HORROR R - Z
RABID
GRANNIES (1989) -
Heavily edited (at least here in the States) but still outrageous
horror-comedy from Belgium. A group of relatives gather at the
mansion of their wealthy aunts (not grannies) to celebrate their
birthdays. What a lovely bunch of people they
are: A mistrusting lesbian and her beautiful lover; a cowardly
husband and his wife and two bratty kids; a lecherous nephew who hits
on the lesbian's lover; a truly repulsive child-hating priest; a man
with a wife young enough to be his daughter; and, a bike-riding
spinster. All these people have one thing in common: They are at this
party to get on the good side of their aunts so they will be put in
the will. While the party is going on a sinister-looking hag delivers
a gift from a nephew who was disowned by the family for practicing
black magic. The gift is an ancient box and, when it is opened,
demons possess the two elderly aunts. They proceed to literally rip
apart their family. From this point on the carnage doesn't stop. It
is a shame that Troma, who
distributes this film in the US and other territories, decided to
release a severely edited cut, devoid of the gorier scenes to secure
an R rating. The DVD
they released in America is also full screen, with the edited out
scenes as extras on the disc. In the United Kingdom they released the
fully unedited version on DVD in widescreen. This is what you are
missing in the R-rated version: People are ripped in half, beheaded,
crushed between bars of an iron gate and one unlucky man gets his ass
chewed off. Best scene: The two possessed aunts corner the priest and
hand him an automatic rifle. They give him a choice: Either shoot
himself where he will go to Hell for taking his own life or let the
aunts poke out his eyes and eat his stomach where he will die and go
to Heaven. He takes the easy way out. This is one of the most
original scenes on film in years as it induces shudders as well as
laughs. Bravo to first-time (and only time) director/screenwriter
Emmanuel Kervyn for making something other than a run-of-the-mill,
reading-of-the-will potboiler. The film is smothered in atmosphere
and looks like Kervyn studied the horror films of Italy, especially
Lamberto Bava's DEMONS (1985).
This is a bloody good show. Starring Danielle Daven, Anne Marie Fox,
Jack Mayar, Elliot Lison, Raymond Lescot and Guy Van Riet. A Media
Home Entertainment and Troma Team Release. Rated R.
THE
RAGE (2007) - Stop me if you heard
this before: A mad scientist kidnaps innocent people and performs
illicit experiments on them, only to have one of his guinea pigs
escape, which leads to events where a group of annoying young teens
are stalked and killed. Heard it before? I thought so, but the only
things THE RAGE has going in it's favor are a heavy quantity
of bloody gore and a smattering of nudity. Some viewers will find
that enough to get through the next 86 minutes, but others will be
asking for more, like logic and a coherent plot. Dr. Viktor
Vasilienko (Andrew Divoff; FAUST:
LOVE OF THE DAMNED - 2001), a mad Russian scientist, has
been infecting kidnapped people for several years with his Rage
mutagen, hoping to spread the infection throughout the free world
(don't ask). One of his subjects breaks free, kills Viktor and
escapes into the forest, where he kills a necking couple in a car. He
then dies and his corpse is picked clean by a flock of vultures,
which then become infected and attack weekend fisherman Uncle Ben
(Reggie Bannister, who manages to get a PHANTASM
reference in, even though his screen time is less than three
minutes). After chowing down on his visiting niece and nephew (played
by director Robert Kurtzman's children), Uncle Ben
is then killed when he is run over by an RV occupied by a group of
idiotic twenty-somethings (one of them portrayed by ultra-low-budget
scream queen Misty Mundae, using the name "Erin Brown"
here) on their way back from an outdoor rave. The vultures attack and
disable the RV (in a scene that will either have you howling with
laughter or shaking your head in disbelief), forcing the group to
flee into the woods, where they are either killed by the vultures
(who spit an acidic liquid out of their beaks!) or infected with the
virus. The survivors manage to make it to Viktor's hidden laboratory,
only to discover that the mad Russian has returned from the dead,
infected with the Rage virus and anxious to continue his experiments.
The doctor and his two mutant sidekicks (the results of his failed
attempts) continue his research, but the final two ravers fight back
using whatever sharp instrument is handy (and there are many) to make
their escape. In typical modern horror film fashion, there's an
unnecessary sting in the final shot that leaves this film open for a
sequel. If it's blood and gore you want, look no further. All
others stay away. The film nearly screeches to a dead stop once we
meet the ravers, who are some of the worst actors this side of a H.G.
Lewis film, but director Robert Kurtzman (THE
DEMOLITIONIST - 1995; WISHMASTER
- 1997, also starring Andrew Divoff), the former K of KNB Effects,
tosses in so many bloody makeup effects, like decapitations,
eye-gouging, impalements, axes to the head and bites out of flesh,
that you can almost forgive the terrible thespians. Almost. The final
thirty minutes, where a deformed Divoff (who is his usual
professional, off-kilter self) reappears and explains his motivations
for his hatred of western culture (It seems he found the cure for
cancer, only to have his research stolen by U.S. interests and he was
then placed in an insane asylum, where he was given electroshock
treatments), becomes total inept insanity, especially his dwarf
transvestite hunchback assistant (!), who carries around a stuffed
monkey and screams "Kiss the monkey!" to the restrained
ravers as he/she/it shoves the stuffed animal in their faces. While
Kurtzman and his newly-formed Precinct 13 Entertainment effects crew
manage to supply as many practical effects as possible (lots of
squishy bladder effects and dismembered body parts), there are also
some glaringly-bad CGI shots on view, especially whenever the
vultures are in flight, which don't for a second look like anything
but cheap computer animation. Some of the blood effects are also
enhanced by CGI and they are just as noticeable as the damned
vultures. THE RAGE delivers on the grue, but fails on nearly
every other level. That can either be read as a ringing endorsement
or a dire warning. I'll leave that decision up to you. And what's up
with all these new horror films having headache-inducing thrash metal
soundtracks? This one contains songs from Mushroomhead and The
Fakers. Gary Jones, the director of such genre films as MOSQUITO
(1995), SPIDERS (2000) and CROCODILE
2: DEATH SWAMP (2002), was Line Producer and First Assistant
Director here. Also starring Ryan Hooks, Sean Serino, Rachel Scheer,
Anthony Clark, Christopher Nelson, Matt Jerrams and Alan Tuskes.
Available on widescreen DVD with many bonus features (including a
behind-the-scenes doc that's longer than the film and twice as
interesting) from Screen
Media Films. Unrated.
THE
RAT MAN (1987) -
Who but those crazy Italians would remake Sondra Lockes RATBOY
(1986) as a horror film? Why
would they want to? A scientist crosses the genes of a monkey and a
rat and comes up with the title creation (portrayed by Guinness World
Book title holder for the shortest human being: 27 inch-tall actor
Nelson de la Rosa [in ridiculous make-up]). The creature breaks loose
and kills anyone that gets in its way, including models on a
fashion shoot. The sister of one of the models (Janet Agren of GATES
OF HELL -
1980) teams up with a TV mystery writer (the late David Warbeck of THE
BEYOND
- 1982) to stop this pitiful tiny terror. Basically a series of
stalk-and-slash scenes, this mundane film is real boring and will tax
even the most patient viewer. Illogical to the extreme, THE RAT
MAN
pushes the believability barrier by giving such a small creature the
ability to slaughter full-size humans without much of a fight. All
rats and monkeys should protest this film. Directed by Guiliano
Carmineo using the pseudonym "Anthony Ascott" (THE
CASE OF THE BLOODY IRIS -
1971; EXTERMINATORS
OF THE YEAR 3000 - 1983). Also starring Eva Grimaldi and
Werner Pochath. This film is not available on any legal label in the
U.S., but can be purchased from many gray market sellers. Not
Rated.
NOTE: Nelson de la Rosa died on
September 22, 2006 of unknown causes. He is probably best remembered
by movie fans as the diminutive sidekick of Marlon Brando in 1996's THE
ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU. He was also the blueprint for Mini-Me
in the AUSTIN POWERS
movies and sports fans on the East Coast also knew him as the pal of
then-Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez, who used Nelson as a good luck
charm during the Sox's 2004 World Series run. R.I.P. Nelson.
RATS:
NIGHT OF TERROR (1983) - In
the year 225 A.B. (After The Bomb) there are two types of people who
live on Earth: Those who live above the ground and those who live
beneath it. A ragtag group of above-ground scavengers are searching
for food and shelter when they chance upon an abandoned town. It
seems to be an Eden to them because the town has a healthy supply of
food, liquor and even a water purification machine. Eden soon turns
into Hell however, as this town is populated by thousand of
man-hungry rats who begin to attack and devour the new visitors.
After three of the group are killed (one girl is
eaten from the inside-out as she is trapped in a sleeping bag) the
rest barricade themselves in a building, as the rats have chewed
through their vehicles' tires and contaminated their food and water
supplies. The rats manage to pick off the group one-by-one until only
four are left. The quartet discover a recording device in which a
scientist details the evolution of these rats. Prolonged exposure to
radiation have evolved the rats into a new intelligent species. After
spending years underground, the rats have returned to the surface to
claim what is rightfully theirs. The rats begin an all-out assault
and two more of the group are killed. When all seems lost, the
remaining two are saved by the underground people who come to the
surface wearing yellow radiation suits and gas masks. The duo thank
them for saving their lives as one of them removes his gas mask,
revealing the face of .......a rat! Guaranteed not to be endorsed by
the Humane Society, this film has live rats being burned, impaled,
stepped-on and generally mistreated. Call me twisted, but I found
this more disturbing than the frequent shots of the rodents chewing
through human bodies. This Italian production, directed by Bruno
Mattei (using the pseudonym Vincent Dawn) and co-directed by Claudio
Fragasso (a.k.a. "Clyde Anderson" of MONSTER
DOG
fame), has many gross effects and full frontal male and female nudity
to hold your attention. The best part of the film is the character's
names. Deuce, Video and Lucifer are some of the names you'll hear and
the lone black cast member (Geretta Geretta, a.k.a. "Janna
Ryann"; WARRIOR
OF THE LOST WORLD - 1983) is given the name Chocolate! As
with most Italian genre films, the dubbing is unbelievable and the
dialogue is hilarious. RATS:
NIGHT OF TERROR
is better than most of the Italian post-apocalypse films due largely
to a different type of storyline (no MAD
MAX-type
action here) and a good, healthy dose of unrated gore. But did they
really have to kill live rats? Starring Richard Raymond, Alex
McBride, Ann Gisel Glass and Richard Cross. Also known as RATS
OF MANHATTAN. A Video
Treasures Home Video Release. Also available from Anchor
Bay in pristine form on DVD.
Now available in an even more pristine form as part of a double
feature Blu-Ray with HELL
OF THE LIVING DEAD (1980) from Blue
Underground. Unrated.
THE
REDEEMER (1976) - Weird slasher
film with religious undertones. The film opens with the following
statement superimposed over a shot of a serene lake: "From
out of the darkness the hand of the Redeemer shall appear to punish
those who have lived in sin..." Then, a boy rises
from the water and we see his shadow appear over the bed of a
faceless sleeping man. The man then goes to the Stuart Morse Academy
and murders the caretaker and makes a mask of the dead man's face.
Meanwhile, the boy has hopped on a school bus and goes to church,
where he puts on an altar boy uniform and joins the other children
while they listen to a preacher deliver a fire and brimstone sermon.
We are then introduced to short glimpses into the lives of six
people, each of them sinners in their own way (vain movie star,
abusive husband, rich uncaring lawyer, closet lesbian, etc.). What do
they all have in common? They are all going to their high
school reunion this weekend...at the Stuart Morse Academy. They all
gather at the academy only to find that they were the only ones
invited. They are greeted at the door by the imposter caretaker who
leads them to a banquet hall. He then locks all the doors (all the
windows have bars on them). Let the killing begin. After stuffing
their faces and trying to one-up each other, the six characters
realize they are trapped when they find the maggot-infested corpse of
the caretaker and the killer taunts them outside while dressed as the
Grim Reaper. The first guy is killed when a clown marionette carrying
a blowtorch burns him to death. One girl finds a way out of the
house, only to be shotgunned by the killer, dressed as a hunter. Even
though the final four decide to stick together, the killer manages to
do them in. One gets a sword dropped on his brainpan, another is
drowned in a bathroom sink full of hot water and another is shot
point-blank in the head (but not before seroiusly wounding the
killer, who is now dressed as a lawyer). The final woman is killed by
another clown marionette carrying a sword and then it immediately
cuts to the preacher finishing his sermon. When the boy leaves the
church (he touches the priest, telling him that "everything will
be alright now"), be prepared for two "What The
Fuck?!?" moments when the preacher removes his shirt. The
best way to describe this film, directed by Constantine S. Gochis
(his only directorial effort), is strangely twisted. Though we never
know the motivation of the killer (Was he sent by God or did the six
people do something to him when they were in high school?), the
entire film is one big puzzle that must be watched very closely (it
demands repeat viewings) if you are to receive the proper clues. When
the killer, disguised as a magician says, "Guilt...is a
hard-edged thing", just before dropping a sword on the movie
star's head (the film's bloodiest effect), it will send a chill down
your spine. While basically a riff on organized Catholicism (each
person killed represents one of the Seven Deadly Sins), once you
realize who the killer actually is, you'll see that screenwriter
William Vernick may not be the biggest fan of religion in general.
Without giving away too much, there's a scene in the beginning of the
film where an altar boy is telling a dirty joke to the other boys
while they're getting changed into their uniforms. When the boy from
the lake doesn't laugh, the joke-teller threatens him with a knife.
At the end of the film, we see the joke-teller dead with his throat
slit, hidden in the back of the station wagon of a bible salesman.
The entire film has an eerie vibe to it that cannot be described
properly (the music helps immensely). It must be viewed to be fully
appreciated. This film, along with SAVAGE
WEEKEND (1976), are two unsung 70's gems just begging to be
rediscovered. Starring Damien Knight, Jeanette Arnette, Nick Carter,
Nikki Barthen, Michael Hollingsworth, Gyr Patterson, T.C. Finkbinder
as the killer and Christopher Flint as the boy. Also known as CLASS
REUNION MASSACRE (on the Continental
Video Video label) and THE
REDEEMER...SON
OF SATAN. A Video
Communications, Inc. (VCI) Release. Also available in a horrible
VHS transfer from Genesis
Home Video and on widescreen DVD
& Blu-Ray
from Code Red. Rated R.
THE
RED MONKS (1988) - This is one of
the many late-'80s Italian horror films that is part of the
"Lucio Fulci Presents" series, but unlike many of the
others, no footage was cribbed here for Fulci's piecemeal film A
CAT IN THE BRAIN (1990). Fulci had nothing to do with the
making of this film (besides a fake-ass-looking spider that looks
like it was a leftover from his THE BEYOND
[1981]) and reportedly subsequently sued the producers to remove his
name from the film. It looks like he succeeded in Italy, but when
this was released all over the world on VHS & DVD, they played up
Fulci's involvement, saying that he was a
producer or supplied special effects to this film. Needless to say,
none of that is true at all (his name appears nowhere on the credits).
Richard Garlini (Gaetano "Ronald" Russo; THE
KILLER RESERVED NINE SEATS - 1974) is walking through the
woods and comes across an abandoned castle. He then hears violin
music and sees an old woman in a red dress wearing a big hat with a
black veil draped across her face playing a haunting tune on the
violin. He compliments the woman's violin playing and tells her he
thought the castle was abandoned a long time ago. She tells him he is
correct, not bothering to explain why she is in the middle of nowhere
playing the violin. Richard tells the woman his name and she replies,
"Yes, I know." He tells the woman that the castle and the
land surrounding it once belonged to his family, but for some unknown
reason they stopped taking care of it. He just inherited the castle
and property, so he decided to come here and check it out; he's
thinking of turning it into a hotel or boarding school. The old woman
congratulates him and tells him to take a look inside the castle and
check out what state it's in and then she continues playing the
violin and walks away. Richard enters the castle and finds it in a
disheveled state, but there's a valuable sword hanging on a wall, its
handle encrusted with what looks like rubies. He touches it and cuts
his finger. He then sees a beautiful naked blonde woman walking
upstairs and goes to investigate. He follows the woman down to the
castle's catacombs that lead him further down, walking through an
iron gate into a strange room. He finds the naked woman standing in
the middle of the room, her back to him. She is holding the sword
Richard saw hanging on the wall and when she turns around, she slices
off Richard's head with it.
Fifty Years Earlier (Sometime in the 1930's): We see Richard's
father, Robert Garlini (Gerardo Amato; CALIGULA
- 1979) at the castle, listening to his dog Morgan bark incessantly,
so he goes outside to investigate. He finds a pretty young woman,
Ramona Curtis (Lara Wendel; YOU'LL
DIE AT MIDNIGHT - 1986), up a tree, telling Robert that his
dog chased her there. Robert tells the strange unknown woman to jump
down from the tree and he will catch her, not to worry about Morgan
because his bark is worse than his bite (There's a fake-ass-looking
spider slowly crawling towards Ramona as she is sitting in the tree
that neither of them see). Ramona won't jump until Robert closes his
eyes like any "gentleman" would and he does just that, but
when Ramona jumps, they both are knocked to the ground and laugh,
introducing themselves to each other. It seems Ramona was on the
castle grounds to paint a nature scene, showing Robert her easel and
half-painted art. It's obvious that a romance is developing, as
Robert invites her to come inside the castle so his housekeeper,
Priscilla (Malisa Longo; SUPER
STOOGES VS. THE WONDER WOMEN - 1974), can mend her ripped
skirt. Pricilla mends the skirt and hands it to a half-naked Ramona,
asking her if she intends to stay at the castle, saying they only use
a small portion of the castle and if she stays, she will be put in
one of the many castle rooms that she and Robert haven't seen yet.
Ramona tells her no and a sly smile comes across Priscilla's face.
It's also obvious that Priscilla has the hots for Robert, but does he
feel the same way about her?
Apparently not, for a short time later we see Robert and Ramona
getting married at a church in a small ceremony; just them, a priest
and a witness. They drive back to the castle, where Robert tells his
new wife that the castle is hers and they begin to kiss passionately,
while Priscilla watches them, a look on her face telling us she
wished Robert married her instead. Priscilla tells Robert that she
received five mysterious phone calls tonight, the voice on the other
end saying that Robert has an urgent appointment he needs to keep
tonight. Robert seems to understand (He says, "Damn them!"),
telling Ramona that he has to leave, but he will only be gone for a
couple of hours. What could be so important that Robert has to leave
his new bride on their wedding night? When Ramona asks Robert what it
is all about, he deflects her question and leaves, telling Ramona
that Pricilla will take care of all of her needs (But not the
"need" she needs from Robert, if you know what I mean).
Priscilla shows Ramona to her and Robert's new bedroom, where Ramona
says she will have to do some major redecorating because the room is
much too dour and sad (as well as bright red!). This will be the
least of Ramona's problems.
We then see Robert talking to some people we cannot see, telling
them, "What you are asking for is absurd. What more could you
want from me? I've given you everything within my power, houses,
land, money. You can't ask me for anything more!" We then see
Robert is talking to a group of people wearing red hooded monk's
robes and they grab Robert as he goes to leave. The leader of the Red
Monks tells Robert, "You cannot rebel against that which is
written. The task is yours and you must fulfill it. We require the
blood of a virgin. Your wife. You will offer us your wife, at
midnight of the fourth day!" The monks point their swords at
Robert and make him leave, but it is clear by the look on his face
that Robert doesn't want to harm Ramona in any way. But does he have
a choice? I know this is the 1930's, when a woman saved her virginity
until marriage, but how will both Robert and Ramona be able to deal
with this situation, Ramona not knowing why Robert doesn't want to
make love to her and Robert getting a major case of blueballs?
Robert hires a personal French maid named Lucille (Mary Maxwell) for
Ramona, who seems friendly and accommodating. When Ramona explores
the castle by herself, she finds a room in the attic containing a
portrait of a woman she can't make out because it is covered in a
layer of dirt. She also finds a dress in an attic chest, but when she
puts it on, Robert gets angry, telling her to take it off and put it
back where she found it, not explaining why. It's easy to see that
Ramona is sexually frustrated because Robert won't even touch her.
Lucille tells Ramona she has discovered a secret and takes her to the
castle's basement (the same route Richard took before losing his
head). They come to a locked iron gate and Lucille says to Ramona,
"Who knows what mysteries your husband is hiding behind it?
Wouldn't you be happy to learn them?" Later on at dinner, Robert
tells Ramona that the castle doesn't have any secret passages or
ghost or spirits and it has always been that way, at least as far as
he's concerned (As we know from numerous Italian Gothic horror films,
all castles have secret passageways). Ramona then has a nightmare (?)
about what's behind that locked iron gate. It's a room full of lit
candles, where a skeleton with glowing eyes holds the sword with the
ruby encrusted handle. Its glowing eyes scare Ramona and she is then
surrounded by the Red Monks, who slowly approach her from all sides,
holding their swords to their chests. Ramona faints and falls to the
ground and Priscilla wakes her up, telling Ramona that she had passed
out on her bed for no reason. Robert tries to calm her down, but
Ramona screams out, "They want to kill me!", Robert telling
her she hasn't left the room and she only had a bad nightmare.
Ramona tells Lucille about her nightmare where she imagined walking
in the catacombs last night. Lucille tells her she didn't imagine it,
she saw her walking in the catacombs last night, but that "old
witch" Priscilla told her to mind her own business and to go
back to her room. Ramona confronts Priscilla, but she says she has no
idea what Lucille is talking about. Later that day, Lucille sees a
Red Monk skulking around on the castle grounds and goes outside to
investigate. As she walks deeper into the woods, she becomes
terrified that someone or something is chasing her, so she runs
toward the castle, only to get her head cut off by someone wielding a
scythe. Ramona walks to the woods with her easel to do some painting
and as she is sitting on the ground, the same fake-ass-looking spider
crawls towards her. When Ramona looks down, the spider seemingly
morphs into a nattily dressed man in a pinstripe suite and fedora hat
(Chuck Valenti; THE BRONX EXECUTIONER
- 1989; using the pseudonym "Richard Brown") and he tells
Ramona that he likes her painting. The man with no name (who looks
like a '30s pimp!) then rapes Ramona (!), but she is so sexually
frustrated she doesn't put up much of a fight. She also doesn't tell
Robert about what happened, instead they have a picnic (!), but when
Ramona opens up the picnic basket, Lucille's decapitated head comes
rolling out!
That night, Robert gets a phone call, telling him that tomorrow at
midnight is the time he is to deliver Ramona to them. We also find
out that Robert is having an affair with Priscilla (apparently, long
before he got married to Ramona and solving his bad case of
blueballs!), but Ramona spies on them having passionate naked love
and then gives herself freely to the nameless stranger. Priscilla
sees them driving away and tells Robert about it. Another stranger on
the street hands Priscilla a package and tells her to give it to
Robert. When he opens it, Robert discovers a note that reads,
"The time is up at midnight", along with a sand-filled hourglass.
The nameless stranger takes Ramona to the house of an historian
(stuntman/actor Claudio Pacifico; DAY
OF THE COBRA - 1980), who tells Ramona the history of the
castle (cue the flashback): "In 1418, the
castle was owned by Grand Duke Lodorisio (portrayed by Pacifico),
a member of the Order of the Templars. He founded the Confraternity
of the Red Monks, so-called because of the scarlet robes they wore on
top of their armor. They were a sect generally believed to be
heretical and suspected of collusion with the forces of the occult.
The Grand Duke was a mighty warrior, but his eyes could be tempted by
targets other than enemy lances. One day, he saw a young gypsy girl (portrayed
by a naked Lara Wendel!) on his lands, an
inviting prey." The Grand Duke watches the naked gypsy
woman swimming in his lake, but when she sees him, she runs away. The
grand Duke catches her and then rapes her (Oh those Italians and
their raping ways!). He falls in love with her and she with him and
they get married, where he introduces her to the cult of Red Monks.
The authorities want to do away with this cult, so they send a secret
assassin to kill the Grand Duke. The assassin and the Grand Duke get
into a swordfight to the death inside the castle, but just when it
looks like the assassin is about to lose, he scratches the Grand
Duke's hand with a poison ring and he falls down dead. The assassin
was an ancestor of Robert and he and his family have owned the castle
since 1418. Legend has it that the Grand Duke's wife vowed to avenge
him and to perpetuate the cult of the Red Monks by celebrating it
with an offering of human blood, whenever there came about the
entrance of Uranus into the second sextile in Saturn (Hey, I don't
make this stuff up! I believe the dubbers were having some fun
here.). Ramona asks the historian when the next entrance takes place
and he replies midnight tonight.
Okay, I have given you all you need to know about why Ramona is in
such peril, but what I didn't tell you is that Robert hired a private
investigator to look into Ramona's background, since he knows nothing
about her past. What he discovers about Ramona changes everything,
but is it for the better or worse? As the sand in the hourglass is
about to run out, we discover who really is the bad guy/gal here and
it's not who you think. The ending of the film also doesn't mesh with
the beginning of the film. If Robert was the last person in the
Garlini family line, how does one explain Richard?
This Gothic horror film, a rather late entry, was directed and
co-written by Gianni Martucci (director of BLAZING
FLOWERS - 1978
and TRHAUMA -
1979, as well as writer or co-writer of NAKED
GIRL KILLED IN THE PARK - 1972 and THE
FLOWER WITH THE DEADLY STING - 1973), who is billed on some
prints as "John Martucci" or "Joe Martucci."
Co-written by this film's producer Pino Buricchi (Producer of THE
FINAL EXECUTIONER - 1983 and URBAN
WARRIORS - 1987), this movie is highly derivative of all
those "virgins needed for a human sacrifice" supernatural
horror films of the '60s & '70s. The Red Monks are not even
integral to the plot, as we only catch fleeting glimpses of them and
they are interchangeable with any other satanic cult, be it witches,
devil worshippers, hippie cults, or the like. They are of no
importance here and fail to make an impression. As I mentioned
before, the ending doesn't mesh with the beginning of the film,
making the beginning minutes seem tacked-on to flesh-out the film to
feature length. If it weren't for the frequent nudity by the
beautiful Lara Wendel and Malisa Longo (Wendel was quite frumpy in GHOSTHOUSE
[1987], which she made immediately before starring in this), I would
have given up on the film long before it ended (But I would have
still watched it all the way through because I always watch the
entirety of a film once I begin them. It's both a gift and a curse,
something I do for you, my faithful readers.). This film lacks
tension, as well as scares, and the special effects are anything but
special, as the severed heads on view look like mannequin heads
outfitted in wigs and makeup and most of the gore is off-camera,
including Lucille's decapitation. Did I mention the fake-ass-looking
spider? I did? Good! This film has nothing to offer horror film
aficionados, yet it is not a badly made film. It's just too common
for its own good, but if you want to see Ms. Wendel naked, full monty
nude, then go for it. All others are urged to stay away.
Shot as I FRATI ROSSI
(a literal translation of the review title), this film didn't receive
a theatrical or home video release in any format in the United
States, not even a legitimate streaming run, but if you have an all
region disc player, both the UK
and Germany offer the film
on DVD (both DVDs offer English dubbing, but the German DVD is
slightly cut, missing about 30 seconds of footage, mainly of Ramona
getting raped by the nameless stranger). I caught an unedited version
streaming on YouTube from user "Horror Realm", who offers
it in an open-matte print and English dubbed. Also featuring Ludovico
Della Jojo (YOR,
THE HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE - 1983) and Luca Intoppa. Not Rated,
but that's only because it was never submitted for a rating in the States.
RED
SANDS (2009) - Director Alex
Turner and screenwriter Simon Barrett, who previously teamed-up for
the supernatural horror western DEAD
BIRDS (2004), a film I didn't care for (but I'm apparently
in the minority in that opinion), returns with this modern-day horror
film, set in the beginning of President George W. Bush's "War On
Terror" in the Middle East. I'm glad to report that I enjoyed
this film immensely. The film opens with Army Specialist Jeff Keller
(Shane West; DRACULA 2000
- 1999) being grilled by his superiors on why he is the only survivor
on a mission he and a small platoon of soldiers were assigned to. The
film then flashes-back two weeks earlier to show us what happened.
Lt. Colonel Arson (J.K. Simmons; THE
CLOSER - 2005-2012, in what amounts to a small cameo)
assigns Staff Sgt. Marcus Howston (Leonard Roberts) and his men to
patrol a stretch of road known to be used by Al-Qaeda (Arson asks
Howston, "Do you like unicorns?" and a puzzled Howston
answers, "Yes". Arson then replies, "What are you,
some kind of faggot?" and quickly inserts that he was just
"Fucking with
you". Howston does not look amused, but if Howston was only
going to deal with mythical unicorns in the next two weeks, he would
be a happy faggot!). We then switch to the city of Kabul in
Afghanistan (The movie was actually filmed in Kabul, Afghanistan and
also in Morocco). It's September 2002 and Howston, along with Keller,
Chard (Brendan Miller), Trevor (Aldis Hodge), Gregory (Callum Blue)
and a few other soldiers (if this were STAR
TREK, we would call them "red shirts") are
patrolling the streets, both on foot and in vehicles, looking for
traces of Al-Qaeda. It is a tedious mission filled with boredom and
dust, with little children on the street asking the soldiers for a
"biscuit?" One day, their convoy comes under attack from
enemy fire while they are driving in the middle of the desert. They
stop their vehicle to recon the area and come across a strange statue
carved into the side of a mountain. Wise-ass Chard fires a bullet
into the statue, which causes it to crumble into a million pieces.
What Chard has done is release a vengeful Djinn, a human-hating
spirit that was trapped in the statue for thousands of years. The
soldiers make temporary headquarters at a bombed-out stone house
(where the former residents were killed by phosphorous bombs that
burned them alive to their bones) and pretty soon the Djinn begins
fucking with their minds and then their bodies. During one of their
patrols, they find an enemy camp that is eerily deserted, except for
one dead enemy combatant that was buried up to his chest and stoned
to death. Back at their temporary headquarters, they are hit with an
unusually long sandstorm and the sudden appearance of an Afghani
woman who seems scared shitless and rambles incoherently. Could this
be the same woman Keller sees in his strange recurring nightmares? Is
she the Djinn (That question is answered fairly early, as her arm
stretches like Mr. Fantastic/Reed Richards in FANTASTIC
FOUR [2005] when she reaches for a canteen of water.)? The
Djinn uses each soldier's worst memories against them (Gregory is
visited by an American soldier who he killed in a friendly fire
incident; Howston gets radio transmissions from an Afghani girl he
killed during a raid; etc), until they mentally crack and turn on
each other. When Gregory is found brutally murdered (his eyes are all
black) and the other soldiers start killing each other, only Keller
keeps a level head about himself and survives the ordeal, but is it
the real Keller that is being grilled by his superiors in the
beginning of the film or the Djinn (That question is answered in the
film's creepy closing shot.)? This is a slow (some horror fans
would say it is too slow), methodical and psychological horror film
that doesn't play its entire hand all at once. One thing this film
does particularly well is show how American soldiers are truly
"strangers in a strange land" when forced to occupy
territories they really have no business (nevermind no understanding
of traditions) to be in. While there is some blood and gore on
display (especially the gaping head wound of the American soldier
Gregory accidentally shot), this film is more about mood and
atmosphere (you'll get dry mouth from all the sand on display here).
Particularly telling is the scene where Howston (who is quite crazy
at this point) catches Chard raping the woman and pulls him off her.
Instead of being upset about the attempted rape, Howston takes
offense to Chard calling him a "nigger" and stabs him to
death. This is a film about identity, both real and perceived, and
how being in an unfamiliar place for too long can fuck with those
perceptions (as real-life American soldiers stationed in Afghanistan
will readily tell you). The only disappointment here is the Djinn
itself. When it is finally shown in the film's final twenty minutes,
it is nothing but an obviously bad CGI creation, which is neither
scary or believable. Other than that, RED
SANDS is an effectively frightening film which evokes what
scares us the most: Fear of our own worst memories coming back to
life. This is one of many post-9/11 war horror flicks and would make
a perfect companion piece with THE
OBJECTIVE (2007). Also starring Theo Rossi, Noel G, Andrew
Elvis Miller and Mercedes Masohn as the mysterious Afghani woman. A Sony
Pictures Home Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
THE
REDWOOD MASSACRE (2014) -
There have been an awful lot of horror films coming from Ireland and
Scotland lately (this one is from Scotland) and if you like gore,
you'll probably love this film, but if you want a coherent plot with
characters you give two shits about, look somewhere else. It could be
because director/screenwriter David Ryan Keith (ATTACK
OF THE HERBALS - 2011) took on six other important jobs in
the film (cinematographer, editor, co-producer, digital effects
supervisor, sound editor and camera operator), rather than give them
to someone else to do, because the film has many continuity errors
and an over-reliance of normal slasher film conventions to make it
stand out from the pack. Sure, it's bloody as hell, but even that
becomes boring after a while because many of the kills are the same and
it then throws in a ton of torture porn, to boot. The film opens
with a bloody girl with a bad stomach wound in the woods at night
trying to avoid someone or something (it's never made clear whether
we are dealing with a man or a demon). She is then attacked by
someone dressed as a scarecrow (Benjamin Selway, who is listed as
"Evil Maniac" in the credits), who stabs her over and over
in the stomach until she falls on the ground. As she is trying to
crawl away the Evil Maniac hits her three times in the back with and
axe (really graphic) and then drags her away (The Evil Maniac does
the same exact thing to a bloke taking a piss in the woods a few
minutes later). When morning comes, four young adults decide to camp
at the same place where the Evil Maniac struck the night before (Mark
[Adam Coutts] has the nerve to bring his current and ex-girlfriend
along! He prophetically says to his current girlfriend Kristy [Lisa
Livingstone], "Trust me. This is going to be a weekend you'll
never forget!" But don't they say that in all slasher films?).
They are unaware that they are being watched closely by a hunter (Lee
Hutcheon; director/star of such films as MY
BROTHER'S KEEPER [2012], featuring a lot of the actors in
this film) a short distance away after he discovers the bloodpool of
the girl from the night before. But why is he watching them? It will
be answered. It wouldn't be so bad if every one of these four young
adults weren't annoying as fuck and, of course, there is no cell
service the farther they go into the woods. The last call they make
is to Bruce (Mark Wood), who is traveling by mountain bike to meet
them. Believe it or not, they are all going to a party to celebrate
the 20th anniversary of a multiple murder that happened there (Who in
their right mind celebrates a murder spree with a party?). Kristy
tells everyone about the mass murder that happened 20 years earlier:
A man known as "The Farmer" (Liam Matheson) and "The
Redwood Massacre". The Farmer murders his wife by slicing open
her stomach and eating her innards (we are shown it all in
flashback). He then chops off his daughter's head (we don't see that)
and murders his son (again, we don't see it) and then supposedly
committed suicide, but his body disappeared from his grave. Bruce is
almost at his destination when he falls off his bike and is dragged
away by the Evil Maniac. The next morning, Kristy and Pamela (Lisa
Cameron; LORD OF DARKNESS
- 2012) wake up from their tents, only to discover Mark and and his
ex-girlfriend Jessica (Rebecca Wilkie) are missing and think they
have headed to The Farmer's house (Really? Without telling them?).
They are actually being held captive in the Evil Maniac's
slaughterhouse (Big continuity error. How did they get there? Is it
possible director Keith was too involved with his other occupations
on the film to recognize that he forgot to film the scene?), tied-up
and gagged. Now it's time for torture porn. The Evil Maniac picks up
Jessica, ties her to a table, stabs her in the stomach a couple of
times with a small curved blade (twisting the blade while it is in
her), takes off her gag and then stabs her over and over in the
stomach so the guys next door can hear her death throes. It is very
bloody, but we have already seen it done earlier in the film. The
Evil Maniac then grabs Mark and ties him to a chair, while Bruce
breaks free and grabs an axe, but instead of trying to save Mark (who
has just had an axe planted between his legs and then has the top of
his head cut off with a hacksaw; once again, nothing is left to the
imagination), Bruce turns chicken and heads in the opposite
direction, but the slaughterhouse is very big. The Evil Maniac puts
bits of Mark and Jessica in mason jars in case he gets hungry later
on. Meanwhile, Pamela and Kristy make it to The Farmer's deserted
house, not knowing that it is the living area for the Evil Maniac
(Jesus, I am getting tired of all these stupid young adults). They
find a dead fox in the bathroom, but that will be the least of their
problems. Bruce and the Evil Maniac play a game of cat and mouse
(Guess who's the mouse?), where Bruce discovers the body of the girl
killed at the beginning of the film in a wooden box. The Evil Maniac
beats the shit out of Bruce and takes him prisoner again, where he
kills Bruce with some unseen torture. Pamela and Kristy decide to
spend the night in The Farmer's deserted house (Yes, these girls are
missing a few brain cells). After killing Bruce, the Evil Maniac
chases Kristy with an axe, catches her, stabs her in the stomach with
a huge blade and then begins to pull out her internal organs while
she watches, still alive. Pamela does the regular stupid young adult
thing and runs towards Kristy's screams and ends up in the
slaughterhouse, where she secretly watches the Evil Maniac chop
someone into pieces with an axe. The hunter (remember him?) puts the
barrel of a shotgun to Pamela's head and says, "Don't look at
me." in a whisper. He is there to kill the Evil Maniac because
he killed his daughter ten years earlier and he has been searching
for him ever since. He says to Pamela, "You people. You think
it's a fucking game. You have no idea what this thing can do. There
is no end...this is just the beginning." (It's probably the most
adult thing that Pamela has ever heard in her life.). He tells Pamela
to leave because all her friends are dead, but Pamela refuses to
leave and wants to help the hunter get payback. The Evil Maniac shows
up and the hunter puts a shotgun blast into him with no effect. He
gives Pamela the shotgun and tells her to run away. He faces down the
Evil Maniac and tells him, "Makes no difference if I live or
die. I died a long time ago." The Evil Maniac then runs him
through with a machete and then stabs him through the top of his head
(Ten years of searching for
this? It just seems so...stupid.). The Evil Maniac then goes after
Pamela (she has to run through a gauntlet of hanging bodies, some
still barely alive and some of them her friends) and catches her,
punching her over and over in the face until it becomes bloody filmic
overkill. But, somehow, the hunter shows up to buy Pamela some time
(but the Evil Maniac punches his fist clear through the hunter's
body) to grab the shotgun and shoot the Evil Maniac in the face. Is
it finally over? Pamela runs like hell through the woods until she
comes to a road and is picked up by a man in a van. Pamela passes out
from exhaustion, but the driver wakes her up a couple of hours later
and tells her that he got lost and believes they have been driving in
circles, ending back at The Farmer's deserted house (Really?). The
Evil Maniac slits the van driver's throat and chases Pamela into an
auto graveyard (Judging by the newer model of cars in the graveyard,
I wouldn't be wrong to hazard a guess that these are the cars of the
Evil Maniac's victims over the years). After the Evil Maniac delivers
more punches to her face (She is going to be sore in the morning!),
Pamela jumps into one of those giant magnet vehicles and drops a car
on top of the Evil Maniac (How does she even know how to operate one
of these big machines?). Before the closing credits begin to roll,
Pamela says, "Fucking Farmers!" Besides THE
REDWOOD MASSACRE being a lot bloodier than your normal
slasher film (the closing credits thank the company that supplied
them with gallons of fake blood!), this is just another mindless
slasher flick that asks a lot of questions and offers no answers.
Just who is the Evil Maniac? Is he The Farmer or something more
supernatural? If the Evil Maniac can survive a point-blank shotgun
blast to his face (which we never see since he never takes off the
scarecrow mask), he sure as hell can survive having a car dropped on
him. so I wouldn't be surprised if there will be a sequel in the
future. And don't get me started on the continuity. It jumps from
scene-to-scene with no connective tissue, like huge chunks of the
screenplay were thrown away in the name of pacing (it is quick-paced,
even though it took 35 days to shoot this 82-minute film). The next
time, I hope David Ryan Keith just sticks with directing and writing
and leaves the other jobs to qualified people. This way he could
spend more time making sense of his films and not leaving us asking
questions that we shouldn't be asking. If you are a gorehound, this
film will delight you. If it's involving characters or plots you
want, look somewhere else. This film does serve a purpose for a
specialty crowd and, while I enjoy lots of gore just like every other
horror film fan, I also appreciate some time building up the
characters so we have people we care for. Keith fails miserably in
that department. A little less H.G. Lewis and a little more John
Carpenter. It's a well-made film, although it's apparent that some of
the Scottish actors are trying a little too hard to speak American
(especially Kristy) and there's also a total lack of nudity, so don't
go looking for it here. Also featuring Claire Beam, Morgan Keith,
Cheryl Bernard, Lindsay Cromar, Alec Westwood, Adam Huckle, Paige
Henderson and Gina Hooper. An Uncork'd
Entertainment DVD Release.
Director/screenwriter/jack-of-all-trades David Ryan Keith returned
six years later for an ultra-bloody sequel titled REDWOOD
MASSACRE: ANNIHILATION (2020) Not Rated.
REEKER
(2005) - Five college students, on their way to a rave in the
desert, experience a strange phenomenon where they are seemingly
stuck in time. They find themselves trapped at an abandoned
motel/café, where, a few short hours before, it was teeming
with customers. The students, Jack (Devon Gummersall; EARTH
VS. THE SPIDER - 2001), who was blinded at the age of six by
a lawn darts accident; Gretchen (Tina Illman, also one of the
Producers), who plays everything a little too safe; Nelson (Derek
Richardson; HOSTEL -
2005), a DJ; Cookie (Arielle Kebbel; THE
GRUDGE 2 - 2006), the sexpot; and Trip (Scott Whyte; DEATH
ROW - 2006), a wise-ass who has just stolen a fresh batch of
Ecstasy from drug dealer Radford (Eric Mabius; RESIDENT
EVIL - 2002), try to figure out why they seem to be all
alone (a lone radio signal implies that there has been some kind of
toxic spill which has closed down all the roads), while a creature
called a Reeker (David Hadinger) goes on
a killing spree. Only the blind Jack senses that something
extraordinarily wrong is going on, as the stench of decaying flesh
fills the air. Trip heads out on his own on his skateboard to look
for help and runs into Radford, whose car has broken down. While Trip
is trying to avoid the wrath of Radford, he meets Henry (Michael
Ironside; WATCHERS - 1988, in
what amounts to nothing more than an extended cameo), who is looking
for his missing wife Rose (Marcia Strassman, also in a
blink-it-and-you'll-miss-it cameo). There's something off about
Henry, who drives Trip back to the motel and also confides in him
that he's seeing dead people (This happens after Trip pulls a living
dead trucker, missing the lower half of his body, out of a garbage
bin and it scuddles away by walking on it's hands!). Trip tries to
siphon gas out of Henry's RV (in a funny bit, Trip mistakenly siphons
the RV's septic tank first), unaware that the Reeker has already
killed Henry (whenever the Reeker kills someone, they literally see
their lives flash before their eyes). Trip begins seeing all the dead
people, which means that he's the next victim of the Reeker's wrath
(which is a shame, because he's the film's most interesting
character). Cookie and Nelson are the next to die, while Jack and
Gretchen try to fit all the pieces of the deadly puzzle together.
Trip turns up briefly (minus an arm), just long enough to fill Jack
and Gretchen in on what they are dealing with (Trip says to Jack,
"At least you can still whack-off!" to which Jack dryly
replies, "Use your other arm."), before he is really
dispatched by the Reeker (who has a huge mechanical drain snake-like
device in place of it's right arm), leaving Jack to use his
heightened sense of smell to try and save their lives. What happens
next is creative, as well as poignant, even if it doesn't make a lick
of sense. Not a bad little horror film considering it's low
budget, director/screenwriter/co-producer Dave Payne (NOT
LIKE US - 1995; SHOWGIRL
MURDERS - 1995 [using the name "Gene Hertel"]; ALIEN
TERMINATOR - 1996), who also composed the music soundtrack,
manages to cram a lot of humor and tense situations into a story that
is full of unique ideas, which is why Payne probably remade the film
with a slightly larger budget as NO
MAN'S LAND: RISE OF THE REEKER in 2008 (which I found a
little more satisfying than this if only because it expands on this
film's premise). Not everything works here (For starters, the Reeker
is a terribly underwritten character), but Payne at least tries to be
different from the countless other DTV horror flicks that don't have
an original idea in their tiny little heads. The makeup effects,
using both practical effects and CGI, are very bloody (the film gets
off to a gory start when a vacationing family hits a deer with their
car and suffer a far worse fate than the deer, including the family's
poor pet dog), but are used sparingly, so when they do come into
play, they are shocking and effective. While not everything succeeds
in REEKER, I applaud Dave Payne
for giving us a horror film that's funny without being overly jokey
(some of the dialogue is inspired, including how Jack's blindness led
to a lawsuit mandating that lawn darts be made out of plastic instead
of metal) and complicated enough to actually make us use our brains
(the finale is unique and well-done). Make sure to read to the final
credits for Payne's funny take on film reviewers. I won't hold it
against you, Dave. A Showtime Entertainment DVD Release. Unrated.
THE
REJUVENATOR (1988) - In this
bloody updating of Roger Corman's THE
WASP WOMAN (1959), Mrs. Ruth Warren (Jessica Dublin), a
wealthy old woman, funds a top secret project of Dr. Ashton (John
MacKay). It's a youth serum he has developed by extracting fluids
from the brains of the recently deceased. There's only one drawback:
The serum is temporary and it also has some other serious physical
and psychological side effects. Mrs. Warren, who was an actress in
her younger years and wishes to be a young actress again ("Only
young actors get the good parts."), pressures Dr. Ashton to use
the serum on her before his animal testing is complete. He relents
and injects her with the serum. At first, things go perfectly, as
Ruth becomes a vibrant young woman (played by Vivian Lanko) but,
since this is a horror film, things go horribly wrong pretty quickly.
The serum is like heroin, as the more Ruth uses it, the more her body
becomes tolerant to it. As her demands for the serum grows, the
demand for cadavers rises in kind. You can see where this is heading.
When the supply of dead bodies dries up, murder becomes necessary to
keep Mrs. Warren beautiful. To hide her true identity, the young Mrs.
Warren passes herself off as Elizabeth, the niece of Mrs. Warren.
Elizabeth and Dr. Ashton begin an affair, much to the displeasure of
her lifelong manservant Wilhelm (James Hogue), who has been holding a
torch for Mrs. Warren for many years. Dr. Ashton should have kept a
closer eye on his test rat. It has morphed into a hideous
bloodthirsty monster, which is exactly what Elizabeth turns into when
she doesn't get her injections in time. Elizabeth ends up cruising
bars, killing men and women so Dr. Ashton can get the brain juce he
needs to make the serum. She even goes as far as removing the brains
of her victims with her bare hands. When Elizabeth discovers that
eating the brains of her victims produces the same effect as the
serum, Dr. Ashton must find a way to synthesize the serum before more
people die. The best laid plans....... This splattery horror
flick takes a while to get rolling but, once it does, it offers a lot
of bloody imagery and gruesome goodness. Director Brian Thomas Jones (ESCAPE
FROM SAFEHAVEN - 1988; POSED
FOR MURDER - 1989), who co-wrote the script with genre vet
Simon Nuchtern (SILENT MADNESS -
1984), patterns much of the film after RE-ANIMATOR
(1985), right up to a sub-plot about a rival doctor trying to steal
Dr. Ashton's work. Wilhelm's devotion to Mrs. Warren also brings up
images of a similar plot in the classic SUNSET
BOULEVARD (1950). The script is littered with witty lines,
such as when two coke-sniffing party girls see Elizabeth get ugly in
the ladies room. One of them says to the other, "As soon as a
club gets hot, they let in the bridge and tunnel crowd!" There's
plenty of gore, especially in the final third, as you will view brain
removal and eating, a nasty neck-twisting (resulting in the head
snapping off the body), a fist through the stomach and exiting out
the back and various goopy transformations (effects supplied by Ed
French [BREEDERS -
1986]). The finale is especially memorable and is sure to please fans
of extreme horror. THE REJUVENATOR
(also known as REJUVENATRIX) is a pretty good example of what
you can do with a limited budget and a lot of imagination. This one's
a keeper. Original music by the Poison Dollys. Also starring Katell
Pleven, Marcus Powell and Roy MacArthur. A Sony
Video Software Company Release. Rated R.
REST
IN PIECES (1987) -
Combination haunted house thriller/slasher flick filmed back-to-back
with EDGE OF THE AXE
by director Jose Ramon Larraz (using the pseudonym "Joseph
Braunstein" on both films) and utilizing many of the same cast
and crew. Helen Hewitt (Lorin Jean Vail) and her husband Bob (Scott
Thompson Baker) fly from Los Angeles to Spain to say goodbye to
Helen's dead Aunt Catherine (Dorothy Malone, a long way from her
Academy Award®-winning role in WRITTEN
ON
THE WIND [1956], because all she basically does throughout
this film is smile, point directly into the camera and call-out
Helen's name) and when they view her body in her coffin, she suddenly
sits up, scaring the crap out of Helen ("Don't worry, it's a
common occurrence", says the funeral director, which is a crock
of shit). Aunt Catherine is then cremated and the ashes are given to
Helen, but when she leaves the funeral parlor, a strange wind
kicks-up, knocking the urn out of Helen's hands and blowing Aunt
Catherine's ashes into the wild (When some of Catherine's ashes blow
into her mansion, the maid says, "She has returned!" and
the butler adds, "Just like she promised!"). Could this be
an omen of things to come? You bet your ass. Catherine's lawyer warns
Helen that her Aunt suffered from a mental illness and committed
suicide in front of a video camera. That videotape became Catherine's
last will and testament and Helen and Bob are about to watch the
footage. Aunt Catherine comes on screen and rails against Helen's
mother, saying "You should have been my daughter!", yet she
bequeaths her entire fortune, including the mansion, to Helen, before
she downs a drink laced with strychnine and passes away on-screen.
Bob seems very happy about becoming an "instant
millionaire", but Helen seems more worried about why the lawyer
refuses to go to the mansion with them. Once at the mansion (it looks
more like a split-level ranch than a mansion), Helen and Bob are
greeted by Lisa (Carol James), the maid, and Luis (Tony Isbert), the
butler/gardener and Helen notices a garage full of vintage cars,
including a Rolls Royce that starts-up by itself. Before they even
settle in, strange things begin to happen, like Bob's clothes
changing position in the bedroom closet and the bathroom suddenly
taking a life of its own, with the shower curtain nearly suffocating
Helen while she is taking a bath. Helen swears she saw a smiling
Catherine trying to kill her, but Bob thinks she just fell asleep in
the tub and the shower curtain came loose (Yeah, right, shit like
that happens every day!). Helen and Bob then meet all their strange
neighbors, including blind author David Hume (Jack Taylor), lesbian
Gertrude (Patty Shepard), Dr. Anderson (David Rose), Mr. Whitmore
(Robert Case) and Reverend Flaherty (Jeffrey Segal), who all live in
chalets on Aunt Catherine's property and don't pay a cent in rent
(which Bob finds peculiar). The neighbors also attend regularly
scheduled "concerts", which end in some deadly ritual we
are not yet privy to. The neighbors feel that the sudden appearance
of Helen and Bob will put a damper on their "concerts", but
Helen has more serious problems on her hands, like seeing Aunt
Catherine at the most inopportune times, getting obscene phone calls
and being locked in the garage and nearly asphyxiating on the exhaust
fumes. Is it possible that Aunt Catherine is still alive? And how is
it tied to the neighbors' "concerts", where we find out
that they kill the classical musicians they hire to play, chop-up
their bodies and eat their flesh? Maybe the connection lies in the
abandoned house across the street and the fact that all the neighbors
committed suicide years ago? If Bob wasn't so interested in finding
Aunt Catherine's hidden money (she didn't believe in banks and there
is close to $8,000,000 somewhere in the house), maybe Helen wouldn't
have to put up with all this shit alone. Do you think you know how
this is going to end? Director Jose Ramon Larraz (WHIRLPOOL-
1970; THE HOUSE THAT VANISHED
- 1973; VAMPYRES - 1974; SAVAGE
LUST - 1989) and screenwriter Santiago Moncada (THE
SWAMP OF THE RAVENS - 1974) have fashioned a creepy, if
far-fetched, horror film that touches on themes previously explored
in films like PSYCHOMANIA
(a.k.a. THE DEATH WHEELERS
- 1971), whereby committing suicide under certain circumstances can
lead to immortality, only REST
IN PIECES adds the extra ingredient that you must resort to
murder and cannibalism on a regular basis to maintain that
immortality. Both Scott Thompson Baker and Lorin Jean Vail are stiff
as boards (although Ms. Vail does look good in her many topless
scenes), but the neighbors, which includes genre vets Jack Taylor (NIGHT
OF THE SORCERERS - 1973), Patty Shepard (THE
WITCHES' MOUNTAIN - 1972) and the hulking Fernando Bilboa
(a.k.a. "Fred Harris"; EXTERMINATORS
OF THE YEAR 3000 - 1983), are the real stars here, whipping
out knives and other bladed objects (Taylor has a retractable knife
in his cane) and slashing people until they are bloody raw, then
chopping-up their bodies with meat cleavers for chow and discarding
the unwanted parts (like the feet) in a furnace. Some parts of the
film are shocking in the matter-of-factness way these neighbors are
shown killing their victims (including a classical string quartet who
never see it coming). While not without its faults (especially the
acting talents of the two leads and a flashback to a mass
fake-stabbing that must be seen to be disbelieved), this film is
still an entertaining and bloody horror film. Also starring Daniel
Katz and Antonio Ross. Originally released on VHS by LIVE Home Video
and not available on DVD. Not Rated.
THE
RESURRECTED (1991) - Excellent
horror thriller, loosely based on H.P. Lovecraft's "The Case Of
Charles Dexter
Ward". The majority of the film is told in flashback (in some
cases, there are flashbacks within a flashback within a flashback
within a flashback!) as we follow the exploits of private
investigator March (John Terry). He accepts a case offered to him by
Claire Ward (Jane Sibbett) to find out what exactly her husband
Charles (Chris Sarandon) is doing with the shipments of animal bones
and blood that are delivered to his farmhouse in a small Rhode Island
town. Slowly we learn that Charles has inherited the secret of
resurrecting the dead (using only the bones or cremated remains from
the deceased), a secret passed to him by his great great great great
grandfather, who was identical in appearance to Charles. The
resurrection process has a drawback: If the deceased remains are not
complete, they come back to life in a hideous, mutated form. This is
one review where I will not give away any more plot, except to say
that Charles is not who he appears to be. The rest I will leave for
your viewing pleasure. This terrifying and spellbinding feature
starts out deliberately slow, drawing the viewer deeper and deeper
into the unknown. The flashback device is never obtrusive. It instead
allows the viewer to pick up clues along the way. There are some
truly masterful sequences in this film, such as when Claire, March
and his assistant (Robert Romanus) discover a secret passage in
Charles' farmhouse and decide to investigate. What they discover you
will not soon forget. All the performances are top-notch, especially
those by John Terry (HAWK
THE SLAYER
- 1980), Chris Sarandon (CHILD'S
PLAY
- 1988) and Robert Romanus (FAST
TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH
- 1982). This is Dan O'Bannon's first directorial feature since his
1985 hit RETURN
OF THE LIVING DEAD
and he sure delivers the goods: Enough atmosphere for a dozen films,
bloody and effective effects, a good sense of humor and above all, it
never bores. THE
RESURRECTED
is a hundred times better than most direct-to-video fare, which
raises the question: Why didn't it get a theatrical release? This
filmed-in Vancouver, B.C. masterpiece richly deserved one! THE
RESURRECTED
is bound to become a cult classic. To see how Lovecraft should not be
adapted for the screen, see the review for CTHULHU
MANSION.
A LIVE Home Video Release. Available on DVD
from Lions Gate Home Entertainment. Rated
R.
RETURN
OF THE FAMILY MAN (1989) -
Pretty bad South Africa-lensed horror flick that is full of
characters you want to grab by the collar and punch in the face. A
group of obnoxious overage teens, including pizza delivery boy Alden
(Liam Cundill), who is on the run from drug dealers after witnessing
a multiple murder in a deal gone wrong, vacation at a run-down
mansion deep in (what's supposed to be) the Pacific Northwest woods.
Trouble is, they are not alone in the mansion, as a notorious serial
killer known as the Family Man (Ron Smerczak) has just escaped after
killing everyone in the bus transporting him (including his fellow
prisoners) and he has come home (the mansion
was his family home before he killed them all and ten other families
before being caught). Besides the nervous Alden, the rest of the cast
are straight out of Stereotypes 101: English Billy Idol-wannabe
Weasel (Adrian Galley); sexpot and bubblehead Libby (Debra Kaye);
good girl Vickie (Michelle Constant, who has a nose as big as the
great outdoors); Marty (Kurt Egelhof), a Hindi Indian who's great
with electronics (aren't they all?); Vickie's unfaithful boyfriend
Brian (Terence Reis); French foreign exchange student Sylvie
(Dominique Moser); and plain jane Evelyn (Victoria Bawcombe). After
55 minutes of sexual hijinks, house cleaning and baseball practice
(!), the Family Man finally arrives, kills Sylvie and the rest of the
group go looking for her the next morning. Brian finds a room hidden
behind a brick wall which contains the skeletal remains of the Family
Man's family and a small fortune in money, but doesn't get a chance
to tell anyone as the Family Man caves his head in with a
sledgehammer. The rest of the gang bands together and, with the help
of Marty's homemade weapons (including a bomb stuffed with nails and
an aerosol flame thrower), try to defend themselves from the maniac.
They fail, of course (he's virtually indestructable), but Alden,
Vickie and Weasel manage to trap the Family Man in an abandoned well
in the backyard and drop a huge propane tank on him that is detonated
with the late Marty's bomb. Rest in pieces, Family Man!
Directed (and co-written) by-the-numbers by John Murlowski (AMITYVILLE:
A NEW GENERATION - 1993; CONTAGION
- 2001), this is a slow-moving and rather bloodless slasher film. The
violence is tame, as the camera tends to pull away just as it's about
to get interesting. The best part is when Libby sets the Family Man's
head on fire with the homemade flame thrower. Rather than running
around screaming in pain, he calmly reaches for a towel, puts out the
flames (his whole head is a charred mess) and shoves Libby's face
into the spinning blades of a blender. What's really distracting
about this whole production (besides Michelle Constant's huge honker)
is that everyone talks in that English/German dialect that can only
come from South Africa. Why is it set in America in the first place?
When the sheriff (co-scripter Karl Johnson) says the word
"peckerwood" in his fake American accent, you'll either
laugh or throw your hands up in the air in disbelief. How come South
African filmmakers think all Americans speak with a Southern accent
and isn't this supposed to take place in the Pacific Northwest
anyway? Even with his accent, Ron Smerczak is quite good as the
family-hating serial killer. The problem is that director Murlowski
refuses to let him go full-tilt bozo and keeps it restrained when he
should be chewing up the scenery (as well as the cast). You can skip
this one unless you are a slasher film completist. A Raedon
Home Video Release. Not Rated.
RETURN
OF THE LIVING DEAD III (1993) -
It's a rare occasion when a sequel matches or surpasses the quality
of the original film and it's even rarer when a third film does the
same thing. I'm glad to say RETURN
OF THE LIVING DEAD III is that film, but with a few caveats.
The original RETURN
OF THE LIVING DEAD (1985) is a classic gore comedy, a
laugh-out-loud funny
take-off of NIGHT OF
THE LIVING DEAD (1968) that works thanks to a talented cast,
taut direction by Dan O'Bannon (THE RESURRECTED
- 1992) and a script (also by O'Bannon) that never takes itself too
seriously, but doesn't skimp on the scares. Ken Wiederhorn's RETURN
OF THE LIVING DEAD PART II (1987) is a vastly inferior
sequel that's a total waste of time, as Wiederhorn's script goes the AIRPLANE
(1980) route, parodying the genre with a non-stop barrage of unfunny
jokes and visuals. Thankfully, RETURN
OF THE LIVING DEAD III goes in the exact opposite direction,
playing everything with a deadly serious tone and not leaving room
for much humor. Curt Reynolds (J. Trevor Edmond) steals his father's
high security keycard and brings his girlfriend Julie (Mindy Clarke),
who has an unhealthy obsession with death, to a top-secret government
lab to secretly watch his father, Col. John Reynolds (Kent McCord),
perform an experiment where he reanimates a corpse using the poison
gas 2-4-5 Trioxin in hopes of creating the perfect undead military
killing machine. When the experiment goes horribly wrong and a couple
of technicians end up dead (one of them is portrayed by genre
director Anthony Hickox), Col. Reynolds is immediately reassigned and
must report to another base in a different state in two weeks. When
he tells Curt that they will have to move yet again (being a military
brat is tough), Curt rebels and takes off on hjis motorcycle with
Julie as his passenger, only to end up getting into an accident where
Julie slams into a telephone pole and dies. Curt gets the bright idea
to bring Julie back to life using the 2-4-5 Trioxin, so he brings her
back to the lab, opens a canister of the gas and revives her. He is
not quite prepared to handle what he has just created. When Julie
complains that she is "hungry", he brings her to a
convenience store, where they run afoul of a Spanish gang led by
Santos (Mike Moroff), that ends with Julie biting one of the gang
members and the store manager getting shot. This sets off a series of
events where Julie begins chowing-down on the brains of several
people, leading Curt and Julie to escape into the sewers, where they
are befriended by a crazy coot named Riverman (Basil Wallace). Santos
and his gang follow them into the sewer, while Col. Reynolds is left
with the chore of cleaning-up Julie's messes and containing the
infectious outbreak. Julie is able to temporarily curb her hunger by
self-inflicting severe pain, so she begins piercing every inch of her
body with any sharp object she can find, including nails, coil
springs and shards of metal and glass. She is not able to sate her
appetite for very long, though, and soon begins putting the bite on ever
yone
she runs across. Just as she is about to devour Curt, Col. Reynolds
saves the day and stops her with an experimental rifle that instantly
freezes the infected. Julie is brought back to the lab, where she is
to be used in a new experiment conducted by Col. Reynolds'
replacement, Lt. Col. Sinclair (Sarah Douglas). When Curt catches a
glimpse of what is about to happen to Julie, he sets her free, which
results in the entire facility going into lockdown when a horde of
the infected undead are released in the melee. It all ends on a
fatalistic, but fitting, note. Besides a few lapses in logic
(Why in the hell would they bring Curt back to the lab and let him
walk around freely?) and some hinky acting (especially by Pia Reeves,
who portrays Alicia, the female member of Santos' gang), this film is
a bloody good show that is bolstered immensely by Mindy (later known
as Melinda) Clarke's nuanced performance as Julie. She's simply
wonderful here as a girl who was clearly troubled when alive, which
only makes her undead status all the more fascinating and tragic.
Director Brian Yuzna (SOCIETY - 1989; THE
DENTIST - 1996; PROGENY
- 1998) gets a lot out of his obviously small budget, especially in
the makeup effects department. People are gnawed, eaten, ripped apart
(especially Santos getting his head ripped away from his body with
the spinal column still attached) and shotgunned, but nothing comes
close to Julie's ritualistic piercing of her entire body. It's a
thing of unflinching beauty. If you want to view all this carnage,
you'll have to search for a copy of Vidmark
Entertainment's Unrated VHS tape (they also put out an R-rated
cut, so be careful), because the DVD put out by Lionsgate
Home Entertainment is the R-rated edit that omits nearly
everything I have described in this review. Also starring James D.
Callahan, Sal Lopez, Fabio Urena and Jill Andre. Unrated.
RETURN
TO HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL
(2007) - DTV
sequel to the 1999 theatrical film remake, HOUSE
ON HAUNTED HILL (one of the few modern horror films I can
watch over and over and never grow tired of, thanks to Geoffrey Rush
and Famke Janssen's acerbic performances as a husband and wife who
truly love and hate each other at the same time). The only
similarities between the 1999 film and its 2007 sequel are the return
of Jeffrey Combs as the ghastly Dr. Vannacutt and the former insane
asylum he ran, which holds the ghostly and vengeful spirits of the
mental patients who died there, many at Dr. Vannacutt's hands. RETURN
opens (after a lightning-fast series of edits in the opening credits
showing Dr. Vannacutt being meted-out justice by his pissed-off head
cases) with XTD Magazine reporter Ariel Wolfe (Amanda Righetti; FRIDAY
THE 13TH - 2009), her photographer
boyfriend Paul (Tom Riley), paranormal book author and college
professor Richard (Steven Pacey), his assistant Kyle (Andrew Lee
Potts), Michelle (Cerina Vincent; SASQUATCH
MOUNTAIN - 2006) and Desmond (Erik Palladino; DEAD
& BREAKFAST - 2004) investigating the mysterious death
of Ariel's sister Sara (played in the 1999 film by Ali Larter), who
was only one of two survivors of the original film. It seems Sara was
killed by Desmond and his gang because she had Dr. Vannacutt's
journal, which details the location of an ancient artifact known as
Baphomet's Idol, which is highly sought after by Richard and Desmond,
a former student of Richard's who now works for anyone who is the
highest bidder for the idol. Sara mailed the journal to Ariel, so
Desmond kidnaps her and Paul and heads for the titled house, only to
find Richard and his assistants already there. The journal mentions
that the idol is located in a secret room somewhere in the house's
basement, so everyone agrees to split-up into groups of two (a horror
plot device as old as film itself) to go look for it. As in the first
film, the house goes into lockdown mode, so everyone is trapped
inside and the killings begin. The first ones to die are two of
Desmond's goons, Warren (Chucky Venice; WRONG
TURN 3: LEFT FOR DEAD - 2009), who gets his guts ripped out
by a ghost before being pulled through a tiny hole in the wall, and
Harue (Kalita Rainford), who has her face cut off by Dr. Vannacutt (a
well-done and gory effect) after being seduced by two naked female
ghosts (another modern film fact: all female bad girls are lesbians).
While Ariel gets psychic warnings from her dead sister and other
ghosts, the killings continue, including musclebound goon Norris (Gil
Kolirin), who gets drawn-and-quartered by sheets (!); goon Samuel
(Andrew Pleavin), who has the top of his head removed and his brain
twisted out; Kyle, who is drowned by ghosts in a basement pool;
Michelle, who has a refrigerator dropped on her head; and Desmond,
who is thrown in a crematorium and burned alive. Ariel finds
Baphomet's Idol and she and Paul try to escape the house, while a
possessed Richard, Dr. Vannacutt and the asylum's ghosts try their
best to kill everyone. Like the first film, only two make it out
alive. This is strictly a by-the-numbers DTV sequel, directed
by Victor Garcia (who also directed the internet prequel 30
DAYS OF NIGHT: BLOOD TRAILS [2007] for the defunct FearNet)
and written by William Massa that has very little to offer storywise.
The Baphomet Idol plotline is not only far-fetched (Why would Dr.
Vannacutt possess such an item in the first place and where did he
get it from?), the idol's powers are never fully explained. But if
it's blood, guts and nudity you want, this film delivers all three in
spades (much moreso than the 1999 remake). I'm also happy to report
that most of the gore effects are practical in nature and CGI, while
still present, isn't quite as obvious as most DTV productions. It's
also apparent that this wasn't filmed in the same house as the 1999
original (this is supposed to take place in Los Angeles, but was
actually filmed in Bulgaria). The original house had a personality
all its own, while the house here seems more like an underground
bunker than a house and besides some exterior shots of the original
house and one interior set that tries to copy the first film's main
room (complete with stained glass littering the floor and the table
that had the miniature coffins that held the guns), it bears no
resemblance to the original. Still, it's a quick 81 minutes and I've
seen much worse. Stay tuned after the closing credits for a final
stinger, which sets-up a sequel that takes the action away from the
house. A sequel which, as of this writing, has yet to be made. RETURN
TO HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL was the first DTV DVD released by
Warner Bros. offshoot label Warner Premiere, which would later
release such titles as LOST
BOYS: THE TRIBE (2007) and THE
HILLS RUN RED (2009). Unrated, and for good reason.
NOTE: If you are going to watch this film, stay away from the version
shown on cable channel American Movie Classics (AMC) since they edit
out almost all of the gore and all of the nudity. This from the same
channel that shows plentiful gore on their TV series THE
WALKING DEAD. Go figure. NOTE #2: I have been informed by
long-time reader Michael Prymula that the Blu-Ray
version of this film has several alternate scenes and endings
you can choose from. If that stuff interests you (since it is not
available on the DVD), that may be the route you may want to take.
RETURN
TO SLEEPAWAY CAMP (2008) -
It's been 25 years since the infamous murder spree at Camp Arawak,
committed by transgendered teen Angela Baker (Felissa Rose; CORPSES
ARE FOREVER - 2003; DEAD
AND GONE - 2007). Well, the camp has been reopened, renamed
(to Camp Manabe) and restaffed by new owner Frank (Vincent Pastore; BLACK
ROSES - 1988). Yes, it's a recipe for a new disaster. This
film centers on fat, pug-nosed, loud-mouthed and repugnant camp
member Alan (Michael Gibney), who doesn't get along with anyone,
including the other kids in his cabin and camp counselor Randy (Brye
Cooper), who seems to take pleasure in torturing Alan (It's not like
Alan doesn't deserve it, though, because he's really an annoying sack
of shit). When Alan goes to the camp's kitchen, run by Chef Charlie
(the late Isaac Hayes in a cameo parodying his Chef character on SOUTH
PARK), he gets into a fight with kitchen staffer Mickey
(Lenny Vento) and almost kills Mickey by throwing a butcher knife at
him. Frank wants to punish Alan, but he runs away into the woods
(after calling Frank a "Big Pussy", a sly reference to
Pastore's Mob nickname on THE SOPRANOS),
so Frank sends Alan's half-brother Michael (Michael Werner) to go
fetch him. A short time later, Mickey is dunked head-first into the
deep fryer by someone wearing a black hooded sweatshirt and black
gloves, who then puts Mickey's body into a plastic bag and stuffs him
in the trash compactor. Is it possible that Alan is the killer? Alan
has the hots for
female camper Karen (Erin Broderick), but fellow campers T.C.
(Christopher Shand) and Bella (Shahidah McIntosh), as well as stoners
Weed (Adam Wylie) and Stan (Chaz Brewer), who make Alan smoke a joint
containing cow manure, are always picking on him and interrupting his
romantic overtures (if you want to call them that). Later that night,
the killer ties-up Weed, force-feeds him gasoline and sticks a joint
in his mouth, forcing Weed to go up in flames from the inside out
when the joint is lit. Is it possible Alan is the killer? Sheriff
Jerry looks into the rumor that Angela Baker has escaped from the
insane asylum, so he interviews Angela's brother Ricky (Jonathan
Tiersten, returning from the first film), who assures the sheriff
that Angela is still locked up. Alan keeps suffering humiliation
after humiliation (everyone at paintball uses him as a target;
Michael skins all of his pet frogs; T.C. gives him an atomic wedgie
and throws him in the lake in front of all the other campers, where
they learn he cannot swim; Karen tricks him into playing Spin The
Bottle, only to have him appear with his pants around his ankles on
the camp's stage), until he snaps and runs away. Then the killings
really start. Frank has his head trapped in a birdcage while the
killer sticks a rat in the cage to keep him company. Randy is tied to
a tree and has his family jewels yanked-off with fishing line.
Randy's girlfriend Linda (Jackie Tohn) gets a barb wire necktie. T.C.
gets a sharp stick rammed through his eye and Bella dies when a bed
of nails falls on her. Is Alan the real killer or is it someone else?
Don't read the rest of the review if you don't want the answer.
Oh my god, this is a bad film (originally lensed in 2003, but not
obtaining a release until 2008), but it's bad in the best way
possible. Director/screenwriter Robert Hiltzig, who performed the
same duties in the original SLEEPAWAY
CAMP (1983; he basically ignores the two sequels, SLEEPAWAY
CAMP 2: UNHAPPY CAMPERS [1988] and SLEEPAWAY
CAMP III: TEENAGE WASTELAND [1989], both directed by Michael
Simpson, as well as the unfinished third sequel, SLEEPAWAY
CAMP IV: THE SURVIVOR [1992], all available as part of
Anchor Bay Entertainment's SLEEPAWAY
CAMP SURVIVAL KIT DVD box set), tosses-in plenty of bad
acting (Michael Gibney as Alan is so over-the-top, he transcends
badness and enters a whole new plateau of "acting". Paul
DeAngelo, one of the returning actors from the original film [he
plays sympathetic counselor Ronnie here] proves he hasn't learned a
lick of acting in 25 years) and red herrings, but the killer is so
obvious, you'll have to be blind not to spot it. As soon as the
character of Sheriff Jerry is introduced early in the film, it's
quite plain to see that it is actress Felissa Rose under heavy makeup
(a beard and a ridiculous fake nose). The fact that Sheriff Jerry can
only speak with one of those electronic voice wands (supposedly
because of cancer caused by smoking) is another plot device that tips
its hand much too early, so when Angela finally reveals her true self
in the film's closing moments (and she does the same scream she did
in the finale of the first film, minus the penis shot), the only one
who should be surprised is the family dog (and it would have to be
one dumb dog!). I do have to say that this film does have its
perverse charms and some of the effects are very gory, but this is by
no means a whole-hearted recommendation on my part. It's terrible,
but it wallows in its terribleness, which makes it slightly more
watchable than the average badfilm. Make sure you stay until after
the closing credits to see the film's bloodiest effect. Also starring
Kate Simses, Jaime Radon, Paul Iacono and Jake O'Conner. A Magnolia
Home Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
REVENGE
OF BILLY THE KID (1991) -
Gross-out horror comedy from Britain. The MacDonald Farm (on an
island that no one else lives on) is occupied by a family that can
best be described as slobs and perverts, with one exception. There's
hard-drinking father Gyles MacDonald (Ronald Balfour), who spits on
pigs, throws buckets at chickens and takes extreme pleasure in
milking the family goat every morning. And then there's the mother,
Gretta MacDonald (Jackie D. Broad), an overweight sow of a woman
whose missing teeth equals her IQ. Then there's their two sons, both
named Ronald (Bryan Heeley and Trevor Peake), who are both so stupid,
they couldn't count the fingers on one hand, even with the use of a
calculator. The one exception in the MacDonald family is daughter
Ronnie (Samantha Perkins), who is a bit fed up with
her family's crude ways (When Granddad MacDonald [producer and
co-scripter Tim Dennison] dies at the breakfast table [complete with
several loud burps and farts], the Ronald brothers and Ma fight over
his food and eventually dump his body on a rather large dung pile in
the middle of their backyard) and yearns to get away from this slob
of a family before it is too late (Dad named her Ronald, too, but she
uses the name Ronnie instead). Ronnie, who is as bright as a broken
light bulb, has fallen in love with a "mainlander", much to
Ma's discontent (She calls Ronnie a "jezebel" for cheating
on her brothers!), but Ronnie takes the rowboat to the mainland to
meet her true love, Lance Abbott (Dean Williamson), whose father, Mr.
Abbott (Norman Mitchell), owns the local butcher shop (Where they
sell more gross items like maggots and condoms with feathers than
actual meat). It seems the mainland is just as slovenly and unkempt
as the MacDonald's Island, as the mainland streets are lined with
drooling idiots, armless painters (a swipe at MY
LEFT FOOT - 1989) and loonies of all types. Lance and Ronnie
are the closest people in either place that would pass for normal,
although if they were to have children, they would certainly be
considered retards to even the most conservative society. Something
awful happened years earlier between the MacDonald family and the
mainlanders, something so bad, no one dares to talk about it, but it
will never be forgotten. One day, Pa gets drunk and fucks the family
goat (he took her out to pasture to stud but decided he would be the
better stud instead!). A few months later, the goat gives birth to a
mutant, which Pa wants to kill immediately, but Ronnie grows fond of
it. She names him Billy and raises him as her pet, teaching him how
to play fetch and giving him lots of love. Alas, Billy is a killer at
heart and escapes from Ronnie, first eating small animals like
rabbits but, as he gets bigger, Billy turns his attention to larger
animals and eventually humans, starting with Granddad's rotting
corpse on the dung pile. Pa grows tired of Billy's constant meddling
with his still, so he knocks him out, puts him in a sack and drowns
him in the ocean. Or so he thought. The rest of the film details the
title of the film, as a pissed-off Billy makes life on the
MacDonald's farm e-i-e-i-ouch! It's hard to grade a film like this
when it is obvious director Jim Groom (ROOM
36 - 2002), who co-wrote the screenplay with Tim Dennison
and Richard Mathews, wants to keep everything tongue-in-cheek, even
the gore sequences. I have to admit, I found myself laughing out loud
on several occasions in spite of myself. The humor here is of the
lowest common denominator, but no one does this type of humor better
than the British and this film won me over strictly because it
doesn't pretend to cater to intellectuals. The various growth stages
of Billy (listed as "Billy T. Kid" in the credits) is a
hoot and a half to watch (especially Billy's inventive POV shots) and
the gore is nasty and very well done. The sight gags, such as the
entire MacDonald clan sleeping in the same bed; a torn EVIL
DEAD poster on Lance's bedroom wall (a definite influence on
this film); Pa lubing Ma with a bucket of lard before fucking her; Pa
shotgunning a rooster for waking him up; and others too numerous to
mention in this review, make this film move at a brisk pace. As long
as you don't mind toilet humor (most of it literal toilet humor!)
mixed with bloody gore, REVENGE
OF BILLY THE KID is sure to get your blood pumping and give
your laugh muscles a good workout. Also starring John Gugolka, John
Abbott and a cameo by Hammer Films veteran Michael Ripper (this is
his last film appearance) as a pub local. Never released legitimately
in the U.S. on home video, you can purchase the British DVD from
Medusa Pictures from most online retailers. Not Rated.
REVENGE
OF THE LIVING ZOMBIES (1988) - Nearly
every living dead film since NIGHT
OF THE LIVING DEAD
has followed
the same formula: Something brings the dead back to life and they in
turn go on to chow down and infect a group of trapped innocents. Some
are done well, such as DAWN
OF THE DEAD
(1978) and RETURN
OF THE LIVING DEAD
(1985). Some are okay, such as Lucio Fulci's ZOMBIE
(1979) and Umberto Lenzi's CITY
OF THE WALKING DEAD
(1983). Some are bitter disappointments, such as this one (and
countless others). It's a pity, too, because quadruple threat
(Director, Producer, Screenwriter & Star) Bill Hinzman was also
involved with the classic NIGHT,
portraying the first onscreen zombie who attacks Russell Streiner
and Judith O'Dea. In REVENGE,
he basically plays the same role in the same makeup! A farmer
unearths Hinzman's chained-up coffin and opens it, unleashing his
living dead body, causing a series of zombie attacks which infects
half the population of a small town on Halloween night. The rest of
the film consists of people being bitten (some of the effects are
bloody and well done) or of people fighting back, shooting the
zombies in the head. The finale is a direct steal from NIGHT:
The couple who have survived attacks throughout the film are
mistaken for zombies and shot in the head by a hunting party. I was
quite surprised at the high quality of the makeup effects on display
here (many of the X-rated variety), but the sad fact is good effects
do not make a good film. You also need a good story, professional
acting and talent behind the scenes. You'll find none of that here.
Hinzman, who also directed the interesting failure THE
MAJORETTES
(1986) and photographed the mega-bomb CAPTURED
ALIVE
(1995), stumbles and fumbles at every turn. There are no surprises,
just telegraphed shocks that are highly unoriginal. There's an old
saying that goes, "Imitation is the sincerest form of
flattery." REVENGE
OF THE LIVING ZOMBIES, originally titled FLESH
EATER,
and also known as ZOMBIE
NOSH,
is just a quick means of making a fast buck. Also starring John
Mowod, Leslie Ann Wick, Kevin Kindlin and James J. Rutan. A Magnum
Entertainment VHS Release, who released the film in both R-Rated
and Unrated editions. Available on DVD
& Blu-Ray from Media Blasters.
Unrated.
REVENGE
OF THE RADIOACTIVE REPORTER
(1989) - Ace
reporter Mike R. Wave (David Scammell) is
working on a story about negligence at a nuclear power plant
facility. When he confronts the board of directors of the facility
about recent deaths and deformed babies being born because of
radioactive leaks, he is tossed into a vat of nuclear waste where he
transforms into the title creation: a hideously burned and deformed
reporter in a hat and trenchcoat whose touch means instant death.
Thinking Mike to be dead, the board decides to get rid of all the
evidence, including Mike's fiance, Rochelle (Kathryn Boese). Easier
said than done, as Rochelle has a toxic avenger protecting her.
Rochelle joins forces with Mike's brother, Joe (Randy Pearlstein), to
find the truth, while Mike disposes of the people responsible for his
condition. This juvenile horror/comedy contains more infantile jokes
than a school full of fifth grade children. Characters are given
names such as Peter Spurtz, Dick Swell and Cher Noble and the jokes
and one-liners are strictly sexual in nature (and you've heard them
at least a hundred times before). The acting also leaves a lot to be
desired, especially from Randy Pearlstein, who emotes like he is
reading his lines off of cue cards. There are some good effects (face
burnings, a head smashing and other body dismemberments), but the
humor is so puerile that it makes Troma's THE
TOXIC AVENGER
(1984) seem sophisticated. Executive producer Howard Goldfarb was
sentenced to six years in prison for bilking director Craig Pryce (THE
DARK
- 1993) and Pryceless Prods. out of more than $300,000 in
distribution rights to this film. I have the feeling the wrong person
went to jail. So will you after viewing this sophormoric mess. Also
known as ATOMIC REPORTER.
A Magnum Entertainment
VHS Release. Not
Rated.
RING
OF DARKNESS (1977/1979) - A
coven of witches, consisting of four women, Carlotta (Anne Heywood; THE
KILLER IS ON THE PHONE - 1972), Elena (Valentina Cortese; THE
EVIL EYE - 1963), Agatha (Marisa Mell; SEVEN
BLOOD-STAINED ORCHIDS - 1972) and Raffaella (Irene Papas; DON'T
TORTURE A DUCKLING - 1972), give their souls and bodies to
Lucifer (Enzo Miani; RED
NIGHTS OF THE GESTAPO - 1977) years ago when they were in
their early-twenties. They did it in a ritual that can best be
described as a weird, artistic, ballet dance-like Off-Broadway stage
rehearsal in order to achieve a lifetime riches and a high
standing in society, but as we have learned countless times before is
that Satan never plays fairly, or, as they say, "The Devil is in
the details." First off, Lucifer demands that they cannot have
any male lovers for the rest of their lives except for him (Whenever
the women try to make love to a human male, Lucifer appears and the
situation doesn't turn out too well, especially for the unknowing men!).
Thirteen years ago, both Carlotta and Elena were impregnated by
Lucifer, which resulted in daughters. Carlotta's daughter, Daria
(Lara Wendel; ZOMBIE
5: KILLING BIRDS - 1987), is now recognizing her demonic
origins and embraces it, while Elena's daughter, Anna (Paola Tedesco; BATTLE
OF THE AMAZONS - 1973) doesn't accept her demonic origins
and commits suicide rather than embracing the satanic lifestyle of
her mother. Daria becomes a bitch with a capital "C",
as she uses her newfound satanic powers, such as mind reading and an
extensive knowledge of Black Magic, to belittle and kill. Daria not
only embraces her new powers, she revels in it, using her newfound
supernatural powers for evil purposes, such as burning the chest of
crippled school student Martin (Mark Jeremy Stross), who has a crush
on her, simply by putting her hand there, or killing her
"human" father, Peter (West Buchanan; TO
ALL A GOODNIGHT - 1980), who knows all about Daria's
origins, by causing the plane he was traveling in to crash, simply by
using her mind. Noticing Daria's sudden transformation is the
Professor (Ian Bannen; WITCH STORY
- 1989), a seemingly always drunk teacher at Daria's school (He says
this about his drinking: "It gives me the courage to tell the
truth!") who equates everything in life and death to the game of
Chess. He also has the hots for Carlotta and when he forces himself
on her in her apartment complex (in all fairness, Carlotta doesn't
put up much of a fight as she, too, is horny for the love of a man
other than Satan), Lucifer appears, the Professor runs away and
Lucifer boffs Carlotta (The life of a fallen angel is never easy!).
Carlotta is fearful that Daria will become just like her; a wealthy
woman without a human soul and no joy in her life at all, who
is cursed by Lucifer's laws and edicts, so she is willing to try
anything so that her daughter can live a normal life. This includes
hiring a soon-to-be ex-priest (John Phillip Law; THE
EYE BEHIND THE WALL - 1977) to perform an exorcism on Daria
to free her from Satan's influence. When that doesn't work Carlotta
and her three-woman coven try to free Daria by using their powers in
a ritual where Daria is tied naked to the floor, spread-eagle a
pentagram, but it ends rather badly. Carlotta then tries to battle
Lucifer's power over Daria on her own, but will she succeed? Or will
Lucifer once again win this "game"?. The finale tells us
the answer, as Daria takes a taxi to the Vatican and is about to
battle the Pope! Which is actually more evil: Daria or the Catholic
Church? That's a hard question to answer, since both cover-up their
evil-doings (I would like to think Daria won, as it would help to
explain how a certain soulless reality star was able to become
President of the United States!).
This little-seen supernatural horror film was obviously influenced
by THE EXORCIST (1973), even though
this film's director/screenwriter Pier Carpi (whose only other
directorial effort was POOR CHRIST
- 1976, a review written by our own Steven Jackson, which can be read HERE),
billed here using the pseudonym "Peter Karp", denies it,
saying his film is based on a novel he wrote in the late-'60s (which
wasn't published until 1974!). After watching the film, all I can say
is that, even in this version, which was released in 1979, there are
many similarities, but it still has some originality that can't be
denied. I say "this version" because the original film was
started in 1975 and finished in 1977, but Executive Producer Piero
Amati ordered extensive reshoots and recutting (editing out over 20
minutes of footage), because he thought it resembled director William
Friedkin's 1973 classic film too much and feared they may be sued by
Warner Bros (as they did successfully with 1974's ABBY
and unsuccessfully with BEYOND
THE DOOR - 1974). That's not to say this film suffers
because of the recutting and reshooting because it doesn't (although
some of the actors here, such as Frank Findlay [TWISTED
NERVE - 1968], as Carlotta's best friend Paul, and Paola
Tedesco as Anna, have their scenes cut to the bare bones). This film
is full of eye-opening nudity, plenty of bloody gore and a great cast
of Italian genre pros, all of whom do their best to gets your minds
off Linda Blair. But do they succeed?
Not only does this re-edited version have many scenes that will
remind you of the 1973 horror masterpiece (it still hoilds up today),
there are also many references to other American horror classics,
including ROSEMARY'S BABY
(1968), THE OMEN (1976), DAMIEN:
OMEN II (1978) and others, but that is to be taken for
granted since most Italian genre films (with the exception of giallo
flicks) don't have an original idea in their tiny little heads, but
that doesn't mean they can't be appreciated and enjoyed for their
Italian sensibilities, including copious full-frontal female nudity
and gory violence, which this film has in spades. Not only do all the
women here have nude scenes, it should also be noted that Lara
Wendel, who was thirteen at the time, also has plenty of nude scenes
and we never see her face and naughty bits (or as Steven would say,
her "proud mary"!) in the same shot until the finale, but
even then it just doesn't look right, like Lara's face was
super-imposed on another actress' body. I would like to think it was
a body double, but with these crazy Italians and their weird film
customs (such as creating and filming real life animal deaths for
"entertainment value"), I just don't know, it may be Ms.
