed head of a
victim she is indirectly responsible for killing); lots of human
suffering and torture (I'll bet you all the money in the world that
you never spent a Christmas celebration like this family); and some
unusual set pieces (porn films play on the TV during breakfast at the
house!). This film is worth your time if you have a strong stomach
and one day it may be considered a classic of its genre. Also
starring Micaiah Dring and Mark Devenport. A Revolver Entertainment
DVD Release. Not Rated, and for good reason.
MURDER
PARTY (2007) - In this clever
independent horror gore comedy (filmed in Brooklyn, New York), loner
Chris (Chris Sharp; one of this film's two Producers) plans to spend
Halloween Night alone with his cat watching rented horror VHS tapes
(with fake names such as SCAREWOLF) and eating candy corn out
of a bowl, but all that changes while he is walking home from the
video store and an ominous invitation to a "Murder Party"
appears on the sidewalk. Intrigued (the invitation says "Come
Alone"), Chris fashions a knight's costume out of a cardboard
box (it's quite funny), bakes a loaf of bread from a smashed pumpkin
found on his doorstep, Googles directions and hops on the subway
(where he is verbally accosted by a wannabe rapper) to attend the
party. After walking through some rough-looking back alleys, Chris
finally makes it to the party, which is located at some
out-of-the-way warehouse and is attended by a bunch of costumed
weirdos dressed in various
Halloween costumes (19th Century vampire; the Darryl Hannah
character from BLADE RUNNER
[1982]; a member of the Baseball Furies from THE
WARRIORS [1979]; etc). It seems poor Chris is the
unfortunate random victim picked by a group of pretentious friends
who decided to actually murder someone, all in the name of
"art". They bound and gag Chris and begin to photograph and
videotape the proceedings, but they are so inept at doing the actual
murder, they prove more dangerous to themselves than to Chris. Sky
(Skie Saulnier; the film's other Producer) accidentally trips, hits
her head on a sledgehammer and dies of a massive bleeding head wound.
Macon (Macon Blair) douses Chris with what he thinks is deadly acid,
but it turns out to be nothing but a big bottle of vinegar. We then
learn that the leader, Alexander (Sandy Barnett), a really
pretentious asshole with a capital "A", has gathered all
these people together with the promise of a $300,000 grant to the
person who can come up with the most creative death. Alexander and
his drug dealer sidekick Zycho (Bill Tangradi) makes everyone
shoot-up with sodium pentathol (truth serum) and they play a game of
"Extreme Truth Or Dare", where secrets are revealed and
they begin to turn on each other. The finale finds Chris escaping
while everyone else is killing each other. He is chased by Bill
(William Lacey, who is dressed as one of the Baseball Furies) and
they end up at another even more bizarre Halloween Murder Party,
where Chris kills Bill by slicing his head with an electric chainsaw.
Chris then returns home to finish his night watching rented horror
tapes with his cat and eating candy corn out of a bowl. Just another
regular Halloween for Chris (from now on). While not a horror
film in the purest sense (it's more like a horror-themed BIG
CHILL [1983]-like ensemble piece), freshman feature
director/screenwriter Jeremy Saulnier has created a movie that's rich
in character development and surreal set pieces. The people here are
some of the most unlikable and pretentious (I know I've been using
this word a lot in this review, but in this case, it's a good thing)
"artists" that you will ever meet, yet you can't take your
eyes off the screen, because even though they spout the most
pretentious dialogue you are likely to ever hear, director Saulnier
leaves no doubt in our minds that they are going to get exactly what
they deserve (their "just desserts" if you like). When they
start turning on each other in the gore-filled finale, it's
unrelentlessly graphic and satisfying (The makeup effects, by co-star
Paul Goldblatt, are surprisingly good and refreshingly CGI-free).
Macon accidentally sets himself on fire while wearing a werewolf mask
and it melts onto his face, making him look like an actual werewolf.
Paul (Goldblatt), the photographer of the group, is graphically shot
in the head while taking the "perfect" shot with his
camera. Zycho has his leg cut-off with a chainsaw by Macon. Bill
plants an axe into Lexi's (Stacy Rock) head and then goes berserk
with the very same axe at another Halloween party while chasing
Chris, chopping-up a roomfull of revellers. Alexander (who, it turns
out, is a fake and a nobody who lives with his grandmother!) has his
face chewed-off by his pet dog Hellhammer (just after the dog ingests
a baggie of crank), the dog which Alexander planned on putting to
sleep because it is "ugly" ("I only like puppies."
is his explanation). Even Chris has his problems. He's taking
anti-depressants (and also works for the police department as a
civilian parking ticket agent!), but he throws away the pills when he
finds killing Bill with a chainsaw to be cathartic. My favorite scene
comes when Chris confesses (after being injected with the truth
serum) that he once shit his pants so bad after being stuck alone on
an elevator, that it ran down his legs and touched his socks! It's
not only howlingly funny, it also shows what a boring life Chris has
led up until this point, since it's the worst secret he's never told
anyone until now. This is a great debut feature film from
director/screenwriter Jeremy Saulnier, as it has a lot to say about
the mores and value differences between the "artistic" and
"normal" societies, yet it becomes clear the differences
are negligent when pitted against each other. The closing shot, where
Chris returns home covered in blood and has a face-off with his cat
(who is ultimately responsible for Chris making the decision to
attend this party in the first place), is priceless. Grab this one
when you get the chance. MURDER PARTY
shows what can be done with very little money and a lot of
imagination. A Magnet Releasing
DVD Release. Not Rated.
THE
MURDER SECRET (1989)
- Since I reviewed MASSACRE
(1989), the last film I needed to see to complete my search of
watching every film that Lucio Fulci borrowed footage from to make
his horror film A CAT IN
THE BRAIN (1990), I decided to review some of the other films
he borrowed footage from. Since I have already reviewed SODOMA'S
GHOST (1988) and I have no plans on reviewing HANSEL
E GRETEL (1990; If you have seen it, you will know why
I don't want to revisit it), I decided this film was a good place to
start, but first, a little background. During the late-'80s Lucio
Fulci was looking for some footage he could incorporate into his A
CAT IN THE BRAIN. He already chose two of his latter-day
horror films, SODOMA'S GHOST
(1988) and TOUCH OF DEATH
(1990), but he needed more since CAT
needed about 85% of his film's running time to be made up of footage
from other films (It was a very low-budget affair, yet it was Fulci's
most personal film). Fulci agreed to "Present" these films
on home video, hopefully giving them more exposure than they would
usually get (it worked). Besides the films I have already mentioned,
there was BLOODY PSYCHO
(1989), ESCAPE FROM DEATH
(1989; which usually doesn't get mentioned as being part of CAT,
even on IMDb) and this film, which I believe is the best of the lot.
Still, that is not saying much and, please, don't take it as a recommendation.
The film opens with the Hamilton family, father Richard (Gabriele
Tinti; THE EERIE
MIDNIGHT HORROR SHOW - 1974), mother Nora (Adriana Russo; THE
FACE WITH TWO LEFT FEET - 1979), teenage daughter Georgia
(Jessica Moore; ESCAPE FROM DEATH
- 1989) and young son Maurice (Edoardo Massimi), making a long drive
to Aunt Martha's house, a house that Richard hasn't been to since he
was a child. While Richard is driving, he has bad memories of
visiting his crazy Aunt Martha (Sacha M. Darwin) in the loony bin,
with his mother (Anna Maria Placido; MASSACRE
- 1989) by his side and, when he comes back to reality, he almost
hits a truck head-on. Richard hasn't seen Aunt Martha for ages (She
been living in South America for the past 30 years) and he wants to
know why she wants to see him now, as her letter to him seemed
urgent, yet when they get to her house she isn't there. The only
person at the house is the creepy caretaker Thomas (Maurice Poli; FIVE
DOLLS FOR AN AUGUST MOON - 1970), who tells Richard that
Aunt Martha had some unfinished business and she won't be here until
early tomorrow morning (Richard then has another bad memory when he
was a child. His mother tells him a secret about Aunt Martha [we
don't hear what it is] and then commits suicide by jumping out the
window). Tomas takes the family on a tour of the house, but stops
Richard from opening the door to the basement, telling him that the
door is always kept locked, he doesn't have the key and it is not
safe to go down there.
That night, curiosity gets the best of Richard, so he tries to open
the basement door. To his surprise, he finds it unlocked, but before
he can go down to the basement, the phone rings and he goes to answer
it. No one is on the other end, the second such call of the night.
Nora finds it odd that Aunt Martha would be so excited to see Richard
after 30 years, yet she is not there to greet him when they arrived.
Richard says that's Aunt Martha, she's an odd woman, and then he
makes love to Nora (nudity alert). Someone sneaks into the house in
the middle of the night holding a shotgun and Richard discovers that
it is his other son Charles (Massimiliano Massimi) and then we
discover that Nora is the children's stepmother, as Richard was
married before (The way Charles talks about his mother, she was a
piece of work).
Morning comes and Aunt Martha still hasn't arrived. Charles can't
stay because he has important business to tend to and he leaves,
meeting Thomas outside. Thomas, who seems to know more about the
Hamilton family than they do themselves, tells Charles that Aunt
Martha phoned him last night to say she will not be here until
tomorrow. When Thomas tells the same thing to Richard, he finds it
odd that Aunt Martha didn't phone him with the news and Thomas says
she did, she tried calling twice, but no one picked up the phone.
That night, Richard is awoken by a door outside that is banging in
the breeze, so he goes outside to close it, not noticing Charles'
bloody, mutilated body hanging upside down from a tree. Maurice
begins acting strange, walking in a trance and acting all Carol
Ann-like in POLTERGEIST
(1982) with the TV set, staring at the snow on the screen. What does
this all mean and where is Aunt Martha?
The following morning, Georgia wakes up and discovers that her
full-length mirror has "June 16th 1958" written on
it, seemingly in blood. When Georgia mentions the date to her father,
it stirs something deep inside him, but he tells his daughter and
Nora that the date doesn't ring a bell (He secretly checks out the
mirror, finding the date smudged and blurry, as if someone tried to
erase it with their hand).
Still no Aunt Martha, so Richard takes a long stroll to Thomas'
cabin, while Nora takes the car and goes shopping, leaving the kids
alone in the house. That is never a good idea. Georgia takes a shower
(nudity alert) and someone stabs her in the middle of her forehead,
her mouth and various other parts of her body with a large butcher
knife, killing her. When Maurice hears her screams, he goes running
to her bathroom, only to have the black-gloved killer cut his head
off at the jaw line with a chainsaw! When Nora gets home, she can
find no one (missing a huge bloodstain
on one of the walls!) and when Richard finally makes it to Thomas'
cabin, he discovers Thomas doesn't live there. As a matter of fact,
the person who lives at the cabin never heard of Thomas. Nora then
finds some medical files about Aunt Martha in a desk drawer and as
she is reading them (Aunt Martha was committed to the St. George
Mental Health Clinic on...June 16th, 1958!), the black-gloved
killer sneaks up behind her, grabs her head, puts it in one of the
desk drawers and slams it, cutting off her head! Richard calls the
St. George Clinic when he discovers there is no Thomas and what he
finds out will haunt until the day he dies, which may be sooner than
he thinks (The reveal was truly a surprise for me, so I won't spoil
it for anyone else, even though it a trope used in many modern horror
and supernatural films). Needless to say, when Richard gets back to
the house and discovers his family murdered, their bodies posed
around the dining room table, he finally realizes who he is and it's
not pretty. Can you guess what the murder secret is?
This is actually a pretty decent late-'80s Italian horror film,
probably the best film in the "Lucio Fulci Presents" line
of films that weren't directed by Fulci himself (TOUCH
OF DEATH is much better). Directed and written by Mario
Bianchi (THE BLACK MAID -
1976; SATAN'S BABY DOLL
- 1982; JIBOA
- 1989), sometimes credited as "Robert Martin", who is no
relation to Andrea Bianchi, who directed and wrote MASSACRE.
He obviously didn't have very much money to work with, yet the
killings are gory and very well done (Nearly all of the killings are
used in Fulci's CAT).
Gabriele Tinti is also very good, especially in the surprising
finale. Tinti would die in 1991 at the relatively young age of 59. He
was married to actress Laura Gemser (the EMANUELLE series)
from 1976 until the day he passed (lucky bastard!). While this film
is not great by any stretch of the imagination, I liked that even the
smallest of details come into play in the surprising finale. To give
away any more would be to ruin the film for you if you decide to see
it. Warning: SLIGHT SPOILER!!! The "surprise" is
what happens in the beginning of the film. Better yet, what almost
happens. So if you want something gory and a little bit different,
but nothing special, you could do worse than this film.
Shot as NON AVER PAURA DELLA ZIA MARTA
("Do Not Be Afraid Of Aunt Martha") and also known as THE
BROKEN MIRROR, you won't find this film available legitimately
in any home video format in the United States, just on DVD-R from
many gray market sites. You can also see a nice print (although
fullscreen) for free on YouTube. This is not required viewing, but I
have seen much worse. Look for a cameo by director Bianchi as a
person on the street who gives Nora a nasty look. Not Rated.
MURDER-SET-PIECES
(2004) -
This is 2004's answer to an assault on your eyes and ears. It's
painful to watch, very hard to listen to and yet it is strangely
compelling for a film that really has nothing to say. A serial
killer, cannibal and fitness nut (Sven Garrett) is slaughtering women
in Las Vegas while posing as a photographer. Not just slaughtering
them, mind you, but raping them, driving nails through their hands
and chainsawing them in the head in his secret torture room in his
house (filled with dead rotting bodies and body parts). There's even
one really tasteless scene where we see him getting a blowjob in his
car by a decapitated head. When he is done, he simply throws the head
out the window! Everything is right there up on the screen and
nothing is left to the imagination. The serial killer is never given
a name (he is only known as "The Photographer" in the
credits) but we do know that his grandfather was a Nazi, he rants in
unsubtitled German while killing (bring along a German chick to
translate and see if she'll ever talk to you again) and he
considers all women as disposable trash. What little plot there is
consists of the little sister Jade (Jade Risser) of the woman who is
dating the killer. Jade has suspicions that he is not all there and
warns her sister to be careful when around him. The older sister just
thinks Jade has a vivid imagination. Bad move. When Jade confides to
her best friend that she knows that her sister's boyfriend is the
grandson of a Nazi and find him spying on her at school, The
Photographer stabs Jade's 10 year-old friend graphically in the
stomach in a bathroom in a public park, something I thought I would
never see in an American-made film. It's extremely hard to watch and
very bloody. Production notes state that over 30 gallons of fake
blood was used in making this film. It looks like it. The finale
finds Jade and The Photographer fighting each other in his hidden
killing room. She gets slashed repeatedly with a straight razor in
the back and she plants a pair of scissors in his stomach. They both
get away. Jade has terrible nightmares and The Photographer is seen
leaving town on a bus talking to a beautiful girl while taking her
picture. Director/writer Nick Palumbo is really a sick son-of-a-bitch
or a filmic genius. I still cannot make up my mind. There's enough
gore and nudity for a dozen horror films and takes chances that no
other U.S. horror film has taken in ages (killing kids on screen?).
His previous film, NUTBAG
(2000), a SOV serial killer film, is similar in tone and plot but
does not have the production values (2.4 million dollars to make and
shot on 35mm) or the professionalism of MURDER-SET-PIECES.
Dozens of murders take place in this film (which led to some film
festivals refusing to show it and three film processing companies
refusing to handle it) and this is one of the goriest films in recent
memory. It's not for all tastes (I'm not even sure if I liked it, but
I couldn't take my eyes off it), so if you see this sucker (available
only on-line, forget WalMart!), think twice before you buy it. It
even got a run in theaters
in New York and other select cities before hitting DVD. I would have
loved to see the peoples' reactions while watching this misogynistic
film on the screen. Sven Garrett (love those sideburns) carries the
film as he rants and raves in English and German and we are given
small flashbacks to him as a small boy as to why he hates women so
much. What this film lacks is a realistic touch. Sure, the
murders are extremely bloody, the nudity abundant and the tension is
so thick you can cut it with a knife, but the police are never shown
once investigating the murders (I was left wondering what happened
when someone found the severed head in the parking lot). Truth be
told, thousands of people disappear in Las Vegas every year, never to
be heard from again. It is Sin City after all. I can't really give
this film my recommendation because of it's subject matter (although
history has taught us that people like this do really exist), but I
can't really pan it either. It's slick and well-made with a great
music score. This film has turned my brain to Jello (the red cherry
flavor, of course). With cameos by Gunnar Hansen (as a Nazi-loving
gun seller) and Tony Todd (as an adult store clerk). Also starring Ed
Neil, Cerina Vincent and Valerie Baber. The end credits list the
Executive Producers as Herman Goering, Heinrich Himmler and Joseph
Goebbels. Now, that's just sick! A Frightflix.com
DVD release. Unrated and rated NC-17 for its'
theatrical release (William Friedkin's KILLER
JOE - 2011 [but not released until August 2012] was also
Rated NC-17 and only played a few theaters before going directly to
VOD & DVD. When will theaters owners realize that just because a
film is given that rating, there's nothing wrong with adults seeing
it on the big screen? I was lucky enough to see Friedkin's film on
the big screen and it's a corker [Matthew McConaughey has never been
better]. I guarantee that you will never look at a piece of fried
chicken again after watching this film.). Remember: What happens in
Vegas stays in Vegas.
MUTANT
MAN (1995) - A flashback in 1959
shows a mother dying while giving birth to the titled character,
while her two young children and the crazy fruit stand lady (Sula Von
Woltor) are left to care for him. So begins another low-rent rip-off
of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
(1974), with a little THE HILLS
HAVE EYES (1977) thrown in for good measure. In the present
day, an RV full of bad actors breaks down in Hammonton, NJ near the
house that the Mutant Man, whose name is Leroy (Jim Baldi), now
shares with his three siblings
(don't know how it went from two to three and it's never explained)
and the fruit stand lady (who hasn't aged since 1959, but that's not
in the screenplay, just lazy casting). In a stroke of luck that only
happens in horror films, our hapless campers run into two cops that
they know and they stay with them as they camp out on the dangerous
property. It's not long before Leroy is killing the campers in
various bloody ways. Throats are torn, necks are snapped, arms are
bitten and, in what turns out to be the films coupe-de-grace, Leroy
rips the breasts off of one of the female campers in one pull and
eats them! The film is just a series of chases, as the campers try to
avoid the mutant's cannibal family, but they are mostly unsuccessful.
Of course the film is left wide-open for a sequel which, thankfully,
never materialized. Third rate in every way, MUTANT MAN is a
real exercise in tedium. The film is horrendously acted, especially
by the guy who plays Twitch (John Battaglia), as well as badly
scripted and directed. Did I forget to mention that this film is also
a comedy? Not all the time, mind you, just when
director/producer/writer Suzanne DeLaurentiis (best remembered as one
of the two actresses who was harassed by the hillbilly family in JUNIOR
- 1985) feels like it, as when one of the retarded cannibal brothers
chases two farm hands with a scythe around a field. Here's some
sample dialogue that's supposed to make me laugh: When one of the
campers spots a pentagram necklace around the sister's neck, she
says, "That's a pretty necklace. Are you Jewish?"
Hardee-fuckin'-har! It also name-drops various films, including DELIVERANCE
(1972), TCM and THE SHINING
(1980). Leroy looks like a huge hillbilly with bad teeth (are there
any other kind?) and a pageboy wig, not very frightening at all,
especially since all he ever says is "Aargh!" over and
over. I will give it this, though: The film is very bloody. Besides
what I have already described, there's an arm thrust completely
through Twitch's stomach until it comes out his back (yay!), a nasty
knife through the neck, an even nastier leg breaking and other body
appendage mayhem, some of it done quite well. If that's all you're
looking for, I'm sure you will be pleased. But if farting, jokes
about rape and depictions of retards as comic relief turn you off,
expect to turn this off five minutes in. At least it was shot on
film, but I'm getting sick of filmmakers portraying New Jersey as a
state full of inbred hicks. I looked at my wife/sister and, by the
sound of her grunts and the amount of drool coming out of her mouth,
she agrees with me. This only goes to prove that women can direct
badly, too. Also starring Yvonne Buchanan, Charlie Patiro, Christian
Munroe, Carol Furphy and Billy Villegas. A Platinum Disc Corporation
Release. Not Rated.
THE
MUTILATOR (1984) - When Ed was
a young boy, he accidentally shot and killed his mother while
cleaning one of his father's rifles. Now a college student, Ed (Matt
Mitler) and his friends are trying to decide what to do on their fall
break when Ed gets a call from his father asking him to close up his
condo on the beach before Winter comes. Ed and his friends decide to
make a vacation out of it and drive to the condo. Once they get
there, they find the condo unlocked and a bunch of liquor bottles
scattered about, like a party had just finished. Ed explains to his
friends that his father is a hunter and heavy drinker and shows them
his father's trophies and weapons. That's when Ed notices that a
battleaxe is missing from it's place on the wall. Being horny
teenagers, there's lots of
talk about having sex, romantic walks on the beach and games of
Monopoly (?), but why is Ed's father (Jack Chatham) hiding in a shed
in the back yard holding the battleaxe? Linda (Frances Raines) is
killed while skinnydipping in a pool and her boyfriend, Mike (Morey
Lampley), follows a trail of her clothes to the shed, where he is
disemboweled by an outboard motor operated by Ed's dad. He then hangs
both dead bodies by impaling their heads on spikes in a hidden room
in the shed. When the other four go looking for Mike and Linda, they
meet a cop (Ben Moore) on the beach. He tells them to be careful and
then goes snooping around the condo, only to be stabbed in the face
with a sword and then beheaded with the battleaxe. When Ralph (Bill
Hitchcock) goes to the shed to look for his missing friends, Ed Sr.
shoves a trident through his neck. When Sue (Connie Rogers) goes
looking for Ralph, Ed Sr. puts her on a table and shoves a gaffing
hook in her vagina until it exits out her stomach. He then chops her
head off. Ed Jr. is then impaled on the leg with the axe and Pam
(Ruth Martinez) stabs Ed Sr. in the chest with a knife. As they are
about to drive away, Ed Sr. jumps on the hood and Pam throws the car
into reverse, pinning him to a wall and cutting him in half. Ed Sr.
has one more bit of gory mayhem to perform before he passes away. Why
did kill all these people? Let's just say he was having a bad day
because the film gives you no concrete reason. This low-budget
slasher flick, directed/produced/scripted by one-shot wonder Buddy
Cooper, delivers on the gore (avoid the R-rated cut, as it edits out
nearly all the graphic bloodshed) but fails on nearly every other
level. It takes forever to get moving and there are more false scares
than actual ones. It seems the only false scare they didn't use was a
cat jumping out of nowhere. The gore is very graphic when it finally
comes and it lingers lovingly on gushing wounds, spilled innards,
dismembered body parts and impaled heads. The gaffing hook stunt is
particularly hard to watch and is only trumped by the finale where
Ed's father is cut in two. Nothing is left to the imagination and it
is downright nasty in it's execution (especially what happens to a
cop who checks on the body). The only recognizable names in the cast
are Frances Raines and Matt Mitler, who would both later co-star in
Tim Kincaid's BREEDERS
(1986). Originally titled FALL BREAK and filmed in 1982,
the distributors changed the name and hired John Douglass to
"tighten up" the film (he gets a "co-director"
credit). This actually played theaters in 1984. Look closely at the
end credits at the production date. A new date of 1984 is burned-in
over the old date. A good film for gorehounds. Not so good for
everyone else. The tag line is great, though: "By Sword.
By Pick. By
Axe. Bye-Bye!"
A Vestron Video
Release. Available in R-Rated (blue
background) and Unrated (black
background) editions.
MY
BROTHER HAS BAD DREAMS (1972) -
Should be titled PSYCHO GEEKBOY AND HIS MANNEQUINS. Carl (Nick
Kleinholz) went mental when he saw his alcoholic father bludgeon to
death his
wheelchair-ridden mother 15 years earlier. He now spends his time
fishing, swimming in the nude (not a pretty sight), masturbating
while watching his sister Anna (Marlene Lustik) taking a shower and
collecting mannequins and pretending they are his mother. Carl makes
friends with Tony (Paul Vincent), a drifter who nearly runs him over
with a motorcycle, and brings him home to meet his overprotective
sister. After a shaky start, Tony and Anna soon become fond of each
other and she convinces him to stay at the house for a few days (she
also loses her virginity to Tony at 28 years of age!). After
witnessing one of Carl's frequent nightmares (he dreams of his hanged
father coming to kill him), Tony decides to help Carl rid himself of
the bad dreams. Tony throws out all the things that remind Carl of
his mother, including her wheelchair and the mannequins. That doesn't
sit too well with Carl. He goes bonkers and kills the mailman with a
poker (the same weapon his father used on dear old mom) and buries
him in the backyard. He then stabs Tony and Anna while they lay
asleep in each other's arms. In the finale we learn that Anna was
involved in mom's death and helped dad dispose of the body. Carl
straps a mannequin on his back, takes off on Tony's motorcycle and
kills a cop on a high speed chase. He then stops at a pier, throws
the mannequin into the sea, slits his wrists, jumps off the pier and
gets eaten alive by sharks! The whacked-out ending aside, this is an
effective psychological chiller that is well acted and quite
entertaining. Nick Kleinholz looks like a nerdy version of Norman
Bates, with his horn-rimmed glasses and severely thin frame. He make
quite an impression in what I think is his only filmic role. Director
Bob Emery (SIGN OF AQUARIUS
- 1969 [a.k.a. GHETTO FREAKS
in slightly altered form]; RIDE
IN A PINK CAR
- 1974) squeezes the most out of a limited budget, delivers the goods
and throws in some gory early 70's blood and nudity. The film is
obviously retitled (Emery is also mistakenly credited in most
reference books with directing SCREAM
BLOODY MURDER
- 1972, so could the original title be similar?) and the print I
viewed was way too dark but that should not deter you from searching
out this oddity. It will shock and surprise you and not bore you to
tears like most films of this type. A United
Entertainmant Video Release. Not
Rated.
(NOTE: Bob Emery is now a very successful independent producer and
director. He did the documentary/interview series THE
DIRECTORS,
currently showing on the Encore channel. He has won over 75 awards
for his 32 years of film work, his most current project (as of this
review) being THE
GENOCIDE FACTOR
(2000), a 5 hour series documenting the worst atrocities that man has
committed on his fellow man from biblical times to the present.)
MY
PURE JOY (2011) - Here's a gory
horror film which seems to condemn its core audience, but makes no
apologies because there are extenuating circumstances. Adam (Alexei
Ryan, who also sings a song on the soundtrack) is a horror
film-loving teen who is also a serial killer. Flashbacks show that
that his dying father (Mark Glasser), who was also an abusive husband
(the extenuating circumstance), got Adam hooked on horror films when
he was a child (while his father lays dying in his bed). It was their
only way of connecting and his father fills
his head with such nonsense as, "You can only get to people
through fear. If you want to impact somebody's life, you gotta
terrorize 'em!" and "These horror movies will stick with
you forever because you fear them." The first time we see Adam
in action, he is wearing all black with a hand-painted white mask,
killing a family who we just saw previously arguing at the dinner
table. Adam kills people using methods he learned while watching
horror films, except he puts his own spin on them. He first kills the
family's young son while he is sleeping in bed, stabbing him
repeatedly until he is nothing but a bloody mess. He then stuffs the
young boy in a pillowcase and finishes up the rest of the family,
culminating is stabbing the mother to death while she is taking a
shower (shades of PSYCHO -
1960), then cutting off her nipples and placing them over her eyes
(something the Hitchcock film didn't do). Adam then goes home (where
he lives with his mother) and writes of his escapades in a journal.
He goes to the house of his best friends, the black Chris
(Christopher Chandler) and the white Steve (JD Fairman), who are both
brothers (Adam saves Steve from choking by performing the Heimlich
Maneuver). They discuss their love of horror films (where MARTYRS
- 2008, FINAL DESTINATION
- 2000, DARD DIVORCE -
2007, PREMUTOS
- 1997 and other gory horror films are discussed throughout the
film), drink beer and alcohol (Adam says to Chris while they are
drinking in a car, "It's only a DUI if you get caught.")
and talk about who they are going to take to the prom. Adam wants to
ask Cindy (Kimberly Night) to the prom, but she is seeing white
rapper-wannabe Derron (Phillip Andrew Christopher). At a party, Adam
gets up enough nerve to ask Cindy to the prom, but when one of
Derron's homies informs him of what Adam is doing, he challenges Adam
to a fight and generally embarrasses Adam in front of everyone. At
one point Adam asks the overweight Wendy (Emily Bordignon) to the
prom to try and save some face, but he still walks away with his tail
between his legs. Later on that night, he has Wendy give him a
blowjob in his car and convinces her to agree that he has spent the
entire night with her, even though he has no intention of doing so.
What Adam actually does is go to Derron's house in his mask get-up,
knock-out Derron while he is making love to Cindy doggy-style and
then stabs Cindy in the vagina with his trusty switchblade (in loving
close-up). He then ties-up both Cindy and Derron to chairs with duct
tape, where he cuts-off Derron's finger, slices-off his tongue and
then kills Cindy, raping her dead body (thankfully, off-screen). He
then shoves a microphone in Derron's mouth, killing him (Adam is
aware that Derron has a video camera hidden inside a stuffed animal
so he can film his trysts with women, so the masked Adam plays up to
the camera before he leaves). When he is home, his mother warns him
not to go out because there is a serial killer on the loose. She also
informs him that his long-absent brother Joseph (Cory Jacob) is
coming over to visit, which sends Adam over the edge. His mother
notices the knife and wants to know why he has it. He threatens her
life if she doesn't quit nagging him (She really is a piece of work).
When Joseph shows up for dinner, an arguement between Adam and Joseph
ensues, where Adam tells Joseph (who is a recovering drug addict and
wants to live in their house for a month until he gets back on his
feet, which Mom agrees to, telling Joseph he can share Adam's
bedroom) that he didn't even come to his own father's funeral and how
dare he show his face around him. Their mother takes Joseph's side
(she was abused by her husband, after all) and Adam gets up and
storms out of the house. Mom tells Joseph about the knife she saw
Adam carrying and they go to his bedroom, where Joseph reads Adam's
journal and discovers that Adam is the serial killer, finding the
mask under his bed. When Adam gets home, Joseph and his mother
confront him, telling him he belongs in a mental institution. Adam
hits Joseph in the head with a baseball bat and then stabs him in the
leg, forcing him to watch as he bashes his mother's head
over-and-over on the floor until her brains spill out. Adam then
tells Joseph to eat their mother's spilled brains and when Joseph
refuses, Adam stabs him in the eye, killing him.
He
puts the mask on Joseph, just as the police come to the door (Mom
dialed 911 before Adam was able to kill her), making it look like
Joseph was the serial killer. Adam gets away with it all, collecting
his mother's life insurance, but it turns out that both Chris and
Steve were nothing but imaginary friends that Adam concocted in his
mind, as the final shot shows us. One man force James Cullen
Bressack (as co-founder of ultra-cheap production company "Psykik
Junky Pictures", he has directed a handful of short films
including HEROINE
JUNKY FOR DUMMIES [2005], UNTIMELY
DEMISE [2011], has contributed shorts to anthology films
like THEATRE OF THE DERANGED
[2012]; executive produced the TREASURE
CHEST OF HORRORS franchise [2012 - 2013] and then started
making full-length features like this one, HATE
CRIME [2012], TO JENNIFER
[2013], BLOOD
LAKE: ATTACK OF THE KILLER LAMPREYS [2014], BETHANY
[2016] and VIRUS OF THE DEAD
[2017]), who directed, wrote, co-produced (with Jarret Cohen),
edited, was in charge of the ADR recording and was camera operator
(among even more technical duties) of this shot-on-digital video
horror flick, wants to have his cake and eat it too. But MY
PURE JOY just doesn't make his case that watching horror
films as a child can turn you into a serial killer. Making the excuse
that his mother was abused by his father doesn't wash, because Adam
himself wasn't physically abused (Sure, he was emotionally abused by
his father's rantings, but c'mon). If everyone in that situation
turned out like Adam, horror films would not be as popular as they
are (and would probably be banned in this politically correct
climate). Besides that huge gaffe, the film also has that washed-out
look that cheap digital cameras display, so nothing really pops and
the colors are muted (It was reportedly shot on a $10,000 budget and
it looks it). There are a few good gore scenes (but the "knife
in the eye" gag is terrible, because you can plainly see that
the blade of switchblade is not deployed) and Alexei Ryan is good as
Adam, but gore and good acting don't necessarily translate into a
good film. The message of this film really bothered me, because it
seems to me that director Bressack is telling his audience that
excessively watching horror films, especially gory horror films, will
turn you into a psychopathic killer. As we all know, that is not true
and that is where this film fails miserably. In my opinion, it's not
worth the cheap digital tape it was made on. Also starring Lisa
Frantz as Adam's mother, Jon Bloch, Kevin Flood, Laura Meadows,
Nathan Blaiwes, Bailey Gaddis, Doug Waugh and Bryan Calvert. Director
Bressack can be heard as the 911 operator during the finale of the
film. A Shriek Show/Media Blasters
DVD Release. Not Rated.
THE
NAVY VS. THE NIGHT MONSTERS
(1965) - Here's another horror film that damaged my fragile
childhood mind due to its numerous TV showings in the late-60's and
early-70's (it also played endlessly in theaters as a double feature,
with WOMEN OF
THE PREHISTORIC PLANET [1966], right-up to the early-80's),
so I have decided to watch it again using my "adult" brain
to see if I can destroy my childhood memories once and for all. I can
happily report that my fond childhood memories have been pushed out
of my left ear and creepy adult thoughts have been crammed into my
brain through my right ear. Why do I keep doing this to myself? A
plane carrying strange plant life from the Antarctic (as part of
"Operation Deep Freeze", which consists of stock shots of
penguins, dog sleds and glaciers) crash-lands on a military base on
tropical Gow Island when the cargo on the plane gets loose and begins
attacking the passengers and crew. Acting Base Commander Lt. Charles
Brown (Anthony Eisley; DEEP SPACE
- 1988) and Ensign Rutherford Chandler (Bobby Van; DOOMSDAY
MACHINE - 1972) board the destroyed plane and the only
person they find is the pilot, who is in a state of extreme shock.
Base nurse Nora Hall (Mamie Van Doren;
UNTAMED YOUTH - 1957)
and the base doctor (Phillip Terry; THE
LEECH WOMAN - 1960) tend to the speechless pilot, whiles
Charles and Chandler try to figure out what happened to the rest of
the plane's crew. Did they jump out of the plane (during the fracas
on-board the plane in the beginning of the film, we watch as a very
frightened cook opens the plane's door and jumps without a parachute,
taking the co-pilot with him) or has something more nefarious
happened to them? We find out that the plane was transporting some
unknown plant life that was found in an extremely warm section of the
Antarctic and now it has gotten loose on Gow Island. And, surprise!,
these miniature tree-like plants are capable of walking on their
roots, secrete an acid that dissolves human flesh and like the taste
of people! In between Peyton Place-like theatrics (where civilian
meteorologist Bob Spaulding [Edward Faulkner; THE
FLORIDA CONNECTION - 1974] has the hots for Nora, but she
only has eyes for Charles), biologist Dr. Arthur Beecham (Walter
Sande) and his assistant Marie (Pamela Mason; DOOR-TO-DOOR
MANIAC - 1961) try to figure out what makes these plants
tick and how to combat their acid strikes. After devouring all the
penguins in the warehouse, the killer plants turn their attention to
the base personnel, beginning with a guard at the downed plane and
Marie, who both become plant food. Chandler is the next victim when
he searches for his little doggie in the jungle and is grabbed by one
of the carnivorous (or rather, omnivorous, as Dr. Beecham corrects
Charles) plants. It turns out that these plants are also intelligent,
as they destroy the base generator, knocking out the electricity. The
plants are also hatching babies (!) and soon the base is overrun with
full-grown and baby killer plants, all capable of secreting the acid.
How to resolve this problem? I love the smell of napalm in the
morning! I like to think of THE
NAVY VS. THE NIGHT MONSTERS as a $1.99 version of DAY
OF THE TRIFFIDS (1962) with more than a touch of TV soap
opera. It should come as no surprise then to learn that
director/screenwriter Michael A. Hoey had a long career directing
episodes of American TV series (he was also editor of the 1977 TV
movie THE POSSESSED). NAVY
seems to be shot on a series of sets (it's the sand in the jungle
that gives it away) with some on-location photography and stock
footage interspread throughout. The plants themselves are a
ridiculous concoction (they look like miniature palm trees with
tentacles), but there are some surprising graphic bits of gore,
including an acid-scarred corpse, some close-up shots of acid burns
and CPO Fred Twining (Billy Gray; WEREWOLVES
ON WHEELS - 1971) having his arm ripped-off by a plant. The
most unintentional funny sequences to me are when the shell-shocked
pilot keeps escaping from his hospital bed and attacking the
personnel (he is eventually devoured by a plant), when all the base
doctor would have to do is restrain him to the bed and solve the
problem once and for all (and save his life, too). It's lapses in
logic such as this that makes this film such a hoot to watch (and
Bobby Van calls Anthony Eisley "Charlie Brown" so many
times, you half-expect Eisley to let out a "Good grief!"
every now and then), but only if you are in the right frame of mind.
Also starring David Brandon, Biff Elliot, Kaye Elhardt, Russ Bender
and Del West. This film has fallen into public domain and was
released on VHS by many budget labels in terrible condition, but the
VHS tape from Paragon
Video offers a reasonably sharp, colorful fullscreen
presentation. Although it's not available in the U.S. on a pressed
DVD, the fine folks at Monsterverse
Entertainment have released a DVD-R
of the film with an informative commentary by director Michael A.
Hoey. Not Rated.
NECRONOMICON:
BOOK OF THE DEAD (1993) -
Interesting, but not altogether successful, trilogy of horror tales
whose framing device
concerns author H.P. Lovecraft (Jeffrey Combs, who is unrecognizable
under prosthetic makeup) researching stories using the Necronomicon,
the ancient book of the dead. The Necronomicon makes an appearance in
all three tales. "The Drowned" concerns itself with a man
(Bruce Payne) who has just inherited a spooky, run-down hotel, that
tries to bring his dead wife back to life with hellish results.
"The Cold" is about a runaway girl who meets a strange
doctor (David Warner) who needs freezing temperatures to survive.
"Whispers", the strangest tale of the trio, tells the story
of a pregnant cop who is pursuing a serial killer known as "The
Butcher" and runs smack-dab into a tribe of bat-like aliens with
a fondness for bone marrow. This film has much to recommend but is
strangely unsatisfying. Something is missing but Ill be damned
if I can put my finger on it. Due to the graphic nature of some of
the scenes, this film would be hard-pressed to obtain an R rating
without suffering many cuts. Brian Yuzna (SOCIETY
- 1989) directed the framing segments and the surreal
"Whispers" episode, the best parts of the film. Also
starring Richard Lynch, Dennis Christopher, Gary Graham, Belinda Bauer, Obba
Babatundé, and Don Calfa (where did he disappear to?).
Available on Japanese laserdisc in Unrated
form and on VHS from New Line Home Video in an R-rated
cut. Other films which use the Necronomicon as a plot device include EQIUNOX
(1967/1970), all three EVIL DEAD
films (1981 - 1992) and THE UNNAMABLE 1
& 2 (1988 & 1992).
NEKROMANTIK (1987) - After reading so many positive reviews the past several years in genre publications, I finally broke down and bought a copy of this German-language, English-subtitled cult film. As I thought, I was not impressed. This grimy-looking, ultra-low budget horror film about a man (Daktari Lorenz) and a woman (Beatrice M) who like to have sex with rotting corpses is not recommended for anyone with an ounce of good taste left in their bodies. It showcases the actual killing and skinning of a rabbit (in graphic close-up), the slaughter of a cat (put in a plastic bag and repeatedly smashed against a wall) and other ghastly perversities, all shown in loving detail. The faked gore effects are quite well done but a film needs more than good effects to get a positive review from me. This film contains nothing else. Even at 73 minutes, this boring piece of celluloid moves at a snail's pace. I just don't get it's popularity. Directed by Jorg Buttgereit, who later made a sequel and other gore films that defy explanation. Alfred Sole's 1972 sex film titled DEEP SLEEP and Straw Weisman's DEADMATE (1988) dealt with the subject of necrophelia in a much more humorous way and director Jacques LaCerte's LOVE ME DEADLY (1972) handles the subject much more seriously than this film does. To see a German horror film made the right way, read the review for Olaf Ittenbach's THE BURNING MOON (1992). A Film Threat Home Video Release. Unrated.
NEON
MANIACS (1985) - This mid-80's
horror film is a good example of style over substance. That is to
say, that while the film is great to look at, the story makes very
little sense (actually, no sense at all). It could because the film
had financial production problems, forcing the film to close down for
three months and some of the actors playing the creatures were no
longer available, which is why two (or even three) people are
credited with playing certain creatures. Or it could be the
screenplay (by Mark Patrick Carducci; PUMPKINHEAD
- 1988; who passed away at age 42 in 1997) is so utterly bizarre, you
could get a brain aneurysm if you think about it too hard. The film
opens with a fisherman casting his line under San Francisco's Golden
Gate Bridge. He has no luck, so he begins to leave, when he notices a
steer skull that is holding a tarot-sized deck of cards, each one of
them portraying a different creature (one of them reminded me of the
"Chattering Cenobite" in HELLRAISER,
which was made two years later). Suddenly, a door open at the
foundation of the bridge and
the fisherman is killed with an ax (offscreen), just like the one a
creature is holding in one of the cards. The film then switches to a
bunch of teens in a van, where they are singing "Happy
Birthday" to Natalie (Leilani Savelle; THE
DELIBERATE STRANGER - 1986). Ray (James Atcheson) stops the
van so they can pick up some beer and party at a park near the
bridge. While the are waiting for Ray, Steve (Allan Hayes; FRIDAY
THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER - 1984) is walking his dog
(which he has named "Dog", because "Cat" would be
inappropriate!), when it breaks free and runs directly to Natalie.
It's plain to see that there is some chemistry between Steve and
Natalie, but Ray comes out of the liquor store, calls Steve
"Baloney Boy" (he works at his father's grocery store),
hops in the van and drives off. We are then introduced to younger
teen Paula (Donna Locke; her only film, which is too bad because she
is good here), a horror film fanatic who has her bedroom decorated
with all types of horror film memorabilia. She is also a budding
filmmaker who plans on beginning to shoot her first horror film the
following morning. We are then transported to the park, where Natalie
and her friends (and a few other people) are partying. Wally (Jeff
Tyler) and girlfriend Sue (Katherine Heard) go to a park bench for a
little nookie (bare breasts alert!), when we see the feet of several
creatures approaching the park carrying such weapons as a sword,
noose, crossbow, etc. Suddenly, there is a god-awful screech coming
from the direction of the bridge that everyone hears, but basically
ignore. We finally see the faces behind the feet and weapons and the NEON
MANIACS are not pretty (Makeup effects supplied by Allan A.