Wendel herself. I do know one thing, director Carpi manages to
extract a very good performance from Lara Wendel and if you
have seen any of her other film performances, such as in YOU'LL
DIE AT MIDNIGHT (1986), the previously mentioned KILLING
BIRDS (1987), GHOSTHOUSE
(1987) and THE RED MONKS (1988),
you'll know that's kind of a big deal, as her performances in those
films were lackluster at best. She is so good as Daria that I wanted
to strangle her with my bare hands for the cruel and dastardly things
she says and does to people here, especially her own mother, and I
abhor violence against women! When Carlotta trims Daria's
fingernails, Daria takes the clippings and buries them in the dirt of
a potted plant, telling her mother, "You know as well as I do,
no one should ever have access to the dead parts of our bodies."
Daria also has a habit of stealing dolls from stores and when Peter
gives her a Barbie doll as a present, she throws it off of a bridge
to the water below (never even opening the box it is wrapped in),
saying to her "father", "What do you expect me to do
with a doll that's been bought?" At a custody hearing, Daria
tells a lawyer that she wants to live with her mother, saying that
Peter will die very soon. She then goes home and uses a secret
three-finger salute (that the witches use to greet each other) on
Peter's photo, which causes his plane to crash (offscreen). When
Carlotta tells Daria that Peter is dead, the victim of a plane crash,
Daria replies, "I know. I told the lawyer that this
morning." It is an excellent performance in a very entertaining
supernatural horror film. Pier Carpi, who died in 2000 at the age of
sixty, didn't have many film credits to his name. Besides the film I
already mentioned, he was responsible for writing the screenplay to
the borefest known as CAGLIOSTRO
(1975) and a romance movie made in 1992, before retiring from the
filmmaking business and becoming an author. All-in-all, this is a
pretty decent horror film that very few people have even seen. It is
a feast for the eyes to those fans of female nudity, contains some
bloody deaths for fans of gore and makes a good drinking game if you
play "spot the reference" to other better-known American
horror films. You'll be blind stinking drunk in the first thirty
minutes alone, but there is also some originality here, too. I
like how Raffaella becomes a
streetwalking prostitute, picking up strange men on the off-chance
that Lucifer will be too busy to intervene in the sex, but Lucifer is
nothing but a man of his word, always showing up just as Raffaella is
about to do the dirty deed, either killing or chasing away the male
partner and screwing her himself. It should also be noted that the
late Stelvio Cipriani
turns in an effective music score
here, adding layers of atmosphere to many scenes. Mr. Cipriani is my
second favorite composer of Italian genre films, right behind the
late Ennio Morricone who, unlike Cipriani, also composed music for
many famous non-Italian movies, such as John Carpenter's THE
THING (1982) and Brian De Palma's THE
UNTOUCHABLES (1987) and even winning an Academy Award®
for Quentin Tarantino's THE
HATEFUL EIGHT (2015). Stelvio Cipriani, on the other hand,
rarely did music scores for anything besides homegrown Italian films
(there are some exceptions, but nothing like Morricone's career) and
he has a style that is instantly recognizable to me.
Shot as UN'OMBRA DELL'OMBRA
("A Shadow In A Shadow", which is also the title of Carpi's
novel), this film received no theatrical release in the United
States, but it supposedly had a VHS release in the U.S. by Saturn
Productions in 1985 (I say "supposedly" because I could
find no images of the VHS sleeve to back up IMDb's claim). It
wouldn't be until the year 2010 that this film appeared on American
shores under the title SATAN'S WIFE
on a legitimate (?) DVD
from Mya Communications, in a much-too-soft, but watchable,
anamorphic widescreen print with your choice of English or Italian
dubbing (it is obvious that most of the actors are speaking English
here, as Ian Bannen, Frank Finlay and other actors dub their own
voices). Gray market label Cheezy Flicks then released their own
version of this film on a pressed DVD
(it's not a DVD-R) in 2015 (my review is based on this disc, which I
purchased on Amazon), but it looks like a port of the Mya disc. It
can also be found streaming on YouTube from channel "Horror
Realm", but be aware it looks no better than the Mya DVD. All of
these releases are the re-edited 87-minute 1979 version. I would love
to see director Pier Carpi's original cut of the film with the
missing twenty minutes restored, just to see if Executive Producer
Piero Amati was correct about it being too similar to THE EXORCIST.
Also featuring Carmen Russo (PATRICK
STILL LIVES - 1980), Dirce Funari (PORNO
HOLOCAUST - 1981), Sonia Viviani (THE
POSSESSOR - 1975), Sofia Dionisio (LIVE
LIKE A COP, DIE LIKE A MAN - 1976) and Marina Daunia (ESCAPE
FROM WOMEN'S PRISON - 1978) & Patrizia Webley (PLAY
MOTEL - 1979) as two street prostitutes who verbally abuse
Raffaella for infringing on their territory. Not Rated (Ignore
the R-Rating on the Cheezy Flicks DVD sleeve. This film was never
submitted to the MPAA).
RISE
OF THE DEAD (2007) - After
Sally Sherman (Brooke Delaney) kills her husband, Sam (Patrick Pope),
with an eating utensil for seemingly no reason at all, Laura (Erin
Wilk) is attacked while leaving a bar by a man (who moves in
herky-jerky blurs, an editing effect I'm growing quite tired of), but
Laura's boyfriend, Jack (Stephen Seidel), runs him over with a truck,
killing him. How are these two murders connected? The police have a
hard time believing Laura and Jack's story, since the man Jack killed
was a well-respected lawyer in town. Laura is suddenly haunted by
nightmares about the death of a little baby boy (the adopted son of
Sally and Sam), who was tragically killed when he grabbed Sam's
pistol off the coffee table and shot himself. Laura's roommate, Amber
(Jaime Whitlock), is viciously stabbed to death by a stranger who
breaks into their house and when Laura comes home with Jack, the
stranger attacks Laura, forcing Jack to stab him in the back, killing
him (Lucky for Laura that she has Jack around!). It doesn't sit too
well with the police, especially Sheriff Brown (Peter Blitzer), that
Laura and Jack have been involved in two deaths and when it's
revealed that Sally and Sam's dead adopted son was actually Laura's illegitimate
baby that she gave up for adoption, Sheriff Brown grows more
suspicious of Laura, but he can't prove anything. Laura goes to stay
at her mother's house (with a cop car parked outside for protection),
but it's easy to see Laura and her Mom don't get along (Mom is a
religious nut who got pregnant with Laura when she was sixteen). When
Mom seemingly goes bonkers and tries to kill Laura and Deputy Greer
(Executive Producer Chris Ferry; TRYST
- 2005) with a golf club, Mom is committed to an asylum, the same
institute where Sally Sherman is a patient. Sally tells Laura that
her dead baby was cursed (yeah, the curse of being born a bastard!)
and his ghost is possessing people to kill Laura (This is the first
time Laura learns that her baby is dead). Sally also tells Laura that
she must find the baby's first adoptive family to learn the truth.
Deputy Greer becomes possessed by the baby and is shot dead by
Sheriff Brown when he tries to strangle Laura, but when the Sheriff
becomes possessed by the baby from Hell immediately after Greer's
death, Laura is going to have to find the first adoptive family as
quickly as possible. Laura finds them, Barbara and Hank Clemens
(Emily Ackerman and Doug Sobon), only to discover that they are so
uber-religious, they were deemed to be unfit parents. They cursed the
baby as it was taken away from them and it seems the curse stuck.
Laura and Jack must find a way to lift the curse and put the baby boy
to rest before anyone remotely close to Laura ends up possessed or
dead. How Laura does this is one of the worst "What The
Fuck?!?" moments I have ever witnessed. This
ultra-low-budget horror film (originally filmed on a budget of
$20,000 as TANTRUM and also known as GHOST BABY),
directed by first-timer William Wedig and scripted by Joshua &
Jeffrey Crook (directors/writers of SALVAGE
[2006], also starring Chris Ferry) and Kris Scotto, has a few
effective scenes but is otherwise a pretty laughable affair.
Especially funny is the way all those people possessed by the dead
baby begin drooling from their mouths and dripping snot from their
noses while making "goo-goo" and "ga-ga" noises
on the badly overdubbed soundtrack. While there are a few bloody
moments (a couple of gory stabbings) and instances of female nudity
(including the obligatory shower scene), the premise is so ludicrous,
it's hard to take anything seriously, which I doubt was the objective
of the filmmakers. By the time we get to the outrageous finale, where
Laura makes love to a possessed Jack (thereby fucking her own baby!)
in order to plant her baby's seed into her to get pregnant, you'll
either be throwing your hands up in the air in disgust or laughing at
the ridiculousness of it all. I chose to laugh, because it is obvious
that director Wedig and the screenwriters were trying to makle a
statement about the insanity of religion (all the religious people in
this film are either hypocrites or full-blown nut jobs), but they
failed miserably. What they did do was make a 72 minute unintentional
comedy about a killer baby ghost. Think about that for a minute. Is a
baby even mentally capable to understand the complex mechanizations
that is possession? Also starring Vickie Meyers (who died shortly
after this film was finished), Matt Regney and Jack Gordon as Cade,
the killer baby. A Lionsgate Entertainment
DVD Release. Rated R.
THE
RITUAL OF DEATH (1990) -
Incomprehensible Brazilian horror film about ancient Indian curses,
human sacrifices and gory deaths. After a lecture by a professor on
Egyptian and Indian rituals, male student Brad (Olair Coan) follows a
sinister looking man (Sergio Hingst), who is wearing a bowler hat and
walking with a cane, to the basement of a lecture hall, where he
observes a group of Indians performing a human sacrifice on a stone
altar. The sinister man tells Brad that he must find "the
book", which the man holds in his deformed, green pus-oozing,
hand. The man then disappears, taking the book with him, while Brad
is grabbed by the sacrificed man and the Indians before they, too,
disappear, leaving Brad by himself in an empty basement. Brad's
friend Jim (Michael Kelly) wants to stage a play about how the
ancient Egyptians influenced the Indians, but first he and Brad must
find a way to steal an old manuscript from an elderly man (Serafim
Gonzalez) in the school's library. Jim sends Brad, his girlfriend
Carol (Carina Palatinik) and friend Mickey (Tiao Hoover) to steal the
manuscript from the library and they do, but Brad is surprised to
learn that it is actually the book that the sinister man was holding
in his oozing hands. When Mickey opens the book, we watch as a naked
couple make love in a bathtub while rubbing the blood of a
decapitated goat's head on their bodies (What The Fuck?!?). During
rehearsals for the play, Brad becomes distant to Carol and he refuses
to make love to her (Carol retorts, "Go easy, sweetheart! I
might just get tired of you!"). Brad begins to act strangely,
like eating raw meat in his bedroom of his alcoholic mother's home
and worshipping at a makeshift altar that contains candles, a goat's
head (again?) and live frogs. When Brad almost strangles a girl
during rehearsal in front of the play's sponsors, they pull their
sponsorship, which infuriates Jim. Brad begins to have nightmares of
the naked couple in the bathtub and of his face breaking out in gooey
pustules. The elderly librarian has the police return the stolen book
to him, but a now totally possessed Brad (whose skin has broken out
in boils and green ooze drips from his mouth) steals the book back
again and goes on a murder spree, killing Jim (by drowning him in a
bathtub and ripping out his eyes) and a streetwalker who worked as an
extra on the play (he stabs her repeatedly in the stomach and then
some huge wheel appears out of nowhere and runs her over!). Brad
begins murdering everyone involved with the play, while we discover
that the sinister man was actually Jim's Uncle Parker, who was once
the leader of a cult that practiced human sacrifice before he and his
cult were killed. Uncle Parker is using Brad to bring him back to
life, while the elderly librarian tries to help Mickey and Carol, the
last survivors of the play, to defeat the evil in Brad. Can they do
it before it is too late? If you thought the films of Jose
Mojica Marins (a.k.a. "Coffin Joe") were disjointed and
confusing, just wait until you take a gander at this train wreck,
directed by Fauzi Mansur (SATANIC
ATTRACTION - 1989) and written by Filipe Grecco and Anthony
Roark. While the film is gory as hell, including a knife impalement
in the mouth, disembowelments by hammer, a wind machine chopping a
guy to pieces after Brad throws acid in his face, a spike driven into
a woman's chin, a spear impalement and all of Brad's victims
returning to life as zombies, the rest of the film is a bloody mess,
as the dubbing and dialogue are simply horrendous (while most of the
actors look as though they are speaking English, the actual dubbing
sounds like it was recorded inside of a tin can) and the story makes
about as much sense as a fever dream. Add to it editing that is
downright hectic and acting that can best be described as amateurish
(both Leo Robinson as the head police officer and Mara Husemann as
Brad's drunk mother are so bad they become mesmerizing in their
awfulness) and what you end up with is a film that can best be
described as a gorehound's delight, but very little else. It's weird,
I'll give it that, but weirdness without purpose loses its appeal
mighty fast. Also starring Lillian Ramos, Vanessa Alves, Graca
Costas, Ana Flora, Eduardo Panizza, Alfredo Gonzalez, Leticia Vota
and Josie Bernades. Originally available on VHS by Complete
Entertainment, Inc. and not available on DVD, but there are plenty of
gray market sellers offering it on DVD-R. Not Rated.
ROCKTOBER
BLOOD (1984) - Another turgid
80's stalk 'n' slash flick with a rock 'n' roll band as a backdrop,
just as with TERROR ON TOUR
(1980), HARD ROCK ZOMBIES
(1985), ROCK 'N' ROLL NIGHTMARE
(1987), BLACK ROSES
(1988) and many others. After a late night recording session, lead
singer Billy Harper (Tray Loren) begins killing the technicians and
groupies (slit throat, impalement on coat hooks) and is caught and
executed after killing 25 people. Two years pass and former backup
singer and now lead singer Lynn Starling (Donna Scoggins), whose
testimony led to Billy's execution, has reformed the band, renamed it
Headmistress and they are about to headline a huge rock tour. A
person dressed as Death corners Lynn backstage and when he takes the
mask off, it turns out to be Billy, who
says, "I'm back!" Her manager, Chris (Nigel Benjamin),
doesn't believe her and tells her to go to a secluded cabin in the
woods with some backup dancers to relax before the tour starts. Bad
idea. Lynn (who was under psychiatric care after witnessing Billy's
first murder spree) begins getting obscene phone calls from Billy
("I want your hot pussy blood all over my face!") and sees
him lurking in the woods, but no one believes her. Billy then kills
everyone at the cabin, hides their bodies and terrorizes Lynn,
leading her to accidentally stab Chris (he survives). Chris thinks
Lynn is going crazy, especially when she wants to dig up Billy's body
to prove he's still alive. She goes to the grave with Chris and Honey
Bear (Cana Cockrell) and they find his rotting corpse in the coffin.
So, is Lynn crazy or not? If not, who is this person killing all
these people? You will find out on the opening night of the tour. It
seems that Billy had a twin brother named John and he killed all
those people two years earlier. Lynn sent the wrong man to his death.
Now, John has come back and is chasing Lynn backstage, trying to tell
her that he actually wrote all the songs, not Billy, and he's not
happy with her performance of them (neither am I). It's going to be a
killer opening show. This is one of a slew of regional films
made by husband/wife team of Ferd and Beverly Sebastian (GATOR
BAIT - 1973; BLOODY
FRIDAY - 1973; FLASH AND
THE FIRECAT - 1975 and many more). They usually co-directed
all their features together, except for this one (Beverly directed it
alone. They both co-produced and scripted.), which could explain why
it's worse than most of their other films. The acting in this one is
especially sub-par, as no one here could act their way out of a paper
bag, but at least Donna Scoggins gets naked often (and looks good,
too). The kills are rather tame and bloodless, consisting of a
drowning in a hottub, a steam iron to the throat and a stabbing. The
bloodiest part of the film is the concluding concert, where John dons
the Death disguise, sings a song ("There's A Killer On The
Loose") and actually disembowels one dancer with a lance and
beheads another while the audience screams with delight, thinking
it's part of the stage show. Things get surreal when John unmasks
himself onstage, handcuffs himself to Lynn and the band plays on as
if everything is normal! The only plus is that Tray Loren looks like
he's actually singing (he's not) and the band (actually members of
Sorcery of STUNT ROCK
fame) is actually playing live (they are). The songs aren't really
that bad if you compare them to the songs in other films of this
sub-genre. The film has a non-ending, as it freezes on John's face
when he sings the final song ("I'm Back"). Proceed at your
own risk. Also starring Renee Hubbard, Tony Rista and Ben Sebastian
(I smell nepotism!). Also known as ROCKILL.
A Vestron Video
Release. Rated
R.
ROUTE
666
(2001) - I
have to admit: I was expecting a lot more from this one than what I
got. It is the first film from director William Wesley since 1988's SCARECROWS.
It has a novel idea that concerns four convicts, murdered 30 years
ago and buried under the titled roadway, who appear when they smell
blood and slaughter people with jackhammers, picks and sledgehammers.
And it stars Lou Diamond Phillips,
Lori Petti, Steven Williams, Dale Midkiff and L.Q.Jones. So what is
wrong with this picture? For starters, the characters are so totally
unbelievable that I stared in utter amazement watching people do
things that no normal person would ever dream of doing in the same
situation. Phillips and Petti are Special Agents assigned to bring
captured witness Williams ( "X" on THE
X-FILES) to L.A. to testify in a mobster's trial. They,
along with Agents Midkiff (NIGHTMARE
WEEKEND - 1985; PET SEMATARY
- 1989), Alex McArthur (RAMPAGE
- 1988) and Mercedes Colon, take the titled shortcut to make up lost
time and run smack dab into the aforementioned dead convicts, one of
whom happens to be Phillips' dead father! How's that for
coincidences? They are also being chased buy a Russian hitman
(Sven-Ole Thorsen of THE RUNNING MAN
[1987]) and the Sheriff (Jones of THE
WITCHMAKER [1969]) who murdered and buried the convicts 30
years earlier. Every time blood is spilled the dead ones show up to
pummel, hack and jackhammer in graphic detail the hapless victims.
The whole film seems rather disjointed, like chunks of the screenplay
were tossed out the window in favor of action. That would all be fair
and good except the action scenes are so lazily shot (with what I
call "shaken camera syndrome") and edited (one wooden crate
explodes three times in one gunfight scene!!!) that one wishes that
there were a coherent story to go along with this mess. How can you
justify the scene of McArthur and Colon making out in their SUV
while their charge is hancuffed to a car in the blistering heat? Or
how about when Midkiff gets drunk waiting for backup? Professionals
would never do this. Williams overacts to the point that you want to
bitch-slap his ass (he does get in a sly X-FILES
reference, though). Phillips underacts (even worse than his
performance in BATS - 1999) and
Petti, well, let's just say Petti is being Petti. On the plus side,
there's the convicts themselves, a frightening concoction of burnt,
cracked skin and lethal silent fury. There's also some nice desert
scenery, an abandoned drive-in, some decent (if somewhat quick) gore
and a strange final scene between Phillips and his dead father. It's
also good to see L.Q. Jones back on the screen. He always lends an
air of professionalism to everything he's in. One only hopes
director Wesley picks a better script (he co-wrote this one) and
doesn't wait another 13 years before he makes another movie. It seems
he got rusty in between films. Better luck next time. A Lions
Gate Home Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
THE
RUINING (1993/1997) - You know you're
in for trouble when Troma President Lloyd Kaufman comes on screen and
apologizes for the condition of the print that is about to be shown
on their DVD. He's absolutely correct. It's scratchy, choppy, missing
a lot of frames and the sound is mixed all wrong (all the sound comes
from the back speakers on a Dolby system). He also should have warned
you that the film itself is also a stinker that, besides a couple of
scenes, is not worth the plastic it's pressed on. Two obnoxious
couples become stuck in a hicktown after one of them accidentally
shoots their SUV with a gun. They run into a farmer (Robert Silverman
of SCANNERS - 1981) and his
retarded adopted daughter Becky (who acts like a dog), who the farmer
found 17 years earlier abandoned in a burlap sack, the product of an
incestuous relationship. The farmer also sells the town psychedelic
eggs, laid by a special chicken which cause the eaters to experience
acid trips filled with strange visuals (including a mutated chicken
hatching from a giant egg). The town is absolutely hooked on the eggs
and are surprised when the two couples don't order eggs with their
beers when at the bar! Not much of the rest of the films makes much
sense as the couples bicker and cheat on each other, two are killed
(one of the men smears peanut butter on his dick and has Becky lick
it off until it goes too far and she ends up biting it off!), there's
a barn full of body parts and the ending makes absolutely no sense.
Director/writer/star Chris Burgard (who usually acted in films such
as SYNGENOR -
1990) started this film in 1993 and had to halt production because
one of the producers ran off with the money. He resumed over four
years later with the same cast (it's obvious that some of them gained
weight and lost some hair) and hasn't been able to get it released
until 2004, thanks to Troma, who'll release anything. The DVD case
states that the film stars Wings Hauser and Patrick Warburton. Hauser
shows up in one scene playing a parody of himself and punches a local
punk out when he calls him David Hasselhoff! Warburton shows up in
one scene as a patron of the local strip bar. Nobody ever accused
Troma of truth in advertising. The presentation of the film is nearly
unwatchable in the state it is offered here but I doubt that all the
restoration in the world would make this a better film. It does try
to be something different but fails on all levels. It ruined my
evening. A Troma DVD Release
filled with their usual bunch of trailers, music videos, fake PSA's
and a short behind the scenes documentary on the film. It's actually
more interesting than the film itself. Not
Rated.
SATANIC
(2005) - Teenage miscreant Michelle (Annie Sorell) causes a car
accident, which kills her father and sends her to the hospital with
severe facial injuries. Dr. Barbary (Angus Scrimm; PHANTASM
- 1979) drills a hole in Michelle's head to relieve the pressure when
she starts to bleed profusely and he jokingly tells Michelle that in
the Dark Ages, doctors performed the same procedure to release evil
spirits from possessed peoples' bodies (Michelle then strangely asks,
"Are they gone...the spirits?"). Michelle has no
recollection of the car accident, but she does see the spirit of her
eyeless father at the most inopportune times, as he pleads, "Why
did you hurt her and why did you kill me?" Over the next couple
of months, Dr. Barbary reconstructs Michelle's face with plastic
surgery based on photos from her family album (hospital janitor Cliff
[Mike Gaglio] calls her "Bride of Mummy" because of her
bandaged face and she seems to scare him more than anything else he
has ever seen in this hospital) and when the bandages are finally
removed from her face, she is beautiful but she doesn't recognize her
face in the mirror. When the Sheriff's Department finally releases
her personal effects from the accident, one of the items is an
evil-looking ouija board with a satanic-shaped planchette (a
five-pointed star), which somehow flashes long-dormant memories into
Michelle's mind as soon as
she sees it. Later that night, some gloved figure kills Cliff and
steals his keys, which brings Detective Joyner (Jeffrey Combs; THE
HORROR STAR - 1981) to the hospital to investigate. Since
Michelle has no living family, she is sent to Harmony Home, a halfway
house for troubled, criminal and orphaned teens run by Mr. Bisson
(the late Rick Dean; RAIDERS
OF THE SUN - 1991; in his final role) and his wife Jackie
(Diane Ayala Goldner). Mr. Bisson informs Michelle that she use to be
a good girl, but when her mother died of cancer and her father
started dating again soon after, she tried to stab her father's new
girlfriend with a big-assed knife (Michelle has no recollection of
this ever happening). Mr. Bisson allows Michelle to enter her
father's house to pick up some personal items and Michelle discovers
that her bedroom is decorated with all sorts of black magic items.
Mr. Bisson finds a diary in her bedroom that is decorated with the
satanic star and he even steals her pot stash! At Harmony House,
Michelle meets troubled teens Dutch (Brian Burnett), Larry (Brett
Erickson), Dalia (Eliza Swenson) and the uber-religious Jackie, who
warns Michelle to stay away from her husband. Mr. Bisson likes to
talk about going to strip clubs, sex and is possibly a rapist (He
tells his wife, "Remember, they dropped the charges.").
Michelle has more nightmares about her eyeless father (his body is
now covered in leeches) and pretty soon a black-hooded figure begins
dispatching the residents of Harmony House, making the deaths look
like suicide. Larry becomes rightfully concerned and picks up an
important clue from Dr. Barbary, while Michelle is chased around by
bum Eddie (James Russo), who asks her, "What have you done with
Kayla?" The totally not-unexpected finale answers that
question. This is standard DTV horror fodder whose punch line
can be guessed almost from the opening scene. Director Dan Golden,
who showed much promise with his first film, NAKED
OBSESSION (1990), but then seemed to lose it with films like BURIAL
OF THE RATS (1995) and THE
HAUNTED SEA (1997), doesn't even try to mask the
"surprise" ending in this film. The screenplay, by
first-timer Ben Powell, is full of stock, clichéd characters,
including horny, wise-assed teens, a plot we all have seen a hundred
times before (including using a ouija board to contact the dead and
making Jackie such a drunk, religious nut that Dalia calls her
"Ilsa, She Wolf Of The SS" [I'm not a religious person, but
portraying the ultra-religious as drunks is quite unfair and common
in horror films]) and plot holes you could navigate a cruise ship
through (For example: Why didn't Jackie confiscate the ouija board
when she removed all of Michelle's other possessions? You would think
the God-fearing Jackie would have tossed it in the garbage as soon as
she saw the satanic symbols. And why does Michelle decide to take a
shower after just discovering the butchered bodies of Mr. Bisson,
Jackie and Dutch? How stupid do you think we viewers are?). The only
person who registers here is Rick
Dean (who died shortly after completing this film). He plays the
role of Mr. Bisson as such a flawed character, you can't help but
like him, even if he is a horndog. Everyone else, including Angus
Scrimm, Jeffrey Combs and a cameo by James Russo (FREEWAY
- 1988) are wasted in thankless, stereotyped roles. While there is a
flash of female nudity and a modicum of blood and gore, SATANIC
stacks up as nothing by a generic horror flick that offers nothing
new to the genre, including a "surprise" ending (just after
an awfully choreographed catfight) that leaves the film wide-open for
a sequel that, thankfully, hasn't materialized yet. A Lionsgate
Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
SATAN'S
BABY DOLL (1982) - At the wake
of Maria Aguilar (Marina Hedman), family and staff stand solemnly
around her body when it suddenly sits upright, scaring the shit out
of her daughter Miria (Jacqueline Dupre). The family doctor, Juan
Suarez (Alfonso Gaita), explains to husband Antonio (Aldo Sambrell)
that his dead wife's movement was nothing but a muscle spasm, but
Antonio (who is a intravenous drug user) believes his wife was trying
to tell Miria her secrets. While Antonio is shooting-up in his
bedroom, his paraplegic wheelchair-bound mute brother, Ignazio (Joe
Davers), is watching housekeeper (and soon-to-be nun) Sol (Mariangela
Giordino) masturbate in her bed. When Antonio catches Ignazio getting
an eyefull, he takes out his frustrations on Sol instead, berating
her for performing such lewd acts. While Miria is lying in her bed,
she hears her mother's voice calling her, so she goes down to the
crypt in the cavernous basement, where she spots butler Isidro
(Giancarlo Del Duca) geeking a chicken and she sees her dead mother's
nude body open her eyes. Miria is convinced her mother wants to tell
her something, but Dr. Suarez wants to put her in a psychiatric
hospital instead. Before he is able to do so, Dr. Suarez has a heart
attack in the crypt when he imagines that Maria (who was once his
lover) has come back to life (And just what was the good doctor about
to do with that huge hypodermic needle?). The ironfisted Antonio
orders Isidro to hide the doctor's body in the castle's vast dungeon
crypt and warns Sol to keep her mouth shut. Isidro performs another
ritual in the crypt using a mummified corpse, which makes Miria
masturbate in her bedroom and then again hear her mother's voice, who
orders her to "kill mercilessly" everyone in the castle.
Isidro is the first to die when the mummified corpse seemingly comes
to life and strangles him while a possessed Miria stares into his
eyes. Ignazio is the next to die when he also seemingly gets up from
his wheelchair and falls into an open crypt. After Antonio shoots-up
again, he imagines making love to Maria, only to realize a short time
later that he's making love to his own daughter. He backs away in
disgust and falls down a stairwell, killing himself. The last one
left is Sol, who goes down to the crypt, lies naked on top of Maria's
body and is crushed to death when Maria gives her a dealdy bearhug.
With Miria the only person left alive (and the only truly innocent
one), Maria can now rest in peace. This sleazy Italian/Spanish
co-production doesn't make much sense, but it sure ain't boring.
Director Mario Bianchi (THE BLACK MAID
- 1976; THE MURDER SECRET
- 1989), here using the pseudonym "Alan W. Cools", ladles
on the sex and sleaze, including full-frontal male and female nudity,
including a scene where Sol gives Ignazio a spongebath and spends
most of the time with her hands on his penis. While it's clear that
there's a lot of dark secrets in the Aguilar family (The question
soon becomes, "Who didn't sleep with Maria?"), the biggest
monster turns out to be the impotent Antonio, who finds great
pleasure in bullying his family and staff, repeatedly calling them
"wretched" and "nothing". Aldo Sambrell's (VOODOO
BLACK EXORCIST - 1972; BEAKS:
THE MOVIE - 1987) performance is the best this film has to
offer. The scene where he is wheeling his helpless brother down to
the crypt to die is chilling. As the camera, mounted to the bottom of
the wheelchair and pointing up, looks into the faces of both Antonio
and Ignazio, Antonio calmly and slowly pushes the wheelchair down to
the crypt, all the while telling his brother how he is going to die
of starvation while covered in his own excrement, unable to move or
scream out for help. It's the film's standout sequence. While there's
not much in the way of blood or gore, the tone of the film is
relentlessly perverse, as well as sexy. At a little over 73 minutes
long, it doesn't wear out it's welcome and you won't go longer than
five minutes without seeing some eye-opening nudity. What more do you
want? This film (a semi-remake of Andrea Bianchi's [no relation] MALABIMBA
[1979]) was also shot as a hardcore sex film (under the title ORGASMO
DI SANTANA). That could explain BABY's short running
time, but whoever edited this version did a masterful job because
there are no jump cuts or obvious edits. Originally released in the
U.S. in a severely-edited cut under the title A GIRL FOR SATAN.
Now available in an uncut, widescreen print on DVD in the original
Italian language with English subtitles under the title LA BIMBA DI
SANTANA
from Severin Films. Not
Rated,
but it goes way beyond an R-Rating.
SATAN'S
BLACK WEDDING (1975) - A
vampire priest (!) drools on himself as he watches a beautiful
woman slash herself to death with a razor blade in her house in
Monterey, California. Her actor brother arrives from Hollywood for
her funeral. He stays at her house and meets a police detective who
tells him he thinks it wasn't suicide. Her third finger of the left
hand was cut off and there wasn't a drop of blood in her body. The
detective says that there have been a series of similar mutilations
in the area where the victims were found clutching pieces of black
cloth which dates back 200 years. The vampire priest brings Sis back
to life and instructs her to kill her entire family. She starts with
her invalid aunt and her housekeeper. Brother finds a manuscript Sis
was working on entitled "High Satanic Rites" which leads
him to the church where the vampire priest resides. He learns that
Satan appeared at the church hundreds of years ago and converted the
priests and nuns to his side. Satan plans for the brother to marry
his sister to produce an offspring that will take over the world.This
awful amateurish production looks arid sounds like a porno movie
without the nudity or sex. Jumpy editing, terrible music, atrocious
acting and bad makeup effects are all this film has to offer.
Thankfully it is only 60 minutes long. When I rented this turkey the
leader snapped off the take-up reel. Maybe someone was trying to tell
me something. I shouldn't have fixed it. Director Philip Miller is
actually entepreneur Steve Millard. You may know him better as Nick
Phillips, director of the ultra-cheap cult films CRIMINALLY
INSANE
(1975), the sequel CRAZY
FAT ETHEL II
(1987) and DEATH
NURSE
(1987) all starring the overweight and extremely ugly Pricilla Alden. SATAN'S
BLACK WEDDING
stars Greg Braddock, Ray Myles and Lisa Milano. I doubt you have ever
seen them in anything else. A World
Video Pictures VHS Release. Also available on DVD with CRIMINALLY
INSANE and its sequel from Retro Shock-O-Rama/E.I.
Independent Cinema. Rated
R.
SATAN'S
LITTLE HELPER (2004) - When
director Jeff Lieberman releases a new film, you tend to sit up and
take notice. Having directed such quirky films as SQUIRM (1976), BLUE
SUNSHINE (1977), JUST
BEFORE DAWN (1980) and his most recent
film before this, REMOTE CONTROL
(1987), Lieberman has always been a director involved in creating
some of the most watchable films in the genre. This one is no
different. Little Douglas Whooly (Alexander Brickel) is hooked on a
video game called Satan's Little Helper, where the onscreen computer
character helps Satan by kicking dogs, running over old ladies and
generally causing mayhem wherever he goes. Doug is so involved in
this game that he dresses up in a Devil's costume for Halloween, the
day this story takes place. He, along with his mother (the always
welcome and loopy Amanda Plummer), go to meet his collegiate sister
Jenna (Katheryn Winnick) who is visiting their island community by
ferry. Doug loves his sister and wants to marry her when he grows up
(leading to a funny incest remark by Plummer who is talking to a
friend on the phone) and especially loves going trick or treating
with her. When Jenna shows up with new boyfriend Alex (Stephen
Graham) in tow, Doug grows despondent and tries to find a way to get
rid of Alex. While walking down the street, Doug sees a serial killer
in a Satan costume (it's a great get-up) killing a neighbor and
setting the body up as a Halloween decoration. Thinking that the
costumed killer is the actual Satan and that all this is play-acting,
Doug bonds with the serial killer and they go off on a murder spree.
Doug thinks he is Satan's Little Helper and that everything that is
happening is fake. Along the way, many mistaken identities are to be
had, some funny and some downright dreadful. To give away any more of
the plot would be destroying the viewer's enjoyment of this extremely
black-humored film. There are a few great setpieces, one concerning a
black cat (it's a jolt), another relating to Doug's dad (Wass
Stevens) when Doug realizes that this is no joke and another that
takes place during an adult Halloween party in a castle (where a
reveler can be seen in a mask with worms coming out of it; a small
salute to Wormface in SQUIRM). Amanda Plummer really shines in
her role as the mother. It's quite remarkable how much she loves her
kids and accepts them unconditionally, even when her daughter brings
an uninvited guest. It's also commendable that she's open about her
pot use and mentions getting stoned on several occasions. She's just
generally a nice person who gets caught up in one of the worst days
of her life (I'll never look at packing tape the same way again).
Though gory in spots, this film relies more on humor and family
relationships (including Alex's abusive father, who also happens to
live on this island) to get it's point across. There's also a great
scene where the serial killer trades his Satan costume for something
more appropriate after shooting himself through the palm of his hand.
Left wide open for a sequel, let's hope Jeff Lieberman doesn't wait
another 17 years before making his next genre film. A Screen Media
Films Release. Rated R.
SATAN'S
SLAVE (1980)
- The press materials say that this is an Indonesian version of PHANTASM
(1979) but, truth be told, it's not, although I do see many
references to other horror films of the period (including a scene
stolen directly from SALEM'S LOT
[1979] in the film's opening minutes). After the death of their
mother, a family begins to experience some supernatural occurrences,
which may be tied to a family curse. Teenage son Tommy Munarto
(Fahrul Rozi) wakes up one night to discover the decomposing corpse
of his mother floating outside his bedroom window, calling for him to
come outside and join her. Older sister Rita (Ruth Pellupessy; THE
SNAKE QUEEN - 1982) witnesses Tommy walking outside, but
fails to mention it to her father (W.D. Mochtar; MYSTICS
IN BALI - 1981) the next morning at breakfast because she
doesn't want to upset him. Tommy begins acting strangely, so some of
his friends tell him to go to a fortuneteller for some help. He does
and the fortuneteller doesn't like what the cards tell her, so she
tells Tommy to protect himself using black magic, especially whenever
he sees a coffin. Wouldn't you know it, as soon as Tommy walks out of
the fortuneteller's home, a hearse pulls to the side of the road and
several pallbearers
pull out a coffin, with the head pallbearer pointing directly at
Tommy, as if to say, "Climb on in!" (This is the only scene
that resembles PHANTASM in
any way). Tommy begins performing black magic rituals in his bedroom,
which worries Rita, especially when she begins receiving phone calls
where a female voice asks, "Is this Tommy's house?", the
doorbell rings and no one is there and Tommy begins getting
nosebleeds. Dad decides the kids need a housekeeper and hires Ms.
Darminah (Diana Suarkom), who shows up late one night, seemingly out
of nowhere. It soon becomes apparent that Ms. Darminah is the
housekeeper from Hell, as she begins controlling the Munarto
household, especially Tommy, who has a nightmare in which Ms.
Darminah and some rubber mask-wearing Satanists sacrifice him on an
altar. As the bodies begin piling up, a white witch doctor is called
in to perform an exorcism on the Munarto home, but Ms. Darminah's
black powers prove to be too strong. When the bodies of the recently
deceased rise from their graves and lay siege to the Munarto
household, a priest enters the picture and uses the power of faith to
destroy Ms. Darminah and her satanic meat puppets. Praise be to
Allah! This Indonesian horror film, directed by Sisworo Gautama
Putra (PRIMITIVES -
1978; THE WARRIOR -
1981; HUNGRY SNAKE WOMAN
- 1987; REVENGE OF SAMSON
- 1987) is much more laid-back than most Indonesian horror flicks and
has a much stronger religious subtext, too. That's not to say that
this film is boring, because it's not. It's just that it lacks the
non-stop weirdness that we've come to expect from films of this type. SATAN'S
SLAVE (not to be confused with the
1976 British horror film of the same name, directed by Norman J.
Warren) takes it's time to get to the payoff, borrowing themes from THE
EXORCIST (1973), THE OMEN
(1976) and countless haunted house thrillers, to tell it's story
about family loss and the faith they must put in God (in this case,
Allah) to defeat all the supernatural events happening in their home.
There are still plenty of atmospheric chills on view, including the
nocturnal visit Mom pays to Tommy; a visit to a morgue, where Rita
must identify the body of her boyfriend Herman, who was killed in a
motorcycle accident caused by Ms. Darminah; Tommy's nightmare of
being sacrificed; the undead Herman (who, for some reason, is now a
vampire with big-ass fangs) as he attacks Rita in her home; and many
other sequences. Be forewarned: Those looking for the sheer lunacy of
films like THE WARRIOR or THE
DEVIL'S SWORD (1984) will be severely disappointed, but
those adventurous enough willing to view SATAN'S
SLAVE on it's own terms may just find themselves liking it.
The script, by Putra, Imam Tantoni (THE
WARRIOR AND NINJA - 1985) and Naryono Prayitno (THE
HUNGRY SNAKE WOMAN - 1987), saves most of the bloody action for
the finale, which involves grave robbing, zombies, rotting flesh
being pulled off the bone and religious retribution. Also starring
Simon Kader, I.M. Damsyik, Doddy Sukma, Siska Karabety, Adang
Mansiur, Ali Albar and Moesdewyk. The widescreen print used for both
Deimos Entertainment's Eastern
Horror Vol. 4 (with CORPSE
MASTER - 1987) and BCI's Eastern
Horror Advantage Collection 10 Movie Set seems to be missing
some picture information on the bottom third of the screen, probably
masked-out to cover up foreign subtitles. New English subtitles are
now in it's place. Not Rated. UPDATE:
Now available on DVD &
Blu-Ray from Severin Films,
the purveyors of everything weird.
SAVAGE
INTRUDER (1968) - This
low-budget horror variant of SUNSET
BOULEVARD (1950) and WHATEVER
HAPPENED TO BABY JANE? (1962) opens with a long shot of the
world-famous Hollywood sign, only to reveal, a few second later, the
same sign in extreme close-up, decaying and full of holes. It's a
terrific metaphor on how looks can be deceiving; especially when it
pertains to people and the masks they wear to hide their inner
demons. It seems someone is carving-up middle-aged women
and carefully placing their body parts around Los Angeles (In the
opening, we see a woman's dismembered head lying in the middle of her
dismembered hands and feet directly under the Hollywood sign),
leaving the police baffled as to the killer's motive. We then watch
the killer (he wears an overcoat, a big-rimmed fedora and
sunglasses to hide his face) following a middle-age bar floozy home,
where he hits her over the head with a lead pipe and then begins
dismembering her body with an electric carving knife, part of his
killing kit that he carries with him in a backpack. When the poor
woman wakes up (while he's cutting off her hand!), the killer
finishes her off with a meat cleaver. We then switch to drifter Vic
(John David Garfield; THE STEPMOTHER
- 1972) hitching a ride on the back of a Movieland Tour bus (the bus
driver is short-lived Three Stooges member Joe Besser). He jumps off
at the mansion of aging alcoholic ex-movie star Katherine Parker
(Miriam Hopkins; DR.
JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE - 1931), who has just broken her leg
after taking a drunken stumble down her mansion's spiral staircase.
Vic immediately ingratiates himself into the Parker household,
including maid Mildred (Florence Lake), whom he introduces himself to
as "Laurel N. Hardy" (!), and Miss Parker's stern manager
Leslie (Gale Sondergaard; THE BLACK CAT
- 1941), who begrudgingly gives him a job as Miss Parker's nursemaid.
Vic soon becomes Miss Parker's closest confidant, much to the dismay
of Leslie and the rest of the staff, who have been with her for years
but have never been treated as well as she treats Vic. When it's
revealed that Vic's a habitual drug abuser and has frequent
flashbacks about his childhood, where he watches his mother willingly
being gang-banged by four sweaty men before she has her hand
chopped-off by someone swinging a hatchet, it becomes quite
reasonable for the viewer to assume that Vic is the serial killer on
the loose. Miss Parker's cook, Greta (Virginia Wing), becomes
pregnant by Vic, only to end up chopped into little pieces by someone
wielding a meat cleaver. It turns out, as no surprise, that Vic is
quite mad, and when Miss Parker grows suspicious of his motivations,
he kills her, replaces her with a mannequin and takes over the
mansion, not allowing anyone to talk to or visit "Miss
Parker". As the rest of the staff also grow suspicious, Vic
kills th
em
one-by-one until he is left alone in the mansion, where he is able
to relive and reboot his childhood. Only this time, he's in
control. This swinging 60's horror film, full of hippie
dialogue, fashions and freak-out sequences, not to mention some
surprisingly graphic bits of gore (all with that bright, almost neon,
red blood that that era was so fond of), is a good time capsule of
when horror films actually told a coherent (if freaky) story to go
along with the scares. Triple threat director/producer/scripter
Donald Wolfe (who never directed another film, although he was an
editor on such films as THE
HUMAN DUPLICATORS [1965]) offers a fascinating glimpse of two
distinctly different lifestyles facing each other head-on: The Old
Guard, represented by Katherine Parker, who still dreams of making a
comeback film (she sometimes drunkenly hallucinates about it, which
leads to her broken leg), not knowing that her career is nothing but
a footnote to most people (At one party thrown at her house by Vic, a
midget offers her cocaine [She replies, "The only trips I go on
are the nostalgic kind!"] and a young woman sarcastically asks
her if she appeared in THE
BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN); and the New Guard, represented by
Vic, who believes sex, drugs and taking advantage of an old woman's
weaknesses is all he needs to survive. Miriam Hopkins (this is her
last film; she passed away in 1972 of a heart attack) is terrific as
Miss Parker, who relives her past successes with a combination of
alcohol and watching her old films in a screening room in her mansion
(using actual footage of some of Miriam Hopkins' old films). She even
does a brief topless scene! John David Garfield (the son of actor
John Garfield) is equally as good as the murderous, opportunistic
Vic, who has yet to meet anyone he can't deceive or murder when his
fragile psyche is exposed. The supporting cast of film veterans also
raises this film a notch or two above the norm and help move this
film to it's graphic conclusion. I was pleasantly surprised how much
I liked this film, especially since it is steeped in drug and alcohol
abuse and yet turns out to be a sobering experience. Also starring
Lester Mathews, Riza Royce and Minta Durfee. Originally released on
VHS by Unicorn Video.
The version I watched, under the title HOLLYWOOD
HORROR HOUSE (it is also known as THE COMEBACK), was
sourced from a beat-up 16mm print that only adds to the ambiance. Now
available on DVD under the title HOLLYWOOD
HORROR HOUSE from Full
Moon Video, but be aware that the DVD was taken from less than
pristine sources so you may want to hold on to your Unicorn VHS. If
sales are good enough, they will look for a pristine 35 mm source and
repress the DVD. So what happens to the people who bought the
inferior version? That's Full Moon for you. Rated R.
SAVAGE
ISLAND (2003) - Steven and Julia
(Steven Man and Kristina Copeland), along with their newborn baby,
travel to her father's remote island for some rest and relaxation.
Julia's brother Peter (Brendan Beiser), picks them up and
accidentally hits a small boy, the son of a family of inbred
squatters, led by the demented Eliah Savage (Winston Rekert of ETERNAL
EVIL - 1985). Julia's father Keith (Don S.
Davis of STARGATE SG-1)
plans on turning the island into a resort paradise and is trying to
get rid of the squatters. Eliah finds his dying son (he snaps
his neck to finish the job) and demands that Keith give him Steven
and Julia's baby as a trade-off. Keith, of course, refuses and runs
off Eliah and his wife (Lindsay Jameson) with a pistol. The Savages
kidnap Peter (after he digs up the Savage's dead son), cut out his
tongue and offer him as trade for the baby. Keith and Steven go
looking for Peter, only to have the Savage gang attack Julia and her
mom (Beverly Breuer), killing mom by repeatedly stabbing her with
butcher knife and taking Julia and the baby hostage. Keith
catches up with them and gets staked in the stomach while being
forced to watch Peter have his throat slit wide open. Steven
turns out to be a coward as he watches in the woods as his family is
killed and kidnapped. Even a threat by Eliah to shoot Julia in the
head does not bring him out into the open. Lenny Savage (Zoran
Vukalic) saves Julia when he says he wants her as his woman. Julia is
drugged and forced to marry Lenny. Keith begs Steven to kill him
("How are you going to have the guts to save your wife and baby
if you don't have the guts to finish me off?", Keith asks.).
Steven kills Keith and goes out for his revenge. Filmed on digital
video and edited by director Jeffrey Lando (whose next movie
was the giant insect film INSECTICIDAL
- 2005) on his Apple IMac G3 in his home, this movie is filled with
grainy shots (apparently done purposely but very annoying to the
viewer) and very strong acting. This is a good inbred
family-in-the-woods film that were popular in the 70's & 80's (JUST
BEFORE DAWN (1980), THE
FOREST (1981), etc) that has it's fair share of outrageous
dialogue (Rebecca Savage [Nahanni Arntzen] says to Peter: "Mamma
told me I could have proper babies if I did it with a stranger.")
and a few surprises (including an unexpected suicide) near the
finale. If you can put up with the headache-inducing graininess,
you'll probably enjoy this one. This one clocks in at a small 84
minutes and a supposed longer cut exists in Canada, where it was
shot. An Ardustry Home Entertainment Release. Rated R.
SAVAGE
LUST (1989) - This is a cheap,
badly acted horror flick from director/screenwriter Jose Ramon Larraz (THE
HOUSE THAT VANISHED - 1973; REST
IN PIECES - 1987), but it is so goddamned weird and utterly
mind-boggling, you'll be glued to the screen for the entire running
time. During the opening credits, we see the after-effects of a
motorcycle "accident", where the male driver and female
passenger are both completely naked, bloody and dead on the ground as
we glimpse the back window of a black limousine going up before it
pulls away. We are then introduced to six stereotypical teens on
their way to Lake Wappakanokee (no kidding!) for some fun, sex and
pot smoking. They get hopelessly lost, but luckily (or not) they come
upon limping hitch-hiker Jack (Clark Tufts, who was just dropped off
on the side of the road by a truck carrying a statue of Bob's Big
Boy!), who knows the way to the lake. After having a flat tire and
almost getting caught smoking weed by a State Trooper (Douglas
Gowland, who gives the teens a lecture on the "penny test",
or how to tell when a tire has lost its tread!), Rod (Mark Irish)
decides on his own to pull off on a side road to rest when Jack tells
them they still have quite a ways to go before reaching
the lake (It's one of the stupidest moves in horror film history).
He continues to drive on the dirt road until it ends at a strange
house that looks like it's deserted and has a weird
"monument" in the yard: A wrecked black limousine sitting
on a slab of concrete surrounded by four stone statues. Rod, Tony
(Greg Rhodes) and Peter (Jerry Kernion) take a closer look at the
monument and notice a framed photo of a young pretty woman in the
limousine's back seat, like some sort of shrine. Helen (Claudia
Franjul) notices someone peering out of one of the house's windows,
so everyone goes to check it out (Helen says, "This house is
evil!" to which Peter replies, "Hey, maybe you'll spit-up
pea soup and your head will turn around!" What?!?). Helen
refuses to go into the house and walks off into the forest (In a real
asshole move, boyfriend Tony doesn't go after her, explaining to his
friends that this is nothing but "foreplay"! Double
What?!?), while the rest of them break into the houseand take a tour.
They naturally decide to check out the basement first (Triple
What?!?) and find two coffins, one marked "Alfred" and the
other marked "Amanda". Tony loses his ring trying to open
one of the coffins (Quadruple What?!?) and then everyone hears the
destroyed limo's horn honk outside. Tony finally decides to go find
Helen, but it's too late, as someone has slit her throat and is
dragging her corpse through the forest (Tony's not getting any
foreplay tonight!). Jack and the rest of the group, which also
includes Susan (Liz Hitchler) and Anne (Kathleen Patane), decide to
check out the house further and find that the whole house is
plastered with photos of the same woman found in the back seat of the
limo (We also discover that Jack is wanted by the police, but we
don't know what his crime is). Tony returns to the house empty-handed
(Peter makes a crass joke about Helen using her ample assets as a
hitch-hiker, while everyone else roasts wieners in the fireplace.
Quintuple What?!?) and Susan notices a crack in the only wall without
photos that seems to be getting bigger. When they discover a closet
full of pickled human scalps, you would think that they would make a
hasty retreat, right? Well, think again. They decide to stay until
morning because it is raining outside! It's not long before all these
stupid, stupid motherfuckers get just what they deserve, as Alfred
(William Russell), the facially-scarred husband of the ill-fated (and
badly burned) Amanda (Jennifer Delora; BAD
GIRLS DORMITORY - 1986), the chick in all the photos, begin
killing them in various bloody ways. Finally, a man and a woman with
common sense! I could write a book describing all the idiotic
and bone-headed things these poor excuses for human beings do and
say, but then I would be depriving you of a once-in-a-lifetime
experience of pure inanity. With friends like these, who needs
enemies? I wish I could say this is all because of
director/screenwriter Jose Ramon Larraz's lack of command of the
English language, but he's been making English language films since
the early 70's (WHIRLPOOL -
1970; VAMPYRES - 1974), so I
would like to believe this was his way of goofing-on or fucking-with
the audience. These kids live in some alternate universe, where it is
normal to sit in a wrecked limousine and smoke a cigarette or open a
sealed casket to see if there's a body inside (C'mon, everyone's
doing it!). Thankfully, Larraz offers us plenty of nudity (including
disturbing naked photos of Alfred and Amanda's victims, both male and
female, that he keeps in an album) and some graphic bloodletting in
the final third of the film. The reveal of what's behind the cracked
wall is also quite graphic and well-photographed. SAVAGE LUST
(also known as DEADLY MANOR)
is one of those films you find yourself enjoying for all the wrong
reasons and there's nothing wrong with that. Filmed in Suffern, New
York and Ramapo, New Jersey. Originally available on VHS by Action
International Pictures Home Video and not available on DVD in
the U.S., but there's a British DVD available (under the DEADLY
MANOR title) from budget label Pegasus. Not Rated. UPDATE:
Now available on Region-free
Blu-Ray from Arrow Video
under the DEADLY MANOR title.
SAVAGE
WATER (1979) - Here's an obscure,
bad slasher flick that takes place during a white water rafting trip
(filmed on location in Moab, Utah and Grand Canyon National Park in
Arizona). It's also guaranteed to put your ass to sleep. A group of
diverse, stereotypical people, including Doc Rogers (Ron Berger), a
psychiatrist; a widowed father and his snotty son; a elderly German
couple (the German guy tells the snotty kid, after the kid calls him
a Kraut: "Adolph Hitler ist dead und some day you vill be
too!"); a Arab sheik;
a couple of sexy female teenagers; a husband and wife (the wife is
deathly afraid to eat in the dark!); and an overweight junk food
fanatic in a Gilligan hat, head down the Colorado River in three
rubber rafts with their tour guides. After being lectured by the tour
guides about the horrors of littering (What, no crying Indian?) and
what wild plants not to eat (apparently eating belladonna will make
your heart race so fast, it will explode), our motley group get their
first taste of the rapids and camp out for the night on the banks of
the river. One of the sexy teenagers hits on the Arab sheik and he
proposes marriage ("Will you be my American wife?"), while
the tour guides smoke pot. After an unreasonably long stretch of
useless hijinks and constant in-fighting, someone pushes one of the
tourists off a cliff after he snorts some coke. Thinking he was high,
lost his balance and slipped, the tour guides simply bury him and
continue with the trip (!), not aware that someone in their group is
actually a cold-blooded killer. After the snotty boy is bitten by a
rattlesnake (the killer purposely put it in the boy's sleeping bag)
and one of the tour guides ends up dead, the idiotic tour group still
continues on their trip, even though their radio to contact the
outside is out of commission. Yes, these people deserve entry into
the "Idiots Hall Of Fame" and deserve everything that is
about to happen to them. One of the sexy teenagers is stabbed to
death in the back with a hunting knife and another woman is poisoned
with belladonna. Everyone finally wises-up, but they try to hang Doc
Rogers when they mistakenly believe he is the killer. Tour leader
Dave (Gill Van Wagoner) saves him from the noose, but while rafting
back to civilization, Dave is forced to kill him with the spinning
propellers of one of the raft's outboard motors, even though to his
dying breath, Doc professes his innocence. Back in civilization, the
surviving tourists and crew are found innocent of culpability in a
civil trial, but the epilogue reveals the identity of the real
killer. It's no surprise. This is an embarrassingly dull
mystery/horror film that's sub-par on every level. The acting by a
cast of regional non-pros
is especially excruciating to watch, as everyone flubs or steps on
lines constantly (Rasheed Javeri as the Arab sheik Mahomed is about
as bad as they come). It wouldn't be so bad if there were a little
action to go along with the constant yapping, but 95% of the film is
nothing but incessant, inane dialogue spoken by people who couldn't
order a Happy Meal without needing a second take. Director/ producer/
editor/ photographer/raft inflator Paul W. Kener (whose only other
contribution to cinema is the harder-to-find horror abomination WENDIGO
[1978]) forgot the cardinal rule of successful horror filmmaking: Put
some fucking scares and blood into the damn film! Instead, he offers
endless shots of people walking, talking and doing trivial things,
like eating, waiting to go to the bathroom or acting like total
idiots. Kener even manages to make white water rafting seem ho-hum,
as the majority of the film takes place on dry land. The film isn't
even good enough for an unintentional laugh, as most of the killings
take place off-screen, there's no nudity (the film's idea of
skinny-dipping is everyone jumping in the river with their underwear
on) and the pacing is stagnant (the screenplay was written by Kipp
Boden, his only film credit). I swore I actually saw the hands of my
watch move counter-clockwise while viewing this. SAVAGE WATER
is a loooong 95 minute viewing experience and makes director Byron
Quisenberry's similarly-themed SCREAM
(a.k.a. THE OUTING - 1981) seem
like a masterpiece of suspense. Watching this film proves that some
hard-to-find films deserve to be that way. The bad title tune was
written and warbled (badly) by co-star Doug Warr. Also starring
Bridget Agnew, Mike Wactor, Gene Eubanks, Steven Evans, Dirk
Strickwerda, Clayton King, Pat Comer, Dawn DeAnne, Valerie Kittel and
Doug Jones as Dean, the snotty boy. This has never been available on
home video in the U.S., which only proves that we here in the States
still have a modicum of pride. The print I viewed was sourced from a
British VHS tape, proving once again that they will do anything to
shame us. Not Rated.
SAVAGE
WEEKEND (1976) - Another unsung
gem from the 70's that, when it is mentioned in reference books, is
usually maligned or unfairly labeled a "bomb". While the
film is partly a stalk 'n' slash tale, it's quite refreshing in it's
delivery, as there are no teenagers and very few children in sight,
just adults acting like adults. A group of friends (each one with
personal problems of their own) head to a house in Upstate New York
for some business and fun. In the film's funniest scene, openly-gay
Nicky (Christopher Allport of JACK FROST
- 1996) stops at a bar for a drink and ends up beating the shit out
of two brawny men making fun of his sexuality (and the extremely
short swim trunks he is wearing). Once they reach the house, they
find a dead bat nailed to the door (only Nicky is man enough to
remove it). After a few BIG CHILL-like
moments, where Mac Macauley (RE-ANIMATOR's
David Gale) regales a story to two of the guests about how local
borderline retard Otis (William Sanderson of FIGHT
FOR YOUR LIFE - 1977, in his first theatrical film) branded
a woman years earlier with the letter "H" (for
"whore"; I said he was borderline retarded), another couple
make love completely naked in a field while Nicky
watches nearby (and ogles the naked man) and they all watch Otis kill
a renegade rat, a masked killer begins to kill them one-by-one for
some unknown reason. Could it be Otis, who rides a bike and spends
too much time in a graveyard talking to the headstone of his dead
friend? Or Mac, who gets his rocks off by telling scary stories to
everyone? Or could it be someone in the house? Since they all seem to
have one problem or another, from jealousy, child custody trouble,
sexual abuse to sexual identity, it is a definite possibility. As the
story progresses, the group have a fancy dress dinner party and the
killing begins. Jay (Devin Goldenberg) is hung in the barn and
another is done in with a hatpin to the ear. A table saw is used to
kill another, in the film's most suspenseful scene. A baling hook and
impalement are used to kill another before the killer is unmasked and
his motivations revealed. It all ends in a final showdown (a chainsaw
and a machete are involved), where an unlikely character becomes the
savior. This is one of my favorite 70's horror films. It's
mature in it's approach to love and death, something you don't
normally see in low-budget horror films. Director/producer/scripter
David Paulsen (SCHIZOID -
1980) doesn't tip his hand that there's a killer on the loose until
about the 45 minute mark (where we see the masked killer trying on
one of the guest's clothes). Up until then, we see plenty of full
frontal nudity (both male and female), the Otis flashback where he
brands the woman and smashes her lover's head against a rock (this
flashback may not be true, since Mac, who is telling it, does not
like Otis to begin with), a cringe-inducing scene where Mac removes a
fishing hook from a guy's foot and various sexual infidelities
amongst the cast. What really is different about this film is the way
it portrays the gay character. Nicky is not portrayed as a
limp-wristed girly-man, but as a strong person capable of taking care
of himself and others, a rarity in 70's cinema. The killer's
motivation is not much of a surprise (it's basically revealed in the
opening minutes), but the tense final minutes, coupled with a creepy
banjo score, really toss you for a loop. The acting is uniformly good
(most of the cast went on to have long careers, many of them in the
horror genre) and the gore, while sparse, is well-handled. The only
minus is the pesky boom mike makes several appearances at the top of
the screen, but that could be a framing issue on the print I viewed.
Originally filmed in 1976 as KILLER
BEHIND THE MASK, released in 1979 as THE UPSTATE MURDERS
and renamed in 1981 as SAVAGE WEEKEND.
It would make a perfect double bill with another 70's undiscovered
gem, THE REDEEMER (1976). Also
starring James Doerr, Marilyn Hamlin, Caitlin O'Heaney (as
"Kathleen Heaney", who would later star in HE
KNOWS YOU'RE ALONE - 1980), Jeffrey David Pomerantz and a
very young Yancy Butler (WITCHBLADE
[2001 - 2002]) as the "Little Girl". A Paragon
Video VHS Release. Also available on DVD in one of those 50
movie comps (DRIVE
IN MOVIE CLASSICS) from Mill Creek Entertainment and plenty
of gray market sellers as a stand-alone title. There was even a version
converted to 3D in 2012 in hopes of getting people to buy it for
the now long-lasting 3D fad. Scorpion
Releasing/Kino Lorber Home Video
are releasing the definitive HD anamorphic widescreen version on DVD
& Blu-Ray sometime in late 2015. Rated R.
SCANNERS
II: THE NEW ORDER (1990)
- Decent follow-up to David Cronenberg's 1981 exploding head masterpiece
about people with the ability to control and reshape other peoples'
minds and bodies. This one deals with a police captain (Yvan Ponton)
who enlists scanners to destroy those responsible for shortchanging
his political career. He dupes a confused scanner (David Hewlett of CUBE
- 1997) to help him control the female mayor's (Dorothee Berryman)
mind, so she will appoint him as the new chief of police, after he
has the old chief bumped-off by his horde of drug-addicted scanners.
After Hewlett figures out Ponton's plans for the city, then the
world's, domination, he flees to his parents' country home with the
other scanners in hot pursuit. He finds out that he was adopted and
has a sister (Deborah Raffin of THE SENTINEL
- 1977) living by herself in the outskirts where city noise is
non-existant. He finds her, and since she is also a scanner, they
come up with a plan to defeat Ponton's iron-fisted scheme. This
Toronto-lensed opus offers plenty of brisk action, good special
effects (some gross enough to push past its R-rating) and some pretty
good twists and turns in the story lines. Check out the weird-looking
residents in the scanner group (Central Casting looks like they went
out of their way to find the ugliest Canadians in the Toronto
vicinity). Raoul Trujillo (THE SWORDSMAN
- 1993) stands out as the head bad guy scanner and does a lot with
his facial expressions to put fear in the viewer. Good acting raises
this one a notch or two above most sequels. The open ending sets the
way for more sequels including SCANNERS III:
THE TAKEOVER, shot back-to-back with this one by director
Christian Duguay, who made a bunch of respectable films until the
stinker EXTREME OPS (2002)
was released to theaters. Talk about a major disappointment! SCANNERS
II: THE NEW ORDER is damned-good entertainment with a sense
of heart and exploding heads. A Media
Home Entertainment Release. Rated R.
SCANNERS
III: THE TAKEOVER (1991) - For
those who found satisfaction with SCANNERS
II: THE NEW ORDER (1991), this second sequel should be even
more enjoyable and is probably (God forbid) better than David
Cronenberg's original. Scanner Alex (Steve Parrish) takes up
residence in a Thailand monastery after accidently scanning his best
friend off the balcony of a highrise
apartment at a Christmas party. Alex's mild-mannered scanner sister
Helena (the sexy Liliana Komorowska) suffers severe headaches and
decides to use an experimental drug called EPH-3, invented by their
adoptive father (Daniel Pilon). The drug is a patch which is worn on
the back of the neck, and soon Helena starts going stark raving mad.
She telekinetically explodes a pidgeon for taking a dump on her hand.
She kills a doctor (head explosion) who runs a clinic for scanners
and takes control of the Scanner population. When she discovers that
her powers can be transmitted over the airwaves, she comes up with a
plan for world domination. She kills her adoptive father and send a
scanner over to Thailand to kill her brother so she can inherit her
father's giant pharmaceutical business. Alex escapes, but can he save
the world? This film is jam-packed with violent action and stunts.
Beside the prerequisite head explosions, there's finger explosions,
body parts shot off, kung fu fights, car chases and various bodies in
stages of scanning deformity. Director Christian Duguay (who filmed
this one back-to-back with Part 2) injects a healthy dose of humor
into the proceedings and also has a fine visual eye, filling the
screen with unusual camera angles and atmospherics. Duguay would
later go on to direct LIVE WIRE
(1992), the excellent horror film SCREAMERS
(1995), the widely-praised espionage thriller THE
ASSIGNMENT (1997) and the action film THE
ART OF WAR (2000). He definitely has talent. As it stands, SCANNERS
III: THE TAKEOVER is a great, head-swelling experience. SCANNER
COP (1993) was next. A Republic
Pictures Home Video Release. Rated R.
SCANNERS: THE
SHOWDOWN (1994) - The SCANNERS
series is, in my opinion, the best horror franchise available on
video. The general rule of thumb is that sequels are inferior to the
original. This film (originally titled SCANNER
COP 2:
VOLKIN'S
REVENGE) breaks that convention. It is an exciting, horrific
rollercoaster ride of thrills, chills and excellent special effects
(supplied by John Carl Buechler and MMI, who have never done better).
There are scenes in this film that push the envelope of endurance,
making the viewer cringe and pray that the scenes will end soon. All
this is done with quick editing, a pounding soundtrack (that really
does affect your nervous system somehow if you listen to it in
Surround Sound) and the aforementioned special effects that push the
boundries of its R rating. It is a total sensory experience. Daniel
Quinn returns from SCANNER COP
(1993) as scanner cop
Stan Staziak, who is searching for his long-lost mother with the help
of scanner Carrie Goodart (Khrystyne Haje of TV's HEAD
OF THE CLASS [1986 - 1990]), a trans-neural researcher who
helps other scanners learn to lead a normal life. Staziak has a major
problem on his hands: He is being hunted by Carl Volkin (Patrick
Kilpatrick of DEATH WARRANT
- 1990), an escaped convict and scanner who Staziak put away five
years ago after subduing him and killing his brother in a botched
robbery attempt. Volkin has discovered a way to increase his scanning
powers by sucking the life force out of other scanners, leaving his
victims nothing but burnt, shriveled-up shells of their former
selves. Since Staziak is a much stronger scanner, Volkin must locate
other scanners to increase his powers before he can confront his
nemesis face-to-face. He breaks into Carrie's office to get her
client list of scanner patients. When she catches him in the act (and
dials 911), Volkin attempts to perform his talents on her. The police
break in and distract Volkin. He dispatches the cops and leaves
Carrie in a coma. The only information Volkin was able to obtain was
Staziak's home address, so he breaks into the house and tries to take
Staziak out using conventional means, namely a shotgun. Staziak is
too smart for him and foils the attempt. They get into a scanning
contest where Staziak proves to be the strongest. Volkin escapes in
the nick of time and searches the streets for scanners to kill. He
finds a few, which does increase his powers, but still not enough to
defeat Staziak. He breaks into Carrie's office again and this time is
able to get her client list. He then goes on a scanner killing spree,
a delirious section of the film which is a showcase of imaginative
and wickedly gross special effects. Volkin has now gained enough
strength to take Staziak on, but first he wants to make him suffer.
He attempts to kill Staziak's scanner mother, but she senses his
presence and kills herself by jumping out a window so that her power
will not be passed on to Volkin. Staziak, who arrives too late to
save his mother, now knows that he is not strong enough to beat
Volkin just by using his powers alone. He resorts to the art of
illusion in a final battle that ends with a nifty head explosion (a
staple in this series). Director Steve Barnett, who also made the
Fangoria horror film MINDWARP
(1990) and the excellent action feature MISSION
OF JUSTICE (1992), imbues this film with a sense of
foreboding and doom. He also injects some very dry humor into the
proceedings. Daniel Quinn and Patrick Kilpatrick make for a grand
battling duo and, when they go into their scanning routines, make it
look downright painful. More than once I found myself digging my
fingernails into my palms from the tension onscreen. Isn't that the
whole point in watching horror films? This is the last film in the
series. They should make more. Also starring Robert Forster, Stephen
Mendel, Brenda Swanson and Jewel Shepard. A Republic
Pictures Home Video Release. Rated R.
SCARAB
(1982) - Incomprehensible Spanish/American co-production with an
over-the-top performance by Rip Torn (THE
BEASTMASTER - 1982) and a phone-it-in turn by Robert Ginty (THE
GOLD RAIDERS - 1983). Torn portrays physics professor
Wilfred Manz, a possible ex-Nazi who tries to raise an ancient spirit
called Khepera, who uses scarab beetles as it's calling card. After
unsuccessfully trying to summon Khepera in his laboratory (He has a
scarab beetle, which is sitting atop a miniature pyramid surrounded
by candles, shocked with jolts of electricity in a feeble attempt of
raising the spirit), crazy Dr. Manz cuts his hand in anger and
accidentally bleeds over his totem. Before you know it, Khepera
appears and possesses the Professor's body, eventually turning him
into a cult leader who swears to his many followers (the male members
look like masked Mexican wrestlers and the female members walk around
topless) that he will save the Earth from the people that would
destroy it by nuclear war and famine; namely, politicians. Pretty
soon, political leaders begin committing suicide for no reason at all
(one stabs himself with
his own rapier after practicing with his young son and another pulls
out a gun and shoots himself in the head at a press conference); the
only thing they have in common with each other is that a tiny scarab
beetle was placed on their persons shortly before they offed
themselves. Womanizing reporter Murphy (Ginty), who was at the ill-fated
press conference, begins following a nurse named Elena (Cristina
Hachuel) when he notices her stealing the scarab from the dead
politician's body. Elena, who has mystical powers (including the
power to heal, as we watch her miraculously cure a serious head wound
of one of her patients), may just be what the world needs to combat
the possessed Dr. Manz. As Murphy ingratiates himself into her life,
he also does some research into Khempera and discovers some
disturbing facts. Meanwhile, the possessed Dr. Manz hangs out with
some topless female followers in his temple, but every time he tries
to make love to them, something awful happens, such as one girl's
body morphing into that of a jackass (!) or another girl instantly
becoming covered in boils and exploding (What the hell?). Murphy has
multiple attempts made on his life and discovers that Elena is
actually Dr. Manz's daughter. Together, they try to find her father
and end the madness. By the time they reach that juncture in the
film, you will either be sound asleep or wishing that you were.
This boring horror film, directed and co-written by Steven-Charles
Jaffe (better known for scripting and producing MOTEL
HELL [1980] and producing NEAR
DARK [1987] and THE FLY II
[1989]), is really a mess of a film. The story is confusing,
especially since portions of the film are spoken in Spanish without
the benefit of English subtitles, and Robert Ginty sleepwalks
throughout the entire film, making his character more unlikable than
Khepera, something I'm sure scripters Jaffe, his brother Robert
Jaffe, Ned Miller and Jim Block didn't count on. It's also hard to
understand why an accomplished, award-winning actor like Rip Torn
would take such a demeaning role as he did here, unless he needed
some quick booze money (Torn has a reputation for being a notorious
alcoholic) or just wanted to bang some topless starlets. It's pretty
embarrassing watching him literally spitting out his line here (I'm
not kidding. In some scenes you can actually see drool on his chin or
spraying spittle as he barks out his lines). Jaffe's idea of
atmosphere is to bathe every scene in fog (the fog machines are
working overtime here) and although there is some gore, it's nothing
to write home about. Everything about SCARAB
just seems wrong-headed and ill advised. I'm still trying to figure
out why Ginty ignorantly walks down a busy street listening to his
walkman, oblivious to the fact that someone is trying to kill him,
even though he can plainly see objects and people blowing up in front
of him. Ginty acts like it's a normal, everyday occurrence and
doesn't wise-up until a piece of shrapnel hits him in the face. I
guess that pretty much wraps-up how I feel about this film: It's
clueless to the point of being stupid and I'm not talking about the
good stupid, either. Also starring Isabel Garcia Lorca, Donald
Pickering, Sam Chew Jr., Jose Luis de Vilallonga, Hector Alterio,
Jose Ruiz Lifante and Alfredo Cembreros. I don't believe that this
was ever available on home video in the U.S., but if you are a
glutton for punishment, you can easily find a copy on DVD-R from gray
market sellers. Not Rated.
SCARCE
(2008) - More cannibal/torture nonsense; this one taking place at
a hillbilly town somewhere in Pennsylvania (actually filmed in
Ontario, Canada during one of the harshest winters on record). The
film shows a twilight of promise in the opening scene, as a totally
nude and blood-covered skeletal-looking man tries to outrun whomever
is chasing him (the chase is intercut with someone playing around
with some bloody Rube Goldberg-esque torture devices while eating a
bloody bowl of something with a spoon), only to be captured
and letting out a blood-curdling scream. The story then shifts to a
snowboarding lodge in Colorado, where two New Jersey guys, Dustin
(Thomas Webb) and Owen (co-director/co-producer/co-writer John
Geddes), are on their last day of vacation and hit the party circuit
looking to score with some chicks (Nice that they waited until their
last day of vacation to do so. They give all guys from New Jersey,
including myself, a bad name). In between swigs from a beer bong (oh,
memories), hits off a pot pipe (oh, more memories) and way too much
thrash music (never my thing and why
does every thrash metal singer sound like he's got a hard turd stuck
in his ass and the only way to remove it is to scream like a
banshee?), Dustin gets lucky, but Owen strikes out (he catches two
lesbians making out in a bedroom and he reacts like a deer caught in
the headlights) until he passes-out from doing too many shots. The
next morning, a hungover Dustin, Owen and Trevor
(co-director/co-producer/co-writer Jesse T. Cook) hop in their car
for the long trip back to Jersey (If yesterday was their last day of
vacation, why did they decide to drive nearly across country the next
day? Again, they are giving Jersey guys a bad name!) and only make it
to some podunk town in Pennsylvania thanks to a raging snowstorm
(where a local diner has a shotgun hanging under portraits of George
Bush Sr. & Jr. and also a written sign that states: "Sexual
harrassment in this area will not be reported. However, it will be
graded."!). After eating a disgusting meal at the diner that is
populated by the ugliest bunch of hicks this side of DELIVERANCE
(1972), our Jersey trio get directions to the highway by a fat guy
with a broken neck at the diner's counter (he uses a small hand
mirror to see behind him). Being the trusting idiots that they are,
they follows the guy's directions and end up in the middle of
nowhere, crashing their car and Trevor breaking his leg. While Trevor
waits in the car, Dustin and Owen head out in the middle of a
snowstorm (Did I mention that they were idiots?) and find a
strange-looking cabin hidden in the woods (As with most of these DTV
horror flicks, there is no cellphone service and the cabin has no
phone). They meet creepy cabin owner Ivan (Steve Warren), who drives
them back to their car, only to find Trevor missing and tracks in the
snow indicate that he was carried-off by someone (Like we all didn't
see that coming!). Ivan tells the guys that Trevor was probably
rescued by neighbor Wade (Gary Fischer) and he offers to drive them
there the next morning once the snow stops. Rather that running off
like scared rabbits, Dustin and Owen decide they have no choice but
to spend the night with Ivan, eating his special brand of
"meat" and drinking his moonshine. I think we can all see
where this is heading: A non-stop barrage of torture and cannibalism,
followed by a fatalistic finale where the good guys don't stand a
snowball's chance in Hell of making it out alive no matter how hard
they fight back. In other words, a typical ending when the writers
can't come up with a decent ending, so they kill off the good guys (a
plot device used in way too many modern DTV horror films). This
is the first feature film from
directors/producers/screenwriters/actors John Geddes and Jesse T.
Cook and it's just about what one would expect from a couple of young
filmmakers weaned on a steady diet of the SAW
franchise (2004 - 2010),
the three HOSTEL films
(2005, 2007 & 2011)
and the 6 WRONG TURN
films (2003, 2007, 2009,
2011, 2012
& 2014), especially the cruel and twisted final minutes (I know
some of these films were made after this one, but I'm an anal
completist!). The first forty minutes are spent getting to know
Dustin, Owen and Trevor and the remainder of the film is spent
watching Ivan and Wade torture the trio, stripping away their flesh
and cooking them. I don't know about you, but all this cannibalism
nonsense in horror films is becoming cliched and old hat, no matter
how bloody and gory this film is. And gory this film is, with bodies
being gutted; arms, legs and heads being cut off; bones exposed; and
all the torture devices, including metal body cages, teeth and
toenail removal by pliers, mouth gags and arm and leg restraints. The
apex of clichedom comes when we learn that Dustin is a vegetarian, so
you know the cannibals think he will taste the best. Hey, I know
budding filmmakers have to start somewhere and SCARCE
is not a badly made or acted film, but it is something we have seen
too many times before, so why should we watch it again? I mean, these
three kids are snowboarders and not once do we see them using their
shredding skills to escape or get even with their captors. I hate the
term "torture porn" (yes, there's torture, but there's no
porn), but I'm beginning to understand it's use in describing films
like this. There is a smidgen of THE
MOST DANGEROUS GAME (1932) thrown-in towards the end, but it
comes way too late to give a damn. Also starring Jacyln Pampalone,
Jackie Eddolls, Melanie Brown, Jason Derushie, Matt Griffin and Chris
Warrilow as "The Slob", the broken-neck cannibal who
doesn't fully put in an appearance until late in the film. An Anchor
Bay Entertainment DVD Release. Not Rated.
SCARECROWS
(1988) - Now
this is a great horror film! First-time director William Wesley
could give lessons to the so-called veterans of the genre on how to
make an exciting, original and most of all, scary fright film. A
group of ex-military fanatics pull off a 3.5 million dollar robbery
and hijack a plane for their escape. One of the group turns traitor
and bails out of the plane with the loot, landing in an abandoned field
populated by some of the ugliest scarecrows this side of the WIZARD
OF OZ.
Only these scarecrows aren't friendly! The rest of the group doubles
back, forcing the pilot to land in the field. In their search for the
traitor, the group finds a deserted farmhouse and it becomes apparent
to them that supernatural forces are at work here. A truck runs
without an engine. When dice are rolled, they come up snakeeyes.
Their ex-friend, the traitor, shows up to give them the fight of
their lives. Bullets won't stop him. Only when they cut off his head
do they find out why: He was stuffed with straw! Pretty soon the
group is being stalked by the mean-spirited scarecrows, who gut their
victims (in graphic detail) and use their victims body parts to
replace their own missing limbs. The chase is on and only one will
survive. Who will it be? This filmed-in-Florida gorefest is a
masterpiece of modern horror. It has restored my faith that something
new can be done in the horror field without resorting to the old
cliches. Every aspect of this film is handled expertly, from the
acting (by a relative group of unknowns), effects (extremely bloody)
and photography (moody and well lit since most of it takes place at
night), to the screenplay and direction. William Wesley has a firm
grip on his material and knows how to wring every drop of tension out
of a scene. What I want to know is why some major studio hasn't
snapped-up Mr. Wesley and given him the opportunity to show what he
can do with a big budget. His next full length feature would not be
until 2001's ROUTE 666 (see review). SCARECROWS
is available in both R-rated
and Unrated
versions. Stick with the Unrated version so you can see all the
carnage intact. Do not let this one pass you by! Starring Ted Vernon,
Victoria Christian, Richard Vidan, B.J. Turner, David Campbell and
Michael Simms. A Forum
Home Video Release. NOTE: The Unrated version is now available
on DVD from MGM in a beautiful
widescreen print.
SCORCHED
HEAT (1987) - Here are some
things you don't see too often: An African American yachting club. A
Bible Belt atheist. A Jewish ice hockey team. An Iranian politician
telling the truth. A Swedish horror film. Well, I'm glad to say that
I've found the latter long at last and it's as goofy as it sounds.
When Eric and Steve were young boys, they were constantly abused by
their teacher, Mr. George Andersson (Johnny Harborg). One such
incident has Mr. Andersson catching Eric and Steve smoking
cigarettes, so he slaps Eric Hard across his face and puts out a
cigarette on Steve's palm before giving them detention. The boys have
had enough of his abuse, so they attempt to teach him a little lesson
by playing a practical joke on him by throwing firecrackers under his
reading chair in his home, but it goes horribly wrong and Mr.
Andersson catches fire and burns to death. Eric and Steve were never
blamed for the death and Steve moved to America shortly thereafter.
Twenty years pass and Eric (Martin Brandqvist) is a complete mess. He
believes Mr. Andersson has returned from the grave and is haunting
him, so
he writes a letter to Steve (Harald Treutiger), who is now a
successful music producer, begging him to come back to Sweden to help
him fight the demon. Steve flies to Sweden with his bitchy wife Linda
(Babs Brinklund) and the first thing they do is head to Eric's house,
which they find a ramshackled mess. A crazed Eric tries to strangle
Steve, but Linda beans Eric over the head with a wine bottle, which
seems to knock some sense into him. While Linda takes a bath in
Eric's upstairs bathroom, Eric and Steve talk about the bad old days,
when all of a sudden Linda screams and disappears from the bathroom.
Steve and Eric find her unconscious in the attic, where she pukes-up
maggots and Mr. Andersson's burned arm bursts out of her mouth. Eric
tells Steve that they're all illusions performed by the vengeful
ghost of Mr. Andersson and if they don't want the illusions to turn
deadly, no one should leave the house. That's not such a wise move.
Mr. Andersson turns out to be much more crueler dead than he was
alive and when Linda finds out the truth of how Mr. Andersson became
a ghost (She callously says, "Don't bother to tell me that I'm
married to a killer!"), she gets the bright idea to blow up the
cellar of Mr. Andersson's burned-out home (luckily, Eric has a case
of TNT hanging around in his living room!). They decide to blow-up
the cellar the next morning, but this night is going to be a rough
one, as the ghostly Mr. Andersson tries every illusion in the book to
get the trio to kill each other. They manage to make it through the
night after a close call with a burglar (co-scripter Johan A.
Dernelius) and a police officer (co-scripter Anders Jonsson) and then
drive to Mr. Andersson's home, only to be taken hostage by a street
gang that is squatting there. They manage to scare off the gang and
locate the cellar. They plant the dynamite, only to discover that the
entire house has reappeared. They quickly forget that everything is
an illusion and it leads to one of the trio being killed by the hands
of the other two. Stupid Swedes, duped by a ghost! Take 'em away
boys! This wacky Swedish horror film (all the actors speak
their own fractured versions of English), directed and co-written by
Peter Borg (SOUNDS OF SILENCE
- 1989), is one of those movies where having a good tolerance level
(for Swedish accents, fragmented dialogue, cheesy special effects) is
a must. If you find you can get through some of the film's hoarier
moments (which is practically the entire first 45 minutes), you may
find yourself having a good time here. Half the fun is listening to
the actors speak their lines in Swenglish, especially the gang of
thugs who occupy the remains of Mr. Andersson's home (Gang Leader:
"Do you find it very hard to say hello?" Linda:
"Fuck you!" Gang Leader: "Ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha! I think you owe me an apology. That is, of course, if you don't
wanna lose your tits!") The fact that no one dies throughout the
entire film (there are a few close calls) until the finale and a lack
of any substantial blood and gore (the worse it gets is the maggot
puking scene) will probably turn off horror purists, but SCORCHED
HEAT is goofy entertainment of the highest order if you are
in the right mindset. Also starring Tony Ellis, Michael Flanigan,
Dennis Castillo, Eric Elmerson and director Borg as a priest. Never
legitimately available on home video in the U.S., the print I viewed
was sourced from a Greek-subtitled VHS Tape. Not Rated.
SCOURGE
(2008) - The return of Jesse Jarrett (Robyn Ledoux) to the town
of Harborford, Washington stirs up those old feelings in ex-boyfriend
Scott Miller (Nic Rhind), who is a hockey-playing, motorcycle-riding
ex-con (he's really not such a bad guy, though). Unfortunately, this
is happening while the old town church burns down. It turns out the
church was harboring a deadly secret since 1871; a multi-tentacled
creature that escapes and hides in the body of a fireman (it enters
through his navel), who then transfers the creature to Scott's
cheating girlfriend, Lydia (Marina Pasqua). Scott has had his doubts
about Lydia's faithfulness, so he follows her one night and catches
her cheating with some guy in the ladies room of a nightclub. Too bad
for Scott, as Lydia has already transferred the creature into her new
lover's body and she dies
(bloodily) in Scott's arms. Sheriff Durst (Russ Ferrier), Jesse's
uncle, has a hard-on for Scott and wants him arrested in connection
with Lydia's death. Jesse, who is fighting some personal demons of
her own, helps Scott, much to her Uncle's displeasure, while Scott
tries to discover exactly what killed Lydia. It leads him to the
firehouse and then the church, where Scott discovers the truth behind
the ancient evil. Meanwhile, the guy Lydia infected goes berserk in a
shopping mall, forcing Deputy Sam (Jason Harder) and Sheriff Durst to
shoot him dead. While transporting the body in an ambulance, the
creature enters the body of a skateboarding paramedic (!). The
creature infects several more people, while Scott tries to track it
down and Jesse looks for clues to the creature's origins in the
church's records. Jesse finds the great-granddaughter of an 1871
victim that was locked in the church's catacombs and she tells Jesse
the whole sordid story. Apparently, only huge electrical shocks (like
a lightning strike or being stunned with a taser) or alcohol will
keep the creature at bay. When Scott is arrested by the Sheriff, who,
it turns out, is infected with the creature, Jesse has to find a way
to save Scott and kill the creature in her Uncle. The appearance of a
one-eyed church official comes in the nick of time, as a broken lamp,
a vat of wine and a very hot fire kills the creature for good. Or
does it? Although the film starts out interestingly enough, it
quickly deteriorates thanks to amateur acting, crappy CGI effects and
a story that makes very little sense (It plays like a sub-par version
of THE HIDDEN [1987]).
Director/screenwriter Jonas Quastel (SASQUATCH
- 2002; RIPPER 2:
LETTER FROM WITHIN - 2004; THE PSYCHIC
- 2004) doesn't seem to miss any cliché here; from the Sheriff
who refuses to believe that anyone but Scott could be responsible for
the murders (no matter how fucked-up the corpses look); the
incredible coincidence where Scott is locked in the same cell as the
latest infected victim (who also informs Scott that the Sheriff is
corrupt and is responsible for setting up Scott's first two-year
stint in prison!); to the way police and firefighters don't act
slightly concerned how the Sheriff, now burned to a crisp, can
suddenly bolt up and infect the town's overweight newspaper reporter
(by attaching his lips to the reporter's navel!). Add to that the
side effects of being infected includes overeating and constant
burping and farting and what you have is a film so devoid of
originality or suspense, you'll want to beat yourself over the head
with a pipe for comfort, especially after watching Jesse's lame
attempt at seducing the fat reporter. It's painful, just like
watching the rest of the film. Besides a few moments of gore
(including an obvious CGI shot of a man losing his lower jaw),
there's nothing to recommend here. Hell, there's not even any nudity!
In other words, SCOURGE is a
typical Vancouver-lensed DTV horror film financed by Canadian tax
dollars. Also starring Alan Legros, Sharron Bertchilde, Hugh
Anderson, Mensah Iruje, Paul Vigano and Russ Ball. A Lionsgate
Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
SCREAM
(1981) - No, this is not the Wes Craven film of the same name.
This is a bland slasher flick where you have to guess the killer's
identity (unlike Craven's film, the identity of the killer in this
one is a cheat). A group of investors are rafted down the Rio Grande
to a site where a ghost town resides. They are there to size up the
area in hopes of turning it into a vacation resort. The very first
night there, the killing
begins (offscreen). The group become suspicious of each other as the
unseen killer hangs, knifes and meat cleavers members of the group
one-by-one (again offscreen). As daylight comes, they find their
rafts missing and they are 30 miles away from the nearest
civilization. Since their leader was one of the first ones killed,
the group decides to stay at the ghost town and wait for a rescue
team since no one knows the way back. No one said they were smart.
When two lost offroad cyclists stumble into town, one of the group
borrows a motorcycle and goes off for help. Will he get back before
everyone is systematically murdered? Will your eyes close before the
film ends? Will I ever stop watching crap like this? Here's my
problem with this flick: If you're going to make a slasher film, you
damn well better show the slashings. Besides a fleeting second of a
scythe cutting off a head, director Byron Quisenberry (who is a movie
stuntman by trade) has fashioned a rather bloodless take on FRIDAY
THE 13TH (1980), DELIVERANCE
(1972) and countless other horror films of the day. Originally lensed
in 1981 as THE OUTING, this film
didn't see the light of day until 1985 when practically every horror
film with a pulse got a VHS release. All the characters in this film
are from Stereotypes 101: The gruff, know-it-all who wants complete
control, the woman scared of her own shadow that screams at every
opportunity, the cowboy hat-wearing man who steps up at the plate,
the woman who falls for him and, finally, the man-child who is here
for sympathy and comic relief. Woody Strode makes a brief appearance
two thirds of the way through as an ex-sailor (huh?) with a pet
rottweiler who comes bearing bad news, spouts some mumbo-jumbo and
then disappears only to return in the finale to save the day.
Everyone in this film does stupid things that defy explanation (such
as stacking the dead bodies like cords of wood), there's blatant Dr.
Pepper product placement and the suspense is sorely lacking. Jesus,
this film is bad! If there's one good point to this film, it's the
music. While it does sound awfully familiar to John Carpenter's theme
to HALLOWEEN (1978), it does
add atmosphere to some scenes. Also starring Pepper Martin (the man
in SUPERMAN II [1980] who
beats up Clark Kent in the diner), John Ethan Wayne (the Duke's son),
Gregg Palmer, Ann Bronston, Alvy Moore (THE
WITCHMAKER - 1969), Julie Marine and Hank Worden. This is
also an early credit for PM Entertainment co-founder Richard Pepin,
who photographed and co-produced. A Vestron
Video VHS Release. Released on DVD
by Code Red/Shriek
Show. Also released on a widescreen double
feature DVD from Code Red,
with the film BARN OF
THE NAKED DEAD (1974). Rated R.
SCREAM
BLOODY MURDER (1972) - Six
year old Matthew runs over his father with a tractor and loses his hand
when the same tractor runs it over. After a lengthy stay in a mental
hospital the grown up Matthew returns home to find his mother
remarried much to his chagrin. After dispatching stepdaddy with an
axe and accidentally killing his mother, the hook-handed Matthew
hitches a ride out of town with a newlywed couple. He murders the
couple after seeing them kiss (He sees his mother's face in his
mirror). Matthew has a mother fixation. He sees his mother's face on
every woman he meets. He is befriended by a prostitute (whom he calls
Daisy, after his mother) and goes about killing her Johns. To impress
Daisy he tells her he is rich and lives in a mansion. Matthew finds a
mansion and kills the occupants (including the family dog!) just so
he can prove to Daisy he is telling the truth. He brings Daisy to the
mansion and tells her to give up her business. When she declines,
Matthew ties her to the bed and makes her a prisoner of the mansion.
He goes on a robbery spree so he can buy Daisy the best. Daisy
refuses his advances and in one scene when she will not eat the food
he is feeding her, Matthew says, "Eat, or I'll cut your tongue
out!" The bound and gagged Daisy tries to escape (she dials the
operator with
her
tongue) but Matthew catches her. Angus Scrimm (PHANTASM
- 1979) puts in an appearance as a doctor who stops by the mansion to
give the former occupant her arthritis shot. The doc is killed when
he becomes suspicious and finds the dead bodies. Daisy tries a
different approach. She entices the virgin Matthew with her naked
body. As they are about to dance between the sheets, Matthew sees his
mother's face and kills the poor Daisy. His mother's face doesn't
disappear this time. The apparition chases him into a church where
Matthew meets his maker. This truly amazing early '70's gore
psychodrama (which claims to be the first film to be called
"gore-nography"!) contains competent acting by Fred Holbert
as Matthew and Leigh Mitchell as Daisy, not to mention a very weird
finale. While most reference books list the director of this film as
Robert J. Emery, the on screen credit goes to Marc B. Ray (who also
directed WILD
GYPSIES
in 1969 and wrote STEPFATHER
III
in 1992). Complaints: The print quality on the United Home Video
version is washed out and the end titles aren't letterboxed, so a
portion of the credits are unreadable. Angus Scrimm uses a different
name here, but unfortunately I couldn't make it out (It turns out he
used his real name "Rory Guy", the same name he used in THE
AROUSERS - 1971 and some other of his early films). SCREAM
BLOODY MURDER is
also known as THE
CAPTIVE FEMALE,
MATTHEW and CLAW
OF TERROR.
A United Home Video
Release. Also available on DVD
from VCI Entertainment
(also in very poor shape) on a double feature with SISTERS
OF DEATH. Rated
R. NOTE:
For more info on this film from one of the film's co-stars, Bill
Reynolds, click HERE.
SCREAM
PARK (2012) - I always liked
horror films that take place at deserted amusement parks, like Tobe
Hooper's THE FUNHOUSE (1981), JACK
THE REAPER (2011), the cheapjack CARNIVAL
OF BLOOD (1971) and many others (a lot reviewed on this
site). There is just something creepy and dangerous about an
amusement park or carnival closed at night, especially the carnies
and performers that live at the places, as they travel town-to-town
(even the stationary ones are creepy when you visit them at night,
something I did several times as a teenager with my friends, getting
caught once by the carnies and having a shotgun fired over our
heads!). This film takes place at a stationary amusement park that is
closing in a few days (actually filmed at Conneaut Lake Park in
Pennsylvania, an actual amusement park that was closed in the early
Spring when this film was lensed), thanks to dwindling attendence, a
mostly disinterested employee force and a general lack of care from
the corporation that owns it (the girl who runs the rollercoaster
smokes in front of the few kids that are still there). The park's
guard watches NIGHT OF
THE LIVING DEAD (1968) on one of the monitors (one of three
films I viewed this week where people were watching George Romero's
classic!) rather than watching the other monitors, where cameras are
at every ride and the parking lot, missing a strange brown van with a
cracked windshield driving into the parking lot at closing time (the
ominous music lets us know that whomever is in that van is not
friendly). When the park's manager, Marty (Steve Rudzinski), gathers
together all his soon-to-be ex-employees and tells them that their
last paychecks will be delayed because the park's owner, Mr. Hyde (HELLRAISER's
Pinhead, Doug Bradley, who shot all his scenes in one day in a
single location), filed for bankruptcy and all his bank accounts were
frozen by the IRS, the employees decide they are going to party all
night at
the park (What is Marty going to do, fire them?). Red-headed park
employee Roy (Kyle Riordan) comes back from the liquor store and
passes the brown van, which is now empty. One of the employees named
Blake did not make it to the meeting and cannot be found, even though
his car is still in the parking lot. The guard does his nightly
perimeter search of the park to make sure no kids were left on the
rides. It's apparent that there is someone in the park that does not
belong there, as the guard is hung by his neck by a piece of rope and
then stabbed in the heart with a screwdriver. Employee Jennifer
(Wendy Wygant), the good girl of the bunch, senses something is wrong
when her boyfriend Blake still has not shown up and the guard is late
coming back from making his rounds (he is never late). The rest of
the employees get drunk, smoke pot and have sex in the Ladies Room.
Jennifer and Marty spot a couple of oddly-dressed strangers in the
park and decide to warn the others, while one of the strangers (who
wears a mask with a huge beak) shoves Carlee's (Kailey Marie Harris)
face in the deep fryer, burning her face off. Carlee's boyfriend Tony
(Dean Jacobs) is knocked out and, when he wakes up, he discovers that
his arms and legs are duct-taped to a rollercoaster car, while the
beak-masked stranger slices his stomach open and pulls out some of
his innards. When Jennifer and Marty investigate why the
rollercoaster is operational, they discover more of Tony's intestines
spill out when his car stops. Another girl has her throat graphically
slit open by the other stranger (wearing a burlap bag over his head,
making him look like a hulking scarecrow) and soon the two strangers
begin killing the rest of the employees one-by-one because it is
"their job". With the landlines not working and all the
employees cell phones missing (clue alert!), the employees fight back
by any means possible (the gates to leave the park are padlocked),
but another male employee is scalped and his girlfriend has her faced
wiped in his blood before she is dispatched. The killers turn out to
be Ogre (Ian Lemmon) and Iggy (Skinny Puppy musician Nivek Ogre; 2001
MANIACS: FIELD OF SCREAMS [2010]; REPO:
THE GENETIC OPERA [2008]; who uses the name "Kevin
'Ogre' Ogilvie" here) and Ogre kills Allison (Alicia Marie
Marcucci) with an axe to her head until only Jennifer and Marty are
left. Marty thinks he knows what is going on, as he has a flashback
to a meeting he had with Mr. Hyde a few weeks earlier (if you look
closely at Mr. Hyde's desk, you will see the Lament Configuation Box
and Mr. Hyde even moves it!), where Mr. Hyde says, "People don't
ride the rollercoasters or brave the funhouses. Now they ride their
couches and brave the commercials." (scary, but true). He goes
on to say that if the amusement park were to survive, "We need
something novel. Something catastrophic. Almost like...a...an
accident." Marty tells Jennifer that he believes Mr. Hyde set up
this mass murder to make this amusement park popular again. What
better way to put people's asses in the rides' seats than the
slaughter of innocent people? Crowds love to gather at crime scenes
or accidents; the bloodier, the better. Still at the flashback, Mr.
Hyde says, "Think of the news coverage. Think of the crowds. We
would never have to worry about profits again!" Jennifer is
incensed with Marty for not telling her or anyone else at the park
about this conversation before (earlier, Jennifer stabbed Ogre in the
back with a butcher knife when he attacked her and Marty and it
didn't affect him at all). Jennifer decides to go outside to grab the
guard's gun, while Marty stays behind and watches the monitors. She
leaves the safety of the guard's office and ventures into the park,
only to discover that Iggy already took his gun and he takes Jennifer
prisoner. She is saved by Roy (who has managed to stay in the shadows
away from the two psychos) and Jennifer escapes with the gun, while
Ogre snaps Roy's neck like a twig. Jennifer finds the headless corpse
of her boyfriend Blake and kills Ogre by pumping him full of lead
with the gun. She is then chased by Iggy through the park and
Jennifer climbs to the top of the wooden rollercoaster. Iggy catches
up and begins to strangle her with his bare hands, but Jennifer
gouges both his eyes out with her fingers and kicks him off the
rollercoaster, Iggy falling to his death. Morning arrives and so do
the police and the news crews. We then discover that Marty is keeping
Blake's head in his locker. Does Marty want Jennifer all to himself
(throughout the film, we see Marty trying to hit on her) or was it
him who orchestrated this mass slaughter and not Mr. Hyde? If IMDb
is correct, we may discover the answer in RETURN TO SCREAM PARK,
which is supposedly being made in 2016 and will answer those
questions. This gore film, partially financed by internet
funding site IndieGoGo, was
the first effort by director/producer/screenwriter Cary Hill and,
while it's not perfect, it is a very enjoyable way to spend 84
minutes (ignore the 96 minute running time in the DVD's sleeve).
There are some very bloody deaths (especially the scalping, where
Iggy wears the scalp on his head before he throws it against a glass
door and wipes the victim's girlfriend's face in the blood). Being
filmed at an actual amusement park gives the film an air of
authenticity, especially since it was filmed before the actual park
was given its usual new yearly coat of paint, so everything looks
beaten to hell. If your taste runs towards gore more than an actual
plot (although the ending did take me by surprise), this
semi-professional effort (the technical aspects are fine and the
acting by a cast of mainly young unknowns [Doug Bradley and Nivek
Ogre excluded] ranges from average to good) is a film worth watching.
Director Hill has a cameo at the end as a paramedic who takes care of
Jennifer and there is a mostly funny blooper reel as an extra on the
DVD, along with a shitload of trailers for other films (some which
look worth purchasing). Also starring Nicole Beattie, Brian McDaniel,
Tyler Kale and Carrie Lee Martz. A Wild
Eye Releasing DVD Release. Why is it that these small labels
take most of the chances releasing new DTV horror films with budgets
that wouldn't buy a good meal for a major label releasing DTV flicks?
I hope labels like Wild Eye stay around for a long time. Not Rated.
SCREAMS
OF A WINTER NIGHT (1979) - A
group of college students take a vacation at the secluded camp on
Coyote Lake, named that because of the strange noises the wind makes
whistling through the trees. They keep occupied by fishing, making
out and telling each other scary stories by the fireplace. The first
story is about the Moss Point Man. A necking couple run out of gas on
a backwoods road and the man heads out into the darkness with gas can
in hand leaving the woman alone in the car. The man is chased and
killed by a cackling creature with
long white hair. The woman hears a scraping sound on the roof of the
car, goes out to investigate and (surprise!) finds her lover hanging
by his neck, his feet scraping the roof. In between stories, John
(Matt Borel) tells Cal (Patrick Byers) about a series of unexplained
murders and disappearances that has happened in the area over the
years. Cal thinks it's best not to tell anyone else. The second story
told by the fireplace is the tale of three fraternity pledges who
must spend the night in a haunted hotel with nothing but a sleeping
bag and a candle. They are told not to go beyond the first floor.
Being pledges, they think it's a test and one-by-one walk up the
stairs to the second floor and beyond. The last member see a sight
which strikes him mute and crazy. After that story, John and Steve
(Gil Glasgow) head out during a storm under the pretense that they
are picking up more oil for the lanterns. What they really do is put
on a werewolf costume and scare the shit out of everyone else. The
final story is about Crazy Annie, a mousey girl who decides to get
retribution on those she believes have mistreated her, only to go
crazy at the end. In the film's finale, the group finds out just what
caused all those murders and disappearances in the past as a violent
storm brings something otherworldly with it. Will anyone survive this
Winter night? Made by actual college students in Louisiana and
directed by one-shot wonder James L. Wilson, SCREAMS
OF A WINTER NIGHT is a rather tame PG-rated anthology film
that is short on blood (up until the finale, when it pushes the PG
rating) and relies on psychological scares. Even though all the
stories are familiar campfire tales, they do raise some goosebumps
thanks to the claustrophobic atmosphere and a cast that plays
multiple roles (in the present and in the tales). This is nothing
spectacular, mind you. Just a pleasant way to spend 91 minutes of
your time. Look for a young William Ragsdale (FRIGHT
NIGHT - 1985) as a gas station attendant in the beginning of
the film. The overhead shots of the van traveling down a secluded
road remind me of the shots in the beginning of Kubrick's THE
SHINING, even if this film did come out a year earlier. Also
known as HOWLINGS
OF A WINTER'S NIGHT. Also starring Mary Agen Cox, Robin
Bradley, Ray Gaspard, Beverly Allen, Brandy Barrett and Charles
Rucker. A VCI Home Video
Release, which is now considered a collector's item. Not available on
DVD, but available on Blu-Ray
from Code Red. Rated PG.
THE
SECT (1991) - In 1970, we see a group
of hippies grooving to America's "Horse With No Name" (the
film's biggest anachronism since this song wasn't released until
1972). One hippy, Mark (Dario Casalini), who is painting a girl's
breast (hippies loved to body paint!), runs after little boy Jimmy
when he hears him cry (he saw a snake) and as he is consoling the
little boy, a Manson-like figure named Damon (Tomas Arana; INCARNATE
- 2016) shows up and spouts verses of The Rolling Stones'
"Sympathy For The Devil". The hippies take to Damon and
make him their leader (The "Sect" of the title). We then
see Damon talk to someone in a black car with tinted windows and the
stranger tells him, "It is not yet time". We then see
Damon's sect sacrifice a person in a ritual. Yes, they are Devil worshippers.
We are then in Frankfurt, Germany and the year is 1991. We watch as
cult member Martin Romero (Giovanni Lombardo Radice; DEADLY
IMPACT - 1984) follows a woman named Marion Crane (a
reference to PSYCHO - 1960; this
film references many horror movies, including Radice's name, which is
a not-to-subtle reference to the late George A. Romero and his film MARTIN
[1977]) through the streets of Frankfurt, eventually grabbing her,
stabbing her to death and cutting out her heart (offscreen). When a
thief tries to pick the pocket of Martin on the subway, Marion's
heart falls to the floor, scaring the crap out of the people in the
subway car. Martin is captured by the police and when they try to
handcuff him, he grabs an officer's gun, puts it in his mouth and
blows his brains out of the back of his head. It seems that in the
past three years a string of unsolved murders have taken place in the
vicinity and Justice Jonathan Ford (Donald O'Brien; DOCTOR
BUTCHER M.D. - 1980) blames a satanic cult for the killings.
We then see old man Moebius Kelly (Herbert Lom; MARK
OF THE DEVIL - 1970) pull a canary out of its cage and let
it go free while saying,"It is time. At last, it is time!".
He travels by train holding on to a package as if his life depended
on it. When he is walking down the middle of a road (admiring the
Sun), he is hit by a car driven by school teacher Miriam Kreisl
(Kelly Curtis, the older sister of Jamie Lee Curtis). She takes
Moebius to her home and it is quite obvious that it is the place he
wanted to be. He talks in riddles ("I am close!") and knows
more about Miriam than she knows herself. The big question is: Why?
Miriam has a pet rabbit, which she refuses to name so they can be on
a level playing field (WTF?!? Maybe she should sing a "Rabbit
With No Name"!). That night, while Miriam is sound asleep,
Moebius opens his package, walks into her bedroom and puts a
weird-looking insect on Miriam's face, which crawls into her nose and
disappears! She has a dream where she sees a naked man tied to a
tree, tries to free him, passes out and a crane crawls up her
nightgown and pecks her, ripping a bloody hole in her neck. When she
wakes up, she finds Moebius bent over and coughing like a smoker with
a three-pack-a-day habit. She drives to the house of Dr. Pernath
(Carla Cassola; CIRCLE OF FEAR
- 1992), but she is not there. Her nephew, Frank (Michel Adatte),
also a doctor, is there and he volunteers to go to Miriam's house and
look at Moebius. We then see that Moebius was just pretending to get
Miriam out of the house. He goes down to the basement, pulls off a
metal cover that was hiding a deep well (it has a ladder that travels
to the bottom), sets his package on fire and throws it down the well.
He throws a cloth over his face and then dies (the rabbit is standing
on him).
Miriam and Frank find Moebius' body and the well (Miriam has only
lived in this house for eight months and never knew the well was
there). When Frank examines his body, he discovers that Moebius has
fairly new scars on his wrists and comes to the conclusion that he
tried to commit suicide a couple of months ago. Frank and an
ambulance take the body away, but it is clear that Frank wants to be
more than Miriam's new friend. Then some crazy shit happens. Miriam
finds a young Asian girl in her basement. She steals the cloth that
covered Moebius' face and runs out of the house saying, "Me no
bad!" At her school, a young student named Samantha
(Yasmine Ussani) draws a picture of a bug, the same type of insect
that crawled up Miriam's nose. For some reason, it affects Miriam.
Samantha's mother, Claire Henri (Angelika Maria Boeck) doesn't come
to pick her up, so Miriam drives the little girl home. She meets
Samantha's father, Mr. Henri (Niels Gullov), who tells Miriam that
his wife has been missing for several days (So why did Miriam see her
minutes before school closed for the day?). She also discovers that
Claire was an entomologist who has been researching an insect that
has been extinct for over ten thousand years (I'll give you one guess!),
Miriam's school teacher friend Kathryn (Maria Angela Giordano; BURIAL
GROUND - 1980) finds the cloth on the floor (How did it get
there?) and when she looks at it (It has Moebius' face imprinted on
it). it wraps itself around Kathryn's face. Miriam manages to pull it
off, but Kathryn is now possessed by some unknown force. The normally
chaste Kathryn picks up a total stranger named Jack (Richard Sammel)
at a truckstop and he stabs Kathryn repeatedly. He tells his trucker
friends that Kathryn made him do it and that her face was on fire.
The water in Miriam's house becomes deadly, as her pet fish are
mutilated in their tank and the tap water has worms in it. Miriam
gets a phone message from the dead Moebius, telling her that he left
his diary at her house and she should put it in a "safe
place". Frank then calls Miriam and tells her to come to the
hospital quickly because someone is calling her name. When she gets
there, Dr. Pernath tells Miriam that Kathryn just died in the
operating room and she was calling her name. Miriam insists on seeing
Kathryn's body (over the doctor's objections because she is still on
the operating table) and when she does, a naked Kathryn springs to
life, wraps her hands around Miriam's neck, yells, "I died for
you, Miriam!" and drops dead (The doctor says it must have been
a jolt of adrenaline!).
When Miriam tells Frank about the phone message, he and Miriam go to
the morgue so he can prove to her that Moebius is dead. Frank can't
get the metal casket open, so he punctures it with a metal rod and it
shoots a liquid into his face (well water?). Moebius is not in his
casket. We then see Damon, who is carrying a leather pouch that
contains some ancient metal objects. A female cult member shows Damon
Claire's dead body and tells him that Mr. Henri is "one of
us". Frank spends the night at Miriam's house, where the well
calls to him. He climbs the ladder down to the bottom and discovers a
secret passage, which leads him a sparkling tree where Damon and his
cult insert hooks (the ancient metal objects) into Claire's face and
hang her upside down from the tree. Damon pulls her face off (a real
gory effect) and places it on the face of Moebius' dead body,
bringing him back to life. The sect spots Frank spying on them and
the chase is on. While Frank is climbing the ladder and almost at the
top, he slips and falls into the well. Miriam wakes up to find her
bed is full of creepy crawlers. She goes looking for Frank, finds him
outside her front door and he tries to kill her with a knife ("I
know your secret!"). Miriam tries to escape in her car with
Frank clinging to the car's door. She crashes (Frank is trapped
underneath the car) and runs back to her house to find Moebius and
the sect waiting for her ("We are your family!"). A female
cult member injects the tip of Miriam's nose with some unknown drug
and she passes out. She wakes up in her basement, the walls now
covered with satanic symbols, and she sees the crane of her dream fly
out of the well which, once again, pecks her neck, opening a wound
that is full of maggots. The sect lowers a tied-up Miriam into the
well, Miriam screaming, "I don't want to die!", with
Moebius replying, "You're not here to die. You're here to give
life!" As she is hanging in the well water, she gives birth to a
fetus wrapped in a flesh cocoon. Yes, she has given birth to the son
of Satan (Moebius says, "Our revenge against God!"). She is
given the choice of raising the baby or letting the sect raise him.
What would you do? Well, if you were Miriam, you would grab the baby,
run to your burning car (Damon killed Frank by setting the car on
fire) and jump into the flames! When firefighters get there and
put out the fire, the water reveals an unscathed nude Miriam. Was
this the work of God?
This atmospheric chiller makes very little sense, but there is no
denying that it has a certain something that keeps your eyes glued to
the screen. It should come as no surprise that this was directed by
Michele Soavi, who also gave us THE
CHURCH (1989) and CEMETERY
MAN (1994), two other films that make very little sense, but
are watchable due to the atmosphere that permeates every frame. Soavi
has an uncanny knack
of knowing how to light a scene and where to place the camera,
making the well look foreboding and other-worldly. His sense of
visual information is second to none. The screenplay, by Soavi, Dario
Argento (he was also one of the Producers) & Giovanni Romoli
(Argento's TRAUMA - 1992) offers
Soavi a chance to shine with his visual flair (Try to count how many
times water is shown as something deadly). What I found really
surprising is how much Kelly Curtis looks and sounds like her little
sister, Jamie Lee Curtis. Kelly never got the breaks her sister did,
as she has appeared in small roles in some feature films and some
small parts on TV but never got the recognition she deserved. This
was by far the biggest role of her career. She retired from acting in
1999. It was also nice to see the late Herbert Lom return to his
horror roots. Most people know him for his role as the comedic
"Chief Inspector Charles Dreyfus" in the PINK
PANTHER series of films, but he plays Moebius as such a
creepy person, your skin will crawl. When this film was made, Italian
horror movies were presumed dead, but you wouldn't know it by
watching this. If I have one complaint, it is that it runs a little
long (117 minutes), but you will not be looking at the clock.
Originally released in the U.S. on fullscreen VHS by Republic
Pictures Home Video under the title THE
DEVIL'S DAUGHTER, which gives away the ending of the film.
It was released under the review title on VHS
around the world. It is also known as DEMONS
4 in some Asian countries (Soavi's THE CHURCH was
known as DEMONS 3 early on, but the title went to Lamberto
Bava's DEMONS III:
THE OGRE [1988]). This received a fullscreen budget DVD
release from EastWest Entertainment in 2007 (basically a port of the
Republic tape), but the Blu-Ray release,
by Scorpion Releasing, presents the film in its proper OAR and it
looks great. We can finally see Soavi's great visuals the way they
were meant to be seen. The extras on the disc includes trailers of
Italian films on Scorpion's roster as well as a new 30 minute
interview with Tomas Arana. He is a joy to listen to, as he describes
in detail the differences in acting in an American production versus
an Italian production. He also relates some funny stories, including
how he passed out when filming a scene in this film, where Damon is
smoking a joint (it was not real) and blowing smoke directly at the
camera. Soavi asked for several takes, asking for Arana to blow more
smoke into the lens and when it was time to film the next scene,
Arana got to his feet and passed out because he was not a smoker. He
also gives tips to young actors on how not to act in front of the
camera and he makes sense. I could listen to him talk about his
career (It is quite extensive. Look it up on IMDb) for hours. He is
very congenial and he should teach classes. There is also an
interview with Michele Soavi on the disc, but it is the same one that
is on Scorpion's THE CHURCH
Blu-Ray. All in all, this is a wonderful release for a film that
should be on your radar. Also starring Paolo Pranzo, Erica Sinisi,
Carmela Pilato and Fabio Saccani as the Pickpocket. Look for a cameo
by Michele Soavi as a magician on the TV. Not Rated.
SEED
(2007) - Leave it to Uwe Boll, of all people, to finally make me
sick to my stomach. Not for anything he shot, mind you, but for the
real animal cruelty footage that he scammed from PETA and inserted
into the film for no other reason than, well, to turn our stomachs.
Sure, Boll puts a warning statement at the beginning of the film and
makes a (pretty weak) case for including the animal cruelty footage,
but it's a sad state of affairs when a director has to stoop this low
to try and shock us. SEED is a
horror film that falls under the "Torture Porn" banner (I
hate that term, but in this case, it's accurate) and, unless you're a
fan of human and animal suffering, I'd advise you to steer clear.
It's not a badly-made film, but it's just about as grim and hopeless
a film can get without making you want to slit your wrists.
Inexplicably set in the 70's (probably to avoid such modern
conveniences as cell phones and the internet, which would render much
of this film moot), the film opens with police detective Matt Bishop
(a dour Michael Pare; Boll's TUNNEL RATS
- 2007) capturing notorious serial killer Max Seed (Will Sanderson;
Boll's IN THE NAME OF
THE KING - 2007), who likes to trap animals and people
(including a baby) in his dungeon and film them (using time lapse
photography) as they slowly die of starvation and then become food
for the maggots. Seed then
watches the films (sexual gratification is implied) and sends copies
to the police, as if to say, "Catch me if you can!" Well,
Detective Bishop does just that and Seed is sent to Death Row, where
a few years later he is sent to the electric chair. As luck would
have it, the electric chair is faulty (the executioner has been
trying to get it replaced since the last execution, in which the
prisoner caught fire) and Seed survives two 45-second jolts of 15,000
volts. Since federal law states that any prisoner that survives three
45-second jolts shall be set free (it's simply not true, but it makes
for a good plot device), warden Arnold Calgrove (Ralf Moeller; Boll's FAR
CRY - 2008) has the doctor on hand falsely certify Seed as
dead and has him buried alive in the prison's potter's field. It
should come as no surprise to viewers that Seed digs his way to the
top to get even with those who wronged him, beginning with the
executioner (who dies in his own electric chair), the doctor (who has
his lips bitten off) and the warden (impaled through the stomach and
pinned to a wall) and then kidnapping Bishop's wife and young
daughter and sending Bishop live footage of him torturing his family
(killing Bishop's wife with a nailgun). Seed wants Bishop to kill
himself to stop his daughter's suffering and the film ends on one of
the most nihilistic images in a horror film made in 2007. This
is a dank, dark and colorless film (most scenes are filmed at night
and are bleached to give them a sepia tone) that really serves no
other purpose than to shock. Director/screenwriter Uwe Boll (HOUSE
OF THE DEAD - 2003; ALONE
IN THE DARK - 2005), who filmed this back-to-back with his
bad taste comedy POSTAL (2007),
seems to garner a lot of bad press, both from critics and audiences,
but I don't think he's a bad filmmaker, just a wrong-headed one. All
of his films are professionally made and cast with decent actors (I
just don't agree with people who compare him with someone along the
lines as Ed Wood or Coleman Francis), but they contain an atmosphere
of insane over-the-topness that no other director dares (or cares) to
duplicate. SEED is full of such
scenes, the standout (or low-point, depending on your point of view)
being the sequence where Seed beats some poor woman tied to a chair
in the head with the blunt end of a hatchet over-and-over for what
seems to be an eternity, until the entire room is covered in her
blood and the woman's head is nothing but a bloody pulp (all of this
seemingly done in one long take, but it's obvious that CGI was used
here on the woman's head and some of the blood splatter). Now comes
the "Boll Moment": Instead of stopping the scene there,
Boll has Seed plant the handle of the hatchet in the top of the
woman's head, like an explorer planting his nation's flag in some new
territory. This is what Uwe Boll is all about. There's hardly any
plot here to talk about, just scene-after-scene of bloody makeup
effects, including a prison guard (who tries to anally rape Seed with
two other guards) getting his head kicked through the bars on the
jail cell. The only bit of humor in this film is an in-joke where
Bishop's young daughter is watching Boll's BLOODRAYNE
(2005) on TV and says to her mother, "It's a vampire movie, but
it's boring." SEED isn't
boring (consider it HOSTEL
without all the hip dialogue), but it's only for fans of on-screen
pain and suffering. I've deducted a few points for the real-life
animal cruelty, which was totally unnecessary and sickening when used
out of context, as it is here. I'm also perplexed as to why the
warden would allow Seed to continue to wear his mask (actually a
burlap bag with eyeholes) in his cell and during his execution. I'll
chalk that one up to "artistic license". Also starring
Jodelle Ferland, Thea Gill, Andrew Jackson, Brad Turner and a cameo
by the late Don S. Davis (TV's STARGATE SG-1).
A sequel was made in 2013 called BLOOD
VALLEY: SEED'S REVENGE (a.k.a. SEED
2), but it was not directed by Uwe Boll (he is just a
Co-Executive Producer here and gets a "Characters Created
By" credit) and a different actor (Nick Principe) portrays Max
Seed. A Vivendi Entertainment DVD Release. Unrated.
SEEDING
OF A GHOST
(1983) -
Chau Zhou (Kao Fei, aka: Phillip Ko) is driving his cab one night
when he runs over a black magician who is being chased out of a
graveyard by a mob of angry, torch-bearing townspeople. The black
magician suddenly appears in the back seat of Chau's taxi and puts a
curse on Chau and his family. Chau's newlywed wife, Irene (Maria Jo),
begins having an affair with rich bigshot "Anthony" Fang
Ming (Hsu Shao-Chiang, aka: Norman Chu) after he showers her with
money and jewelry at her job at a casino (she's a blackjack dealer).
One night, Irene has a lover's spat with Anthony and jumps out of his
car, only to be chased and raped by two young punks, Peter and Paul,
in an abandoned mansion. When she tries to get away, the punks slap
her around and, after taking a nasty fall down a long flight of
stairs and still trying to get away, she falls off the mansion roof
and is killed. Chau gets a mysterious call on his taxi radio, telling
him to meet his wife at the mansion. When he gets there, his taxi
gets a flat tire and, when he goes to change the tire, the spare tire
magically rolls the the spot where his dead wife's body lies. The
police naturally think that Chau is responsible (his dispatcher
denies making the radio call that sent him to the mansion), but
further investigation by the police turns up Anthony's affair (he
cops to the affair, but not the murder) and Chau's recollection of
seeing Peter and Paul's red Fiat at the scene
of the crime lets the police question the two punks. Everyone is
eventually released for lack of evidence. This is when it gets tricky
and icky. Peter and Paul try to kill Chau, but he ends up beating
them to a pulp instead (the police blame Chau for the fight!). Chau
then tries to kill Anthony with a baseball bat, but Anthony kneecaps
Chau with the bat instead, crippling him. Chau the goes to the black
magician he ran over in the beginning of the film and threatens to
turn him in for grave robbing if he doesn't help him get revenge. The
black magician agrees and performs an ancient ritual called
"Seeding Of A Ghost", where Chau's spiritual body and
Irene's corpse are joined together (it's quite a sight). As Irene's
vengeful spirit goes out to get justice, Chau must constantly apply
coconut oil to her shriveled corpse to keep her comfortable (he must
also passionately make love to her corpse, too!). As with all black
magic rituals, revenge comes with a price. In this case, Chau's body
slowly begins to decompose as Irene's spirits torments Peter, Paul
and Anthony. And what lovely torment it is. At first, it's just
little things. Paul throws up worms after eating a bowl of noodles.
Peter's bathroom explodes all around him. Anthony's wife anally rapes
him with a giant plastic matchstick (ouch!). Things get progressively
worse for the three cads on Irene's shitlist and only Anthony seems
to grasp what is going on. He hires a white magician to break the
evil spell on his wife. Peter and Paul go to a phony medium, but
Irene possesses her body and tells the duo that "My son will get
revenge!" Being the two stupid dolts that they are, Peter and
Paul ignore the warning because Irene was only married for four
months and couldn't possibly have a son. Or could she? I'm afraid
you'll have to watch this film if you want to know how it ends,
although I will tell you that a baby is born and it is born with a
full set of teeth... This sleazy Hong Kong horror film,
directed by Yang Chaun (HELL
HAS NO BOUNDARY - 1982; MY
DARLING GENIE - 1984; TWISTED
PASSION - 1985; REVENGE
OF ANGEL - 1990), takes a while to kick in but, when it
does, stand back and prepare to be slack-jawed. With surprising
scenes of full-frontal nudity, necrophelia, ooze and bladder effects, SEEDING
OF A GHOST is truly one twisted film. The final half hour is
one of the sickest thirty minute examples of early 80's Hong Kong
horror, as corpses have sex, spinal columns are exposed and a battle
between good and evil magicians takes place. Too much sleaze happens
here to fit into one review, but I loved the scene where Paul's
sister, who is now possessed by Irene's spirit, walks into a sleeping
Paul's bedroom, proceeds to have sex with him, tries to strangle him
with her panties when he wakes up and then tosses him to his death
off of the apartment roof. The "birth of a baby" scene will
have you doing a double-take (I rewound it a few times just to make
sure I wasn't imagining it). It's apparent the scene was modeled on
the chest-bursting sequence in ALIEN
(1979), but this film takes it to new, dizzying heights! Describing
it here is doing you a disservice. This is a gory, sexy, crazy flick
that gets my highest recommendation. A Shaw Brothers Production that
is available on DVD in a beautiful widescreen print (with English
subtitles) from Celestial Pictures. Search it out. Also starring Man
Biu Baak, Wei Chia-Wen and Chik Mei-Tseng. A Celestial
Pictures Release. Not Rated.
SEEDPEOPLE
(1992) - Any
similarities between this film and INVASION
OF THE BODY SNATCHERS
(1956) is
purely intentional, even if the opening credits say it is based on an
original idea by Charles Band. The peaceful town of Comet Valley, the
site of a meteor shower 500 years earlier, is closed off to all
incoming and outgoing traffic for 3 days when its only entrance, a
bridge, is shut down for repairs. Pieces of meteors are found in the
barren forest, and upon examination, are found to be seeds from some
alien planet sent into space to multiply upon contact with fertile
soil. The only problem was that they crashed on protein defecient
soil and were lying dormant for five centuries. That problem is
resolved when the town's alcoholic, half-crazed physician, Doc Roller
(Bernard Kates), takes one of the seeds and grows it to fruition. The
result is three plant-like monstrosities (courtesy of John Carl
Buechler's MMI creature shop) who proceed to take over the bodies of
Comet Valley's population. Soon the townspeople are walking around
like a bunch of zombies, looking for more seeds to grow. Plant expert
Sam Hennings joins forces with the remorseful Doc to try to destroy
the menace before the bridge reopens. Their only weapons: Ultraviolet
light (the aliens abhore it) and a powerful pesticide. Highly
derivitive of the far superior BODY
SNATCHERS,
but still fun anyway. The only complaint I really have is Full
Moon's dependence on Buechler's F/X every time they have a film with
creatures in it. All their films are beginning to look alike, because
most of Buechler's creature effects have a similar feel to them. As
one of the few production companies still around to make low budget
horror, Full Moon should give some F/X work to the many new breed of
young artists, even if Charles Band has had a long affiliation with
Buechler (it dates back to Band's Empire Films days). New blood may
inject a sense of realism into the films, something which Buechler's
work lacks. Also starring Andrea Roth and Dane Witherspoon. SEEDPEOPLE
was directed by Peter Manoogian (ENEMY
TERRITORY
- 1987; DEMONIC
TOYS
- 1990). A Paramount Home Video VHS Release. Available on fullscreen DVD
from Full Moon Direct. Rated
R.
SEE
NO EVIL (2006) - For anyone
who watched WWE Wrestling during 2006, this was one of the most
overhyped films on WWE's three weekly TV wrestling programs. It's no
wonder because WWE president Vince McMahon is executive producer on
this and it's WWE Films' first stab at an R-rating. And what a
brutal, violent film it is. It's director Gregory Dark's first
straight film since 1995's ANIMAL
INSTINCTS:
THE SEDUCTRESS,
as he is a noted porn director by trade (a fact that seemed to slip
through the cracks of WWE's hype machine). Four years ago, Jacob
Goodnight (WWE wrestler Kane, whose real name is Glen Jacobs) killed
seven people by plucking their eyes out in some weird religious
ritual. A veteran cop named Williams (Steven Vidler) and his rookie
partner are investigating a complaint about a woman screaming in an
abandoned building when they run into Goodnight, who kills the rookie
and cuts off Williams' arm with an axe, but not before he puts a
bullet in Goodnight's skull (who still somehow manages to get away).
Cut to the present, as Williams is now a corrections officer (with a
prosthetic arm) in charge of a group of eight petty criminals who are
released on a special program to clean-up the abandoned Blackwell
Hotel. Little does anyone realize that Jacob Goodnight is also
occupying the 8th floor and it's not long before he starts killing
the felons one-by-one, snaring them with a big hook attached to a
chain and then plucking their eyes out with his bare hands. Goodnight
kidnaps Kira (Samantha Noble) and saves her as his personal pet,
because she has crucifixes tattooed all over her body. If you think
Williams is going to save the day, you're going to be in for a shock,
because Goodnight dispatches him quickly (a hook through the jaw),
probably because of the huge hole Williams put in the back of his
head four years earlier. Now, the remaining felons must band together
and try to survive Goodnight's bloody religious rampage.
Although this has a generic slasher film plot, there's a lot here to
really admire. Gregory Dark (who also used the names "Gregory
Brown" and "A. Gregory Hippolyte" when directing
non-porn films in the past) gives the film a nice visual flair, using
hand-cranked cameras and other photographic tricks to imbue the film
with a nice unhealthy dose of atmosphere. Kane is also a real
imposing presence, as he prowls the halls with his lumbering nearly 7
foot frame, bald head and hands the size of baseball mitts. The fact
that he hardly utters ten words (flashbacks reveal that his
uber-religious mother tortured him as a child for having "impure
thoughts") is a testament (no pun intended) to his visual
scariness. The violence in this film is definitely hard-R territory,
as eyes are plucked-out in graphic close-up, various body parts are
lopped-off, there's a vicious attack by a pack of dogs on a woman
hanging upside down and Goodnight makes another girl swallow her
constantly-ringing cell phone. There's also an unexpected twist (at
least for me) two-thirds of the way through the film that gives
everything that came before it a little extra bite. Kane's death is
one of the mosts memorable departures in slasher film history. Stay
tuned during the end credits for a humorous (if nasty) stinger. I
liked this film quite a bit because just when you think the film is
going to turn left, it hits you with a nasty, hard right. This is one
bloody good show. Even with all of WWE's hype, SEE
NO EVIL didn't perform as well as expected in theaters.
Maybe it will find the audience it deserves on home video and cable.
On a side note: After watching the "Making Of" segment on
the DVD supplements, I'm convinced that Gregory Dark has the biggest
ears I have ever seen on a human being. I believe a good gust of wind
would make him airborne. Also starring Christina Vidal, Michael J.
Pagan, Luke Pegler, Cecily Polson and Rachel Taylor. Filmed in
Australia. A Lionsgate Release. Rated R. Not to be confused
with the 1971 film starring Mia Farrow
with the same name. NOTE: A long gestating sequel
was released in 2014, also starring Kane as the villain, directed by
the highly over-rated Soska Sisters (AMERICAN
MARY - 2012; RABID -
2019 [A remake of David Cronenberg's 1977
film of the same name. It's actually getting good reviews!]).
SELF
STORAGE (2013) - Refreshing
horror/comedy film for only the fact that Eric Roberts and Michael
Berryman have bigger roles than normal. Roberts is Walter, the owner
of a huge self storage facility in Rhode Island who is also a serial
killer who likes to operate on his victims (We watch as Walter
removes a still breathing woman's heart from her body. A newswoman
tells the public on TV that six people have disappeared in as many
days (Where is the best place to put a body besides a storage
locker?) When storage facility guard Jake (Director Tom DeNucci; ARMY
OF THE DAMNED [2013]), who finds out the entire storage
facility is full of cameras and Walter shows him a "best of"
Jake's goofing off at his job and says "Why do you bust my
balls acting like a retard?") hears Walter tell fellow guard
Trevor (Berryman) that he is selling the storage facility and Trevor
will be split in on the profits, Trevor asks what will happen to
Jake. Walter replies "We will have to let him go."
Unfortunately Jake overhears the entire conversation and decides to
throw a big party that night and disonnects all the cameras and electrical
power (We see all 6 of Walter's still-alive victims take a painful
acid shower while they are chained up, a security measure Walter
installed to get rid of his victims quickly in case the cameras fail
or the police arrive. We find out that the storage facility is being
sold to cokehead Jonah (Jonathan Silverman; also an Executive
Producer) as a place to store black market human body organs. Walter
notices that Jake is throwing a party and sees it as an opportunity
rather than a hindrance (When Trevor, who knows what Walter is and
even gave him a liver transplant (!), asks Walter what he is going to
do about the party, Walter says, "Improvise.") Walter and
Trevor notice that all their previous 6 captives are now nothing but
dissolved human flesh and Jonah is expecting some human organs
tonight for a fortune in illicit overseas money, so Walter gets his
serial killer face on and gets to work with the people at the
impromptu party. He disconnects the phones and jams transmissions
from cell phones, cut the wires to the cars, turns on the electric
fence and makes it impossible for anyone to escape the storage
facility. After some drinking, sex (naked female breasts) and
partying, Walter and Trevor (who served in the military together)
begin collecting live human bodies (except for Trevor, who
accidentally kills a woman while hitting her with a baton) and we see
Walter performing an operation on the left knee of one of Jake's
friends (nothing is left to the imagination) when he soon discovers
he was operating on the wrong knee and has to do it all over again.
Jake and his buddies discover that his friends are being killed (He
unwraps one of his friends, who is covered in plastic and sees his
friend's intestines fall out!) and finds out Trevor is involved.
Trevor chases them and steps on a bear trap (What the hell is that
doing there?). Somehow, he breaks free and Trevor stabs a pimp (who
brought the girls) in the crotch (The blood comes gushing out). Jake
holds Trevor at bay with a flare gun and makes him take Trevor to
Walter, who is about to operate on Jake's girlfriend Sara-Marie
(Gillian Williams). Walter murders Trevor by stabbing him over and
over for disobeying him and escapes through a back door while a
fatally wounded Trevor tells Jake that Walter once was a good man.
Jake meets Jonah and his crew and fast-talks his way out of getting
shot by giving the crew a cooler full of human body parts. Coke-head
Jonah ends up shooting and killing his crew and then leaves the
facility. A newswoman comes on TV to report about the atrocities at
the storage facility, while Jake takes Walter's (we never find out
what happened to him) boat out into the ocean and has the overseas
money transferred into an account (the information was on a card
Jonah gave to Jake) and he suddenly becomes rich. Then Sara-Marie
comes up from below deck in a bikini and we notice she has the same
fresh scar that Trevor did when he got a liver transplant. What does
it mean? You've got me. This is by no means a good film. I
happened to like it just for the extended roles of Eric Robert and
Michael Berrymen, who usually only have cameos in films like this.
You can definitely call both Roberts and Berryman the stars of this
film. There are plenty of scenes of extreme blood-letting (especially
whenever Roberts operates on a live patient) and when Jonathan
Silverman (What in the hell is he doing in a film like this? It
certainly is a long way from WEEKEND
AT BERNIE'S - 1989) shoots his comrades at the end
(one gets shot in the neck and we see more blood gushing into the
air). There is a great idea for a film in this plot somewhere, but
Tom DeNucci's non-direction and screenplay (He also acted in INKUBUS
- 2011, also with Silverman in Rhode Island) destroy any hope of it
being called a good film. I just liked seeing Eric Roberts and
Michael Berryman having a good time and it looks like they are having
it in this film. Otherwise, just stay away. This is not a horror
movie for those with good taste. A ScreenMedia
Films DVD Release Rated R.
THE
SEVERED ARM (1973) -
Six friends spend their vacation exploring a cave when it collapses.
After 30 days with no food, the group decide to draw straws, the
loser has to give up an arm so the others can eat it. Ted has his arm
cut off (much to his protest of, "Please wait a few hours
more!") and minutes later the group hears digging on the other
side of the cave-in. They are saved! Realizing the consequences of
their actions, the group concoct a story that Ted had his arm crushed
in the cave-in and they had to cut it off to save his life.
Ted ends up in an insane asylum and vows revenge. Five years pass
and Ted is released from the loony bin. One of the survivors receives
a human arm in the mail and calls the other four to get together for
a meeting. Since they are all successful businessmen (doctor,
detective, TV writer, architect, radio DJ) and they do not want the
truth to come out, they decide to hunt down Ted and put him back in
the nut house. Ted has other plans. The doctor is his first victim.
His arm is cut off with an axe. The DJ is next. He has his arm hacked
off while he is live on the air. The architect gets his arm cut off
in an elevator. The remaining two enlist the help of Teds
daughter (the late Deborah Walley) to help them capture Ted. She has
a meeting with her father at the beach, so the two decide to lay a
trap. But just who is laying the trap? The trap backfires and the
detective has his arm ripped off (he is tossed off a cliff with a
rope attached to his arm; this scene is extremely effective). In the
end it turns out that Teds daughter and son are the real
killers. They are avenging their father, who is now a vegetable in a
wheelchair. Years of stagnating in a mental institution have turned
him into a comatose invalid and his children have special plans for
the last remaining survivor. They lock the TV writer in a padded room
with nothing but a sharp knife, telling him that when he gets hungry
enough, he will cut off his own arm for nourishment. The children
gleefully show their father what they have done but he just stares
blankly into space, not able to relish the retribution he so strongly
desired to perform before he became a one-armed head of lettuce. This
is not a bad example of the "killer on the loose"-type film
that became commonplace (and downright boring) after FRIDAY
THE 13TH
hit the market and opened the floodgates. Although the gore is not
very convincing (this is the early 70s), the creepy storyline
manages to hold your attention even if you can spot who the killer
really is 20 minutes into the film. There are many effective moments,
including Marvin Kaplans (who plays radio DJ "Mad Man
Herman") death in the radio booth. We see an overhead shot of an
axe-weilding hand breaking the glass partition in slow motion, the
axe swing back and forth until no glass is left to obstruct the
killers path. There are a few other shocking moments in the
film that I will leave for the viewer to discover. If you remember
Deborah Walley from GIDGET
GOES
HAWAIIAN
(1961), BEACH
BLANKET BINGO
(1965) and the weird 3-D sci-fi film THE BUBBLE
(a.k.a. FANTASTIC
INVASION OF PLANET EARTH - 1966), you will hardly recognize
her here. Time has not been kind to her. Co-star John Crawford (who
plays the doctor) has a long career in films, dating back to the 1950
serial THE
INVISIBLE MONSTER.
He can also be seen in RED
LINE 7000
(1965) and THE
BOOGENS
(1981). Paul Carr (who plays the TV writer) has also appeared in THE
BAT PEOPLE
and TRUCK
STOP WOMEN
(both 1974), THE
DEADLY TOWER
(TV - 1975) and SISTERS
OF DEATH
(1976). To the best of my knowledge, director Thomas S. Alderman has
not made another film, which is a shame. THE
SEVERED ARM
is not a bad film to have on your resume. Note: Nearly all reference
books give this film a "bomb" rating, which leads me to
believe they have never viewed this film and are rating it by the
title alone. It deserves a better fate than that. A Video
Gems Home Video VHS Release. This version is uncut. All other
versions on VHS and DVD are cut, except for the version on a double
feature DVD
(with SO SAD ABOUT GLORIA
- 1973) from Code Red. Not
Rated.
SHADOWS
OF THE MIND
(1976/1980) -
This is one of late director Roger
Watkins' (here using the pseudonym "Bernard Travis")
rare forays into mainstream filmmaking, his first being LAST
HOUSE ON DEAD END STREET (1973). It's films like this that
probably drove him go back to making stylish porn films like CORRUPTION (1983)
and AMERICAN BABYLON
(1987). He wasn't happy with this film and it's easy
to see why. Elise (screenwriter Marion Joyce) has been in an
institution for 12 years after seeing her father and stepmother drown
in a lake when she was 12 years old. Years of experimental therapy,
by her psychiatrist, Robert (Erik Rolfe), have "cured"
Elise and now she reluctantly is ready to go home to the empty
mansion where she grew up. While in the mansion, Elise has flashbacks
of when she was young and hears voices of her father and stepmom
pleading, "Elise, help us!" over and over, leading the
viewer to believe that maybe they didn't die in an accident after
all. She is also harassed by her failed-stockbroker stepbrother
Leland (G.E. Barrymore), who knows that she's worth millions (she has
no idea that she is rich thanks to Robert, who thinks she's better
off not knowing) and makes her life miserable with nasty little
comments. There's also the house's leering caretaker, Andrew (Anthony
Frank), who makes every word that comes out of his mouth seem like a
sexual chauvanistic remark when talking to Elise. It all boils down
to this: Is Elise slowly going mad again or is she "pushed"
along for more nefarious reasons? It doesn't take long to find out
the answer as pretty soon people start turning up dead, especially
when Robert comes to visit with his snotty girlfriend Diana (Bianca
Sloane) and they are forced to stay the night. Soon after, we learn
the real truth behind Elise's parents' deaths. It's easy to see why
Roger Watkins doesn't care for this film because he was forced by the
producers to use screenwriter Marion Joyce as the lead actress. It's
apparent she can't act after the first words come out of her mouth
and her thick Brooklyn (?) accent is a total distraction. But that
not the worse thing about her. She's butt ugly! She has the face of a
mule and when she opens her mouth, you have to turn away from the
screen for a few seconds because she has this huge overbite and the
gaps between her teeth are so huge, she could use chopsticks to
floss. It's hard to care about someone when you can't look at them.
Another real distraction is the use of voiceover narration to advance
the plot. It seems as if Watkins wasn't given enough time or money to
film the necessary expository scenes. On the plus side, there are
some nice camera flourishes and Watkins does know how to compose a
shot and they both add nicely to the schizophrenic atmosphere. There
are also a couple of of fairly gory murders (a scythe through the
neck; a corkscrew in the eye) and some nudity (thankfully, none by
Joyce), but this film is mainly a talky mess that is best viewed as
the rare curio that it is. As a horror film, it fails to connect.
Originally filmed in 1976 as "The Heritage Of Blood" and
not released until 1980. The copy I reviewed was struck from a Dutch
VHS tape that had burned-in Dutch subtitles. Also known as SHADOWS
IN THE MIND, although the poster art looks strangely
familiar (Click HERE). Not
Rated. NOTE: Watkins made a
film in 1980 called SPITOON, which was basically a fictitious
take on the story of his diffuculties in making SHADOWS
OF THE MIND. He also was not satisfied with the way that
film turned out and destroyed the negative.
THE
SHE BEAST (1966) - Transylvania
- Today: Count Fritz Von Helsing (John Karlsen; SLAUGHTER
HOTEL - 1971) settles into the ruins of his home with a
bottle of wine while he reads "The Sound Of Demons: The
Autobiography Of Count Gustaf Von Helsing" and a flashback takes
us back to ...
Transylvania; July 18, 1765:
We are at a young boy's funeral, where a little boy tells everyone in
church that the witch Vardella (Jay Riley) has taken his younger
brother to a cave. All the townspeople grab torches and whatever else
they can carry as weapons and begin to storm the cave. A dwarf
bellringer says they should wait until the Count is told, but one
villager says damn the Count,
all he will do is consult his books and tell everyone it is not yet
time and another child will be dead at Vardella's hands. The dwarf
says that, according to the Count, Vardella needs to be exorcised. If
everyone kills her before the exorcism, Vardella will haunt the
village for all eternity. The villagers are too angry to listen to
the tiny man and head to the cave to confront Vardella, who, in witch
form, is a disgusting pea soup green color with dirty, stringy white
hair and a face no mother could love. When the priest demands
Vardella come out of the cave, she does, bounding out of the cave
very quickly while screaming, as the villagers pin her to the ground
(She puts up a good fight, killing a couple of villagers before being
restrained). They carry Vardella to the lake, where the "dunking
chair" awaits her. The dwarf runs to the castle of the Count to
tell him what is about to transpire, but can the Count (also
portrayed by John Karlsen; CRYPT
OF THE VAMPIRE - 1964) stop the villagers from killing
Vardella before an exorcism is performed on her? This wouldn't be
much of a film if all of the pieces were to fall in place this early,
now would it? We watch as the villagers bind Vardella to the dunking
chair and, as they are about to drown her, the witch curses the
villagers by saying, "Hold! On this day be ye with your
decendants cursed until all eternity! Think not that ye are rid of
me, for I, Vardella, will return! Vardella will return!" The
villagers hammer a red-hot spike through the chair into Vardella's
back to ensure she cannot escape and proceed with the dunking. The
Count and the dwarf watch from the top of a hill as the villagers
drown a screaming Vardella, knowing full well that the village is now
cursed forever.
Back In The Present: Newlyweds
Veronica (Barbara Steele; BLACK
SUNDAY - 1960) and Philip (Ian Ogilvy; FROM
BEYOND THE GRAVE - 1975) drive their car (a Volkswagen
Beetle) to the only hotel in the small burg of Vaubrac, Transylvania,
where hotel owner Ladislav Groper (Mel Welles; CHOPPING
MALL - 1986) serves them tea outside (with previously used
tea bags!). They notice that this small town is occupied by people
who can politely be called two bricks short of a wall (they
previously talked to a really loony policeman on a bicycle when
asking directions to the hotel), but they accept it in typical
British fashion. They see Fritz Von Helsing enjoying a ride on a
child's swing set and he gets up and introduces himself to the
couple. When he tells them his name, Veronica asks him if any
"Draculas" still roam this land. Fritz says no, his
ancestors rid this town of vampires, but he offers to tell the
newlyweds about the curse Vardella put on this town two hundred years
ago (to the day) if they buy him a bottle of vodka. The couple do and
Fritz tells them that Vardella will return to life very soon,
offering to show them proof, but the couple are too tired and they
retire for the night. Fritz tells them he will stop by their room
tomorrow at noon tro tell them the end of Vardella's story and show
them books from the only demonic law library in Transylvania.
Veronica and Philip soon realize that they shouldn't have stopped in
this town, when Groper bursts into their room without knocking. He
tells the newlyweds, "No need to knock in People's Republic. No
citizens got secrets from brother citizens. Privacy breeds
conspiracy!" (It's also obvious that Groper is blind stinking
drunk). As the newlyweds are breaking in their squeaky bed (Groper's
hotel is in a chronic state of disrepair; when he leaves their room
and slams the door, the doorknob falls off!), Veronica catches Groper
peeping on them through a window, so Philip gets up and punches
Groper through the window, knocking him on his ass. Philip then runs
outside and bashes Groper's head against a wall until he is
unconscious, his blood smearing on the wall as he falls to the
ground. Philip wants to leave immediately, but Veronica tells him she
is too tired. Besides, she has found a way to protect herself from
people like Groper, showing Philip that she's wearing a makeshift
necklace containing a clove of garlic (everyone in town is wearing
one). Philip makes her take it off, saying it smells and then they
make love.
The next morning, as they are about to leave, their car won't start,
Philip discovering that the engine's distributor cap is missing. He
bursts into Groper's room without knocking (Hey. what's good for the
goose...), finds the distributor cap and drives off with Veronica.
Suddenly, Philip has trouble with both the steering column and the
brakes and almost hits an oncoming truck, sending their car off a
cliff and into a lake, the same lake Vardella was killed in. Philip
manages to make it out of the car and he and the truck driver (Ennio
Antonelli; CASTLE OF
THE LIVING DEAD - 1964) try to save Veronica, but they are
too late, Veronica is dead and Philip faints. The truck driver,
fearing he will get blamed for the fatal accident, brings the
unconscious Philip and the dead body of Veronica to Groper's hotel,
telling Groper not to injure Philip any more than he already is
(Groper takes a look at Philip and says, "Even unconscious he
looks arrogant!"), at least until he pays "witnesses"
to say he was in Aspen at the time of the accident (When the truck
driver asks a badly-bruised Groper if Philip beat him up because he
was peeping on them through their bedroom window, Groper responds,
"Because he caught his wife making eyes at me!"). The truck
driver reminds Groper not to be upset that the Kommissar has an
ulcer, "Which is a lot less painful than what we will get if we
muff this." Philip wakes up in the hotel's kitchen, with a drunk
Groper sitting nearby. Philip asks where Veronica is and Groper
points to the body wrapped in burlap on a nearby table. Philip looks
at the body and yells out, "What have you done with my
wife!?" Groper rises from his chair and looks at the body. Sure
enough, it's not Veronica's body, but the corpse of Vardella. Fritz
then enters the kitchen, looks at the body and knows it is Vardella.
He tells Philip it may not be too late to save his wife, but he must
do as he says. Fritz asks Philip is he saw anything unusual when his
car plunged into the lake and Philip says he saw a wooden
see-saw-like object in the water, describing the dunking chair
device. Fritz tells Philip to trust him completely and not to ask him
any questions for the time being if he wants to see Veronica alive
again. Philip wants to go to the police, but Fritz takes him to his
ruined home instead, since the government dispossessed him of his
family castle (it turns out Fritz lives in a cave!). He hands Philip
a wood crucifix necklace, telling him under no circumstances to take
it off, saying this about the necklace and Vardella, "Not quite
foolproof, of course, but enough to put the old girl off for a moment."
Philip thinks Fritz is insane and escapes from the cave when
Fritz is not looking. Fritz goes looking for Philip and when he
cannnot find him, he drives to the hotel and performs a ritual over
Vardella's corpse (He pokes at one of Vardella's eyes on her
maggot-ridden face, causing it to bleed). Vardella springs to life
and kills Fritz, while Groper tries to rape his niece (Lucretia Love; BATTLE
OF THE AMAZONS - 1973) when she pays him a visit (I know
that Groper is considered this film's "comedy relief", but
he is a pretty disgusting human being, too. You can also see brief
flashes of Lucretia Love's nipples when she wrestles with Mel Welles
on a bed, but it has been edited out of most prints, but not the one
I'm watching!). The niece escapes her horny uncle's grasp and runs
away. Philip then appears and tells Groper to call the police, but he
knocks out Philip with a vodka bottle to his head instead ("Oh
my God, I killed him! I killed him dead!"). Groper drags
Philip's body to the middle of the road, hoping the oncoming vehicle
belonging to the truck driver will run him over, but the trucker
manages to just miss him. It turns out Fritz wasn't dead at all, he
was simply unconscious (I guess that happens a lot in Vaubrac!). He
pulls Philip off the road and tells him to stick with him if he want
to see Veronica alive. Meanwhile, Vardella hacks a hiding Groper with
a sickle (Look for an inside joke about Communism involving the
sickle next to a hammer!). Fritz tells Philip that Vardella has
returned and she has chosen Veronica's spirit to possess. Today is
the 200th anniversary of her death and she has sworn vengeance on the
village just before she died. The decendants to all who were present
at her death are already marked as victims. The only way Fritz can
reunite Philip with Veronica is to keep Vardella alive until he is
able to achieve a complete exorcism. Fritz can see by the look on
Philip's face that he doesn't believe any of this, even though Philip
says (rather unconvincingly) that he does believe him. Philip will
finally believe Fritz when he sees dead bodies littering the streets,
all victims of Vardella. Philip and Fritz then try to protect the
decendants of the curse.
When Vardella tries to kill a young boy (Woody Welles, the son of
Mel Welles) trying to sneak a peek through a window at a cockfight,
Philip and Fritz drug and subdue Vardella, placing her body in a
wooden box covered in blocks of ice located in the hotel's kitchen
(Fritz tells Philip not to worry, Vardella is use to the cold).
Philip wonders what happened to Groper and Fritz tells him he
is probably dead, since he was one of those marked for Vardella's
vengeance. Fritz tells Philip that they just have enough time to
prepare the complete exorcism, since it will be exactly two hundred
years of Vardella's death at 6:00 PM tonight. Complications ensue
when the police raid the hotel and find Vardella's body, taking it to
the police station and locking it in a cell. Can Fritz and Philip
retrieve Vardella's body before it's too late? Can they perform a
complete exorcism, where Vardella "gives birth" to
Veronica? For the answers to these questions and many more you may
have, you'll have to watch the film, but it's really easy to find
since it is in the Public Domain (PD) and can be found on many free
streaming sites and channels.
There is no doubt in my mind that director Michael Reeves (billed as
"Mike Reeves" here) would have had a long and successful
career in films if his life didn't end so tragically (He died from an
accidental overdose of barbituates on February 11, 1969. He suffered
from depression and acute insomnia most of his life and was only
25-years-old when he passed). His short career consisted of
uncredited director/screenwriter of the aforementioned CASTLE
OF THE LIVING DEAD (1964; he is credited as "Second
Unit Director" on the print) and, after this film, went on to
direct and write THE SORCERERS
(1967; starring Boris Karloff in one of his finest performances) and THE
WITCHFINDER GENERAL (a.k.a. THE
CONQUEROR WORM - 1968; one of Vincent Price's meanest and
most memorable roles) before succumbing to the accidental overdose.
Reeves also wote the screenplay to this film (as "Michael
Byron"), with uncredited assists from co-star Mel Welles
(director of MANEATER
OF HYDRA [1966] and LADY
FRANKENSTEIN [1971]), Charles B. Griffith
(screenwriter of LITTLE
SHOP OF HORRORS [1960; also starring Welles] and
director of UP
FROM THE DEPTHS [1979] and DR.
HECKYL AND MR. HYPE [1980]) and F. Amos Powell (screenwriter
of KEEP MY GRAVE OPEN
[1977] and DEMONOID
[1981]). Both Griffith and Powell have brief cameos in this film,
Griffith as the loony policeman on the bicycle and Powell as "Man
In A Raincoat". This film is full of wonderfully comical
dialogue and situations (which I credit to Griffith), but it in no
way interferes with the horror this film holds. As a matter of fact,
the comical dialogue actually pushes the horror into violent and
fatalistic territory, proving that humor, if done right, can make the
horror even more horrific, by lulling the audience into a false sense
of security and then pulling the rug from under their feet. You
believe that nothing bad can happen to Veronica and Philip due to
their sunny dispositions, but when Veronica dies, it throws you for a
loop. This is where the film works best (at least for me) and the
short 79-minute running time doesn't give the viewer much time to
poke holes in the story (And there are plenty, such as Vardella being
drowned in the dunking chair, when we can see clearly that her head
not once goes underwater. There's also a car chase during the final
minutes that seems totally out-of-place with the rest of the film.).
This film is really a blast from the past and worth viewing, if only
for the sexy Barbara Steele and witnessing Michael Reeves first
credited film as a director. Lucretia Love's luscious nipples are
also a plus and I will tell you in the next paragraph how you can see them.
This United Kingdom/Italy co-production, known in Italy as IL
LAGO DI SATANA ("The Lake Of Satan"), is also
known as REVENGE
OF THE BLOOD BEAST and found a theatrical
release in the United States by Europix Consolidated Corp. as
part of a double bill, with the Italian horror film THE
EMBALMER (1965). This film was a TV staple during the
late-'60s & '70s thanks to its short running time, where very
little needed to be trimmed (besides the quick nipple peek) to
fit in a 90-minute time slot. Released on VHS
by Gorgon Video,
this film had many budget
DVD releases, from labels such as Alpha
Video and Sinister Cinema
(all in cut versions), to premium
DVD labels such as Dark
Sky Films and Raro Video
(who also released it on Blu-Ray)
in uncut versions. It is also available streaming on Amazon Prime in
two versions, uncut (including the nipple scene) and in anamorphic
widescreen under its
alternate title and under the review title as part of
Amazon's DOUBLE
DOSES OF HORROR series, titled "Whips
& Exorcists!", with Mario Bava's THE
WHIP AND THE BODY (1963), but even though it is in
anamorphic widescreen, it is missing the nipple scene. If you don't
want to shell out money to watch it, be aware that it is available on
many of the commercial-driven free streaming sites, such as Tubi. I
can't guarantee that it is the uncut version though. You get what you
pay for. Also featuring Richard Watson (DEATH
RIDES A HORSE - 1967), Peter Grippe and Edward B. Randolph. Not
Rated.
SHOCK
(1977) - "Death is like going on a long trip, only you
never come back." Yes, this is a mother's explanation
of death to her young son, but in this film, death doesn't seem to be
the final leg of the trip, only the beginning, as a mother will never
trust her son for as long as she lives. And that may not be very long.
Dora (Daria Nicolodi; DEEP
RED - 1975) and new husband Bruno (John Steiner;
PLOT OF FEAR -
1976) along with Dora's young son Marco (David Colin Jr.; BEYOND
THE DOOR - 1974), move into the house where Dora's first
husband committed suicide a couple of years earlier (Bruno wanted to
move there since it is close to where he works, but we will find out
as the film progresses, that he has another reason). Almost
immediately, Marco begins to act strangely, talking to a tree in the
front yard, saying, "Marco, that's my name!" That night,
when Bruno and Dora are making love, Marco awakens from a deep sleep
and screams out, "Pigs! Pigs!" Marco is an inquisitive
little boy who doesn't remember living in this house, so he goes
exploring, going down to the basement, where all his dead father's
belongings are. If you look closely at one of the basement walls, you
will see that some bricks and mortar don't match the rest of the
wall, as if something is hidden behind it. When Bruno discovers that
Marco was down in the basement, he locks the door and pockets the
key, telling Marco it is much too dangerous for a young boy to be
down there, forbidding him from going down there again.
Then things begin to get creepy between Marco and Dora, so creepy,
it will make your flesh crawl. Marco is not only acting strange
(asking his Mother and Bruno if they are going to live in the house
"forever"), he begins to look and touch his mother with a
feeling of sexual longing (This kid is good at making you think
that!). Is it possible that Marco is possessed by the spirit of his
dead father? All signs point to yes. Since Bruno is an airline pilot
and is away for long periods of time, it leaves Dora and Marco alone
with each other in the house. One morning, Marco sneaks into his
mother's bedroom and climbs into bed. He begins to caress his
mother's neck while she is asleep. She responds lovingly, probably
like she did when her first husband was alive, only Marco's hands
change into what look like the hands of a rotting corpse.
When Bruno is home, he and Dora throw a party, inviting all her old
friends over to the house. One of those friends is psychiatrist Dr.
Aldo Spidini (Ivan Rassimov; SACRIFICE!
- 1972), who we discover was Dora's headshrinker when her first
husband committed suicide. He was forced to commit Dora to a
sanitarium for six months when she started to lose her grip on
reality, after finding the body of her husband in the basement. We
also discover that her first husband was a drug addict who Dr.
Spidini was treating, telling an obnoxious party guest (Paul
Costello; CANNIBAL APOCALYPSE
- 1980) that her husband probably committed suicide because of his
drug use and that Dora came back to reality in the sanitarium, so he
had her released. At the party, Marco gives Dora a strange look and
says, "Mama, I'm going to have to kill you." (He says it so
matter-of-factly it will send shivers down your spine). This, of
course, freaks Dora out and she begins a rapid decline in her mental
health, which Marco seems to feed off. When Dora tells Bruno what
Marco said, he tells her don't worry about it, kids will be kids. But
why does he look so worried?
Marco then goes really off the rails, cutting up all of his mother's
underwear, breaking the glass in a frame containing a photo of Bruno
and Dora (the crack in the glass goes through Bruno's section in the
photo, which will remind you of THE OMEN
- 1976) and then playing a not funny prank on Mom, pretending to be
deathly ill until Dora starts crying (he then opens his eyes and
laughs in her face!). But the most eerie thing is when Dora gets a
bouquet of flowers delivered to her, the card reading "One for
each year. In spite of it all, you are still mine." She notices
the card is in Marco's handwriting and she confronts her son,
demanding to know why he wrote it. Marco denies writing it, so Dora
slaps him hard across the face (Hey, this is Italy after all!) and
then takes him to Dr. Spidini, telling him she feels her son is a
"go-between", or a vessel for the spirit of her dead
husband. Dr. Spidini tells her to stop acting foolishly, otherwise he
will have to commit her to the sanitarium again.
Bruno's plane has engine trouble, forcing him to have an extended
layover in London, which leaves the possessed (?) Marco plenty of
time to drive his mother crazy. When Dora is playing the piano, she
slices her hand open and discovers that someone has hidden a razor
blade between the keys. Marco begins to draw violent pictures and
asks Dora, "Mommy, why did you kill Daddy?" Dora then has a
flashback showing her slicing her first husband's throat with a box
cutter. Is that what actually happened or is it just the product of a
mind that is quickly losing touch with reality? Are these things
actually happening to Dora or is she going crazy? A mother should
never be afraid of her son, but Dora is, deathly afraid. All points
indicate that Marco is possessed, but if you want to know the truth,
you'll have to watch the film. You'll be glad I didn't give away the ending.
This was the last theatrical film directed by Mario Bava (BLOOD
AND BLACK LACE - 1964; FIVE
DOLLS FOR AN AUGUST MOON - 1970; A
BAY OF BLOOD - 1971, and many others), who was not in the
best of health when making this (He would pass away in early 1980).
It was Mario's son, Lamberto Bava (MACABRE
- 1980; YOU'LL
DIE AT MIDNIGHT - 1986; BODY
PUZZLE - 1992), who convinced his father to direct this,
even chipping in to do some uncredited directing himself while Dad
did the uncredited cinematography (with Alberto Spagnoli; THE
RED QUEEN KILLS SEVEN TIMES - 1972). Released
theatrically in the United States and other countries as BEYOND
THE DOOR II, to
capitalize on that film's
popularity (and that film had a TV trailer that haunts me to this
day). The only thing these two films have in common is young David
Colin Jr., but he plays different roles in both films (and are his
only credited acting roles, which is a shame because he's very good
here). This has nothing else in common with the first film. That one
was an Italian copy of THE EXORCIST
(1973) with its own unique spin, but it was still a good flick (at
least in my opinion). Bava's film is actually a taut psychological
thriller with horror overtones. While the finale is not much of a
surprise (at least to me), there is still much to admire here. There
are at least two good scares that will make you jump, one happening
when Marco runs to Dora, saying "Mommy! Mommy!" It's done
very simply, yet it will still make you jump out of your seat, thanks
to Bava's patented flourishes (You will know what I am talking about
when you see it). While there isn't much blood or gore, when it
happens, it's shocking and unexpected (one character get a pickaxe
planted in their torso). Bava certainly had a unique vision and knows
how to bathe a film in atmosphere, making this film a must to
recommend to my readers out there. The screenplay, by Lamberto Bava,
Francesco Barbieri, Alessandro Parenzo (Bava's RABID
DOGS - 1974) and Dardano Sacchetti (Lamberto Bava's A
BLADE IN THE DARK - 1983), contains enough clues to tell you
what is really going on, but this is Mario Bava's film all the way,
full of his patented shocks and thick atmosphere. Those expecting a
bloody horror show will be disappointed, but those who like some meat
to go with their potatoes will be richly rewarded.
Shot as SCHOCK (TRANSFERT - SUSPENCE - HYPNOS),
loosely translated as "Shock (Transference - Suspense -
Hypnotic)" and, as I have mentioned previously, was released
theatrically in the U.S as BEYOND
THE DOOR II by Edward L. Montoro's Film
Ventures International. The theatrical print was edited, missing
over five minutes of footage, including scenes of implied incest.
This print was then released on fullscreen VHS in the U.S. by Media
Home Entertainment, with a budget
VHS release to follow by Video
Treasures. Early in the New Millennium, Anchor Bay Entertainment
released an uncut widescreen version under the review title on VHS
and DVD, which Blue Underground
later on released on DVD (which is what this review is based on). No
Blu-Ray in the U.S at the time of this review, but that should change
shortly. For those who are Amazon Prime members, they offer the same
print used for the Blue Underground DVD streaming for free. But this
is one film you should have as part of your film library. Also
featuring Nicola Salerno (this film's Assistant Director) and an
uncredited Umberto Orisini (THE TEMPTER
- 1974) as Dora's first husband. While the edited theatrical release
was Rated R, the Blue Underground DVD is Not Rated.
SHOCK
WAVES (1976) - This is the film
that started the Nazi zombie craze (most recently seen in DEAD
SNOW - 2009) and it's still one of the best. The fact that
this film manages to be creepy without relying on gross-out gore, but
rather with mood and atmosphere, is all the more remarkable. Even
more amazing is that it was directed and co-written by Ken
Weiderhorn, who would later give us such inferior films as the frat
house scatfest KING FRAT
(1979), the B-level slasher film EYES
OF A STRANGER (1981), the fractured mess of a horror film DARK
TOWER (1987) and the mostly unfunny horror sequel RETURN
OF THE LIVING DEAD PART II (1988), so it seems he shot his
creative wad on his freshman effort. In the film's beginning, it is
explained that during World War II, the Nazi SS High Command began
top secret experiments in the supernatural (it is now a well-known
fact that Hitler had deep interests in the occult) to turn soldiers
into indestructible zombie storm troopers, which was code-named
"The Death Corps." (the shooting title of the film).
Unfortunately for Germany, the war ended before The Death Corps.
could be put into action outside Germany and a platoon of the Nazi
zombies have been waiting in a sunken freighter off
the coast of Florida to be reactivated. It is now 1976 and a fishing
boat spots a glass-bottomed dingy drifting aimlessly in the Florida
seas. On the dingy is a dehydrated Rose (Brooke Adams; THE
DEAD ZONE - 1983) and the story she has to tell is the basis
for the rest of the film. We flashback to a few weeks earlier, where
Rose and three other passengers are on a small tour boat trolling
around the islands. The temperamental boat's even more temperamental
Captain Ben (John Carradine; FRANKENSTEIN
ISLAND - 1981) complains to first mate Keith (Luke Halpin; MR.
NO LEGS - 1979) that the boat must have "accurate
navigation" ("It's a sailor's best friend!"), but the
sun starts to look strange (the whole sky turns orange) and they lose
compass bearings and radio contact. This visibly unnerves Captain Ben
and his crew (The boat's cook, Dobbs [Don Stout], says, "The sea
spits up what it can't keep down" which is very prophetic), but
they try to hide it from the passengers, which besides Rose, includes
an always-complaining Norman (Jack Davidson), his much put-upon wife
Beverly (D.J. Sidney) and the physically-fit Chuck (Fred Buch). In
the middle of the night, the boat is sideswiped by a ghost freighter,
which seemingly rose out of the ocean depths and has gotten itself
stuck on a sandbar. The next morning, everyone discovers that they
are stuck on the same sandbar next to a mysterious island, but
Captain Ben is missing. When it is deemed that the boat is no longer
seaworthy, everyone takes the glass-bottomed dingy to the island,
where they discover Captain Ben's dead body underwater. On the island
is a decaying old seaside hotel and they use it for shelter, but it's
plain to see someone already lives there (a working fish tank and a
Gramophone playing an old 78 rpm record are just two clues). That
occupant is an old SS Commander (Peter Cushing; his next film was STAR
WARS!), who has been hiding on the island since the end of
WWII, and he is just as surprised as everyone else to see the rusted
freighter on the horizon. This can only mean one thing: The Death
Corps. Have been reactivated and they are ready to kill. The
blonde-haired, goggle-wearing, jackbooted zombies rise out of the
ocean (a very well-done and eerie sequence) and begin killing the
stranded castaways, beginning with Dobbs, who Rose finds while taking
a swim in the lagoon (his body is bloated and misshapen). The SS
Commander explains to the group what they are up against and offers
them a small sailboat to make their escape, but as we already know,
there will only be one survivor of this ordeal. While there is
very little plot to this low-budget horror flick (Weiderhorn co-wrote
the screenplay with John Harrison [MURDER
BY PHONE - a heavily edited version of the Canadian thriller BELLS
- 1982]), SHOCK WAVES
still manages to be a scary, moody film thanks to some totally creepy
underwater sequences (the zombies walking on the sea bottom is a
unique sight and Underwater Photographer Irving Pare captures it
perfectly) and the look of the zombies themselves (Makeup Design by
Alan Ormsby; CHILDREN
SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS - 1972), outfitted in SS
uniforms and looking like the Master Race with a really bad case of
acne. I also like that these zombies aren't flesh eaters. They're
fast-moving undead whose only job is to kill, even killing the SS
Commander who created them (Peter Cushing looks impossibly thin and
frail here). There's very little blood or gore on view (just shots of
dead bodies and zombies rotting when their goggles are pulled off),
but there is no real call for it here, because this film relies more
on atmosphere than blood and guts. Must viewing for fans of Val
Lewton-esque horror. This had various VHS releases, from Prism
Entertainment, American
Video and Starmaker
Entertainment, but the only way to really watch this film is the
widescreen DVD & Blu-Ray
from Blue Underground,
mastered from the director's own vault print. It blows all the VHS
editions out of the water. Rated PG.
SHREDDER
(2001) - When my first marriage dissolved in the early 80's, I
decided to change my life completely. I threw away all the bad
baggage in my life and made some new friends. One of the rituals we
did was rent a house during the Winter in a ski town called Hunter
Mountain in New York and get together every weekend. This co-ed house
only had three rules: 1: Everyone always had their own bed no matter
what time they came home. 2: Absolutely no sex between shareholders
as not to cause any undue stress (although family members and friends
the shareholders brought with them were fair game) and 3: When you
are out at a bar you get your own ride home no matter who you came
with. These were excellent rules and this ritual lasted a good seven
years (and I still remain friends with nearly all the shareholders
today). In the seven years that I spent Winters in Hunter Mountain I
must have hit the slopes only four times. It wasn't about skiing but
about having fun, getting wasted and meeting new people. I eventually
met my current wife during one of these weekends. Alas, we're all
married now and don't get together as often as we like, but we are
still in each other's hearts. Just what does this have to do with the
movie you may ask? Well, in this film every rule I stated has been
broken and people are paying their lives for it. A rich bitch and her
snowboarder friends break into an abandoned ski lodge, where years
earlier a group of snowboarders killed a young girl by mistake. Now
someone wearing a black ski suit is killing the obnoxious group
(which contains the bitch, her put-upon boyfriend, a guy with a video
camera nearly attached to his face, a champion snowboarder, a faux
lesbian, a horny girl and a "European" hitchhiker they pick
up along the way). Quicker than you can say, "Where's the
bedroom?", the girls are having sex with the hitchhilker, the
snowboarders are breaking all the mountain rules and the killer finds
different ways to get rid of them. There's an icepick to the
forehead, a skipole through the head, impalement by icicle, a hanging
on the ski lift by a scarf, a hatchet to the leg, two decapitations
and a CGI disposal of the killer with a huge icebreaker. It's not
hard to spot who the killer is, but there's nice mountain scenery,
some excellent skiing and snowboarding footage, a few good scares
(including a head impaled on a fire poker being thrust at one of the
girls trapped in a closet, the film's highlight) and some well-placed
humor. It's just an ordinary horror film that doesn't take too many
chances and leaves a lot of unanswered questions, Like: What is a
fully-functional hot tub doing at an abandoned ski lodge? Director
Greg Huson gets props for ladling on the blood and gore, but the
characters are one-dimensional and the plot is full of holes. He must
be a skier because he enjoys killing snowboarders who refuse to obey
the rules (a major plot point in the story). Starring Scott Weinger,
Lindsey McKeon, Juleah Weikel, Billy O' (I guess he couldn't afford a
full last name), Holly Towne, Brad Hawkins and Candace Moon. A MGM
DVD Release. Rated R.
SHROOMS
(2006) - Even though the plot is as common as a $10 blowjob on
80's Times Square, this Irish/British/Danish co-production does offer
a sense of style and panache missing from most modern horror films.
Good Catholic girl Tara (Lindsey Haun; VILLAGE
OF THE DAMNED - 1995) and best friend Lisa (Maya Hazen; SHUTTER
- 2008) fly to Nothern Ireland to hook-up with Tara's boyfriend Jake
(Jack Huston) and do some "shrooms" (for those less
informed, a term used for indigenous psychedelic mushroom). Also
along for the ride are three other people; steroid-enhanced
musclehead Bluto (Robert Hoffman), who is Lisa's boyfriend; good guy
Troy (Max Kasch), who is a human encyclopedia of illicit drugs; and
Troy's girlfriend Holly (Alice Greczyn; EXIT
SPEED - 2008), who doesn't appear to like to shave her
armpits. After picking everyone up in his van and giving them a brief
pictorial history on mushrooms (both the good and bad type, including
the "Magic Mushroom"; the one they are searching for), Jake
drives them to a secluded part of the forest to do some shroom
picking. Things start bad right away
when the van hits an elk, covering the front of the van in blood.
Jake puts the elk out of its misery with a couple of shots to the
head with a tire iron when two backwoods men (who would give the
hicks in DELIVERANCE
nightmares) appear out of nowhere and claim the elk's dead body as
their next meal. Undaunted (but a little freaked out over the
"indigenous population"), the group continues on their way
and eventually set up camp. Jake collects all their cell phones as a
precaution, so they don't call for help while tripping on the shrooms
(a unique way to stop the cast from using their cell phones that
doesn't involve the usual "dead zones" or "low
Battery" scenarios) and they go on their shroom hunt, avoiding
the black-tipped shrooms (Jake tells everyone that eating a black-tipped
one will cause your "heart to explode, along with your kidneys
and liver"). Tare sees a blue-tipped shroom and seems drawn to
it, eventually eating it and nearly dying in the process. When she
recovers, Tara tells Lisa and Jake that she can now see into the near
future and it is not going to be a pleasant experience for anyone. As
a matter of fact, It's going to be deadly. Everyone think it is just
the shrooms messing with her head, so the rest of the group get drunk
while Jake tells a horror story about the "Black Brother"
around the campfire. The story freaks everyone out and Jake tells
everyone not to eat their shrooms until the following morning, but
when everyone retires to their tents for the night, nearly everyone
ignores Jake's rule about eating the shrooms. Troy and Holly eat
their shrooms to heighten their sexual pleasure and they catch
someone watching them make love. This leads to some long, pent-up
anger among the group, which results in Lisa kicking Bluto out of
their tent. Bluto eats some shrooms, meets a talking cow (who tells
Bluto that he is "dead fucked"), has his dick bitten off
(Playing a sex game that Jake mentioned to everyone in the van ride;
I'll leave it to you to discover what it is!) and is then killed by
someone in bare feet. Tare "witnesses" the entire episode
in her mind and soon figures out that Jake's "Black Brother"
campfire tale may not be a tale at all. How can she convince
everyone else what she has discovered when they are all tripping out
on shrooms? There's going to be a lot of freaking out and death
before this trip is over. Expertly directed by Paddy Breathnach (RED
MIST - 2008) and written with a sense of the macabre and a
touch of black humor (the talking cow sounds like it was voiced by
Ian McShane) by Pearse Elliott, SHROOMS
is a breath of fresh air amongst the hundreds of stagnant DTV horror
films that get released every year. The film makes very good use of
Northern Ireland locations and some creepy local actors (especially
Don Wycherley and Sean McGinley as the drooling backwoods brothers
Ernie and Bernie, who tell Holly "Fuck reality!" when she
tells them they can't be real) and, while the violence isn't overly
gory, it is effectively done and somewhat shocking. The surprising
finale takes "Catholic Guilt" to a whole new level and may
have you re-watching the film a second time just to pick up missed
clues. The film isn't perfect, though. Many of the scenes are
purposely drained of color and bathed in a bluish hue (I know it's
supposed to show the effects of eating the blue-tipped mushrooms, but
it is an annoying effect that is used in way too many horror films
these days) and Tara's "visions" (quickly-edited shock cuts
with over-amped sound and music effects) soon lose their
effectiveness after their third or fourth appearance. Still, SHROOMS
is a worthwhile viewing experience, where you are tripping or not.
Also featuring Toby Sedgwick as the Black Brother. A Magnet
Releasing DVD Release. Not Rated.
SILENT
MADNESS (1984)
-
This little-seen horror gem (filmed in 3-D, but shown flat when
released to most theaters) deserves a U.S. DVD release NOW! Better
acted than most slasher films, SILENT
MADNESS delivers the goods from the get-go. Due to a name
mix-up, psychotic silent mental patient Howard Johns (stunt
co-ordinator Solly Marx) is accidentally released from the looney bin
and begins to kill immediately. He
kills a teenage couple making out in a van (the boy gets a
sledgehammer to the head and the girl gets a flying 3-D axe planted
in her back) and then turns his anger on a rollerskating girl,
crushing her head in a vise. He then begins stalking the girls at a
local sorority house (where it is half-empty during Fall Break),
where den mother Miss Collins (film vet Viveca Lindfors) chastises
the girls for flaunting their feminity. One of the girls pays the
price by getting a faceful of steam, courtesy of Howard. Meanwhile,
back at the hospital, psychiatrist Dr. Gilmore (Belinda Montgomery)
is trying to find out why the dastardly Dr. Kruger (Roderick Cook) is
covering-up Howard Johns' release. Dr. Kruger says Johns is
"deceased" not "released" as it says on the
paperwork, declaring it a typo. Dr. Gilmore doesn't buy it and tries
to find out just what type of experiments Kruger is running on the
patients in his heavily guarded ward. Dr. Gilmore takes her case to
the police and tries to get info on Howard Johns from foul-mouthed
Sheriff Liggett (genre stalwart Sydney Lassick), who tells her to go
to the newspaper office. There she meets Mark McGowan (David
Greenan), a reporter who helps her unravel the mystery. She learns
that Johns committed several bloody murders at the sorority house
years earlier, and with Mark's help, goes undercover there as an
alumni to try to uncover more info. She becomes friends with
the girls there and she learns that Miss Collins knows all about the
murders. Miss Collins tells a story (told in a black-and-white
flashback) of how Howard was ridiculed by some sorority sisters
during Pledge Week and snapped, killing them all in the house's
boiler room. While investigating the boiler room, Dr. Gilmore is
attacked by Howard, but escapes. Now that she has proof that Howard
is alive, she and David have the proof they need to bring down Dr.