Apone & Douglas J. White, who worked together often on such films
as GALAXY OF TERROR
[1981] and FRIDAY THE
13TH PART 3
[1982]). "Decapitator" cuts off Wally's head while he is
lying on the ground. "Samurai" slices off a girl's head
while she is giving her boyfriend a blowjob and then cuts the
boyfriend in half. "Scavenger" impales Sue's face with a
giant hook and drags her away. "Punk Biker" rips a
motorcycle rider's foot off. "Hangman" lynches Ray with a
noose, while "Slasher" cuts his body while he is hanging
from a tree. "Archer" shoots a fleeing girl in the back
with a crossbow. The creatures, which in this instance also include
"Mohawk", "Ape" and "Axe" (all the
creatures names are self-explanatory), all converge on Natalie and
the van (she is the only one left alive). Since she doesn't have the
keys, all she can do is lock all the doors and hope for the best. The
creatures begin destroying the van and just when they are about to
overturn it, we hear a clap of thunder and see a bolt of lightning,
which scares the creatures away. Why? Since no bodies are found, the
police, which includes Detectives Devin (Victor Elliot Brandt; WACKO
- 1981) and Wylie (David Muir; he was DR.
HACKENSTEIN - 1987), find Natalie's explanation of events
hard to swallow, so they begin to tail her, just in case the parents
of the six missing teens report that their kids have not come home.
The detectives believe Natalie knows more than what she is saying
(Natalie's absentee rich parents are off vacationing out of the
country and are unreachable). Natalie decides to float on a tube in
her pool late that night, unaware that "Ape" is waiting for
her at the edge of the pool. She falls asleep and has a strange
nightmare where it is raining blood, but she wakes up when it
actually begins to rain and "Ape" is no longer there (Clue
alert!). The police search the park the following morning, but all
they find are puddles of green goo. Paula's friend Gary (Chuck
Hemingway), the son of one of the cops who searched the park, tells
her the story about what happened to Natalie last night and Paula
wants to know more because the six teens are now officially missing
(To Paula, this has the makings of a good horror film, as we watch
her filming an awful amateur horror film in a graveyard with her
video camera). Meanwhile, Natalie is suspended from high school for
an extended period of time by the Principal because he believes that
her being in school will be disruptive to the rest of the students,
who blame her for their friends' disappearances (She also gets calls
from some of the missing teens' parents, who want to know the truth
about where their kids are). When Natalie refuses to talk to the
inquisitive Paula, the amateur sleuth does some investigating of her
own and follows a trail of green slime to the locked door at the base
of the bridge. (She is chased away by the police, one who she catches
riding her pink bike!). Steven delivers groceries to Natalie's house
and they end up making a date to go to the movies (Natalie makes it
clear to Steve that it will not be a horror film!). While her mother
is on a date that night, Paula heads to the bridge with her video
camera and films the creatures coming out of the door. She notices
that when one of the creatures trips and his hand falls into a water
puddle, it dissolves (Don't think too hard about this, because just
the thought of creatures that are adverse to water living in a bridge
is just too mind-boggling to keep you sane! Either these creatures
were born without rational thought or the scrennwriter just said,
"What the fuck. No one will notice this." I tend to lean
towards the latter.). It starts to rain out again, so the creatures
retreat back to the door at the base of the bridge. After that, Steve
and Natalie have a close call with the creatures on a subway train
and then on a bus (Where "Mohawk" loses and arm, but when
we see him later, it is reattached and working fine!) and they also
discover that water is the creatures' kryptonite. They join forces
with Paula to bring these creatures down (one of them tries to kill
Paula in her bedroom, but she is prepared and turns the tables on it,
first throwing a bucket of water on it and then killing it in the
shower). The finale (well, close to the finale) takes place at a
Battle Of The Bands competition (where Steven is a lead singer in one
of the bands and sings a sappy love song) at the high school's
gymnasium, where Natalie, Steve and Paula arm everyone with water
pistols, telling them that the bands are going to be so hot, they
will need to cool themselves off with them (talk about inflated egos
and false pretenses!). The creatures (including some we have never
seen before, including "Soldier" and "Juice" [who
electrocutes everyone he touches]) attack the gymnasium, where we see
human limbs (and a juicy shot of a girl getting shot in the back of
her head with a crossbow bolt, the tip protruding out of her mouth)
and creature parts flying through the air (one creature has his head
blown off with a fire hose). Nearly everyone dies, besides Steve,
Natalie and Paula (they should have told the rest of the students the
truth instead of seeing them killed like lambs for the slaughter). In
one of the most ridiculous scenes in 80's horror film history, the
police and fire department head to the door in the Golden Gate Bridge
armed with water pistols and fire hoses, but when they open the door,
they find nothing. When everyone else leaves, Detective Devlin takes
one final look behind the door and pays with his life. The Neon
Maniacs still live. Since we are given absolutely no backstory
behind why the Neon Maniacs even exist, it's hard to be really scared
of them. Sure, they are nothing but killing machines, but where did
they come from? Outer Space? Hell? Did someone fart them out?
Director Joseph Mangine (he passed away in 2006 at age 73), who is
better known for being a Cinematographer on such genre films as I
DRINK YOUR BLOOD (1970), SQUIRM
(1976), MOTHER'S DAY
(1980), ALONE IN THE DARK
(1982), and many others (he photographed this film with Oliver Wood),
gives this film a colorful sheen and keeps the pacing and beyond
R-Rated gore (which makes me wonder if the MPAA was sleeping at the
wheel when it passed this film with an R-Rating) coming fast and
furious, but the story is so convoluted and unbelievable, you'll find
yourself laughing instead of being scared. There are also some really
"What The Fuck?!?" scenes, such as when Steve and Natalie,
who are being chased by the creatures in the high school, stop long
enough to make out. I guess getting a piece of tail is more important
than saving your life. It's those kinds of situations that permeate
the entire film and make it impossible to turn your brain off and
just enjoy the film. It's one of those films that could have only
come from the 80's and if you like horror films that make you laugh
unintentionally (the makeup effects are excellent, though), you're
gonna love this one. Be on the lookout for the film debut of actor
Andrew Divoff (WISHMASTER -
1997). He portrays one of the creatures called "Doc" and he
can be seen killing the high school security guard who is listening
to a baseball game on the radio just before all the creatures attack
the gymnasium. You can't see his face because it is covered by a
surgical mask, but this is his first film credit. Stuntman supreme
Solly Marx (here billed as "Solly Mark"), who portrayed the
killer "Howard Johns" in the underrated 3-D slasher film SILENT
MADNESS (1984), was one of the people to portray both
"Punk Biker" and "Samurai" due to a three month
financial production delay, where the original people portraying the
creatures were no longer available when filming resumed. That is why
during the closing credits you will see two or three people listed as
playing the same role. Originally available on VHS from Lightning
Video and then on DVD
from Anchor Bay (both are long OOP). The Blu-Ray,
released by Code Red, is
nearly pristine and is really the only way to watch this film. Colors
and the picture are sharp and no DNR was applied to
"clean-up" the grain. This is as close to a theatrical
experience as you will get with this film. The Blu-Ray also contains
an isolated music track (I really don't know why, because Kendall
Schmidt's score is a minimalist electronic drone), an interview with
makeup artist Allan A. Apone (who is Samuel L. Jackson's personal
makeup artist on most of his films) and the original theatrical
trailer. Also starring Marta Kober, P.R. Paul, Amber Austin, Bo
Sabato, John LaFayette and Frank Baleno. Listing all the people that
played the 13 creatures (not 12 as listed on both the posters &
Blu-Ray) seen in this film would take me half a day. A Code Red
Blu-Ray Release. Rated R.
THE
NEST (1987) - First, a word of
warning: If the sight of cockroaches (lots of 'em) makes you queasy,
it's best if you avoid this film. It's almost tourist season and the
island town of Northport is having a deadly insect problem, thanks to
some unscrupulous experiments being performed there by biotech firm
Intech, under the watchful eye of local bigshot, Mayor Elias Johnson
(Robert Lansing). Sheriff Richard
Tarbell (Franc Luz; GHOST TOWN
- 1988) is starting to get some strange reports, like a dog being
slaughtered and stripped of it's flesh and all the books in the local
library having the glue in their bindings eaten away in one night. It
becomes apparent that a mutant strain of cockroaches are to blame,
but why are they loose on this island? Complicating matters for
Richard is the sudden arrival of Mayor Johnson's daughter, Elizabeth
(Lisa Langlois; DEADLY EYES
- 1982), who use to be engaged to Richard before she left the island
unannounced a couple of years earlier after the death of her mother.
Intech sends scientist Dr. Morgan Hubbard (Terri Treas; THE
TERROR WITHIN - 1989) to do an autopsy on the dead dog, but
Richard smells a rat after watching Mayor Johnson and Dr. Hubbard
working so closely together, like they have handled this same type of
situation previously. He's right, of course, as Intech is fully aware
of the cockroach problem because they are responsible for the
infestation. With the arrival of his daughter on the island and her
life threatened by the onslaught of roaches, Mayor Johnson has a
sudden change of heart and wants to evacuate everyone off the island,
but Dr. Hubbard talks him out of it, telling him she can rid the
island of the cockroaches in twenty-four hours using a new poison. He
shouldn't have listened to her. It's not long before the flesh-hungry
roaches begin devouring the occupants of the island, beginning with
Shakey Jake (Jack Collins), the father of Richard's new girlfriend,
Lillian (Nancy Morgan), who runs the local diner. Elizabeth stupidly
treks out alone on a nostalgic trip through the island's cave system,
but she is nearly eaten alive by a swarm of cockroaches after
discovering some huge roach cocoons and timebombs (with the Intech
logo on them!) in the caves. Richard resigns his post as sheriff when
Mayor Johnson orders him to stay away from the caves and it's not
long before the entire island is overrun with killer cockroaches. As
we will soon find out, these are no ordinary cockroaches. They
assimilate everything they eat and their goal is to mate with the
human species, producing the first human/roach hybrid. Imagine how
difficult it will be to exterminate this new species. They're going
to need one big-assed can of Raid (but I guess those timebombs in the
caves will do in a pinch)! This creepy and effective low-
budget
horror film from Roger Corman's Concorde Pictures (it's probably
their best 80's horror flick) is full of goosebump-inducing scenes of
cockroaches attacking, crawling and swarming over humans. For anyone
who has ever had a roach problem, this film should hit right where it
hurts. While I never had to deal with an infestation as bad as in
this film, I once had a problem with those cagey buggers in my
apartment after pulling some boxes out of a storage locker and
bringing them home, accidentally setting loose about thirty
cockroaches. These fuckers were so big, they scared the shit out of
my cats and were nearly impossible to kill. To prove my point, I
caught one and put it in an empty mayonnaise jar. The damned thing
lived for over two months with no food, water or air. I finally had
to call an exterminator to get rid of the pests before they
reproduced and overran my apartment. THE NEST
plays on these fears and does it with a good amount of atmosphere,
not to mention some pretty good gore set-pieces, including Robert
Lansing's (SCALPEL -
1976; EMPIRE OF
THE ANTS - 1977) transformation into an uber-roach. My
favorite scene has nothing to do with gore, though. It's when Richard
finds Lillian frozen to death in her diner's freezer. Her only escape
from the onslaught of roaches was to hide in her freezer, yet she
still paid for it with her life. If watching someone unwittingly
drinking a cup of coffee with a roach in it or chewing into a juicy
steak covered with the little (and not-so-little) insects makes you
squeamish, I would advise that you stay away from this film. But, if
you like gory horror flicks and are not bothered by the sight of
creepy crawlers creeping and crawling over a cast of brave actors,
this film should be a treat. Directed efficiently by Terence Winkless (BLOODFIST
- 1989; RAGE AND HONOR -
1992) and scripted by Robert King (SILK
2 - 1989; PHANTOM OF THE
MALL: ERIC'S REVENGE - 1988). Also starring Stephen Davies,
Diana Bellamy, Jeff Winkless, Steve Tannen and Heidi Helmer. Other
films containing hordes of killer cockroaches includes DAMNATION
ALLEY
(1977), CREEPSHOW (1982), THEY
NEST (2000), THEY CRAWL
(2001) and the comedy JOE'S APARTMENT
(1996). Originally released on VHS by MGM/UA
Home Video and later released on VHS & DVD by New Horizons
Home Video. Rated R.
NETHERWORLD
(1991) - Here's
a warning for all who plan to visit the bayou country of Louisiana: If
you patronize a whorehouse called Tonk's Place make sure to steer
away from the prostitutes in the basement, especially the one with a
bird fetish. It just may cost you your soul. Corey Thornton (Michael
Bendetti) arrives in Louisiana to inherit his dead father's estate.
His father leaves him a diary stating that he has found a way to
return from the dead. It involves Delores, the bird lady (Denise
Gentile), a black magician who knows t.he secret of raising the dead;
Tonk's Place (where Edgar Winter is always playing on stage. God,
this must be Hell!), where Corey is warned to stay away from; and
Corey himself, who somehow is key to the plan of returning his father
to life. While mainly slow going, this film does have a few good
points. The atmosphere is so humid that it actually makes you sweat
along with the players. The special effects are above par, with eyes
and hearts being pulled out at various times. There's even a flying
hand, reminiscent of the silver sphere in PHANTASM,
which soars through the hallways of Tonk's Place and attaches itself
to several of the john's heads. NETHERWORLD
is also steeped in sexual imagery and feathers. (You'll know what I
mean when you see the film.) Director David Schmoeller also made the
Chuck Connors campfest TOURIST
TRAP
(1978), the Klaus Kinski eye-roller CRAWLSPACE
(1986), as well as Full Moon's first production PUPPET
MASTER
(1989) and CURSE
IV: THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE
(1988). Anjenette Comer (NIGHT
OF A THOUSAND CATS
- 1972) co-stars as the caretaker of the Thornton mansion who tries
in vain to keep her sex-starved daughter (Holly Floria) away from
Corey. Tall on atmosphere, short on plot. Stay tuned after the end
credits for a final punchline. A Paramount Home Video VHS Release and
available on DVD from Koch Vision. Rated
R.
NEW
YEAR'S EVIL (1980) - Radio
personality Diane Sullivan (Roz Kelly), who uses the on-air moniker
"Blaze", is hosting a live televised punk rock New Year's
Eve music countdown in L.A., when she gets a call from someone named
"Evil" (he uses a voice-disguising gadget) who tells her
that he is going to kill someone at the strike of midnight on each of
the U.S. time zones. Blaze asks Lt. Clayton (Chris Wallace) to
protect her and he sets up a phone tap. Meanwhile, someone has killed
Blaze's assistant before the show and her son Derek (Grant Cramer) is
having bad headaches. As the clock strikes midnight in New York
(EST), Evil (disguised as an orderly) kills a nurse at the Crawford
Sanitarium and records the murder on a cassette tape. He then calls
Blaze, plays the tape and tells her he will kill again in an hour,
when the clock strikes twelve in Chicago (CST). Evil slaps on a fake
moustache and a polyester suit and goes to a disco. He picks up two
women and tells them that they are going to a "party at Erik
Estrada's pad". He stops at a liquor store, sends one girl
inside for champagne and suffocates the other girl with a plastic bag
over her head and kills the other girl in a dumpster as the clock
hits midnight in Chicago. He records both murders and calls Blaze,
telling her he will be killing again when the clock strikes twelve in
Aspen, Colorado (MST). Dressed as a priest, Evil has a close call
with a pack of bikers at a drive-in (where a trailer for Cannon
Film's BLOOD
FEAST/BLOOD BATH double feature is playing) and steals a car
with a half-naked teenage girl in the back. She manages to get away
and he chases her into a stadium, but a cop intervenes before he is
able to kill her. Back at the studio, Derek is walking around in the
shadows with a red stocking over his face, looking like some
perverted rapist. Evil knocks out a cop, steals his uniform and
enters the heavily-guarded studio. It's at this time we find out that
Evil is actually Blaze's husband Richard (Kip Niven) and what his
motivations for the killings were. He was an ex-patient at the
Crawford Sanitarium and he's not too happy about the way she's
treating their son (truth be told, she is a pretty shitty mother). I
know it makes no sense, but that's the best explanation you're gonna
get. In the finale, as Richard sets up his wife to take a big fall
(he takes one instead), we learn that old saying, "Like Father,
Like Son" couldn't be truer. Directed without much verve
by Emmett Alston (DEMONWARP
- 1988), this film could pass for a TV movie if it weren't for the
infrequent gore and nudity. It's also kind of hard to root for Blaze
when Roz Kelly plays her as such an insufferable, uncaring
manipulative bitch. At the end of the film, you kind of hope Richard
does her in. When he puts a chain around her neck and handcuffs her
to the undercarriage of an elevator and sends her for a ride up and
down the shaft, you'll hope she ends up crushed when she reaches the
basement. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen, but there's still hope as
the film fades to black (seems we all forgot that Hawaii has a
separate time zone, too). Not very bloody or exciting, scripter
Leonard Neubauer does throw in a few funny lines, such as when one of
the disco chicks says to the other as she is spouting the benefits of
transcendental meditation to Richard while they are in the car:
'Whatever comes into your head comes right out your mouth!" It's
hard to believe that, for a four hour live show, only two bands would
play ("Shadow" and "Made In Japan") and their
playlist would consist of five songs total (and not very good songs
at that). Even if it were a free show, I would demand something back. NEW
YEAR'S EVIL is a pretty poor slasher flick that copies some
of Harry Manfredini's cues from FRIDAY
THE 13TH, made the same year. Emmett Alston would also later
go on to write the screenplay for the much-superior HUNTER'S
BLOOD (1987). Watch that instead. Produced by Cannon Films
founders Yoram Globus and Menahem Golan. Also starring Louisa Moritz,
Jed Mills, Taaffe O'Connell, Teri Copley and John Alderman.
Originally released on VHS by Paragon
Video and later by Cannon Video (through Warner Bros). Available
on widescreen Blu-Ray
from Scream Factory. Rated
R.
THE
NEW YORK RIPPER (1982) -
This is by far the nastiest film that director Lucio Fulci made
during his long career. If you have read any of my reviews for other
Fulci films (ZOMBIE -
1970; CITY OF THE
LIVING DEAD - 1980; THE
HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY - 1981; A
CAT IN THE BRAIN - 1990), you know that is saying a lot.
When this film was released theatrically in the U.S. in 1984 by 21st
Century Film Corporation, I remember critics calling Fulci A
"misogynist" and a "sick, twisted bastard". From
what I have read and heard about
Fulci, they may be correct, but that doesn't negate the fact that
Fulci made a film that sticks in your mind long after it is over. I
mean, isn't that something that all films (not just horror) hope to achieve?
The film opens with an old man playing fetch with his dog along the
banks of the East River under the Brooklyn Bridge. The man throws a
piece of wood into some brush and when his dog returns, she has a
decomposing woman's hand in her mouth. Police Lt. Fred Williams (Jack
Hedley; WITCHCRAFT - 1964)
is in charge of the case and he questions Mrs. Weissburger (Babette
New), a neighbor of the dead woman. She says her neighbor got a
strange phone call just before she disappeared (She says, "All I
heard was quack, quack, quack, like a duck!").
We then see Rosie (Cinzia de Ponti; MANHATTAN
BABY - 1982) sitting in her red VW Beetle on the Staten
Island Ferry. The quacking killer pulls out a switchblade and cuts
Rosie from her nether region to her neck (The coroner says, "He
shoved it up her joy trail and kept on cutting. Good, efficient
butchery.") Lt. Williams tells the Chief Of Police (Fulci, who
always gives himself a cameo role in his films; in this one with his
trademark pipe) that he will solve this case with little or no
publicity, which pleases the Chief. He will have a hard time carrying
out this promise, as the killer (who talks like a bastardized version
of Donald Duck!) taunts Lt. Williams constantly over the phone. Lt.
Williams then goes to psychologist Dr. Paul Davis (Paolo Malco; BRONX
WARRIORS 2 - 1983) to get a profile on what type of person
would do such a heinous thing, but when Lt. Williams will not let him
read the police files (?), he says "OK, we'll just have to wait
until the next woman is sliced to death!" (Dr. Davis seems more
interested in playing his computerized chess game and his pursuit of
the killer is just like chess, trying to guess his opponent's next move).
The next to die is female sex club performer Eva (Zora Kerova; THE
GRIM REAPER - 1980). After she is done with her set, she
goes to her dressing room, where the quacking Ripper stabs her in the
vagina with a broken bottle, twisting it so she dies a gruesome,
bloody death. The Ripper then calls Lt. Williams, who is sleeping
with a young woman named Kitty (Daniela Doria; THE
BLACK CAT - 1981; He asks Kitty to get him a cup of coffee
and she replies, "Sweetheart, I'm a prostitute, not your
wife!"). Lt. Williams wonders how the Ripper knew he was at her
house. He then goes to Dr. Davis (who acts more like a red herring
than a psychologist), who tells him that he is dealing with someone
with a "superior intellect".
We then watch as the wife of Dr. Dodge ("Laurence Welles",
Real Name: Cosimo Cinieri; THE
NEW GLADIATORS - 1983), Jane (Alexandra Delli Colli; DOCTOR
BUTCHER M.D. - 1980), is being foot-fucked under a
restaurant table by Morales ("Anthon Kagan", Real name:
Antone Pagán, who supplied the English language dialogue)
while his friend Chico (Josh Cruze) watches. Jane likes it, maybe a
little too much, as her husband does not satisfy her sexually (we
will see more of Jane [much more!] later in the film).
Fay Majors (Almanta Keller) is the next young woman to be attacked
by the Ripper after she gets off the subway. He slices deep into her
leg with the switchblade, but she gets away and survives. Fay gives
Lt. Williams their first big clue: The killer is missing two fingers
on his right hand. (Fay also has a nightmare where her fiance, Peter
Bunch ["Andrew Painter" a.k.a. Andrea Occhipinti; A
BLADE IN THE DARK - 1983], kills her by graphically slashing
her throat. It's not as much of a cheat as I originally thought.).
We then see Jane playing sex games with Mickey Scellenda (Howard
Ross; WEREWOLF WOMAN
- 1976) back at his place. Jane is tied naked to a bed and Mickey
falls asleep next to her. She hears a radio DJ say, "This is for
the dude that is missing two fingers on his right hand. Leave the
ladies alone." (So much for no publicity!). She looks at
Mickey's right hand and, sure enough, it is missing two fingers. She
manages to untie herself and tries to escape, but the Ripper cuts her
from stem to stern, finishing her off by stabbing her in the neck.
Lt. Williams and Dr. Davis now have a name to go with the Ripper, but
Dr. Davis is not so sure that Mickey is the killer. He believes that
Fay is holding back some vital information. Fay should have been more
upfront with them (Even though Lt. William believes Mickey is the
Ripper), as someone is stalking her. It turns out the stalker is
Mickey, but he wants to know why Fay fingered him (pardon the pun) as
the Ripper. Mickey only makes himself look more guilty, as Peter
intervenes and chases Mickey away.
The Ripper then calls Lt. Williams (He says in his duck voice,
"I'm going to dedicate a killing to you. I'm going to sacrifice
a woman just for you!"), but the police are tracing the phone
call. The call is coming from a phone booth near the docks and when
Lt. Williams gets there, he discovers that the Ripper was expecting
him, as the receiver is lying next to a walkie talkie. The Ripper
tells Lt. Williams that he has Kitty, as we watch him slice Kitty
with a razor blade (We see the razor cut one of Kitty's nipples in
half and then slice her left eye in half, in the film's most
notorious scenes). Lt. Williams rushes to Kitty's house too late,
where he finds her body a bloody mess. Four days later, Mickey is
found dead with a plastic bag over his head. The coroner says his
body has been dead for eight days and Lt. Williams finally realizes
that he couldn't possibly be the Ripper.
But just who is the Ripper? During the finale, we are led to believe
that it is Fay, but it is actually Peter. Peter's deathly ill young
daughter Susy from a previous marriage is the cause for all of his
rage. As she is dying in a hospital bed, he blames his ex-wife for
their daughter's condition. He killed women while talking like a duck
(we find out he talked that way to his daughter to cheer her up) as a
way to vent is anger towards his ex-wife. As Peter is about to kill
Fay, Lt. Williams shows up and shoots Peter in the face, killing him
(another very graphic scene). The film ends with Peter's sickly
daughter picking up the phone and saying, "Daddy, don't leave me!"
While exposing the killer is a cheat on the audience (the sick
daughter was never mentioned until the end!), the question still
remains: Is this film misogynistic? I can see where some people think
it is, but these people probably didn't know Lucio Fulci's body of
work. If they did, they would probably be more forgiving, but there
is no doubt in my mind that THE
NEW YORK RIPPER is Fulci' most visceral, brutal film with a
real nasty
streak to it. I don't fault people for thinking that this film
treats women like dirt because, when viewed with no prior knowledge
of Fulci's other works, it does treat women unfairly. They are
sex-starved hookers, sex show workers without a trace of redeeming
value, just like Fulci wants them. The men do not fare much better in
this film. They sleep with hookers, have sexual hangups or just don't
give a damn, also the way Fulci likes them. My only problem with this
film is the sudden knee-jerk way it exposes the killer. The entire
film doesn't even hint at Peter's motivations until the last five
minutes. But there are good points here, too. The quacking duck voice
may seem ridiculous in the beginning, but by the end, it is
completely terrifying. The makeup effects, all practical (by Germano
Natali; STARCRASH
- 1979), are hard to watch, even today. There is nothing left to the imagination.
The fantastic-looking uncut DVD from Blue Underground (I have no
clue as why I didn't buy their Blu-Ray since it is a seminal film in
Fulci's canon) contains some great extras, including an informative
interview with Zora Kerova and my favorite "NYC Locations Then
And Now". which compares the locations used in this film in 1981
to how they look in 2009 (when this disc was released). It was
instant nostalgia for me since I walked those locations in the
early-'80s when I was a chemist who visited NY correctional and
psychiatric institutes. (Little-Known Useless Trivia: I was
once mugged at one of those locations and, when I didn't get my
wallet fast enough, the mugger tried to stab me, but I grabbed the
blade with my left hand. I had to get over 20 stitches and still have
the scars to prove it. The mugger was never caught.) This was also
one of Fulci's films that I didn't see theatrically (It's a long
story) and I often wondered how audiences reacted towards it. The
screenplay, by Fulci, Gianfranco Clerici (CANNIBAL
HOLOCAUST - 1980), Vincenzo Mannino (THE
RAIDERS OF ATLANTIS - 1983) & Dardano Sacchetti (DEMONS
- 1985) doesn't hold back anything. You will probably never see a
movie like this again. Whether that is a good or bad thing depends on
your tolerance level.
Originally released on uncut fullscreen VHS from Vidmark
Entertainment with a widescreen VHS & DVD release from Anchor
Bay Entertainment (long OOP). The DVD and Blu-ray from Blue
Underground is the only way to go, as the print is spotless, the
colors pop and, if you are able to play Dolby Digital 6.1, it sounds
terrific (the original mono track is also available for purists).
Also starring Giordano Falzoni as the coroner, Martin Sorrentino and
Chiara Ferrari as Susy, Peter's sick daughter. Not Rated.
THE
NIGHT BRINGS CHARLIE (1990) -
Someone is killing teenagers by cutting their heads off with a
serrated tree saw, which is making the town's new sheriff, Carl
(Kerry Knight), job hard on him, especially since all the heads are
missing. Everyone in town begins to blame the hulking and deformed
Charlie Puckett (Chuck Whiting), a local man who runs Charlie's Tree
Service and is so ugly, he wears a burlap bag and a huge pair of
goggles on his head. Walt (Joe Fishback), the town's coroner, begins
to worry because he has two girls the same
age as the ones getting murdered: Daughter Tanya (Monica Simmons) and
step-daughter Jenny (Aimee Tenalia). Since Walt just recently lost
his wife (and Jenny a mother), he keeps very close tabs on Jenny.
Some think too close. Carl begins getting phone calls at the police
station from the killer, taunting him. As more kids get killed and
their headless bodies found, the District Attorney and the press put
pressure on Carl to either find the killer or resign. As Carl
investigates, it becomes apparent that the killer is trying to make
it look like Charlie is the culprit. Carl is forced to arrest Charlie
after evidence is found in his shack. Since Walt knows Charlie, Carl
asks him to do the interview. A short time later, Walt comes walking
out of the interrogation room with a full written admission of guilt,
but Carl is suspicious (Charlie can't speak and the written
confession is in Walt's handwriting). Carl sets up a trap that night
and the real killer is unmasked. The killer is Walt (he has killed
women while serving in Vietnam, but he was never convicted), but it
gets worse. Charlie, you see, was in Walt's Army unit and helped Walt
kill the women in Vietnam. The bad news is that Carl just freed him a
few minutes ago and he is going after Jenny. Walt knocks out Carl and
escapes. Can one killer stop another killer before Jenny loses her
life? Be prepared for the standard slasher film ending that leaves it
wide open for a sequel. Thankfully, that never happened. This ultra-low-budget
feature, directed by Tom Logan (SHAKMA
- 1990), is nothing more than a cheap knock-off of FRIDAY
THE 13TH. The gore effects are tame, just shots of spurting
blood, an axe in the chest and a god-awful shot of a decapitated head
falling off a body. Most of the gore is shown after-the-fact, so you
see no actual decapitations, just the after-effects. The acting is
also sub-par. Aimee Tenalia as Jenny is particularly stiff and
emotionless and wears the same sad-faced expression throughout the
entire film. Everyone else isn't much better as it all looks and
sounds like some high school production (it was actually filmed at
Universal Studios in Florida). This is a really minor slasher flick
that can be skipped by everyone but those that have to see every
slasher film ever made. Bruce Carson, who wrote the highly-derivative
script, also performs the fire stunt in the finale, the best part of
the film. Also starring David Carr, George Carter and Al Arasim. A
Quest Entertainment Release. Not Rated.
THE
NIGHT CHILD (1975) - The
Italians were known for taking a popular American film and putting
their own unique spin on it. This film was obviously influenced by THE
EXORCIST (1973), one of many Italian flicks to pay
"tribute" to it, some cheesy (THE
EERIE MIDNIGHT HORROR SHOW - 1974), some so-so (THE
TEMPTER - 1974) and some quite good and very popular (BEYOND
THE DOOR - 1974). This one, shot under the title IL
MEDAGLIONE INSANGUINATO (and playing on U.S. TV as THE
CURSED MEDALLION), takes a germ of an idea from William
Friedkin's classic film, but then ventures in a totally different
direction. The film opens with widower and BBC-TV documentary maker
Michael Williams (the late Richard Johnson; SCREAMERS
- 1980) watching a slideshow of paintings show various portraits of
Lucifer, when a slide of his daughter Emily (Nicoletta Elmi; WHO
SAW HER DIE? - 1972) and his late wife (Dana Ghia; SEVEN
DEATHS IN THE CAT'S EYES - 1973) pops-up on the screen. At
the same time, Emily is having a nightmare where she watches her
mother burn alive in a house fire (it's quite shocking in its
depiction). Michael has a doctor (a short cameo by Edmund Purdom; PIECES
- 1982) examine Emily and he tells Michael that his daughter has had
another nervous breakdown due to her witnessing her
mother's death. Michael is worried because he has to take a trip to
Italy shortly to film his new documentary titled "Diabolical
Art" (about demons portrayed in medieval paintings and frescos),
but the doctor tells him he should take Emily along, as the change of
scenery, coupled with her staying close to her father, will be good
for her psyché. Michael agrees and says he will take Emily,
along with her nanny Jill (Evelyn Stewart; THE
PSYCHIC - 1977), with him to Italy. Before they go, Michael
stops at BBC headquarters, where he wonders why Italian Contessa
Cappelli (Lila Kedrova; BLOOD TIDE
- 1982) sent him a single slide of a painting depicting Satan in the
background watching a woman on fire falling down from the sky while a
little female child watches from below (William is mesmerized by it.
I wonder why?). He hopes to find out why from the Contessa herself
and the documentary's Production Manager Joanna Morgan (Joanna
Cassidy; THE GLOVE -
1979; I had a major crush on her when I was a teenager and she still
looks good today), neither of whom he has met, when they get to
Italy. While Michael is at the BBC, Emily and Jill are at a nearby
park, where Emily is staring at a statue depicting several people
with pained expressions on their faces. When Jill asks Emily why she
finds that particular statue mesmerizing, Emily replies, "Their
faces fascinate me." Just before they leave for Italy, Michael
gives Emily a large medallion which she wears as a necklace. Michael
tells his daughter that he purchased the medallion at a rather
unusual shop the last time he was in Italy and that the shop clerk
told him it has a "strange history" (Then why in the hell
would he give it to his daughter?). When Emily puts the medallion
around her neck and looks in the mirror, she has a bad past memory
about her mother (who we see is wearing the very same medallion)
leaving Emily at home for an extended period while she and Michael
head off to Paris on holiday. It is apparent that Emily did not care
much for her mother, since she was alway gallivanting off to one
place or another with Emily's father, while leaving her at home with
the nanny. Once they are in Italy, they are met at the airport by the
beautiful Joanna and there is some instant chemistry between her and
Michael, which Emily notices and doesn't approve. To stop the mutual
admiration between her father and Joanna, Emily feigns illness so
Joanna has to drive them to their villa (Joanna is staying at a
hotel). Later that night, after assuring Emily that the Devil doesn't
exist, Michael heads out on foot to the mansion of Contessa Cappelli
(he gets lost and asks a blind man for directions and he give them to
him!). The elderly Contessa seems to know more about Micheal than he
is comfortable with, but when Michael asks her about the slide of the
grotesque painting that she sent him, she says it was never meant to
be mailed to him and he should forget about it. Michael isnsists on
using the painting for the opening of his documentary, but the
Contessa already knows why he is so obsessed with it, it reminds him
of his wife's death and his daughter watching it. Michael is shocked
to hear her say that, but the Contessa tells him that she was born
with the ability to read minds and she is a well-respected Medium.
Michael begins shooting the documentary with his crew, using
paintings and frescos from churches, chapels and other religious
places to illustrate how Lucifer is depicted throughout the ages.
After doing some research for Richard, she finds the location of the
painting that Michael is so obsessed with and takes him there. As we
take a much closer look at the painting, we discover that the young
girl in the painting bears an uncanny resemblance to Emily, but
something in her hand and around her neck has been obscured with red
paint (Michael fails to notice any of this and films it for his
documentary). When Michael and Joanna look at the developed footage,
they discover all of it was ruined by a ghost image and it will have
to be reshot. When Emily sees with her own eyes that her father and
Joanna are becoming lovers, she begins to act strange. She begins
smoking and acting like her mother, which Jill connects immediately
(She has had romantic feelings for Michael for years, but he failed
to notice that, too), but Michael is too involved in his documentary
and budding romance to really take notice (He has a severe case of
tunnelvision if you ask me). Emily totally flips out and attacks
Jill, the same time Michael and Joanna are nearly killed by a falling
statue in the building that houses the grotesque painting. Michael
discovers that an another medallion (the exact same design as the one
he gave Emily) and a double-bladed sword (the sword has to be held in
the middle; the blades extending from both sides) were hidden inside
the shattered statue and finally begins to realize that his daughter
may be possessed by a supernatural power. The Contessa does a Tarot
Card reading for Michael and warns him that his life is in mortal
danger. She also sees death by fire and water and tells Michael that
the little girl depicted in the painting was named "Emilia".
She was mysteriously murdered and no one knows who was behind that
painting (it is unsigned). While they are playing a game of Hide and
Seek outside, someone pushes Jill over a cliff using a croquet mallet
and she falls into the raging river below (a pretty bad optical
effect), her limp, lifeless body then taking a trip over a waterfalls
(Remember, the Contessa did say there would be a death by water). It
is quite apparent by now that Emily is possessed by the spirit of her
mother, as they all head back to England to bury the body of Jill. At
the funeral, Jill's mother tells Michael that Jill sent her a letter
stating that she had a strong feeling that she would not be leaving
Italy alive. The Contessa goes to the grotesque painting and scrapes
off the red paint that is obscuring Emilia's hand and chest, to
discover that the medallion is around her neck and she is holding the
double-bladed sword. Suddenly, the Contessa get a strong feeling that
Michael is in danger. Michael and Emily return to Italy the next day
(Is this father nuts or what? No time to mourn a nanny that has taken
care of his daughter for years?) and he asks Joanna to stay with
them, which puts Emily in a snit. As Michael and Joanna are making
love (we do get to see Joanna's impressive naked rack) in front of a
fireplace, Emily listens to their conversation and she will use what
she hears to get rid of Joanna. While the Contessa is telling Michael
the true meaning of the painting and warns him to go home
immediately, Emily is setting fire to
Joanna's bedroom, but Michael arrives in the nick of time to put it
out. Emily runs out of the house, with Michael not far behind, trying
to catch her. Emily sneaks into the old building that houses the
grotesque painting and confronts the ghosts that have blocked her
conscious mind for years. As Emily comes face-to-face with the
painting, we learn how her mother really died. It was Emily who set
the fire that killed her mother and she did it on purpose. Emity
wasn't having nervous breakdowns because she witness her mother die,
but because she was the cause of her mother's death. Emily picks up
the double-bladed sword and destroys the painting, running into her
father's arms when he calls her name. Unfortunately, Emily is still
holding the sword, which impales both her father and herself and they
both die on the cold marble floor, together forever. As the camera
pans up, the painting is whole again, waiting for some new
victims. Director Massimo Dallamano (DORIAN
GRAY - 1970; WHAT
HAVE YOU DONE TO SOLANGE?
- 1972; THE COED MURDERS -
1974; and many others), here billed as "Max Dallamano",
does what he can with the story (which he co-wrote with Franco
Marotta & Laura Toscano [all three took the pseudonym "Jan
Hartman" for the U.S. theatrical release] , who were also
responsible for writing the screenplay to THE
INGLORIOUS BASTARDS - 1978), but this is a slow-moving
affair with some atmospheric and effective scenes where you can guess
what is going to happen long before it actually does. There is
precious little violence or gore in this film, the most shocking bit
being the flashback showing Emily's mother's arms on fire as she
waves them back and forth out her burning bedroom window. Besides
brief shots of Joanna Cassidy's breasts (always a plus in my book),
there is no other nudity in the film, so the mystery must satisfy the
viewer in order for the film to succeed. Even for 1975, the story was
predictable and old hat, so this must be considered a minor entry in
the Italian demonic possession genre. On the plus side, the Blu-Ray,
from Code Red, is flawless and you can see every crack, crevasse and
brush stroke on the beautiful old paintings and frescos, making you
appreciate the fine details that you could never make out before. It
is a beautiful film to look at, especially the location work in
Italy, where the structures are like nowhere else in the world. I
just wish the story was more involving and not predictable.
Still, it is nice to have a film of this vintage look so good. There
is also a short on-screen interview with Joanna Cassidy, who still
look. beautiful (but it sounds like she was just getting over a cold,
because she clears her throat a lot), but remembers absolutely
nothing about this film (she can't even remember the director's
name!), instead talking about her career in films and TV. If you are
looking to find some insights about the making of this film, you will
be sorely disappointed (there isn't a commentary, either). There are
much better Italian demonic possession films, but I doubt they look
this beautiful. Look for gratuitous shots of J&B
Scotch bottles, a staple in Italian films. Also starring
Riccardo Garrone, Eleonora Morano, Peter Cartwright, Tom Felleghy and
Maureen Pryor. Dallamano (who passed away in 1976) has a cameo as a
man at the airport. A Code Red
Blu-Ray Release. THE
NIGHT CHILD is also available streaming on Amazon Prime. Rated
R.
NIGHT
FEEDERS (2006) - Regional
low-budgeter (filmed in North Carolina) about rednecks vs. an alien
invasion. What makes this film notable and extremely entertaining is
the casting of apparently real rednecks and hicks in the major roles
and not using professional actors. A meteor crashes into a lake
(after destroying a TV satellite, where a hick wife throws her pots
and pans on the front lawn and tells her mechanic husband that he'll
get dinner when she gets her TV reception back!) and hatches some
toothy aliens, who begin thinning the redneck population. The first
two victims are fishermen in a boat on the lake (one of them is
portrayed by producer Paul Barrett), who discuss the differences
between meteors and UFOs (and, of course, anal probes) before their
boat is overturned and they are devoured, turning the lake a nice
shade of red. Four good old boys, Donnie (Donnie Evans), John (Brett
Gentile), Andy (Mike Monzitta) and Doug (Michael Ruff), go camping in
the woods to hunt deer (they bag their first deer when their car hits
one, crushing the hood and front end of the car, to which John
laments, "My mother is gonna kill me!"). At the same time,
game warden Mickey (Chip Barrett) goes to Clyde Cox's (Jerry Moore)
spread to investigate Clyde's missing cow and dog, only to discover
that another meteor has crashed on the property (Mickey pockets a
piece of the meteor), Still at the same time, abused Terry (Kate
Leahey) is running away from her violent boyfriend Mike (Byron Miller),
who is chasing her through the woods. She manages to knock him
unconscious with a tree branch and he falls into the lake. When Mike
doesn't rise to the surface, Terry jumps in to save him. While the
overweight Donnie (Who spouts such pieces of wisdom like, "Pull
my teeth and call me Gummy!") starts a campfire with gasoline
(it's funny as hell) and discusses John's valuable fossil collection
and the merits of JURASSIC PARK
(Donnie says, "Big lizards don't scare me!"), Doug decides
to do some midnight fishing at the lake and before long is being
chased through the woods by an alien, but is saved by Mickey, who
drives him back to his friends. Mickey tells the group about the
meteor, gives John the piece he pocketed and, after leaving the
campsite, he is killed by one of the aliens. It's not long before our
hapless quartet is besieged by aliens, so they hightail it back to
their car where Andy immediately crashes it into a tree. Since they
left all their ammo back at the campsite, Andy volunteers to go back
to retrieve it while the others wait in the car (Donnie says, "I
love that boy to death, but he's an idiot!"). It seems the
aliens have an aversion to bright light, so when Andy gets back to
the car (after discovering that the aliens have trashed the
campsite), all four head-out on foot for a two mile trek through the
dark woods to the nearest home, which turns out to be Clyde Cox's
spread. Along the way, Doug has one of his arms ripped off (a graphic
makeup effect), they discover Mickey's devoured corpse and find his
car, but the keys aren't in the ignition (the keys are actually
dangling from the car's trunk, but they don't notice because of all
the hub-bub). They finally make it to Clyde's house and discover that
Clyde's wife has already been killed. With no phone at the house and
no service for Andy's cellphone (surprise, surprise!), the four
friends and Clyde must find a way to survive the night and wait for
daylight to make their escape. It's gonna be a long night.
While NIGHT FEEDERS may
be nothing more than your standard "monsters-on-the-loose"
flick with CGI-created aliens and holes in the plot you could drive a
John Deere tractor through, at least director/screenwriter Jet Eller (MARLEY'S
REVENGE: THE MONSTER MOVIE - 1989), who made this movie for
$59,000, had the great sense to cast real-life redneck Donnie Evans
in the lead role of Donnie (If he's not a real-life redneck, it's
quite possibly the greatest acting performance in film history).
Evans is a hoot-and-a-half to watch and listen to (some of his
witticisms are comedy gold) and I applaud Eller for casting such an
unusual leading man. Evans is downright affecting on an emotional
level, too, such as when he's the only one who survives the night,
buries his friends, delivers a touching eulogy, kills an alien and
burns it (screaming out to the other aliens hiding in the treeline,
"Carolina barbecue at its finest!") and then discovers
Terry hiding in the barn (When Donnie discovers Terry's boyfriend was
abusive, he asks her, "Did that asshole at least teach you to
use a shotgun?"). It's a star-making performance (enough to make
Larry The Cable Guy cry in his squirrel stew!) and not a second of it
rings false, which elevates NIGHT FEEDERS a notch or two above
most DTV efforts. Overlook the bad CGI and revel in the wonder that
is Donnie Evans. For once, we have a horror film that has a
satisfying ending and still leaves the film open for a sequel (you'll
know what I mean once you see it). Tony Elwood, the director of KILLER
(1989; a small clip shows up on a TV screen before a meteor
knocks-out the transmission) and ROAD
KILL U.S.A. (1993), was a co-producer, editor and CGI
special effects coordinator here. Also starring Ginger Curl, Gina
Stewart, Carver Johns and Bob Beaver. An Allumination
Filmworks DVD Release. Rated R.