Kruger, that is if Howard and the evil doctor (and his goons) don't
get to her, David and the sorority girls first. Director Simon
Nuchtern (SAVAGE DAWN -
1985) builds the tension slowly, giving us a trio of murders in the
beginning and then slowly building suspense until the suspenseful
conclusion. For once, the 3-D effects don't seem to be tacked on as
they are integral to the plot and killings. No flying ping-pong balls
or yo-yos in your face here (just one unnecessary electric prod
thrusted at the screen). The acting is uniformly excellent for a
horror film and it's nice to have more than one bad guy to boo at, as
there are two kinds of killers here: The psychotic "kill
anything that moves" kind and the cold, calculating intellectual
kind. Give this one a chance and you'll probably like it, but good
luck trying to find a copy. It's just different and more
offbeat than most films of this type and there's a couple of killer
gags involving a flying dumbell and a table drill. Also starring Rick
Aeillo, Stanja Lowe and John Bentley. A Media
Home Entertainment Release wich is long OOP. I managed to score
a copy on eBay, but not without
some heavy bidding. Rated R.
SISTERS
OF DEATH (1977) - If
there was ever a case of substance over style, this is it. Arthur Franz
(INVADERS
FROM MARS
- 1953; ATOMIC
SUBMARINE
- 1959) stars with the late Claudia Jennings in this poorly
photographed, but well written revenge melodrama. A girl is killed
during the pledge ceremonies of a sorority called The Sisters. The
police label it an accident. But was it? Seven years later the
remaining Sisters receive identical letters inviting them to a
reunion at a remote estate. This estate is a killer with an
electrified fence, spiders, snakes, a vicious dog, and a gattling
gun! The script (by Peter Arnold and Elwyn Richards) to this odd
exercise in filmmaking is full of twists, especially towards the end.
What destroys the movie is the shoddy work behind the scenes. Bad
direction, terrible lighting, and a boom mike that is clearly visible
through half the film. (I guess no one knew how to block a shot,
unless this was shown open matte) are some of the reasons that it is
hard to take SISTERS OF DEATH
seriously. Director Joseph Mazzuca takes the blame for turning
a promising film into a broken promise. (Note: God, I miss the days
when this video from Interglobal
Home Video and many others like it could be purchased at the
checkout lines in most grocery and department stores for under
$10.00. The days of "impulse buys" are long gone bye thanks
to the internet.) Also starring Cheri Howell and Paul Carr. Also
available on DVD from VCI
Entertainment on a double feature with SCREAM
BLOODY MURDER. Not
Rated,
but not stronger than a PG-13.
666:
THE CHILD (2006) - Another
"mockbuster" from those cheap bastards at The
Asylum; this one released to DVD to try and fool retarded
renters and buyers that they were bringing home the 2006 remake of THE
OMEN. Stupid, stupid retards. The funny thing is that this
is actually one of The Asylum's better films, but that is by no means
a recommendation from me. It's still an Asylum film, after all. After
a devastating plane crash into the California mountains (which we
never see), a single boy is the only survivor and he walks away from
the crash virtually unscathed. The story is immediately picked-up by
TV news outlets, including TV news anchor Erika Lawson (Sarah
Lieving), who seems very affected by the boy in the news. She and her
husband, news cameraman Scott Lawson (Adam Vincent), head to the
hospital to do
a live interview with the boy, who they discover is an orphan. The
boy, Donald (Boo Boo Stewart; now there's a name that his parents
didn't think out too well, especially when he becomes an adult. I can
hear the Yogi Bear jokes now!), has some type of psychological and
emotional hold on Erika and Scott and since they are childless (Erika
is medically incapable of getting pregnant), they decide to adopt
him. Back at the hospital, a randy nurse and a horny doctor are
fooling around in a supply closet next to Donald's room and they both
ends up up dead when a steam pipe breaks loose, cracks the nurse in
the head, splitting her skull in two, and spraying steam directly
into the doctor's face. A freak accident? I don't think so. Erika's
sister, super-celebrity Mary Lou (Kim Little), expedites the adoption
thanks to her tremendous clout, so Erika and Scott pick up Donald at
the orphanage, but not before celebrity-hating priest Father Francis
(Robert Pike Daniel) warns them, "God is always watching!"
They bring Donald home and everything seems normal, at least for a
little while. Scott's father, Big Jake (Robert D. McEwen) comes to
live with them to take care of Donald while Erika and Donald are
working, but when playing catch and Donald gets hit with a baseball
on his face, Big Jake takes him to the dentist, where both the
dentist and his female assistant end up dead when Donald drills them
both through their eyes (The police deem the incident a "terrible
accident". A terrible accident? C'mon now!). Big Jake wants
Erika and Scott to hire a professional nanny for Donald and that
night Big Jake is killed when the ceiling fan in his bedroom slices
his throat (The police once again call it a "terrible
accident".). While Scott is still mourning the loss of his
father (Erika decides to cover a story about a fire on the Santa
Monica Pier!), a crazed nun (Lucy Doty) suddenly appears in the house
and says, "The reign (rain?) of blood is just beginning!"
and warns Scott that Donald is the spawn of Satan. Instead of
listening to her, Scott throws her out of the house and she is killed
after being run over by a car. While Scott becomes increasingly
suspicious and begins digging deeper into Donald's history, Erika
becomes more distant (and she becomes more career-oriented when she
is offered a national TV anchor gig) and nanny Lucy Fir (Nora Jesse;
and c'mon now, "Lucy Fir"? Really?) shows up at the door.
Lucy is definitely in league with the Devil and knows about Donald's
secret stash of violent drawings (he's quite the artist). Anyone who
has watched THE OMEN (either the
original 1976 version or the 2006 remake) can see where this story is
heading. I don't think I'm giving anything away by saying a sequel, 666:
THE BEAST was made the following year (which is one of The
Asylum's worst films ever and that's saying a lot!). Although
director Jack Perez (AMERICA'S
DEADLIEST HOME VIDEO - 1993; MEGA
SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS - 2009), here using the pseudonym
"Jake Jackson" (IMDB lists it as "Jake Johnson"
and some foreign DVDs use his real name), and screenwriter Ben Henry
definitely have THE OMEN on their brains, the meager budget
offered 666: THE CHILD
means that some of the more complex and gruesome set-pieces of its
big-budget counterpart had to be jettisoned in favor of more lo-fi
effects sequences, the best being the death of Scott's best friend
Tony (Rodney Bowman) who, after accidentally discovering Donald's
bloody drawings, becomes trapped in a garage where he has his fingers
cut off by a lawn mower, is impaled in the back by a drill bit and
then has his face cut in half by a portable circular saw. Other
deaths include Erika slipping in a hotel bathroom and being cut to
pieces by the glass shower door; Lucy having a fireplace poker shoved
into her mouth until it exits out of the back of her head; and Scott
being shot in the head by a cop when he tries to kill Donald (At
least the police can't label this one a "terrible
accident"!). The acting is not bad (Sarah Lieving [THE
HITCHHIKER - 2007] deserves a lot better and she is the
spitting image of a young Gina Gershon), but the whole film looks so
cheap (And who came up with the name "Donald" as the Son of
Satan? You might as well call him Eugene!) and uninspired (the
"Mark of the Beast" isn't on Donald's scalp, it's on his
tongue!), it hardly seems worth all the trouble, even if it is a
step-up from the usual Asylum crapola. Not to be confused with 666:
THE DEMON CHILD (2004), which is not an Asylum film and has
nothing to do with THE OMEN-style mechanics of this film. An
Asylum Home Entertainment DVD Release. Unrated.
666:
THE BEAST (2007) - This is
a sequel to The Asylum's 666:
THE CHILD (2006) which, in turn, was a cheap rip-off of the
theatrical remake of THE OMEN
(2006). If we are to put this film into proper perspective, it's more
of a remake of the original THE OMEN's
(1976) second sequel, THE FINAL CONFLICT
(1981), as The Asylum decided to ignore the first sequel, DAMIEN:
OMEN II (1978), which documented the Son of Satan's teenage
years and went straight ahead to his adulthood. If I haven't confused
you enough, read on. When we last saw demonic seed Donald Lawson in 666:
THE CHILD, he had killed-off his adoptive parents and their
friends (clips of their deaths are shown here). Now an adult, Donald
(Chad Mathews) is married to Kate (Makinna Ridgway), who is pregnant
with his child. Father Deacon Cain (Collin
Brock) is dispatched by the Vatican to go to America to make sure
Kate has her baby, because it spells certain doom for humanity if it
is not born (Wait just a goddamn minute. If Donald is the Son of
Satan and his wife has a baby boy, wouldn't the baby be the grandson
of Satan? What's next: Meet Harold, Satan's cousin twice removed?).
Kate's twin sister, Sarah (Ridgway again), is found murdered in Los
Angeles; her body crucified above a satanic symbol. Father Deacon
shows up at the murder scene and tells the detectives in charge to
look for a birthmark on Sarah's neck. Kate has the same birthmark,
what looks like a small crucifix on the base of her neck. Donald's
life takes a turn for the better when his boss, Ashmed (Amol Shah),
promotes him to Junior Vice President and gives him a beautiful
secretary named Sydonia (Alma Saraci). Ashmed knows about Donald's
history (In this film, unlike 666:
THE CHILD, Donald is quite confused about his heritage,
which makes no sense at all) and wants him to travel to Israel on a
"business" matter. Kate is informed about her twin sister's
murder, but when Father Deacon tries to warn her about bad things to
come, she doesn't believe him and runs away. Kate begins to have
disturbing visions (eggs containing bloody yolks; people on the
streets with demonic faces), while Donald is being seduced by Sydonia
and given grief by co-worker Tom (Stephen Blackehart), who is jealous
of Donald's new promotion. Donald becomes a success in his new
position, turns power-mad and makes love to Sydonia. When Tom catches
them together and threatens to tell his wife, Donald strangles him
and throws him down a flight of stairs, right in front of Ashmed, who
approves of the deed. Ashmed opens Donald's eyes as to who he really
is and Donald embraces it. Meanwhile, Kate is hospitalized when signs
of the stigmata appear on her body and the authorities think it is a
suicide attempt (in both of these films, the police are portrayed as
total dolts). Father Deacon helps Kate finally realize that she is
bearing Christ's child (It still makes no sense to me unless Kate had
a virgin pregnancy, but that issue is never addressed) and tries to
protect her from her own husband, who must kill the baby with a
special dagger before it is born. Jesus Christ, make it stop! My head
hurts! If I could come up with a better phrase than "bored
beyond tears", I would use it here because 666:
THE BEAST is one of the slowest-moving horror films in
recent memory. Director/screenwriter Nick Everhart (2012:
DOOMSDAY - 2008) has no sense of pacing, as the film just
lumbers along with a series of loosely-fitting sequences that go
nowhere; religious mumbo-jumbo that makes very little sense and a
lack of any substantial blood or violence. There's really no point in
discussing this film any further because it is simply talk, talk,
talk about either forsaking God or embracing him. When the most
violent parts of this film are the flashback murder scenes from the
first film, it is time to call it a day and move on to the next film.
Simply awful. Even by The Asylum's standards, this is a piss-poor
film. Also starring Doug (misspelled "Dung" in the closing
credits!) Burch, Giovanni Bejarano, Terry G. Reed and Damien Puckler.
An Asylum Home Entertainment DVD Release. Unrated.
SKINNED
ALIVE (1989) - Amateurish black
comedy shot for $16,000.00 on 16mm film. A trio of psychopaths,
led by the bitchy female Crawldaddy (Mary Jackson) pick up
hitchhikers and people with broken-down cars and skins them alive
(hence the title) and sells their skins as leather goods. The
cackling Phink (Scott Spiegel, the best thing about this piece of
trash) and Violet (Susan Rothacker) round out the trio. When their
van breaks
down in some hick town in Ohio, they are taken in by the kindly Paul
and Louise Hickox (Floyd Ewing Jr. and Jennifer Mullen). Soon the
trio are up to their old tricks, cutting off the fingers of a
delivery boy (Mike Shea), shooting and skinning alive a Jehovah's
Witness (Producer J.R. Bookwalter) and cleaving Mrs. Hickox's head in
half with and axe. A disgraced, alcoholic ex-cop (Lester Clark), who
lives next door, notices their strange behavior and, in the finale,
goes Rambo on their ass. He literally blows apart Crawldaddy (the
film's best effect), slices open Violet's stomach until her
intestines fall out and blows apart Phinks's face. It all sounds much
more exciting than it is, but the main reason for watching is the
extras that come after. J.R. Bookwalter, director/writer Jon Killough
(who plays the first victin and most of the cast and crew are
interviewed for the 2002 remastered edition. Bookwalter ends up
looking like a controlling prick, Killough gave up directing any more
films due to his bad experience with Bookwalter and the cast and crew
also get in their digs and accolades at both Killough and Bookwalter.
It seems the film ended up being too short to be called a feature, so
Bookwalter took over the film and shot scenes of the cop's ex-wife
and lawyer emotionally torturing the cop to pad out the film to
feature length (75 minutes). It slows down the pace of the film, as
if it could have gone any slower. The extras are the best part of the
package as people either praise or put down the film and the
conspicuous absence of Scott Spiegel during any of this becomes
apparent. He had moved on to bigger and better things, directing such
films as FROM DUSK TILL
DAWN 2: TEXAS BLOOD MONEY (1998) and executive-producing HOSTEL
(2005), while Bookwalter, who hasn't directed a good film since his
debut THE DEAD NEXT DOOR
(1989), keep turning out SOV crap as his ego gets bigger and bigger.
He's the king of the Grade Z School of Filmmaking (and quite
proud of it). If you are gonna watch this, pick up the remastered
version. It has a better picture, new opening and closing credits,
5.1 Dolby Sound and the entertaining extras. The film may suck but
the documentary describing the film's history is priceless. The
effects (supervised by David Barton [DEAD
& ROTTING - 2002] and others) range from amateurish to
gross (check out the hanging skin in the Hickox's basement that
Violet likes to play with, especially the penis). A Tempe
Video Release. Not
Rated.
SLAUGHTERHOUSE
ROCK (1987) - Alex Gardner
(Nicholas Celozzi) is having terrible nightmares about being trapped
in a prison while a hulking monster approaches. He reads a story
about a rock group called Body Bag being found slaughtered on
Alcatraz Island by lead singer Sammy Mitchell (Toni Basil), who
authorities believe killed everyone before committing suicide. Alex
feels a connection to that story and, along with his brother Richard
(Tom Reilly) and a few friends, goes on a "field trip" to
Alcatraz to try and cure himself of his nightmares (which are now
also occurring during the daytime). Leading them on the trip is
Carolyn (Donna Denton), a teacher and parapsychologist, who tells
Alex his dreams are tied to the history of Alcatraz (before it was a
prison, it was occupied
by Indians who practiced cannibalism). and he must face his fears if
the nightmares are to stop. Once on the island, the group begins
their investigation and almost immediately Alex is separated from
everyone else. The ghost of Sammy Mitchell warns Alex that a monster
called the Commandant (Al Fleming) is loose on the island and she
accidentally let him loose when she was shooting a music video here.
Richard becomes possessed by the spirit of the Commandant and tries
to rape his girlfriend Krista (Hope Marie Carlton). He eventually
rips her throat out with his extremely large (and sharp) teeth.
Richard then snaps the neck of Jack (Steven Brian Smith) and puts his
fist through the head of Marty (Ty Miller). The only people left
alive on the island (there are plenty of ghosts and only Alex can see
and talk to them) are Alex, Carolyn and Jan (Tamara Hyler), as the
ghost of Sammy helps Alex to open a door which will set all the souls
of the people who died on the island free and destroy the Commandant
in the process. Alex must fight his way to the door while Carolyn and
Jan keep Richard busy. They all succeed (Carolyn loses her life in
the process) and Alex gets a reward for his good deed: He gains all
of Sammy's musical talent! Some small reward for getting most of his
friends killed. Director Dimitri Logothetis (BODY
SHOT - 1993) has crafted a somewhat atmospheric, if
derivative, horror tale, severely marred by some amateurish acting
(lead Nicholas Celozzi is the main offender and I guess he got the
job because his father Nicholas Celozzi Sr. was executive producer)
and an awful lot of juvenile and jokey dialogue between the cast. The
script (by Sandra Willard and Nora Goodman) doesn't make very much
sense, mixing demons, ghosts, cannibalisn, realistic nightmares,
Indians and rock music (original songs written by Mark Mothersbaugh
and performed by Devo). There's plenty of bloody imagery, as hands
are chopped off, rib cages are pulled out, people are disemboweled
and sliced up and Alex pukes up worms. Hope Marie Carlton also strips
nude a couple of times to keep your mind off the absurdity of it all.
But the story mixes too many genres and doesn't amount to all that
much. When Toni Basil (whose song "Mickey" burned up the
charts and fried everyone's brain cells during the early 80's) does
one of her patented choreographed dances about halfway through the
film, I was severely tempted to turn this damned thing off. The film
can't seem to make up it's mind up whether it wants to be a comedy or
a serious horror film and both aspects never gel together as a whole.
There are a few good scenes, but much of it will remind you of the
much-better A NIGHTMARE
ON ELM STREET (1984). The location photography is good,
though. A Sony
Video Software Company VHS Release. Available on Blu-Ray
from Code Red. Rated R.
THE
SLAYER (1981) - This underrated
little horror film is a neat slice of 80's cheese. Kay (Sarah
Kendall) has been bothered by recurring nightmares ever since she was
a little girl, especially the one where a creature with huge taloned
fingers grabs her by the neck. Kay and her husband, David (Alan
McRae), decide to vacation with her brother, Eric (Frederick Flynn),
and his wife, Brooke (Carol Kottenbrook), at a house on a secluded
island. From the moment Kay steps off the small plane, the island
seems familiar to her, like she's been there before. Island caretaker
Marsh (Michael Holmes) tells her that she's not the first one to feel
that way. Particularly disturbing to Kay is the abandoned theater
that they pass while walking to the house. Kay, who is an artist, has
painted that house on one of her canvases months before. She only
paints images from her nightmares, which is beginning to put a strain
on her marriage. Meanwhile, a fisherman, who is cleaning his
catch on the island's beach, has his head caved-in by someone
swinging a mean oar. Of course, after less than a day on the island,
a nasty storm blows in, knocking out the electricity and trapping
everyone on the island. That night, Kay and David have an arguement
(she tries to convince him that she's been to this
house before in her dreams, but he's getting tired of listening to
it) and David walks out of the bedroom. David hears a noise in the
basement and investigates, finding water leaking through an elevator
shaft. David climbs a ladder and opens the shaft's trap door, but it
slams on his neck and he is killed. At the same time, Kay has a
nightmare that she is kissing David's decapitated head in their bed
and the next morning, when David turns up missing, Kay knows that he
is dead, but she can't convince Eric or Brooke that her dreams come
true. Eric and Brooke search the island for David, while Kay checks
out the creepy abandoned theater. She finds David's headless body
hanging over the stage and tries to convince Eric and Brooke that if
she goes to sleep, their lives are in danger. They should have
listened to her. Instead, they drug her milk and put her to sleep.
While Kay sleeps, Eric is dragged into the water after a huge fishing
hook punctures his neck and Brooke has a pitchfork shoved through her
back (it exits through her breasts, in the film's best gory effect).
When Kay wakes up the next morning and discovers the bodies, she
barracades herself in the house and tries to stay awake (even burning
herself with a cigarette). As night approaches, Kay realizes she's
not alone in the house. Someone or something is trying to kill her
and she hides in the attic after shooting Marsh with a flaregun and
setting the house on fire. Unfortunately, something nasty is waiting
for her there. A surprise ending explains it all. This
atmospheric, but sometimes darkly-lit, horror flick is the first
directorial effort from J.S. Cardone, who would later give us such
horror films like SHADOWZONE
(1990), THE FORSAKEN (2001)
and WICKED LITTLE THINGS
(2006). Although THE SLAYER is
nothing extraordinary, it's a decent chiller that gets to the scares
pretty quickly and is enhanced by the eerie island locations and
set-pieces. While the gore is minimal, it is brutal (freeze frame
when the oar hits the fisherman's skull for an example of what I
mean) and the creature effects are very well-handled, though insanely
brief. The acting isn't too bad either and there are no annoying
teens like in most films of this type. The cast of adults is
refreshing and this film would make a good double bill with SAVAGE
WEEKEND (1976), another horror film with an all-adult cast.
This film also uses themes (the blur between nightmares and reality)
that would be expanded upon three years later in Wes Craven's A
NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and the surprise ending is actually
satisfying for a change. It doesn't seem tacked-on like most 80's
horror films. There's really not much more I can say about this film,
except it's a totally watchable horror film that delivers what it
promises. Nothing more, nothing less. Stay clear of the version on
VHS from Continental
Video, part of a double feature with Fred Olen Ray's SCALPS
(1983). It's edited down to 75 minutes and cuts an entire character
completely out of the film: Kay's agent, Norman (Sandy Simpson). The
edit is obvious, as we see David and Kay talk about the trip in the
beginning of the film and then there's a noticable jump-cut to
everyone on the plane, excising a good six minutes of footage. The
rest of the film seems untouched as far as I could tell. Try to find
the VHS version on Canadian label Marquis Video or the British DVD
from Vipco, as they are both the uncut 81 minute version. Also
starring Paul Gandolfo, Newell Alexander, Ivy Jones, Jennifer Gaffin
and Carl Kraines as the Slayer. Rated R.
THE
SLEEPER (2011) - If you have
already seen the original BLACK CHRISTMAS
(1974) or SORORITY HOUSE MASSACRE
(1986), then you have already seen this movie, filmed in 13 days in
Springfield, Ohio. It opens in 1979, where we witness a college
student sleeping in her bed at her sorority house, only to open her
eyes to see a blue-eyed psycho name The Sleeper (Jason Jay Crabtree)
about to kill her
with a claw hammer (His weapon of choice, but he does manage to use
a few more objects for killing as the film progresses). We then
switch to 1981, where sophomore college student Amy (Brittany
Belland) is invited to become a pledge at a party thrown at the
sorority house (the same one we saw in 1979) run by the Alpha Gamma
Thetas. Amy talks her reticent dormmate Ava (Ali Ferda) to go with
her to the party, which has to be one of the most sparsely-populated
sorority houses (not to mention colleges) in the history of horror
films. The sorority house has been getting a lot of strange calls
from The Sleeper, who mentions one of the girls' names and says they
are going to die (Remind you of any particular film?), so sorority
house mother Miss Joy (Beverly Kristy) warns the girls that all boys
must be out of the house by midnight. Cindy (Jessica Cameron) has
boyfriend Bobby (Paul Moon) come to her bedroom for some sex before
time runs out. Bobby leaves at midnight and Cindy has her face
graphically smashed-in by The Sleeper's claw hammer (Earlier, we see
The Sleeper in his private cubby hole on another building getting
excited over photographs he has taken of the sorority girls. When he
picks one he is going to kill he writes "ZZZ" across their
photo with red lipstick). When Cindy doesn't answer Bobby's calls the
next day, he gets worried and contacts police Detective Drake (E. Ray
Goodwin), who tells Bobby that maybe Cindy fell asleep at the library
while studying, but if he doesn't hear from her by tomorrow, to give
him a call again. Amy, Ava and head Theta sorority girl Laura (Jenna
Fournier) go to a bar, where they do a line dance (!) on the dance
floor with the other patrons and Amy meets Matt (Aaron Russell). Matt
walks Amy home, while Ava and Laura (who have become chummy) continue
to drink. The Sleeper has already taken photos of Amy, so when Matt
drops her off at her dorm, he is attacked and killed by The Sleeper,
who hits him over-and-over with his hammer (off-screen). Another
nameless Theta girl (Kendra Stevenson) gets the claw end of the
hammer planted in her eyes and Rebecca (Tiffany Arnold) has her eyes
and nose ripped off by The Sleeper after she walks out of the shower
(forget about seeing any nudity here). Derek (Eric Sarich), Bobby's
best friend, and Stacy (Riana Ballo) are next on the list, when Stacy
doffs her top (the only instance of nudity in this film) and pulls-in
Derek (fully clothed) into the college's indoor pool. While Stacy
goes to change, Derek is strangled by The Sleeper with a rope and
when Stacy hears the commotion and finds Derek's lifeless body, she
is decapitated by The Sleeper with an axe. As the drunken Ava and
Laura walk home, they are assaulted by The Sleeper, who blinds them
over-and-over with the flash on his camera. Meanwhile, Detective
Drake talks with Miss Joy on the phone and discovers that many of her
girls are missing, so he calls Ava and Bobby and tells them to meet
him at the sorority house. Drake taps the phone with the help of
Detective James (Luke Frost) and when The Sleeper calls, they are
able to trace where he is staying. Detective Drake heads to the
location, telling Detective James to watch the inside of the house,
while another police officer (Bob Ferrato) stands guard outside. That
doesn't stop The Sleeper, though. He rips out the throat of the
officer outside with his claw hammer and enters the house, where he
bashes-in the forehead of Detective James (off-screen) and rips-out
the eyes of Miss Joy (also off-screen). He then kills sorority girl
June (Elizabeth James) by impaling her through her ear with a butcher
knife. Detective Drake reaches The Sleeper's hideout, only to find a
photo of Amy hanging on the wall. He rushes back to the sorority
house, where The Sleeper is already chasing
Amy throughout the house, trapping her in the bathroom and breaking
down the door with his hammer. Detective Drake saves Amy, but is
knocked unconscious by The Sleeper with the hammer and he continues
to chase Amy outside and right to his hideout (where she spots Ava's
lifeless body, her forehead split open with the hammer, although we
never find out what happened to Laura). As The Sleeper is about to
bash Amy's head in (He says to her, "Night, night!"), she
picks up a knife from a table and supposedly stabs him to death.
After a jump scare inspired by CARRIE
(1976) and the original FRIDAY
THE 13TH (1980), Amy wakes up in a hospital (also sparsely
populated; she seems to be the only patient in the entire wing!),
where her doctor (a cameo from genre expert and movie critic Joe Bob
Briggs) tells her that Detective Drake is recouperating downstairs
and the killer has been caught. Sure he has. The phone in Amy's
hospital room rings and it's The Sleeper on the other end. Amy tries
to flee her room and the film ends with a freeze frame of The Sleeper
directly behind her. While not a boring slasher film, it is a
downright unoriginal one, the themes done to death in countless films
before it. Director/writer/co-producer/cinematographer/sound editor
Justin Russell (DEATH STOP HOLOCAUST
- 2008) gives us plenty of gore (but at least 50% of it is shown
after the fact), but really nothing else (except for that cute
opening animated Canadian "Restricted" ratings bit and a
fake "grindhousey" beginning to make it seem like the film
was actually made in the 80's). The film manages to move at a brisk
clip (filmed during the Winter season), but everything on screen is
just deja-vu all over again. While the gore is handled pretty well
(especially Cindy's graphic face smashing and the eyes on Stacy's
[obviously fake] decapitated head still moving back and forth,
looking at her headless body), there is little else to recommend. The
technical aspects of the film are average at best and so is the
acting, making THE SLEEPER a
must-see only to those who have to view every slasher film ever made.
All others can stay away and not worry about it. A Gamma
Knife Films DVD Release (It was also released in a limited 500
piece DVD/VHS combo pack) The artwork used on the DVD is nearly a
direct steal from the poster art for DON'T
GO IN THE HOUSE (1979). Unrated.
SLEEPOVER
NIGHTMARE (2004) - Right
from the beginning, you know this is going to be one of those films
that throws all logic out the window in order to advance the plot.
While transporting psychotic killer Ron (Wayne McMahon) to the
Koksilah Institute For The Criminally Insane (really?), the driver of
the van decides to play chicken with a Ferrari (really?) and ends up
getting into a head-on collision with an 18-wheeler, which allows Ron
to escape (after biting one of the guards in the jugular). He ends up
at the exclusive enclave of Gnarly Oaks (really?), where,
coincidentally, a big summertime party is in full swing, full of dumb
teenage victims just waiting to be slaughtered. This isn't just your
standard annoying teenage boozefest, this is your super-standard,
super-annoying teenage boozefest, complete with amateur acting, a
trampoline, volleyball playing, water-skiing and plenty of
bikini-bottomed booty-shaking. The victims include super-cad Dwight
(Chad E. Rook);
his new, much-too-understanding girlfriend Karli (Haley Sales); rich
bitch Shannon (Kristine Cofsky), who is throwing the party and has a
history with Dwight; Shannon's ecstasy-addled boyfriend Michael
(Benjamin R. Hanson); nerdy Harry (Richard Olak); and various other
stereotypical idiotic teens. As Ron spies on the partygoers bouncing
on the trampoline, having sex and swimming in the pool, we learn why
he is so psychotic: Seven years earlier, he caught his girlfriend
screwing another guy in his car, so he goes berserk and kills the guy
(by slamming the car door repeatedly on his head), throws his
girlfriend in his car and takes off like a bat out of hell, failing
to notice the large bonfire in front of his car. He hits it, spins
the car over on it's roof and the car explodes. He escapes, but his
girlfriend is burnt beyond recognition and he hasn't been the same
since (really?). Ron now begins killing everyone at the party using
such weapons as a long metal crowbar, belonging to irate elderly
groundskeeper Jimmy (Will Millar, who channels Groundskeeper Willie
from THE SIMPSONS),
and a beer can (yes, you read right, a beer can!). Things really
turn hairy when daylight ends and the party turns into a sleepover
nightmare. Ohhhh, I'm scared! I know
director/screenwriter/co-producer Boon Collins (ABDUCTED
- 1986; ABDUCTED II: THE REUNION
- 1994) was aiming for a tongue-in-cheek horror flick, but he
populates it with people so unlikable, it's hard to give a shit what
happens to them (Really, I was hoping that Ron would kill them all in
one broad stroke to end the inanity). For one, Dwight is such a
heartless prick (he screws Shannon at soon as he arrives at the
party, leaving current girlfriend Karli to roam around not knowing
anyone), it's hard to have sympathy for Karli, who would have to be
deaf, dumb and blind not to realize what a cheating bastard he really
is. Another minus is having a psychotic killer with the common name
Ron. I mean, really, Ron? Hardly the iconic moniker for a mass
murderer, is it? While there is plenty of blood and gore on view
(including death by outboard motor, impalement by crowbar and having
a beer can thrust through one guy's forehead), it's so cheaply done
(either by using obvious CGI or throwing blood from off-screen onto
the actors), it's ineffective. Toss-in a cliché-ridden script
where everyone does the stupidest things possible at the most
inopportune times (When two cops show up at Shannon's house to see if
everything is OK, she doesn't believe they are cops and asks for
their badge numbers, like she would know the difference!) and
what you end up with is an instantly forgettable horror flick that's
a total waste of your time. I still cannot believe that these crazy
Canadians still fund films like this using their tax credits. If they
tried to make this film in the States using my tax dollars, I can
assure you that the nightmare wouldn't be the sleepover kind! Useless
Bit Of Trivia: Will Millar is the former lead singer of The Irish
Rovers (best known for their 1967 smash single "The
Unicorn") and this film used his house for most of the interiors
and exteriors. Also starring Ace Hicks, Ashleigh Harrington, Jonas
Shandel, Graham Wright and Jolene White. Don't be surprised if you
hear many of them ask you "Do you want fries with that?"
the next time you order a meal at McDonalds. A Velocity Home
Entertainment VHS & DVD Release. Rated R.
SLOPPY
THE PSYCHOTIC (2012) - Films
about killer clowns have recently become very popular. Hugely
popular, thanks to the 2017 remake of Stephen King's IT
(based on the 1990 TV mini-series
of the same name). People find clowns so scary that there have been
police reports of clown sightings in the woods, but we all know it it
just some teenager getting his jollies (expect more when IT
become a hit movie). There have been some excellent clown films, such
as my favorites 100 TEARS
(2007) and the simply-titled CLOWN
(2013) and a lot of poor ones, the major bombs being the Full Moon KILLJOY
Series. Which brings us to this film: It make any KILLJOY film
look like a theatrical blockbuster. From The opening sequence, it is
obvious that this was shot -on-video and not digital video, either,
but something that looked like it came out of a 70's VHS video
camera. Mike (director/producer/co-screenwriter Mike O'Mashony) is a
loser of the first degree. He cant find a decent-paying job, lives
with his parents (his father rags on him every chance he gets) and
nothing ever goes right for him. He does kids' parties as Sloppy The
Clown and his car is dressed-up as a clown mobile. He runs into old
girlfriend Sandy (Lauren Ojeda) and she tells him she needs some
entertainment for one of her girlfriend's kids, who is having a
birthday party, and a clown would be perfect. Mike is all for it and Sandy
says she will call him. Mike has a party to do as Sloppy that day and
when the girl he is supposed to entertain draws a filthy picture of
him, he grabs the little girl and tells her she shouldn't be drawing
things like that. The girl's mother sees Sloppy grab her daughter and
kicks him out of the house, then calls his boss, Mr. Jenkins (Lewis
Beaver) of Clowns R Us and gets him fired. This turns out to be the
final straw for Mike, as he gets drunk, calls up a hooker and kills
her, stuffing her body in a trunk a dwarf wouldn't fit in. He decides
to become an independent clown and hangs up flyers all over town (He
never hears the telephone message that Sandy left saying her
girlfriend's party is a go.) Mike gets drunk all the time and falls
asleep while driving his car, hitting the wooden fence of a home
owner, who wants money for the damage. Mike says he has no money, so
the home owner, who sees Mike is driving a clown car says "We'll
call it even if you make me laugh." The home owner takes a piss
into a hole in the pavement, filling the hole to the top. When Mike
fails to make the guy laugh. he says he has a sure-fire way to make
him laugh. He has the guy bend over the puddle of pee, hits him on
the back of the head with his booze bottle and drowns him in his own
urine puddle. Mike then confronts his boss as Sloppy and knocks him
out (With a sock full of change!), binds his hands and mouth with
duct tape and puts him in his clown car, where he stabs him
repeatedly in the stomach. Mike then puts him in the trunk (His
intestines fall out and Sloppy just picks them up and throws them in
the trunk) and then cuts his head off (off-screen) and leaves the
head on the bed of the little girl who got him fired (That'll teach
her for drawing dirty pictures!). Mike finally hears Sandy's message
and gives her a call. He thinks this party will make Sloppy The Clown
popular again. That night, Sloppy gets a phone call by some college
assholes, one who tells Mike he will pay triple his rate if he comes
to their party tonight. The forever-loser Mike soon learns that it
was all a practical joke , as he is thrown into a pool and everyone
laughs at him. Mike follows one of the college guys as a girl gives
him a blowjob (It is shown as a shadow on the wall of a building and
comes close to being X-Rated) and shoves a giant candy cane up the
guy's ass until it comes out of the back of the girl's head. He then
goes to the creator (and Sloppy's wet practical joke) of the party's
house and cuts off the tip of his dick while he is jerking off to
porn and shoves the tip of the dick into the dying guy's mouth (One
of this film's bloodiest, yet fake-looking scenes). Sloppy then runs
over three retarded guys (squashing one of their heads like a
watermelon) while their handler is inside a house buying drugs. He
comes outside, sees the carnage and says "Oh, shit", like
he forgot his to buy cigarettes at a convenience store (his lack of
emotion is amazing!)! Sloppy goes to his party that Sandy set up (he
even cooks a meal for the kids that contains human flesh and another
special ingredient). Sloppy makes balloon animals (one shaped like a
giant cock and balls, in which the adults laugh at!). The kids scarf
down Sloppy's special food (They love it). Sloppy gives a cigar to
the birthday kid's father and it explodes , blowing his head off. The
kids get sick off of eating Sloppy's food and they begin to
bleed from the ass while Sloppy stomps their heads to a bloody pulp
(He throws the birthday boy into a lit gas barbecue grill and closes
the cover!). He kills all the kids and parents and piles their bodies
on top of each other. The film ends with Sloppy killing two policemen
and then slamming his garage door (after implying he killed his
parents). I've seen high school student films with more talent
than this video movie. Not once does director Mike O'Mahony even try
to act like a clown. Sure, he dresses like one, but he uses his
normal voice when entertaining kids. If I were a parent with kids, I
would ask for my money back because as a clown, Sloppy is a good
murderer. The special effects, while bloody, are even less than high
school level and can be done by anyone with a butcher shop nearby,a
gallon of stage blood and a pump.The closest this video
"film" comes close to being inventive is when Sloppy is
threatened with a gun and the usual "BANG!" flag comes out
of the barrel, but Sloppy pulls out his clown gun and it shoots real
bullets (This is how he kills the two policemen in the end). Sloppy
also makes a hooker (Who is tied to his bed so loosely even a baby
could escape!) swallow his tied-together never-ending colored
handkerchiefs and then yanks it out of her mouth. Seems there was a
razor blade on the first one she swallowed and blood splatters
against his bedroom wall. Another thing: While we always hear his
father and mother rag on him, we never once see them. This is one of
the worst SOV films I have seen in quite a while. There is some
nudity, but it is by some fat frat chick that is giving the ower of
the house a hand job through the zipper of his pants (The same guy
who had the tip of his dick cut off), but this is strictly amateur
hour and making fun of the mentally handicapped for comedy is
about as low as you can go. This film reaches those depths and then
tries to dig deeper by showing children being fried, shit their
pants, or throwing up blood. I find it hard to believe that
Mike O'Mahony has directed before and after this film with titles
such as DEADLY DETOUR
(2011); I.B.S. (2013) and A
DARK PLACE INSIDE (2014). IF you see these titles anywhere,
run, don't walk, in the opposite direction. Sloppy is insufferable
stuff. I would go as far as to say it is not a film at all, but a
home video. And more boring than your Aunt Tilly's trip to the
world's biggest ball of string. A Chemical
Burn DVD Release. Not Rated.
SLUGS:
THE MOVIE (1987) - Leave it to
Spanish director Juan Piquer Simon (PIECES
- 1982; EXTRA
TERRESTRIAL VISITORS - 1983) to turn one of the slowest
creatures on God's green earth into bloodthirsty, flesh hungry
creatures and actually making it a creepy (if slightly overwrought)
experience (not to mention this film's obsession with local
government politics and basically nailing it to a tee!). Years ago in
the fictional town of Ashton (actually filmed in Lyons, New York),
some unscrupulous companies dumped toxic waste into the ground,
causing the slugs over the years to mutate and become hungry for
everything they come in contact with (in the film's opening minutes,
the little slimeballs snack on a teenage fisherman and a drunk about
to be evicted from his home). County health inspector Mike Brady
(Michael Garfield) and Sheriff Reese (John Battaglia) drive to the
drunk's house to evict him, only to discover his corpse has been
picked clean. Mike does a cursory investigation of the house and
finds hundreds of slime trails leading to the basement, but no sign
of the critters that caused them. Mike and his best friend, county
sewer engineer Don Palmer (Philip MacHale), investigate a claim by a
belligerent constituent that her sewer smells awful (they all do,
lady!). Don goes down into the sewer in full haz-mat getup to clear
the line (where he discovers human skin and a huge cow tongue in the
clog), but when something grabs his clearing bar and drags it deeper
into the pipe, Don makes a hasty retreat topside. Meanwhile, Mike's
wife, Kim (Kim Terry), a teacher at the local high
school, must contend with the snootiest students this side of THE
BLACKBOARD JUNGLE (1955). Not only do they call Kim
"witch bitch", they plan on throwing a Halloween party that
none of the adults know about, complete with booze, drugs and, of
course, sex (one mullet-headed female teen blames the drunk's death
on the "Goat Killer", the town's mythical serial killer).
As the slugs begin killing the townspeople in various bloody ways
(including a gardener who chops-off his own hand with a hatchet when
some slugs crawl into his glove and he then accidentally blows-up his
greenhouse, killing himself and his wife), Mike notices a huge slug
in Kim's garden and tries to pick it up, but it bites him (it's funny
and frightening at the same time). Mike and Kim bring a few huge
slugs to Professor John Foley (Santiago Alvarez), who seems quite
surprised at their size (Later on, a slug gets loose in his lab and
kills his caged rat. Believe me when I say that you haven't lived
until you've seen a rat giving a slug a piggyback ride!). Alcoholic
housewife Maureen Watson (Alicia Moro; EDGE
OF THE AXE - 1987) serves a salad with some chopped-up slugs
to her husband David (Emilio Linder; MONSTER
DOG - 1985), who complains that the salad tastes "too
salty" and, later on, he suffers a most unfortunate fate (he
begins to bleed out of every orifice in his body at a restaurant,
with baby slugs bursting out of his eye sockets!). In the film's
standout sequence, teenagers Bobby Talbot (Kris Mann) and Donna Moss
(Kari Rose) are eaten alive by a bedroom full of slugs as they are
completely naked and making love. Since Mike can't convince the
thick-headed Sheriff Reese that slugs are responsible (The Sheriff
retorts, "What'll be next, demented crickets? Rampaging
mosquitoes, maybe?"), he and Don decide to eliminate the slugs
the only way they know how: Salt. Lots and lots of salt. Not really.
It's actually some newfangled chemical Professor Foley has created
that makes the slugs explode on contact, but I would have used the
Road Dept.'s salt supply, because they end up blowing-up half of the
town! Only Juan Piquer Simon (ENDLESS
DESCENT - 1989; CTHULHU
MANSION - 1990) could take a storyline so ridiculous
(screenplay by Ron Gantman, based on Shaun Hutson's novel
"Slugs") and make it so bloody entertaining. Not only is
the dialogue a hoot (When Mike learns that the gardener and his wife
were killed in a greenhouse explosion, all he has to say is,
"They were very nice people. I liked them a lot!" Or this
bit of hilarity when Mike tries to get the Water Dept. head, Frank
Phillips [cameo by Frank Brana, who has appeared in nearly every film
Simon has made] to turn off the water to the town: Frank:
"You ain't got the authority to declare Happy Birthday!"),
but the gore and nudity goes way past the film's R-rating (Someone at
the MPAA was sleeping when this was screened). Not only are there
both male and female genitalia on view, director Simon has a
predilection for popping victims' eyeballs out when the slugs attack.
When the "Goat Killer" is revealed to be an actual serial
killer (he stalks the teens' outdoor Halloween party, where nobody
wears a costume except him!), I just gave up trying to make sense of
the story (and the utterly stupid things some of the people do and
say) and went along for the ride (The "Goat Killer"
sequence is immediately dropped when the girl he is trying to rape
and kill falls down a sewer drain and is eaten by the slugs!). The
practical makeup effects are appropriately gooey and gory and the
slugs themselves (many of them real) are slimy and menacing. We're
not talking rocket science here; SLUGS
(with a video-generated "THE MOVIE" following it,
just so we don't get it confused with SLUGS: THE CARNIVAL RIDE)
is just a good, old-fashioned 50's monster film with 80's gore
sensibilities. Also starring Concha Cuetos, Manuel De Blas, Andy
Alsup, Stan Schwartz and a cameo by Patty Shepard (REST
IN PIECES - 1987). It's quite apparent that all the
non-Spanish actors here were local New York talent, as most of them
have never appeared in another film. Originally released on VHS by New
World Video, followed by a budget VHS release by Starmaker
Entertainment,
then a widescreen DVD release by Anchor
Bay Entertainment, followed by a no-frills DVD from Image
Entertainment as part of their "Midnight Madness
Series", which is just a port of the Anchor Bay disc without the
extras. Rated R. UPDATE:
Now available on an extras-packed Blu-Ray
from Arrow Video, making this
the preferred way of viewing the film.
SLUMBER
PARTY MASSACRE III (1990) -
Yes, it's time once again for a bunch of nubile young bimbos to hold
a slumber party and then get slaughtered by someone wielding an
oversized electric drill (among other weapons) in this third and
final, yet unrelated, film in the series (it was filmed under the
title STAB IN THE DARK before uncredited Executive Producer
Roger Corman changed the name to make it more marketable). Jackie
Cassidy (Keely Christian) is hosting a slumber party at her home,
where five girls come over, put on lingerie and talk about sex and
boys. Little do they know that some (as yet) unknown person dressed
in a black hooded sweatshirt and white mask is watching their every
move. The party is invaded by three local boys who scare the shit out
of the girls. The girls chase them out of the house and when one of
the guys, Michael (Garon Grigsby), comes back to apologize, he is
promptly impaled in the stomach with a For Sale sign by the killer.
The next to die is the pizza delivery girl, who, after delivering
the pizza to the girls, is chased down the middle of the street by
the killer and run-through with the drill. The list of suspects is
plentiful: Could it be the weirdo (Yan Birch) who picked up Jackie's
address book while they were playing volleyball on the beach earlier
in the day? Or how about Ken (Brittain Frye), a jock from another
school who has his eye on Juliette (Lulu Wilson)? There's also nerdy
Duncan (David Greenlee), who desperately wants to be part of the
gang. Let's not forget about Morgan (M.K. Harris), a prospective
boarder for a spare bedroom for rent in Jackie's house. Finally,
there's Frank (David Lawrence), Jackie's new boyfriend who has a
troubled past. When Juliette is electrocuted while taking a shower by
the killer (He throws an electric vibrator into the water!) and
everyone else discovers her body, we discover who the killer is (I
won't spoil it for you) and his reasons for the killings. Jackie and
her scantily clad friends must fight off the driller killer, who has
them all trapped in the house. In the finale, Jackie manages to
defeat the killer with his own weapon, after other members of the
party (most of them end up dead) shoot him in the leg with a spear
gun, blind him with bleach and bean him over the head with a polo
mallet. Leave it to Roger Corman. He always finds a way to
bypass the screams of "Misogyny!" by feminists and
Christian fundamentalists. As with the other SLUMBER
PARTY MASSACRE films, he has hired a female director (Sally
Mattison, who also wrote and performs two songs on the soundtrack)
and screenwriter (Catherine Cyran, who also produced), as if to give
a big middle finger to all those who think only men can make a film
full of female nudity and gory violence (and, really, what is the
drill if nothing but a symbolic extension of the killer's penis?).
This film is much less jokey than SLUMBER
PARTY MASSACRE II (1987), where the killer had a drill
attached to an electric guitar. This is more straight-ahead horror
which gets to the killings rather quickly. To add confusion to the
mix, there are three different edits of Part III: In 1990, New
Horizons Home Video issued an R-rated 75 minute cut (the same as the
theatrical release) and an 80 minute Unrated Edition that greatly
expands the gore scenes (much more bloody drilling, slashing and an
extended version of the chainsaw fight between Tom [David Kriegel]
and Ken, as well as much more bloody footage of Jackie's revenge on
the killer in the finale). Then, in 2000, New Horizons issued an
87-minute R-rated edition on VHS and DVD that contains all of the
bloody footage that's in the Unrated Edition, plus seven minutes of
dialogue scenes that Corman originally had edited out to pick up the
film's pacing (a practice that Corman utilized frequently). This is
the version to get your hands on if you must see this film (which
isn't bad, just common), but it is long OOP and goes for big bucks on
the collectors' circuit. Jeremy Stanford (WATCHERS
III - 1994) was Second Unit Director here. Also starring
Hope Marie Carlton, Maria Ford, Brandi Burkett, Marie Claire, Devon
Jenkin, Wayne Gracie and Alexander Falk. A New Horizons Home Video
Release. Rated R or Unrated versions available. Shout!
Factory has collected the trilogy in one collection (with Part
III the Unrated Version) called THE
SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE COLLECTION with an informative
booklet inside written by director John Paul Collum of 5
DARK SOULS (1996) and OCTOBER
MOON (2005) fame. It's a nice package that should be a must
purchase for anyone who is a fan of these films.
SMILEY
(2012) - Here's an urban legend film updated for the Internet
Age. The legend is this: If you log into an anonymous chat room, pick
a person that you don't know, concentrate real hard and then type
"I did it for the lulz" three times (It's Internet speak
for "I did it for the laughs."), a killer named Smiley (who
stiched his eyes shut and then stitched a large smile on his face)
will appear behind that person and slice their throat or stab them in
the heart. We then switch to freshman college student Ashley (Caitlin
Gerard; THE AWAKENING - 2010,
who is very good here), a young female nerd who is trying to get over
the suicide of her mother and had to be institutionalized for a short
while. Rather than living in a dorm, she moves into a house close to
campus with Proxy (Melanie Papalia; CONFINED
- 2010), another young female who is the exact opposite of Ashley.
She likes to party and have a good time, where Ashley is rather
straight laced. Proxy talks Ashley into going to a party with her
(after introducing Ashley
to the joys of pot) at the house of rich privileged asshole computer
hacker Zane (Andrew James Allen). She also meets fellow nerd Binder
(Shane Dawson), who is thrown out of the party for ratting out Zane
and his friends to campus authorities for their hacking habits (They
all call him "PedoBear" and if you don't know what that
means, Google it). After getting drunk at the party and watching a
video of Smiley in action on one of Zane's computers, Ashley and
Proxy go home and log into an anonymous chat room, where Proxy picks
a person (a man who is flashing them his penis) and tells Ashley to
concentrate really hard (because you have to want it to happen) and
type in "I did it for the lulz." three times. An
apprehensive and still-drunk Ashley does it and, sure enough, Smiley
appears behind the guy and slits his throat. He then stares directly
at the screen with his sewn-shut eyes. This freaks Ashley out,
fearing that Smiley now knows who she and Proxy are. Ashley then
believes that Smiley is after her (the dreams she has are very vivid)
and goes to psychiatrist Dr. Jenkins (Liza Weil; STIR
OF ECHOES - 1999), who prescribes her an anti-anxiety drug
and threatens to recommit her if she gets worse. She also has
discussions with psychology teacher Professor Clayton (an excellent
Roger Bart; HOSTEL PART II
- 2007), who tells her that all humans in general are doomed to
extinction and it is only a matter of time before it happens (it's
also refreshing that he never hits on her, except jokingly). I'll
leave the rest for you to discover, as it didn't turn out the way I
thought it was going to, which is always a plus in my book. For those
that don't bother watching the closing credits to a film, I recommend
you stay until the end for a stinger that changes everything. Director/co-writer/co-executive
producer Michael J. Gallagher (his first theatrical effort, even if
it only played for one week before going the DTV route) has created
an inventive new character in Smiley (along with
co-writer/co-executive producer Glasgow Phillips, who directed the
funny Western zombie flick UNDEAD
OR ALIVE - 2007) and fills the film with plenty of jump
scares, which are usually nothing but somebody suddenly appearing in
frame while the music amps up in volume, but it did manage to make me
jump a couple of times (something that most modern horror films don't
do to me). The inventive finale really surprised me, but there are
clues along the way (especially if you watch it a second time) that
doesn't make it seem that it is just coming out of left field, like
most modern horror films where the writers and directors don't know
how to properly end a film. SMILEY
thankfully doesn't suffer that fate (and the stinger after the final
credits is also a plus) and Roger Bart as Professor Clayton is such
an interesting character, I wish I could go back to college and have
him as a teacher. The acting and technical aspects are also above par
for such a low-budget film and while there is some blood and gore, it
doesn't rely on it to get the point across. In other words, I enjoyed
it. It's nothing spectacular, mind you, just an entertaining update
of all those urban legends that scared the shit out of us when we
were kids. Also starring Keith David (as a police detective who
really has nothing to do besides disbelieve everything Ashley tells
him), Toby Turner, Jana Winternitz, Nikki Limo, Steve Greene, Richard
Ryan and Michael Traynor as Smiley. An Arc
Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
SNAKES
ON A TRAIN (2006) - Yes, this
is another of The Asylum's shameless rip-offs (they prefer you call
them "mockbusters", but c'mon, rip-off is a much better
word). If I have to tell you which film
this is a cheap knock-off of, stop reading now, call-up some friends,
have them come over and let them repeatedly kick you in the head.
Back to the film: Two illegal Mexican aliens, Brujo (Alby Castro) and
the sickly Alma (Julia Ruiz), cross the American border in hopes of
finding a better life and a cure for Alma's sickness in Los Angeles.
What Alma suffers from, though, is like no sickness you've ever seen,
as she and Brujo have to stop often so she can puke up some green
liquid, followed by snakes (!), which Brujo collects in mason jars in
his backpack (I usually save all my puke, too, and show it to my
friends later on.). Alma pukes out a snake that Brujo fails to
capture and it bites their Coyote guide, killing him instantly. Brujo
and Alma sneak into the baggage car of a train headed for Los
Angeles, where a bunch of other illegals
are also hiding out, including Alma's friend Miguel (Giovanni
Bejarano). We are then introduced to the train's paying customers, as
conductor Frank (Stephen A.F. Day), punches their tickets. It's an
anemic passenger list (appropriate with The Asylum's meager budget)
that includes two models, Crystal (Amelia Jackson-Gray) and Summer
(Shannon Gale); a trio of pot-smoking surfer dudes; a husband, wife
and their young daughter; a businessman; a mysterious Middle eastern
guy; and a dude in a cowboy hat who jumps on the train just as it
leaves the station. Alma's mysterious ailment gets worse (The race is
on as to see whether Brujo can get her to Los Angeles in time, as his
Uncle there has a cure), but when Brujo gets into a fight with some
wetbacks, the snakes in his mason jars are released. Not only are the
bites from the snakes deadly, they are also hungry and growing larger
by the minute. Brujo thinks he has recaptured all the snakes, but he
should tell that to the paying customers, as a few hungry ones have
made their way to the passenger cars. Personal dramas mix with snake
attack scenes, as we find out that Crystal and Summer are drug mules
and cowboy hat dude is a dirty ex-cop following them. The Middle
Eastern guy is actually the girls' connection, the snakes begin
killing more passengers and Alma transforms into one big-assed snake,
which forces all the survivors to disembark in a hurry before she
swallows the entire train! Someone get this motherfucking snake off
this motherfucking train! As with most of these Asylum flicks,
there are long stretches of dialogue that seem to go on forever.
Unlike most of these Asylum flicks, there are actually some effective
scenes, especially the snake attack scenes. Director Peter Mervis
(credited here as "The Mallachi Brothers"), who also made DEAD
MEN WALKING (2005) and WHEN
A KILLER CALLS (2006) for The Asylum, and screenwriter Eric
Forsberg (who also wrote and directed ALIEN
ABDUCTION [2005] and NIGHT
OF THE DEAD [2006] for The Asylum) have fashioned a film
steeped in Mexican folklore ("Brujo" is Spanish for
"witch") and while it's not completely successful, at least
it's different enough from the usual Asylum dreck. The snake attack
scenes are gory, as they don't just bite, they burrow under the skin
and lay babies (At one point, Brujo rips a guy's heart out with his
bare hands and a snake is seen slithering between the exposed
valves). There's an awful lot of puking in this film, so if scenes of
people retching get your gag reflexes into overdrive, this may not be
the film for you. Surprisingly there is very little CGI utilized
until the ridiculous finale (where Alma turns into a giant snake and
swallows the entire train!), as most of the snake attacks are done
with real snakes or practical effects (some very well-done and squirm
inducing, especially the little girl being swallowed whole by a huge
snake). I'm not saying that this is a good film by any means, but
it's a step-up from your usual Asylum production. Biggest blooper:
The make and model of the train changes constantly throughout the
film. Also starring Isaac Wade, Al Galvez, Madeleine Falk, Derek
Osedach, Jason S. Gray, Jay Costelo and Sean Durrie. An Asylum
Home Entertainment DVD Release. Not Rated.
SNUFF
(1971/1976) - A group of female bikers chase down one of their
own when she holds out on some cocaine (which she snorts through an
extremely large straw). They shoot and wound her, then put her feet
in stocks. Their Manson-like leader, with the improbable name
"Satan" (Enrique Larratelli), orders one of the girls to
take a knife and slice her between her toes, which she does.
Meanwhile, a girl (disguised as
a man), stabs a man in the back, then slits his throat in the mens
room of an airport in Buenos Aires, Argentina where movie star Terry
London (Mirtha Massa) and her overbearing manager Max Marsh (Aldo
Mayo) are arriving so Terry can star in a new movie being filmed
there. Terry (who is pregnant) ditches Max and phones new rich
boyfriend Horst (Clao Villanueva) to come visit. Satan has a plan to
get rid of Max Marsh and get Terry's baby so it can be sacrificed in
one of his satanic rituals. Why? I haven't got the foggiest idea. Max
and Terry go to Mardi Gras (cue the stock footage) and then a costume
ball (more stock footage, please!) where Horst whisks Terri away for
some hot sex while Max is viciously stabbed in the heart by one of
Satan's girls. Terry is interrogated by the police about Max's death
(in one of the shoddiest police sets of all times) and is released in
Horst's care. Satan's girls rob a store where they kill the owner,
his wife, son and young daughter. The girls, on Satan's orders,
invade the house of Horst's father, where they stab or shoot everyone
(they may even slice off Horst's manhood, but that's open for debate)
and when they get to Terry (who is sleeping with Horst's father!),
one of the girls plunges a knife into her pregnant belly. That's when
we learn that this was all a film, as the director yells
"Cut!" and we then see the actress that played Terry being
sliced and sawed apart by her boyfriend in a "real" snuff
film, the last shot being her boyfriend holding her intestines in the
air and screaming with excitement before the camera runs out of film
(but, strangely, not sound). This infamous film, noted for it's
violent (but extremely fake) final five minutes, is really quite
awful. The majority of the movie is actually a 1971 film called THE
SLAUGHTER, a Charles Manson-inspired film about kidnapping
and murder directed by
Michael and Roberta Findlay (SHRIEK
OF THE MUTILATED - 1974). This part of the movie, filmed in
and around Buenos Aires, is a boring mess that contains terrible
post-synch dubbing (not only does Roberta Findlay appear as one of
Satan's girls, her unmistakable Brooklyn accent is also on the dub
track), some cheap gore effects (where the blood is that bright red
early-70's color) and countless scenes of naked women with very small
breasts (this was before the augmentation age). The final five
minutes are what give this film it's notoriety. Film huckster Allan
Shackleton bought THE SLAUGHTER from the Findlays (after an
unsuccessful theatrical run), hired Simon Nuchtern (SILENT
MADNESS - 1984) to direct the finale which purportedly shows
the actress who played Terry being slowly killed in an actual snuff
film (nevermind that the woman that plays Terry in this sequence
looks nothing like actress Mirtha Massa). It's apparent after viewing
it that it's fake beyond belief, but Shackleton made sure that word
got out that it was real before it was released, which caused a
firestorm of protests from various watchdog groups and plenty of
attention from the news media, which gave it great success at the
boxoffice. This is one of the greatest examples of successful false
advertising in the history of film. Forget that the film is basically
a dog. Enjoy it for it's history and novelty factor. I did. Blue
Underground had a novel way for releasing SNUFF
on DVD. The sleeve is nothing but a facsimile of plain brown wrapping
paper where there's nothing but the title and the film's original
theatrical tag line: "The film that could only be made in South
America...where life is CHEAP!" Nothing else, not even a Blue
Underground logo. The DVD itself is even simpler: Just a fullscreen
print (probably an open matte presentation) with no extras and no
chapter stops. As soon as you put the disc in your DVD player, the
film begins and when it ends, it starts all over again. A gutsy move
on BU's part because it could be considered cheap by those not in on
the gag. The film is also devoid of any credits except the title, the
same way I remember seeing it in theaters in the mid-70's. This is
the film that made the term "snuff film" a part of our
vocabulary. The FBI still insists that snuff films don't exist. In
today's video age, I have my doubts. A Blue
Underground DVD Release. In 2013, Blue Underground released
another DVD/Blu-Ray of this
title, this time with plenty of extras, a reversible cover and in
widescreen. If you don't want the grindhouse experience, then this is
the version you want to watch. Not Rated. Originally Rated X
when released to theaters.
SOCIETY
(1989) - Billy
(Billy Warlock) is having family problems. He tells his psychiatrist
(Ben Slack) that his rich, well-to-do parents favor his sister
Jenny (Patrice Jennings), even though he is about to become student
body president of his high school class as well as being the school's
star basketball player. Jenny is about to have a coming-out party and
her ex-boyfriend David (Tim Bartell), an electronics wizard, suspects
something is also wrong with the family. He puts a bug in Jenny's
earring and records a
disturbing conversation between Jenny and her parents. It seems her
coming-out party involves sex with males and females, including her
parents. The tape also suggests that the term "coming-out"
may have more than one meaning. David plays the tape to Billy, who
listens to it with disgust. Billy takes the tape and gives it to his
psychiatrist, saying that it will prove that something is wrong with
his family. The next day, when he goes back to the shrink's office,
the tape contains only innocent dialog. David dies (?) in a car
accident, with all copies of the tape missing. Any aquaintances of
Billy's who are willing to help him also turn up dead, and half the
town keep saying to him that he will make a "wonderful
contribution to society." Billy is drugged by the psychiatrist
(with his parents blessings) but escapes the hospital where he was
taken. He decides to have a showdown with his family. Little does he
realize that this was all an elaborate plan. His whole life has been
bred for this moment. He is about to become dinner for The Society, a
race of shape-shifting beings that have been on Earth as long as
humans have. Will Billy survive? The real star of this film are the
surrealist effects of Screaming Mad George. His creations are a
marvel to behold (as well as being extremely gooey). I don't want to
spoil anything for you, but the shunting scene has to be seen to be
believed. You will also see a man's head appear through the crack of
his ass (he's called Butthead), along with the sight of a man being
pulled inside out. Fantastic stuff! Director Brian Yuzna also made BRIDE
OF RE-ANIMATOR
(1989) and SILENT
NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT IV: INITIATION
(1990), both utilizing the talents of George, as well as THE
DENTIST 1 & 2 (1996
& 1998), PROGENY (1998)
and FAUST: LOVE OF
THE DAMNED (2000) . He also directed parts of NECRONOMICON:
BOOK OF THE DEAD
(1993). SOCIETY
may not be to everyone's taste, but for the adventurous, it will be
rewarding. The abrupt ending is a letdown, though. The VHS, released
by Republic
Pictures Home Video, is edited. A lot of the shunting finale is
cut due to nudity and graphic makeup effects. You would be better off
with the unedited stand-alone or double feature DVD from Anchor
Bay, with the film SPONTANEOUS
COMBUSTION. Available in a Blu-Ray/DVD
Combo Pack from Arrow Films. If it's Rated
R,it's
the edited version. If it is Not
Rated,
this is the version you want.
SODOMA'S
GHOST (1988) - Six really
obnoxious Americans, in their haste to make it to Paris before
nightfall (the Range Rover they are in is in less than stellar
condition), make a wrong turn on some backwoods road and end up at an
abandoned house where, years before, Nazis would hold decadent,
drug-fueled orgies just before the end of World War II. When they
enter the house, the Americans find the inside of the house in
extremely good condition, with fresh fruit and food lining banquet
tables and a 78 rpm record playing on a Victrola, as if someone were
ready to have a party (or maybe an orgy?). The stupid Americans help
themselves to the food and well-stocked wine cellar and then decide
to spend the night. Have these idiots lived in a cave all their
lives? Don't they know what happens to people who spend the night in
strange houses? That night, they are visited by the ghosts of the
house, including sadistic Willy the Nazi (Robert Egon), who knows all
the Americans' innermost desires and fears and uses them to feed his
lust. When the Americans try to leave the next morning, they find
that all roads lead to the
same destination: Right back to the house. Their car finally breaks
down and they are forced to stay in the house until help arrives.
They use the phone in the house to call for help, but it seems the
only number that works is to the local cemetery. It's not long before
they are all trapped in the house, as all the windows and doors
becomes locked by some supernatural force. Rather than working
together to find a way out, they turn on each other, freak out or get
drunk, which is the perfect opportunity for Willy to play mind games
with each one. He uses such tricks as Russian Roulette, a lesbian
Nazi succubus (Zora Kerova) and rape to turn the friends on each
other, which results in murder. A canister containing a roll of 16mm
film holds the clues as to why this is all happening and the house
tries to stop the remaining Americans from viewing it. When they do
view it, they suddenly wake up in a cemetery and everyone is alive,
the house nothing but a foundation with crumbling walls. They all hop
in their car and leave. The End. What the fuck?!? This totally
predictable and minor horror film is one of famed director Lucio
Fulci's (LIZARD IN A
WOMAN'S SKIN - 1971; ZOMBIE
- 1979; MURDER ROCK -
1984) lesser latter-day horror films. While Fulci fills the film with
female nudity, the horror elements are hackneyed and uninteresting.
What I find most insulting, though, is that Fulci chose to make the
victims a bunch of aggravating Americans. It's obvious that most of
them are portrayed by Italians, so I can only come up with two
conclusions why Fulci made them Americans: The first reason is
Americans make the film more likely to be purchased for release in
English-speaking territories, but this never got a legal U.S. release
on home video. The second reason (and the one I believe to be true)
is that Fulci just wanted to make the victims Americans because, in
his mind, they are the logical choice to be tortured by the Nazis.
For a Fulci flick, the gore is rather sparse (just a pretty gross
rapidly-decaying body and a shot of a woman's breasts turning to goo
when touched) and, in the orgy scenes, the men keep their pants on
when screwing the women. The only scene that generates any suspense
is when Willy plays a game of Russian Roulette with Mark (Claudio
Aliotti), but even then there's no final payoff. It ends without a
single shot being fired. It's also obvious that the screenplay, by
Fulci and Carlo Alberto Alfieri, lacked a tangible ending, so they
resorted to the tired "it was all a dream" finale. Do
yourself a favor and avoid this at all costs because it's apparent
Fulci made this without his patented mean streak. His heart
definitely wasn't in it. Fulci would use clips from this film in his
1990 horror film A CAT IN
THE BRAIN (a.k.a. NIGHTMARE
CONCERT), which is much more effective than this. Also known
as THE GHOSTS OF SODOM
(original title: IL FANTASMA DI SODOMA, which is the title
used on the print available on the no-frills DVD from British label
EC Entertainment). Also starring Maria Concetta Salieri, Luciana
Ottaviana, Teresa Razzaudi, Sebastian Harrison and Alan Johnson.
There is also a U.S. DVD available, but since it was released by
pirate label Televista, it's best not to speak further about it. Not
Rated.
SOLE
SURVIVOR (1982) - Denise
Watson (Anita Skinner), a television commercial director, is the sole
survivor of a plane
crash. She escapes the crash unscathed much to the surprise of her
hospital doctor, Brian (Kurt Johnson), who soon becomes her
boyfriend. Death refuses to let her go as she is visited repeatedly
by dead people with blank staring eyes (a real creepy effect) who try
to cause her death, including a little soaking-wet girl who tries to
crush her with a truck (We later find out that the little girl was in
the hospital morgue and disappeared for a short time.). Karla Davis
(Caren Larkey), an actress who is starring in Denise's coffee
commercial, is psychic and warns Denise that she is in mortal danger.
Brian attributes all of Denise's troubles to "survivor's
syndrome", an affliction which causes the survivor of any major
disaster to feel guilty about being alive. He suggests she go see a
psychiatrist. Denise doesn't need a shrink, she needs a miracle if
she is going to stay alive. Real trouble begins to happen when one of
Denise's friends, Kristy (Robin Davidson), is drowned in her swimming
pool by some unknown person (It turns out to have been done by a man
that has been dead for at least two days.). The cops think Denise is
crazy because she is taking anti-depressants and was drinking at the
time of the attack. Brian begins to believe Denise as he investigates
and finds that the corpses have all died standing up! Much more is
about to happen to Denise and none of it is good, especially when
Kristy begins walking around carrying a butcher knife, kills a
lecherous cabbie and decides to pay Denise a visit. This is kind of a
cross between CARNIVAL OF SOULS
(1962) and the much-later FINAL
DESTINATION (2000). It's a spooky concoction that doesn't
skimp on the scares. Director Thom Eberhardt (who also made the cult
comedy/horror film NIGHT OF
THE COMET [1984]
and the comedy/mystery WITHOUT
A CLUE [1988])
leaves no room for comedy here (except for a small strip poker bit)
and gives us one humdinger of an ending. This has bits of gore
(including a person torn in half at the plane crash) and nudity, but
strangely didn't need it because the story (also by Eberhardt) is
engrossing without being gross. I loved this film and you should too.
Not to be confused with the 1970 TV-Movie
with the same name. A Vestron
Video Release. Also available on DVD
from Code Red. Rated R.
SORORITY
HOUSE MASSACRE (1986) -
Minor slasher film that's a lesser variation of SLUMBER
PARTY MASSACRE (1982), yet both films are intricately linked
(both were financed by Roger Corman [who is the uncredited Executive
Producer here] and directed and written by women). After a pretty
creepy and atmospheric first ten minutes, this film quickly
degenerates into standard stalk 'n' slash material. Beth (Angela
O'Neill; ENEMY UNSEEN -
1989), who is mourning the death of the aunt who raised her, decides
to spend time with some female friends at their sorority house to
help her overcome her grief. From the moment she steps through the
door of the sorority house, Beth is overwhelmed with the feeling that
she has been there before, apparently when she was a young girl, but
she has no memory of her childhood years due to a traumatic event
that she has blocked from her memory. She also begins to have a
psychic link with Bobby (John C. Russell), a psychopath in an insane
asylum who hasn't spoken a word since he was committed. Until now. He
says one single word, "Laura", kills an orderly and escapes
from the asylum. The first thing Bobby does is go to a sporting goods
store, grabs a knife, stabs the clerk in the
stomach, steals a car and heads to the sorority house. Beth begins
having visions of people being killed in the house, but as we will
soon find out, they're not visions at all. They're repressed memories
from her childhood. Of course, most of the sorority sisters leave the
house for Spring Break, leaving Beth and a handful of girls, along
with some horny guys who come over for a night of sex and scary
stories, to fend for themselves when Bobby shows up and begins
killing them one-by-one. Under hypnosis (performed by one of the
sorority sisters, who has taken a psychology class and therefore is
an expert at the practice!), we find out that Bobby is actually
Beth's brother (no surprise there, as it's telegraphed early on) who
murdered his three other young sisters in the house years before.
Beth or, rather Laura (Beth is her middle name), escaped the
slaughter before Bobby could do her in, too. All her repressed
memories come back to Beth like a flash flood and after Bobby kills
everyone else in the house, Beth and Bobby face-off in a knife duel
to the death. A CARRIE-inspired
shock ending follows. The first thing you'll notice about this
film is that even though it's directed and written by a woman, it's
still full of female nudity and bloody violence. This only proves how
crafty Roger Coman is as a producer. Feminists couldn't possibly
complain about a slasher film being misogynistic when it was directed
by a woman, could they? Director/scripter Carol Frank, who worked as
an assistant to director Amy Jones on SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE
(and never made another film after this), opens the film on a fairly
creepy note, with slow-motion tracking shots of the camera gliding
through various empty rooms of the sorority house, while Beth has a
nightmare of three young girls warning her not to go into the house,
ending with Beth walking into the dining room where three creepy
dolls are sitting around a table. Unfortunately, the film pretty much
goes steadily downhill from there, dissolving into tiresome dialogue
scenes of dream interpretation, hypnosis and generic slasher
material, where director Frank clearly represents Bobby's constant
need to stab things as a metaphor for his pent-up sexual desires.
Bobby's motivation for killing his sisters is never overtly revealed,
which also diminishes the scare factor. There are a few bloody
stabbings, but since all of the deaths are by stabbing, there's no
variety to the killings. A good slasher knows when to change-up on
the weapons he uses. Like SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE, this film
spawned two sequels (the third one, directed by Jim Wynorski, titled HARD
TO DIE [1990] is probably the best in the series) and SORORITY
HOUSE MASSACRE II (1990) is padded-out with scenes from the
first SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE film, further cementing the
relationship between the two series, even if that connection is
nothing but Corman's propensity to re-use footage as a cost-cutting
measure (In other words, he's cheap). At 74 minutes long (there's
rumors of an 86 minute British edit, but I don't recall if anyone has
actually seen it), SORORITY
HOUSE MASSACRE is an OK, if routine, slasher film for fans
of the genre. If it managed to maintain the intensity of it's first
ten minutes, it would have been a classic. Also starring Wendy
Martel, Pamela Ross, Nicole Rio, Marcus Vaughter, Vinnie Bilancio,
Joe Nassi and Robert Axelrod (REPO
JAKE - 1990; here using the name "Axel Roberts")
as insane asylum orderly Larry. Originally released on VHS by Warner
Home Video and later released on VHS & DVD and later on a double
feature DVD (with the first sequel), all in fullscreen, by New
Horizons Home Video. Also available on widescreen Blu-Ray
from Kino Lorber/Scorpion
Releasing, which is the only way to watch it. Rated R.
SPASMS
(1982) - This one had promise but, in the end, it turns up craps.
Hunter Oliver Reed hires a group of mercenaries to capture a monster
snake on an unnamed island, where years before the snake killed his
brother and bit him, giving him a pyschic sense to see through the
serpent's eyes. The snake is captured and brought back to the States,
where Reed hires scientist Peter Fonda to find out why the snake and
him have a psychic link. Of course the snake escapes, thanks to
Reed's neice (Kerrie Keene), and it attacks everyone who gets in it's
way. The serpent's bite causes the inflicted to swell up and burst,
causing gory agony before death. There's also a subplot about a cult
of snake-worshippers who try and steal the serpent for their own
means. Unfortunately, none of this goes anywhere as the production
ran out of money before they could film the finale and the movie is
stuffed with too many POV shots and scenes are repeated over and over
to pad out the running time. The finale is so sudden, that it makes
the bulk of the film seem moot. There are a few positives: The late
Al Waxman's death in a van is juicy (thanks to makeup artist
extrodinairre Dick Smith), the snake attack scene while a girl is
taking a shower is suspenseful and some scenes do build up tension.
There's also a song by Tangerine Dream made expressly for this film.
But the negatives outweigh the positives. When we finally do get a
look at the serpent, it's laughable, looking like a relative of REPTILICUS
(1961). Peter Fonda phones in his performance here; he's probably
only in this for some quick blow money. And don't get me started on
the ending: It's so disjointed and confusing, that I left deep gouges
on the top of my head from scratching it. There are enough loose
threads in SPASMS to knit a
sweater. Director William Fruet also made HOUSE
BY THE LAKE (a.k.a. DEATH
WEEKEND - 1976), FUNERAL
HOME (1980), KILLER PARTY
(1986) and the extremely weird (and mistitled) BLUE
MONKEY (1987) as well as directing many genre TV series up
to this day. A Thorn
EMI Home Video Release. Also available in anamorphic
widescreen DVD from Code
Red. SPASMS is also known
as DEATH BITE. Rated R.
SPAWN
OF THE SLITHIS (1977) - WARNING:
Gratuitous slo-motion shots of a fat kid running dead ahead! When
said kid and his frisbee-loving friend find a skinned dog lying by a
riverbed, it starts a chain of events which leads journalism teacher
Wayne Connors (Alan Blanchard) to believe a creature may be
responsible. When a bickering couple are savagely slaughtered in
their home, Connors goes to the house and finds evidence to back up
his claims. Unable to get the authorities to believe him, even after
getting scientific proof from his scientist friend
Dr. John (J.C. Claire), Connors goes off on his own and tries to
destroy the creature. It seems the creature was created by a
scientist (who is now horribly scarred about the face) at an oil
company who was experimenting with radioactive mud, called Slithis,
and the creature was a byproduct of those experiments. The creature
starts turning up at an alarming rate and is first spotted by a bum
("Did you crap your pants again?" "Nah, I just
farted!") who is camped out by the river with his friend. The
police don't believe the bum's story, but Connors does, as more
people and animals turn up dead. To get the proof he needs, Connors
hires a diver to collect soil samples in the lake near a nuclear
power plant. Connors and his friends devise a plan to trap the
creature (using JAWS-inspired
tactics) and hopefully rid the world of this flesh-hungry menace. As
with most late 70's horror films, be prepared for a stinger in the
finale. This is one of the last PG-rated monster flicks that was
released during the 70's just before everything turned to blood and
R-rated gore. While there are brief flashes of blood and gore on view
here (it doesn't linger on it for more than a second), this film
(also known simply as SLITHIS and
NUCLEAR MONSTER) seems
more inclined to dwell on the personal rather than the more horrific
elements. Director/producer/writer Stephen Traxler (who also produced DRACULA'S
WIDOW - 1989; and was production manager on INVASION
U.S.A. - 1985) would rather point out the plight of the
homeless and the nuclear power controversy (a major subject during
the 70's) and the effects that they both had on society. The
creature, in other words, was a product of our ignorance and
inability to control what we try to harness. Along the way, we
witness the 70's phenomenons known as turtle racing, swingers, disco
music and funky fashions (Did I really dress like that? I like to
believe I didn't.) The creature, when fully seen, is a pretty
formidable sight, but doesn't carry much screen time during the first
sixty minutes. Still, this is not a film for the kiddies, as Traxler
fills the screen with plenty of adult material, especially during the
final 30 minutes, such as the scene where the creature seems to rape
a woman on a boat (with surprising nudity). While talky in spots and
unevenly acted, SPAWN OF THE SLITHIS
is OK viewing for those who wish to be whisked-back several decades
when a PG rating didn't automatically mean you were watching a
dumbed-down kid's film. Also starring Hy Pike (HACK-O-LANTERN
- 1987) as the worst acting Chief of Police ever committed to the
screen, Dennis Lee Falt, Mello Alexandria, Rocky Fumarelli and Win
Condict as the creature. A Media
Home Entertainment VHS Release. Released on DVD
by Code Red. Rated PG.
SPECTRE
(1996) - Another one of Executive Producer Roger Corman's haunted
house thrillers that he made in Ireland during the 90's (KNOCKING
ON DEATH'S DOOR [1998]; THE
HAUNTING OF HELL HOUSE [1998] and THE
DOORWAY [2000] are others). Will South (Greg Evigan; DEEPSTAR
SIX - 1989), wife Maura (Alexandra Paul; PREY
OF THE CHAMELEON - 1991) and young daughter Ashley
(portrayed by Evigan's real-life daughter Briana Evigan) move to
Ireland when one of Maura's relatives dies and she inherits a huge
mansion called Glen Abbey Manor. Will and Maura's marriage is
strained due to Will having an affair back in the States, so they
look at this move as a first step in repairing their relationship.
What they don't know is that this house comes with a lot of
supernatural baggage (In the beginning of the film, we witness a maid
being attacked by rats and then killed when her car mysteriously
blows up when she tries to escape the house). Almost immediately
after the Souths move in, strange things begin to happen. Aubrey is
drawn to one of the many bedrooms and finds a doll (which she calls
Colleen) that talks to
her. Will's videotape footage of their move is distorted and shows a
mysterious aura surrounding Aubrey. Maura's nerves are shaken when
something keeps moving the furniture in the blink of an eye. When
Will and Maura are awakened by Aubrey's screams and discover a
semi-transparent demon looming over Aubrey's bed, they hire
parapsychologist Dr. Edward Shea (Dick Donaghue) and his assistant
Amy Wolfe (Mary Kate Ryan) to come to the house and find out just
what in the hell is going on. Dr. Shea discovers that a young girl
named Colleen was murdered in the house and when a possessed Aubrey
leads them to her body, which was hidden behind a brick wall in the
basement, they give Colleen's body a proper burial in the town
cemetery and believe their haunting problems are now over. Far from
it. At dinner that night, all hell breaks loose. The turkey dinner
takes on a life of it's own, Dr. Shea is decapitated when he runs
outside and Aubrey ends up missing. Father Seamus (Eamon Draper)
explains to Will and Maura the history of the house. The house is
possessed by an evil force and has taken Aubrey to replace Colleen.
Their only hope of getting her back is to perform an ancient
religious ceremony and return an amulet to it's proper place that
Will removed when they moved in. They manage to get their daughter
back, but their problems are far from over. The evil now possesses
Maura and it uses Maura's fears of Will's continued cheating to make
her believe that Will is having an affair with Amy, which drives a
wedge into an already unstable marriage. Will must find a way to snap
Maura out of the supernatural hold she is under before she kills
Aubrey or herself. A dead Father Seamus leaves Will the tools he
needs to get the job done back at his church, but can Will make it
back to the house in time? While nothing but a low-budget
rip-off of POLTERGEIST
(1982) with a little bit of THE HAUNTING
(1963) thrown in for good measure, SPECTRE
(also known as HOUSE OF THE DAMNED) is a lot bloodier than the
Tobe Hooper frightfest and even tosses in a lot of female nudity and
a couple of good scares. Even though it's apparent that this was made
for very little money, director Scott Levy (UNKNOWN
ORIGIN - 1995; PIRANHA
- 1995) manages to generate some truly suspenseful scenes and bloody
set-pieces, including the opening scene of the maid perishing in her
car; the dinner where the turkey being served becomes the aggressor;
and the sequence where they find Colleen's body. The film does fall
apart in the final third (the house fire that closes the film is as
cheap and fake-looking as you'll ever see) and Brendan Broderick's
screenplay does depend too much on haunted house clichés
(disembodied moaning; objects flying through the air and crashing
against the wall), but the beautiful Ireland location photography,
nudity and bloodletting makes for a mildly diverting 83 minutes of
supernatural thrills. The cast does well with what they're given to
do and first-timer Briana Evigan is surprisingly good as a child
under constant danger. She may have gotten the role because she was
Greg Evigan's daughter, but she acquits herself nicely. Also starring
Columba Heneghan, Helena Walsh, Marie Stafford and Adife O'Grady as
Colleen. Not to be confused with Gene Roddenberry's SPECTRE
(1977), one of his many failed 70's TV pilots, which, nevertheless
was an entertaining film starring Robert Culp and Gig Young as occult
investigators. Available on VHS & DVD from New Horizons Home
Video. Rated R.
SPIKER
(2008) - Shot at various locations around Long Island, NY, this
minor horror film, directed by and starring Frank Zagarino (CY
WARRIOR: SPECIAL COMBAT UNIT - 1989), opens with notorious
albino serial killer Adam Brandis (Zagarino), who is better known as
"The Spiker" (for his penchant for dispatching his victims
with railroad spikes), escaping after being transferred from prison
(where he has spent the last twenty years) to a rehabilitation
facility when a judge determines he can become a productive member of
society. Won't these liberals ever learn? After jumping off the ferry
transporting him to the hospital, Brandis disappears, much to the
chagrin of Sheriff Paxton (Lou Martini Jr.), who was a rookie cop
when Brandis slaughtered 27 citizens in the town he is now in charge
of protecting. The Police Search and Rescue Squad determines that
Brandis has drowned, but Sheriff Paxton (and the audience) knows
better. Brandis walks out of the water and kills a man who is
(conveniently) repairing a dock using railroad spikes, so the Spiker
now has all the equipment he needs to go on another killing spree. He
then walks the rails of a railroad track until he comes to an old
deserted house from his past, which is now (conveniently) being used
as Party Central
by three teenage jocks and their cheerleading girlfriends (who don't
bother changing out of their cheerleading outfits until they get to
the house!). One of the girls, Nikki (Ginger Kroll), is
(conveniently) the niece of Sheriff Paxton's deputy, Scott McLean
(Mike Fedele). Another one of the girls, Lisa (Giselle Rodriguez),
whose dead aunt, Elizabeth Shaw, (conveniently) use to live in the
deserted house, seems to have some type of psychic link to the
Spiker, especially after the third girl, goth chick Erin (Linda
Johnson), holds a séance to contact Lisa's dead aunt. It seems
that Elizabeth died the same day and year Lisa was born and, get
this, it was also Elizabeth's wedding day (Would someone please stop
all these convenient coincidences before my head falls off?). It's
not long before Lisa is being visited by the ghost of her dead aunt
(still dressed in her bridal gown) and the groundskeeper (Why would a
deserted house need a groundskeeper?), a creepy guy named Clive
Grendel (David 'Shark' Fralick), warns the horny teenagers to leave
the house immediately. Do they listen? Of course not. As Lisa begins
to slowly (and I do mean slowly) uncover the truth about the
mysterious wedding day death of her aunt, Brandis goes into full
Spiker mode, first killing Erin's boyfriend, Gary (Adam Shonkwiler),
by planting a spike through his neck and another one through the back
of his head until it protrudes out of his forehead and then turning
his attention to Erin, throwing a spike into the back of her neck.
The other four teens try to escape (conveniently, it's a dead zone
for cell phone service), but the Spiker disables their truck by
tossing Gary's severed head onto the engine. A long-dormant secret
involving involving Elizabeth and Brandis may be the key to stopping
Brandis from repeating a crime from the past, but the question
remains: Who will survive before Deputy McLean and Sheriff Paxton
arrive on the scene? It all ends on a rather depressing (and
convenient) note that sets everything up for the inevitable
sequel. While it does have it's share of gory kills, SPIKER
is nothing more than a crappy "teens in peril" horror flick
that offers nothing new to the genre other than the killer's weapon
of choice. Zagarino the actor wisely chooses to make is character a
man of few words, so there's no jokey dialogue as he dispatches the
cast and he does make for an imposing figure with his long white
hair, red eyes and pale skin, but Zagarino the director (this is his
third directorial effort, following the impossible-to-find FIST
FIGHTER 2 [1993] and NEVER
LOOK BACK [2000]) could have used better writing, as Richard
Preston Jr.'s (DARK BREED -
1996) screenplay is mostly tired teen clichés wrapped around a
mystery a five year-old could solve. The blood and gore flow rather
freely during the final forty minutes, including spikes being driven
and thrown in nearly every body part and a nasty death by axe, but
the plot is so common, I can hardly recommend this to anyone but
diehard slasher fanatics who must see every slasher film ever made. SPIKER
technical qualities are very poor (although I did like how some of
the local actors didn't try to disguise their Long Island accents and
there's a pretty good CGI shot of Zagarino throwing a spike at Lisa
in the finale) and there's nothing here that hasn't been done at
least a thousand times before and a hundred times better. Originally
filmed under the title BLOOD RAILS. Producer Michael J. Hein
previously directed the low-budget shocker BIOHAZARDOUS
(2001). Also starring Matt Jared, Josh Folan and Carson Grant. An MTI
Home Video DVD Release. Rated R.
SPLATTER
UNIVERSITY (1981 - 1983) -
First a little history on this film: When director Richard W. Haines
finished shooting and editing this film in 1981, it clocked-in at a
measly 65 minutes and no distributor would touch it. Over the next
couple of years, Haines and his team shot an additional 14 minutes of
footage and Troma Films picked it up for distribution in 1984 in two
versions: a 78-minute R-Rated version and a 79-minute Unrated version
(This was actually the first Unrated VHS tape I purchased [from Vestron
Video] and I still own it to this day). Lloyd Kaufman gave
himself an "Associate Producer" credit (Which means he
did...nothing) and he and Kaufman (using the pseudonym "Samuel
Weil") would co-direct CLASS
OF NUKE 'EM HIGH in 1986 and Haines would direct the extremely
gory ALIEN SPACE AVENGER
in 1989 (Better known for filming in 35mm three-strip Technicolor, a
process that wasn't used for years. Even the VHS versions of the film
looked fantastic.). He would direct about a dozen more films (and I
wish he would direct more), but he is a walking film encyclopedia. I
use to talk to him a lot on a film forum that is hardly in use today
(if you go to the forum, you can actually see tumbleweeds blow across
your computer screen) until some people would be confrontational
towards him (some people just can't take others being smarter than
they are) and made his life as difficult as possible, so he was
either banned or just quit. Like me, he didn't suffer fools gladly
and never held back, giving the offenders both barrels (Just for
information: I was banned from that forum, too.) and always spoke his
mind. Maybe that is why I appreciate the man. But this is a review
site and I don't kiss ass because I like someone, but I have to say
that even with all the gaffes, this is an extremely bloody and
quick-moving slasher film and not bad for a freshman effort (I
suppose it would be made into a "found footage" flick
today, because most freshmen directors of this new generation can't
afford high-end digital cameras or musicians for a soundtrack). While
I would hardly call this film good, it rises head and shoulders above
most DTV slasher films today and the blood flows like wine very often
(especially in the Unrated version; I have never watched the R-Rated
version for a comparison). Back then, the MPAA were real bastards to
independent films, while most films from major companies would get a
pass. The MPAA would never tell the independents what to edit out to
achieve an R-Rating, so sometimes they would cut out a few frames
from each kill and other times they would edit a kill out completely.
You had to fly by the seat of your pants. Imagine this: If Quentin
Tarantino's KILL BILL
(2003) were released by an independent, do you think the film would
have received an R-Rating? Especially with all the limbs being cut
off and blood flowing like geysers? I highly doubt it. But I
digress... Paranoid schzophrenic William Grayham (Who some orderlies
in the end call "Daniel". I guess three years of filming
can make you forget.) has escaped his cell at a mental institution
and since he is considered homicidal, it results in a lockdown and a
building-wide search (We watch a patient give a mannequin head and
then himself the "two finger eye-poke", one of a few Three
Stooges tributes in this film, but you really have to look and listen
for them). Grayham stabs an orderly in the groin when he finds him
hiding in a janitor's closet, and he strips the orderly naked (we see
the orderly laying up against a sink, his underwear all bloody) and
puts on his clothes, covering up the bloody crotch on the pants with
a lab coat, leaving the building. "St. Trinians
College, three years later:" Teacher Janet Phillips (Donna
Hartman) is working late in her empty classroom when there is a knock
at her door. She opens the door and a hand holding a knife stabs
Janet in the heart, her blood spilling everywhere. "St.
Trinians College, the next semester, yesterday..." (Now what
the fuck does that mean?). New teacher Julie Parker (Francine Forbes)
is interviewing for the position that Janet Phillips held with
wheelchair bound school headmaster Father Janson (Dick Biel). He
tells her all about what happened to Janet and that some applicants
walked out of the interview when he told them the truth. He likes
Julie because she is not superstitious and hires her. Julie rents an
apartment and gets the skinny of all the killings from her busybody
landlady that have been happening in town, not just Janet's. We then
see a bunch of teenage punks having arguments with their chicks and
Cathy (Kathy Lacommare) heads to her dorm room when the guys go to
score some drugs. On her first day of teaching, Julie is being
monitored by Father Perkins (director Haines, here using the name
"Rick Haines") when one of the wiseass students says they
should talk about the new anti-abortion bill and Julie reluctantly
agrees since all of the other students (who treat Julie like she has
the plague) stay silent. After class is over, Julie is in Father
Janson's office getting her ass chewed-out over her choice of
subjects (this is a Catholic college) because she was ratted out by
Father Perkins. She notices Father Janson's hands twitching, as his
fingernails tap on his desktop. Doreen (Joanna Mihalakis) leaves the
local diner, gets in her car and Grayham slices her across the top of
her forehead and throws her in a dumpster. Julie asks fellow teacher
Mark (Ric Randig) about what really happened to Janet and he tells
her the truth (except for one vital bit of information), even going
as far as to say he believes the killer works at the college. When
Julie gets back to her apartment, her nosy landlady hands her a
package addressed to her, which she thinks is strange since she
hasn't had time to tell anyone her new address. When she opens the
package, it is filled with religious books and pamphlets, which she
drops to the floor and goes to sleep. "Three weeks later:"
Julie feels as if her class is conspiring against her. She is also
now dating Mark. Cathy tells Julie that she is pregnant and Julie
tells her the best thing to do is talk to Father Janson. Cathy and
Tom (Ken Gershon; who doesn't know Cathy is pregnant) go to a
drive-in movie ("Nine Bucks? I just want to watch the movie, not
own it!") and Grayham shines a flashlight into their car. Tom
gets out to confront the stranger, but when he doesn't come back,
Cathy gets out of the car to go look for him. Grayham bloodily slits
Cathy's throat and when Tom returns to the car, he finds Cathy's
blood-soaked body inside. There are enough red herrings in this film
to fill up a sardine can (I haven't even told you about Father
Williams [Dan Eaton] and his predilection for schoolgirls), but when
Cynthia (Laura Gold) tells Julie that Mark was dating Janet when she
was killed, Julie becomes outraged and, with Cynthia's help, breaks
into Mark's apartment, where she finds a locked drawer full of
newspaper headlines about Janet and the unknown killer. Julie manages
to escape Mark's apartment just in time before he comes back, but he
looks out the window when he sees that his desk was messed with and
sees Cynthia driving Julie away. When the students complain that one
of the bathrooms is locked, Julie uses her keys and everyone is
shocked to see the bloody corpse of Cynthia. Is Mark the killer or is
he being set up? In quick succession, a teacher taking a pee in the
ladies room is graphically stabbed to death in a stall. Student
Denise (Denise Texera) is stabbed in her mouth when she opens her
bedroom closet. When Mark tries to call Julie, she keeps hanging up
on him. Julie calls Father Janson and tells him she thinks she knows
who the killer is, so the good Father says he will
leave
a side door open for her so she can enter the college and talk to
him in his office. Mark shows up at Julie's door and she has to knee
him in the nuts and hit him over the head with a vase. Mark was
trying to tell her something important, but Julie doesn't give him
the chance, as she hops in her car and heads to the college. When
Julie makes it to Father Janson's office, she quickly discovers that
he is actually William Grayham, as he gets out of his wheelchair,
pulls out a knife hidden in the handle of a huge crucifix that hangs
on his wall and tries to use it on Julie. Julie is forced to kick him
in the crotch and she runs away, with Janson/Grayham holding his
balls while chasing her (this got a good laugh from me). Mark arrives
at the college, but can't find an open door to get inside. Julie
hides in a ladies room, but discovers the bloody corpse of the
teacher (You have to freeze-frame to see that her intestines are in
her lap while she is sitting on the throne and there's "Though
We Walk" written in her blood on the wall.). Julie screams when
she sees the terrible sight and has to leave the ladies room. Julie
takes a freight elevator to the bottom floor and as the door opens
Janson/Grayham is waiting for her and uses his crucifix knife to stab
her in the lower back and pushes the knife upwards towards her neck,
killing her (quite a shocking surprise for a heroine to get killed in
a slasher film in the early-80's). Mark finally discovers the open
door and finds Julie's dead body in the elevator. Father Janson gets
back in his wheelchair and calls the police, saying he heard a woman
scream. Mark talks to Father Janson when he notices a single stream
of blood on the wall coming from the crucifix. We next see William
Grayham in a strait-jacket and a rubber room (This is where one of
the orderlies mistakenly calls him "Daniel" Grayham instead
of William. He also makes the mistake of saying Willian
"Daniel" Grayham worked at St. Trinians College for two
years, when it clearly stated in the beginning of the film that he
has been there three years.) The film ends with William Grayham
railing against women and how they ruined his life. Besides
some sloppy dialogue (full of timeline errors), boom mike
appearances, reflections of the crew in windows and flubbed lines (In
Haines' defense, he was supposed to have free use at Mercy College in
Dobbs Ferry, NY during Spring Break for two weeks, but the school cut
it down to one week, so Haines had to make do with a lot of first
takes when filming at the school.), the movie moves quickly and there
is plenty of blood and gore. Even with all the mistakes, this is a
pretty good freshman effort and Haines has nothing to be ashamed of
here. Be aware that the old DVD from Elite Entertainment was the
R-Rated version in widescreen, but the Amazon "exclusive
digitally remastered" DVD and streamed versions (the way I
watched it) are the Unrated version, look to be sourced from tape
masters and are in fullscreen, so you'll have to pick your own poison
(I'll take the Unrated edition any day). Co-screenwriters John Elias
Michalakis (as "John Michaels") and Miljan Peter Ilich were
Director and Executive Producer respectively of I
WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE (1987). Also starring Suzy Collins, Sal
Lumetta, Noel Stilphen, Clifford Warren, Mary Ellen David, George
Seminara, Jim Martin, Charles Brukhardt, Jonathan Schwartz and John
Michaels. Go to Amazon.com and
pick out which version you want. Unrated or Rated R
versions available.
SPOOKIES
(1985) - Here's a horror film that will have you scratching your
head so much that, by the time it is finished, you'll need to go to
the hospital to stop the bleeding. The fact that it took three people
to direct it, four people to write it and four people to produce it,
makes it all the more confounding. You would have thought one of
these people would have said, Wait a minute! Is it just me or does
none of this make any sense?" Here's what I have been able to
decipher: A seemingly immortal old man with supernatural powers, who
goes by the name Kreon
(Felix Ward), summons a divergent group of people to his crumbling
mansion with the express purpose of reanimating his long-dead love,
Isabelle (Maria Pechukas). The group of people include four teenage
punks, four button-down business types and thirteen year-old runaway
Billy (Alec Nemser). After fooling around with an ouija board, one of
the girls is possessed and turns into an old hag. Another guy is
pulled underground in a graveyard and the rest are trapped in the
mansion when the dead rise from the graveyard outside. Also making
life difficult for the group is Kreon's servant (Dan Scott), a
creature with a hook on one arm and a cat-like paw on the other (he
purrs when around Kreon, who calls him "My Kitty"). Kitty
savagely slashes Billy across the face and buries him alive. The
group is attacked by farting Muck Men carrying pickaxes (they are
eventually dissolved in wine), one girl is bitten by a small lizard
creature (it looks like a GHOULIES reject),
one girl is dissolved (via stop-motion animation) by a monster with
an exposed heart, a statue of the Grim Reaper comes to life and
slashes some people and a Chinese lady turns into a spider woman and
sucks the life out of another guy. The film concludes with a
reanimated Isabelle killing Kreon and then being chased by a bunch of
zombies in a graveyard. She gets away, thanks to a good samaritan who
picks her up in a car, only to find out that Kreon is not dead.
Confused? Join the club. If you need to know why the film seem
so disjointed, it's because SPOOKIES
is actually two different unfinished films were stitched together
(Thomas Doran and Brendan Faulkner's TWISTED SOULS and Eugenie
Joseph's GOBLIN) to form this abomination. The film is a total
washout except for some good old-fashioned makeup effects. This is
nothing more than a series of makeup effects set pieces, some good
(the spider woman transformation; the final zombie attack) and some
bad (the lizard creature; the fart monsters). The effects come
courtesy of Arnold Gargiulo, Vincent Guastini, Gabe Bartalos and
Jennifer Aspinal, all excellent artists, but one gets the impression
that there wasn't a lot of prep time involved (the opticals are
especially weak). Another clue that the film suffered a lot of post-production
tinkering is Billy's story. The film opens with runaway Billy
celebrating his thirteenth birthday alone. We get involved in his
character only to have him buried alive a few minutes later and we
never see him again. Here's another sign of trouble: It had twelve
assistant editors. Even they couldn't salvage a story with the
footage that they had because the finale makes absolutely no sense
and it leaves the fate of three characters up in the air. Do yourself
a favor and let this one pass you by. Too many cooks made a meal no
one could ever eat. Also starring A.J. Lowenthal, Peter Dain, Nick
Gionta, Lisa Friede, Peter Iasillo Jr. and Soo Paek as the Spider
Woman. A Sony
Video Software Company Release. NOTE:
Streaming channel B-Movie TV (only available by Roku) shows a
tightly-edited 53-minute version, which seems to be the TWISTED SOULS
cut, without Billy. It makes a lot more sense than this
cobbled-together version. Rated R.
SRIGALA
(1981) - Here it is, folks: An Indonesian version of FRIDAY
THE 13TH (1980). Since this film isn't dubbed or subtitled
in English and my Indonesian is a little rusty, here's what I can
make out: Three treasure hunters go to an abandoned camp in the woods
(the sign reads "Siru Angsana") and use scuba gear to dive
for submerged treasure in the adjoining lake. Their hunt is put in
jeopardy when two women, Nina
and Kristy, and their male friend, Bonno, decide to use the lake as
a vacation getaway. When Nina nearly drowns while swimming in the
lake, one of the treasure hunters (Berry "Barry" Prima)
saves her and it's not long before a romance develops between them,
which pisses off his stern boss. When Kristy hooks up with Johan, the
othe young treasure hunter, their boss gets even more pissed off.
What the six people really have to worry about, though, is the
mysterious killer dressed in black (complete with black gloves and
ski mask) who is watching their every move. The mystery killer
disrupts the treasure hunters' next outing on the lake by trying to
run them over in a power boat, even throwing dynamite into the water!
Prima (his character's name in unpronouncable, so I'm just gonna call
him "Prima") gives chase in his boat, which results in the
mystery killer crashing the power boat into the jagged rocks on
shore, the boat exploding into a fireball. The three treasure hunters
recover a huge wooden crate from the lake and when they open it, all
they find is a rotting human body, which they intend to turn over to
the police the next day (Nina has a nightmare that night that three
corpses rise from the lake, carry her to the crate, then throw her in
it and close the lid). A bad thunderstorm blows in which forces Nina,
Kristy and Bonno to abandon their tent and stay with the treasure
hunters in the cabin. It's at this time that the shit hits the fan.
When Kristy goes to take a shower, the killer splits her head open
with an axe. The killer then slams Bonno's head under the hood of a
Land Rover and then uses the Land Rover to run over the Boss. Johan
gets speargunned and Prima gets impaled with a pitchfork. All that is
left is Nina, who gets a visit from another female friend, who turns
out to be the killer (she's the Mrs. Vorhees of this film). She
relates a story to Nina (told in flashback) about her involvement of
the murdered body in the crate and how she tried to cover it up by
putting the body in the lake. Since the body has been discovered, she
has no choice but to kill everyone who saw it. She then goes after
Nina with a machete, but Nina fights back and defeats her attacker
with a machete blow to the heart (I guess the filmmakers couldn't
afford a decapitation). This slow-moving horror film, directed
by Sisworo Gautama Putra (PRIMITIVES
- 1978; THE WARRIOR -
1981), takes forever to get moving and when the killings finally
happen, Putra pulls away instead of showing the violence, which is
strange considering the graphic bloodshed shown in his other films.
Kristy's death by axe is only shown as shadows on a wall, Bonno's
head-crushing is viewed only in a long shot and when the Boss is run
over, we only see a close-up of his face with blood coming out of his
mouth. Though we do not actually see Barry Prima (THE
DEVIL'S SWORD - 1984; REVENGE
OF NINJA - 1984) get killed, we do see his body impaled on a
pitchfork later on. As with most Indonesian exploitation films, there
are a couple of "What The Fuck?" moments, one of them being
when Nina and Kristy begin fighting each other like two kung-fu
masters (complete with exaggerated sound effects) for no apparent
reason that I could discern (again, I don't speak the language, so I
could have missed something). That scene does set up the finale,
where Nina takes on the mystery woman. I dare you not to laugh at
Nina's sudden changeover from victim to victor. After being
uncerimoniously slapped around and abused, she then takes a martial
arts stance and proceeds to beat the crap out of her attacker and
then stabs her in the heart just to make sure we know she means
business! The ending is a scene-by-scene steal of the original FRIDAY
THE 13TH
shock coda, complete with Nina in a canoe out in the middle of the
lake, the police waving her in and a Jason-like creature jumping out
of the water to grab her out of the canoe, all while a faux Harry
Manfredini score plays on the soundtrack! If you don't mind
derivative filmmaking and can watch a film in a strange language with
no English help, SRIGALA
(when translated, means "Fox") may be worth a few chuckles.
Just don't go in expecting the graphic bloodletting normally
associated with films from Indonesia, because you will be
disappointed. It's not exactly dry, but it's not as wet as it should
have been since it was made made for Rapi Films, Indonesia's premiere
purveyors of sleazy entertainment. Also starring Lydia Kandou, S.
Parya, Siska Widowati, Dorman Borisman, Rudy Salam and Meike Wijaya.
I couldn't make out any other credits because the fullscreen print I
viewed was severely cropped and projected dead-center, cutting off
all the credits on both ends (the film's title only shows "IGA"
on-screen!). Video label unavailable. Not Rated.
STING
OF DEATH (1965)
- For more on director William Grefe, a filmmaker who
specialized in regional South Florida genre films, see my reviews of DEATH
CURSE OF TARTU (1966) and STANLEY
(1972). STING OF DEATH
is Grefe's first stab at a horror film and it's a lulu. Teens in
bikini's grooving poolside while Neil Sedaka sings "Do The
Jellyfish" (Sedaka, who never appears on-screen here, actually
co-stars in 1965's PLAYGIRL
KILLER and sings "Waterbug" by a poolside!),
plenty of beautiful Florida Everglades photography and a walking
jellyfish monster whose tentacles cause the film's title, so what
more could you ask for? The film opens with Ruth, a buxom blonde in a
black bikini seemingly without a care in the world, who is listening
to a portable radio where a newscaster announces that the police are
baffled as to why fishermen have been disappearing off the coast of
South Florida. Poor Ruth is about to discover the reason why, as the
jellyfish monster is slowly sneaking up one her as she sunbathes on a
dock, reaching up out of the water, pulling her under (the monster
also has hands, something real jellyfish lack!) and dragging her
lifeless body by her hair to it's lair. It seems Ruth was the
assistant to Dr. Richardson (Jack Nagle) and Dr. John Hoyt (Joe
Morrison), who are on a secluded
island doing experiments on marine life (hmmm...I wonder if those
experiments have anything to do with jellyfish?). Dr. Richardson
beautiful daughter Karen (Valerie Hawkins) arrives on the island with
four equally beautiful female friends, who get a jolt when Dr.
Richardson's facially deformed assistant, Egon (John Vella), makes a
sudden appearance (something he does a lot in this film). Sheriff Bob
(Robert Stanton) shows up by boat and has something to show both the
doctors: The dead body of one of the missing fisherman that John
thinks was stung by a Portuguese Man-O-War, but the sting marks are
much too big for any jellyfish he has seen. Egon believes it is
possible to cultivate a jellyfish that size, but Dr. Richardson, John
and Sheriff Bob ignore him (they shouldn't). A bunch of wild grad
students show up by boat for a pool party in Karen's honor (they all
start doing the Twist and the Frug as soon as they set foot on the
dock, while the cameramen make sure to get plenty of tight shots of
women shaking their asses!), where they all make fun of Egon's
deformities (over Karen and John's objections) before he escapes on
an airboat and the partygoers form a conga line to the pool. By this
time, it's apparent to the viewers (if not the cast) that Egon, who
has the hots for Karen, has been performing illicit experiments on
himself at his secret underwater lair and that he's actually the
jellyfish monster. The monster Egon (portrayed by Doug Hobart, who
played Tartu in DEATH CURSE OF TARTU, which was shot
back-to-back with this) plans on getting even with the partygoers,
hiding in the pool (toss all rationality out the window because no
one sees his big black body in the clear pool water!) while everyone
dances to Neil Sedaka's "Do The Jellyfish" ("Monkey,
don't be a donkey. It's nothing like the Monkey! It isn't funky or
anything that's junky! It's something swella! The jilla-jalla
Jellyfish!" Oh...my...god!). Louise (Sandy Lee Kane) jumps in
the pool and is attacked by the jellyfish man (who looks like a man
in a wetsuit, flippers and an inflated clear plastic garbage bag over
his head!), who then capsizes the partygoers' boat as they try to
escape and killing them all by releasing jellyfish into the water.
With the radio on the island destroyed (I wonder who did that?), Dr.
Richardson, John, Karen and her female friends must fight off the
Egon/jellyfish man, while Karen and John fall in love. Uh, oh,
jellyfish man no likey! Unlike TARTU, the bloodletting
in William Grefe's STING OF DEATH
is kept to a minimum and suffers because of it. The jellyfish man is
also a ridiculously cheap creation and is about as scary as seeing
your grandmother without her teeth in (thankfully, the monster isn't
fully revealed until the finale). Fortunately, the fullscreen print
Something Weird Video uses for their DVD (a double feature with TARTU)
is vibrant, sharp and colorful, which makes all the underwater and
Everglades scenery really "pop" and the brightly-colored
60's fashions stand out (Did I really dress like that? Why yes, I
did!). There's really not much meat to Al Dempsey's screenplay
(Dempsey was also editor on producer Richard Flink's LOVE
GODDESSES OF BLOOD ISLAND [a.k.a. SIX
SHES
AND A HE - 1964], an unbelievable gore/sexploitationer whose
only existing footage is included on the DVD as an extra), just a
bunch of teens dancing, plenty of shots of the flipper-footed monster
stalking his victims and nothing else (except for a really slow
airboat chase during the finale). I was laughing out loud, though, at
the sight of the capsized boat's passengers fighting off a school of
jellyfish when it is apparent the "jellyfish" were nothing
but plastic sandwich bags filled with air! A relic from the
anything-goes 60's. Also starring Deanna Lund, Lois Etelman, Blanche
Devereaux, Barbara Paridon, Judy Lee and Tony Gulliver. A Something
Weird Video/ Image Entertainment
DVD Release. Not Rated.
STONES
OF DEATH (1988) - Australian-made
horror film that's a cross between A
NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
(1984) and POLTERGEIST
(1982). The teens living on a newly-developed housing site are having
a nightmare where an Aborigine witchdoctor
hands them a crystal stone. When they wake up, the stone is resting
on their pillow. Whoever receives the stone suffers a horrible death
a short time later. A young girl, Gail (Zoe Carides), who lives in
the development does an investigation and finds out that all the
houses were built on a sacred Aboriginal burial ground, the site of a
mass murder of young Aborigines by the White man a hundred years
earlier. To make matters worse, it was Gail's father (Eric Oldfield)
who built the development, fully knowing the history of the site.
When Gail has the nightmare and receives the stone, she confronts her
father and discovers that his company found a burial cave during
escavation and did not report it to the authorities because it would
have put an end to the development. Gail receives help from an old
Aborigine tribesman (Steve Dodd), who gives her an ancient carving to
fight the witchdoctor's evil powers. After a couple of close calls
(Gail is attacked by a hand that pops out of the floor drain in the
girls bathroom; her boyfriend becomes possessed and attacks Gail and
her father), the tribes-man performs a ritual in the burial cave and
frees Gail from the curse. Her father agrees to destroy all the
houses and they live happily ever after. Interesting mainly as an
indictment against the White man's treatment of the Aborigines (for
more on the subject, see THE
NAKED COUNTRY
- 1985), this film does boast some good acting and some tense scenes
but it is highly derivative of countless horror films. There are a
couple of bloody murders (a dingo rips a girl's throat out; a boy is
stung in the eye by a funnel spider) but there's not enough of the
red stuff to make this film must-viewing for avid gorehounds. It's
not that STONES
OF DEATH
is a bad film. On the contrary, it's quite well-made. It's just that
it is overly familiar, like a recurring nightmare. Directed by James
Bogle. A Sony
Video Software Company Release. Rated
R.
THE
STRANGENESS (1980) - An
earthquake reopens the abandoned Golden Spike mine, where 100 years
ago workers refused to enter because of unexplained accidents and
deaths, resulting in the dynamiting of the entrance. Since the mine
was never played out of all its' gold, a team of explorers re-enter
it hoping to hit the mother lode. The only lode they will find is
the one in their pants, as they are trapped in the mine by a cave-in
and are being picked-off one by one by a mostly unseen tentacled
monster which legend says was placed there by Indians to keep the
white man off their sacred land. The explorers not only have to
contend with the creature, they also have to deal with the pit boss
(Rolf Theison) who has a severe case of gold fever and is not above
murder to keep the booty all to himself. After a rather long and
dragged-out middle section, the film concludes with the last two
survivors trying to destroy the creature and exit the mine at the
same time. They succeed at one and fail at the other, leaving the
film open for a sequel that, thankfully, was never made. The major
drawback to this film is that it is so severely underlit it makes
most of the action hard to see, thereby causing eyestrain. It's a
shame too, because the creature (seen in stop-motion animation) is an
interesting creation, sort of a cross between OCTAMAN
(1970) and THE
DEADLY SPAWN
(1983). There is also some sparse gore on hand, like some bloody
ripped-off body parts and a maggot infested corpse. Co-stars and
co-producers Mark Sawicki and Chris Huntley (who also co-wrote the
film) also handled all the effects work. The acting is uniformly
amateurish but doesn't detract from the proceedings. As it stands, THE
STRANGENESS
(directed/co-written/co-produced by one-shot wonder David Michael
Hillman, which is actually a pseudonym for Melanie
Anne Phillips),
could have been a lot more interesting if only a little more light
was shed on the subject. This film was made a year before the
infamous Jensen Farley Pictures, THE
BOOGENS,
was released. They both bear a strikingly similar plot. Hmmm... Also
starring Terri Berland, Keith Hurt and Dan Lunham. A Trans
World Entertainment Home Video Release. Also available on DVD
& Blu-Ray from Code
Red. Rated
R.
STUMP
THE BAND (2006) - Maybe
someday, low-budget DTV horror films will stop using THE
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974) as a blueprint (I mean,
c'mon, it's been nearly 40 years already!) and try to do something
original for a change. Until that day comes, we will continue to have
horror films like this. A quartet of female punk rockers, Tammy
(Courtney Bean), Kim (Dominique Davalos), Elaine (Brittney Startzman)
and slutty Joan (Becky Boxer), are about to hit the big time with
their band if they can make it to Los Angeles in their van and play
an important gig with some record executives in attendance. Along for
the ride are the band's manager, Nigel (co-director JoJo Henrickson),
who financed this trip by borrowing money from a loanshark (who sends
a goon to break Nigel's index finger when he doesn't pay his vig on
time); Tammy's over-protective boyfriend Kiel (Brandon Tesar), who
beats-up audience members when they get too close to the stage; and
lesbian roadie Nikki (Ellen Fox), who has a Lilith Fair-like feminist
quote for every situation. They stop at some jerkwater town (uh,
oh!) for some gas and Nigel asks the attendant, Little Joe (Danny
Cooksey; remember him as "Sam McKinney" on DIFF'RENT
STROKES [1984 - 1986]?) for directions to the next town
where they are supposed to play a gig. Little Joe tells Nigel that he
knows a shortcut (any directions that end with "Go left on
Crystal Lake Road" is not a good sign) and a one-armed man
(Charles Klausmeyer; THE UNNAMABLE II
- 1992) warns Kim, "You better watch your back!" Just in
case you were born in a vacuum, the directions turn out to be totally
bogus and van driver Kiel nearly hits a dog in the middle of the
road, forcing him to crash the van into the forest (this is also when
they discover Little Joe never filled their tank with gas and,
wouldn't you know it, there is no cellphone service where they are).
After sleeping in the van that night, they head out on foot looking
for some help, but not before all the girls go skinnydipping in a
pond, but Kiel won't let Nikki go in because she's a "lesbo who
wants to fuck Tammy" (Nikki doesn't go in because Kiel is
right!). The girls are being watched by some unseen grunting psycho
and while Nigel is taking a shit in the woods and Kiel is keeping a
close eye on Tammy, someone kidnaps Nikki. She ends up in the
basement of a nearby house, where a psychopath is sharpening his axe
on a foot-powered grindstone and then uses it to chop-off one of
Nikki's feet, which he places in a shoebox! Tammy and Kiel go looking
for Nikki (now there's a bright decision!) and it's not long before
the bickering couple are attacked by Little Joe and Billy (Jake
Hames). Kiel gets a hatchet planted in his back and Tammy escapes to
warn her friends. Luckily, Nigel has a .45 pistol in his possession (Kim:
"Whoa, Phil Spector, where did you get that?" Nigel:
"Oddly enough, Phil Spector!"), but before he can get a
shot off, he gets face-planted by Little Joe's flying hatchet. The
girls are now on their own, with only their wits, tits and a .45 to
protect them. Who will survive and what will be left of them (I'm
sorry, I just had to say that!)? This is an average DTV horror
flick that has a few funny one-liners and some laugh-out-loud
original songs, but the characters, both heroes and villains, are far
too one-dimensional. Little Joe has a "funny" quip to say
after every killing (When he kills Nigel with the hatchet, he screams
out, "What's the matter, you don't like heavy metal?" That
groan you just heard was mine.) and Billy communicates by barking and
acting like a dog. Little Joe and Billy's mentor, Coach (Larry
Wyatt), is the one with the serious foot fetish. He murders his
victims by chopping off their feet and adding them to his shoebox
collection (Why does he do it? Why, he's got mother issues! I know,
it makes no sense to me either). Really? Is this how desperate horror
films have become? The blood and gore doesn't really start until the
film's second half, where you will see the aforementioned foot
amputations; a manual disembowelment; a drumstick to the eye; death
by electric guitar; the one-armed man explaining (in flashback) how
he lost his arm; decapitation by guitar string; death by a circular
saw blade-firing crossbow; and Coach's death, which must be seen to
be disbelieved (if any more CGI was used, he would be totally
animated!). STUMP THE BAND
(well, at least the title does have some ring of truth to it,
although no member of the actual band loses an appendage, but nearly
everyone else does) is a thoroughly routine DTV horror flick
enlivened every so often by some funny off-the-cuff remark and plenty
of bloody gore. Co-directors William Holmes and JoJo Henrickson (who
also wrote the screenplay and gave himself the best lines; he also
directed the films THE BARRIO MURDERS
- 2001 and GB 2525 - 2009) get
close, but they fail to get the cigar. Also starring Robbie Rist
(also the Music Supervisor), Scott Holmes and David Berges. A TLA
Releasing DVD Release. Not Rated.
THE
SUBSTITUTE (VIKAREN) (2006) -
In this Dutch horror comedy, an alien from a planet that is always at
war comes to Earth as a small glowing orb and enters the body of Ulla
Harms (Paprika Steen), a substitute teacher who is assigned to a new
class of 6th Grade students, including Carl (Jonas Wandschneider),
who just lost his mother in a car crash; new student Rikke (Emma Juel
Justesen), who just moved into town with her mother; class clown
Albert (Jakob Fals Nysgaard); class know-it-all Lotte (Mollie Maria
Gilmartin); and bullies Tobias (Andreas Gram Nielsen) and Malthe
(Mathias Peter Kjaer). The alien Miss Ulla has come to Earth to learn
about human emotions such as love, since the word and concept is
(ahem) alien to their race (What does the alien do before it enters
the body of Ulla? Why, it knocks-out, but doesn't kill, Ulla's
chicken farmer husband with a shotgun blast to the head!). The school
principal informs the class that Ulla will be giving them a series of
EU-sanctioned tests and if everyone passes them, they will all be
going on a trip to Paris. Carl is forced to see school psychiatrist
Claus (co-writer Henrik Prip), because Carl has become introverted
since his mother's death, but Carl thinks it is useless and pretty
much makes
his views known to Claus. Ulla proves to be a most unorthodox
substitute teacher, calling all the students "stupid" and
making fun of their physical and mental attributes (She says to the
buck-toothed Albert, "Make sure your teeth don't scrape the
floor!").The alien Ulla also has the power to put words in kids'
mouths and can read their minds, which particularly disturbs Carl
(who thought there was something wrong with Ulla the first time he
met her), since all he ever thinks about is his mother and he may
actually hear his mother talking to him from Heaven warning him about
Ulla's motives. Ulla takes pleasure in psysically and mentally
torturing the students, especially Carl (she makes fun of his
mother's death), because it is the only way she can learn about human
emotions, such as empathy and sympathy. The parents of the students
are up in arms about Ulla's treatment of their kids and during a
school meeting of parents and teachers, Carl discovers who Ulla
really is when he spots her creating a clone of the Education
Minister out of a ball of some alien material. While the fake
Education Minister assures the worried parents that nothing is wrong,
Carl gets his hands on some alien documents from Ulla's briefcase and
takes pictures of them with his camera phone. Can Carl convince his
classmates and his author father Jesper (Ulrich Thomsen) that Ulla is
an alien before it is too late? A photo which shows all the students
at the chicken farm looking up at the sky (a photo none of the
children ever posed for) holds the clues Carl and the students need
to unlock the mystery. Everything comes to a head when Ulla takes the
children (and Jesper) on a bus ride to Paris and they make an
unscheduled stop at the chicken farm. Carl must try to destroy the
alien ball before they are all sent to Ulla's planet, where they are
to be used for God knows what. This is a pretty good horror
comedy that is not only very scary in spots, it also says a lot about
humanity in general and how we can be easily fooled into compliance
as long as we are assured by authority figures that nothing (or
something) is wrong (Tea Party anyone?). Director/co-writer Ole
Bornedal (who also gave us the original NATTEVAGTEN
- 1994, as well as the American remake NIGHTWATCH
- 1997 and THE POSSESSION -
2012) shows us how easily manipulated parents can be when it comes to
their children's welfare. Rather than believing their children, the
parents would rather take stock in the words of their adult
counterparts at school (who are like surrogate parents when the kids
are away from home). Bornedal wraps this parable in subtle and
not-so-subtle ways, such as the scene where the parents forcibly make
their children get on the bus, even though they don't want to (Albert
says to his parents, "I hope you know this is the last time you
will see your child alive!") or where Ulla shows her true form
to Carl when she comes to have dinner with Jesper (who has written a
book about love). In this film, it is the kids who act like adults
and the adults who act like children, but Bornedal doesn't skimp on
the creepy (yet funny) sequences, like where the children watch in
horror as Ulla feeds on a live chicken or when she shrinks the school
principal (who sneaks into her bedroom in his underwear) and eats
him. The always-changing photo is also a good gimmick (shades of BACK
TO THE FUTURE - 1985) and, besides some obvious CGI, the
effects in the film are very well done. Worth a viewing, either in
its original language with English subtitles (under its original
title, VIKAREN) or the
better-than-average English dubbed version. Also starring Nikolaj
Falkenberg-Klok, Josephine Wormslew Gents, Emma Claudia Sondergaard
and Sonia Richter. A Lionsgate
Entertainment DVD through their Ghost House Underground
sub-label, which is now, sadly, defunct. Rated R.
SUPERBEAST
(1972) - Obscure Philippines-lensed horror film that never
received a home video release in the United States (it did get a
much-publicized theatrical release by United Artists as part of a double
bill with the Tom Selleck-starrer DAUGHTERS
OF SATAN [also 1972]), even though it was directed, produced
and written by American George Schenck, who is now one of the
Executive Producers
of the popular TV series NCIS.
The film opens with American Ray Cleaver (John Garwood) escaping
from the jungles of Manila by stealing a local's truck and driving
himself to the hospital, where it is so overcrowded, no doctors or
nurses will attend to him even though it's obvious (at least to the
viewer) that his face and body are transforming into something quite
Neanderthal. He gives up on the hospital and heads to the airport,
where he beats up a businessman in a bathroom, steals his clothes,
passport and ticket, hops on the plane and not too long afterward the
pilot is radioing Guam Airport to make an emergency landing because a
psychotic passenger (Guess who?) is manhandling the crew. When the
plane lands in Guam, the waiting military surround the plane and
shoot and kill Cleaver, who now looks like a caveman in a business
suit! In Venezuela, Dr. Alix Pardee (Antoinette Bower; DIE
SISTER, DIE! - 1972) hops a plane to Guam and performs an
autopsy on the freakishly changed Cleaver (after performing the
autopsy, she turns to her assistant and says, "Wow!"). She
heads to Manila to investigate, where she learns that Cleaver was an
AWOL Marine who disappeared a month earlier after being arrested and
accused of being a hash smuggler and then sent to some rehabilitation
camp in the jungle for some "experimental" treatment. Dr.
Pardee hops a steamer heading to the city of Pangan, where she is
being shadowed by mysterious American businessman Stewart Victor
(Harry Lauter). Once in Pangan, Dr. Pardee is met by Dr. Raul Rojas
(Manny Oheda), who informs her that Cleaver isn't the only case of
radical transformation in the area. A horrible "evil spirit"
is attacking the residents of a remote jungle village, so both
doctors make their way by canoe to investigate. They mistakenly go
over a huge waterfall in their canoe (How in the world did they not
see it?) and when Dr. Pardee awakens, she is naked and in bed at a
plantation run by Dr. Bill Fleming (Craig Littler), who informs her
that Dr. Rojas has not been found and is presumed dead. Dr. Pardee is
rightfully concerned of her situation, as there are bars on the
windows, she hears terrible screams at night and she spots Stewart
Victor walking freely around the plantation, usually with a hunting
rifle in his hands. It's plain to see that Dr. Fleming is another
incarnation of Dr. Morneau, as he has created a serum that supposedly
turns all the hardened criminals in his care into docile, law-
abiding
citizens. Yeah, right. It's also apparent that his serum has serious
side effects, turning some of Dr. Fleming's subjects into creatures
that nightmares are made of (makeup effects by PLANET
OF THE APES' John Chambers). Dr. Pardee must figure out a
way to escape the plantation before she is killed by the dastardly
Victor, who pays Dr. Fleming big bucks to hunt his failures like
prey. How she escapes will have you wishing that she gets a bullet
right between her eyes. This is a boring and slow-moving
horror film that plays more like a travelogue during the first half
before becoming a second rate ISLAND
OF DR. MOREAU/MOST
DANGEROUS GAME clone during the second half. It's not
surprising that this is George Schenck's only directorial effort,
because it's a rather static affair that just meanders along at a
snail's pace, never coming close to having a pulse (Schenck switched
to being a successful TV producer/writer, a job he still holds to
this day). Antoinette Bower makes for a deadly dull heroine and Craig
Littler is one of the nicest mad scientists I have ever seen. Only
Harry Lauter registers slightly as a big game hunter who enjoys
tracking down and killing Dr. Fleming's "mistakes". There's
not much in the way of nudity or violence (at least in the print that
I viewed, which was sourced from a TV print, the only way to see this
film in the States for over 35 years, but there are reports that the
autopsy Dr. Pardee performs in the beginning of the film contained
real, gruesome autopsy footage in the unedited version), so all the
viewer has to look forward to is John Chambers' Neanderthal makeups
and lots of shots of people walking around, talking incessantly or
running through the jungle. Not worth your time. Also known as PRIMAL
INSTINCTS. Vic Diaz puts in an appearance as a crooked constable
who gets his just desserts. Also starring Jose Romulo, Bruno
Punzalan, Alex Flores, Roderick Paulate, Ricardo Santos and Nanita.
The TV print is available for sale on most gray market sites and for
download on torrent sites. Rated R.
THE
SUPERNATURALS (1985) - During
the end of the Civil War, a unit of Nothern soldiers from the 44th
Division force a small group of Confederate soldiers to walk across a
minefield (a tried-and-true method of making sure the coast is
clear!) and only young boy Jeremy (Chad Sheets) makes it to the other
side alive. Jeremy, who has "special powers", causes
something catastrophic to happen (we don't see it) when a strange
light emits from his clenched fist and a heavy wind blows in from
nowhere. In the present day, some greenhorn members of the Army's
44th Division are on a training mission in the same location where
the massacre of the Confederate soldiers took place 120 years
earlier. I think you can see where this is heading. The unit's
commanding officer, Sergeant Leona Hawkins (STAR
TREK's Nichelle Nichols), leads her inexperienced group of
Privates on a march through the forest and Pvt. Ray Ellis (Maxwell
Caufield) begins hearing voices calling his name and they all see a
ghostly woman named Melanie (Margaret Shendal) in the woods, but she
only has eyes for Ray. The unit camps
out on the exact spot of the massacre (it's a barren area where
nothing seems to grow) and Pvt. Tim Cort (Bobby Di Cicco) falls into
a hole, which turns out to be a hidden Civil War bunker. Pvt. Chris
Mendez (Scott Jacoby), the unit's unofficial Civil War expert,
notices a strange phenomenon on the barren spot. There seems to be a
mysterious wind that eminates from the center of the barren spot and
blows outward in all directions (this plot point is dropped as soon
as it is mentioned). While Ray is digging a latrine (he's on Sgt.
Hawkins' shitlist for some past transgressions), he unearths a skull
which Tim stupidly uses for target practice. That night, a drunk Tim
tries to rape Pvt. Angela Lejune (Talia Balsam), the unit's only
other female member, but she sticks a knife between his legs and he
walks away, only to fall into an underground man-made tunnel, where
he is attacked by some rotting zombie Confederate soldiers and
killed. The rest of the film finds the soldiers being attacked and
killed one-by-one by the living dead Confederate soldiers, while Ray
discovers that he has a personal connection to the massacre that
happened over a century earlier. And is it possible that the old mute
man that lives in a shack in the woods is actually Jeremy? You'll get
the answers if you manage to stay awake through this borefest.
This disappointing horror film, directed by Armand Mastroianni (HE
KNOWS YOU'RE ALONE - 1980; THE
KILLING HOUR - 1982; CAMERON'S
CLOSET - 1987), plays like a TV movie of the week. The
action is pretty lame and the bloodletting non-existant until the
latter part of the film and even then it's nothing to write home
about. Nichelle Nichols, in a rare starring role, is simply horrible
here. Her stilted delivery as she barks out orders is pretty pathetic
and she manages to make the normally stiff Maxwell Caufield (THE
BOYS NEXT DOOR - 1985; SUNDOWN:
THE VAMPIRE IN RETREAT - 1990) look animated. The young
cast, which also includes LeVar Burton (a future member of STAR
TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION), Bradford Bancroft, Richard
Pachorek and John Zarchen, are wasted in underwritten roles and are
just fodder for the (lame) slaughter. The zombie makeups (by Mark
Shostrom) are effective, but underused, and there is some creepy
atmospheric nighttime scenes, but the sad fact is that this film
drags when it should pop and that fault lies squarely on the
shoulders of producers Joel Soisson and Michael S. Murphey, who were
also responsible for the anemic screenplay. The mixture of
supernatural elements with modern-day Army action just doesn't gel
here. It seems forced and is unconvincing. If there's one good thing
to say about THE SUPERNATURALS,
it's this: It's still miles better than director Tony Malanowski's
two similarly-themed horror films, NIGHT
OF HORROR (1978) and CURSE
OF THE CANNIBAL CONFEDERATES (1982). That's not much, but
that's all I have. An Embassy
Home Entertainment Release. Rated R.
SUPERSTITION
(1982) - This is a good old-fashioned 80's supernatural gorefest
that went virtually unnoticed when released to theaters, but gained a
cult following when making it to home video. After playing a
practical joke on a necking couple outside a creepy old abandoned
house, Artie (Bennett Liss) and Charlie (Johnny Doran) are then
brutally murdered by an invisible force inside the house
(Charlie finds Artie's head cooking in a microwave and Charlie is
graphically cut in half when trying to escape out a window). When the
bodies are discovered, the county gives the church (who own the house
and surrounding property) 120 days to clean up the house and make it
livable again, otherwise the house will be destroyed. The church
sends Reverend David Thompson (David Houghton) to survey the property
and get it in shape for Reverend George Leahy (Larry Pennell) and his
family to live in. The house, known as the "Sharack Place",
named for the original owner who was said to be a witch, has a long
history of unexplained deaths, the latest being a cop who is dragged
into the pond behind the house by a pair of taloned hands.
Church-hating Inspector Sturgess (Albert Salmi) blames the death of
his officer on Arlen (Joshua Cadman), the mute son of the last
surviving Sharack female, Elvira (Jacquelyn Hyde), who looks like a
witch and lives in a small house on the property. Sturgess blames all
the recent murders on Arlen (he has a real hard-on for him) and
Reverend Thompson orders the pond to be drained to see if there are
any bodies in it. It seems that the pond doesn't want to be drained,
though (the pumps keep getting clogged), but a large wooden crucifix
is found at the bottom of the pond and once it is removed, strange
things begin to happen, none of them good. Reverend Thompson meets
Mary (Kim Marie), a little girl in a white dress, who turns out to be
an evil spirit. Every time she makes an appearance, someone dies a
gruesome death. The first one is Reverend Maier (Stacy Keach Sr.),
who dies in a freak "accident" when the spinning blade of a
circular saw disengages itself, flies through the air and slices
through his chest (and the chair he is sitting on). A electrician is
hanged when his neck gets caught around the cable of the house's
elevator. When the gin-soaked Reverend Leahy moves in with his
family, one of his daughters is nearly scared to death when a
disembodied hand latches on to her leg while she is swimming in the
pond. Somehow, the stubborn and sarcastic Inspector Sturgess still
believes that Arlen is responsible for all these new deaths, but
Arlen seems to have disappeared. The Leahy's young son, Justin (Bobby
Jacoby; BLOODY BIRTHDAY
- 1980), becomes friends with Mary and he soon ends up missing.
Sturgess and the Leahys search the house and property (where Sturgess
make a discovery of a secret room), while Reverend Thompson
researches the history of the crucifix and the house. Once Thompson
discovers the truth (told in flashback), he races back to the house
to save the Leahy family. He should have driven a little faster.
Anyone who lik
es
bloody horror films will find a lot to admire here. Director James
W. Roberson (THE LEGEND
OF ALFRED PACKER - 1978; THE
GIANT OF THUNDER MOUNTAIN - 1991) not only tosses in
numerous gory deaths, he also builds-up a resonable amount of tension
and dread, thanks to some excellent camerawork and editing. The
bloody set-pieces go way beyond R-rated gore (it was released to
theaters unrated) and after the first couple of minutes watching
this, you will see why. A head explodes in a microwave, a body is cut
in two, a saw blade rips through a body (the film's highlight gore
scene), death by wine press and a wooden spike through a head are
just some of the juicy goods on view. The film has two faults and
this is what they are: 1) Albert Salmi's (EMPIRE
OF THE ANTS - 1977) Inspector Sturgess is such a prejudicial
hothead (his hatred of the church, priests and mutes is never
explained), it's hard to believe any town would hire him as their top
cop. 2) It's strange that Reverend Leahy was made an alcoholic when
it's never properly fleshed-out. He acts more like a coward than an
alcoholic. It seems the only reason he was made a drunk was to give
one of his daughters a reason to yell at him every time he opens his
mouth. Don't let those two things deter you, though, because SUPERSTITION
(also known as THE WITCH) is a
fun, blood-drenched flick that delivers what it promises. Besides,
you gotta love a film where absolutely no one is left alive once the
final credits roll, not even the kids. This is one of the first films
to be Executive Produced by the team of Mario Kassar and Andrew
Vajna, who would find mainstream fame with FIRST
BLOOD (1982) and it's sequels, RED
HEAT (1988), TOTAL RECALL
(1990) and many others. Ed Carlin was this film's Producer and is
better remembered for producing 70's exploitation films like BLOOD
AND LACE (1970), THE
NIGHT GOD SCREAMED (1971) and THE
SWINGING BARMAIDS (1975) with then-partner Gil Lasky. Also
starring Lynn Carlin, Robert Symonds, Heidi Bohay, Maylo McCaslin,
Carole Goldman and John Alderman. Originally released on VHS by Lightning
Video and later on widescreen DVD by Anchor
Bay Entertainment. Unrated.
SWAMP
OF THE LOST MONSTER (1956/64) - I
knew something was wrong when I rented this dud. The sales clerk said,
"Gee, you're the first person to rent this film in over three
years!" He further explained that since this film wasn't a good
rental prospect they put it in their bargain bin for resale. Even at
the unheard of price of $2.99 it languished in the bin for over two
years, so management decided to put it back on the shelves for
rental. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to bring this home. I said
yes and as I was walking out the door I was sure I heard someone
snickering. As I entered the cassette into my VCR I knew what the
snickering was all about. This south of the border production (made
in 1956) stars Gaston Santos and his wonder horse
"Moonlight" (not a good sign). It was released directly to
American TV in 1964 after notorious producer K. Gordon Murray did
some post-production tampering, hiring director Stem Segar to film
some extra footage (I'm starting to feel ill). It is badly dubbed and
has a fat Mexican called Pepito supplying comic relief (the chunks
are rising from my stomach to my throat). The swamp monster is so
poorly constructed that it makes the creature in Larry Buchanan's CURSE
OF THE SWAMP CREATURE
(1966) look absolutely hi-tech (I have the urge to purge). It turns
out that the monster is just a man in a rubber suit pretending to be
dead so he can kill his enemies and collect his $1 million life
insurance (Watch out! I'm going to spew!). The Genesis video box
claims that this film was made in 1970. Don't you believe it.
American International Pictures handled the TV distribution. Director
Raphael Baledon is also responsible for CURSE
OF THE CRYING WOMAN
(1961) and THE
MAN AND THE MONSTER
(1959). Mexican horror films are an acquired taste. They are usually
high on atmosphere and set decoration and short on everything else. SWAMP
OF THE LOST MONSTER
is just plain bad. Next time I will listen to that sales clerk.
A Genesis Home Video
Release. Not
Rated.
SWAMP
OF THE RAVENS (1974) - This
strange Spanish/U.S. co-production is a precursor to 1985's RE-ANIMATOR
as they both share some major plot points, but SWAMP veers off
into it's own territory pretty quickly. Dr Frosta ("Raymond
Oliver" nee Ramiro Oliveros), a renegade genetics scientist, is
working on perfecting a serum that can bring the dead back to life,
provided that they have been dead no longer than eight minutes. Dr.
Frosta's colleagues frown on his experiments, which force him to
perform them in a lab (basically a shack on stilts) he has located
next to the titled swamp. His failed attempts (including a man with
leprosy) are dumped in the murky swamps by his mute assistant, their
flesh picked at by the ravens before they sink to the bottom. Every
once in a while the ravens dump a body part (a hand, an ear, an eye)
where the authorities can find it, causing the police to open an
investigation which includes questioning people at the hospital where
Dr. Frosta works. When Frosta's fiancee Simone (Marcelle Bichetti)
leaves him to hook back up with American ex-boyfriend Ben (William
Harrison), Frosta kidnaps her, binds her to his lab table, strips her
and kisses her body (shades of RE-ANIMATOR again, though this
one was made 11 years earlier, hmmmmm....), before killing her and
using his serum on her lifeless body (but not before some quick
necrophelia!). As Ben and the police draw near, Dr. Frosta invites
all his colleagues to his lab to witness his triumph, but a fire
derails that triumph, forcing him to flee the country and start anew
somewhere else. Will he get away with it? Competently directed
by Manuel Cano (VOODOO
BLACK EXORCIST - 1972; here using his Americanized
"Michael Cannon" pseudonym) and written by Santiago Moncada (REST
IN PIECES - 1987), SWAMP
OF THE RAVENS contains several chilling scenes that are
highly atmospheric. The best scene shows Frosta standing on the bank
of the swamp while the faces of all the dead bodies dumped there
stare blankly back at him. But, there are also several
unintentionally funny scenes (helped immensely by the lousy dubbing),
including Ben's ridiculous song he sings to a female mannequin in his
nightclub act (try not to laugh, I dare you), as well as the inept
police inspector's (Fernando Sancho) ludicrous investigative
techniques. Still, it's a pretty good piece of atmospheric
entertainment that's worth at least one viewing, although I was
hoping all those dead bodies in the swamp would come to life and get
even with Dr. Frosta. You can't win them all. Believe it or not, this
was also released to some U.S. drive-in circuits under the title THE
HOUSE ON SKULL ISLAND. Something Weird Video offers a decent
(though damaged in spots) widescreen print on a double feature DVD
with THE THIRSTY DEAD
(1973). Also starring Antonia Mas, Cesar Carmigniani, Marcos Mollina
and Gaspar Galupi. A Something
Weird Video Release. Also available on a double-feature DVD
(with I EAT YOUR SKIN -
1964) from VCI Entertainment.
Rated R.
SWEATSHOP
(2010) - This Texas-lensed regional horror flick is truly one of
the goriest films I have seen in many years, but if you are looking
for sympathetic characters you can identify with or root for, look
somewhere else. The premise is simple: A group of chain-smoking,
beer-drinking, drug-taking, lollypop-sucking, body-pierced punkers
break into an abandoned warehouse and set up for a rave they plan to
throw later that night. Unfortunately, the warehouse is not as empty
as they expected. It is infested with four ghoul-like females and a
hulking welding mask-wearing killer known as "The Beast"
(Jeremy Sumrall), who wields a heavy hammer made out of an anvil
attached to a pipe, a pair of sharp garden shears, razor wire and
other weapons of death. The group, headed by Charlie (Ashley Kay),
begin setting up the lighting, DJ booth and sound system (not to
mention a "Makeout Room", where Charlie pimps out two girls
as whores for anyone who is willing to pay the price), while The
Beast begins dispatching the group one-by-one
in various extreme bloody ways (nothing is left to the imagination).
Lighting girl Kim (Danielle Jones) is tied to a table with the razor
wire and has the lower half of her body crushed with the anvil
hammer, stripping the skin off both of her legs (she survives, but
has her head crushed with the hammer as she tries to crawl away later
in the film). Kenny (Vincent Guerrero) is decapitated at his jawline
while Charlie is giving him a blowjob in her car and when Charlie
escapes, she accidentally puts her hand in Kenny's bloody stump and
then falls out of the car, landing on the top half of Kenny's head
(people who get queasy easy should turn away). Jade (Melanie Donihoo)
tries to escape from the ghoul girls in a warehouse elevator, only to
have her head crushed through the elevator's door grate by The
Beast's hammer. Scottyboy (Peyton Wetzel, easily the most interesting
character in the film for reasons I'll explain later) is impaled
through the neck by the garden shears, only to have The Beast grab
the handles and suddenly open them, instantly cutting off Scottyboy's
head. There is plenty more extreme gore on view, so if you're a fan
of 80's-styled slasher films, I'll leave them for you to discover,
including an unexpected bloody massacre of the patrons that show up
for the rave.
Director/co-producer/co-writer/cinematographer/editor/visual effects
supervisor Stacy Davidson (DOMAIN
OF THE DAMNED
- 2007) has fashioned a film that's a gore lover's dream, but he and
co-writer Ted Geoghegan (who co-wrote the screenplays to the
gore-soaked films BARRICADE
- 2006 and DON'T WAKE
THE DEAD - 2008) have underwritten most of the characters,
except for spiked-mohawked Scottyboy and his older brother, the
straight-laced, but mean, Wade (Brent D. Himes, who looks like a
slightly less obese John Goodman wearing a trucker's cap). Scottyboy
loves to receive oral sex, but can't stand to be
"snowballed" (Google it) or perform oral sex on a female,
so when fellow punker Miko (Julin) makes a bet with him to perform
oral sex on her and he loses the bet, she tries to force him to
perform oral sex, only to have The Beast crush Miko's body with his
hammer while she is standing (one of the film's most upchucking
moments). Wade is nothing but a big redneck bully who gets drunk on
beer and tries to have sex with Kim while she is tied to the table,
failing to notice that Kim's legs are nothing but bloody bones. He
fails to deliver the goods because he is too drunk, but The Beast
thrusts two spikes under Wade's chin and razor wires him to a table
with his brother and Charlie (his fate is still left in the air when
the film ends, the only cast member we don't find out who lives or
dies). Hey, if you like wall-to-wall gore that is very well done and
filmed professionally, this film is for you. If you want a plot to go
with it (we really have no idea how The Beast or the ghoul girls
claimed this warehouse as their own, as none of them are given a
backstory), look somewhere else. Let's just say that the film doesn't
have any lofty goals and delivers the goods to the audience it was
made for, that being gorehounds. I liked SWEATSHOP
for what it was and it never bored me, even if some of the music
seemed out of place for a rave. Filmed in 2008 and 2009, but it bears
a 2010 copyright during the closing credits. Also starring Naika
Malveaux, Krystal Freeman, ViVi Sterling and Fangoria managing editor
Michael Gingold as a cop who shoots and kills an innocent girl as she
tries to escape The Beast in the beginning of the film. Star Ashley
Kay also portrays one of the ghoul girls, but I'll be damned if I
could recognise her. Stacy Davidson also worked as producer/cinematographer/editor/visual
effects supervisor on director/writer Larry Wade Carrell's
highly-regarded Texas-made indie horror film JACOB
(2011), which also features some of this film's actors. A Screen
Media Films DVD Release. Not Rated and rightfully so.
SWEET
SIXTEEN (1982) - As Melissa
Morgan (Aleisa Shirley) is rapidly approaching her sixteenth
birthday, a series of murders begin to occur in a small Texas town in
this horror film that also has something to say about the plight of
Native Americans in modern society. Melissa (who is sexually active)
is new in town and is watched closely by her overprotective father
(and American Indian artifacts expert) Dr. John Morgan (Patrick
Macnee) and her slightly off-balance (and former town resident)
mother, Joanne (Susan Strasberg). There seems to be a serious problem
with the people who become friendly with Melissa: Most of them end up
being killed, stabbed viciously with an Indian hunting knife. The
first to end up dead is Johnny (Glenn Withrow), a boy who fooled
around and smoked pot with Melissa and was caught by her father. He
ends up getting sliced and diced in the desert in the middle of the
night. When Sheriff
Burke (Bo Hopkins, who else?), his son Hank (Steve Antin) and
daughter Marci (Dana Kimmell) find Johnny's mutilated body, they
interview Melissa, her father and mother and Melissa drops hints that
local Indian Jason (Don Shanks) may be responsible (he spurned her
advances the night before because she was underage). Now we know
that, besides being sexually active, Melissa is also very spiteful
(and prone to lying). Johnny brother, local redneck Billy (Don
Stroud, who is woefully underused here), gets wind of Jason's alleged
involvement and turns his brother's death into a race war against the
Indians, with other townspeople joining the fray (one local calls
Jason a "red nigger"). As more people end up dead, the
sheriff is caught between vigilante justice by his neighbors and
trying to find the real killer, while Hank and Marci perform their
own investigation and come too close to the truth. Who is slicing up
all these people up with a buck knife? You will find out at Melissa's
sixteenth birthday party and the whole town is invited! Quite
good as a mystery as well as a horror film, director/producer Jim
Sotos (FORCED ENTRY
- 1975; not the hardcore porn film with the same name) builds a lot
of suspense with the town's prejudice and Melissa's spiteful ways.
Scripter Erwin Goldman gets a lot of mileage out of basic
slice-and-dice techniques by actually telling a decent story to go
along with the slasher elements. The contrast between Sheriff Burke's
loving relationship with his kids versus Melissa's cold and detached
relationship with her parents is never more apparent then when Marci
accuses Melissa of lying to her father when she blamed Greyfeather
(Henry Wilcoxon), Jason's grandfather, of murdering the school
quarterback, leading to Billy and some of the townspeople to lynch
him. Melissa's response to Marci is. "Why do you have to be so
good?" While the murders are not very graphic (there's evidence
of some post-production tampering to achieve an R rating), they are well-handled
and shocking. The cast of genre vets do a nice job here, even if
it's weird to hear Patrick Macnee's British accent amongst everything
Texan. Even though the real killer is not very hard to spot (there's
plenty of clues for the killer's motivation throughout the film, but
when Dr. Morgan frames Jason, it practically gives it away), but the
story is different enough and the cast good enough (including Michael
Pataki [HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF
MICHAEL MYERS - 1988] as the town's mayor and Sharon Farrell [LONE
WOLF MCQUADE - 1983] as Hopkin's love interest who helps him
break the case) to keep you involved throughout. There's also a full
frontal nude scene of Melissa taking a shower (I guess Aleisa Shirley
wasn't actually fifteen years old) for those who keep track of stuff
like that (fuckin' A!). The end credits song, "Melissa's
Theme" , is also memorable and fits in perfectly with the
goosebump-inducing stinger in the final seconds. This film is
definitely worth a rental or purchase if you can find it. The late Gary
Graver was second unit cinematographer. Also starring Logan
Clarke, Michael J. Cutt (NIGHT
OF THE DEMON - 1979) and a cameo by Larry Storch as a
shotgun-toting bartender. A Vestron
Video Release. Available on DVD
from Code Red. Rated R.
TALON
FALLS (2017) - Every avid
reader of this site knows that I absolutely love horror films that
take place in carnivals or amusement parks, but this film will test
the patience of a saint. I'll get to why it is bad later in the
review. The film is one huge flashback, as we meet Lindsey (Morgan
Wiggins), who comes running in front of a pickup truck all bloodied
and battered. She then appears in a hospital room with gauze covering
her eyes and tells her story to Dr. Onychectomy (Matthew Bozone; do
not look up the definition of "Onychectomy" until the film
is done!). It seems she and three other friends, Sean (Ryan Rudolph),
Ryder (Jordyn Rudolph) and Lance (Brad Bell), are on Fall Break from
college and decide to go on a road trip to visit the Talon
Falls Screampark in Commonwealth, Kentucky (an actual Haunted
House attraction). When they arrive there, they find the screampark
is crowded, but it is highly obvious that the park workers don't want
them to leave. When they see the huge line of people waiting to get
into the Haunted House attraction, they almost leave, but a park
worker walks up to them and says he can get them into the Haunted
House immediately as long as they wear the red plastic wristbands he
hands them (It is also obvious that these wristbands are a way to
mark them as potential victims. But of what?). The foursome walk into
the Haunted House, where the corridors are full of attractions, such
as a man strapped to an electric chair. The switch to flip on the
electricity is controlled by the visitors and Lance seems to enjoy
electrocuting the man. Maybe a little too much (It is also highly
obvious that he is actually electrucuting a live human being.). Lance's
actions don't go unnoticed by whomever is watching him on the many
cameras that are strewn throughout the Haunted House, so he is led to
the Control Room, where he watches Lyndsey and Sean get hit in the
face with a sledge hammer and girlfriend Ryder grabbed from behind
and dragged away. We are then introduced to Tiny (Tim McCain) a hulk
of a man who is wearing a very ugly rubber mask, making him look like
a giant pig. Sean, Ryder and Lyndsey are now in cages, as we
watch Tiny pulling another female victim out of a cage and hand her
over to another masked person, who tortures her until she screams
(This film has a LOT of screams on the soundtrack!). Tiny then goes
back to retrieve Sean, When he puts up a fight, Tiny shocks him with
a cattle prod and drags him away to a torture room full of bloody
surgical tools and straps him to a chair. The masked torturer enters
the room, sharpens his knives and procedes to cut off Sean's
left ear and rips-off one of his toenails (all shown lovingly in
close-up). An unnamed male prisoner (Kurtis Hage) comes up with a
plan to escape, but he needs Lindsey and Ryder's help to pull it off.
He breaks out of his cage, gets into a fight with Tiny, while Ryder
holds a murderous guard dog by a rope leash (It actually looks like
the poor dog is suffering. I wonder if the ASPCA was there to monitor
the action?), The man grabs hold of Tiny's keys and slides them to
Lyndsey so she can open the padlocks to her and Ryder's cages.
Lyndsey opens her and Ryder's cages , hits Tiny over the head with a
two-by-four, knocking him out and they escape (leaving behind all the
other female victims trapped in cages, the bitches!). The man is
killed by the guard dog. Lyndsey and Ryder hide out in the Control
Room, where they watch Sean being tortured on one of the monitors.
This brings up the big question: What happened to Lance? The
masked torturer puts a vice on Sean's head and tightens it, while
Sean screams in pain. The girls try to escape the Haunted House with
Tiny hot on their trail. They become trapped in a slaughterhouse,
while an axe-wielding Tiny looks for them. He is given instructions
on where to find them by the man in the Control Room (Michial
Courtney). Just when it seems that Ryder is about to become chopped
liver, Lyndsey appears and stabs Tiny in the side with a large knife
(it has little effect). The girls try to hide from Tiny and the many
cameras located throughout the park. This is when we find out what
has happened to Lance, He is now in the electric chair while paying
customers jolt him and laugh, not knowing they are actually
eltrocuting him. When Ryder tries to free Lance, Tiny pulls the
switch, electrocuting the both of them (We see Ryder falling to the
groud, her face all burned and smoke coming out of her mouth!). Tiny
chases Lyndsey and she falls through a round metal conduit, leading
her to the dumping ground of the Haunted House's previous victims.
Thinking that Lyndsey is hiding under the dead bodies, Tiny hacks
away at them with his axe. Lyndsey escapes the park and it brings us
back to the beginning of the film where she runs in front of the
pickup truck. In a surprise ending everyone saw coming, the old man
in the truck is actually a park worker and Dr. Onychectomy is
actually the masked torturer (Onychectomy is a medical term for the
surgical removal of fingernails or toenails.). We then see Lyndsey
being tortured in the Haunted House, while clueless paying customers
think it is just another sideshow attraction.
Director/screenwriter/co-producer/editor Josh Shreve (CHASING
GHOSTS - 2014) gives us no motivations on why Haunted House
workers are torturing and killing paying customers, except for the
pure joy of it. This film is abysmally acted by a cast of amateurs
(this is the first acting job for the four college kids and it shows.
The rest of the cast are players from the actual Haunted House.). It
is plain to see that Josh Shreve got his inspiration from THE
TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (1974) and Tobe Hooper's THE
FUNHOUSE (1981), but this film cannot hold a candle to those
classics. In those films, there was a reason for the killing: For
meat for the Sawyer's clan award-winning Texas Chili and to cover up
the fact that the kids saw the deformed hulk in a Frankenstein-mask
kill a prostitute. You will get none of that satisfaction here. While
the practical makeup effects are better than average, it comes across
as torture for torture's sake. There are also many gaping plotholes
in the screenplay, such as when Lindsey refuses to get out of the car
when they reach Talon Falls (she was against going there), but the
next scene shows her standing next to Sean in the park. If you can
overlook the terrible acting, lack of connective tissue between
scenes and no reason for the killers to kill, you may enjoy this
74-minute exercize in torture. Me? I was expecting much more and
didn't get any satisfaction. For a more enjoyable experience , try
the horror film that actually takes place in a real Haunted House
attraction, HOUSE
OF HORRORS: THE GATES OF HELL (2012). Also starring Lonnie
Bloomburg, Tim Casey, Steven Chaney and Krissy Leanne Calouro, A Lost
Empire Films DVD Release. Also available streaming for free if you
are an Amazom Prime member. Not Rated.
THE
TEMPTER (1974) - I
love Italian horror films. I find they have a frenetic, over-the-top
quality that are sorely missing
from their American counterparts. I must make an exception of THE
TEMPTER
though, not because it is a quick copy of 1973's THE
EXORCIST
(what Italian horror film isn't an imitation of some other film that
was popular? Dario Argento excluded.) but because of its deadly slow
pace and frequent lapses into poor taste. Who wants to watch a woman
lick the asshole of a goat or fuck her brother? I sure as hell don't!
The story is about a crippled woman (Carla Gravina) who becomes
possessed by the Devil much to the chagrin of her father (Mel Ferrer)
and her priest/uncle (Arthur Kennedy of THE
MEAN MACHINE
- 1973). Soon she is speaking in tongues, foaming at the mouth,
spitting out green bile, levitating herself and other objects,
ripping the heads off toads, screwing her brother, twisting a young
man's head 360 degrees and the aforementioned act with the goat. When
it is learned that she is pregnant (from the tryst with her brother),
an exorcist (George Coulouris) is called in for fear that the unborn
baby may be the Antichrist. She is eventually freed of her demonic
possession after she embraces a large wooden cross in a cathedral.
The world is safe for the moment. Originally titled L'ANTICRISTO (THE
ANTICHRIST),
it was shorn 16 minutes of its running time before reaching American
theaters in 1978. The special effects range from bloody (toad
decapitations and witch burnings) to downright ludicrous (levitation
and other effects use the rather obvious blue screen and split screen
processes). This film takes forever to get moving and the exorcism
doesn't take place until the final 10 minutes. Nudity is also at a
minimum here. Alberto De Martino also directed HOLOCAUST
2000
(a.k.a. THE
CHOSEN
- 1977), an OMEN
ripoff as well as PUMA
MAN
(1980), an awful SUPERMAN
(1978) cash-in, BLOODLINK
(1983) and the late giallo entry FORMULA
FOR A MURDER (1985). Aristide Massaccesi (a.k.a. Joe
D'Amato) was director of photography on THE
TEMPTER
and gives the film a fluid, professional look, its' only saving
grace. Stay away from this film unless beastiality and incest turns
you on. If they do, shame on you! An Embassy
Home Entertainment Release. Also available on DVD (as THE
ANTICHRIST) from Anchor Bay Entertainment in its unedited
form. I plan on reviewing this unedited print to see if my opinion
changes. I doubt it, but you never know. Rated
R
or Unrated.
TERROR
IN THE SWAMP (1984) - So-so
horror show, lensed in Louisiana, about the search for a man-sized
beast killing off hunters. There's also a subplot about two
overweight bayou brothers, who are poachers and thieves, that killed
a guard so they could get their hands on some explosives. Somehow it
all ties together in the end. It seems that a scientist is performing
gene-splicing experiments which involve mixing human genes with
those of nutrias (a rodent-like creature) in the hopes of producing
larger pelts. The creature that was manufactured escapes,
wrecking havoc on trapping season. The scientist wants to keep his
mistake a secret, so he hires the two fat boys to bring the creature
back alive. Meanwhile, the local authorities try to solve a series of
killings that plague their local community. According to the end
credits this film was originally titled NUTRIAMAN:
THE COPASAW CREATURE.
I have a feeling the title change was appropriate. The creature is
shown mainly in shadows or long shots, so you really don't get a good
look at it. Maybe that is for the best. The real stand-out is Michael
Tedesco, who plays T-Bob, the half-wit brother of the bayou duo. With
his thick Louisiana drawl and hefty poundage, he is truly a screen
presence. Not much blood (except for a quick shot of a dismembered
leg), but not a bad example of regional filmmaking. I give this one
extra points for its' use of the scenic Louisiana bayous. Also
starring Billy Holliday (who also wrote the story the screenplay is
based on), Chuck Bush and Chuck Long. Co-directed by Joe Catalanotto (FRENCH
QUARTER UNDERCOVER - 1985; also starring Billy Holliday, who
unfortunately died of a heart attack mid-film, turning the movie into
a jumbled flashback-filled mess) and Martin Folse (who has done
nothing else that I could find). A New
World Video Release. Rated PG.
TERROR
IN THE WAX MUSEUM (1973) -
Quaint, TV-like horror film made back-to-back with the more raucous ARNOLD
by the same director and screenwriter. The elderly Claude Dupree
(John Carradine) is the creator and proprietor of Dupree's Wax Museum
And Chamber Of Horrors in late Nineteenth Century London, who treats
all of his wax figures (many of them mass murderers from throughout
history) like fine art. If he finds the tiniest imperfection, Dupree
and his hideously deformed deaf mute assistant, Karkov (Steven
Marlo), cart the wax figure down to the basement, melt it in a huge
vat of wax and recreate a perfect copy. Alas, Mr. Dupree is getting
on in years and is being pressured by businessman Amos Burns
(Broderick Crawford), who wants to buy Dupree's wax figures and move
them to New York City. Mr. Dupree is reticent about selling (When he
asks what is to become of Karkov, Mr. Burns replies, "There are
institutions for freaks like that."), so he asks Mr. Burns to
return in the morning for his final decision. Mr. Burns leaves the
museum and walks the fog-shrouded streets of London to Tim Fowley's
(Louis Hayward) pub, where he listens to music hall singer Laurie
Mell (Shani Wallis) perform and eventually takes her home, which
upsets Karkov, who watches all the action through the sub-sidewalk
grating. That night, Mr. Dupree has a terrible nightmare where all
the wax figures (including Jack The Ripper and Lizzie Borden) come
to life and attack him for betraying them. When he wakes up, he
decides not to sell the museum, but when he goes downstairs to check
on his wax figures and "explain" to them his decision (he
is their creator after all), the wax figure of Jack The Ripper
seemingly comes to life for real, calls Dupree a "liar" and
stabs him in the heart, killing him instantly. Police Inspector
Daniels (Maurice Evans) and Sgt. Michael Hawks (Mark W. Edwards) of
Scotland Yard are called-in to investigate Dupree's murder and
interrogate suspects Mr. Burns, Dupree associate Harry Flexner (Ray
Milland), Dupree lawyer Mr. Southgott (Patric Knowles) and Karkov.
The arrival of Dupree's niece, Meg Collins (Nicole Shelby), and her
guardian, Julia Hawthorn (Elsi Lanchester), raises the questions: Who
actually owns the museum and where is Dupree's will? The only bit of
information that is known is that Dupree's last will and testament is
located somewhere in the museum, so the search is on. Mr. Burns
suggests that the killer may be the real Jack The Ripper (The real
Ripper is still at large and may not be too happy about the way
Dupree portrayed him in wax) and since Sgt. Hawks worked on the
Ripper murders, he doesn't discount it. The greedy Miss Hawthorn
takes over the museum until the will is found and immediately reopens
the museum to take advantage of the throngs of gawkers lingering
outside. The museum plays to packed houses with Mr. Flexner as the
tour guide. When an attempt is made on Meg's life (the killer is
still dressed as the Ripper) and Mr. Burns is found dead in the
museum (he was run-through with a sword), Sgt. Hawks must gather the
clues (including a white carnation) and catch the killer before Meg
(whom he has grown quite fond of) ends up dead or worse: dipped in
the wax vat in the basement. This bloodless horror film,
directed by Georg Fenady (a respected TV director with hundreds of TV
episodes, including 29 episodes of QUINCY
M.E. [1980 - 1983], under his belt before his death in 2008)
and written by Jameson Brewer (ISLAND
OF LOST GIRLS - 1969), both responsible for the
aforementioned black comedy ARNOLD (1973), is a treasure trove
of classic movie stars, but as both a horror film and a murder
mystery, it fails drastically because it is far too tame for it's own
good. This could (and actually did) play on TV with no cuts, as the
film takes a 30's & 40's approach to showing the murders (as a
matter of fact, 1933's THE
MYSTERY OF THE WAX MUSEUM is far more graphic than this),
relying on mood rather than blood, which must have disappointed
moviegoers in the 70's (the ads played-up Karkov [which the ads
misspelled as "Karkoff"!] as the monster, when he was
really one of the most sympathetic characters in the film). It is
also obvious that many of the wax figures are portrayed by living
extras that try to remain as still as possible, but fail in many of
the scenes (it helps if you pay close attention to the background of
the scenes shot in the Chamber of Horrors). Consider TERROR
IN THE WAX MUSEUM a distant cousin (twice removed) of the
more effective films of its type, including the 3-D HOUSE
OF WAX (1953), which only shows a pulse whenever the bitchy
Elsa Lanchester (THE
BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN - 1935) is on-screen. Produced by
Andrew J. Fenady (Georg's brother) for Bing Crosby Productions (BCP),
the production company also responsible for WALKING
TALL (1973) and THE
REINCARNATION OF PETER PROUD (1975). Originally released on
VHS by Lightning
Video and not available on DVD. Rated PG.
TERROR
ON TOUR (1980) - One of the first
low-budget rock-themed horror films, which also includes ROCKTOBER
BLOOD (1984), BLOOD
TRACKS (1985), HARD
ROCK ZOMBIES (1985), ROCK
'N' ROLL NIGHTMARE (1987), BLACK
ROSES (1988) and SHOCK
'EM DEAD (1990). TERROR ON TOUR documents the
on-and-off-stage antics of a KISS-like band called The Clowns, who
mix rock-and-roll with a Grand Guignol-esque stage show where both
mannequins and live women are stripped, stabbed or have their limbs
hacked-off, all for the sake of giving the audience what they want: a
bloody good show. There's as much going on backstage as there is
during the stage show. Roadie Herb (Jeff Morgan) puts on the Clowns'
makeup because he feels he is too ugly to get chicks without it. Jeff
(David Thompson), another roadie, is a lazy good-for-nothing who
likes to stiff drug dealers and take advantage of Herb every chance
he gets. When a female drug dealer (the one that Jeff stiffed) is
viciously stabbed at the back door of the theater the Clowns are
playing at (she's waiting in vain for $50 Jeff owes her) by someone
wearing Clowns makeup, the theater owner (producer Sandy Cobe) calls
the police and Lt. Lambert (Johnny Green) chalks it up to a drug deal
gone bad. The band's manager, Tim (Larry Thomas; STREETS
OF DEATH - 1987 and better known as the "Soup Nazi"
on TV's SEINFELD, who
uses the name "Larry Thomasof" here), tries to keep the
band's members; Fred (Rick Styles), pill-popping Ralph
(Chip Greenman), Henry (Rick Pemberton) and Cherry (Dave Galluzzo),
happy since the band is finally finding success after changing their
sound and stage persona (something Fred is not too happy about), but
is it possible they have also gained a murderous groupie, or is the
killer one of their own? Tim throws a party for the band at the
theater during their day off, which is full of beautiful topless
women, booze and drugs, but the killer is also there in full Clowns
regalia, stabbing a naked female groupie to death and then slashing
the throat of another groupie that the band members were passing
around like a joint in the secret "Blood Room" (it's
literally a blood room now). The killer then murders another topless
groupie sitting alone in the mezzanine section by stabbing her
between her breasts (Groupie: "Is there something I can do for
you?" Killer: "Yes...die!") while the wild party
continues. When the janitor finds the body of one of the dead girls
in a bathroom stall, the party stops and Lt. Lambert brings in snitch
Jane (Lisa Rodriguez) to keep a close eye on the band to make sure
one of them is not the killer. Herb finds a letter in Tim's briefcase
which shows that Tim's mother is a religious zealot and Tim may be a
Momma's boy (this can't be good!), while Tim fires Jeff for not doing
his job, with Jeff vowing, "I'll get you!" The finale finds
The Clowns putting on a final bloody stage show, where the killer
begins to murder people, including Lt. Lambert and Jane backstage and
Herb on-stage, but the audience thinks it's all part of the
show. TERROR ON TOUR
is strictly minor league horror material that takes forever to get
moving. Director Don Edmonds (ILSA,
SHE WOLF OF THE SS - 1975; BARE
KNUCKLES - 1977) and screenwriter Dell Lekus seem more
interested in showing the band's backstage lifestyle of broads, booze
and drugs than the actual horror elements and besides the first few
opening minutes and the finale, we never see The Clowns performing on
stage (the music is actually performed by a band called The Names).
The murders are strictly of the pre-FRIDAY
THE 13TH variety, where blood is merely splashed on the
victims. No gaping, blood-spurting wounds here. There are enough red
herrings to keep most retarded viewers guessing the killer's
identity, but most horror fans will know who the killer is within the
first fifteen minutes (blame religion if you can't come up with a
better idea). The underlit photography is a major distraction since
most of the film takes place backstage in the dimly lit rooms and
hallways, so you'll be spending most of your time squinting to make
out what the hell is going on. Not worth the eyestrain and the
non-ending will make you madder than hell. The only time this film
shows that it has a pulse is when Fred plays a love ballad called
"Lisa" (in the vein of KISS' "Beth") backstage
and tells Lt. Lambert that he wishes the band could go back to
playing that type of music. Lt. Lambert simply says, "I like
it" and Fred actually looks appreciative of the comment. If the
film stuck to the little human aspects like this, maybe the film
would have resonated more. Alex Rebar (THE
INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN - 1977) was one of the Executive
Producers (He also Executive Produced and scripted DEMENTED
around the same time). Our old, dear friend George
"Buck" Flower was Production Manager on this and his
daughter Verkina Flower was Art Director, Set Director and Wardrobe
Director, as well as making a cameo appearance as the "Well
Endowed Lady". Also featuring Suzann Fellman, Jim Roberson (also
the Director of Photography) and cameos by Johnn Wintergate and
Kalassu, who would both star in one of the first SOV horror films, BOARDINGHOUSE
(1982; also directed by Wintergate). Originally released on VHS by Media
Home Entertainment and not available on DVD. Not Rated.
THE
TERROR WITHIN (1988) - In the
not-to-distant future, Earth has been ravaged by a biological
"accident", where a man-made virus escaped from a
laboratory, killed most of the human population and turned some of
the survivors into hideous mutants called "gargoyles". A
small band of unaffected survivors, located in an underground
laboratory beneath the Mojave Desert, are slowly starving
to death thanks to a dwindling supply of edible food. This forces
them to travel to the surface to search for food, such as
rattlesnakes and lizards. When two of the survivors don't come back
from a hunt, leader Hal (George Kennedy; CREEPSHOW
2 - 1987) sends David (Andrew Stevens; DAY
OF THE ANIMALS - 1976) and Sue (Starr Andreeff; CLUB
VAMPIRE - 1997) to the surface to search for them. David and
Sue find their comrades savagely butchered next to a cave where a
family of slaughtered nomads were staying. David finds it strange
that all the dead nomads are male and don't seem to be mutated, so
Hal tells them to stay put while he sends scientist Linda (Terri
Treas; THE NEST -
1987) to collect some samples to determine why they were able to live
outside for so long without mutating (Linda has created a vaccine
which protects humans from mutating into gargoyles). Hal's orders are
put on hold when David and Sue find a living female named Karen
(Yvonne Saa) and bring her back to the underground lab. Linda
examines Karen and finds that she is pregnant, but Hal orders Linda
not to tell anyone else just in case the baby is a mutant and they
have to kill it. Sue and David quickly find out, though (Sue wants to
have a baby with David and views this news as a sign of hope), but
there are more pressing problems at the moment. The gargoyles also
want Karen and have found the secret entrance to the lab and are
trying to break in. Linda also discovers that Karen's pregnancy is
advancing at an accelerated rate (That can't be good), so Hal orders
Linda to abort the fetus. The fetus has other ideas and bursts out of
Karen's stomach during the operation (killing her) and escapes into
the air vents. Linda determines that the fetus will become a
full-grown gargoyle within twenty-four hours, so everyone bands
together to flush it out and kill it. Unfortunately, the now
fully-grown gargoyle proves to be a trouper and kills nearly everyone
and rapes Sue. Linda and David rescue her (everyone else is dead) and
when Linda examines her, she finds Sue is pregnant. The question then
becomes: Whose baby is it, David's or the gargoyle's? We don't have
to ponder that question for too long, because it turns out her fetus
is a monster, so Sue gives herself a homemade abortion, killing the
baby and herself. A dog whistle (!) and the spinning blades of an
industrial fan
finally
destroy the gargoyle in the finale. Linda and David set out on foot
after getting a radio message from a bunch of survivors in a lab in
the Rocky Mountains. I hope they packed an extra pair of hiking
boots. This low-budget ALIEN
(1979) clone, produced by Roger Corman and directed by Thierry Notz (WATCHERS
II - 1990), doesn't have much going for it besides a handful
of gory scenes and the acting talents of a highly-capable cast. The
script, by Thomas McKelvey Cleaver (THE
SISTERHOOD - 1987; DUNE
WARRIORS - 1990), quickly degenerates, after a fairly
compelling opening, into a series of generic stalk-and-slash scenes,
as the survivors hunt the rogue gargoyle through the various levels
of the lab while the gargoyle kills them one-by-one, stopping long
enough to kidnap and rape Sue. Corman made numerous films in the same
vein, beginning with DAY
THE WORLD ENDED (1956) and flooding the market with many
rip-offs in the 80's & 90's after the success of ALIEN,
including HUMANOIDS
FROM THE DEEP (1980), FORBIDDEN
WORLD (1982), LORDS
OF THE DEEP (1989), DEAD
SPACE (1990), UNKNOWN
ORIGIN (1995), CARNOSAUR
2 (1994), CARNOSAUR
3: PRIMAL SPECIES (1996), ALIEN
TERMINATOR (1996) and a sequel to this film, THE
TERROR WITHIN II (1990), directed and starring Andrew
Stevens. Most of these films recycled the same plot over and over,
changing only the location and species of monster. The gargoyles are
a ridiculous concoction and look to be slightly altered versions of
the suit used in the Corman-produced WATCHERS,
made the same year as this. There's not much to recommend here
besides a bloody stomach-bursting (an effect used in many of Corman's
horror flicks), various throat slashings and Butch the dog, played by
Andrew Stevens' real-life pet "Butch Stevens". It's hard to
believe, but back in the 80's, films like this actually received a
theatrical release. That would never happen today. It would be dumped
directly to home video and instantly forgotten. Also starring John
Lafayette, Tommy Hinkley, Joseph Hardin, Al Guarino and Roren Sumner
as the Gargoyle. Originally released on VHS by MGM/UA
Home Video and later released on VHS & DVD by New Horizons
Home Video. Rated R.
THE
TERROR WITHIN II (1990) - At the
end of THE TERROR WITHIN (1988),
David (Andrew Stevens), Linda (Terri Treas) and faithful dog Butch
(Butch Stevens) escaped from an underground laboratory in the middle
of the Mojave Desert after killing a murderous mutated human fetus,
the byproduct of a biological holocaust that wiped-out most of the
human population. They make a trek to the last known packet of human
survivors in an underground lab in the Rocky Mountains. This film
picks up with David (who now sports an ungodly amount of facial hair)
and Butch nearly at the end of their journey (Linda was killed in the
desert) and not a moment too soon. The occupants of the Rocky
Mountain lab, headed by the stern Von Demming (R. Lee Ermey; DEMONSTONE
- 1989), are slowly dying of the plague and desperately need the
vaccine that David is carrying. After receiving a garbled radio
message from David, Von Demming sends two of his people, Kyle (Chick
Vennera; MCBAIN - 1991) and
Sharon (Barbara Alyn Woods; DANCE
WITH DEATH - 1991), to find David and lead him back to the
lab. Unfortunately, they run into a pack of mutant creatures and have
to turn back, leaving David and Butch to find their own way. David saves
the life of a young woman named Ariel (Clare Hoak; MASQUE
OF THE RED DEATH - 1989) from a mutant and promises her
dying brother, Aaron (Gordon Currie), that he will look after her. Of
course, they fall in love and end up bumping nasties around a
campfire (after he shaves off his beard), after which, Ariel informs
David that she knows he got her pregnant (Um, what?). David better
get to the lab quick because, besides the intrigue between various
members of Von Demming's group (Sharon has developed a vaccine in
secret, but doesn't have enough to go around; others are beginning to
succumb from the plague), a severed finger of a mutant is accidently
brought into the lab and is transforming into a gelatinous blob that
attaches itself to Jamie (Larry Gelman) and becomes a new kind of
creature called a "Lusus". Ariel is kidnapped by a band of
human scavengers led by Elaba (Cyndi Gossett), who offers Ariel to a
mutant in some strange ritual. After the mutant rapes her, David
arrives and saves her and they head to the lab (Poor Butch has his
throat cut by a member of the scavengers and dies in David's arms).
To make a long story short, once they get to the lab, Ariel delivers
a baby that's half human/half mutant, which grows to adult size in a
matter of minutes. The mutant, along with the Lusus, begins killing
members of the lab until only David, Ariel, Kyle and Robin (Renee
Jones) are left alive to battle the two monsters. While
basically nothing but a retread of the first film, THE
TERROR WITHIN II ups the gore quotient considerably from the
previous film. Star Andrew Stevens, who took over directing and
scripting chores here (his first time in both fields), knows damn
well what genre audiences want and he delivers as much boobs and
blood as his meager budget would allow. Besides nude scenes from
Clare Hoak and Barbara Alyn Woods, there's a decapitation, various
stabbings, a crossbow bolt in the eye, the gooey birth of a mutant
baby and numerous slashings by the creatures. Andrew Stevens even
gets to boss around his actress mom, Stella Stevens (LITTLE
DEVILS: THE BIRTH - 1993; THE
GRANNY - 1994), who appears here as Kara, one of the doctors
in the lab and love interest for R. Lee Ermey. The creature effects
are also more polished than the first film, not that they're anything
more than men in rubber suits, mind you. If you don't mind the same
old rehashed plot, THE TERROR WITHIN II just may satisfy your
lust for sex and violence. I enjoyed it much more than the first one.
This is the first film to be photographed by Janusz Kaminski, who
would later win Academy Awards for cinematography on SCHINDLER'S
LIST (1993) and SAVING
PRIVATE RYAN (1998), both for director Steven Spielberg.