NIGHT
FRIGHT (1967) - Ah, 1967. You
could drive your car without wearing seatbelts and not get a ticket,
Texas never heard of George Bush, Jr. (or it did, but just decided to
ignore him) and a mutated monster is roaming the Texas countryside
killing necking teenagers. Ah, the good old days! If this fairly obscure
horrror film from director James A. Sullivan has the look and feel
of a Larry Buchannan movie, rest assured that your are not
hallucinating: Sullivan worked in many capacities on Buchannan's
films and also co-edited one of the worst films of all times, MANOS,
THE HANDS OF FATE (1966). The plot of this movie concerns a
downed U.S. spacecraft ("Operation Noah's Ark") that lets
loose a mutated monster that attacks and kills several teenagers at a
lakeside area called Satan's Hollow. Sheriff John Agar and Deputy
Bill Thurman try to stop the monster before it kills Agar's daughter
and friends who are having a party by the lake. This bloodless movie
is more facinating for it's pedigree than for the actual film itself.
Screenwriter Russ Marker (who has a small role here) directed and
wrote the equally obscure THE
YESTERDAY MACHINE (1963) and the impossible-to-find (and now
considered "lost") DEMON FROM DEVIL'S LAKE (1964),
of which NIGHT FRIGHT is a remake. Marker's last credits are
several appearances on Chuck Norris' now-defunct TV series WALKER,
TEXAS
RANGER. The mutated monster is hilarious, the acting (beside
Agar and Thurman) is strictly sub-par, and Sullivan's last credit was
financing the erotic thriller LETHAL
SEDUCTION (1997). NIGHT FRIGHT is by no means a good
film. But it does have a history that is interesting (not to mention
it predominently features a cherry-red Mustang Cobra Fastback, one of
my first cars!). It's like playing "Six Degrees of Larry
Buchannan". Also starring Carol Gilley, Ralph Baker Jr., Roger
Ready (as the obligatory pipe-smoking scientist) and Gary McLain. Alpha
Video offers a servicable, if rather dark, print of this film on
DVD which is not bad for a film of this rarity. Alpha Video has come
under attack in some film circles for cribbing prints of films from
other companies and releasing them on their label. As far as this
film goes, I know of no other film company releasing it. I'll leave
the political back-stabbing to others. I wanted a print of this film
and Alpha was the only one offering it. Their art department deserves
cudos for delivering some of the most colorful artwork to ever grace
DVD video sleeves. Besides, it only costs $5.99! Also known
under the misleading title THE
EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL NASTY and shown on TV in the 70's under
the title FRIGHT NIGHT. This is one of those films I remember
as a kid staying up late for and falling asleep before it was
finished. Nothing has changed. Not Rated.
NIGHTMARE
CASTLE (1965) - Retire all
your 90-minute Public Domain (PD) fullscreen DVDs of this black &
white Italian Gothic horror masterpiece, because Severin Films has
released a beautiful widescreen Blu-Ray of this film. Not only does
it look great, it runs 14 minutes longer than the PD versions out
there, making it more adult and more horrifying.
The film opens with a tipsy Muriel (Barbara Steele; THE
GHOST - 1963) provoking
and laughing her scientist husband, Dr. Stephen Arrowsmith (Paul
Muller; THE ARENA -
1973), who is performing experiments on frogs in his laboratory. The
Arrowsmiths' elderly housekeeper, Solange (Helga Liné; THE
DRACULA SAGA - 1973), reminds Stephen that it is time for
him to leave for a conference in Edinburgh, where he tells Muriel he
will be away from the castle for only two days. Muriel sarcastically
says, "I'll do my best to dream about you" and we soon
discover why. Muriel has a lover in the form of muscular David (Rik
Battaglia; DEPORTED
WOMEN OF THE SS SPECIAL SECTION - 1976), the castle
groundskeeper. Muriel plays the harmonium to alert David that the
coast is clear and he meets her in the bedroom. Muriel doesn't want
to make love there because Solange may hear them, so they get down
and dirty in the greenhouse, where a suspicious Stephen is hiding in
the shadows. He watches his wife make love to the hired help and then
reveals himself, knocking David out cold with his cane. Muriel and
David are now chained to a wall in the castle dungeon, where Stephen
slowly tortures them for days, whipping them and branding David with
a hot poker. When he denies them food and water, Muriel curses him,
yelling, "You can kill my body, but I'll never leave you in
peace!" to which Stephen replies, "I'm not afraid of the
dead. Corpses were meant to rot and fertilize the earth!" Muriel
then tells a surprised Stephen that she has revised her will, leaving
her fortune and the castle to her stepsister Jenny. Stephen offers to
free the both of them if Muriel will turn over the will to him, but
she refuses, laughing in his face (as only Barbara Steele can!).
Solange, who is working in cahoots with Stephen, tells him that he
will have to let Muriel live, but he says no, he will simply seduce
Jenny and then dispose of her. We then watch Stephen dispose of
Muriel and David. He slowly drips acid on Muriel's face while she
screams in pain and places David's unconscious body on top of Muriel
(David originally is kept captive in a chair with arms that fold,
trapping him in the chair), where he electrocutes the both of them.
He then cuts out their hearts (for his experiments), burns their
bodies and places their ashes in an urn, which he uses to fertilize a
rare plant that he proudly displays on a mantle (at least he is true
to his word!).
Time passes and Stephen is now married to Jenny (Steele again) and
he brings her to the castle. Solange (who is now young and beautiful
thanks to Stephen's experiments) is upset because he never told her
that he was marrying Jenny (she wants him for herself), but Stephen
tells her not to worry, because he finds Jenny "ugly and
repulsive" (is he blind?!?) and plans on making her life a
living hell. One night, while Jenny and Stephen are sleeping
(together), Jenny is awoken by the sound of a human heartbeat and she
sees the ghost of David rise from a tomb and make love to her in the
greenhouse, where a figure of a man, with a white stocking over his
face, hits David over the head with his cane. Jenny wakes up in bed
with her hands around Stephen's neck, yelling out "David!
David!" At this point, we have to ask ourselves if this was a
trick perpetrated by Stephen or is Jenny's stepsister reaching out
from the grave?
Stephen believes his dastardly plan of driving Jenny crazy is
working because, the night before, Solange dosed Jenny's champagne
with an hallucinogen, but he discovers Solange gave her the wrong
vial, which was a harmless sugar placebo. Jenny, who never played the
harmonium before, begins playing it like a pro, even playing an
original composition by Muriel without even looking at the sheet
music. She asks Stephen where Muriel is buried and he tells her in
the family crypt and, one day, he will take her there. That night,
Stephen and Solange hear Jenny scream and discover her in the family
crypt, white as a ghost. She tells Stephen a story that he finds
quite unbelievable, so he calls her personal physician, Dr. Dereck
Joyce (Marino Masé, as "Lawrence Clift"; PLAY
MOTEL - 1979), to come and stay with them (Stephen believes
his plan of driving Jenny crazy is working like a charm, not knowing
that forces more evil than him are at work). Jenny tells Dr. Joyce
(who has treated Jenny in the past for "emotional" issues)
that she fears someone or something is taking over her body and he
tells her that he is going to help her whether she likes it or not.
Stephen invites the doctor to come to his laboratory to see his
reanimation experiments and Jenny laughs out loud, much in the same
way Muriel mocked Stephen's experiments. Dr. Joyce begins treating
Jenny and soon discovers everything she is telling him may be true
(Jenny finds an earring that doesn't belong to her in the same place
she dropped it in a dream and Dr. Joyce notices it's the same earring
Muriel is wearing in a portrait). At dinner, Solange seriously cuts
her hand, so Stephen brings her to his laboratory, telling Dr. Joyce
she has a rare blood disease and must stop the hemorrhaging before
she bleeds to death. We then discover that Stephen is keeping Solange
young by using Muriel's blood in a solution he invented, telling
Solange this is the last shot he can give her because he is out of blood.
While Dr. Joyce searches the family crypt (finding Muriel's tomb
empty), Muriel contacts Jenny, telling her to go to the laboratory.
From this point on, Jenny is now fully possessed by Muriel and Dr.
Joyce believes it after seeing the proof for himself. Solange
tries to tell Stephen that Jenny is Muriel, but he doesn't believe
her, rather believing that his plan is coming to fruition. He does
know that Dr. Joyce discovered Muriel's tomb was empty, so he must
find a way to stop the doctor from telling anyone else. Dr.
Joyce tells Stephen that there are ghosts in the castle and, for the
sake of Jenny's sanity, they must leave the castle immediately.
Stephen, with Solange's help, comes up with a way to dispose both
Jenny and Dr. Joyce, but will he be able to pull it off or will
Muriel get the revenge against Stephen he so richly deserves?
Unfortunately, instead of killing Dr. Joyce and Jenny, he kills his
butler, Jonathan (Giuseppe Addobbati, as "John McDouglas"; THE
EERIE MIDNIGHT HORROR SHOW - 1974), instead, which makes Dr.
Joyce suspicious, leading to Stephen and Solange's downfall by the
spirits of a facially scarred Muriel and David.
There are many references here to the works of Edgar Allan Poe (the
sound of a beating heart, the castle burning around Stephen, etc) and
director Mario Caiano (ERIK THE VIKING
- 1965; SHADOW
OF ILLUSION -
1970;
EYE
IN THE LABYRINTH - 1972; THE
MANIAC RESPONSIBLE - 1975; NAZI
LOVE CAMP 27 - 1977; WEAPONS
OF DEATH - 1977; THE
CRIMINALS ATTACK. THE POLICE RESPOND. - 1977), here billed
as "Allan Grunewald", does a nice job of integrating those
elements into the plot. The screenplay, by Caiano and Fabio De
Agostini (IN THE FOLDS
OF THE FLESH - 1970), lays on the Gothic atmosphere nice and
thick, helped immensely by Enzo Barboni's beautiful black & white
photography (he would later direct films using the pseudonym
"E.B. Clucher"; THEY
CALL ME TRINITY - 1970) and Ennio Morricone's evocative and
haunting music score, his first horror film assignment. Barbara
Steele once again essays two roles (she did the same thing in THE
LONG HAIR OF DEATH - 1964) and her face and eyes still
elicit more emotions than mere words could ever convey. Her beauty,
especially her eyes, were built for Gothic horror and the Italian
Gothic horror genre would not have been popular if not for her. But
everyone is excellent here in their roles, especially Paul Muller
(billed as "Paul Miller") as the sadistic Stephen, who
enjoys inflicting pain. This film is not kid's stuff because it is
very adult in its depiction of love and death, but it is creepy
enough to give kids nightmares (It certainly gave me nightmares when
I saw it as a child on TV in the late-'60s, even though it was
severely edited).
Filmed as AMANTI D'OLTRETOMBA
("Lovers Of The Afterlife"). this film received a U.S.
theatrical release (through Allied Artists) and due to its Public
Domain status, received numerous VHS and budget DVD releases by such
outfits as Something Weird Video, Alpha
Video, Madacy Entertainment and as part of Mill
Creek Entertainment's multi-film DVD compilations, such as their THE
UNDEAD: VAMPIRE COLLECTION 20 MOVIE CLASSIC FEATURES. Retromedia
Entertainment released an uncut widescreen DVD of this film
under the alternate title THE
FACELESS MONSTER, but the print was soft with too much
contrast, forcing you to fiddle with your TV to make it look right.
The Severin Films Blu-Ray,
using an uncut, 104 minute British print titled NIGHT
OF THE DOOMED, looks stunning. It's crisp and clear with
very little print damage. As a bonus on the disc, there are two other
films in their original OAR and mastered in High definition, Antonio
Margheriti's CASTLE
OF BLOOD (1964) and Massimo Pupillo's TERROR
CREATURES FROM THE GRAVE (1965), both excellent examples of
Italian gothic horror. Also on the disc are running commentary by
Barbara Steele and film historian David Del Valle (for this film
only), trailers and exclusive featurettes for all three films and a
final interview with director Mario Caiano, made just before he
passed away in 2015. I congratulate Severin for treating us to
these three films, because they will never look better than they do
here. Not Rated, but like I said before, this is not child's
play. The themes are very adult in nature.
NIGHTMARES
(1980) - I know what I like and I like Australian horror films,
especially from their prime exploitation period, which ran from the
late-70's to the mid-80's. With titles like PATRICK
(1978), ROAD GAMES (1981), ESCAPE
2000 (1982), NEXT OF KIN
(1982) and dozens of others, Australia made its mark on genre fans,
especially once VHS releases of the titles made their way to the
States. There
was no looking back after that. NIGHTMARES
(known in the U.S. as STAGE FRIGHT)
is one of those films, a slasher flick with a nice bloody body
count. In 1963, little Cathy causes a car accident when she wakes up
in the backseat and catches her sluttish mother fooling around with
some guy in the front seat (This isn't the first time Cathy has
caught dear old Mom cheating on Dad). Mom goes flying through the
front windshield and dies, while Cathy cries "Mommy! Mommy!"
and tries to pull her back into the car (Cathy actually kills her
mother when she pulls her through the broken windshield and slits her
throat on a piece of jagged glass). Little Cathy is ostracized by her
callous father ("You killed your mother! You killed her!"),
who wants nothing more to do with her and puts her up for adoption.
Little Cathy is a changed girl because whenever she sees broken glass
or hears the sound of glass breaking, she gets a little psychotic
(When her new foster father tries to give her a kiss goodnight and a
water glass breaks [I believe sexual abuse is implied here], Cathy
slashes his face with a shard of the broken glass). Seventeen years
pass (to the day of the fatal car accident) and Cathy, who has
changed her name to Helen Selleck (Jenny Neumann), is a struggling
actress auditioning for a stage play. The director, George D'alberg
(Max Phipps), gives Helen a major part in the play, but she seems
disappointed she got it. Meanwhile, someone wearing high heels and
black gloves is murdering a naked couple with a shard of broken
glass, who are having sex in an abandoned building (Not only is the
sex near-pornographic, but so are the murders, as the naked man is
castrated and the nude woman is repeatedly stabbed in her breasts).
Could Helen be responsible for these murders? She begins to have a
romantic relationship with her co-star Terry (Gary Sweet), but wants
him to move slow because, in her own words: "I've never had a
boyfriend before. I've never been allowed. If we're
careful...maybe." (Man, that doesn't sound good!). George tells
Helen, Terry and the rest of the cast that the play is a "comedy
about death" and when he asks Helen if anyone close to her has
died, she goes into a laughing/crying jag and runs off the stage.
Terry hears Helen screaming at another woman in her room and watches
as the mysterious woman in high heels and black gloves leaves the
room. It's now obvious even to the most retarded of viewers that
Helen has a Norman/Mother Bates split personality thing going on and
soon she begins murdering members of the stage play using her alter
ego, beginning with stage hand Angela (Briony Behets), who gets
stabbed over and over with a shard of glass because she yelled at
Terry for whistling backstage (apparently, that's a sign of bad luck
in theater circles). The police are called in to investigate and,
incredulously, the rest of the theater troupe blames Angela's death
on Terry for whistling
backstage! We soon find out that Helen's evil side is named Cathy
(surprise!) and even the mere sound of breaking glass (even a bottle
rolling across the floor) causes Helen to transform into Cathy. The
opening night of the play is a rousing success (even with forgotten
lines and a disasterous curtain call), but gay theater critic Bennett
Collingswood (John Michael Howson, one of the film's story
co-writers), an old nemesis of director George, ravages the play in
his review, but praises Helen's performance. At a party celebrating
the play's success, Bennett makes the mistake of feeling Helen up
(Wait a minute, I thought he was gay?!?), which turns out to be his
fatal error. He gets a shard of glass impaled in his neck, courtesy
of Cathy, and his scathing review of the play is never published.
Things come to a boil on the second night of the play, where
Helen/Cathy begins murdering the actors and crew during the play
until only Terry is left alive. Will Terry survive the night and,
better still, will the theater-goers get their money refunded for
watching only half a play? There is no rocket science involved
here in the story, just plenty of bloody good slasher fun. Director
John Lamond (one of Australia's first sexploitation directors, with
films like AUSTRALIA AFTER DARK
[1974] and FELICITY [1979]
under his belt, as well as producing SWORD
OF BUSHIDO in 1989), who co-produced this film with
screenwriter Colin Eggleston (the director of the superb LONG
WEEKEND - 1977), makes no excuses here; this is a
straight-ahead PSYCHO clone set
in the theater world, with the added bonus of gobs of gore and
nudity. Sex and glass are the themes here, as one is the trigger
(most of Cathy's victims are either totally naked or have touched her
in an inappropriate manner) and the other is a means of execution
(one of Cathy's victims, Fay [Sue Jones], throws-up while she is
being slashed to death with a shard of glass, something I have never
seen before on film). So, if bloody deaths and naked bodies sounds
interesting to you, give NIGHTMARES
a try. You won't be sorry you did. Also starring Nina Landis, Edmund
Pegge, Maureen Edwards, Peter Tulloch, Jennie Lamond and Adele Lewin.
Originally available on VHS in the States from VidAmerica
(as STAGE FRIGHT) in a slightly edited cut. Those who have multi-region
DVD players should check out the widescreen Australian DVD from
Umbrella Entertainment. It is not only uncut, it is loaded with
entertaining extras, including an informative interview with director
Lamond. This review is based on that DVD. Not Rated. UPDATE:
Also available Uncut & Uncensored on DVD
from Severin Films, those
purveyors of everything perverted.
NIGHTMARE
SISTERS (1987) - This was
director David DeCoteau's third "straight" horror film
(following DREAMANIAC
[1986] and CREEPOZOIDS
[1987]), after a career of directing gay and straight porn using the
name "David McCabe". After watching NIGHTMARE
SISTERS, it's plain to se Mr. DeCoteau still didn't have the
whole porn thing out of his system, which isn't necessarily a bad
thing, since this film stars 80's scream queens Linnea Quigley (NIGHT
OF THE DEMONS - 1988), Brinke Stevens (SLAVE
GIRLS FROM BEYOND INFINITY - 1987) and Michelle Bauer (DEATH
ROW DINER - 1988; appearing here using the name
"Michelle McClennan"), who are naked here as much as
possible (All three would reteam in DeCoteau's SORORITY
BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA [1988], but minus any
Linnea Quigley nudity). The film opens with widow Amanda Detweiler
(Sandy Brooke) going to obviously phony fortune teller Omar (a funny
Michael Sonye; screenwriter of BLOOD
DINER - 1987; here using his frequent pseudonym "Dukey
Flyswatter") to find out what really happened to her late
husband Clinton, who was found in a pile of ashes in a hotel bedroom
in Dallas. After fleecing Mrs. Detweiler out of cash and
her late husband's jewelry, Omar peeks into his crystal ball and is
possessed by Clinton, who we find out was fucked to death by a
succubus and then spontaneously combusted. Poor Omar is also killed
by the succubus, whose hands reach through the crystal ball and rip
his head off (which leads into a hilarious musical segue to the
opening credits, thanks to Sonye and his band, Haunted Garage, who
supply songs to the film's soundtrack). We are then introduced to
three homely sorority girls of Tri Eta Pi (groan!), all alone in
their sorority house: Melody (Quigley, wearing an ugly set of fake
buck teeth), Marci (Stevens, with her hair pulled back and wearing
geeky eyeglasses) and Mickey (Bauer, in a fat suit complete with
latex makeup appliances). While they are commiserating on why they
can't get boyfriends, Marci comes home with a box of junk she picked
up at a flea market. One of the items is the late Omar's crystal
ball, so you know there's going to be trouble soon. The girls decide
to throw a party, so Melody calls her equally geeky almost-boyfriend
Kevin (Richard Gabai) and asks him to come over and bring two male
friends with him. Kevin and his nerdy pledge brothers, Freddy
(Matthew Vaughter) and Duane (William Dristas), are forbidden to go
to the party by cruel fraternity pledge masters Phil (Timothy
Kauffman), J.J. (Matthew Phelps) and Bud (C.J. Cox), but they sneak
out a window and go anyway. After playing a game of Twister in the
backyard (Where Mickey nearly crushes everyone to death), the group
decides to hold a séance using the crystal ball. The girls
become possessed by the succubi and are turned into beautiful
sexbombs after being warned by the disembodied head of Omar and
before you can say "Hey, my clothes fell off!", the three
girls are topless and tempting the guys with pie and sex! When Phil
and his fraternity brothers discover their pledges' treachery, they
head over to the sorority house and can't believe their eyes when
they peek through the window. Only Kevin keeps a straight head about
him and tries to find a way to reverse the curse (although he's not
above peeping on the girls through a keyhole as they take a naked
bubble bath together). Phil and his fraternity brothers get their
just desserts (all three get their dicks bit off [offscreen]) and are
turned into piles of ashes, while Kevin and his friends try to return
the girls back to their homely selves. Perhaps an exorcist will do
the trick? NIGHTMARE SISTERS
is one of those ultra-cheap, direct-to-VHS quickies (shot in four
days and it shows) that lined the video store shelves during the
mid-to-late-80's. It's just an excuse to show Linnea (who performs a
song), Brinke and Michelle (who deep-throats a banana!) without
clothes as much as possible. While that's never a bad thing, director
David DeCoteau (LADY AVENGER
- 1988; LEECHES! -
2003) and screenwriter Kenneth J. Hall (EVIL
SPAWN - 1987; THE
HALFWAY HOUSE - 2004) toss-in a lot of juvenile humor
("They sure made an ash out of him!") and some real amateur
acting (Timothy Kauffman is simply awful) and not enough violence or
gore (even Omar's beheading is bloodless). While it is always a
pleasure to see some beautiful women in the buff, one wishes there
were a little more meat to the story. Oh well, you can't have
everything. The openly gay DeCoteau would eventually begin to throw a
lot of gay subtext and imagery into his later films, which is great
for the gay community, but not so great for straight, boob-loving
guys like myself. Tony Malanowski, the director of the terrible NIGHT
OF HORROR (1978) and CURSE
OF THE CANNIBAL CONFEDERATES (1982), was Editor, Post
Production Supervisor, Sound Editor and Sound Designer here. DeCoteau
uses his "David McCabe" and "Ellen Cabot"
pseudonyms in the final credits. Also starring Jim Culver as the
American Express-taking Exorcist Perrin, who Kevin finds in the
Yellow Pages. Originally released on VHS by Trans
World Entertainment and later on (fullscreen) DVD by Retromedia
Entertainment. Not Rated.
NIGHTMARE
WEEKEND (1985)
- A
widowed scientist invents a behavior modification machine called
Apache which has proven successful in turning dangerous animals into
docile ones in this strange, seldom seen, dip into insanity. The
scientists assistant (Debbie Laster) decides to use Apache on
human subjects, much to her boss disapproval. Apache takes
effect by transforming a subjects personal possession (i.e..
watch, lipstick) into a ball bearing-like object which forces its way
into that said persons body. Stay with me now, because it gets
complicated. Jessica (Debra Hunter), the scientists virginal
daughter, falls in love with Ken (Dale Midkiff, in his pre-PET
SEMATARY
[1989] days), the assistants ex-lover and henchman. Jessica
also has a friend and protector called George, an incredible
hand-puppet computer her dad invented for her when she was a child.
Whenever Jessica gets into trouble (which is often), George
interfaces with Apache to inflict some ball-bearing justice. The
assistant unleashes Apache on a houseload of teens which changes
their behavior drastically, to say the least. From this point on,
this American, English and French co-production (lensed in Florida)
loses all sense or logic (for what little it had to begin with). Even
though it is apparent that this film faced the censor's knife to
obtain an R rating, the last ten minutes are incomprehensible. The
ending leaves you shaking your head, wondering if screenwriter George
Faget-Bernard even thought to write one. This is the kind of movie
you would expect from a director named H. (Henry) Sala and a producer
named Bachoo Sen. Intriguing premise, bad execution. A Lightning
Video Release. Rated
R.
Also available in both the R-Rated Version and the Unrated
Continental Version (which has been radically re-edited) on Blu-Ray
from Vinegar Syndrome.
NIGHT
OF A
THOUSAND CATS
(1972) - If
you have any feline pets at home, make sure they are not around when
you watch this strange Mexican horror film. Millionaire Hugo (Hugo
Stiglitz) travels around in his helicopter looking for good-looking
women to pick up and bring to his remote monastary. He wines and
dines and then murders them, cutting off their heads for display in
glass jars in his trophy room and feeding their leftover flesh to the
thousand (actually about one hundred) hungry cats he keeps trapped in
the basement. Hugos trusty mute manservant Dorgo (Gerardo
Zepeda) then disposes of the unused body parts in a huge furnace.
Hugo, like his ancestors, is a collector. Only he collects heads
instead of coins,
stamps or wild animals that his forebearers were fond of. His latest
would-be victim is Cathy (Anjanette Comer), a married woman with a
small daughter. While her husband is away on business, she shacks up
with Hugo for a night of passion. She is saved from certain doom when
an unexpected visitor knocks on the monastary door. A doctor, whose
car has broken down, wants to use the phone to call a taxi. Cathy,
finally realizing that she should get back home to her daughter,
excuses herself and drives home. Hugo, distressed that he did not get
head, cuts off the doctors instead and feeds the remains to the
cats. Still upset about his failure to obtain Cathys head, Hugo
reminisces about his past achievements (told in flashback form) and
plays chess with Dorgo. When Dorgo wins a game, Hugo makes him the
latest addition to his trophy case (what a sore loser!). After
much persistence, Hugo persuades Cathy to return
with him to the monastary. After some lovemaking, he shows her the
trophy room. When she sees the heads in the jars, she wises up and
tries to run away. She accidentally opens the cats cage and
they attack Hugo, devouring him in the trophy room. Cathy escapes the
cats and drives off to live her life with her unsuspecting husband
and daughter. This is by no means a good film but it does have a few
effective moments. The scenes of the trapped cats are well handled.
They actually look menacing with their snarling faces and wild
demeanor. So effective, in fact, that my two cats (who were sleeping
beside me) would pick up their heads and give me a nasty stare every
time the cats would appear on screen. It was at these moments that I
realized that my cats could probably rip me apart if they wanted to.
Luckily for me, I keep them well fed and give them plenty of love.
Director Rene Cardona Jr. uses slow-motion to good effect, as we
witness cats flying through the air and victims running away from the
demented Hugo. While Cardona has made his share of stinkers (TINTORERA
- 1977; TREASURE OF THE AMAZON
- 1985; BEAKS:
THE MOVIE
- 1986), he does imbue this film with disturbing scenes (human meat
being fed to the cats; the heads in the trophy room) and generous
nudity. The film (also released on video under the title BLOOD
FEAST)
is a scant 65 minutes long and is padded out by running the same
flashback scene in its entirety two times! A longer version
exists, but it is very hard to find. The still-alive Hugo Stiglitz is
a popular star of Spanish and Italian cinema, appearing in such
diverse fare as CITY
OF THE WALKING DEAD
(1983) and COUNTERFORCE
(1987). Anjanette Comer is also no stranger to the genre, starring in
the cult favorite THE
BABY
(1972) and the Full Moon Production NETHERWORLD
(1991). NIGHT
OF A THOUSAND CATS
is just one in a long line of killer cat flicks. Others include: THE
CORPSE GRINDERS
(1968), EYE
OF THE CAT
(1969), THE
UNCANNY
(1977) and STRAYS
(1991). You can bet that my feline buddies will not be around when
these films are screened at home. An Academy
Entertainment Home Video VHS Release. Also available on a double
feature DVD (it's still the 65 minute version, but in anamorphic
widescreen) from Code Red,
with THE HOUSE OF
INSANE WOMEN (1971) Rated
R.
NIGHT
OF HORROR
(1978) -
Watching this film is like having a very painful bowel movement, you
know, the
kind where you're in a public place and the pain starts to build up
and you have to press your ass cheeks together with all your muscle
power as you jump into your car and try to make it home before you
explode and then you make it home and sit on the toilet screaming in
pain as the excrement pours out in a burst of agonizing thrust that
nearly sends you up to the ceiling. That about describes what it's
like to view this film which concerns four "adults" whose
camper gets stuck in what turns out to be a Civil War battlefield and
encounter ghosts of soldiers that died there. There's no words to
describe how bad this film is. The photography is so bad that at one
point there's a big black blotch at the bottom center of the screen
for at least ten minutes. The acting (by Steve Sandkuhler, Gae
Schmitt, Rebecca Bach and Jeff Canfield) is so poor that you can hear
dead actors moaning in their graves. The piano music just drones on
and on and the direction by Tony Malanowski consists of static shots
of talking heads and Civil War re-enactment footage. Malanowski would
later make the similarly-themed CURSE
OF THE CANNIBAL CONFEDERATES in 1982 which also starred
Sandkuhler and Bach and work in various capacities on Don Dohler's NIGHTBEAST
the same year before becoming an editor on such films as FELONY
(1994) and MUTANT SPECIES
(1995). Thank God for small favors. If you must watch this film, do
it with a roll of toilet paper handy. You'll thank me later.
Malanowski wishes Don Dohler good luck in the credits. He must be the
Prophet of Doom! A Genesis
Home Video Release in SP mode and later released by Star
Classics in EP mode. If NIGHT
OF HORROR ever gets a DVD release, I'll eat my own
excrement! Rated R, but there's nothing here to warrant the rating.
NIGHT
OF THE BLOODY APES (1968) - A
woman wrestler (Norma Lazareno) accidentally
injures her opponent in the ring. She and her police lieutenant
boyfriend (Jose Elias Moreno) go to the hospital and meet Dr. Crowman
(Armando Silvestre) who performs the life-saving brain operation on
her adversary. It seems Dr. Crowman is also doing an unscheduled
operation with his gimpy assistant. His son is dying of leukemia so
Doc kidnaps a gorilla from a zoo and replaces his son's heart with
the gorilla's. (Real open heart surgery footage is shown. This would
make a great double feature with NIGHT
OF THE BLOODY TRANSPLANT.)
Trouble ensues when the weak and thin son transforms into a strong
and husky ape man
with
a penchant for beautiful naked women. He likes to rape them. The
doctor loves his son very much and figures out a way to reverse the
process. He will give his son a human heart. The Doc kidnaps the girl
whom he performed the brain operation on and brings her to his
laboratory. He transplants the girl's heart into his son's body.
(More open heart surgery footage.) Meanwhile, the police lieutenant
is trying to solve a series of murders (including a man who has his
eye ripped out in extreme close-up) he attributes to a "half
man, half beast". The Doc's operation is a success and his son
reverts back to his normal self. Well, at least for a couple of
minutes. Sonny boy changes back to ape man and goes on another
killing spree, murdering the Doc's assistant (by ripping his head
off), a policeman (by scalping him), and attacking the lady wrestler.
The police capture him after he changes back to normal and is taken
to the hospital for observation. He transforms again and takes a
little girl hostage. The Doc talks his ape man son into handing over
the girl and the police open fire and shoot him. Son changes back.
Doc apologizes to son. Son dies. Doc goes crazy. This dubbed Mexican
horror film is extremely violent for its' time. It's chock full of
nudity and bloody gore unusual for the late sixties. Gorgon Video got
its' hands on a pristine print of this little-seen wonder that has
crisp color and clean sound (unusual for this type of release).
WARNING: Even though one of the characters is a wrestler, this is not
one of those Mexican wrestling films. NIGHT
OF THE BLOODY APES is also known as GOMAR
THE HUMAN GORILLA
and HORROR
AND SEX.
Not released in the States until 1971. This is silly stuff but we
need that every once in a while. Director Rene Cardona directed many
Mexican horror films including DOCTOR
OF DOOM (1962),
WRESTLING
WOMEN VS THE AZTEC MUMMY
(1964) and THE
INCREDIBLE PROFESSOR ZOVEK (1972). He would later direct SURVIVE!
(1976), the true life story about a rugby team and how they resorted
to cannibalism to survive a plane crash in the Andes mountains. His
son, Rene Cardona Jr., helped his father write the screenplay and
later directed such films as NIGHT
OF A THOUSAND CATS
(1972), TINTORERA (1977),
BEAKS
THE MOVIE
(1987), and TREASURE
OF THE AMAZON
(1985). A Gorgon Video
VHS Release. Also released on a terrible budget DVD by Beverly
Wilshire Filmworks and then on an excellent DVD by Something
Weird Video/Image Entertainment,
as part of a double feature with FEAST
OF FLESH (1967 - a.k.a. THE
DEADLY ORGAN). Rated
R.
NIGHT
OF THE COBRA WOMAN (1972) -
Filipino horror film that bears a striking resemblance to DEVIL
WOMAN (1973) and BLACK
MAMBA (1974) and even features some of the same actors.
Oddly, this film came first and is the
least interesting of the trio. Nurse Lena Aruza (Marlene Clark; BLACK
MAMBA) and nurse friend Francisca (Rosemarie Gil; DEVIL
WOMAN) are in the jungle looking for plants to use in
medicine, when they spot the "herb of long life". Francisca
doesn't believe in such nonsense, but since they are both nurses
during World War II in an area of the Philippines that is teeming
with enemy Japanese soldiers, Lena figures she can chew the herb to
stay alert during the long hours she works at the mobile hospital
where she and Francisca assist doctors patching-up injured soldiers.
Lena finds a cave next to the rare herb and decides to explore it
while Francisca keeps a lookout for the Japs. The cave is full of
paintings of snakes and Lena is bitten by a rare Firebrand cobra (it
has a red diamond-shaped marking on its neck), while Francisca is
attacked and raped by a Japanese soldier (played by Filipino genre
vet Vic Diaz; SUPERBEAST
- 1972). Lena transforms into the Cobra Woman (complete with red
diamond marking on her neck) and suddenly becomes one with the
snakes, while the Japanese soldier shoots Francisca once he gets his
rocks off and throws branches over her body. Lena uses her
newly-gained snake powers to heal Francisca and the film then
switches to the present day (well, 1972, anyway), where Dr. Terzon
(Vic Silayan; DAUGHTERS OF SATAN
- 1972) is explaining to his UNICEF medical students the unknown
qualities of snake venom enzymes. UNICEF student Joanna (Joy Bang; MESSIAH
OF EVIL - 1973) wants to study the venom of the Firebrand
cobra, but Dr. Terzon tells her that species of snake is probably
extinct, except for rumors of a "woman in the hills" (care
to guess who that is?) who may have one. Rumors also say that anyone
bitten by a Firebrand cobra (combined with chewing on the "herb
of life") will stay young forever, so Joanna sets out to find
Lena to see if the rumors are true. Joanna finds Lena's jungle house
rather easily and when she knocks on the door, she is greeted by an
old-looking Francisca and is chased away by Francisca's obviously
retarded son, Lope (Vic Diaz again, only this time he's a mute and
slightly hunchbacked, with big buck teeth and a deformed right eye).
Joanna heads back to he apartment, eats a box of Cheerios (!) and
masturbates in her bed, fantasizing about her boyfriend Duff (Roger
Garrett), who is about to arrive in Manila to keep her company. When
Duff arrives (and steals an eagle off the streets, which he names
Dirk!), he decides to visit Lena on his own and is bitten by Lena's
pet Firebrand cobra, Movini, on his way to her house. Lena (who
hasn't aged a day in 27 years) saves Duff, but when he wakes up, it
is Francisca who is by his bed and she explains that her son Lope
became deformed when he made love to Lena. It turns out that
Francisca is not the biggest fan of Lena and she agrees to go get
Joanna and Duff's pet eagle and bring them back to the house (It
would seem eagles and Firebrand cobras a
re
mortal enemies). Trouble ensues when Lena wants to keep Duff for
herself and sends Movini to kill Francisca (successful) and Joanna
(unsuccessful). When Dirk kills Movini (turns out that Lena needs to
be bitten by Movini on a regular basis or she will grow old), it sets
off a chain of events that puts everyone's lives in danger (Lena is
forced to suck the life out of several locals and tourists to remain
young). Can Joanna and Dr. Terzon come up with an antidote to Lena's
youth-sucking powers before she sucks all the life out of Duff? NIGHT
OF THE COBRA WOMAN is a fairly cheap and badly acted horror
film (the usually dependable Joy Bang [who had a short, but memorable
acting career] looks like she is reading off of cue cards and
everyone else seems like they are walking around in a hypnotic
trance), complete with crappy time-lapse transformations and lots of
female nudity. Director/screenwriter Andrew Meyer (an Andy Warhol
protégé who directed an obscure film called THE SKY PIRATE
[1970], then directed the U.S. insert footage [featuring Lorne
Greene] to a Japanese disaster film that was released here as TIDAL
WAVE [1973/1975] and then disappeared from view, until his
death in 1987) moves this film at such a slow pace, it's almost
sleep-inducing (I really believe he had someone hypnotize the actors,
because most of them talk in slow, monosyllabic tones). The only time
the film picks up steam is when Marlene Clark drops her top or when
Vic Diaz is on-screen. Diaz manages to give Lope a soul (I'm still
trying to figure out the symbolism of why he carries around a hat
made of feathers, though), even if he does look ridiculous in his
hunchback getup. There's also a tasteless scene of monkey
experimentation, skin peeling (Lena sheds her skin when she sucks the
life out of her victims) and some pretty poor old age makeups, but
that doesn't detract from the fact that 85% of the film is a bore.
Also starring Slash Marks (the worst actor in the film and that's
saying a lot!), Bert Rivera and Logan Clarke. Released theatrically
by Roger Corman's New World Pictures. The VHS tape released by Embassy
Home Entertainment is an edited, though still R-rated, 76-minute
version of the film that is missing nearly nine minutes of footage
shown in the theatrical release. Most of the missing footage is
exposition, so count your blessings (although Joanna's masturbation
and a hotel room attack scene [with a cameo by the director] seems to
be missing some footage). Available on DVD
in its original aspect ratio by Scorpion
Releasing. It's the only way to watch it, even though it is the
same 76 minute version that is on the tape, only in widescreen. Also
included on the DVD are on-camera interviews with Producer Roger
Corman and star Marlene Clark and the original trailer. Rated R.
THE
NIGHT OF THE DEVILS (1972) -
I love foreign horror films. Unlike some horror fanatics, I
appreciate foreign horror films because they show American audiences
something they have never seen before: Horror based on that country's
history, traditions and legends. When I see something I don't
understand, rather that throwing up my hands and screaming
"Uncle!!!", I do my homework and research what I don't
understand. It gives me a deeper appreciation for the film's country
of origin. Which brings me to this Italy/Spain co-production.
We see a man (Gianni Garko; DEVIL
FISH - 1984), all bloody and bruised, stumbling through the
forest and passing out on the bank of a river. We then
flash-forward to a short time later, where the man is going
through some type of therapy at the Salus Clinic, a psychiatric facility
(he has all sorts of electrodes attached to his head). We get to see
what is in his mind, including a hand fondling a woman's vagina and
breasts, x-rays of a human skull and then a woman's head graphically
exploding. He then sees two people in white robes inspecting a naked
woman in a cell. One of them pulls the woman's still-beating heart
out of her chest with his bare hands (all these visions are very
gory). Professor Tosi (Umberto Raho; THE
EERIE MIDNIGHT HORROR SHOW - 1974), the clinic's head
psychiatrist, holds a mirror to the man's face and asks him if he
recognizes himself or understands English. He just sits there
silently. The police commissioner (Tom Felleghy; EYEBALL
- 1975) tells Professor Tosi that he will release a photo of the man
to the Press in hope they can identify him, but judging by the
clothes he wore when he was found, he must be quite wealthy.
Professor Tosi tells the commissioner that he believes the man has
total amnesia, somehow caused by darkness. When they turn off the
lights in his hospital room, he becomes agitated and stares out the
window like he is waiting for someone or something to arrive. One
night, while he is staring out the window, the man sees a car pull up
to the clinic gates. A young woman gets out of the car and her face
makes the man terribly nervous. The woman tells Professor Tosi that
she met the man a week ago, telling Tosi that the man told her he was
buying lumber for his company. She tells the doctor that the
man's name is Nicola, but she doesn't know his last name ("I can
only tell you he's an honest man."). She asks the doctor if she
can see Nicola and when he sees her, he screams, "No! No! No!
Let me out!". The staff has to restrain and drug Nicola and the
woman disappears, nowhere to be found. The Professor finds her purse,
but it lacks any personal items that a woman would carry in it. While
Nicola is drugged, he has a long flashback that explains what
happened to him a week earlier.
Nicola is driving down a road and almost hits a witch (Maria Monti; WHAT
HAVE YOU DONE TO SOLANGE? - 1972), who is dressed in black,
forcing him off the road and disabling his car. The witch is nowhere
to be found, so Nicola walks through the forest to try to find
someone to help him. Nicola doesn't see a family digging a grave (but
they see him) in an ancient cemetery and burying someone wrapped in a
bloody sheet. An old man named Gorca Ciuvelak (William Vanders; THE
INGLORIOUS BASTARDS - 1978) throws an ugly idol on the grave
and they head back to their village (Gorca's son, Jovan [Mark
Roberts; THE
NIGHT EVELYN CAME OUT OF THE GRAVE - 1971] asks his father
what they should do about the stranger and he says, "Take care
of him."). When Nicola makes it to the village, he discovers no
one will talk to him except for Gorca, who tells him the village is
in mourning because he just buried his brother. Since it is going to
be dark in about and hour, Gorca invites Nicola to stay at his house
with his family. At dinner, Jovan tells Nicola that he will fix his
car, saying, "Tomorrow. Tomorrow when the sun is shining."
That night, Nicola hears a strange howling and then someone knocking
on the door. He asks Jovan if he is going to answer the door and he
says, "No. Nobody comes at night." It is plain to see that
the family is scared of something, since there are bars on the
windows and all the doors are securely bolted. What could cause a
family (hell, the entire village) to be afraid of the night?
We then see the witch go to the freshly dug grave, slice her hand
open on a piece of broken glass and lets her blood drip on the fresh
flowers put on the grave. What is she up to? Jovan then tries to
sleep with his dead Uncle's young wife Sdenka (Agostina Belli; SCREAM
OF THE DEMON LOVER - 1970), who looks exactly like the woman
who visited Nicola in the loony bin. She tells Jovan, "No, he
just died this morning!" The next day, Jovan and Nicola
use some oxen to pull his car to the village. Gorca tells Jovan that
he must leave the village and Jovan replies that if he is not back by
6:00 PM, "You're finished. You'll never be able to return!"
Gorca then leaves the village, but where is he going? Gorca's other
son, Vlado (Luis Suárez; THE
FEAST OF SATAN - 1971), and his wife, Elena (Teresa Gimpera; CRYPT
OF THE LIVING DEAD - 1973), call Nicola to come to their
house, where Vlado shows him deep scratch marks on the side of his
house, which look like they were made by a human hand. Vlado tells
Nicola not to worry because, "By tomorrow, the danger will have
disappeared...and gone underground." What does he mean by that?
Vlado then tells Nicola that his Uncle didn't die yesterday, but a
month ago and Jovan killed him. Could Nicola be next?