Even in the 90's, Roger Corman (who was Executive Producer here) was
still employing and willing to take chances on people who would later
make names for themselves. Why Corman hasn't received an honorary
Oscar for his contributions to motion pictures is a crime I hope will
be rectified before he passes away (He finally received an honorary
Academy Award in 2010 "For his rich engendering of films and
filmmakers."). Also starring Burton Gilliam, Lou Beatty Jr.,
Brad Blaisdell, Dean Jones (who also handled makeup effects), Peter
Koch and Brewster Gould as the Lusus. A Vestron
Video Release. Not available on U.S. DVD at the time of this
review, but it got a Blu-Ray
release from Code Red. Rated
R.
THE
THAW (2009) - Remember when DTV
releases starred no-name or B-level actors? Well, in the past few
years, that has all changed. Such once-bankable stars as Jean-Claude
Van Damme, Steven Seagal, Dolph Lundgren, Cuba Gooding Jr., Christian
Slater and others all make their main living in DTV flicks (And
according to Lundgren in an Entertainment Weekly interview, it is
quite lucrative.). Don't get me wrong, some of these films are highly
entertaining (even Seagal, who started this trend, seems to now
realize that a little quality and looping his own lines make his fans
happy), but I just get the feeling that we are at the closing end of
the "Big Hollywood Star" cycle and will never see those
days again (no matter how many times TV shows like Entertainment
Tonight, TMZ and other gossipy dick-munchers try to make stars out of pasty-faced
CW-ready actors like Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, both of
whom I hope both fade away quickly). Well, you can now add Val Kilmer
to the list of once in-demand big-budget actors (see my review for THE
SALTON SEA - 2002 and watch his performance as John Holmes
in WONDERLAND - 2003 to see
what a highly nuanced and excellent actor he really is) who has gone
the DTV route (although he still does a theatrical
release every now and then). While his talent rarely waivers (too
bad I can't say the same thing about his weight!), he has appeared in
a slew of DTV films in the past few years, including FELON
(2008), CONSPIRACY (2008), STREETS
OF BLOOD (2009), BLOOD OUT
(2011), the final two both co-starring Curtis "50 Cent"
Jackson, and this horror film, a combination of John Carpenter's THE
THING (1982) and a first year episode of THE
X-FILES (1993 - 2002). While the world is suffering a
serious pandemic (in which the opening montage of faux YouTube clips
link to Global Warming), ecologist Dr. David Kruipen (Kilmer) and his
staff are studying the plight of the polar bear in the Canadian
Arctic, when they make a stunning discovery: a perfectly preserved
wooly mammoth in the ice. The only problem is, the wooly mammoth is
infected with some unknown parasite, which begins infecting the
humans and other animals, eating them from the inside out. Evelyn
(Martha MacIsaac), the daughter of Dr. Kruipen, hates her father ever
since he was a no-show at her mother's funeral (he simply couldn't
get a flight out due to bad weather), so when she and three undergrad
students, Atom (Aaron Ashmore), Ling (Steph Song) and Federico (Kyle
Schmid; DEATH ROW
- 2006) show up at the Arctic compound and find it deserted, they all
think it was trashed by eco-terrorists (there is a rotting corpse of
a polar bear inside a sealed laboratory), but Evelyn contacts her
father by radio to discover he is at another base camp (the one with
the mammoth). What Dad doesn't tell Evelyn is that he, Dr. Jane
Sanders (Anne Marie DeLuise) and Edward (John Callander) are all
infected with the parasite. Jane goes crazy and shoots Dr. Kruipen
and Edward and then returns to the compound to sabotage the
helicopter, so Evelyn and the three others have no way to escape.
What Jane doesn't know is that Ling and helicopter pilot Bart (Vin
Leacock) are already infected, since they both have touched the
infected polar bear. Evelyn and Atom take an ATV to look for her
father after Jane dies a horrible death. They discover the wooly
mammoth and Edward's body, but Dad is nowhere to be found (Evelyn
thinks a freshly-dug grave is her father's, but we know better). An
infected Federico radios for a backup helicopter and destroys the
radio when Evelyn tries to cancel the pickup because she doesn't want
to spread the parasite to the rest of the world. The rest of the film
details Evelyn and Atom's plight (they are the only two not infected)
as they try to stop the spread of the parasites (including amputating
Bart's infected arm with a meat cleaver), while those infected go
crazy and die. Perhaps Dr. Kruipen's journal and video diary will
give them a clue? Yet, when Dad returns to the base camp and tries to
escape in the rescue helicopter, Evelyn and Atom have no choice but
to shoot the helicopter down, killing Dad and saving the world from
another pandemic. Or did they? A closing stinger shows that the
parasites have made the trek to civilization in the bodies of
migrating birds, as a hunting dog chews away at one of the dead
bird's bodies. This run-of-the-mill DTV horror flick, directed
by Mark A. Lewis (ILL FATED -
2004) and written by Lewis and his brother Michael W. Lewis, fails to
generate much suspense and besides a few gory scenes (including the
arm amputation and some bloody and gooey open body sores), offers
very little to horror fans. Val Kilmer probably shot all his scenes
in two or three days, since his screen time is limited to a few
minutes in the beginning and during the finale. The practical makeup
effects (by Todd Masters) are well done (although some of the CGI
parasites are iffy), but as we have learned time and time again, it's
the story that matters, not the effects (this is no longer the
early-80's) and, besides the last minute surprise revelation, THE
THAW is nothing but reheated leftovers that we have eaten
many times before. William B. Davis (There's that X-FILES
connection again!) puts in a quick cameo in the beginning of the
film. A Lionsgate Entertainment
DVD Release through their now-defunct Ghost House Underground
sub-label. Rated R.
THREE
ON A MEATHOOK (1972)
-
This atmospheric low budget chiller is director William Girdler's
take on the life of Ed Gein, previously filmed in 1960 as PSYCHO
and then in 1974 as THE
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE.
Billy Townsend (James Pickett) picks up four city girls whose car
has broken down on a small country road late in the night. Billy
brings them home for the night where they meet Pa Townsend (Charles
Kissinger). Pa and Billy argue about the girls. Pa reminds Billy what
happened the "last time he had a whore in the house" after
his mother died. Billy ignores him and makes the girls a meal with
Pa's "specially smoked meat". Later that night all the
girls are slaughtered by an unseen hand. (One is knifed repeatedly
while taking a bath, two are shotgunned a
nd
the fourth is beheaded with an axe.) The next morning Pa blames
Billy for the killings and tells him to go to the city, see a show
and not to come back until his head is clear. Billy goes to a bar,
listens to a rock band (American Xpress), gets drunk and meets a
waitress named Sherry (Sherry Steiner), who takes him to her pad to
sleep it off. They fall in love and Billy brings her home to meet Pa.
Big mistake. Pa says to Billy, "Strange things happen when
you're around women", to which Billy replies, "I'm no
killer!" It turns out Billy is right as Pa reveals that he is
the killer. In a twist ending, it is revealed that Billy's mother is
still alive and suffers from a cannibalistic disease. Pa was killing
the women to satisfy her craving for human flesh and blaming Billy
for the crimes. Though somewhat padded, this film has an overall
creepy quality you just can't shake. It is also surprising in many
ways such as when the four girls in the beginning are disposed of. Up
until that point the entire story revolved around them. Watching them
being viciously murdered comes a quite a shock. Pat Patterson (THE
BODY SHOP
- 1973; a.k.a. DOCTOR GORE),
a real-life magician who died of cancer in 1975, supplied the makeup
effects which include the aforementioned murders as well as a
pick-axe through the stomach and the sight of three girls on hooks in
Pa's meatlocker. This was director Girdler's second film, his first
being ASYLUM
OF SATAN
(1971; they played together on many double
bills through the 70's & 80's). THREE
ON A MEATHOOK
is the type of film they just don't make anymore: Low on budget, high
on shocks. Originally released on VHS by Regal
Video, Inc. and then on budget VHS by Video
Treasures. Not available on DVD. Rated
R.
THE
TOMB (2004) - Holy Christ, what a
steaming pile of manure. It's even sadder once you find out that this
shot-on-digital video turd was one of the last films to be directed
by the late Bruno Mattei, using his frequent pseudonym "David
Hunt". This is a sad, sad way to end a career. The film opens
two thousand years ago, with an Aztec high priest (Hugo Baret)
performing human sacrifices in order to raise some sort of demon.
Before he is able to sacrifice the last virgin, the villagers revolt
and stab the high priest in the back. His masked female assistant
rips out his eyes with a hook and mummifies his body, saying that one
day in the distant future the high priest will return to life in
order to complete his sacrificial ritual. Cut to the present, where
archaeology Professor Langley (Robert Madison; MOTHER
OF TEARS - 2007) brings a bunch of his students to Mexico to
search for something or the other (Why do all the Mexicans look
Filipino, you may ask? It's because this was primarily lensed in the
Philippines.). After losing their guide (who sports the phoniest
moustache I have ever seen) when somebody buries him alive in a
spooky cemetery (in the film's most atmospheric sequence), the
Professor and his students hire a creepy witch woman to guide
them through the jungle to their destination: A temple in the middle
of nowhere that just happens to contain the tomb of the mummified
high priest. They make it to the temple (after encountering some
quicksand and stock footage of bats in flight), where one of the
female students, Liz (Kasya Zurakowska), begins having visions of
owls (more stock footage) and the high priest rising from his tomb.
The witch woman, who turns out to be the reincarnation of the high
priest's assistant, revives the high priest and pretty soon Professor
Langley's students are killed one-by-one when they are trapped in the
temple by a cave-in (by obvious styrofoam boulders). One student has
his eyes ripped-out, another is impaled by a pendulum (what a
pendulum is doing in a temple is never explained), still another has
her throat cut and another is bitten by a bunch of poisonous spiders.
The finale finds the revived high priest about to sacrifice the
virginal Liz to finally complete the ritual he started two thousand
years earlier. Can the Professor stop him before it's too late? Does
anyone care at this point? Where to begin? First off, the whole
shot-on-digital video look gives the film (an ultra-low-budget
rip-off of Universal's THE MUMMY
[1999] remake) a soap opera-ish feel, which is never a good thing.
Even though some of the Philippines location scenery is quite
fetching, the SOV look makes it all seem rather flat and
one-dimensional, lacking the depth that shooting on film would allow.
Director Bruno Mattei (THE
OTHER HELL - 1980; ROBOWAR
- 1988; CANNIBAL
HOLOCAUST: THE BEGINNING - 2003) is not one that cares much
for subtlety, as he rips-off the Santanico Pandemonium dancing scene
in FROM DUSK TILL DAWN
(1995) early in this film and even "borrows" (I'm positive
they're unlicensed) clips from Universal's ARMY
OF DARKNESS (1992) and other A-list films to pad out this
flick's 92 minute running time. Never mind that these film inserts
stick out like a sore thumb, Mattei would rather you not dwell on
that. The fact is, I could overlook these faults (including the
terrible dubbing) if the film was at least fun or remotely
interesting, but it's a boring mess, where the characters always do
the stupidest things humanly possible (When one guy loses his
glasses, he just gives up all hope and whines like a baby!) and the
film has so many factual errors (Ancient Aztec women wore thong
underwear? Mummification rites involved wristwatch-wearing warriors?
Who knew?), it's laughable. If I had to say something good about this
film (and that a big if), it would be that some of the makeup effects
were well done (effects by Davide Chiesa and Alessandro Franceschini
of Logical Art), but that's faint praise indeed. No one really needs
to see this. American expatriate and Filipino film staple Mike Monty
was the Dialogue Coach. Also starring Gyorgy Szabados, Ann Maxwell,
Mark Rambert, Faith Lowe, Frank Barber, Juliette Junot, Kenny Krall,
Angie Linn and David Brass. The DVD put out by York Entertainment is
total amateur hour. Besides erroneously reporting the running time as
110 minutes (I would have put a bullet in my head if I actually had
to watch an additional eighteen minutes of this dung pile), the DVD
menu looks like it was burned on a home DVD recorder! Not Rated.
TOMB
OF TORTURE (1963) - Welcome
to Castle Monte Cristo. Come on in, the door is open. You want to
leave? Well, that's not going to be easy. My droopy-eyed monster,
Hugo, may want to "play" with you first. I hope you brought
a change of clothes!
Two young women, Esther (Emy Eko) and Cathy (Terry Thompson), enter
the castle, where rats walk freely on the furniture and it is dark as
death. Cathy gives Esther some matches to light a candle, not
noticing that her handkerchief has fallen to the floor. They admire a
picture of Countess Irene, who disappeared twenty years ago, no one
knowing what happened to her. They are frightened by Countess
Elizabeth (Flora Carosello, as "Elizabeth Queen"; APOCALYPSE
JOE - 1970). the castle's current resident, and she wants to
know what they are doing here. The girls tells her that they only
wanted to see Countess Irene's picture (it is so realistic, it looks
alive), but Countess Elizabeth gets angry and orders the girls to
leave. When the Countess leaves the room, the front door to the
castle locks, so the girls try to find some other way to exit the
castle. As they walk from room to room, Cathy starts acting weird,
crying out loud. Esther tries to comfort her and then leaves her
sitting on a chair while she tries to find a way out. Esther hears
Cathy scream and goes running to her, finding Cathy passed out on the
floor. It's quite obvious who put Cathy in that condition, as when
Esther turns around, she sees the horrible droopy-eyed monster Hugo
(Bernard Blay), who laughs like a madman. Hugo kills Esther and we
then see Cathy chained to the castle's dungeon wall, screaming for
help, as Hugo approaches her. he unlocks her chains and secures her
to a rack, laughing all the time. What happens to Cathy?
A carriage containing Dr. Darnell (Adriano Micantoni, as "Thony
Maky"; PLANETS
AGAINST US - 1962) arrives at a crime scene, where Officer
Dobson (Fred Pizzot) is standing guard over the dead naked bodies of
Esther and Cathy. Officer Dobson has never seen anything like this
before and asks the doctor what he thinks. Before he can answer,
Indian mystic Raman (director/co-screenwriter Antonio Boccaci, as
"William Gray") arrives at the crime scene and talks to old
friend Dr. Darnell, telling him that he has been away for a few
years, but he has returned, for reasons not yet clear. It seems Dr.
Darnell has returned to the village, too, to take care of daughter
Anna (Annie Alberti, as "Annie Albert"), who is in the
carriage. The doctor introduces Raman to his daughter and when he
sees her, only one word comes out of his mouth: "Irene".
Yes, Anna is the spitting image of Countess Irene and Raman is so
taken aback, he excuses himself and leaves. We then see Hugo walking
the castle grounds and entering the castle through a secret
passageway (every castle has one). We then discover that Dr. Darnell
has brought Anna to the village to solve a medical mystery. Anna has
been having a recurring nightmare where she is Countess Irene and is
in the castle's crypt, where a bearded hermit is chasing her. A man
calls out Irene's name and he is killed by someone wearing a suit of
armor, beating the man over his head with a club. When the person in
the armor lifts up the visor, the nightmare ends, Anna never seeing
the person's face. This nightmare has made Anna emotionally sick.
Every time she has this nightmare it takes her longer to wake up. Dr.
Darnell is worried that one day soon she will never wake up from this
nightmare, because it has taken her over three hours to wake up from
it yesterday. He hopes that if they find out what happened to
Countess Irene twenty years ago, Anna will be cured and the nightmare
will end (Just go along with it). Raman tells Dr. Darnell that he has
returned to the village to find out who murdered Countess Irene,
because he was in love with her and he knows that if she was alive
she would have found some way to contact him. He thinks it is too
dangerous for the doctor and his daughter to be here and says it
might be better if they left the village immediately, but Dr. Darnell
says no, the life of his daughter depends on finding out the truth.
Newspaper reporter George Dickson (Marco Mariani, as "Mark
Marian"; DEATH
SMILES ON A MURDERER - 1973), who is doing a story on the two
murdered girls, arrives at the village, but before he gets there, his
newfangled machine, called an automobile, overheats, so George stops
at the local lake for some water for the radiator, interrupting a
skinnydipping Anna, who is bathing in the lake. She and George become
fast friends, but when her father finds out what George does for a
living, he orders his daughter to stay away from him. What is Dr.
Darnell afraid of?
Countess Elizabeth tells Raman, "There's something strange in
the air tonight" (and it ain't Phil Collins!) and we then see
the person in the armor ordering Hugo to kill everyone who is
meddling in their business. Elizabeth then talks to Anna, telling her
that "they" killed Irene and they're going to kill her,
too, but who are "they"? Elizabeth also says that there's a
hidden treasure in the castle and that's the reason why Raman
returned to the village (He was once Elizabeth's lover, but the real
reason why he came back was to find Irene's body and find out who
killed her, if she is really dead.). Anna tells George that she
thinks she is going insane and believes she is the reincarnation of
Irene, but George tells her not to be silly, soon they will leave the
village and get married (Boy, he moves fast!). They then make love
while daddy is away on business for the night. Anna begs George not
to go to the castle and he tells her if she marries a reporter, she
should know that he goes where the story is and this story has
everything to do with the castle. While Anna is asleep, George sneaks
into castle, admires Ann....err, Irene's picture and almost becomes a
victim of a knife thrown by someone, but they miss, the knife
sticking in Irene's picture. Outside the castle, George hears a
woman's screams, goes to investigate and discovers a laughing Hugo
coming towards him. They get into a fight and as Hugo is about to
finish off George with a rock to his head, a dog barks and scares
Hugo away, George seeing him escape through the secret passageway.
Anna wakes up and discovers George is gone. She then goes into a
trance and sleepwalks to the castle (this place is busier than a
McDonalds!). She walks by Irene's picture, then sees Irene dressed as
a bride and follows her. What Anna finds is the answer to the mystery
and, just like her father said, her emotional problems are cured.
Maybe now she will realize that when she said she would marry George,
it was a rash decision!
This obscure little Italian Gothic horror film, directed/co-written
by the even more obscure Antonio Boccaci, who uses the name
"Anthony Kristye"
here (and is sometimes credited as "William Grace"). Not
much is known about Boccaci, as this is his only directing and acting
credit and he wrote the screenplays to three other equally obscure
films in the '60s, ending with Alfonso Brescia's spaghetti western DAYS
OF VIOLENCE (1967). But this is a passable chiller with some
effective scenes and unexpected humor. When Officer Dobson tells Dr.
Darnell that he doesn't trust Raman and wants to know what he thinks
about him, the good doctor tells the officer that what he needs is an
enema to flush the crap out of his system! (something unusual for a
film made in 1963). This black & white film seems to have been
converted to sepia-tone, as most scenes have a light brown tint to
them. I'm sure it is not a bad print because the picture is sharp and
clear and the sepia adds a little character to the flick, especially
in the dungeon scenes. But this film is about secrets, as everyone
seems to be harboring one or two that's integral to the plot. It's
not hard to figure out who Irene's killer is and the "tomb of
torture" in the film's title does come into play during the
film's finale, where Elizabeth chains Anna to the dungeon wall and
orders Hugo to kill her, but he can't because he was in love with
Irene and his tiny monster brain believes Anna is Irene. George and
Raman use the secret passageway to save Anna and Hugo knocks out
Raman, but when he goes to kill George, Anna's pleas stop him from
doing so. We then find out it was Elizabeth in the suit of armor and
she killed Irene, putting her body in an empty tomb in the crypt,
which Raman finds (which results in Elizabeth's death), ending his
search for the truth. Hugo begins to act like Quasimodo, swinging on
some chains attached to the ceiling. He gets a little too carried
away and ends up hanging himself when one of those chains wraps
around his neck. Hugo is nothing by a horror film cliche, but his
makeup is appropriately grotesque. While nothing remarkable, this is
an OK time-waster if you have nothing else to watch.
Filmed as METEMPSYCO
(it doesn't even have a translation in Italian), this film received a
U.S. theatrical release in 1966 (by Trans-Lux) as part of a double
bill, with the equally obscure German film CAVE
OF THE LIVING DEAD (1964). It was released on VHS and DVD by
Image Entertainment in 2000 and has yet to get a Blu-Ray release. My
review is based on the streaming version I saw for free on Amazon
Prime. The print is crisp and clear and the sound is good. Once
again, I thank Amazon for putting this film on their streaming site.
I've been reading where people say that Amazon only puts lousy DTV
films on their streaming site for free, but that is not true. You
have to look and if you do, you will find many good early horror
films on the site. My Roku 3 is still the best device for streaming
films on my HDTV. The best investment I ever made. This film Not Rated.
TOOLBOX
MURDERS (2003) - Director
Tobe Hooper nearly returns back to form in this gory, yet
underwritten, horror film that has very little to do with the
original TOOLBOX MURDERS
(1978), except that the killer uses power and hand tools to do his
killings. Newlyweds Nell and Steve Barrows (an uglied-up Angela
Bettis and Brent Roam) move into the Lusman Arms apartment complex,
which is undergoing
a major renovation. As soon as they move in, strange things begin to
happen such as tenants disappearing, finding a box of teeth in a hole
in the wall and the sound of power tools in the middle of the night.
Steve, who is a hospital resident, spends most of his time at his job
so Nell must find out the cause of all the problems she is
experiencing. When she calls the cops after hearing one of the
tenants screaming for her life (the lady has been literally nailed to
the wall with an air hammer) and they bust down the door, the police
find nothing (she has been nailed to the ceiling out of view) and
chalk it up to Nell having a vivid imagination. More murders occur,
including her new friend Julia (Juliet Landau) getting power-drilled
through the head, another female tenant getting a claw hammer rammed
through her chin, the building's maintenance man (co-screenwriter
Adam Gierasch) getting his head cut in half at the jaw line with a
portable circular saw, the doorman (Marco Rodriguez) getting his head
squeezed in a vise while acid is poured on his face and the manager
(Greg Travis) getting his spinal cord cut in half with bolt cutters
(after screaming, "Kill me already!"). Nell finds an ally
in long-time resident Chas Rooker (genre great Rance Howard [TICKS
- 1993]), who leads her in the right direction by pointing out that
none of the apartment floors have a Room 4. There's also some strange
supernatural symbols on each floor in which Nell discovers that the
building has a separate smaller building hidden inside it! It all
leads to a rather rushed conclusion that has something to do with a
"Coffin Baby" (Chris Doyle, who looks like a cousin of DARKMAN
- 1990), the supernatural actor who built the apartment complex and
stays alive by killing the residents for the past six decades. This
is the part that is woefully underwritten and spoils the finale of
the film. It also leaves the film wide open for a sequel. On the plus
side, there's the competent acting by the cast, moody murder scenes,
some jump-scares and the building itself, which seems to have a life
of it's own. Sherri Moon (HOUSE
OF 1000 CORPSES - 2002) has a cameo as the first on-screen
victim. This is better than all of Tobe Hooper's recent films,
including CROCODILE (2000), THE
MANGLER (1995) and NIGHT TERRORS
(1993), but no where near as good as his 70's classics. While the
film is rated R, the extras on the DVD have deleted scenes which
include the extended and much gorier versions of the death scenes,
especially the power drill and circular saw murders and an extended
scene which shows that Rance Howard's character was probably a ghost.
All-in-all, I enjoyed this little diversion into depravity and you
will too if your hopes aren't set too high. Followed in 2013 by a
sequel TBK: TOOLBOX MURDERS 2,
directed by Dean C. Jones, which picks ups directly where this film
ends. A Lions Gate Home Entertainment
Release. Rated R.
TOOTH
AND NAIL (2007) - In this
post-apocalyptic horror film (originally one of eight films in the 2007
After Dark Horrorfest), the Earth ceases to function normally,
not because of war, disease or famine, but because, as Professor
Darwin (Robert Carradine; MASSACRE
AT CENTRAL HIGH - 1976) tells us, "We simply ran out of
gas." (both figuratively and literally). A group of human
survivors, headed by Darwin (Darwin, get it?), make their home in an
abandoned hospital, sending out hunting parties every day to search
for food and other survivors. On one of their missions, members Viper
(Michael Kelly; DAWN OF THE DEAD
- 2004), Dakota (Nicole DuPort) and Ford (Rider Strong; CABIN
FEVER - 2002), discover a female survivor named Neon (Rachel
Miner; PENNY DREADFUL -
2006, also part of the AFTER
DARK series of films) passed-out in an abandoned building, her
boyfriend dead thanks to a Rover, a member of a nomadic tribe of
cannibalistic humans who munch on the flesh of any survivors they
find. Neon is brought back to the hospital, where
she is nursed back to health and proves to be an intelligent
addition to the ragtag group (She is able to fix the water
purification system, which was previously thought to be beyond
repair). Neon (yeah, most of the non-cannibal characters for some
reason have the names of automobile makers and models) is not trusted
by some members of the group (especially Viper and Ford) and when
Professor Darwin is murdered by some unknown person swinging a mean
meat cleaver and his body ends up missing, the question soon becomes:
Who is responsible? Is it someone from their own group or is it the
Rovers, who are after Neon for some, as yet, unknown reason? The
leader of the Rovers, Jackal (Michael Madsen; SPECIES
- 1995, who lately seems to take any role offered him), has his
cannibal comrades, including second-in-command Mongrel (Vinnie Jones; THE
MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN - 2008), surround the hospital and begin
killing the survivors one-by-one, starting with Yukon (Zack Rubidas),
who is repeatedly whacked in the back with Jackal's double-bladed
axe. The survivors elect Neon as their new leader (much to Ford's
objections) since she has dealt with the Rovers before. They should
have listened to Ford, because Neon is actually a member (possibly
even the leader) of the Rovers. She begins separating the survivors
so the other Rovers can kill them. The fight for survival is extreme,
but Dakota fights back using a bow and arrow until she faces-off with
Neon in the finale. May the best bitch win! This is a
well-made, but bland, low-budget horror film that doesn't offer
anything new or radically different from any other low-budget horror
film. Director/screenwriter/editor Mark Young (SOUTHERN
GOTHIC - 2006) must have blown the budget on Michael Madsen,
Vinnie Jones and Robert Carradine's paychecks, because the majority
of the film is nothing but people running, hiding, talking and dying
throughout the hospital's dingy corridors and rooms. While the blood
flows rather freely, the gore effects are standard fare, including a
meat cleaver to the head (one of the oldest and easiest effects to
pull off), a baseball bat full of nails to the cranium, an axe to the
back, impalement by spear, acid thrown in a face, an arrow piercing
an eye and gunshots to a torso. It's like director Young and
producers Jonathan Sachar and Patrick Durham (who both appear as
members of the Rovers) just got done watching the terrible SOV
pseudo-documentary SPLATTER:
THE ARCHITECTS
OF FEAR (1986) and decided to remake the
film-within-the-film that SPLATTER pretended to document, even
copying many of the gore effects that fake film had! While the acting
here is OK (although it's obvious that Madsen, Jones and Carradine
were probably only available for a day's-worth of shooting time), the
film just plods along until it's "surprise" reveal, which
anyone with half a brain could see coming a mile away. The dialogue
contains such embarrassing exchanges like: Dakota: "I'm
going to kill you!" Neon: "Not if I eat you
first!" or this monologue between a cannibal and his rumbling
stomach: "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! We'll be eating in a couple
of hours. Nice, tasty meat! Yum, yum!" so be prepared to shake
you head in disbelief every now and then. There's not much to
recommend here unless you're a fan of generic stalk 'n' slash
material, although I have to admit that the finale, where Dakota
comes up with a novel way to defeat the Rovers, did take me by
surprise. Filmed in Philadelphia, PA. Also starring Alexandra
Barreto, Emily Young, Kevin E. Scott, Beverly Hynds and Bill Duff. A Lionsgate
Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
TOUCH
OF DEATH (1990) - "That's
Parson, Lester Parson. That's right, almost like a person. But not quite."
Degenerate gambler Lester Parson (Brett Halsey; DEMONIA
- 1990), who has a thing for the horses, cooks a steak and then eats
it, sharing it with his cat Reginald, telling him not to worry, he
will always get his share. We then see a dead woman lying naked on a
table in another room of Lester's house, a piece of her flesh missing
from her upper thigh in the same shape as the
steak Lester just ate. Lester then enters the room, grabs an electric
chainsaw and cuts off the woman's arms, head and legs (in that order.
I don't know if this was intentional or not, but when he turns on the
electric chainsaw we hear a gas-powered chainsaw on the soundtrack.
Electric chainsaws do not make that noise. It could be an in-joke or
sloppy looping, but I believe it's the former, for reasons that will
become abundantly clear as the film progresses). Yes, Lester Parsons
is a cannibal, a modern-day Bluebeard who romances rich, lonely women
and then kills them, cooks them and eats them after robbing them
blind. He may be a gambler, but he's not a good one, losing big on
the ponies. He asks his bookie, Randy ("Al Cliver"; THE
BEYOND - 1981; who uses his real name, Pier Luigi Conti,
here), for a loan, but he refuses, telling Lester he will just lose
it at the races and he won't be able to pay it back.
Lester searches through the lonely-hearts ads in the newspaper to
look for a new conquest. We then see him in bed with an extremely
ugly middle-aged woman named Margie Holt (Sasha Darwin; VOICES
FROM BEYOND - 1991), who has a noticeable dark mustache,
discolored skin on her face and two large black moles on her right
breast! While she moans in pleasure, Lester has a look of disgust on
his face; every kiss he plants on her naked body makes him gag
silently (It's quite funny, as well as extremely hard to watch).
Later on, he decides to murder a drunk Margie by drugging her drink,
but every time she is about to swallow it, something happens, so she
doesn't. She gets suspicious when he makes her drink a drugged glass
of bicarbonate of soda (holding her nose and pouring it down her
throat) and she gets sick, runs to the bathroom and then throws up.
Lester has had enough, so he picks up a wood tree branch and smashes
her over the head repeatedly until her brain matter spills to the
floor, but she still refuses to die (!), forcing Lester to put her
head into the microwave oven and turning it on, watching her face
melt away (That's not how a microwave works. Even in early models,
safety precautions were taken where the door must be completely
closed before you could turn it on! Another in-joke, perhaps?).
Lester then puts her dead body in the trunk of his car (She still
makes his life difficult, for every time he goes to close the trunk,
her foot pops up to block it from closing, forcing him to cut off her
feet!) and dumps it at a construction site, covering her body in wet
cement. When Lester gets back in his car, he is surprised to see that
a tramp (Marco Di Stefano; APOCALYPSE
MERCENARIES - 1987) was sleeping in the back seat. He tells
Lester that he saw him dumping a body, so he gives the tramp money to
keep his mouth shut, but when the tramp gets out of the car, Lester
runs him over repeatedly, the tires crushing his head like a
watermelon. It seems that Lester is not only a gambler and a
cannibal, he's also quite psychotic and may also have someone who is
copycatting his murders and pointing to Lester as the culprit. This
voice begins making Lester's life very difficult, not only talking to
him over the radio (which he tapes on a cassette to make sure it is
real), but also threatening him over the phone, giving him advice on
how to live his life. Is it possible that all this is real and not
happening in his twisted mind?
When Lester goes to a fence to hock Margie's jewelry, he discovers
it is only worthless costume junk, forcing him once again to find
another rich woman in the lonely-hearts ads, this time a middle-aged
opera singer named Alice Shogun (Ria De Simone; WOMEN'S
CAMP 119 - 1977), who likes to be slapped in the face and is
into S & M sex. Alice also sings loudly while she sleeps (!),
keeping Lester up all night, so he strangles her in her sleep with a
whip (a sex toy they apparently used that night). Once again, her
dead body proves to be difficult for Lester when he puts it in the
front passenger seat of his car (she keeps slumping over, even when
he straps her in the seatbelt and shoulder harness!). It's nearly
curtains for Lester when he is stopped by a cop for going under the
speed limit (!), Alice strapped in the front seat, but he gets away
by the skin of his teeth.
Lester is getting sloppy and worries that the police are closing in,
blaming the copycat killer for it, so he goes to Randy to place
another bet, only to be told by Randy that the shop is closed because
the police are tapping his phones. Randy has a poker game going on in
his office and Lester joins in, only to lose all of Alice's money and
a whole lot more. Randy gives him a week to pay it back, if he
doesn't, pain, and a whole lot more, are in his future.
Lester continues to get phone calls from the copycat, telling him,
"My fate is linked to yours." Lester wants to meet him,
only to be told, "Forget it. It will mean the end of you."
Lester is willing to take that chance (he is a betting man, after
all) and asks the voice where he is located. "Nearer than you
can ever imagine. I can almost say we are close enough to touch",
says the voice on the other end. Then the phone goes dead (after the
curtains in Lester's living room blow open). Lester thinks that Randy
is somehow involved in all of this, yet when he goes to Randy's
office (located above a horse stable), he finds a "For Sale"
sign hanging on the door. Lester breaks in and discovers that a cat
still lives there and the more he searches, he begins to realize the
person who lived there leads a life remarkably like his own, scaring
the shit out of him, yet he is too psychotic to realize that his
worst enemy is himself.
Lester gets a phone call from a woman named Virginia Fields (Zora
Kerova; THE NEW YORK RIPPER
- 1982; billed here as "Zora Ulla Kesler"), who seemingly
called the wrong number (she is very beautiful, but has a disgusting
harelip). She tells Lester he has a nice voice, just like her dead
husband and jokingly says she wishes to hire him to wake her up every
morning. Lester tells her that would be an expensive proposition and
Virginia says that isn't a problem, her dead husband left her a lot
of money. Is Lester extremely lucky or is he being set up? Is there
actually a copycat murderer? Why doesn't Lester cast a shadow? If you
want to know the answers to these questions I'm afraid you'll have to
watch the film,
but I think you already know the answer to some of those questions
and will be surprised by the rest of them.
What I found fascinating about this film is that
director/screenwriter Lucio Fulci (CITY
OF THE LIVING DEAD - 1980; THE
BLACK CAT - 1981; AENIGMA
- 1987) shows a sure hand at comedy. Sure, it's pretty dark humor,
but it's funny nonetheless. What I especially found funny is that
Lester seems to pick women with deformities that he has a hard time
dealing with, be it physical or mental deformities, making his time
with them before he kills them just as painful for him as the end is
for them. Of course, none of this would have worked if it wasn't for
the talents of Brett Halsey (Fulci's THE
DEVIL'S HONEY - 1986), for, even though his voice is dubbed
(the dulcet tones of maestro dubber Nick Alexander), his facial
expressions and body language imbue Lester with just enough menace to
go along with his finely-tuned comic performance (His expression when
kissing Virginia is worth the price of admission alone). He's
actually a revelation here and I have never seen him do better. What
is also surprising about this film is that it was made for Italian
television, yet it is full of gory violence and female nudity (but
none of it titillating in the least), unlike most of Fulci's other TV
movies, which include SODOMA'S
GHOST (1988), THE
SWEET HOUSE OF HORRORS (1989) and THE
HOUSE OF CLOCKS (1989). Some scenes, including the tramp
being run over, were used in Fulci's A
CAT IN THE BRAIN (1990), a film that I believe is Fulci's
most personal, which is made up primarily of scenes from other films
(See my review for more
information). I didn't expect to like this film, since most of
Fulci's later ones are less than stellar, but this one surprised me
pleasantly. I love being surprised and I recommend you search for
this film and give it a chance. You should like it, too, especially
if you appreciate black humor (and a well done closing scene that
involves Lester's shadow).
Shot as QUANDO ALICE
RUPPE LO SPECCHIO ("When
Alice Broke The Mirror"), this film had neither a
theatrical or VHS release in the United States, first hitting these
shores in 2005 as a DVD
from Media Blasters/Shriek Show (which is how I viewed it). No disc
updates since then, but if you have an all region disc player, a Blu-Ray
can be purchased from British label 88
Films. Or, if you don't want a physical copy, you can watch it
streaming on YouTube from users "Dethfukk" or "Horror
Realm" in a nice OAR print (1.33:1) dubbed in English. Also
featuring Antonio Maimone (TERROR
EXPRESS - 1979) and a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo by
Maurice Poli (Fulci's WHITE FANG
- 1973) as a TV news reporter. Not Rated.
THE
TOUCH OF SATAN (1971) - This will
forever be known as the horror film that many people thought Billy
Jack directed. They would be wrong. After a brutal pitchfork murder
of an old prospector in a barn, we are introduced to the Strickland
family, who seem to be harboring some deep, dark secret. Driving into
town is young Jodie Thompson (Michael Berry), who is warned by the
gas station attendant that a "fromicidal maniac" is on the
loose. Jodie stops by a pond to eat lunch and meets Melissa
Strickland (Emby Mellay). They strike up a conversation and Melissa
invites him home (it's a walnut farm!) for dinner with her family.
Melissa's father, Luther (Lee Amber), is wary of Jodie's presence (He
says to Melissa, "You didn't 'call' him, did you?") and
after dinner, when Jodie accepts Melissa's offer to spend the night,
it worries Luther and Melissa's mom, Molly (Yvonne Winslow), even
more. It's not long before Jodie and Melissa fall in love, which
worries Mom and Pop on even a larger level, as they
try to hide the hideously-burned and old (and seemingly insane)
family member Lucinda Strickland (Jeanne Gerson) from Jodie, but she
sneaks into his bedroom and warns him to "Go away!"
Lucinda's old, burned face scares Jodie, but Melissa explains that
her great-grandmother is harmless. It's quite clear that all is not
right with the Strickland family, especially with Melissa, when we
see her go into Lucinda's room and she calls her "my
sister". There's also talk between Mom and Pop that Jodie may be
"the one" and Melissa says, "We'll have to wait and
see". After a trip to town, where all the people stare at the
couple, Melissa reveals to Jodie that she is a witch, but he doesn't
believe her. She takes him to a secret cabin in the woods, where she
goes to practice her craft. Lucinda gets loose and murders a snooping
cop (Lew Horn) with a baling hook. Luther locks Jodie in the barn
after he sees the cop's bloody body. Jodie agrees to keep his mouth
shut as long as Melissa leaves with him tomorrow, which triggers a
flashback that tells the Strickland's backstory. During the early
19th Century, Lucinda was being burned as a witch when sister Melissa
makes a deal with the Devil (who speaks in a voice that sounds eerily
similar to Melissa's) to save her. Melissa never grows old but, this
being a deal with the Devil, Lucinda continues to age but not die.
Melissa hopes that Jodie will be the one that is able to break this
spell. She makes love to Jodie and turns old in front of his eyes.
Melissa is finally free of the spell, but Jodie makes a deal with the
Devil (who sounds eerily like Jodie) to make her young again. The
Devil wins every time. It doesn't take a genius to figure out
what is going on here, but director Don Henderson, (the sexploitation
films THE BABYSITTER
[1969] and it's sequel WEEKEND
WITH THE BABYSITTER [1970]), films everything with a sense
of loneliness and dread, as if something bad could happen at any time
(Some people believe that Don Henderson was a pseudonym for BILLY
JACK himself, Tom Laughlin, but that is not true. Henderson
produced Laughlin's THE
BORN LOSERS [1967], the very first Billy Jack film, which
Laughlin directed using the name "T.C. Frank" and people
believed that Henderson was another of Laughlin's pseudonyms, a rumor
that was proven wrong.). This GP-rated (later PG) film is fairly
bloody in spots (when the cop is killed, the blood flows rather
freely), but that wasn't uncommon in 70's horror cinema (just look at
1970's BLOOD AND LACE,
which may be the goriest PG film ever made). What is unusual in a
film like this is the long, 360 degree tracking shot that Henderson
utilizes just after the cop is killed. The camera spins in a circle,
but stays focused on Melissa's worried face, as we hear Molly and
Luther clean up the crime scene. It's quite an effective sequence
that conveys a lot of emotion. Joe Blasco (ILSA:
SHE-WOLF OF THE SS - 1974) has one of his earliest special
makeup effects credits here. His old-age burn makeup on Lucinda is
excellent as are his other gore effects. While this is a slow-moving
horror film, patient viewers will be rewarded. This use to play
constantly on TV during the 70's and early 80's and then just
disappeared until MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 gave it the full
comedy treatment. It can be found in that form on Volume 5 of their
DVD collection from Rhino Home Video.
Unfortunately, they do not offer the unedited version on the DVD.
That version can be found on a long OOP VHS tape from King Of Video
(later Paragon
Home Video). THE TOUCH OF SATAN
is also known as THE CURSE OF MELISSA
and THE TOUCH OF MELISSA.
It also played once as NIGHT
OF THE DEMON on a double bill with THE
HOLLYWOOD HILLSIDE STRANGLER (1973), which many people
mistaken for the 1979
Bigfoot gore film over the years, but take it from someone who
actually saw the double bill; they were wrong. Also starring
Robert Easton, Hal K. Dawson, Frank Jansen, Sharon Crabtree and John
J. Fox. Now available on a double
feature DVD from Code Red,
with the film SEEDS OF EVIL
(1972). Rated PG.
TOURIST
TRAP (1978) - Here's one of
the creepiest PG-rated horror flicks ever made, thanks to Chuck
Connor's over-the-top performance, a house full of the scariest
mannequins you will ever see this side of Filene's Basement and a
music score that is guaranteed to get under
your skin and make you twitch like a junkie high on smack. The film
opens with Woody (Keith McDermott) rolling a spare tire in need of
air down a dirt road until he gets to a rundown gas station/museum
called "Slausen's Lost Oasis And Old West Museum" in the
middle of nowhere. Woody's girlfriend, Eileen (Robin Sherwood), waits
by the car when three of her friends, Jerry (Jon Van Ness; HOSPITAL
MASSACRE - 1981), Becky (Tanya Roberts; FORCED
ENTRY - 1975) and Molly (Jocelyn Jones; THE
GREAT TEXAS DYNAMITE CHASE - 1976), drive by and rescue her
and then go looking for Woody, who enters the dilapidated museum,
hears what sounds like female moaning and decides to investigate.
Poor Woody, he didn't stand a chance. He enters a back room, is
attacked by a bunch of cackling mannequins (whose mouths open and
close in the most frightening way) and all the objects in the room
either shake or fly through the air, including a piece of lead pipe,
which impales Woody through his back and he dies (as blood flows out
of the open end of the pipe). Jerry and his friends arrive at
Slausen's Lost Oasis (all of them missing the "Closed To The
Public" sign with a live vulture roosting on it!) and their Jeep
suddenly goes on the fritz (since this movie was made before cell
phones and their lack of signals, the "car failing to start"
routine was the most popular convenient inconvenience in horror
films), but the girls find a beautiful waterfall and lake a few
hundred yard away and decide to go skinny-dipping, only to be
interrupted by a smiling, shotgun-toting Mr. Slausen (Chuck Connors; THE
MAD BOMBER - 1972), who seems to take a keen interest in
Molly, the most prim and proper of the three girls, and to warn them
to leave the area before it gets dark (the lake fills up with deadly
water moccasins at nighttime). Mr. Slausen drives Jerry and the girls
to his museum, where Eileen asks about all the lifelike mannequins
that litter the place. Mr. Slausen explains that they were all
created by his brother, who was lured away to the big city ("He's
out there still making dummies for one of them wax museums.")
and shows them the intricate mechanics of one of the Old West
mannequins. When Mr. Slausen and Jerry go to fix his Jeep, Eileen
finds that the phone doesn't work (Slausen says, "I ain't got
nobody to call."), so she decides to check out Slausen's home
(which is separate from the museum) all by herself to look for
another phone (big mistake). She discovers a house full of mannequins
and one that is dressed as Woody, who telekinetically strangles Eil
een
with a scarf while all the objects in the room shatter or fly
through the air. It's quite obvious by now that Mr. Slausen is hiding
a deadly secret and when he returns to the museum without Jerry and
starts talking about his dearly departed wife (he keeps an eerie wax
likeness of her in the museum and she looks somewhat like Molly),
it's clear that he has more than one screw loose (When he goes to the
house to find Eileen, he discovers she has been turned into a
mannequin). What is the secret of Slausen's Lost Oasis and what power
does Mr. Slausen have that lets him control the mannequins? More
people will die before the secret is revealed, but will anyone
survive and will they be sane? Since this film is a fine
example of style over substance (THE
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE's Robert A. Burns handled the
effective Art Direction and Pino Donnagio [CARRIE
- 1976] the unforgettable music score that is punctuated with creepy
"oohs" and "ahhs"), TOURIST
TRAP (a.k.a. HORROR PUPPET),
the first directorial feature film by David Schmoeller (CRAWLSPACE
- 1986; CURSE IV: THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE
- 1988; PUPPET MASTER -
1989; NETHERWORLD -
1991), who also co-wrote the screenplay with Producer J. Larry
Carroll (THE DAY TIME ENDED
- 1979), is full of atmospheric shocks and unforgettable visuals
(especially those weirdly-jointed mannequin heads), but not much
story. It's basically nothing more than a bunch of young adults being
stalked by the demented Mr. Slausen, who, for some reason, has strong
telekinetic powers and wants to turn the interlopers into his own
personal mannequins (It all stems from Slausen finding his wife and
brother "whoring together" and killing them both). Charles
Band (who is Executive Producer here) was quite capable of
turning-out perfectly watchable horror films (CRASH!
- 1977; LASERBLAST
- 1978) before he became obsessed with killer puppets and dolls.
Maybe TOURIST TRAP was
his first film to fuel that obsession. Either way, it's a good,
skin-crawling way to spend 90 minutes. Originally available on VHS by Media
Home Entertainment and a widescreen DVD release by Cult Video. Rated
PG, but don't let that turn you off. There are some perverted
pleasures to be had here, including a rather bloody
hatchet-to-the-head, fleeting glimpses of female nudity and, dear
lord, those fucking creepy mannequins.
THE
TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN
(2014) - I have to say that I went into this film with a lot of
trepidation, since I simply love director Charles B. Pierce's 1976
film of the same name, which was based on a true series of
murders that terrified the town of Texarkana (which is located in
both Texas and Arkansas and shares two mayors, two councils, two
police forces, etc.) in the late 1940's & early-1950's, that was
never solved. A serial killer with a burlap sack on his head (with
two eye-holes cut out), simply called "The Phantom", killed
a bunch of people by various means and then disappeared. But as soon
as I saw the Orion Pictures logo on the screen (the first time it has
been used in a motion picture in over 15 years, since director Lance
Hool's ONE MAN'S HERO in
1999), I knew that I was in for something different. What I didn't
know is how much I would enjoy it since it pays tribute to the true
story and Charles B. Pierce's film and in a way that should please
those who love the 1976 film, as well as gorehounds. The film opens
up with a narrator explaining the true events that went on in
Texarkana (just in case you were not familiar with it) and then goes
on to explain that when Charles B. Pierce made the film in their town
in 1976, it became a town tradition to screen the film every
Halloween and in 2013 it was the Twin Star Drive-In's turn (on the
Arkansas side) to screen the film, where the Reverend Cartwright
(Edward Herrmann, in his last film) pickets the film and hands out
flyers telling everyone to stop watching the film and come to his
church on Sunday to confess their sins (it turns out that he is a
real scumbag later on in the film). Jami (Addison Timlin), an
aspiring writer who lost her parents in a car
wreck years earlier, and Corey (Spencer Treat Clark), are watching
the film, but Jami doesn't want to be there and agrees to go to
Lover's Lane with Corey to make out. When they arrive there and are
just about to get busy, The Phantom appears and makes both Jami and
Corey get out of the car. He tells Jami to turn around and not look,
as he makes Corey drop his pants and lie on the ground. Just when you
think Corey is about to be sodomized, The Phantom repeatedly stabs
him in the back over and over and Jami turns around. The Phantom
says, "You looked." and chases her through the woods. He
finally catches her, but instead of killing her, he tells her,
"This is for Mary. Make them understand." When Jami walks
out of the woods and Corey's body is found by the Jim Bowie statue in
the middle of town (with a burlap sack on its head), the police
Chiefs of both sides of town, Chief Deputy Tillman (Gary Cole) and
Sheriff Underwood (the late Ed Lauter, in one of his final films),
question Jami and decide that they don't want to start another panic
in town like in the 40's, so they keep things hushed up and Jami goes
home to Lillian (Veronica Cartwright), her grandmother, who was alive
when the original murders happened and is very open about telling her
everything she remembers about the original killings and the movie
being made in town in 1976. Deputy Foster (Joshua Leonard) is
assigned to keep an eye on Lillian's house and follow Jami around to
make sure she is safe. The town will soon be in panic mode once
again, when a returning Marine and his girlfriend (who is about to
propose to him!) are screwing in a motel room and she asks her
sweetheart to get her some cookies from the vending machine outside.
As she is setting up the proposal, the Marine's severed head comes
crashing through the front window, followed by The Phantom, who
chases the girl (who jumps out the bathroom window and has a huge
piece of glass impaled in her ankle) to her car and stabs her
repeatedly. The town holds a community meeting, where both mayors
assure everyone that the film will no longer be shown and it can't be
the original Phantom, because he would be over a hundred years-old. A
drunk in the audience (more about him later) says he knew this was
going to happen. It was only a matter of time. Enter Texas Ranger
Lone Wolf Morales (Anthony Anderson), who announces that he will now
be taking over the investigation (he is a composite of the real Texas
Ranger in the 40's and Ben Johnson's character in the 1976 film) and
needs all the files, as well as a copy of the film, which he has
never seen! The town holds a vigil at the high school for Corey, the
Marine and his girlfriend, which Jami attends and "The
Phantom" appears and is shot to death by a Marine attending the
vigil. It is announced at a town dinner that The Phantom has been
killed and the band there starts playing some old-time dance music.
After the dinner, two gay teens in the band decide to drive to the
old sign graveyard (it is quite the sight) for their first encounter
with homosexuality (the conversation between the two is hilarious and
they do it in front of an old sign featuring the Reverend
Cartwright's image), when The Phantom appears (turns out the one that
was killed at the vigil was a college kid who left a suicide note in
his dorm room) and smashes one boy in the face until it is a bloody
pulp (he then finishes him off by shooting him in the head with a
silencer) and ties the other boy up and does the trombone murder
scene that is in the first movie, only this one is much, much
bloodier. Deputy Tillman is shot in the eye by The Phantom while
getting oral sex from a bar floozy in his home (You haven't lived
until you see the look on Gary Cole's face as he is getting a
blowjob!) and the floozy is chased outside into a cornfield, murdered
and left hanging like a scarecrow. Meanwhile, Jami and new friend
Nick (Travis Tope), who works at the local newspaper's research
department, find out some vital information about the murders thanks
to tracking down Charles B. Pierce Jr. (character actor supreme Denis
O'Hare, who also supplied the film's opening narration), the son of
the film director, who was the drunk we saw in the audience. He tells
them that the final murder by the original Phantom was never
reported. His name was Hank McCreedy and he was found cut to pieces
on the railroad tracks, so the authorities said that he was The
Phantom and stopped the investigation (since no more killings
happened again). This drove McCreedy's wife Mary to suicide and
Pierce Jr. says that it is McCreedy's grandson who is committing all
these bloody crimes. To say any more will be to ruin a great ending
(let me just say that I was half surprised, as I have given you the
clues you need to figure it out at least one part of it), but it is a
satisfying conclusion until the final freeze-frame, which then leaves
the film open for a sequel (Why do they always have to do that?).
This is director Alfonso Gomez-Rejon's feature film debut (he
directed many episodes of the wonderful TV anthology series AMERICAN
HORROR STORY) and he does an excellent job here, even
throwing in some seat-raising jump scares. The camera breezes though
some scenes like it is floating through the air (the cornfield scene
is really impressive) and there is no quick editing, as the camera
lingers on some of the killings for longer than some people can
endure (this is a good thing). The screenplay, by Roberto
Aguirre-Sacasa (CARRIE - 2013),
is repectful to the late Charles B. Pierce's film (although I'm not
too sure he would like his son being depicted as a drunk), even
incorporating some scenes from the film into the murders thanks to cross-editing
(the trombone murder for one) and when Lone Wolf watches the film
for the first time on VHS (I guess they didn't get the Scream
Factory Blu-Ray!), where Lone Wolf seems transfixed on the Ben
Johnson character (One of the very many homages to the original film
that are sprinkled and hidden throughout this film. See how many you
can find. I'll give you one more: A character named
"Sparkplug" is briefly seen and mentioned by name.). The
screenplay has everyone but one person being killed because they are
having or talking about sex, a throwback to 80's slasher films.
Another plus for this film is the excellent actors that were
assembled for this film, something unusual for a movie of this type
(and even sadder when two of them would make this film their
swansong) and it makes the film better than it has any right to be.
Everyone here is a joy, especially Addison Timlin, who plays her part
with just the right amount of sadness (she is the cause of her
parents' deaths) and need to be accepted in town, even if it means
having sex with someone popular when she doesn't really want to (and
then gets called a slut by Corey's mother at his wake!). Look for a
poster of BOXCAR BERTHA
(1972) in a theater scene. If you want to see how a modern horror
film can be done right (and some of the gore and nudity pushes the
R-Rating to the limits), you could do a lot worse than this one.
Originally released simultaneously in limited theaters and VOD before
making its DVD & Blu-Ray debut from Image
Entertainment. Also starring Wes Chatam, Morganna May, Arabella
Field, Andy Abele, Lance E. Nichols and Geraldine Singer. An Image
Entertainment DVD & Blu-Ray Release. Rated R.
TOXIC
ZOMBIES (1980) - Lame-brained,
low budget 16mm feature that contains all the standard
horror film cliches. The government sprays a marijuana crop deep in
the Pennsylvania mountains with an experimental herbicide, turning
the harvesters and the cropduster pilot into flesh-eating zombies.
The harvesters terrorize and devour anyone who crosses their path,
including a camping family complete with a retarded son (was that
really necessary?), some stupid locals and a government agent
(Charles Austin) on a fishing trip with his wife and brother. The
agent and his family hook-up with the retarded boy and his sister and
try to stay one step ahead of the zombified potheads. Good luck.
Since pot smoking leads to the munchies, this group of braindead
harvesters will do anything for a good human meal. Poor in every
department, this film is a good example on how not to make a movie.
Bad acting, jittery camerawork, lame dialogue, lamer jokes (e.g. Q:
How do you know you're in a Polish bank? A: You give them a toaster
and they give you $500.) and slipshod direction make this an
extremely hard film to watch. The only noticable face is that of John
Amplas from George Romero's MARTIN
(1977), who has a small role here as a government agent instrumental
in having the herbicide applied in secrecy and trying to cover up the
aftermath. There are some bloody effects, such as a hand being
chopped off, multible stabbings and spilled innards, but they're
nothing to write home about. TOXIC
ZOMBIES
is also available on video under the titles BLOODEATERS,
CRYING FIELDS and FOREST
OF FEAR.
If this film is supposed to be a parable on the adverse effects of
pot smoking, it didn't work. I had to smoke a joint just to get
through this mess. Bummer, man! Directed, Produced and Written by
one-shot wonder Charles McCrann who, unfortunately, lost his life in
the collapse of the Twin Towers due to the terrorist attack of
September 11, 2001. A Videatrics Home Video Release. Rated
R.
TRACK
OF THE MOONBEAST (1972) - MOONBEAST
is a film that is forever etched in my mind thanks
to its many TV showings during the 70s. Unfortunately,
its pretty bad. A fragment of a meteorite lodges into the head
of a mineralogist (Chase Cordell), turning him into a bloodthirsty
black lizard monster (played by future makeup master Joe Blasco)
whenever the moon is full. His understandably upset girlfriend (Donna
Leigh Drake) and American Indian friend (Gregorio Sala) try to find a
cure for him before he explodes (dont ask!). They dont
succeed. This regional film (made in the Nevada desert) does not have
much going in its favor as there are long stretches of boring
dialogue, plenty of bad acting and make-up effects that can best be
described as amateurish. The transformation scenes are a series of
poorly-staged dissolves and the carnage is phony-looking. The video
copy I viewed was severely cut, suggesting that it was an edited TV
version (a print of an unedited version seems to be impossible to
find). What is seen is a camper having his arm ripped off and various
bloody faces. Oh well. Another childhood memory shot to hell.
Directed by Dick Ashe, who was the first assistant director of A
PLACE CALLED TODAY
(1972) and second assistant director of DIARY
OF A MAD HOUSEWIFE
(1970). TRACK
OF THE MOONBEAST
was his only directorial effort. One can see why after viewing it. A Prism
Entertainment Home Video Release.
Not Rated.
TRAGIC
CEREMONY (1972) - After
watching director Riccardo Freda's THE
IGUANA WITH THE TONGUE OF FIRE (1971), I had to take a short
sabbatical from his other films since it was terrible (but extremely
bloody). Freda was a man who turned out some extremely good films,
such as CALTIKI, THE
IMMORTAL MONSTER (1959) and his final film, the giallo MURDER
OBSESSION (1981; he passed away in 1999 at the age of 90).
After just watching Freda's Gothic horror film THE
DEVIL'S COMMANDMENT (a.k.a. I
VAMPIRI - 1957), the first Italian horror film of the Sound
Era (read my review
for more information),
it dawned on me that he excelled at Gothic horror, also giving us THE
HORRIBLE DR. HICHCOCK (1962) ands its semi-sequel THE
GHOST (1963), so I decided to give this film a look, Freda's
last Gothic horror film, to see if he still had "it". I'm
afraid to mention, after watching it two times, that my reaction is
mixed, but I enjoyed the film much, much more the second time I
watched it, but I still have reservations about it. This film
contains all the Gothic horror staples, including a creepy house,
even creepier people and some supernatural mumbo-jumbo, along with
some '70s trappings, such as female nudity and some very graphic
bloodletting, but the film still seemed "off". So
what are my reservations? Let me first explain the film's plot and
then I will get to it.
A group of four young adults (i.e. hippies) are on a luxurious
sailboat owned by Bill's (Tony Isbert; THE
DRACULA SAGA - 1973) rich father, enjoying life, playing
guitar and getting tans. Bill lives on his family's money and Joe
(Maximo Valverde; HOTEL FEAR
- 1978) makes sure that Bill knows it. As they go to shore, Bill
hands Joe and Fred (Giovanni Petrucci; DEATH
RIDES A HORSE - 1967) some travelers checks for helping him
on this outing and even offers to pay Jane (Camille Keaton; WHAT
HAVE YOU DONE TO SOLANGE? - 1972) some money, but she
refuses, telling Bill that she's only here to "enjoy life".
When Bill gets Jane alone, he gives her a very expensive pearl
necklace, which she gladly accepts. A flashback shows us that Bill
originally purchased the necklace for his mother (Irina Demick; NAKED
GIRL KILLED IN THE PARK - 1972), but when he tells her that
the antiques dealer he brought the necklace from told him that the
original owner was a crazy woman who was possessed by the Devil and
it may be cursed, his mother no longer wants to wear it, putting it
in a drawer in her bedroom night table. It turns out Bill knew his
mother wouldn't want the necklace, so he steals it out of the night
table after spying on his mother naked in the bathroom bathtub
sharing a smoke with Joe! Back in the present, when Jane goes to kiss
Bill to thank him for the expensive gift, she suddenly has a vision,
seeing Bill's face a sickly blue color with eyes that are bleeding,
and runs away in fear. It turns out Jane is dating Joe and Bill is
not too pleased with it, thinking he can buy her love (Why doesn't
shit like this happen to me?).
The group of four go for a nighttime ride in Bill's dune buggy, but
they run out of gas. They push the dune buggy to the nearest gas
station, where the attendant (Jose Calvo; THE
PRICE OF POWER - 1969) refuses to give them any gas because
he believes the travelers checks Bill has are stolen since he left
his ID back in the tent at the campsite and can't prove his identity.
The attendant, who is an old prick, gives them a minute amount of gas
when Jane flashes her eyes at him, but they quickly run out of gas
again, only this time the buggy conks-out (in the pouring rain) next
to a creepy villa occupied by Lord (Luigi Pistilli; THE
EERIE MIDNIGHT HORROR SHOW - 1974) and Lady Alexander
(Luciana Paluzzi; THE
MANIAC RESPONSIBLE - 1975), who make the Addams Family look
like Disney characters (that is if Disney hasn't already purchased
their rights!). Lord Alexander opens the front gate to the villa
electronically and lets the foursome push the dune buggy into an open
garage, where a cherry vintage Rolls Royce also sits. Lord Alexander
then introduces himself and tells them that "there's plenty of
what you are looking for here", but since it is pouring rain and
the dune buggy has no roof, they should come inside the villa, get
comfortable and wait for the storm to end. Jane is instantly
suspicious, especially when Lord Alexander says, "Hospitality is
sacred here", but the quartet go inside anyway (after Bill fills
up the dune buggy with a canister of gas and it won't start). Lord
Alexander tells his wife that he let them in and they are now in the
garage, but Lady Alexander asks, "And our friends?" Lord
Alexander says their "friends" are waiting downstairs and
Lady Alexander smiles slyly. Something tells me that these
"friends" are not so friendly.
After trying to push-start the buggy with no success, Lady Alexander
pulls Jane out of the pouring rain and into the villa, so the others
follow her inside. Joe makes himself at home, saying he's hungry and
grabbing some food out of the refrigerator without asking his hosts.
Lady Alexander takes a special interest in Jane, getting all
touchy-feely and running her a hot bath. Jane strops naked and Lady
Alexander secretly watches her, a look on her face as if she won the
lottery. We then find out that the 'friends" are the members of
some cult, as they all wear black robes and kiss Lady Alexander's
hand. One member begins playing the organ and the lights go out in
the villa. Bill sees the gas station attendant staring at him through
a window and runs outside, but Joe and Fred don't see him and tell
Bill he imagined it. Jane gets out of the tub when she hears the
organ music and walks as if in some kind of a trance towards the
music (the other three don't hear the organ music because they are in
a different part of this large villa). We then learn that the cult
are Satan worshippers, as they chant, "Prince of Darkness, once
in Heaven, now ruler in Hell. Hallowed be thy name. We elect you to
be our God." As Jane slowly walks to the cult's altar room, the
pearl necklace Bill gave her begins to burn her neck, so she pulls it
off, the beads of pearls spilling down the stone stairs. Maybe Bill
wasn't lying to his mother about the necklace. It may, indeed, be cursed!
Joe decides to explore the villa on his own (never a good thing), as
Lord Alexander picks up Jane and lays her on the altar. As Joe is
walking down the stone stairs towards the altar room, Bill and Fred
stop him, saying they found Jane's clothes, but not Jane. Then Bill
notices the beads of pearls scattered along the stairs and wonders if
Jane is in trouble. Joe tells Bill that they may not be Jane's pearls
at all and continue walking down the stairs to look for Jane. We then
see Lady Alexander standing next to a prone Jane, a ceremonial dagger
in her hand. Just as she is about to stab Jane in the heart with the
dagger, Bill stops her and a struggle ensues, resulting in Lady
Alexander stabbing herself in the stomach with the dagger and dying.
The trio rescue Jane and what happens next is not just totally
unexpected, it is also a gorehound's delight. A male member of the
cult begins shooting other members with a pistol, as Lord Alexander
grabs a sword and cleaves the pistol-carrying member's head in two.
An old female cult member grabs another pistol and shoots a male
member in the head, while still another male member grabs a sword and
cuts the old female's head off. It's nothing but a massacre in the
altar room as cult members begin killing other members. More deaths
ensue, as cult members are shot, one female falls head-first into a
fire (burning her face off!) and another takes a dive out of a second
story window to the pavement below (Wait a minute! I thought they
were in the villa's dungeon?). This is the film's gory highlight, as
the graphic deaths come up unexpectedly and quickly and are as bloody
(if not bloodier) as anything released today.
The quartet push-start the dune buggy (the storm is now over) and
drive off. After traveling a short distance, Bill stops the buggy so
they can collect their thoughts. Bill is sure he will be charged with
murder if they were to report what just happened to the police, so
they all agree not to say anything. Two cops on motorcycles approach
the foursome, so Bill hides behind some bushes. They ask what is
wrong and instead of telling them the truth, Jane says they are lost
and need directions. After the cops give them directions and leave,
Bill says the dune buggy needs some gas (Jesus, is this buggy a
gas-guzzler or does it have a hole in its gas tank?). So where do
they go? That's right, the same gas station they went to before, but
once they get there, it looks like the station hasn't been open for
decades, as the gas pumps are destroyed and rusting and the windows
are all broken. Just what in the Hell is going on here? Bill drives
his friends to his mother's house for a night of rest and relaxation,
only Mom tells Bill they cannot stay here, she has given the servants
the night off and none of the rooms are ready. She hands Bill some
money so they can all spend the night at a hotel. Do you think Mom
may be hiding something? Damn right she is, for as Bill and his
friends leave, Mom pulls Bill aside and tells him the pearl necklace
is missing and if he knows anything about it. Bill says no and wishes
her a good night. Like mother, like son, for as everyone leaves, Mom
turns out the lights and walks upstairs, where her lover, a young
man, is waiting for her (He makes a remark about Bill and may be one
of his friends!).
When Joe asks Bill if they are going to a hotel, he says no, they
are going to his father's country home. Since the dune buggy is low
on gas, they take two motorcycles Bill keeps at his mother's house,
Jane on the back with Bill and Fred with Joe. We are then privy to a
conversation two cops are having when they stop their police car at
the deserted gas station. The gas station hasn't been in operation
for fifteen years and it is said the old attendant who worked there
still haunts the place. One of the cops remembers him as being very
generous, giving free gas to people who couldn't afford it,
especially if a young pretty girl was involved. The other cop
remembers him as being a "lecher' who was always making unwanted
advances to pretty young girls. Is this important to the film? Damned
if I know!
The quartet makes it to the country estate, but Bill doesn't have a
key, so they break down the front door. They all believe they are
wanted for murder by the police and Bill blames the attendant for
leading them to the Alexander villa. They turn on the TV, where a
news report is airing live footage of the police and medical
personnel carrying the dead bodies away from the villa. The reporter
describes the crime scene as if "a monster or steamroller had
passed suddenly through. And with bestial violence, it snuffed out,
in an atrocious manner, eight lives." The reporter goes on to
state that the crime scene looks like a Black Mass gone horribly
wrong (Ever know one to go right?) and even a Scotland Yard inspector
agrees. This seems to relieve the foursome, but when the reporter
also mentions that valuable beads of pearls were found at the scene,
Bill goes into panic mode, fearing they could be traced back to him.
They also find Joe's guitar at the scene and the reporter says the
crime scene is similar to the Sharon Tate murder, mentioning
"hippies" may be involved. When Bill turns up missing,
everyone goes into panic mode. They search the house for him and Joe
finds Bill dead in a closet, his skin all blue and with bloodshot
eyes, just as Jane saw him when he gave her the pearls. How could
Bill look like this when he was very much alive just a few minutes
ago? When Joe tells Fred and Jane what he has found they come running
upstairs and when Jane sees Bill's face, she screams. They decide to
hide Bill's body so they won't be blamed for his death, but all they
are doing is digging their own graves. You see, you can't cheat the
Devil out of something that was promised to him, namely Jane. Will
any of them survive? Should any of them survive? Apparently not, as
Fred cuts his own throat with a straight razor as he is shaving and
Joe sees Jane missing her face at the jawline and speeds off on a
motorcycle, crashing into a lake and drowning, Jane looking on with a
smile on her face. Jane is committed to an insane asylum, where she
witnesses the entire Black Mass massacre in a vision, as if Bill
never saved her (and repeating all the gory kills several times!).
When Jane opens her clenched hand, she is holding a single pearl. The
orderlies find Jane dead in her bed, the ceremonial dagger impaled in
her heart. We then see a still-alive Lady Alexander walking out of
the asylum, telling her chauffeur (the gas station attendant) to take
her to the villa. The asylum doctor gives the police inspector his
theory of Jane's death, which must be heard to be believed (and you
still may not believe it!).
It's hard to dislike this film, mainly because of the Black Mass
massacre that comes halfway in the film, but director Riccardo Freda
(who once
again takes the pseudonym "Robert Hampton"), working with
a screenplay written by Mario Bianchi (the director of SATAN'S
BABY DOLL [1982] and THE
MURDER SECRET [1988]), Jose G. Maesso (RICCO,
THE MEAN MACHINE - 1973) and Leonardo Martin (COUNSELOR
AT CRIME - 1973), fails to maintain that sequence's manic
tone, relying instead on pat supernatural trappings and
clichés. The fact is that the cast of young adults barely pass
muster and they act so stupidly, it's hard to root for them. We want
to see them die because they are cruel, mean-spirited people who
don't deserve to live. Camille Keaton, in her first starring role
(she had a few bit parts in other Italian genre films before starring
in the rarely-seen MADELEINE,
STUDY OF A NIGHTMARE - 1974 and then graduating to I
SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE - 1978) is not good at all here,
basically sleep-walking through her role as Jane. Truth is, I always
found her acting to be rather vanilla. She does quickly flash us the
"full monty" here during her bathtub scene. Some may find
that enough, but not me. Toss in scenes that make no sense at all and
what you have is a stew of supernatural hodge-podge, only broken up
by the graphically gory Black Mass massacre (Effects supplied by
Carlo Rambaldi; A BAY OF BLOOD
- 1971; DEEP RED
- 1975). If the rest of the film contained that scene's sense of
lunacy and graphic gore, the film would be much better than it is
now, but it is still a creepy little film. I found myself liking the
film more on the second viewing, but I really don't know why. I just
can't put my finger on it. I'm not going to recommend this film, but
I'm not going to lambaste it either. It is what it is, a supernatural
tale with bits of really graphic gore. Nothing more, nothing less.
But it could have been so much better. Stelvio
Cipriani's music soundtrack
is good, though, giving the film more creepiness than it deserves.
Shot under the rather long title of ESTRATTO
DAGLI ARCHIVI SEGRETI DELLA POLIZIA DI UNA CAPITALI EUROPEA
("Excerpts From The Secret Police Archives Of A European
Capital"), this film never received a theatrical or VHS release
in the United States, making its first appearance here in 2007 as a DVD
from Dark Sky Films (which
is how I saw it). The disc is long OOP and goes for big bucks now,
since there haven't been any updates on disc or even streaming since
then, making this DVD the only legal way to see the film. A Blu-Ray
would be nice for this title and I really don't know why one hasn't
been issued. Also featuring Beni Deus (A
DRAGONFLY FOR EACH CORPSE - 1973), Milo Queseda (DJANGO
KILL...IF YOU LIVE, SHOOT - 1967), prolific cameo queen
Carla Mancini (FLAVIA
THE HERETIC - 1974) and Fulvio Mingozzi (THE
BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE - 1970) as the police
inspector & Paul Muller (LADY
FRANKENSTEIN - 1971) as the asylum doctor, who gives the
most insane reason for Jane's death (The film is almost worth
watching just for his explanation!). Not Rated.
TRAILER
PARK OF TERROR (2008) -
When Norma (Nichole Hiltz, who bears a striking resemblance to Jaime
Pressly), the anti-heroine of this film, screams out "Get me out
of this hellhole!" after her new boyfriend is viciously murdered
by three filthy louts at the Tophet Meadows Trailer Park, you really
feel her pain. The fact that it happens in the first eight minutes of
the film makes you aware that the rest of the film has a lot to live
up to and I'm glad to report that this may just become a modern day
classic of the macabre. In the first eight minutes we get to know
Norma and her surroundings. She is a used and abused piece of trailer
trash who dreams of meeting the right guy and finally getting out of
the trailer park for good. A trailer park so dirty, colorless and
populated by society's rejects, it's actually a step down from living
in Hell. So when Norma's last chance at a normal life is murdered
(her new boyfriend is tossed into a wrought iron fence and is impaled
through his chest) by the trailer park's unholy trio of white trash,
Marv (Lew Temple), Roach (Myk Watford) and Stank (Ed Corbin), she
heads out on foot for the open highway and meets a mysterious man in
black cowboy duds (Country Music star Trace Adkins), who may be the
Devil himself (when we first see him, he is pissing acid in a field
and the bed of his red pickup truck is full of snakes). He uses her
fragile state of mind to his advantage and she makes a deal with him
to "get even with the world". He hands Norma a shotgun and
she walks back to the trailer park, shoots everyone and then blows up
the trailer park (herself included) in a propane explosion. That all
happened in 1981 and ever since that fateful day, a rash of missing
persons have been reported in the area. In the present day, a busload
of juvenile delinquents on their way back from Jesus Camp (after
having their souls "saved") are trapped in the area when
wise-ass teen Alex (Ryan Carnes) causes the bus to get into an
accident during a violent thunderstorm, forcing the teens and their
pastor chaperone to seek shelter in the Tophet Meadows Trailer Park,
which miraculously looks unchanged since it's 1981 pre-explosion.
They are all greeted by Norma, who regales them with tales from her
and the trailer park's past and then hits on the pastor. Goth chick
Bridget (Jeanette Brox), the only teen on the bus who thinks it's a
bad idea to spend the night at the trailer park, instantly recognizes
Norma for what she really is, since Bridget also use to be a whore
and shares more of Norma's traits than she cares to admit to. It
turns out that all of the former residents of the trailer park are
also back as undead flesh-hungry zombies and the teens and their
pastor will experience true terror and death before daylight arrives,
using their vices, hidden desires and weaknesses as a means for their
undoing. Only Bridget survives the night, but as she leaves Tophet
Meadows (which is now a burned-out shell), the mysterious man in
black appears, gives the camera a sly wink and then disappears.
Director Steven Goldmann, an award-winning Country Music video
director (which explains Trace Adkins involvement here [he also sings
the film's closing tune, "Welcome To Hell"]), has made a
winner here, thanks to a cast of trailer park residents who actually
look the part. While Timothy Dolan's screenplay (based on the
Imperium Comics series of the same name) offers us the standard teen
characters (pothead, sex addict, porn addict, smart aleck, etc.),
it's the residents of the trailer park that really sells the film.
They are the skuzziest and dankest characters in recent memory and
that's even before their zombie transformation. While the middle
section bogs down to introduce us to the teens and their
idiosyncrasies, the pace quickly picks up once they get to Tophet
Meadows and the gore literally explodes on the screen. Some of the
gore on view: Norma ripping off the pastor's head while they are
making love; a zombified Miss China (Michelle Lee), the park's
resident "massage therapist" (i.e. whore), walking on one
teen's upper torso until his spinal column bursts out his back (she
then rips off his dick when he can't give her a "happy ending!);
a girl getting her arm cut off with a portable band saw while she is
tripping on drugs and then running into Larlene (Trish Rae Stahl),
the park's extremely overweight meat-hungry female, who rips open the
poor girl's stomach and begins chowing-down on her innards; and
Stank, who forces Alex and another teen girl to make a snuff film
(Alex is then skinned alive and deep-fried!). While the film does go
overboard at times, especially with Roach and the songs he composes
on his electric guitar (but, damn, the songs are funny!), the effects
are top-notch and the humor is extremely black. Why this film went
directly to video and bypassed a theatrical release is beyond me.
It's so much better than the SAW franchise
and 99% of all the other horror films that play in theaters today.
Also starring Haley Marie Norman, Stefanie Black, Ricky McCabe, Duane
Whitaker and cameos by Pricilla Barnes as Norma's slut mother (who,
in flashback, gets a bullet in her brainpan when she refuses to
insert an object up her ass in one of Stank's homemade
"porno" films) and Tracey Walter as an old trucker.
Available on widescreen DVD from Summit Entertainment. Unrated.
TRICK
OR TREAT (1986) - Metalhead
high-schooler Eddie "Ragman" Weinbauer (Marc Price)
worships rocker Sammi Curr (Tony Fields). So much, in fact, that he
writes him fan letters every day and has a poster of him on the wall
facing his bed, so Sammi is the last thing he sees every night before
he closes his eyes. Sammi is also the most famous person to ever
graduate from Eddie's high school,
the same school that Eddie suffers through five days a week, thanks
to jock Tim Hainey (a baby-faced Doug Savant of TV's MELROSE
PLACE [1992 - 1999] and DESPERATE
HOUSEWIVES [2004 - 2012]) and his gang, who mercilessly
torture Eddie every chance they get (At one point, Tim throws a naked
Eddie into the girls' gymnasium during volleyball practice and locks
the door behind him). Eddie also secretly pines for pretty fellow
classmate Leslie Graham (Lisa Orgolini), but she barely notices him.
Sammi is supposed to to give a Halloween concert at the high school,
but the local tight-asses and politically correct politicians ban him
from performing, calling his act "rock pornography". When
Sammi dies in a hotel fire, Eddie becomes more withdrawn, tearing
down all the posters off his bedroom wall. Eddie's friend, radio DJ
Nuke (Gene Simmons), sees that Eddie is having a rough time dealing
with Sammi's death, so he gives him a one-of-a-kind acetate LP of
Sammi's last recording, made hours before his death. At a pool party,
Tim and his goons shove a bench weight down Eddie's pants and throw
him in the pool. Leslie has to jump in to save him from drowning and
as he leaves the party, he vows to Leslie that he is going to get
even with Tim and his friends. That opportunity comes later that
night when Eddie plays the acetate on his turntable and he hears a
message when he plays the album backwards. Eddie's luck seems to
change overnight. At school the next day, Eddie plays a prank on Tim
and gets away with it. This change in luck comes with a steep price,
though. The more Eddie plays the album, the darker the messages
become and Eddie slowly changes into a person ten times worse than
Tim. Wherever Eddie goes, bad things happen to those around him. As
more and more people end up hurt (Tim's girlfriend Geenie [Elise
Richards] is supernaturally undressed and has her brain fried when
she listens to a copy of the acetate that Eddie transferred to
cassette tape), Eddie begins to see the error of his ways. The
acetate is a vessel for Sammi's return from the dead and Eddie
finally realizes that his hero is nothing more than a murderous
supernatural psychopath. Eddie has to destroy the acetate and the
cassette copy he made in order to send Sammi back to Hell. That's not
going to be as easy as it sounds, especially since Eddie's best
friend Roger (Glen Morgan) told him he destroyed the tape, but really
didn't. Oh, and did I mention that Nuke has a copy of the acetate and
plans on playing it on his radio program on Halloween Night?
This is one of many 80's rock 'n' roll horror films (TERROR
ON TOUR - 1980; ROCKTOBER BLOOD
- 1984; BLOOD TRACKS
- 1985; HARD ROCK ZOMBIES
- 1985; ROCK 'N' ROLL NIGHTMARE
- 1987; SLAUGHTERHOUSE ROCK
- 1987; BLACK ROSES
- 1988) and, besides some stunt casting (Gene Simmons, who is
surprisingly good; Ozzy Osbourne as the anti-rock, fire-and-brimstone
Reverend Aaron Gilstrom, who is simply terrible), this flick is
pretty entertaining. Those expecting a comedy will be severely
disappointed, as director (and actor) Charles Martin S
mith
(FIFTY/FIFTY - 1992) plays
everything relatively straight, which adds some punch to the horror
scenes. Marc Price ("Skippy" on the popular 80's comedy TV
series FAMILY TIES
[1982 - 1989] and the star of the awful horror/comedy LITTLE
DEVILS: THE BIRTH - 1993) is very good as the much put-upon
Eddie. Much of the film lays on his shoulders and he manages to rise
to the occasion. While not very bloody, TRICK
OR TREAT does contain some good horror set-pieces, including
Tim getting his tie caught in a spinning lathe, Eddie's ride in a
possessed automobile and Sammi's appearance at the high school's
Halloween party, which turns into a CARRIE-inspired
slaughter as Sammi begins zapping students with his guitar. This
film actually got a theatrical release, thanks to the then-fear by
idiotic parents and "protectors of society" that heavy
metal music was destroying our youth by forcing them to commit
suicide with hidden messages within the music. This film did not lay
those fears to rest. (When I was a kid, it was the whole Beatles'
"Paul Is Dead" debacle and he's still alive!), Director
Charles Martin Smith has a small role as Mr. Wimbly, the school's
principal, who gets zapped by Sammi at the Halloween party. Glen
Morgan, who plays Eddie's geeky friend Roger, would later go on to
become a successful writer/producer/director, working on the TV
series THE X-FILES
(1993 - 2002) and MILLENNIUM
(1996 - 1999), as well as directing the remakes of WILLARD
(2003) and BLACK CHRISTMAS
(2006). Tony Fields, who plays Sammi, was a professional dancer who
appeared in Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and "Beat
It" music videos. He died of complications due to AIDS in 1995.
The original heavy metal tunes were composed and performed by music
group Fastway. One visual joke has a theater showing a film called
"Lunch Of The Dead". I wonder if Wes Craven got the idea
for SHOCKER (1989) after
watching this film, since both films use electricity and electrical
appliances as conduits for their villains? Not to be confused with Gary
Graver's similarly monikered TRICK
OR TREATS (1982). Also starring Elaine Joyce, Richard
Pachorek, Clare Nono and Alice Nunn. Originally released on VHS by
Lorimar Home Video and available on fullscreen DVD from budget outfit
Platinum Productions. Rated R.
TRICK
'R TREAT
(2007) - There hasn't been a good Halloween-themed horror movie
(that isn't a sequel or remake) in over thirty years. TRICK
'R TREAT
just may be that movie. The film opens with Henry (Tahmoh Penikett)
and wife Emma (Lesley Bibb; THE
MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN - 2008) returning home from a party on
Halloween night. Henry wants to go inside, put on a porno tape and
have sex, but all Emma wants to do is remove all the Halloween
decorations from the front yard before her mother comes for a visit
the following morning (She says, "I hate Halloween!" as she
pulls sheets off the crucifix-like poles in the front yard.). While
Henry is in the house getting in the mood with the porn tape (just
like a man, he falls asleep), Emma is attacked and killed by someone
(or something) hiding in one of the sheets. When the porn tapes ends
and Henry wakes up, he goes outside to look for Emma, only to find
her tied to one of the crucifixes with an oversized pumpkin lollipop
shoved in her mouth. The opening credits rolls (a series of comic
book panels giving us a graphic representation of things to come) and
we are taken back to earlier in the night to the town of Warren
Valley, Ohio, where we watch young boy Peeping Tommy (Quinn Lord,
whose presence in this film holds huge ramifications for everyone
involved) spying on four girls, "virgin" Laurie (Anna
Paquin; TRUE BLOOD),
Janet (Moneca Delain), Maria (Rochelle Aytes) and Danielle (Lauren
Lee Smith), who are in changing rooms at a store putting on their
costumes and talking about coming to Warren Valley (a city which
takes the Halloween spirit very seriously) for the express purpose of
picking up guys (or, in Maria's case, a girl). We then switch to
overweight bully Charlie (Brett Kelly), who likes to smash the
neighbors' pumpkins and steal their candy. When he gets caught
stealing candy at Principal Steven Wilkins' house, Steven (Dylan
Baker; FIDO - 2006) makes Charlie
sit down on the front stairs while he carves a pumpkin and tells him
a story from his childhood, the moral of it being "Always check
your candy." Charlie begins projectile vomiting (Steven spiked
his candy with poison) and Steven drags Charlie's near-lifeless body
into the house, almost getting caught by some young
trick-or-treaters. Steven then dumps Charlie's still-not-dead body in
a grave he dug in his backyard, but he is constantly interrupted by
his young son Billy (Connor Levins), cranky Halloween-hating neighbor
Mr. Kreeg (Brian Cox; RED
- 2008; under heavy old-age makeup) and Kreeg's nosy dog Spite
(Steven cuts one of Charlie's fingers off with a shovel and feeds it
to the dog!). Steven finally finishes Charlie off and buries him
(this is apparently not the first time he has killed a child) and
then notices Mr. Kreeg screaming for help through his window, but he
ignores him and brings Billy down to the basement, where they make a
jack-o-lantern out of a decapitated woman's head! It gets stranger,
folks. We then follow four young trick-or-treaters, Chip (Alberto
Ghisi), Schrader (Jean-Luc Bilodeau), Macy (Britt McKillip) and Sara
(Isabelle Deluce), as they go on their rounds stealing pumpkins (for
a ceremony involving a school bus full of children who drowned in a
lake years earlier) and playing a practical joke on Rhonda The Retard
(Samm Todd), who is actually an idiot savant that likes to carve
pumpkins and has an encyclopedic knowledge about the origins of
Halloween. Meanwhile, someone dressed in an executioner's costume and
sporting vampire fangs is killing the residents of Warren Valley and
no one notices because this town's interest in Halloween goes way
beyond what we would call "normal". It may seem that there
are too many stories here to maintain one's interest, but they all
manage to intersect in the most interesting and unusual ways, making
this film one of the most satisfying horror films to come down the
pike in quite a while. It's hard to believe that this film sat
on a shelf for two years before eventually being released on DVD, but
director/screenwriter Michael Dougherty (co-writer of URBAN
LEGENDS: BLOODY MARY [2005]; this is his first feature film
as a director, but I see many more in his future) has nothing to be
ashamed of here. This was supposed to get a theatrical release (there
were books, comics, action figures and other merchandise commissioned
to coincide with its release), but the boneheads at Warner Bros.
chickened out, probably because this Vancouver, B.C.-lensed film
doesn't shy away from showing children being killed, mutilated or
constantly put in danger. That's a shame, because TRICK
'R TREAT
is a modern day cult classic of the macabre. Not only are children
victims here, they are also villains (I won't spoil it for you by
giving away particulars, except to say that the final story,
involving Mr. Kreeg, is one of the scariest/funniest pieces of cinema
I have had the pleasure to watch). Dougherty imbibes all his stories
here with a palpable sense of dread, a heavy dose of atmosphere and a
wicked sense of humor. I'm not going to spoil the film more than I
already have but, needless to say, I haven't been this entertained by
a recent horror in many a moon. My highest recommendation. Produced
by Bryan Singer (THE USUAL SUSPECTS
- 1995; SUPERMAN RETURNS
- 2006). A Warner Premiere
DVD Release. Director Michael Dougherty, in October 2013, announced a
sequel was to be made, this time to be a theatrical release instead
of a DTV release, thanks to this film's popularity and cult status on
home video. Rated R.
THE
TRIPPER (2006) - If you hate
hippies, this is the film for you. In 1967, a young boy with a
terminally ill mother watches helplessly as his logger father is
arrested for pulling a pistol on a bunch of hippie tree-huggers who
are blocking the progress of a logging operation. The young boy then
grabs a chainsaw and attacks the leader of the protestors, nearly
cutting his head off (in graphic detail) before the police grab him
and cart him away. Forty years later, a bunch of modern-day young
adults, who adhere to the hippie lifestyle, are driving through the
same section of the forest when a dog darts out in front of their
van, nearly causing an accident. Ivan (Lucas "Did you fly in
with those ears?" Haas; WITNESS
- 1985; SOLARBABIES - 1986)
steps out of the van to take a leak and three guys in a pickup truck
bust a beer bottle over his head and speed off. After some homemade
stitches are applied to his scalp (in graphic detail) to close the
wound, the pseudo-hippies drive to the next gas station, where they
have a run-in with the same three rednecks in the pickup, led by Muff
(director David Arquette). After a small scuffle where troubled
hippie chick Samantha (Jaime King; BULLETPROOF
MONK - 2003) is nearly raped by Muff, slow-witted gas station
attendant Gus (Chris Nelson: THE RAGE
- 2007) steps in and breaks Muff's arm (in graphic detail). The
hippies continue on their way to the Free Love festival, a yearly
outdoor music and drug gathering of hippie types run by huckster
Frank Baker (a hilarious turn by Paul Ruebens). This year the
festival, which has had a troubled history (people end up missing
while attending it), is being held in the same patch of woods where
the boy killed the tree-hugger forty years earlier. After being
warned by Sheriff Buzz Hall (Thomas Jane; THE
MIST - 2007) and a lumberjack named Dylan (Redmond Gleeson)
to mind their manners and to stay away from the local pot farmers' booby-trapped
fields, the hippies camp out in the woods in preparation for the
festival. Not long afterward, someone in a Ronald Reagan mask begins
killing the festival's hippie guests in various bloody ways (in
graphic detail). Samantha believes that her abusive straight-laced
ex-boyfriend Jimmy (Balthazar Getty) has followed her to the festival
and wants to kill her and her friends for using drugs on a regular
basis. Could he be the hippie killer or is the problem more
localized? You have to watch the film to find out, but I believe most
readers of this site have a good idea who the killer is. Deftly
directed by twitchy actor David Arquette (SCREAM
- 1996; RAVENOUS - 1999) and
populated with plenty of recognizable actors (most of them appearing
as a favor to Arquette), including Jason Mewes (as a drug-taking
hippie, what else?), Rick Overton (as the town's crooked mayor) and
Arquette's wife Courtney Cox (in a funny cameo at the end), THE
TRIPPER offers a nice mix of comedy and graphic horror.