We then see Gorca carrying a sharpened stick, as he goes looking for
the witch. We also discover that the witch is pregnant and has an
aversion to sunlight. She waits for Gorca to arrive, holding the ugly
idol and an ox horn in her hands. Gorca enters her barn and
picks up the idol. The witch cackles and we see the idol fall to the
ground, Gorca's fate unknown. Gorca's very young granddaughter, Mira
(Sabrina Tamborra) tells Nicola about the witch and how her
grandfather went to kill her (When Nicola asks her why the witch
doesn't come to get them during the daytime, she says, "Witches
are like evil spirits. All bad things go around after dark." Ah,
the wisdom of children!). She tells Nicola that the only way to kill
a witch is to pierce her in the heart with a sharpened stick. But it
will not be easy. If Grandpa fails to kill her, he will become one of
"them". As it is approaching 6:00 PM, Nicola sees Jovan
sharpening a stick. He plans on killing Gorca if he doesn't come home
on time. Nicola tells Jovan that if he kills his father he will go to
the authorities. Jovan tells him to mind his own business. Exactly at
6:00 PM, Gorca arrives at the house, shows everyone a severed hand
and announces, "The curse has been broken." But has it?
This is an atmospheric take on the vampire legend, inspired by
Tolstoy's "The Wurdulak", which was also a segment of Mario
Bava's BLACK SABBATH
(1963), starring Boris Karloff. Capably directed by Giorgio Ferroni (MILL
OF THE STONE WOMEN - 1960; THE
TROJAN HORSE - 1961; SECRET
AGENT SUPER DRAGON - 1966), who has been directing films
since the early 1930's (he passed away in 1981), many of
those films documentaries about Italy's past. I think that is why
this film is so affecting, as Ferroni has an eye for even the
smallest of details, transporting us back to a time when people
believed in witches and other evils of the night. While very little
blood drinking is on view (the only instance of it comes later in the
film when Mira bites Elena on her neck and then exposes her breast!),
Ferroni makes sure that the red stuff flows freely, as we see beating
human hearts, exploding heads and other bloody visuals (special
effects supplied by Carlo Rambaldi; A
BAY OF BLOOD - 1971; DEEP
RED - 1975), including Vlado skinning a rabbit. The film's
highlight is when Jovan discovers Gorca is one of them. He shoves a
sharpened stick into Gorca's chest and twists it (nothing is left to
the imagination) and then we watch as Gorca decomposes (masterfully
done). It is this scene and what happens after it, that put Nicola in
the mental hospital. His mind can't accept what is happening around
him. I am sure that people raised during the Technological Age would
react the same way. We refuse to accept what we can't understand (In
this "Age of Trump", more and more people are catching this
sickness. Shit, now I have dated this review in the years to come!).
When Nicola finally accepts what is happening around him and tries to
save new love Sdenka, he makes a terrible discovery that his mind
just cannot accept. And that what makes this film so enjoyable. The
old ways always wins, no matter how advanced society has become. But
then the film throws us a monkey wrench: Is Nicola actually crazy and
was this whole story just a figment of his twisted imagination? The
twisty screenplay, by Eduardo Manzanos THE
STRANGE VICE OF MRS. WARDH - 1971), Romano Migliorini (THE
BLOODY PIT OF HORROR - 1965) & Gianbattista Mussetto (LAST
HOUSE ON THE BEACH - 1978), wisely avoids using the word
"vampire", making the creatures we view much more
supernatural and deadly.
Never available theatrically or on VHS in the United States. The DVD
and Blu-ray from Raro Video
is in its original OAR and it looks tremendous. It is available
dubbed in English or in its original Italian with optional English
subtitles. When available, I always go for the original language
because dubbing can take away some of the finer nuances of the
performances (The title of the print on these discs is LA
NOTTE DEI DIAVOLI, which translates to the review title).
Raro always does a great job with their presentations and this is no
exception. It comes with a twelve page booklet (which I have scanned
for your viewing pleasure here),
giving us important information on the director and the making of
this film, as well as a new interview with composer Giorgio Gaslini (CROSS
CURRENT - 1971; THE
SLASHER...IS THE SEX MANIAC! - 1972), who supplied this
film's haunting music score. Gaslini plays the music theme by memory
and tells us it was the only time he composed music while actually
seeing seeing the film shot. Usually music composers are given a
final cut and compose the music after the fact. He tells us this was
the only time he has done that in the over forty films he has scored
and he wishes he was able to do it more. He considers it his best
music score. I agree. This is a superb film made at the height of
Italian horror. Also starring Cinzia De Carolis, Rosita Torosh,
Stefano Oppedisano and John Bartha. Not Rated (full of
full-frontal female nudity and scenes of extreme bloody gore).
NIGHT
OF THE SORCERERS (1973) -
In the jungles of Bombasa in the year 1910, a tribe of natives are
performing a voodoo ceremony where they tie a captive white woman
between two trees and whip her until she is bloody (and naked). The
witch doctor then rapes her and a female member cuts the woman's head
off while she is on an altar, the rest of the female tribe members
smearing the blood flowing from her neck stump all over their faces.
A rescue party shows up a few moments too late and guns down all the
tribe members in retaliation, then noticing that the dead woman's
head is still alive sporting vampire fangs and she's really angry.
During the present day, an expedition, led by professors Jonathan
(Jack Taylor) and Carter (Simon Andreu), is camped in the same area
doing a survey of near-extinct animals. Along for the ride are rich
bitch Meredith, who financed the expedition, and an all-girl crew
(lucky bastards). Camped just a couple of hundred yards away from the
sacrificial altar where the woman lost her head in 1910, the crew
begin to experience mysterious goings-on in the
night, when they're not fighting over the attention of Carter, that
is. Carol (Loli Tovar), a photographer, wanders too close to the
altar one night and becomes the first victim. She is whipped and
stripped by the white vampire witch (who now has a body). The dead
tribepeople arise from their rocky graves and watch as the vampire
witch beheads Carol, turning her into a vampire witch also. It's not
long before more women from the expedition are sacrificed and turned
into vampire witches, much to the annoyance of Jonathan and Carter.
When Jonathan discovers Carol's camera in the jungle and develops the
film, the head vampire witch kills him, drowning him in the
developing fluid. Carter goes on the offensive, but when Jonathan
rises from the dead, it's one of the women who steps up and lays his
soul to rest with a flaming death. Carter saves the last remaining
girl from sacrifice (by throwing his gunbelt into a fire) only to
discover the hard way that he is too late as they drive off into the
sunset. This is a pretty slow-moving Spanish horror film that perks
up during the sacrifice scenes, but stands still during the rest of
the running time. Director/screenwriter Amando de Ossorio (the BLIND
DEAD series - 1971-1976; WHEN
THE SCREAMING
STOPS
- 1973) gives us plenty of nudity, gore and slow-motion shots of the
vampire witches running around in their leopard skin bikinis, but he
unfortunately forgot to put any plot in his script. The blood flows
rather freely (usually over the naked bodies of the female cast), but
without a coherent story to go along with it, it basically means very
little. As with most foreign horror films, the dubbing leaves a lot
to be desired, such as this exchange between Carter and a guide when
Carter discovers Jonathan's body: Carter: "He's suffered an
accident." Guide: "Grave?" Carter: "Mortal."
Guide: "Mortal?" The whole idea of white vampire women
running around the jungles of Africa (It actually looks like the
forests of Spain. The foliage is all wrong.) seems a little
ridiculous as does the method to kill them: Remove the band of cloth
they wear around their neck and their head falls off! I'm not sure
what de Ossorio was aiming for here, mixing vampirism and voodoo in
Africa, but at least he gives us plentiful nudity, a couple of
decapitations and other assorted bloodletting. Stay away from the
version issued on VHS by Unicorn
Video. It's the 75 minute TV print that Embassy released as part
of a Spanish horror film package in the mid-70's, missing all the
nudity and violence. This version is a great cure for insomnia. The
print I viewed came from Midnight Video and looks to have been
sourced from an uncut 101 minute fullscreen Japanese laserdisc. Also
starring Kali Hansa, Lorena Tower, Joseph Thelman and Barbara King. A Midnight
Video Release. BCI Eclipse released an uncut fullscreen print on
DVD, but it is long OOP. Not Rated.
NIGHT
OF THE WEREWOLF (1980) -
In 16th Century Hungary, the Countess Elizabeth Bathory (Julia Saly)
and her followers, including werewolf Waldemar Daninsky (Paul
Naschy), are convicted of crimes against humanity, including
vampirism, cannibalism and the slaughter of countless virgin women
and children. At their death sentences, most of the Countess'
followers get off easy with simple hangings or beheadings, but the
Countess herself is buried alive (but not before cursing everyone
responsible and their descendants) and Waldemar must wear the
"Mask Of Dishonor" and then had a silver cross impaled into
his heart. Of all the people convicted, only Waldemar seems to be
thankful for death. In the present day, anthropologist and witchcraft
expert Erika (Silvia Aguilar) and her friends Karen (Azucena
Hernandez) and Barbara (Pilar Alcon) have discovered the burial site
of Countess Bathory at a castle in the Carpathian Mountains. Erika
(who is power mad and inherently evil) has also murdered an elderly
professor (Narcisco Ibanez Menta) for a medallion he possesses that
can return the Countess back to life. At the same time, two grave
robbers loot Waldemar's tomb and pull the silver cross from his
corpse. That was
really stupid because, for one thing, there's a full moon in the
night sky and as soon as the cross is removed, Waldemar turns into a
werewolf and rips-out the throats of the two grave robbers. Waldemar
takes up residence in the castle and, along with facially-scarred
female assistant Mircaya (Beatriz Elorrietta), invites Erika and her
two friends to stay with him in the castle. Erika immediately
recognizes Waldemar (who is now using the name "Janus"),
but doesn't let him know. Waldemar also knows that Erika is evil
(even Mircaya warns him), but he finds her friend Karen irresistible
and they fall in love. While Waldemar chows-down on the peasant
population (he nearly kills Karen, but Mircaya chases him away with
the silver cross), Erika kills Barbara and uses her blood, along with
the medallion, to revive Countess Bathory. The Countess puts the bite
on Erika and orders her to bring Waldemar to her. Waldemar and Karen
work together trying to stop a series of vampire attacks that are
striking the countryside. As the next full moon draws near, Waldemar
must figure out a way to defeat the Countess, unaware that she has
secretly bitten Karen. What's a good werewolf to do? This is
the ninth entry (original Spanish title: EL
RETORNO DEL HOMBRE LOBO) in the continuing saga of werewolf
Waldemar Daninsky (it follows THE
WEREWOLF AND THE YETI - 1975) and the first to be directed
by Paul Naschy (billed in the credits here as "Jack
Molina"), although he did write the scripts for most of them
(including this one) under his real name, Jacinto Molina. While
basically nothing but a reworking of director Leon Klimovsky's WEREWOLF
SHADOW (1970; a.k.a. THE
WEREWOLF VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMAN), this film is beautifully
photographed and contains some grand sweeping camerawork.
Unfortunately, the film is rather subdued in it's bloodletting, which
is disappointing. Although there is plenty of blood on view, there is
precious little gore to go along with it. To illustrate my point,
there's a scene where Erika brings the body of Mircaya to the
Countess and Erika slits Mircaya's throat with a dagger and the blood
falls over the Countess' face. While we see the blood cover her face,
we never actually see the throat slitting. It's quite easy to see
that Naschy was aiming for a gothic atmosphere here and in that
respect he succeeded completely. There are plenty of spooky shots,
such as when the Countess is revived and her disciples suddenly
rise-up from the earth; the Countess and Erika's first vampire attack
(They are shrouded in fog as two giant windows swing open revealing
the pair); and Karen saving Waldemar from a midnight visit by the
Countess. The sets are also very effective and put to good use,
especially the scene of the Countess and the two of her minions doing
a slow-motion walk to their coffins in the castle's decaying dungeon.
If you don't mind the low gore quotient, you will probably dig this
well-lensed horror film. Besides, who can resist watching Europe's
best-known werewolf taking-on the world's most sadistic female
vampire and a finale where no one in the cast is left alive? Naschy
would direct the next Waldemar Daninsky film, THE
BEAST AND THE MAGIC SWORD (1983), in Japan of all places,
since he could only get Japanese financial backing to make it. Also
starring Luis Barboo, Jose Riesgo and Charly Bravo. Deimos
Entertainment offers a beautiful uncut widescreen print on DVD, which
rises head-and-shoulders above the old fullscreen VHS tape put out by Vestron
Video under the title THE CRAVING.
That version is Rated R and is missing some nudity. The DVD version
is Not Rated.
NIGHT
SCREAMS (1987) - In the
beginning of this low-budget slasher film, a married couple (the guy
could be Harry Reems' twin brother!) are watching Herb Freed's GRADUATION
DAY (1981) on TV when someone brandishing a butcher knife
viciously stabs them. After finishing them off, the bloody hands of
the unseen killer plays Chopsticks on a piano. We then cut to a
doctor at a mental institution recommending the release of an unnamed
patient (possibly the same killer we just didn't see), as he deems
the patient no longer a threat to society. At the same time, three
violent criminals, led by Snake (John Hines), break out of prison and
kill two cops and the workers at a roadside café/gas station.
After killing one of his fellow escapees over an argument over the
café waitress (rather than letting the escapee rape the
waitress, Snake shoots the waitress point-blank and tosses the
escapee through a window after beating him to a bloody pulp), Snake
and Runner (Tony Brown), hole-up in a house in the woods, which
happens to be the location of a small party later that night by a
bunch of high school jocks and their girlfriends, which includes
troubled quarterback David (Joe Manno) and his new virginal girlfriend
Joni (Megan Wyss). As Snake (who is a Bible-quoting fanatic) and
Runner hide out in the basement, the party's guests arrive, which
also includes D.B. (Ron Thomas), Chris (Susan Lyles), Mason (Dan
Schramm), Brenda (Barbara Schoenhofer), Frannie (Diana Martin), Lisa
(Janette Allyson Caldwell) and Russell (Randy Lunsford). It becomes
obvious after a short time that there's more than one killer in this
house. Not only are the escaped cons lurking downstairs, but the
recently released mental patient also begins dispatching the young
partiers. It's obvious that one of the students is the mental
patient, but which one is it? There's plenty of suspects, including
David, who has to take medication for a mysterious condition, and
Joni, who is new in town and doesn't want to talk about her past. As
the young cast is either strangled by Snake or murdered by the
unknown killer (impaled by a fireplace poker; electrocuted in a hot
tub; crushed by a car; axe to the head; etc.), the dwindling number
of high schoolers must kill Snake and unmask the psycho killer. The
revelation of the mental case should come as no surprise to anyone,
since logic dictates it can only possibly be one person. The
ridiculous ending proves once again that the filmmakers here haven't
the slightest idea on how to end a slasher film properly. This
is an average mid-80's slasher flick that takes a while to get moving
after a fairly bloody first ten minutes, in order to introduce all
the character and set them up as red herrings. Director Allen Plone (PHANTOM
OF THE RITZ - 1988; SWEET
JUSTICE - 1992), working with a script by Mitch Brian and
producer Dillis L. Hart II, makes sure to toss all the exploitable
elements into the mix, including plentiful female nudity (including a
porn clip on TV starring John Holmes and Seka), some bloody murders
and enough teen angst to supply a week's worth of CW programming. The
acting, by a cast of unknowns, is dicey at best (Joe Manno as David
is extremely annoying), but Plone supplies the viewer enough tits,
ass and gore to keep our eyes, if not our minds, occupied. There's
also some cheesy music (by a New wave band called The Dogs) and
synchronized dancing (by an all-female leotard-wearing dance troup
called The Sweetheart Dancers, who are simply terrible), as well as
some very bad editing (credited to Herbert L. Strock, the director of I
WAS A TEENAGE FRANKENSTEIN [1957], in one of his final
screen credits), especially in the first few minutes. Still, there
are some bloody deaths (one teen has his face pressed against a hot
grill while he is stabbed in the neck with a barbecue fork) and a lot
of exposed bare flesh to keep slasher fanatics happy. One major
disappointment, though, is that the escaped convict angle never
develops the way we are led to believe it will and, in the end, just
seems tacked-on and superfluous. The opening and closing tune,
"Who Do They Think They Are?", by Michael Linn (EVIL
TOWN - 1985), sounds very familiar to me, but I'll be damned
if I can remember where I heard it before. Also starring Jerry
Goehring, Mike Roark and Dennis Arnold. Originally released on VHS
by Prism Entertainment
and available on fullscreen DVD from Image
Entertainment. Unrated.
NIGHT
SHADOWS (1984) - A
real strange one. This film seems more interested in
characterization than
horror, and in this case it doesn't work. Radioactive waste is being
dumped in a small southern town and it has a strange effect on the
townspeople. Each transforms into a blue-faced MUTANT
(the film's original title). Their palms split open and a sickening
yellow toxic substance gushes out. Whomever they touch burns severly
and dies. Wings Hauser (VICE
SQUAD
- 1982, THE
CARPENTER
- 1987) is a Northern boy, who along with his brother (Lee
Montgomery), take a trip to the country. Thanks to some rednecks,
they are forced to spend some time in this weird town. Bo Hopkins
plays the alcoholic sheriff (a real stretch) who wants Wings to get
out, but later, because of strange happenings, becomes his ally. One
good scene: The town's doctor (Jennifer Warren) is performing an
autopsy on a little girl who was attacked. She's talking into her
recorder and directly behind her, her assistant is changing from
human to mutant. She turns around to ask him a question and is in for
quite a shock. Too much talk does this flick in. While this worked
for THE
BIG CHILL,
it doesn't belong here. A nice attempt, but ill conceived. Director
John "Bud" Cardos' has a long history in the film industry.
He was a bird handler on Alfred Hitchcock's PSYCHO
(1960), second unit director of HOUSE
OF TERROR
(1972), production manager on DEATHDREAM
(1972), actor in ACT
OF PIRACY
(1988; which he also directed), as well as directing the excellent KINGDOM
OF THE SPIDERS
(1977), THE
DARK
(1979), THE
DAY TIME ENDED
(1979) and many others. NIGHT
SHADOWS
(I saw it theatrically under this title, but I'll be damned if I can
find any ads that use it) is OK if you like more talk than action. A Vestron
Home Video VHS Release. Available on Blu-Ray
from Code Red. Rated
R.
NIGHTSTALKER
(1979) -
This hysterically bad gore-o-rama, originally known as DON'T
GO NEAR THE PARK,
must be viewed by all badfilm fanatics at least once, if only to
show how not to make a film. The film opens 12,000 years
ago as an ugly old hag curses her two children (Barbara Monker and
Crackers Phinn) to age 10 years for every one year of their lives,
but never to die. Their only way of reversing the old age process is
to rip open the stomachs of human mortals and eat their innards. The
old hag also tells them that 12,000 years hence, when the twin stars
of the wolf flank the moon, they will be able to lift the curse if
they sacrifice a young virgin. Cut to 16 years ago, as we see the
elderly brother chow down on the intestines of a young boy and the
elderly sister do the same to a young girl. They both regain their
youth. The brother rents a room from a pretty young woman (a slightly
overweight Linnea Quigley) and pretty soon they fall in love and she
gets pregnant. She has a little girl whom they name Bondi (Tamara
Taylor). Daddy has plans for his little girl: He plans on sacrificing
her when she turns 16, so the curse will be lifted. Daddy shelters
his little girl from boys and sex and on her 16th birthday gives her
a magic amulet to protect her (it comes in handy when three boys in a
van try to rape her). After her mother and father have a serious
fight, Bondi runs away from home and shacks up in a abandoned ranch
house in the park occupied by Nick (Meeno Peluce) and Cowboy (Chris
Riley), two other runaways. The house is also the residence of the
cannibal sister, who now calls herself Patti. Nick meets a writer
(Aldo Ray, who had appeared in so much shit that flies were beginning
to follow him) who tells him stories of the grisly murders
that have happened in the park in the past. Nick spots a
picture of Patti in a book dated 1940 and grows suspicious. While
spying on Patti, Nick watches her munching down on the guts of
another unfortunate young female camper and goes to warn Cowboy and
Bondi, but Bondi has had a bad dream and ran out of the house only to
end up in a cave where her father is waiting to sacrifice her. Cowboy
tries to save her but is temporarily downed when Daddy shoots a beam
of light from his eye at him. Nick gets trapped in a cave-in at the
mouth of the cave. For some unknown reason, Patti stops the sacrifice
and tells Bondi to swallow the amulet. Bondi transforms into the old
hag from the beginning of the film and curses her two siblings to
suffer the same fate as their victims. All the previous victims come
back to life and chow down on the pair, ripping them apart limb to
limb. Ray arrives at the cave and digs our young trio out. Later on,
everything seems normal as we see Bondi, Nick and Cowboy romping in a
playground. Nick asks Bondi to push him down the slide and the last
thing we see is Bondi with her hands on Nick's stomach and the sound
of Nick screaming. Like father, like daughter. The level of technical
ineptitude on display here is mind boggling. The editing of the film
and the music is amateurish at best, giving the film a choppy,
disjointed look that makes it extremely hard to follow. Even the
opening credits contain a gaffe as when it reads "and
introduceing (sic) Linnea Quigley"! (This was not Quigley's
first film. I happen to know that she appeared in 1977's PSYCHO
FROM TEXAS.)
Most of the blame must be put on the shoulders of first-time
director Lawrence D. Foldes, who gives the entire production a grade
school look, filming most scenes in long or medium shots with very
little close-ups. The actors must have had a hard time following his
direction, as they frequently stare directly into the camera as if to
say, "What do I do next?" Judging from Mr. Foldes later
films, including THE
GREAT SKYCOPTER RESCUE
(1980), YOUNG
WARRIORS
(1983) and NIGHTFORCE
(1986), he hasn't learned from his mistakes. NIGHTSTALKER
(which is also out on video as CURSE
OF THE LIVING DEAD
and SANCTUARY FOR EVIL) verges on the edge of kiddie porn
(most of the characters killed in this film are kids) and besides
some extreme (and phony looking) gore, offers nothing else that would
interest even the most hard-up video fanatic. Rent this one at your
own risk. A ThrillerVideo
Release. Unrated.
NOTE:
Now available on DVD as DON'T
GO NEAR THE PARK from Dark
Sky Films. Keep your Thriller Video version as the Dark Sky
version runs 6 minutes shorter and most of the extreme gore is put on
the DVD as a supplement.
NIGHT
TRAIN TO TERROR (1985) -
This truly amazing piece of cheese is actually three edited versions
of films written by Phillip Yordan during the early 1980's. All the
films (the first one is an unfinished 1982 film that was
re-edited into two separate films, one called MARILYN
ALIVE AND BEHIND BARS [1993], and another called SCREAM
YOUR HEAD OFF [1997], both directed by John Carr and sharing
some of the same footage, but having completely different storylines)
have been juiced-up by adding stop-motion effects and bits of gore
not found in the original films (The other two are DEATH
WISH CLUB - 1983, also directed by Carr and THE
NIGHTMARE NEVER ENDS - 1980, directed by Phillip Marshak,
Tom McGowan and Greg Tallas).
The framing device has God (Ferdy Mayne) and Satan (billed only as
"Lu Sifer", but actually actor Tony Giorgio) in the cabin
of a moving train arguing over who gets the souls of the people in
the three films while a really bad 80's rock band (in typically
excruciating period fashions) plays a catchy song called 'Dance With
Me' ("Everybody has something to do......everybody but
you!") in the car next door. The framing device is actually
quite good (directed by Jay Schlossberg-Cohen) as God and Satan
discuss the merits of the people involved ("Why don't we let him
spend 100 years in purgatory" is a compromise they come to about
John Phillip Law's character in the first film) and even get digs
into each other. Satan says, after God tells him that he is unable to
cry, that he can laugh and that's all he needs. God replies, "I
can laugh and cry at the same time." If you don't have the
patience to watch the full versions of all three films shown here,
this film shows the best parts and should want to make you seach out
the full versions. I have seen all three films and they are
worth it. The late Phillip Yordan sure had a way with words and
you'll appreciate the sly references and engrossing storytelling.
Sure, this film was made to cash in on the previous films, but this
is a good primer for anyone who wants to get into the mind of Mr.
Yordan. The additions to the films are stop-motion effects to the
deadly bug scene (including a tacked-on attack by the bug on a
love-making couple in a garden) and more a grisly electrocution in DEATH
WISH CLUB (available in a differently-edited version titled CARNIVAL
OF FOOLS) and various stop-motion effects of demons and
different deaths for Charles (Richard) Moll, Marc Lawrence (as a
Jewish concentration camp survivor) and Richard Grandmaison (as
Papini) in THE NIGHTMARE NEVER ENDS (also known as CATACLYSM
and SATAN'S SUPPER).
There's plenty of blood to keep the gorehound interested (including
Moll's beheading and the freezer full of bloody body parts in SCREAM),
copious nudity, as well as meaty pieces of dialogue for the
intellectual. The wreck at the end of the film is an obvious model
train set. Also starring Gabriel Whitehouse as the mysterious
conductor of the train. A Prism
Entertainment Home Video Release. Also available on DVD and VHS
from Simitar Entertainment in
much inferior condition than the Prism version. Anything released by
Simitar is bargain-basement quality. Wonderful new label Vinegar
Syndrome have given the film the ultimate DVD/Blu-Ray
combo, while boutique label Massacre
Video have given the film a limited edition VHS
Big Box treatment of the film. Go for the Vinegar Syndrome
edition because it is beautifully reproduced in its original aspect
ratio and contains a surprise film (on DVD only) of an alternate cut
of DEATH WISH CLUB called GRETA. All Massacre Video
seems to be interested in is making a few VHS tapes (usually 50 to
100), selling them out quickly and making a few dishonest bucks on
eBay with the tapes they held back from circulation (or as the owner
of Massacre Video told me, loaning the film to a friend so he could
make copies for sale on eBay. Yeah, right). The Vinegar Syndrome
version is the best there is until something better comes along. I
don't see that happening for a long, long time. Rated R.
NIGHT
WARNING (1981) -
This edgy little horror film is very different than most shockers
made in
the early 80s. The storyline and acting make it a cult classic
waiting to be discovered. When Billy (Jimmy McNichol) loses his
parents in a car accident, his Aunt Cheryl (the outrageously good
Susan Tyrrell) is awarded guardianship. Now 17, Billy wants to go to
college out-of-state to be with his girlfriend (ex-NEWHART
star Julia Duffy, who bares her breasts here). Aunt Cheryl has other
plans. She has the hots for Billy and will do anything to make him
stay. When Aunt Cheryl brutally murders the TV repairman (for
refusing her sexual advances), Billy becomes the prime suspect when
it is discovered that the repairman was the homosexual lover of
Billys basketball coach. The detective assigned to the case (Bo
Svenson) is so homophobic that he makes Billys life a living
hell. That, added to Aunt Cheryls excessive incestual overtures
and sabotaging his basketball scholarship (by drugging him before the
big basketball game), make Billy somewhat unsure of his own sanity.
The bloody finale puts everyones life and death into
perspective. Director William Asher (BEACH
BLANKET BINGO
- 1965) weaves a sordid tale packed with enough perversity and
subjects considered taboo (for its time) to keep
you guessing until the blood-drenched end. The manic Susan Tyrrell (ANDY
WARHOLS BAD
- 1977, CRY-BABY
- 1990) plays her role with a perfect sense of desperation as the
Aunt who wants nothing more than to slip between the sheets with
Billy. There are many surprises to be had here, enough for a dozen
films, which makes it a prime choice for horror fans looking for
something off the beaten path. Also known as NIGHTMARE
MAKER
and MOMMAS
BOY.
On VHS from HBO Video.
Finally available on OAR DVD from Code
Red under the title BUTCHER,
BAKER NIGHTMARE MAKER and on Blu-Ray
with a reversible cover. Rated
R.
NINE
LIVES (2002) - Why oh why do I keep
torturing myself? Whenever I see Paris Hilton on a video box, I must
buy it just to see her degrade herself (something in me likes to see
the rich fail miserably). In this pathetic English horror film, Paris
plays one of a group of graduates
who get together at a friend's mansion for a reunion. One of them
finds an ancient book behind a wall and becomes possessed by the
former owner of the house and, guess what? Paris is the first to be
killed (before the 30 minute mark). Before she gets killed, she gets
to play a spoiled rich kid who complains about everything. In other
words, she plays herself. The rest of the film details the other
English lads and lasses trying to avoid the possessed one, who looks
like his eyes are blacked out. When the possessed one is killed, he
simply moves to another body until there is only one left. Let me
spoil it for you so you don't have to suffer: The only one that
survives is the present owner of the house. He simply burns the
ancient book and the film ends. There's no blood, gore (besides a
brief glimpse of a stomach being slashed and a knife protruding out
of a woman's stomach, which may be the stupidest suicide ever
committed to film) and very little nudity. WHAT'S THE POINT? Modern
horror films are in a real sorry state and need a good shot of
adrenaline to get thing back on track. First-time director/producer/writer
Andrew Green must have had something on Paris Hilton (perhaps
another sex tape?) to get her to appear in junk like this, or a
better theory may be that she thought that being in this film would
advance her career (just watching her in THE
SIMPLE LIFE [2003 - 2007] would
lead anyone to believe that she's not all there mentally). This film
sucks worse than a Red Devil portable vacuum whose rechargable
battery has failed. Also starring Rosie Fellner, Vivienne Harvey,
Patrick Kennedy, David Nicolle, Ben Payton and Amelia Warner. A Lions
Gate Home Entertainment Release. Rated R. Paris Hilton
has a much bigger role in the 2005 remake of HOUSE
OF WAX. At least her death in that film is memorable. Even I
have to admit that her performance in REPO!
THE GENETIC OPERA (2008) was probably the best of her short
acting career. The Hilton dynasty must be proud.
NOCTURNA
(1978) - Bone-headed horror comedy with a disco soundtrack. Count
Dracula (John Carradine) has fallen on hard times. He is forced to
open a hotel/nightclub next to his castle to pay the exhorbitant
property taxes his castle incurs. The toothless Dracula (he has to
wear fang dentures!) has his granddaughter Nocturna (Nai Bonet, who
is also Executive Producer, is very pretty and can't act a lick) run
the hotel/nightclub, as she auditions bands, dances and occasionally
puts the bite on customers. The nightclub maitre de (and part-time
Renfield to Dracula), Theodore (Brother Theodore, who is so funny, I
nearly pissed myself a couple of times), is also a werewolf and has
the hots for Nocturna. Trouble begins when Nocturna meets musician
Jimmy (Tony Hamilton) and she falls in love (She says to him right
after sex, "This is the first time I enjoyed making love!").
While Theodore spies on her taking a bath, Nocturna ponders what it
would be like to be mortal and, since she is the last of her line, if
it will be possible for her to have a child with Jimmy. Nocturna
decides to leave for New York with Jimmy, which pisses-off Dracula,
who says, "Men are only to be used as nourishment! You risk
destruction if you leave!" She leaves with Jimmy anyway, never
telling him
she's a vampire. Once in New York, Nocturna stays with relative
Jugula (Yvonne De Carlo; AMERICAN
GOTHIC - 1987), who tells Nocturna, "Your destiny is
locked!" Nocturna doesn't buy it and she tells Jugula that when
she hears music, she can see her reflection! Jugula and Nocturna go
to a BSA (Bloodsuckers Of America) meeting, where they listen to
fellow vampires complain about the loss of purity of human blood due
to additives in the food they eat! Nocturna begins to lose her taste
for human blood, thanks to her love for Jimmy and disco dancing.
Dracula and Theodore make the trip to New York to bring Nocturna back
to Transylvania. Dracula hypnotizes Jugula to find Nocturna's
location and he then sends Theodore to retrieve her and kill Jimmy.
Will there be a happy ending? C'mon, this is disco! Every ending is a
happy ending! There's not much to this film besides plenty of
disco music, Brother Theodore's manic performance and Mac Ahlberg's
sumptuous, fluid camerawork. Director Harry Hurwitz (using the name
"Harry Tampa"), who also gave us the softcore
sexploitationers AUDITIONS
and FAIRY
TALES
(both 1978), creates a film that's really hit-and-miss, with more
misses than hits, but it's not without it's charms. The film comes to
life whenever the late Brother Theodore (real name: Theodore
Gottlieb) is on-screen. For those of you not familiar with Brother
Theodore, he was a stream-of-consciousness street performer, who
always wore black and had a shaggy mop of silver-white hair. He
gained national prominence on David Letterman's late night show as a
frequent guest during the 80's & 90's. His wild-eyed monologues
would leave Letterman and the audience in stitches and Theodore never
broke character, no matter how out-of-hand it became. He does the
same thing here, spouting lines that induce hysterics in the viewer
and the film suffers in the middle portion when it cuts away from him
and spends too much time on Nocturna's nocturnal NYC exploits
(including a trip to a vampire brothel). Things pick up again once
Brother Theodore sets foot on New York soil (Theodore was also in the
kung-fu/horror film GANG WARS,
a.k.a. DEVIL'S EXPRESS
[1975] and was "Uncle Ruben Klopek" in THE
'BURBS [1989]). Former bellydancer Nai Bonet (SOUL
HUSTLER - 1976) may not be a good actress, but she is a
looker and does a few eye-opening nude scenes to make you forget her
thespic talents. Oh, and she likes to dance! There's also a funny
scene where Jimmy teaches Nocturna how to smoke a joint and, while
she is stoned, she turns into a (badly animated) bat. Jimmy just
looks at the bat and says, "This is some fantastic grass!"
While this film doesn't add up to much, it gets high marks from me
thanks to Brother Theodore's outlandish performance. I love his death
speech. It goes: "Death to the young! Death to the strong! Death
to the happy! Long live...Death!" Mac Ahlbeg's sweeping
camerawork adds immensely to the proceedings and makes it one good-looking
low-budget film. This was Compass International's follow-up film to
their monster hit HALLOWEEN.
It tanked and Nai Bonet never made another film. The next year, LOVE
AT FIRST BITE was a hit for George Hamilton & Co.,
proving that timing is everything. Disco music supplied by Gloria
Gaynor, Vicki Sue Robinson, Moment Of Truth, Heaven 'N' Hell and Jay
Siegel. John Carradine's arthritic hands are prominently displayed
and Yvonne De Carlo basically plays a sexed-up version of Lily
Munster and almost gets Carradine to disco dance! Also starring Sy
Richardson as a vampire drug dealer, Monica Tidwell, John Epstein and
Irwin Keyes (LOVELY
BUT DEADLY - 1981) as a Transylvanian disco customer. A Media
Home Entertainment Release. Rated R. "As long as
there is death......there is hope!"
NO
MAN'S LAND: THE RISE OF REEKER
(2008) - In 1978, inexperienced police officer Deputy McAllister
accidentally captures the notorious Death Valley Drifter serial
killer at his killing shed in the middle of the desert, which
contains the decomposing body parts of all his victims (In the
opening minutes, we watch as the Drifter runs over a hitchhiker with
his car, parking one of the car tires on the hitcher's chest and then
removing his tongue with a pair of shears). The Drifter, who hears
voices that tell him to kill, is brought to justice and dies in the
gas chamber, which is witnessed by Deputy McAllister, but as we know
from watching too many horror films, death is only the beginning and
retribution will be had no matter how long it takes. Thirty years
later, McAllister (Robert Pine; Ponch and Jon's commanding officer on
the TV series CHiPs
[1977 - 1983]), who was promoted to Sheriff shortly after capturing
the Drifter, is retiring from the Force and turning the reigns over
to his estranged son Harris (Michael Muhney), who has just moved back
into town. On his last day of service, McAllister must contend with
three bank robbers who roll into town after pulling off a big heist.
When one of
the robbers is killed when a propane tank explodes at the town's
only gas station during a shootout, it seems to cause an earthquake
where something strange happens. McAllister, Harris, new waitress
Maya (Mircea Monroe), town doctor Allison (Valerie Cruz) and the two
remaining robbers, Binky (Desmond Askew) and Alex (Stephen Martines),
are trapped in town, where everyone else has seemingly disappeared
and the entire town smells like rotting flesh. Sheriff McAllister
immediately recognizes the smell (it stinks just like the Drifter's
killing shack thirty years earlier) and it soon becomes apparent that
the town is in some sort of time warp (the town is surrounded on all
sides by an impenetrable invisible force field, making escape an
impossibility) and the Drifter has returned to continue his killing
spree. Everything that now happens in town defies logic, yet Sheriff
McAllister refuses to believe that the Drifter (who moves in
herky-jerky motions and begins dispatching people with a
flame-thrower and other weapons) is responsible for the killings. The
Sheriff finally believes when he sees the Drifter with his own eyes,
but as the Drifter begins thinning out the cast and things get
weirder and weirder (in a good way for the viewer), it will take
another huge explosion to return the town to normal. Who is left
alive and the creative explanation for what has just transpired are
just a couple of things I'll let the audiences discover for
themselves. Not a bad little horror film, a sequel of sorts to
2005's REEKER (it's more
of a remake than a sequel, since no one from the original film
appears here), director/scripter/co-producer Dave Payne (also
responsible for REEKER, as well as NOT
LIKE US [1995] and ALIEN
TERMINATOR [1996]) at least tries to give the viewer
something different on what is obviously a very limited budget. There
are some legitimate scares here as well as a few gross and funny
sights. Since no one in town can actually die until the Drifter
finishes them off, there are some strange visuals on view, such as
when Binky hits the invisible wall while traveling full speed in his
car, losing the top of his head and his nose in the process. Binky,
not knowing how bad his injuries really are, gets out of the car and
starts talking to a rightfully frightened Alex, who puts a plastic
bag over Binky's head as they walk back to town. The entire scene,
including the car hitting the transparent force field, is very well
done and offers the audience both the gross-out gore they want mixed
with some unexpected humor. I also admired how Payne films the deaths
of the cast as a series of quickly-edited montage scenes from their
pasts, like we are witnessing their lives flashing before their eyes.
Not everything works here (some of the CGI-enhanced effects are
simply awful), but NO
MAN'S LAND: THE RISE OF REEKER is different enough to keep
the viewer entertained throughout. Extra points go to the
double-twist surprise finale, which really pack a punch, both
viscerally and intellectually. I liked it a lot because it's not the
same old and tired horror clichés that seem to be so prevalent
today. Some thought went into this and it shows. Also starring Ben
Gunther, Lew Temple, Ron Bogge, Gil Birmingham and Michael Robert
Brandon as the Death Valley Drifter, One funny line in the end
credits reads: "Shot entirely on Kodak Film. Film use to be
cheaper, but the dollar is too weak. Eastman Kodak thanks you, George
Walker Bush." Ha! A Lionsgate
Home Entertainment DVD Release as part of their Ghost House
Underground label. R-Rated and Unrated versions are available.
THE
OBJECTIVE (2007) - Two months
after the terrorist events of 9/11/2001, CIA Agent Benjamin Keynes
(Jonas Ball) is sent back to Afghanistan to investigate what seems to
be a huge radiation blip in the rugged mountains in enemy territory.
Thinking it may be a huge stash of Weapons of Mass Destruction
(Remember those elusive WMD's?), Keynes and a squad of
specially-trained soldiers land by helicopter as close to their
objective as they can and travel the rest of the way by foot, but it
is plain to see from the moment their feet hit the ground that this
is not going to be an ordinary mission. It's going to be surreal as
it gets and also just as dangerous. When Keynes and his soldiers go
to meet their contact in an Afghan village, the elders tell Keynes
that his contact has relocated to a sacred mountain; a place so holy
and frightening to all the villagers that even the Taliban are scared
to go there. After being warned by the village elders not to go there
(it really was good advice),
a friendly Afghan named Abdul (Chems-Eddine Zinoune) agrees to guide
Keynes and his squad to the sacred mountain. After traversing
booby-trapped roads (Keynes seems to have a second sense in locating
hidden land mines), they come under enemy attack at a canyon and one
of Keynes' soldiers is killed. The strange thing is that none of the
enemy casualties can be found. It was like their bodies just
disappeared. The soldiers want to call off the mission, but Keynes
orders them to push on. That night, they spy what they think are the
headlights of an enemy vehicle approaching them, but suddenly the
lights split up and fly over them, not making a sound. Abdul tells
them that these are called "spirit lights" and they have
occupied this territory for generations. Things get downright spooky
when their radio goes on the fritz and the sounds of helicopters fill
the air, but none can be seen in the sky. The helicopter sounds
suddenly stop and the next morning the body of their dead soldier
disappears, a stone altar containing the innards of many bodies is
discovered and several strange triangle-shaped doorways can be seen
littering the landscape. After discovering an extremely old hermit in
a cave who seems to be guarding something, we learn that Keynes knows
a lot more about this "radiation" (which appears as red
triangles on his special radiation viewer) than he is letting on to
his squad. After accidentally killing the hermit, things turn from
bad to worse when the soldiers begin to slowly lose grip on reality
(they fill their water canteens with sand) and then become hopelessly
lost (Even Abdul doesn't recognize the territory, especially the
triangle-like mountain in front of them). When it becomes obvious
that the soldiers aren't actually on a mission, they are the mission,
it may be too late for everyone, as an ancient evil (known by
Alexander The Great as the "Shield Of Fire") begins killing
everyone. Will anyone be left to warn mankind or is something more
sinister going on? This is a creepy, deliberately-paced supernatural
horror film from director Daniel Myrick, who co-directed the cult hit THE
BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999; which gave everyone with a video
camera an excuse to make their own headache-inducing horror film in
hopes of making a ton of cash), then unleashed the even creepier BELIEVERS
(2007) and then gave us the engaging horror film SOLSTICE
(2007; a busy year for Myrick!) . Myrick, who co-wrote the screenplay
with Mark A. Patton and Wesley Clark Jr. (the son of retired U.S.
General and Presidential candidate Wesley Clark), gives the viewer a
severe case of the willies, as strange phenomenon unknown to everyone
but Keynes (who experienced the same strange stuff before when he and
his CIA buddies tried to set-up a training camp in the area several
years earlier) begins claiming the lives of the soldiers and forces
Abdul to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff. The use of the barren
terrain of Afghanistan (actually Morocco, because filming in
Afghanistan during the "War On Terror" would just be plain
nuts) to portray a feeling of hopelessness and despair, not to
mention that it looks like some alien landscape, really works in this
film's favor, because who can really say what actually happens in
these remote regions of Earth? The mixture of UFO theories. local
legends and modern technologies, combined with some really good sound
design (the gun battles just pop and put you in the middle of the
action if you have a good audio set-up) and a final image before the
closing credits roll that will have you doing a double-take, makes THE
OBJECTIVE a worthwhile addition to the crop of post-9/11
horror/war films that have slowly been appearing on DVD (MANTICORE
- 2005; RED SANDS
- 2009; THE DEVIL'S TOMB -
2008; WAR WOLVES - 2009;
etc.). Also starring Matthew R. Anderson, Jon Huertas, Michael C.
Williams, Sam Hunter, Jeff Prewett, Kenny Taylor and Vanessa
Johansson. An IFC Independent Film
DVD Release. Not Rated.
OCTAMAN
(1970) - How bad does a horror film have to be for the lead
actress to commit suicide after realizing that this movie probably
wrecked her career? Well, try making it through this film (a 70's TV
staple) without slitting you own wrists. What's
even sadder is that Harry Essex (I,
THE JURY - 1953), the director/screenwriter of this extremely
boring movie, co-wrote the screenplay to the groundbreaking CREATURE
FROM THE BLACK LAGOON (1954), so one gets the sad feeling
that Mr. Essex was trying to relive old glories by making his own
version over sixteen years later, but all he accomplished was
creating a film that is unintentionally funny in spots, deadly boring
for the remainder of the running time and will have you constantly
looking at the clock in hopes that you will be put out of your misery
soon. The film opens with Dr. Rick Torres (Kerwin Matthews; BATTLE
BENEATH THE EARTH - 1967) and his associate, Dr. Susan Lowry
(the tragic Pier Angeli; IN
THE FOLDS OF THE FLESH - 1970; who took her own life in
1971), measuring the unusually high radiation levels in the ocean
waters off a small Mexican fishing village. Co-worker Mort Stein
(Norman Fields) finds a mutated baby octopus in one of the nearby
lagoons, so Rick, Susan and Mort go back to the lagoon, let the baby
octopus go and then recapture it. I'm not sure why they do this, but
it seems to upset the man-sized Octaman (suit designed by Rick Baker
and Doug Beswick), who is hiding in the water nearby. While Rick and
Susan fly off to their home base in the States to report their
findings, Octaman attacks the base camp and kills a Mexican with its
suckered tentacles, rescuing another baby mutant octopus (which the
Mexican was about to dissect) and bringing it back to the lagoon.