Setting it among the modern-day retro hippie subculture was also a
nice touch (screenplay by Arquette and Joe Harris) that allows for a
few trip-out scenes, full-frontal nudity (of both sexes), drug use of
nearly every kind (including huffing glue and inhaling nitrous oxide
from a balloon) and plenty of tie-dyed outfits. The violence is
brutal, especially in the Unrated DVD edition, as the Ronald Reagan
killer lops off heads and hands, disembowels a man and pulls out his
intestines, catches people in bear traps and stabs them repeatedly.
Some of the comedy is inspired (Samantha's clean-cut ex-boyfriend
Jimmy's vanity plates reads REDST8S) and Paul Reubens is a hoot as
the foul-mouthed festival promoter, whose favorite word is
"fuck" (he also suffers the most bloody and funny death in
the finale, which sets up the film for a sequel). The biggest laugh I
had was when the Ronald Reagan killer murders Jimmy with an axe and
Jimmy's last words are, "But I'm a Republican!" You also
gotta love a killer that screams out "Nancy!" or quips
"Well, there you go again!" while killing the game cast
and, believe it or not, although the screenplay is politically
motivated, George W. Bush is treated rather fairly. Oh, sure, he
takes some hits, but he has his defenders also among the hippie
crowd. THE TRIPPER is a good old-fashioned
slasher flick that is helped immensely by the unusual setting and a
biting political script (Why the killer adopts the Reagan personae is
especially original). This film is fun and I hope Arquette continues
to direct. I always thought there was something "off" about
the man (face it, he's always come off as slightly crazy, but not the
dangerous kind) and this film highlights that offness to perfect
effect. Also starring Richmond Arquette, Paz de la Huerta, Ben
Gardiner, Josh Hammond, Brad Hunt, Stephen Heath and Marsha Thompson.
Distributed on DVD by Arquette and his wife's own label, Coquette
Productions. Unrated for all the right reasons.
TROLL
2 (1990) - If there has been a worse
film than this one released on video, I haven't seen it. You'll laugh
with amazement as you witness some of the poorest acting, inane
dialogue (when the sister kicks her boyfriend in the nads, he says,
"What are you trying to do, turn me into a homo?", like
homosexuals don't use their penises!!!!) and cruddiest
special effects ever committed to celluloid in this Italian-made film
masquerading as an American product. A family moves to the town of
Nilbog (spell it backwards) where all the folks are vegetarians. The
folks are actually goblins and they try to get the family to eat
their special brand of foodstuffs that will turn them into plants
which the goblins plan to eat. The boy, along with the spectre of his
dead grandfather, has to come up with ways to stop his family from
eating the food. In one instance, he pisses on the food to stop them
from devouring it. Oh boy! Need I say more? Director Claudio Fragasso
hides under the pseudonym "Drake Floyd" for this mess. He
has made a lot of horror films in his life (MONSTER
DOG - 1985; ZOMBIE
4: AFTER DEATH - 1988), but nothing comes close to this
escrutiating poor piece of crap. It has nothing to do with the
original TROLL (1986 - a film
undeserving of a sequel) and the word "troll" is not
mentioned once in the screenplay. There is a surprising amount of
ridiculous violence for a PG-13 rated film, but nothing you haven't
seen done a hundred times before. Starring unknowns Michael
Stephenson, George Hardy (a dentist in real life, although some
people would say that watching this film is akin to having all your
teeth pulled with no Novocain!), Margo Prey, Robert Ormsby and Connie
McFarland. They should stay unknown. European exploitation
staple Laura Gemser (TRAP
THEM AND KILL THEM, a.k.a.
EMANUELLE AND
THE LAST CANNIBALS -
1977) did the costumes. All the ice in the world cannot take the
stink off this pitiful film. This film has achieved the kind of
reverence usually reserved for films like THE
ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW (1975). There are original songs,
poems, websites and even a documentary (BEST
WORST MOVIE
- 2010) devoted solely to it. Don't ask me why. I don't get it. An
Epic/Columbia Tristar Home Video Release. Rated PG-13.
THE
TURNPIKE KILLER (2009) -
This is the first film from directing/writing duo Evan Makrogiannis
& Brian Weaver (who would make the even-better THE
SUPER in 2010 with many of this film's actors) and while
this shot-on-digital effort has its bumps in the road, such as muddy,
grainy photography, some questionable acting, bad sound recording and
some lousy makeup effects (not all of them, just a few), this is a
fairly absorbing look at a serial killer and what makes him tick. We
start with two girls alive in a Queens, New York, basement full
of slaughtered dead naked women, when Jon Beest (Bill McLaughlin)
comes down after being awakened by a foreign voice in his head (we
will hear that voice often) that says, "Arise! It is time!".
The two girls plead for their lives and when one of the girls says
she "understands" him, Jon thinks she means she can hear
the voice in his head, so he hammers two ten-penny nails in her head,
guts her until her innards falls out, puts her plastic bag-wrapped
body in his SUV and drives to New Jersey, where he dumps the body on
the side of the NJ Turnpike (hence the title of the film). Next we
see Jon
meeting a jogging Michelle (Alia Lorea) at a park and she asks Jon
if she can use his cellphone to call her boyfriend, since she left
her's home to take a run. Jon obliges and then asks her out on a date
after she finishes talking to her boyfriend. Michelle tells him she
already has a boyfriend and Jon's attitude changes on a dime, so
Michelle becomes creeped out and runs away. Jon yells out, "You
got a big surprise coming to you, you little cocktease!". That
night Michelle's boyfriend Nick (Frank DeJesus) gets threatening
phone calls on his cellphone saying such things as. "Hey,
faggot, I'm gonna kill you and your slut girlfriend!". Michelle
explains what happened earlier with Jon, so Nick, after chastising
Michelle for using a stranger's phone to call him, takes Michelle out
for a night on the town. Jon breaks into Nick's apartment and waits
for them to come home. Once they do, Michelle takes a shower and Jon
beats Nick unconscious and ties him to a chair with duct tape (and
delivers one more sucker punch when Nick begins waking up). Jon drags
a screaming Michelle out of the shower and torments her in front of
Nick ("Give me a blowjob", which she is willing to do, but
Jon pushes her away in disgust. "Lick my shoes.", which she
does.). After playing with the nude Michelle for a few minutes and
telling Nick what a disgusting girlfriend he has, he cuts her throat
right in front of Nick and then proceeds to remove her internal
organs, slapping Nick in the face with what I believe is Michelle's
freshly removed liver. Jon has had his fun, so he stabs Nick in the
heart and then proceeds to cut Michelle's head off, dumping both
their bodies off the NJ Turnpike. Divorced NY Detective Lloyd (Edgar
Moye) and his partner are assigned to Nick & Michelle's murder
case (they are working in conjunction with the NJ State Police),
while Jon patrols the Manhattan-bound PATH train for another female
victim. He finds one, chases her into an alley, attacks her (while
wearing a mask and a wig), throws her in his SUV, drives home to
Queens and then cuts off her head. Jon then meets wannabe Scream
Queen actress Maria (Theresa Planell), who is standing on the street
pissed that her boyfriend hasn't come to pick her up. She accepts a
ride from Jon (Uh, oh!), where Jon teaches Maria how to scream like a
real Scream Queen. When it becomes a little too real for Maria, she
opens the door (a severed female head rolls out) and escapes. Jon
hears the voice in his head again telling him to stop, so he hops
back in his SUV and heads home while Maria is talking to a crowd of
people nearby ("A female head fell out of the car!").
Detective Lloyd, with the help of a NJ State Detective, figures out
that the NJ Turnpike's increasing victims are all from New York, but
the killer drives to New Jersey to dispose of them, the Turnpike
being his preferred dumping ground. The killer must be from New York.
Lloyd then beats the NY streets looking for info and gets some
important clues from street snitch T-Bone (Brian Manthorne).
Meanwhile, Jon picks up hooker Lolly Pop (Brenda Gonzales) on the
street. She starts making love to Jon in his SUV when the voice in
his head says, "Kill her! Kill her! Punish!". Jon knocks
her out and brings her to a secluded spot in a park, but she escapes
and Jon hunts her down, eventually catching her under a tunnel, stabs
her in the mouth and kills her with repeated blows of a pipe wrench,
which he then throws into the river. A passing jogger sees Jon's face
and runs in the direction he just came from to get away. His face has
been seen too many times for him not to eventually get caught.
Jennifer tells Donnie that Jon is stalking her, so Donnie invites Jon
over for a talk. When Jon tells Donnie that Jennifer is his
"sign", Donnie flips out and tells Jon to get out and never
come back again. Jon burns Donnie's face off on a hot stove and, as
Jon is leaving, he is spotted by Donnie's friend Jarvis (Chris
Vazquez), who discovers Donnie's body and calls the police ("My
friend's face is missing!"). Jon has left too many clues not to
be discovered and Detective Lloyd gets information on Jon and goes to
his home, trapping Jon in the basement while he is holding Jennifer
hostage. Jon hears the voice in his head again, lets Jennifer go,
charges Detective Lloyd and we hear gunshots as the screen goes
black. One month passes and Jennifer still has bad nightmares about
the ordeal. Her girlfriend answers the door and tells her a female
reporter wants to talk to her. The "reporter" knocks her
out and when Jennifer wakes up, she is tied naked to an altar while a
mysterious hood-wearing cult surrounds her. The head of the cult
turns out to be Jon's father (Demetri Kallas), who was also the voice
in Jon's head. Jon was a member of this cult since he was a boy and
learned to kill women at an early age. His father says, "You are
the chosen! Hail Abraxis!" as he mounts Jennifer in hopes of
creating a new Jon. The film freezes on the father's face and the end
credits roll. My only real complaint about this film is that
the sound seems to have been recorded directly from the digital
camera, so the farther the person is away from the camera, the harder
it is to hear what they have to say (you'll be turning the sound up
and down a few times while watching this). Bill McLaughlin is quite
good as Jon Beest (I hate that last name, though, but it is hardly
mentioned in the film) and Lyndsey Brown is also quite good as
Jennifer. The rest of the cast is so-so, especially Edgar Moye as
Detective Lloyd, who looks to be a good ten years younger than any
detective I have seen. Besides a few wonky special effects, most of
the guttings, beheading, etc. are very well done and quite
accomplished (and all were done practically; no CGI) for a film that
most probably had a budget that wouldn't feed a family of four for a
month. I'd keep on the lookout for both Evan Makrogiannis & Brian
Weaver, because I see nothing but good things in their future (At the
time this review was posted, they were working on two new films).
Some of the locations in this film looked very familiar to me because
a lot of it was shot in Clifton, NJ, a mere three miles from where I
live. It was also shot on location in Queens, New York and various
other locations in NY & NJ. This film was finished in 2009 and
had various boutique VHS & DVD
releases until Wild Eye Releasing picked it it for a nationwide DVD
release in 2014. If you are slightly adventurous and like
ultra-low-budget gore films with an actual plot, you could do a lot
worse than this one. Also starring Niki Rubin, Manoush, Javier
Marquez, Lynn Hazelman and Christian McAteer. A Wild
Eye Releasing DVD Release. Not Rated.
TWILIGHT
PEOPLE (1972) - This is
actually a mixture of the H.G. Wells classic novel "The Island
Of Dr. Moreau" (Which was filmed 3
times in the U.S. and I don't care what anyone says, I loved the 1996
version with Marlon Brando!) and the classic 1932 film THE
MOST DANGEROUS GAME. Although it may seem tame now, to a
Baby Boomer like myself, I was haunted in my dreams by the TV trailer
for this film because of the flying bat-man (the trailer is on the
DVD), much like the floating Juliet Mills creeped me out on the
numerous showings of BEYOND
THE DOOR (1974). They were both iconic moments in kids' and
teenagers' minds, which made us want to see them all the more. These
were the things nightmares were made of. Sure, we laugh at the
shoddiness of the productions today (although I do think the flying
bat-man still looks better than any film with a low-budget, even up
to this day of CGI, especially since this was done physically [until
the final shot]), but back in the early 1970's, these were films we
HAD to see, just to get those memory pieces out of our sleeping
brains. And we were entertained in the process. When I put this
fullscreen VCI DVD into my player, I was instantly transported back
to when I originally saw this film on a double feature with THE
DOBERMAN GANG (1972). And that, my friends, is a good thing.
The film begins with scuba diver Matt Farrell (late Filipino stalwart
John Ashley; THE BLOOD ISLAND
films [1968 - 1970]; BEAST
OF THE YELLOW NIGHT [1970]) being abducted underwater and
being dragged up to the surface on a boat upside-down with a rope
around his ankles. He is then tied to a bed, when he meets
blonde-haired henchmen Steinman (Jan Merlin; SILK
2 - 1989), who says he is being taken to the island compound
of Dr. Gordon (Charles Macauley; THE
HOUSE OF SEVEN CORPSES - 1973) and Dr. Gordon's beautiful
daughter Neva (Pat Woodell; THE
BIG DOLL HOUSE - 1971), also a doctor who makes sure that
Matt is in good health. After docking the boat and a long Jeep ride
through the thick jungle, Matt meets Dr. Gordon, who tells Matt that
he is doing experiments to create a race of "super beings"
since humankind will not be around much longer and we need to move
the evolutionary factor as fast as possible. Matt is a perfect
specimen for such an experiment. Matt is locked in a bedroom where he
meets the also-abducted Juan Pereira (Eddie Garcia; BAMBOO
GODS AND IRON MEN - 1974) while looking out of the terrace,
Juan (who has had his head shaved completely bald by Dr. Gordon's
assistants) tells Matt that escape is impossible and, if you look at
it the right way, this is not such a bad place to live (He will end
up eating those words in a little while). Meanwhile, we see Steinman
kill one of Dr. Gordon's escaped experiments, a half-man/half-boar,
much to Dr. Gordon's disgust. We get the feeling that Steinman is
running things around here, not Dr. Gordon. The good Doctor has a
whole menagerie af half-human/half-animal experiments in cages in a
laboratory in a cave. Some of them are docile, while others, like
Ayesa, The Panther Woman (Pam Grier; Eddie Romero's BLACK
MAMA WHITE MAMA - 1973; she does nothing in this film but
roar like a panther) are mostly animal and will kill at the slightest
provocation. Matt finds a way to pick the lock on his bedroom door
and takes a look around the compound, reading some of Dr. Gordon's
files, watching an experiment being performed on Juan where the top
of his head is cut off (some blood is spilled on Neva and she runs
away) and then saving Neva from being killed by an escaped Ayesa,
grabbing her from behind and putting her back in a cage. Most of Dr.
Gordon's experiments trust Neva, since she treats them with respect
and kindness. It's just that some have reverted back to their
animalistic ways and cannot be trusted. Neva, of course, falls in
love with Matt and they discuss a plan to escape the island with all
the experiments, in hopes they can be cured. Unfortunately, Steinman
knows all about Matt escaping from his bedroom and when he confronts
Neva about it, she makes a veiled remark that Steinman is gay and
wants Matt for himself, not as a lover, but as another head in a jar
(earlier in the film, when Matt is checking out the compound, he
finds a room full of decapitated heads in jars, along with other body
parts being kept in strange glass encasements). Steinman gets sexual
pleasure out of hunting humans. Matt wants Neva and the human/animals
to take a different route than him, because he earlier promised
Steinman that he was going to kill him and he's a man of his word.
Besides, Steinman would rather hunt Matt than anyone else. Steinman
orders a group of guards to retrieve or kill Neva and her friends,
while he take a small crew and hunts Matt (you now know why). Matt
has kidnapped Dr. Gordon and rakes him along on their jungle trek.
Neva is having problems controlling some of the experiments. Ayesha
kills a few guards by biting them in the face or tearing their
throats out. Primo, The Ape Man (Kim Ramos), tries to rape Neva, but
is stopped by the loyal Kuzma, The Antelope Man (an unrecognizable
Ken Metcalfe; Eddie Romero's SUDDEN
DEATH - 1975) and Primo runs away. In the film's only
attempt at humor, Darmo, The Bat-Man (Tony Gonsalvez) tries to fly
off the branch of a tree, only to land flat on his face (He does
manage to inprove his technique though, otherwise my young teenage
years would have not been disturbed by those images). Something ugly
in the jungle foliage warns Matt that Steinmann and his crew are just
around the corner. Dr. Gordon escapes and heads back to his compound,
knowing all his work is about to be destroyed. Neva refuses to move
until Ayesa comes back, so she sends Kuzma to look for her. Kuzma is
shot by one of the guards and Ayesa tries to finish Kuzma off. Lupa,
The Wolf Woman (Mona Maria) intervenes, so Kuzma hits Ayesa several
times in the face with the butt of his rifle, killing her. After
killing Primo, some guards capture Neva, so the rest of the animal
people go on the offensive. Kuzma keeps the guards pinned down with a
rifle, while Lupa kills a guard and Darmo finds his wings (this
sequence can stand up to most big-budget movies today, only this
sequence is done practically), killing some guards in the jungle and
the compound. Steinman kills both Kuzma and Lupa, but Matt manages to
put a bullet into Steinman with his rifle before Steinman runs away
and hides for an ambush. When Matt goes to look for him following the
blood trail, he finds Steinman dead with his eyes open (it's quite an
effective scene), so Matt kept his word. Dr. Gordon is back at his
compound collecting his files and escaping through a secret
passageway, when he runs into a butt-ugly creature. It turns out to
be Neva's mother and Dr. Gordon's wife (the same creature who warned
Matt in the jungle), She stabs him to death with a knife and
disappears, not wanting her daughter to see her this way. When Matt
and Neva find Dr. Gordon's bloody corpse, they also see Darmo flying
off into the horizon (this time replaced by a crappy animated
bat-man). All's well that ends well. Thoroughly
enjoyable in its cheeziness, you have to give the movie props for
delivering some good human/animal makeups (not all of them are good,
though). Neva's mother is the stuff you find in your nightmares and
Eddie Romero was smart to limit her time on screen. It just makes it
all the more effective. There's also a fairly good amount of blood
for a PG-Rated film (but no nudity), which wasn't unusual in films of
the early 70's. The late Eddie Romero (he passed away in 2013) found
great success in the United States with his made-in-the-Philippines
films in the 1970's. Besides the movies already mentioned, he
directed THE WOMAN HUNT
(1972); BEYOND ATLANTIS
(1973); and SAVAGE SISTERS
(1974). When his type of films failed to attract audiences in the end
of the 1970's, he continued directing films for his home country.
I've always enjoyed his films and he is but one of my favorite
Filipino directors (Cirio H. Santiago is still my favorite). A lot of
people don't enjoy Filipino films, but I have been a fan since I saw Romero/Gerry
DeLeon's BRIDES OF BLOOD
back in 1968. The wonderful beauty of the people and the land, the
great acting ability of some of the actors, both native and
expatriate (John Ashley could never be mistaken for a good actor, but
he had "something" people liked and he loved the
Philippines, but he had to leave in the late 1970's and became a
successful producer of U.S. TV series before passing away much too
young at age 62 of a heart attack in 1997), and some of them are
still friends of mine on Facebook. I just wish kids today could
experience what it was like going to theaters to watch double
features in the 1970's. I guess "experience" is the best
word to describe it. I made many friends over the years as a teen
seeing double bills in the 70's, some of them still good friends of
mine today, but the teens today don't seem interested in having real
friends, but ones they can put on their social media sites (but
that's another story for another time). The IMDb lists Roger Corman
as an uncredited Executive Producer, a claim I find dubious, since
this film was distributed theatrically by Dimension Films, a direct
competitor with Corman's New World Films. I doubt Corman had anything
to do with this, even though he was working in the Philippines at the
time (but mainly with Cirio H. Santiago). Originally released on VHS
by VCI Home Video,
with a budget VHS by Interglobal
Home Video years later. The VCI DVD (which I picked up for a
measly $2.99 during their 60% off Black Friday Sale and even though I
picked Economy Shipping, it arrived at my door a mere 3 days later
with a bunch of other VCI titles!) is fullscreen and it is a DVD-R
(that's the way they seem to be producing their discs now), but it
was crisp and clear and very colorful (the opening scenes of the
colorful sea bottom pop off the screen). A blast from my past that I
plan on making a permanent part of my library. Also featuring Angelo
Ventura, Johnny Long, Andres Centenera, Letty Mirasol and Max Rojo. A VCI
Entertainment DVD-R Release. Rated PG, even though it
says "Not Rated" on the DVD-R sleeve. There are no extra
scenes (if my memory is still holding up!).
2001
MANIACS (2004) - This
remake of Hershell Gordon Lewis' early gore film TWO
THOUSAND MANIACS (1964) delivers on the gore but does not
improve on the plot of the original (which, in turn, was a loose
retelling of the musical film BRIGADOON
- 1954). In fact, the plot is a step down from the original. For the
uninitiated, the plot tells the story of a group of Northern tourists
(the remake makes it a bunch of Nothern college kids on their way to
Daytona Beach for Spring Break) who are tricked into visiting the
Southern town of Pleasant Valley, which is really a ghost town that
comes back to life one day every year to get revenge on the
decendants of Yankees who slaughtered them during the Civil War more
than 150 years ago. That's
basically the plot in a nutshell. The new version finds the town's
mayor (Robert Englund) and matriarch (Lin Shaye) holding a jubilee in
the new visitors' honor, the visitors not realizing that they are the
main course. Most of them die horrible, gory deaths. One girl is
drawn and quartered, her flesh then cooked and eaten by her
unsuspecting friends during lunch. One guy is made to drink acid
through a tube while having sex with a local, his torso opening up as
his guts spill out while the acid burns a hole through the bed.
Another girl has a giant iron bell dropped on her, crushing her body
to a bloody pulp. Another guy is crushed under a giant press so hard
that his eyes fly out of their sockets. The only gay guy in the group
has a giant skewer shoved so far up his ass that the end comes out of
his mouth. A local girl bites the dick off another guy after putting
pointy metal teeth in her mouth. The last two surviving kids must try
to escape the murderous cannibal Southeners before they, too, end up
as meals on the picnic tables. In an ironic ending (different from
the original because audiences today probably won't
"understand" a happy ending), the kids get away on a
motorcycle but meet one final booby trap as they escape.
Director Tim Sullivan (DRIFTWOOD
- 2006) ups the gore quotient from the original (and really pushes
the film's R-rating), but fails when it comes to building any tension
between and during the murders. There's some inventive touches here
and there (such as the scene of the group playing a twisted game of
horseshoes), but they eventually lead nowhere. It seems that they
were put there just to chew up time. Speaking of chewing, Robert
Englund eats up the scenery with his role (as does Lin Shaye), but
the the kids are bland and unbelievable in their roles as the horny
college students who are more interested in getting laid than to
notice what the hell is going on around them. I also didn't like all
the heavy metal music on the soundtrack (another trend in recent
horror films). It seems out-of-place considering the circumstances
and ill-conceived. The use of an updated version of H.G. Lewis' song
("The South's Gonna Rise Again") from the original film is
also a dud. All-in-all, I like the original film much, much better
than this remake, even if this one had better lead actors, bloodier
effects (although this one didn't contain the notorious barrel-roll
scene of the original) and a bigger budget. The original had an air
of desperation and dread (probably because they were working with
relatively no money and had to improvise) that this remake is so
sorely missing. If you are purely into gore, 2001
MANIACS will be a grand time for you. Otherwise, just skip
it. Also starring Jay Gillespie, Guiseppe Andrews (the stoner cop
from CABIN FEVER [2002] and
the simply awful CABIN
FEVER 2: SPRING FEVER [2009]), Brian Gross, Marla Leigh
Malcolm, Gina Marie Heekin, Dylan Edrington, Matthew Carey, Bianca
Smith, Johnny Legend and cameos by Travis Tritt as a redneck gas
jockey, Peter Stormare as a college professor and Bill McKinney (who
passed away in 2011) as the cannibalistic chef. Eli Roth (CABIN
FEVER and HOSTEL
- 2005) and Scott Spiegel (INTRUDER
[1989] and FROM DUSK TILL
DAWN 2 [1998]) are just two of the film's 11 producers
(including David F. Friedman, who produced the original) and they
both have small acting parts in it also. Followed by the simply
horrid 2001
MANIACS: FIELD OF SCREAMS (2010), also directed by Tim
Sullivan. A Lions Gate Home Entertainment
Release. Rated R.
UNDEAD
OR ALIVE (2007) - The horror
western was a small subgenre throughout the decades (BILLY
THE KID VS. DRACULA and JESSE
JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER [both 1966] being prime
bad examples and HIGH
PLAINS DRIFTER [1973] being a prime excellent example), until
recently, where there has been a huge resurgence. Some examples
include LEGEND OF
THE PHANTOM RIDER (2000), FROM
DUSK TILL DAWN 3: THE HANGMAN'S DAUGHTER (2000), DEAD
BIRDS (2004), BLOOD TRAIL
(2005), BLOODRAYNE 2: DELIVERANCE
(2007), COPPERHEAD (2008), THE
BURROWERS (2008), HIGH
PLAINS INVADERS (2009) and this film, a zombie comedy set in
the Old West. Legend has it that before powerful Indian chief
Geronimo was killed by soldiers (Major anachronism: Geronimo actually
died of pneumonia in 1909!), he created the "White Man's
Curse", which turns white men into flesh-craving zombies. Enter
stranger Elmer (DESPERATE
HOUSEWIVES' James Denton) into some jerkwater unnamed small
western town. He gets into a fight with local man Luke (ex-SNL'er
Chris Kattan; HOUSE ON
HAUNTED HILL - 1999) when he hits on Luke's girlfriend, bar
floozy Kate (Cristin Michele). Sadistic
Sheriff Claypool (Matt Besser) throws Elmer and Luke in jail and in
the cell next to them is Ben (Brian Posehn; THE
DEVIL'S REJECTS - 2005), a victim of the White Man's Curse
who has just eaten the brains of his wife and young daughter and is
sentenced to hang the following morning. Elmer and Luke form an
uneasy alliance and break out of jail, sticking filthy slob Deputy
Cletus (Chris Coppola) in the cell next to Ben, where Ben bites him
and Cletus eventually bites the Sheriff. After taking back the money
Sheriff Claypool stole from Elmer (and then robbing the Sheriff's
safe for good measure), the duo hightail it out of town (their gun
skills are so bad, neither of them can hit the side of a barn) and
are followed by mystery woman Sue (Navi Rawat; FEAST
- 2005). After hanging Ben in the morning (more on that later),
Sheriff Claypool and Deputy Cletus (who are now both infected with
the White Man's Curse) lead a posse to capture Elmer and Luke, but
first they put the bite on their posse and pass the curse on to them.
Sue turns out to be Geronimo's niece and takes Luke and Elmer
prisoner (she strips them naked and forces them to ride bareback
until their balls are raw!), but she eventually joins forces with
them to get even with the men who killed her uncle. While Sheriff
Claypool and his zombified posse hunt down our trio (where our trio
quickly learns that the posse can't be killed with bullets or arrows,
not even to their heads), Ben springs back to undead life after his
hanging and begins putting the bite on the townspeople, beginning
with Kate and trapping the town's Padre (the diminutive Leslie
Jordan) in the hotel (he gets so thirsty, he drinks from a
spittoon!). When the trio is captured by the U.S. Army (Elmer is an
Army deserter), the same people responsible for Geronimo's death, the
trio discover that the White Man's Curse is spreading rapidly and the
only way to stop it is to dig up Geronimo's body and perform a ritual
using his flesh, which may be the only way to save Elmer and Luke,
who are now infected. This zombie comedy (or "Zombedy"
as the film's secondary title suggests), directed and written by
Glasgow Phillips (his feature film debut), has a few funny and gory
scenes, but truth be told, the humor is a little too
"modern" for a Western setting, especially Navi Rawat's
Sue, a New York educated Indian who is too wise for her years, not to
mention more liberated than any woman would be even 100 years later
(Truth be told, I'm majorly in love with Navi Rawat and have been
even since I first laid eyes on her on the TV series NUMB3RS
[2005 - 2010]). The film's good points are that the zombies retain
their human traits (such as speech and the ability to think) and that
simply shooting them in the head doesn't kill them; they must be
decapitated to die, which sets up some nifty makeup effects (supplied
by maestro Robert Kurtzman), There's also some dodgy CGI on view,
especially some obvious computer generated explosions and arterial
spray, an all-too-common occurrence in DTV films today. I do have to
say, though, that the cure Luke and Elmer find for their affliction
is novel (if you can't find Geronimo, eating one of his relatives
will do the trick) and Ben reuniting with his family in the finale
were nice touches. Not a total success, but not a failure, either, UNDEAD
OR ALIVE is a mindless and harmless way to spend 90 minutes.
Be sure to stick through the closing credits for some funny outtakes.
Also starring Todd Anderson, Ben Zeller, Lew Alexander, Christopher
Allen Nelson and T. Jay O'Brien. An Image
Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
THE
UNDERTAKER (1988) - This is Joe
Spinell's final film and, as of this writing, it is still unavailable
on VHS or DVD legally. I got this on eBay
as a dupe VHS (the quality is good, though, in what looks like a
workprint) and I must say that it's not a high note for any actor to
go out on, but it does have it's charms. Spinnell plays Uncle Roscoe,
the local mortician and undertaker who kills women to have sex with.
His nephew Nicholas (Patrick Askin),who is studying necrophilia in
his college anthropology class, catches on to his Uncle's lurid
doings and gets his anthropology teacher (Rebecca Yaron) involved in
the mess. The whole film is a series of Spinell hunting down women
and killing
them so they can be sent to his funeral home where he can have his
way with their bodies. Bodies are slit open with straight
razors, machetes, hypodermic needles and any other sharp object that
is available. Uncle Roscoe catches Nicholas snooping in his things
and knocks him out and ties him up next to a bloody dead woman. A
local movie theater security guard (played by Associate Producer
France Poeta) notices that all the murders resemble the movie that is
now playing and deduces that one of the patrons is doing the
killings. The police are also involved trying to solve the gory
murders. Considering that this is Spinell's final film (and resembles
William Lustig's MANIAC [1980]
to a certain degree), director Franco de Steffanino fills the films
with amateur actors, downright silly situations and a screenplay (by
William James Kennedy, who some people think is the actual director
and that de Steffanino is just a pseudonym he used) that pushes
believability beyond the realm of, well, believability. The main
reason for watching this is Joe Spinell's sweaty performance as
Roscoe. He is a creepy, ugly man who is incapable of having sex with
a living woman. The coroner even tells the police that he found
traces of semen on one of the disemboweled woman's intestines! The
cop then says: "I think I'm going to be sick!" Roscoe hates
all living people calling them hypocrites, bastards, jerks and so
forth, while putting on a front when faced with the grieving
relatives. When the security guard gets too close to the truth,
Roscoe plants a knife in his eye. It's up to Nicholas' teacher to
solve the murders and she enlists some college friends and the cops
to stop the killings. Roscoe kills both cops (one of them played by
Kennedy), putting an ice pick through one's neck and slitting the
other's throat, all the while crying and blaming the crimes on
Nicholas, whom he says was abused as a child (By him!). He then goes
after the teacher in a final showdown and a surprise ending. This
film definitely deserves the deluxe treatment just for the simple
fact that it is Spinell's final acting gig and there's plenty of
blood and guts to satisfy the most discerning gorehound. Shot on a
low budget and it shows, but it is entertaining in a weird way. I
recommend it but with serious reservations for anyone looking for a
coherent plot. Also starring Martha Schoeman, Susan Bachla, Charles
Kay-Hume. Max Stone and Joe Hagle. NOTE: Now available on legitimate DVD
from Code Red. Not Rated.
"Welcome to my parlor, said the spider to the fly."
UNHINGED
(1983) -
This little-known horror opus deserves to stay unknown. The acting is
terrible, the dialogue stilted and no blood is shown until the
halfway mark. Three college girls on vacation have an auto accident
during a rainstorm and find
themselves recuperating in an old mansion ruled by a man-hating
matriarch (Virginia Settle) and her spinster daughter (J.E. Penner).
After much plot development, wherein we find out why Mom
despises men (Daddy was caught diddling an 8 year-old girl), one of
the college girls tries to walk through the woods to call for a tow
truck, only to be hacked to death by an unseen killer carrying a
scythe. Another college girl gets a hatchet lodged in her head while
she sleeps. The surviving college chick (Laurel Munson) discovers the
secret of the house: The spinster daughter is actually a man, hiding
his identity from his demented and domineering mother. In the
blood-drenched finale, he chops up the surviving college girl with a
machete, leaving no survivors. Mediocre in all aspects, especially
top-billed Laurel Munson (who wears the same facial expression
throughout the film, as if someone let loose a smelly fart), this
film offers nothing new to horror fans.
Director/producer/co-screenwriter Don Gronquist (who also produced STARK
RAVING MAD
in 1982) has thankfully not directed another film since. A Lighthouse
Home Video Release. Also available on DVD
(Why? Why? Why? To make fun of, of course!) from Indie DVD. Also
released on a double feature fullscreen DVD, with the Gronquist produced/written
STARK RAVING MAD (here called MURDER
RUN) by Code Red,
both with audio commentary by Gronquist. Much better than the so-called
humor commentary on the Indie DVD. Unrated
due to the gory ending and a scene of body parts in a shed. Dont
waste your time.
UNSEEN
EVIL (1999/2001) - Regular readers
of this site know that I am a big fan of director Jay Woelfel. His BEYOND
DREAM'S DOOR (1988) and GHOST
LAKE (2004) are excellent examples of what can be done with
talent and very little money. When Mr. Woelfel is in control of his
material (i.e writes the screenplay and/or composes the moody music),
his films have and edge to them that can't be denied. He falters a
bit when he's just a gun for hire, as can be seen in DEMONICUS
(2001) and TRANCERS 6
(2002). UNSEEN EVIL falls
somewhere in the
middle. Richard Hatch portrays Dr. Peter Jensen, a college professor
who leads an archeology expedition to an ancient Indian burial ground
deep in the California woods. The professor is tired of working for
peanuts and decides to raid the tomb of all it's valuable artifacts,
which doesn't sit too well with student (and former lover) Kate
(Cindi Braun) and female Indian guide Dana (Cindy Pena). To make sure
the women don't cause any trouble, Dr. Jensen brings hired muscle
Williams (Jere Jon) and Mike (Frank Ruotolo) along to watch his back.
What the good doctor doesn't count on is releasing an invisible
Indian demon when they open the tomb. The creature (shielded in an
invisibility cloak ala PREDATOR
- 1987) first kills Dana, leaving the rest of our unhappy campers
without a guide to find their way home. They manage to make their way
back to their van, but the creature disables it as well as giving
Williams a nasty leg wound. Meanwhile, pissed-off park ranger Chuck
(Tim Thomerson), who Williams knocked out and handcuffed back at his
outpost, comes to and goes looking for the group. He finds them and
takes control of the situation, but is almost immediately decapitated
by the creature. Williams takes the booty and steals the repaired
van, leaving Jensen, Kate and Mike to fend for themselves. The rest
of the film is just a cat-and-mouse chase between the creature and
the remainder of the cast. You dont need ESP to know who is going to
live and who is going to bite it. This is standard
monster-on-the-loose stuff elevated every once in a while by some
extreme gore. I will admit it was nice to see Richard Hatch (also in
Woelfel's IRON THUNDER -
1998) play a bad guy for a change, but the generic script Scott
Spears (who was also cinematographer and second unit director)
doesn't give Hatch or anyone else in the cast very much to do except
run around and be fodder for the creature. The creature is a dodgy
CGI creation (as is Thomerson's decapitation) that never looks the
least bit frightening, so I guess it's best that it's kept invisible
for most of the running time. When will filmmakers learn that CGI is
no substitute for good old physical effects? The film does throw in
an unusual surprise ending, but it's just a matter of too little too
late. This is the kind of film that Roger Corman or Fred Olen Ray
churned out on a regular basis during the 80's & 90's. If you
liked those, you'll probably like this one, too. I do look forward to
Jay Woelfel's latest film (as of this writing) LIVE
EVIL (2007), his take on the vampire legend which he also
scripted. Jay followed with CLOSED
FOR THE SEASON (2010), an atmospheric horror tale about a long-closed
amusement park that haunts a young girl, and ASYLUM
OF DARKNESS (2017) an overlong, but totally weird, horror
flick about an amnesiac asylum patient trying to find his true self.
As I have said before, when Woelfel directs one of his own
screenplays, the results are usually special. Also starring Ronnie
Rist and Benjamin Cline. Originally filmed as UNSEEN in 1999
(and also known as THE UNBELIEVABLE),
but not released until 2001. A Monarch Home Video Release. Rated R.
UP
FROM THE DEPTHS (1979) - It's
pretty hard to imagine that this pitiful excuse of a monster film
actually got a theatrical release back in the day, but what's even
harder to imagine is how poorly it turned out considering the talent
in front of and behind the camera. An underwater tremor unleashes a
bloodthirsty creature that threatens the lives of a small Hawaiian
island (actually filmed in the Philippines). When shark heads and
other body parts of sea creatures wash ashore on the beach of a
once-popular seaside luxury resort owned by Mr. Forbes (Kedric
Wolfe), he blames it on the nephew/uncle team of Greg (the late Sam
Bottoms; HUNTER'S BLOOD
- 1987) and Earl (Virgil Frye; BOBBIE
JO AND THE OUTLAW - 1976), who run a charter boat operation
that cons the paying customers of Forbes' resort into going on phony
underwater treasure hunts. When Forbes' pretty assistant, Rachel
(Susanne Reed), witnesses the creature killing one of her friends and
can't get Mr.
Forbes to believe her, she joins forces with Greg (who witnesses the
creature killing one of his rubes [played by Filipino staple Ken
Metcalfe]) and ocean biologist Dr. Whiting (Charles Howerton) to find
a way to stop the monster from killing more innocent people. Mr.
Forbes tries his damnedest to keep word of the deaths from reaching
the ears of his customers or the press, but that becomes next to
impossible when human body parts begin washing ashore. When the
creature attacks and kills several more of the resort's tourists, Mr.
Forbes offers $1000 and a week's stay in the Presidential Suite to
any tourist who bags the creature. Of course, all the tourists
automatically disregard the bloody attack the night before and
greedily take to the ocean en masse to kill the monster. When the
tourists (Many of them too drunk or too stupid beyond believability)
prove not up to the task, Greg uses the now-dead Dr. Whiting's body
as chum (!) to entice the monster before blowing it up with
explosives. Too bad that the viewer couldn't get as swift a death as
the creature, because we'll have to keep the images of this film in
our brains for the rest of our lives. This horror film,
directed by Charles B. Griffith (screenwriter of the cult classic LITTLE
SHOP OF HORRORS [1960] and director of such films as EAT
MY DUST [1976] and DR.
HECKYL AND MR. HYPE [1980]), is so bad, it almost reaches a
new plateau of awfulness. It's a movie that is so shitty, I felt I
had to wipe my ass after watching it. Nearly every technical credit
is sub-par, including editing that looks to have been performed by
someone going through detox, post-synch dubbing that sounds like it
was recorded in a closet, and a monster that looks so ridiculous, I
can't imagine how anyone in the cast kept a straight face when
looking at it (imagine a shark with a couple of extra dorsal fins
glued-on to it's body, done with the technical ability of an Ed Wood
flick). Maybe it's because the cast realized when they got on set
what a crap sandwich they signed themselves onto, as everyone looks
and acts like they just got back from a loved one's funeral. The
screenplay, by Alfred M. Sweeney (credited to Anne Dyer on posters
and ad mats), is just a jumbled mess of horror clichés with no
connective tissue, as sequences jump from one scene to the next
without making any sense. People in this film do the most idiotic
things imaginable and I let out an audible groan when all the
tourists took to the ocean to kill the creature for a measly thousand
bucks and a free week's stay at the resort (even the tourists that
were injured the night before!). It's this type of contempt for the
audience that makes this film a contender for the worst JAWS
rip-off of all time (and, yes, I'm taking DEVIL
FISH [1984] into consideration). Producer Cirio H. Santiago
must of thought so, too, because he tried to redeem himself by
directing a remake, DEMON
OF PARADISE in 1987, but you know that old saying, "You
can't polish a turd" had to come into effect, making DEMON
one of the worst films in the late Santiago's long list of
directorial efforts. UP FROM
THE DEPTHS is an inane and slow-moving 85-minute piece of
crap, which deserves all the bad vibes you can muster. Really, it's
that bad. Also starring Denise Hayes, Chuck Doherty, Helen McNeely
and Randy Taylor. Originally released theatrically by Roger Corman's
New World Pictures and then on VHS by Vestron
Video. Available on a double feature DVD
(with DEMON OF PARADISE) from Shout!
Factory. Rated R for one scene of topless nudity.
The blood and gore are practically non-existent (the bloodiest it
gets is the sight of a torn-off arm on the ocean floor).
URBAN
LEGENDS: BLOODY MARY (2005) -
When a Salt Lake City high school prom gag goes wrong in 1969,
leading to the death of hippie chick Mary Banner (Lillith Fields) and
a cover-up by Willie and his jock friends, who stuffs her lifeless
body in a trunk in the high school's basement, the legend of Bloody
Mary is born. In the present day, Samantha Owens (Kate Mara) and a
couple of her female high school friends are having a sleepover,
telling each other scary urban legends when the topic of Blood Mary
is brought up. Samantha foolishly repeats Bloody Mary's name three
times and, in the morning, Samantha and her two friends have
disappeared, worrying brother David (Robert Vito), mother Pam (Nancy
Everhard; THE PUNISHER - 1989)
and new stepdad Bill (Ed Marinaro; AVALANCHE
ALLEY
- 2001), who just happens to be the town's sheriff and is in the
middle of a nasty campaign for Mayor. When Samantha and her friends
turn up a day later, all three have the same story about waking up in
an abandoned building in the state park with no memory of how they
got there. Medical workups on all three girls show the presence of
the date rape drug GHB in their systems, but none of them have been
sexually assaulted. Suspicion immediately falls on members of the
school's football team, since Samantha ran an unflattering photo and
story of them in the school newspaper and they blacklisted her from
the school dance. Samantha confides to brother David that it was
indeed the jocks who drugged her and her friends as a practical joke,
but that doesn't explain the rash of weird deaths happening to the
jocks and their snotty cheerleader girlfriends, beginning with Roger
(Brandon Sacks), who is roasted alive in a tanning bed. When
head cheerleader Heather (Audra Lee Keener) wakes up one morning
covered in spiders (that crawl out of a huge zit on her face!), she
rips her face off after crashing into a mirror. Head jock Buck
(Michael Coe) believes that Samantha and David are responsible, but
when fellow jock Tom (Nate Herd) has his penis fried off after
pissing on an electric fence (his ring finger is also removed),
Samantha believes this is all tied to Mary Banner's disappearance in
1969. Samantha and David begin looking-up people who were around
during Mary's disappearance in 1969, beginning with black 60's
radical pothead Grace Taylor (Tina Lifford; BLOOD
WORK - 2002), who tells Samantha and David that Mary has
returned and is taking revenge on the offspring of the five people
responsible for her death. With three of the children already dead,
Samantha and David try to find the remaining two families, not aware
that one of the families is closer than they think (Hint: What name
could Willy be using today?). This is the third film in the URBAN
LEGEND series and the first to go straight to home video.
Professionally directed by Mary Lambert (PET
SEMATARY - 1989; PET
SEMATARY II - 1992; THE ATTIC
- 2008) and acted by a talented cast of pros, URBAN LEGENDS:
BLOODY MARY suffers from a weak script (screenplay by Michael
Dougherty and Dan Harris) that never rises above the ordinary or
offers any real scares. There are some gory deaths (Heather's
spider-filled demise is the film's highlight) and shock cuts
(especially when Bloody Mary enters the frame), but the entire story
hinges on figuring out who the fifth family is and even a monkey who
has its body and brains inflicted with syphilis in some laboratory
experiment could figure it out in the film's first fifteen minutes.
Don't get me wrong, this is an OK horror flick for those not too
concerned about having a substantial plot, but I, for one, would have
liked the mystery elements to be, well, more mysterious. Typical
big-budget studio DTV stuff. Watchable, yet hardly remarkable. Also
starring Don Shanks and Jeff Olson. A Sony
Pictures Home Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
VAMPIRE
COP (1990) -
While I would normally leave a film like this for my friend Mario to
review on his FILMS ON THE FRINGE
section of this web site, I had to comment on this unholy crapfest
disguised as a horror film. First, it was directed by former fanboy
Donald Farmer of DEMON
QUEEN (1986) infamy and second, it has a rare appearance by
Mal Arnold, Fuad Ramses of BLOOD FEAST
(1963), which
many consider the first gore film. While he was wooden in that
particular film, he looks absolutely professional as Lt. Ryan (who
gets chainsawed to death for refusing to co-operate with gangsters)
compared to all the other actors in this film. A vampire cop named
Lucas (Ed Cannon, who is always shown in the same fog-shrouded shot
as he is about to attack the bad guys) tries to stop a prostitute and
drug ring after his partner is killed. Nosey TV reporter Melanie
Roberts (Melissa Moore) keeps bugging Lucas for leads to the story
and soon they fall in love. Finding out he is a vampire doesn't
bother her much. Actually it turns her on more as she takes off her
clothes at the drop of a hat (the only worthwhile reason for viewing
this abomination). In the finale, Melanie is taken hostage by
the head baddie as he forces Lucas to wait for the sun to rise,
therefore killing his nemesis and keeping his illegal business in
business. I'm trying to decide where to start to describe how bad
this film really is. Besides the atrocious acting, there's shots of
Lucas being shot point blank by shotguns and handguns and no bullet
holes appear in his shirt! The dimestore vampire teeth are a laugh
riot and when he bites down on a victim, he rises with no blood on
his mouth. Now that's what I call cleaning your plate! The camera
work is choppy and the music mainly generic, but the biggest
head-scratcher of all is how does a vampire become a cop? Don't you
have to go through trainng camp for several weeks? In the daylight?
While there is plenty of nudity on display (most of the supporting
women are butt-ugly) this film doesn't have much going for it except
the all-too-brief appearance of Arnold and the aforementioned nudity
of Moore (who is beautiful and has a long career in horror films).
For a vampire film, this one sucks. Keep on the lookout because
Donald Farmer is still making films today and it looks like he has
learned nothing from his previous mistakes. Also starring Terence
Jenkins, Michelle Berman and Morrow Faye. Tim Ritter (KILLING
SPREE - 1987) also gets an associate producer credit on this
but it's not on his resume. Good move, Tim. An Atlas
Entertainment Corporation VHS Release. SRS
Cinema is releasing VAMPIRE COP
in a limited edition Blu-Ray/VHS that is advertised as the
"Director's Cut", containing a lot more exposition footage
between Moore and Arnold than the original VHS edition, to be
released sometime early in 2017. Rated R.
VAMPIRE
HOOKERS (1979) - You know when
you hear dialogue such as, "Coffins are for being laid to rest,
not for being laid" that you're not watching an intellectual
film. John Carradine plays the Walt Whitman-quoting head of a coven
of female vampires who
disguise themselves as prostitutes and lure their tricks to an
underground lair in a graveyard, where Carradine and his group
(including veteran Filippino actor Vic Diaz, who farts in his coffin)
drain them of blood. When two sailors (Bruce Fairbairn and Trey
Wilson) lose their commanding officer after he is picked-up by a
vampire hooker, they go looking for him and end up battling Carradine
& Co.. This Philippines-lensed film, directed by action/horror
stalwart Cirio H. Santiago (NAKED
VENGEANCE - 1985; DEMON
OF PARADISE - 1987), is played strictly for laughs. At least
I think it was, but since I didn't laugh, I could very well be wrong.
Vic Diaz spends most of his screen time crying (he wants to be a
vampire but can't stand the taste of blood), farting (and inhaling
the vapors) or chasing our two heroes around a graveyard, while
Carradine quotes poetry and the hooker/vampires spout lines like,
"It's not murder. It's dinner." Our two heroes don't fare
much better in the dialogue department as they have to speak such
cringe-inducing lines like, "That cemetery is full of dead
bodies!" (Well, let hope so!). This one-joke film is stretched
to an unbearable 80 minutes and, if it weren't for the frequent
female nudity on view, I would have turned it off after Diaz's first
gas attack. There's also some risable post-sync dubbing (it seems
about 50% of the film is dubbed) even though it's plain to see
everyone is speaking English. It also has a long orgy scene (where
the female vampires keep their panties on) intercut with Carradine
killing a rat with a crossbow and making Diaz drink it's blood. The
uncredited end title song has lyrics that go, "They're vampire
hookers and blood is not all they suck." That's about as funny
as it gets here, folks. This is one of those films that everyone has
heard of but few have seen. There is a reason for that. It stinks.
Also starring Karen Stride, Lenka Novak, Katie Dolan and Lex Winter.
Also known as CEMETERY GIRLS,
SENSUOUS VAMPIRES
and NIGHT OF THE BLOODSUCKERS.
A Continental Video
VHS Release. Available on a double
feature DVD with Santiago's FIGHTING
MAD (as DEATH FORCE, in its fully uncut 110 minute
version) from Vinegar Syndrome.
Rated R.
VAMPIRE
IN VENICE (1988) - Very
strange Italian vampire film. Not good, mind you, just strange. What
is even stranger than the film itself is the story of making it, but
I will get to that later in the review.
The film begins with a group hunting quail in Venice. One hunter
accidentally shoots and kills a bat and another hunter tells him that
it is bad luck to kill a bat (Why? It is never explained.). If he
only knew. We then see
Professor Paris Catalano (Christopher Plummer; STARCRASH
- 1978) arriving in Venice in a gondola (standing up, so pedestrians
will notice him!) in the late 19th Century, as he explains in
voiceover that he is an expert on Nosferatu, who is the Lord of Evil
("Second to the Devil himself"). The Professor has traced
Nosferatu from the time he ruled the land in the 10th Century until
he disappeared in Venice in 1786, where the city of Venice was hit
with the Plague and over half of the population died from it.
An elderly Princess (Maria Cumani Quasimodo; ALL
THE COLORS OF THE DARK - 1972) has summoned the Professor to
come to Venice because she has something to show him that he may be
interested in. It is a strange-looking coffin wrapped in iron bands,
not to keep someone from breaking into it, but to keep whatever is
inside it from getting out. The Princess insists a séance be
performed to contact Nosferatu (Why? It is never explained), over the
objections of Catholic Church official Don Alvise (Donald Pleasence; THE
DEVIL'S MEN - 1976). A medium (Clara Colosimo; THE
GREAT ALLIGATOR - 1979) performs the séance and
contacts Nosferatu, not knowing that by doing this, the master
vampire is once again free (Why? It is never explained.) to roam and
terrorize Venice at night, as he once did a century before.
Nosferatu (Klaus Kinski; FOOTPRINTS
ON THE MOON - 1974) is surprised to see how his beloved city
has changed over the years, but what hasn't changed are the people,
as they have the blood he needs to survive and thrive, letting him
create an army of vampires under his control. He starts by biting a
woman dancing at a gypsy camp (portrayed by professional dancer La
Chunga) and it escalates from that point on. But first, Nosferatu
explores his beloved changed city, finding much to enjoy (people in
masks celebrating in the streets) and much to make him sad (people
staring at him as if he were a freak). Nosferatu pays the Princess a
visit in her bedroom at night, who holds a crucifix to him to ward
him off, but he grabs the crucifix, destroys it and throws the
Princess out her bedroom window, where she is impaled on a iron fence
below. The Princess' beautiful young charge, Helietta Canins (Barbara
De Rossi), asks the Professor for help in killing Nosferatu, so the
first thing he does is break into that strange coffin. A vampire
woman sits up from it, but she disintegrates in front of everyone's
eyes (The Professor tells them that this woman must have suffered
from the Plague, as even vampires are not immune to it! Why? It is
never explained.). Nosferatu catches sight of Helietta at a fancy
dress ball and it's love at first sight, at least for him (Like in THE
FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS [1967], Helietta sees that
Nosferatu doesn't cast a reflection in the ballroom's large mirror).
That night, Nosferatu shows up in Helietta's bedroom and he makes
love to her, putting her under his control. The Professor knows this
is the first step in Nosferatu's evil plans and vows to defeat him.
This artsy-fartsy vampire flick has many problems, the main one
being that it's so artsy-fartsy, it's confusing. This is a case of
style over substance and unless you are David Lynch, that is never a
good thing. I thought it took place in the late 19th Century,
according to the manner of dress and the lack of modern conveniences,
but when Nosferatu stalks an kills a prostitute on the street, she is
wearing a white miniskirt and white thigh-high boots and is carrying
a gaudy silver lamé purse, causing mass confusion on what
timeline this film is actually following. Another major problem is
that this film makes no sense at all, as Nosferatu walks in the
daylight with no problem, tossing all vampire mythos aside without a
hint of explanation. But the biggest problem is what this film went
through just to get made and it shows on the screen. Klaus Kinski was
hired to reprise his role in Werner Herzog's NOSFERATU
THE VAMPYRE
(1979), but he showed up on set on the first day of shooting with
long hair, saying he had no interest in reprising that role, so
instead of telling him to get lost and recasting the role, major
rewrites to the script were
made. Kinski then threw one of his patented temper tantrums, saying
he would not come on set as long as director Mario Caiano (NIGHTMARE
CASTLE - 1965) was in charge, so Caiano agreed to leave the
film (still being paid his full hefty fee), the third director to do
so. The original director was Maurizio Lucidi (THE
DESIGNATED VICTIM - 1971; STREET
PEOPLE - 1976), who shot a few crowd scenes before he was
fired by producer/screenwriter Augusto Caminito, who then hired
Pasquale Squitieri (GANG WAR
IN NAPLES - 1972), but Caminito fired him, too. After the
Caiano fiasco, Caminito decided to direct the film himself, something
he has never done before, so he asked his assistant, Luigi Cozzi (CONTAMINATION
- 1980), for some uncredited help and this is what they came up with,
Caminito getting sole directorial credit under the pseudonym
"Alan Cummings" (Kinski is said to have directed some
scenes himself). The frenzied background shenanigans on the making of
this film shows up on screen, as it is a fractured mess, some scenes
beginning and ending with no connective tissue between what came
before it or after it. It is not just erratic, it is also a very long
89 minutes, seeming twice as long than it actually is. There's not
much bloodshed, just a poor optical shot of a huge hole in Kinski's
chest when he gets blasted with a shotgun, which then heals quickly
(and is badly rendered). Actresses Barbara De Rossi and Elvire Audray (THE
SCORPION WITH TWO TAILS - 1982) filed formal complaints
against Kinski, accusing him of sexually assaulting them when filming
scenes with him, but nothing ever became of it. Just like always,
Kinski kept on treating actresses as his personal sex toys, believing
himself above the law (filmmakers treated him that way, too, enabling
his bad behavior). Personally, I would have fired Kinski's ass
because there were much better actors at the time that could have
played the role better. Kinski is simply awful here, speaking so low
you cannot make out a single word he is saying and sometimes speaking
in a language no one has ever heard before!
Shot as NOSFERATU A VENEZIA
("Nosferatu In Venice"), this film never received a
theatrical or VHS release in the United States. An outfit called
One7Movies offers this film in anamorphic widescreen on DVD under the
title PRINCE
OF THE NIGHT. You can also find it for free on YouTube if you
must see it, but there really is no reason unless you a vampire
completist, suffer from insomnia or just like to torture yourself.
This is a case of too many cooks spoiling the meal. Also starring
Yorgo Voyagis (DAMNED
IN VENICE - 1978), Anne Knecht, Giuseppe Mannajuolo (MURDER-ROCK:
DANCING DEATH - 1984) and Mickey Knox (DAY
OF THE COBRA - 1980). Not Rated (Why?
It is never explained). UPDATE:
Now available on DVD & Blu-Ray from Severin
Films under the title NOSFERATU
IN VENICE. Even though I am not a fan of this film, I still
must congratulate Severin for releasing rarities like this and giving
them the full treatment they deserve. No one does it better than
Severin, which is why I purchase most of their releases, whether I
like the films or not (as long as they are not directed by Jess
Franco, whom I find boring).
THE
VAMPIRES NIGHT ORGY (1972) -
I always loved this modern-day Spanish gothic horror film (made as LA
ORGIA NOCTURNA DE LOS VAMPIROS), even though most of the
public domain versions I have viewed over the years were dupey, fuzzy
and heavily-edited versions. The feeling of dread even permeated in
those versions, so finally getting to see the film in its uncut
American theatrical version in 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen on a Leon
Klimovsky double
feature DVD (with DR.
JEKYLL VS. THE WEREWOLF - 1971) thanks to Code
Red, really made me appreciate it all the more (more on
Klimovsky after the review). The film opens with a crowd of people
gathered around a gravesite in a cemetery, as a casket is being
lowered into the ground. Suddenly, the rope slips and the casket goes
crashing into the hole, splitting open and revealing a smouldering
skeleton with worms and maggots crawling through the skull. The crowd
of people run away as if their lives depend on it. The film then
switches to a group of people traveling on a small coach bus. Each
one of them has been hired to perform particular tasks (chambermaid,
kitchen cook, major-domo, gardener, teacher and chauffeur) at an
"aristocratic" estate in a secluded town called Bojoni.
When the bus driver keels over and dies, Ernesto (Gaspar 'Indio'
González; THE WEREWOLF AND
THE YETI - 1975) grabs the steering wheel and hits the brakes
before the bus
is able to crash. Marcus (Manuel de Blas; HORROR
OF THE ZOMBIES - 1974) asks fellow passenger Godó
(Luis Ciges; NIGHT OF THE SEAGULLS
- 1975) to bring Raquel's (Charo Soriano) eight year-old daughter
Violet (Sarita Gil) outside for a walk while they wrap the bus
driver's corpse in a canvas cloth and put it in the back of the bus.
While outside, Violet meets a silent little boy (Fernando Romero),
who suddenly disappears into thin air when Godó tells her they
are ready to leave. Back on the bus, everyone decides to stop in the
town of Tolnia, since it is only 10 kilometers away. They have been
traveling on the bus for over 36 hours and need a proper place to eat
and sleep since Bojoni is still 110 kilometers away. Once at Tolnia
(which is surrounded on all four sides by mountains), the group
discover that the town is mysteriously empty, except for tourist Luis
(Jack Taylor; NIGHT
OF THE SORCERERS - 1973), who decided to take a shortcut off
the major highway and got lost, ending up in this strange village.
Alma (Dianik Zurakowska; THE
HANGING WOMAN - 1973), another person on the bus (who was
hired to be a maid in Bojoni), mentions that maybe the entire village
is at church, but Luis tells her that he has walked throughout the
entire village and didn't see one church. They all decide to sleep at
the village inn and worry about the lack of people tomorrow. While
Luis is hanging up his clothes in a closet, he notices a peephole
that looks directly into Alma's bedroom and he spies on Alma
disrobing (full-frontal nudity) before putting on a nightgown and
getting into bed. Ernesto falls asleep at the inn's bar, but is woken
up when the outside door opens by itself. He goes outside to
investigate, walking down the cobblestone streets, only to then
discover that the village's creepy residents have him surrounded. He
is thrown to the ground as the people seek their teeth into him. The
following morning, Alma is awakened by the inn's maid (María
Vidal) and finds the inn crowded with the village's citizens. Alma
and Luis meet Boris (José Guardiola; Klimovsky's I
HATE MY BODY - 1974), Tolnia's Mayor, who explains to the
duo that the village was empty last night because they were all at
the cemetery saying their goodbyes to one of the village's most
beloved men, who died suddenly. Yes, Tolnia is one strange town. When
the inn's cook (Sandalio Hernández) asks Boris what these
tourists are going to eat, he says, "The Countess will take care
of it." In the next scene, we see a Giant of a man (Fernando
Bilbao; who acts in films also using the pseudonym "Fred
Harris"; EXTERMINATORS
OF THE YEAR 3000 - 1983) enter a blacksmith's shop and chops
off the blacksmith's (Alfonso de la Vega) lame leg with an axe.
Immediately afterward, we see our tourists eating and complimenting
on the inn's tasty meat, which is actually the blacksmith's lame leg!
Boris tells the tourists that no other town has meat this delicious
(I hear it tastes like chicken. I hear!). Marcus wonders where
Ernesto is since he is driving the bus and they have to leave soon to
start their new jobs in Bojoni. Ernesto suddenly appears at the door,
his skin and face a sickly pale, and he tells Marcus that he has
already taken care of the dead bus driver's body. Marcus is glad he
did, jokingly saying, "Later on you can tell me how you arranged
it. For my part, you could have cooked and eaten the poor
bastard!" (If he only knew. I'm not so sure that one measly lame
leg could satisfy the hunger of all the tourists!). When neither the
bus or Luis' car will start, Boris says it will take at least two or
three days for the parts to arrive to fix the vehicles. Marcus
mentions to Boris that they are all broke, but Boris says that they
should not worry because the Countess will take care of all of their
needs. They all meet the beautiful Countess (Helga Liné; THE
LORELEY'S GRASP - 1973), who not only assures them that they
can have anything they want while they stay in the village, she also
hands Marcus a check for a large sum of money, which she says they
can split evenly among each other when they leave (I'm not so sure
that check will ever be cashed). Since the Countess is a Shakespeare
fan, she asks that Cesar (David Aller), the last person on the bus
(who is supposed to be the major-domo in Bojoli), to stay with her
for a few hours so he can recite some of Shakespeare's sonnets to
her. Of course, they end up making love in her bedroom, but when
Cesar discovers that the Countess is the village's queen vampire, it
is already too late for him. She bites Cesar in the neck and then
throws his body over the outside terrace, right into the arms of some
thirsty villagers below, who feed on his body. Luis once again
watches Alma strip naked through the peephole and even slips a note
under her door telling her that she will be safe because he
"looking out" for her! (He's a pervert and a hero at the
same time). That same night, Ernesto tricks Marcus and Godó to
check out the inside of the bus, where several vampires (including
Ernesto) put the bite on the pair. What the vampires don't count on
is Luis watching this happen, so he and Alma must figure out a way to
escape the village with Raquel and Violet. Violet is outside playing
a game of Hide and Seek with the young boy and when she goes to hide,
she witnesses the Giant cutting a knife grinder's (Rafael
Albaicín) arm off (The Giant says to the Grinder: "The
Countess says you can continue sharpening knives...with one
arm!"). As a horrified Violet watches, the Giant carries the
dismembered arm away and we next see Luis and Alma enjoying a tasty
meat dish. That is, until Alma discovers a human finger in her meal
and she screams. Boris assures her that is was all a mistake; the
cook had a nasty accident while preparing their meal (He cuts off the
cook's finger in the kitchen just to give his story validity!). Luis
tells Alma in her bedroom that he has figured out a way to fix his
car and that she, Raquel and Violet should be ready that night to
escape the village, unaware that someone is using the peephole in
Luis' closet to eavesdrop on their conversation (Turn about is fair
play!). Violet is trapped in the cemetery by the young boy, as the
bloodthirsty villagers rapidly approach, while Raquel searches for
her in the many undergound tunnels under the inn, accidentally
discovering the Countess' crypt (she gets bitten by several vampires
while running back to her room). The little vampire boy accidentally
kills Violet, when he hold his hand over her face to stop her from
screaming, as they hide from the vampires in the cemetery (The
little boy is actually distraught, tears streaming down his eyes,
because Violet was the only child he has played with for centuries).
As Luis and Alma hop into his car and try to escape, they are
besieged by hordes of villagers and vampire bats, but they manage to
escape the village, only to find the Countess hiding in the back
seat. Alma manages to stab her several times, but Luis tells her to
stop, because they will need her body as evidence when they explain
their story to the police in Bojoli. When the sun rises, the
Countess' body dissolves into a pile of maggots (Luis says that the
reasons the vampires were able to walk during the day in Tolmia was
because the village was surrounded on all sides by mountains and the
sun never shone there. I don't really buy that explanation, but just
go along with it!). The police chief in Bojoli says there never was a
village called Tolnia and to prove it, they all drive back to the
location, where the village has disappeared. The police chief chalks
it up to "youthful indescretion" (even if it is obvious
that both Luis and Alma haven't been "youths" for a couple
of decades!) and they all drive back to Bojoni, not noticing the
burned shell of the bus used to get to Tolnia is on the side of the
road. Since we are never given an explanation on why the village
appears and disappears (Is it like BRIGADOON
or 2000 MANIACS?), we have
to let our imaginations take over. Director Leon Klimovsky was one of
the better Spanish genre filmmakers, helming the previously-mentioned DR.
JEKYLL VS. THE WEREWOLF (1971), as well as WEREWOLF
SHADOW (1971); VENGEANCE
OF THE ZOMBIES (1972); A
DRAGONFLY FOR EACH CORPSE (1973); THE
DRACULA SAGA (1973); THE
DEVIL'S POSSESSED (1974); NIGHT
OF THE WALKING DEAD (1975); THE
PEOPLE WHO OWN THE DARK (1975); TRAUMA
(1978); and several others (He also directed many Spanish-made
Spaghetti Westerns in the 60's) before retiring from filmmaking in
1979 (he passed away in 1996). Klimovsky's horror and thriller films
were always steeped in atmosphere and filled with gory violence and
nudity, so you could alway count on being entertained when you saw
his name on the screen. Screenwriters Gabriel Burges (who co-wrote a
few of Klimovsky's films) and Antonio Fios (CANNIBAL
MAN - 1972; IT
HAPPENED AT NIGHTMARE INN - 1973) get to the good stuff as
quickly as possible, showing Alma fully naked and implying, as well
as showing, some disturbing scenes of violence (especially the
Giant's attacks). Klimovsky shows a sly sense of humor here during
the dinner scenes, never showing human flesh being cooked, but
cutting quickly from an arm or leg getting chopped off to immediately
showing the unaware tourists enjoying the mystery meat (I especially
liked the cook appearing with a bloody bandage on his hand, his
middle finger missing, right after Boris says he
"accidentally" cut it off). The widescreen print used by
Code Red is pretty worn for the first couple of minutes, but then
clears up, only showing emulsion scratches at reel changes. It's the
best this film has ever looked on U.S. home video, so you can throw
out all those PD VHS tapes and DVDs and watch the film as it was
meant to be seen, the same as it was shown in theaters. I like this
film a lot and like it even more now that it is in widescreen. Also
starring Antonio Páramo and L. Villena. A Code Red DVD & Blu-Ray
Release. Rated R.
THE
VELVET VAMPIRE (1971) - Arty
vampire tale set in the desert. Bloodsucker Celeste Yarnall invites married
couple Michael Blodgett and Sherry Miles to stay the weekend at her
retreat in the middle of the desert. Yarnall is not your typical
vampire. She jets around in a dune buggy, spies on the couple in
their bedroom through a two way mirror, eats raw chicken liver, and
sleeps with the corpse of her century-dead husband. She also sleeps
with both the husband and the wife. The husband and wife are also not
your normal married couple. They have identical dreams at night,
dreaming of making love to Yarnall on a bed in the blazing sun of the
desert. And when Miles catches Blodgett in the act of screwing
Yarnall on the floor of the living room, she seems more disappointed
than angry. Disappointed that it's not her with Yarnall. Yarnall
makes a mighty fetching vampire, with her chalk white body and
come-hither attitude. Throw in some Indian mysticism and a few
murders and you have a vampire tale more interested in the sensual
and sexual aspects of the undead than most other fang-bearing tales
(except for maybe THE
VAMPIRE LOVERS
[1970] and VAMPYRES
[1974]). As with a lot of films made in the early '70's, hippies end
up saving the day. Director Stephanie Rothman (TERMINAL
ISLAND
- 1973) shows a steady hand here, and definitely gives the story a
feminine touch by displaying as much male flesh as female, as well as
showing that woman is the superior intellect. Recommended for those
with an open mind (or an open wound). The late Robert Tessier (FERTILIZE
THE BLASPHEMING BOMBSHELL
- 1989) has a small role here. Also known as THE
WAKING HOUR. An Embassy
Home Entertainment VHS Release. Also available from Simitar
Entertainment in an atrocious print recorded in the EP mode.
Also available on DVD from Shout!
Factory as part of their Roger Corman's Cult Classics "Vampires,
Mummies & Monsters" 2-Disc collection (which also
includes LADY FRANKENSTEIN
[1971], TIME WALKER [1982]
and GROTESQUE
[1987]). Rated
R.
V/H/S
(2012) - A lot of critics liked this point-of-view "Found
Footage" anthology film, but while watching this SOV flick, I
started getting an extreme headache from all the shakey camera work.
And most of the stories aren't all that original, either. The
wraparound footage (titled "Tape 56", directed by Adam
Wingard, who also has a role) is about a group of unlikeable guys
(who like to videotape themselves attacking innocent girls and
lifting up their shirts to record their breasts) who are hired by an
unknown third party to break into a house and steal a VHS tape. Once
they are in the house, they find an old guy sitting dead in a chair
while numerous TV screens are playing static. The entire arc of the
film is that one guy at a time watches a videotape in the room with
the dead guy and then mysteriously disappears. The first tape is
titled "Amateur Night" (directed by David Bruckner), about
a trio of horny guys who have a pair of spy eyeglasses with a video
camera hidden inside it. They go to a bar and pick
up a couple of women, one of them a very creepy bug-eyed girl named
Lily (Hannah Fierman), who only says "I like you." The trio
take the girls back to a motel room, only to discover that Lily is
some kind of monster (a gargoyle maybe?), who proceeds to kill the
trio gorily one-by-one (This episode was remade as a feature film
called SiREN - 2016, written by
Bruckner and directed by Gregg Bishop, that is thankfully not a found
footage film, but is bad nonetheless.). The second tape is entitled
"Second Honeymoon" (directed by Ti West) about a
vacationing couple in Arizona who are unknowingly visited by a female
stranger who videotapes them while they sleep. This is easily the
weakest entry of the anthology and has an ending that just leaves you
saying "What the hell?". The third tape is titled
"Tuesday the 17th" (directed by Glenn McQuaid) and concerns
four twenty-somethings who go to the woods and encounter a killer who
only shows up as a glitch on video (a rather good effect). It is
nothing but a short stalk 'n' slash gore flick with no true surprises
(Besides "The Glitch", played by Bryce Burke). The fourth
tape is titled "The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She
Was Younger" (directed by Joe Swanberg) about a couple separated
by long distance who regularly keep in touch by computer using Skype.
Emily (Helen Rogers) believes her apartment is haunted by a ghost
child and there are some true scares here with a wicked ending and
very little shakey camera work. This is the second best entry in the
anthology. The fifth and final tape is titled "10/31/98"
(directed by "Radio Silence", who are actually Matt
Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett, Justin Martinez and Chad Villella
and also star in this segment) and is easily the best tale in the
anthology. The story is about a group of guys going to a Halloween
party and end up at the wrong house. They discover a couple of men
exorcising a tied-up woman in the attic and release her. Then all
Hell begins to break loose (with lots of good special effects that
will have you jumping out of your seat a couple of times), as the
guys and the girl try to escape the house. It ends on a really
downbeat note, but it's worth the trip. I'm not the biggest fan of
found footage films (as readers of this site no doubtedly already
know), especially when I always ask myself why people would hold onto
a video camera while they are being chased or killed, but V/H/S
is not without at least some merit (some scenes are very bloody). At
least it keeps the tradition of VHS tapes alive (the whole reason why
I started Critical Condition in the early 80's) and the wraparound
footage is a pretty good excuse for showing these VHS shorts (even
though sitting in a room with a dead guy to watch them defies all
common sense). Two sequels, titled V/H/S/2
(2013) and V/H/S VIRAL
(2014), have already been made and feature a new roster of directors
(only Adam Wingard returns) and reviews state that both are better
than the original. I will wait for their eventual quick DVD releases
before I view them (the original and the first sequel were released
to Video On Demand a couple of months before they made their one week
limited theatrical releases, something which is becoming more
commonplace for small independent films) because I can't stand
watching "shakey-cam" flicks on big theater screens (the
further back you sit in the theater, the better). Also starring
Calvin Reeder, Lane Hughes, Mike Donlan, Joe Swanberg, Daniel
Kaufman, Norma C. Quinones, Nicole Erb and Bilal Mir. A Magnet
Releasing/Magnolia Home Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
VICTIMS!
(1985) - You would think that any movie that opens with a series
of murders committed against women, including a hatchet to the head,
a meatcleaver attack and a stabbing (all in the first 3 minutes!),
would be interesting to watch. You would be seriously wrong.
Director Jeff Hathcock (NIGHT
RIPPER
- 1986, FERTILIZE
THE BLASPHEMING BOMBSHELL - 1989) has a mean misogynistic
streak in him as it is apparent that all he wants to show is women
getting raped, beaten to a pulp or killed in bloody ways. After a
confusing 20 minute setup, this film tells the story of four women
who go out on a trip in the desert. They are stalked and attacked by
two mental deficients who take pleasure in raping and torturing the
women. That's basically all there is to this film except for poor
editing (some dialogue is cut off at various edits), shitty
photography (the night scenes are impossible to see), crappy sound
(one scene, where the four girls are talking in a car, all you can
hear is a lawnmower in the background!), grade school acting (lots
and lots of SCREAMING! and crying) and dime store gore effects. I'm
still trying to figure out what type of audience this film was made
for. Films like LAST HOUSE
ON THE LEFT (1972) and I
SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE (1978) deal with the same subject matter
but do it in a suspenseful way (although some of the more
discriminating readers may disagree with me). VICTIMS!, on the
other hand, seems to revel in the mistreatment of women just for the
sake of showing it onscreen. Sure, the survivors do find justice with
a gun and Bowie knife in the finale (where they are not just blamed
for the deaths of the men, but also for the robbery of a gas
station!) but that doesn't justify everything that leads up to it. It
seems director Hathcock blames the women for their woes because of
the way they dress and act. One drunk character blames it all on
women's lib! Stay away from this film and save 76 minutes of your
life. Starring Ava Kauffman, Ann Richardson, Geri Schlessel, Pam
Richards, Robert Axelrod and Lonny Withers. A Simitar
Entertainment Home Video Release. Not Rated.
VICTOR
CROWLEY (2017) - Adam Green (FROZEN
- 2010; DIGGING UP THE MARROW
- 2014) returns to the directors chair in this third sequel to his
gory HATCHET franchise
(He relinquished directing HATCHET
III [2013] to BJ McDonnell). Parry Chen also returns as
Andrew (He appeared in all four films, as Shawn in HATCHET
[2007], Shawn's twin brother Justin in HATCHET
II [2010] and as Andrew in Part III), as does Kane Hodder,
who appeared as the title maniac in all four films.
This film opens in 1964, where Del (Jonah Ray) proposes to Sue
(Kelly Vrooman) on a rowboat in the middle of the Honey Island Swamp
(she replies yes, but it's the way she does it that will have you in
stitches). In the middle of the proposal, the young couple hear
someone groaning, so they get out of the rowboat to investigate. They
meet a hunter (Tyler Mane; Michael Myers in Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN
- 2007), who is about to warn them about something when he loses his
head (literally!). Del then is impaled in the back of his head,
causing one of his eyes to pop out of its socket. Sue is next. Victor
Crowley cuts some of her fingers off (including her ring finger) and
then lays her on the ground and proceeds to chop off her arms and
legs (the flesh stretches like cheese on a pizza!), finishing her off
by removing her head with his trusty hatchet and holding it up in the air.
We then hear a young girl (the daughter of actress Felissa Rose [SLEEPAWAY
CAMP - 1983], who appears in this film), who gives us a
verbal history of Victor Crowley. We are then in the present day, as
Andrew Young (Shen) appears on "The Sabrina Show", where
his ex-wife Sabrina (Krystal Joy Brown) accuses him of being the
"Body Butcher". Andrew denies it and is there to hawk his
book, which is about the 10th anniversary of surviving Victor
Crowley's wrath. Since hardly anyone believes Crowley actually
exists, the majority of people think that Andrew is the killer. On
his book-signing tour with his agent Kathleen (a terrific comic
performance by Felissa Rose), people call him a "murderer",
draw penises on his posters and one guy whips out his dick for Andrew
to sign (a scene cut from the streaming version, but kept in the disc
versions). Everyone believes his book is a work of fiction. At one
book signing, wannabe director Chloe (Katie Booth), her boyfriend
Alex (Chase Williamson; BEYOND
THE GATES - 2015) and best friend Rose (Laura Ortiz)
introduce themselves to Andrew and Chloe tells him that she is
directing a low-budget horror film about Victor Crowley and they are
going to the Honey Island Swamp to film the trailer (as as way to get
financing for the movie). Kathleen then tells Andrew that a network
will pay him to go back to Honey Island Swamp to film a 48 HOURS-type
crime documentary based on his book. Andrew doesn't want to go, but
when he hears how much they are going to pay him, he jumps at the
chance (like any good agent, Kathleen lies to him about the amount).
Chloe, Adam and Rose are already at the swamp and they hire Dillon (a
funny Dave Sheridan; AMIGO UNDEAD
- 2015) as their guide. On the plane ride to Honey Island, Andrew
sees that Sabrina is along for the ride, as are network reporter
Casey (my girl Tiffany Shepis; THE
FRANKENSTEIN SYNDROME - 2010), technician Austin (Brian
Quinn), Kathleen, and a few other people who work for the network.
Needless to say, Andrew's plane crashes and I'll give you one guess where.
The rest of the plot is inconsequential and as we all know, these
films are all about the gory deaths (Effects by Robert Pendergraft
& Aunt Molly's Garage) and this one doesn't disappoint. Here is a
rundown on the methods of deaths:
Pilot & Co-Pilot: Dead on impact. Pilot has a tree branch thrust in his head. Bodies mangled.
Passenger: Half his body is sucked out of a hole in the plane just before it crashes. Intestines hanging in hole when Andrew checks on him.
Alex: Victor Crowley crushes his head with a claw hammer and squeezes his head until it pops off his shoulders.
Chloe: Head shoved through a plane window. Crowley finishes her off by crushing her head with his foot.
Austin: Scalped when he sticks his head out the plane's door. His brain leaves his head when he falls to the floor, leaving a splattery mess.
Kathleen: Arm ripped off and shoved up her hoo-hah until her hand exits her mouth, still holding her cell phone! (The film's highlight).
Casey: Trapped in the plane and drowns when the plane starts to fill up with water.
Dillon: Sucked through a working engine of the plane with Crowley until they are nothing but blood spray.
The film ends with the patented rushed ending. After watching Dillon
and Crowley being sucked through the engine, Andrew yells,
"Fuck!!!" and it instantly goes to the end credits, which
are then interrupted by a breaking news report detailing the rescue
effort at Honey Island Swamp, which is then interrupted by Marybeth
(Danielle Harris; who starred in the previous two films), who cocks a
shotgun and says, "I've been waiting for you,
motherfucker!", giving us a preview to the fifth installment in
the series (?).
Played more as a broad comedy than the previous three entries, this
film is still bloody as hell, yet many of the deaths are played for
laughs (Kathleen's, for instance), softening the blow for people who
get queasy at seeing gory violence. Whether you like it or not
depends on your tolerance for comedy mixed with bloody gore. I
happened to like it and laughed out loud on a few occasions.
Director/screenwriter Adam Green dedicated this film to Wes Craven
and George A. Romero, two titans who left us in 2017. An extra on the
disc, titled "Raising The Dead...Again", has Green
explaining why he dedicated this film to the two masters of
horror and it's touching. Green also tells us why it is so fun making
these films and how having friends working with you is important in
having a pleasant work environment (Apparently, Green was going
through a dark time in his life when he was convinced to direct
this). The film is only 83 minutes long, so it doesn't overstay its
welcome. Green throws in some props from the previous film,
especially the gas-powered belt sander, which doesn't even exist. If
you like gore-drenched films with a good dose of humor, you can not
do better than this. Also starring Tezz Yancey, Blake Woodruff, Whit
Spurgeon and Kali Cook. Look for Joe Lynch (director of WRONG
TURN 2: DEAD END - 2007) and Green as the pilot and co-pilot
of the plane and a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo by Tony Todd as
Reverend Zombie. A Dark Sky Films
combo DVD/Blu-Ray Release. Not Rated.
THE
VIDEO DEAD (1987) - Have you ever
watched a film that is awful in nearly every department, yet you end
up liking it anyway? THE VIDEO DEAD
is that type of film. Henry Jordan (Michael St. Michaels: THE
GREASY STRANGLER - 2016) receives a delivery at his door one
morning. Inside the wooden crate is an old TV set packed in hay. This
is no ordinary TV set, though, as Henry soon finds out. When the
delivery guys return to Henry's house (the package was supposed to be
delivered to the "Institute For The Studies Of The Occult"),
they find Henry dead in his living room, slaughtered with a bunch of
household items impaled in his body (and a party hat on his head).
Three months pass and Zoe Blair (Roxanna Augesen) and her brother
Jeff (Rocky Duvall) move into the Jordan house. Jeff discovers the
possessed TV in the attic and it's not long before bloody things
begin to happen. The TV set only plays one movie (ZOMBIE
BLOOD NIGHTMARE)
where flesh-eating zombies
shuffle around the woods and eventually crawl out of the set and
begin killing the residents of Shady Lane. Also on the TV program is
a beautiful woman (Jennifer Miro) who pops out of the TV and strips
naked in front of Jeff, teases him sexually and then pops back into
the TV. Jeff then sees the woman get her throat slit by a figure who
calls himself The Garbage Man (Cliff Watts). He warns Jeff to bring
the TV to the basement and attach a mirror to the TV screen so more
zombies can't escape. In no time Zoe, Jeff and new girlfriend April
(Vickie Bastel) are fighting a horde of hungry zombies, assisted by
an occult institute employee, Joshua Daniels (Sam David McClelland).
Expect lots of flying body parts and a few surprises along the way,
like mirrors used as weapons ("The dead can't stand to look at
themselves") and an unexpected chainsaw death. The only
level of professionalism the film displays are in the zombie makeups
and gore effects. Everything else is pretty substandard, from the
atrocious acting (by nearly everyone), the original rock music (which
wouldn't get air play on any radio station), the photography (very
static and flat) and the pretty poor attempts at humor (When Jeff
asks his sister what her major in college is going to be, she
replies, "Aerobics!"). I do give one-time
director/producer/scripter Robert Scott major points for bypassing
most of the character development and basically ladling on the gore
from the get-go. Plenty of blood is spilled as zombies snap necks,
eat dogs, chow down on human body parts as well as humans attacking
zombies by planting an iron in one zombie's head (he walks around
with it implanted in his skull for the rest of the film), shooting
them with arrows, cutting them apart with a chainsaw (when one gets
cut in half, live rats spill out as well as guts!) and decapitation
by machete. There's also some ridiculous new folklore about zombies
dying by normal means (i.e. guns, knives) if you can convince the
zombies that they are really alive (huh?) and that bells ring
whenever zombies are near (double huh?). While the story doesn't make
an ounce of sense (Why would zombies be afraid of their own
reflection to the point of dying? Why would a slow-moving zombie turn
into a sprinter with a chainsaw in it's hands?), the fact that most
of the major characters lose their lives due to their own stupidity
is a major plus in my book. Besides, the ending is a real howler, as
Zoe invites all the zombies into the house for dinner and drinks and
traps them in the basement, where they are forced to eat each other
(triple huh?). The final twist ending is a groaner. This is not for
everyone, especially if you like coherence with your gore. It is
mindless fun for those with short attention spans. A film that could
only have been made during the coked-out 80's. Also starring Thaddeus
Golas, Al Millan and Patrick Treadway. An Embassy
Home Entertainment VHS Release. Originally announced as a DVD
release by MGM Home Video in 2009, but financial difficulties
within the company (How many owners has MGM had in the past ten
years?) forced a permanent cancellation. Finally available on a
beautiful double-feature Blu-Ray/DVD
Combo Pack (with the colorful TERRORVISION
- 1986) from Scream Factory.
Not Rated.
VIOLENT
SHIT (1989) -
An utter piece of shit is more like it. This German-made,
English-subtitled shot-on-video abomination has
nothing to offer the viewer except extreme fake gore. A retarded man
dubbed "Karl The Butcher" runs around and slaughters people
with a meat cleaver. See a woman get her breasts cut off! See a man
get his penis lopped off! See a man cut in two with electric hedge
clippers! All of this is done without any imagination or tension and
the special effects were probably done for the German equivalent of
ten bucks and the discarded portions of a butcher shop. Its all
poorly shot (too much slo-mo and solarized shots) and deadly dull. I
cannot believe some fanzine writers actually recommend this shit to
their readers. This is the nadir if filmmaking (if you can call it
that). Director Andreas Schnaas (who has made three sequels so far; VIOLENT
SHIT II: MOTHER HOLD MY HAND [1992], VIOLENT
SHIT III: INFANTRY OF DOOM [1999] and VIOLENT
SHIT 4.0: KARL THE BUTCHER VS. AXE [2010; which Schnaas
co-directed with Timo Rose of BARRICADE
{2006} fame]) is so desperate for attention that he includes a scene
of a woman being gutted from her vagina to her sternum. Hey Schnaas,
ever hear of a plot? A Burning Moon Home Video Release. Not
Rated
for obvious reasons. The longest 8 hours I have ever experienced (The
film is 73 minutes long. It just seemed like 8 hours.). Shooting
films on video has got to stop. Im tired of sitting through
this type of crap.
VISITING
HOURS (1981) - Controversial
talk show host Deborah Ballin (Lee Grant) speaks out for a battered
woman's right to a fair trial, which disturbs her producer Gary
Baylor (an unusually restrained William Shatner) and really pisses
off studio janitor Colt Hawker (Michael Ironside), who rips the TV
cable out of the wall in the Green Room. That night, Deborah goes
home and is savagely slashed across her body by a waiting Colt (who
wears a tiny bell around his neck). She manages to get away (after
taking a nasty fall down a dumbwaiter) and is rushed to the hospital,
where she is admitted for her wounds. Colt, whose apartment walls are
filled with racist, hate-filled letters he has written to newspapers
and TV programs, stuffs a switchblade in his back pocket and a camera
on his belt and heads off to the hospital, where he intends to finish
Deborah off. Nurse Sheila (Linda Purl), who acts as an
"unofficial watchdog" for Deborah, keeping fans and
reporters away from her room, also unintentionally runs afoul of Colt
when he hears her badmouth him (this guy is way too sensitive!).
Thinking that he has entered Deborah's room (she was moved a short
time earlier), Colt cuts the hose of a respirator of an old woman.
Seeing that he has made a mistake, he still takes advantage by taking
photos of her taking her last
dying breaths. He then stabs the nurse who comes to check up on her.