Once at the International Ecological Institute, Rick shows the mutant
baby octopus to Director John Willard (Jeff Morrow; THIS
ISLAND EARTH - 1955; in a quick booze-money cameo) in hopes
of getting more funding to study the effects of radiation on ocean
life (Susan's absence from this important meeting is quickly
explained by Rick to Director Willard that she can't be here because
she is at the hairdresser! Surely, for something this important, she
could have postponed getting her hair done for a couple more hours!
Or maybe she was already contemplating suicide?). Unbelievably, even
after seeing the mutant baby octopus, Director Willard turns down
Rick's request for more funding. Rick is forced to get financial
backing from carnival owner Johnny Caruso (Jerome Guardino), who
agrees to put up the money as long as he can capture any mutated
marine life and display them "like they were King Kong!"
They all drive back to the camp in a Winnebago and
discover the dead body of their Mexican comrade. One of the locals
tells a story (in flashback) of a "half-man, half-sea
serpent" that roams the area (the flashback footage shows
Octaman carrying away a local woman after killing her husband by
striking him so hard on the head with one of its tentacles, his eye
pops out of its socket!). The film continues to meander along at a
snail's pace, as Octaman shows up every so often to kill some locals
and then sets its sights on Susan, while Mort and Johnny argue over
the benefits of saving our economy and recycling (an early-70's movie
theme, as ecology and recycling were just becoming popular). When
Octaman finally abducts Susan (it's true love), Rick must find a way
to save her before Octaman becomes all touchy-feely. Perhaps creating
a ring of fire around the creature while it is on dry land will suck
all the oxygen out of its system? Perhaps not. It just pisses Octaman
off even more and it eventually abducts Susan again, only this time
Rick and company shoot Octaman in a hail of gunfire and it stumbles
into the lagoon, hopefully to die and never appear in another film
ever again. There's not much to recommend her except the
Octaman rubber suit, but even it is overused to the point that we get
to notice all its flaws, including eyes and mouth that do not move
and the fact that it only has six tentacles (and two legs). While
there are dollops of blood and gore here and there (including Octaman
impaling one of its tentacles into the chest of a wetback), the film
moves slower than an Alabama high school student trying to figure out
a geometry exam. Poor Pier Angeli (real name: Anna Maria Pierangeli)
looks as if she is drunk for most of her screen time and this has to
be a career low for both Kerwin Matthews and Jeff Morrow. This is
hack filmmaking at its worst and director/screenwriter Harry Essex
made only one more film after this; the equally boring and uneventful THE
CREMATORS (1972), before giving up and retiring from
filmmaking (he passed away in 1997). OCTAMAN
is not a good way to remember the man who wrote the screenplay to the
50's classic IT CAME
FROM OUTER SPACE (1953). Also starring David Essex, Robert
Warner, Buck Kartilian, Jax Jason Carroll, Wally Rose, Richard Cohen,
Samuel Peluso and Read Morgan as Octaman. Originally released on VHS
by Video Gems
and available on widescreen DVD
from Bayview Entertainment
and Retromedia Entertainment. Rated
PG.
OFFERINGS
(1988) - Oh, my. This is going to be special. The film opens with
an abusive mom flicking her cigarette ashes into the scrambled eggs
she is making for her troubled ten year-old son John (who hasn't
spoken a word since his father left him and Mom), who is a serial
killer in the making, as his mother verbally fucks with him for
drilling holes in his pet turtle. Later that day, he walks along the
edge of a well on a dare from the mean neighborhood kids and slips
and falls in, knocking him unconscious and disfiguring his face. The
kids run away and leave him there, except for his only friend
Gretchen. Ten years pass and John (Richard A. Bushwell) has spent
those years under heavy medication in a mental institution since the
police found him chowing down on the dead body of his mother. As luck
would have it, John escapes the institution (by stabbing a hypodermic
needle into the forehead of a nurse and drawing out some brain juice)
on the tenth anniversary
of the well incident. He heads back to town to get revenge on the
kids (now college students) who did him wrong and to leave little
gifts (the "offerings" of the title) for his only friend
Gretchen (Loretta Leigh Bowman). Sheriff Chisum (G. Michael Smith) is
notified of John's impending arrival and fears that he may be already
here when he finds a half-eaten carcass of a live duck with human
teeth imprints on it. John kills his first victim by putting his head
in a vise and popping it like a zit (but only after both a chainsaw
and electric drill refuse to work for him!). He snaps the neck of his
second victim while she is sitting in her car. John starts sending
gifts to Gretchen, the first one seemingly harmless (it isn't) and
each one after that getting progressively worse. Gretchen calls
Sheriff Chisum (when he comes over, he says, "Any more body
parts around here?") and warns her and her friend Kacy
(Elizabeth Greene) that John is on the loose. Since Gretchen's
parents are away in Hawaii, it sets the stage for a final showdown
between Gretchen and John at her parents' house, once John has killed
everyone who was at the well ten years earlier (he dumps their bodies
in the well). John offers Gretchen one final gift (Hint: It could fit
in a hat box.) before she and the sheriff kill the seemingly
indestructable John. It's at this time that John says his first word
in his dying breath, "Love". This lower-tier HALLOWEEN
clone (even the music is too close for comfort) has a few good
scares, but the acting, by a mostly amateur cast, cripples the film
most of the time. Director/producer/scripter/editor Christopher
Reynolds, who also directed the weird religious-tinged horror film A
DAY OF JUDGMENT (using the name "C.D.H. Reynolds")
for Earl Owensby's outfit in 1981 and the regional actioner LETHAL
JUSTICE in 1991, adds an interesting concept with John
leaving Gretchen gifts at her door (the first being a couple of
pizzas topped with the cooked flesh of his first victim, which her
friends scarf down), but the rest of the film is basic stalk 'n'
slash stuff. It would have been more interesting if the killings were
bloodier (most of the deaths happen off-screen), but Reynolds does
toss in a couple of screwy characters (like a gravedigger that hates
worms and a young kid who tells Sheriff Chisum that his name is
"Ben Dover" after being caught with a porn mag.) and a few
funny lines ("I'm not going back in that kitchen. I don't care
if that nose is real or not!") to keep it from being a total
disaster. OFFERINGS is
nothing to write home about but, on the other hand, it's not a total
write-off either. Filmed in Oklahoma. Also starring Jerry Brewer,
Tobe Sexton, J. Max Burnett, Doobie Potter, Mark Massey and Chase
Hampton as "Ben Dover". A Southgate
Entertainment Home Video Release. Also available on DVD in a
cheap-ass looking version from Madacy Entertainment. Rated R.
OFFSPRING
(2009) - Here's another horror film that over the opening credits
displays a bunch of local newspaper articles describing a series of
grisly murders and missing children that date back over 150
years, a plot device used in numerous horror films over the years
(One of these days, I'm gonna have to compile a list of horror films
that use this opening credits trick). I know this is done to inform
the viewers that something bad has been happening in the area for
years (in this case, coastal Maine), but for God's sake, are all the
reporters retarded for not making the connections? I mean, isn't that
the job a reporter is supposed to do? Anywho, this horror film,
written by Jack Ketchum (whose novels were turned into the films THE
LOST - 2006; THE GIRL
NEXT DOOR - 2007; the excellent RED
- 2008; and THE WOMAN - 2011; a
semi-sequel of sorts to this film, but with a twist) and based on his
novel of the same name, is the story about an inbred cannibal clan
who, every few years, venture out into civilization to butcher some
fresh human meat and to steal babies and young children for breeding
stock. When the film opens, a drunk mother arrives home (yes, she was
driving; that's the type of film this is) to find that four young
cannibal children (outfitted with the worst fright wigs imaginable
[think Buckwheat from THE
LITTLE RASCALS, if he stuck his finger in an electric
outlet]) have butchered her babysitter and stuffed her baby in a plastic
bag. The cannibal kids kill Mom (offscreen) and the next thing you
know the police, led bt Sgt. Vic Manetti (Holter Graham), are asking
ex-police chief George Peters (Art Hindle; RAW
COURAGE - 1984, and one of this film's Associate Producers)
to look over the crime scene, since he has seen this kind of carnage
several times before he retired (but never solved the crimes because
no one would believe his explanation of the crimes). Meanwhile, a
mostly-naked cannibal girl (Rachel White, whose breasts are smaller
than mosquito bites) roams the woods flagellating herself with a tree
branch and appearing at night near the home of David Halbard (Andrew
Elvis Miller), his wife Amy (Amy Hargreaves) and their young baby
(David even jokes with his wife about seeing a naked girl in the
woods and they have a good laugh about it!). George tells the entire
police force that he believes that the killers are the descendants of
an old lighthouse keeper who died in the 1850's and they have avoided
capture for all these years by keeping on the move and hiding in the
caves that dot the coastline, returning back to the towns where they
have committed their crimes after everyone has forgotten about the
murders. Things get heated when friend Claire (Ahna Tessler) and her
young son Luke (Tommy Nelson) come to visit David and Amy to get away
from her drunk and abusive husband Stephen (Erick Kastel), who has
found out where she is and is driving from Connecticut to bring them
back (Just to prove what a heel Stephen is, we see him pick up a
female hitchhiker and physically and mentally abuses her before he
lets her out of the car. Oh, and he's driving drunk, too.). The
female head of the cannibal clan (Pollyanna McIntosh) decides they
need a new baby for their clan, so they invade David and Amy's house
that night, disembowel David (it's hard to watch), kidnap Amy and
nearly kill Stephen, who has just arrived at the house, but Claire
and Luke manage to grab the baby and escape, with the cannibals hot
on their heels. Stephen gets stopped by George and the police, but he
runs into the woods because he is drunk and David had called the
police to tell the dispatcher about Stephen's eventual arrival (only
to be asked by the dispatcher if he has a gun because too much is
going on for the police to handle domestic disputes!). When the
cannibals capture Claire, kill Vic (he gets a nail shoved into his
eye, followed by a knife impaled through his neck and his lower jaw
bitten off) and seriously injure George, it is up to young Luke to
protect the baby (in a treehouse) and also find a way to free his mom
and Amy. I have to say that I was expecting a whole lot more
than what I got when I heard that Jack Ketchum actually wrote the
screenplay to this film, but there are just too many plot holes you
could drive a train through. This is nothing but an ordinary DTV
horror flick that offers nothing new to the cannibal genre, Sure,
there is plenty of graphic gore, rape and bloody deaths (including
the killing of children), but the depiction of the cannibal clan, who
dress in loincloths (Are they too stupid to wear the clothes of their
victims to maybe look a little bit more normal? For a cannibal clan
that has successfully hidden their presence for over 150 years, they
sure do some stupid things!) and speak in gibberish (which is
subtitled in English), it is so outlandish and sometimes cartoonish,
it ruins the effictiveness of the film. Director Andrew Van Den
Houten (whose first film, HEADSPACE
[2005], is much more effective than this) tries hard, especially with
the gore sequences, but the screenplay is weak. The film loses all
control when Stephen is captured by the cannibals and he helps them
torture Claire (!), telling the clan that "she hates to be
bitten", so one male cannibal strips Claire naked and proceeds
to bite her between her legs! Stephen eventually gets his totally
expected comeuppance (he has the top of his head lopped off and his
brains eaten), but the damage is already done. If it's only gore you
want, by all means OFFSPRING
is for you; but if you want a coherent storyline and characters to
care about, look somewhere else. Maybe all those people who call Jack
Ketchum a "hack" who only cares about blood and gore in his
novels are right (I can't say because I haven't read any of his
novels, but I am basing my opinion based solely on this film). Also
starring Spencer List, Leigh Shannon, Stephen Grey and Taylor John
Piedmonte. A Ghost House Underground DVD Release. Rated R, but
this is hard-R territory. NOTE: If you have seen this film on the
cable channel CHILLER, you may be surprised how much of the gore they
show, although they do shorten some of the more gory scenes
(especially Claire's death) and blur out the breasts of Rachel White
and other women, but at least they don't cut the scenes completely.
Still, you should grab the DVD for the full experience if you are a gorehound.
OILY
MANIAC (1975) - When Fu Sin Chen is
served papers that his family's coconut oil farm is being foreclosed
by the evil Mr. Yang, a fight breaks out and Fu Sin's father kills
one of Mr. Yang's men. He is arrested and sentenced to be executed.
The crippled Ah Yung (Li Hsiu-Hsien; a.k.a. "Danny Lee), the
elderly Mr. Chen's nephew, visits Mr. Chen minutes before his
execution. Ah Yung, who walks with two canes and leg braces after
contracting polio as a kid, is asked by Mr. Chen to look after his
daughter, Little Yue (Lily Li), and in return he gives Ah Yung a
magic spell (it's tattooed on Mr. Chen's back) that will somehow help
Ah Yung. The spell comes with a warning, though: "You can't use
it with a wrong intent...or you will die in a very, very bad
way!". Ah Yung makes a tracing of the spell on a piece of paper
just before Mr. Chen is executed. He returns to his job at a law
firm, where he is abused and berated constantly. On his off time he
tends to the needs of Little Yue (who isn't so little) and Ah Yung
falls in love with her, but his crippled body seems to be a major
stumbling block. He remembers the spell and starts following the
instructions. Step 1: Dig a hole in the middle of the house. Check.
Step 2: Sit in the hole and chant "Please give me peace and
power" over and
over. Check. Before you know it, the hole fills-up with a bubbling
black oil, turning Ah Yung into a walking slimy black blob with two
glowing eyes and an exposed beating heart in the middle of his chest,
the Oily Maniac! The first thing OM does is save Little Yue from
being raped by two of Mr. Yang's thugs. OM is able to transform
himself into an oil slick and slides under Little Yue's door, where
he beats one rapist to a bloody pulp (the other thug gets away to
report to his unbelieving boss what he just saw) and then returns
home to transform back to his crippled self. In court, another rapist
is brought to trial (where he testifies that the female victim was
actually the rapist!) and after Ah Yung sees how the court was played
for a fool by his obnoxious boss (the rapist was actually innocent
and the woman his boss was representing was just looking for a big
payday) and, later, witnessing Little Yue make love to another
non-crippled man, he decides to use his new power to teach women a
lesson. He grabs a handy diesel pump at a gas station, sprays
himself, turns into the Oily Maniac (!) and goes after the woman at
the trial. He gets into her house by traveling through her bathtub
faucet (!), kills her and her lover is blamed for the crime. As Ah
Yung becomes more disillusioned with his job and women in general, he
steps up his transformations and retributions, but when Little Yue
commits suicide after being raped by one of Mr. Yang's men (set up by
her new boyfriend to quicken the sale of her father's coconut oil
farm), Ah Yung turns into a vigilante and starts killing people left
and right, especially when he finds out that his boss is in cahoots
with Mr. Yang. He should have listened to his late Uncle when he
mentioned wrong intent and dying in a very, very bad way. Say, isn't
oil flammable? This Hong Kong horror flick doesn't make a lick
of sense but, man, is it sleazy and entertaining. Director Ho Meng
Hua (THE FLYING GUILLOTINE
- 1974; THE MIGHTY PEKING MAN
- 1977), who filmed this back-to-back with the classic BLACK
MAGIC (using many of the same personnel), seems to realize
how ridiculous the entire premise is, therefore he shows as much
nudity as possible (including a very ugly botched boob job) and makes
each proceeding attack by the Oily Maniac (a truly bizarre creation)
more outrageous than the last. My favorite has to be the attack by OM
on a female plastic surgeon (who we see surgically altering a
prostitute so she a virgin again [a re-virgination!]) and her
all-female staff. It will have you howling with laughter as well as
amazement, when he makes his sudden appearance during surgery and
repeatedly stomps on the surgeon's head until only a pool of oil and
blood are left. The script, by Tsai Lan, is a rather harsh indictment
of the legal profession and women in general, as Ah Yung's slimy
boss, Mr. Hu, demands 90% of court awards from his clients (who are
usually conniving women) and treats Ah Yung like dog shit on the
bottom of his shoe. The mostly all-female staff in Mr. Hu's office
also treat Ah Yung like crap (except for one understanding girl), so
we can begin to understand his hatred of women. Ho Meng Hua uses
animation for some of the transformation scenes (crude, but eerily
effective) and reverse camera shots (like those used on THE
SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN) to show the Oily Maniac's superhuman
leaps into the air. I guarantee that you'll never see anything like
this made in the States, so grab this Shaw Brothers Production, make
a huge bowl of popcorn and prepare to be entertained. Also starring
Chen Ping, Hua Lun, Wang Hsai, Angela Yu Chien, Ku Feng and Wei Hung.
A Celestial Pictures
DVD Release. Not Rated.
OLD
37 (2015) - This is a nice
old-fashioned horror film that should please fans. About 20 years
ago, Jimmy (Kenneth Simmons),a fake psychotic paramedic, hears a call
on the police radio of an accident on the road and heads out there in
a beat up ambulance (The "Old 37" of the title) with his
two young sons Darryl and Jon Roy sitting in the front seat. They
witness their father kill a female accident victim and then
stick his fingers into the bad leg wound and taste her blood
(with a shit-eating grin on his face). Cut to the Present day, where
Jordan (Jake Robinson) and Mary (Sascha Knopf) are having sex while
Jordan is driving (Is sex while driving against the law?) and have
the inevitable accident. Mary calls for help on her cell phone and
two fake paramedics, Darryl (Bill Moseley;TEXAS
CHAINSAW 3D - 2012) and Jon Roy (Kane Hodder; HATCHET
- 2007 and it's three sequels),
pick up where Daddy Jimmy left off and attack Mary and the slit
Jordan's throat, the blood spraying on a screaming Mary's face. We
then see Angel (Brandi Cyrus, the older maternal half-sister of Miley
Cyrus) telling Jason (Maxwell Zagorski) that she wants to play
"Ride The Monster" (No, it's nothing sexual!), a feat where
she has two feet on two cars driving at the same speed while she
stands up with her legs spread open and cheers. Unfortunately she falls
and is severely injured. Jason calls 911 and a real Paramedic shows
up, but they give the paramedic a false statement on how Angel got
her injuries. When they ask the paramedic why it took him so long to
get to them, he says. "We only have one ambulance covering 300
square miles." (a lame attempt to legitimize the killer
paramedics, even though this was filmed in Long Island, New York.)
Angel eventually dies in the hospital. Jason and Amy (Caitlin Harris)
secretly like each other, even though Amy wants breast augmentation
surgery because she is sick and tired of the popular girls in school
making fun of her flat chest. She has no idea that Jason was involved
with the death of her friend Angel. Jason watches one of his friends
hitting an old woman with his car (the old woman is Jon Roy and
Darryl's mother) and they take off without calling the police because
the Angel case is getting plenty of police attention, especially by
Amy's divorced father Detective Higgins (Robert T. Bogue). Another
couple of teens, Rachel (Margaret Keane Williams) and Tim (Ben
Schneider) are attacked by Darryl and Jon Roy while in their car and
Darryl is stabbed in the arm (later we see him pouring lye on the
wound), while Jon Roy grabs Tim and slices his neck open until the
blood sprays out (a great practical effect) This film is also
full of flashbacks that show how Daddy abused Darryl and Jon Roy
(some would say there are too many flashbacks). While on Angel's
case, Detective Higgins decides to check out Jimmy's Scrap Yard,
which is run by Darryl. To keep the detective from noticing Rachel
and Tim's blood dripping from the trunk of a car, Darryl introduces
him to Jon Roy (Who is always wearing a mask that covers his mouth
(More flashbacks show us why. As children, Darryl would always pick
on Jon Roy and one day he takes a hammer and chisel to Jon Roy's
mouth, sending him to the hospital). Long story short, more kids
disappear and both Jason and Amy become trapped in Jimmy's
Scrap Yard. Jason is about to get a power drill lobotomy for not
reporting Darryl's mother getting hit by a car (she died), but Darryl
stops before he does it. (No reason is given). Amy finds friend
Brooke (Olivia Alexander) chained to a table, her face all disfigured
(earlier in the film we see Darryl pour a can of gas into Brooke's
mouth and face and then sets her on fire, but she is somehow still
alive (she eventually dies). Darryl then stabs and kills a nosey
Detective Higgins. Then, in a turn no one saw coming, Jon Roy grabs
Darryl and shoves his face in the spinning blade of some scrap yard
machine for all the bad things he did and said to him over the years,
turning Darryl's face into raw chuck. (When Detective Higgins first
enters the scrap yard, Darryl makes Jon Roy cackle like a chicken,
but he never says a word throughout the entire film.) Before
Detective Higgins entered the scrap yard he called for some backup
and Officer Hung (David Shih) arrives at the scene to save Jason and
a busty Amy (whose recovery period after her breast augmentation
operation is phenominal!) after almost running them over, but the
film ends with a masked Jon Roy driving Old 37 directly into the
trio. This Internet crowdfunded film is filled with plenty of
flashbacks to give Darryl and Jon Roy a back history. Director
Christian Winters (No other information is available on him) decided
to take the pseudonym "Alan Smithee" when he lost creative
control of the film. (Lots of directors and writers do the same
thing, such as Kevin Yagher on HELLRAISER:
BLOODLINE - 1996.) The screenplay, by Joe Landes and Paul
Travers (the first screenplay for both, but it is based on a
nightmare Travers had) has enough holes in it to drive an ambulance
through (Like why haven't the real parametics never noticed a 911
call that doesn't exist? They couldn't possibly think after all these
years that they were all crank calls; and what about the parents
never seeing their kid's or relative's dead bodies? It seems that
only Detective Higgins had the brains to investigate.) The acting is
better than normal for a DTV film of this type (Most of the young
cast hardly acted before) and besides one scene of obvious CGI blood,
all the special effects are practical. I also find it funny that Kane
Hodder, who has played Jason Voorhees in four FRIDAY
THE 13TH films would battle a guy name Jason in this film.
(Hodder's adult son has said this is the favorite film his father has
done.) I have seen a lot worse films than OLD
37. It is entertaining, moves fast and can be quite gory at
times. Whatever you do, don't watch the version shown on Chiller,
because it optically blurs out some nudity and gore (it also adds
some footage like the sight of Jon Roy with his mask off, which
replaces the scene of him slicing Tim's neck and Darryl give Daddy
the power drill lobotomy in a flashback). That is the reason we watch
these films, isn't it? An Epic Pictures
DVD Release. Not Rated. NOTE: I have been hearing that Amazon
Prime (the way I saw this film) edits their movies and this may be
the case here. Why would they do that? I don't know, but it doesn't
make me happy.
ONE
DARK NIGHT (1982) - Six young
women and an old man are found dead in an apartment, none of them
bearing any wounds to determine cause of death. The apartment, on the
other hand, looks like it was hit by a hurricane, as objects of every
kind (plates, utensils, kitchen chairs, even bedsprings!) are
protruding out of the walls. The dead old man turns out to be
notorious psychic magician Karl Raymar,
who claimed his supernatural powers were real. His funeral brings
out his estranged daughter, Olivia (Melissa Newman), and, at the
mausoleum (where his body is interred), she begins to have strange
visions. When Olivia and her boyfriend, Allan (Adam West),
return home, they are greeted at the door by reporter Samuel
Dockstader (Donald Hotton), an old friend of her father's, who has
quite a story to tell her. It seems Karl was a "psychic
vampire", a person who was able to drain the
"bio-energy" (a force every living thing possesses that is
viewable only by Kirlian Photography) from everyone he was near. He
was able to store that energy within his own body and use it to
perform amazing feats of telekinesis, or moving objects with his
mind. Dockstader tells Olivia that he lost contact with her father
when he started picking up hitch-hikers and draining them of their
energy. He fears that her father wanted to die, so he could use his
powers sans his human body. Allan thinks the story is nothing but
nonsense, but Olivia is sure that it is true. College girl Julie (Meg
Tilly) is being initiated into a sorority known simply as "The
Sisters" by being locked in a mausoleum for the night. You
guessed it. The mausoleum she is trapped in contains the body of Karl
Raymar. Julie's new boyfriend, Steve (David Mason Daniels), is highly
suspicious of the initiation because his ex-girlfriend, Carol (Robin
Evans), is the leader of The Sisters (which is really only three
girls) and he is sure that Carol has no intention of letting Julie
join the sorority (Carol practically admits it when she hits on Steve
when Julie is in the next room). Steve has no idea where Julie is and
she can really use his help because Karl Raymar's powers are
beginning to get deadly in the mausoleum. When Carol and one of her
Sisters come back to the mausoleum to scare Julie (after drugging her
with Demerol!), they'll wish thay didn't, as Raymar unleashes his
power and reanimates a bunch of dead bodies. As Steve comes to save
the day, Olivia learns that she may have inherited some of her
father's powers and she rushes to the mausoleum to put her father's
soul to rest. The finale is a psychic battle of good vs. evil, as the
dead rise from their coffins and a daughter uses her new powers to
send her father to a proper final reward. This atmospheric little
chiller is far-fetched, but effective and it is all achieved with a
minimum of blood and gore and a maximum of mood. From the opening
shot of four white coroner vans pulling-up in unison to the front of
Raymar's apartment building to collect the bodies, to the spookie
mausoleum-at-night setting (which instantly brings to mind visions of PHANTASM
[1979]), you know this is going to be memorable. ONE
DARK NIGHT is the first effort from director/scripter Tom
McLoughlin (FRIDAY THE
13TH PART VI: JASON LIVES - 1986; SOMETIMES
THEY COME BACK - 1991; THE UNSAID
- 2001) and is not your standard "teens in peril" film by
any means. It's an intelligent (though extremely unlikely) foray into
things that go bump in the night. This film actually tries to give
you an explanation why these thing go "bump". The whole
idea of a "psychic vampire" may seem ridiculous, but
McLoughlin pulls it off here, thanks to the goosebump-inducing
location work, the eerie electronic music score (and sound effects)
and some great makeup effects courtesy of the Burman Studios. The
scene where Raymar unleashes his power in the mausoleum, when the
caskets of the dead break through their enclosures, open up and the
corpses attack Carol and Kitty (Leslie Speights), killing them
(mainly from fright), and then attack Julie and Steve, is the
definition of shit-your-pants scary. This isn't a classic by any
means, but it is an effective little horror film with several good
scares done on a purely emotional level. That's strange for a horror
film made during this time period. There's minimal gore (but the
corpses in the final are juicy), no nudity and very little blood, but
it will have you in it's grip throughout it's entire running time.
Good show. Also known as ENTITY FORCE
(a retitling to cash-in on Sidney J. Furie's THE
ENTITY [1982]), NIGHT OF DARKNESS, NIGHT IN THE CRYPT,
REST IN PEACE and DARK NIGHT. Also starring
Elizabeth Daly, Leo Gorcey Jr. and Kevin Peter Hall. Originally
released on VHS by Thorn
EMI Video and available on DVD in a deluxe 2-disc set from Shriek
Show. Now available on Blu-Ray
from Code Red. Rated PG.
ONE
OF THEM (2003) - Low budget horror
nonsense about five teens who become trapped at the sinister Marquez
Academy after they are attacked by a swarm of locusts, causing their
car to crash. The bad guys (you can tell they're bad because they
dress in black and
mysteriously appear in frame with a "woosh" sound) have
dastardly plans for the teens, who begin to have visions of monks in
robes and little girls with snake tongues. Miles from civilization
and with no transportation to get away, the teens have nowhere to
turn. When the uncle of one of Marquez Academy's full-time students
comes to visit his niece and finds out that she is dead, he becomes
suspicious of the Academy, especially when people from town
continually ask him, "Are you one of them?" There's also a
mysterious symbol that shows up just before someone is about to get
killed. Somehow (but don't ask me how), all this ties into how one of
the teens resembles a long-dead woman named Elizabeth, which really
worries evil headmaster Santiago (Osman Soykut). As the teens become
more and more suspicious, one gets showered with (CGI) blood while
standing outside and another discovers an auto graveyard hidden
behind the Academy (and gets graphically stabbed with a bayonette for
his troubles). The Uncle (Richard Anthony Crenna, son of the late
actor Richard Crenna) begins piecing clues together about the
Academy, but everyone he talks to ends up dead (one guy is forced
into a woodchipper). As the Uncle gets closer to the ultimate truth,
more people continue to die, others have visions of Elizabeth and
there's a finale that involves woodoo (Not voodoo. Woodoo is black
voodoo according to this film.) and more sacrifices. Be prepared for
the standard "twist" ending that all screenwriters (here
it's David Ciesielski) use when they can't come up with a proper
conclusion. This is pretty standard DTV stuff. Toss a bunch of
unknown young actors into a perilous situation, throw in some bloody
deaths (including a nasty scalpel to the eye) and add a hint of the
supernatural and hope the audience doesn't notice how absurd the
whole story is. The fact that most of the teens are pretty bad actors
and the screenplay has enough holes to strain spaghetti, doesn't make
this an easy film to sit through. The overwrought music soundtrack,
which relies too much on heavy chants and choir singing, is also a
distraction. But, director Ralph Portillo (FEVER
LAKE - 1996; BLOODY
MURDER - 1999) does offer enough bloody mayhem,
including a sword through the neck, a bullet through the head, a
shovel decapitation and other scenes to keep your brain busy so
you'll hardly notice how ridiculous everything really is (yeah,
right!). Proceed at your own risk. Also starring Marianne Bennett,
Erin Byron, David Boller, Kelly Carmichael, Chase Carpenter and John
Patrick Jordan. An MTI Home Video
Release. Rated R.
THE
ORACLE (1985) - After directing
nothing but hardcore porn films for fifteen years, in 1985, Roberta
Findlay began making a series of six horror and exploitation films
with producer/musician Walter E. Sear. This was the first of those
films. The next five were TENEMENT:
GAME OF SURVIVAL (1985); BLOOD
SISTERS (1987); LURKERS
(1987); PRIME EVIL (1988)
and the rarely-seen BANNED
(1989). Then, she just stopped making films and still lives in New
York City to this day, thick Brooklyn accent and all. She really
could do anything when it came to making films. She was an
accomplished director, cimematographer and editor (she did all three
on these six final films) and before that, she also acted (as
"Anna Riva") in a series of sexploitation films in the
60's, usually with her late husband Michael Findlay (see my review of LURKERS
and SNUFF for more on
him). She made some classy porn films, but her sudden turn to horror
was quite puzzling, to say the least. Most of these six films were
run-of-the-mill potboilers, but this film and TENEMENT are her
best efforts out of the six. As a matter of fact, THE
ORACLE has a quite complex storyline (screenplay by R. Allen
Leider; who usually wrote porn films, some for Findlay, and appears
here in a small role using the pseudonym "Lee-Allen
Richardson") and, if I didn't know better, I would think that
director Kevin S. Tenney saw this film and got the idea of making the
similar-themed WITCHBOARD
the following year (they are similar in some ways; totally different
in others). That's not to say that Roberta Findlay invented the Ouija
Board as an object in horror films, because it has been a major trope
in them for many, many years before her film, but she managed to put
a unique spin on it. The film open with old hag Medium, Mrs.
Malatesta (Irma St.
Paule), using an unusual-looking planchette (shaped like a human hand
and holding a feathered pen) as it writes a message from the spirit
world. It only writes one word: "Murder". The planchette
than begins to move on its own, while Mrs. Malatesta says to the
spirit, "No! I can't help you!" and then we see her Tarot
Cards burning on her table. We watch building super Pappas (Chris
Maria De Koron) packing up Mrs. Malatesta's things and moving them
out of her apartment, including putting the magic box containing the
planchette in a cedar chest, and moving it to the basement. New
tenant Jennifer (Caroline Capers Powers, in her only film), who has
moved into Mrs. Malatesta's apartment with her husband Ray (Roger
Neil), goes to the basement to do some laundry when she sees a green
light emitting from the cedar chest, which is slightly open. She
opens the chest out of curiosity and is instantly drawn to the magic
box. The Spanish Pappas appears and tells Jennifer about how the box
is used, by telling her, "How do you say? To speak to the
dead" and assures her it is no joke, because Mrs. Malatesta
showed him many times how it was used. He opens the box to give
Jennifer a demonstration and tells her that Mrs. Malatesta used it
many times to talk to the spirits of the dead, but one day she just
up and disappeared, never to be seen again. Pappas gives Jennifer the
magic box as a Christmas present (she thinks it will make a great
"conversation piece") and Jennifer invites him to her and
Ray's Christmas party and dinner in their apartment. We then see some
Mid-80's footage of Times Square, where a hooker is standing in front
of a sign of a peep show that says "Where's The Beef?" She
makes a date with a fat man (who keeps his face hidden from the
camera) and takes him to her motel room, only to discover that the
man is actually a female transvestite (a woman who dresses as a man)
named Farkas (Pam La Testa) and she's in a murdering mood (The hooker
unzips Farkas' pants and discovers there isn't any beef at all!).
Farkas handcuffs the hooker's hands behind her back and begins to
stab her repeatedly with a switchblade until the motel room's walls
are literally covered with her blood. Farkas cleans her switchblade
off in the bathroom. leaves some money on the sink and exits the
motel room after saying "Merry Christmas!" to the hooker's
corpse, who's bloody body is spread-eagle on the bed (all the while,
an instrumental version of "Silent Night" is playing on a
radio). How does this connect to Jennifer and the magic box? Be
patient, dear reader. Be patient. Pappas shows up at Jennifer's
Christmas party, where it is just him, Jennifer, Ray, Cindy (Stacey
Graves) and her husband Ben (G. Gordon Cronce). Pappas has one drink
and leaves the apartment quickly, not even staying for dinner,
because the apartment somehow creeps him out. Jennifer and her
friends have a nice Christmas dinner, while Farkas walks into a diner
and orders the "Christmas Special" and a beer (When Farkas
asks if the beer is imported, the wise-ass, gum-chewing waitress
says, "Yeah, it's imported from Milwaukee!"). A pay phone
rings in the diner and Farkas knows it is for her, getting up to
answer it and saying something about the person on the other end
owing her money (The same waitress says to Farkas, "What is
this, your own private office?). At the same time, Jennifer pulls out
the magic box and thinks it will all be fun if the four of them have
a seance (Is that ever a really good idea in a horror film?). The
planchette moves when all four of them put their fingers in it and it
writes out "horny", something Ben purposely writes as
a joke (Really, is joking around with a Ouiji Board a good idea in a
horror film?). Farkas leaves the diner (after leaving a 40¢
tip!) while jennifer uses the planchette by herself and it spell out
"help me". Ray accuses his wife of embarassing him by
performing such a tacky trick in frony of their good friends and,
later on, when they are in bed, Ray wants sex, but Jennifer turns her
back on him for not believing that it wasn't a trick. That night,
Jennifer sees a green light coming from the living room and gets out
of bed to investigate, only to see the planchette moving by itself
and leaving her another message (Which we can't make out at the
moment. Believe me, I tried by freeze-framing the DVD, but the
handwriting is so lousy, I couldn't make it out!). Jennifer picks up
the piece of paper with the message and the green light disappears.
Ben appears in the living room and when Jennifer tells him what she
just saw, he says he is getting rid of the magic box in the morning.
The next morning, Jennifer gives the message to her friend Cindy at
her dress shop and we learn what is written on the paper"
William Graham 676-3334." The number on the piece of paper
is obviously a phone number, so Cindy calls it and a woman answers
and identifies herself as Dorothy Graham (Victoria Dryden), who
informs Cindy that her husband William committed suicide three weeks
ago. We then see Dorothy talking to her dead husband's plant manager,
Tom Varney (Dan Lutzky), about the phone call she just received and
Tom doesn't look too pleased. Now, a good detective will be able to
fit all the pieces of the puzzle together to figure out how
everything that has happened so far is connected, but I'll supply
even more information. Jennifer throws the magic box in the trash,
but everything in her living room begins to move or fly through the
air. We then see the planchette write a simple note: "No".
Ray comes home and sees all the destruction, grabs the magic box and
goes to throw it in the incinerator, but Pappas says he will do it,
only for him to try and use the planchette to give him tomorrow's
winning lottery numbers! When the planchette doesn't move, he spits
on the box, but he doesn't see a slimy green octopus-like creature
crawl out of the box and climb up the inside of his pants leg. Pappas
suddenly sees tiny little sharped-tooth creatures all over his body
(it's actually all in his mind, as he is halucinating), so he starts
stabbing the creatures (actually just stabbing himself) and finally
ends his life when he imagines a creature is covering one of his
eyes, stabbing himself deeply in his eye (it's a bloody sequence).
The magic box won't leave Jennifer alone, as it suddenly appears in
her living room and she begins to have halucinations, too, like a
clawed creature clawing through her shower curtain and then seeing a
standing Pappas in the elevator with the knife still planted firmly
in his eye. Ben does some research on William Graham for Cindy, where
he tells her the method of William Graham's death: He ran a hose from
the tailpipe of his car into the interior of the vehicle and died of
carbon monoxide poisoning. Jennifer has a vision of Tom Varney and
Farkas knocking out William Graham and placing his body inside the
suicide car, basically murdering him. She goes to Graham's wife
Dorothy with her suspicions and brings along the notes the planchette
wrote to her, but Tom overhears their conversation and hires Farkas
to kill Jennifer. Farkas disguises herself as a maid at a New Years
Eve party at Cindy and Ben's apartment and almost throws
Jennifer
over the railing of the terrace, but a drunk interrupts and hits on
the obese Farkas. At the same party, Farkas tries to kill Jennifer
again in the kitchen, but Jennifer throws a hot pot of coffee in her
face and knocks her out with a frying pan to the head. Ray is tired
of Jennifer seemingly making up stories and worries that she may be
going crazy, so he sends her to a female psychiatrist, Dr. Ryker
(Ethel Mark). While Jennifer is having her head shrunk, Ray goes home
and sees the magic box on the coffee table in the living room. He
takes the box and goes to throw it in the incinerator's slot, but a
pair of sharp creature claws come out of the slot and rips Ray's head
off (a pretty decent effect). After hearing Jennifer's story, Dr.
Ryker has Jennifer committed to an institution for 72 hours of
observation. Tom goes to the institution to kill Jennifer, but the
shriveled-skin skull of William Graham flies through the air and
crashes through a window, killing Tom with shards of glass that
impale his face and body (a really creepy scene). Jennifer escapes
the institution (a little too easily for my taste) and at the same
time Dr. Ryker goes to Jennifer's apartment and is killed by the
magic box (we are never shown how). We then find out that Dorothy was
also part of her husband's murder, as she and Farkas kidnap Jennifer
(In a big goof, we see people walking down the opposite side of the
street, not noticing Jennifer's screams or Farkas and Dorothy
manhandling [womanhandling?] her.), but Jennifer escapes and Farkas
dies when she swings an axe at Jennifer and misses, hitting a drum of
toxic waste instead. It sprays all over Farkas' face and body and we
watch as she dissolves into a puddle of bloody goo (the effects in
this film, by an uncredited Dean Mercil, his first film, are above
average for such a low-budget affair). The shriveled corpse of
William Graham forces his wife into the same car he died in and
Dorothy is killed by carbon monoxide as the garage door closes. The
next time we see Jennifer, she is sitting at a table in her
apartment, with the planchette and some Tarot Cards on the table. She
has become the new Mrs. Malatesta. This is probably the
bloodiest and most special effects-laden of Roberta Findlay's last
six films. She takes a basic "murder your husband for his
money" scenario and turns it into a rather atmospheric and
bloody supernatural tale, full of strange people (the female
transvestite was a stroke of genius) and bloody deaths, that keeps
you guessing the connection for the first two-thirds of the film.
It's apparent while watching this film that Roberta Findlay was still
interested in filmmaking, but as the rest of her last five
made-for-home-video films progressed, it was apparent that she was
losing interest more and more and just phoning-in her directorial
chores by the time PRIME EVIL was made (I still haven't been
able to get my hands on her last film, BANNED
[1989], so I really can't comment on it.). Caroline Capers Powers is
quite good here as Jennifer and I was surprised to learn that
this was her only film. She could have become a very good actress in
genre films. THE ORACLE proved
to me that Roberta Findlay still had talent to make interesting,
non-porn films and I hope one day she decides to get behind the
camera again. Enough time has passed to give her a long rest and
recharge her batteries. The DVD, released by Shriek Show in 2004, has
a commentary track and an on-screen interview with Ms. Findlay and
she is absolutely hilarious with some of the stories she tells about
making this film and her career in general. Once you hear her voice,
you will never forget it. Originally released on VHS by U.S.A.
Home Video. The DVD is fullscreen, so some enterprising boutique
DVD company should release a widescreen version of this film. Filmed,
just like Findlay's last five films, in and around New York City.
Look for a bottle of Gordon's Gin at Dorothy Graham's office bar.
Also starring Alexandria Blade, Joan Leonard, Einar O. Peterson, Lou
Bacotti Lou Bartholomew, Mari Kasiner, Juan Calderon and James Styles
as William Graham. A Shriek Show DVD Release. Not Rated.
THE
ORPHAN (1977) - It's
1933 and eight year old David (Mark Owens) loses both his parents in
an accidental shooting/suicide (which he witnessed). His Aunt Martha
(Peggy Feury) moves into the family mansion to take care of him. From
the outset, it is apparent that she is a strict disciplinarian, which
doesn't sit well with Mark. She tells him when he can go to the
bathroom, whom he can or cannot play with, badmouths his father and
generally makes his life a living hell. The mental abuse begins to
have an effect on David. He builds a shrine in the backyard chicken
coop and fills it with family photographs and African artifacts that
his father had collected from his numerous trips to that continent.
At the center of the shrine stands a stuffed chimp who David thinks
is inhabited by his father's spirit. When Aunt Martha accidently
kills David's pet dog and then ties him to his bed, he becomes
mentally unstable and resorts to murder. He stabs the
housekeeper, Mary (Eleanor Stewart), after he overhears that she is
leaving and not taking him with her as she promised. He shoots Aunt
Martha with an elephant gun after she invades his shrine (he imagines
that the stuffed chimp has come alive and is attacking her). The film
ends with David eating a piece of toast, something Aunt Martha would
never let him have. Director John Ballard spices up the proceedings
with some arty camera moves and unusual visuals. Particularly
interesting is David's imagined trip to a boarding school, where Aunt
Martha threatens to send him. He sees it as a dirty, decrepit place,
where the paint is peeling and filthy, sickly children are either
tied to their beds or living in their own waste. His guided tour is a
journey through a sick mind. The acting is uniformly good, especially
Mark Owens and Afolabi Ajayi as an African man who befriends David
before being banished by Aunt Martha for being a "bad
influence". There's not much blood, no nudity and the story
unfolds rather leisurely, but this film satisfies on a much more
cerebral level than most other horror films. Therefore, I would
recommend it. Also known as FRIDAY
THE 13TH...THE ORPHAN
and KILLER
ORPHAN.
A Prism Entertainment
Release. Rated
R.
THE
OTHER HELL (1980) - Really bad
Italian nunsploitation film that opens with a nun embalming another
nun (who died while getting an abortion), who suddenly goes insane
(or is she possessed?) and starts stabbing the dead nun in the vagina
while ranting, "The genitals are the doorway to evil!" The
film quickly goes downhill from there. After several nuns are found
brutally slaughtered, the head of the convent, Mother Superior
Vincenza (Franca Stoppi; CAGED WOMEN
- 1982), calls in Father Inardo (Andrew Ray) to investigate. Almost
immediately, his Bible catches on fire, he sees visions of owls and
bats and one of the nuns shows signs of the stigmata (bleeding of the
hands and feet, mimicking Christ crucified on the cross), so Father
Inardo begins the rites of exorcism to rid the convent of evil, but
he is cut short (What is in the attic that the Mother Superior
doesn't want him to discover?) when the stigmata-afflicted nun
disappears, leaving nothing but bloody clothes and sheets in her
wake. The Catholic Church decides to replace the elderly Father
Inardo with the younger, more modern Father Valerio (Carlo De Mejo;
THE GATES OF HELL -
1980; THE HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY
- 1981), who believes the Devil is merely a symbol for the evil in
the human heart. The church sends him to the convent to investigate
the murders, where he acts more like Sherlock Holmes than a Catholic
priest. He uncovers a history of abuse and madness in the convent,
which dates back to the mysterious death of the convent's first
Mother Superior many years ago. A stubborn Father Inardo, who refuses
to believe in Father Valerio's new methods (which includes
videotaping his exploits), sneaks back into the convent to perform an
old-fashioned exorcism and pays for it with his life when a fireplace
spews out it's flames and sets him on fire. As things get stranger
and deadlier at the convent, Father Valerio still refuses to believe
anything supernatural is going on. He's wrong, of course, because
Mother Vincenza is hiding a deadly secret in the attic: Her horribly
burned telekinetic daughter, who was quite possibly the result of a
rape by old Scratch himself. Maybe now Father Valerio will believe in
the supernatural. Oops, too late! Mother Vincenza drives him
completely mad when he discovers her secret. In my best Edward G.
Robinson voice, let me say this: "Where's your Savior now? Yeah,
see!" Deadly slow and atrociously dubbed, THE
OTHER HELL is a chore to sit through. It doesn't help that
director Bruno Mattei (ROBOWAR
- 1988; SHOCKING DARK
- 1989; THE TOMB -
2004), here using the pseudonym "Stefan Oblowsky", films
many of the scenes without the benefit of any artificial light,
making the viewer squint frequently trying to make heads or tails of
what the hell is going on during the gore scenes. The script, by
Claudio Fragasso (the director of MONSTER
DOG [1984] and the classic badfilm TROLL
2 [1990]), plays fast and loose with the facts on display.
While the final denouement leads us to believe that all the deaths
committed at the convent were by human hands (albeit with telekinetic
abilities), it's frankly hard to believe, because some of the deaths,
including that of convent caretaker Boris ("Frank Garfeeld";
actually actor Franco Garofalo; Mattei's HELL
OF THE LIVING DEAD - 1980), couldn't have possibly been by
human means. Mattei does try to keep our minds off the absurdity of
the plot by tossing in some gore (several bloody stabbings and a baby
being thrown into a pot of boiling water) and the unfortunate scene
of a live chicken having it's head chopped-off (the Italians have no
shame when it comes to showing real-life animal violence), but the
film is so static and uninvolving, it's hard to comprehend just what
type of audience Mattei had in mind when he made this. It starts off
as a nunsploitation flick, turns it into a quasi-Giallo film and then
ends with a CARRIE-inspired
finale, complete with a jump-scare final shot. I found the whole
exercise a boring mess. This was released to U.S. theaters under the
title GUARDIAN OF HELL
in 1985 and is also known as THE PRESENCE. The electronic
score, by Goblin, was lifted from Joe D'Amato's BEYOND
THE DARKNESS (1979; a.k.a. BURIED
ALIVE), which also starred Franca Stoppi. Also starring
Francesca Carmeno, Susan Forget, Paola Montenero and Sandy Samuel. If
you must watch this, pick up the widescreen
DVD from Media
Blasters/Shriek Show or as part of their DEMONS
TRIPLE FEATURE Box Set. The VHS tape released by Vestron
Video in the mid-80's is a badly-cropped, overly dark fullscreen
print that is the R-rated edit, missing small bits of nudity and
gore. Mattei (who died in 2007) freely admits in an interview on the
DVD that this is one of his least favorite films in his canon. THE
OTHER HELL is also available streaming on Amazon Prime. Not
Rated.
THE
OUTING (1986) - Typical mid-80's
horror film. This one is a regional Houston, Texas-lensed tale about
a murderous genie (This film is also known as THE
LAMP). It opens with a trio of thieves, led by Harley (Hank
Amico), as they drive to the house of an elderly Arab woman
(associate producer Deborah Winters under heavy old-age makeup), who
is supposed to have a fortune in money hidden somewhere in the house
(Harley use to deliver groceries to her and swears she is "filthy
with it"). Harley and his crew break into the house in the
middle of a fog-shrouded night and member Faylene (Michelle Watkins)
wonders why all the lights are on (Harley tells her it's because she
can afford it, since she's got "piles" of money). After
finding no money downstairs, the trio, which also includes Max (Brian
Floores), head upstairs and wake up the old lady, demanding to know
where the money is hidden. When she refuses to tell them, Harley
finds a chest hidden behind the bedroom wall and thinks he's hit pay
dirt. When the old lady tries to stop him from opening the chest
(there's an ancient Arabian-style oil lamp inside), Harley kills her
with an axe and a ruby bracelet magically falls off her wrist. Harley
tries to open the lamp while
Faylene and Max ransack the house. When Harley can't open the lamp,
he follows Faylene's joking advice and rubs it ("That's what
they use to do in all them old movies."). Uh-oh, big mistake.
The tip of the lamp, a small hand holding a ruby, begins to turn on
its own and an unseen force escapes from the opening (represented by
neon green opticals), enters the old lady's dead body (she still has
the axe planted in her forehead!) and pulls down on Harley until his
head is impaled on the other edge of the axe. The force then leaves
the old woman's body and cuts Max in two at his torso while he's
taking a dip in the pool. Finally, the unseen force chases a topless
Faylene through the house and hangs her in the old lady's bedroom, as
all the lights in the house go out. The next morning, police and
ambulances show up at the house to cart the bodies away, while
Detective Adams (Blue Deckert) and Detective Charles
(producer/screenwriter Warren Chaney) search the house, find the lamp
and put the small hand holding the ruby back on the lamp. Some items
in the house, including the lamp and the ruby bracelet, are donated
to the Museum Of Natural Science, where curators Dr. Wallace (James
Huston) and Dr. Bressling (Danny D. Daniels) take extensive
photographs of the lamp because "it looks valuable." Enter
Dr. Wallace's precocious teen daughter Alex (Andra St. Ivanyi), who
is upset with her father since he is never at home and says to him,
"Sometimes I wish you were dead!", which she immediately
apologizes for, but since she made this "wish" in front of
the lamp, an apology may not be good enough. While Dad and Dr.
Bressling are in another room, Alex tries on the ruby bracelet and
then discovers she cannot remove it, so she hides it from her father
(after rubbing the lamp!). The next afternoon, Dr. Wallace is hosting
Alex's high school class on a field trip to the museum, which
includes teacher Eve Ferrell (Deborah Winters again), whom the
widowed Dr. Wallace has romantic interest in. Also along on the class
trip are Alex's new boyfriend Ted (Scott Bankston) and her abusive
ex-boyfriend Mike (Mark "Red" Mitchell; FOREVER
EVIL - 1987), who sneaks into the museum because he was
actually expelled from school after a violent episode where he vowed
to get revenge on everyone. Dr. Bressling chemically dates the lamp
to 3500 B.C. and programs the museum computer to translate the
inscriptions. After the field trip is over, Alex, Ted and some of the
students decide to illegally spend the night at the museum and will
not only have to put up with a vengeful mike, but also a murderous
djinn (or genie) which is released from the lamp and possesses Alex.
Let the killings begin. Adequately directed by Tom Daley (his
only mainstream film, although he has directed adult films using the
name "Rex Mundo"), who uses sweeping crane shots and
steadicam work to simulate the POV of the mostly unseen genie. THE
OUTING mixes gory killings (besides the ones already
mentioned, Dr. Bressling is pulled-up to the spinning blades of a
ceiling fan; a museum guard is impaled by a floating spear; Ross
[Barry Coffing] is cut in two; Babs [Damon Merrill] is bitten by
poisonous snakes all over her body while taking a bath; Terry [Raan
Lewis] has a snake crawl up his pant leg and bites him on his penis;
Tony [Andre Chimeme] has his head turned around 360 degrees while a
metal mask tightens around his head; Mike is impaled by a horned mask
he is wearing while raping the high school principal's daughter, Gwen
[Trayce Walker]; Ted has his fingers bitten-off and neck chewed-on by
a mummy who has come to life; and Alex's wish about her father comes
true) with some less-than-professional acting . Most of the actors
here, with the exceptions of Deborah Winters (TARANTULAS:
THE DEADLY CARGO - 1977), Red Mitchell and Blue Deckert,
have never appeared in another film, which speaks volumes. Warren
Chaney's screenplay is a standard "teens trapped in a locked
facility while a killer is on the loose" plot, but some of the
deaths are memorable and there's a heaping helping of female nudity.
There's also an unnecessary subplot about Dr. Wallace proposing
marriage to Eve that only serves in getting the two to the museum to
save Alex. When the genie does reveal itself in the finale, it's a
ridiculous rubber concoction, but at least it's not CGI. The late Robert
A. Burns (TOURIST TRAP
- 1978) was Production Designer and actor Jackson Bostwick (THE
KILLINGS AT OUTPOST ZETA - 1980) supplied the voice of the
genie. Originally available on VHS from I.V.E., Inc. and not
available on DVD in the United States. Rated R.
PANIC (1982)
- When an accidental spill at a laboratory causes the lab to
become contaminated with a new deadly bacteria, the chemical company
that is performing the illegal experiments tries to cover it up.
A professor and a guinea pig exposed to the bacteria escape the lab
and the professor goes on a killing spree, murdering and mutilating a
necking couple in a car, drinking their blood to stay alive.
Enter London Army
Captain Kirk (David Warbeck), sent to investigate the disappearance
of the professor (who the chemical company says is on a "fishing
trip") and a series of brutal mutilations where the victims were
chemically burned and drained of blood. Captain Kirk (snicker) joins
forces with chemical company scientist Jane (Janet Agren), who is
unaware of her company's criminal behavior, to locate the professor
and put an end to the grisly killings. After finding the giant
mutated guinea pig in the sewers, Kirk puts the pieces together.
Meanwhile, the Army has quietly quarantined the entire town and is
ready to kill everyone if Kirk doesn't locate and kill the professor
(with a decontamination gun!). After the professor attacks a movie
theater full of people, the town becomes panicked, forcing the Army
to give Kirk twelve hours to find the professor or the town will be
wiped off the map. This boring slice of Italian tripe (it's like a
more bloody version of THE
ANDROMEDA STRAIN - 1971), directed by Tonino Ricci (RUSH
- 1983), using his "Anthony Richmond" pseudonym, really
doesn't have much to recommend in way of entertainment value.
The print I viewed was shorn of all nudity, but couldn't have been a
TV print since all the violence and language seems intact. The film
moves at a snail's pace and both the late David Warbeck and Janet
Agren (who would later team up for THE
RAT MAN - 1987) look bored throughout. As with most Italian
horror films, the dubbing is terrible and the dialogue borders on the
insane ("This is all top secret. Don't forget it." is
Warbeck's reply to a police sargeant when he explains the town's
situation.). Another problem is the violence. It's pretty tame
considering the circumstances as most of the carnage is shown after
the fact. The movie theater attack sequence goes dark when the
professor rips through the screen (I believe the light comes from the
other end of the theater, doesn't it?), thereby robbing the viewer of
any potential enjoyment. Why waste your time with this when it looks
like it's going out of it's way to make you not watch it? Originally
titled BAKTERION and also
known as PANIK. Also starring
Roberto Ricci, Franco Ressel, Jose R. Lifante and Miguel Herrera. A Gorgon
Video Release. The same print was used as part of Mill Creek
Entertainment's CHILLING CLASSICS
50 movie DVD compilation. Also available on a double feature DVD
under the name MONSTER
OF BLOOD from Alpha Video,
with the Cameron Mitchell feature THE
DEMON (1979/1981). Rated R.
PANIC
BEATS (1983) - This gory horror
film opens during the Middle Ages, where we see a totally nude woman
running through the forest, being chased by a suit of armor-wearing
Alaric de Marnac (Paul Naschy; he played the same character in HORROR
RISES FROM THE TOMB - 1972) on horseback. Alaric corners the
woman, graphically killing her with a mace with two spiked balls,
hitting her over-and-over with it. We are then in Paris in modern
times, as Dr. Rigaud (Jose Vivo; HOUSE
OF INSANE WOMEN - 1971) tells Paul de Marnac (Naschy again; A
DRAGONFLY FOR EACH CORPSE - 1973) that his wife Genevieve
(Julia Saly; THE PEOPLE
WHO OWN THE DARK - 1975;
also with Naschy) is very ill; her heart is weak and she needs a
change of scenery; some place that has clean air and is free of
Paris' hustle and bustle. Paul tells Dr. Riguad that he has the
perfect place to take her; his family home in the country, the former
home of his ancestor Alaric de Marnac. But Paul doesn't know if
Genevieve will go there, as she has refused to go there since they
have been married. You see, Genevieve comes from a wealthy family and
her parents never liked Paul, since he was penniless and jobless when
he married Genevieve, so her parents wouldn't allow her to go to
Paul's "lowly" family home and would rather she lived in
the palatial mansion in Paris they gave her as a wedding gift, even
though Paul found himself a good job and became successful. Much to
Paul's surprise, Genevieve agrees to live in his family home (her
parents are long dead), knowing that she is very ill and this is just
what she needs to get better.
We then see the country home's housekeeper, Mabile (Lola Gaos; THE
LEGEND OF BLOOD CASTLE - 1972), who has lived there since
Paul was a baby, has taken-in her troubled niece Julie (Francis
"Pat" Ondiviela) to help her at the house. Julie was a drug
addict, a prostitute and was about to serve some time in prison after
hooking up with a drug addict named Maurice, but Mabile took her in
since Julie's mother, Mabile's sister, has been long dead and her
father recently passed away under mysterious circumstances. Since
Mabile is her only family, she stepped in to take charge of Julie and
saved her from serving a prison term. Julie is a piece of work,
unappreciative that her Aunt saved her from a life in prison. She is
also lazy, not helping much around the house and complaining when she
does. When she looks at the portrait of Alaric de Mannac hanging on a
wall, she mentions to Mabile that he is handsome (We can all see
where this is heading!).
On the drive to the country home, Paul's car runs out of gas in the
middle of nowhere and he has to walk to the nearest gas station to
get some more. Genevieve wants to go with him, but Paul says no, the
long walk would not be good for her heart, telling his wife to wait
in the car, relax, turn on the radio and listen to some music, he
will be back soon. A short time later, two brutal thieves (played by
Jose Sacristan Hernandez; Naschy's NIGHT
OF THE WEREWOLF [1980] and Charly Bravo; Naschy's THE
BEAST AND THE MAGIC SWORD [1983]) wake up a sleeping
Genevieve, make her get out of the car, rob her of her jewelry and
then try to rape her, but Paul shows up in the nick of time, beats
the snot out of the thieves (using some wrestling moves) and they run
away. Genevieve almost dies from the ordeal, as her heart nearly
stops from the stress, but she recovers thanks to Paul's heroics.
When they arrive at the country home (I want to call it a castle
since it is so huge), Mabile happily welcomes them and introduces
them to Julie; Mabile telling Genevieve that Julie will be her
personal assistant, helping her take her medications, taking her
outside for short walks and, generally, taking care of her every
need. At first, Genevieve doesn't like Julie, telling Paul that she
doesn't like the way she looks at him; like a whore would look at a
wealthy man, but, over time, they become friends and enjoy each
other's company. Or so it seems.. On one of their walks outside,
Genevieve asks Julie if she knows anything about Alaric de Marnac.
Julie says she doesn't know much about him, but takes a reluctant
Julie to Alaric's grave, which is on the property. At the gravesite,
Genevieve sees a poisonous snake slithering on Alaric's grave and she
screams, telling Julie that she's deathly afraid of snakes and it is
one of her worst fears. So why does Julie have a sly smile on her
face? Genevieve doesn't know it, but her life is about to become the
stuff of nightmare fuel.
While Paul tells Genevieve that he would rather spend all his time
with her, he says his job requires him to spend a couple of weeks in
Paris. While he is away, every night something horrific happens to
Genevieve, but Mabile is unable to help her since someone is spiking
her nightly glass of milk, causing her to pass out and not wake up
until the following morning. Her cries for Julie also go unanswered.
One night, Genevieve turns down the covers of her bed, only to
discover that the same snake she saw on Alaric's grave is on her bed.
She screams and runs out of her bedroom, only to discover someone in
a suit of armor is trying to kill her with a double-balled mace.
Could Alaric have arisen from his grave or could this be explained
under less supernatural conditions? Each night gets worse and worse
for Genevieve, as the person in armor and even the two thieves, who
are now decaying zombies, chase her throughout the house, her calls
to Julie and Mabile going unanswered. Genevieve grows so weak, she
can hardly stand and the end comes for her when the person in the
armor once again threatens to hit her with the mace, but this time
the headpiece comes off, revealing a skull for a face. Genevieve's
heart gives out and she dies on the spot.
It turns out the skull was nothing but a mask being worn by...Paul.
He and Julie are lovers, yet Paul planned on killing his wife long
before he met Julie. Even the two rapist thieves were hired by Paul;
revealing they were wearing makeup appliances on their faces to look
like zombies. Paul has long despised Genevieve and killed her (for
what else?) her money. No one would be even slightly suspicious that
he murdered Genevieve, since everyone knew she had a weak heart.
Local physician Dr. Lacombe (Manuel Zarzo; ENCOUNTERS
IN THE DEEP - 1979) signs her death certificate in Paul's
home, her cause of death being a coronary since she had a weak heart,
which means her lawyers have no other choice than to expedite the
reading of her will, which states that Paul gets her entire fortune.
After Genevieve's funeral, Paul and Julie become secret lovers, but
they don't realize that Mabile has overheard them discussing planning
Genevieve'e death, even hearing that Julie spiked her milk every
night with sleeping pills so she couldn't help Genevieve. The next
morning Mabile confronts Paul, telling him she overheard everything
and that Julie is nothing but trouble, she may even be responsible
for her father's death. Paul tells Mabile to relax; he'll take care
of her and make sure she wants for nothing for the rest of her life,
but Mabile is having none of it, telling Paul that she is shocked by
his behavior; she took care of him like a mother when he was a baby
and didn't raise him to be a murderer. She tells Paul she will be
quitting her position as the housekeeper very soon and she doesn't
know if she can remain silent about the whole affair.
Paul then goes to Paris for the reading of the will, where we
discover he was having an affair with a woman named Marielle (Silvia
Miro). She surprises Paul in his Paris home and tells him that they
can now be seen in public and she is never going to leave him. Paul
has other ideas, however. He is about to strangle Marielle as
she sleeps in his bed, but she wakes up before she is able to do it
(As brutal as Paul is, he's a coward when it comes to killing anyone
with their eyes open or still breathing). We then find out that Julie
is still seeing Maurice (We only see his hands and the back of his
head), telling him to be patient, they both will be rich soon. When
Paul returns to the country home, he kills Mabile by stringing a wire
across the top stair of the staircase, Mabile tripping over it and
breaking her neck in the fall. The phone then rings and Julie picks
it up. It's Marielle and she says she is coming to the house to pay a
visit to Paul. Julie tells her Paul isn't home, but Marielle says she
doesn't care, she's coming. Paul then discovers that Mabile isn't
quite dead, so Julie strangles her with her bare hands when Paul
refuses to do it. The doorbell rings and it's Marielle, so Paul tells
Julie to tell her he is not home. Marielle forces her way past
Julie and states she will wait until he comes home, only for Julie to
graphically kill her with a medieval hand axe, first cutting her
stomach open while her innards fall to the floor and then
finishing her off by splitting her skull in two (another very gory
effect). Paul tells Julie that he will dump Marielle's car in the
lake while she cleans up the blood on the floor. Then they will call
Dr. Lacombe and tell him to come over, Mabile has died in a tragic
accident. Everything seems to be going swimmingly for Paul and Julie,
but when Paul asks Julie to wash his back while he is taking a bath,
she throws a plugged-in electric heater into the bath water,
electrocuting Paul. Julie then calls Maurice and tells him they are
now rich, but when she hangs up the phone, she is chased by someone
in armor swinging a double-balled mace. When she is cornered in the
home's chapel, the headpiece is removed, revealing another
skull mask, but when the mask is removed, it is revealed to be
Alaric de Marnac, who has returned from the dead. He graphically
kills Julie with the mace, hitting her in the face and head
over-and-over, turning her face into hamburger meat. THE
END.
This extremely bloody and nudity-filled supernatural horror film
(every woman in the film, except for Mabile, has as least one
full-frontal nude scene. The barrel-chested Naschy also has a couple
of nude scenes, but we don't see his wang, just his naked ass) was
directed by Naschy using his given name, Jacinto Molina (Naschy
directed 23 of his 100+ films). He also co-wrote the screenplay
with an uncredited Antonio Fos, who also wrote or co-wrote the
screenplays to THE
APARTMENT ON THE 13TH FLOOR (1972), IT
HAPPENED AT NIGHTMARE INN (1973) and THE
VAMPIRES NIGHT ORGY (1973), all excellent Spanish horror
films. Naschy is especially effective in his role as Paul, acting
like he actually loves and cares for Genevieve (Julia Saly was also
this film's Producer) until she is dead; then his true colors are
revealed. This film is somewhat different from Naschy's other films
due to its completely nasty tone and the double, triple, and even
quadruple-crosses within. The only truly innocent people in this film
are Genevieve and Mabile, yet both of them meet very nasty ends.
Everyone dies a very nasty death when the film ends, however, so no
one gets away with anything. What human hands couldn't kill, the
supernatural does, making this film not just a treat for horror
fanatics, but also for fans of revenge flicks. This film has it all,
including ultra-gory deaths and non-stop nudity, which is why Paul
Naschy is my favorite Spanish personality, which is also why his 2009
obituary will forever be on the homepage of this site. This man
deserves my respect because all he ever wanted to be was a horror
film actor and he achieved that fame, whether as the werewolf
Waldemar Daninsky or his many other roles in horror films from the
'60s until his death. There will never be anyone like him again.
Filmed as LATIDOS DE PANICO
(a literal translation of the review title) and also known as HEART
BEAT, this film made its legitimate debut in the United
States in 2005 as a DVD
from Mondo Macabro,
which is long OOP. Those without this DVD can see it streaming on
YouTube from user "sam butler", in a nice-looking uncut,
anamorphic widescreen print in Spanish with easy to read yellow
subtitles (it looks like a rip from the Mondo Macabro DVD, but keep
that under your hat!). So far (at the time of this review) these are
your only choices if you want to watch this film. Also featuring
Salvador Sainz (ENDLESS DESCENT
- 1989) as the Catholic priest who resides over Genevieve's burial. Not
Rated and it's easy to see why. It contains more bush than a
small forest and drips of blood and gore. UPDATE:
Now available on Blu-Ray
(remastered in 4K from the original negative) from those fine folks
at Mondo Macabro!
PARASITE
(1982) - Early 80's post-apocalyptic horror flick (advertised as
"The First Futuristic Monster Movie In 3-D") made to
cash-in on the 3-D revival at the time, as every few minutes bodies,
creatures or other objects are thrust at the screen. Robert Glaudini (THE
ALCHEMIST - 1981) stars as Dr. Paul Dean, a scientist who
was infected with a parasitic creature after a lab accident. Now he
travels the
desolate highways of 1992 Southwest America (Where unleaded gas is
$40.57 a gallon. And we thought we had it bad!) looking for a place
to finish his experiments before a fully-grown parasite bursts out of
his stomach. He finds an out of the way motel to perform his
experiments, even though the nosey owner (Vivian Blaine) likes to
interrupt him every now and then. Paul makes friends with Collins (Al
Fann), the owner of the local diner and Pat (Demi Moore, in her
second film), a local farmer. Paul makes enemies with Ricus (Luca
Bercovici) and his gang of local ruffians. When Ricus steals Paul's
canister, which contains another parasite, and opens it, it starts a
chain of events which leads the town to fight a fully-grown parasite.
Meanwhile, a take-no-prisoners government agent, called a Merchant
(James Davidson), is looking for Paul and wants to bring him back to
the government lab before the parasite inside him bursts out. Paul is
able to control the parasite inside him with daily injections of
tranquilizers directly into his stomach, but time is running out.
With the government after him, a giant parasite on the loose and the
one inside him ready to escape, Paul has to think quick if he wants
to save his new friends. As far as low-budget horror films go, PARASITE
is pretty decent, even without the 3-D effects (although one 3-D
scene with a pipe spurting out blood after being shoved into
someone's stomach is very well done and is equally good shown flat).
The parasite effects, by Stan Winston and his crew, are appropriately
squishy and disgusting. The real standout here is Luca Bercovici as
Ricus, who at first is portrayed as a cruel gang leader, but as
members of his posse become infected and die, he switches gears and
becomes a hero. Bercovici would later go on to direct GHOULIES
(1984), THE GRANNY
(1994) and LUCK OF THE DRAW
(2000). A lot was made of Demi Moore's participation in this (it was
the film's major selling point when released on VHS), but her acting
didn't impress me much and still doesn't up to this day. This was
directed and produced by Charles Band before his Full Moon days, when
it seemed he actually cared somewhat about the quality of the films
he was making. While most reference books give this film a very low
rating, I think most horror fans will find something here to enjoy,
whether it's Cheryl Smith's topless scenes early in the film, the
crisp photography by Mac Ahlberg, the bloody special effects or
enjoying the 3-D effects in 2-D. Also starring Cherie Currie, Tom
Villard and Scott Thomson. A Cult Video/Koch Vision Release. Rated R.
PATRICK
(2013) - While this Australian remake of their own 1978
film (which was edited in order to receive a PG Rating when
released to the U.S. theaters in 1979) follows the original's very
closely, it has been updated to reflect the new technological age and
has upped the gore quotient substantially. The plot is very much the
same: a young woman named Kathy (Sharni Vinson; YOU'RE
NEXT - 2011) takes a job in a small Australian coastal town
as a nurse to the comatose in an ex-convent-turned-hospital, run the
the seemingly sinister Dr. Roget (Charles Dance; he played "Tywin
Lannister" on HBO's GAME
OF THRONES until his memorable death at the end of Season 4
in 2014) and his no-nonsense head nurse daughter, Matron Cassidy (an
unrecognizable Rachel Griffiths; HBO's SIX
FEET UNDER - 2001-2005). Kathy is shown the ropes by fellow
Nurse Williams (Peta Sergeant; TV's short-lived ONCE
UPON A TIME IN WONDERLAND - 2013-2014), who introduces her
to their
comatose patients, including the open-eyed Patrick (Jackson
Gallagher), who is kept in his own room and is frequently injected
with Dr. Roget's unknown serum (he is basically Dr. Roget's guinea
pig). Patrick spits in Kathy's face and is told by Nurse Williams
that this is an involuntary reflex, but Kathy seems to think that
Patrick is trying to communicate with her (he is). Patrick has the
ability to make people do what he wants with his telekinetic powers
and he sets his sights on "protecting" Kathy, at first
communicating with her by spitting (one spit for yes, two spits for
no) and then having control of a computer's keyboard, typing out that
he is looking out for Kathy's best interests. Patrick will only show
Kathy that he is able to communicate and when she tries to show Dr.
Roget that Patrick is not comatose, he does nothing to respond.
Things turn deadly when anyone shows an interest in Kathy, including
her ex-boyfriend Ed (Damon Gameau), who is forced by Patrick's mind
control to put both his hands on a George Foreman grill (!), burning
both his hands until the flesh melts off and then killing
psychiatrist/new boyfriend Brian (Martin Crewes; RESIDENT
EVIL - 2002) by taking over his car and driving him over a
cliff (but first he takes control of Brian's body and spits in
Karen's face, showing her the powers he has). For patient viewers
(this film does move at a leisurely pace), the final 25 minutes will
be an edge-of-the-seat thriller, complete with gory deaths (including
a graphic electrocution followed by eyeball-popping), as the real
reason why Patrick is in a coma is revealed (it's the same reason as
the first film, only much more graphic and nudity-filled) and Kathy
realizes that Patrick is not so innocent as he makes himself out to
be. A running joke about a horribly burned patient named Morris (Rod
Mullinar), who is trained by Dr. Roget to turn on the lighthouse at
exactly 7:00AM every morning, actually plays an important part in the
finale. Documentary filmaker Mark Hartley (NOT
QUITE HOLLYWOOD: THE WILD, UNTOLD STORY OF OZPLOITATION! -
2008; MACHETE MAIDENS UNLEASHED!
- 2010; both highly recommended) directs his first feature film and
sprinkles it with homages to late director Richard Franklin's
original (which was written by Australian master screenwriter Everett
De Roche; the remake was written by newcomer Justin King), including
Charles Dance listening to Brian May's original music from the 1978
film in his headphones (the soundtrack music was replaced by a Goblin
score in Europe; Dario Argento scorer Pino Donnagio does the music in
the remake) and having Ed's last name as Penhaligon, a tribute to
Susan Penhaligon, who played Kathy in the original film. Antony I.
Ginnane produced both the original and the remake. The original did
inspire an unrelated 1980 Italian film, PATRICK
STILL LIVES ("Patrick Vive Ancora") and
this remake does end with the words "Patrick Vive", which
means that it is left open for a possible real sequel in the future.
Worth a look for those that were fond of Australia's Golden Age Of
Horror, which ran from the mid-70's to the mid-80's. This is a very
good film that evokes that time period and has a real gothic feel,
while not making it seem dated. I enjoyed it and so should you. Also
known as PATRICK: EVIL AWAKENS.
Originally simultaneously released in the U.S. in limited theaters
and on VOD (which is becoming the norm with smaller films of this
type). A Phase 4 Films DVD
& Blu-Ray Release. Not Rated.
PERKINS'
14 (2008) - Ten years ago,
fourteen children disappeared from the town of Stone Cove, including
the son of police officer Dwayne Hopper (Patrick O'Kane), never to be
seen or heard of again. Now, ten years to the day of his son's
abduction, Dwayne is manning police headquarters on his own when
prisoner Ronald Perkins (Richard Brake) asks him to let him out of
jail because his children are all alone. Dwayne immediately becomes
suspicious of Perkins and believes he is the Stone Cove Killer, based
on a missing finger on Perkins' hand. The more Dwayne digs into
Perkins' background, the more he believes that he is responsible for
his son's and the other thirteen childrens' disappearances, so Dwayne
has fellow police officer Hal (Dean Sansone) check out Perkins' home.
Dwayne loses radio contact with Hal when he discovers a secret room
in the basement and the audience watches as Hal accidentally opens a
bunch of cages containing the now-adult
fourteen missing children and they are ravenous for human flesh, so
they chow-down on Hal's body. Dwayne plays a psychological
cat-and-mouse game with Perkins at the police station, while fourteen
zombie-like flesheaters begin terrorizing Stone Cove, including
Dwayne's rebellious daughter Daisy (Shayla Beesley) and her punk
boyfriend Eric (Michael Graves). When Dwayne goes to Perkins' house
and discovers Hal's mutilated corpse in the secret room, he also
finds a library of video tapes that shows Perkins torturing the
children, including his son. Dwayne becomes enraged and brings
Perkins to the secret room, where Perkins taunts Dwayne until Dwayne
shoots him right between the eyes. Dwayne must now try to save Daisy,
fully aware that one of the silent killers is his own son (The
fourteen, for some unknown reasons, are impervious to bullets).
Dwayne is also unaware that his wife, Janine (Mihaela Mihut), is
having an affair until his own daughter informs him, so he, Daisy,
Eric and an unnamed townie (Who calls the killers
"monsters", to which Dwayne replies, "They're not
monsters. They're victims.") head to the local motel to save her
(Me personally? I would have let her rot in Hell.). After saving
Janine (whose illicit lover is graphically beaten in the face over-and-over
with a champagne bottle by one of the killers), everyone hides out
in the basement of the police station, while Dwayne tries to figure
out if there is a way to communicate with his son. As the cast is
whittled-away one-by-one by the hungry killers, Dwayne never gives up
hope that he can get through to his son and get the entire family
back together to live a normal life. The nihilistic ending shows that
family is not always thicker than blood. Besides the obvious
plot holes you could drive a Mack truck through (Like why ten years
of extreme torture can make the children immune to bullets, which is
addressed unconvincingly by one police officer as Perkins feeding
them "drugs" the years they were in captivity. What drugs
are these, because I would like to take some!), PERKINS'
14 is a mostly effective and very bloody take on the zombie
genre (which is beginning to get played-out as of late). I also liked
how Dwayne is such a tortured soul (he can never forgive himself for
his son's abduction, especially since he's a cop) and an
unconventional hero, since Irish actor Patrick O'Kane (who does a
great job hiding his Irish accent) is anything but the conventional
handsome leading man type. The violence and gore is very graphic
(pushing its R-Rating to the very razor's edge of an NC-17 or Unrated
tag), including gut-munching, intestine-yanking, dismemberment
(Dwayne blowing the legs off one of the killers with a shotgun is a
highlight) and plenty of gun violence. Director Craig Singer (DARK
RIDE - 2006) and screenwriter Lane Shadgett have managed to
fashion a reasonably engrossing horror flick (besides the flashbacks,
the entire film takes place during one night) that manages to touch
on unusual horror subjects such as family guilt (Dwayne tortures
himself internally, Janice turns to alcohol and infidelity, while
Daisy has no other choice than to rebel to be noticed) and hopeless
optimism (as the very downbeat finale shows) with absolutely no sense
of humor (which is refreshing). Worthwhile viewing if you can ignore
the gigantic plot holes. Also starring Gregory O'Connor, Katherine
Pawlak, Josh Davidson, Jeremy Donaldson, Trey Farley and C.J. Singer.
This got a limited theatrical release in January 2009 as part of the AFTER
DARK HORRORFEST III. A Lionsgate
Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
PHANTASM
III: LORD OF THE DEAD (1993) -
The original PHANTASM
(1979) is one of those films that
I could view time and time again and never grow tired of. Sure,
its highly derivative of countless other films, but it has a
certain kinetic charm that still holds up today. This third chapter
reunites the original cast members (Reggie Bannister, A. Michael
Baldwin, Bill Thornbury and Angus Scrimm as "The Tall Man")
and takes the viewer on another wild ride complete with great
effects, moody atmosphere and more silver spheres (and a gold one!)
than you can shoot a shotgun at. The story is secondary here so
Im not going to explain it except to say that you will find out
just what makes those flying spheres come to life. Originally
announced as a theatrical release, it went instead the video route,
but that should not deter you from renting it and immersing yourself
in an absorbing 91 minutes. The video box claims that this is the
final chapter, but don't believe it, as the film has such an open
ending (wide open!) that PHANTASM
IV: OBLIVION
was released in 1998. It's not quite as good as Part 3. Directed,
produced and written with a keen sense of humor and imagination by
Don Coscarelli (THE
BEASTMASTER
- 1982; SURVIVAL
QUEST
- 1989). An MCA Universal Home Video VHS Release. Also available on
DVD from Anchor Bay Entertainment.
Rated R
for some great gore effects.
PHANTOM
OF THE MALL: ERIC'S REVENGE
(1988) - The 80's churned out dozens of cheapjack horror flicks
based on classic novels. This one is an updated take on Gaston
Leroux's 1910 novel "The Phantom Of The Opera" and it's
pretty bad. The town of Midwood is celebrating the grand opening of
the Midwood Mall, an expansive shopping center that offers many jobs
to the town's
teenage population. The mall also comes complete with it's own
monster, the horribly-scarred Eric Matthews (Derek Rydall; NIGHT
VISITOR - 1989), who a year earlier was trapped in a
suspicious fire in his own home and left for dead. Eric's
then-girlfriend, Melody Austin (Kari Whitman; MASTERBLASTER
- 1986), was sure the fire was intentionally started and believed
Eric was murdered by someone wearing a religious earring, but the
police thought Melody was in shock and imagined it. Melody has taken
a job at the mall (which was built on the site of Eric's fire-ravaged
home) as a salesgirl and Eric (who wears a half-mask on his face, as
all phantoms should) keeps track of her movements by tapping into the
mall's security system, saving her in the parking garage from a ski
mask-wearing rapist by shooting him with a crossbow. Eric also begins
killing the mall's security guards (he travels store-to-store by
using the mall's unusually large air conditioning vents), but the
mall's owner, Harve Posner (Jonathan Goldsmith), covers-up the
killings for reasons that become abundantly clear rather quickly. It
seems Harv is responsible for the fire at Eric's house and he has
hired the same killer that set that fire, Christopher Volker (Gregory
Scott Cummins; CARTEL -
1990), to take care of his new problem at the mall. Newspaper
photographer Peter Baldwin (Rob Estes; TV's SILK
STALKINGS) notices the St. Christophers earring that Volker
is wearing and informs Melody that she just may not have been in
shock a year earlier. Peter and Melody begin a romance, which doesn't
sit too well with Eric. The rest of the film is mainly a series of
murders, as Eric begins disposing of the people he determines
deserves to die. We watch as a peeping tom guard has his face shoved
into the blades of a spinning fan; the mall's pianist (and Melody's
would-be rapist) is bitten in the crotch by a cobra while tending to
his crossbow wound in the Men's Room; and Harv's obnoxious son,
Justin (Tom Fridley), has a rope tied around his neck and is dragged
into the blades of a moving escalator. Melody and Peter determine
that Eric is still alive (they dig up his grave just to make sure)
and figure out Harv's treachery (after narrowly escaping Volker's
grasp in a car chase through the mall's parking garage). They report
their findings to Mayor Karen Wilton (Morgan Fairchild, in what
amounts to an extended cameo), who tells Melody and Peter that they
must find Eric before the mall's Fourth of July grand opening
ceremony in order to prove Harv's deadly intrigue. Eric kidnaps
Melody and brings her to his subterranean hideout, located in the
mall's cavernous basement. Peter swoops in to save her and must get
her out of the mall before Eric sets off a bomb at the mall's opening
ceremony. The Mayor turns out to be as crooked as Harv, so
Eric
kills them both before the malls erupts into a huge fireball. Does
Eric survive the explosion? I guess it all depends on how you read
the film's vague closing shot. I, for one, hope we never see him
again. This ridiculous horror film, directed by Richard
Friedman (DEATHMASK - 1983; DOOM
ASYLUM - 1987; SCARED STIFF
- 1987), defies all logic. The script, by Scott J. Schneid, Tony
Michelman and Robert King (who also wrote the screenplay to the
far-superior THE NEST
[1987] and Cirio H. Santiago's SILK
2 [1989]), is full of so many questionable circumstances and
plot holes, a five year-old could point them out: A huge mall like
this built in less than a year? Who buried Eric's empty coffin? Does
being scarred by fire give you superhuman strength and make you a
martial arts expert? Would a mall's basement have walls carved out of
solid rock? What kind of mall store would actually carry a
flame-thrower as an in-stock item? The mind boggles! I think the
unmasking scene is the film's most interesting moment. Unlike most
film versions of Phantom Of The Opera, the Phantom is not unmasked by
his perceived lady love while playing the organ, but rather while he
is pumping iron! Besides a couple of gory deaths (One of the guards
has his eyes popped-out; Volker is decapitated by an industrial
garbage disposal), this film doesn't have much going for it in it's
favor. For one example, fourth-billed Pauly Shore (that's right, Pauly-fucking-Shore!)
is given ample screen time to strut his patented "Valley
Dude" schtick as Buzz, the mall's frozen yogurt shop employee.
This film was made a couple of years before Shore would find a
(thankfully) short-lived career starring in a series of awful
comedies (I won't bother mentioning the titles and shame on you if
you know them!). He actually gets top billing on the DVD packaging,
as if that's a selling point. Believe it or not, besides Pauly
Shore's antics, the film is played deadly serious. Therein lies the
flaw. How can anyone expect a film with a title like this to be
anything but a comedy? In all fairness, the closing tune by The
Vandals, titled "Is There A Phantom In The Mall?",
perfectly sums up the film (as well as gave me a good laugh). The
lyrics go: "Is he the Phantom of the Mall or just some retard in
a broken hockey mask?" I couldn't say it any better. Also
starring Kimber Sissons, John Walter Davis, Dante D'Andre, Terrence
Evans and Ken Foree as the mall's clueless head of security.
Originally released on VHS by Fries Home Video. Available on a
no-frills budget DVD (in fullscreen) by Platinum Disc Corporation. Rated
R.
PIECES
(1982) - You know you're in trouble when the film starts in 1942
and an angry mother, after finding her son putting together a puzzle
of a naked woman, asks for a plastic bag to put all his
pornographic stuff in. Then when the phone rings, it's a push-button
phone, neither of which were available in that time period. The boy
whacks his mother with an axe and saws her body into pieces. He is
found cowering in a closet by police and sent off to live with his
Aunt. Flash-forward 40 years and an unknown person wearing black is
slicing and dicing pretty coeds at a Boston college. One gets
decapitated by a chainsaw while reading on the lawn. Another gets
chainsawed to bits while
swimming topless, another has her arm sawed-off in an elevator and
still another is brutally sliced in half by the same chainsaw while
trapped a shower. Each of the corpses is missing a different body
part (I wonder why?) when police detective Christopher George (GRIZZLY
- 1976), who is always looking for a match to light his cigar,
investigates the murders. The list of suspects is long: Could it be
landscaper Paul L. Smith (SONNY
BOY - 1989)? College dean Edmund Purdom (INVADERS
OF THE LOST GOLD - 1981)? How about college professor Jack
Taylor (EDGE OF THE AXE
- 1987)? This film is basically an unrated gorefest that delivers the
goods when it comes to the blood and boobs department. The story, on
the other hand, is outlandish, has enough plot holes to drive a semi
through, makes absolutely no sense (especially the way-out-there
denouement which involves a truly painful to watch crotch-grabbing)
and has some really risable dialogue (written by Joe D'Amato using
the pseudonym "John Shadow"). Spanish director Juan Piquer
Simon is no freshman when it comes to making horror films. His list
reads like a who's-who in the horror field. Having directed such
films as the unbelievable SUPERSONIC
MAN (1979), the unintentionally hilarious THE
POD PEOPLE (1983), the not-bad SLUGS:THE
MOVIE (1987), the underwater adventure ENDLESS
DESCENT (1989) and the truly horrible CTHULHU
MANSION (1990), PIECES
is probably his best-known film as it got quite a wide release in
movie houses in the early 80s. It gained a reputation in the theaters
as a good seat-jumper and did pretty decent business for the
distributor. So if it's gore and naked women you like, this is the
film for you. Anyone else steer clear. Also, stay away from the
R-rated version that's floating around as it is missing most of the
gore and contains alternate scenes that cover up some of the nudity.
Also starring Linda Day as an ex-tennis pro-turned cop (who goes
undercover at the college as a tennis teacher!), Frank Brana, Ian
Sera and Gerard Tichy. PIECES
(also known as THE CHAINSAW DEVIL)
was originally released in the States on VHS by Vestron
Video in both R and Unrated versions, it can also
be found on DVD in truly terrible condition on various compilations
distributed by Brentwood and other companies of ill repute. Grindhouse
Releasing released a beautiful widescreen version of the film on DVD,
loaded with extras. They have also released an essental (although
expensive) 2 Blu-Ray & CD
Soundtrack version of the film, which also contains the Spanish
96 minute version of the film (both versions taken from new film
elements), which runs 3 minutes longer than the Unrated 93 minute
U.S. release. The version reviewed here comes from the Unrated
Vestron VHS release.