Sheila finds the old lady and nurse's dead bodies and spots Colt
leaving the scene. The police are called and Sheila stupidly declines
police protection, leading to Colt following her home. Instead of
killing her, Colt goes to a diner, picks up a young girl, brings her
home and brutally rapes her while running his switchblade up and down
her body. After another failed attempt on Deborah's life, the police
beef up security at the hospital, making it very difficult for Colt
to get near her. He retaliates by going to Sheila's house and calls
Sheila at the hospital, taunting her. Thinking her young daughter and
babysitter are in trouble, she races home. Colt is waiting for her
and stabs her in the stomach. He then calls Deborah at the hospital
and makes her listen to Sheila's cries of pain (as he repeatedly
kicks her for maximum effect). Sheila survives and Colt devises a
painful plan (involving breaking a beer bottle with his arm) that
gets him admitted to the hospital so he can have a final stab at
Deborah. This extremely nasty Canadian production, directed by
Jean-Claude Lord (THE VINDICATOR
- 1984; MINDFIELD - 1989),
got a huge release in theaters by 20th Century Fox, something usually
unheard of in a film of this type. Fox was hoping to duplicate the
success Paramount had with FRIDAY
THE 13TH
a year earlier. While they didn't succeed (it did moderate business),
in many ways VISITING HOURS
is a much better film. The script, by Brian Taggert, builds much more
tension by delving into the backgrounds of Deborah, Sheila and,
especially, Colt. These are characters we become invested in, which
make the scenes of Colt stalking both Deborah and Sheila all the more
disturbing. Colt's life is documented by a series of flashbacks,
where each flashback gives us another little piece of his disturbing
childhood. These flashbacks are usually triggered when he cares for
his invalid father and we learn that, as a kid, his father physically
(and, possibly, sexually) abused both him and his dead mother. It
seems the only reason he wants to kill Deborah is because of her
stance on violence and her championing a jailed battered wife who
killed her husband (flashbacks show that Colt's mother threw a
steaming pot of soup in his father's face, scarring him). Of course,
the only way Deborah is going to get out of her predicament is to
toss aside her anti-violence ways and get down and dirty. This film
is full of little nuggets, like Colt riding a mini street sweeper
while cleaning up Deborah's TV studio (the parallels are obvious),
talkative Vinnie (Harvey Atkin), a hospital patient who plays a minor
role in Deborah's survival and Colt's deathmask, made of photos he
has taken of all his dying victims. While hardly gory by anyone's
standards (a few bloody stabbings and slashings), the film has a mean
streak that is quite undeniable (the girl's rape, while not fully
shown, is still very hard to watch). Michael Ironside (still with
some hair on top of his head) is his usual excellent self, as is
Linda Purl. Lee Grant, on the other hand, overacts quite a bit and,
believe it or not, it takes a subdued William Shatner to reel her in.
Put this on your must-see list. Also starring Lenore Zann, Helen
Hughes and Michael J. Reynolds. Originally released on VHS by 20th
Century-Fox Video in 1982. Available on DVD
from Anchor Bay Entertainment.
Also available on a double
feature DVD & Blu-Ray from Shout!
Factory, with the 1988 horror film BAD
DREAMS (also set in a hospital). It would have made a better
double bill with HOSPITAL
MASSACRE, also produced in 1981. Rated R.
VOODOO
BLACK EXORCIST (1972) -
One thousand years ago a Haitian prince is entombed alive for making
love to another man's wife and for killing the man accidently during
a fight. According to tribal law, the woman is beheaded while the
prince watches. He is then drugged and placed in a sarcophagus, to
spend all eternity not quite dead. During the present day, the
prince's tomb is taken from a Cairo Museum and put on a luxury liner
for shipment back to the States. During the cruise the prince returns
to life and
begins
decapitating the passengers in revenge for the beheading of the
woman he once loved. He has the ability to revert to a normal looking
human being but every once in a while changes back to his mummified
self. On the ship he meets a woman who is a dead ringer for his
long-gone headless honey. She is an assistant to a scientist who is
doing a study on voodoo. The prince and the scientist strike up a
bargain: The prince will help in the scientist's research, giving him
valuable information on voodooism, if the scientist can find a way to
keep him from changing back to his decaying state. The scientist
betrays the prince (he can't live with all the killings), so the
prince kidnaps the woman and takes her to a cave located somewhere in
Port O' Prince. It is in this cave that all three leads lose their
lives in a rather abrupt (and silly) conclusion. This Spanish
production (original title: VUDU
SANGRIENTO) contains some of the worst dubbing you're ever
likely to see and hear. The voices sound like they were recorded
through tin cans and rarely match the actor's mouths. The quality of
the print is also very scratchy. There is some blood and nudity, but
not enough to keep your attention. This is a shame because this is a
film I have always wanted to see since it was released to American
theaters in 1975 (to cash in on THE
EXORCIST
craze). I happened to stumble across a video copy of it at a flea
market (price: $5.00) and was very excited since I
had never seen it at any video store I frequent. I paid my five bucks
and brought it home. After watching it I realized I was five dollars
in the hole. Will I ever learn my lesson? Starring Aldo Sambrell,
Tanyeka Stadler, Alexander Abrahan and Ferdinand Sancho
Directed by Manuel Cano, who also made the Tarzan rip-off KING
OF THE JUNGLE (1969) and the superior SWAMP
OF THE RAVENS (1974). Screenwriter Santiago Moncada also
wrote the screenplay to the extremely bloody Western CUT-THROATS
NINE (1971) and Jose Ramon Larraz's REST
IN PIECES (1987). A Dura Vision Video Release. Rated
R.
Also available in a slightly better transfer on a double feature DVD,
with Jess Franco's THE
MAN HUNTER (1980; under the name THE
DEVIL HUNTER), on TERROR
TALES FROM THE HOOD VOL. 4
from those thieving bastards at VideoAsia.
WARLOCK
MOON (1973) - This is one of
those films that turned up frequently on TV in the 70's and early
80's only to disappear into obscurity. It did get a limited VHS
release by Unicorn Video
in the 80's, but not many people saw it and that release gets high
bids on eBay. But now, thanks to Media
Blasters/Shriek Show, it gets the deluxe treatment on DVD.
Hosted by Joe Bob Briggs (who also supplies an
optional comedic commentary), WARLOCK
MOON tells
the story of a girl (Laurie Walters of TV's EIGHT
IS ENOUGH [1977 - 1981]) and a guy (Joe Spano of HILL
STREET BLUES [1981 - 1987]) who make a wrong turn while on a
picnic and turn up at a nearly deserted spa in the middle of nowhere.
They meet the mysterious Mrs. Abercrombie (Edna MacAfee), who offers
them tea spiked with a mickey. The girl learns from a hunter (Harry
Bauer) that the spa was the site of a grisly cannabalistic murder in
the 1930's where a cook at the spa killed a girl, chopped her up, and
served her to all the guests. She begins to have doubts about her
sanity, as she sees the ghostly murdered girl and is chased by two
bearded hippies with axes. All is not what it is cracked up to be as
Spano has a hidden agenda, Mrs. Abercrombie (who was the cook in the
30's) has her eye on Walters for a very special ceremony and people
begin to get hacked up by the axe-wielding hippies. And just what is
hidden in the padlocked meat lockers? This low-budget film falters in
the first 45 minutes, but picks up considerably after that. There are
flashes of gore (that did not make it into the TV version), including
chopped up body parts, shootings and stabbings. None of it is very
graphic, but it is used for proper shock effect. It even comes with
the obligatory surprise ending that a lot of 70's horror films were
fond of. According to Briggs, Tobe Hooper was aware that this film
was being made while he was filming THE
TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and was worried that it followed his
film too closely. He had nothing to worry about. While both films
deal with cannabalism (as of lot of films did during this period,
including THE FOLKS
AT RED WOLF INN (1974) and WELCOME
TO ARROW BEACH [1973;
a.k.a. TENDER FLESH]),
they differ dramatically in tone and content. It's not a bad little
film, even if it does telegraph some of the surprises well in
advance. Directed economically by William Herbert, who never made
anything else. Also starring Steve Lolinsky, Richard Vielle and Ray
K. Goman. WARLOCK MOON is
also known as BLOODY SPA. A Media
Blasters/Shriek Show DVD Release. Some of the earlier pressings
of this disc were defective. If your copy skips at Chapter 11,
contact Media Blasters for a replacement (offer no longer available).
Also available on Blu-Ray
from Code Red. Not Rated.
WATCHERS
II (1990) - I'm probably going to
catch some flak from the hardcore horror crowd for admitting that I'm
a fan of the original WATCHERS
(1988), which was loosely based on the novel with the same name by
Dean R. Koontz. Sure, it starred Corey Haim and featured one of the
most ridiculous-looking creatures this side of a Larry Buchanan film,
but it had an infectious charm and winning performances by Michael
Ironside as a sadistic government agent and a Golden Retriever as the
super-intelligent canine Einstein. Part II may not be as enjoyable as
the original, but it does have it's moments. It's not a sequel in the
truest sense, but rather a "reimagining" of the first film.
When the government tries to shut down a top-secret experiment called
"The Aesop Project", involving The Outsider (a genetically
created creature who exists solely to kill) and intelligent dog
Einstein (who the Outsider is programmed to track and kill), lead
scientist Dr. Steve Malceno (Jonathan Farwell) tips-off a bunch of
animal rights activists, who raid the lab while Dr. Malceno tries to
smuggle out the Outsider in the ensuing fracas. Things go horribly
wrong and both Einstein and the Outsider escape. Einstein hitches
himself to Paul Ferguson (Marc Singer; THE
BEASTMASTER - 1982; DEAD
SPACE - 1990), a soldier on the way to the brig for slugging
his commanding officer. When the
MPs transporting Ferguson are killed by the Outsider (The MP driving
the jeep sees Einstein in the middle of the road and says, "Oh
boy, two points!" as he steps on the gas and tries to run him
over [a tip of the hat to DEATH
RACE 2000 - 1975]), Ferguson is blamed by the police for
their deaths. He goes on the lam with Einstein and tries to figure
out what the hell is going on. Einstein convinces Ferguson to call
his trainer, Barbara White (Tracy Scoggins; DAN
TURNER: HOLLYWOOD DETECTIVE - 1990, also with Singer), in a
scene that has to be seen to be believed. Ferguson, Barbara and
Einstein join forces while the Outsider goes on a killing spree,
savagely murdering Ferguson's ex-wife Sarah (Irene Miracle) and then
killing two horny teens in a motel room that was previously occupied
by Ferguson and Einstein. Of course, the cops blame Ferguson for the
murders, but he gets help from Einstein and Barbara to clear his name
(Einstein types "paul nokilr" on Barbara's computer to
convince her of Ferguson's innocence). Dr. Malceno recaptures the
Outsider and tries to reprogram it but, once again, things go
horribly wrong and the Outsider escapes. Dr. Malceno ends up severely
injured (one of his eyes is torn out of it's socket, the Outsider's
preferred method of killing), so it's up to Ferguson, Barbara and
Einstein to kill the Outsider and clear Ferguson's good name. A
lot of this film rides on making us believe that Einstein is an
intelligent dog and I'm glad to report that it succeeds (Einstein is
played by a very talented dog named "Dakai"). Director
Thierry Notz (THE TERROR WITHIN -
1988), working with a script by "Henry Dominic" (actually a
pseudonym used by co-scripters John D. Brancato and Michael Ferris),
infuses the film with many comical moments, many dealing with
Einstein's communication with Ferguson, including Einstein giving
Ferguson a phone book and then laying white objects at his feet, a
clue for Ferguson to start reading off last names that begin with
"White" in the phone book until they get to Barbara's name.
The sight of Einstein driving a car down the street and not
registering with the pedestrians is also sure to bring a smile to
your face. I also like the scene where Ferguson sends Barbara to a
gun store with a laundry list of automatic weapons. When she
questions if anyone would sell someone like her these guns, Ferguson
looks at her and flatly says, "Why not? This is America."
Funny and true at the same time. While not as gory as the first film, WATCHERS
II has it's fair share of violent scenes and deaths. It's a
little overlong, but this Roger Corman-produced horror film is never
boring and does generate a good deal of suspense. The Outsider is
still a pretty chintzy-looking creation, although this time it's at
least not covered in hair from top-to-bottom as in the first film
(although the creature would again sprout hair in WATCHERS
REBORN [1998], the fourth and, so far, final film in the
series). Unlike most horror films from this period, the Outsider's
death in the finale is rather touching. Jeremy Stanford, who has a
small role here as a policeman, went on to direct the god-awful WATCHERS
III (1994), where Wings Hauser took over the role of
Ferguson. Also starring Mary Woronov (well, she's in one scene), Don
Pugsley, Joseph Hardin, John Lafayette, Diana James, Kip Addotta and
Tom Poster as the Outsider. Originally released on VHS by I.V.E.,
Inc. and later on a double
feature DVD (with the original WATCHERS) from Artisan
Home Entertainment. Rated R.
WATCHERS
III (1994) - I'm almost ashamed to
admit it, but I'm a big fan of the first WATCHERS
(1988). I know that the monster is a ridiculous creation and that it
stars Corey Haim, but the film has a goofy charm to it, not to
mention a brutal performance by Michael Ironside and some outstanding
gore. Hell, I'll even cop to liking WATCHERS II
(1990), even if it's basically a retread of the first film. But, like
all good things, Executive Producer Roger Corman goes to the well one
too many times and milks the Dean R. Koontz source novel dry, turning
it into a low-budget PREDATOR
(1987) retread. When a plane carrying the Outsider (the creature) and
Einstein (the super-intelligent dog) is shot down over the jungles of
Central America, the American government sends five military
prisoners, led by Ferguson (Wings Hauser, who plays the same character
originated by Marc Singer in Part II), to eradicate all evidence
from the plane off the face of the Earth in exchange for
unconditional pardons. As they search the jungle for the evidence
(the government conveniently forgot to tell Ferguson and his squad
about the Outsider or Einstein), the prisoners stumble upon a rebel
camp where everyone has been savagely slaughtered, either they are
missing their heads or their eyes have been ripped from their
sockets. Einstein finds a young mute boy in the jungle and becomes
his protector, as the Outsider begins murdering members of Ferguson's
squad one-by-one. It becomes clear after a short while that this
whole situation was no accident at all. It is actually a controlled
experiment being performed by the government to determine the
effectiveness of the Outsider as a perfect military killing machine.
Thankfully, Ferguson has knowledge of the project (again, watch Part
II) and he and the remainder of his squad join up with Einstein to
try and destroy the Outsider. They fail miserably and, in the finale,
Ferguson, Einstein and the boy (the only ones left alive) create a
fatal boobytrap to lure the Outsider to it's death by impalement and
immolation. We will have to wait four more years for the fourth (and,
so far, final) installment of the series, WATCHERS
REBORN (1998). Besides a few gory kills, where the
Outsider (it still looks ridiculous) rips-off the heads or eyes of
it's victims, this film is a chore to sit through. It's rather
obvious that director Jeremy Stanford (STEPMONSTER
- 1993) and screenwriter Michael Palmer (CARNOSAUR
2 - 1994) watched PREDATOR one too many times before
making this, as the Outsider mimics the Predator's killing style,
right down to skinning it's victims and hanging their bodies
upside-down in trees. There is also a ton of macho theatrics (such as
the scene where Ferguson puts a bullet in fellow squad member Nat's
[Daryl Roach] brainpan rather than letting him die a slow, painful
death after the Outsider thrusts it's hand through his chest and out
his back), a near-rape and an insufferable amount of footage of
people walking through the jungle. This isn't my idea of a good
horror film and, unlike the first two films, Einstein doesn't come
across as an intelligent dog, but rather a well-trained canine who
can bark on demand (you can practically his trainer just off screen
making hand signals to get him to bark, as the dog continually looks
in one direction before performing a command). When he puts a stick
in his mouth and writes "DANGER" in the dirt to warn the
soldiers, it's obvious he's getting human help in moving the stick.
This film is nothing but a waste of 80 minutes that not even the
always-dependable Wings Hauser (NIGHTMARE
AT NOON - 1987; THE ART
OF DYING - 1991), who looks bored beyond tears, can redeem.
You've been warned. Luis Llosa (SNIPER
- 1993) was the Producer here. Also starring Gregory Scott Cummins (CARTEL
- 1990), John K. Linton, Lolita Ronalds, Frank Novak and Ider
Cifuentes Martin as the boy. Available on VHS & DVD
from New Horizons Home Video. Rated R.
WATCHERS
REBORN (1998) - In my review of WATCHERS
III (1994), I stated that I thought Roger Corman went to
Dean R. Koontz's source novel one too many times, turning the
franchise into nothing but a cheapjack PREDATOR
retread. Well, no one ever accused Corman (who was Executive Producer
here) of being subtle, as he decided to give it one more try and
commissioned this fourth and (so far) final installment in the
series. While basically nothing more than a reboot of the first two
films, at least it's head-and-shoulders above the abysmal third
entry. As in all the other films, this one opens with the hideous
creature called the Outsider and super-brainy dog Einstein escaping
from a top-secret government laboratory. The Outsider, who is a
non-stop killing machine, and Einstein are psychically linked and the
Outsider is programmed to follow and kill Einstein (and anything or
anyone else that gets in it's way). After Einstein escapes to a local
zoo and the Outsider slaughters a zoo guard (by yanking out his eyes
and ripping out his intestines), detectives Murphy (Mark Hamill) and Brody
(Gary Collins) investigate the murder and Einstein attaches himself
to Brody, who takes him home. When Brody is murdered by the Outsider
that night (his hand is yanked off and his eyes ripped out), Murphy
wants to handle the case, but his commanding officer, Captain Dekker
(Floyd Levine), pulls him off the case when Agent Johnson (Stephen
Macht), a brutal NSA agent, shows up at the crime scene and takes
over. Murphy then discovers Einstein hiding in his car and takes him
home, where he quickly finds out how intelligent Einstein really is
(Einstein spells out his name with barbeque sauce on the kitchen
floor!). Murphy contact a doctor named Grace (Lisa Wilcox), who he
met at the zoo, not aware that she is actually a member of the
top-secret experiment. When Murphy saves Grace from the clutches of
the Outsider, she fesses-up to him about the whole sordid affair.
Murphy, Grace and Einstein hide out in a remote mountain cabin until
they can figure out their next move. Murphy, who lost his wife and
young daughter in a tragic fire a short time before, becomes highly
protective of Grace and Einstein (he considers them his new surrogate
family) and it's not long before the trio is battling both Agent
Johnson and the Outsider to keep their new family unit safe. I'm
beginning to get that warm and fuzzy feeling inside me! The
first thing you'll notice about this film is that the Outsider has
reverted back to the fur-covered creature of the first film, albeit
with a more animatronic head (and it speaks this time!). Director
John Carl Buechler (TROLL - 1986; CELLAR
DWELLER - 1987; ICE
CRAWLERS - 2002; MINER'S
MASSACRE - 2002), who also supplied the Outsider costume and
makeup effects through his Magical Media Industries (MMI) outfit,
sprinkles gory bits of violence throughout the film (eye removals,
limb-yanking, manual heart removal), but it's nothing more than the
same rehashed plot of the first two films (The screenplay was written
by Sean Dash, the director and scripter of the Tonya Harding-starring
action abomination BREAKAWAY
[1995]). The film really falters during the final third, when the
Outsider kidnaps Grace and she leaves a trail of oranges (!) in the
road so Einstein and Murphy can track her. Mark Hamill (my, how the
mighty have fallen!) looks embarrassed working alongside a dog, but
it couldn't possibly be any worse than acting next to a Wookie.
Stephen Macht (GRAVEYARD SHIFT
- 1990) is woefully underutilized, although it was great to see Gary
Collins (of the early-70's TV series THE
SIXTH SENSE) appear in something relatively recent other
than late-night infomercials. Even though WATCHERS
REBORN is one of Corman's better late-90's Concorde Films
productions, it's still a routine horror flick that suffers from a
severe case of deja-vu. Singer Lou Rawls and stuntman Kane Hodder
have cameos as a medical examiner and a store clerk respectively.
Other Dean Koontz novels made into films include: WHISPERS
(1989), THE FACE OF FEAR
(1990), SERVANTS OF TWILIGHT
(1991), HIDEAWAY (1995), PHANTOMS
(1998), BLACK RIVER (2001)
and DEMON SEED (1977), by
far the best film based on a Koontz novel. Also starring Tony Guma,
Milton Kahn, Bob Clendenin, Shawn David Thompson and Larry Cedar.
Available on VHS & DVD from New Horizons Home Video. Rated R.
WAX
(2014) - It's wonderful to see Spain finally get back to making
horror films again in the New Millennium, starting with Julio
Fernandez/Brian Yuzna's Filmax Entertainment/Fantastic Factory, which
gave us many films, including FAUST:
LOVE OF THE DAMNED (2000); ARACHNID
(2001); DAGON (2001); BEYOND
RE-ANIMATOR (2003); ROTTWEILER
(2004); one of my favorites TRANSSIBERIAN
(2008) and many others (and still going strong) and continuing on to
director Juame Belagero and Paco Plaza's four "found
footage" [REC]
films (2007 - 2104; although, to be fair, the fourth film wasn't
found footage at all and, therefore, was my favorite of the four),
which begat our own copy of the first film, the found footage QUARANTINE
(2008; with a lousy DTV follow-up in 2011 called QUARANTINE
2: TERMINAL, both of which I find painful to watch). And
then there are films like this: Horror flicks which throw-in Spanish
horror stars from the past (including Jack Taylor; THE
VAMPIRES NIGHT ORGY [1972]; Lone Fleming; A
CANDLE FOR THE DEVIL [1971]; Antonio Mayans; A
DRAGONFLY FOR EACH CORPSE [1973]; Geraldine Chaplin; INNOCENT
BYSTANDERS [1972] and the voice of Paul Naschy [who passed
away in 2009], which is a
cheat to U.S. audiences because he is a wax figure that speaks in
Spanish [in dialogue taken from other Spanish Films] and we are not
even given any English translation!) and mix them in with modern-day
gore, much of it the "torture porn" variety (no CGI here,
which lifts it a peg in my book, even if I am not a fan of torture
porn). The end result is mixed, but there is no doubt in my mind that
Jack Taylor is still one scary dude and most of the other
"old-timers" make this film worth watching. I can't say the
same thing about the rest of the cast, who look like amateurs when
compared to the people I just talked about. Director/co-screenwriter
Víctor Matellano does a good job of making the few sets he
works with as creepy as possible (he also just finished directing a
remake of Jose Ramom Larraz's VAMPYRES
[2015] and made the Spanish documentary CLAWING!
A JOURNEY THROUGH THE SPANISH HORROR in 2013) and
co-screenwriter Hugo Stuven Casasnovas has just directed/wrote his
first horror film ANOMALOUS
(2015). So, I will say that the state of Spanish horror films is now
flourishing again. And that makes me happy. But, let's get back to
this film (it is filmed in English with a few scenes in Spanish
thrown in): A young writer named Mike (Jimmy Shaw) gets an assignment
from his Producer (Geraldine Chaplin) to spend a night at the
extremely eerie Vista Wax Museum, which she has outfitted with a
bunch of hidden cameras, along with the wax museum's security system.
A wax figure of notorious serial killer Dr Knox (Jack Taylor; PIECES
- 1982, and too many other Spanish horror films to mention here. Let
me just say this: It is good to still have him around) has just been
introduced and even it gives me the willies looking at it. The
problem may be that Mike is not the only one in the wax museum that
night. Dr. Knox (who is due to be extradited to a U.S prison from a
Barcelona prison, where he is to be executed immediately; he has a
Charles Manson-like following) may also be in the museum and he gets
off on graphically killing people in ways that are so disgusting, the
DVD should have come with a barf bag for those with weak stomachs.
The film actually starts with the following quote from French poet
Christian Bobin: "It's a fact that life take out our heart, if
not...this is not life." We them watch Dr. Knox pull a cover off
a topless girl (her eyes seem to be glued shut with molten wax and
her mouth and vagina region are covered with duct tape) as he removes
one of her fingernails with Hemostats. The woman has a pleasant
memory about her husband and son having a good time at the beach
before reality takes her to the present as Dr. Knox kills her by
cutting into her chest with a scalpel. We are shown how every wax
figure got their own effigy in the museum (the film's best sequence)
as Mike pushes the wheelchair-bound, eyepatch-wearing curator of the
museum, Mr. Jarrod (Denis Rafter), through the museum, showing him
how to use the security system and warning Mike that there are some
"blind spots" in the security camera's system. He also
tells Mike that there are three reasons why anyone would want to
spend a night at a wax museum: 1) The money. 2) Because he's a
sadist. and 3) He is totally crazy. Mr. Jarrod also mentions a
similar incident that happened at this wax museum ten years ago, but
refuses to tell Mike how it ended. A weird wax figure (which the
curator calls an "automaton") that is able to turn its head
and move its lips (and talks in the voice of Paul Naschy) speaks in
Spanish and the curator says it is a quote from the Book Of
Revelations and takes it to mean a bad omen for Mike to spend the
night at the wax museum (he doesn't realize how right he is). He also
shows Mike the Tunnel Of Terror and mentions that he must know who
Dr, Knox is, because that is where his wax figure is kept (there a
hidden camera on that figure at all times). We then see a flashback
where Dr. Knox picks up a hooker in his black Mercedes, takes her to
an undisclosed location and she strips. Dr. Knocks knocks her out and
she wakes up tied to a table, while Dr. Knox cuts off her ear and
cuts out one of her eyes. The flashback ends. Or was it a flashback
at all? Mike's friend Steve (Alito Rogers) leaves him with a
videotape and a cell phone and then leaves, locking the door behind
him. Mike watches the videotape, which is of the Producer telling
Mike he can't leave the wax museum until 8:00am the following morning
and that the cell phone has been tinkered with so no outside calls
can be made. Only she can call him and she plans on calling him at
4:00am to check-up on his progress. She then goes on to tell him
something he doesn't know. Her company is making a show called
"The Mysteries Of The Wax Museum". She goes on to explain
that throughout the years strange and unexplainable events have
happened at the Vista Wax Museum and that Steve has supplied him with
bags of video cameras and batteries to record his exploits. It is at
this time that the film partially becomes a "found footage"
film, as Mike films his exploits, showing footage on a monitor next
to the figure of Dr. Knox of some of his bloody exploits, but he
stops it and puts another camera near the wax figure of Dr. Knox.
Suddenly, the video begins playing on the monitor again, as we watch
Dr. Knox pouring molten wax in a poor girl's eyes (the same girl we
saw in the beginning and then eating his victim's internal organs
while she is still alive. We then see another Dr. Knox flashback,
where he cuts out a girl's eyes because he thinks there is a bird
trapped behind them (I wonder if it was a hummingbird?). Mike begins
to start experiencing strange things, such as a red rubber ball (the
same type Dr, Knox used to gag his victims) disappearing from the
hand of a wax Alfred Hitchcock. So many strange things happen, that
when the Producer calls Mike at 4:00am to
tell him Dr. Knox has escaped, Mike is not surprised. What does
surprise him is that Dr. Knox escaped from prison long before Mike
was trapped in the wax museum, so it looks as if Mike is being set up
to be a victim for reality television (believe me, we are slowly
getting there on real TV). When Mike discovers that the
"wax" figure of Dr. Knox was actually the real Dr. Knox (a
scene that is expertly done and sent shivers down my spine), a game
of cat-and-mouse comes into play. Mike watches a video where Dr. Knox
eats the rotting flesh of his dead wife Noria (Yolanda Font). It is
at this point whether we must decide if Mike's Producer is staging
all of this for ratings, especially since the electricity goes out
and we have to watch everything happen in that sickly green night
vision. Mike is captured by Dr. Knox, who says he is going to eat
him. Dr. Knox says he will be enjoying this slices of Mike's liver,
spleen and pancreas and as a refreshing beverage, he will extract
some liquid from Mike's liver capsule and as an appetizer, he will be
eating another rare part of Mike's body (Try as I might, I couldn't
make this part out). We then see Dr. Knox cut open Mike's chest with
a scalpel and then pull out pieces of Mike's body (Be aware that Mike
is awake for all this!). Dr. Knox then puts his hand through Mike's
sternum to pull out his liver. Dr. Knox then makes Mike eat his own
body parts by shoving a funnel down his throat. Dr. Knox then puts a
live rat into Mike's body, as Mike strikes Dr. Knox's face, revealing
it was made of wax. When the Producer enters the wax museum in the
morning and finds Mike dead (She was setting him up the whole time
because she knew he was unstable since his wife's death), the coroner
(Lone Fleming) pronounces him dead due to a heart attack. It makes
sense except for the rather confusing ending (I think it helps if you
are Spanish, but the thrust of the story is that most the bad things
we saw happening was actually going through Mike's mind [the ones
that weren't were supplied by the Producer] because he was mentally
unstable and the Producer knew that and decided to make a hit reality
show displaying his death). Believe me when I say that most reality
show producers would kill (literally!) to have a chance like this in
real life as long as they are not implicated or found legally
responsible. I simply cannot stand torture porn (and I hate that term
just as much as I hate the acts myself, but it has become genre
venacular), but Jack Taylor is just so damned terrifying (director
Víctor Matellano has said on record that WAX
would not have been made if Taylor turned down this role), I was
willing to overlook all the gore for gore's sake just to listen to
Jack Taylor talk. His demeanor in this film is as a very soothing,
even when he is cutting out a woman's eyes or cutting out a heart.
Jack Taylor would have made a damn fine Hannibal "The
Cannibal" Lecter. Let's hope that Matellano breaks out of the
torture porn & found footage mode and makes a regular horror
film. He has a great eye for creating atmosphere but he needs to show
gore (which I am not against) in a more traditional manner. You
remember, like they use to do back in the 70's. Also starring
Almudena León, Saturnino García, Vicky Luengo, Manuel
M. Velasco and Ainhoa Blanco Ducar. A Full
Moon Features DVD Release. Not Rated.
WAXWORK
II: LOST IN TIME (1991) - Sequel to
the horror/comedy, punctuated by bits of gore and cameos by plenty of
genre vets. It takes place immediately after the original, where the
two survivors (Zach Galligan and Monika Schnarre, taking over Deborah
Foreman's role in Part 1) escape the Waxwork inferno thinking
everyone had perished and the threat is over. Little do they know
that a disembodied hand had also escaped the
fire and hitches a taxi ride to Schnarre's house, killing her
alcoholic stepfather (George
"Buck" Flower) with a few well-placed hammer blows.
Schnarre is arrested and put on trial. When she tells her story on
the stand, no one will believe her so she and Galligan travel through
time (courtesy of a device found in Patrick Macnee's home) to prove
her innocence. They travel to some well-known places and film
parodies: Castle Frankenstein; an ALIEN
take-off; Medieval England (the longest section of the film, where
Alexanger Godunov is an evil count and Michael Des Barres is his
effeminent lieutenant); and the film's best section, a parody of THE
HAUNTING (1963), where Bruce Campbell, a psychic researcher,
is strung up and has his ribcage torn open. This section is filmed in
black and white and is hilarious as well as extremely gross. The last
15 minutes is also highly inventive (Jack the Ripper is attacked by
Nosferatu!) but you will have to go through some stretches of boredom
to get there. Although a bit overlong (the Godunov section could have
been cut in half), this is an enjoyably comic outing with some bloody
effects and unexpected cameos. The late John Ireland (THE
INCUBUS - 1981) turns in one of his last film appearances
here. Patrick Macnee, who died in Part 1, turns up briefly in a
film-within-a-film, giving Galligan instructions on how to time
travel and shows up later in the body of a raven! Juliet Mills (BEYOND
THE DOOR - 1974) is Schnarre's attorney, David Carradine
(TV's KUNG
FU: THE LEGEND CONTINUES [1993 - 1997]) plays Galligan's
reincarnated father and Marina Sirtis (STAR
TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION [1987 - 1994]) round out the
roster. Anthony Hickox (the original WAXWORK
- 1988; the sublime and underrated SUNDOWN:
THE VAMPIRE IN RETREAT - 1989) directs with a nice comic
flair. Don't expect too much and you may have some fun. A LIVE Home
Video VHS Release. Also available on DVD
as a double feature with the first film from Artisan Home
Entertainment. Rated R.
WEB
OF THE SPIDER (1971) - Antonio
Margheriti, better known as "Anthony M. Dawson", remakes
his own black and white CASTLE
OF BLOOD (1964), but with more of an adult '70s flair than
his previous film (even though it contained a topless scene!) and in
color, with a revised screenplay by the team of Bruno Corbucci (THE
COP IN BLUE JEANS - 1976) and Giovanni Grimaldi (STARBLACK
- 1966), who both wrote the screenplay to THE
BLANCHEVILLE MONSTER (1963).
Alan Foster (Anthony Franciosa; TENEBRE
- 1982), an American journalist,
arrives in London to interview Edgar Allan Poe (Klaus Kinski; DEATH
SMILES ON A MURDERER - 1973), finding Poe regaling a group
of people with one of his stories about life after death (actually
reciting verbatim from Poe's short story "Berenice"). Alan
asks Poe why the majority of his stories always touch on that
subject, because he couldn't possibly believe in life after death, it
is not real. Poe looks at Alan and says it is, indeed, real, his
stories are based on true-life incidents that happened to him. Alan
thinks it is hogwash and he is interrupted by Lord Thomas Blackwood
(Enrico Osterman; THE CHURCH
- 1989), who tells Poe not to judge Alan too harshly because he comes
from a new country that doesn't believe in ghosts, they only believe
in what they can touch and feel. Lord Blackwood then wagers ten
pounds (originally a hundred pounds, but Alan says that is too rich
for him) that he could not spend one night in his Providence Castle,
telling Alan that many have tried, but none of them were ever seen or
heard from again. Alan takes him up on the bet, telling everyone that
when you are dead, that is it, everything after death is nothing but
blackness, so Alan, Lord Blackwood and Poe take a two hour carriage
ride to Providence Castle, Lord Blackwell handing Alan a loaded
pistol, saying he might have need for it. Once arriving at the
castle, Lord Blackwood gives Alan the key to the castle's heavy iron
gate, which is adorned with sharp talon-like spikes and Alan tells
Lord Blackwood and Poe that he will see them at dawn, not knowing
that he is about to experience a living nightmare that will shatter
his belief system down to its core.
As soon as Alan opens the gate, strange things begin to happen, like
the gate slamming shut on its own. As Alan enters the castle with a
torch, he can see that the castle hasn't been lived in for years, as
the chandeliers and all the furniture are covered in thick cobwebs.
He also notices that all the painting covering the walls are those of
beautiful women, but one of them is not a painting at all, rather
it's a flesh and blood (?) woman, who introduces herself to Alan as
Elizabeth Blackwood Perkins (Michele Mercier; CEMETERY
WITHOUT CROSSES - 1969), Lord Blackwood's sister (When Alan
tells Elizabeth that Lord Blackwood told him that the castle was
unoccupied, she says, "Oh, well, because, you see, as far as
he's concerned...I'm dead."). She tells Alan that she has been
living in the upper floors of the castle for years and to pardon the
condition of the main floor because she hasn't had servants for quite
some time. She also tells Alan that she prepared a room for him and
he wants to know how she knew he was coming, but Elizabeth says
nothing, leading him to his room. Once in the room, Elizabeth asks
Alan if he would mind if she stays the night with him and Alan says
no, so they lay on the bed together, Alan's head on Elizabeth's
heaving bosom. Suddenly, Alan lifts his head and calls out
Elizabeth's name, telling her that he couldn't hear her heart
beating. Elizabeth tells him not to be ridiculous, but before she can
say any more, the bedroom door swings open and Julia (Karin Field; CAVE
OF THE LIVING DEAD - 1964; THE
HUNCHBACK OF SOHO - 1966) appears, telling Elizabeth to
leave Alan's room immediately, she knows what she is up to and it is
not going to happen again. Both women leave the room (Alan recognizes
Julia from her painting downstairs), but Alan, who is smitten, goes
looking for Elizabeth and brings her back to his room. Just as they
are about to make love, a man named Herbert (Raf Baldassarre; BLINDMAN
- 1971) comes barging into the room, stabs Elizabeth in the stomach
with a dagger (leaving it sticking out of her body) and runs out of
the room. Alan grabs his pistol and gives chase, shooting Herbert in
the back. Herbert falls down the stairs, but when his body falls on
the main floor, it disappears, befuddling Alan. He then runs back to
his room to check on Elizabeth, but she's not there, not even a drop
of blood anywhere. Alan goes looking for Elizabeth, but finds Dr.
Carmus (Peter Carsten; Margheriti's AND
GOD SAID TO CAIN - 1970) instead. Dr. Carmus was a scientist
and author of books on the subject of the metaphysical sciences, that
one day just up and disappeared. He tells Alan, who has read his
books (but disagrees with their conclusions), that he came to the
castle to research how the human senses continue to survive long
after death, which Alan finds unbelievable. Dr. Carmus then pulls out
a box with a highly poisonous snake inside, cuts off its head and
asks Alan if he believes the snake is dead. Alan says yes, so Dr.
Carmus tells him to pick up the snakes severed head. When Alan tries
to do it, the snake hisses at him, Dr. Carmus telling him that the
snake's sense of self-preservation and danger outlives its death,
proving to Alan that the senses outlive death. Alan still doesn't
believe him, saying it may be true for simple animals, but not for
human beings. Dr. Carmus then shows Alan more proof that will haunt
Alan till the day he dies, which may not be very long.
The cobweb-filled main floor of the castle suddenly becomes clean
and active, as Alan watches Elizabeth throw a party welcoming her
husband, William (Silvano Tranquilli; SMILE
BEFORE DEATH - 1972), back to England after a long stay in
America. William gives Elizabeth an expensive diamond necklace and
promises her that he is back in England for good, no longer will he
be making long trips to America because he sold all his business
interests there, leaving him more time to spend with his wife.
Elizabeth is happy to hear it, but by the look on her face something
is bothering her. That something is Herbert, who works in the
castle's stables and is having an affair with Elizabeth. Herbert
refuses to give her up, secretly pulling her away from the party and
telling Elizabeth that he wants her to tell her husband about the
affair, but Elizabeth tells him the affair is over, she loves
William. As Alan watches helplessly (every time he tries to
intervene, a supernatural force holds him back, frozen in his tracks)
as the night of happiness turns into a night of deception and death,
making Alan finally believe in life after death. Everyone in the
castle is cursed to relive this day over and over for all eternity,
but does that also include Alan? As dawn approaches, Alan runs
outside, while the ghosts of the castle say to him over and over,
"Your blood is our life!", making it to the front gate and
exclaiming that he has won the wager and is now ten pounds richer.
Just as the sun is rising
over the horizon, the iron gate slams shut, impaling Alan's body with
its talon-like spikes, killing him. The carriage containing Poe and
Lord Blackwood then arrives and when they see Alan's dead body
standing upright on the iron gate, Poe says that Alan will now have
an eternity to believe in life after death, as he now has no other choice.
This atmospheric and rather creepy Gothic horror film works on many
levels, the most obvious being the castle itself, which is a
character all on its own. One never knows what is around any of its
many dark and shadowy corners. Antonio
Margheriti, who was no stranger to Gothic horror, directing the
previously mentioned CASTLE OF BLOOD,
as well as HORROR CASTLE
(1963), THE LONG HAIR
OF DEATH (1964) and the Gothic giallo SEVEN
DEATHS IN THE CAT'S EYE (1973), certainly knows what he
wants from a castle, making it so goosebump-inducing and deadly, the
viewer can't help but be creeped out. Both Klaus Kinski and Anthony
Franciosa are dubbed by other people and, at first, it is hard to
relate to their characters (especially if you know what they actually
sound like, as do I), but you will quickly forget about it and just
enjoy the film for all its creepy excesses. The sequence where
Elizabeth makes her initial appearance to Alan is so well done, you
will rewind and play it several times to see where her portrait ends
and she begins. As a matter of fact, this film is full of expertly
handled sequences, making this film required viewing for all those
who love supernatural horror. While not particularly bloody or
violent and lacking nudity, this film doesn't really need it and I
believe you will agree. Sometimes the scariest things are those you
cannot see. This movie is all about giving you the chills, which it
does in spades.
Shot as NELLA
STRETTA MORSADEL RAGNO ("In The Tight Grip Of The
Spider") and also known as DRACULA
IN THE CASTLE OF BLOOD, this film did get a theatrical
release in the United States (under the review title) by Cinema
Shares International, edited to get a PG Rating (originally GP).
Strangely, this film never received a legitimate U.S. VHS or DVD
release, falling to gray market sites like Something
Weird Video and Sinister Cinema
to release fullscreen PG cuts of the film on VHS and DVD-R. It wasn't
until 2017 when upstart company Garagehouse
Pictures found an uncut print of the film, releasing it on Blu-Ray
in its OAR for the first time ever in the United States. This is the
disc you need if you want to view the film the way it was meant to be
seen. It's a little pricey, but worth it. Even Amazon Prime
only offers the cut fullscreen print streaming. Also starring Irina
Malewa (KIDNAP SYNDICATE
- 1975), Vittorio Fanfoni (BLACK
MAGIC RITES - 1973), Omero Capanna (Margheriti's MR.
HERCULES AGAINST KARATE - 1973) and the prolific Carla
Mancini (THE
PERFUME OF THE LADY IN BLACK - 1974). All fullscreen prints
are Rated PG and the Blu-Ray is Not Rated, but there's
not much here that pushes past a PG-13 Rating, just plenty of creepy
scares (Ignore the R-Rating on Garagehouse's poster. It was only put
there to beef-up sales).
WELCOME
TO THE JUNGLE (2006) -
Boring "first-person" modern-day jungle cannibal flick that
mixes fact with fiction which, ultimately, leaves the viewer with
more questions than answers. In 1961, Michael Rockefeller, the 23
year-old son of a rich and influential Vice President of the United
States, disappeared while taking part in an expedition into the
jungles of Papua New Guinea. After a long and exhaustive search with
no expense spared, all hope was lost in finding him alive, the
consensus being that he either drowned or was eaten by a tribe of
primitive cannibals. That's the true part. What happens next is pure
fiction. In the present day, Mandi (Sandi Gardiner), Colby (Callard
Harris), Bijou (Veronica Sywak) and Mikey (Nickolas Richey), hear a
rumor that a helicopter pilot spotted a 70 year-old white man living
among a tribe of cannibals in the New Guinea jungle. Thinking that it
could be Michael Rockefeller and they could get at least a million
dollars for a video interview, the foursome take their video camera
(which never seems to be turned off or run out of battery power) and
head into the jungle to search for him. After spending entirely too
much time documenting their personal and sexual lives, the foursome
finally make it into the jungle, where they spend way too much time
goofing off, either getting drunk, smoking pot or arguing amongst
each other over petty things (They even run into a husband/wife team
of Christian missionaries and Mikey hits on the wife!). Bijou and
Mikey constantly hold-up
the search, wasting too much time partying and getting up late,
causing serious friction between them and Mandi and Colby. They fall
five days behind schedule and, after Mikey steals a human skull from
a cannibal graveyard and refuses to put it back (even after being
warned by a brawny Australian chap that crosses their path), Mikey
and Bijou break-off from the group, build a raft, steal the video
camera and take off down river without Mindi and Colby. The angry
cannibals follow the duo down river and capture them (after putting a
couple of arrows into Mikey's back), as Mindi and Colby build their
own raft and try to catch up (there's also a "surprise"
development here that should have all the viewers raising their hands
up in the air in total disbelief). They find Mikey and Bijou (not
pretty sights), only to end up as cannibal chow themselves. The final
shot shows an old white man picking up the camera and walking off
into the jungle. Which raises two questions: Is it Michael
Rockefeller? How did this footage find it's way to civilization? I'm
afraid those are two questions (among many others) that are never
answered. This CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST-wannabe
(released under the title CANNIBALS
in some foreign territories to avoid confusion with the Dwayne
"The Rock" Johnson film THE RUNDOWN
[2003], which was also released under the title WELCOME
TO THE JUNGLE), shot entirely through the lens of a
hand-held digital video camera, suffers greatly from a cast of
extremely unlikable characters and taking it's own sweet time getting
to the good stuff. Nearly an hour passes before we even glimpse a
cannibal and the film loses all credibility when it is revealed,
after Mikey and Bijou are captured by the cannibals, that Mandi hid a
second digital video camera in her backpack without anyone else
knowing about it (I moaned so loud at this reveal that my neighbor
thought I was in labor!). It's plot contrivances like this that sink
the film and it never recovers. The majority of the film is nothing
but four greedy, irresponsible people arguing with each other ad
infinitum, with a quick, bloody final denouement. I don't know about
you, but I'm growing extremely tired of these BLAIR
WITCH-style productions. While it's not as herky-jerky or
nausea-inducing as WITCH or CLOVERFIELD
(2007), director/screenwriter Jonathan Hensleigh (a long drop down
from his first directorial effort, 2004's THE
PUNISHER) offers nothing new to the cannibal genre, besides
the Rockefeller plot device. Even the graphic, unrated gore in the
film's final 25 minutes is nothing you haven't seen before (Mikey
laying on the ground, still alive, with his arms and legs missing;
Colby being eviscerated and eaten; a quick shot of Mindi's body cut
in half) and the film's standout gore sequence, where Bijou is
hanging in the air by a bamboo pole shoved through her mouth and out
the back of her head, is nothing but a less-invasive take-off of CANNIBAL
HOLOCAUST's shot of a woman in a similar situation. About the
only good aspect of this production is the beautiful location
photography shot on the island of Fiji (substituting for New Guinea).
Otherwise, you are going to have to slog through endless scenes of
in-fighting from a cast of petty people in order to view a couple of
minutes (maximum) of quick gore shots, making this 82 minute film
seem twice as long than it really is. It's hard to believe that Gale
Anne Hurd (THE TERMINATOR -
1984; ALIENS - 1986; THE
ABYSS - 1989) produced this. The worst Italian cannibal
flick is substantially more enjoyable than WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE
(And, before you ask, the Guns 'N' Roses song of the same name is
nowhere to be heard. As a matter of fact, this film contains no music
soundtrack at all.). Also starring Richard Morris, Carmen Alexis and
Patrick Kiem. A Dimension Extreme Home Video DVD Release. Unrated,
but believe me, the trip is not worth it to get there.
WENDIGO
(1978) - For the few of us who suffered through director Paul W.
Kener's SAVAGE WATER (1979), here's
his first film, an equally inept and boring take on an old Native
American folklore tale, that Kener wrote, directed (both using the
pseudonym "Rodger Darbonne"), edited, photographed and
co-produced (with Raymond H. Smith). The story structure is similar
to SAVAGE WATER, only instead of a rafting trip, a group of
outdoor types, headed by Frank Benson (Ron Berger, the star of SAVAGE
WATER), take a helicopter into the Wyoming wilderness (filmed on
location in Teton National Park) to go on a moose hunt. Once on the
ground, Frank, Connie (Carole Cochrell) and Eric (Cameron Garnick)
meet their guides, the bull-headed Cajun Defago (Van Washburn Jr.)
and Indian Billy (Victor Lawrence), and they all watch the helicopter
explode in mid-air, forcing the pilot, Mike (Robert Steffen), to jump
into a lake. Defago and Billy grab a canoe and save Mike, who tells
everyone that a mysterious wind suddenly appeared and destroyed the
helicopter and it may be more than a week before a search party
reaches them. Billy then tells everyone the legend of the Wendigo,
the "Spirit of the Black Wind", and how it bodes badly for
everyone in this neck of the woods. Defago elaborates on the story,
telling the group over a campfire the story of an Indian chief named
Wendigo (flashback alert!). Wendigo and his family are starving
during a bad winter storm and resort to cannibalism, eating the
corpses of members of other tribes who have frozen to death. When
members from the other tribes find out, they tie Wendigo to a tree
and burn him to death, with Wendigo cursing all those who enter his
territory with bloody deaths with his dying breath. After hearing
this campfire tale, the group decides to continue on their
moose-hunting trip, with disastrous results. While Connie stays back
at the camp with a concerned Billy (who performs an Indian ritual
while Connie takes a nude dip in the river), the others go on their
moose hunt, but the constant clicking of photographer Eric's camera
chases away the only moose they see all day. Connie (who is quite the
slut, sleeping with Frank and Billy) agrees to take a midnight canoe
ride with Mike to a mysterious island in the middle of a lake that
both Billy and Defago warned them to avoid, as it is believed to be
the Wendigo's home. Connie ends up leaving Mike alone on the island
when a mysterious wind blows in and Mike is killed by the
Wendigo (it's really too damn dark to see what's going on, though).
One-by-one, everyone is killed, starting with Billy (hung upside down
on a tree), then Eric (bloodlessly torn in half), then Frank (his
rifle explodes in his face) and, finally, Defago (who is impaled on a
tree branch in the film's only gory scene). Only Connie escapes, but
at what price? Just like SAVAGE WATER, the fault of WENDIGO
is that it is just too damn talky and slow with very little action or
horror to break-up the monotony. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing
against dialogue-heavy films, just as long as accomplished actors
speak the words, but you'll find none of them in this film. Everyone
here speaks in monotone, except for Van Washburn Jr. as Defago, who
over-emotes constantly with his phony French Louisiana accent,
spitting out lines like, "You no want sandweeech?" like
everyone's life depended on it. Jack-of-all-trades Paul W. Kener (who
disappeared into obscurity after this and SAVAGE WATER) is a
master of none of them, as the direction is languid, the
cinematography static, the editing sub-par and the screenplay
bottom-of-the-barrel. The violence on display (when you see it, that
is, as most of it happens at night under less than professional
lighting) never arises above a PG rating level. There's nothing here
that is remotely interesting or entertaining, including the reveal of
the Wendigo monster during the finale (it's nothing but a
superimposed mask being waved around on a double-exposed background).
That's a shame, because this film has been one of those elusive
rarities that has been on my "must see" list for over
thirty years. Nothing is more disappointing than finding a film after
a long, lengthy search only to discover that it is a boring piece of
shit. I can't say I was surprised after watching Kener's SAVAGE WATER,
but a little part of me was hoping for something better. Oh well,
live and learn. Also starring Frank Lansing as the Wendigo. Other
Wendigo-related films include GHOSTKEEPER
(1980), FROSTBITER: WRATH
OF THE WENDIGO (1996) and Larry Fessenden's excellent WENDIGO
(2001). This did get a very small U.S. VHS release from Midwest Video
Films (an outfit that was located in Puerto Rico) and finding a copy
of that tape is like searching for a needle in a haystack.The print I
viewed was sourced from a British VHS tape.
Not available on DVD. Not Rated.
WENDIGO (2001)
- Outstanding
horror film from independent director/writer Larry Fessenden, the
last of his horror trilogy which includes NO
TELLING (1991) and HABIT
(1997). A family (Patricia Clarkson, Jake Weber and MALCOLM
IN THE MIDDLE's [2000 - 2006] Erik Per Sullivan) are
driving to the Catskills to spend a quality time weekend in a rented
house when their car hits a deer. This leads to an altercation with the
creepy Otis (John Speredakos), a hunter who was tracking the deer.
This altercation leaves an indelible impression on Miles (Sullivan)
as psychiatrist mom Kim (Clarkson) and professional photographer dad
George (Weber) try to make the best of what's left of their weekend
which, as it progresses, turns bizarre and then tragic. Miles has a
series of visions, some imagined and some prophetic, which leads him
to meeting an old Indian in a drug store. This Indian gives him a
carving of a Wendigo, tells Miles the legend of the angry spirit and
then disappears into thin air. When George is shot while sledding
with Miles, it leads to a chain of events that include the sudden,
violent death of the sheriff (Christopher Wynkoop) and revenge
against Otis by the Wendigo. This is by no means an ordinary horror
film. Director Fessenden is also interested in the family dynamic and
what small things, that most people would find insignificant, can do
to the psyche of a child. Fessenden shoots the entire film with a
sense of dread, which makes the shots of snowflakes even seem truly
terrifying. He has a style all of his own as he uses complete silence
and sped-up photography to creep you out and make the hairs on the
back of your neck stand at attention. Compare this film to the
similarly-themed, but awful FROSTBITER
(1996) and you'll really appreciate what Larry Fessenden has created
here: A damn-good, thought-provoking horror film that chills you to
the bone and contains more scares than a dozen horror films. One of
the ten best films of 2001 and that includes all films, not just
horror films. An Artisan Home Entertainment DVD Release. Rated R.
NOTE: All three of Fessenden's early films, along with his creepy THE
LAST WINTER (2006) are now available on Blu-Ray called THE
LARRY FESSENDEN COLLECTION from Shout!
Factory.
THE
WEREWOLF AND THE YETI (1975) -
A scientist and his two assistants, who are searching for the
Abominable Snowman in the mountains of Katmandu, Nepal, are
attacked and killed by the said creature (in one of the most
threadbare Yeti costumes in film history) before their findings can
be reported. Professor Lacombe, a friend of the scientist, acquires
the dead scientist's satchel, which contains the scalp of a Yeti, as
well as photos and papers dealing with the creature. The Professor
plans on capturing a Yeti, so he travels to Katmandu with his
daughter Sylvia (Grace Mills) and anthropologist Waldemar Daninsky
(Paul Naschy), only to find heavy snows have blocked them from
traveling up the mountain. Waldemar catches wind of a rumor of a
secret pass in the mountains that is always open, so he hires an
alcoholic guide (no sober guide would be caught dead doing this) and
they head to the pass alone. The guide suddenly disappears (after
rambling about "red devils" roaming the area), leaving
Waldemar to wander the landscape hopelessly lost and running out of
food. He miraculously stumbles upon a cave occupied by two beautiful
women, who are lonely cannibalistic vampires! They nurse Waldemar
back to health, make love to him and then bite him when he discovers
them feasting on the body parts of his alcoholic guide. He manages to
kill both of the women with a handy silver arrow (Why in the world
would two cannibal vampires keep their only means of destruction so
readily available?), but the bite
on his chest has turned him into a werewolf (Don't question why,
just go along with it!). Meanwhile, the Professor, Sylvia and their
group abandon their search for the Yeti and concentrate on finding
Waldemar, who is roaming the snowy countryside ripping-out the
throats of anyone who crosses his path. The Professor and his men are
captured by the notorious Sekkar Khan (Luis Induni), a vicious local
warlord, and brought to his castle. Luckily, Sylvia escapes only to
be nearly raped by three of Khan's men, but werewolf Waldemar kills
them before they hurt her. The next morning, the human Waldemar
hooks-up with Sylvia (who doesn't yet know that Waldemar is the
werewolf she encountered earlier) and they go looking for the
Professor, who Khan hopes can cure him of a fatal skin disease. When
Waldemar and Sylvia stop at a monastery to rest, Waldemar learns of a
magic plant with red flowers that will cure him of his affliction. He
leaves without Sylvia to search for the plant, but not before she
sees him transform into a werewolf (She's surprisingly unfazed!).
Sylvia and Waldemar are then kidnapped by Khan and brought to his
castle. After breaking free and escaping from Khan and his
witch-woman assistant, Sylvia is abducted by a Yeti. Waldemar changes
into his alter ego and battles the Yeti to the death. Sylvia finds
the magic plant growing nearby and uses it to free Waldemar from his
curse. Did you get all that? This is the eighth in the series
of werewolf films featuring Paul Naschy as the eternally-cursed
Waldemar Daninsky (It follows CURSE
OF THE DEVIL [1973; a.k.a. THE
RETURN OF THE WEREWOLF]).
The script, by Naschy (using his real name, Jacinto Molina), seems
to try to toss-in every cliché in the book and see what
sticks, making this an outlandish but, lesser, entry in the series.
The plot is all over the place, giving us Yetis, werewolves,
vampires, warlords, magic flowers and a mysterious woman named
Wandesa (Silvia Solar), who has evil magic powers. As a result,
there's not enough time spent on any given plot point for the viewer
to get emotionally involved, making the entire film seem overly
disjointed. The entire film seems like pieces are missing, like pages
of the script were discarded during filming (especially during the
search for the magic plant), even though the version I viewed is the
complete, unedited print. Thankfully, after a slow first thirty
minutes, director Miguel Iglasias Bonns (GREEN
INFERNO - 1972; KILMA,
QUEEN OF THE AMAZONS - 1975; RAPE
- 1976) lets the blood and violence flow freely and there's also some
decent nudity on view. Throats are ripped-out, body parts eaten,
virgins sacrificed and people tortured. We watch Wandesa skin
the back of Melody (Veronica Miriel) and apply the flesh to the back
of an ailing Sekkar Khan in the film's gory highlight. The werewolf
transformation scenes are old school effects, straight out of THE
WOLFMAN (1941), which Naschy pays tribute here by naming one
of the characters "Larry Talbot". While THE
WEREWOLF AND THE YETI is not without it's charms, it's still
an uneven entry in the continuing saga of Waldemar Daninsky, thanks
to it's kitchen sink approach. Also known as NIGHT
OF THE HOWLING BEAST (released to U.S. theaters and home
video under this title, editing out some of the nudity and the
skinning scene), HORROR OF THE WEREWOLF and HALL
OF THE MOUNTAIN KING (a VHS title that edits out all the
blood and nudity!). THE CRAVING
(1980; a.k.a. NIGHT
OF THE WEREWOLF) was the next installment in the series. Also
starring Gil Vidal, Castillo Escalona, Ventura Oller, Juan Velilla,
Carmen Cervera, Pepita Ferrer, Victor Israel and Eduardo Alcazar. The
print I viewed, from the now-defunct Midnight Video, was taken from
an unedited fullscreen Dutch-subtitled VHS tape. Not Rated.
WEREWOLF
SHADOW (1970) - When the
coroner removes two silver bullets from the chest of Waldemar
Daninsky (Paul Naschy) during a full moon, he comes back to life,
turns into a werewolf and kills the coroner and his assistant as well
as ripping out the throat of a young woman who is walking through the
woods. Friends Elvira and Genevieve are looking for the body of an
ancient Hungarian Countess named Wandesa, who legend says was a
vampire witch who was killed when her lover plunged a silver cross
into her heart. When their car runs low on gas, they meet Waldemar,
who invites them to stay at his castle (no electricity or phone) for
a few days until his butler returns with a car. At the castle, the
girls meet Waldemar's slightly crazy sister Elizabeth, who warns them
to leave as soon as possible. With the map the girls brought with
them, Waldemar helps them locate Wandesa's grave. Genevieve removes
the silver cross from the corpse and
accidentally cuts her arm, the blood dripping into the open mouth of
Wandesa's corpse. Elvira is attacked by a dead and rotting monk in
the graveyard, but Waldemar saves her by stabbing it with the silver
cross. Later that night, Genevieve is bitten by the revived Wandesa,
become a vampire and tries to bite Elvira, but is saved once again by
Waldemar and that damned silver cross. Waldemar begs Elvira to leave,
but she refuses, saying that she loves him. Waldemar gives her the
cross for protection. As Walpurgis Night approaches (the night the
Devil rules the world), Elvira must not only defend herself from
Wandesa, but also from werewolf Waldemar, who can only be cured of
his affliction by being killed by someone who loves him. That silver
cross is going to get a good workout tonight. Better known on
American shores as THE
WEREWOLF VS.
THE VAMPIRE WOMAN
(in severely edited form; this version of the film has fallen into
the Public Domain and has been released by many budget companies on
both VHS and DVD), Anchor Bay has released a beautiful unedited
widescreen print, restoring all the previously removed gore and
nudity. This is the fourth in the series of the exploits of Waldemar
Daninsky and is one of the best. The dubbing is surprisingly good for
a Spanish feature (it actually looks as though some of the actors
were speaking English) and the gore is pretty explicit for a feature
made in 1970. There are torn throats, blood drinking, impalements,
stakings, decapitations and other gruesome events. There's also
plenty of nudity on view and a lot of it is mixed in with the
violence. Director Leon Klimovsky, who also directed Naschy in DR.
JEKYLL AND
THE WOLFMAN
(1971), VENGEANCE OF
THE ZOMBIES (1972) and others, gives this film some nice
atmospheric touches. The graveyard scenes are appropriately creepy
and whenever vampires are on-screen, they move in an almost lyrical
way that is greatly enhanced by the slow-motion photography. If
you're a fan of barrel-chested Paul Naschy (who writes the
screenplays, including this one, under his real name, Jacinto
Molina), WEREWOLF SHADOW is
bound to give you mucho pleasure. I'm a fan (have been since since
1974; see my reviews of HORROR
RISES FROM THE TOMB [1972] and HUNCHBACK
OF THE MORGUE [1973]) and, if you have any taste, you should
be too. Anchor Bay has done a commendable job in restoring this film
to it's original running time. Since the restored footage was never
dubbed into English, that footage is in the original Spanish language
with English subtitles. The DVD also has an informative 15 minute
interview with the late Paul Naschy, the (fake) theatrical and (real)
TV trailers and a Naschy biography and photo gallery. This is an
essential purchase for Naschy fans and lovers of Spanish horror. Also
starring the lovely Gaby Fuchs, Barbara Capell, Andres Resino and
Patty Shepard as Wandesa. Also known as BLOOD
MOON (available on VHS under this title from AIR Video) and NIGHT
OF THE WALPURGIS. An Anchor
Bay Entertainment DVD Release. Not Rated.
WHERE
EVIL LIVES (1994) - Everyone
who reads this site knows I hate anthology films, but since this was
Claude Akins' last film and it sat in the shelf from 1994 until Troma
released it on DVD (in fullscreen, of course) in 2012, I said,
"What the hell, lets give it a look." I wish I didn't. The
film opens up with rich guy Blake Rutherford II (James Coffey)
getting out of his vintage Rolls Royce with beautiful female realtor
Brandy Wine (Faye McKenzie) to look at the very expensive Spencer
Mansion, Brandy gets a call and has to beg off for a while and tells
him to ask the groundskeeper to give him details. He meets
groundskeeper Jack Devlin (Akins) as he is digging a hole with a
shovel, who tells him that the mansion has a very sordid history. His
first tale ("Hubert's Homecoming" by director and
screenwriter Stephan A. Maier) starts off in 1969, when Hubert (Peter
Zaff) walks into the Stafford Mansion (which was a college dormitory
at the time) and indiscriminately shoots
everyone he sees (he shoots a couple playing Twister and then finds a
girl hiding in the bathroom, puts the gun in her mouth and pulls the
trigger). When he runs out of bullets, he pulls a Marlin off the
wall, says "Party's over!" and we see him stab a guy hiding
behind a bed over and over with the Marlin's blade-like nose, the
blood covering Hubert's face (We see a Yogi Bear lamp dripping with
blood). He is sent to prison for life, but an asshole working for an
Innocence-like project is able to get Hubert off on parole in the mid-80's.
His parents left him a house and his old vintage Thunderbird, but no
money, because they spent it all paying lawyers to defend him. The
asshole guy leaves and says he will be back tomorrow to find him a
job and Hubert pulls a female doll out of his pocket, who he calls
"Betty", and combs her hair. He then washes his car for
about two hours, which catches the attention of his neighbors, who
are sitting together on a lawn. One of them walks over to Hubert to
see what he is doing. He says, "I'm going back to college
again!" and hands the doll over to the guy, telling him to
"take good care of Betty!" Yes, Hubert is still as mad as a
hatter and when he drives to the Spencer Mansion, he must have missed
the big sign that says "Spencer House College Closed".
Hubert finds the house empty, which upsets him, so he goes upstairs
to take a look, all the while singing a song whose lyrics are
"Fuck you Spencer College!" He begins hearing voices
calling his name and suddenly he is surrounded by the ghosts of the
people he killed in 1969. They challenge him to a game of
"Quarters" (I don't think I have to explain the rules), but
the rules have been changed slightly. If Hubert fails to get the
quarter into the shotglass, one of the ghosts can shoot him anywhere
on his body. Hubert fails at his first try and gets shot in the
shoulder. He fails at his second try and gets shot in the other
shoulder. He is then made to pick up the quarter with his mouth and
make one final try. He fails and we hear a gunshot, but the next shot
we see is Hubert being led away from Spencer Mansion in a
strait-jacket (with no bullet wounds) rambling-on about ghosts. Looks
like he will be spending the rest of his life in a loony bin, with
the ghosts to keep him company (we see them dancing around in a
circle at their victory). This tale has a pretty bloody beginning,
but a poor ending). Jack Devlin keeps on digging while he tells Blake
a second story about the mansion which includes the Davis children
and vampires (Titled "Midnight Date" by director and
screenwriter Kevin G. Nunan). The entire tale is narrated by an adult
Jamie Davis (Dawn Carlile, who was looped by someone else!) when she
was a young pre-teen (Beth McKenzie), who, along with sister Lori
(Carol Rice) and bothers Tommy (James Jackson) and Timmy (Thomas
Crooms). sneak into the boarded-up Spencer Mansion. Timmy, who has
raging hormones, gets involved with a beautiful vampire who lives
there and is soon bitten and becomes a vampire himself. When the
young Jamie tells the police what she saw, the police don't believe
her and her parents send her to her room (The reasoning of why Timmy
never returns home is never brought up, which makes this story
exceptionally stupid). The police check out the Spencer Mansion just
in case, but they do such a lousy job, they don't even notice blood
dripping from one of the door locks. Jamie and Tommy decide to check
out the house themselves, armed with garlic, wooden stakes, holy
water and a .22 caliber rifle (Where is Lori? Another stupid
omission). They find a bowl of Tim's blood with the words
"Welcome Home Jamie" written in blood on a wall. Jamie and
Tom become separated and Tim tries to bite Jamie, but she has a
crucifix to keep him away. Tom shoots the female vampire with no
effect, but Jamie stabs her in the back with a stake. The police
arrive and kill Tom for carrying a rifle (Really?) and Jamie screams.
Years later, we see the adult Jamie and suddenly we find out she has
some special "gift" and kills Timmy in his coffin in the
Spencer Mansion by hammering a stake in his heart. The family the
slays together stays together (This short film is totally worthless
for the main reason it totally lacks any cohesion. What about Jamie's
parents? What about the reports of vampire murders over the years? It
just makes no sense.). Jack Devlin tells Blake one final story
(Titled "Saved By The Spell" by director and screenwriter
Richard L. Fox Jr.). Jack tells Blake that this mansion was recently
called the "Gabriel Manor". Blake asks if this was the
doctor with all kinds of awards that went off the deep end, but Jack
tells him there is much more to the story. We open this tale with
female detective Jessica Peters (Louise LeTorneau), who is also a
white (good) witch, performing some type of ritual involving lots of
candles in a circle and a small noose and soon the police find a
notorious criminal hanging from his own garage. There is also another
sadistic killer named Nico Moretti (Larry Quadagno, listed here as
"Larry Q") roaming the area on a motorcycle that is killing
women and stealing their internal organs, supplying them to Dr. Henry
Gabriel (Dan Daly) for his nefarious experiments (he not running an
illegal organ donor transplant operation). We watch as Nico (who is
wearing surgical latex gloves) strangling a woman in her own home. He
pulls out a scalpel and removes her kidney (or liver; it's not made
clear) and puts it in a plastic sandwich bag, taking off on his
motorcycle and handing it over to Dr. Gabriel for an envelope full of
money. Dr. Gabriel tells Nico that he needs another organ and Nico
agrees to do it if the price is right. The police and the FBI, who
are working together, know that Dr. Gabriel and Nico are involved in
these crimes but all they have is circumstantial evidence; not enough
to arrest them. Nico kills another woman when she cuts him badly in
the stomach and he dumps her in a lake. Witch Jessica has two of the
three bodily fluids from Nico (blood and urine), but she needs
a third bodily fluid to give Nico what he deserves. She is lucky
because her best friend is Chief Jim Thompson (Larry Silver), who is
a firm believer in her powers. Nico wants out of
the
organ removal business, but Dr. Gabriel talks him into one more job
for twice the money. He will not have to remove any organs, but bring
an actual body to him. Nico accepts and goes to retrieve the
"patient", but Jessica purposely runs his motorcycle off
the road and takes his injured body to her house, where they make
love in a shower (she collects his semen, the last bodily fluid she
needs to make her spell work). Jim and the FBI go to Gabriel Manor
and arrest Dr, Gabriel (after an FBI agent is shot and killed by
Gabriel) and his assistant Miss Tessball (Arlee Hendricks), who has a
thing for Nico. Unfortunately Jessica's spell makes Nico explode in
his car, so it's bye, bye, Nico. (This is the best episode in the
trio, but it is still very weak and full of implausible plot
holes). Blake tells Jack Devlin that this mansion certainly has
a strange history and wants to know what the hole is for. Jack
replies, "It's your grave!" and nearly decapitates Blake
with the shovel as he pushes him into the hole. Brandy Wine returns
and says, "Not bad, Jack!" (as we watch a still-alive Blake
bleeding to death in the grave). Jack buries Blake alive while Brandy
Wine says she is bringing another interested party to look at the
house. Ah, the circle of life. Ain't life grand? Be sure to
stay through the end credits for a nice tribute to Claude Akins. The
Troma DVD lists the release date as 1989; the IMDb lists it is 1991,
while the copyright on the actual film lists it as 1994. This one
makes more sense than the other ones because Claude Akins died on
January 24. 1994 of cancer at 67 years-old and taking the
post-production and editing processes into consideration, it would
have to have been filmed then. If it wasn't, why the final tribute to
Akins three or five years before he died? Maybe the three episodes
were filmed at different times, but the Akins footage was definitely
the latest footage in the film (and the most professional-looking).
While I have seen worse anthology films out there, Akins is the only
professional here and the rest are nothing but Florida locals, most
who have never acted before (and it shows). I consider this film to
be too cheap and boring to be thought of as entertainment, but it is
an important document due to it being Akins' last film. I just wonder
why it sat on the shelf for 18 years before finally being released?
You should ask that question, too, before you put the DVD into your
player. Fans of anthology films may have a better time with this
movie than I did. It's all a matter of taste. Everyone's is
different, which I why I very rarely condemn a film (Unless it's
unredeemable trash like AMERIKAN
HOLOKAUST - 2013) Richard L. Fox Jr. was Assistant
Director on DONNIE DARKO
(2001) and First Assistant Director on THE
EXPENDABLES (2010). Stephan A Maier was a bit actor on WELCOME
TO SPRING BREAK (1989) before making another directorial
film for Troma called MONDO ART
(2013). Kevin G. Nunan never did another single thing in the
filmmaking business. I can't say I'm surprised based on his episode
in this film. Also starring Blaise Stevens, Melissa Coleman, James
Jackson, Roberta McMillan, Wayne Chalifoux, Peggy Aydelotte and
Rebecca Storrow. A Troma DVD
Release. Not Rated.
THE
WHIP AND THE BODY (1963) -
One thing that always surprised me about Italian Gothic horror films
of the '60s is how adult they are in terms of sex, sadomasochism and
other sexual perversions. Since this was the early-'60s, there was,
of course, no nudity, but filmmakers found a way around that aspect
to display their "perversions". No one was better at that
than director Mario Bava (who uses his "John M. Old"
pseudonym here for the first time), who also gave us such Gothic
horror classics as BLACK
SUNDAY (1960; the film that kick-started the Italian horror
film industry), BLACK SABBATH
(1963) and KILL, BABY...KILL! (1966)
He was nearly the only one to wrap such sexual proclivities in a
colorful, eerily atmospheric package, of which this film is a prime
example. It also doesn't hurt that this film has a cast who are
well-versed in the Gothic horror genre, all who add their talents to
a film that is so memorable and so sexually perverse, it had to be
severely re-edited in many countries around the world, including the
United States, before it could be released to theaters and then TV.
What I will be reviewing is the uncut "European Version",
because the U.S. edit eliminates all the 'perversions', leaving the
film a shadow of its former self.
The film opens with a man on horseback riding on the beach towards
the Menliff Manor castle, as we see the castle's housekeeper, Giorgia
(Harriet Medin White; THE
GHOST - 1963), looking at a glass-encased dagger with dried
blood on it and crying, telling maid Katia ("Isli Oberon"
a.k.a. "Evelyn Stewart" a.k.a Ida Galli; Bava's HERCULES
IN THE HAUNTED WORLD
- 1961) that it has been ten years since her daughter Tanya committed
suicide with the very same dagger, plunging it into her neck when
Kurt Menliff (Christopher Lee; HORROR
CASTLE - 1963), one of the sons of Count Vladimir Menliff
("Dean Ardow" a.k.a Gustavo DeNardo; Bava's EVIL
EYE - 1963), left the castle, never to return, on the day he
and Tanya were to be married. Giorgia says that if Kurt were ever to
return to the castle, she would plunge the dagger into his neck as
revenge for her daughter's death. Katia tells her not to say such
things, Kurt will never return to the castle because the Count has
banished and disowned him, taking everything of value away from him,
leaving Kurt penniless and destitute.
Never say never, because that man on horseback is none other than
Kurt and when servant Losat ("Alan Collins" a.k.a. Luciano
Pigozzi; LIBIDO
- 1965) announces Kurt's return to the Count and Kurt's brother,
Christian (Tony Kendall; THE
HYENA OF LONDON - 1964), it is met with both horror and
anger, but before anyone can say or do anything, Kurt appears and
says he has only returned to congratulate Christian on his recent
marriage to Nevenka (Daliah Lavi; THE
DEMON - 1963; TEN
LITTLE INDIANS - 1965), who was Kurt's true love before he
left the castle. Right from the start we can see Kurt is a sadistic
son-of-a-bitch, looking at Nevenka (who was playing the piano until
she heard Kurt's name, but once she sees him, a look of both fear and
passion envelopes her face) with lust in his eyes and it doesn't go
unnoticed by the Count and Christian. The Count orders Kurt out of
the castle, saying the only reason he returned was to get back
everything that he took away from him, including his title and
properties that go along with it. Kurt doesn't deny it, saying it was
the second reason why he returned. The Count tells him that will
never happen and Kurt mysteriously says, "We'll see." After
being ordered out of the castle again by the Count, Christian says
no, let him stay; he's not afraid of Kurt and knows his tricks all
too well. The Count relents and lets Kurt stay, which makes Giorgia
and Losat very angry because he abused servants when he was living at
the castle (Tanya being one of them). Kurt stares directly at Giorgia
and says it looks like she wants to kill him right now, but she says
no, his death will be left up to karma and it will come very soon.
Kurt then says he doesn't care what the "help" thinks and
returns to his old room in the castle, which has been left unoccupied
since the day he left ten years ago.
That night, Kurt pays his father a visit in his bedroom using a
secret passageway behind the fireplace, which he used as a child to
wish his father a goodnight practically every night. The Count orders
him out of his room and Kurt sarcastically says the Count had a
totally different attitude when he visited him as a child. The Count
replies that back then he was his son, but he no longer is, saying he
is too old for such nonsense and he is very ill and close to death.
Once he dies, Kurt will know what he thinks of him at the reading of
his will. Kurt leaves the room the same way he came in, but this time
with a sly smile on his face.
The next morning, Nevenka takes a horseback ride on the beach,
stopping to sit in the sand and contemplate her life. Kurt sneaks up
behind her and tries to kiss her, saying he knows she still loves
him, but Nevenka screams out "I hate you! I hate you!" and
starts hitting Kurt with the horse's riding crop. Kurt angrily pulls
the crop out of her hand and begins whipping Nevenka mercilessly,
until the dress she is wearing is tattered and her back is raw and
bloody, but she loves it (!), a look of sexual pleasure on her face.
Kurt says she hasn't changed and wonders if Christian knows about her
sexual perversions. Then he and Nevenka make love on the beach. As
nighttime approaches, Nevenka hasn't returned to the castle. Kurt
returns and Christian asks him if he has seen Nevenka and he says no,
but he better look for her now because it will be impossible to
locate her in the dark. Everyone but the Count and Kurt go looking
for her and when Kurt is in his room, he hears a noise coming from
his terrace window and goes to investigate. Someone hiding behind the
curtains stabs Kurt in the neck with the very same dagger Tanya used
to kill herself, killing him. Losat and Giorgia find Nevenka
unconscious in the moors near the castle and carry her back to the
castle. When Giorgia brings Kurt some nighttime tea, she discovers
his dead body and screams. Everyone seems relieved that Kurt is dead
and the Count takes the dagger and locks it in a drawer in his
bedroom, saying no one should ever see the dagger again, it has
served its purpose. So who killed Kurt?
A few days later, as Nevenka is playing the piano (apparently, she
only knows how to play one tune, but it's appropriately creepy), she
sees Kurt staring at her through a window in the pouring rain and
screams (the collar on Kurt's shirt is soaked in blood), but when
everyone else looks out the window, Kurt is no longer there. That
night, Kurt pays Nevenka a visit in her bedroom, his shoes all muddy,
as if, according to Nevenka, "He just escaped from his
grave", leaving muddy footprints on the floor. Kurt's hand
reaches for Nevenka (A scene filmed so terrifyingly, it gave me
nightmares as a kid when I watched it on TV in the mid-'60s) and she
shrieks a blood curdling scream, everyone running to her bedroom. She
tells Christian that Kurt was there and says to look at the muddy
footprints on the floor, but there are none. Christian says it was
nothing but a nightmare, but Nevenka is sure it wasn't and says that
Kurt is still alive. It should be noted, that at Kurt's funeral, we
see his body in a casket as it is carried by four people in red robes
and placed in a tomb in the Menliff Family crypt. We also discover
that Christian's marriage to Nevenka is one of convenience; he
married her just to make the Count happy. Since they don't even sleep
in the same bedroom, it's not much of a stretch to discern that they
haven't even consummated the marriage (if you know what I mean), so
Christian may have no idea of her sexual proclivities. Christian is
really in love with Katia and she with him, but they can no longer do
anything about it because he is now married (Oh, the 18th Century!
Haven't they heard of adultery?).
It's not long before everyone begins seeing muddy footprints on the
floor, which lead to Kurt's tomb. They even hear laughter that sounds
like it is coming from Kurt. When the Count ends up dead in his bed,
stabbed in the neck and the dagger missing from the locked dresser
drawer, some believe Kurt is alive, while others believe someone in
the castle is responsible. One night, we see Kurt once again whipping
Nevenka mercilessly in her bed until she reaches orgasm and when she
ends up missing, Christian and Losat follow the muddy footprints in
her bedroom that lead to Kurt's tomb. When they open the stone door
to the tomb, they discover an unconscious Nevenka inside, very close
to death. So is Kurt really alive or is he a ghost? Or is there
another explanation?
Christian begins to believe that his brother may actually be alive,
so he and Losat go into Kurt's tomb, carry his casket outside and
open it. Inside the coffin is a heavily decayed corpse, too far gone
from the ravages of nature to identify as Kurt, although the corpse
is wearing Kurt's clothes. Just in case Kurt is a ghost (he'll
believe anything at this point), Christian douses the corpse with
lamp oil and sets it on fire. He and Losat then hear Kurt's laugh and
see a shadowy figure in the distance and run after it (Losat falls
behind because he walks with a limp for reasons not revealed, but pay
close attention to the corpse's twitching, burning feet at this
moment if you want to be creeped out!). The fast moving shadowy
figure manages to avoid Christian and escapes in the secret
passageway in the Count's bedroom and locks it from the inside.
Knowing the passage leads to the castle's chapel, Christian and Losat
discover who the killer is. If you want to know who it is, you are
going to have to watch the film, but I will say this: It may not come
as a surprise to today's audiences, but I guarantee it was a surprise
to audiences back in 1963. It's a conclusion used in many mystery and
psychological thriller films up to this day, but in 1963 it was
fairly new.
You can never go wrong with a Mario Bava film (including PLANET
OF THE VAMPIRES - 1965; FIVE
DOLLS FOR AN AUGUST MOON - 1970; A
BAY OF BLOOD - 1971; RABID
DOGS - 1974 and SHOCK -
1977) and this one is no different. The atmosphere is thick enough to
cut with a knife and the cinematography, by Ulbaldo Terzano (as
"David Hamilton"; Bava's BLOOD
AND BLACK LACE - 1964) and an uncredited Bava, is sumptuous
and beyond reproach, especially the scenes inside the castle and the
crypt, where around every shadowy corner, danger could pop-out
unexpectedly and sometimes does, putting the viewers on edge. There's
a sequence in the film where Nevenka hears the sound of a cracking
whip (it almost sounds like a dog growling) that will put your nerves
on edge unlike any other film from that time period, as she searches
for its origin. It is a sequence full of terror and pure beauty, as
only Bava could pull it off (Nevenka has a look on her face as if she
wishes the cracking whip was tearing at her back and is somewhat
disappointed when she finds out what was causing the noise. A very
telling scene). The screenplay, by Ernesto Gastaldi (as "Julian
Berry"; THE LONG
HAIR OF DEATH - 1964), Ugo Guerra (as "Robert Hugo";
A BULLET FOR SANDOVAL
- 1969) and Luciano Martino (as "Martin Hardy"; THE
MURDER CLINIC - 1966), doesn't cow-tow to the audience,
something that should please fans of Gothic horror films. This was
not a film for kids and was never meant to be, no matter what
American and some foreign distributors thought (see next paragraph).
The entire cast is excellent, especially Harriet Medin White and
Luciano Pigozzi, who are usually assigned
minor (but memorable) roles in films, but get a chance to shine
here. Steven, my friend from across the pond, describes Pigozzi as
Italy's answer to Peter Lorre and it's never truer than in this film.
He looks like he could
be Lorre's brother and I don't think it is a coincidence.
Christopher Lee is also excellent as the sadist Kurt and although he
doesn't dub his own voice here, the person who did (David Sturkie)
does a very good job, sounding just like him (Lee, apparently, didn't
agree, regretting not dubbing his voice for this film [he was a huge
admirer of Bava] and made sure he dubbed his voice on all of his
other foreign films from that point on). I'm a huge fan of Italian
Gothic horror films and this is one of the best, thanks to Bava being
in the director's chair, the cast and the adult material it addresses.
Shot as LA FRUSTA
E IL CORPO (a literal translation of the review title) and
also known as THE
WHIP AND THE FLESH, this film obtained a 1965 theatrical
release in the United States under the idiotic title WHAT!
by distribution company Futuramic Releasing, but it was missing all
the whipping scenes because they didn't believe American audiences
were ready for such adult material and it would play havoc with our
psyches (The U.S. theatrical release only lasted for about a week and
it was immediately dumped to U.S. TV, where it was cut even more,
destroying the film. It was mainly shown very late at night, when
children shouldn't even be awake, but I was!). VCI
Home Video then released it on VHS
under the review title, this time using the European Version, but
still missing two short scenes. VCI also released it on DVD
in 2000, but it was also slightly edited, missing the same two scenes
as their VHS version. In 2013, Kino
Lorber released the film totally uncut (in anamorphic
widescreen, with the choice of watching it in its original Italian
with English subtitles or English dubbed) on both DVD
and Blu-Ray (my
review is based on the Blu) as part of their "Mario Bava
Collection". The colors pop and the print looks like it was shot
yesterday. Amazon Prime members can find the film streaming, but it
is tricky. It is part of their DOUBLE
DOSES OF HORROR series,
subtitled "Whips & Exorcists". The first film of this
double feature is this one, which, on a cursory look, uses a nice
anamorphic widescreen print bearing the Italian title, but it is
English dubbed. From what I could tell, it was uncut. The second
feature is director Michael Reeves' THE SHE BEAST
(1966) also in widescreen. Not a bad double feature to watch if you
have never seen them before (or even if you already have). Also
featuring Jacques Herlin (PLOT
OF FEAR - 1976) as the priest who performs Kurt's funeral
service. Mel Welles, director of MANEATER
OF HYDRA (1966) and LADY
FRANKENSTEIN (1971), dubs the Count's voice in the English
language version. Not Rated.
THE
WICKED (1987) - While
watching this offbeat Australian made horror comedy, I kept
wondering what substances the
filmmakers were abusing while they were making it. Two brothers, on
their way to a rodeo, pick up a female hitchhiker who happens to be a
professional knife thrower (a trait which will come in handy later
on). Their car is sabotaged, so they walk to the town of Yarralumla
which is presided over by Sir Alfred Terminus (John Doyle) and his
deranged family of bloodsuckers. The townspeople, scared of becoming
dinner, have struck a pact with Sir Alfred, waylaying travelers and
delivering them to his strange house where he and his family drink
their blood and can their flesh for consumption later on
(Mmmmmm...canned flesh!). Our three travelers, trapped in the house,
try to keep one step ahead of the vampire clan before they become the
next feast. There is too much broad humor here for the film's own
good: During one scene the action breaks away for a music video! One
of the brothers breaks everything he touches and everyone rolls their
eyes wildly. One of the vampires turns into a giant for no reason.
Couple that with the thick Aussie accents, disjointed editing, no
nudity and a restrained use of violence (a bloodless beheading, pool
cue through the chest, a body explosion) and all this film has to
offer is the zany humor (and that's hit or miss). Director Colin
Eggleston also made the eerie LONG
WEEKEND
(1977) and CASSANDRA
(1987) so I know he can do better than this. According to the end
credits THE
WICKED
was originally titled TOMORROW'S
NEWS
(?) and is also known as OUTBACK
VAMPIRES. The only way to really enjoy this is to tell your
bartender to make the next one a double. Also starring Brett Climo,
Richard Morgan, Angela Kennedy and Maggie Blinco. A Hemdale Home
Video Release. Unrated.
WILD
BEASTS (1983) -
Director Franco Prosperi (FAREWELL
UNCLE TOM
- 1971) goes straight for the throat in this exceedingly gory film
about zoo animals going berserk after drinking water tainted with
PCP. Although low in the logic department, WILD
BEASTS
offers so
much carnage and crazy setpieces that I doubt youll be worrying
too much about the gaping plot holes in the storyline. Witness rats
devouring a couple making love in a car, a seeing-eye dog attacking
his blind master, a herd of elephants crushing a womans head
like a grape, a cheetah chasing a woman in a Volkswagon Beetle, the
same herd of elephants causing a plane crash after invading an
airport runway (which results in a citywide blackout), a tiger
chomping down on people in a stalled subway car and various other
bits of brutality. When a bunch of bratty schoolkids drink the same
tainted water (after surviving a polar bear attack!), things get even
hairier. Prosperis use of real animals in the attack and
stampede scenes greatly enhance the proceedings. I felt uneasy
watching real animals hunting down people in a blood frenzy, kind of
like witnessing a bad accident on the highway (my cats seemed to
enjoy it, though, as they grinned at me whenever their overgrown
cousins were tearing people apart on screen). Forget the acting here,
it is not at all important. But if you want balls-to-the-wall gore
(along with some car crashes and real animal mutilations, including
live rats being set on fire with a flame-thrower), look no further
than this baby. Those Italians. You gotta loveem! Starring
Lorraine de Selle (HOUSE
ON THE EDGE OF THE PARK - 1979), John Aldrich (real name:
Antonio Di Leo; He was an actual animal trainer who worked with a lot
of the wild beasts in this film, which is why he looks so natural
with them), Ugo Bologna (NIGHTMARE
CITY - 1980), John Stacy (YETI:
GIANT OF THE 20TH CENTURY - 1977), Monica Nickel (MANDINGA
- 1976), Alessandro Freyberger (CALIGULA
2: THE UNTOLD STORY - 1982) and Louisa Lloyd as the
wisecracking pre-teen Suzy. A Lightning
Video Release. I picked up a widescreen duped copy of WILD
BEASTS (Original title: LAS
BESTIAS SALVAJES)
in English with Italian subtitles at a Chiller Theatre convention.
UPDATE: Now available on widescreen
DVD from Severin Films. Not
Rated.
WITCHERY (1988) - Remember Lucio Fulci's THE BEYOND (1981), where there were seven doors of death? Well, in this, director Fabrizio Laurenti's (here using his "Martin Newlin" pseudonym) cut-rate version of the same story, there are only three doors of death, yet the