PINATA:
SURVIVAL ISLAND (2001) - As a horror
movie, points are to be given here for having a unique killer and
some imaginative killings. On the other hand, this is basically just
a stalk-and-slash horror flick that you have seen a million times
before. A bunch of college students (including BUFFY's
Nicholas Brendon and TICKER's
Jaime Pressly) raft to a remote island to participate in a Cinco de
Mayo scavenger hunt
where the couple who collect the most womens' panties and mens'
underwear scattered throughout the island win $20,000. The couples
are handcuffed together and they search the island to collect the
most undergarments, smoke weed and drink alcohol. One couple finds an
ancient pinata, which, in the prologue, is used to collect all the
sins of a Central America town and sent floating down the ocean. The
stoned couple crack open the pinata with a rock, which brings the
pinata to life, slaughtering the participants in various ways. You'll
see heads cracked open repeatedly with a shovel, a guy's crotch
ripped out, a beheading and other bloody killings. The Pinata itself
is a crafty creation but proved troublesome in post-production, as it
was not deemed scary enough. The Pinata was mostly replaced with a
CGI version that, for the most part, looks frightening but not real
enough. Sometimes it reminded me of the Tasmanian Devil in the old
Warner Bros. cartoons as it's legs disappear and begins to fly
through the air. The beheading is also quite obviously a CGI
creation. Another thing about the film that really bothers me is that
whenever the Pinata is on the screen, the sound's decimal level rises
considerably. It becomes really distracting after a while. And why do
monsters have to have a POV that's always distorted and hard for the
viewer to tolerate? Can't monsters see normally with their eyes?
Directors/Producers/Writers David and Scott Hillenbrand (who also
made KING COBRA [1999] and HOSTILE
TAKEOVER [1997]) are to be commended for setting their
effort on a beautiful island and fill it with pretty women (including
Pressly, Kasey Fallo, Lara Boyd Rhodes, Julia Mendoza and Daphne
Duplaix), colorful underwear and a general tone of having fun, but
they offer nothing new or frightening to the genre. If you've got 80
minutes to kill and have nothing better to occupy your time, this
film will do in a pinch. Also starring Eugene Boyd, Nate Richert,
Aeryk Egan and Garret Wang. A First
Look Home Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R. Also known
as DEMON ISLAND.
THE
PIT (1981) - Poor little 12 year-old Jamie
(Sammy Snyders). He is disliked by nearly everyone and has two major
problems: He has a teddy bear called Teddy who tells him to do nasty
things and he as also discovered a big hole (the "pit"
in the title) in the woods that happens to be inhabited by a group
of Trogs, or "Tra-la-logs" as Jamie calls them. When his
parents go away on a long trip and leave Jamie with a nanny (Jeannie
Elias), he grows a crush on her which turns deadly. He spies on her
taking a shower, tells her that he loves her and also tells her the
secret of the Trogs, which she does not believe. Jamie is truly a
demented little soul, with nothing but sex on his brain. He tricks a
neighbor to
strip by her window by telling her that he has kidnapped her neice.
He leaves sexy pictures for the librarian to find. He also must find
a way to feed the Trogs. He first buys cheap meat from the butcher to
feed to them but soon runs out of money. He then decides to feed the
Trogs all the people that have wronged him (thanks to a suggestion by
Teddy). His first victim is a little girl who refuses to let him ride
her bike. His next victim is a wheelchair-ridden old lady who tattled
on him. Up next is the nanny's boyfriend. The next two victims are a
teenage boy who punched him in the face and the girl who laughed
while it happened. When all these people are noticed missing, the
nanny begins to believe Jamie and he shows her the pit. She is amazed
at what she sees and tells Jamie that they must report their find to
the scientific community. Jamie wants it to be their secret and the
nanny accidently falls into the pit, to be graphically eaten by the
Trogs. Jamie has no more enemies to feed to the Trogs, so he throws a
rope down the pit which allow the Trogs to come up to the surface.
They kill several more people before the police find them back in
their pit and shoot them all. They then fill in the pit with dirt.
Jamie is sent to live with his grandparents, where he meets a girl
who has a surprise for him. This odd Canadian-made film (lensed in
Beaver Dam, Wisconsin) is hilarious and mean-spirited at the same
time. Jamie is definitely a sociopath, but the way some people treat
him, you can't help but cheer him on when he leads them to the pit.
Director Lew Lehman (an actor/writer, this being his only directorial
effort) imbues the film with enough gore, nudity and absurd
situations (such as when one of the policemen calls in to say that
they have killed a pack of wild dogs when he knows that they weren't)
to make this 96 minute film fly by. This is an undiscovered gem that
soon will get a DVD release by Anchor Bay (or so they promised for a
while). Also starring Sonja Smits, Paul Grisham, Wendy Schmidt and
Lillian Graham. An Embassy
Home Entertainment Release. Rated R. Also known as TEDDY.
PLAGUE
TOWN (2008) - Fourteen years
ago, a rash of mutated children were being born in a sleepy little
Irish town. The babies looked so disgusting that the local priest
would attend every birth and shoot the babies in the head, sending
their Godless souls straight to Hell. On the very last birth, the
father of the newborn mutated baby says enough is enough and kills
the priest (first by planting a fireplace poker in the back of his
head, followed by a hatchet to his face) before he has the chance to
kill the baby. What happened to that baby? We'll soon find out. Cut
to the present (well at least 2008 anyway), as we witness the
American Monohan family: Molly (Josslyn DeCrosta), Jessica (Erica
Rhodes) and father Jerry (David Lombard), along with Jessica's
boyfriend Robin (James Warke) and Jerry's fiancee Annette (Lindsay
Goranson), step off a bus and head out by foot looking for ruins in
the Irish countryside that may give clues to the Monahan's heritage.
As the quintet
walk deeper into the countryside, it is obvious to see that the
Monohan family have issues; Molly has mental problems that she is
trying to control with medication and Jessica is a complete cunt. Not
only does she rag on Dad's new girlfriend, she makes Molly's life a
living hell. Because of Jessica's total lack of consideration for
everyone else, they miss the last bus for their motel and must trek
through the woods by foot, where they find an abandoned car in
perfect condition and Molly sees a freaky-looking kid in the
distance, but because she is "mental", no one will believe
her. While the rest of the group take a siesta in the car, Robin and
Jessica see a light in the distance and check it out, finding a
ramshackle cabin with a single candle burning inside. On their way
back to the car, Robin and Jessica run into a pasty-faced individual
who tells Jessica, "You better come with me, sweetheart. I hate
to see you go to waste." before he fires a shotgun blast
directly into Robin's face and then chases Jessica through the woods
while screaming, "They'll find you. Mark my words, they'll find
you. You're better off with me!" Jerry hears the shotgun blast
and goes searching for Jessica and Robin in the darkness of night.
Jerry meets two playful, but grotesque-looking young girls who stab
him with shards of glass and then cut off the top of his head with
razor wire (a well done effect). Yes, it seems the woods are full of
mutated killer children and they want to "play" with the
remaining survivors. It seems Robin somehow survived the shotgun
blast to his face and is led to shelter by Shiela (Elizabeth Bove),
the grandmother of Rosemary (Kate Aspinwall), the now 14 year-old
girl who was spared the priest's bullet in the beginning of the film.
When Molly and Jessica are the only ones left alive, they make a
discovery that these children are being created on purpose and the
leaders need more healthy women to inseminate until they finally get
it "right". Are Molly and Jessica going to end up being the
ovens for the world's ugliest buns? This slow-moving, but
atmospheric horror film, directed by David Gregory (best known at the
time for directing the British documentary BAN
THE SADIST VIDEOS! [2005] and for directing supplementary
featurettes for many genre DVDs for the past decade) and co-written
by Gregory and John Cregan, takes its time getting to the good stuff,
but once it arrives, it will take a few days to get some of the
images out of your brain. While there have been a few killer children
films (DEVIL TIMES FIVE
- 1974; WHO CAN
KILL A CHILD - 1975; THE
CHILDREN - 1980; BEWARE:
CHILDREN AT PLAY - 1989; EDEN
LAKE - 2008; THE CHILDREN
- 2008), I guarantee that you have never seen children quite like
this before. Rosemary, for one, looks to have been born without
eyelids, which make her eyes just pop-out from her face (her
"romantic" scene with Robin, whose right side of his face
is nothing but hanging, bloody flesh thanks to the shotgun blast, is
a classic of creepy, gross-out cinema). The other children,
especially the one with the huge fleshy jowls, who beats Annette to
death with a hubcap, are equally grotesque creations. Add to it the
fact that these children want to procreate (besides also being
cannibals!) and PLAGUE TOWN
becomes one of the grossest films in recent memory. It's uber-bloody,
outrageous and lacks any inhibitions. Believe it or not, even though
this film has a definite European vibe to it, it was mainly filmed in
Connecticut (!) and was financed by DVD companies Dark Sky Films and Severin
Films (both David Gregory and John Cregan are executives at
Severin). Also starring Catherine McMorrow, Michael Donaldson, Peter
Berges, Roisin Donnelly and Danny Martin Berkey. A Dark
Sky Films DVD Release. Not Rated.
PLAY
DEAD (1984) - Hester (Yvonne De
Carlo) was always jealous of her sister taking away her boyfriend and
marrying him. When her sister dies, Hester comes up with a plan to
rid her of everyone on her sister's side of the family, blaming them
for the death of her long-dead ex-boyfriend. She uses black magic on
a rottweiler called Greta (she wears a talisman on her collar) and
gives it to her niece Audrey
(Stephanie Dunham). Greta goes about killing everyone who come in
contact with Audrey whenever Hester performs her black magic rituals.
Greta kills Audrey's brother Stephen (David Ellzey) by hiding in his
convertible and jumping out at him, causing Stephen to get hit and
killed by a car. Audrey's neighbor Monique (Carolyn Greenwood) is the
next to go as Greta throws a plugged-in curling iron into the
bathtub, electrocuting her. A police detective (Glenn Kezer) starts
to grow suspicious of the "accidents" that are surrounding
Audrey. He begins to think that Greta is not the docile pet that she
seems to be and so does Audrey. The detective traces the dog's
background ("Boy, that's one smart dog!") and Audrey starts
to doubt her own sanity. Next up on Greta's hit list is Audrey's
boyfriend Jeff (David Cullinane), who is choked to death by Greta's
leash as she wraps it around a tree while Jeff is sitting next to it.
While Audrey starts going completely off the deep end, the detective
is sure that Greta has something to do with the murders. Greta's
leash is the turning point in the investigation as the detective is
sure that the leash was used to kill Jeff. Unfortunately, Greta picks
up a container of lye and poisons the detective's bromo drink at
Audrey's house, making it look like Audrey killed the detective.
Audrey goes off to the funny farm as Hester has completed her
revenge. Hester kills Greta by playing a fatal game of frisbee catch
off the side of a cliff. Hester is about to learn that it's not easy
to kill a black magic dog. Cats aren't the only animals that have
nine lives. This is a tidy little Texas-lensed horror film directed
by Peter Wittman, who also directed the erotic revenge thriller ELLIE
the same year and produced the truly awful SKULLDUGGERY the
year before. While no means a bloody film, it does have its moments
of gore, nudity and welcomed humor to spice up the proceedings. It's
nothing special, just a good time-waster. Who could ask for anything
more? PLAY DEAD is also
known as SATAN'S DOG and KILLER
DOG. An Academy
Home Entertainment Release. Not Rated.
THE
PLAYGIRLS AND THE VAMPIRE
(1960) - As the camera slowly pans on the Karnassy Family crypt
as sundown arrives, we see the Karnassy Family crest (a large
"K") on the wall and the top of one of the tombs begins to
slide open, revealing a human hand. We then switch over to a busload
of chorus girls, their cheesy, cheap agent/manager Lucas (Alfredo
Rizzo; TERROR-CREATURES
FROM THE GRAVE - 1965; and director of THE
BLOODSUCKER LEADS THE DANCE - 1975) and driver/musical
director Frank (Leonardo Botta). Frank suddenly stops the bus,
telling everyone someone is flagging them down. A local villager
tells Frank that the bridge has been washed out during the storm and
is impassable, saying to turn around and go back to the city and stay
at the hotel until
the storm ends. Lucas says that's impossible (he skipped out on
paying the hotel bill) and sees a side road that the bus can take.
The villager tells him not to take that road, it leads to a castle
where only bad, deadly things happen. Lucas says that is hogwash,
telling Frank to take that road and he will ask whomever is in the
castle if they can put them up for the night (I told you he was
cheap!). They get to the front gate of the castle and find it locked,
but for some strange reason, Vera (Lyla Rocco) knows how to open the
gate. Once inside the castle grounds, Zoltan (Antonio Nicos), the
caretaker of the castle, tells them to beat it, but housekeeper Miss
Balasz (Tilde Damiani; COLOSSUS
AND THE AMAZON QUEEN - 1960) invites the group inside the
castle, saying that she will give them something warm to drink, but
they cannot spend the night. Once inside the castle, Count Gabor
Kernassy (Walter Brandi; BLOODY
PIT OF HORROR - 1965) appears and tells everyone the same
thing, but once he sets his sights on Vera, he instantly changes his
mind and tells them once they are in their rooms, under no
circumstances are they to leave because walking in the castle at
night is forbidden, as it is very dangerous. But why does Vera act
like she knows this castle like the back of her hand (like knowing
where the Count keeps his cigarettes)?
The girls all get dressed in their best nighties at bedtime (quite
revealing for 1960), but Ilona (Marisa Quattrini; HALLELUJA
FOR DJANGO - 1967) wonders why they aren't allowed to leave
their rooms at night. Vera tells everyone to try to be on their best
behavior (apparently, something they aren't used to doing) and Lucas
agrees, but he only sees money all around him (like a pure silver
ashtray) and hopes the storm outside doesn't let up soon, so he can
find a way to make their stay at the castle profitable for him. Magda
(Corinne Fontaine; THE WAR
OF THE PLANETS - 1966) wonders if the villager at the bridge
was right warning them not to come here, as she finds the Count
creepy, but Lucas says she is being ridiculous, it's obvious the
Count comes from old money, so everyone should treat him with respect
and quit listening to gossip. Katia (Maria Giovannini), who thinks
her legs are her best asset and always accuses Frank of staring at
them (even though he isn't), wonders if the Count is married, but
Lucas tells her to quit daydreaming, she is not up to the Count's
standards. Most of these girls are so self-centered and slutty, it's
no wonder why they get into trouble everywhere they go, but I doubt
they are prepared for the trouble they will find here.
Vera leaves her room at night when she sees the Count staring at her
through her bedroom window. The Count apologizes, telling her he's
been alone for so long, he doesn't know how to act in front of
people. He begs Vera to leave the castle in the morning, not telling
her why. Vera acts insulted, telling the Count (calling him by his
first name, Gabor) to use the door, not the window, if he wishes to
talk to her again. Katia also doesn't listen to the Count's demands,
leaving her bedroom at night to take a shower, grabbing Vera's coat
before she searches for the facilities. She hears a cat meowing and
tries to find it, only to get attacked by someone. The next morning,
Frank finds Katia's dead body on the castle grounds, telling Lucas
that she must have fell from one of the castle windows last night
("In the dark she must have lost her footing."). The girls
want to leave, but Lucas refuses because he still hasn't found a way
to turn this situation to his financial advantage. The Count comes
outside to tell everyone that he warned them about the rules and when
Lucas mentions contacting the police about Katia's death, the Count
says that is impossible, the river has swollen so bad due to last
night's storm that all the roads are now washed out, too. Contacting
the police is impossible because he has no telephone and there's no
way anyone can travel on the roads, even the police. They all must
now stay at the castle until it is safe to travel.
After Katia is buried in a temporary grave in the castle's cemetery,
the girls practice their dance numbers (Way to grieve, girls!)
and Erika (Erika Di Centa) begins to perform
a risque striptease while Frank plays the piano (another NSFW
moment, especially for 1960), while Vera walks through the castle by
herself. She notices she bears a striking resemblance to a portrait
hanging on a wall. Beneath the portrait, it reads: "Margherita
Kernassy 1746 - 1787". Gabor then appears and tells Vera that
Margherita was one of his ancestors and that she died in the castle.
He also tells her that her resemblance to Margherita is the reason
why he decided everyone could stay. And because she looks so much
like Margherita is the reason he wanted her to leave the castle. Vara
wants to know all about Margherita, but all Gabor will say is,
"Her story is a very sad one. Her life was unhappy, as was her
death." Gabor once again apologizes to Vera, begging her not to
have a false impression of him, for "solitude may have has an
influence on my character." He then tells Vera that he
"expected" her to come to the castle. Gabor believes
Margherita is living inside her and that her destiny is his destiny.
Vera says she feels it, too, she just knows that it is true. Gabor
tells Vera to believe in him, begging her once again to leave the
castle as soon as possible, for staying in the castle will only lead
to tragedy. Vera doesn't want to leave, telling Gabor that he is the
only man who ever inspired confidence in her. She has lead a
"meaningless" life that makes no sense at all, touring from
town-to-town with a second-rate company, but with him it's different.
It is as if she has always known him. They then kiss
passionately, Gabor once again begging her to leave, saying the
Kernassy coat of arms is covered in the blood of many innocent lives.
Before Vera can ask Gabor what he meant by that, Lucas calls for her
and says she has to practice the samba (Ah, the life in a second-rate company!).
That night, Vera hears a noise outside her window and goes to
investigate, only to find Katia's grave dug up and empty. Gabor then
appears, his face white as snow. He then disappears as fast as he
appeared and Zoltan and Miss Balasz tell Vera to go inside
because it's not safe outside at night. Zoltan tells Miss Balasz he
saw the "monster" again, but she tells Zoltan to be quiet,
say nothing in front of strangers. Vera then looks for Gabor in the
castle and finds a laboratory, where Katia's dead body lies on a
gurney. Gabor appears and swears Vera to secrecy with what he is
about to tell her. He says Katia's death wasn't an accident; she was
murdered because she was wearing Vera's coat. Gabor tells her Katia
was killed by something not quite human, stopping himself before he
speaks the word "vampire". Is Gabor a vampire? When Vera
tells him she saw him that night next to Katia's empty grave, he has
no memory of it. It's quite possible that Gabor has no idea he is a
vampire, or is there another reason for his lack of memory?
Frank spends the next day outside the castle and when he returns, he
tells everyone that the Count was telling the truth, the roads are
all washed out, but when he talked to some villagers, he discovered
that the man who warned them not to come to the castle was murdered
and the villagers say the killer lives in the castle. Frank believes
that the castle harbors a murderer, but Lucas and Vera tell him to
quit talking nonsense (both for different reasons) and quit believing
the superstitions of people he doesn't know. Frank is adamant in his
beliefs and says he is going to leave the castle the first chance it
is humanly possible and anyone can join him. While Lucas is sleeping
in his bed that night, a naked Katia pays him a visit, waking him up.
She then approaches Lucas (using some frank sexual language usually
not found in films of the time), bearing her fangs, as Lucas screams
and passes out. Everyone comes running into his room and when Lucas
says he saw Katia, no one believes him, saying he had a nightmare.
Later that night, Miss Balasz tells Vera that the bridge and roads
have been fixed and she and everyone else can leave in the morning,
but Vera asks if she will se Gabor before she leaves. Miss Balasz
replies, "We'll see." Vera goes looking for Gabor and
discovers a secret passageway (every castle has at least one), which
leads her to the crypt we saw in the beginning of the film. She
discovers Margherita Kernassy's tomb and another tomb next to it,
which looks like it belongs to Gabor. A pasty-faced Gabor then
appears, bears his fangs and bites Vera on the neck. Vera then wakes
up in her bed the next morning with Miss Balasz at her side, telling
Vera she has had a bad fever the entire night, tossing and turning
and yelling something about a "monster", as if Vera never
left her bed. When Vera gets up and looks in the mirror, she sees the
fang marks in her neck and quickly packs her bags to leave, when
Gabor appears, causing Vera to scream and run away. Vera then
discovers something that changes the entire dynamic of the film. If I
were to tell you what it is, I would be depriving you of the film's
biggest surprise. Needless to say, all the clues that point to this
revelation are in the review, but it is still surprising nonetheless.
So, who will live and who will die?
This black & white Italian Gothic horror film was directed and
written by Piero Regnoli, director of MACISTE
IN KING SOLOMON'S MINES (1964) and writer/co-writer of such
genre films as THE
DEVIL'S COMMANDMENT (1957), THE
THIRD EYE (1966), CRY
OF A PROSTITUTE (1974) and PATRICK
STILL LIVES (1980), among many, many more. Based on a story
by this film's cinematographer, Aldo Greci (who also photographed the
sleazy PLAY MOTEL
- 1979), it bears a striking resemblance to director Renato
Polselli's THE
VAMPIRE AND THE BALLERINA, made the same year. This is the
lesser film of the two films, but not for the lack of trying
(Polselli is a gonzo director and Regnoli is not). This film is
sexually explicit for a film made in 1960, so much so, that when it
was released to U.S. theaters, it was recommended that "Adults
Only" view it. It's easy to see why. All the girls wear as
little clothes as possible, there's Erika's provocative striptease
and Katia's naked appearance in Lucas' bedroom, her naughty bits
covered by some well-placed shadows. Katia is also staked
in the heart while topless. While we don't actually see any
female nudity (It comes as close as humanly possible, though), this
is not a film you'll want your kids to watch, even though it is over
sixty years old. It should also be noted that Aldo Piga's (SLAUGHTER
OF THE VAMPIRES - 1962) music score is memorable and better
than it has any right to be. You'll also see a time-lapse vampire
disintegration, a couple of stakings and beautiful women running
around in their lingerie. So what's not to like? Don't go into the
film expecting to be scared and you'll probably have a good time with it.
Shot as L'ULTIMA
PREDA DEL VAMPIRO ("The Last Prey Of The Vampire")
and also known as CURSE OF THE VAMPIRE, DESIRES OF THE VAMPIRE
and THE VAMPIRE'S LAST VICTIM, this film was picked up by
Richard Gordon and released
to U.S. theaters in 1963 through Gordon's Fanfare Films. Gordon
gave himself an Executive Producer credit even though he had nothing
to do with making the film, which was typical for foreign films
released to theaters in the United States. It was Gordon who
emblazoned the "Adults Only" tag on every piece of
advertising material, making the film more popular than it would have
been without it. It played on the bottom
half of double
bills late into the '60s. Surprisingly, this never received a
legitimate VHS release in the United States, but many gray market
companies, such as Something Weird Video released
it in that format. The only disc release for this film in the
States was a widescreen DVD
by Image Entertainment in 1999, as part of their "EuroShock
Collection". You can also watch it streaming on YouTube from
user "Flickers" in an anamorphic widescreen print dubbed in
English. No Blu-Ray at the time of this review. Also featuring Enrico
Salvatore (THE LAST MAN ON EARTH
- 1964) as the villager by the bridge. Not Rated, because it
is "ADULTS ONLY"!
PLEDGE
NIGHT (1988) - Terrible frat house
horror flick that mixes ANIMAL HOUSE
(1978) antics with 80's slasher film conventions. A group of
fraternity pledges are about to go through Hell Week, where they are
put in degradating situations and forced to listen to verbal abuse
not heard since the times of slavery. One of the pledges, Larry (Todd
Eastland), learns from his mother that twenty years earlier a
fraternity occupying the same house was forced to disband after
killing a pledge during a hazing gone wrong. Mom tells Larry that her
boyfriend at the time, Sidney Snyder (Joey Belladonna; lead singer
for the rock group Anthrax), was supposed to take a bath in a
harmless mixture of disgusting ingredients, but someone also tossed
some muriatic acid into the mix, causing Sidney to be burned over his
entire body and eventually die. Hazing is now outlawed because of
that incident, but Larry and the other pledges soon find out that the
hazing they are about to
be put through will also turn deadly. They are led to believe that
fraternity brother Dan (Arthur Lundquist) is suffering from a brain
tumor (he's not), causing him to do crazy things, like stabbing a
fellow brother with a steak knife (he doesn't), but when Dan actually
does go mad and begins killing fraternity brothers and sorority
sisters, Larry and the other pledges at first think it's all just
another joke. It's not, of course, as Dan is actually possessed by
the acid-scarred spirit of Sidney (now portrayed by Will Kempe) and
soon Sidney bursts out of Dan's stomach (a terrible effect) and
begins chasing the pledges and sorority sister Wendy (Shannon
McMahon) through the house, cracking jokes like a '60s radical Freddy
Krueger (He actually says, "That was for Spiro Agnew!" as
he twists a pledge's head 180 degrees) while killing the pledges
one-by-one (in typical slasher fashion, the only black pledge, Cagle
[Craig Derrick], is the first to die). Pretty soon, the only people
left are Larry and Wendy, as we discover that Larry is actually
Sidney's son (it's telegraphed fairly early in the film). The final
coda will have you arching your eyebrows in utter disbelief.
Truly a chore to sit through, PLEDGE
NIGHT (also known as A
HAZING IN HELL) contains stock characters, stock situations
and takes what seems like an eternity to get rolling. This is nothing
but a series of stupid hazing rituals (picking up cherries off a
block of ice with their ass; whip cream fights; paddle spankings;
strings tied to penises; fake turd-eating out of a toilet; raw egg
and live worm eating; etc.) followed by half-hearted attempts at
gore. Director Paul Ziller (this was his first effort, followed by
such films as BLOODFIST IV: DIE TRYING
[1992]; BACK IN ACTION
[1994]; and a string of Sci-Fi Network [now "SyFy"]
original films, beginning with SNAKEHEAD
TERROR [2003]) seems to forget what makes a good slasher
flick. Instead of showing us the killing actually happening on-screen
(like a death by portable mixer blade to the mouth; a lit cherry bomb
shoved up someone's ass), Ziller cops out and shows us the bodies
after the murders take place, robbing the viewer of any graphic
enjoyment. The acting is also uniformly weak across the board and
most of the actors seem way too old to be fraternity pledges. Most of
the latter half of the film is just endless shots of the pledges
tip-toeing around the fraternity house trying to avoid Sidney,
without much success. This is a crappy film of the highest order,
right up there with the similarly themed RUSH
WEEK (1989). Don't waste your valuable time with this
patently cheap flick. Producer/screenwriter Joyce Snyder apparently
loves her last name, because killer Sidney also shares it. Also
starring Dennis Sullivan, David Neal Evans, Robert Lentini (his
enormous nose has it's own gravitational orbit!), James Davies,
Lawton Paseka, Michael T. Henderson and Stephen Christopher Young.
While Shannon McMahon had the only predominate female role, most of
the secondary actresses go topless at one time or another. Produced
by Shapiro
Glickenhaus Entertainment, but released on VHS by Imperial
Entertainment Corp. Rated R. UPDATE:
Now available on Blu-Ray
from Vinegar Syndrome.
POOR
WHITE TRASH PART
II
(1974) - This
is another one of director S.F. Brownrigg's regional horror films
(originally titled SCUM OF
THE EARTH) that continually amazes due to the scuzzy
locations and realistic (?) acting. Brownrigg had the natural
instinct of casting actors capable of playing scummy characters in
his films and this one does not disappoint. When an unknown assailant
puts an axe into the chest of her husband, Helen
(Norma Moore) runs screaming into the woods and meets the creepy
Odis Pickett (Gene Ross, a Brownrigg regular who also co-wrote this).
Odis invites Helen back to the cabin to call the police , but when
she gets there, there is no phone, only Odis' strange family: His
retarded son Bo (Charlie Dell), mean-spirited daughter Sarah (Camilla
Carr, also in Brownrigg's KEEP
MY GRAVE OPEN - 1973) and pregnant young wife Emmy (Ann
Stafford, also in GRAVE).
Odis tries to rape Helen (as he has done to his own daughter Sarah
many times) and Bo ends up dead, impaled through the neck on an iron
fence by the unknown killer. Finding Bo dead has a strange effect on
Odis (he really loved his son and wonders, "Who's goin' to bring
me my jar?") and orders Sarah to clean Bo up (she refuses) to
make him presentable when Odis goes for the preacher in the morning.
In the meantime we learn a lot about the remaining people in the
cabin such as Helen was married before (he died during the war), Emmy
was given to Odis by her father to pay off a debt and Odis really is
nothing but a filthy pig, threatening to kick Emmy in the belly just
before actually raping Helen. Odis makes Helen clean up Bo while
Sarah meets the killer in the woods (a POV shot of the killer is
shown strangling her with barbed wire while asking the killer if he
has a dollar!) walking to go get the preacher. While waiting for
Sarah to return, Helen says to Odis, "You're too brutal and
sadistic to be real!" Odis goes into the woods with his shotgun
to go look for Sarah (he finds her barely alive) and gets shot
through the eye with his own shotgun. The denouement is quite
surprising, as Helen's first husband Jim (Hugh Feagin) is still
alive, spending years at a POW camp before being rescued and placed
in a mental institution. He escaped and tracked Helen down, killing
everyone she came in contact with. Sarah crawls back with Pa's
shotgun and shoots Jim in the back before she dies. Helen decides to
stay in the cabin and take care of Emmy. The End. The late S.F.
Brownrigg was one of the unsung heroes of 70's sleaze. This, along
with KEEP MY GRAVE OPEN, DON'T
LOOK IN THE BASEMENT (both 1973) and DON'T
OPEN THE DOOR (1975) are all grindhouse classics. Before
directing he worked in film in many capacities, working with Larry
Buchannan and others in the 60's as editor or soundman on many
lowbrow films. POOR
WHITE TRASH PART II hits all the right notes at the right
time and should be rediscovered very soon. A DVD is in order here!
This is not a sequel to the 1957 film POOR
WHITE TRASH (a.k.a. BAYOU)
starring Peter Graves. To make matters even more confusing, in the
United Kingdom, Part II was released as POOR
WHITE TRASH on VHS with a picture of Sarah being strangled
by the barbed wire (a scene which was cut from the British VHS!). A Magnum
Entertainment Home Video Release. Rated R.
PORTAL (2006) - Here are some signs that the film you are about to watch is in serious trouble:
1)
The typeface used in the opening credits is unreadable.
2)
There are at least 15 Executive Producers listed in the opening credits.
3)
The only "name" star listed is Kevin "Is my toupee on
straight?" Dobson.
4)
There are so many clichés, that the word
"Cliché" becomes cliché.
Now
for the film itself: Two friends, musicians Hooke (Chris Conrad) and
Gibbs (Alexander Martin), are driving in a heavy fog towards a
Renaissance Fair when their car is run off the road and they become
stuck in the mud (Cliché #1). Two creepy looking women wearing
monk's robes walk by their car without saying a word, so Hooke gets
the bright idea to follow them in hope they will lead them to
civilization (Cliché #2). Our two bright heroes end up in the
town of Mercy at a creepy motel run by Benedict (Dobson) and they
decide to spend the night after Benedict makes them both sign the
seemingly empty registry book (I count at least three clichés
in that last sentence).
Hooke has a nightmare that involves a coven of witches performing a
sacrifice and when Gibbs wakes him up, they discover that they have
slept for over 24 hours and the fog is worse than ever. They have
dinner with the other occupants at the motel (a dinner which consists
of raw meat and brussel sprouts, which Hooke doesn't eat) and
discover that everyone else is also here because of the heavy fog.
Hooke becomes suspicious of Benedict and the motel staff when the
maid warns him that if he ever wants to leave this place, he's not to
eat the meat or drink the wine. When Gibbs disappears, Hooke does his
own undercover investigation. He watches as a coven of witches kidnap
a newly-registered honeymooning couple and toss the still-alive groom
into a ritualistic fire. The registered guests who ate the meal begin
to suffer similar fates: One woman shoots-out blood and worms from
her vagina before she dies. Hooke finds Gibbs and they take off in
their car, only to end up back at the motel and repeating the same
day all over again, but for some reason, only Hooke is aware of it.
Hooke pretends to be a coven member and witnesses one of the female
guests being impregnated by Gibbs. Benedict and his coven are waiting
for the perfect son of Satan to be born (they have a room full of
caged pregnant women who were once registered guests) so they can
leave this plane of existence, but they haven't been too successful,
as the babies being born are mutated or self-abort (hence the
blood-and-worms catastrophes). The whole motel is in some kind of
time warp and the motel staff spike the food and wine with an ash
that makes everyone live the same day over-and-over, with minor
differences. There's a portal somewhere down the road that will lead
everyone to safety, but can Hooke snap everyone from the spell they
are under and get them there before it all turns to shit? The
prerequisite "surprise" ending makes all of Hooke's hard
work a moot point. This low-budget horror film, directed by
Geoffrey Schaaf (SHELTER ISLAND
- 2003) and written by Maurice Kelly & George Blumetti (FLESH
HUNTERS - 2000), borrows liberally from such films as HORROR
HOTEL (1960), ROSEMARY'S
BABY (1968), THE
BROTHERHOOD OF SATAN (1971) and THE
LEGACY (1979), but without any of those films' style or
panache. There is a germ of a good idea here (Hooke and Gibbs have
been at the motel for over six months and are unknowingly raping all
the female guests in order to produce the perfect satanic baby), but
the film moves at such a lethargic pace and the paltry budget is
unable to convey the film's loftier ambitions. The acting is barely
OK and there are a few examples of gore (the blood and worms
abortion; a door hook piercing a guy's forehead) and nudity, but PORTAL
is basically nothing but a failed elongated TWILIGHT
ZONE episode told on a budget that probably costs less than
a one night stay at a Motel Six. Also starring Katherine Hawkes,
Peter Lucas, Brock Kelly, Mary Stein, Angell Connell, Ines Dali and
Merik Tadros. An Industry Works DVD Release. Not Rated.
THE
POSSESSION OF NURSE SHERRI (1978)
- This is Al Adamson's last horror film (some of his
others include BLOOD
OF GHASTLY HORROR [1964 - 1967], the piecemeal HORROR
OF THE BLOOD MONSTERS [1965/1970], BRAIN
OF BLOOD [1971] and DRACULA
VS. FRANKENSTEIN [1971]) and probably his most technically
proficient film (still, that's not saying much). It's also got the
most complex plot of all his films, thanks to a fairly decent
screenplay by Michael Bockman and Gregg Tittinger. When cult leader
Reanhauer (Bill Roy) has a heart attack trying to raise a man from
the dead in the Nevada desert,
he is rushed to the hospital and dies on the operating table. The
disembodied spirit (shown as a sickly green animated effect) enters
the body of Nurse Sherri (Jill Jacobson), which causes her to act
strangely, much to the concern of the hospital staff. Also in the
hospital is football star Marcus Washington (Prentiss Moulden), who
was recently blinded in a car accident and under the care of Nurse
Tara (Marilyn Joi). When the possessed Sherri sees Marcus in his bed,
she becomes fixated on his silver bracelet, a strange piece of
jewelry with two demon heads on it, a gift given to him by his late
voodoo priestess grandmother. Sherri first kills Dr. Nelson (Clayton
Foster), a hospital physician who lives on a farm. She shoves a
pitchfork through his back until the prongs protrude through his
stomach. Why did she kill him? Sherri's doctor boyfriend, Peter
(Geoffrey Land), becomes worried about her, especially when she
begins speaking in Reanhauer's voice. Peter puts the pieces together.
The possessed Sherri is killing all those who were in the operating
room when Reanhauer died. Meanwhile, Stevens (J.C. Wells), an old
colleague turned enemy of Reanhauer, is searching for Reanhauer's
grave so he can finally put Reanhauer to rest. The only problem is,
no one will tell him where he's buried. He gets into a car chase with
Peter (Adamson still uses the comical effect of tires squealing on
dirt roads, the same as he did in THE
MURDER GANG), but Reinhauer possesses the car and Stevens
barely escapes with his life. To make a long story short, Stevens
falls into a vat of molten steel after burning the wrong body, Sherri
continues killing hospital staff and Marcus gives Tara his bracelet
and tells her what she must do to save Sherri (go to the graveyard
and burn Reanhauer's body), while Peter runs around trying to figure
out what he can do. While the screenplay may be complex, Adamson's
execution of it is strictly low-rent. It's easy to spot the strings
on floating possessed objects and he still hasn't learned how to film
a car chase. Still, for a badfilm, it's pretty entertaining in
a cheesy way, thanks to the plentiful nudity (This is the
"horror" version. Shock-O-Rama also released a
sexploitation version with more nudity and less violence under the
simpler title NURSE SHERRI)
and some R-rated violence. If the title music seems familiar, it is
because it's the end theme of the original OUTER
LIMITS TV series. This film, originally released by
Independent-International, is also known as HOSPITAL
OF TERROR, BLACK VOODOO,
BEYOND THE LIVING, HANDS OF DEATH, KILLER'S
CURSE and TERROR HOSPITAL. Phew! Adamson's next film
(which would turn out to be his next-to-last) would be the extremely
strange G-Rated film CARNIVAL MAGIC
(1982), a screwy rip-off of Stephen Spielberg's E.T.
THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL
(1982), but instead of an alien, it replaces it with a talking
chimp! A Retro Shock-O-Rama
Release. Rated R.
THE
POWER (1983) - Once upon a time
there were four Aztec demons. Three of them died and the fourth one,
Destacatl, lives on in an idol so small, you can hold it in your
hand. The god Destacatl is said to control the dark side of the human
soul to whomever possesses the idol. So says Professor Wilson (Stan
Weston) in a lecture to his college class. When a student makes fun
of Weston's theories, we then see that Wilson has the idol in his
possession. He looks at the laughing student and makes his nose bleed
profusely. Class is over and Wilson is visited by fellow professor
Francis Lott (J. Dinan Myrtetus) and he wants to know if the idol has
taken over Wilson's soul yet. Wilson chases him away and the door
mysteriously closes and locks behind Francis. Wilson holds the idol,
screams in pain, floats in the air and is graphically impaled on a
flag pole. Francis and the janitor manage to break open the door and
when Francis asks Wilson
where the idol is, Wilson says with his last dying breath, "I
sent it back." (His hand that was holding the idol is now bloody
and burned). Francis heads off to Mexico in a Jeep with a
Spanish-speaking driver (this part of the film is subtitled). They
travel 200 miles into the Mexican desert and has his driver drop him
off in the middle of nowhere (holding nothing but a briefcase).
Francis hands the driver a bunch of money and tells him to pick him
up tomorrow morning, where the driver (Juan del Valle) says, "I
don't think you'll be alive tomorrow." and drives off. That
night, a young boy leads Francis to a tent, where an old Spanish man
resides. He has the boy get the idol (The old guy tells Francis that
the idol doesn't affect children since they still haven't lost their
innocence), places a crucifix around his neck and hands Francis the
idol. Francis holds the idol in his hand and says that he can feel
its power, to which the old man says, "Yes, it's very alluring.
That's the secret of its evil." The old man refuses to sell the
idol to Francis, so he shoots and kills the old man and the young
boy. Francis starts screaming in pain with blood flowing down his
arm, as he drops the idol. Cut to high school students Julie (Lisa
Erickson), Matt (Ben Gilbert) and Tommy (Chad Christian), as they
plan on holding a seance that night ("There's even a full
moon!"). They all sneak out of their houses that night holding
something dear to them for protection from the spirits. They hold the
seance at an old cemetery in a building where tombstones are made and
put an ouija board on the ground, placing their personal protection
pieces next to them. Tommy's piece just happens to be the idol of
Destacatl, which he says his parents brought back from a trip. As
they all place their hands on the planchette, it spells out
"GO" and they all beat a hasty retreat out of the cemetery.
The cemetery guard (Richard Congill) hears the commotion and goes
inside the building to find out what is going on, only to have his
head crushed by a stone casket (a very good effect). When they read
in the newspapers that a cemetery guard was killed in the same
building that they were in, mixed with Tommy nearly getting killed
when the idol goes full-tilt weird in his bedroom (It acts like a
magnet, drawing objects to it, tossing other objects in the air,
boiling the fishtank water and setting fire to speakers, Tommy
cowering in a corner with only a boogie board as his protection),
they all go to tabloid reporter Sandy (Susan Stokey; STAR
SLAMMER - 1986; THE
PHANTOM EMPIRE - 1987) to tell their stories, but she blows
them off as childish pranksters. Sandy's
ex-boyfriend-turned-just-plain-friend Jerry (Warren Lincoln; TORMENT
- 1985; co-directed by this film's production manager, Samson
Aslanian, and assistant director, John Hopkins), who is paying Sandy
a short visit before traveling to London, believes the kids and
become the possessor of the idol. Uh-oh. Jerry tries to find the
origins of the idol, but the idol begins to get the best of him.
Sandy has a bad nightmare where hands and arms spring out of her
mattress, pinning her to the bed (a very effective scene) and when
she wakes up, she discovers all the furniture has been stacked upon
each other (ala POLTERGEIST
- 1982) and there's a fork impaled in one of her walls. Jerry blames
the idol, but Sandy refuses to believe in such bunk (she been making
up stories like that for her tabloid for years and wants to become a
legitimate journalist) and she becomes even more pissed-off when
Jerry brings the three teens to her boss, Marty (Gabe Cohen), who
believes it's a great story (with further untrue enhancements, that
is). It's not long before Jerry becomes full-blown possessed himself,
his face and body becoming an ugly demon whose only reason to exist
is to kill. He first kills Sandy's friend and co-worker Roxanne
(Alice Champlin) by shoving her hand down a garbage disposal and then
heads off to the house of Sandy's father (Rod Mays), who never liked
Jerry to begin with. It's quite obvious that he has killed Sandy's
father when Sandy arrives at her father's house (Jerry makes up a
story that her father had a heart attack and was taken away by an
ambulance, but the story just doesn't gel in Sandy's mind). Jerry
cuts the phone line and turns once again into a demon, showing Sandy
how slicing open his arm causes him no pain. Our three teenagers try
to save Sandy, but Julie becomes trapped in the house with Sandy.
Tommy and Matt sneak into the house through a basement window, where
they discover the corpse of Sandy's father and scream. Their screams
distract the demon Jerry long enough for Julie to grab the idol and
become trapped in a tool closet with Sandy, as the possessed Jerry
begins tearing down the door to get them. They discover that if the
idol is smashed, it affects Jerry, so Sandy drops a cinderblock on
it, breaking the idol into pieces, as the demon Jerry's skin begins
to split wide open (another excellent effect). Three years pass and
now Julie is a college student in
New
Mexico working at the facility's library. As she is closing for the
night, a disfigured Francis (Remember him?) confronts her about her
ordeal and says he was able to find her because of Sandy's book
(Seems Sandy wrote a best-seller about her experience with the
supernatural.). Julie runs to her car crying and when Francis follows
her to say he is sorry, we then realize that Julie is possessed by
Destacatl, as she is wearing the broken head of the idol around her
neck like a necklace. She kills Francis and the demon Julie laughs at
the camera. Destacatl lives. This tidy little 84 minute horror film
was directed, written and edited by the team of Jeffrey Obrow and
Stephen Carpenter (Carpenter also photographed the film, while Obrow
produced it), who also gave us THE
DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD (1981) and THE
KINDRED (1986). When they split up as a team, Obrow would go
on to direct the effective THE
SERVANTS OF TWILIGHT (1991) and SyFy's THEY
ARE AMONG US (2004; George
'Buck' Flower's last film) and Carpenter would go on to direct
the awful SOUL SURVIVORS
(2001) and create the successful TV Series GRIMM
(2011 - Present). Of the three films they made together, I would put
this film last on their list, not because it's a bad film, but
because the other two films had more meat on the bone. This is an
ever-so-thin story that really has no narrative (Like: How did the
other three Aztec demons die, yet Destacatl keeps on chugging along,
seemingly indestructible? How did Tommy's parents get the idol since
Francis had to jump through hoops just to see it? Why do Tommy's
parents talk to him through an intercom in his bedroom rather than
come up and see him in person [we never see Julie or Matt's
parents]?). It is nothing but a collection of loose ideas highlighted
by Matthew Mungle's (JUST
BEFORE DAWN - 1980; PHANTOM
OF THE MALL: ERIC'S REVENGE - 1988; and still working today
in films and on TV) excellent gore and makeup effects. The acting in
this film also leaves something to be desired (80% of the cast never
went on to do another film and it's easy to see why), as there are no
name actors besides Susan Stokey, who had a short career in cheap
exploitation films. Still, at 84 minutes, it moves rather quickly and
the excellent gore effects will hold your attention and hopefully
make you forget the story's gaping plot holes. It's neither good or
bad. It's just an ordinary early-80's horror flick with a few good
effects and some nice desert scenery to get you by. Also starring
Chris Morrill, Jay Fisher, Costy Basile, James Gilchrist, Barbara
Murray, Jake Jones and Milton Robinson. Originally released
theatrically by Edward L. Montoro's Film Ventures International (FVI)
in 1984, with a quick release the same year on fullscreen VHS by Vestron
Video, followed by a terrible budget VHS
from Gemstone Entertainment
in 1993. Scorpion Releasing
put it out on an anamorphic widescreen DVD in 2014, but it is not in
pristine condition. There are instances of static sound and some
minor film splices, but I believe this will never look better and the
few minor problems (both print-wise and story-wise) will not deter
you from enjoying the film. Rated R.
PROM
NIGHT IV: DELIVER US FROM EVIL (1991)
- Gone is Mary Lou from PROM
NIGHT 2 & 3.
This fourth installment harkens back to the original PROM
NIGHT's stalk-and-slash formula and unfortunately
it's a pretty dreary affair. Father Jonah, a renegade and psychotic
priest (are there any other kind?), is kept drugged and strapped to a
bed in the sub-basement of a church after savagely killing a teenage
couple making out in the backseat of a car during their graduation
prom in 1957. In 1991, the new priest in charge of taking care of
Father Jonah neglects to inject him with the tranquilizer and he
escapes, leaving in his wake a trail of bloody bodies. Father Jonah
heads for his old monastary, which has been renovated into a summer
home where four horny teenagers (are there any other kind?) decide to
go after ditching their prom. Bad choice for them. Soon they are
being sliced and diced by the sex-hating Father until only the
virginal girl (Nikki DeBoer of CUBE
- 1997 and the USA Network TV Series THE
DEAD ZONE [2002 - 2007]) is left. From there on it's a game
of cat-and-mouse where we come to realize that Father Jonah is more
than a mere mortal. The ending is wide open for Father Jonah to
return in PROM
NIGHT V: DELIVER US FROM SEQUELS.
Thank God he never did. This genre of film died from overkill in the
early 80's when FRIDAY THE 13TH spawned
countless imitators where sex equals death.. At least when Mary Lou
was around things were interesting. She gave the death scenes a
fantasy element sorely lacking from this installment. Director Clay
Borris is also responsible for the violent revenge melodrama QUIET
COOL (1986) as well as directing episodes of Canadian TV
series such as HIGHLANDER
(1992 - 1998), FOREVER
KNIGHT (1992 - 1996) and RELIC
HUNTER (1999 - 2002). Producer Ray Sager is most well known
as portraying Montag The Magnificent in H.G. Lewis' WIZARD
OF GORE (1970) and has become a well-known producer of many
Canadian tax shelter films. As it stands PM4DUFE is
competently made but terribly outdated. Also starring Alden Kane, Joy
Tanner and Alle Ghadban. A LIVE Home Video Release. Also available on
a fullscreen DVD as a double
feature with Part III from Artisan Home Entertainment. Rated
R.
PROTEUS
(1995) - A group of criminals in Hong Kong escape in a yacht
after a drug deal goes bad. The yacht blows up in the middle of the
ocean (a really crappy model effect), forcing the six survivors to
escape in a rubber raft. After a short time adrift, they stumble on a
seemingly abandoned oil rig in the middle of nowhere, only it hasn't
been abandoned. There's a monster on-board, a genetically-created
creature that's a product of secret DNA experiments performed in a
lab on the rig. Alex (Craig Fairbrass), the leader of the six
survivors, finds weapons on the rig and, when they find the lab, he
realizes that this rig hasn't been used for oil in quite some time.
With the rig's radio out of commission (no surprise there), the
ragtag group must find a way off the rig before they become fodder
for the creature. Paul (Robert Firth) is the first member of the
group to be attacked by the creature and when Alex and the rest go
looking for him, they run into the unfriendly Dr. Shelley (Nigel
Pegram) and the hysterical Dr. Carol Soames (Jordan Page). It's plain
to see that something is wrong with both of them, because on two
separate occasions, they throw the beefy Alex around as if he were
light as a feather (and it doesn't help Alex's confidence at all).
They also run into Buckley (Ricco Ross), the rig's head of security,
who informs them that the creature's
name is "Charlie", the creation of a new man-made DNA
strain called "Proteus". Charlie is able to shape-shift
into the form of any living object it comes in contact with and it
becomes clear to the group that it can take human form when Buckley
turns into the creature and infects Rachel (Jennifer Calvert). The
creature starts infecting the rest of the group until only Alex and
Linda (Toni Barry) are left. Alex reveals to Linda that he and Rachel
are actually DEA agents sent to infiltrate the gang. That doesn't
make much of a difference now, as Alex and Linda have to find a way
to blow up the rig and send the creature to the bottom of the ocean,
but things take a left-hand turn when the rig's owner, Leonard
Brinkstone (Doug 'Pinhead' Bradley, under a ton of bad old-age
makeup), shows up with a security force to find out what's going on.
Charlie, who is now hopelessly addicted to heroin (thanks to
"absorbing" junkie Mark [William Marsh]), now has two
things on it's mind: Finding a way off the rig so it can absorb more
humans (and gain more intelligence) and finding more heroin for it's
next fix. What hath man wrought? The best way to describe this
film is with one word: Average. Reminiscent of countless films before
it (the TV movie THE INTRUDER WITHIN
[1981] and nearly every ALIEN
clone), PROTEUS contains
nothing that could be considered remotely original or contributes
anything new to the genre, just countless distorted creature POV
shots and people running endlessly up and down the rig's narrow
corridors trying to escape from the creature. The film takes a sudden
turn into THE THING territory
(John Carpenter's 1982 version) when it is revealed that the creature
can take human form but, unlike the tension in Carpenter's film in
not knowing who is human and who is alien, PROTEUS never
attempts to hide the creature's identity. Instead, it offers cheap
jump-scares, a few lame transformation scenes and some cheap gore.
Since this film was directed by special effects and makeup master Bob
Keen (HELLRAISER - 1987; CANDYMAN
- 1992), the lack of convincing effects, not to mention some
haphazard morphing scenes, must fall squarely on his shoulders. Keen
hasn't been very successful as a director. If you've seen his family
film TO CATCH A YETI
(1994; starring singer Meat Loaf in one of the worst performances of
the 90's) or the more recent HEARTSTOPPER
(2006), you already know what I mean. Craig Fairbrass makes a
serviceable action hero and starred in a handful of 90's films (NIGHTSCARE
- 1993; GALAXIS - 1995; DARKLANDS
- 1996) and then basically disappeared into small character roles in
later films, thanks to his refusal to alter his thick Cockney accent.
Too bad. He was built like a brick shithouse and had great comic
timing. The only enjoyable moment in the whole film is in the finale,
when Charlie reveals his true form (a ridiculous animatronic creature
with the head of a shark and a tentacled body) and says to Alex how
superior it is to humans. Fairbrass looks at the creature and says,
"Superior? You're a fucking fish with a drug habit!" I must
admit I had a chuckle with that one. All-in-all, PROTEUS is
nothing but a second-rate mixture of a horror film and DIE
HARD (1988) on an oil rig. Instantly forgettable. The
Scottish film GHOST RIG
(2002) and the British film PARASITE
(2003) would both re-use the same plot as this flick, which only
proves that old addage: Keep trying until you succeed. Keep trying
guys. Also starring Margot Steinberg. A Vidmark
Entertainment Release. The only DVD release of this title I
could find is a fullscreen Chinese-subtitled version from Hong Kong
label Mei Ah. Rated R.
THE
PROWLER (1981) - This is one of the
better stalk-and-slash flicks of the early 80's due to the taught
direction of Joseph Zito (fresh off from making BLOODRAGE
- 1980) and the splatter effects of Tom Savini (fresh off supplying
effects to FRIDAY THE 13TH
- 1980). After receiving a "Dear John" letter from his
girlfriend Rosemary at the end of World War II, the unseen soldier
murders her and her new boyfriend by impaling them on a pitchfork at
a graduation dance in the small town of Avalon Bay. Thirty five years
later, the graduation dance is being reinstated. You can guess what
is about to happen next. Since it has been twenty five years since
the last murders, the list of suspects are
few since most of the major characters are barely out of their teens.
Could it be: A: The sheriff (Farley Granger) who decides to go on his
annual fishing trip during the dance, or B: the wheelchair-bound
veteran (Lawrence Tierney) who keeps a watchful eye on a house full
of co-eds? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that the sheriff
is the killer, but that's not the point. The true point for watching
this film are Zito's suspenseful setups and Savini's masterful
effects. There's the infamous bayonet through the top of the head
scene, various throat slashings and pitchfork impalements and,
finally, the movie's best-known scene, where Farley
Granger gets his head blown off with a shotgun. Blue
Underground's uncut DVD is a revelation to anyone used to seeing this
film on VHS. It's sharp and crystal clear, so clear in fact that it's
easy to see that there's definitely a stand-in portraying Farley as
the killer. Don't let that detract you from going out and purchasing
this DVD. You'll probably never see a better looking copy of this
film (also known as ROSEMARY'S KILLER)
in any format in the near or far future. This little-known film
deserves to be in any true horror fan's collection. While I'm on the
subject on things little-known, let talk a little about director
Joseph Zito. This guy has gotten such a short-shrift from critics for
nearly every film he has directed. I find his style to be quite
refreshing, especially his action sequences. On of my favorite action
films is his INVASION U.S.A.
(1985), which seems more relevant today than when it was made. It's
probably the best film Chuck Norris has ever made (Zito also directed
him in MISSING IN ACTION
- 1984) and is action-packed from start to finish. It's just plain
nasty. You have to love a film where terrorists attach a bomb to a
traveling school bus filled with kids, an all-out crash and burn
shoot-out in a mall full of Christmas shoppers and Chuck and Richard
Lynch's knock-down, drag-out finale. They don't get much better than
this, even if critics were unanimous in putting it down when
originally released. Avoid watching this film on regular TV, as TBS
and TNT (who I give props for showing it a couple of days after the
terrorist attacks of 9/11) cut the shit out of it. Zito also directed
the Dolph Lundgren-starrer RED SCORPION
(1989), which contains some of the bloodiest R-rated action on film; FRIDAY
THE 13TH:
THE FINAL CHAPTER
(1984), the best of the sequels; ABDUCTION
(1975), a retelling of the Patty Hearst kidnapping (and Zito's first
film, supposedly shot with hardcore porn scenes which were deleted
before it was released); DELTA
FORCE ONE: THE LOST PATROL (1999), an action film which I
have not seen yet, and POWER PLAY
(2002), a weak environmental thriller about a power company causing
earthquakes. Mr. Zito is a talent that has been mostly neglected and THE
PROWLER is one of his films that should be re-evaluated by
the so-called "critics". Also starring Vicky Dawson,
Christopher Goutman, Cindy Weintraub and Thom Bray. Farley Granger
and Lawrence Tierney are in the film for such a short time that their
appearances can be considered cameos. Originally released on VHS by VCII,
with a budget VHS release to follow by Star
Classics. A Blue Underground
DVD & Blu-Ray Release. Not
Rated. Note: As far as I know, this film has never been shown on
TV in the US. That has to be some kind of record.
PRO
WRESTLERS VS. ZOMBIES (2013) -
I figured that since "Rowdy" Roddy Piper just recently
passed away (July 30, 2015) from a heart attack at age 61, I would
watch this unknown film in his memory. After a couple of minutes, I
wish I watched THEY LIVE
(1988) again. There's been a lot of professions and people squaring
off (versus) against zombies (strippers, Navy SEALS, Abraham Lincoln,
humans, Cockneys, cowboys, ninjas, vampires, Scouts, Tom Sawyer,
wiseguys, etc), but I doubt that there is a better profession than a
brawling wrestler. Until you see this film, that is. The film starts
with one of the most anemically populated wrestling shows in recent memory
(it's apparent that it was filmed at a high school gymnasium because
you can see the basketball backboards in the "up" position)
and there's an on-screen scrawl that says "The ring is the only
place you can kill a man and get away with it." (Vince McMahon
knows a lot about that). I knew right then and there that I was in
for a spectacularly bad experience (And I was right). We see some
wrestling matches that make TNT Wrestling look like Wrestlemania.
There are no words in the dictionary to describe how badly this film
sucked (This is where I would insert in a Hoover or Dyson joke
reference, but those companies don't deserve it in a film like this).
After a wrestler named Billy (Michael H. Richmond) is killed in the
ring by "The Franchise" Shane Douglas (playing himself;
most A and B-Class wrestlers play themselves) populated sparsely by
about 30 people ("Oh my God, Billy's dead!), we see Billy's
sinister brother Angus (Ashton Amherst) throw a big pile of money in
front of wrestling promoter Cody (played by the director, Cody
Knotts) and says he wants Shane Douglas and his girlfriend Taya
Parker (famous female wrestler) for a special wrestling show he has
planned at an abandoned penitentiary. Cody says for this amount of
money, he can also get Angus other wrestlers, including Rowdy Roddy
Piper, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, Matt Hardy, and his girlfriend
Reba Skye (another famous female wrestler) and lots of lesser-known
wrestlers. Cody says he can even deliver Olympic champion Kurt Angle,
but Angus says to make Angle's entrance a surprise and have him enter
through the side door (Wait a minute. Penitentiaries have side
doors?). A nurse is then kidnapped by Angus' disciples (this happens
right after the mirror in her compact shatters and we hear grunting
and see a puff of dark smoke through the mirror shards). We then see
her tied to the floor with lit candles all around her and duct tape
over her mouth (Ah, duct tape. A killers best friend!). Angus puts on
a plastic hoodie, takes a look at a photo of his brother Billy and
then uses a dagger to cut open her chest, remove her
still-beating heart with his bare hands and then eats it. We then
hear that growl again and see that puff of dark smoke, as a demon
(most probably Satan himself) tells Angus that he can now get revenge
for the death of Billy (The heartless nurse gets up and acts like
Angus' lap dog. WTF?). In a scene that makes zero sense, two second
rate wrestlers enter Angus' home and the heartless nurse bites them,
instantly turning them into zombies. We then see Shane Douglas having
breakfast with his mother, brother, sister-in-law and his favorite,
nephew Nicky (Drew Ripepi). Shane takes Nicky outside, where they
talk, and when Cody returns to the inside of the house, he finds all
the furniture overturned with the heartless nurse turning the rest of
the family into zombies and she carries Nicky away. Shane then goes
to his manager, Cody (Where Shane gets a dig into Vince McMahon for
bouncing paychecks), and wants to know about this latest match and,
especially, when he will get paid (Hey, what about his missing
family?). Cody tells him he will get all the money, including the
back pay owed to him, when he boards the bus tomorrow for the
deserted West Virginia penitentiary. Shane runs into Roddy outside
the building signing autographs for his young fans and Shane
discovers that Roddy and a whole bunch of other wrestlers will be on
the bus with him tomorrow. After they all take the bus ride and make
it to the penitentiary, a man hops on board and tells them that
whomever wins their matches will find much fortune and then makes
them all turn over their cell phones to him (right then and there, I
would have jumped off the bus and run away!). They turn over their
cell phones with very little pressure. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan
(who looks horrible) is already there and Kurt Angle is attacked by
zombies at the side entrance (He grabs one zombie by his foot and it
falls off!). He quickly becomes zombie chow after his three minute
cameo. Without any exposition, the zombies have Shane, Roddy and
Hacksaw trapped in the ring, when Angus shows Shane he has Nicky. All
the non-zombie wrestlers run through the prison and are picked off
one-by-one by the horde of zombies (Matt Hardy is torn in half.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan and his bloody two by four becomes zombie jerky
after Shane locks the door behind him and refuses to let Hacksaw in).
Seems like Shane is holding some deadly secrets, as he sacrifices his
fellow wrestlers to stay alive. Shane killed Billy because he was
screwing Taya Parker, which is why Angus wants them both dead (I do
have to say that some of Shane's actions during this film deserves
some bloody punishment). Angus has Shane surrounded by zombies, while
Roddy and non-wrestler Sarah (Adrienne Fischer) try to avoid them.
Angus cuts out another heart and eats it, so Roddy, Sarah and Shane
escape outside. Angus tells Roddy, "This is only the
beginning!" to which Roddy retorts, "I beat cancer. This is
nothing!" (Roddy really did beat cancer.). After Roddy and Sarah
kill a few dozen zombies, Angus yells out, "I need more
power!", to which the demon replies, "Granted!"
Corpses come crawling out of their graves and Roddy is attacked by a
pack of the living dead, but Sarah saves him with her machete,
putting her life in mortal danger. Shane catches up with Roddy &
Sarah, where he is attacked by his zombified brother Troy (Cody
Michael) and then by zombie Nicky. Shane kills
them both, but he asks Roddy to kill his zombified mother , which
Roddy does. Angus chains Shane's neck to a pole and slowly begins to
choke him while zombies enjoy a meal of his innards. Sarah gets
bitten in the neck by a zombie, but, for some unknown reason, the
demon starts yelling in pain and all the zombies drop dead. Roddy and
Angus get into a fight and Roddy wins (with the American flag as a
backdrop, no less!). Turns out with the demon dying, Sarah will not
turn into a zombie, so they both live happily ever after. At least
Angus got his wish, but he put way too much work into it. Wouldn't it
have been cheaper or easier just to hire a hitman to take both Shane
and Taya out? I guess we wouldn't have this shitty movie then,
right? Besides using real-life wrestlers (wrestling is nothing
but acting anyway, which is why there are so many
wrestlers-turned-actors) and some over-the-top gore (a zombie
snapping in two when Matt Hardy lifts him over his head; a head
crushed in a refrigerator door; machete impalements; appendages torn
off bodies; intestine eating; heart removals; etc.), there is very
little to recommend here unless you are a gorehound. Hacksaw Jim
Duggan looks simply terrible and his face is hardly shown, so it
wouldn't surprise me if they used a stunt double in many of his
scenes. The story is all over the place (especially Shane's
temperament) and none of it makes a lick of sense; it's just an
excuse to get some wrestlers to fight some cheesy-looking zombies. It
sounds to the human ear that Roddy was improvising most of his lines
because the ones that were given him in the script weren't very good.
Roddy's the best thing about this film, but director/screenwriter/actor/co-producer
Cody Knotts (LUCIFER'S
UNHOLY DESIRE - 2011; BREEDING
FARM - 2012) does nearly everything wrong and seems
determined to sabotage this film with his lousy filmmaking technique.
Especially disturbing is how Shane is portrayed. He seems highly
schizophrenic. We are shown him being a loving family man and then
saying that he loved killing Billy in the ring. Most people like this
spend their lives in rubber rooms (or getting eaten by zombies).
Well, at least he got his dig into Vince McMahon. I'm willing to bet
McMahon was pissed when he heard what Shane said, but the fact that
Shane wasn't sued probably makes what he said about Vince true.
Otherwise the film makes no sense unless you want to see real-life
wrestlers (some way past their prime) get eaten by or destroy
zombies. Not a recommendation, though. Also starring
"Facade" Michael Cichowicz, Matthew Rush, Thomas Rodman,
Andrew Clovis, Dante Bartolotta and Richard John Walters as the
demon. A Troma Team DVD Release. Not
Rated.
PSYCHIC
KILLER (1974) - During the
70's, Kirlian Photography and Astral Projection were all the rage
(even though Kirlian Photography was discovered in the 1930's). The
explanation is simple: every object, even inanimate objects, have
their own energy force and there was now a way to photograph it and
even manipulate it. Entire films were made in the 70's on the subject (INVISIBLE
STRANGLER - 1977; PATRICK
- 1978; THE KIRLIAN WITNESS
- 1979), and this film, originally to be called THE KIRLIAN FORCE,
but changed at the last minute, is one of actor/director Raymond
Danton's (DEATHMASTER
- 1972; CRYPT OF
THE LIVING DEAD - 1973; and much episodic TV; Danton passed
away in 1992 at the age of 60) most unusual efforts. The film begins
with Arnold Masters (Jim Hutton; DON'T
BE AFRAID OF THE DARK - 1973) going batshit crazy at a
prison mental institution, screaming "Everything I love
dies!" (about his mother; she passed away six months earlier and
they just told him now). He has been unjustly committed to the
mental hospital for a murder he didn't commit and his personal doctor
Laura Scott (Julie Adams; CREATURE
FROM THE BLACK LAGOON - 1954) is worried about his mental
state, especially since he has been so calm before. The prison
hospital then puts him in a ward with even worse mental patients,
where Arnold meets Emilio (Stack Pierce; TRANSFORMED
- 2003), who stands by a fence on the hospital's roof and tells
Arnold that he "is waiting for a train" (It is probably the
film's most emotional moment) as an AmTrack train passes below them.
Arnold declares his innocence to Emilio, telling him how his mother
got sick, but because he didn't have the money, the doctors wouldn't
operate on her to save her life. He wanted to sell his mother's old
home, but she wouldn't allow it and when one of the doctors ended up
murdered, Arnold was convicted of murder but judged mentally unfit to
serve jail time. Emilio, on the other hand, professes his guilt and
tells Arnold that he murdered his daughter because she became a drug
addict and sullied the family name. He also tells Arnold that once he
kills his daughter's drug dealer (he plans on slitting his throat),
he will give Arnold a chance to leave the institution for good. One
night, Arnold watches as Emilio uses an amulet to go into some kind
of a trance and the next morning, he tells Arnold that he now has to
"catch that train", so Emilio climbs over the fence and
jumps to his death while an AmTrack train passes. Emilio leaves
Arnold all his possessions, including the amulet and a letter that
was just delivered that morning that is nothing but a newspaper
clipping that says a drug dealer was murdered by having his throat
cut from ear-to-ear last night. Arnold then knows that Emilio was
able to leave his body by using the amulet and tries it on himself. A
hospital orderly finds Arnold on the floor and he is declared dead
and brought to the morgue for an autopsy. When the coroner begins to
make an incision into Arnold's chest, he suddenly wakes up and the
hospital's head doctor (Rod Cameron) tells Laura that if this news
gets out (that they tried to autopsy a live person), their hospital
will be closed down. Luckily for Arnold (and the hospital) the real
person who committed the murder blamed on Arnold confessed, which
makes Arnold a free man. He heads for his mother's old house, which
is full of cobwebs and has a nice white kitty as a resident. The cat
actually gives Arnold the idea of using the power he now has of
leaving his body (known as "Astral Projection" or having an
"Out Of Body" experience [or OOB]) and getting even with
those responsible for his mother's death. His first victim is Dr.
Paul Taylor (Whit Bissell; I
WAS A TEENAGE FRANKENSTEIN - 1957), the doctor that refused
to give his mother the life-saving operation without being paid
first. The sleazy old doctor brings a married woman to his cabin in
the woods for some nookie, but Arnold talks throughout the entire
ordeal and only Dr. Taylor can hear it. It drives the doctor crazy
and he goes outside with a shotgun. We hear one shell being fired and
then Dr. Taylor is found dead with a broken neck. The detective on
the case, Lt. Jeff Morgan (Paul Burke; THE
DISEMBODIED - 1957), is stymied by the case because it is
obvious the nervous married woman doesn't have the strength to snap a
neck. Arnold's next victim is his mother's uncaring Nurse Burdon
(Mary Wilcox; LOVE
ME DEADLY - 1972; BLACK
OAK CONSPIRACY - 1977), who we see sexually teasing a
terminal patient in his own home, before doing a striptease and
taking a shower. It will be the last shower of her life because the
shower head begins to emit scalding water (and turns in her direction
so she cannot avoid it) and the nurse is unable to get out of the
shower until she crashes through the glass shower door. Again Jeff
and his partner, Lt. Dave Anderson (Aldo Ray; TERROR
ON ALCATRAZ - 1987) are flummoxed, as the apartment
building's hot water heater is incapable of reaching scalding
temperatures. Jeff sends Police Sgt. Marv Sowash (filmmaker Greydon
Clark, who co-wrote this film with Danton and genre vet Mikel Angel)
to the scene of the first crime to see if he can find something that
the crime scene investigators missed. Jeff doesn't realize that Marv
was Arnold's arresting officer and his next victim, as Arnold takes
control of his car and drives it off a cliff, killing Marv. When Jeff
interrogates a motorcycle cop (Marland Proctor) who was chasing Marv
for speeding, the cop tells Jeff that he could swear he heard Marv
say "Help me!". Now that there are three unexplained
deaths, Jeff makes the connection of all the deaths with Arnold and
keeps a close eye on him and his house by telescope at a house
located across the street. Laura also joins Jeff because she is
deeply concerned about Arnold and they both spy on him going into
such a deep sleep that even continued phone calls don't wake him up
(Arnold is actually murdering construction tycoon Harvey B. Sanders
[Joseph Della Sorte], who wanted to tear down his mother's house, by
dropping a heavy cornerstone on his body using a crane.). It's not
long before Laura and Jeff become lovers and sleep together at Jeff's
house. It is there that Laura spots Arnold in the kitchen (who has
left his body once again), who tells Laura that he watched Laura and
Jeff making love and he wishes that it was him instead. When Jeff
enters the kitchen, Arnold disappears and Laura tells Jeff that they
need to see an old friend of hers, Dr. Gubner (Nehemiah Persoff; THE
POWER - 1968), who is an expert on Kirlian Photography and
how some humans are able to let their energies leave their bodies to
have Out Of Body experiences. Jeff, Laura, and Dr. Grubner go to Arnold's
house, where they discover he is in another trance (a trance that
actually makes the body look dead). Arnold is actually out killing
crooked butcher Lemonowski (Neville Brand; THE
MAD BOMBER - 1972) for charging too much for his meat (and
putting his hand on the scale)! Lemonowski then is forced to put his
hand in a meat grinder (the film's bloodiest effect), has his arms
tenderized and then has all his appendages cut off by a band saw
(offscreen). When Jeff, Laura and Dr. Grubner make it to Lemonowski's
butcher shop (thanks to a police radio report), they find the torso
of Lemonowski hanging on a meat hook. Jeff comes up with a brilliant
idea on how to stop Arnold: The next time he goes into one of his
trances (which he does, to take Laura sexually by force), he will
have a doctor next to Arnold's body to sign a death certificate and
then his lifeless body will be transported to the nearest crematorium
to be burned. That's exactly what Jeff does, and as Arnold's body is
being burned alive, the non-corporeal Arnold (who is rapidly
deteriorating because of the fire) appears to Laura to say one final
thing: "Everything I love dies!" For a film that was
Rated PG (this is the 70's version of PG, not the watered-down
version of today), this film is very violent in spots (without
actually being bloody or gory) and is not shy in showing Mary
Wilcox's nipples and naked ass more than a few times when she is
taking a shower. The film is never boring and is chock-full of stars
familiar to fans of the horror genre (the majority of them are no
longer with us) and is a perfectly fine way to spend 90 minutes of
your time. Jim Hutton (who died at age 49 in 1979) is rather low-key,
but effective, and everyone else does a more than adequate job in the
acting department. The final shot (of the cat with the amulet) left
this film wide open for a sequel (Could Arnold have transferred his
energy into the cat?), but it never happened. That's a shame, because
this film is a nice relic from the 70's, when any plot device could
be used effectively without seeming corny. Highly recommended. Also
starring Della Reese (in a funny cameo where she argues with
Lemonowski about his meat practices and accepting Food Stamps),
Judith Brown, John Dennis, Bill Quinn and Sandra Rustam (daughter of
producer Mardi Rustam, who directed the bad film EVILS
OF THE NIGHT - 1985; and directed the new scenes of EVIL
TOWN - 1974/1985), Originally released on VHS by Embassy
Home Entertainment. But if you want to see the film as it should
be seen, buy the DVD from Dark
Sky Films and watch it in all its widescreen anamorphic glory.
It's short on extras (just some TV spots and the theatrical trailer),
but it is a beautiful print that hasn't been washed away of grain.
Don't let the PG Rating fool you, this is adult stuff. Rated PG.
PSYCHO FROM TEXAS (1977) - Rather than give my usual review, let me tell this film's story with a song:
(Sung
to the tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies")
Come
and listen to a story about a man named Wheeler
A
Texas-born psycho, kidnapper and stealer
And
then one day he saw his mom whore around
Put
him off of women, killed them from town to town
Crazy,
he is
Psycho,
capital P
Well
the next thing you know, old Wheeler snatched a man
Held
him for ransom, money on demand
The
man escapes, Wheeler goes after his daughter
A
real stupid move, he's dumber than water
Idiot,
he is
Shotgunned
chest, end of film
(My
apologies to Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs.)
Note: This is the first screen appearance of B-movie scream queen Linnea Quigley. She portrays a barmaid who is forced to strip naked and dance, while Wheeler (John King III) pours beer over her head. An auspicious debut. PSYCHO FROM TEXAS, also known as WHEELER (a PG-Rated edit), THE BUTCHER and EVIL + HATE = KILLER, is strictly amateur hour and contains one of the longest foot chases ever committed to film where the pursuee harpoons the pursuer in the neck. This film also sets Civil Rights back 40 years, as the actress portraying the African-American maid thought she was starring in a low-budget version of GONE WITH THE WIND (1939). Directed, produced and written by Jim Feazell, who thankfully never made anything else. This film carries a 1981 copyright, but by the clothing and hairstyles present, it's easy to tell that it was made several years earlier. A Paragon Video VHS Release. Also released in a widescreen version on DVD in the SIX PACK VOLUME THREE collection from Code Red. Rated R.
PSYCHO
GIRLS (1985)
-
This odd Canadian horror film is narrated by a detective writer as if
he were living in the 40's, which is unsettling, especially when he
speaks the slang with his Canadian accent. In October of 1966, Sarah,
a six year-old girl, spikes her parents' anniversary breakfast with
rat poison, killing them. She is put in a mental institution and, on
her 25th birthday, escapes. Her first stop is to the house of her
psychiatrist, who she ties to his bed and cuts his head off. Victoria
(Agi Gallus), Sarah's sister, works for novelist Richard Foster (John
Haslett Cuff, our narrator) as a cook, when she begins to get phone
calls from Sarah, goading Victoria into meeting her at an abandoned
mental hospital. It turns out it was Victoria that poisoned their
parents, not Sarah, but the years spent in the looney bin have
definitely twisted Sarah's mind. The sisters get into a deadly fight
and Sarah wins. Richard and his wife, Diane (Rose Graham), are having
a big
anniversary party and Victoria is supposed to cook the dinner, but
when Sarah (Darlene Mignacco) shows up instead, Richard is at first
hesitant to let her cook, but the hunger pains in his stomach relents
and he lets her make dinner. During the course of the dinner party,
questions will be answered, food will be served (including steak
tartar) and people will be killed. Sarah has drugged the tartar and
has dragged all the unconscious guests to the abandoned mental
hospital, where she and a couple of other escaped loonies, tie all
the guests to chairs arranged in a semi-circle and perform a ceremony
where they worship a giant photo of Sigmund Freud and begin
butchering the guests one-by-one (and order a pizza in the middle of
the carnage!). One guy is strapped to a barber's chair, given a
shave with a straight razor and then has his throat cut. A woman is
stripped naked, put in a tub of water and is electrocuted until her
body catches fire. More are tortured and killed until the tables are
turned (and then turned again). What's the point of it all? I'm still
trying to figure that out. The movie sounds much better than it
actually is. The main problem is that most of the grisly murders are
edited to the point of being meaningless (probably done so to achieve
an R rating). There is plenty of nudity on view but, just when the
killings are about to get interesting, there are huge jump cuts,
especially in the beheading, shaving and electrocution segments.
This is Gerard Ciccoritti's first effort and it is rather drab and
colorless, nothing like his later vampire cab driver opus GRAVEYARD
SHIFT (1987) and THE
UNDERSTUDY: GRAVEYARD SHIFT II (1988), which were both
neon-drenched in atmosphere and highly entertaining. He later went on
to direct a lot of Canadian episodic TV, using the name Jerry
Ciccoritti. I don't know what Ciccoritti was thinking when he put the
40's detective element in the script (co-written with producer
Michael Bockner), but it is a distraction and seems totally
unnecessary, since it does nothing to advance the plot (except for a
lame "surprise" at the end). The acting is uniformly
terrible (one of the crazies has a fondness for quoting Al Pacino in SCARFACE
- 1982) and there's lots of annoying post-synch dubbing. The ending,
which reveals that our narrator is actually dead and speaking from
the grave, is a direct rip-off of SUNSET
BOULEVARD (1950). Without the gory murders intact, PSYCHO
GIRLS
is just a third-rate horror film with nudity and nothing else to
recommend. Also starring Silvio Oliviero, Pier Giorgio Diciccio,
Michael Hoole and Dan Rose. Both Ciccoritti and Bockner have cameos.
An MGM/UA Home Video
Release. Rated R. There's supposedly an unrated cut out there
released by Viacom, but I have yet to locate a copy. If I do, this
review may change slightly.
PSYCHOPATH
(1973) -
This indictment against child abuse (a.k.a. AN
EYE FOR AN EYE
in edited form) is an excellent
example of a horror film with a social conscience. Mr. Rabbey (Tom
Basham), the host of a local childrens TV show, does more than
entertain the kids. He also protects them by killing their abusive
parents. While performing at a hospital child ward, Rabbey overhears
a cop (Jackson Bostwick, who also executive produced) explaining to a
nurse (Margaret Avery) how difficult it is to prosecute child
abusers. Rabbey steals some hospital records on suspected child
abusers and dishes out his own brand of justice. Riding his bike (he
has no drivers license) to various households, we witness Rabbey use
baseball bats, strangulation, knives and an electric lawn mower (!)
on his victims as we learn that he was also abused as a child, which
makes the murders all the more digestible. In the end, it is not the
police but a child who puts an end to Rabbeys killings. She
shoots him as he is about to kill her abusive mother and then turns
the gun on Mom. A truly chilling scene. This film works in many ways,
thanks to a literate screenplay (by Walter Dallenbach) and tight
direction by Larry Brown (FINAL
CUT
- 1986; dealing with stuntmen breaking up a child-stealing ring). But
the biggest plus this film has to offer is Tom Bashams
performance as Rabbey. He evokes the right amount of terror and
sympathy and says more with his facial expressions and child-like
demeanor than any words could ever express. This is Bashams
only starring role. He did have supporting roles in other features,
including the thrillers COLOSSUS:
THE FORBIN PROJECT
(1970), the pilot feature film for NIGHT
GALLERY
(1969) and the gay biker flick THE
PINK ANGELS
(1971; also directed by Larry Brown). This R-Rated
film is fairly bloody in spots and was re-released in 1980 with all
the killings edited out and Rated PG. Just
For The Hell Of It Video offers the unedited cut. It is a
worthwhile addition to anyones video collection.
THE
PSYCHOTRONIC MAN (1979) - This
is the film from which writer/editor Michael Weldon cribbed the word
"psychotronic", which he used to describe any film, music
or writing that can't be properly categorized, as well as using it as
part of the title of his long running (but, sadly, now defunct) film
review/interview magazine and reference books. Psychotronic is now
part of our language lexicon, but it's too bad that the film that
started it all is such a boring piece of crap. It's not as badly-made
as some would lead you to believe, it's just deadly slow. This
Chicago lensed low-budgeter tells the story of barber Rocky Foscoe
(producer/co-scripter Peter Spelson, whose only other screen credit
is a small part in the 1982 horror film BLOODBEAT)
who, while drinking and driving on a long car trip home, decides to
pull over to the side of the road to catch a couple of winks. When he
wakes up, it's the middle of the night and his car is enveloped by a
thick fog, while a howling wind blows around him. He gets the shock
of his life when he tries to exit his car, only to discover that he and
his car are mysteriously suspended about twenty feet in the air! He
passes out from the sight and when he comes to, he discovers that he
has somehow driven himself home. His wife (Lindsey Novak) tells him
to go see a doctor because he has an extreme headache, so he does
just that, but when he tells the doctor what happened the night
before, all the doctor can do is shake his head in disbelief. Rocky
soon discovers that when he gets these headaches, he is able to
telekinetically move objects with his mind. Rocky drives to the spot
where he had his strange experience and meets an old man (Bob
McDonald), who tells him that some mighty weird things have been
happening in the area. Rocky goes to the old man's shack for a cup of
coffee, gets one of his headaches and accidentally kills the old man
by telekinetically embedding him in one of the shack's walls. Police
Lt. Walter O'Brien (Christopher Carbis) and Sgt. Chuck Jackson (Curt
Colbert) are assigned to investigate the old man's murder and find a
clue: Rocky's barber jacket. There's also a tall, well-dressed man
who also seems interested in the case. Rocky's doctor phones the
police because he believes that Rocky is involved in the murder, but
Rocky shows up at his office and kills the doctor by throwing him out
the window to the street below by just using his mind. Lt. O'Brien is
stumped when he examined the doctor's office because it looks like a
war zone, with every object in the room looking like it exploded, but
he does manage to find Rocky's medical records and the chase is on.
Rocky heads to a bar to get drunk, where he meets co-worker Kathy
(Robin Newton), and she asks him, "Is your head in the
clouds?" to which Rocky retorts, "What did you mean by
that?" Kathy takes Rocky to her pad, where they make love (He's
been cheating on his wife for several years), while Lt. O'Brien
interviews Rocky's wife at his house. After Rocky nearly kills his
wife with his special powers, he leads the cops on a car chase, then
a foot chase, through the streets of Chicago, finally ending on the
roof of a building, where Rocky kills some cops with his mind before
seemingly being killed by a sniper's bullet. So why can't the police
find his body? This snail-paced, erratically acted horror film
was directed by Jack M. Sell (OUTTAKES
- 1987; DEADLY SPYGAMES
- 1989), who also co-wrote, edited and photographed this regional
wonder. Sell utilizes fisheye lenses, quick editing and slow-motion
photography when Rocky uses his psychotronic powers, but the rest of
the film is bogged-down by the minutiae, as Sell slowly lingers the
camera on such things as cutting hair, putting a key in a car's
ignition and turning it on, playing with the knobs of a car radio and
other such trivialities of life. There's also a lengthy car chase
where nothing happens except long scenes of cops talking on their
radios. It's truly a chore to sit through THE PSYCHOTRONIC MAN
because the violence level is low, there is no sex or foul language
and Rocky's sudden powers are never fully explained (Was it a UFO?
Was it something supernatural? I have no clue!). There are some great
shots of 70's Chicago, but it's just not enough to maintain interest.
Historically, this film is important, but it's not very entertaining.
Also starring Jeff Caliendo, Irwin Lewin, Corney Morgan, Paul Martel
and Shirl Maschinski. Originally released on VHS by Unicorn
Video and not available on legit DVD (Producer/star Peter
Spelson once offered copies of the film for purchase at
www.psychotronicman.com, but the domain address is no longer active). Rated
PG.
THE
PUMPKIN
KARVER (2006) -
Oh, great. Another horror film set during Halloween. One year ago on
Halloween Night, Jonathan Starks (Michael Zara) saves his sister Lynn
(Amy Weber) when a pumpkin-masked killer attacks her in the attic of
their house. As Jonathan is stabbing the killer to death, the pumpkin
mask falls off, revealing the killer to be Lynn's obnoxious boyfriend
Alec (David Wright), who was just playing a (totally unfunny)
practical joke on his girlfriend. He pays for it with his life.
Exactly one year later, Jonathan and Lynn move to Carver, California
(a small farming town) and we meet the rest of the young cast (yes,
it's another "teens in peril" flick), including Jonathan's
newest love interest, Tammy (Minka Kelly), and her angry ex-boyfriend
Lance (David Austin), who threatens Jonathan's well-being if he dates
Tammy. Also plaguing Jonathan are visions of the pumpkin-masked
killer from a year earlier, but we soon learn that they may not be
visions at all. At Carver's big Halloween party that night, someone
begins slicing up the cast's faces like pumpkins (among
other carnage) and since Jonathan is new to town (and an expert
pumpkin carver), the suspicion falls on him. Old-timer Ben Wickets
(Terrence Evans, the legless Monty in THE
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake [2003] and it's prequel THE
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING [2006]), who is also
an expert pumpkin carver, pulls Jonathan aside to show him his
personal carving collection and sharp tools of the trade, relates to
Jonathan the bloody history of the town and tells him that a
mysterious carver appears every Halloween. As the party goes late
into the night and more people disappear, the killer (who likes to
skin his victims, leaving their teeth and jaw bones exposed on their
faces) begins appearing more and more to Jonathan. Is Jonathan
imagining all this or is it really happening? The maddening final
scene will make you want to kick in your TV screen, as it throws the
preceeding 83 minutes out the window and cheats the viewer out of a
satisfying (or much of any) conclusion. It instead goes for a cheap
shock and sets up the inevitable sequel. This by-the-numbers
horror flick, directed by Robert Mann (TRAPPED
- 1999), is professionally made and acted, but the screenplay (by
Mann and Producer Sheldon Silverstein) offers nothing new to the
genre. There are some graphic murders, including a gory giant drill-through-the-stomach
scene, and good use of Dolby Digital 5.1 sound throughout the film,
but the revelation by Jonathan of his father's sudden disappearance
when he was a kid and some logic-defying scenes late in the film
reeks of desperation. Instead of being a killer-on-the-loose film,
the script tries tossing some supernatural mumbo-jumbo into the mix,
including a scene of the pumpkin-masked killer popping-up suddenly
out of the solid ground and Jonathan levitating from a prone to
upright position (thanks to running the footage in reverse). The film
also contains standard teen cliches, including angry ex-boyfriends
made to look like the killer (too easy to be true), drunk teens doing
stupid things (including eating live grasshoppers) and sex before
death. I will give props to one funny death scene, though. It's when
drunk party organizer Bonedaddy (David Phillips) is taking a piss in
a pumpkin patch and the killer comes up behind him and cuts his head
off with a sickle. The next shot shows Bonedaddy's headless body
pissing into the open mouth of his decapitated head! THE
PUMPKIN KARVER
(Why do modern horror films feel the need to misspell words?) is an
ordinary modern DTV horror film that contains just enough blood and
violence (but strangely, no nudity), not to mention plenty of
pumpkins, to keep you reasonably entertained if you can look past the
cop-out ending. Straw Weisman (DEADMATE
- 1988) was one of the Associate Producers, as was co-star Amy Weber.
Also starring Mistie Adams, Jonathan Conrad, Briana Gerber, Jared
Show, Charity Shea and late-night exercise equipment informercial
pitchman Tony Little as a cop. A First
Look Home Entertainment DVD Release. The DVD contains two hidden
(but easily found) Easter Eggs, one being a blooper reel and the
other an alternate take on the finale. Rated R.